| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:09] | *So many sounds don’t bother you * | 各种动静都没反应 |
| [00:12] | *Mail through the slot * | 邮件进门沙沙沙 |
| [00:15] | *The clock’s cuckoo * | 墙上大钟当当当 |
| [00:18] | *Gunshot sounds that come from the TV * | 电视枪声砰砰砰 |
| [00:23] | *Then there’s the sound that gets you all worked up * | 但唯独 一听这声音就惊醒 |
| [00:25] | *Start wagging tails and just freak out * | 摇头摆尾兼惊恐 |
| [00:27] | *’Cause remember that you’re always safe with me * | 请记住 有我在就安全无比 |
| [00:31] | *’Cause it’s the doorbell, just the doorbell * | 门铃响起无需惊 |
| [00:33] | *And all your barking is becoming a pain in my ass * | 漫天狗吠乱我心 |
| [00:36] | *It’s just the doorbell, the freaking doorbell * | 该死的门铃无需惊 |
| [00:38] | *But it’s probably just your owner or the nice guy * | 可能只是主人把家还 |
| [00:39] | *That comes to read the gas. * | 或是抄煤气表的帅小伙 |
| [00:45] | Good job, guys. I’m seeing improvement. | 表现不错 有进步哦 |
| [00:50] | Hi. I was wondering where Miss Hope Rope-a-Dope was. | 嗨 我正纳闷喜旺的”绝地大反击”咋还没来呢 |
| [00:50] | rope a dope是拳击术语 形容靠在围绳上休息 以伺机反击 后也比喻以逸待劳 | |
| [00:54] | Sorry she’s late. | 抱歉迟到了 |
| [00:56] | Jimmy was moving according to coffee-pot time, | 吉米以前是照着咖啡壶上的时间行事的 |
| [00:58] | which is usually ten minutes fast, | 那通常会比标准时间快十分钟 |
| [01:00] | but it crapped out in the middle of the night, | 可咖啡壶昨晚坏了 |
| [01:01] | so we’re all kinda on microwave time today. | 所以今天只能以微波炉时间器为准了 |
| [01:06] | Gotcha. | 了解 |
| [01:08] | Hey, what happened to your dead tooth? | 欸 你的坏牙呢 |
| [01:11] | Oh, I got rid of it. | 拔掉了 |
| [01:12] | I thought it made me unique, but then I saw | 本来以为坏牙能让我别具一格 |
| [01:14] | this hilarious episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, | 但那天我看了《费城阳光》里非常搞笑的一集 |
| [01:17] | and there was this girl with a dead tooth. | 里面也有个女生有颗坏牙 |
| [01:19] | Crazy, right? | 想不到吧 |
| [01:21] | And everyone was always making fun of her, | 而且大家总是取笑她 |
| [01:22] | so before anyone made fun of me, | 所以趁有人取笑我之前 |
| [01:24] | I figured I’d get it fixed. | 我觉得还是把牙弄好为妙 |
| [01:28] | The other kids not here yet? | 其他的孩子还没来吗 |
| [01:29] | Oh, no, Hope’s the only kid left. | 这儿只剩喜旺一个孩子了 |
| [01:31] | Jessie and Phoebe moved on to real school, | 洁西和菲比转去了正牌幼儿园 |
| [01:33] | and Jenny’s mother’s trying the whole stay-at-home-mom thing | 洁妮的妈妈则尝试做全职妈妈了 |
| [01:35] | now that they got her medications sorted out. | 他们终于把她的药分类弄清楚了 |
| [01:37] | What about the old people you were watching? | 那你照看的那些老人呢 |
| [01:39] | Dead. Waiting on a new batch to come in. | 挂了 我正等着新一批上门呢 |
| [01:42] | Hope’s not afraid to get in there and mix it up, though. | 看来喜旺并不害怕 而且很融入啊 |
| [01:53] | I’m telling you, Jimmy, | 我跟你说 吉米 |
| [01:54] | it’s a great day care and everything, | 那里的确是个不错的日托所 |
| [01:56] | but she can’t grow up only around dogs. | 可咱喜旺不能在狗堆里长大啊 |
| [01:58] | How embarrassed are you gonna be at | 等她在主日学校抱住牧师的腿蹭时 |
| [01:59] | sunday school when she starts humping the minister’s leg. | 你得多尴尬呀 |
| [02:02] | I appreciate your concern, | 很感谢你想的这么周到 |
| [02:03] | and I do wish Hope had some other kids there, | 我当然也希望喜旺能和其他小朋友在一起 |
| [02:05] | but for now I’m sure she’s fine. | 但目前来说 我觉得她挺好的 |
| [02:11] | Did your baby just bark? | 你闺女刚才是不是吠了一声 |
| [02:14] | No, maybe she burped. | 不是 可能只是打嗝吧 |
| [02:20] | Hiccup? | 噎着啦 |
| [02:27] | Okay, she barked. | 好吧 她的确吠了 |
