| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | You guys are in for our March Madness party this weekend, right? | 这周末你们来参加我们的疯狂三月派对吧 |
| [00:05] | Jen has to work, but she’s preapproved | 珍要工作 不过她已经初步审核了 |
| [00:07] | several party jokes for me to tell. | 几个我准备讲的派对笑话 |
| [00:08] | I have a fun one about | 有一个特别好玩的 |
| [00:09] | an elephant who doesn’t have to pack a bag | 讲的是一头大象不用整理行李 |
| [00:11] | because he already has a– You know what, I’ll save it. | 因为他已经有… 到时候我再讲吧 |
| [00:15] | I’ll go if you let me try out your new heated toilet seat. | 让我用你们新买的加热马桶圈 我就去 |
| [00:17] | I’ve been waiting my whole life | 我这辈子一直在等待 |
| [00:19] | for science to invent something useful. | 科学能发明出点有用的东西 |
| [00:22] | No, I am not letting you up there. | 不行 我不会让你上去的 |
| [00:24] | You’ll be on it all the time, and I won’t know | 你肯定会坐在那不起来 让我无法分辨 |
| [00:26] | if the heat is from the seat or from you. | 上面的热度是因为你还是马桶圈 |
| [00:30] | Kids! Come on! Your ride’s here! | 孩子们 走啦 车到了 |
| [00:34] | -拜 -拜拜 | |
| [00:36] | -爱你呦 -爱你哟 | |
| [00:37] | All right, have a great day. | 好了 玩得开心哦 |
| [00:39] | Bye? Wh-What’s happening? | 拜拜 怎么回事啊 |
| [00:41] | – Where are my babies going? – To school. | -我家宝贝要去哪啊 -上学啊 |
| [00:43] | Yeah, I got them in a carpool with what’s-her-name, | 我找了个拼车的女家长 叫什么来着 |
| [00:45] | that mom with the husky kid | 她孩子声音很沙哑 |
| [00:47] | that always wears the velour tracksuits. | 总穿一身天鹅绒运动服 |
| [00:50] | We call him Tiny Soprano. | 我们叫他小女高音 |
| [00:53] | And why can’t you drive them anymore? | 你为什么不能接送孩子们了 |
| [00:55] | Because I have to leave the office early | 因为下午接孩子的话 |
| [00:56] | to do afternoon pickup, and as soon as I walk out the door, | 我就必须提前下班走 我前脚卖出办公室大门 |
| [00:59] | Don goes to the dog track. | 大唐后脚就跑到赛狗场去 |
| [01:02] | I do do that. | 我确实会这样 |
| [01:04] | I didn’t think he knew it. | 我还以为他不知道呢 |
| [01:07] | Well, we’re all learning things today. | 我们今天都学到了新知识 |
| [01:10] | Yeah. A carpool would make my life so much easier. | 对 拼车拯救我的生活 |
| [01:13] | Well, we should get to work. | 好了 我们得去上班了 |
| [01:14] | Unless you’d allow me a few minutes upstairs on your new hot potty. | 除非你允许我上楼用几分钟你的新热马桶 |
| [01:19] | No way. | 没门 |
| [01:20] | Only one king sits on that throne. | 王座上只能坐一个王 |
| [01:25] | Yeah, uh, honey, I’m not so sure about a carpool. | 宝贝 我对拼车持怀疑态度 |
| [01:28] | Okay? I mean, how will I know if the kids get home safe? | 我要怎么知道孩子们安全到家了呢 |
| [01:31] | I don’t get home until 5:00. | 我要五点才能到家 |
| [01:34] | That gives the kidnappers a two-hour head start. | 给绑架犯留了两个小时下手的时间 |
| [01:38] | Morning, guys. | 早啊 各位 |
| [01:39] | Perfect timing. Look, I know all about | 来得正好 听着 我非常了解 |
| [01:41] | your unreasonable fear of kidnappers. | 你对绑架犯有着不可理喻的担心 |
| [01:43] | That’s why Rudy’s here, okay? | 所以我请了鲁迪来 |
| [01:45] | I got him to hook us up with some cameras. | 我让他给我们家装几个摄像头 |
| [01:47] | He does security at the stadium. | 他在体育场负责安保 |
| [01:49] | 我喜欢 | |
| [01:51] | The Steelers are way more valuable than our kids. | 钢人队比我们家孩子值钱多了 |
| [01:53] | And so far, not one of them has been kidnapped. | 到目前为止 一个都没被绑架过 |
| [01:58] | So, with the cameras, | 有了摄像头 |
| [01:59] | I’ll know if the kids get home safe. | 我就可以知道孩子们有没有安全到家 |
| [02:02] | I am finding this practical, organized side of you | 我发现你细心又靠谱的这一面 |
| [02:04] | very attractive. | 实在性感 |
| [02:06] | Well, buckle up, baby, | 还有呢 宝贝 |
| [02:09] | because you can watch all of the footage from the cameras | 你还可以在iPad上看到 |
| [02:12] | on your iPad. | 摄像头的画面 |
| [02:13] | Now, how does the footage get from the cameras to your iPad? | 那么摄像头的画面 是如何发送到iPad上呢 |
