| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:15] | Welcome back to the amped-up brain | 欢迎回来窥探一下这个兴奋的大脑 |
| [00:17] | of Sherman Oaks’ favorite little try-hard, Ben Gross. | 它属于舍曼奥克斯高中的宠儿 努力奋斗的小本·格罗斯 |
| [00:21] | I am Andy Samberg, and I’ll once again be your guide | 我是安迪·萨姆伯格 会再一次带领你们 |
| [00:24] | to this kid’s complicated interior life. | 窥探这个孩子复杂的内心生活 |
| [00:27] | Feel free to check your coats at the door, folks, because our boy has no chill. | 你们可以把外套挂在门口 因为这个男孩一点都不酷 |
| [00:31] | Let’s go. | 放马过来 |
| [00:33] | Indeed, Ben, let us go. | 是啊 本 放过我们吧 |
| [00:39] | ♪ This disco ball… ♪ | （离哥大优先录取 申请截止日剩300天） |
| [00:40] | All right, crunch time. | 好了 关键时刻到 |
| [00:42] | You got this. | 你能行 |
| [00:43] | Ever since he was little, | 从小时候开始 |
| [00:45] | Ben had wanted to go to Columbia, just like his father had. | 本就想步他爸爸的后尘 上哥伦比亚大学 |
| [00:49] | But he knew that the only way to make sure he’d get in | 但他知道确保他被录取 |
| [00:52] | was to become an academic machine. | 唯一的方式就是成为学术机器 |
| [00:56] | Time for breakfast, my little prince. | 该吃早餐了 我的小王子 |
| [00:59] | No time, Patty. I gotta get to school. | 没时间了 帕蒂 我得去上学了 |
| [01:01] | You cannot think if you do not eat. | 不吃饭就没办法思考了 |
| [01:03] | You need to fuel that big, handsome brain of yours. | 你需要给你那帅气的大脑补充能量 |
| [01:07] | It’s okay. I’ll just eat a jerky stick on the way. | 没关系 我在路上吃一块肉干就好了 |
| [01:09] | While your parents are in Arizona, | 你父母现在在亚利桑那州 |
| [01:11] | I am in charge, and you are working too hard. | 所以现在这个家归我管 你太拼了 |
| [01:15] | You must slow down. | 你必须慢下来 |
| [01:17] | I can’t. There’s too much at stake. | 我做不到 有太多利害攸关的东西 |
| [01:19] | Plus, people aren’t rooting for rich kids anymore. | 而且大家不再支持有钱的孩子了 |
| [01:22] | We’re in a post Operation Varsity Blues society, Patty. | 帕蒂 在现在这个社会 已经不能买进名校了 |
| [01:25] | My dad can’t just buy my way onto an Ivy League crew team | 我爸不能像以前那样 给钱让我进入 |
| [01:28] | like in the old days. | 常春藤院校的划船队伍 |
| [01:29] | I’m sure he didn’t really mean it like that. | 我很肯定 他这不是真心话 |
| [01:32] | He knows bribing your way into college is wrong. I hope. | 他知道买进大学是不对的 希望如此 |
| [01:35] | ♪ Party like a human ♪ | 剧名：…崩溃 |
| [01:48] | Hey, watch where you’re going, dumbass. | 看路啊 蠢蛋 |
| [01:51] | What’d you just call me? | 你叫我什么？ |
| [01:53] | Nothin’. I… I was just talking to myself. | 没什么 我只是在自言自语 |
| [01:57] | Time to go to class, dumbass. | 该上课了 蠢蛋 |
| [02:01] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [02:03] | – What’s up? – You look hungry. | -你怎么样？ -你看起来很饿 |
| [02:05] | – Do I? – Yes. Get him. Get him. | -是吗？ -是的 扔进他嘴里 |
| [02:07] | – Come on. – That doesn’t even seem fun. | -来吧 -这看起来一点都不好玩 |
| [02:10] | Who needs developmentally crucial male bonding | 要是你的爱尔兰土豆饥荒立体模型 拿到了A+ |
| [02:12] | when you’ve got an A-plus diorama of the Irish Potato Famine. | 就不需要成长过程中 必不可少的兄弟情谊了 |
| [02:16] | Wow, that sentence made me sad. | 哇 这句话让我很难过 |
| [02:23] | Too easy. | 太简单了 |
| [02:38] | ♪ We believe in you ♪ | （先修欧洲历史课程） |
| [02:43] | ♪ We believe in ♪ | （先修拉丁文课程） |
| [02:55] | I wanted to help you out, but not as much as I wanted to see those books fall. | 我本来想帮你的 但我更想看到那些书掉出来 |
| [03:07] | Ben Gross. | 本·格罗斯 |
| [03:08] | There you are. | 你在这里啊 |
| [03:11] | We need to talk. | 我们得谈谈 |
| [03:13] | I just found out that you’re taking ten classes. | 我刚发现你在上十门课 |
| [03:15] | That’s crazy. | 那太疯狂了 |
| [03:16] | You need to drop two classes immediately. | 你得马上退两门 |
| [03:18] | What? No. | 什么？不行 |
| [03:20] | This is the second semester of junior year. | 这是倒数第二年的第二学期 |
| [03:22] | I can’t slow down now. I mean, it’s almost D-Day, baby. | 我现在不能慢下来 决战的大日子就快到了 宝贝 |
| [03:25] | Do not call me “baby.” | 别叫我“宝贝” |
| [03:26] | Sorry. It just sort of rolled out of my mouth. | 抱歉 这个词自然而然地 从嘴里溜出来了 |
| [03:29] | Look, Ben, your schedule is untenable. You don’t have a lunch period anymore. | 听着 本 你的日程安排持续不下去的 你已经没有午餐时间了 |
