| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:15] | – Hey. – Oh, hey. | -是你啊 -你好 |
| [00:17] | Can’t believe you have Shrinky Dinks. | 真没想到 这里居然有”神奇烤烤乐”卖 |
| [00:17] | Shrinky Dinks是一款DIY玩具 可用于制作冰箱贴之类的创意装饰品 | |
| [00:19] | I used to love to make these. | 这曾经是我的至爱 |
| [00:21] | You draw on the plastic and you put it in the oven | 在塑料卡片上画点儿图 然后放进烤箱 |
| [00:23] | until it shrinks into a little– | 等到它缩成小小的 |
| [00:25] | I don’t know what you call it– a dink, I guess. | 咋形容呢 反正就是那么一坨 |
| [00:27] | Yeah, I used to love those things when I was a kid. | 对对对 我小时候可喜欢玩这个了 |
| [00:30] | Oh, man, it says “Ages three and up.” | 不是吧 这玩具只适合三岁及以上儿童 |
| [00:33] | I don’t know if I can wait two and a half years to play with these. | 折磨人嘛 我还得等上两年半才能和喜旺一起玩 |
| [00:35] | So do ’em yourself. | 那你就自己玩呗 |
| [00:36] | It’ll be fun. | 肯定很有意思 |
| [00:38] | I’ll do ’em with you. | 我陪你一起玩 |
| [00:39] | She’s coming over, she’s coming over. | 她要来咱家了 她要来咱家了 |
| [00:41] | We’re Shrinky Dinking. | 我们要玩”神奇烤烤乐” |
| [00:42] | We’re Shrinky Dinking! | 我们要玩”神奇烤烤乐”了 |
| [00:43] | The heck are you talking about? | 你在瞎嘟哝啥呢 |
| [00:45] | Sabrina– we had this amazing conversation | 我刚才跟塞布丽娜聊”神奇烤烤乐” |
| [00:47] | about Shrinky Dinks, | 聊得热火朝天 |
| [00:48] | and the whole time I’m thinking, | 当时我就一直在想 |
| [00:49] | “I’ve met my soul mate.” | 我终于碰到真命天女了 |
| [00:51] | – Did you get any chicken? – Wait. | -你买鸡肉了吗 -等等 |
| [00:52] | She’s coming over here? | 她要来咱家 |
| [00:53] | What about her boyfriend? | 那她男朋友呢 |
| [00:55] | Wyatt? I don’t know. | 怀特吗 不知道 |
| [00:56] | He’s away at college, still. | 他还在外地上大学 |
| [00:57] | I don’t really know what this means. | 其实我也不知道这意味着什么 |
| [00:58] | I just know she’s coming over. | 反正我只知道她要来咱家了 |
| [01:00] | What’s going on with Maw Maw? | 曾奶奶啥情况 |
| [01:01] | She thinks she’s in labor. | 她觉得她要生了 |
| [01:03] | Oh, my God! | 妈呀 |
| [01:04] | This baby’s gonna rip a hole right through me! | 这宝宝要在老娘身上凿出个大窟窿来 |
| [01:07] | Guys! I’m trying to beat the record here. | 各位 我这儿正努力破记录呢 |
| [01:10] | If you’re gonna talk loud, turn your faces away. | 如果你们要大声喧哗 把脸挪远点儿 |
| [01:11] | The wind is really messing me up. | 你们喷出的气息会影响我的成绩的 |
| [01:13] | Oh, my baby! | 我的孩子 |
| [01:15] | Okay, you guys have to get out of here. | 够了 你们得给我闪人 |
| [01:17] | I don’t want you to scare her away. | 我可不想你们把她吓跑了 |
| [01:18] | I’m not going anywhere– I like her. | 我才不闪呢 我喜欢她 |
| [01:20] | She’s sarcastic and funny. | 她说话既带刺又有意思 |
| [01:22] | She speaks her mind. | 属于直言不讳型 |
| [01:24] | Doesn’t she remind you of me? | 你跟她聊天应该会想起我吧 |
| [01:25] | No. Oh, don’t ever say that again. | 绝对不会 求你了 别再这么说了 |
| [01:28] | You’ll ruin it for me. | 我以后跟她聊天会有心理障碍的 |
| [01:29] | And if you don’t want this to be the last time | 要是你不希望这成为她来咱家的最终回 |
| [01:30] | she ever comes over, you have to get rid of them. | 就必须带着这俩家伙闪人 |
| [01:33] | You need to step way back. | 给我退后 |
| [01:34] | This thing takes some weird bounces. | 这东西的弹跳路线非常诡异 |
| [01:36] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [01:39] | Come on, did you really think I was gonna stay in here | 拜托 你不会真觉得我会傻站在这儿 |
| [01:41] | and let you break my record? | 眼瞅着你打破我的记录吧 |
| [01:43] | Thank you. | 谢谢老妈 |
| [01:45] | And I’ll take Hope, too– | 我会把喜旺也带上 |
| [01:46] | but you need to take advantage | 但你得好好把握这次良机 |
| [01:48] | of this and make a move on this girl. | 对这妞儿来点实质性的行动 |
| [01:49] | Try and get her to sit next to you | 想办法让她跟你一起坐沙发 |
| [01:50] | in the center of the couch where it dips. | 坐在中间凹下去的地方 |
| [01:52] | Ever since your fat aunt broke the springs, | 自从你的胖婶坐坏弹簧后 |
| [01:54] | two people can’t sit there without ending up in each other’s laps. | 只要俩人一起坐下 就会陷到一堆去 |
| [01:56] | Good idea. Give her some wine, | 好主意 来点小酒 |