| [02:16] | Don’t ask Rudy, because he’ll tell ya, | 千万别问鲁迪 他肯定会告诉你 |
| [02:18] | and it’s very boring. | 而内容非常无聊 |
| [02:20] | Yeah, it is. | 对 没错 |
| [02:22] | You know, a lot of people | 很多人说 |
| [02:23] | like to say that nerds are cool again, | 技术宅现在酷起来了 |
| [02:25] | but we’re not. | 可我们并没有 |
| [02:27] | Anyways, I put one camera over your front door | 总之 我在你们家前门放一个 |
| [02:30] | and one on the garage facing the back door. | 在车库放一个 拍后门 |
| [02:33] | Where would you like the last one? | 最后这个你们准备放哪里 |
| [02:35] | Let’s put it in the living room. | 放在客厅吧 |
| [02:37] | Yeah. Yeah, then I can figure out | 好 好 这样我就能知道 |
| [02:38] | which one of the kids been eating my M&M’S | 是哪个孩子一直在偷吃我的M豆 |
| [02:40] | and stuffing the wrappers in the couch cushions. Huh? | 还把包装袋塞到沙发靠垫里了 |
| [02:44] | Or we could make sure they’re doing their homework | 或者用来确保他们完成家庭作业 |
| [02:47] | so they can go to college. | 才能考上大学 |
| [02:48] | -然后自己买M豆 -好吧 | |
| [02:51] | Okay, well, | 好的 |
| [02:52] | I’ll recheck everything in a couple of days. | 过几天我会再来检查 |
| [02:55] | If you’re not home, I’ll just use the key behind your planter. | 要是你们没在家 我就直接用绿植后面的钥匙进门 |
| [02:57] | How do you know about that? | 你怎么会知道的 |
| [02:59] | Because I’m in security. | 因为我是干安保的 |
| [03:00] | It’s my job to know these things. | 知道这种事是我的职责 |
| [03:02] | Also, you told me. | 还有你告诉过我 |
| [03:04] | But mainly it’s because I’m in security. | 但主要还是因为我是干安保的 |
| [03:07] | Uh, listen, thanks so much for all your help, Rudy. | 听着 非常谢谢你来帮忙 鲁迪 |
| [03:09] | Oh, sure thing. You know, actually, I should get going. | 没事 不过我现在该走了 |
| [03:11] | Joy’s out of town for the week, | 高兴这周不在家 |
| [03:13] | and I bought a giant ham for dinner. | 我买了根巨大的火腿当晚餐 |
| [03:16] | Yeah, we’re gonna have a session. | 没错 我们会进行深入交流的 |
| [03:19] | I’m sorry, wh… | 抱歉 |
| [03:20] | why can’t you eat that when Joy’s around? | 为什么高兴在的时候 你不能吃啊 |
| [03:22] | Because I like it too much and she gets jealous. | 因为我太喜欢了 她会嫉妒的 |
| [03:26] | “Why don’t you put that ham down and come over here | 你为什么不能把火腿放下 走过来 |
| [03:27] | and snuggle with me?” | 抱抱我呢 |
| [03:30] | That’s all I hear. | 每次都这样说 |
| [03:37] | You know, in a weird way, | 以某种奇怪的方式理解 |
| [03:38] | that was a very sweet story. | 这个故事其实很甜蜜 |
| [03:41] | Yeah, um, he… | 呃 他的 |
| [03:43] | he’s gonna eat the ham, right? | 火腿是用来吃的吧 |
| [03:49] | So, you’ll never guess what I saw | 你绝对猜不到我今天在摄像头上 |
| [03:50] | the kids doing today on the cameras. | 看到孩子们做了什么 |
| [03:51] | Were they eating my M&M’S? | 他们吃我的M豆了吗 |
| [03:54] | Sorry, babe, that-that case remains unsolved. | 抱歉 宝贝 那个案子还没破呢 |
| [03:58] | They just came home and started doing their homework | 他们一到家就开始做作业 |
| [04:00] | without anybody telling them to. | 都没用别人说 |
| [04:02] | What? | 什么 |
| [04:04] | We’re the greatest parents in the world, and it’s on video. | 我们是最伟大的家长了 还被录下来了 |
| [04:08] | Let me check the back door footage. I, uh… | 看看后门的摄像头 我… |
| [04:11] | I think a raccoon’s been digging up our flowers, | 我觉得有只浣熊总来挖我们家花 |
| [04:13] | and I don’t want to accuse him without proof. | 可我希望有证据再指控它 |
| [04:14] | Otherwise, I’ll look like an idiot. | 否则 我会像个傻子一样 |
| [04:15] | Well, yeah. | 没错 |
| [04:18] | Oh, look. | 看 |
| [04:20] | You can see me doing dishes in the kitchen window. | 可以透过厨房窗户看到我在洗碗 |
| [04:21] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [04:26] | Was this after the kids went to bed last night? | 这是昨晚孩子们睡了以后的视频吗 |
| [04:32] | Am I about to come up behind you? | 我是不是快出现在你身后了 |
| [04:36] | Oh, no! | 哦 不 |
| [04:42] | We accidentally made an S-E-X tape! | 我们不小心拍了部小黄片 |