| [02:31] | What does this button do? | 这按钮是干嘛的 |
| [02:48] | Is that another brochure about joining the Air Force? | 又是征召空军的宣传单吗 |
| [02:50] | No, it’s a brochure for a private preschool | 不 这是一家私立幼儿园的宣传单 |
| [02:53] | one of my client’s kids goes to– Marcy. | 我打扫的人家中 有个叫玛西的小孩就去那儿 |
| [02:55] | Good kid, smart. | 非常聪明的乖孩子 |
| [02:57] | She reads the tabloids to me while I’m cleaning. | 我清洁时她会念八卦小报给我听 |
| [02:59] | We can’t afford this place. | 咱家可交不起学费 |
| [03:00] | Go to the page with the black kid. | 看看有黑人小孩的那页 |
| [03:03] | Uh, yeah, it looks like they have a great computer center. | 好吧 貌似这学校的计算机中心不错 |
| [03:07] | No, not the picture of the black kid with glasses. | 不是黑小孩戴眼镜的那页 |
| [03:11] | The one where he’s high-fiving the Mexican girl. | 是他和一个墨西哥女生击掌的那页 |
| [03:14] | Ah, they have scholarships, cool. | 哇哇 他们提供奖学金 酷啊 |
| [03:17] | But these are for poor people. | 但只提供给穷人啊 |
| [03:19] | What do you think we are? | 那您少爷觉得咱家算啥 |
| [03:21] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [03:21] | Like, lower-lower-lower middle class? | 落魄潦倒两袖清风的中产阶级 |
| [03:25] | I’m gonna take these to the bottle return place. | 我把这些瓶子拿到回收站去 |
| [03:29] | Huh, it’s like a tunnel. | 有隧道么 眼前一黑呀 |
| [03:34] | He does all that for $1.90, | 你老爹为了一块九就牺牲成这样 |
| [03:35] | and you think we’re not poor? | 而您少爷觉得咱还不算穷人 |
| [03:43] | Check out all those fancy guys who went here. | 快瞧瞧上过这家幼儿园的这些牛逼人物 |
| [03:45] | Those are the presidents of the United States. | 这些是历届美国总统 |
| [03:48] | I remember that guy. | 我记得这家伙 |
| [03:50] | So handsome. | 好帅哦 |
| [03:51] | Check it out. There’s one named Grover. | 快看 有个家伙居然叫格罗弗 |
| [03:51] | 美国著名幼儿教育节目《芝麻街》中 有个布偶也叫格罗弗 | |
| [03:55] | Grover. | 格罗弗 |
| [03:56] | All right, everybody, | 好了 各位 |
| [03:57] | these applications are due in two weeks. | 申请表请在两周内上交 |
| [04:01] | Unfortunately, we only have enough grant money | 很遗憾 我们只能为一个贫困家庭 |
| [04:04] | to cover one poor student. | 提供奖学金 |
| [04:05] | We are totally winning this. | 咱家赢定了 |
| [04:07] | There’s no way these people are poorer than us. | 这些家伙绝没可能比咱还穷 |
| [04:09] | Okay, does anybody have any questions? | 好了 有谁有问题吗 |
| [04:11] | I do. I was wondering, | 我 我有点不放心 |
| [04:14] | I had seen on the neighborhood watch web site | 我在”邻里守望”网站上看到 |
| [04:16] | that there was a sex offender | 有个性犯罪者 |
| [04:17] | living not far from the school. | 住的离学校很近 |
| [04:19] | What’s a neighborhood watch web site? | 啥是”邻里守望”网站 |
| [04:21] | It’s a web site that tells you where the people who’ve been | 那个网站可以让你辨认出那些 |
| [04:25] | convicted of sexual-related crimes live. | 曾被判为性犯罪的罪犯的住所 |
| [04:27] | There’s a blue dot over their house. | 他们的房子上都有个蓝点 |
| [04:31] | Oh, we use the computer at the library, | 我们是在图书馆的电脑上查到的 |
| [04:34] | since we can’t afford our own. | 我们可没钱买电脑 |
| [04:36] | No, we forced that person out. | 没事 那个人已经被强行搬迁了 |
| [04:38] | Now the closest blue dot is way, way, way over on | 现在最近的蓝点 在好远好远好远的 |
| [04:41] | the other side of town | 镇子那头 |
| [04:43] | by the dangerous mall | 在那危险的商场旁边 |
| [04:44] | in Lacey Park. | 在雷西区 |
| [04:45] | We live in Lacey Park. | 我们就住雷西区 |
| [04:47] | By the dangerous mall. | 那危险的商场旁边 |
| [04:49] | We’re so poor, we live by the dangerous mall. | 咱家一穷二白 只能住在危险的商场旁边 |
| [04:55] | I’ll kill him. | 老子要宰了他 |
