| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Linda. | 琳达 |
| [00:01] | You can have literally anything you could possibly– | 只要你想 你做什么都可以 |
| [00:04] | What the– | 搞什么 |
| [00:05] | You sent a demon in disguise as one of the subjects? | 你派了一个恶魔伪装成人类混入善地了 |
| [00:09] | This outrageous act must be punished. | 这种行为必须严惩 |
| [00:12] | Chidi will be the fourth subject in this experiment. | 奇迪来做第四个目标人类 |
| [00:16] | I still don’t get why the Bad Place would try something so obvious. | “恶地”怎么会使出这么低级的招数 |
| [00:20] | They’re desperate. They know they’re gonna lose. | 他们狗急跳墙了 心知就要输了 |
| [00:22] | Plus, we can get rid of the Linda picture… | 另外 可以拿掉琳达的照片了 |
| [00:25] | and put a Chidi picture on the other side since we know a ton about him. | 换上奇迪 放到另一侧 对已他了若指掌 |
| [00:29] | This is all good news, right, Team Leader? | 这是好事 对吧 队长 |
| [00:31] | Yeah, it’s super cool that I’m actively surveilling and manipulating an ex-boyfriend. | 对 监视前男友 对他耍心机简直太好玩了 |
| [00:35] | I mean, more so than I usually did. | 比我以往干这种事更刺激 |
| [00:37] | Okay, let’s focus on Brent. | 我们还是主攻布兰特吧 |
| [00:39] | Born on third base, thinks he invented the game of baseball. | 含着金汤匙出生 有钱任性 不可一世 |
| [00:42] | Guys like this believe that the world revolves around them | 这种人总以为地球都围着自己转 |
| [00:45] | because… it kind of does. | 因为世道确实如此 |
| [00:47] | If we could get him to listen to anyone else, | 如果能让他听进别人的话 |
| [00:49] | he’d hear how much better they are than he was, | 他会听到别人生前比他良善 |
| [00:52] | which might make him realize that he doesn’t belong here. | 也许会让他意识到自己不属于”善地” |
| [00:54] | And also, bonus… | 还可能有好戏看 |
| [00:57] | maybe he cries like a stupid little baby. | 他可能会痛哭流涕 惨兮兮 |
| [01:06] | Anyway, long story short, | 总之 长话短说 |
| [01:08] | that’s why there are still ducks. | 所以如今才还有鸭子 |
| [01:10] | I saved all the ducks. | 我拯救了所有鸭子 |
| [01:13] | Incredible. Wow. | 太厉害了 拜服 |
| [01:15] | Thank you, Wanda. What a life. | 谢谢 旺达 你这一辈子太精彩了 |
| [01:17] | Now we turn to our next guest, Chidi Anagonye. | 欢迎下一位嘉宾 奇迪·阿纳贡耶 |
| [01:21] | Now Chidi, you led an impressive life as an academic. | 奇迪 你生前也是学术界一哥 |
| [01:25] | Well, not “save an entire species” impressive, | 没有”拯救了一个物种”这么牛掰 |
| [01:29] | but, yes, I was a professor of ethical and moral philosophy. | 但我确实是一名伦理与道德哲学教授 |
| [01:33] | I’m sorry– literally every duck? | 不好意思 每一只鸭子吗 |
| [01:36] | – You saved every duck? – In essence, yes. | -你救下了每一只鸭子 -本质上是这样 |
| [01:38] | And I didn’t mention this before. | 我之前没跟人说过 |
| [01:40] | I really don’t like to brag but also… horses. | 我真不想宣扬 我还拯救了所有马 |
| [01:44] | What? Man… | 不是吧 天呐 |
| [01:46] | I mean, compared to you, I feel a little inadequate. | 跟你相比 我自愧不如 |
| [01:52] | Mikey, can I ask you something? | 小迈迈 问件事 |
| [01:54] | I feel bad for making Janet’s life more chaotic and unpredictable, | 我很过意不去 珍妮特够折腾了 我还添乱 |
| [01:57] | so here’s my idea to make it up to her. | 所以我想了一个办法补偿她 |
| [02:00] | Me and 100 Janet Babies do a giant flash mob– | 我和一百个”珍妮特人类”来场快闪舞 |
| [02:04] | just total unpredictable chaos all around her. | 就在她身边群魔乱舞 折腾她 |
| [02:07] | Great idea, right? | 很天才吧 |
| [02:09] | Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason. | 杰森 杰森 杰森 杰森 杰森 |
| [02:12] | Sorry, I put a little cheat code in the Neighborhood | 抱歉 我在这里使用了”游戏修改器” |
| [02:15] | where if I say your name five times | 只要我喊你名字五次 |
| [02:16] | my headache goes away. | 头疼就立马消失 |
| [02:17] | Do you know why I forced you to act like a monk in the original Neighborhood? | 你知道我在”善地”强迫你扮演和尚的原因吗 |
| [02:21] | Does it have to do with the TV show “Monk”? | 这跟那部《和尚》电视剧有关吗 |
| [02:23] | No. | 没有 |
| [02:24] | It’s because you have no control over your own impulses. | 原因就是 你无法克制一时冲动 |
| [02:28] | You think every problem can be solved | 你觉得世间一切问题 |