| [04:46] | And here we go. | 开始了 |
| [04:55] | Not bad. | 还不错啊 |
| [04:58] | Not bad yourself. | 你也不错 |
| [05:00] | I was talking about me. | 我就是在说我 |
| [05:03] | Oh, okay, let’s start it from the beginning. | 我们从头看一遍吧 |
| [05:05] | I want to watch it when I’m not scared. | 现在我不害怕了 想重新看一遍 |
| [05:20] | Hey, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [05:21] | How’s it going, movie star? | 怎么样啊 电影明星 |
| [05:25] | Well, it’s not as exciting as last night, | 没有昨晚那么刺激 |
| [05:27] | Best Supporting Actor. | 最佳男配角 |
| [05:29] | Supporting Actor? | 男配角 |
| [05:32] | Yeah, yeah, that’s right. | 对了对了 |
| [05:33] | At one point, I did have to support you. | 当时我确实是在跟你”配” |
| [05:35] | Any-Anyway, I left a present for you. | 总之 我给你留了份礼物 |
| [05:38] | Check your downloaded videos. | 看看你的下载视频 |
| [05:46] | Our secret video? You saved it? | 我们的秘密视频 你保存了吗 |
| [05:48] | I thought you might like it. | 因为我觉得你会喜欢 |
| [05:50] | Well, meet me at home for lunch. | 我们中午回家吃饭 |
| [05:52] | I’ll show you exactly how I feel about it. | 我详细告诉你 我的真实感受 |
| [05:54] | I can’t wait. | 迫不及待了 |
| [05:56] | Hold on, hold on. | 等等 |
| [05:57] | Are we gonna do what I think we’re gonna do? | 是我想的那件事吧 |
| [05:59] | ‘Cause I don’t want to skip lunch just to get yelled at. | 因为我可不想连饭都不吃 就回家挨训 |
| [06:05] | Ah, there she is. | 她在这里 |
| [06:07] | I’m a big fan. I’ve seen all your movie. | 我是你的粉丝 你的作品我都看过 |
| [06:11] | – Okay, let’s go. – I can’t believe this worked. | -好的 我们开始 -没想到会有这种福利 |
| [06:13] | Well, it did. But after, delete this video. | 是有的 不过之后 要把视频删除 |
| [06:16] | Or, or we have a few cameras. | 或者 我们有好几个摄像头 |
| [06:18] | We could do a whole series. You love to binge watch. | 可以拍一个系列 你特别喜欢煲剧 |
| [06:22] | Okay the more you talk about this, the less it’s working. | 你说的越多 吸引力就越小 |
| [06:24] | Okay, okay, you’re right. I promise I’ll delete it. | 好的 你说得对 我肯定会删掉的 |
| [06:25] | Let’s keep this train moving. | 让我们的火车驶入正轨吧 |
| [06:26] | 好的 嘟嘟 | |
| [06:29] | You’re right, I’ll save the train noises for the bedroom. | 好吧 到卧室再嘟嘟 |
| [06:45] | Where’s Mom’s iPad? | 妈妈的iPad呢 |
| [06:46] | Uh, none of you guys have it, do ya? | 你们都没拿吧 |
| [06:47] | ‘Cause private stuff on there. | 里面有私人的东西 |
| [06:49] | I mean, like, taxes, and… | 比如报税啊 还有 |
| [06:51] | other grown-up words. | 其他大人的东西 |
| [06:54] | Grandma came by and borrowed it. | 奶奶过来借走了 |
| [06:56] | Grandma has it? | 奶奶拿走了 |
| [06:58] | She said she was playing a mean game of Words With Friends | 她说之前玩一个叫《填字游戏》的糟心游戏 |
| [07:00] | and broke hers. | 然后把自己的摔了 |
| [07:01] | When did this happen? Where was I? | 什么时候的事 当时我在哪 |
| [07:04] | Upstairs with your new toilet seat. | 在楼上跟马桶圈待着呢 |
| [07:07] | 安迪 | |
| [07:09] | How are my perfect angels? | 我完美的小天使们好啊 |
| [07:12] | Y-You’re talking to us? | 你在跟我们说话呢 |
| [07:15] | Uh, Andi, I-I need a word. | 安迪 我需要跟你谈谈 |
| [07:17] | It’s about the special present on your iPad. | 有关于你iPad上的特殊礼物的事 |
| [07:20] | Oh, what present? I want to see! | 什么礼物 我想看 |
| [07:21] | No, you don’t. You’ll never be the same. | 你看不了 否则你就再也回不去了 |
| [07:25] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [07:26] | You are gonna love this. | 你肯定喜欢的 |
| [07:29] | Remember that time you told me to get milk, | 记得那次你让我去买牛奶 |
| [07:30] | but I didn’t? | 可我没买吗 |
| [07:31] | Well, we have a similar situation here, okay? | 现在的情况非常相似 |
| [07:34] | But the milk is our naked bodies. | 把牛奶换成我们的裸体 |
| [07:37] | And my mom has the milk. | 牛奶在我妈那里 |
| [07:40] | Wait, what? | 等等 什么 |
| [07:41] | My mom took your iPad. | 我妈把你的iPad拿走了 |
| [07:44] | Well, you deleted the video, right? | 你删掉视频了吧 |