| [04:56] | I’ll strangle him with his own perverted | 我要用他那变态的性犯罪魔爪 |
| [04:58] | sexual-offending hands! | 掐死他 |
| [04:59] | How do you know it’s a him? | 你咋知道是个男的 |
| [05:00] | I bet it’s that woman who lives up the street | 我敢打赌 一定是街上住的那个女人 |
| [05:03] | whose bushes look like wieners. | 她把自家灌木修成香肠状 |
| [05:05] | No one sees that but you, Mom. | 除了你没人看到了 老妈 |
| [05:07] | There it is, the blue dot. | 找到了 那个蓝点 |
| [05:11] | They live really close to us. | 离咱好近啊 |
| [05:14] | On our block. | 就在咱这街区 |
| [05:18] | In our house! | 就在咱家 |
| [05:30] | It’s obviously a mistake. | 明显是弄错了 |
| [05:31] | It says here “Lewd acts with a 15-year-old.” | 这儿写着”猥亵15岁少女” |
| [05:34] | It didn’t happen! It’s lying! | 没有的事儿 瞎扯的 |
| [05:36] | Wait a minute. This is ringing a bell. | 等等 我想起来了 |
| [05:39] | Burt, you remember Donna Passani’s Sweet 16? | 伯特 你还记得唐纳·帕莎妮的16岁生日么 |
| [05:44] | We were all doing it in cars | 咱俩车震来着 |
| [05:45] | in the Knights of Columbus parking lot, | 就在哥伦布骑士会的停车场 |
| [05:47] | and we got caught by a cop? | 然后我们被警察抓了 |
| [05:50] | You got arrested! | 你被逮走了 |
| [05:51] | Oh, yeah! | 对 没错 |
| [05:53] | I was only 15, he was 17. | 当时我15岁 他17岁 |
| [05:55] | That’s where that blue dot’s from. | 那破蓝点就是这么来的 |
| [05:57] | So you sexually offended Mom? | 所以你性侵犯了老妈 |
| [05:59] | It wasn’t Burt’s fault. I developed early. | 不怪伯特 是我发育得太好了 |
| [06:02] | You’re still that smoking hot, nasty, sex-crazed … to me. | 在我眼里你还是那么性感撩人 风骚入骨 |
| [06:09] | You know, the school does a background check, | 你们要知道 学校是要调查背景的 |
| [06:11] | and we’re not gonna get in if we have a dot on this house. | 咱要是一直顶着这么个蓝点就没戏了 |
| [06:15] | He’s right. We need to do something. | 他说的对 咱得想点辙出来 |
| [06:19] | I want my granddaughter to go to that school | 我想要咱家小宝贝进那个托儿所 |
| [06:21] | and have a chance to do great things. | 然后才有机会出人头地 |
| [06:24] | Whoever heard of a rich and successful dog? | 谁听说过狗能功成名就的 |
| [06:26] | I can think of eight right off the bat. | 我立马能给你想出八个 |
| [06:28] | Plus, Hope is gonna want to have friends over one day, | 还有 喜旺以后肯定是要去交朋友的 |
| [06:30] | and no one will come | 可只要咱家顶着这个蓝点 |
| [06:31] | because there’s a stigmatism attached to our house. | 就没人会搭理她的 |
| [06:35] | What am I supposed to do? | 那你让我咋办 |
| [06:36] | Make a time machine, work the kinks out, | 搞个时间机器 弄懂操作指南 |
| [06:38] | go back in time, | 然后回到过去 |
| [06:39] | then remember not to smush parts with your mom? | 提醒自己别跟你老妈搞在一起吗 |
| [06:42] | Is that what you want? | 你是这意思吗 |
| [06:42] | ‘Cause then you wouldn’t even be born! | 这样的话 你根本就不会出生了 |
| [06:44] | Just like Back to the Future! | 就跟《回到未来》那电影一样 |
| [06:46] | Am I the only one that watches movies in this house? | 咱家只有我一个人会看电影吗 |
| [06:47] | Burt, this is serious business. | 伯特 这事儿很严重 |
| [06:51] | We’ll need to hire a lawyer. | 咱得雇个律师才行 |
| [06:52] | Then we’ll have to get dressed up | 那咱就得穿戴整齐 |
| [06:53] | and go to an office park. Come on, man! | 走进一栋像模像样的写字楼去 拜托 |
| [06:56] | I don’t want to open this can of worms now! | 我现在没心情搞这些麻烦事 |
| [06:57] | You have to! | 由不得你 |
| [06:58] | We gotta make that dot disappear! | 咱得把那个破点弄没 |
| [07:04] | There, it’s gone. | 看吧 没了 |
| [07:07] | When you have legal trouble, | 当你陷入法律纠纷时 |
| [07:09] | you don’t just need a lawyer, | 你需要的不仅是一名律师 |
| [07:11] | you need a friend. | 更是一个朋友 |
