| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:24] | Out of all the videos of cities being destroyed, | 在所有摧毁城市的片子里 |
| [00:27] | I’m going to go out on a limb | 我要顶雷高呼 |
| [00:27] | and say this is the cutest. | 这是最可爱的 |
| [00:31] | Oh, you know, that’s probably Wyatt. | 哦 可能是怀特 |
| [00:32] | Oh, yeah, that’s right. | 哦 可不是么 |
| [00:34] | Supposed to be in town for the weekend. | 不是应该整个周末都在吗 |
| [00:36] | We’re supposed to go to dinner tonight, | 我们本来说今晚一起去吃饭的 |
| [00:37] | but he hasn’t even told me the place yet. | 但他还没告诉我在哪儿呢 |
| [00:40] | Nope. Nope. | 不是 不是 |
| [00:41] | That is just a text telling me I have an e-mail | 就是条通知新邮件的短信 |
| [00:45] | asking me if I would like to continue the service | 问我是否要继续使用 |
| [00:47] | that sends me a text every time I get an e-mail. | 新邮件短信提醒业务 |
| [00:49] | Oh, I got to get one of those smartphones. | 嗷 我得弄台智能手机才行 |
| [00:56] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [00:57] | Is Burt here? | 伯特在吗 |
| [00:59] | I’m an old friend. | 我是他老朋友 |
| [01:00] | Uh… oh. Hey, come on in. | 呃 你好 请进吧 |
| [01:02] | Yeah, I’m his son, Jimmy. | 我是他儿子 吉米 |
| [01:04] | Dad’s at the store, but he’ll be back soon. | 我老爸去杂货店了 不过快回来了 |
| [01:06] | He, uh, saw my daughter in a gorilla suit | 他看到我闺女穿一身大猩猩衣服 |
| [01:08] | and had a craving for bananas. | 于是超想吃香蕉 |
| [01:11] | I’m Jack. | 我是杰克 |
| [01:13] | Hey. I’m Sabrina. | 你好 我是塞布丽娜 |
| [01:17] | What’s your ponytail’s name? | 你那小辫儿叫啥 |
| [01:18] | Magnus. | 鲁班结 |
| [01:19] | Well, uh, you know, make yourself comfortable. | 好吧 总之别见外 |
| [01:21] | Any friend of my dad’s is a friend of mine. | 我爹的朋友就是我朋友 |
| [01:24] | And, of course, you must know my mother. | 对了 你肯定认识我妈咯 |
| [01:25] | Oh! What… | 搞神马 |
| [01:30] | 家有喜旺 | |
| [01:38] | – Oh! – Aah! Mom, what the…? | -啊哦 -妈 你搞毛 |
| [01:39] | This is the man that kidnapped your father. | 你爸就是被这孙子绑架的 |
| [01:42] | Dad was kidnapped? | 我爸被绑架了吗 |
| [01:43] | Not today. 20 years ago. | 不是现在 是二十年前 |
| [01:46] | I may forget a face, | 脸我可能记不得了 |
| [01:49] | but I never forget a unique hairstyle. | 但老娘对独特的发型可是过目不忘的 |
| [01:53] | I love to scream! I love to scream! | 我爱大喊 我爱尖叫 |
| [01:55] | What kind of man lets his car run out of gas? | 什么鸟人才会搞到车没油这么狼狈啊 |
| [01:58] | The kind whose wife always insists on sticking her feet out the window. | 就是老婆非把脚伸到窗户外面的人 |
| [02:01] | I was drying my toenails! | 我在吹干指甲油 |
| [02:03] | It’s extra drag. | 那样会加大阻力 |
| [02:04] | That’s why we get four miles to the gallon. | 结果在离加油站四英俚的地方没油了 |
| [02:06] | Oh, sure. What about your Jack rabbit stops and starts? | 是 那你怎么不说你那烂技术 |
| [02:10] | What about your never checking proper tire inflation? | 那你呢 你从来不检查车胎还有没有气 |
| [02:13] | ‘Cause I don’t understand pounds of air. | 因为老娘不懂气压泵 |
| [02:20] | Give me some money. | 给我点钱 |
| [02:22] | I’ll pay, you pump. | 我付钱 你去加油 |
| [02:27] | – $1.13? – Yeah. | -一块一毛三 -是啊 |
| [02:30] | And get me half a Slim Jim. | 给我要半根牛肉棒 |
| [02:31] | They do that for me here. | 他们经常给我 |
| [02:32] | No. | 不要 |
| [02:34] | Keep an eye on that creepy guy by the RV. | 提防着点儿旅游车边上那怪叔叔 |
| [02:36] | He keeps staring at Jimmy. | 他一直盯着吉米看 |
| [02:44] | I want my truck! | 我要我的卡车 |
| [02:59] | What the hell you staring at my kid for, hippie? | 你干嘛老盯着我儿子 死嬉皮 |
