| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:11] | *Now you’re looking at a man that’s getting kinda mad* | *小炯最近很抓狂* |
| [00:15] | *I had lots of luck but it’s all been bad* | *天天霉运一箩筐* |
| [00:19] | *No matter how I struggle and strive,* | *发奋努力白劳碌* |
| [00:23] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive* | *老天从来不赏光* |
| [00:33] | – Hey, guys. – Hi. | -各位早 -早 |
| [00:34] | You guys want any coffee? | 来杯咖啡吗 |
| [00:35] | I’m gonna run out real quick. | 我正好马上要出去 |
| [00:37] | Oh, Timothy, you are just too sweet. | 小炯 你真是太贴心了 |
| [00:39] | A little bit. | 算是有点吧 |
| [00:39] | Well… I would love a grande mochaccino. | 我要大杯的摩卡奇诺 |
| [00:42] | Grande mochaccino. | 大杯摩卡奇诺 |
| [00:44] | And I will take a large vanilla latte | 我要大杯香草拿铁 |
| [00:47] | as well as a meatball sub with extra meatballs, toasted… | 还有加双份肉丸的潜艇堡 要烤的 |
| [00:50] | They don’t have those at the coffee shop. | 咖啡店没有这些 |
| [00:52] | – …with provolone. – Timothy. | -还要加干酪 -小炯 |
| [00:54] | – Yeah? – I need to see you. | -啥事 -我要和你谈谈 |
| [00:56] | – Me? – You, Timothy, | -我吗 -就是你 小炯 |
| [00:57] | in my office. Couch. Sit. Now. Come, Timothy. | 现在马上去我办公室沙发坐着 小炯 |
| [01:01] | Dude, did you do something wrong? | 老兄 你犯错了吗 |
| [01:03] | I… uh, I apparently did. | 我… 明显是犯错了 |
| [01:05] | He sounds very mad. | 他好像很生气 |
| [01:09] | Oh, who’s the best boy in the world? | 世界上最乖的宝宝是谁 |
| [01:11] | Keith is. That’s right. Daddy loves Keith. | 没错 就是吉斯 爸爸爱吉斯 |
| [01:16] | You, uh, wanted to see me? | 你找我吗 |
| [01:17] | – Oh, Timothy, yes. – Yes? | -是的 小炯 -什么事 |
| [01:19] | As you can see, I brought Keith in today | 你也看到了 我今天把吉斯带进来了 |
| [01:21] | even though, as we all know, | 不过 咱们都明白 |
| [01:23] | the building strictly forbids dogs. | 办公楼不允许带狗进来 |
| [01:26] | – Yeah? – And even though I’m the boss, | -所以呢 -就算我是老板 |
| [01:27] | I’m not exempt from the rules. | 我也不能不守规矩 |
| [01:28] | Now the last thing I need is Marie from “H&R”… | 现在我最不想看到的就是人事部的马姐 |
| [01:31] | that means Human Resources, | 也就是人力资源部 |
| [01:33] | giving me a hard time about this. | 因为这个给我找麻烦 |
| [01:34] | – Wh… where do I come in? – Well… | -跟我有什么关系 -这个嘛 |
| [01:37] | on our way out of the elevators | 在从电梯出来的路上 |
| [01:38] | sweet Keith here innocently pooped on the rug. | 可爱的吉斯不小心在地毯上拉了粑粑 |
| [01:42] | – He pooped. – Defecated. | -它拉粑粑了 -就是排便了 |
| [01:44] | No, I understand what you mean, I just don’t know what you… | 不用解释我懂什么意思 我只是没明白 |
| [01:47] | – what you want me to do. – Well… | -你想让我干啥 -这个嘛 |
| [01:48] | – I don’t have to clean it up, do l? – No no no no. | -不会是让我清理狗屎吧 -不不不 |
| [01:50] | Somebody else can clean it up. Don’t worry about it. | 别人会打扫干净的 不用担心 |
| [01:52] | – Great. – I want you to say you did it. | -那最好 -我想让你说便便是你拉的 |
| [01:55] | Say I did it? | 说是我拉的 |
| [01:56] | Tell everyone you took a poop on the rug. | 告诉所有人你在地毯上拉了便便 |
| [01:58] | – No. – Yeah. – No. – Yeah. | -不行 -行 -不可以 -可以 |
| [01:59] | I can’t say that. People would remember that. | 我可不能这么说 大家会记住的 |
| [02:02] | I think that story could catch on. | 这故事会风靡全公司 |
| [02:04] | Listen. Just go to everyone… | 听着 到大家面前 |
| [02:05] | individually, as a group, however you want to do it… | 随便你自己去还是找人陪你一起 |
| [02:08] | and say, “Hey, I took a poop on the rug by the elevators, | 然后说”我在电梯旁的地毯上拉便便了” |
| [02:10] | now let’s all just move on with our lives.” | “现在各位都继续做手头上的事儿吧” |
| [02:12] | I don’t think it’s that simple. | 没这么简单吧 |
| [02:14] | Well, I just said it. | 我刚刚就说出来了啊 |
| [02:15] | That’s just not a good career move. | 这可不是成功的事业转型 |
| [02:17] | – Oh, no, it really is… – That could bury me. | -绝对是 -这会让我难堪至死的 |
| [02:19] | … a strong bold statement, saying, “I’m here.” | 一次勇敢的声明 告诉大家”我在这” |
| [02:22] | Listen. I would consider this a personal favor. | 听着 我会看成是你私下给我的情面 |
| [02:26] | Capisce? | 懂吗 |
| [02:27] | I guess the business world is all about favors. | 大概商界就是用人情堆起来的吧 |
| [02:29] | You’ve made a very very wise choice here. | 你的选择非常非常正确 |
| [02:32] | It doesn’t feel like it. | 我怎么不觉得 |
| [02:38] | Can I have everyone’s attention in this area, please? | 请各位注意听我说 |
| [02:41] | – Oh, boy. – Evidently, one of you decided | -天啊 -很显然 今天你们当中 |
| [02:43] | to bring in a dog today. | 有人把狗带进来了 |
| [02:45] | I need to know who that person is. | 我需要知道是谁 |
| [02:47] | Building management wants the dog out. | 办公楼管理规定不能带狗进入 |
| [02:48] | Unbelievable. Strictly against policy. | 不可思议 太不把公司规定放眼里了 |
| [02:52] | Come on, people. I need to see the pooch. | 快点儿承认 我要看看那个小杂狗 |
| [02:54] | I don’t want to have to conduct a search. | 我不想强制搜查 |
| [02:57] | You know what? I have a confession to make. | 是这样的 我要坦白 |
| [03:01] | I… I did it. | 是我干的 |
| [03:03] | – You did it? – I did it. | -你干的 -我干的 |
| [03:06] | I don’t know what “I did it” means. | 什么叫”你干的” |
| [03:08] | – It means I did… – lt? | -意思就是我做的 -啥 |
| [03:10] | – It was me. – What does that mean? | -是我 -什么意思 |
| [03:11] | – If I may? – What does it mean? I think we all… | -容我说一句 -啥意思 我想我们都 |
