| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | So, then I said to the eye doctor, | 然后我就跟我的眼科医生说 |
| [00:04] | “I can’t see it. I can’t see it. | 我看不见了 我看不见了 |
| [00:06] | I can see it. It’s gone again.” | 我看见了 可又不见了 |
| [00:08] | And he said I was very special, | 然后他说我非常特别 |
| [00:10] | and I might be eligible for a service dog. | 可能有资格申请一只服务犬 |
| [00:15] | Great story, Ma. | 好故事 妈 |
| [00:16] | – And that clocked in at just under 12 minutes. – Yeah. | -这才过了12分钟 -对 |
| [00:20] | And she’s told it to everybody– | 然后她就跟所有人都说了 |
| [00:21] | the grocer, the pharmacist, | 超市的 药店的 |
| [00:23] | some poor bastard who was holding the door for her. Shh. | 为她拉门的可怜人 |
| [00:26] | Hey, there’s my thoughtful husband. | 我贴心的老公在这里 |
| [00:29] | All right, what is it? | 行了 直说吧 |
| [00:31] | Last time she called me thoughtful, | 她上次夸我贴心 |
| [00:32] | I had to clean a pound of hair out of the drain. | 我就得从下水道里掏出一坨头发 |
| [00:36] | That kid Julian is coming over for a playdate with Emme, | 朱利安这个孩子要来跟艾米玩 |
| [00:38] | but I have to take Kate to the doctor, | 但是我要带凯特去看医生 |
| [00:40] | so you have to watch them. | 你得照顾她们 |
| [00:41] | Honey, I thought we agreed no more Julian. | 亲爱的 我们不是说好不和朱利安玩了么 |
| [00:43] | That kid’s the worst. | 那个小孩太坏了 |
| [00:44] | Well, maybe while he’s here, | 也许他来这里玩的时候 |
| [00:46] | he’ll see how nice people behave, | 看到这里的人这么好 |
| [00:48] | and it’ll rub off on him. | 会被感化了呢 |
| [00:49] | Yeah, only a mom would say that. | 对 只有当妈的能说出这话 |
| [00:51] | It’s sweet and packed full of lies. | 冠冕堂皇的谎话连篇 |
| [00:54] | Dads know better. | 爸爸了解的更多 |
| [00:55] | Joe, there’s no difference between moms and dads. | 乔 爸爸妈妈是没有分别的 |
| [01:02] | Did you just roll your eyes? | 你刚刚是翻白眼了吗 |
| [01:03] | No, no, I was making sure | 没有 我就是试试 |
| [01:04] | all the light bulbs are working. | 眼球活动没有问题 |
| [01:08] | Okay, I know it’s not popular to say these days, | 好的 我知道如今这些话可能过时了 |
| [01:11] | but there are some things dads are better at. | 但确实有父亲更擅长的东西 |
| [01:14] | The fact that we’re so annoying | 事实上 我们这么讨人厌 |
| [01:16] | and you keep marrying us proves my point. | 你们还要嫁给我们 就证明了这一点 |
| [01:20] | We keep marrying you because we’re optimists | 之所以会嫁给你们 是因为我们是乐观主义者 |
| [01:23] | and they make the lids on pickle jars too tight. | 还有就是罐头盖太紧了 |
| [01:26] | Well, he-he’s not saying dads are better than moms. | 他不是说爸爸比妈妈优秀 |
| [01:29] | You’re not saying that, are you? | 你不是这个意思 对吧 |
| [01:31] | I said dads are better at some things. | 我说的是爸爸有些方面比妈妈优秀 |
| [01:34] | Okay, moms are better at some things, too. | 妈妈在某些方面也更优秀 |
| [01:37] | Okay. Like what? | 好的 比如什么 |
| [01:38] | Don’t say cooking and cleaning, boy. | 千万别说做饭打扫 儿子 |
| [01:42] | Okay, uh, if we’re the same, | 好的 如果我们是一样的 |
| [01:46] | would you like to take care of that dead squirrel on the roof? | 你愿意去处理屋顶上的死松鼠吗 |
| [01:49] | I would totally do it, but I saw an owl fly away with it. | 我绝对愿意 但我看见猫头鹰带着它飞走了 |
| [01:52] | And I know it was a mom owl | 我知道那是猫头鹰妈妈 |
| [01:54] | because she handled it like a boss | 因为她处理得非常霸气 |
| [01:56] | and then didn’t spend the next two hours bragging about it. | 还不会花两个小时来炫耀 |
| [02:01] | Am I right? | 我说得对吧 |
| [02:04] | Oh, high five. Fun. | 哦 击个掌 好玩 |
| [02:08] | Sorry I’m late. | 抱歉 我迟到了 |
| [02:10] | I found a YouTube channel of cats punching dogs. | 我在视频网上找到个频道 都是猫揍狗的视频 |
| [02:14] | Is it better than chickens wearing pants? | 比鸡穿裤子还好吗 |
| [02:16] | I don’t want to get political. | 我不想站队 |
| [02:20] | Now that Don is here, | 现在大唐来了 |