| [02:30] | with a Molotov cocktail or slashing somebody’s tires | 都能靠燃烧弹 扎人轮胎 |
| [02:33] | or plunging Derek. | “关掉”德里克来解决 |
| [02:35] | So being a monk was torture for you. | 所以演一个和尚 对你来说是种折磨 |
| [02:37] | The only way for you to repair your relationship with Janet | 你和珍妮特重修旧好的唯一办法就是 |
| [02:40] | is to give her some space. | 给她一些空间 |
| [02:42] | Show her that you can control your impulses. | 向她证明 你有自控能力 |
| [02:45] | So you’re saying wanting to do something | 你是说 想要做一件事 |
| [02:48] | isn’t a good reason to immediately do it? | 不能成为马上去做的理由吗 |
| [02:53] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [02:54] | Man, I wish someone had taught me this on Earth. | 天 生前有人教我就好了 |
| [02:57] | People tried, mostly judges. | 有人教过你了 大部分是法官 |
| [03:01] | Show time. | 好戏开始了 |
| [03:01] | And now, Brent Norwalk, | 有请布兰特·诺瓦克 |
| [03:03] | why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself? | 你来介绍一下自己生前吧 |
| [03:06] | Thank you very much. Thank you. | 谢谢大家 谢谢 |
| [03:08] | Sure. I’m pretty interesting. | 好 我这个人特别精彩 |
| [03:10] | I grew up in Chicago. | 我在芝加哥长大 |
| [03:11] | A suburb, obviously. | 显然 郊区长大 |
| [03:13] | I went to Princeton University. | 我考上了普林斯顿 |
| [03:15] | No handouts, by the way. I earned my spot there… | 不是通过助学项目 我是靠实力考上 |
| [03:17] | just like my father and his father before him. | 我们家祖祖辈辈都是 |
| [03:20] | I then inherited the family business, | 然后 我继承了家族生意 |
| [03:22] | and in just 18 years, | 仅用了18年 |
| [03:23] | I grew Norwalk Materials from a $90 million company… | 我就将价值九千万的”诺瓦克建材公司”发展壮大为 |
| [03:27] | to a $94 million company. | 价值九千四百万的公司 |
| [03:30] | One second. Hey, Janet. | 稍等一下 珍妮特 |
| [03:31] | Hi, there. | 你好 |
| [03:31] | Perrier. | 巴黎水 |
| [03:34] | Why don’t you tell us about a time when things didn’t come so easy to you. | 不如说说你人生不如意的时候吧 |
| [03:39] | Look, I’ve had my share of disappointments. | 我也遭遇过挫折 |
| [03:41] | I smartly bought Netflix stock at $38 a share, | 明智如我 我买了网飞股票 当时股价38块 |
| [03:44] | but I couldn’t cash it in before I died, | 但还没等我兑现 我就死了 |
| [03:45] | so all that money’s going to my dumb kid. | 这么多钱 都让我那个傻叉儿子捡便宜了 |
| [03:48] | But you have to press on, right? | 但人生就是向前冲 |
| [03:50] | In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr., | 用马丁·路德金的话说就是 |
| [03:52] | who I personally believe was a great man, | 我个人认为他是一名伟人 |
| [03:55] | he said that when life knocks you on your butt, | 他曾说 生活让你摔个狗吃屎 |
| [03:57] | you jump back up and start throwing haymakers. | 你立马起来 完虐生活 还以颜色 |
| [04:00] | I’m not sure he said that. | 他老人家的棺材板要压不住了 |
| [04:01] | No, no, he did. You’re wrong. | 不 他说过这话 你错了 |
| [04:02] | For me, Eleanor, it’s all about taking personal responsibility. | 埃莉诺 对我来说 个人担当最重要 |
| [04:06] | I don’t know if people do that. | 不知道人们是否有担当 |
| [04:08] | And if you ask me, | 要我说 |
| [04:09] | that’s what’s wrong with this country. | 这就是这个国家的症结 |
| [04:11] | What country? | 什么国家 |
| [04:12] | This was fun, Eleanor, but I have a tee time. | 埃莉诺 聊得很愉快 但我还要去喝下午茶 |
| [04:14] | Daddy no golfy, daddy get cranky. | 老子不打高尔夫 老子心情就不爽 |
| [04:16] | So, Chad, duck lady, nice to meet you. | “奇德” “鸭子大姐” 幸会了 |
| [04:19] | Thank you. Thank you all very much. | 谢谢 谢谢大家 |
| [04:21] | You were great. | 你们很棒 |
| [04:22] | A car? | 车 |
| [04:24] | He got a car? | 他都有车了 |
| [04:26] | Okay, well, back to the drawing board. | 重新再想法子[绘画板] |
| [04:29] | If we want him to understand he doesn’t belong here, | 如果想让他意识到自己不属于这里 |
| [04:31] | we don’t need a drawing board. | 不需要”绘画板” |
| [04:33] | We need to bust him open like a pinata. | 而是把他当糖罐一样摔碎 |
| [04:35] | We tried that in the Bad Place. | 我们以前在”恶地”干过这事 |
| [04:37] | The goo that comes out doesn’t taste as good as candy. | 血肉模糊 不如糖那么好吃 |
| [04:40] | No, dude, metaphorically. | 不是 我这是比喻啊 |