| [01:58] | get her in the couch dip and kiss her. | 利用沙发凑近她 然后热吻一番 |
| [02:00] | She has a boyfriend– I don’t know if… | 人家有主了 我不知道这样行不… |
| [02:02] | Jimmy, if you don’t make a move soon, | 吉米 如果你再不来点实质性的行动 |
| [02:04] | you’re gonna get stuck in the friend zone. | 你就会被困死在朋友区里 |
| [02:06] | And that is a real thing. | 千真万确 我可没唬你 |
| [02:08] | I saw it on Friends. | 《老友记》里血淋淋的事实 |
| [02:10] | Ross and Rachel were stuck in it. | 罗斯和瑞秋就曾陷在朋友区里无法更进一步 |
| [02:12] | It made for some good episodes, | 那几集倒是挺好看 |
| [02:14] | but poor Ross was in Hell. | 但可怜的罗斯可是生不如死 |
| [02:49] | It says these are supposed to cook for three minutes, | 说明书上说只要烤三分钟就够了 |
| [02:51] | but this oven only goes up to 225, | 可这破烤箱最高温才华氏225度 |
| [02:51] | 华氏225度相当于摄氏100多度 现在市面上烤箱最高温通常可达两三百度 所以… | |
| [02:53] | so we may be in for a bit of a wait. | 所以咱们可能得多等一会儿 |
| [02:55] | That’s okay. | 没关系 |
| [02:57] | Your house has a lot of cool stuff in it. | 你家有不少酷玩意儿啊 |
| [03:00] | Who plays the piano? | 谁会弹钢琴 |
| [03:01] | Pretty much anybody who’s trying to get on someone else’s nerves. | 如果目的是让听众抓狂 那基本人人都会 |
| [03:06] | Is this you? | 这是你吗 |
| [03:08] | Oh… you don’t want to look through that. | 你还是别看为妙 |
| [03:10] | That’s just a bunch of boring family portraits. | 只是一堆无聊的全家福照片 |
| [03:12] | Come on, I love family photos. | 别害羞 我喜欢看全家福 |
| [03:15] | Wow, you are, like, shockingly strong. | 你真是惊人的强壮 |
| [03:25] | How come your mom’s the only one that’s happy in all these? | 为啥这些照片里 只有你妈妈是开心的 |
| [03:27] | Yeah, well, that’s a little misleading. | 看来你被误导了 |
| [03:30] | Nobody’s happy. | 其实没人是开心的 |
| [03:32] | My parents would fight so much on Picture Day | 我爹妈总会在全家福日吵个你死我活 |
| [03:34] | that it always turned into the worst day of the year. | 所以全家福日往往会成为全年最衰日 |
| [03:36] | Just shut up and put on your beret! | 闭嘴 戴上你的贝雷帽 |
| [03:39] | No, I don’t want to look like a dork wearing this! | 不 我可不想变成戴着贝”雷”帽的”雷”人 |
| [03:41] | If you don’t want to look like a dork, | 不想当雷人是吧 |
| [03:42] | then you need to take off your face. | 那得把你这张雷脸摘下来才管用 |
| [03:45] | Say “Cheese.” | 来说茄子笑一笑 |
| [03:48] | And the more portraits that turned out bad, | 全家福失败的次数越多 |
| [03:51] | the more stressed my mother seemed to get. | 我老妈的压力就越大 |
| [03:53] | If we get there late, they won’t have time | 要是我们去晚了 照相馆就没时间 |
| [03:56] | to change the backdrop from the family before us! | 换下前一家人的背景板了 |
| [03:59] | You’re killing me, Burt! | 你就急死我吧 伯特 |
| [04:06] | Your mother’s crazy. | 你妈疯了 |
| [04:08] | If I ever get that crazy, I want you to take me out | 要是哪天我也疯成这样 |
| [04:10] | in the backyard and blow my head off with a shotgun. | 我要你把我带到后院 一枪崩下我的脑袋 |
| [04:12] | You got that? | 记住了吗 |
| [04:15] | I just don’t understand why we’re wearing ski suits. | 真不明白咱为啥要整一身滑雪装 |
| [04:17] | We’ve never been skiing. | 咱们从来没滑过雪 |
| [04:18] | I saw a picture in a house I was cleaning | 我有个主顾的家里有张照片 |
| [04:20] | where the whole family went skiing. | 拍的就是他们在滑雪 |
| [04:22] | They were all smiling, they were on top of a mountain– | 全家都笑呵呵的 站在山顶上 |
| [04:25] | looked like a lot of fun. | 貌似玩得非常开心 |
| [04:26] | Of course it looked like a lot of fun– they were skiing. | 当然开心 人家是在滑雪 |
| [04:29] | They weren’t sitting in a car | 人家可没有在33度的大热天 |
| [04:30] | with no air-conditioning on a 90-degree day wearing ski suits! | 穿着滑雪服坐在没有空调的车里 |
| [04:34] | Shut up. | 闭嘴 |
| [04:37] | Ooh, I like this song. | 这歌我喜欢 |
| [04:41] | I’m not in the mood for doo, wack-a-doo. | 老娘现在没心情 |
| [04:43] | Well, I am. | 我有 |
| [04:49] | Burt, I swear to God, if you don’t turn that thing off… | 伯特 我向天起誓 你要是再不关掉… |
| [04:52] | Burt, slow down. | 伯特 慢点 |
| [04:54] | Can’t. My boot’s stuck. | 慢不下来 我的鞋卡住了 |
| [04:56] | What do you mean, your boot’s stuck? | 鞋卡住了是啥意思 |