| [02:21] | I think we should talk about your knee surgery. | 我们聊聊你的膝盖手术吧 |
| [02:23] | It’s in a couple of weeks, | 就剩几个星期了 |
| [02:25] | and the doctor said he should hire a home health care nurse | 医生说应该雇一位家庭护理护士 |
| [02:27] | for during the rehab, but he won’t agree. | 照顾他的恢复阶段 可他不同意 |
| [02:30] | I don’t want some stranger in my house | 我不想让陌生人进我家 |
| [02:32] | going through my stuff. | 翻我的东西 |
| [02:33] | What stuff? You mean that jug of nickels? | 什么东西 你是说一罐五分钱吗 |
| [02:37] | Hey, when the world goes to hell, | 等世道艰险了 |
| [02:38] | the guy with the jug of nickels is gonna be living like a king. | 拥有五分钱罐的人 会活得逍遥自在的 |
| [02:42] | I got a can of dimes. Smaller and twice the value. | 我有一瓶一角前的 更小 更值钱 |
| [02:46] | You’re a good boy, Donny. | 你是乖孩子 小唐 |
| [02:48] | So, about this nurse… | 关于护士的问题 |
| [02:50] | I’m not listening to any more of this nurse stuff. | 我不想听任何有关护士的事 |
| [02:52] | I’ll be with the TV. | 我去跟电视过了 |
| [02:54] | When I push mute, it stops talking. | 起码按下静音键 它就安静了 |
| [02:58] | Did he really leave, or can I just not see him? | 他是真的走了 还是我眼睛看不见他 |
| [03:02] | He’s going through the couch, looking for nickels. | 他去翻沙发找五分钱硬币去了 |
| [03:04] | Hey, Joe, I get half of whatever you find. | 乔 你找到的得分我一半 |
| [03:08] | Boys, | 小伙子们 |
| [03:09] | your dad’s gonna need help, | 你们的爸爸需要帮助 |
| [03:10] | and I can’t get him to listen to reason. | 我跟他说不明白了 |
| [03:13] | He was much easier to control | 当初他用医用大麻的时候 |
| [03:15] | when he was getting that medical marijuana. | 好掌控多了 |
| [03:18] | Well, his dealer was 85. | 他的卖家都85了 |
| [03:20] | It was time to retire. | 也该退休了 |
| [03:23] | Someone needs to talk him into getting a nurse, | 得有人去说服他请个护士 |
| [03:26] | and there’s one person at this table he’ll listen to. | 只有一个坐在这里的人 跟他说他会听 |
| [03:29] | – Oh, Ma. – Oh, Ma. | -妈 -妈 |
| [03:30] | That’s why I need help | 所以我需要他最爱的儿子 |
| [03:31] | from his favorite son… Don. | 来帮他这个忙 大唐 |
| [03:36] | What? | 什么 |
| [03:38] | Dodged that bullet. | 躲过一劫 |
| [03:40] | I heard it whistle past my ear, and then it hit you. | 这枚子弹在我耳边呼啸而过 打在了你身上 |
| [03:44] | ‘Cause you’re a good boy, Donny. | 因为你是他的乖儿子 小唐 |
| [03:52] | Hey, that weird kid’s looking at you. | 那个怪孩子在盯着你 |
| [03:56] | Hello, Julian. | 好啊 朱利安 |
| [03:57] | Listen, buddy. | 听着 朋友 |
| [04:00] | Tell your kids to give me the swing. | 让你的孩子们把秋千让给我 |
| [04:02] | Well, buddy, you just had your turn, | 这个嘛 朋友 你刚刚玩过了 |
| [04:05] | and it’s Emme’s turn now. | 现在轮到艾米了 |
| [04:07] | I don’t care. I want to swing now. | 我不管 我现在就想玩 |
| [04:09] | Hey, we have something in common. | 我们有共同点呢 |
| [04:11] | I don’t care, either. | 我也不管 |
| [04:13] | You’re a butthead. | 你这个呆瓜 |
| [04:14] | You’re a butthead. | 你才是呆瓜 |
| [04:18] | Two against one. | 二对一 |
| [04:19] | I guess you’re a butthead. | 看来呆瓜是你 |
| [04:22] | I really don’t like that kid. | 我真的很不喜欢那个小孩 |
| [04:24] | He does have some good comebacks. | 他还挺会呛声的 |
| [04:27] | So, listen, | 你说 |
| [04:28] | how am I supposed to get Dad to agree to a home nurse? | 我该怎么让老爸接受一个家庭护士 |
| [04:30] | Good luck. He never changes his mind about anything. | 祝你好运吧 他一旦决定了 就从不会改 |
| [04:34] | He still drops his film at the Foto Hut | 他还会把租来的电影还到影像店去 |
| [04:35] | even though it’s a frozen yogurt place now. | 虽然那里早就变成了冻酸奶店 |
| [04:41] | Hey, what are you doing here? | 你们来这里干嘛 |
| [04:42] | It’s still your turn. | 轮到你们玩了 |
| [04:44] | Julian pushed me off the swing. | 朱利安把我从秋千上推下来了 |
| [04:46] | What? Teddy, did you see this? | 什么 泰迪 你看到了吗 |