| [03:32] | I don’t need a lunch period. I have a system. | 我不需要午餐时间 我有独特的一套系统 |
| [03:35] | Mm-hmm, yes, I’ve seen you with your meat sticks. | 是的 我见过你吃肉干 |
| [03:38] | Look, you have until tomorrow to drop two classes or I will drop them. | 你要在明天之前退两节课 不然我就会帮你退 |
| [03:41] | You can’t do this. | 你不能这么做 |
| [03:42] | I already did, baby. | 我已经做了 宝贝 |
| [03:45] | Mr. Hall-Yoshida! | 吉田先生！ |
| [03:49] | I’m still waiting on that college essay. | 我还在等你的大学申请文书呢 |
| [03:51] | Yep, I’m on it. I’m basically done. | 好的 我正在写 基本上完成了 |
| [03:54] | Oh, so you’ll be sending it over tonight? | 所以你今晚会发过来吗？ |
| [03:55] | Totally. | 当然可以 |
| [03:57] | You told me that yesterday, and I got nothing. | 你昨天也是这么说的 我什么都没收到 |
| [03:59] | Probably went to spam. | 可能落到垃圾邮箱了 |
| [04:00] | Don’t lie to my face, little boy. | 别当着我的面撒谎 小男孩 |
| [04:03] | Get me that essay. | 把申请文交给我 |
| [04:05] | – You got it. – Mm-hmm. | 没问题 |
| [04:09] | And why are you still standing here? Don’t you have a class to get to? | 你怎么还站在这里？不用上课吗？ |
| [04:16] | All right, another fun group project this week. | 好吧 这周还有一个有趣的小组课题 |
| [04:20] | You’re gonna create presentations based on the next few units in your syllabus | 你们要根据教学大纲中 以下几个单元做课堂演示 |
| [04:25] | and then teach those units to the class. | 负责向全班进行教学 |
| [04:27] | Wait. Are you asking us to make lesson plans and then teach them? | 等等 你是在要求我们 制定教学计划 然后教会全班吗？ |
| [04:32] | Isn’t that your job? | 那不是你干的吗？ |
| [04:33] | That’s a lot of nit-picking from you, Devi. | 德维 你真是挑三拣四啊 |
| [04:36] | Who do you think you are, my wife? Sorry. Ex-wife. | 你觉得自己是谁？我老婆吗？ 抱歉 是前妻 |
| [04:39] | If it wasn’t clear already, Mr. Brighton was going through an acrimonious divorce, | 没听明白吗？布莱顿老师和妻子 正在沸沸扬扬地闹离婚 |
| [04:43] | and he wasn’t handling it well. | 他还难以接受 |
| [04:46] | Um, get into groups of three. | 三人为一组 |
| [04:49] | Shouldn’t be that hard to choose. | 应该不难选择 |
| [04:50] | It’s like how my two sons chose their mother. | 就像我的两个儿子 都选择了他们的母亲一样 |
| [04:53] | So, you wanna team up? | 你想跟我一队吗？ |
| [04:55] | You’re the only person in class who hates group projects as much as I do. | 班上唯一跟我一样讨厌小组课题的人 就是你了 |
| [04:58] | Yeah. My last group partner transferred classes | 好啊 我上一个小组的搭档换了班 |
| [05:01] | because he claimed my emails were “violently smug.” | 因为他说我的邮件“狂妄自大” |
| [05:04] | Oh, look who it is. | 哦 看看这是谁啊 |
| [05:07] | Two of my closest friends in school, Crazy Devi and, uh, this dude. | 二位是我在学校里的死党 疯子德维和这家伙 |
| [05:11] | Trent, are you trying to be in our group just so you can get an A? | 你想加入我们的团队 是因为想拿A吗？ |
| [05:14] | How dare you suggest that? | 你怎么敢这么说？ |
| [05:16] | I was coming over to say hey and to inquire about your well-being. | 我是来打打招呼 问问你们的健康状况的 |
| [05:19] | You can be in our group if you use your fake ID to buy us beer whenever we want. | 如果你保证在我们需要时 会用假证件给我们买啤酒 就能加入 |
| [05:23] | Deal. | 成交 |
| [05:24] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [05:26] | Uh, I have some free time between 1:15 and 2:00 a.m. tonight to work on this. | 凌晨1点15分和2点之间我有空 可以来做这份课题 |
| [05:31] | – That good for you guys? – Are you out of your mind? We’re not operating on your psycho schedule. | -你们可以吗？ -你疯了吗？我们不会跟着你的疯子日程表走 |
| [05:35] | Both of you guys just come to my house after school. | 你们俩放学后来我家吧 |
| [05:37] | No, I can’t. That’s when I Zoom with my Mandarin teacher. | 我不能 那时候 我要跟我的中文老师上课 |
| [05:40] | Okay. Trent will do your section, and I’ll just put your name on it. | 好 特伦特会负责你的部分 我在上面加上你的名字就好了 |
| [05:43] | No. | 不行 |
| [05:45] | I’ll be there. | 我会去的 |
| [05:48] | I’ve never gotten so close to having to do work. | 我差一点就要做功课了 第一次那么险 |
| [05:50] | Okay, looks like Ben’s overbooked afternoon | 好吧 看来本过于充实的下午 |
| [05:52] | was now even more overbooked. | 现在有更多事情要忙了 |
| [05:54] | But if anyone could do it, | 但如果有人能办到 |