| [03:13] | Look, I think… Tim, if I could take this? | 我觉得 小炯 我替你说吧 |
| [03:15] | – Thank you. I appreciate that. – Certainly. | -谢谢 非常感激 -当然 |
| [03:17] | I think what Tim is… what Tim is trying to say here | 我觉得小炯想说的 他想说的是 |
| [03:20] | is that he took a dump by the elevator. | 是他在电梯旁边拉的便便 |
| [03:24] | Back to work! | 都回去工作 |
| [03:25] | Dude. That is messed up, man. | 老兄 实在是太逊了 |
| [03:27] | – Tim, why on earth would you do that? – Disgusting. | -小炯 你究竟干嘛要这样 -恶心 |
| [03:30] | – Wh… why? – Why? | -为 为啥 -为什么 |
| [03:32] | Just… just… I’m busy. | 这个 我太忙了 |
| [03:34] | I’m… this is New York. Fast-paced… | 我 这可是纽约 快节奏 |
| [03:37] | fast-paced business world. I don’t have time to… | 快节奏的商界 我没有时间去 |
| [03:39] | What does New York have to do with… | 这根纽约有半毛钱关系 |
| [03:41] | I don’t have time to be using public restrooms every day. | 我没时间每天都用公用洗手间 |
| [03:46] | Is this some kind of a joke? | 你是开玩笑呢吗 |
| [03:47] | A joke? No, it’s just a… | 当然不是笑话 只是 |
| [03:49] | an attitude, an overall attitude, | 是种态度 不拘小节的态度 |
| [03:51] | a rebellious attitude. | 一种逆反心理 |
| [03:53] | I’m Tim and l, uh… | 我可是小炯 我 |
| [03:55] | Poop where you want. | 想在哪儿拉就在哪儿拉 |
| [03:57] | You don’t like it? That’s the way I am. | 你们不喜欢吗 这就是我 |
| [04:02] | – Tim. – Yeah? | -小炯 -啥事 |
| [04:03] | – That was brilliant. – You thought so? | -刚才太棒了 -你真这么想 |
| [04:05] | Oh, you handled that, oh, with a lot of class. | 你做到了 非常漂亮地完成了 |
| [04:08] | Cla… I don’t think class is the right word. | 用漂亮形容不太合适吧 |
| [04:10] | Everyone is talking about how you behaved | 所有人都在说你的举止 |
| [04:12] | with nothing but class and dignity. | 是多么地优雅漂亮又充满尊严 |
| [04:15] | I… I don’t think that’s what they’re saying. | 我可不觉得他们会这么说 |
| [04:16] | Oh, they are. I can hear them. | 他们就是这么说的 我能听到 |
| [04:18] | – Yeah? – Listen. I want one more little favor | -是吗 -听着我还得让你帮我个小忙 |
| [04:20] | – from you and you’re done. – One more… no. | -然后你就没事了 -还一个 不要 |
| [04:21] | No, it’s gotta stop. | 不行 该到此为止了 |
| [04:22] | No, it will, right after this. | 这个之后一切就会结束的 |
| [04:24] | You just take Keith downstairs for a quick little walk, | 你只需要带吉斯下楼溜一小圈 |
| [04:26] | – so we get no more accidents… – No. No more… | -之后就不会再有麻烦了 -我不要 |
| [04:28] | -…then we’re all done. – I thought I was done. | -之后一切都结束了 -我想我受够了 |
| [04:30] | – No, just this one little thing. – One more thing. | -别啊 就这一件小事 -就这一件 |
| [04:32] | Right right right. Just walk him, scoop up his poop in your hand | 对对只是溜它 把它的便便接在手里 |
| [04:35] | and then you’re done. | 你的任务就完成了 |
| [04:36] | And if he does anything else on the way | 如果它在从这儿到外面的路上 |
| [04:39] | between here and the outside area, | 做了其他任何事情 |
| [04:40] | just claim responsibility for it like you did so classily before. | 就像刚才那样优雅地承认是你做的就好 |
| [04:44] | – Anything Keith does… – You did. | -所有吉斯干的 -都是你干的 |
| [04:47] | I guess… how much worse can it get? | 它做的事最坏能有多坏 |
| [04:50] | Well, that’s… that’s a question for Keith. | 这个嘛 就要看吉斯的了 |
| [04:51] | He is his own man, you know. | 它有它自己的想法 你懂的 |
| [04:53] | – Hey, Keith. – How’s it going? | -嗨 吉斯 -进展得如何 |
| [04:55] | – That was me, that wasn’t Keith. – That was you. | -是我说的 不是吉斯 -是你 |
| [04:56] | Right. Listen, he means the world to me… | 是的 听着它对我很重要 |
| [04:58] | – Yeah. – …so just stuff his head back | -是啊 -所以就把它的脑袋 |
| [05:01] | into that duffel bag and get the hell out of here. | 塞进旅行袋里然后从这儿滚出去 |
| [05:05] | Helen. | 海婶 |
| [05:06] | Oh, hi, Timothy. | 是小炯啊 |
| [05:10] | How was the mochaccino? | 摩卡奇诺怎么样 |
| [05:11] | – Ooh, it was lovely. – That’s good. | -非常好 -那就好 |
| [05:13] | Delish. | 很美味 |
| [05:15] | – Oh. Tim. – What was that? Was that you? | -小炯 -什么声音 你发的吗 |
| [05:18] | Tim, your bag is barking. | 小炯 你的包在叫唤 |
| [05:21] | – No, I think it was you. – No. | -不是 我觉得是你 -不是 |
| [05:23] | Maybe it was me. I cough funny. | 可能是我吧 我咳嗽的声音很搞笑 |
| [05:25] | – What? – I cough like a dog– like a small dog. | -啥 -我咳嗽像小狗似的 |
| [05:32] | – That’s a weird cough. It’s bugging me.- You know– yeah. | -很诡异的咳嗽让我挺困扰 -你知道 |
| [05:34] | It’s really irritating me. | 这问题真让我挺烦恼的 |
| [05:35] | I think someone has a little pooch in the office today… | 我觉得今天有人违反了规定 |
| [05:38] | which is against the rules. | 往办公室里带了小狗 |
| [05:40] | – No. | -没有 |
| [05:43] | Oh, come on, let him out. | 得了吧 让它出来吧 |
| [05:44] | – No, I can’t. – No, let me see this cute little guy. | -我不能 -让我看看这可爱的小家伙 |
| [05:47] | – There’s strict rules. – Oh, I just want to pet him. | -有严格的规定 -我只想摸摸它 |
| [05:49] | Okay, come on out Keith. There he is. | 好吧 出来吧吉斯 这就是它 |
| [05:52] | Oh, come here, Keithy. | 过来 小吉斯 |
| [05:56] | Look, he’s smiling at me. | 看啊 它在冲我笑呢 |
| [06:05] | The son of a bitch bit me! | 这狗娘养的咬了我 |
| [06:07] | Oh God! Oh! | 我的天啊 |
| [06:09] | No, you’re fine. She’s fine. | 不 你没事的 她没事 |
| [06:10] | – My ankle! – What happened in here? | -我的脚踝 -发生什么了 |
| [06:12] | – Nothing– nothing to see here. – Bit me! | -没什么 没什么可看的 -咬我 |
| [06:14] | This woman’s bleeding pretty badly. | 这位女士流了很多血 |