| [03:12] | Hi there, Virginia. | 好啊 维吉妮亚 |
| [03:14] | Hot one out there, huh? | 外边儿够热的吧 |
| [03:16] | Of course, not as hot as the snap | 当然 还没有咱俩六年级时候 |
| [03:17] | you and I had in sixth grade. | 那次火热啊 |
| [03:19] | Our little movie date. | 咱们的电影小约会 |
| [03:22] | They made us watch a film about the reproductive cycle. | 那是学校要求看生殖循环的影片 |
| [03:25] | And there were, like, 30 other kids there. | 而且还有三十来个其他孩子呢好吧 |
| [03:29] | Plus aren’t you the one who threw up? | 而且 你不是还看吐了么 |
| [03:31] | Did you come out of an owl’s mouth? | 你是从猫头鹰嘴里跑出来的吗 |
| [03:33] | ‘Cause you are a hoot. | 你太有意思了 |
| [03:35] | By the way, you look kind of thirsty. | 顺便一提 你看起来很渴的样子 |
| [03:37] | Guess Burt can’t afford to keep his lady hydrated. | 我猜伯特没钱给媳妇儿买饮料吧 |
| [03:40] | – You want a sip of my soda? – I couldn’t. | – 想喝一口我的苏打水吗 -不行 |
| [03:42] | Ooh, your lips say you couldn’t, | 哟 嘴上说不行 |
| [03:44] | but the sweat glistening in your glorious cleavage says, | 但你乳沟里涓涓流淌的汗水可不是这么说的 |
| [03:48] | “Me want sippy-sippy.” | 它们在说 人家要吸吸 |
| [03:57] | Hey, lady. Lady. | 嗨 女士 女士 |
| [03:58] | That hippie dude pulled a gun on your husband | 那嬉皮哥用枪指着你老公 |
| [04:00] | and forced him in his RV. | 逼进他的旅游车里去了 |
| [04:02] | They went that way. | 他们朝那边去了 |
| [04:04] | Oh, my God. | 哦 天呐 |
| [04:07] | Burt’s been kidnapped. | 伯特被绑架了 |
| [04:11] | So hippie weirdo here sells your dad to a farm in Mexico | 这嬉皮怪胎把你爸卖到了一个墨西哥农场 |
| [04:15] | and makes him pick cauliflower for weeks. | 让他收割了好几个星期的菜花 |
| [04:18] | He finally escaped and hitchhiked all the way home. | 最后他终于逃出来 一路搭便车才回了家 |
| [04:21] | That’s the reason your father’s always hated cauliflower. | 这就是为什么你爸巨恨菜花 |
| [04:24] | No, I thought it was because it’s not | 不是吧 我记得是因为菜花不是花 |
| [04:25] | a real flower and it looks like brains. | 而且长得好像大脑一样 |
| [04:26] | Fine, he has a lot of good reasons to hate cauliflower. | 好吧 总之他有各种恨菜花的理由 |
| [04:29] | Sabrina, Jimmy and me are going to keep an eye on this guy. | 塞布丽娜 我跟吉米要盯着这货 |
| [04:31] | – You go get some rope and call the cops. – Will do. | -你去拿些绳子来 顺便报警 -马上去 |
| [04:33] | How did you never tell me Dad was kidnapped? | 你怎么从来没告诉过我 老爸被绑架过 |
| [04:35] | We didn’t want you to be afraid of strangers. | 我们不想让你怕陌生人 |
| [04:38] | Kids are supposed to be afraid of strangers. | 小孩本来就该怕陌生人 |
| [04:44] | Bananas. | 香蕉 |
| [04:46] | That’s what I forgot. | 就是忘了这个了 |
| [04:47] | What, uh… what’s going on here? | 啥 这是什么情况 |
| [04:50] | It’s your kidnapper. | 绑架你的绑架犯来了 |
| [04:53] | He came back. | 他回来了 |
| [04:54] | Oh, my God. What… what did he… | 哦天呐 那…那他… |
| [04:57] | why is he on the floor like that? | 他怎么躺地上了 |
| [04:58] | I whacked him with the TV. | 我用电视把他砸晕了 |
| [05:00] | I’m getting pretty good at it. | 我越来越擅长这手了 |
| [05:01] | Oh, this is bad. This is really bad. | 这下糟了 这可糟透了 |
| [05:03] | Burt, it’s okay. | 伯特 没事的 |
| [05:04] | Sabrina’s getting rope and calling the cops. | 塞布丽娜已经去拿绳子然后报警了 |
| [05:06] | No, no, no cops! | 别别别 别报警 |
| [05:07] | Virginia, they’ll throw you in jail for… | 维吉妮亚 你砸他脑袋 |
| [05:09] | for hitting him on the head. | 他们会让你蹲监狱的 |
| [05:10] | What are you talking about? | 你说啥 |
| [05:11] | He’s the one who’s going to jail. | 该蹲监狱的是他好吧 |