| [04:57] | I mean, this stupid, giant boot | 意思就是 你逼我穿的这双 |
| [04:58] | you made me wear is stuck. Can’t get it out! | 很大很傻逼的鞋卡住了 拔不出来了 |
| [05:03] | We’re all gonna die! | 咱一家死定了 |
| [05:04] | You’ve had a good life, kid. | 孩子 你的一生很精彩 |
| [05:19] | I could drive if you’d let me take off these stupid boots! | 只要你让我脱下这傻逼鞋 我就可以开车了 |
| [05:21] | Shut up! It’s two blocks! Keep walking! | 闭嘴 就两条街 赶紧走 |
| [05:27] | All right, that’s enough of that. | 好了 看够了吧 |
| [05:29] | Uh, you gotta be tired | 你站了一整天 |
| [05:31] | from being on your feet all day. | 累坏了吧 |
| [05:33] | We should sit down. | 来 我们坐吧 |
| [05:36] | Sorry, sorry, | 抱歉 抱歉 |
| [05:38] | Hope threw her pacifier in that coin fountain at the mall. | 喜旺把奶嘴掉到商场的许愿喷泉里去了 |
| [05:41] | Burt made a wish on it, | 伯特用它许了个愿 |
| [05:42] | so he wouldn’t let us take it back out. | 所以他不让我们捡回来 |
| [05:45] | Hi! How are you? | 嗨 你好吗 |
| [05:47] | I’m good. | 我挺好 |
| [05:48] | Did you do your Shrinky things? | 玩了你们那个烤烤乐了吗 |
| [05:50] | Yep, and we were just about to sit down. | 玩了 我们刚准备”坐下” |
| [05:53] | Jimmy was just telling me about some of your family portraits. | 吉米刚才在给我讲你们照全家福的趣事呢 |
| [05:56] | Really? | 是吗 |
| [05:58] | I hope he didn’t say anything to make me look too crazy. | 但愿他没把我诋毁成个疯婆子 |
| [06:01] | Eh. | 还行吧 |
| [06:02] | Doesn’t Hope need her pacifier? | 喜旺还在等她的奶嘴吧 |
| [06:04] | She can suck on Burt’s knuckle for a while. | 她可以先吸会儿伯特的手指 |
| [06:07] | Come here, honey. I want to tell you about a couple of these. | 来 亲爱的 我来给你讲讲这些趣事 |
| [06:13] | I want to make sure you see the kind of idiots | 在你觉得我是疯婆子之前 我得先让你看看 |
| [06:15] | I’m dealing with before you think I’m the crazy one. | 我朝夕相处的这些白痴有多极品 |
| [06:21] | Whoa! This is some couch. | 哇哦 这沙发还真给力啊 |
| [06:24] | Sure is. | 必须的 |
| [06:30] | What are you doing coming in there | 你哪根筋没对 跑回来干毛啊 |
| [06:31] | and using the dip before I get a chance?! | 居然还坐沙发 我都还没用上呢 |
| [06:33] | You’re totally couch-blocking me. | 你彻底毁了我的沙发攻略 |
| [06:35] | Jimmy, you could end up marrying this girl. | 吉米 这妞儿最后没准会成为你媳妇 |
| [06:36] | I am not gonna let you paint me out | 我绝不会让你把我描述成 |
| [06:38] | to be the crazy mother-in-law. | 传说中的”疯婆婆” |
| [06:40] | You already made me a stinking grandmother at 39. | 你已经害我成为了三十九岁的超低龄奶奶 |
| [06:43] | Jimmy, are you missing a clump of hair in this photo? | 吉米 这张照片里你是不是少了撮头发 |
| [06:47] | Yes, he is. | 没错 就是 |
| [06:49] | – He ate it. – Excuse me? | -被他吃了 -啥 |
| [06:51] | Someone stressed me out so much that I started | 那是因为某疯子搞得我异常紧张 |
| [06:53] | pulling out my hair and eating it as a nervous twitch. | 要靠揪头发来平复心情 |
| [06:55] | You look awful! | 这造型太悲催了 |
| [06:57] | Why didn’t you just shave your head? | 你干嘛不直接剃个光头 |
| [06:59] | Oh, God, no! | 得了吧 不行 |
| [07:00] | He’s got a birthmark on his head that looks like a big ol’… | 他脑袋顶上有块胎记 长得跟大… |
| [07:02] | Florida. Shaped like Florida. | 佛罗里达 形似佛罗里达地图 |
| [07:05] | Florida with balls. | 有蛋的佛罗里达 |
| [07:05] | 佛罗里达地图请自行搜之 内涵句 不解释… | |
| [07:08] | Hey, how come your husband’s not in this one? | 咦 这张你老公怎么不在 |
| [07:10] | Oh, that’s the year Burt went crazy. | 那年伯特脑抽 |
| [07:17] | Jimmy! You better be getting dressed! | 吉米 你最好赶紧穿衣服 |
| [07:22] | Burt, don’t you stretch out that turtleneck. | 伯特 别揪你那领子 |
| [07:25] | It’s too tight! I can’t swallow. | 太紧了 我都没法咽东西了 |
| [07:27] | My mouth keeps filling up with spit. | 嘴里憋满了口水 |
| [07:29] | I want soup. | 我要喝汤 |
| [07:30] | You’re eating soup. | 你这不是喝着呢么 |
| [07:32] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
| [07:34] | I’m here. I’m ready. | 来了 我准备好了 |
| [07:35] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [07:37] | Oh, no, not the hair-pulling. | 求你了 别揪头发了 |
| [07:41] | We are not having another family portrait | 不能让你这个脑外科刚出院的形象 |