| [06:15] | That? What, ’cause there’s a trail of blood? | 什么 因为有血迹吗 |
| [06:16] | We need to get her to a hospital, stat. | 我们得赶快送她去医院 |
| [06:18] | – Oh, God! Oh! – Come with me, ma’am. Let’s go. | -天啊 -跟我走 女士 我们走 |
| [06:21] | Nah, she looks okay. | 她没事了啦 |
| [06:23] | It’s not that– it’s not that bad. | 没那么严重 |
| [06:25] | What exactly happened in there, sir? | 先生 电梯里到底发生什么了 |
| [06:28] | – It was just the two of us. – Yeah, I saw that. Then? | -当时就我们两个 -我看到了 然后呢 |
| [06:32] | Then– then I bit Helen. | 然后 我咬了海婶 |
| [06:37] | Tim. | 小炯 |
| [06:39] | – It’s not good. – No, it’s not good. | -不太妙 -相当不妙 |
| [06:40] | Exactly. Finally you’re right about something. | 必须的 你终于有对的时候了 |
| [06:42] | What exactly did you say to the security man? | 你和那保安都说了什么 |
| [06:46] | The quote was… “I bit Helen.” | 我说 “我咬了海伦” |
| [06:49] | – Okay. – And then I ran up the stairs. | -好吧 -然后我就跑上楼 |
| [06:52] | – Okay. – I panicked. I’ll admit it. | -很好 -我慌了 招了得了 |
| [06:54] | Okay okay okay. Listen, we can work with this. | 好了好了 听着 我们能自圆其说的 |
| [06:56] | That’s pretty classy thinking. | 我们来搞罪案片那一套 多带劲 |
| [06:57] | We need reasons, we need motives why you would bite Helen. | 我们要找到你打海婶的原因 即动机 |
| [07:00] | We could say it was a sexual thing, | 可以说当时是你情不自禁 |
| [07:02] | some kind of crazy, perverted sexual advance gone– | 你疯狂而变态的性嗜好在蠢蠢欲动 |
| [07:06] | I mean, you like Helen, right? It went wrong. | 你喜欢海伦 对吧 后来事情不受控制了 |
| [07:08] | No no, I don’t like that. | 不行 我不同意 |
| [07:10] | Between that and the pooping, my reputation here is– | 这再加上拉屎 我在这的名声可真 |
| [07:12] | – Classy. Listen. – It’s– it’s not the way– | -真神话了 听着 -不是 不是这样 |
| [07:15] | Okay, plan B: We could say that you have fits of rage… | 好吧 备选方案 我们就说你容易动怒 |
| [07:18] | – No. No. -…you are mentally totally unbalanced | -不行不行 -你精神很不稳定 |
| [07:21] | and you need mental treatment. | 需要心理治疗 |
| [07:23] | Done. Problem solved. | 搞定 解决问题了 |
| [07:25] | I was just thinking that we could admit that it was Keith | 我们干脆承认是吉斯干的 |
| [07:28] | and then you stop bringing Keith into work. | 你以后别带它来上班就行了 |
| [07:30] | No, it’s an awful idea. | 这主意不好 |
| [07:32] | That’s the best solution on the table. | 目前为止最好的了 |
| [07:34] | No, not if “Biting” is involved, | 不行 别忘了它还咬人了 |
| [07:36] | because this has legal ramifications for sweet Keith. | 我们可爱的吉斯就犯法了 |
| [07:40] | I’m afraid they’ll have to put the little guy down | 我怕法院判吉斯安乐死 |
| [07:41] | and that is not going to happen. Is it, Keith? | 我可不允许这种事发生 对吧 吉斯 |
| [07:43] | No, Keith is a good boy. | 不允许 我们吉斯可乖呢 |
| [07:45] | He’s not a good boy. | 它可不乖好吧 |
| [07:46] | – You realize that, right? – Okay, Tim, listen. | -你知道的吧 -好了 小炯 听着 |
| [07:48] | Here’s the plan: I will talk to Helen, | 计划是这样的 我会和海婶谈 |
| [07:49] | I will make sure she plays along; | 确保她配合 |
| [07:51] | you take responsibility for the bite | 你把咬人的罪扛下 |
| [07:52] | and I give you a 10% pay raise. Deal. | 我就给你加10%的工资 一言为定 |
| [07:56] | – 10%? – Pay raise. | -10%吗 -工资 |
| [07:59] | And I just say I bit her. | 我刚才就说我咬她了 |
| [08:00] | – Who bit Helen? – I bit Helen. | -谁咬了海婶 -我咬的 |
| [08:02] | Bingo. Who’s a good boy? | 答对鸟 谁是好孩纸呢 |
| [08:05] | – Me. – What? | -我吗 -什么 |
| [08:06] | Tim’s a good boy? | 小炯是好孩纸吗 |
| [08:07] | I was talking to Keith, but yeah. | 我是跟吉斯说话呢 不过你也是哦 |
| [08:08] | – Oh oh oh. – No, you’re a good boy. | -这样这样 -你也是好孩纸滴 |
| [08:09] | I’m a good boy too. | 我也是好孩纸 |
| [08:12] | Dude, you dropped a deuce on the carpet? | 哥们 你在地摊上拉屎了啊 |
| [08:14] | – No, I did not do that. – And you bit a woman in the ankle. | -没有没有 -还咬了一个女人的脚踝 |
| [08:17] | I didn’t do either of those things. | 这些都不是我干的 |
| [08:19] | I’m watching the boss’s dog. | 我给老板的狗打掩护呢 |
| [08:20] | – Aha. – Yeah, Keith is out of control. | -这样 -对啊 吉斯淘得管不住 |
| [08:23] | You’re covering for him. His dog’s name is Keith? | 你给老板打掩护呢 他的狗叫吉斯吗 |
| [08:26] | – Yeah. Keith, yeah. – That’s a person’s name. | -对的 吉斯 -这不是人名么 |
| [08:27] | I’m gonna blow the whistle, though. | 不过我决定揭发老板了 |
| [08:29] | Everyone’s giving me weird looks. | 大家看我的眼神都好怪 |
| [08:30] | – No no no no. No whistle blow. – Why? | -别别 别揭发 -为啥 |
| [08:33] | Because those weird looks are looks of fear and respect. | 因为那些人看你怪怪的 是因为他们敬畏你 |
| [08:35] | Those are two looks you’ve just never seen before. | 这种眼神你以前都没机会看到 |
| [08:38] | Because I took a dump on the floor? | 因为我在地上拉屎了吗 |
| [08:39] | Because everyone thinks you’re a badass. | 因为人们都觉得你很强悍 |
| [08:41] | – Really? – Yeah. Do you know what | -真的吗 -那是 你知道 |
| [08:42] | people are calling you around the office now? | 现在办公室里都叫你什么吗 |
| [08:44] | – No. – Mad Dog. | -不知道 -疯狗爷 |
| [08:46] | People are calling me Mad Dog? | 人们叫我疯狗爷呀 |
| [08:47] | They say, “Watch out. Stay away from Mad Dog…” | 他们说 “小心 离疯狗爷远点” |
| [08:51] | – Really? – “…’cause he’ll bite your face off | -真的假的 -“因为他会把你咬个稀巴烂 |
| [08:52] | and poop down your throat.” | 拉你一身” |
| [08:54] | I don’t think that’s what | 我可不希望 |
| [08:55] | I want people to think when they see me. | 人们看到我的时候这么想 |