| [05:12] | Yeah, he kidnapped you. | 就是 他绑架过你 |
| [05:14] | He didn’t kidnap me. | 他没绑架我 |
| [05:20] | Wait. Did you say “Didn’t?” | 等等 你说的是”没”么 |
| [05:24] | Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. | 我 了 个 去 |
| [05:27] | What do you mean, he didn’t kidnap you? | 你再说一次 什么叫他没绑架你 |
| [05:30] | Well, kind of exactly what it sounds like. | 没绑架就是没绑架 |
| [05:32] | What the hell you staring at my kid for, hippie? | 你干嘛老盯着我儿子 死嬉皮 |
| [05:34] | Dude, I’m checking out your cool car. | 哥们 我看的是你那车 |
| [05:37] | I’m a big car fan. | 我是个疯狂车迷 |
| [05:39] | It’s a ’63 Ford Galaxie, right? | 63版的福特银河 没错吧 |
| [05:42] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [05:44] | That’s a cool ponytail. | 你的马尾酷毙了 |
| [05:46] | Six years, eight months, right? | 留了六年零八个月 没错吧 |
| [05:51] | On Tuesday. | 周二就正好六年八个月了 |
| [05:53] | Burt Chance. | 伯特・吉斯 |
| [05:54] | I’m a big hair fan. | 我是个疯狂地”发”迷 |
| [05:57] | Drink as much as you like. | 无限畅饮 |
| [05:58] | I get unlimited refills. | 我库存很充足 |
| [06:00] | And, uh, I give unlimited refills as a lover. | 我的爱也如滔滔江水 连绵不绝 |
| [06:09] | Wow. | 赞 |
| [06:11] | No responsibilities. | 没有负担 |
| [06:13] | You just drive around in your RV, | 你可以开着大房车 |
| [06:15] | and you do whatever you want. | 想去哪儿去哪儿 |
| [06:16] | That is so cool. | 酷毙了 |
| [06:17] | Yeah, I just got back from seeing | 我刚从世界最大温度计 |
| [06:19] | the world’s largest thermometer. | 那儿回来 |
| [06:21] | I always wanted to see that. | 我做梦都想去那看看 |
| [06:23] | But I never got the chance. | 可惜一直没机会 |
| [06:25] | I went from being stuck in my parents’ house | 小时候被困在父母家 |
| [06:27] | to being stuck in my Maw Maw-in-law’s house. | 长大了又陷在了奶奶家 |
| [06:30] | I guess I’ll never get to see | 我想这辈子都没机会 |
| [06:31] | the world’s largest anything. | 看到任何世界之最了 |
| [06:33] | Unless that’s the world’s largest ponytail. | 除非你这是世界最长马尾辫 |
| [06:36] | Nah, there’s a guy in Tucson who’s got three more inches. | 可惜不是 图森有个家伙比我长了三英寸 |
| [06:39] | Damn it. | 可恶 |
| [06:40] | – You could come with me. – What? | – 你可以和我一起啊 -什么 |
| [06:43] | I’m just saying, if things are as bad as they looked, | 我说 要是事实真如所见的那么糟 |
| [06:45] | maybe your wife would be better off without you. | 或许离开老婆你会过得更好 |
| [06:51] | Burt! | 伯特 |
| [06:52] | You put back the stupid milk with one sip left! | 别把只剩一口的牛奶放进来 |
| [07:02] | God. | 上帝啊 |
| [07:03] | Your stupid leg is on my leg. | 你的猪腿压到我了 |
| [07:07] | Burt, you left the stupid toilet seat up! | 伯特 马桶圈放下来会死啊 |
| [07:14] | Well, I don’t think my wife would miss me much, but… | 我猜我老婆不会挂念我 但 |
| [07:17] | I don’t know. | 好犹豫 |
| [07:18] | I got a kid. | 我还有个儿子 |
| [07:20] | I don’t know how the little guy would feel | 小家伙不知道会怎么想 |
| [07:21] | if his old man just up and took off on him. | 要是他老豆忽然离他而去 |
| [07:31] | Let’s do this. | 我们走 |
| [07:33] | I told that kid to make up a story | 我嘱咐那些孩子 |
| [07:34] | about me being kidnapped. | 编个故事说我被绑架了 |
| [07:36] | We headed out on the open road. | 然后我们就上路了 |
| [07:38] | No wife, no kid, no responsibilities. | 抛妻弃子 丢掉责任 |
| [07:41] | Just me, a dude with a ponytail | 就我和个马尾辫 |
| [07:43] | whose name I had already forgotten, and our dreams. | 我都忘了他叫啥 还有我们的梦想 |