| [04:43] | Although, there is another Bad Place strategy that might work very well here. | 不过 倒是有另外一个”恶地”的法子可能好用 |
| [04:50] | I don’t know if that’s the right move. | 这样做不妥吧 |
| [04:52] | It’s our only move. | 眼下只有这个办法了 |
| [04:54] | And we’re doing it. | 就这么愉快地决定了 |
| [04:56] | Tomorrow. | 明天执行 |
| [05:04] | What the… | 搞什么 |
| [05:05] | Hey, Janet? | 珍妮特 |
| [05:07] | Janet! | 珍妮特 |
| [05:12] | Is that Perrier? | 这是巴黎水吗 |
| [05:27] | Michael, Eleanor. | 迈克尔 埃莉诺 |
| [05:28] | Brent, I’m so sorry. | 布兰特 很抱歉 |
| [05:29] | We don’t know why all of this is happening. | 我们也不知道怎么会这样 |
| [05:31] | Well, I do. | 我知道 |
| [05:33] | This chaos is clearly all about me. | 这场混乱显然是因我而起 |
| [05:35] | This is the universe telling me that I don’t belong here. | 上天是在告诉我 我不属于这里 |
| [05:37] | Brent, what do you mean? | 布兰特 你什么意思 |
| [05:38] | I don’t belong in the Good Place. | 我不属于”善地” |
| [05:42] | I mean, obviously there’s a place better than this. | 肯定有比这里更好的地方 |
| [05:44] | I belong there. | 我属于那里 |
| [05:47] | In the best place. | 我属于”至善之地” |
| [05:53] | Walk me through this, Brent. I’m not sure we follow. | 解释一下 布兰特 我们没听懂 |
| [05:55] | Well, I’ve been feeling I this way for a while now. | 我有这种感觉不是一天两天了 |
| [05:58] | I mean, this can’t be all the Afterlife has to offer. | 死后世界肯定不止这种水准 |
| [06:00] | Not to the cream of the crop. | 毕竟哥是人中龙凤 |
| [06:02] | I mean, if this is heaven, then where are my guys? | 如果这里是天堂 我的兄弟们呢 |
| [06:05] | Where’s Scotty and Schultzy and Porcupine? | 斯科蒂 舒尔茨 波丘派恩在哪儿 |
| [06:07] | Where’s White Guillermo? | 白人吉尔莫呢 |
| [06:09] | And where is Mexican William? | 墨西哥威廉呢 |
| [06:11] | And what about Squirtman? | 爆浆漆弹人呢 |
| [06:12] | Well, he makes a good point. | 他说得有道理 |
| [06:14] | You know, what about Squirtman? | 怎么没有爆浆漆弹人呢 |
| [06:15] | Also, frankly, my assistant Janet is a little uptight. | 还有 坦白说 我助理珍妮特有点放不开 |
| [06:18] | I mean, she hasn’t worn any of my gifts. | 她都没有穿我送给她的衣服 |
| [06:20] | Have you been asking Janet to make herself clothes that you give back to her? | 你一直让珍妮特给你做衣服 做完给你 你再送给她吗 |
| [06:26] | Yeah, you’re doing the math right there, bud. | 对 你听明白了 棒棒哒 |
| [06:28] | Look, this chaos, which is clearly all about me, is a sign. | 这场混乱显然因我而起 这是警示 |
| [06:31] | If this is the Good Place, | 如果这里是”善地” |
| [06:32] | I belong in the best place. | 那我应该去”至善之地” |
| [06:35] | So figure it out. Get back to me, okay? | 你们弄清楚后 向我汇报 |
| [06:40] | I’m gonna go punch a wall with my head. | 我要去撞一会儿墙 |
| [06:41] | I’ll meet up with you later. | 稍后见 |
| [06:44] | Michael, I’m afraid we need to talk about Eleanor. | 迈克尔 我们得谈下埃莉诺了 |
| [06:47] | I know what you’re gonna say. She’s just been really busy. | 我知道你们想说什么 她就是最近有点忙 |
| [06:50] | I’m sure she’ll get around to showering at some point. | 她肯定会抽出时间去洗澡啦 |
| [06:53] | No, it’s not that, | 不是因为这事 |
| [06:54] | although, it’s not…not that. | 但这确实是个问题 |
| [06:57] | It’s possible we need a new Team Leader. | 我们可能需要一个新队长了 |
| [07:00] | Really? | 这样啊 |
| [07:01] | We just can’t help but question her decision-making. | 我们忍不住质疑她的决策能力 |
| [07:04] | She balked at bringing Chidi and Simone together. | 她一直回避奇迪和西蒙妮重聚问题 |
| [07:06] | She ignored my concerns about Linda. | 我怀疑琳达有问题 她却视而不见 |
| [07:08] | Her plans for Brent backfired. | 她对付布兰特 结果偷鸡不成蚀把米 |
| [07:11] | We’ve made precious little progress. | 我们目前进展缓慢 |
| [07:13] | Perhaps leadership isn’t her forte. | 也许她不是将领之才 |
| [07:15] | Yeah, I mean, Eleanor is dope, | 没错 埃莉诺确实很碉堡 |
| [07:17] | but she keeps screwing everything up. | 但她一直搞砸事情 |
| [07:20] | That’s my thing, | 这是我的人设 |
| [07:21] | and you wouldn’t put me in charge. | 你不会选我当领导吧 |
| [07:23] | Actually, that’s a decent point. | 你说得好有道理 我竟无言以对 |
| [07:25] | But think about what you’re saying here. | 但想想你们刚才说的话 |
