时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:03] | Grandma! | 奶奶 |
[00:08] | Oh, it’s just Grandma. | 没事没事 是奶奶啊 |
[00:09] | It’s okay, it’s just Grandma. | 没事啦没事啦 是奶奶嘛 |
[00:10] | I’m sorry, honey. | 对不起啊 宝贝 |
[00:11] | There’s nothing to be scared of, I promise. | 我保证这没什么好怕的 |
[00:14] | Except the inevitable march of time. | 除了岁月那把杀猪刀 |
[00:16] | I just forgot you were coming over. | 我都忘了你要过来 |
[00:18] | I really need to start writing things down. | 我得开始写备忘了 |
[00:20] | No, she wasn’t supposed to come over. | 不是 本来没安排她过来的 |
[00:22] | Good, ’cause I wasn’t about to start writing things down. | 太好了 因为我本来也没打算写备忘 |
[00:24] | – Why the special visit? – We got a problem. | -那是哪阵风把她吹来啦 -我们有麻烦了 |
[00:26] | Jimmy fell asleep at work today. | 吉米工作时睡着了 |
[00:37] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
[00:39] | Jimmy! | 吉米 |
[00:40] | Wake up! Jimmy! | 快醒来 吉米 |
[00:43] | I guess Hope’s been going into their bed at night. | 我想是不是喜旺夜里爬他们床上去了 |
[00:45] | So I brought her here so Jimmy could go home and take a nap. | 所以我把她带过来 好让吉米回家打个盹儿 |
[00:47] | Hope’s been sleeping in their bed? | 喜旺睡他们床上 |
[00:49] | That’s gotta put a real damper on the old S-E… | 那太妨碍他俩滚床… |
[00:52] | Can she spell yet? | 她现在知道这个词啥意思了吗 |
[00:54] | Uh, I don’t know. | 我哪知道 |
[00:55] | Better safe than sorry. | 还是谨慎为好 |
[00:57] | Look! | 看 |
[00:59] | – Pennies! – Pennies! | -钱钱 -钱钱 |
[01:02] | They’re not having sex. | 他们不滚床单了 |
[01:03] | Trouble in the bedroom | 床上的问题 |
[01:05] | is the number one sign for divorce. | 是离婚的头号预警 |
[01:07] | According to Oprah’s O magazine, by Oprah. | 在奥普拉的《奥》杂志上看到的 她本人说的 |
[01:09] | Divorce? You really think it could be that serious? | 离婚 你真觉得有那么严重 |
[01:12] | If they’re sleeping with the baby in the room, | 如果他们和小孩睡在一个房间里的话 |
[01:14] | it’s only a matter of time before Jimmy’s just another loser divorcee | 吉米迟早会变成一个离过婚的怂货 |
[01:18] | who’s picking up women at the ice cream parlor | 成天在肥婆健身馆旁的冰激凌店边 |
[01:20] | next to the fat ladies’ gym. | 跟胖妹子搭讪 |
[01:21] | Oh, we can’t have that. | 我们得阻止这种事的发生 |
[01:23] | We’ve worked too hard to get Sabrina to believe | 我们费了好大劲才让塞布丽娜相信 |
[01:25] | that Jimmy’s the best she could do. | 吉米就是她能找到的最佳老公 |
[01:26] | Mmm… I’ll tell you how you fix it. | 老娘教你们怎么处理 |
[01:28] | You keep the sex poison here | 你们把”床上毒瘤” |
[01:30] | as long as you can. | 尽量久地留在这里 |
[01:32] | “Sex poison”? | “床上毒瘤” |
[01:33] | That’s what I call children. | 老娘就是这么称呼小孩的 |
[01:35] | She’s right. Maybe we should keep Hope overnight | 她是对的 也许我们应该让喜旺在这过夜 |
[01:37] | – to give Jimmy and Sabrina some alone time. – You’re right. | -好让吉米和塞布丽娜能独处 -对 |
[01:39] | We should. | 我们就该这么做 |
[01:40] | It’s what good parents would do. | 好爹妈都这么做 |
[01:42] | Me and my big mouth. | 哎呀瞧我这张大嘴巴 |
[01:43] | Now Paw Paw and I will have to sneak a quickie | 今晚我和曾爷爷只能 |
[01:45] | in the rumble seat tonight. | 玩玩快速车震了 |
[01:56] | So… | 说起来 |
[01:58] | did you and Sabrina enjoy your night alone last night? | 你和塞布丽娜昨晚过得怎样 |
[02:00] | Yeah, it was great. | 挺好的啊 |
[02:01] | I think I tweaked my neck. | 我好像扭到脖子了 |
[02:03] | Sabrina had me doing all sorts of crazy stuff. | 塞布丽娜让我做了挺多疯狂的事 |
[02:06] | Really? | 真的吗 |
[02:07] | Well, with Hope out of the house, | 现在喜旺不在家 |
[02:09] | we could get down to all the dirty stuff on our list. | 我们可以把淫荡[脏乱]表上的事挨个做个遍了 |
[02:11] | You have a list? | 你们还列了表啊 |
[02:12] | It was exhausting. | 我俩筋疲力尽 |
[02:13] | We did it all. | 我们全都做了 |
[02:14] | You know, I shampooed the carpet for, like, an hour. | 我洗我的黑森林[地毯] |
[02:17] | She cleaned the chimney. | 她清她的桃源洞[烟囱] |
[02:19] | It was filthy. | 实在是太放浪[脏]了 |
[02:22] | We were both pretty sore this morning, | 今早我们都感觉被榨干了 |
[02:23] | but, uh, she still had me mulch her flower box. | 但她还要让我去护她的小花园 |
[02:28] | Yeah, well, next time you guys take Hope, | 下次你们把喜旺带走过夜时 |
[02:29] | I’m gonna oil up her chest in our bedroom. | 我还要在卧室里给她精油搓胸 |
[02:32] | Now you’re talking. | 终于说到重点了 |
[02:33] | It takes a while. | 要搓[擦]上好一阵呢 |
[02:34] | She hasn’t really taken care of it in years. | 她好些年头没怎么保养 |
[02:36] | It’s kind of gross underneath. | 有点恶心 |
[02:39] | Well, still, a chest is a chest. | 但毕竟还是咪咪呀 |
[02:41] | It is a nice chest. | 是个好箱子[好胸] |