| [07:45] | Yes, yes. I pulled you out here on the porch | 对 我把你拉到走廊来 就是为了告诉你 |
| [07:47] | to tell you everything’s fine. | 什么事都没有 |
| [07:50] | How could you not delete the video? | 你怎么会没删掉视频呢 |
| [07:52] | I-I thought it’d be fun to put some music under it, you know? | 我想着可以加点音乐进去 你知道吧 |
| [07:55] | Like… like, uh… like Chariots of Fire, | 比如《火之战车》 |
| [07:57] | or “For Those About to Rock”” | 或者《那些玩摇滚的人》 |
| [07:59] | You know, pretty spicy, right? | 特别带劲儿 |
| [08:02] | Spicy? What… Where are you getting this? | 带劲儿 你从哪学的 |
| [08:04] | I was at the dentist last week, | 上周我去看牙医 |
| [08:06] | reading one of those women’s magazines, | 读到一本女性杂志 |
| [08:08] | and there was an article about keeping relationships spicy. | 上面说要让夫妻关系永远带劲儿 |
| [08:10] | And one of the things it said was, | 其中一条就是 |
| [08:12] | “Don’t be afraid to surprise your partner”” | 别怕给你的伴侣带来惊喜 |
| [08:14] | So, surprise! | 看 惊喜 |
| [08:17] | Okay, honey, I have told you, | 宝贝 我跟你说过 |
| [08:20] | those women’s magazines are not for you. | 那些女性杂志 不适合你看 |
| [08:22] | Okay? | 知道吗 |
| [08:24] | Those ideas, they go inside your man brain | 那些个主意 进入你这个直男脑子里 |
| [08:26] | and they bang around in there, and then… and then | 会到处乱撞 然后 出来的效果 |
| [08:29] | they come out all naked and dirty. | 就是裸体和下流 |
| [08:33] | I didn’t hear you complaining by the kitchen sink. | 那天在洗碗池边 你怎么没抱怨呢 |
| [08:34] | Adam! | 亚当 |
| [08:36] | We have to get that video back right now. | 我们得马上把视频拿回来 |
| [08:38] | Okay, okay. I was just trying to spice things up. | 好的 我只是想让关系再带劲儿点 |
| [08:41] | And you got to admit, for a minute, it worked. | 你得承认 其中有一分钟 是有效的 |
| [08:43] | Well, it was definitely more than a minute, but… | 不过肯定超过一分钟的 我刚才… |
| [08:46] | that’s just a figure of speech. | 只是一种修辞比喻 |
| [08:47] | I don’t have to tell you. You were there. Okay. | 我不用跟你说 你当时在场 好的 |
| [08:52] | Where’s Mom? | 妈在哪 |
| [08:53] | She’s right… | 她就在… |
| [08:57] | I guess she went out. | 看来是出去了 |
| [08:59] | I’m watching soap operas for no reason. | 那我在为了谁看肥皂剧啊 |
| [09:02] | Uh, have you seen my iPad? | 你看到我的iPad了吗 |
| [09:04] | She borrowed it, and we need it back. | 她借走了 我们需要拿回来 |
| [09:06] | Well, here you go. | 给你们 |
| [09:10] | No, no, an iPad. | 不不 是iPad |
| [09:12] | That’s a pad. I gave it to you. Now it’s your pad. | 这个本子(Pad)我现在给你了 就是你的了 |
| [09:17] | No, it-it’s like a little computer. | 不是 就像个小电脑一样 |
| [09:19] | It’s more of a tablet. | 更像是个平板 |
| [09:20] | Like the Ten Commandments? | 写着十诫的那种石板吗 |
| [09:23] | This could take years. | 这要多少年才能说明白 |
| [09:25] | It’s that square thing she’s always yelling at. | 就是她总对着吼的那个方块 |
| [09:27] | 哦 那个啊 | |
| [09:29] | Well, hers broke, so she borrowed yours. | 她的坏了 所以借了你的 |
| [09:32] | We know. | 我们知道 |
| [09:33] | That’s where we started. | 我们最开始就这么说的 |
| [09:36] | Well, then, give me that back. It’s my pad. | 那把本子还给我 这是我的本子 |
| [09:40] | Just… tell us where the computer is. | 你就告诉我们 那个电脑在哪呢 |
| [09:43] | Well, she gave it to Don | 她给大唐了 |
| [09:45] | so Don could give it back to you at work. | 让大唐上班的时候还给你 |
| [09:47] | -大唐 -这下好了 | |
| [09:49] | If he has it, they’re probably already | 要是到他手里 可能现在正在 |
| [09:50] | selling it at truck stops. Come on. | 卡车司机堆里往出卖呢 快走 |
| [09:55] | Don! Don! Uh… | 大唐 大唐 |
| [09:57] | Oh, no, no, he’s not here. | 没 他不在 |
| [09:58] | He went over to Rudy’s to visit a ham. | 他去鲁迪家看火腿去了 |
| [10:01] | I don’t ask questions anymore. | 我现在已经懒得问了 |
| [10:04] | did he leave my iPad by any chance? | 他有留下我的iPad吗 |
| [10:06] | Oh, yes, it’s right here. | 有 就在这里 |
| [10:07] | Oh, thank God. | 谢天谢地 |