| [07:46] | For the first time, I only had to worry about feeding myself. | 我这辈子终于过上了一人吃饱全家不饿的生活 |
| [07:49] | And Jack always knew how to find amazing food. | 杰克是个天生的美食雷达 |
| [07:53] | Sweet. | 美味 |
| [07:54] | Someone ate the “B”, but they left the “L” And the “T.” | 某些人只吃培根 不吃生菜和番茄 |
| [07:57] | Entertainment was no problem | 娱乐更不是什么难事 |
| [07:59] | ’cause Jack had a universal remote. | 杰克有个万能遥控器 |
| [08:04] | At home, we always had to watch Jimmy’s cartoons. | 我们在家只能看吉米喜欢的动画片 |
| [08:07] | I never got to watch my cartoons. | 我从来看不成自己喜欢看的 |
| [08:10] | To earn beer money, we sold our blood. | 为了凑点酒钱 我们选择卖血 |
| [08:12] | And because we had less blood, it took less beer to get drunk. | 血越少 吸收的啤酒也越少 |
| [08:17] | And I finally got to see the world. | 我终于见识了这个世界 |
| [08:38] | For the first time in my life, | 长这么大头一次 |
| [08:39] | I was living by my rules, doing whatever I wanted. | 我可以无拘无束 随心而动了 |
| [08:41] | I was free. | 我解放了 |
| [08:43] | Things were awesome. | 一切都棒极了 |
| [08:44] | Until this happened. | 直到发生了那件事 |
| [08:52] | What the hell is going on? | 这是怎么回事 |
| [08:54] | Nothing. | 没什么 |
| [08:55] | I was just kissing you a little. | 我不过是轻轻吻了你一下 |
| [08:57] | Why? Why? Why were you just kissing me a little? | 为什么 你亲我干嘛 |
| [08:59] | ‘Cause I felt like doing some kissing. | 因为我想念接吻的感觉 |
| [09:01] | It was no big deal. | 没什么大不了的 |
| [09:02] | Don’t you ever feel like doing some kissing? | 你难道不想亲个小嘴吗 |
| [09:04] | Yeah, but not with dudes. | 想 但不是跟男人 |
| [09:06] | I’m not into dudes, dude. | 我是直男 哥们 |
| [09:08] | Me, neither. | 我也是 |
| [09:10] | But you know what? | 可你知道吗 |
| [09:11] | It’s just the two of us, and the road does get lonely. | 现在就我们俩在这寂寞的公路上 |
| [09:15] | So just seems logical | 所以假装成女人 |
| [09:17] | that we would pretend to be girls. | 也未尝不可 |
| [09:19] | That doesn’t sound logical to me. | 不可 |
| [09:20] | Look, we’re both straight. | 大家都是直男 |
| [09:22] | We’re just two straight guys kissing, | 生理上直男亲直男 |
| [09:24] | thinking about girls. | 脑袋里意淫个妹子不就行了 |
| [09:25] | How about this? | 要不这样 |
| [09:27] | How about you go find a girl? | 你去找个姑娘 |
| [09:29] | Dude, we live in an RV. | 兄弟 我们住在车里 |
| [09:33] | We eat leftovers out of hotel hallways. | 吃着酒店里的残羹冷炙 |
| [09:37] | That’s… I mean, there aren’t going to be any girls. | 所以 你觉得能去哪儿找女人 |
| [09:42] | Girls. | 女人 |
| [09:45] | That was when I realized | 从那一刻起 我意识到 |
| [09:46] | that while this had been a nice vacation, | 纵然这段旅程很美好 |
| [09:48] | it wasn’t the life for me. | 但终究不是我要的生活 |
| [09:51] | As much as I loved the freedom and the fun… | 纵然我多热爱自由与释放 |
| [09:55] | …I missed my girl. | 但我想念我的女人 |
| [09:58] | Burt! You’re alive. | 伯特 你还活着 |
| [10:04] | You’re not yelling. | 你居然没咆哮 |
| [10:06] | Why are you not yelling? | 你怎么不咆哮 |
| [10:07] | Yeah, Mom. Yell at him. | 是啊 老妈 河东狮吼吧 |
| [10:09] | Or hit him. | 抽死丫 |
| [10:10] | Or spit at me! | 吐口水也行啊 |
| [10:11] | Isn’t that the way you like to handle things, Jimmy? | 你不是最爱干这事吗 吉米 |
| [10:13] | I was four! | 我那时才四岁 |
| [10:14] | I cannot believe that you abandoned me. | 我真不敢相信你竟然抛弃了我 |
| [10:17] | You know, maybe… maybe that’s what scarred me for life. | 也许 也许我一直怕的就是被抛弃 |
| [10:18] | Maybe that’s why I never left home. | 也许这就是我从没离开家的原因 |