| [07:13] | So call me, Wally Phipps. | 给我打电话吧 我是瓦利·菲普斯 |
| [07:16] | I may charge for legal services, | 我的法律服务或许要收费 |
| [07:19] | but the hugs are free. | 但我的拥抱是免费的 |
| [07:28] | So I need you to sponge this from my record. | 我需要你把这个从我档案里抹去 |
| [07:30] | Can you do that? | 你能办得到吗 |
| [07:32] | Well, I can get you a court date in a week, but, uh… | 我本周内就能帮你安排开庭 不过 |
| [07:37] | Oh, Gilligan! | 哇靠 哥们儿 |
| [07:38] | This is a problem. | 有点问题 |
| [07:39] | Your registration is in arrears. | 你注册房子的时候没有注明这事儿 |
| [07:42] | Oh, hey, I don’t know what that cop wrote, | 我不知道那警察怎么写的 |
| [07:44] | but we were doing it normal style. | 但我们只用了普通体位 |
| [07:46] | Yeah, that is not my bag. | 没错 我可不喜欢太过新奇的 |
| [07:48] | No, I meant you have to go door-to-door | 不 我的意思是 你得去挨家挨户地敲门 |
| [07:52] | in your neighborhood and identify yourself | 通知你的邻居说 |
| [07:55] | as a sexual offender living in the neighborhood. | 你是个住在他们隔壁的性侵害罪犯 |
| [07:58] | Otherwise, you’ll get in even more trouble. | 否则 你的麻烦会更大的 |
| [08:26] | Hi. Are you looking for someone to care for your lawn? | 你好 需要找人帮你修剪草坪吗 |
| [08:30] | ‘Cause I’m not one of those mow-and-blow guys. | 我可不是那种敷衍了事的人哦 |
| [08:32] | I will weed, prune, plant. | 我会除草 修剪 种植 |
| [08:34] | I’m dependable, trustworthy. | 我是个值得依靠和信赖的人 |
| [08:36] | Uh, here’s my card. | 给你我的名片 |
| [08:39] | Also, I’m a sex offender. | 另外 我还有过性侵犯史哦 |
| [08:42] | Good news, I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness. | 好消息是 我不是什么耶和华见证会的人 |
| [08:45] | Bad news, I’m a sex offender. | 坏消息是 我性侵犯过别人 |
| [08:47] | Hello, I’m your neighbor Burt Chance. | 你好 我是你的邻居伯特·吉斯 |
| [08:49] | I just wanted to let you know | 我就是过来告诉你 |
| [08:51] | there’s a sexual predator living in your neighborhood. | 你家隔壁住着个性爱狂魔 |
| [08:54] | It’s me. | 就是我 |
| [08:55] | About eight years ago, I borrowed your staple gun. | 大概八年前 我从你家借过钉书机 |
| [08:59] | Also, I’m a sexual predator. | 还有 我是个性爱狂魔 |
| [09:19] | Hey, I’m shaving ham here, man! | 伙计 我正切火腿呢 |
| [09:22] | You’re not being funny. | 这可不好笑 |
| [09:23] | I’m not trying to be funny. | 我没想搞笑 |
| [09:25] | I, uh, finished proofing Hope’s preschool application. | 我看完了喜旺的托儿所入园申请 |
| [09:29] | You’re a pretty big fan of exclamation points, huh? | 你很喜欢用感叹号啊 |
| [09:32] | Yeah, I thought it made it more exciting. | 是啊 我觉得这样更能感染人 |
| [09:34] | Is this more exciting?! | 这样够感染人吗 |
| [09:36] | Or does it just seem like I’m weird?! | 还是会让人觉得我有毛病 |
| [09:38] | Yeah, okay, well, that’s why I wrote it in pencil, see? | 好吧 所以我是用铅笔写的 看 |
| [09:41] | We’re gonna need to jazz this form up a bit. | 咱得给这份申请润润色 |
| [09:44] | You got to sell yourself, like, um, | 你得把自己推销出去 比如 |
| [09:46] | say you served in Iraq. | 说你去伊拉克服过兵役 |
| [09:47] | No, Afghanistan. It’s a better war. | 不 还是阿富汗吧 伊拉克战争咱理亏啊 |
| [09:50] | Would you stop it?! | 你闹够了没有 |
| [09:51] | Stuff like this is why Barney doesn’t let you use the slicer. | 就因为你这德性 巴尼才不让你碰切片机 |
| [09:54] | I don’t want to use the slicer. | 谁想用那个破切片机啊 |
| [09:56] | Listen, seriously, you’re gonna have | 听着 说真的 你得把这申请 |
| [09:58] | to spice this up a little. | 弄得稍微有料一点点 |
| [10:00] | I’m not gonna lie. | 我不会撒谎的 |
| [10:02] | I don’t want Hope’s future based on dishonesty. | 我不想把喜旺的未来建立在谎言上 |
| [10:05] | Well, suit yourself, Mr. Honesty. | 随你便吧 诚实先生 |
| [10:07] | But whatever you do… | 但不管你怎么写 |