| [07:27] | We have. We should at least discuss pursuing a change in leadership. | 我们深思熟虑过了 至少该讨论一下换领导 |
| [07:31] | Yeah, definitely, let’s pursue it. | 必须啊 来这样搞吧 |
| [07:35] | Eleanor, we were just talking about maybe you shouldn’t be… | 埃莉诺 我们正在谈你不该… |
| [07:39] | Team…Leader? | 当队长 |
| [07:41] | Saved it. | 救得妙吧 |
| [07:42] | Go ahead, guys. Speak your mind. | 来吧 各位 想说什么就说 |
| [07:44] | It isn’t personal, Eleanor. | 不是针对你 埃莉诺 |
| [07:46] | When we started this experiment, | 一开始进行这项实验时 |
| [07:48] | I calculated a 9% chance of success. | 我估算出9%的成功率 |
| [07:51] | After your first three days on the job, it’s down to 7.1%. | 你新官上任三天之后 降至7.1% |
| [07:54] | So purely from a mathematical standpoint, | 单纯从数据上来说 |
| [07:57] | you are kind of pooching it. | 你有点搞砸了 |
| [07:59] | Very helpful feedback. | 真是良心反馈 |
| [08:01] | And if I could give you some feedback, | 我也反馈一下 |
| [08:03] | I’d say that you’re all ungrateful ash-faces | 你们是一群没良心的白眼狼 |
| [08:06] | who can shove your fat grumps all the way up your snork-box. | 他喵的全给我滚粗 哪凉快哪待着去 |
| [08:09] | Which curses were those? | 哪些是脏话呀 |
| [08:10] | I didn’t ask for this! | 我也没想当老大 |
| [08:12] | I’m only doing it because Michael, | 我临危受命 皆因迈克尔 |
| [08:14] | who is supposed to be in charge, | 他本来该当老大 |
| [08:15] | had a nervous breakdown the second it started. | 结果刚开始 他就崩溃了 |
| [08:17] | But maybe you can do it better than me. | 但也许你们比我更能胜任 |
| [08:19] | Tahani can be in charge since she’s so smart. | 塔哈妮可以当老大 她不是冰雪聪明吗 |
| [08:21] | Or better yet, Jason. | 更好的人选 杰森 |
| [08:23] | Maybe all of humanity can be saved | 也许拯救全人类 |
| [08:25] | with one good old-fashioned Jacksonville carnival. | 只靠一场杰克逊维尔市的传统嘉年华就够了 |
| [08:28] | I mean, we could try. | 倒是不妨一试 |
| [08:29] | All I need is a bouncy house, | 只需要一个充气跳跳屋 |
| [08:31] | some ninja stars, and a bunch of ambulances. | 一些忍者飞镖 几辆救护车就够了 |
| [08:33] | Well, good luck, forkfaces. | 祝你们好运了 傻叉们 |
| [08:35] | I quit. | 姐不干了 |
| [08:36] | Shellstrop out. | 谢尔斯卓普走人了 |
| [08:43] | You got it all out of your system? | 你都发泄完了吗 |
| [08:45] | You gonna come back? | 你要回来吗 |
| [08:46] | – Get to work? – No, man. | -继续干活 -算了 |
| [08:48] | I meant what I said. I quit. | 我是认真的 我不干了 |
| [08:50] | I’m sorry you overheard that. | 我也不想让你听到那些话 |
| [08:52] | And they’re sorry they said it. | 他们很抱歉那样说你了 |
| [08:55] | But you don’t just get to quit this, Eleanor. | 但你不能想不干 就不干 埃莉诺 |
| [08:58] | This is not your 7th grade band | 这不是你七年级的乐队 |
| [09:00] | or three hours into a two-week juice cleanse. | 也不是两周果汁节食 坚持三小时就差不多了 |
| [09:04] | A little more at stake here. | 这件事关系更重大 |
| [09:06] | Yeah, man, that’s why I’m quitting. | 没错 所以我才不干了 |
| [09:09] | The things that are happening here are above my pay grade. | 我没这个金刚钻 揽不了这个瓷器活儿 |
| [09:12] | How do I get Brent to stop being such a deckhead? | 我怎么让布兰特不这么混蛋 |
| [09:15] | How do I fix Simone when she’s convinced all of this is happening inside of her brain? | 我怎么让西蒙妮提升 她认为这一切都是脑中幻象 |
| [09:21] | Maybe I should drive her into the arms of my ex-boyfriend– that sounds fun. | 也许我该把她送到我前男友怀里 这样就精彩了 |
| [09:25] | What do I do about John the gossip king, | 我怎么对付八卦帝约翰 |
| [09:27] | or the demon spy who punched me in the face? | 还有那个当面给我一拳的恶魔间谍 |
| [09:30] | And how do I do it all with a pleasant smile to keep everyone’s spirits up? | 我怎么笑盈盈地领导大家 鼓舞大家啊 |
| [09:33] | I’m not meant for this. | 我不是这块料 |
| [09:35] | I’m not the freakin’ savior of the universe. | 我不是拯救苍生的救世主 |
| [09:38] | I’m just… | 我只是 |
| [09:42] | a girl from Arizona. | 一个来自亚利桑那的妹子 |
| [09:45] | That’s it. | 只是这样而已 |
| [09:47] | I’m just a normal girl from Arizona. | 我只是来自亚利桑那的一个平凡妹子 |
| [09:50] | I ate junk food. I watched reality shows. | 我吃垃圾食品 我看真人秀 |