[02:43] | It’s not as old or as beautiful as Maw Maw’s. | 但不如曾奶奶的那么复古 漂亮 |
[02:47] | I’m sorry… | 等等 |
[02:47] | when you say “Oil up her chest,” | 你刚说的”精油搓胸” |
[02:50] | what exactly do you mean? | 是什么意思 |
[02:51] | I mean just get some linseed oil and polish up | 我是说只要拿点亚麻籽油擦亮 |
[02:53] | the antique chest that Sabrina’s uncle left us. | 塞布丽娜叔叔留给我们的那个古董箱子 |
[02:55] | Oh… What did you think? | 噢 你以为我在说什么 |
[02:57] | I thought you were talking about | 我还以为你在说 |
[02:57] | you and Sabrina having weird sex, | 你和塞布丽娜尝试各种怪异的滚床单方法 |
[02:59] | and then, briefly, you wanting | 然后 简单来说 你想借此 |
[03:01] | to feel up your great-grandmother. | 体会下你曾奶奶的感觉 |
[03:03] | What? No. | 什么 不 |
[03:04] | We do not have weird sex. | 我们不走怪异的滚床单路线 |
[03:07] | Well, just so you know, | 好吧 只是想让你知道 |
[03:08] | if you were or weren’t having weird sex– | 无论你们搞不搞怪异的滚床单 |
[03:10] | or any sex– | 或者其他滚床单的花样 |
[03:12] | you’re my son and Sabrina’s my daughter | 你是我的儿子 塞布丽娜是我的女儿 |
[03:14] | and I’m always happy to hear about it. | 我都很乐意倾听你们诉说这些事的 |
[03:18] | Dad? | 老爸 |
[03:19] | – As far as our sex life is concerned… – Yeah? | -就我们的性生活而言 -什么 |
[03:22] | …there is nothing to discuss. | 没什么好说的 |
[03:24] | – Nothing? – Nothing. | -没什么 -对 |
[03:25] | – Nothing. – Nothing? | -没什么可说的 -没什么 |
[03:27] | Nothing. They are in trouble. | 对 他俩肯定出问题了 |
[03:29] | They had the whole house to themselves last night, | 昨晚他们完全独处 |
[03:31] | and all they did were chores. | 但只是做家务而已 |
[03:32] | I knew they were in a sex slump. | 我知道他们的性趣开始衰退了 |
[03:34] | Sabrina was wearing shorts the other day, | 几天前塞布丽娜穿着短裤 |
[03:36] | and her thighs looked like she’d been rolling around | 她的腿毛多得 |
[03:38] | on the floor of a barbershop. | 就像刚在发廊地板上滚了一圈似的 |
[03:40] | Those are not the legs | 那可不是 |
[03:41] | of a woman who is sexually active. | 性欲旺盛的女人该有的腿 |
[03:43] | What do we do? | 我们该怎么办 |
[03:44] | I don’t know… | 不知道 |
[03:46] | but we need to shake things up somehow. | 但我们总得想法帮帮他们 |
[03:47] | They inherited that house, and ever since then, | 自从他们继承了那栋房子后 |
[03:49] | they’ve had it way too easy. | 他们就过得太舒服了 |
[03:51] | No landlord, | 没有房东 |
[03:52] | no mortgage… | 没有贷款 |
[03:53] | Every young marriage needs a little chaos. | 每一对年轻的夫妇都需要点麻烦事 |
[03:57] | Think about how it was when we started out. | 想想当年我们刚在一起时的状况 |
[03:59] | We didn’t even have enough gas money | 我们甚至没有足够的钱 |
[04:00] | for your dirt bike. | 给你的小摩托加油 |
[04:02] | – Later, loser! | -去你的 怂货 |
[04:04] | It’s okay, sweetie. | 没关系 亲爱的 |
[04:08] | Sometimes we barely knew where our food was gonna come from. | 有时候我们甚至不知道我们去哪里弄吃的 |
[04:11] | I can’t eat this now. | 我现在不能吃这个 |
[04:13] | It’s covered in mustard diarrhea. | 这上面都是芥末 会拉肚子的 |
[04:25] | And that unstable base | 患难见真情 夫妻共难关 |
[04:27] | is what forced us to hold onto each other even tighter. | 我们的感情因此更紧密 |
[04:34] | Oh, that feels good. | 噢 真舒服 |
[04:37] | Oh, cramp! Cramp! Ooh. | 哦 抽筋了 抽筋了 好疼 |
[04:42] | That feels great. That feels great. | 感觉好多了 好多了 |
[04:55] | Burt, it was uncertainty that kept us together. | 伯特 就是那些不安定的因素让我们在一起 |
[05:00] | Every marriage needs stress. | 每段婚姻都需要压力 |
[05:02] | Stress leads to tension, | 压力使人紧张 |
[05:05] | tension leads to massage, | 紧张了就需要按摩 |
[05:07] | and no matter what, | 不管怎样 |
[05:08] | massage always leads to sex. | 按摩后就会想滚床单 |
[05:11] | That’s why I can’t believe | 那就是我不敢相信 |
[05:12] | they have those chairs in the mall. | 商场里面放了那么多按摩椅的原因 |
[05:14] | We can’t just sit back and let this happen. | 我们不能坐视不管 |
[05:15] | We gotta get in there | 必须行动起来 |
[05:17] | and shake up Jimmy and Sabrina’s foundation. | 动摇吉米跟塞布丽娜的根基 |
[05:20] | Are you doing one of your crazy plans | 你们就打算丢下我 自己玩角色扮演 |
[05:22] | where you dress up in costumes and leave me out of it? | 开始你们疯狂的计划吗 |
[05:26] | No, Maw Maw. | 不 曾奶奶 |
[05:28] | But if it turns into one of those, | 但如果事情发展到要角色扮演的程度 |
[05:29] | we’ll let you know. | 我们会通知你的 |
[05:36] | This is perfect. | 太完美了 |
[05:38] | When they can’t have coffee in the morning, | 如果他们早上没法喝咖啡的话 |
[05:39] | they are gonna be delirious. | 他们肯定会发神经的 |
[05:41] | And then when they can’t find | 当他们找不到 |
[05:42] | their remotes or their cell phones, | 他们的遥控器或手机时 |