| [05:57] | Ben could. | 那一定是本 |
| [05:59] | Yeesh! You okay, little dude? | 你还好吗 小伙子？ |
| [06:06] | Okay. We have to cover chapter six, Circular Motion and Gravitation. | 好 我们要讲第六章 圆周运动和重力 |
| [06:10] | With all dude respect, | 恕我直言 |
| [06:11] | I can’t do that chapter because of religious reasons. | 我出于宗教原因 没办法讲这一章 |
| [06:14] | My belief system does not include a “round” Earth. | 我的信仰系统里没有“圆形”的地球 |
| [06:19] | Trent, how are you in AP physics? | 特伦特 你是哪来的资格 能进入先修物理班的？ |
| [06:22] | I just signed up. | 我是报名进的 |
| [06:23] | I figured if I’m gonna get a D anyway, | 我在想 反正我都会拿D |
| [06:25] | why not get a D in an AP class because it basically counts as a C. | 那还不如在先修课程里拿D 因为这基本能算是C |
| [06:29] | That’s actually not that bad of a plan. | 那计划挺明智的 |
| [06:31] | It’s certainly better than the one you’re working with now. | 绝对比你现在的计划要明智 |
| [06:33] | It’s actually not, because I do have an F. | 其实不是这样的 因为我有一门拿了F |
| [06:35] | What’s wrong with my plan? | 我的计划有什么问题？ |
| [06:36] | – It’s insane. – Because I’m taking ten classes? | -它太疯狂了 -因为我要上十门课？ |
| [06:39] | No, I’m taking eleven classes, but three of them are bullshit electives. | 不 我在上11门课 但其中三门是没什么用的选修 |
| [06:43] | Two arts and a class that’s a nature walk once a week. | 两门艺术课 还有一门是每周一次到自然中散步 |
| [06:46] | – My homework was to pick up an acorn. – You think that’ll get you into Princeton? | -作业是捡橡子 -你觉得这样能进入普林斯顿？ |
| [06:49] | How much you smoking on the nature walks? | 靠抽着烟在自然中散步？ |
| [06:51] | They might look at my résumé and see a couple of easy A’s, | 我的成绩单上 可能会有几个很容易获得的A |
| [06:54] | but it still will be better than when you get a bunch of B’s. | 但这还是比拿到很多B好 |
| [06:57] | How dare you? I would never get a B. | 你好大的胆子 我永远都不会拿B |
| [07:00] | You will if you keep grinding away at your bonkers schedule. | 如果你继续按这疯了的时间表拼命 肯定会拿B的 |
| [07:03] | I am really looking forward to becoming Valedictorian | 我真的很期待 成为毕业礼上致辞的学生 |
| [07:06] | and looking at you sitting alphabetically with the rest of the losers at graduation. | 从台上看着你按照字母顺序 跟别的废物坐在一起 |
| [07:10] | Over my dead bu… | 除非我屎… |
| [07:12] | Did you just say, “Over my dead butt”? | 你刚说“除非你屎了”？ |
| [07:15] | I love that. Can I steal that from you? | 我能偷走这句话吗？我喜欢 |
| [07:17] | Devi, what… | 德维 什么… |
| [07:19] | Devi, what did I tell you about closing the door when boys are here? | 德维 我跟你说过 有男生来的时候不能关门吧？ |
| [07:23] | You do not have to worry about these two. They barely register as boys to me. | 你不用担心这两个人 他们在我眼里根本不算男孩 |
| [07:28] | God. Fine. Rhyah’s coming over for dinner. Will you be joining us? | 天啊 好吧 莱雅要来吃晚饭 你要跟我们一起吃吗？ |
| [07:31] | Ugh! No, thanks. I’ll just eat some frozen crap later. | 不了 谢谢 我待会儿吃冰冻的垃圾食品就好了 |
| [07:47] | All right, guys, I’ll compile our work together | 好了 二位 我会把我们的功课 汇编到一起 |
| [07:49] | and send it over to Ben | 然后发给本 |
| [07:50] | because obviously, you have a better printing situation. | 因为显然你家打印比较方便 |
| [07:54] | I will buy more black ink when we use up all the cyan. | 等青色用完了 我再买黑色墨水 |
| [07:56] | Trent and Ben, you both are more than welcome to join if you’d like. | 特伦特和本 如果你们愿意 欢迎加入我们的晚餐 |
| [08:00] | I wish I could, but I have six more hours of homework. | 我也想 但我还有 六个小时的作业要写 |
| [08:03] | Damn, six hours of homework? | 该死 六个小时的作业？ |
| [08:06] | Are you in medical school? | 你上的是医学院吗？ |
| [08:09] | – It’s you. – Hey, Devi. | -是你啊 -你好 德维 |
| [08:11] | Who the dick is this? | 这家伙是谁啊？ |
| [08:13] | And why is she looking at him like that? | 她为什么要那样看着他？ |
| [08:15] | Hey, Andy, John McEnroe here. | 嘿 安迪 我是约翰·麦肯罗 |
| [08:18] | Let me clarify. | 让我澄清一下 |
| [08:19] | That’s Des, and the reason why Ben doesn’t remember him | 那位是德斯 本不记得他的原因 |
| [08:22] | is because while Devi and Des were doing this at Trent’s party, | 是当德维和德斯在特伦特的派对上 做这事的时候 |
| [08:27] | your boy was doing this. | 你的男孩在干这事 |