| [04:49] | Yeah, he pushed her right off. | 看到了 他一下就把她推下去了 |
| [04:52] | And you didn’t do anything? | 你却什么都没做 |
| [04:53] | I’m a lover, not a fighter. | 我是爱心人士 不是斗士 |
| [04:57] | Okay, Julian can’t think | 够了 不能让朱利安以为 |
| [04:59] | pushing your little sister is okay. | 可以随便推你妹妹 |
| [05:03] | Good thing there’s a dad here. | 幸好 爸爸在这里 |
| [05:06] | Teddy… | 泰迪 |
| [05:10] | …put him on the ground. | 把他按倒在地 |
| [05:12] | I don’t think Mom… | 我觉得妈妈不会 |
| [05:13] | Mom is not here. | 妈妈不在 |
| [05:14] | Put him on the ground. | 把他按倒在地 |
| [05:17] | Okay. | 行吧 |
| [05:34] | Hey, you pushed me! | 你推我 |
| [05:35] | He did it. | 他成功了 |
| [05:36] | My son defended his sister. | 我儿子为妹妹出头了 |
| [05:39] | Turn away, Don. You might see me cry. | 别看我 大唐 我不想你看见我哭 |
| [05:52] | So, Butterbean, Daddy was totally right | 小奶油豆 爸爸让泰迪去把朱利安 |
| [05:55] | to tell Teddy to put Julian on the ground. | 推倒在地 是完全正确的 |
| [05:58] | But that’s not the kind of thing that Mommy’d understand. | 但是这种事情 是妈妈不能理解的 |
| [06:03] | Okay, so, let’s play a little game | 所以 让我们玩一个小游戏 |
| [06:05] | and see who can keep this secret the longest. | 看看谁把这个秘密守得最久 |
| [06:09] | I bet I can keep it until I die. | 我觉得我可以将这个秘密带进坟墓 |
| [06:13] | – This is gonna be fun. – Yeah. | -会很好的 -对 |
| [06:15] | Okay, now, where’s Teddy? I have to tell him, too. | 好的 泰迪在哪 我也得跟他说 |
| [06:17] | He’s outside playing basketball. Okay. | 他在外面打篮球呢 |
| [06:19] | And then I put Julian on the ground, | 然后我把朱利安推倒在地 |
| [06:21] | just like Dad told me to. Right, Dad? | 完全是照爸爸的吩咐做的 对吧老爸 |
| [06:26] | Kids, go upstairs. I need to talk to your father. | 孩子们 上楼 我跟你们老爸有话说 |
| [06:30] | Okay, when are we gonna be old enough | 我们到底在几岁才有资格 |
| [06:31] | to stay for one of these? | 参与这种事情啊 |
| [06:32] | I’m gonna be married someday, | 我总有一天是要结婚的 |
| [06:33] | and I need to know how to do it. | 我得知道这时候该怎么做 |
| [06:37] | I’m going. | 我上楼去 |
| [06:41] | You told Teddy to push Julian? | 你让泰迪推了朱利安 |
| [06:43] | Yes, I did. | 对 我说了 |
| [06:44] | But we don’t push people. | 我们不应该推别人 |
| [06:45] | No, you don’t, ’cause you’re a mom. | 对 你不应该 因为你是妈妈 |
| [06:49] | Come on, join the dads. | 拜托 加入爸爸的队伍 |
| [06:52] | It’s fun over here. We push people. | 这边很好玩的 我们会推人 |
| [06:56] | There is no difference between moms and dads. | 爸妈之间没有差别 |
| [06:59] | Look, will you just trust me on this? | 这件事你就相信我 好吗 |
| [07:01] | I handled it. It’s dad time now. | 我处理了 现在是老爸管的时间 |
| [07:04] | Okay, but this is gonna blow up in your face. Hmm. Wha…? | 好 但这件事你迟早会被打脸 |
| [07:07] | And when it does, I’m gonna say “I told you so,” | 等来的时候 我就说 我早告诉过你 |
| [07:10] | ’cause that’s something moms are good at. | 这种事是我们妈妈擅长的 |
| [07:13] | I think I did society a favor. | 我认为我是造福了社会 |
| [07:16] | There’s too many people walking around out there | 现在有太多不自知的傻瓜 |
| [07:18] | who don’t know they’re boneheads | 走在大街上 |
| [07:19] | because they didn’t get put on the ground as kids. | 因为他们小时候没被人推倒在地过 |
| [07:23] | Did you get put on the ground as a kid? | 你小时候被人推倒在地过吗 |
| [07:25] | Of course I did. | 当然了 |
| [07:28] | And yet you’re still a bonehead. | 可你现在怎么还是傻瓜 |
| [07:31] | My point stands. | 我是很有道理的 |
| [07:33] | – But that was a good one. – That was a good one, yeah. | -不过这个吐槽相当好 -一个好槽 |
| [07:35] | Yeah, that was a good one. | 确实很不错 |
| [07:38] | So, I have to warn you. | 我必须提前跟你说一下 |
| [07:39] | My dad’s not real keen on getting a nurse. | 我爸并不是很同意找护士 |
| [07:41] | Maybe you should take off those scrubs | 也许你应该先把工作服脱了 |
| [07:43] | so Joe isn’t put off when he walks in. | 别让乔进来就开始拒绝 |