| [08:57] | Well, you clearly have not read any of Donald Trump’s books. | 看来你是没读过唐纳德·特朗普的书了 |
| [09:02] | Hey hey. Hey there, Mad Dog. Looking good. | 嗨 嗨 疯狗爷 看上去不错嘛 |
| [09:04] | You want something to eat, drink? What can I get you? | 你要点吃的 喝的吗 我给你拿 |
| [09:06] | Yeah, sure. I’ll get a Coke. | 好呢 来杯可乐吧 |
| [09:07] | Coke. Coming right up. | 可乐 马上就来喽 |
| [09:09] | – And for me a pina colada. – You? Who the hell are you? | -我来杯鸡尾酒 -你 你谁啊 |
| [09:12] | I’m part of the posse. Don’t ask questions. | 我是他哥们 按我说的做就得了 |
| [09:14] | Oh, posse. Okay, coming right up. | 哦 哥们啊 好嘞 马上来 |
| [09:17] | Tim, this is awesome. | 小炯 这真是太棒鸟 |
| [09:19] | – Yeah? – We can do anything. Watch this. | -是吗 -我们都无所不能了 看着 |
| [09:23] | Hey, old man, give me your pencil. | 喂 老头 把你的钢笔给我 |
| [09:24] | – Pencil coming right up. Here you go. – See? | -马上马上 给你 -看到了吗 |
| [09:27] | – We’re running things now. – We got a free pencil. | -现在我们说了算 -我们有了根免费钢笔 |
| [09:29] | You should’ve started biting people years ago. | 你几年前就开始咬人 我们就威武了 |
| [09:31] | – This is amazing. – Let’s get this meeting started. | -太棒了 -我们开会吧 |
| [09:34] | I just want to go over where we left of last week | 我们先继续上周会议未谈完的议题 |
| [09:35] | then review some of the more recent research findings. | 再探讨一下最新的研究成果 |
| [09:38] | Why don’t we review the findings of you sitting your ass down? | 我们要不探讨一下 你给我坐下的成果呢 |
| [09:41] | – Uh, excuse me? – You heard me. | -你说什么 -不用我重复吧 |
| [09:42] | Tim here is running the show now. | 现在可是小炯说了算了 |
| [09:44] | – Oh. – I’m afraid he’s right. | -啊我 -好吧 他说对了 |
| [09:46] | – Why don’t you have a seat? – Okay. | -那你快坐下吧 -好的 |
| [09:48] | I got no problem with you, man. | 我对你个人没意见 兄弟 |
| [09:49] | Let me take over. | 我来掌控这场会议吧 |
| [09:50] | Let me review these documents. | 等我看下这些文件 |
| [09:52] | Unacceptable. Incompetent. | 不可接受 没能力 |
| [09:55] | I’m just gonna wing it. | 那我就随便说几句了 |
| [09:58] | I know I have a reputation around this place, | 我知道大家都听闻我的事迹了 |
| [10:00] | but listen, I don’t want to run this meeting out of fear. | 不过 我主持这场会议 希望大家别怕我 |
| [10:03] | – Hm-mmm. – Don’t live in fear of me | -嗯 -别活在对我的恐惧中 |
| [10:06] | pulling my pants down | 害怕我脱下裤子 |
| [10:07] | and taking a poop next to your cubicle. | 在你的隔间边上拉泡屎 |
| [10:10] | – I’m not going to do that. – But he will… | -我不会这么干的 -可他有可能会 |
| [10:12] | – I might. I might. – …if he needs to. | -我可能会 -如果需要的话 |
| [10:14] | If I think it’s going to | 如果我认为这样做 |
| [10:15] | send the right message. | 能传递正确的信息 |
| [10:15] | If he needs to just fucking show you what’s what. | 如果他想告诉你们小丫他想怎样 |
| [10:18] | Don’t think I won’t. | 别以为我干不出来 |
| [10:19] | – Don’t think I won’t bite you. – He has done it. | -别以为我不会咬你 -他可是咬过人的 |
| [10:21] | I bit Helen. She’s feeling the pain right now. | 我咬了海婶 她伤口还隐隐作痛呢 |
| [10:23] | – She’s paying the price. – The price was right. | -她付出代价了 -很对的代价 |
| [10:25] | Yeah, I just want a little respect or… | 对 你们最好尊重我点 否则 |
| [10:28] | my mouth will be on your leg. | 我的嘴就盯上你们的腿了 |
| [10:30] | – Do I make myself clear? – Hey, everybody. | -我说清楚了吗 -嘿 大家都在啊 |
| [10:33] | – Looks who’s back. It’s Helen. – Hi, everyone. | -看谁回来了 海婶啊 -大家好 |
| [10:36] | – Oh, hi, Tim. – Hey. | -哦嗨 小炯 -嗨 |
| [10:38] | Just had to get a few stitches. | 我就是去缝了几针 |
| [10:39] | Wait, you two are on speaking terms? | 等下 你们两个还互相说话呢 |
| [10:41] | Why wouldn’t we be on speaking terms? | 为什么不说呢 |
| [10:44] | I don’t hold it against Tim. Tim’s a lovely boy. | 我又不是对小炯有意见 小炯是个可爱孩子 |
| [10:47] | Yeah, a lovely boy that bit you. | 对啊 咬你的可爱孩子 |
| [10:50] | – Tim bit me? Oh, no. – Reme– remember? | -小炯咬了我 不是啊 -还记得吗 |
| [10:52] | – A cute little doggy bit me. – No. | -是一条可爱小狗咬了我 -不啊 |
| [10:55] | – What? – You’ve got mail. | -什么 -完了 我收到邮件了 |
| [10:56] | Oh, guys, I’ve got to go check AOL. Later. | 同志们 我得上美国在线查查 我们再见 |
| [11:01] | I thought I bit you, Helen. | 不是我咬的你吗 海婶 |
| [11:02] | – No no no. – Did you lose a lot of blood? | -不是不是 -你是不失血过多了 |
| [11:04] | – I think you’re not remembering. – No, the doggy bit me, | -都失去记忆了 -没有 是小狗咬了我 |
| [11:07] | and then Tim started panicking and whimpering. | 然后小炯吓得不行 都啜泣了 |
| [11:11] | He was just like a little girl. | 就像个小女孩一样 |
| [11:13] | “Mommy mommy mommy.” It was just so cute. | “妈妈 妈妈” 太可爱了 |
| [11:16] | You know… I think you’re right. | 好像 你是对的 |
| [11:19] | The dog bit you. | 是那只狗咬了你 |
| [11:21] | I don’t know why I thought I bit you. | 我怎么会以为是我咬了你呢 |
| [11:23] | That’s a– I’ve remembered that | 太 我的记忆 |
| [11:25] | very… inaccurately. | 太不准确了 |
| [11:27] | – Tim. – Yeah? | -小炯 -嗯 |
| [11:28] | Why on earth would you take credit for biting Helen? | 你到底为何说是你咬了海婶啊 |
| [11:32] | Um, yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. | 对啊 我不该这么做的 |
| [11:34] | That is just bizarre. | 太荒诞了 |
| [11:36] | You can keep calling me Mad Dog, all right? | 你们能继续叫我疯狗爷吗 |
| [11:37] | We can just stick with that. | 继续叫没关系的 |
| [11:38] | No, we’ll go back to Tim the Idiot. | 不 还是叫回二逼小炯吧 |