| [08:32] | Oh, right, the cousin who wasn’t a cousin. | 哦 对了 那位不是表弟的表弟 |
| [08:35] | Yeah, we were a bit a-durnk that night. | 是啊 那天晚上他喝得有点醉 |
| [08:39] | Mom, can I steal you for a moment? | 妈妈 能跟你说句话吗？ |
| [08:45] | – Why didn’t you tell me we had guests? – I did, 30 minutes ago. | -你为什么不说有客人要来？ -我30分钟前就说了 |
| [08:48] | But you didn’t tell me her son was coming too. God! | 但你没告诉我她儿子也要来 天啊 |
| [08:51] | In this moment, Ben forgot about his mountain of homework. | 就在这一刻 本忘了他那堆成山的家庭作业 |
| [08:55] | The only thing that mattered was seeing what the vibe was between these two. | 唯一重要的就是看看 这两人之间是怎么回事 |
| [08:59] | You know what? I’d actually love to stay for dinner. | 知道吗？我其实很乐意留下来吃晚饭 |
| [09:01] | It smells amazing. | 闻起来好香 |
| [09:03] | – Aw. – No doy. The cardamom is frickin’ aromatic, bro. | 这还用说吗 豆蔻香气满溢啊 兄弟 |
| [09:10] | So, Des, what a fun surprise seeing you. | 德斯 见到你真是惊喜啊 挺有趣的 |
| [09:13] | What you been up to? | 你最近忙什么呢？ |
| [09:14] | Maybe camping in the woods with no service? | 是不是在没有信号的树林里露营啊？ |
| [09:16] | Or doing a tech cleanse in Joshua Tree? | 或是在约书亚树公园戒网呢？ |
| [09:18] | Oh, I wish he would do a tech cleanse. | 他要是能戒网就好了 |
| [09:20] | This kid is nonstop texting all day long. | 这孩子一天到晚都在发短信 |
| [09:23] | Wow. Nonstop texting? | 哇 一天到晚都发短信？ |
| [09:26] | – Fascinating. – Is it? | -真棒啊 -是吗？ |
| [09:27] | Well, sometimes my texts don’t go through because service is spotty and stuff. | 有时候我的短信会发不出去 因为信号时好时坏 |
| [09:33] | Yikes. | 哎呀 |
| [09:34] | Now Ben was getting the picture, | 现在本大概知道是怎么回事了 |
| [09:36] | and his pangs of jealousy were turning to pity | 他原本满心的嫉妒转化成了怜悯 |
| [09:39] | knowing Devi had been ditched by yet another pretty dummy. | 因为他知道德维 又被一个好看的笨蛋甩了 |
| [09:43] | Oh, we got big news today. | 今天有重大新闻 |
| [09:45] | – Desi, tell Nalini Auntie. – Mom, come on, I don’t need… | -德斯 告诉娜里妮阿姨吧 -我不需要… |
| [09:47] | Okay, fine. If you don’t want to brag about yourself, then I will. | 好吧 如果你不想自吹自擂 那我来 |
| [09:50] | Des got into Stanford early. | 德斯提前被斯坦福大学录取了 |
| [09:53] | And now we’re back to jealousy. | 现在又重新嫉妒起来了 |
| [09:55] | Are you all right, Ben? Food shouldn’t be too spicy. I added milk to yours. | 你没事吧 本？菜不会太辣吧 我给你加了牛奶 |
| [09:59] | Oh, no, I’m… I’m okay. | 不辣 我没事 |
| [10:06] | So, how about that dinner last night? Someone seemed a little thirsty. | 昨晚的晚餐怎么样？ 有人好像有点渴呢 |
| [10:10] | Yeah. You. | 对啊 是你 |
| [10:12] | When you found out that Des was going to Stanford, you were like trying so hard to one-up him. | 当你知道德斯要上斯坦福的时候 你拼了命想超越他 |
| [10:16] | Mmm, no, I wasn’t. | 我没有 |
| [10:17] | Yeah, you were. You started speaking to him in Mandarin out of nowhere. | 你有 你突然开始跟他说中文 |
| [10:20] | Mm, I don’t remember that. | 我不记得了 |
| [10:24] | I filmed it so I can make fun of you later. | 我拍了下来 就为了之后拿来取笑你 |
| [10:26] | You don’t speak Mandarin? That’s surprising. | 你不会讲普通话？真让人意外 |
| [10:31] | Everyone really should speak it with how globalized the world is becoming. | 因为世界变得越来越全球化 |
| [10:34] | Whatever. So what’s your deal with him? Do you, like, like him or something? | 随便吧 那你跟他有什么关系？ 你是喜欢他吗？ |
| [10:39] | Mmm, I dunno. Do we talk about people we like now with each other? | 我不知道 我们现在会聊 我们喜欢谁吗？ |
| [10:42] | Yeah, why not? | 对啊 为什么不聊？ |
| [10:44] | I mean, you see me plowing my way through half the girls at school. | 你也看到我跟学校里 一半的女生上床了 |
| [10:47] | Hmm. Okay. Well, it’s weird. | 好吧 真奇怪 |
| [10:50] | He asked me for my number, and then I never heard from him again. | 他问我要了电话号码 然后他就再也没有联系过我 |
| [10:54] | But last night, he was a little flirty, right? | 但昨晚他有点暧昧吧？ |
| [10:56] | – With his mom? Yes. – Ben! | -跟他妈妈暧昧？是的 -本！ |
| [10:58] | Yeah, maybe there was a vibe there. | 对 也许是有暧昧的气氛 |
| [11:00] | But it was hard to tell with how lame you were being. | 但你表现得太离谱了 很难看出来 |
| [11:02] | “I don’t know if I’m gonna apply to Stanford. We’ll see if it’s a good fit.” | “我不知道我会不会申请斯坦福大学 不知道合不合适” |