[05:44] | they’re gonna be going at it like rabbits. | 他们就会急成傻逼了 |
[05:45] | What’d you do? | 你干了什么 |
[05:46] | I lowered the setting on the water pressure regulator. | 我调低了调压器的水压设置 |
[05:49] | It’s gonna drive Jimmy crazy | 这会让吉米发疯的 |
[05:50] | when he can’t get the shampoo out of his hair. | 他头发上抹的洗发液冲不下来 |
[05:52] | When he runs out of the shower all stressed, | 等他紧张兮兮地冲出浴室时 |
[05:54] | he’s gonna already be naked! | 已经是赤身裸体了 |
[05:55] | You’re such a genius! | 你真是个天才 |
[05:58] | What’s that? | 那是什么声音 |
[06:00] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
[06:05] | What is happening?! | 发生什么事了 |
[06:07] | Tsunami! | 海啸啦 |
[06:11] | Did you lower the pressure… | 你是把压力调小了 |
[06:14] | or raise it? | 还是增大了 |
[06:15] | Lefty loosey… | 往左是拧松 |
[06:17] | righty tighty… | 往右是拧紧 |
[06:18] | Wait, is that from my perspective | 等等 这个左右是从我的角度看 |
[06:20] | or the pipe’s perspective? | 还是从管道的角度看 |
[06:26] | Okay! Jimmy… | 好了 吉米 |
[06:27] | just calm down. | 冷静 |
[06:29] | We just need to find the valve to shut off the water. | 我们只要找到阀门关掉水就好了 |
[06:30] | Are you sure that this isn’t poop water? | 你确定这不是粪水吗 |
[06:36] | It’s in my mouth! | 都喷进我嘴里了 |
[06:40] | Thanks for letting us crash here tonight. | 谢谢你们今晚收留我们 |
[06:42] | Of course. | 当然了 |
[06:44] | You can stay here any time. | 你们想什么时候来都可以 |
[06:45] | Well… but don’t get too comfortable. | 但 不要睡得太舒服 |
[06:47] | We just threw out our carbon monoxide detector | 我们刚刚扔掉了一氧化碳感测器 |
[06:50] | ’cause it was beeping too much. | 因为它老是叫个不停 |
[06:52] | And, uh… we’re having | 而且 我们家还有 |
[06:53] | – a bit of a poisonous spider problem. – Yes. | -毒蜘蛛的问题 -没错 |
[06:56] | Uh, try not to snore when you sleep, | 睡觉时不要打呼噜 |
[06:57] | ’cause they take that as a sign of aggression. | 它们会以为你们这是挑衅它 |
[06:59] | So… | 嗯 |
[07:00] | your wall exploded? | 你们家的墙炸开了吗 |
[07:02] | Talk about stressful. | 压力可真够大的 |
[07:04] | If I was you, I’d be afraid of walls the rest of my life. | 如果我是你们 我下半辈子都会害怕墙了 |
[07:06] | I’d be clinging to Virginia. | 我会整天粘着维吉妮亚 |
[07:08] | Honestly, it’s really not as big of a deal as it sounds like. | 老实说 其实真的没什么大不了的 |
[07:10] | Yeah, it was just a burst water main. | 是啊 只不过是总水管炸裂了嘛 |
[07:12] | We just kind of assessed the damage, | 我们评估了一下受灾状况 |
[07:14] | made a little to-do list. | 列了个待办事项清单 |
[07:15] | And we saw that the problem, uh, | 我们觉得这个问题 |
[07:16] | wasn’t that big of a deal. | 并没什么大不了的 |
[07:17] | It wasn’t? | 没什么吗 |
[07:18] | What about the water damage? | 那水带来的损害呢 |
[07:19] | Water turns to mold, | 水会滋生霉菌 |
[07:20] | mold turns to asbestos, | 霉菌会变成石棉 |
[07:22] | asbestos turns to lead. | 石棉会变成铅 |
[07:25] | You know, we’ve got insurance, so we’re gonna be fine. | 我们有保险 所以会没事的 |
[07:26] | Sabrina, did you buy that insurance? | 塞布丽娜 那保险是你买的吗 |
[07:28] | Jimmy says you spend too much money. | 吉米说你花钱太多 |
[07:30] | What do you think about Jimmy’s big mouth, Sabrina? | 你对吉米的大嘴有何看法 塞布丽娜 |
[07:31] | We actually got a very good deal on our insurance, so… | 我们的保险条款非常好 所以 |
[07:35] | Yeah, yeah. I rarely say this, but, uh… | 是啊 是啊 我很少说这种话 |
[07:37] | thank God for Wyatt. | 多亏了怀特 |
[07:38] | Wyatt? | 怀特 |
[07:39] | Oh, that hot piece of ass Sabrina used to sleep with | 就是以前跟塞布丽娜上床的性感男神吗 |
[07:42] | before she settled for this sack of mashed potatoes? | 可惜她后来嫁给了这个呆头瓜 |
[07:44] | Maw Maw… I told you, | 曾奶奶 我跟你说了 |
[07:46] | we’re not doing costumes this time. | 我们这次不玩角色扮演 |
[07:47] | Anyway… | 总之 |
[07:48] | back when Wyatt and I were together, | 之前我和怀特还在一起的时候 |
[07:49] | his dad got my family a really good deal | 为了感动我 他老爸帮我家搞到了一份 |
[07:51] | on homeowner’s insurance just to impress me. | 十分优惠的房屋保险合同 |
[07:53] | I’m gonna hit the hay. | 我要上床睡觉了 |
[07:55] | Yeah, I’m gonna call it, too. | 好吧 我也要说晚安了 |
[08:00] | You’re sleeping out here? | 你要在这儿睡吗 |
[08:01] | Why don’t you let Hope sleep with us | 你干嘛不让喜旺和我们睡 |
[08:03] | and you can go sleep in the bedroom with Sabrina? | 然后你去卧室和塞布丽娜一起睡 |
[08:06] | Your wife. | 那可是你老婆 |
[08:06] | And lover. | 你爱的姑娘 |
[08:08] | In that little twin bed? | 在那张小床上吗 |
[08:10] | We’d be right on top of each other. | 那我们只能叠在对方身上睡了 |
[08:12] | On top of your wife. | 趴在你老婆 你爱人身上 |
[08:14] | And lover. | 不也很好吗 |