| [10:08] | take it easy on the exclams! | 给我少用感叹号 |
| [10:12] | It’s my birthday. | 这是我生日 |
| [10:26] | Maw Maw, release! | 奶奶 放手 |
| [10:28] | Why couldn’t we leave her home? | 你就不能把她扔家么 |
| [10:29] | Because I broke a glass in the kitchen, | 因为我在厨房打碎了一个玻璃杯 |
| [10:31] | and I wasn’t in the mood to clean it up. | 又没心情去收拾 |
| [10:33] | Burt and I need to get to the judge’s chambers. | 我和伯特要先去趟法官办公室 |
| [10:36] | But after, I’d love to tell you | 完事了就来教你 |
| [10:37] | how you could use your broken glass | 怎么用碎玻璃 |
| [10:39] | to make a lovely mosaic for your patio. | 给露台贴上漂亮的马赛克 |
| [10:42] | Come on. | 这边 |
| [10:46] | Oh, gotta hang back. | 别动 |
| [10:47] | You can’t be near those kids, Burt. | 你不能靠近孩子们 伯特 |
| [10:49] | You’re a sex offender. | 因为你是个性罪犯 |
| [10:52] | No, I’m not a perv or anything. | 我又不是禽流感 |
| [10:55] | I just made love with my teenage wife. | 我只是和我未成年的太太亲热了一番 |
| [10:58] | It’s cool! I gave him the green light! | 没什么的 我是自愿的 |
| [11:13] | They’ve been talking to the judge a long time. | 他们已经和法官谈了很久了 |
| [11:16] | Oh, man. I hope Dad didn’t get frustrated | 天啊 我真希望爸爸没有绝望到 |
| [11:19] | and do his crank-up-his-middle-finger thing. | 做出竖中指之类的傻事 |
| [11:21] | Yeah, he’s definitely in a finger-cranking mood today. | 他今天这状态难保不发飙 |
| [11:23] | I got one this morning when I got the last Eggo. | 今早我赢了最后块战斗蛋时 他就冲我竖了 |
| [11:28] | Good news. | 好消息 |
| [11:29] | They overturned my dot. | 他们注销了我的记录 |
| [11:31] | Take that, justice system. | 接招 司法制度 |
| [11:42] | Some old lady took her shirt off. | 有个老太婆脱了她衣服 |
| [11:45] | Best field trip ever! | 最给力的一次实地考察旅行啊 |
| [12:02] | When I talk to the judge and explain that your Maw Maw | 我去找了法官 跟他解释说你们曾奶奶 |
| [12:06] | is a teeny bit bonkadoo, | 和别人不太一样 |
| [12:08] | he’ll get rid of the dot as soon as | 法官表示 只要她完成12小时社区服务 |
| [12:10] | she does 12 hours of community service. | 就会撤销记录 |
| [12:18] | 12 hours? | 12小时 |
| [12:20] | She’s only awake for three hours at a time. | 她每天只有3个小时是清醒的 |
| [12:21] | Well, some of those kids were pretty shook up. | 可不少孩子被她吓坏了 |
| [12:24] | Yeah. First time you see ’em, it can be pretty rough. | 嗯 第一次看那玩意确实不太容易接受 |
| [12:27] | I still can’t eat dried fruit without heaving a little first. | 我现在吃果脯都还会心有余悸 |
| [12:30] | Well, let’s see what has a need right now. | 来看看现在有什么社区服务可做 |
| [12:33] | Bip, bip, bip, bip… here we go. | 跳过 跳过 跳过 找到了 |
| [12:36] | Picking up trash on Highway 80. | 去80号公路捡垃圾 |
| [12:40] | She’s going to have to do that tomorrow, | 她明天就得去 |
| [12:41] | because the application’s due the day after. | 因为申请后天就截止了 |
| [12:44] | She can’t even get her own toilet paper in the toilet. | 她连掉在厕所的草纸都不捡 |
| [12:46] | How is she going to get strange trash in a strange trash can? | 咋可能把陌生的垃圾扔进陌生的桶里 |
| [12:49] | Well, she has to. | 可她必须去 |
| [12:50] | A while back, | 前阵子 |
| [12:52] | I slipped on a wig and did my wife’s community service | 我戴了顶假发替我太太做了社区服务 |
| [12:56] | when she got arrested for spousal abuse. | 她因为虐待配偶被逮捕了 |
| [12:59] | Point is, that any woman can sign in and do the job. | 重点是 随便哪个女人都可以签名开工 |
| [13:08] | I hate all of you. | 我恨你们 |
| [13:11] | Thank you for having me on the show, Johnny. | 多谢你能请我看演出 强尼 |
| [13:23] | Hey, thanks for doing this. | 谢谢你能那么做 |
| [13:25] | I packed you a lunch of all orange things | 我帮你准备了橙色的午餐 |