| [10:20] | Because, deep down, I knew I had to be there for Mom. | 因为 我打心眼儿里知道我得陪着我妈 |
| [10:24] | Thanks, Jimmy, but you’re free to go anytime. | 谢谢 吉米 不过你随时可以走 |
| [10:27] | You’re really not mad. | 你真的没生气 |
| [10:29] | No, I’m… I’m actually relieved. | 没有 其实我大松了一口气 |
| [10:33] | Well, I guess I can see that. | 看出来了 |
| [10:34] | You’ve probably been holding onto a lot of fear and trauma | 因为我被绑架 你也许受了不少惊吓和伤害 |
| [10:37] | from me being kidnapped, and now you can let all that go. | 而现在你终于可以释然了 |
| [10:39] | No, I… I’m relieved because… | 不 我释然是因为 |
| [10:43] | now I can tell you my secret. | 现在我能告诉你我的秘密了 |
| [10:47] | Sorry. Sorry. | 不好意思 不好意思 |
| [10:48] | That’s probably Wyatt with the name of the restaurant. | 可能是怀特把约会地点发过来了 |
| [10:51] | Nope. It’s just my mom. | 不 是我妈 |
| [10:56] | Oh, sorry. You had a secret. | 抱歉 你有秘密要说 |
| [11:06] | What do you mean you have a secret, too? | 什么叫你也有个秘密 |
| [11:08] | Okay, don’t be mad. | 好吧 千万别生气 |
| [11:10] | Here’s the thing… | 事情是这样的 |
| [11:11] | When you got kidnapped, I was a mess. | 你被绑架那会儿 我简直一团糟 |
| [11:14] | So, Burt seemed like a fairly simple guy. | 伯特看起来挺单纯一人 |
| [11:17] | I don’t suppose he had any enemies? | 我想他该不会有什么宿敌吧 |
| [11:19] | He, he could go on some pretty angry rants about cable TV. | 他总是冲着有线电视火冒三丈地怒骂 |
| [11:25] | You don’t think it could be a cable worker, do you? | 你不会以为是电缆工干的吧 |
| [11:27] | I don’t know. But obviously, we’re dealing with | 我不知道 不过显然 这是一个 |
| [11:30] | an armed and dangerous criminal. | 全副武装的危险分子 |
| [11:32] | So, it’s probably best that I guard the house overnight. | 所以 我最好还是通宵守着这屋子吧 |
| [11:34] | Damn right you will. | 再好不过了 |
| [11:37] | Oh, and if you need any pajamas, | 如果你需要睡衣的话 |
| [11:38] | you can borrow Burt’s. | 你可以穿伯特的 |
| [11:40] | Or, or Jimmy’s. | 吉米的也行 |
| [11:41] | We’ll figure out something. | 总会有合适的 |
| [11:43] | For two weeks, | 连着两个星期 |
| [11:43] | [寻找被绑架的丈夫 抱歉我们很穷没有酬金 请致电5550382] | |
| [11:44] | I clung to the hope that | 我抱着渺小的希望 |
| [11:46] | you would somehow get away or at least find a way to call. | 期待你会设法逃出来 或是至少来个电话 |
| [11:51] | Hey. Just got an update. | 嘿 最新消息 |
| [11:54] | There’s no sign of Burt anywhere. | 还是没找到伯特 |
| [12:00] | But as each day passed by, | 但随着日子一天天过去 |
| [12:01] | Ross pointed out that | 罗斯让我明白 |
| [12:03] | the odds of me ever seeing you again | 再次见到你回来的希望 |
| [12:05] | got smaller and smaller. | 是越来越渺茫 |
| [12:07] | And eventually I started to get used to the fact | 最终我也开始接受了 |
| [12:10] | that you weren’t coming back. | 你不会回来这一事实 |
| [12:17] | After a couple of weeks, | 又过了几周 |
| [12:19] | you not being here became our new normal. | 我们都适应了没有你的新生活 |
| [12:29] | Is this jelly on here? | 这上面是果酱么 |
| [12:30] | Why didn’t you use the maple syrup? | 怎么不用枫糖浆 |
| [12:33] | Oh, top shelf? | 在柜子最上层 |
| [12:36] | Yeah, top shelf. | 对 柜子最上层 |
| [12:40] | You need to face facts: | 你得面对现实 |
| [12:42] | that deadbeat husband of yours | 你那死相老公 |
| [12:44] | is never coming back. | 是不会回来了 |
| [12:45] | And you need a man. | 而你需要一个男人 |
| [12:47] | That Ross isn’t going to keep trying forever to win you over. | 罗斯可不会永远讨好你 追求你 |
| [12:50] | As soon as that police department needs someone | 只要警察局有一个 |
| [12:52] | to crawl through a small opening, | 小升职的空缺 |