| [10:09] | I do not enjoy tiny computers. They make me feel like a giant. | 我不喜欢小电脑 让我感觉自己像巨人 |
| [10:14] | No, no, no. This-this isn’t mine. | 不对 这不是我的 |
| [10:16] | – That’s Lowell’s. – Lowell was here earlier. | -那是洛厄尔的 -洛厄尔之前来过 |
| [10:18] | I guess they got them mixed up, and he took yours. | 估计是他们搞混了 然后他拿了你的 |
| [10:21] | Lowell? That’s worse than Don. | 洛厄尔 那还不如大唐呢 |
| [10:23] | I’m his hero. | 我是他的偶像 |
| [10:25] | Nobody wants to see Superman without his cape! | 没人想看超人不穿斗篷的样子 |
| [10:27] | Or his underwear. | 不穿内裤也不行 |
| [10:32] | Lowell? | 洛厄尔 |
| [10:42] | I-is Lowell here? | 请问洛厄尔在吗 |
| [10:44] | Uh, no, he’s not here. I’m Heather. I’m the new nanny. | 他不在 我是希瑟 是新来的保姆 |
| [10:47] | Outstanding. Uh, listen, if you’re looking | 挺好的 是这样 你要是想找活干 |
| [10:49] | for some extra work, I got some gutters at my place… | 我们家那边有几条沟… |
| [10:51] | All right, all right, all right. | 行了行了 |
| [10:54] | Uh, we’re Lowell’s friends, Adam and Andi, | 我们是洛厄尔的朋友 亚当和安迪 |
| [10:55] | and he has my iPad. H-Have you seen it? | 我的iPad在他手里 你见过吗 |
| [10:58] | Oh, yes, he took it with him to the gym. | 我知道 他拿到健身房去了 |
| [11:00] | He said he’d bring it by your party. | 他说参加派对的时候给你送去 |
| [11:01] | That’s not good enough. I need it now! | 这样不行 我现在就要 |
| [11:04] | She-she just really needs her computer, okay? | 她特别需要电脑 请理解 |
| [11:06] | She’s an online gambler. Yeah. | 她是个在线赌徒 对 |
| [11:08] | And we don’t like to talk about it. It’s very painful. | 我们不想说这个事 太痛苦了 |
| [11:09] | Okay. Thank you. Bye-bye. | 好了 谢谢你 再见 |
| [11:13] | We have to call Lowell and track him down. | 我们得打给洛厄尔 找到他在哪里 |
| [11:15] | – Okay? – O-Or… | -可以吗 -或者 |
| [11:16] | or we could report his car stolen, | 我们可以报警说他的车丢了 |
| [11:18] | let the cops do the work for us. | 然后让警察帮我们找 |
| [11:19] | We’ll just get it at the party. | 等到派对的时候再拿吧 |
| [11:20] | We don’t need to panic. Okay? | 不必慌张 好吗 |
| [11:22] | We’re married, and we have children. | 我们结婚了 还有孩子 |
| [11:24] | The secret’s out that we like to bow-chicka-bow-bow. | 大家早就知道我们喜欢啪啪啪了 |
| [11:29] | Okay, but word about this video will spread, all right? | 好吧 但是这个视频万一传得人尽皆知 |
| [11:32] | It’ll be the thing that we become known for. | 就会变成我们的代名词 |
| [11:34] | I mean, people will read my obituary, and they’ll say, | 如果大家得知我去世 可能会说 |
| [11:36] | “Aw, Sex Tape Andi died. | “哎呀 黄片安迪死了” |
| [11:39] | Yeah, and she’s survived by her husband, Sex Tape Adam.” | 是啊 她老公黄片亚当比她活得久 |
| [11:42] | I don’t want to be Sex Tape Adam. | 我可不想当黄片亚当 |
| [11:44] | Who’s gonna marry Sex Tape Adam? | 谁会嫁给黄片亚当啊 |
| [11:47] | You’re getting married already? | 你这就想着再婚了吗 |
| [11:49] | You just told me you’re dead. | 你刚才不是说你去世了 |
| [11:51] | If you don’t find my iPad, | 你要是找不到我的iPad |
| [11:53] | I’m gonna be known as Killed Her Husband Andi. | 我的代号就会变成”弑夫安迪” |
| [11:54] | Let’s go. | 马上去 |
| [11:59] | Yes! | 太好了 |
| [12:01] | – That’s Lowell. Get it, get it, get it. – Okay. | -洛厄尔来了 快去开门 -好 |
| [12:04] | Rudy. Hey… | 鲁迪 |
| [12:06] | Boy, you don’t look so good. | 天哪 你脸色好差 |
| [12:08] | I need you to take my ham. | 你们得拿走我的火腿 |
| [12:11] | I have no self-control without Joy. | 高兴不在 我完全没有自制力 |
| [12:13] | I ate so much that I went up a sock size. | 我吃得太多 连袜子都肥了一圈 |
| [12:17] | I-I’ll put it in the fridge for you. | 我帮你放冰箱 |
| [12:19] | Uh, no– that’s okay. I’ll do it. | 没关系 我自己放吧 |
| [12:21] | She likes the middle shelf. | 她比较喜欢中间那层 |
| [12:26] | Lowell. H-Hey. | 洛厄尔 你来了 |
| [12:28] | Come on in, buddy. | 请进 兄弟 |
| [12:30] | I’m marching in, ready for madness. | 真的勇士 敢于直面疯狂的派对 |
| [12:32] | Give me that. | 这个给我 |
| [12:35] | Listen, you have got to tell people when you get a new nanny. | 听着 你要是请了新保姆得告诉大家呀 |