| [09:53] | I sometimes left H&M wearing more underpants than I had on when I came in. | 有时去H&M试衣服 我会偷内裤穿走 |
| [09:58] | I did a bad job of being in charge of my own life, | 我连自己的人生都掌控不了 |
| [10:01] | and now I’m supposed to be in charge of everyone else’s life? | 又谈何对大家的人生负责呢 |
| [10:03] | I– | 我 |
| [10:05] | I cannot do this. | 我不行 |
| [10:15] | When I started my experiment, I thought: | 我一开始”导演这场戏”时 我心想 |
| [10:18] | “Four broken birdbrains who will believe everything I tell them. | “四个傻叉 我说什么 他们就会信什么 |
| [10:24] | This will be a breeze.” | 折磨他们肯定很容易” |
| [10:26] | You beat me in three months. | 你用了三个月就识破我了 |
| [10:29] | Okay, fine, I thought. A fluke. | 行 没事 我心想 偶然而已 |
| [10:32] | You then beat me 800 more times. | 你后来又识破我八百多次 |
| [10:35] | Because human beings, it turns out, are weird | 因为事实证明 人类是一种神奇的物种 |
| [10:41] | and I will never truly understand what it’s like to be one. | 我永远都无法体会做人的感觉 |
| [10:46] | This is a job for a human– | 能胜任这个任务的人 |
| [10:49] | one who’s tough but also empathetic | 必须内心强大 富有同情心 |
| [10:52] | and has a big heart. | 胸怀天下 |
| [10:56] | And a world-class bullshirt detector. | 还可以一眼就能看出猫腻 |
| [11:00] | You think you can’t do this? | 你觉得你不行 |
| [11:03] | Eleanor… | 埃莉诺 |
| [11:04] | you’re the only one who can do this. | 只有你能胜任这个角色 |
| [11:08] | Like it or not… | 不管你愿不愿意 |
| [11:11] | the only one who can save a humanity is a girl from Arizona. | 只有来自亚利桑那的这个平凡妹子才能拯救全人类 |
| [11:19] | But everything I do blows up in my face. | 但我的计划都弄巧成拙了 |
| [11:24] | I’m like a hot, blonde Wile E. Coyote | 我就像一只性感的金发”大笨狼” |
| [11:28] | That’s true. | 没错 |
| [11:30] | About you making lots of mistakes, | 我是说”大笨狼”比喻很对 |
| [11:32] | not the thing where you sexualized a cartoon. | 而不是你把一个卡通人物性感化来比喻自己 |
| [11:35] | Come on, you know how this works. | 你了解这个套路 |
| [11:38] | You fail and then you try something else. | 失败了 再另辟蹊径 |
| [11:40] | And you fail again and again, and you fail a thousand times, | 屡战屡败 屡败屡战 失败了一千次 |
| [11:44] | and you keep trying because… | 还是要继续努力 |
| [11:47] | maybe the 1001st idea might work. | 因为第一千零一个办法可能会成功 |
| [11:52] | Now, I’m gonna and try to find our 1,001st idea. | 我要去想第一千零一个办法了 |
| [11:59] | I hope you’ll join me. | 希望你跟我一起来想 |
| [12:02] | I hope you shower first and then join me. | 希望你先洗个澡 再来跟我一起想 |
| [12:15] | Ladies and gentlemen, | 女士们 先生们 |
| [12:17] | back with her trademark brand of B-minus leadership, Eleanor Shellstrop. | 秉持着中下游的领导水平 老娘又杀回来了 |
| [12:21] | We are so, so, so sorry, Eleanor. | 我们非常非常抱歉 埃莉诺 |
| [12:23] | We never should’ve questioned you. | 我们就不该质疑你 |
| [12:25] | Don’t worry about it, hot stuff. | 没事 辣妹 |
| [12:27] | I was questioning me, too. But I’m back, baby. | 我之前也怀疑自己了 但老娘又满血复活了 |
| [12:29] | And I have a new idea for Brent. | 我想了一个新招对付布兰特 |
| [12:31] | Guys like him never think they’re wrong, so… | 他这种人永远不会觉得自己错了 |
| [12:35] | we’re gonna tell him he’s right. | 那就让他觉得自己很对 |
| [12:38] | Brent. | 布兰特 |
| [12:42] | – This conversation must remain confidential. – Okay. | -本次谈话一定要保密 -好 |
| [12:46] | – Obviously, you’re a very smart guy. – Yes. | -显然 你很聪明 -没错 |
| [12:49] | But we need to know that we can trust you with sensitive information. | 但我们得确保你能够保守机密信息 |
| [12:53] | You can. | 没问题 |
| [12:54] | I routinely buried HR complaints, so, no problem. | 掩盖人事部投诉 对我来说是家常便饭 放心吧 |
| [12:58] | Truth is, Brent, you figured us out. | 事实是 你看破我们了 布兰特 |
| [13:02] | There is a Best Place. | 确实有”至善之地” |
| [13:05] | I knew it. I knew it. | 我就知道 我就知道 |
| [13:06] | The Best Place is reserved for a select upper echelon of good people, | “至善之地”仅限于万一挑一的大善人 |
| [13:11] | sort of like a Diamond Elite VIP Club of Afterlife residents. | 就像是死后世界的”菁钻贵宾俱乐部” |
| [13:15] | I was Diamond Elite. I swear. | 我生前就是”菁钻”会员 我发誓 |