[08:16] | It’s been a crazy night. | 今晚真够疯狂的 |
[08:18] | We should just get some sleep. | 我们还是快点睡吧 |
[08:23] | It’s worse than we thought. | 情况比我们想象的还要糟 |
[08:24] | They’re not even sleeping in the same bed. | 他们甚至都不睡在同一张床上 |
[08:26] | He’s sleeping on the couch. | 他睡在沙发上呢 |
[08:27] | All this security is driving them apart. | 安全感让他们日渐疏离彼此 |
[08:29] | I mean, insurance? | 你听听 保险 |
[08:30] | Have you ever heard of anything so irresponsible? | 你听过如此不负责的东西吗 |
[08:33] | I know. | 我懂的 |
[08:34] | Sometimes I feel closest to you when things suck the most. | 生活一团糟时 我感觉我俩的心连得更紧 |
[08:36] | Exactly. Stability is the enemy. | 就是啊 稳定的生活是最大的敌人 |
[08:39] | We need to shake them up on a deeper level. | 我们必须更深层地动摇他们的安稳生活 |
[08:42] | A body in the ocean tends to remain in the ocean. | 海洋中的尸体 会一直留在海洋中不动 |
[08:46] | What do we do? | 我们该怎么做 |
[08:47] | It has to be something they don’t have insurance for. | 必须破坏点他们没买保险的东西 |
[08:49] | What if we crash their car? | 不如撞烂他们的车吧 |
[08:50] | No, that won’t work. | 别 那是不行的 |
[08:52] | Obama made a law | 奥巴马颁布了一项法令 |
[08:54] | where everybody has to have affordable car insurance. | 每个人都必须有可承担范围内的车险 |
[08:56] | It’s called Obama-Car. | 那被称作奥巴马车险条例 |
[08:57] | Well, I’m out. | 我不干了 |
[08:58] | Their world’s too big for me. | 他们的世界对我来说太大了 |
[09:00] | But they’re not in their world anymore, Burt. | 但他们已经走出他们的世界了 伯特 |
[09:03] | They’re in ours. | 他们现在进入我们的世界了 |
[09:19] | Oh, don’t look at me like that. | 别那样看着我 |
[09:21] | Your mother’s so scared of spiders, | 你妈妈太害怕蜘蛛了 |
[09:22] | she sleeps with a panty ho on her head. | 睡觉时头上也要套着个丝袜 |
[09:26] | This is all a dream. | 这都是梦 |
[09:29] | Burt! | 伯特 |
[09:30] | I got it. | 我拿到了 |
[09:31] | Sabrina’s checkbook. | 塞布丽娜的支票簿 |
[09:33] | Did you take care of Jimmy’s wallet? | 你搞定吉米的钱包了吗 |
[09:34] | Yep. Gone. | 是的 搞定了 |
[09:36] | You burned it? | 你给烧了吗 |
[09:38] | Jimmy will have no choice | 吉米将走投无路 |
[09:39] | but to turn to Sabrina for some sweet love and consoling. | 只能向塞布丽娜寻求爱和安慰 |
[09:42] | We’re trying to give him stress | 我们是要给他适当的压力 |
[09:43] | that leads to a massage, | 让他们互相按摩 |
[09:45] | not stress that leads to a heart attack. | 而不是让他心脏病发 |
[09:47] | You said to get rid of it, | 你说过要处理掉他的钱包 |
[09:48] | because without access to their money, | 因为一旦没有了钱 |
[09:50] | they’d feel less secure. | 他们的安全感就会暴跌 |
[09:51] | I meant you should hide his wallet for a little while. | 我是让你把他的钱包藏起来一小会儿 |
[09:54] | Not burn all his money. | 不是把他的钱全烧掉 |
[09:56] | What is wrong with me? | 我是哪根筋不对啊 |
[09:58] | I always take these things too far. | 我总是做得太过火了 |
[10:00] | I’m like a bull in a china shop | 我就像闯进瓷器店的公牛 |
[10:02] | who likes to burn things in a barbeque. | 想在烧烤时 把一切都烧毁 |
[10:04] | It’s okay, honey. | 没关系的 亲爱的 |
[10:07] | It’s an easy mistake. | 人很容易犯这种错 |
[10:09] | Well, that feels good. | 感觉真爽啊 |
[10:11] | Really good. | 超爽 |
[10:17] | What do you mean, it’s not here? | 你说不在这儿是什么意思 |
[10:19] | I mean I had it, and now it’s gone. | 我是说 之前有的 但现在不见了 |
[10:21] | Burt, wake up! | 伯特 快醒醒 |
[10:23] | There’s pudding everywhere! | 到处都是布丁啊 |
[10:24] | We’ve been robbed! | 我们被打劫了 |
[10:26] | It worked. | 起作用了 |
[10:29] | Are you sure you had it in your pants? | 你确定你之前放进裤子口袋里了吗 |
[10:31] | Of course I’m sure. | 我当然确定了 |
[10:33] | Uh, what are you looking for? | 你们在找什么呢 |
[10:34] | Jimmy lost his wallet. | 吉米把钱包弄丢了 |
[10:35] | I didn’t lose it. | 我没有弄丢 |
[10:36] | I know that I had it last night. | 我知道它昨晚还在的 |
[10:38] | It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Jimmy. | 都是我的错 我很抱歉 吉米 |
[10:40] | I forgot to lock the front door last night. | 我昨晚忘记锁前门了 |
[10:42] | Damn me | 我真该死 |
[10:43] | and my small-town, mid-century American values. | 还有我那小镇夜不闭户的高尚美式价值观 |
[10:47] | It’s okay. Just try to relax. | 没关系的 放轻松 |
[10:49] | Not now, Burt. | 现在不是时候 伯特 |
[10:50] | I had everything in my wallet. | 我的一切东西都在钱包里 |
[10:52] | I had my driver’s license, ATM card, | 我的驾照 银行卡 |
[10:54] | sub club. | 潜水俱乐部证 |
[10:55] | Aw, man– my lucky 50-cent piece! | 还有我的幸运50分币 |
[10:59] | Oh, no. | 完蛋了 |
[11:00] | What? What is it? | 什么 怎么了 |
[11:03] | I had $500 in my wallet. | 我钱包里有500块 |
[11:05] | What? Jimmy, I raised you never to have that kind of money. | 什么 吉米 我养你这些年从没有过这么多钱 |