| [12:37] | I made an ass of myself. | 搞得我像个傻子一样 |
| [12:39] | All right, eat something. Okay. | 好了 吃点东西吧 |
| [12:42] | I’m gonna miss you, baby. | 我会想你的 宝贝 |
| [12:48] | Okay, you dodged a serious bullet here, mister. | 这位先生 你勉强算是侥幸逃脱了 |
| [12:50] | Now delete this video so I can sleep in peace. | 赶紧删了视频 让我能睡个好觉 |
| [12:52] | Okay. Right, right, right, right. | 好 马上马上 |
| [12:54] | What… | 怎么… |
| [12:55] | Why’d you pause it halfway through? | 你为什么要暂停 |
| [12:57] | My best moves are at the end. | 我最好的动作都在后面 |
| [12:59] | Wha… What? No, I-I didn’t watch any of it. | 什么 我没有看啊 |
| [13:02] | No, uh, see? The video’s been played, | 你看 视频播放过 |
| [13:03] | and then paused in the middle. | 但是中途暂停了 |
| [13:06] | That means someone else watched it. | 这说明有人看过了 |
| [13:08] | Someone… in there. | 而那个人 在里面 |
| [13:17] | Maybe I should have just driven the kids to school. | 我就应该直接开车接送孩子上下学 |
| [13:18] | You think? | 现在想起来了 |
| [13:26] | Okay. Your mom, Don and Lowell, they all had my iPad. | 好了 你妈 大唐和洛厄尔 都拿过我的iPad |
| [13:29] | Any one of them could’ve watched our movie. | 他们中任何一个人都可能看过视频 |
| [13:31] | Well, maybe they didn’t know it was us. | 也许他们不知道视频里是我们 |
| [13:37] | Adam, you named the file “Andi Does Dishes and More”” | 亚当 视频名字是《安迪洗碗湿了自己》 |
| [13:42] | O-Okay, here’s what we do: we split up | 好吧 那我们这样 分头行动 |
| [13:44] | and find out who watched it, then… | 先查清楚是谁看了视频 然后 |
| [13:47] | we come up with a real plan. | 再想下一步该怎么做 |
| [13:50] | I’m in. Yeah, uh… | 好的 可是… |
| [13:52] | Which one us has to talk to your mom? | 我们谁去找你妈妈谈呢 |
| [13:53] | – Not it. – Not it! Dang it! | -我不去 -我不去 该死 |
| [13:56] | Yeah. I’m quick. | 那可不 我很快的 |
| [13:57] | Talk to my mother. | 你去跟我妈谈吧 |
| [14:01] | So, Lowell. | 洛厄尔 |
| [14:03] | I have seen some crazy stuff on iPads. | 我在iPad上看了不少奇闻异事 |
| [14:07] | Now you say something. | 接下来该你说了 |
| [14:10] | I like that shirt, Bev. | 你的上衣真好看 贝芙 |
| [14:12] | Did you buy it on the iPad? | 是在iPad上买的吗 |
| [14:15] | If you’re talking about your iPad, | 如果你是说你的iPad |
| [14:17] | I only have one thing to say. | 我只有一句话想说 |
| [14:19] | What I saw on there was deeply disappointing. | 我对我看到的东西表示很失望 |
| [14:23] | I know what you’re getting at, | 我知道你想说什么 |
| [14:24] | and I don’t want to talk about it. | 我不想聊这个 |
| [14:26] | I’m embarrassed enough as it is. | 我已经觉得很尴尬了 |
| [14:30] | – Andi! – Adam! | -安迪 -亚当 |
| [14:33] | Lowell definitely watched it. | 洛厄尔绝对看过了 |
| [14:35] | Well, your mom watched it, too. | 你妈妈也看过了 |
| [14:36] | Wha… Yeah. I think she no longer thinks my meat loaf | -什么 -对 我觉得在她看来 |
| [14:38] | is the worst thing I’ve ever done in the kitchen. | 我的厨房最糟表现不再是烤肉饼了 |
| [14:42] | What are you guys doing in here? | 你们俩在这里干什么呢 |
| [14:44] | Nothing! W-We’ve never done anything here, | 没什么 我们没在这里干过什么 |
| [14:45] | especially by the sink. | 尤其是在洗碗池边 |
| [14:49] | You’re avoiding me, aren’t you? | 你们在躲着我 对不对 |
| [14:52] | Look, we all know what was on that computer. | 我们都知道那个电脑里有什么 |
| [14:55] | It’s natural, it’s human, and yes, it was hot. | 这很正常 人性需求 没错 确实很火辣 |
| [15:01] | Congratulations to you both. | 恭喜你们俩 |
| [15:10] | They all watched it! | 他们都看过了 |
| [15:14] | And my brother liked it. | 而且我哥还挺喜欢 |
| [15:18] | Oh, they’re probably in there talking about it right now. | 他们说不定正在聊这件事 |
| [15:25] | Oh, okay, okay, no, no, they’re-they’re not talking. | 不对 他们不是在聊天 |
| [15:27] | They’re laughing. | 他们在笑 |
| [15:29] | Andi, they’re not talking, they’re laughing! | 安迪 他们没在聊 他们在笑 |
| [15:32] | Okay, well, y-you got to go in there and-and clear the air. | 好吧 你赶紧过去调节一下气氛 |