| [07:42] | where you look like you just had brain surgery. | 再一次毁了我们的全家福 |
| [07:45] | It’s your fault for stressing him out. | 他这么紧张都是你逼的 |
| [07:46] | Just calm down. Just calm the hell down! | 淡定 给我淡定 |
| [07:48] | I’m trying! | 我也想啊 |
| [07:49] | Just calm down! | 给我淡他妈的定 |
| [07:52] | Everybody check each other’s teeth. | 大家相互检查下牙齿 |
| [07:53] | I don’t want to see any of that creamed spinach we had last night. | 我可不希望有谁牙上粘着昨天吃的奶油菠菜 |
| [08:06] | Stop it, Maw Maw. | 别闹了 奶奶 |
| [08:08] | This is not food. | 这不是吃的 |
| [08:09] | This tag is digging in the back of my neck. | 这标签很扎脖子啊 |
| [08:11] | Do not pull that tag off. | 不准揪下来 |
| [08:13] | These outfits cost a fortune. | 这套衣服贵得要死 |
| [08:14] | And the second we’re done here, they’re going right back | 我们拍完全家福 |
| [08:16] | to Fashion Barn Outlet Outlet. | 立马完璧归奥特莱斯时尚仓储 |
| [08:20] | Damn it! | 我勒个去 |
| [08:24] | Where’s your eyebrow? | 你眉毛哪去了 |
| [08:25] | I ate it. I’m sorry. | 吃了 抱歉 |
| [08:26] | -I can’t do this anymore. – Excuse me? | -我不干了 -你说啥 |
| [08:29] | I can’t stand here and watch you torture everyone like this. | 我受不了看着你蹂躏大家 |
| [08:31] | Get back here. | 给我回来 |
| [08:35] | I’ll pull it. | 我会把它揪下来 |
| [08:36] | You pull that tag off, we can’t make our next credit card payment. | 你要是揪下它 咱们下周就还不起信用卡了 |
| [08:40] | That means finance charge. | 那咱就得付逾期利息费 |
| [08:43] | You know how I feel about finance charges. | 你知道我有多恨逾期利息费 |
| [08:47] | Let me walk out of here, | 让我出去 |
| [08:48] | and no one has to pay a finance charge. Ah! | 就没有逾期利息费这档子事了 |
| [08:51] | Stay calm. | 冷静点 |
| [08:54] | Fine! | 随你便 |
| [08:54] | Go! We’ll take it without you! | 滚吧 我们自己拍 |
| [08:56] | It’ll probably be the first good one we’ve ever had. | 说不定咱这次会拍出史上最好的一张呢 |
| [09:01] | Son of a bitch! | 我草泥个马 |
| [09:06] | See? It’s not me. | 看到了吧 不是我 |
| [09:07] | It’s them. They’re the crazy ones. | 是他们 他们才是疯子 |
| [09:09] | Yeah, well, whoever’s fault it is, | 好了好了 不管是谁的错 |
| [09:10] | it’s only once a year on portrait day. | 反正只有在每年的全家福日才会这样 |
| [09:12] | Every other day, we’re just a normal family. | 其它时间我们很正常的 |
| [09:15] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [09:17] | Maw Maw needs new pants. | 奶奶得换裤子 |
| [09:18] | Her water broke. | 她羊水破了 |
| [09:20] | I feel its head! | 我感觉到孩子的脑袋了 |
| [09:22] | Virginia, you’re gonna need to come back here. I don’t… I don’t… | 维吉妮亚 你得到后面来一下 我觉得.. |
| [09:25] | I don’t think I can do this alone. | 我觉得我一人应付不了 |
| [09:28] | Your family’s amazing. | 你家人太给力了 |
| [09:29] | You actually like this? | 你真喜欢 |
| [09:32] | I love it! Oh, my God. | 我爱死了 天呐 |
| [09:33] | And your mother, she doesn’t even realize | 尤其是你妈 她甚至没意识到 |
| [09:35] | that she’s the craziest one of them all. | 她就是最癫狂的那个 |
| [09:37] | This is great. | 太可爱了 |
| [09:38] | I may never leave. | 我都不想走了 |
| [09:40] | Why would you? | 可不是么 |
| [09:46] | Oh, what kind of cookies are these? | 这是啥饼干 |
| [09:48] | Don’t eat that. Those are Shrinky Dinks. See? | 别吃 那是神奇烤烤乐 瞧见没 |
| [09:51] | I made ones that look like all of us. | 我把这一炉都烤成了咱们的形状 |
| [09:54] | And that’s Sabrina. Amazing. | 这是塞布丽娜 美翻了吧 |
| [09:56] | Well, don’t worry. I’ll try to keep the loony bin back there. | 别担心 我会把那疯子关在后面的 |
| [09:59] | Oh, don’t worry about it. | 没关系的 |
| [10:00] | In fact, bring Maw Maw out. | 把曾奶奶带出来吧 |
| [10:02] | We can let Sabrina cut the imaginary cord. | 好让塞布丽娜尽情观赏 |
| [10:04] | Turns out she’s a big fan. | 没想到她超爱这个 |
| [10:06] | Big fan of what? | 超爱哪个 |
| [10:07] | How crazy we are, especially you. So, thanks. | 咱家的疯狂劲啊 特别是你 所以 谢啦 |
| [10:11] | But I’m not crazy. | 可我不疯啊 |
| [10:12] | I already told her that. | 我已经告诉她了 |
| [10:13] | Oh, that’s what she loves; | 她就是喜欢你这样 |