| [11:40] | – That sounds better. – Doesn’t instill fear. | -听起来更像回事 -但不会让人听了害怕 |
| [11:42] | Douche-bag Tim. How’s that? | 呆瓜小炯 行不 |
| [11:44] | No, these are not good nicknames. | 这些外号都不够好 |
| [11:45] | How about Thumb-in-my-ass Tim? | 那爆小炯菊呢 |
| [11:48] | Yeah, it’s like Tim, but I’ve got a big thumb up his ass. | 不错吧 还叫小炯 但强调我爆他菊花 |
| [11:52] | Thumb-in-my-ass Tim? | 爆小炯菊 |
| [11:54] | I’d just as soon not even have a nickname. | 那还是不要外号了 |
| [12:08] | Hey, buddy, anybody sitting here? | 兄弟 这有人坐吗 |
| [12:10] | No no, help yourself. I’m Tim by the way. | 没有 随便做吧 话说我叫小炯 |
| [12:13] | Oh, no introduction needed, my friend. I know who you are. | 不用自我介绍的 朋友 我认识你 |
| [12:16] | – Yeah? – Yeah. No, I’m Amy’s sister’s husband. | -是吗 -对 我是小美姐姐的丈夫 |
| [12:18] | You objected at my wedding. | 你在我们婚礼上站起来反对来着 |
| [12:20] | Oh! I’ve got to apologize for that. | 对啊 实在是抱歉 |
| [12:23] | Oh, please don’t. Classic. Are you kidding me? | 没事没事 多给力啊 崇拜死你了 |
| [12:25] | – I thought it was the joke of the year. – That’s good. | -那可是当年的最大笑料啊 -那就好 |
| [12:28] | Tell you something, Tim: We are two lucky guys. | 我和你说 小炯 我们两个都很幸运 |
| [12:31] | Yeah? Why’s that? | 是吗 为什么呢 |
| [12:32] | The ladies in our lives. | 因为我们生命中的女人 |
| [12:34] | You know, that’s true. They’re a really nice family. | 确实是啊 他们一家人很不错 |
| [12:37] | Mm-hmm. Just take a look around. | 对 你就看看 |
| [12:39] | I mean, I mean every single woman in the family | 我是说 看这家里的每个女人 |
| [12:42] | just has a spectacular ass. | 屁股都这么丰腴 |
| [12:44] | We’re in church you realize? | 你知道我们是在教堂呢吧 |
| [12:46] | My wife– great ass. | 我妻子 看那美臀 |
| [12:48] | Her mom– smoking butt. | 她母亲 臀型美呆了 |
| [12:52] | – You realize we’re at a baptism? – Even Aunt Betty. | -我们在参加洗礼好吧 -连贝蒂婶都是 |
| [12:55] | I mean, she’s not a thin woman by any means– | 尽管她并不苗条 |
| [12:58] | fat, definitely old– | 又肥又老 |
| [13:00] | but she still can work it out. | 可还是屁股那么完美 |
| [13:03] | I never looked at her that way, | 我从来没这样想过她 |
| [13:04] | but I cannot argue with that. | 可我也不得不承认啊 |
| [13:07] | – Hm-mmm. – She knows how to work it. | -是吧 -她确实屁股很美 |
| [13:15] | Very nice. | 相当不错 |
| [13:16] | Now if we could please bring young baby Melissa | 现在请把你们的孩子蒙丽莎 |
| [13:20] | to the baptizing area… | 放在洗礼区 |
| [13:22] | …and lay her sweet little head on the cloth. | 把她的小头轻放在布上 |
| [13:27] | Okay. I would like for Amy’s sister | 好了 请小美的姐姐 |
| [13:30] | to bless this holy water. | 祝福此盆圣水 |
| [13:31] | Immerse your hands, dear, | 将你的手浸湿 亲爱的 |
| [13:33] | then feel free to dry them off on your clothing. | 再随便在衣服上擦干水就行 |
| [13:36] | That’s it. We’ll wait until she’s done drying. | 好了 我们先等她擦干手 |
| [13:40] | Very good. | 很好 |
| [13:42] | Now since we have a baby girl in our presence, | 既然有一位女婴在场 |
| [13:45] | I want each woman in the family to bend over | 请家庭中所有女性弯下身来 |
| [13:48] | and pick up a single rose petal from the floor. | 从地上捡起一瓣玫瑰 |
| [13:51] | Is this happening? | 我做梦呢吧 |
| [13:52] | That’s it, ladies. Don’t be shy. | 就是这样 女士们 别害羞 |
| [13:56] | Wow. Holy shit. | 哇 太他娘扯了 |
| [14:00] | Oh my. We appear to have spilled some holy water. | 哎呀 我们好像撒了一点圣水 |
| [14:04] | Would one of the young women be so kind | 能否烦请一位年轻女士 |
| [14:06] | as to get down on all fours and clean up the spill, please? | 趴在地上 把圣水擦干净 |
| [14:09] | What kind of baptism is this? | 神马洗礼啊这是 |
| [14:12] | Hey, I know this is a special moment and all… | 我知道这是一个值得铭记的时刻 |
| [14:15] | – Yeah? – …but can’t you just | -怎么 -可你能想象出 |
| [14:18] | picture them all naked? | 她们全裸的样子吗 |
| [14:21] | I can. I totally can. | 我能 相当能 |
| [14:24] | Thank you, ladies. | 女士们 谢谢你们 |
| [14:25] | You may now return to your seats so we may begin. | 你们可以回到座位上了 我们要开始了 |
| [14:30] | So what did you think? | 觉得怎样 |
| [14:31] | – How did we look up there? – Oh, you looked so good. | -我们在台上看起来如何 -你看起来超棒 |
| [14:34] | Aunt Betty looked good too. | 贝蒂婶看起来也很棒 |
| [14:36] | They all just– firing on all cylinders. | 他们都赢得全场赞誉啊 |
| [14:41] | Well, thank you so much for coming. | 感谢你的到来 |
| [14:43] | Hope to see you soon. Oh, Timbo. There he is. | 期待尽快见到你 炯宝啊 你来了 |
| [14:47] | – Hey. – How’s it going, buddy? | -嘿 -你觉得怎样啊 兄弟 |
| [14:48] | Good. Good baptism. | 很好 很好的洗礼仪式 |
| [14:50] | It was great, wasn’t it? Bitchen baptism. | 很棒 是吧 都赞死了 |
| [14:53] | I haven’t seen you since Amy’s sister’s wedding. | 自小美姐姐婚礼之后我就没见过你了 |
| [14:55] | – Is that right? – It is right. | -是吗 -是 |
| [14:56] | I thought you quit… this job. | 我还以为 你不干了呢 |
| [14:58] | Mmm. That’s a story. | 说来话长了 |
| [15:00] | – Yeah? – I tried to but the church said | -怎么了 -我本来想辞了 可教堂说 |
| [15:02] | they can’t afford to lose any more priests. | 再有教父走 他们就要倒闭了 |
| [15:04] | – Really? – Yeah, so they made me | -真的吗 -是啊 所以他们 |
| [15:05] | a sweet counteroffer my friend. | 给的还价还是很不错滴 |
| [15:07] | – The church does that? – They sure do. | -教堂还这样做 -当然了 |
| [15:09] | They’re a lot like the Yankees, Tim– | 他们和洋基队很像的 小炯 |
| [15:11] | threw the cash at me. | 扔给我一堆钱 |