| [15:34] | Otherwise, every time we hear them laugh, | 否则 我们每次听到他们笑 |
| [15:36] | we’ll know they’re laughing at you. | 都会知道是在笑你 |
| [15:37] | Wha…? | 什么 |
| [15:41] | Uh, what do you mean, laughing at me? | 什么叫他们在笑我 |
| [15:43] | Oh, it’s ju… it’s just, you know, | 就是 你也知道 |
| [15:45] | you’re so serious on the video. | 视频里你表情特别严肃 |
| [15:47] | You know? It’s like, I’m having a good time, | 你知道吧 我一看就很开心 |
| [15:49] | and-and you look like you’re trying to land a plane. | 可你看起来就像在让飞机着陆一样 |
| [15:54] | I need Joy to come home. | 我需要高兴回家来 |
| [15:56] | Without her, I overeat, I don’t do laundry. | 没有她 我过量饮食 还不洗衣服 |
| [15:59] | I’m wearing a bathing suit as underwear. | 我现在把泳衣当内衣穿 |
| [16:04] | Voice of experience: when you run out of swim trunks, | 经验之谈 等泳衣全部用完之后 |
| [16:06] | you’ll start dipping into her underwear. | 你就会开始翻找她的内衣 |
| [16:10] | That’s when it gets weird. | 那就有点奇怪了 |
| [16:19] | All right, all right, listen up, listen up. Um… | 好了 大家都听好了 |
| [16:21] | Love is complicated, so sometimes you have to do | 爱很复杂 有时候为了让感情带劲儿 |
| [16:25] | some pretty crazy stuff to keep things spicy, am I right? | 需要做一些比较疯狂的事 对吧 |
| [16:30] | I think this is how swinger parties start. | 我觉得接下来要变成换偶派对了 |
| [16:35] | I’m gonna move slowly towards the door | 我准备慢慢挪到门边 |
| [16:36] | and try not to look sexy. | 而且尽量不要太性感 |
| [16:41] | Lowell, it’s not a swinger party. | 洛厄尔 这不是换偶派对 |
| [16:42] | My parents are here. | 我的父母还在呢 |
| [16:44] | Okay, look, big deal, we made a sex tape. | 行了 多大点事儿啊 我们拍了黄片 |
| [16:47] | You-you what? | 什么 |
| [16:49] | We know you saw it, Ma. | 我们知道你看了 妈 |
| [16:51] | I didn’t see anything. | 我什么都没看 |
| [16:53] | But I’m sure you were great, honey. | 不过你的表现肯定很好 宝贝 |
| [16:56] | Wha…? W-Why did you tell me you were embarrassed | 什么 那为什么谈起我的iPad时 |
| [16:59] | to talk about my iPad? | 你说你很尴尬 |
| [17:01] | ‘Cause I spilled coffee on it, thought I broke it. | 因为我在上面撒了咖啡 以为弄坏了呢 |
| [17:05] | Well, unfortunately, you didn’t. | 不幸的是 你没有弄坏 |
| [17:06] | It still plays fine. | 完全能正常播放 |
| [17:09] | Why are you telling us all this? | 你为什么要跟我们说这些 |
| [17:11] | Because you saw it. | 因为你看过了 |
| [17:13] | You said you were disappointed. | 你说你很失望 |
| [17:14] | Andi was doing the best she could. | 安迪已经非常尽力了 |
| [17:19] | I was disappointed because I read in your e-mails | 我失望是因为我看了你的邮箱 |
| [17:21] | that you invited Don to your March Madness party | 你们邀请大唐来参加疯狂三月派对的时间 |
| [17:23] | a full week before me. | 比邀请我早了一周 |
| [17:25] | You went through my e-mails? | 你居然看我的邮箱 |
| [17:29] | Hey, I’m not on trial here! | 现在问题可不在我这儿 |
| [17:30] | You’re the ones with the sex tape. | 是你们拍了黄片 |
| [17:33] | All right, I-I know Don definitely saw it. | 好吧 我知道大唐绝对看了 |
| [17:36] | Well, first of all, | 首先 |
| [17:37] | thank you for such a delightful and moving speech. | 谢谢你这一番生动感人的演讲 |
| [17:40] | But… | 但是 |
| [17:41] | I have not seen the film in question. | 我并没有看到上述影片 |
| [17:43] | You said it was hot. | 你不是说很火辣吗 |
| [17:45] | I was talking about your heated toilet seat. | 我是说你们家的新马桶圈 |
| [17:49] | Rudy told me you put in cameras so I thought you saw me | 鲁迪跟我说你们装了摄像头 我就以为 |
| [17:52] | when I stopped by for a test drive when you weren’t there. | 之前趁你们不在来试用的事被发现了 |
| [17:55] | Little tip: don’t turn it up to ten. Oof. | 小提示 别把温度调到10档 |
| [18:02] | Okay, so n-nobody knew about the video, | 好吧 本来没人知道这视频的事 |
| [18:06] | but now you do, because we just told you. | 但你们现在知道了 因为我们刚说了 |
| [18:10] | Look at Sex Tape Andi trying to put it together. | 黄片安迪终于理清头绪了 |
| [18:13] | I told you they’d call us that! I told you. | 我就知道他们会这样叫 我就知道 |