| [13:27] | so you wouldn’t have to worry about staining your jumpsuit. | 这样你就不用担心食物沾到连体服上了 |
| [13:29] | It’s mostly cheese puffs and jelly beans. | 主要是芝士条和QQ糖 |
| [13:35] | Dad, what are you doing? | 爸爸 你在干嘛 |
| [13:36] | He’s sleep-eating. | 他在梦游吃东西呢 |
| [13:39] | He does it every night. | 每晚都这样 |
| [13:43] | You know, I’m starting to think we should have left Hope | 知道么 我觉得我们应该把喜旺 |
| [13:46] | in that dog pound day care. | 留在狗堆里养着 |
| [13:49] | She could still be successful. | 她一样可以有所成就的 |
| [13:51] | Just strap her to a blind person and call it a day. | 把她拴好交给个盲人就可以收工了 |
| [13:57] | How is he not, like, 500 pounds? | 他这个吃法 咋会没到500磅的 |
| [14:00] | He sleep-exercises. | 他还会梦游做运动 |
| [14:05] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [14:07] | Let’s do this. | 就那么定了 |
| [14:10] | You sure you don’t want to brush your hair? | 你真的不打算梳一下头 |
| [14:14] | Oh, right. | 对哦 |
| [14:15] | ‘Cause if I’m going to be picking up beer bottles and old rubbers, | 我这是要去捡啤酒瓶和垃圾 |
| [14:18] | I really want to look my best. | 还真得好好打扮一番 |
| [14:25] | Got to pee, got to pee, got to pee, pee, pee. | 想嘘嘘 想嘘嘘 想嘘嘘嘘 |
| [14:28] | Got to pee, got to pee, got to pee. Whoo! | 想嘘嘘 想嘘嘘 想嘘嘘 |
| [14:35] | He won’t give me the key unless I buy something. | 不买点啥他就不给我钥匙 |
| [14:36] | Give me some money. | 快给我点钱 |
| [14:44] | They don’t have anything for 26 cents. | 26美分啥都买不了 |
| [14:46] | Don’t you have any more money? | 多给点不行吗 |
| [14:47] | No, that’s it. | 就这么点了 |
| [14:49] | Try the “Take a penny, leave a penny” Jar. | 看看这的美分罐里还有没有钱 |
| [15:00] | Hey, Jimmy. | 你好 吉米 |
| [15:01] | Hey. Hey, Dancing Dan. | 你好 舞王 |
| [15:07] | Nobody left a penny. | 一毛钱都没有 |
| [15:09] | Sign of the times. | 世道不好啊 |
| [15:13] | Hey, what are you going to do with that? | 你这是要干嘛 |
| [15:23] | Hey. What in the Lord? | 啥情况啊 |
| [15:31] | I can’t believe you’re arresting me. | 你竟然把我给逮捕了 |
| [15:33] | Watch your head. | 小心碰头 |
| [15:34] | The real crime is what those people are charging | 真正该抓的是那些连盒口香糖 |
| [15:37] | for a pack of gum in there. | 都要收费的人 |
| [15:39] | Mom, what’s going on? | 老妈 咋回事 |
| [15:41] | We just caught your mother relieving herself | 你妈妈因为在加油站随地大小便 |
| [15:43] | behind the gas station. | 被我们逮捕了 |
| [15:44] | She’s being arrested for indecent exposure. | 这样实在有伤风化 |
| [15:51] | What am I supposed to do? | 我该咋办啊 |
| [15:51] | I need to find someone to pick up litter in like five minutes. | 我得在五分钟内找个人去捡垃圾 |
| [15:54] | I got bigger problems, Jimmy. | 老娘麻烦更大好吧 吉米 |
| [15:56] | My mug shot’s going to look terrible. | 我的大头照肯定丑死了 |
| [16:09] | Excuse me, miss. I’d like to pay you | 小姐 打扰一下 我想雇你 |
| [16:11] | to pretend to be my great-grandmother | 假扮我曾奶奶 |
| [16:12] | on the side of the road. | 去下路那边 |
| [16:13] | It’ll be dirty, but… | 可能有点脏 但 |
| [16:18] | That hooker was wearing a wire. | 那妓女身上装着窃听器 |
| [16:21] | I heard the whole thing on the walkie-talkie. | 我从对讲机里听到了全过程 |
| [16:24] | It’s like watching your kid drown | 感觉就像眼瞅着自己的孩子快淹死了 |
| [16:25] | and not being able to tell him to shut up. | 却没法让他闭嘴 |
| [16:38] | I know I’ve said lying’s bad, but, I mean, | 我是说过撒谎不好 |
| [16:42] | half the games we play are lies. | 可半数的游戏都要人撒谎 |
| [16:44] | Like peekaboo? | 比如躲猫猫 |
| [16:46] | I’m not really gone. Still here. | 我其实没走 一直在呢 |
| [16:50] | What I’m saying is, I think I have to use | 我是想说 我迫不得已 |