| [11:05] | Let’s be clear. You’d give 1,000 HJs to go to Stanford. | 直说吧 要能上斯坦福 你甚至愿意给别人打一千个飞机 |
| [11:09] | Do you want me to smack that meat tube out of your tiny hands and beat you with it? | 你是想让我把你手里的肉干抢走 当棒子打你吗？ |
| [11:13] | Fine. You want my advice? Stop trying so hard. | 好吧 你想听我的建议吗？ 别再装得那么辛苦了 |
| [11:16] | – Just be yourself and ask him out. – Really? | -做你自己 直接约他出去 -真的吗？ |
| [11:19] | Yeah. What do you have to lose? Certainly not your dignity. | 对 你有什么可失去的？ 肯定不是你的尊严 |
| [11:29] | Okay, guys, the moment has come. | 好了 各位 重要的时刻到了 |
| [11:31] | Turn in your essays on how you will use calculus in real life. | 交上关于如何在真实生活中 运用微积分的论文 |
| [11:37] | Wait, what? | 等等 什么？ |
| [11:39] | We did an essay in math? That doesn’t even make sense. | 数学课也要写论文？这根本说不通 |
| [11:41] | It does make sense if you’re a public school teacher | 如果你是公立学校的老师 |
| [11:44] | who’s been disrespected for almost three decades. | 近30年来都不受尊重 这样就说得通了 |
| [11:46] | Ben had missed this assignment | 本没有做这份功课 |
| [11:48] | because he had started listening to an audiobook of King Lear | 因为昨天的课上到一半时 |
| [11:51] | midway through yesterday’s class. | 他开始听《李尔王》的有声书 |
| [11:53] | Pointless? Well, that is it. | 没有任何意义吗？没错 |
| [11:55] | You’ll all be writing an essay explaining how you use calculus in real life. | 你们要写一篇论文 阐述在现实生活中会如何使用微积分 |
| [12:01] | I missed it. Can I get it to you tomorrow? | 我没有做 能明天交给你吗？ |
| [12:03] | Calculus not a priority for you, Ben? | 你不把微积分放在心上吗 本？ |
| [12:06] | Maybe you want to spend your time on more practical subjects | 也许你想把时间花在更实用的科目上 |
| [12:09] | like personal finance or health? | 比如个人财务或健康课？ |
| [12:11] | No, I just… | 不 我只是… |
| [12:12] | Guess what, Ben? You get a zero on this assignment. | 你猜怎么着 本？ 这份功课我会给你零分 |
| [12:15] | A zero? No, but if I get a zero on this essay, | 零分？不行 如果这份论文我拿了零分 |
| [12:18] | – that will bring my grade down to a… – B. | -我的成绩就会降到… -B |
| [12:21] | Okay, so, Savannah, you’re the one who said, quote, | 好的 萨凡纳 正如你所说 |
| [12:24] | “It’s hella pointless to learn this wack-ass math I’ll never use.” | “学这种没屁用的数学没有丝毫意义 我永远都用不上” |
| [12:28] | So, why don’t you read your essay first? | 要不你先来读一读你的论文吧？ |
| [12:31] | The worst had happened. Ben had gotten a B. | 最糟糕的事情发生了 本拿了B |
| [12:34] | His GPA would be pulled down to the disgusting upper fours. | 他的绩点会被拖低到恶心的4.0 |
| [12:38] | But he couldn’t even focus on that | 但他甚至无法想那件事 |
| [12:40] | because something extraordinarily painful was happening to his insides. | 因为他的内脏疼痛至极 |
| [12:47] | Oh, hey, you okay? | 嘿 你没事吧？ |
| [12:49] | I think my appendix burst. I gotta go to the hospital. | 应该是我的阑尾破裂了 我得去医院 |
| [12:52] | Oh shit. | 该死 |
| [12:56] | Can you please carry me in a less emasculating way? | 你抱我的时候 能不能有多一点男子气概？ |
| [13:06] | Well, Mr. Gross, it’s not appendicitis. | 好吧 格罗斯先生 这不是阑尾炎 |
| [13:09] | It’s not? Are you sure? | 不是吗？你确定吗？ |
| [13:10] | Where’d you do your residency? Are you still doing it? | 你的住院医师培训是在哪里进行的？ 培训完了吗？ |
| [13:13] | I’m going to ignore that series of questions and cut to the chase. | 我要无视这一系列的问题 直接说重点 |
| [13:17] | It appears the pain you’re experiencing | 看样子 你感受到的疼痛 |
| [13:19] | is the result of impacted fecal matter in your colon. | 是因为结肠里装满了粪便 |
| [13:23] | Most likely caused by stress and poor diet. | 很可能是由压力和不良饮食造成的 |
| [13:26] | Excuse me? | 什么？ |
| [13:27] | W-Wait. So, like, he’s full of shit? | 等等 也就是说他一肚子屎？ |
| [13:31] | Yes, I guess you could put it that way. | 是的 可以这么说 |
| [13:35] | Yeah, not really a diagnosis you want to get | 没错 在学校里最受欢迎的同学面前 |
| [13:37] | in front of the most popular kid at your school. | 这个诊断结果有点见不得人啊 |
| [13:40] | When was the last time you had a bowel movement? | 你上一次排便是什么时候？ |
| [13:43] | Uh, I don’t think it’s been that long, like, if today’s Thursday… | 应该不算太久之前吧 如果今天是礼拜四… |