| [07:45] | Oh, I think he might be more put off | 我觉得他看到一个半裸的护士 |
| [07:46] | by a topless male nurse. | 会拒绝得更厉害 |
| [07:49] | Your résumé looks good. | 你的简历很好 |
| [07:50] | Ten years experience, rave recommendations. | 十年经验 口碑也很好 |
| [07:53] | At the top it says Funchy. What’s that? | 上面写着趣奇 什么意思 |
| [07:55] | Oh, that’s me. | 就是我 |
| [07:56] | I’ve got “Fun” Right in my name. | 我的名字里就有趣 |
| [07:59] | And “Chi.” | 还有奇 |
| [08:02] | Oh, here comes Joe. | 乔来了 |
| [08:03] | Let us do the talking. | 交给我们来谈 |
| [08:04] | We had to trick him to get him to come down here. | 我们是把他骗来这里的 |
| [08:06] | Hey. | 好啊 |
| [08:07] | Is this the guy selling the secret recipe for Coca-Cola? | 他就是卖可口可乐秘方的人吗 |
| [08:11] | Uh, we actually brought you here to meet Funchy, | 其实我们让你来是见见趣奇 |
| [08:14] | a home health care nurse for after your knee surgery. | 一位可以照顾手术后的你的家庭护理护士 |
| [08:17] | All right, listen up. | 没错 听我说 |
| [08:18] | I’m gonna talk to you | 我会用你 |
| [08:19] | the same way you talk to everybody else. | 和别人说话的方式跟你说 |
| [08:21] | This is the guy. He’s your nurse, | 就是这个人 他是你的护士 |
| [08:23] | so no bellyaching. | 不许发牢骚 |
| [08:24] | – Okay, you win. – Okay. | -好吧 你赢了 -好的 |
| [08:26] | I’ll just grab a drink, | 我去买个饮料 |
| [08:27] | and then we can start the interview. | 然后开始面试吧 |
| [08:35] | Then he just walks out the door. It was the perfect trick. | 然后他就跑出门去 这个套路真的很完美 |
| [08:37] | It doesn’t sound like much of a trick. | 没什么套路可言啊 |
| [08:39] | He just lied and left. | 他只是撒个谎跑了 |
| [08:41] | Well, the simplicity is what made it perfect. | 因为简单才完美 |
| [08:44] | It’s like ice. It’s just frozen water, | 就像冰 它只是冻上的水 |
| [08:45] | but it changed the world. | 却改变了世界 |
| [08:47] | Dad, | 爸 |
| [08:48] | Teddy was using my mascara brush | 泰迪用了我的睫毛膏 |
| [08:50] | to make it look like he had chest hair. | 给自己涂了假胸毛 |
| [08:53] | I just wanted to see what it’s gonna look like on me. | 我只是想看看长胸毛什么样 |
| [08:55] | It’s gonna look so good, | 会非常好看 |
| [08:56] | you won’t mind that’s it’s also on your back. | 好看到后背也长毛都不介意 |
| [09:00] | Oh, hey. | 嘿 |
| [09:01] | Your Uncle Don told me you pushed a kid down. | 你大唐叔叔告诉我 你把一个小孩推倒了 |
| [09:03] | – All right, I don’t need any more lectures. – No, no. | -好了 不要再教育我了 -不是不是 |
| [09:06] | I’m proud. He always seemed a little soft. | 我很骄傲 他总是有点软弱 |
| [09:09] | Next time, go for the windpipe. | 下次直接打喉咙 |
| [09:11] | You can’t fight if you can’t breathe. | 喘不了气就没战斗力了 |
| [09:14] | Wait, so you agree with me? | 等等 你同意我的做法 |
| [09:17] | Because Andi came out pretty strong against it. | 因为安迪非常反对这件事 |
| [09:20] | She’s soft, just like Teddy used to be. | 她很软弱 就像泰迪以前也是 |
| [09:23] | Oh, there’s my boy. | 真是我的好孩子 |
| [09:25] | I heard about what happened, | 我都听说了 |
| [09:26] | and I wanted to give you my old boxing gloves. | 想把我的旧拳套送给你 |
| [09:30] | If you need it to be over quick, there’s a hole inside | 如果需要速战速决 这里面有个洞 |
| [09:32] | where you can slip in a couple of batteries. | 你可以放几块电池进去 |
| [09:36] | All right, all right, take it easy, champ. | 好了 好了 别这么说 老爸 |
| [09:38] | Thanks, Grandpa. | 谢谢爷爷 |
| [09:39] | Hey, Kate, you want to go upstairs | 凯特 想不想上楼 |
| [09:40] | and see if I can take a punch? | 看我被揍一拳什么效果 |
| [09:42] | Yeah, all right. | 好啊 |
| [09:46] | Hey, guys. | 各位好 |
| [09:48] | What’s the occasion? | 这是什么情况 |
| [09:49] | Well, the occasion is everybody agrees with me | 情况就是大家都同意我的做法 |
| [09:53] | about Teddy putting that kid on the ground. | 让泰迪去把那个小孩推倒在地 |