| [13:18] | One time I did shots with this pilot in the lounge, | 我有一次在贵宾房跟一个飞行员喝烈酒 |
| [13:20] | and the guy let me fly his helicopter. | 他就让我开他的直升机了 |
| [13:21] | – We know. That’s how you died. – Right. | -我们知道 你就是这么死的 -也是 |
| [13:23] | So you’ll all be evaluated, | 你们都会被审核 |
| [13:26] | and then a very small group of the most morally upstanding residents get to go. | 一小部分道德高尚的人最终会晋级 |
| [13:31] | I see. | 明白了 |
| [13:32] | So it’s like a “good deeds” contest? | 就像是”学雷锋”大赛 |
| [13:35] | That’s easy. | 小菜一碟 |
| [13:36] | I’m gonna crush this. | 看哥的表现吧 |
| [13:38] | Mum’s the word, right? Why tip off my competition? | 别说出去 为什么要告诉我的竞争对手 |
| [13:43] | Looks like you dropped your fork. | 你的叉子掉了 |
| [13:44] | Let me get that for you. | 我帮你捡起来 |
| [13:47] | Did you get that? The fork thing? | 看到了吗 我帮人捡叉子了 |
| [13:48] | Or should I start writing these down? | 我要记下这些事吗 |
| [13:49] | – No, you’re good. We’ll keep track. – Great. Love it. | -不用 我们会记录 -太好了 |
| [13:53] | Hi, Jason. | 杰森 |
| [13:55] | Janet, I’m so happy to see you. | 珍妮特 见到你真开心 |
| [13:57] | I got you a box of chocolates. | 我给你买了一盒巧克力 |
| [13:58] | But then I remembered you can’t eat, so I ate them. | 但我想起来 你不能吃东西 于是我就吃了 |
| [14:02] | And I thought it’d be a nice present for me to describe them to you. | 我打算跟你描述一下味道 当做礼物 |
| [14:05] | So… the first one was gross– | 第一颗很苦涩 |
| [14:08] | Jason, please just let me talk. | 杰森 让我说句话 |
| [14:11] | You know that I’ve been overwhelmed with work since the Neighborhood started. | 新社区建立以后 我一直忙得不可开交 |
| [14:14] | – Yup. – And I asked you to give me some space. | -对 -我让你给我一些空间 |
| [14:18] | – Yup.- I’m so sorry to say this. | -对 -我很抱歉 |
| [14:22] | But I can’t be in a relationship with you right now. | 我目前不能跟你继续交往了 |
| [14:25] | Being with you is fun, but it’s not always easy, | 跟你在一起很开心 但也有闹心的时候 |
| [14:28] | and I’m afraid it would endanger the experiment. | 我怕这会影响到整个试验 |
| [14:30] | – It won’t, though. – Jason, it already has. | -不会呀 -杰森 已经影响了 |
| [14:33] | So why don’t we just take a break until it’s all finished. | 等这一切圆满解决之前 我们暂时分手吧 |
| [14:39] | Also, I hate to pile on, but I feel like you have a right to know. | 你已经被暴击了 我也不想再补一刀 但你该知道 |
| [14:46] | The Jacksonville Jaguars cut Blake Bortles. | 杰克逊维尔美洲虎队裁掉了布莱克·鲍托斯 |
| [14:49] | He’s not on the team anymore. | 他不再效力于这支队伍了 |
| [14:51] | I am genuinely sorry. | 我真心替你难过 |
| [15:00] | Hi, how are you? | 你好啊 |
| [15:01] | Nice to see you. Enjoy your yogurt. | 见到你真好 好好享用你的酸奶吧 |
| [15:03] | Problem is, now he’s saddled with a bad motivation. | 问题是 他做善事的动机不纯 |
| [15:06] | I mean, his points won’t go up | 他不会被加分 |
| [15:07] | if the only reason he’s being nice is to make his points go up. | 只要他是为了加分而做善事 就不会加分 |
| [15:10] | Yeah, but that was also my situation when I first asked Chidi for help. | 我一开始找奇迪帮忙 也是一样的情况 |
| [15:14] | I only did it so you wouldn’t catch me. | 我只是为了不被你识破 |
| [15:16] | We have to hope that over time | 我们只能希望一段时间之后 |
| [15:17] | Brent starts doing good things out of habit. | 布兰特慢慢养成做善事的习惯 |
| [15:21] | Just like you. | 就像你一样 |
| [15:26] | I just realized something. | 我刚意识到一件事 |
| [15:27] | That whole “you’re the only one who can save us” speech– | 你之前给我打气说”只有你能拯救大家” |
| [15:31] | you didn’t actually have a nervous breakdown on day one, did you? | 你第一天不是真的精神崩溃了 对吧 |
| [15:35] | You faked it so that I would step up and take over. | 你只是演戏 让我挺身而出 肩负重任 |
| [15:40] | – Guilty. – You tricky devil! | -被你识破了 -老狐狸 大恶魔 |
| [15:43] | Very clever. All right. | 这招真绝 好了 |
| [15:45] | Time to go help Simone and Chidi. | 该去帮西蒙妮和奇迪了 |
| [15:50] | Why did I come up with this idea? | 我怎么想出这个办法 |
| [15:51] | This is gonna hurt real bad. | 我的玻璃心要碎成二维码了 |
| [15:52] | I know, I know. But I think it’s gonna work. | 我懂 我懂 但这个办法行得通 |