| [12:54] | he’ll be gone. | 他就跑了 |
| [13:00] | I’m willing to climb for you. | 我愿为你勇攀高峰 |
| [13:06] | Maybe it was time to move on. | 也许是时候放下了 |
| [13:10] | And the more I paid attention, the more I saw | 我越注意观察 就越发现 |
| [13:13] | how different things were with Ross here. | 罗斯使这里发生了多大的变化 |
| [13:15] | We were nicer, more cooperative. | 我们更加和谐 更加美满 |
| [13:17] | Like poor white Cosbys. | 就像白人版的《考斯比一家》 |
| [13:17] | 出自1984年美国电视剧《考斯比一家》 讲述一个黑人六口之家的情景喜剧 | |
| [13:24] | And I never realized how sexy it was, | 我从没想过和一个 |
| [13:27] | living with a man who leaves more milk in the carton | 会记得补充牛奶而不会乱撒的男人一起生活 |
| [13:30] | than on his shirt. | 会是多么的迷人 |
| [13:32] | Plus it was nice not having to worry about a splash landing | 而且我再也不用担心上厕所时 |
| [13:35] | every time I used the toilet. | 因为某人不掀起马桶圈而沾到污渍了 |
| [13:40] | I could even see some pluses to sleeping with a guy | 而且有个睡觉占地比小猎犬还少的男人 |
| [13:43] | who took up less room on the bed than a cocker spaniel. | 也是好处多多 |
| [13:50] | Oh. Hi. | 早上好 |
| [13:52] | Sorry, Virginia. Thought I heard a noise. | 对不起 维吉妮亚 我听见有动静 |
| [13:54] | Came in to check, and I guess I must’ve fallen asleep. | 就进来看看 结果睡着了 |
| [13:59] | And it wasn’t just me. | 不止我有这种好感 |
| [14:00] | Jimmy was way more relaxed. | 吉米也变得更加放松了 |
| [14:02] | He got along better with Ross than he ever did with Burt. | 他和罗斯的相处比跟伯特好多了 |
| [14:06] | And the tiny knight? | 小个骑士呢 |
| [14:06] | He saved the queen and the young prince, | 他拯救了皇后和小王子 |
| [14:09] | and swept them away to live with him | 带着他们和他一起 |
| [14:11] | in his three-bedroom, end-unit castle, | 住在他那有三间卧房的城堡里 |
| [14:13] | with below-ground parking! | 而且还有地下花园哦 |
| [14:16] | And there, they drank unlimited fizzy pop, | 他们在那儿喝着喝不完的汽水 |
| [14:19] | and played ping-pong happily ever after. | 打着乒乓 从此幸福地生活在一起 |
| [14:24] | The end. | 剧终 |
| [14:26] | Good night. | 晚安 |
| [14:34] | I give up. | 我投降 |
| [14:36] | The three sweetest words in the English language. | 这是英语中最美妙的三个字 |
| [14:44] | You and your mom are going to love living with me. | 你和你妈妈会很喜欢和我一起住的 |
| [14:47] | Ping-pong! | 乒乓 |
| [14:48] | That was just elaboration for the story, | 那只是故事说说而已 |
| [14:50] | but I do have some fizzy pop. | 不过我还真有不少汽水 |
| [14:53] | I have some suitcases you could use. | 我还有几个箱子可以给你用 |
| [14:55] | I’ll go grab them. Oh! | 我去拿 |
| [14:59] | I’m going to make you the happiest woman on earth. | 我会让你成为世上最幸福的女人 |
| [15:11] | Burt! | 伯特 |
| [15:13] | You’re alive! | 你还活着 |
| [15:14] | Well, you know about my never say die attitude. | 我可没那么容易死 你懂的 |
| [15:19] | That’s basically it. | 就这么回事 |
| [15:20] | I’ll fill in the rest later. | 晚点再说 |
| [15:22] | I need a shower. | 我要先洗个澡 |
| [15:24] | Hey, little fella, what are you doing here? | 啊 小家伙 你在这干啥 |
| [15:27] | Oh, um… Ross has just been staying here | 罗斯守在这里 |
| [15:30] | in case the kidnappers called. | 以防绑架者来电话 |
| [15:31] | Oh… | 原来如此 |
| [15:33] | Well, you can leave now. | 你现在可以走了 |
| [15:36] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [15:40] | You’re not really going to stay with that loser, are you? | 你不会真打算跟这败类过一辈子吧 |
| [15:43] | V-Virginia, come on, please. | 维吉妮亚 别这样对我 |
| [15:45] | I’ll cook, I’ll clean, I’ll put the toilet seat down. | 我会做饭 会收拾屋子 还会把马桶盖盖上 |