| [16:52] | our neighbor’s address on this form, | 只能在这表上填邻居家的地址了 |
| [16:54] | although I wish I didn’t have to. | 虽然我并不希望如此 |
| [16:57] | You know, I wouldn’t have to do all this | 知道吗 我本来不用这么做的 |
| [16:58] | if you weren’t doing dog stuff like barking or… | 就怪你 又学狗叫又… |
| [17:04] | Chewing bones? | 啃骨头 |
| [17:06] | Who gave Hope a steak bone? | 谁把排骨给喜旺了 |
| [17:09] | She fetched my slippers. | 她给我拿了拖鞋 |
| [17:11] | I keep my promises. | 俺是个言出必诺的男人 |
| [17:15] | Oh, man. | 额滴个神呐 |
| [17:20] | I got to get you away from these dogs. | 我得让你远离狗类 |
| [17:22] | Think I have to lie about more than just our address. | 看来我不只要在住址上扯谎了 |
| [17:25] | Excuse me. | 不好意思 |
| [17:26] | Everybody? | 大家听一下 |
| [17:28] | I would like to thank you all for applying. | 感谢你们的申请 |
| [17:31] | All of you had such compelling stories. | 你们每个人的故事都如此引人入胜 |
| [17:34] | The O’Donnells. | 唐纳尔一家 |
| [17:36] | Both of you working three jobs | 你们每人兼了三份工 |
| [17:38] | while living in another family’s basement, | 还住在别人家的地下室里 |
| [17:40] | somehow using a hot plate to heat your bathwater. | 甚至以某种方法用电热板加热洗澡水 |
| [17:44] | Oh, and Mr. Melman. | 还有梅尔曼先生 |
| [17:46] | Mr. Melman volunteers | 梅尔曼先生每天都在 |
| [17:47] | every single day in a downtown soup kitchen. | 市区内的施粥场散布爱心 |
| [17:52] | The Sanchezes had to float to this country | 桑切斯一家不得不乘着轮胎内胎 |
| [17:55] | on an inner tube with nothing but a stick | 飘洋过海到这个国家 |
| [17:56] | to fight off the shark attacks. | 手中只有一个手杖与鲨鱼殊死搏斗 |
| [18:00] | Oh, and the Hassecks, who are functionally mute. | 还有哈塞克一家 他们患有功能性失语症 |
| [18:05] | But one story stood out. | 但有一个故事却是鹤立鸡群 |
| [18:08] | Would you come up here, Jim Chance? | 吉姆·吉斯 你能上前来吗 |
| [18:11] | Come on. Don’t be shy. | 来吧 别害羞 |
| [18:16] | James Chance, | 詹姆斯·吉斯 |
| [18:18] | single father who gave up a promising career in art | 一位单身父亲 为了国家 在阿富汗鞠躬尽瘁 |
| [18:22] | to fight for his country in Afghanistan, | 放弃了在艺术上的光明前程 |
| [18:24] | only to injure his drawing hand | 为了把孤儿护送至安全地带 |
| [18:26] | while carrying several orphans to safety. | 他艺术家的手惨遭荼毒 |
| [18:29] | Then, when he came back, | 当他归国之时 |
| [18:30] | he was carjacked by a man desperate for money | 他又遭遇了汽车抢劫 |
| [18:33] | to pay for a kidney transplant. | 对方是个急需钱来做肾脏移植的人 |
| [18:37] | And who do you suppose gave him the kidney? | 猜猜是谁捐献了肾脏 |
| [18:39] | James Chance. | 詹姆斯·吉斯 |
| [18:41] | The scholarship goes to Hope Chance. | 这笔奖学金的获得者是 喜旺·吉斯 |
| [18:44] | Congratulations. | 祝贺你 |
| [18:46] | Yeah, I-I’m sorry to have to do this, | 对不起 我不得不说 |
| [18:48] | but the unchosen will have to leave now. | 没选上的该散的就散了吧 |
| [18:50] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [18:51] | Just… mm-hmm. | 散 |
| [18:55] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [18:58] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [19:00] | I lied on my application. | 我的申请都是胡扯的 |
| [19:02] | – What? – I lied on my application. | -什么 -我的申请都是胡扯的 |
| [19:04] | I didn’t even want to lie, | 我不想撒谎的 |
| [19:06] | but it all started when… when I had to fake my address | 但从瞎写了家庭住址开始我就打不住了 |
| [19:08] | because we have blue dots. | 我们家是各种蓝点点 |
| [19:10] | We’re… we’re sexual offenders. | 我们都是 性侵害罪犯 |
| [19:12] | Excuse me? | 什么 |
| [19:13] | But it’s all a misunderstanding, right? | 可这都是误会 |