[11:08] | You had $500? | 你有500块 |
[11:10] | This is a lot worse than I originally thought. | 这比我最开始想象的还要糟 |
[11:16] | Jimmy, what were you doing with $500? | 吉米 你揣着500块干嘛 |
[11:18] | Well, I got our emergency envelope from the desk last night | 昨晚我们离开家的时候 |
[11:22] | when we were leaving the house. | 我拿了桌子上的应急信封 |
[11:24] | Wait, Jimmy, there was only $20 in that emergency envelope. | 吉米 那个应急信封里只有20块 |
[11:27] | Are you sure? | 你确定 |
[11:28] | I’m positive– I went to the bank | 确定 我去银行存钱了 |
[11:29] | and I deposited the rest of it last night | 剩下的零钱都装在信封里 |
[11:31] | ’cause I didn’t think we should have that much cash around. | 因为我觉得身边不应该放太多现金 |
[11:32] | Oh, you’re kidding. That’s amazing. | 不是吧 太好了 |
[11:34] | – I’m not a loser! – Of course you’re not a loser. | -我不是个废物 -你当然不是废物 |
[11:36] | Let’s go to the mall and we’ll get you a new wallet | 咱去商场逛逛 给你买个新钱包 |
[11:37] | with the Velcro and the little plastic picture things | 那种带尼龙搭扣和塑料相框的 |
[11:39] | you like to put your sugar packets in. | 好让你放小糖包 |
[11:43] | Oh, we were this close. | 就差一点点 |
[11:45] | I can’t believe she deposited the money. | 真不敢相信她把钱存起来了 |
[11:47] | Once again, the little guy gets screwed by the banks. | 又叫银行给坏事儿了 |
[11:49] | First insurance, now she’s teaching him | 先是保险 现在她又教他 |
[11:51] | to be responsible with money. | 好好管钱 |
[11:53] | She’s ruining their marriage. | 她这是在自毁婚姻啊 |
[11:54] | I knew she was no good. | 我知道她太差劲了 |
[11:55] | Or too good… or whatever. | 还是太优秀了 无所谓了 |
[11:57] | We just haven’t found her chaos button yet. | 我们只是还没找到能把她逼疯的事 |
[12:00] | Ooh, I bet I know just the way to push it. | 我知道怎么逼疯她了 |
[12:05] | So a priest walks into a bar and he says… | 然后一个牧师走进酒吧 他说 |
[12:09] | What the hell is Wyatt doing here? | 怀特怎么在这 |
[12:10] | I don’t get it. Is Wyatt the bartender? | 我没明白 怀特是酒保吗 |
[12:12] | No, Wyatt is your ex-boyfriend. | 不是 怀特是你前男友 |
[12:16] | Oh, now I get it. | 现在我明白了 |
[12:17] | Hello, Sabrina. | 你好呀 塞布丽娜 |
[12:20] | What are you doing here? | 你在这干嘛 |
[12:22] | He’s selling us insurance. | 他在给我们推销保险 |
[12:24] | Yeah. We were so impressed with yours, | 对 你们的保险提醒了我们 |
[12:26] | we thought it was about time we got some ourselves. | 我们觉得也是时候买点保险 |
[12:29] | You sell insurance now? | 你现在卖保险了 |
[12:30] | I sell dreams. | 哥卖的是梦想 |
[12:32] | The dream of a flood, a fire, the loss of a loved one, | 当洪水袭来 火灾燃起 爱人逝去时 |
[12:35] | where you can cash in big. | 人们能得到大笔现金补偿的梦想 |
[12:37] | We just bought every policy he sells. | 他卖的各种保险我们都买了 |
[12:39] | You can never be too safe. | 不怕一万 就怕万一嘛 |
[12:40] | In fact, if there’s insurance for being too safe, | 如果有保险保的是保险过头了的话 |
[12:42] | we’ll take that, too. | 我们也买 |
[12:43] | Anyway, when we heard what a great deal you got, | 我们听说你的保险那么划算时 |
[12:45] | we thought: Who better to buy insurance from | 就想 还有比怀特更靠谱的保险员吗 |
[12:48] | than the guy Sabrina thinks so highly of, | 塞布丽娜对他评价那么高 |
[12:50] | she almost picked him over Jimmy? | 差一点就为他舍弃了吉米 |
[12:52] | Almost. | 差一点 |
[12:53] | We’re still young. | 我们还年轻 日子还很长 |
[12:54] | Okay, well, that… | 好了好了 |
[12:56] | that’s-that’s fine. | 真是够了 |
[12:58] | You know, I think it’s really great | 真的很高兴 |
[12:59] | that you guys are finally protecting… | 你们终于开始保护 |
[13:01] | all this. | 这些财产了 |
[13:02] | And, uh… | 还有 |
[13:03] | I think we will definitely find a way | 我们一定能找到一个合适的方法 |
[13:05] | to get comfortable with it. | 处理这个问题的 |
[13:06] | Wyatt, now that Jimmy and Sabrina are home, | 怀特 反正吉米和塞布丽娜都在家 |
[13:09] | would you like to join us for dinner? | 不如留下来吃晚饭吧 |
[13:12] | Yes. | 好 |
[13:13] | I would love to. | 乐意之极 |
[13:19] | Maw Maw, I told you we’re not doing costumes. | 曾奶奶 我说了 我们不搞角色扮演 |
[13:27] | Dinner’s up in five minutes. | 晚餐五分钟内上桌 |
[13:28] | Why don’t I go help Dad | 我去帮老爸 |
[13:29] | – with the hot dogs? – He’s good. | -烤热狗吧 -他一个人搞得定 |
[13:30] | So, Wyatt, why don’t you tell us | 怀特 跟我们说说 |
[13:32] | how you got involved in the exciting world of insurance? | 你是怎么踏入保险这么刺激的行业的吧 |
[13:35] | Well, I needed some security after Sabrina plunged a dagger | 塞布丽娜选择了一个比我差太多的男人 |
[13:39] | into my heart by choosing to spend her life | 这在我心上深深插了一刀 |
[13:41] | with a far lesser man. | 于是我需要点安全感 |