| [13:47] | Sixteen days? | 16天以前？ |
| [13:48] | – Oh my God. – Oh my God. | -我的天 -我的天 |
| [13:50] | Okay, due to the frankly incredible volume of waste in your body, | 好吧 因为你体内存有大量的粪便 |
| [13:54] | we will need to perform a surgical procedure | 我们必须进行手术 |
| [13:56] | to remove it immediately. | 立刻清除粪便 |
| [13:57] | Wait. What am I supposed to do? My parents are in Phoenix. | 我该怎么办？我父母在凤凰城 |
| [14:00] | My dad’s helping Devin Booker launch his new skincare line called NBAgeless. | 我爸爸在帮德文·布克 推出新的护肤系列 叫NBA抗衰 |
| [14:04] | I know. I contacted your parents, and they referred me to your babysitter, | 我知道 我联系了你的父母 他们把你的保姆的联系方式给了我 |
| [14:07] | Patty Shevchenko, but we haven’t been able to reach her. | 帕蒂·舍甫琴科 但我们还没联系上她 |
| [14:10] | Is there another adult who can stay with you? | 还有其他成年人可以陪你吗？ |
| [14:14] | Um, I’m 18. | 我18岁了 |
| [14:15] | I can stay while you empty the shit from him. | 你去给他清理粪便的时候 我可以留下来 |
| [14:20] | If there is a just and merciful God, just kill Ben. | 如果上帝是公正仁慈的 不如把本杀了吧 |
| [14:24] | Kill him now. | 现在就杀了他 |
| [14:29] | Mr. Gross. | 格罗斯先生 |
| [14:31] | Mr. Gross, it was a successful procedure. | 格罗斯先生 手术很成功 |
| [14:34] | How do you feel? | 你感觉如何？ |
| [14:37] | Good. I think. | 很好 应该挺好的 |
| [14:39] | Now we just need you and your adult friend to wait here until you pass gas. | 现在我们需要你和你的成年朋友 在这里等一等 直到你排气为止 |
| [14:43] | And the humiliation keeps a-coming. | 羞辱不断出现 |
| [14:46] | It’s standard. Just so we know your GI tract | 这是标准程序 让我们知道你的消化道 |
| [14:48] | is functioning properly post-op. | 在手术后能正常运作 |
| [14:51] | So how big a fart we talking here, Doc? | 医生 你说的这个屁要有多大？ |
| [14:53] | Like a real sheet rustler? | 能将床单喷走的那种？ |
| [14:55] | Always a pleasure dealing with teen boys. | 跟十几岁的男孩打交道总是很有趣 |
| [15:00] | Well, this is mortifying. | 这太尴尬了 |
| [15:03] | You know, I kinda thought getting cheated on by Devi | 我以为被德维戴绿帽 |
| [15:05] | would’ve been the end of our journey together. | 会让我们永远都不用再打交道了 |
| [15:07] | Yeah. Yet, here we are. | 对 但我们还是走到了这里 |
| [15:09] | Waiting for your farts. | 等着你放屁 |
| [15:14] | So, how is Devi? | 德维怎么样了？ |
| [15:17] | She’s good, I guess. | 大概挺好的吧 |
| [15:19] | Actually, she kind of has this new guy now, | 其实她现在有个新的对象 |
| [15:21] | and weirdly he’s sort of a combo of the two of us if we were also Indian. | 如果我们俩是印度人的话 那个人算是我们俩的结合体 |
| [15:27] | I always wondered how she liked both of us at the same time. | 我一直在想 她怎么会同时喜欢上我们两个呢？ |
| [15:31] | You know, because we’re so different. | 因为我们很不一样 |
| [15:33] | Yeah, you’re a cool hunk, and I’m a friendless dweeb. I get it. | 你是个很酷的大块头 我是个没朋友的白痴 我懂 |
| [15:36] | No, I… I didn’t mean it like that. | 我不是那个意思 |
| [15:39] | I actually used to be kinda jealous of you. | 我以前其实有点嫉妒你 |
| [15:42] | Huh? Why? | 啊？为什么？ |
| [15:43] | Because you’re smart like she is. | 因为你像她一样聪明 |
| [15:46] | That’s, like, a connection I could never have. | 那是我永远无法拥有的共同点 |
| [15:49] | Yeah, well, | 是啊 |
| [15:51] | being smart isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. | 当个聪明人其实没那么激动人心 |
| [15:53] | You probably don’t go to the hospital very often with stress-induced constipation. | 你可能不会经常 因为由压力引起的便秘进医院 |
| [15:57] | No, I definitely don’t. | 我真的没试过 |
| [16:03] | So, why are you so stressed out? | 那你的压力为什么这么大？ |
| [16:06] | Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because my entire life trajectory | 我不知道 也许是因为 接下来六个月的发展 |
| [16:08] | is determined by the outcome of the next six months. | 将会决定我的整个人生 |
| [16:11] | Are you talking about college? Dude, you’ll get into college. | 你是在说大学吗？ 老兄 你一定会考上大学的 |
| [16:14] | I don’t want to get into just any college. | 我不想随便上一所大学 |
| [16:17] | I want to go to Columbia, and I’m not sure if I can get in. | 我想去哥伦比亚大学 但我不确定自己能不能被录取 |
| [16:21] | So then you don’t get in. Who cares? | 不被录取就拉倒啊 谁在乎嘛？ |
| [16:23] | No, not “who cares?” | 不是谁在乎的问题 |