| [19:15] | My parents hooked up as teenagers, | 我爸妈只是在未成年时进行了圈圈叉叉 |
| [19:17] | my great-grandmother runs around without her bra on, | 我曾奶奶只是没穿内衣在街上裸奔了下 |
| [19:19] | and I tried to get a favor from a hooker. | 而我只是想请妓女帮个小忙 |
| [19:21] | Okay, but it wasn’t a sexual favor. | 不是什么生理上的帮忙 |
| [19:25] | I really wanted to get my daughter into this school. | 我只是很想让我的女儿进这所学校 |
| [19:28] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [19:31] | Uh… I’m really sorry. | 真的对不起 |
| [19:36] | That was very brave, Mr. Chance. | 你真是条汉子 吉斯先生 |
| [19:38] | Coming clean like that, that took courage. | 如此坦白 是需要勇气的 |
| [19:41] | Really? | 真的 |
| [19:44] | Cool. | 爽歪歪啊 |
| [19:44] | Wait. Wait, wait, wait. | 等等等等 |
| [19:46] | I can be brave, too. | 我也能是条汉子啊 |
| [19:47] | I don’t really volunteer at the soup kitchen. | 我其实不在施粥场奉献爱心 |
| [19:49] | I have OCD– one, two, three, four, five– | 我有强迫症 一二三四五 |
| [19:51] | and… and I think that homeless people are filthy. | 还有 我认为流浪汉都是些脏货 |
| [19:54] | One, two, three, four, five. | 一二三四五 |
| [19:55] | Uh, we didn’t really come here on an inner tube. | 我们其实不是乘轮胎过来的 |
| [19:57] | Sure, our name is Sanchez, | 我们确实姓桑切斯 |
| [19:59] | but we’re about as Latino as the Three Amigos. | 但我们跟《神勇三蛟龙》一样和拉丁裔不搭边 |
| [19:59] | 《神勇三蛟龙》是一部搞笑电影 讲的是三个荧幕英雄到真实生活中充英雄的糗事 此处指桑切斯一家跟他们一样 只是在滥竽充数 | |
| [20:02] | Uh, we can speak. | 我们其实能说话 |
| [20:03] | In fact, my wife here will hardly ever shut up. | 实际上 我老婆的唠叨永无休止 |
| [20:06] | And she hits me. | 而且还有家庭暴力 |
| [20:07] | Hey. | 哎 |
| [20:08] | I also lied about my kid’s mother. | 我家孩子她妈的事儿我也是瞎扯的 |
| [20:09] | She was a serial killer. | 她其实是个连环杀手 |
| [20:11] | I didn’t even get into that. | 我还没开始发挥呢 |
| [20:12] | Yeah, my penis is tiny. | 我的老二可小了 |
| [20:14] | Okay, uh-uh. | 够了 |
| [20:15] | Honesty may be the best policy, | 诚信可能是最好的策略 |
| [20:17] | but in this case, it got us all disqualified. | 但在这种情况下 我们都被踢了 |
| [20:20] | It also gave me a chance | 不过也给了我机会 |
| [20:21] | to tell everyone about Shelley’s day care, | 把雪莉的日托所介绍给大家 |
| [20:23] | and honestly, I couldn’t be happier. | 说实话 我开心得不得了 |
| [20:27] | Wow, Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [20:30] | Thanks for telling so many people about my school. | 谢谢你帮我做了这么多广告 |
| [20:33] | This place is great. | 这个地方完美到爆 |
| [20:34] | It just needed more kids. | 只是需要多点孩子 |
| [20:37] | Okay, everybody, | 好了 大家伙儿 |
| [20:38] | I think we’re ready to sing the welcome song. | 我觉得可以开始唱欢迎曲啦 |
| [20:43] | *Yesterday I was so lonely * | 昨天的我很寂寞 |
| [20:46] | *Nothing but Kibbles ‘n Bits * | 只有宠物食品陪伴着我 |
| [20:48] | *Just me and the dogs, they chewed up my clogs * | 狗狗嚼坏了我的木鞋 |
| [20:51] | *And one had a case of the… | 有一只狗狗还 |
| [20:54] | * Poopies * | 消化不良 |
| [20:55] | *But today I made * | 但是今天我交到了 |
| [20:58] | *New best friends, new best friends * | 新朋友啊 新朋友 |
| [21:01] | *It’s only been a minute, but we’re new best friends * | 白头如新 倾盖如故 |
| [21:06] | *Share our secrets to everyday ends* | 每天一起分享我们的小秘密 |
| [21:08] | Everybody | 大家一起唱 |
| [21:10] | *New best friends, new best friends * | 新朋友啊 新朋友 |
| [21:18] | *Share our secrets to everyday ends* | 每天一起分享我们的小秘密 |
| [21:24] | We’re the Chances, | 我们是吉斯一家 |
| [21:25] | and we’re all the sexual offenders living in your neiborhood. | 我们都是住在附近的性侵害罪犯 |
| [21:28] | Except me, I’m clean. | 除了我之外 我很清白的 |