| [15:48] | I’m a great role model for your son. | 我是你儿子成长的好榜样 |
| [15:52] | You’re just so short. | 可惜你太矮了 |
| [15:55] | I can’t believe while I was possibly being kidnapped | 真不敢相信 我有可能真被绑架了 |
| [15:58] | and possibly being forced into white slavery, | 甚至可能被逼良为娼 |
| [16:00] | you were playing house with the guy in health class | 你却跟个娘炮野男人一起 |
| [16:02] | who threw up watching You and Your Fluids. | 玩着过家家 |
| [16:03] | That puker stepped up and took care of your family | 你跟个流浪汉在外面”交换口水”的时候 |
| [16:06] | while you were out swapping spit with a drifter. | 是那个野男人挺身而出照顾着你的家人 |
| [16:09] | It was a closed-mouth kiss. | 那只是轻触唇瓣 |
| [16:11] | No spit was swapped. | 绝对没沾到口水 |
| [16:13] | Yours is worse. | 你比较恶劣 |
| [16:16] | Excuse me. | 不好意思 |
| [16:17] | Why do you people keep hitting me in the head? | 你们为啥一直砸我脑袋啊 |
| [16:19] | I’m sorry, that was my fault. | 对不起 是我的错 |
| [16:22] | It’s kind of my go-to thing. | 是我自己想当然了 |
| [16:24] | Here, put this on it. | 用这个敷一下 |
| [16:27] | I guess I probably deserve it. | 我觉得我可能是活该 |
| [16:30] | Every time I go past the world’s largest confessional, | 每次我路过世界上最大的教堂 |
| [16:33] | I try to clear my conscience, but I just can’t shake | 我都会竭力忏悔 但我始终无法忘记 |
| [16:36] | the awful thing I did to your family. | 自己对你们家所做的坏事 |
| [16:39] | What awful thing? | 什么坏事 |
| [16:41] | Well, I promised your old lady that I’d never tell, but | 我跟你家的老太太保证过不说 但是… |
| [16:44] | I figure after 20 years she’s long been dead, so… | 我想20年后她应该死了很久了 所以… |
| [16:47] | What old lady? | 什么老太太 |
| [16:48] | I think her name was, uh… | 我记得她好像叫… |
| [16:55] | That hippie talks too damn much. | 这死嬉皮说得太多了 |
| [17:05] | I ain’t telling. You can’t make me. | 我不会说的 你们不能强迫我 |
| [17:08] | Make you? | 强迫你 |
| [17:10] | You were already in the middle of telling us. | 你本来都说到一半了 |
| [17:13] | I was? | 是吗 |
| [17:17] | Okay, then. | 那好吧 |
| [17:19] | Where was I? | 我说到哪了 |
| [17:20] | The beginning. | 刚开头 |
| [17:21] | Of course. | 当然 |
| [17:23] | Uh… | 是这样 |
| [17:25] | I never liked Burt very much. | 我一直不太喜欢伯特 |
| [17:27] | And since it was painfully clear that Virginia and her kid | 而且残酷而清晰的事实是 维吉妮亚和她儿子 |
| [17:30] | weren’t going anywhere, I had to at least try to | 不可能搬出去住了 那我起码得试着 |
| [17:33] | get Burt out of the picture. | 把伯特弄走吧 |
| [17:36] | So I did whatever I could to cause a little friction. | 所以我开始竭尽所能地挑拨离间 |
| [18:04] | Burt! God! | 伯特 神啊 |
| [18:06] | Your stupid leg is on my leg! | 你的猪腿压到我了 |
| [18:15] | I even got the kid hopped up on sugar | 我甚至让孩子疯狂吃糖 |
| [18:16] | so he’d be a hyperactive pain in the ass. | 好让他兴奋地一直闹腾停不下来 |
| [18:23] | But no matter what I did, | 可不管我做什么 |
| [18:24] | I couldn’t separate Mr. And Mrs. Freeloader. | 始终无法离间这一对吃白食的狗男女 |
| [18:26] | So I came up with my master plan. | 于是我只能实施我的大计划了 |
| [18:29] | I hired a drifter to convince Burt to run away with him. | 我雇了个流浪汉去说服伯特跟他一起走 |
| [18:33] | Luckily, all the man wanted in return | 很幸运 那人要求的回报 |
| [18:35] | was to do a little kissing. | 只是轻轻的一个吻 |
| [18:46] | Then I just had to make sure that Burt | 于是我只需要确保到那天 |
| [18:48] | would want to run away that day. | 伯特会萌生离开的念头 |
| [18:50] | So I siphoned the gas out of the tank… | 就这样 我把油箱的油吸了出来 |