| [18:15] | Don’t be ashamed, son. | 不必羞愧 儿子 |
| [18:18] | Your mom and I, we-we made a Super 8 back in the ’70s, huh? | 我和你妈妈在七十年代也用超级8拍了片 |
| [18:22] | We enjoyed it. | 非常享受 |
| [18:24] | We had some good times with it, until I accidentally sold it | 我们用了好几次 后来我不小心 |
| [18:26] | at a yard sale. | 在庭院拍卖会上卖了 |
| [18:29] | – Best 50 cents that guy ever spent. – Yeah. | -那家伙的五十美分可真赚到了 -是啊 |
| [18:38] | So if nobody watched the video, | 要是没人看那部视频 |
| [18:40] | why was it paused halfway through? | 为什么会暂停在中间画面上 |
| [18:42] | I don’t know why anyone would pause that masterpiece. | 我不懂为什么这种杰作会有人暂停 |
| [18:46] | It was probably a glitch. | 可能是出了小故障吧 |
| [18:47] | A glitch? Is that a thing? | 小故障 有这个东西吗 |
| [18:49] | I’d like to think so. | 希望有吧 |
| [18:51] | You know, it doesn’t matter. | 算了 其实无所谓 |
| [18:52] | It’s deleted. | 已经删掉了 |
| [18:54] | But I will never delete it… from here. | 但我已经深深刻在了我的脑海里 |
| [18:59] | So, um, do you really think we need to spice things up? | 你真觉得我们需要更带劲儿一点吗 |
| [19:04] | I mean, I thought we were pretty spicy already. | 我还以为我们已经够带劲儿的了 |
| [19:06] | Uh, we are, yeah, but there’s no such thing as too spicy. | 确实如此 但带劲儿这种事多多益善嘛 |
| [19:10] | I mean, I only have two moves: | 毕竟我只有两种动作 |
| [19:12] | The Go Fast and the Catch My Breath. | 奋力冲刺 和 稍作休息 |
| [19:17] | – Hey, Rudy. How’s it going? – Hey, guys. | -鲁迪 你好吗 -你们好 |
| [19:18] | Not too good. | 我不太好 |
| [19:20] | I don’t even have a fitted sheet on my bed anymore. | 我床上都没有合适尺寸的床单了 |
| [19:24] | I’ve hit rock bottom, | 我已经处于低谷 |
| [19:25] | and I thought, “You know what would be great down here? | 于是我就想 这种时候应该来点什么呢 |
| [19:28] | Some ham.” | 来点火腿吧 |
| [19:31] | Buddy, I-I don’t think we can give this back; | 兄弟 我们不应该把火腿还给你 |
| [19:33] | you got a bit of a self-control issue. | 你很明显自制力有问题 |
| [19:35] | I have a self-control issue? | 我自制力有问题 |
| [19:38] | You won’t even let your wife do the dishes | 你老婆洗碗洗得好好的 |
| [19:39] | without jumping her bones. | 你突然就扑上去了 |
| [19:43] | You watched it? | 原来是你看的 |
| [19:45] | And it was you who paused it. | 肯定也是你暂停的 |
| [19:47] | Why would you pause it? | 你为什么要暂停 |
| [19:49] | That’s not important. Go ahead, honey. | 这不是重点 你说吧 宝贝 |
| [19:53] | Well, h-how did you see it? | 你怎么会看到 |
| [19:54] | Well, I came by to check on the security system, | 我过来检查安保系统的时候 |
| [19:57] | and I opened your iPad and up popped the video | 打开了你的iPad 结果就弹出来 |
| [19:59] | of you two getting freaky. | 你们两个的诡异视频 |
| [20:01] | Swinging a towel, and… | 还把毛巾甩来甩去 |
| [20:04] | – bubbles flying everywhere… – Okay, okay. | -到处都飞着泡泡 -好了好了 |
| [20:05] | – That’s enough. – Yeah, that towel thing | -别说了 -那个甩毛巾的动作 |
| [20:07] | just kind of came to me in the moment. | 完全属于临场发挥 |
| [20:09] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [20:11] | I can’t believe this happened. | 没想到真相居然是这样 |
| [20:12] | So, anyways, | 所以 |
| [20:14] | I paused it– sorry… | 我就暂停了 抱歉 |
| [20:17] | …and then I left. I wouldn’t have said anything, | 然后就走了 我本来没想说什么 |
| [20:20] | but you guys started ham-shaming me. | 但你们开始嘲笑我爱吃火腿的事 |
| [20:25] | Okay, I-I’ll tell you what. | 这样吧 |
| [20:28] | We’ll give you this back | 我们把火腿还给你 |
| [20:30] | if you swear to never speak of that video again. | 但你要发誓永远不要提到那个视频 |
| [20:33] | Don’t worry, everything that happened this week, | 别担心 这周发生的所有事 |
| [20:34] | I am taking to the grave. | 我要带进坟墓里 |
| [20:36] | Which could be pretty soon, | 我估计也快了 |
| [20:38] | because my heart is beating twice as fast now. | 毕竟我现在心跳速度已经加倍了 |
| [20:45] | Well, there goes a man | 我们送走了一位 |
| [20:46] | who’s gonna wake up next to a ham. Oh. | 即将与火腿同床共枕的人 |