| [09:55] | Yeah. You said it was gonna blow up in my face, | 没错 你说这件事上我迟早会被打脸 |
| [09:58] | but the only thing on my face | 但现在你看看我的脸 |
| [10:00] | is a big smile from being right. | 洋溢着做对了事的笑容 |
| [10:03] | Am I really the only voice of reason around here? | 难道只有我还保持着理智吗 |
| [10:06] | I hate to say it, but this all comes back to | 我也不想这样 但话又说回来了 |
| [10:09] | dads are just better at some stuff than moms. | 在有些事上 爸爸确实比妈妈做得好 |
| [10:13] | It doesn’t even make sense. | 这话根本说不通 |
| [10:14] | Marcy agrees with you, and she’s a mom. | 玛茜同意你的看法 可她是妈妈 |
| [10:16] | Sorry. It’s not the gender. | 抱歉 这跟性别无关 |
| [10:17] | It’s how your relationship works. | 主要在于夫妻之间的关系 |
| [10:19] | And in our relationship, he’s the mom. | 我们的关系里 他才是妈妈 |
| [10:22] | You tell ’em, Big Daddy. | 说得好 爹地大人 |
| [10:26] | Did you get Dad to agree to that nurse yet? | 你说服爸爸接受护士了吗 |
| [10:28] | Or did he pull another Mission: Impossible | 还是他又跟你玩了一次《碟中谍》 |
| [10:30] | and just walk out right in front of you? | 直接从你面前走掉了 |
| [10:32] | Don’t worry about me. I still got a few tricks up my sleeve. | 别担心我 我手里还是有两把刷子的 |
| [10:35] | Yeah? If you don’t get dad a nurse, | 是吗 你要是不给爸请护士 |
| [10:37] | the only thing up your sleeve is gonna be sudsy water | 你只能放下手里的那两把刷子 |
| [10:38] | when you’re giving Dad a sponge bath. | 然后拿海绵给爸搓澡了 |
| [10:41] | Maybe I’ll hold on to these nurse résumés. | 要不这些简历我留着吧 |
| [10:43] | Now that I’m single, I don’t have anyone | 我现在单身了 要是我出什么事 |
| [10:45] | to take care of me if something happens. | 没有人能照顾我 |
| [10:47] | Plus, the company would be nice. | 再说 有个人陪也不错 |
| [10:49] | I wish they had a thing for single guys | 真希望有那种面向单身男性的服务 |
| [10:51] | where you could pay someone | 就是可以掏钱请人 |
| [10:52] | to hang out with you on lonely nights. | 在孤单的夜晚陪伴你 |
| [10:55] | They have that. | 有这个服务 |
| [10:57] | Yeah, they’ll even dress up like a nurse if you want. | 是啊 你还可以要求对方穿护士服 |
| [11:02] | Hi. | 嗨 |
| [11:03] | Hi, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [11:04] | I’m surprised you came into work today. | 你今天居然还来上班了 |
| [11:06] | Considering how right I was about Teddy, | 考虑到泰迪的事情上我做得这么对 |
| [11:08] | I thought you might call in wrong. | 我以为你会请个”错”假 |
| [11:10] | Well, you’d be wrong. | 可惜 错的是你 |
| [11:12] | Yeah, ’cause I just had an interesting conversation with Teddy’s school. | 因为我刚跟泰迪学校的人通完电话 |
| [11:15] | He spent the morning pushing kids at recess. | 他在课间休息的时候推了其他孩子 |
| [11:18] | What?! Sweet little Teddy took it to the streets? | 什么 乖孩子泰迪居然动了粗 |
| [11:22] | As a mom, I don’t condone that. | 作为妈妈 我不能容忍这件事 |
| [11:24] | I didn’t tell him to push other kids. | 我没让他推其他孩子 |
| [11:27] | Do you remember what I told you? | 你记得我怎么跟你说的吗 |
| [11:28] | That this was gonna blow up in your face? | 我说这件事上你迟早会被打脸 |
| [11:31] | Let’s not live in the past. | 请不要纠结于过去 |
| [11:32] | Let’s be about the future. | 我们应该展望未来 |
| [11:33] | Well, the future is gonna be me telling you, “I told you so.” | 未来就是我跟你说 “我早告诉过你” |
| [11:37] | I told you so. Welcome to the future. | 我早告诉过你 欢迎来到未来 |
| [11:44] | Principal Collins, we are so sorry. | 柯林斯校长 我们感到很抱歉 |
| [11:46] | I mean, I-I’m sorry because he’s my kid, and, | 我感到抱歉是因为他是我家孩子 |
| [11:49] | well, he’s sorry ’cause it’s all his fault. | 他感到抱歉是因为这都是他的错 |
| [11:52] | Told you so. | 我早告诉过你 |
| [11:54] | Look, Teddy is a good kid. | 说实话 泰迪是个好孩子 |
| [11:56] | He just got a little carried away. | 他只是有点没控制住自己 |
| [11:57] | I don’t think we have to overreact. | 我们没必要反应过度 |
| [12:00] | Well, due to our zero tolerance policy on fighting, | 因为我们学校决不允许大家斗殴 |