| [16:24] | – I have to get in. – Or what? | -我必须进去 -不然呢？ |
| [16:26] | Or all this work was for nothing. My future is ruined, | 这一切努力都是白费功夫 我的未来就毁了 |
| [16:29] | and I disappoint myself, and my family, and, you know, my dad. | 我辜负了自己、我的家人 还有我爸爸 |
| [16:33] | This is all about your dad? | 所以这一切都是为了你爸爸？ |
| [16:35] | Dude, tell him to go to hell. | 老兄 让他滚开就行了 |
| [16:37] | You work so hard, you haven’t had time to shit in two weeks. | 你太用功了 以至于已经两个星期没有拉屎了 |
| [16:41] | If I was your dad, I’d be proud of you. | 如果我是你爸爸 我会为你骄傲的 |
| [16:44] | Not because of the not shitting part | 不是因为你不拉屎 |
| [16:47] | but because of the hardworking part. | 是因为你很用功 |
| [16:51] | Thanks. Let’s change the subject. What are you working on? | 谢谢 换个话题吧 你在忙什么？ |
| [16:54] | Ugh. This stupid college essay. | 这份愚蠢的大学申请书 |
| [16:56] | The question sucks. | 问题很烂 |
| [16:58] | “Discuss an event that shaped you into who you are.” | “讨论一个把你塑造成了 现在的自己的事件” |
| [17:01] | I just… I don’t know how to answer it. | 我不知道该怎么回答 |
| [17:03] | Hmm. Do you not know what an event is? | 你是不知道事件是什么吗？ |
| [17:05] | What the fuck, man? | 什么乱七八糟的？ |
| [17:07] | I know what an event is, dude. | 我知道什么是事件 老兄 |
| [17:11] | I just… | 我只是… |
| [17:13] | I don’t really know who I am. | 我不知道自己是谁 |
| [17:16] | Gimme a break. What do you mean you don’t know who you are? | 胡说八道 你说你不知道自己是谁 这话是什么意思？ |
| [17:18] | You’re the only person at our school who’s not a nobody. | 我们学校里 只有你不算是无名小卒 |
| [17:21] | The lunch ladies named a dessert after you. | 餐厅的阿姨还以你的名字给甜点命名 |
| [17:23] | Yeah, that’s all surface stuff. That’s not who I am. | 是啊 那都是表面的东西 那不是真正的我 |
| [17:27] | Okay. Then who are you? | 行吧 那真正的你是谁？ |
| [17:30] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [17:31] | Like, I think I’m someone… | 我觉得我是个… |
| [17:35] | Forget it. This is embarrassing. | 算了吧 这太丢人了 |
| [17:38] | You can’t possibly embarrass yourself more than I have tonight, so get over it. | 你今晚怎么样也不能比我更丢人 想开点吧 |
| [17:42] | What do you know is true about yourself? | 你觉得真实的你是怎么样的？ |
| [17:44] | I mean, I’m a really good brother. | 我是个非常好的哥哥 |
| [17:48] | Maybe I could talk about when my sister was adopted. I… | 也许我可以谈谈 我妹妹被领养的事 我… |
| [17:51] | Wait, you have an adopted sister? That’s essay gold. | 等等 你有个领养的妹妹？ 这是完美的申请文素材 |
| [17:55] | Okay. Why don’t you start making a list | 你可以制作一张表 |
| [17:57] | of all the ways that she’s helped you learn about yourself? | 列举出她如何帮助你认识自己 |
| [18:00] | Come on. I can… help you. | 来嘛 我可以帮你 |
| [18:07] | And so, after a humiliating afternoon, | 在经历了一个屈辱的下午之后 |
| [18:10] | things started to look up. | 情况有所好转 |
| [18:12] | Not only did Ben finally get some much-needed male bonding, | 本终于建立了必要的兄弟情谊 |
| [18:15] | but also his fart arrived quietly in the night, | 他的屁也在夜晚安静地来到了 |
| [18:18] | rustling nary a sheet nor a nostril. | 没有喷走床单 也没有喷进别人的鼻孔 |
| [18:28] | Hey, champ. | 嘿 冠军 |
| [18:33] | Dad? Why aren’t you in Arizona? | 爸爸？你不是在亚利桑那州吗？ |
| [18:36] | Because my kid was in the hospital. | 因为我的孩子进医院了 |
| [18:38] | You okay? | 你没事吧？ |
| [18:39] | Yeah. Yeah, I’m all right. | 我没事 |
| [18:42] | The doctor said this was caused by stress. | 医生说这是压力造成的 |
| [18:44] | Sounds like you might be a workaholic like your old man. | 听起来你可能像你爸爸 是个工作狂 |
| [18:47] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [18:50] | But, um, actually, | 但其实 |
| [18:53] | I don’t think I want to be. | 我不想当工作狂 |
| [18:56] | Dad, I’m gonna scale my schedule back, | 爸爸 我会减少我的日程安排 |
| [18:58] | but that also might hurt my chances of getting into Columbia. | 但那可能会降低进入哥大的几率 |
| [19:03] | And I know how much that means to you. | 我知道这对你来说意义重大 |
| [19:05] | You know, | 知道吗？ |
| [19:07] | half the reason I’ve worked so hard my whole life | 我这辈子这么拼命的原因 |
| [19:12] | was to make my dad proud of me. | 一半是想让我爸爸为我骄傲 |