| [15:12] | Now I’ve got a loft in Tribeca | 现在我在翠贝卡有了一间阁楼 |
| [15:14] | and I’m dating this redhead named Tina. | 而且我在和一个叫蒂娜的红发女郎约会 |
| [15:17] | And you’re– you’re still a priest? | 那你 还在当教父 |
| [15:19] | Hell yeah, I’m a priest. | 必须的啊 我是教父 |
| [15:20] | I’m on the payroll, Timmy. | 我也靠工资吃饭呢 小炯 |
| [15:22] | And you’re dating a redhead. | 而且你在和红发女约会 |
| [15:23] | – Yeah. – All right, good for you, I guess. | -对 -好吧 那恭喜你好了 |
| [15:26] | – Hey, listen, Tim. – Yeah? | -听着 小炯 -怎么 |
| [15:27] | Why don’t you come by my place tomorrow night? | 你明晚来我家怎么样 |
| [15:29] | – No. – I do this thing called Monday Night Confession | -不用了 -我主持一个所谓周一忏悔夜 |
| [15:31] | and you would love it. | 你肯定喜欢的 |
| [15:33] | It’s like Monday Night Football? | 是不是像周一足球夜那样 |
| [15:34] | It’s not like Monday Night Football, Tim– it is. | 不是像 是完全一样 |
| [15:37] | We watch the game, we pound beers | 我们看比赛 灌啤酒 |
| [15:38] | and then confess at halftime. | 中途做做忏悔 |
| [15:40] | – No, you can’t– – Why not? | -这可不行吧 -为什么不行 |
| [15:42] | – I don’t understand. – Most churches don’t have you | -我不明白 -大多数教堂都不允许 |
| [15:44] | pound beers before you– | 人们在里面灌啤酒啊 |
| [15:46] | Oh boy. Who’s the priest? Did you become a priest? | 我滴神 谁是神父啊 你做神父了吗 |
| [15:47] | – No. – You need to relax, Tim. | -没有 -你不用担心那么多 小炯 |
| [15:49] | They mention beer in the big book. | 《圣经》里提到啤酒了 |
| [15:51] | It’s just like the vino. | 就跟喝廉价葡萄酒一样的啦 |
| [15:53] | – I just don’t think they pounded it. – Yes, they did. | -可他们肯定不猛喝 -不 你错了 |
| [15:56] | 21, “Ezekiel, son of Zechariah, | “以西结 撒迦利亚之子 |
| [15:59] | pounding a sixer on the Mount of the Holies.” | 在圣山之上将六瓶酒一饮而尽” |
| [16:02] | Don’t you worry about it. It’s in there. | 不用担心 《圣经》里都写着呢 |
| [16:04] | – I’m gonna assume that’s not in there. – So you’re coming? | -我还是当它没写吧 -那你来不 |
| [16:07] | – I’ll be there. – All right. | -好吧我来 -好的 |
| [16:09] | – Why not? – Hey, bring a friend. | -随便了 -带朋友过来啊 |
| [16:13] | Are you sure that that priest lives here? | 你确定神父住在这吗 |
| [16:15] | It is a swanky loft for a priest. | 对神父来说也太豪华了吧 |
| [16:17] | This is where I picture Don Johnson living. | 我想像中唐·约翰逊住的就这种地方 |
| [16:21] | Hey, guys. | 你们好啊 |
| [16:23] | – Hey. – You here for the confesh? | -嘿 -来忏悔的吗 |
| [16:24] | Yeah, we’re– the priest lives here, right? | 对的 神父住在这是吧 |
| [16:27] | Yeah, he’s in the back. Hon? | 对 他在里面呢 亲爱的 |
| [16:29] | Whoa! Hey there, players. | 你们好啊 |
| [16:31] | Welcome to the love shack. | 欢迎来到我们的爱巢 |
| [16:32] | Take off your shoes,grab a brew and be somebody. | 换双鞋 拿瓶酒 放松起来吧 |
| [16:35] | This is a lot to take in at once. | 一时间还真有点消化不了 |
| [16:36] | – Mm-hmm. – You going to introduce me, hon? | -是啊 -你不给我介绍一下啊 亲爱的 |
| [16:38] | Oh, sorry, baby. Sorry, sweet cheeks. | 哎呀 抱歉 宝贝 别怪我哦小可爱 |
| [16:40] | This is my beautiful girlfriend Tina. | 这位是我美丽的女友蒂娜 |
| [16:42] | Yeah, nice to meet you. | 很高兴认识你 |
| [16:43] | Hey, Tina. | 你好 蒂娜 |
| [16:45] | Tina, the pleasure is mine. I’m Stu. | 蒂娜 很荣幸认识你 我是司徒 |
| [16:47] | Hi, Stu. | 嗨 司徒 |
| [16:48] | Wow, you guys met in church? | 哇 你们是在教堂认识的吗 |
| [16:51] | No, we hooked up at a Corvette dealership in Long lsland. | 不 是在长岛的一家克尔维特销售处搞上的 |
| [16:53] | – That’s right. – I was posing on the hood of a car, | -对的 -我在汽车引擎盖上正靠着呢 |
| [16:56] | heard someone say, “Holy shit, that girl’s hot.” | 就听见有人说 “我擦 那马子真靓” |
| [16:59] | Guilty as charged. | 我是罪人喽 |
| [17:02] | Yeah, you can say I found religion that day, | 对 用你的话说 我那天找到了信仰 |
| [17:05] | right, God man? | 对吧 基督男 |
| [17:06] | Well, the rest is history. | 剩下的你们都知道喽 |
| [17:07] | – That’s a great story. – lsn’t she a dumpling? | -这故事真棒 -她很可爱吧 |
| [17:10] | – Wow. – A really nice story. | -哇 -故事真不错 |
| [17:12] | Maybe I’ll become a priest– | 我哪天也当神父好了 |
| [17:14] | Corvette, loft and a girlfriend who chews gum. | 有克尔维特 阁楼 和嚼口香糖的女友 |
| [17:17] | – Yeah. – You want a piece… | -对啊 -你也想尝尝吗 |
| [17:19] | – Yeah yeah. – …of gum? | -想啊想啊 -尝口香糖啦 |
| [17:23] | She is naughty. | 她淘气着呢 |
| [17:25] | – I get it. – Come on, let’s confess. | -我发现了 -来吧 我们开始了 |
| [17:28] | – Nice play. – Oh, nice. | -打得好 -很好 |
| [17:29] | – Wow. – Great half. What an impressive game– | -哇塞 -这半场真不赖 真是印象深刻 |
| [17:32] | – two teams going head to head. – I love football. | -两队是齐头并进啊 -我爱橄榄球 |
| [17:33] | Okay, halftime. Let’s do some confessing. | 好了 中场时间到 我们来玩忏悔吧 |
| [17:37] | – Tina, why don’t you start? – Oh! It’s always me. | -蒂娜 你先开始呗 -啊 又是我 |
| [17:39] | All right. Um, sins, sins. | 好吧 罪 罪 |
| [17:42] | So many. Oh, okay. | 太多了 啊 想到了 |
| [17:44] | Last week when you were out of town on that thing… | 上周趁你出城 |
| [17:49] | I sold all your Bibles… | 我把你所有的《圣经》都在 |
| [17:53] | on eBay | 易趣上卖了 |
| [17:55] | and I used the money to buy coke. | 用得来的钱买了可乐 |
| [17:58] | – Hmm. – What? | -是不 -什么 |
| [18:00] | – This is really happening. – Should we leave? | -我没听错吧 -我们用离开吗 |
| [18:03] | That is quite a sin, Tina, | 确实是一大罪孽 蒂娜 |
| [18:05] | but do you see the error of your ways? | 不过你知道自己错了吗 |
| [18:11] | – Yeah. – Then all is forgiven, baby. | -知道了 -那主就原谅你了 宝贝 |