| [18:53] | which was disgusting, | 恶心死了 |
| [18:54] | but did get the taste of drifter out of my mouth. | 但总算祛除了流浪汉在我嘴里留下的余味 |
| [19:00] | And I gave Jimmy as much sugar | 然后在吉米的小心脏能承受的范围内 |
| [19:02] | as his tiny little heart could handle. | 给他吃了很多糖 |
| [19:06] | I knew by the time you met up with Jack | 我知道等你们遇到杰克时 |
| [19:07] | you’d be ready to rip each other’s throats out. | 肯定该吵翻天了 |
| [19:10] | Then Burt here threw me a curveball | 可伯特却编了个被绑架的故事 |
| [19:12] | by faking the whole kidnapping thing. | 简直让我猝不及防 |
| [19:14] | I saw an opportunity when Officer Wyatt Twerp showed up. | 不过当正义警官出现的时候 我看到了机会 |
| [19:19] | I trained Ross to know how to keep Virginia happier | 我教罗斯如何哄维吉妮亚开心 |
| [19:21] | than she was with Burt. | 让她觉得比跟伯特在一起幸福 |
| [19:29] | I even cut all Jimmy’s sugar out | 我甚至断了吉米的糖路 |
| [19:31] | so he’d seem calmer around Ross. | 好让他在罗斯身边就会变得安静 |
| [19:35] | It was all going great… | 一切原本都很完美 |
| [19:37] | until Burt came back. | 可是伯特回来了 |
| [19:43] | If you weren’t 85 and I wasn’t afraid | 要不是你已经85了 而且我怕打不过你 |
| [19:45] | you’d win the fight, I’d take a swing at you. | 我绝对要抡圆了拳头揍你 |
| [19:46] | Burt, don’t. She’ll win. | 伯特 别 你打不过她的 |
| [19:48] | I can’t believe you tried to break up Mom and Dad. | 真不敢相信你曾想拆散我爹妈 |
| [19:50] | I never stopped. | 我到现在也没放弃过 |
| [19:52] | I smear my lipstick on Burt’s collar. | 我把口红涂在了伯特的衣领上 |
| [19:55] | I’ve been writing Virginia’s name on bathroom walls | 我一直把维吉妮亚的信息写在公厕里 |
| [19:58] | so random guys will call. | 所以总有陌生人打来骚扰电话 |
| [20:00] | I’m the one who never flushes. | 我才是深藏不露的背后黑手 |
| [20:03] | I told you I was framed. | 我说我是被陷害的吧 |
| [20:06] | She’s been trying to break you guys up | 20年了 她一直想拆散你们 |
| [20:08] | for 20 years, and you’re still together. | 可你们居然还在一起 |
| [20:11] | That’s amazing. | 太感人了 |
| [20:15] | It sure is. | 必须的 |
| [20:25] | Eventually the police showed up, | 最后 警察来了 |
| [20:26] | but thanks to Jack’s kind nature and mild concussion, | 但由于杰克的善良和轻微的脑震荡 |
| [20:29] | he didn’t want to press charges. | 他不打算提出控告 |
| [20:36] | So, you just drive around in your RV | 所以你就开着房车 |
| [20:38] | and do whatever you want? | 想去哪去哪吗 |
| [20:39] | Yeah, I just got back from seeing | 对 我来之前刚去看过 |
| [20:41] | the world’s smallest horse. | 世界上最小的马 |
| [20:42] | I’ve always wanted to see that. | 我一直想去看看 |
| [20:44] | There’s plenty of room in the RV. | 房车上还有很多房间 |
| [20:46] | Maw Maw tried to break up Mom and Dad. | 曾奶奶一直想拆散我爹妈 |
| [20:49] | But when two people are meant to be together, | 但命中注定要在一起的两个人 |
| [20:50] | there’s nothing you can do to tear them apart. | 是无论如何都不会被拆散的 |
| [21:06] | 八点 周先生餐厅见 | |
| [21:08] | But when two people are not meant to be together, | 但两个人若非命中注定的一对 |
| [21:11] | it’s got to be a lot easier. | 那就好办多了 |
| [21:12] | Hey. Did I just hear my phone? Um… | 是我电话响了吗 |
| [21:14] | I didn’t hear anything. | 我没听到啊 |
| [21:17] | I can’t believe Wyatt hasn’t texted me yet. | 怀特居然还不给我发短信 |
| [21:21] | You know what? Screw him. | 知道我怎么想吗 去死吧他 |
| [21:22] | You want to go get some food? | 你想去吃点东西吗 |
| [21:24] | Sure. | 当然 |
| [21:25] | How about Mr. Chow’s? | 周先生餐厅怎么样 |
| [21:28] | Uh… I was thinking Italian. | 我想去意大利餐厅来着 |
| [21:31] | Adios, amigos. | 朋友们 再会 |