| [19:16] | I mean, he’s been dead 30 years, | 但他已经去世30年了 |
| [19:19] | and I’m still trying to impress the son of a bitch. | 我还是想让那个混蛋为我骄傲 |
| [19:23] | Ben, I’m proud of you. | 本 我为你骄傲 |
| [19:27] | Wherever you go to college, | 不管你上哪一所大学 |
| [19:28] | whatever you do in this life, | 不管你这辈子要进哪一行 |
| [19:31] | I’m proud of you. | 我都为你感到骄傲 |
| [19:32] | Come on, Dad. | 说什么呢？爸爸 |
| [19:34] | No, I mean it. | 不 我是认真的 |
| [19:36] | And I want you to hear it. | 我也想让你听到 |
| [19:38] | I know I haven’t always been the best dad, | 我知道我不算最称职的爸爸 |
| [19:43] | but this is where I can be better than mine. | 但在这一方面 我可以做得比我爸爸好 |
| [19:47] | You are a brilliant boy. | 你是个很优秀的孩子 |
| [19:51] | And I really love you. | 我也真的很爱你 |
| [19:54] | I love you too, Dad. | 我也爱你 爸爸 |
| [19:57] | Finally, Ben heard the words he’d been longing to hear. | 本终于听到了 他一直心心念念想听到的话 |
| [20:00] | And for the first time since probably preschool, | 自从幼儿园以来 |
| [20:03] | he didn’t feel stressed at all. | 这是他头一次感到没有压力 |
| [20:08] | The next day, Ben was lighter in more ways than one. | 第二天 本在很多方面 都感到如释重负 |
| [20:12] | Morning, Principal Grubbs. | 早上好 格拉布斯校长 |
| [20:13] | I’ve decided to drop AP Calculus BC and statistics. | 我决定退出先修微积分BC和统计课程 |
| [20:17] | Good. | 很好 |
| [20:18] | I’m so glad you came to your senses. | 很高兴看到你清醒过来了 |
| [20:21] | Ben finally realized that Columbia was not the end-all be-all. | 本终于意识到哥伦比亚 不是人生最重要的目标 |
| [20:25] | Would it be okay if I added an elective though? Maybe art studio? | 不过我可以加一门选修课吗？ 艺术工作室可以吗？ |
| [20:29] | But he was still going to apply. | 但他还是要申请 |
| [20:31] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [20:33] | Paxton! Oh! | 帕克斯顿！ |
| [20:36] | Great job on the essay. | 申请文书写得很好 |
| [20:38] | Very moving. | 非常感人 |
| [20:40] | I didn’t know you could actually be so deep. | 没想到你这么有深度 |
| [20:42] | I cried. | 我哭了 |
| [20:44] | – Really? – Mm-hmm. | 真的吗？ |
| [20:53] | Hey. | 嘿 |
| [20:54] | Oh, hey. | 噢 嘿 |
| [20:56] | Guess what? Des and I are going on a date. | 你猜怎么着？德斯要和我去约会了 |
| [20:58] | – Wow. Did you blackmail him or something? – Even worse. I took your advice. | -哇 你是勒索他了吗？ -比勒索更可怕 我采取了你的建议 |
| [21:02] | I texted him and asked him if he wanted to get FroYo sometime, and he said yes. | 我给他发了短信 跟他说有空可以去买冻酸奶 他答应了 |
| [21:07] | So, while it pains me to say this, | 虽然说这话让我心痛 |
| [21:10] | thank you. | 但谢谢你 |
| [21:11] | This would normally prompt a twinge of jealousy in Ben, | 这通常会让本感到一阵嫉妒 |
| [21:14] | but if last night taught him anything, | 但昨晚让他吸取了教训 |
| [21:16] | it was that he needed to let go of whatever caused him pain. | 他懂得要放下让他疼痛的事物 |
| [21:19] | Do you wanna sit down? | 你想坐下吗？ |
| [21:20] | No. I’m just grabbing a soda before class. | 不了 我要在上课前买一瓶汽水 |
| [21:24] | You know, I hope you don’t blow it with that guy, David. | 大卫 希望你不要 搞砸了跟那家伙的关系 |
| [21:26] | He could be your meal ticket. | 他可能可以包养你哦 |
| [21:28] | He wishes. I’m gonna be the first ethical billionaire, like Rihanna. | 他休想 我会像蕾哈娜一样 成为首位有道德的亿万富翁 |
| [21:31] | No such thing. | 没有这样的富翁 |
| [21:38] | What the hell? | 搞什么鬼啊？ |
| [21:39] | Yo, I heard you helped my best friend last night. | 哟 我听说你昨晚帮了我最铁的哥们 |
| [21:45] | Any friend of my friend is also my friend. | 我朋友的朋友都是我的朋友 |
| [21:49] | Oh, it’s cool, Trent. | 挺好的 特伦特 |
| [21:51] | Noice. Wanna hang with us? | 很好 想跟我们一起玩吗？ |
| [21:53] | Like with you and the Hot Pocket? | 跟你和帅哥角一起玩？ |
| [21:55] | – I don’t know what that is. – Oh, it’s, uh… | -我不知道那是什么 -哦 就是… |
| [21:59] | Never mind. Yeah, sure. | 没关系 好啊 当然了 |
| [22:01] | All right, come on. | 好 来吧 |
| [22:03] | And while Ben’s future was still undecided, | 当本依然前途未卜时 |
| [22:06] | he was presently enjoying his youth for once. | 他这一回终于享受了一把青春 |
| [22:09] | All right, McEnroe, get back in here. | 好了 麦肯罗 快回来 |
| [22:12] | Vacation’s over, you handsome son of a bitch. | 休假结束了 你这个狗屁帅哥 |