| [10:14] | that you are, but you don’t realize you are. | 明明疯狂 却不自知 |
| [10:17] | But I’m not. | 我不疯 |
| [10:18] | Well, you kinda are. | 其实你有点疯 |
| [10:19] | I’m kinda not. | 我不疯 |
| [10:21] | Okay, look, this is all great stuff. | 好啦 一切疯狂都是好料 |
| [10:23] | Just save it for in there. | 留着爆给她 |
| [10:24] | Oh, I’ll save it for in there, all right. | 当然 我要爆给她 |
| [10:27] | She thinks I’m crazy? | 她觉得我疯是吧 |
| [10:28] | Let’s see how much crazy she can handle. | 那就让她见识见识老娘有多疯 |
| [10:31] | Virginia! Help! She’s pushing! | 维吉妮亚 来帮忙 她还在使劲 |
| [10:33] | Deal with it! | 自己搞定 |
| [10:40] | So, I hear you think I’m crazy. | 听说你觉得我很疯啊 |
| [10:45] | Yes, I-I said you were a little crazy, | 对 我是说了你有那么一点疯 |
| [10:49] | but in a good way. | 但是”疯”姿绰约啊 |
| [10:50] | You did tell her it was in a good way, right? | 你告诉她我这是贬词褒用了吧 |
| [10:52] | He told me what you said. | 他一字不落地转达了 |
| [10:53] | Okay, maybe I should go before we all end up on Dateline. | 时间不早了 我看我还是先走了 |
| [10:56] | No, you can’t go. | 你咋能这样就走了呢 |
| [10:57] | You haven’t seen all the family portraits yet. | 你还没看到完整版全家福呢 |
| [10:59] | She’s seen plenty. | 她已经看了很多了 |
| [11:01] | Let’s do something else. Checkers? | 玩点别的吧 西洋棋怎样 |
| [11:02] | Got regular, Chinese, the kind with the horses. | 给力点就下中国象棋 有马有炮的那种 |
| [11:07] | Here it is– the last picture. | 找到了 终极相片 |
| [11:10] | You like crazy? | 你不是喜欢疯狂的吗 |
| [11:11] | You’re gonna love this. | 这个绝对合你口味 |
| [11:15] | What’s that? | 那是啥玩意儿 |
| [11:17] | The portrait place is having a special on Sunday. | 照相馆周日有特价场 |
| [11:19] | I thought we weren’t doing portraits anymore. | 我还以为再也不用照全家福了 |
| [11:21] | Why? Because your father lost his mind? | 为啥不照 就因为你老子耍性子 |
| [11:23] | We have a new baby in the house, | 咱家迎来了新生命 |
| [11:24] | and we are getting our family portrait, with or without him. | 一定得照张全家福 管他来不来 |
| [11:27] | Without. | 不来 |
| [11:32] | Look, Jimmy, I waited too long | 吉米 我忍了很久 |
| [11:34] | to stand up to her about this portrait thing. | 才决定奋起反抗她那傻帽全家福 |
| [11:36] | Look at you. | 瞧瞧你自己 |
| [11:38] | Even the thought of it turns you into a wreck. | 光是想想那破事都让你紧张得想自残 |
| [11:40] | Don’t wait until Hope’s eating her hair. | 别等到喜旺开始吃她的头发 再来反抗你老妈 |
| [11:42] | It’s disgusting. | 真恶心 |
| [11:43] | Be a better dad than me. | 你得做个比我称职的父亲 |
| [11:46] | I’m going with a ’50s theme this year. | 今年我要搞个50年代专题 |
| [11:48] | You can slick your hair back. | 你去弄个大背头 |
| [11:50] | Maybe that’ll keep you from eating it like a mental patient. | 以防你又像个疯子一样吃自己头发 |
| [11:55] | Hey, Mom? | 母亲大人 |
| [11:58] | Maybe we… shouldn’t do, the-the picture? | 咱们大概也许可能 别再执着于照片了吧 |
| [12:03] | What? | 再说一次 |
| [12:04] | It’s just, it kind of stresses you out, | 这事总会让你紧张过度 |
| [12:07] | which kind of stresses me out, | 吓得我也超级紧张 |
| [12:08] | and, well, uh, there’s a reason | 而且 咱们一直拍不出 |
| [12:11] | why we don’t have picture with everyone smiling in it… | 全家都面带笑容的照片 其实是有原因的 |
| [12:14] | – You told him to do this. – Yup. | -是不是你指使的 -没错 |
| [12:17] | The only reason I’m stressed out | 我紧张过度 还不是为了 |
| [12:19] | is because I’m the one who has to organize everything. | 你们几个坐吃等死的懒骨头 |
| [12:22] | It’s like wrangling feral cats. | 简直是对牛弹琴 |
| [12:24] | I would be happy to sit back | 我何尝不想翘个二郎腿 |
| [12:26] | and let somebody else guide the ship, | 把统筹大权转手他人 |
| [12:28] | but it’s been 24 years, | 可这都24年了 |
| [12:30] | and no one else seems to want to take the damn reins. | 谁都不肯接这个烫手的山芋 |
| [12:32] | Fine. I’ll do it. | 好吧 我接 |
| [12:34] | What? | 啥 |
| [12:35] | I’ll take the reins | 我来接这个 |
| [12:37] | of the… cat ship. | 烫手山芋 |
| [12:39] | If he’s in charge, I’m back in. | 要是他管事 那我就无条件回归 |
| [12:43] | Fine. | 随你们 |
| [12:45] | Hey, when you took over the portrait stuff, | 你接管统筹大权的时候 |