| [15:54] | Yeah, but it’s gonna suck for me. | 但我要难受死了 |
| [15:57] | You sure there’s no other girl from Arizona who can do this? | 你确定找不到另一个亚利桑那的妹子来干这活儿吗 |
| [16:00] | What about Emma Stone? She’s from there. | 艾玛·斯通怎么样 她也出身这里 |
| [16:02] | She’s very capable. | 她能力出众 |
| [16:03] | Remember her in “Zombieland” and “La La Land”? | 记得她在《僵尸之城》和《爱乐之城》里的表现吗 |
| [16:07] | What’s with all her movies ending with “Land”? | 她演的电影怎么全是”城”字结尾 |
| [16:09] | – You’re stalling. – Yep, heading out. | -你在拖延时间 -我这就走 |
| [16:13] | Jason, I’m so sorry. | 杰森 我替你难过 |
| [16:15] | Janet was my whole Afterlife. | 珍妮特是我死后的一生挚爱 |
| [16:18] | How am I gonna get over her? | 我要怎么放下她 |
| [16:20] | I used to have a breakup routine when a relationship ended– | 我以前分手后 都有一套安慰自己的方式 |
| [16:23] | Champagne and Alanis Morissette. | 香槟 阿兰妮斯·莫里塞特[摇滚女王] |
| [16:26] | Not the actual singer. | 不是真找那个歌手 |
| [16:27] | I’d just listen to her albums at my friend Adele’s house. | 我就是在我闺蜜阿黛尔[歌手]家听她的专辑 |
| [16:30] | I guess I could do my normal breakup routine– | 我可以像以往那样安慰自己 |
| [16:34] | drink a ton of Mountain Dew, | 喝一大推激浪汽水 |
| [16:36] | steal an ATV, and ride it through a Panda Express. | 偷一辆沙滩车 开进熊猫快餐店 |
| [16:40] | But then I’d have to ask Janet for the Mountain Dew and the ATV, | 但那样就得找珍妮特要激浪汽水和沙滩车 |
| [16:43] | and then I’d have to see Janet, and then I’d start crying. | 我就得见她 而见到她 我就会伤心大哭 |
| [16:46] | What do I do? | 我该怎么办 |
| [16:48] | I honestly don’t know. | 我真心不知道 |
| [16:49] | But whatever you do, | 但不管你做什么 |
| [16:51] | you’ll be doing it with your friends. | 你身边都有朋友支持你 |
| [16:57] | And I didn’t even get to tell you about the Blake Bortles part. | 我都还没跟你说布雷克·保托斯的坏消息呢 |
| [17:01] | So, Chidi… | 奇迪 |
| [17:03] | do you remember that woman Simone from the party the other night? | 你记得迎新宴上那个叫西蒙妮的女人吗 |
| [17:07] | Simone… | 西蒙妮 |
| [17:08] | the Third Eye Blind superfan who walked around cutting off people’s ponytails? | “心灵蒙蔽乐团”的超级迷妹 到处剪别人辫子的女人 |
| [17:13] | That’s the one. | 就是她 |
| [17:15] | I need your help acclimating her to the Neighborhood. | 我想请你帮我让她尽快适应这里 |
| [17:18] | I’ve tried, | 我试过了 |
| [17:18] | but since she thinks this whole thing is imaginary | 但她觉得这里的一切都是她的想象 |
| [17:22] | and I’m an authority figure, | 而且管事之人还是我 |
| [17:24] | I’m extra suspicious. | 就更让人生疑了 |
| [17:26] | Well, what makes you think I’d have any more luck? | 你怎么会觉得我能帮到她呢 |
| [17:29] | Chidi, you and Simone… | 奇迪 你和西蒙妮 |
| [17:34] | Are soul mates. | 你们是灵魂伴侣 |
| [17:37] | Soul mates? | 灵魂伴侣 |
| [17:39] | Like our souls are…are… | 我们的灵魂 |
| [17:43] | Mates. Yes. | 天生一对 没错 |
| [17:44] | Everyone has people that they’re cosmically bound to, | 每一个人都有自己注定的另一半 |
| [17:48] | and the system brings them together in the Afterlife, | 他们在死后世界将会相遇 |
| [17:50] | and I can say with complete certainty that you and Simone are two such people. | 我可以很确定地说 你和西蒙妮是一对 |
| [17:59] | I haven’t told her yet. | 我还没告诉她 |
| [18:01] | I wouldn’t have told you ordinarily, | 一般情况 我也不会告诉你 |
| [18:03] | but since she’s gone a little cuckoo bananas– | 但她目前有些”脑子进水” |
| [18:06] | that’s the official Architect term– | 我这是官方用语 |
| [18:08] | I thought it was prudent to let you know. | 我觉得告诉你才明智 |
| [18:12] | Boy… | 天呐 |
| [18:14] | I’m getting a stomach ache… | 我胃抽筋 |
| [18:16] | but a good one. | 但感觉很好那种 |
| [18:17] | A happy stomach ache. | 很美妙的胃抽筋 |
| [18:19] | This is new! | 第一次有这种感受 |
| [18:20] | There are some great writings on simulated realities that might help her adjust– | 有一些关于模拟现实的佳作也许能帮她适应 |
| [18:26] | Descartes, Moravec, Zhuang Zhou. | 笛卡尔 莫拉维齐 庄子 |
| [18:28] | I wonder if I can summon a book from my apartment. | 不知道能不能从公寓召唤一本书过来 |
| [18:33] | Well, good luck. | 你慢慢召唤吧 |
| [18:35] | This is incredible! | 太不可思议了 |