[13:42] | Uh, one day, | 有一天 |
[13:43] | my dad asked me to join | 我爸让我到 |
[13:44] | the family insurance business. | 家族的保险公司上班 |
[13:45] | So I started protecting people’s futures | 于是我就开始保护人们的未来 |
[13:47] | the way I should’ve been protecting my fragile heart | 就像保护我那脆弱的小心脏 |
[13:50] | from a cold, cold bitch who shall go unnamed. | 不被某些冷血无情的贱人伤害一样 |
[13:53] | Hey, Burt, how are those dogs coming? | 伯特 热狗怎么样了 |
[13:55] | Well, whatever happened, Wyatt, | 怀特 不管怎样 |
[13:58] | it-it sounds like it worked out for the best. | 这好像是最好的结局了 |
[13:59] | Not all of it. | 才怪 |
[14:01] | Have you ever met a cocaine dealer who took credit cards? | 你遇过接受信用卡付款的毒贩吗 |
[14:03] | I did. | 我见过 |
[14:05] | It… it kind of ruined my credit. | 差点毁了我的信用 |
[14:07] | I’m… having a tough time finding someplace to live. | 很长时间以来我都找不到地方收留我 |
[14:10] | Hey, you need a place to live? | 你需要地方收留吗 |
[14:13] | – We got space for you here. – I don’t think that… | -我们这有地方 -我不觉得… |
[14:15] | Yeah! | 对啊 |
[14:16] | You should take Jimmy’s room. | 你可以住吉米的房间 |
[14:18] | The last guy who lived there got Sabrina. | 那间房的上一个房主娶到了塞布丽娜 |
[14:20] | So… | 所以 |
[14:21] | who knows? | 未来怎样谁也说不准 |
[14:23] | And if it tips you one way or the other, | 给你提供点信息 不知道有没有用 |
[14:25] | sometimes I get confused which door is the bathroom. | 反正我有时候搞不清哪扇门是卫生间门 |
[14:29] | Look, Wyatt. | 怀特 |
[14:30] | I’m sorry that Sabrina chose me over you. | 很抱歉塞布丽娜选我没选你 |
[14:33] | And-and that you’re selling insurance. | 还有 你现在在卖保险 |
[14:35] | And I’m sorry that, uh, | 很抱歉 |
[14:37] | you don’t have a place to live. | 你没地方可以住 |
[14:39] | But there is no way that you can live | 但你绝对不可以住 |
[14:41] | in my old room. Right, Sabrina? | 我以前的房间 对吧 塞布丽娜 |
[14:43] | – I think it’s a great idea! – What? | -我觉得这想法很好 -什么 |
[14:45] | Well, Wyatt needs a place to stay, | 怀特需要地方住 |
[14:46] | and your parents have the space. | 你爹妈又正好有地方 |
[14:48] | I think we can figure something out. | 我们应该没问题的 |
[14:50] | Uh, can I talk to you for a sec? | 能跟你说两句吗 |
[14:53] | Of course. | 当然 |
[14:58] | We lit the fuse, now it’s just time to watch the bomb go off. | 导火线已点燃 就等炸弹爆炸了 |
[15:01] | I bet they’re falling into each other’s arms in seconds. | 他们一定立刻交融在彼此的臂弯里 |
[15:05] | We are such good parents. | 我们真是绝世好爹妈 |
[15:11] | Damn, I can’t hear a word they’re saying. | 靠 一句都听不到 |
[15:12] | I think it’s pretty obvious what they’re saying. | 他们说什么这不是很明显嘛 |
[15:14] | That poor guy needs a home over there. | 那个可怜虫需要个地方住 |
[15:16] | It doesn’t matter that he’s… | 他比你帅太多 |
[15:17] | he’s much more handsome than you. | 也没什么要紧的 |
[15:20] | Well, I can’t argue with how handsome he is, | 他是很帅 这点我没意见 |
[15:22] | but… | 但是 |
[15:24] | I-I will argue with him sleeping in my old room. | 他睡我以前的房间 我就很有意见了 |
[15:27] | I am very angry! | 我气炸了 |
[15:29] | Ooh, I like it when you’re angry. | 我就喜欢你生气的样子 |
[15:31] | I feel something in my loins. | 人家要欲火焚身了 |
[15:33] | Oh, take it easy, Burt. | 别太过火 伯特 |
[15:34] | No loin talk. | 不许来这一套 |
[15:36] | I am walking away | 我要走了 |
[15:38] | because I’m angry! | 因为我气炸了 |
[15:39] | J-Jimmy, come on, don’t do this! | 吉米 别这样 |
[15:41] | What’s he…? Where’s he going? | 他 他要去哪 |
[15:44] | She can’t massage him if he leaves the fight. | 如果他单方面休战 她就没法给他按摩了 |
[15:52] | Ooh, what’s he doing there? | 他在那干嘛 |
[15:55] | Hey, Sabrina. | 塞布丽娜 |
[15:56] | Thanks for the hot dogs. | 谢谢你的热狗 |
[15:57] | You’re looking awful vulnerable | 今晚你看起来格外脆弱 |
[15:59] | and sexy tonight. | 又性感 |
[15:59] | You want a hug? | 需要个拥抱吗 |
[16:00] | Burt, cut it out. | 伯特 闭嘴 |
[16:02] | Do you think we went too far? | 我们是不是太过火了 |
[16:04] | You’re asking me? | 你问我 |
[16:05] | I’m the “Too far” guy. | 我就是喜欢玩过火 |
[16:07] | You’re supposed to reel me in! | 你应该帮我收着点 |
[16:10] | Oh, dear Lord. | 我滴神呐 |
[16:11] | Now, stay calm, Virginia– not every massage | 保持冷静 维吉妮亚 不是每次按摩 |
[16:13] | has to lead to… | 都会发展为… |
[16:15] | No! | 不 |
[16:18] | Wyatt, she’s a married woman! | 怀特 她是个已婚女人 |
[16:20] | Burt, Virginia, | 伯特 维吉妮亚 |
[16:20] | this is not what it looks like. | 不是看上去的那个样子 |
[16:22] | Unless it looks like I was trying for tongue ’cause I was. | 除非你们觉得我想跟她舌吻 因为我真的想 |
[16:24] | What about tongue? | 什么舌吻 |