| [12:47] | you forgot to tell me what our theme is gonna be. | 没告诉我今年照相的主题 |
| [12:50] | We’ve only got three days, | 只剩三天了 |
| [12:51] | so you might want to nail that down. | 咱还是早点定下来比较好 |
| [12:52] | Um, nothing this year. | 今年的主题就是无主题 |
| [12:54] | We’re all just gonna wear whatever we’re comfortable in. | 怎么舒服怎么来 |
| [12:58] | Okeydoke. | 听你的 |
| [13:03] | Hey, I know you probably know this, | 我就是想提醒你一下 |
| [13:05] | but, uh, we’ve only got two days before the portrait, | 还有两天就要拍全家福了 |
| [13:08] | and I noticed that you haven’t plucked Maw Maw’s neck mole yet. | 我发现你还没拔掉曾奶奶颈痣上的毛 |
| [13:11] | You have to do it early enough so the redness goes away, | 趁早弄才不会留下红印 |
| [13:13] | but late enough so it doesn’t start to grow back. | 但也不能太早 免得到时候又长出来了 |
| [13:15] | It’s a pretty small window of opportunity. | 这个时机可不好把握哦 |
| [13:18] | Yeah, that always stresses everyone out | 明白 这事儿每次都搞得大伙儿团团转 |
| [13:20] | with all the yelling and the holding her down and all. | 次次都得连吼带叫地按住她 |
| [13:23] | You’re the only one that ever really notices that hair, | 其实只有你才会注意到那根毛 |
| [13:25] | so I think I’m just gonna let her go au natural this year. | 所以今年我决定让她自然上镜 |
| [13:29] | Okeydoke. | 听你的 |
| [13:33] | Tomorrow’s Picture Day. | 明天就要照相了 |
| [13:35] | You got a shower schedule? | 你还洗不洗澡了 |
| [13:36] | We’ve only got 12 minutes of warm water. | 供热只剩12分钟了 |
| [13:38] | Yeah. We’re not gonna rush in the morning. | 明早再说 明早咱不赶时间 |
| [13:40] | I didn’t want everybody freaking out over being late, | 我不想大伙儿战战兢兢害怕迟到 |
| [13:42] | so I figured we’d just get over there when we got over there. | 所以我决定 啥时收拾好啥时去 |
| [13:45] | You know we get a dishwasher-safe portrait plate | 但我们要是八点前去 |
| [13:48] | if we get there before 8:00 a.M. | 就能拿到张可供机洗的肖像碟 |
| [13:49] | Yeah, I know, but since it’s kind of creepy | 我知道 但你不觉得边吃着意面 |
| [13:51] | seeing the whole family staring at you through a plate of spaghetti, | 边被全家人瞪着 怪恐怖的吗 |
| [13:55] | I figured it didn’t matter. | 所以我决定那东西不要也罢 |
| [13:58] | Okeydoke. | 听你的 |
| [14:02] | Next. | 下一组 |
| [14:08] | You know I said there wasn’t going to be a theme, right? | 我不是说了今年无主题了吗 |
| [14:10] | I know. You told us to dress | 我知道啊 |
| [14:13] | in something we were comfortable in. | 你说怎么舒服怎么穿 |
| [14:14] | This is comfortable. | 我穿这套就很舒服 |
| [14:17] | Smile. | 微笑 |
| [14:21] | Thanks, Mom. | 谢谢 老妈 |
| [14:22] | I know this is hard for you. | 我知道这对你来说很不容易 |
| [14:24] | Next! | 下一组 |
| [14:32] | Oh, my God, look… | 额滴神啊 |
| [14:33] | Look at that mountain. | 瞅瞅那山 太傻了 |
| [14:36] | Okay, how would you guys like to pose? | 你们打算摆啥造型 |
| [14:40] | I think this looks good. | 我觉得这样就挺好 |
| [14:42] | That’s easy. Let’s do this. | 这容易 咱们开始吧 |
| [14:44] | Here we go. | 准备好了吗 |
| [14:46] | One. | 一 |
| [14:48] | Two… | 二 |
| [14:48] | Stop…! | 停 |
| [14:52] | This is crazy. | 简直疯了 |
| [14:54] | This picture is going to be terrible. | 照出来效果肯定烂透了 |
| [14:56] | Virginia. | 维吉妮亚 |
| [14:56] | Look at you people. | 瞅瞅你们 |
| [14:57] | There’s no theme. | 完全没主题 |
| [14:58] | How is anybody supposed to know we’re a family? | 别人咋会知道咱们是一家人 |
| [15:01] | We look like a bunch of idiots | 咱们就像一群 |
| [15:02] | who just met each other at a thrift store. | 在跳蚤市场偶遇的呆子 |
| [15:04] | We’re not even posing. | 连个造型都不摆 |
| [15:06] | I mean, come on. | 给点激情吧 |
| [15:07] | Pick something. | 选个造型 |
| [15:09] | Arm in arm. | 手挽手 |
| [15:10] | Shoulder train. | 搭肩车 |
| [15:12] | Conga line. | 康茄舞 |
| [15:14] | Rappers. Anything. | 饶舌式 啥都行啊 |
| [15:16] | Damn it, at the very least, | 最最最起码 |
| [15:17] | we should be all facing away from the camera | 咱们可以背对镜头 |
| [15:20] | and look over our shoulders. | 然后回眸一笑百媚生 |
| [15:22] | Mom, settle down. | 妈 冷静点 |