| [12:02] | I’m placing him in detention for the rest of the week. | 他这周放学后都需要留校察看 |
| [12:05] | I was just protecting little kids from bullies. | 我只是在保护小孩子不受霸凌 |
| [12:07] | Well, that changes everything. | 这个事实很重要 |
| [12:10] | We are all against bullying here, I… I hope. | 我们都反对霸凌 但愿如此 |
| [12:14] | You’re not pro-bully, are you? | 你不是提倡霸凌吧 |
| [12:16] | Of course not. | 当然不是 |
| [12:17] | I thought I was just acting like Batman. | 我只是按蝙蝠侠的方法做的 |
| [12:20] | There you go. Huh? | 你瞧瞧 |
| [12:22] | You wouldn’t put Batman in detention, would you? | 你不会让蝙蝠侠留校察看的 对不对 |
| [12:25] | Another option might be to give him a little Batsuit | 另一个选择是给他一件蝙蝠衣 |
| [12:27] | and let him do his thing. | 让他惩恶扬善 |
| [12:31] | People think I’m funny at work. | 公司的人都觉得我很幽默 |
| [12:34] | Okay, that’s it. You are off the job. | 行了 你下班吧 |
| [12:36] | It is Mom time now. | 接下来是妈妈时间 |
| [12:39] | Mom time. That’s funny. | 妈妈时间 这话很逗 |
| [12:42] | This is not my crowd. | 这个观众不适合我 |
| [12:46] | You are in big trouble, mister. | 你闯大祸了 先生 |
| [12:48] | You can’t go around pushing people. | 你不能到处推别人 |
| [12:50] | All right? You use your words, or you get an adult. | 懂吗 你要用言语沟通 或者找大人解决 |
| [12:53] | What if that adult is Dad, and he tells me to shove them? | 如果大人是爸爸 而他让我推他们呢 |
| [12:57] | Don’t take me down with you. | 你别拉我下水呀 |
| [13:00] | We sleep in the same room. | 我俩可是睡一个屋的 |
| [13:04] | It is never okay, ever. | 这样做永远是不对的 |
| [13:06] | What if someone’s picking on Emme, | 那如果有人欺负艾米 |
| [13:08] | and my words don’t work, and there’s no adults around? | 言语沟通不管用 周围又没大人怎么办 |
| [13:11] | Well… | 那… |
| [13:15] | Well… | 那… |
| [13:20] | Well, y… | 那就… |
| [13:26] | You stumped her, pal. | 你让她哑口无言了 孩子 |
| [13:29] | What a week for you. | 你这周真是人生巅峰 |
| [13:32] | I’m not stumped, okay? | 我没哑口无言 好吗 |
| [13:33] | I’m just taking a moment to figure out | 我只是想花点时间想一想 |
| [13:37] | how to explain that obviously… | 要怎么跟你解释 很明显 |
| [13:42] | …the answer is… | 答案就是… |
| [13:45] | something I’m gonna tell your dad in the other room. | 我得去另一个房间跟你爸说 |
| [13:51] | – Dad? – Hmm? | -爸 -怎么 |
| [13:52] | Am I still in trouble? | 妈还会训我吗 |
| [13:53] | I think things are looking up for both of us. | 我觉得咱俩现在形势一片大好 |
| [13:57] | Yes, darling? | 亲爱的 请讲 |
| [13:59] | Look, I-I don’t know what to say to him. | 我 我不知道该跟他说什么了 |
| [14:01] | I mean, I don’t want anybody pushing my daughter, | 我不希望任何人欺负我女儿 |
| [14:03] | but as a mom, I can’t tell him to push another kid. | 但是作为妈妈 我不能让他去推其他孩子 |
| [14:07] | – So you want me to talk to him? – Yeah. | -你希望我去跟他说吗 -对 |
| [14:09] | – Because you’re the mom. – Yeah. | -因为你是妈妈 -对 |
| [14:11] | And I’m the… | 而我是… |
| [14:13] | What am I again? | 我是什么来着 |
| [14:15] | Rhymes with “Glad.” | 跟”伟大”押韵 |
| [14:17] | Bonehead? | 傻瓜吗 |
| [14:20] | Going down swinging. I respect that. | 输了还嘴硬 我敬你有胆识 |
| [14:22] | Okay. Fine, you’re the dad, | 好吧 你是爸爸 |
| [14:24] | and there’s differences between moms and dads. | 妈妈和爸爸之间是有区别的 |
| [14:26] | Now I really need you to handle this! | 我现在需要你来处理这件事 |
| [14:28] | It feels so good to be right. | 做对事的感觉太好了 |
| [14:32] | This must be what it feels like to be you. | 你平时肯定一直是这个感觉 |
| [14:37] | All right. | 好了 |
| [14:40] | Teddy, | 泰迪 |
| [14:42] | step into the elevator and let’s take a ride up | 请走进电梯 我们一起上楼 |
| [14:44] | to the men’s department. | 进入男人空间 |
| [14:46] | Okay? | 好了吗 |
| [14:47] | Here’s the deal. | 是这样的 |
| [14:48] | You can’t police the world. | 你当不了世界警察 |