[16:26] | Sabrina, were you trying to kiss Wyatt? | 塞布丽娜 你是想亲怀特吗 |
[16:28] | Jimmy, no, it’s all our fault. | 吉米 不 都是我们的错 |
[16:30] | Your father and I were worried | 你爸爸和我担心 |
[16:31] | that your marriage was losing its spark. | 你们的婚姻正在失去激情 |
[16:33] | And that’s why we brought Wyatt here. | 所以我们才把怀特叫过来 |
[16:34] | To get you two fighting. | 目的就是让你们俩吵架 |
[16:37] | – We were right. – Yeah, you called it. | -我们猜对了 -是啊 你说对了 |
[16:38] | We knew you guys were setting us up. | 我们就知道你俩在设计我们 |
[16:41] | I didn’t know what you were up to, | 我不知道你们想干什么 |
[16:42] | but I knew something was weird. | 但我知道一定有诈 |
[16:45] | But then I saw something that made it | 但后来我又看到了一样东西 |
[16:48] | a little bit clearer for me. | 让我心里更有数了 |
[16:50] | After that, it was just a matter | 在那之后 只要让吉米 |
[16:52] | of getting Jimmy on board. | 也搞清楚状况就行了 |
[16:53] | Your parents are messing with us. | 你爸妈在跟我们瞎搅和 |
[16:54] | There was no pickpocket. | 根本没什么小偷 |
[16:56] | Your 50-cent piece is in the barbecue. | 你的50美分硬币掉在烧烤火堆里 |
[16:58] | I knew it would turn up. | 我就知道一定会出现的 |
[17:00] | There’s nothing luckier than a Kennedy. | 没什么比肯尼迪更幸运的了 |
[17:01] | Jimmy, your parents stole your wallet. | 吉米 你爸妈偷了你的钱包 |
[17:04] | I’m so confused… | 我搞不懂 |
[17:06] | but I trust you. | 但我相信你 |
[17:07] | When I take my hands off of your face, | 等我的手松开后 |
[17:10] | I want you to act like you’re so, so mad at me | 我要你表现得非常非常生气 |
[17:12] | and storm off and walk away, okay? | 大吼一声 气冲冲地离开好吗 |
[17:14] | And then I’m gonna find out what’s going on. | 然后我会弄清楚到底怎么回事 |
[17:16] | Okay, I’m going to throw my arms up like I’m really, really mad. | 好 我要甩手了 假装非常生气 |
[17:18] | – They’ll totally buy that. – Why would you do that? | -他们一定会相信的 -你为什么这样做 |
[17:20] | Trust me, I can sell it! | 相信我 我一定会让他们相信的 |
[17:22] | I am walking away because I’m angry! | 我要走了 因为我很生气 |
[17:25] | Jimmy, stop! | 吉米 别走 |
[17:27] | Why are you doing this? | 你为什么这样 |
[17:28] | The coin didn’t burn? | 硬币没有烧着吗 |
[17:30] | They should make the space shuttle out of coins. | 他们应该用硬币制造航天飞机 |
[17:32] | When did you tell Wyatt | 你什么时候告诉怀特 |
[17:33] | that he should try to make a move on you? | 他该对你采取行动的 |
[17:34] | Oh, I didn’t do that. | 我没跟他说 |
[17:36] | If you leave Wyatt alone with a girl | 你只要让怀特跟一个姑娘 |
[17:37] | for 20 seconds, he’s gonna make a move on her. | 单独相处20秒 他就会采取行动的 |
[17:39] | Wyatt, can you come inside and help with something? | 怀特 你能进来帮我点忙吗 |
[17:40] | It’ll take about 20 seconds. | 只要20秒就够了 |
[17:42] | Anyway, so you and Jimmy are fine? | 总之 你跟吉米没事是吗 |
[17:45] | I’m sorry, Wyatt. | 我很抱歉 怀特 |
[17:46] | I am still in love with my husband. | 我依然很爱我的丈夫 |
[17:48] | And your offer for me to live here? | 那你们还能让我住在这吗 |
[17:50] | Sorry, Wyatt, we don’t really need a roommate. | 抱歉 怀特 我们不太需要什么室友 |
[17:52] | Your life, home and boat insurance? | 那你们的的人寿 房屋和船只保险呢 |
[17:54] | I know we-we look like boat people, | 我知道我们看起来像有船的富豪 |
[17:56] | but we could never own a boat. | 但我们买不起船只 |
[17:58] | Or a home. | 或者房屋 |
[17:59] | Or insurance. | 还有保险 |
[18:00] | So you just used me? | 所以你们只是在利用我 |
[18:01] | And fed you. | 请你吃了饭 |
[18:02] | And let you use the lavatory. | 还让你用了洗手间 |
[18:03] | And we gave you a 20-minute window | 我们还给了你20分钟时间 |
[18:05] | to try and get Sabrina back. | 让你把塞布丽娜追回来 |
[18:08] | Swing and a miss, buddy. | 挥棒落空 伙计 |
[18:09] | You’re all horrible people. | 你们真是太可怕了 |
[18:11] | And I really wish horrible, horrible things happen to you. | 我真希望你们倒大霉 |
[18:15] | Oh, and because they might, I can still offer | 因为有可能 所以还是把我有价格优势的保险 |
[18:18] | my competitive rates. | 给你们看看 |
[18:20] | I would definitely get fire insurance if I were you. | 如果我是你的话 我一定会买火灾保险 |
[18:23] | Because I’m considering burning down your house. | 因为我在考虑烧了你们的房子 |
[18:25] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
[18:27] | We’ll be in touch. | 以后再联系 |
[18:31] | So, what made you guys think we were losing our spark? | 是什么让你们觉得我们正在失去激情 |
[18:35] | Because Jimmy told me that you two weren’t having… | 因为吉米告诉我 你们俩没有 |
[18:39] | s-e-x. | 性生活 |
[18:40] | And I noticed you weren’t shaving your legs. | 而且我注意到你没有刮腿毛 |
[18:43] | They looked like something PETA would protest. | 毛多得善待动物组织都要出来反对你穿皮草了 |