| [15:25] | It’s okay. | 没事的 |
| [15:25] | It is not okay, Jimmy! | 咋会没事 吉米 |
| [15:27] | It is not okay! | 这很严重 |
| [15:28] | Because the picture isn’t perfect. | 这照片效果肯定不好 |
| [15:30] | And if the picture isn’t perfect, | 要是效果不好 |
| [15:31] | there isn’t any reason to take it. | 咱照它就没有意义了 |
| [15:33] | Oh, for God’s sake, | 擦 杀了我吧 |
| [15:35] | am I the only one who sees that giant tree branch | 瞧瞧奶奶脖子上的毛 都快赶上树枝了 |
| [15:39] | of a hair growing out of the side of Maw Maw’s neck?! | 你们都看不到吗 |
| [15:55] | You okay? | 你还好吧 |
| [15:56] | No. | 不好 |
| [15:59] | Jimmy’s paying. Then we can get out of here. | 吉米在结账了 结完咱就走 |
| [16:03] | I think the one picture the guy took could be all right. | 我觉得咱们拍的那张会不错的 |
| [16:06] | Not the worst one we’ve ever had. | 肯定不会是史上最烂的 |
| [16:12] | Why does the picture have to be perfect? | 为啥非得要一张完美无缺的照片 |
| [16:15] | ‘Cause everyone else’s is. | 因为别人家都有 |
| [16:17] | – Who? – Everyone. | -谁家 -大家 |
| [16:20] | You don’t understand. | 你不懂 |
| [16:22] | You clean people’s pools, you cut their grass. | 你给人清理水池 修剪草坪 |
| [16:25] | You’re outside. | 做的都是户外的工作 |
| [16:27] | I’m cleaning the inside. | 我是给人清洁室内的 |
| [16:30] | And every house I clean has these perfect family portraits. | 我打扫的每户人家都有张完美的全家福 |
| [16:34] | Everyone’s happy and smiling. | 每个家庭成员都幸福地微笑着 |
| [16:38] | I just wanted one perfect portrait | 我只想照张完美的全家福 |
| [16:43] | so I could fool people into thinking we have | 这样人家就会觉得 |
| [16:45] | whatever all those other families have. | 他们有的我们也都有 |
| [16:48] | But we don’t. | 可我只是在自欺欺人 |
| [16:54] | – Every house has a good picture? – Yes. | -每户人家都有不错的全家福 -对 |
| [16:58] | What other nice stuff they got in there? | 他们还有啥好东西 |
| [17:00] | You don’t want to know. | 你还是不知道比较好 |
| [17:10] | This one is dedicated to Joe… | 下面这首歌送给听众小乔 |
| [17:16] | #I hear tell you’re doing well # | 听说你最近人品好 |
| [17:19] | #Good things have come to you # | 好事都往你身边跑 |
| [17:22] | #I wish I had your happiness# | 愿你的幸福都归俺啊 |
| [17:24] | #And you had a doo-wack-a# | 剩下个疯婆你往家揽 |
| [17:26] | #Doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a# | 往家揽啊往家揽 |
| [17:28] | #doo-wack-a, doo… # | 往家揽呀么往家揽 |
| [17:35] | # I wish I had your good luck charm # | 愿你的好运都归俺啊 |
| [17:38] | # And you had a doo-wack… # | 剩下个疯婆你往家揽 |
| [17:43] | # You got money in the sack # | 金银财宝你装满 |
| [17:44] | # Both hands on the wheel and your shoulders right back # | 双手掌舵肩放平坦 |
| [17:47] | # Root, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, bah… # | 气定神闲别心慌啊 啦啦啦啦啦啦 |
| [17:50] | # I hear tell you’re doing well # | 听说你最近人品好 |
| [17:52] | # Good things have come to you # | 好事都往你身边跑 |
| [17:55] | # I wish I had… # | 愿你的… |
| [18:05] | # I wish I had your good luck charm # | 愿你的好运都归俺啊 |
| [18:08] | # And you had a doo-wack-a # | 剩下个疯婆你往家揽 |
| [18:09] | # Doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a # | 往家揽啊往家揽 |
| [18:11] | # Doo-wack-a, doo… # | 往家揽呀么往家揽 |
| [18:12] | # You’re going down the street in your big Cadillac # | 开着跑车你满街窜 |
| [18:15] | # You got girls in the front, you got girls in the back # | 美女全都围着你转 |
| [18:18] | # Yeah, way in the back, got money in the sack # | 耶 围着你转 金银财宝你装满 |
| [18:20] | # Both hands on the wheel and your shoulders right back # | 双手掌舵肩放平坦 |
| [18:23] | # Root, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo # | 气定神闲别心慌啊 啦啦啦啦啦啦 |
| [18:26] | # I hear tell you’re doing well # | 听说你最近人品好 |
| [18:29] | # Good things have come to you # | 好事都往你身边跑 |
| [18:31] | # I wish I had your happiness # | 愿你的幸福都归俺啊 |
| [18:34] | # And you had a doo-wack-a # | 剩下个疯婆你往家揽 |
| [18:35] | # Doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a # | 往家揽啊往家揽 |
| [18:37] | # Doo-wack-a, doo. # | 往家揽呀么往家揽 |