| [14:50] | Using your words is your first and best option. | 言语沟通是你的第一选择 也是最好选择 |
| [14:54] | But sometimes… | 但是有时候 |
| [14:57] | if your words don’t work, | 如果言语沟通不管用 |
| [14:59] | you do what you have to do to protect your family. | 那你可以采取必要的措施来保护你的家人 |
| [15:03] | That is the code that we live by, hmm? | 这是我们的生活准则 懂吗 |
| [15:06] | You’re making it sound like the mob. | 听起来好像黑帮 |
| [15:07] | Yes! Thank you, Andi. | 没错 谢谢你 安迪 |
| [15:11] | Thank you. We are like the mob. | 谢谢 我们就像黑帮 |
| [15:15] | Okay? And like the mob, | 明白吗 与黑帮一样 |
| [15:18] | if you do the crime, | 如果犯罪了 |
| [15:20] | you do the time. | 就得去坐牢 |
| [15:21] | So, it’s detention at school, | 所以你要留校察看 |
| [15:25] | and I want you to apologize to those kids from the playground. | 而且你还得跟操场上那些孩子们道歉 |
| [15:29] | Okay. Okay. | 好吧 好吧 |
| [15:31] | So does our mob include my girlfriend? | 我们的黑帮包括我女朋友吗 |
| [15:37] | You have a girlfriend? | 你有女朋友了吗 |
| [15:40] | Your first girlfriend? | 你的第一位女朋友吗 |
| [15:43] | Since when? | 什么时候有的 |
| [15:44] | Since today. Chicks dig Batman. | 今天 女孩们很喜欢蝙蝠侠 |
| [15:58] | Head upstairs and draw on some chest hair, son. | 上楼去吧 给自己画点胸毛 儿子 |
| [16:00] | You’ve earned it. | 那是你应得的 |
| [16:05] | You’re a good boy, Teddy! | 你是个好孩子 泰迪 |
| [16:10] | That was pretty good with Teddy. | 泰迪这事你处理得不错 |
| [16:13] | Hey, you did your part, too. | 你也做出了贡献 |
| [16:14] | Nah, you’re just saying that. | 你只是说来安慰我的 |
| [16:16] | No, I’m serious. | 不 我是认真的 |
| [16:18] | Moms appeal to kids’ better nature, | 妈妈会激发孩子们更好的天性 |
| [16:20] | and dads teach them how to defend themselves | 而爸爸则教会他们如何保护自己 |
| [16:23] | when other people don’t have good moms. | 不受没有好妈妈的人们欺负 |
| [16:27] | I like that. | 说得真好 |
| [16:28] | Yeah, I can get deep. | 我说话也可以很深刻的 |
| [16:32] | It’s the beer. Beer makes me deep. | 是因为啤酒 喝了啤酒就会很深刻 |
| [16:37] | – Hey, man. – Hey. | -兄弟 -你来了 |
| [16:39] | I tried everything, but I can’t get Dad to agree to a nurse. | 我试了所有办法 还是无法说服爸请护士 |
| [16:42] | I’m jeopardizing his health, disappointing Mom. | 这会危及他的健康 还会让妈妈失望 |
| [16:45] | I feel terrible. | 我好难受 |
| [16:48] | Oh, Don, I hate seeing you like this. | 老唐 我不希望看你这样 |
| [16:52] | Okay, I’ll talk to Dad. | 好吧 我去跟爸爸谈 |
| [16:55] | – No take-backs! – Wha…? | -不许反悔 -什么 |
| [16:58] | What? You tricked me! | 什么 你居然套路我 |
| [16:59] | That’s right. It’s all on you now. | 没错 现在是你的事了 |
| [17:06] | I don’t want to deal with this. | 我不想处理这事 |
| [17:07] | Well, you don’t have to do it. | 你也可以不处理呀 |
| [17:11] | He said no take-backs. | 他说了不许反悔 |
| [17:15] | He got me fair and square, Andi. | 他给我安排得明明白白了 安迪 |
| [17:20] | Dad, | 爸 |
| [17:20] | we need to have a serious conversation | 我们需要严肃地谈一谈 |
| [17:22] | about you hiring Funchy. | 请趣奇照顾你的事 |
| [17:24] | Can we hurry this up? | 能快点吗 |
| [17:25] | I left an old lady in a wheelchair by the duck pond, | 我把一位坐轮椅的老妇人放在了鸭塘边 |
| [17:28] | and she is not gonna sleep forever. | 她不会一直睡着的 |
| [17:31] | I hope. | 但愿吧 |
| [17:33] | Why are you doing this? | 你为什么提这事 |
| [17:34] | I thought Don was handling the nurse stuff. | 护士的事不是老唐在处理吗 |
| [17:36] | Don handed it off to me. | 老唐转交给我了 |
| [17:38] | Which I knew he would. | 我就知道他会这样 |
| [17:39] | Oh, this is working out just like I planned. | 一切都在按照我的计划进行 |
| [17:43] | Oh, so all that stuff | 所以你之前说 |
| [17:44] | about him being the favorite was to trick him. | 他是爸爸最喜欢的孩子 是想套路他 |
| [17:47] | No, no, that part’s true. | 不 那部分是真的 |
| [17:50] | I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings by asking you first. | 我只是不想先问你 怕会伤他的心 |