[18:45] | Okay, I’m sorry. | 好了 我很抱歉 |
[18:46] | First of all, | 首先 |
[18:47] | I’m growing it out to get it waxed. | 我在等毛长出来 好用蜜蜡脱毛 |
[18:49] | And second of all, are you talking | 其次 你还跟你爸爸聊 |
[18:50] | to your dad about our sex life? | 我们的性生活吗 |
[18:54] | Pennies! | 钱钱 |
[18:58] | If she keeps falling for that, you should have her looked at. | 如果她一直这么往钱眼里钻 你们可得看紧她了 |
[19:01] | No, I didn’t tell him about our sex life. | 没有 我没跟他聊我们的性生活 |
[19:03] | You said, “There is nothing to talk about.” | 你说的是 没什么可聊的 |
[19:05] | Because I didn’t want to talk to my dad about my sex life. | 因为我不想跟我爸聊我的性生活啊 |
[19:08] | Why not? | 为什么不 |
[19:09] | We always talk to you about our sex life. | 我们就常常跟你聊我们的性生活 |
[19:11] | I know. And it’s weird. | 我知道 但那很诡异 |
[19:13] | I keep asking you over and over to stop, | 我一次又一次求你们别说了 |
[19:15] | but you just keep going. | 但你们还是在说 |
[19:18] | How come nobody asks me about my sex life? | 怎么就没人关心关心我的性生活 |
[19:21] | Any one of you prudes ever sleep with an Academy Award winner? | 你们这些伪君子跟奥斯卡得奖主睡过吗 |
[19:24] | Anyway, we thought your marriage was in trouble, okay? | 总之 我们以为你们的婚姻亮红灯了 |
[19:27] | So we tried to give you something | 所以我们就想教你们一些 |
[19:29] | that always worked for us in the past. | 以前对我们很管用的办法 |
[19:30] | A little chaos to shake things up. | 一点小混乱就能让爱情回归甜蜜 |
[19:32] | It’s very sweet. | 太贴心了 |
[19:34] | Kind of. | 算是吧 |
[19:35] | You blew a hole in our wall that is | 你们在我们墙上弄坏的那个洞 |
[19:37] | going to take weeks to fix. | 要花好几周才你那个修好 |
[19:38] | – Because we love you. – It’s great that you | -因为我们爱你 -你们会担心我们 |
[19:41] | were worried about us, but it’s just that | 真的很棒 只是我们处理事情的方式 |
[19:42] | – we do things differently. – Yeah, oddly enough, | -不一样 -是啊 奇怪的是 |
[19:44] | disasters don’t turn us on. | 灾难不会让我们性奋 |
[19:46] | Then may I suggest a bottle of tequila | 那我的建议是一杯龙舌兰酒 |
[19:50] | and an electric toothbrush. | 和一把电动牙刷 |
[19:52] | Okay, I’m done. | 我受不了了 |
[19:54] | While my parents made the most | 我父母充分利用 |
[19:55] | out of channeling the stress in their lives, | 压力排遣法则时 |
[19:57] | Sabrina and I responded to a different kind of stimulation. | 塞布丽娜和我对某种不同的刺激有反应 |
[20:00] | Sabrina! | 塞布丽娜 |
[20:01] | – It’s all done. – It looks great. | -完工啦 -看起来真不错 |
[20:04] | And that is the second to last thing on our to-do list. | 那是我们必做列表上倒数第二件事 |
[20:07] | Really? What’s left? | 真的吗 最后一件是什么 |
[20:09] | Oh, just the door. | 门 |
[20:10] | What do I have to do? Sand it? Paint it? | 要我做什么 抛光还是上漆 |
[20:11] | Lock it. | 锁上 |
[20:21] | Maw Maw put herself to bed. | 曾奶奶上床了 |
[20:24] | Jimmy and Sabrina are back home and doing great. | 吉米和塞布丽娜回家了 相处得很好 |
[20:27] | Hope’s just a “P” and an “E” Away | 喜旺只差”p”和”e” |
[20:29] | from being able to spell her own name. | 就会拼她自己的名字了 |
[20:31] | Things have never been better. | 生活真是完美啊 |
[20:33] | I know. | 我知道 |
[20:34] | The bills are paid, the cars are working. | 账单还清了 汽车还没坏 |
[20:36] | That flesh-eating virus I thought I had? | 我以为我感染上了食肉病毒 |
[20:38] | Turned out to be spaghetti sauce. | 其实只是意面酱 |
[20:42] | I can’t think of a damn thing to worry about. | 我想不到任何要担心的事了 |
[20:44] | What if the giant branch | 如果缠着电力线上的 |
[20:46] | that hangs over the power line snaps | 大树枝突然断了 |
[20:48] | and causes some kind of electrical fire? | 导致电气火灾该怎么办 |
[20:50] | Dang it. I trimmed that. | 该死 我修剪过了 |
[20:53] | What about Oprah’s cable network? | 那奥普拉的有线电视网络呢 |
[20:55] | If that goes under, she could lose one of her homes. | 如果破产的话 她可能会损失一座房子呢 |
[20:57] | No, it finally started turning a profit. | 没有 终于开始盈利了 |
[21:00] | And her movie career is smoking. | 她的电影事业也开始突飞猛进 |
[21:02] | We really have nothing to worry about. | 我们真的没什么好担心的了 |
[21:04] | That kind of makes me worried. | 这样反倒让我有点担心 |
[21:05] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
[21:06] | What if it stays good? | 如果一直都这么美满呢 |
[21:09] | What if all the excitement is gone? | 如果所有的兴奋点都消失了 |
[21:11] | What if nothing bad ever happens to us ever again? | 如果从此不再有什么厄运降临在我们身上 |
[21:14] | It will. | 会有的 |
[21:16] | Trust me, honey. Just relax. | 相信我 亲爱的 放松 |
[21:19] | I’m sure chaos is right around the corner. | 我相信混乱情况就要来临了 |
[21:22] | That feels good– really good. | 哦好爽啊 真的好爽 |