| [18:13] | – No. – Say two “Hail Marys” | -不是吧 -说两遍”万福马利亚” |
| [18:14] | and you are good to go, my little sweet lump. | 你就没事了 我的小甜心 |
| [18:17] | I need to interject there. That’s a pretty big sin. | 我打个岔 这罪孽明明很大啊 |
| [18:20] | We– Tim… | 我们 小炯 |
| [18:22] | all you need to do is be honest. | 你们只需如实招供就行 |
| [18:25] | That’s all you need to do. Stu. | 除此之外别无要求 司徒 该你了 |
| [18:27] | – Stuey-ooey. – Come on, big dude. | -司徒徒 -该你啦 大个子 |
| [18:29] | – Spill it. – All right. | -说吧 -好吧 |
| [18:31] | I don’t know if this is really a sin or not, | 我也不知道我是不是犯了罪 |
| [18:33] | but I was getting baked in a warehouse last week, | 上周我在一个仓库里吸大麻 |
| [18:36] | and when I was leaving I saw that it was on fire. | 我要走的时候 发现仓库着火了 |
| [18:40] | And I don’t know if it was me, but– | 我不知道是不是我引起的 |
| [18:43] | ’cause it could’ve been the kids in the school next door. | 因为也有可能是隔壁学校的小孩整的 |
| [18:47] | – Stu. – I saw that on the news. | -我说司徒 -我在新闻里看到了 |
| [18:49] | – There’s no school next door. – That was you? | -隔壁没学校好吧 -是你引起的啊 |
| [18:50] | You think you burned down a warehouse. That’s the sin? | 你觉得自己烧毁了一个仓库 是这个罪孽吗 |
| [18:53] | – I think so. – It’s a gray area… | -我觉得是 -那还真难确定了 |
| [18:55] | – Thank you. -…because we’re not sure | -谢谢 -因为我们也不知道 |
| [18:57] | – if you burned the warehouse down. – No. No. | -是不是你干的 -对啊 不知道 |
| [18:59] | Just because you’re leaving when it’s on fire | 你走的时候仓库着火 |
| [19:01] | doesn’t mean anything. Let’s check with the Lord. | 说明不了什么 我们看主怎么说吧 |
| [19:03] | – Lord… – No whammies, no whammies. | -我的主 -别惩罚我 别 |
| [19:05] | -…is Stu forgiven? – Drumroll, please. | -你能宽恕司徒吗 -给点鼓励啊 |
| [19:09] | – He can’t be. – Sounds like a yes to me. | -可别原谅他 -好像宽恕你了 |
| [19:12] | – Whoo! Yes! – If you don’t hear anything, it’s good. | -太棒了 -没有回应的话 等于默许了 |
| [19:15] | Off the hook, Stu. | 你没事啦 司徒 |
| [19:16] | No “Hail Marys.” | 不用说”万福马利亚”了 |
| [19:17] | That one’s on the house. Give it up high, buddy. | 我直接给你省了 来击个掌 兄弟 |
| [19:19] | – Thanks, bud. – I think you’re being a bit easy here. | -谢啦 哥们 -你也太好对付了吧 |
| [19:22] | – Tim. – Yeah? | -小炯 -怎么 |
| [19:23] | Keep your nose out of our business. | 不要对我们嗤之以鼻 |
| [19:25] | There’s no judgment here, Tim. | 我们不会随便评论别人的 小炯 |
| [19:26] | You can feel free to express yourself. | 畅所欲言就行 |
| [19:28] | All right, all right. Who’s up? | 好了 好了 该谁了 |
| [19:30] | – Uh, me. – You? | -我 -你吗 |
| [19:32] | Do you have any sins? You’re a priest. | 你还有罪 你可是神父啊 |
| [19:34] | Listen up. | 听好 |
| [19:35] | Last Tuesday I went into an Oriental massage parlor | 上周二我去了一家东方按摩院 |
| [19:40] | and received what is known as a “Handjob,” | 获得了所谓”手交”服务 |
| [19:44] | then… I ran out without paying. | 然后 我没付钱就跑走了 |
| [19:47] | – And that’s that. – I did not expect to hear that. | -就是这样 -真没想到你会做这种事 |
| [19:51] | No. – Okey-dokey. I’m going to give myself | 我也是 -好鸟 我惩罚自己 |
| [19:54] | eight “Hail Marys” | 说8遍”万福马利亚” |
| [19:55] | and a big gold bucket of nothing else. | 给自己一大笔钱 |
| [19:58] | – I’m off the hook, clean slate. – What? | -我没事喽 全部清零喽 -什么 |
| [20:00] | – Eight? – That’s it. | -说8次就行 -对啊 |
| [20:02] | – Eight is not a lot. – It’s more than seven. | -8次少了点吧 -比7次多了啊 |
| [20:04] | You got a handjob and ran away. | 有人给你手交 你跑了 |
| [20:07] | It doesn’t matter. I confessed. I have a clean slate. | 没事了 我都承认了啊 就重新做人了 |
| [20:10] | I don’t think it works like that. | 没这么简单吧 |
| [20:11] | I don’t think you know what you’re talking about, | 我看你是在胡言乱语 |
| [20:13] | because I’m a priest and you’re not. | 因为神父是我 不是你 |
| [20:15] | – It’s your turn, Tim. – Honestly, I don’t– | -到你了 小炯 -说实话 我没 |
| [20:18] | I don’t have anything that’s on a par with your guys’ things. | 我没做过你们那么糟糕的事 |
| [20:20] | – I think I’m out of my league. – Really, Tim? | -这活动不太适合我 -少来了 小炯 |
| [20:23] | Try us, Tim. No one’s passing judgment | 说一个听听嘛 不管是什么 |
| [20:25] | on your stories. | 我们都不会看扁你的 |
| [20:26] | Whatever you’ve got, it’s gonna be okay. | 不管是什么 都没事的 |
| [20:28] | Get it off your chest. | 你就说出来吧 |
| [20:30] | All right, you kown what, this is a little silly. | 好吧 其实 我这事超级蠢 |
| [20:32] | I guess it counts. The other day… | 可能也是犯罪了吧 前几天 |
| [20:36] | I jerked off in the bathroom. | 我在厕所里打手枪了 |
| [20:38] | – Oh. – That’s understandable. | -这样 -可以理解啦 |
| [20:40] | – That’s fine. That’s good. – That’s a good one. | -没事的 挺好 -很好的 |
| [20:43] | Good to jerk off every once in a while, Tim. | 偶尔打打手枪挺好的 小炯 |
| [20:45] | – Gotta relieve the pressure, you know? – Absolutely, Tina. | -缓解压力嘛 -说的没错 蒂娜 |
| [20:48] | That’s good. It’s actually a funny story. | 太好了 其实很搞笑的 |
| [20:50] | It was after your Baptism there. | 那次正是在你的洗礼结束之后 |
| [20:54] | – lt– – I’m so– I’m sorry? | -它 我真 -你说什么 |
| [20:56] | Yeah, that’s when– when it happened. | 对 就是那个时间 |
| [20:59] | I went in the lobby bathroom. | 我在大厅里的厕所搞定的 |
| [21:02] | – The lobby at a church? – Oh my God. | -教堂大厅吗 -天啊 |
| [21:04] | – Just the lobby. – In church? | -就是那 -教堂里吗 |
| [21:06] | – No. – No? | -不是 -不是吗 |