| [18:37] | I spent my whole life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the universe, | 我一生都在探索宇宙的本质奥秘 |
| [18:41] | but I never actually… | 但我从没… |
| [18:43] | fell in love with someone. | 爱上谁 |
| [18:46] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [18:48] | Right, of course. | 你当然知道了 |
| [18:50] | You know everything about me. | 你了解我的一切 |
| [18:52] | I do, indeed. | 我确实如此 |
| [18:59] | Hi, Simone. | 西蒙妮 |
| [19:01] | Chidi. | 奇迪 |
| [19:02] | From the other night. | 迎新宴上见过 |
| [19:05] | My brain must really like keeping you around. | 我的大脑肯定很喜欢你 |
| [19:08] | Have a fake seat and grab a yogurt that doesn’t exist. | 假装坐下 吃点不是真实存在的酸奶吧 |
| [19:12] | So if I understand your state of mind, | 就我浅薄的理解而言 |
| [19:15] | it’s basically solipsism. | 你就是”唯我主义” |
| [19:18] | You think that you’re the only real thing in the universe | 你认为自己是宇宙中唯一的真实存在 |
| [19:21] | and everything else stems from your consciousness. | 周围的一切皆由意识创造 |
| [19:24] | Yes, but to be fair, | 对 但说句公道话 |
| [19:26] | I only think that because it’s true and I’m right. | 我这样想 只是因为这是事实 我想得没错 |
| [19:28] | No offense, but solipsism as a philosophy is pretty juvenile, | 恕我直言 “唯我主义”是不太成熟的哲学理念 |
| [19:34] | especially for a person with multiple advanced degrees. | 特别是对于你这种高学历的才女来说 怎会有此想法 |
| [19:38] | It’s also impossible to refute | 而且这一点也难以辩驳 |
| [19:40] | because everything you see is confirmed by your belief. | 因为你的信念证实了眼中一切 |
| [19:44] | However… | 然而 |
| [19:47] | Dude. | 大哥 |
| [19:47] | What? I mean, if none of this is real, then it really shouldn’t matter, right? | 怎么了 如果这一切皆为虚幻 又何必计较 |
| [19:51] | In fact… | 实际上 |
| [19:53] | – Dude! – What? | -大哥 -怎么了 |
| [19:55] | It’s not real! None of this matters. | 这不是真实 这一切都无所谓 |
| [19:57] | Leave that on your nose for the rest of time. | 别擦 就留在你鼻子上 以后一直这样 |
| [20:00] | Fine. Point sort of taken. | 行 算你说得有道理 |
| [20:02] | You know, in a larger sense, | 从更广泛的意义上来说 |
| [20:03] | if you go around acting like no one else matters | 如果你一直不把别人当回事 |
| [20:06] | then you end up doing things like knocking over cakes | 结果做出一些这样的事 砸蛋糕 |
| [20:08] | and pushing people into pools | 把人推下泳池 |
| [20:10] | and just generally acting like a jerk. | 基本就是很混蛋的表现 |
| [20:13] | Why not treat them better just in case they’re real? | 为何不善待别人 万一他们真的存在呢 |
| [20:16] | I mean, what do you have to lose by treating people with kindness and respect? | 善待别人 尊重别人 你又不会少块肉 |
| [20:21] | Okay, keep talking, | 继续说 |
| [20:23] | probably fake, but maybe real, philosopher man. | 这位也许是虚幻人物 也许真实存在的哲学大哥 |
| [20:31] | Well, good news– Simone and Chidi are hitting it off. | 好消息 西蒙妮和奇迪情投意合 |
| [20:34] | I mean, I wasn’t getting any use out of him as a boyfriend, | 既然他没法做我男友了 |
| [20:36] | so why not pass him off to someone in need? | 我不如好心让给别人 |
| [20:39] | Is this what donating old bras to Goodwill feels like? | 这是把穿旧的文胸捐出去的感觉吗 |
| [20:42] | Must’ve been really hard lying to Chidi like that. | 这样骗奇迪 你肯定很揪心 |
| [20:45] | That’s the thing. I don’t know that it was a lie. | 问题是 这不是欺骗吧 |
| [20:47] | They did fall in love on Earth, and Michael was right. | 他们生前确实相爱过 迈克尔说得对 |
| [20:50] | Chidi made a huge sacrifice for us, and I had to make sure it was worth it. | 奇迪为我们做出了巨大牺牲 我不能让他白牺牲 |
| [20:54] | It’s arguable that you made an even bigger sacrifice. | 你做出的牺牲比他还巨大 |
| [20:58] | You actually have to live with this situation. | 你得面对这样的结果 |
| [21:01] | Chidi just gets to go around blissfully unaware of what he gave up. | 奇迪忘得一干二净 不知道自己放弃了什么 |
| [21:05] | Yeah, but we know what he gave up. | 但我们知道他放弃了什么 |
| [21:08] | Dat ash. | 姐这个大美妞儿 |
| [21:11] | Come on, bud, I know you’re down, | 别这样 小哥 我知道你心情不好 |
| [21:13] | but you can’t leaving me hanging. | 但你不能让我就这样悬着 |
| [21:14] | You’re right. | 你说得没错 |
| [21:15] | That is the code. | 这是江湖规矩 |