| [18:39] | # Doo-wack-a, doo-wack-a… # | 往家揽呀么往家揽 |
| [18:50] | How about that? | 这张咋样 |
| [18:52] | I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| [18:54] | Sure you do. | 你当然喜欢 |
| [18:55] | It’s another crazy thing to make fun of our family about. | 又一个取笑咱家的笑料 |
| [18:57] | You want to go in the other room | 要不要进里屋去 |
| [18:58] | and have a look at my grandmother’s inverted nipples? | 参观下我奶奶那内陷的乳头 |
| [19:01] | How about our bank statement? | 或者看看咱家的银行账单 |
| [19:02] | That’s a hoot. | 绝对够劲爆 |
| [19:04] | I think it’s a great picture. | 我觉得这照片很棒 |
| [19:06] | I mean, my family has all those portraits | 我家有几张全家福 |
| [19:08] | that you were talking about, and, you know, | 就是你说的那种 |
| [19:10] | we’re all smiling, but somebody told us when to smile, | 大家都微笑着 可都是听了摄影师的口令 |
| [19:12] | so those smiles are fake. | 都是假笑 |
| [19:14] | All these smiles are real. | 这些笑容才是发自内心的 |
| [19:18] | You captured a moment of actual family joy, | 这照片捕捉到了真正的家庭欢乐的瞬间 |
| [19:20] | and that’s kind of rare. | 这很难得 |
| [19:25] | I think you finally got your picture. | 我觉得这就是你一直想要的照片 |
| [19:31] | I like her, Jimmy. | 这妞我喜欢 |
| [19:33] | Smart, insightful. | 有头脑 有思想 |
| [19:37] | I told you we had a lot in common. | 我就说她跟我挺像吧 |
| [19:39] | You’re staying for dinner. | 决定了 你留下吃晚饭 |
| [19:41] | We’ve having TV dinners! | 今天吃冷冻快餐 |
| [19:43] | If you’re a vegetarian, | 你要是吃素 |
| [19:44] | I’m pretty sure you can talk Burt into trading you | 可以用你的牛肉饼换伯特的蔬菜 |
| [19:47] | his vegetable section for your Salisbury steak section. | 他肯定乐意 |
| [19:52] | She hit ignore. | 她按了忽略键 |
| [19:53] | – What? – She hit ignore. | -啥 -她按了忽略键 |
| [19:55] | Her boyfriend just called, and she hit ignore. | 她男友打电话来 她按了忽略键 |
| [19:56] | What does that mean? | 忽略键是啥 |
| [19:57] | My phone doesn’t have an ignore. | 我的手机没有忽略功能 |
| [19:59] | When I ignore someone, I just ignore them. | 我要是不想接电话 就直接装没听见 |
| [20:01] | I don’t know. I don’t have ignore, either. | 不知道 我手机也没忽略功能 |
| [20:02] | But this is good, right? | 但这反正是好事 对吧 |
| [20:04] | – Go kiss her. – What?! | -去亲她 -啥 |
| [20:06] | Go kiss her. Now. It’s time. I’m telling you. | 去亲她 时机到了 听我的 |
| [20:08] | You need to do it before it’s too late. Go! | 时不我待 赶紧上 |
| [20:13] | Two pounds, three ounces. | 奶奶生了 两斤多 |
| [20:14] | Mother is resting comfortably. | 产妇正休息着呢 |
| [20:19] | Thanks for having me over. | 谢谢你给我看这些 |
| [20:20] | This was really fun. | 很有意思 |
| [20:27] | I, uh, I gotta admit I was a little nervous | 说实话 让你知道我家这么多事 |
| [20:29] | about you learning so much about my family. | 我其实有点紧张 |
| [20:31] | I thought it might scare you off. | 我还以为会吓着你 |
| [20:33] | Oh, no way. No, just the opposite. | 咋可能 恰恰相反 |
| [20:38] | However, if you meet a girl that you want to date, | 不过呢 你要是遇上了心仪的女孩 |
| [20:40] | you know, like, not just a friend? | 你懂的 不只是朋友那种 |
| [20:42] | You might want to hold off on showing her | 最好别急着给她看家庭照片 |
| [20:43] | the family photo album for a couple months. | 先缓几个月再说 |
| [20:46] | Yeah, that might be a good idea. | 也对 有道理 |
| [20:48] | Waited too long… | 畏缩太久 |
| [20:51] | just like Ross. | 就会跟罗斯一个下场 |
| [20:51] | 前文提过《老友记》里罗斯困在”朋友区”的桥段 详情请自行回放 | |
| [20:55] | She’s… | 她有点… |
| [21:00] | Maybe I did wait too long. | 也许我的确畏缩了太久 |
| [21:02] | But I did learn one thing today: | 但我今天确定了一件事 |
| [21:04] | Sabrina likes me. | 塞布丽娜喜欢我 |
| [21:06] | Right now it might just be as a friend, | 现在也许只是朋友 |
| [21:08] | but who knows? | 可以后谁知道呢 |
| [21:13] | She was enjoying hanging out with me enough | 她喜欢跟我待在一起 |
| [21:15] | to ignore a call from her boyfriend. | 连男朋友的电话都忽略了 |
| [21:17] | Maybe one day she’ll be willing to ignore him altogether. | 没准哪天她就连他整个人都一起忽略了 |
| [21:35] | Yep, I thought that was a little too easy. | 果然 我就知道你不会轻易入睡 |