| [17:53] | Well, I’m glad we’re not hurting people’s feelings. | 太好了 现在没人伤心 |
| [17:56] | Hey, look, Dad, we all know | 爸 听我说 你也清楚 |
| [17:58] | that this knee surgery is gonna be tough, | 膝盖手术肯定会很辛苦 |
| [18:00] | and you’re gonna need some help. | 你肯定会需要人帮助 |
| [18:01] | Okay, okay, you’re always looking out for me. | 好吧 你们总是替我着想 |
| [18:04] | I’m just gonna grab a drink from the kitchen, | 我去厨房里拿杯喝的 |
| [18:05] | and then we can get started. | 然后我们就开始 |
| [18:10] | Damn, I guess that only works on Donny. | 该死 看来这招只对小唐好使 |
| [18:13] | Listen, you need a nurse, | 听我说 你需要护士 |
| [18:15] | but nobody can argue with you, | 但是没人能跟你吵 |
| [18:17] | so I’m gonna have to appeal to your better nature. | 所以我必须激发你更好的天性 |
| [18:19] | That’s why I’m calling in my teammate, Andi. | 所以我要请我搭档出手 安迪 |
| [18:22] | I knew you would ask her to do it. | 我就知道你会找她帮忙 |
| [18:25] | I pull all the strings in this family. | 这家里的一切尽在我掌握之中 |
| [18:28] | Nothing she says | 不管她说什么 |
| [18:29] | is gonna change my mind. | 我都不会改变主意 |
| [18:30] | I’m not getting a damn nurse! | 我才不要请护士 |
| [18:32] | Okay, let’s just see how you do in the hands of a mom. | 好吧 来看看你对一位妈妈的话会是什么反应 |
| [18:37] | Joe. | 乔 |
| [18:41] | I love you, and I just… just want you to make me proud. | 我很爱你 我希望你能让我骄傲 |
| [18:45] | What are you, my Little League coach? | 怎么 你是我少年棒球联盟的教练吗 |
| [18:48] | I believe you have it in you to try this, | 我相信你内心也愿意试试看的 |
| [18:50] | because, well, you’re the bravest man I know. | 因为 你是我认识最勇敢的人 |
| [18:55] | – That’s powerful because it’s true. – Yeah. | -这话很有说服力 因为是实话 -对 |
| [18:58] | And you know the real reason to get a nurse | 你也知道 请护士的唯一理由 |
| [19:00] | is to lighten the load for Bev, | 是想帮贝芙减轻负担 |
| [19:03] | and I know you’d do anything for your wife. | 我知道你愿意为你的妻子奉献一切的 |
| [19:06] | Fine, I’ll have a nurse. | 好吧 我请个护士 |
| [19:09] | No take-backs. Ha! We got him. | 不许反悔 太棒了 搞定 |
| [19:12] | But I won’t be nice to him. | 但我不会对他很好的 |
| [19:14] | Oh, yay! I’m so glad I got this job. | 真好 拿到这份工作我好开心哦 |
| [19:18] | Let me tell you, this isn’t gonna be easy. | 我告诉你 这份工作不好做 |
| [19:20] | He’s been real touchy | 他最近很易怒 |
| [19:20] | since his pot guy retired to Orlando. | 因为他的大麻贩子退休去了奥兰多 |
| [19:24] | It was medical marijuana. I only used it for my glaucoma | 那是药用大麻 我是用来治疗青光眼的 |
| [19:26] | and your mother’s boring stories. | 以及抵御你妈妈的无聊故事 |
| [19:30] | I, too, am a big believer in Vitamin Weed. | 我也很喜欢维他命大麻的效果 |
| [19:33] | You should know, if I’m your nurse, | 我告诉你 如果我是你的护士 |
| [19:35] | I won’t be able to pass a drug test. | 毒品检测我肯定过不了 |
| [19:39] | The good news is, | 不过好消息是 |
| [19:41] | neither will you. | 你也过不了 |
| [19:44] | I like him. | 这人不错 |
| [19:46] | But no taking my temperature the baby way. | 但是你不许用测婴儿的方式测我的体温 |
| [19:55] | I don’t know what these buttons do, but I just knocked you out. | 我不知道这些按钮有什么用 但是你输了 |
| [20:01] | Hey, Funchy. | 趣奇 |
| [20:03] | What are you doing here? He hasn’t had his surgeries yet. | 你怎么来了 他还没做手术呢 |
| [20:05] | I brought him a little pre-op medicine, | 我给他带了点术前药物 |
| [20:07] | if you know what I mean. | 你懂我意思吧 |
| [20:10] | I could smell what you mean from the sidewalk. | 我从人行道上就闻到你的意思了 |
| [20:13] | Why did you call me? | 你为什么打给我 |
| [20:14] | There’s a hair ball in my shower drain, | 浴室地漏里有一坨头发 |
| [20:16] | I hear you are good at fixing that. | 我听说你很擅长解决这个 |
| [20:19] | – Well, no problem, let me just get a drink first. – Yeah. | -没问题 我先去拿杯喝的 -好 |
| [20:26] | It’s the perfect trick. | 这套路太完美了 |