| [21:08] | – In front of Christ? – It was a public restroom. | -在耶稣面前 -公厕而已啦 |
| [21:10] | Public restroom in church. | 教堂内的公厕 |
| [21:12] | Why do you keep saying the word “Church”? | 干吗一直强调在”教堂”里呢 |
| [21:14] | Because it was in church in which you jerked off. | 因为你是在教堂打的手枪 |
| [21:16] | The bathroom lobby does not count as church. | 大厅厕所不算是教堂里啦 |
| [21:18] | You’re making it sound like I did something weird. | 你这样说好像我做这事很奇怪一样 |
| [21:20] | The lobby isn’t part of the church? | 大厅不是教堂的一部分吗 |
| [21:21] | No, it’s the lobby. | 不是 只是大厅而已 |
| [21:23] | There’s a giant crucifix right in the lobby. | 厅内摆放了一个巨型的十字架好不 |
| [21:25] | – I think I’m going to vomit. – “Welcome to Church.” | -我想吐了 -“欢迎来到教堂” |
| [21:27] | – That’s what the sign says. – No no no. | -标志上这么写的 -别别别 |
| [21:28] | “Welcome to Church.” | “欢迎来到教堂” |
| [21:30] | Come on,there was no stained glass. | 大厅里又没有花窗玻璃 |
| [21:31] | “No stained glass”? | 什么 “没有花窗玻璃” |
| [21:32] | Where I come from, if there’s no stained glass, | 在我家那边 没看到花窗玻璃 |
| [21:36] | you’re home free. | 就可以彻底放松了 |
| [21:37] | Honey, take my gum. I think I’m going to be sick. | 亲爱的 帮我拿下口香糖 我有点想吐 |
| [21:39] | Tim, you need to fix this. | 小炯 你得把这事解决好 |
| [21:41] | – Yeah? – Who was in your thoughts | -怎么解决 -你在做这件 |
| [21:42] | as you performed this unspeakable act? | 难以启齿之事时 在想些什么 |
| [21:46] | It was, um… Amy’s mom… | 小美的妈妈 |
| [21:49] | – Oh Lord. -…Amy’s grandmother… | -天啊 -小美的祖母 |
| [21:51] | – God help me. – Wow. | -主啊 救救我吧 -天啊 |
| [21:53] | …Amy’s– a couple of aunts… | 小美的几个婶婶 |
| [21:55] | Sweet merciful Jesus. | 我慈悲的主啊 |
| [21:56] | …and one or two of the cousins. | 还有她一两个表姐妹 |
| [22:00] | This just keeps getting worse and worse. | 完了 越说越严重了 |
| [22:01] | All of the women in the church. | 教堂里的所有女人 |
| [22:02] | Just stop. Stop. | 行了 别说了 |
| [22:03] | I’m actually impressed now, | 你真让我大开眼界了 |
| [22:05] | ’cause this is now the sin of all sins. | 这罪孽谁都无法匹及了 |
| [22:08] | – Stop saying that. – The whole family was involved. | -别这么说 -你把她一家人都扯进来了 |
| [22:11] | Well, we need to go to the family right now and come clean. | 我们得去找她们一家 把此事坦白告诉她们 |
| [22:14] | – No, that’s not gonna happen. – Oh, it has to happen, Tim. | -不行 我才不去呢 -必须去 小炯 |
| [22:18] | This will never be spoken of outside of the safe area here. | 光今天在场的人知道就得了 |
| [22:21] | No, it will be spoken from the heights | 不行 我们要让 |
| [22:21] | and from the tops of buildings– | 所有人都知道 |
| [22:23] | “Tim jerked off in church.” | “小炯在教堂打手枪” |
| [22:25] | I don’t want you going to hell over this, Tim. | 我可不希望你为此下地狱 小炯 |
| [22:26] | Hell? What am I missing here? | 地狱 怎么就下地狱了 |
| [22:28] | You got a handjob and ran away without paying. | 你手交完没交钱就跑 |
| [22:31] | Not in church, Tim. | 可不是在教堂 小炯 |
| [22:32] | Not in church? | 不在教堂就行吗 |
| [22:33] | No, at a designated handjob area. | 对 不在 而是在专门搞手交的地方 |
| [22:36] | And that makes it okay? Great. | 这样就好了 我勒个去 |
| [22:39] | Listen. I’m willing to support you in this and go with you. | 听着 我愿意挺你 和你一起去 |
| [22:43] | We’ll get through this together as a group– | 我们一起度过这个难关 |
| [22:45] | the three of us, the three amigos. | 我们三个好兄弟一起 |
| [22:46] | – What do you say? – I think I can be most supportive by | -你觉得呢 -我很挺小炯 但我还是 |
| [22:49] | – staying here and drinking your beer. – Okay, that’s fine. | -待在这喝你的啤酒吧 -好吧 没事 |
| [22:52] | Come on, Tim, let’s hit the road. | 好了 小炯 我们出发吧 |
| [23:05] | Oh, hey, Tim. | 是你啊 小炯 |
| [23:07] | – Hey, Amy. – Hi. What are you doing here? | -嘿 小美 -嗨 你怎么来这了 |
| [23:09] | I just wanted to see your family off before they fly back. | 我就想在你家人没飞回去之前 见她们一面 |
| [23:12] | Oh, that’s sweet of you. | 这么贴心啊 |
| [23:14] | Come on in. Hey, everyone, Tim’s here. | 进来吧 大伙们 小炯来了 |
| [23:16] | – Hi, Tim. – Hey, Tim. | -嗨小炯 -小炯啊 |
| [23:18] | Nice to see everyone. And the priest came with me. | 很高兴见到大家 神父也和我一起来了 |
| [23:22] | – The priest? – The priest is with me. | -神父吗 -对 他也来了 |
| [23:24] | Hello. | 你们好 |
| [23:27] | Listen, everyone, I’m sorry to interrupt. | 很抱歉打扰大家 |
| [23:29] | I know you have an early flight, | 我知道你们明天要搭早班飞机 |
| [23:31] | but Tim has something special to say | 但小炯有一些特别的话 |
| [23:33] | and he wants to share it | 要告诉小美 |
| [23:34] | with Amy and all the members of Amy’s family, | 以及小美的所有家人 |
| [23:36] | as well as his clergyman. | 还有他的牧师 |
| [23:38] | With that I’ll– well, I’ll give the floor to you, Tim. | 好了 你自己说吧 小炯 |
| [23:41] | Tim. Is this what I think it is? | 小炯 我没搞错吧 |
| [23:45] | Oh, my baby! Oh! | 我的宝贝 天啊 |
| [23:47] | – Are you proposing? – I need a hanky. | -你要求婚吗 -快给我块手帕 |
| [23:49] | Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. | 大家先别瞎猜 |
| [23:51] | Go ahead. Pretend we’re not even here. | 你说吧 当我们不存在 |
| [23:53] | Um, let me just begin by saying | 首先我要说 |
| [23:58] | that all of you women in this room | 你们在场的所有女士 |
| [24:01] | have abnormally attractive rear ends. | 臀型都反常的迷人 |
| [24:08] | – That didn’t go so well. – No. No, it did not. | -不尽如人意啊 -确实是 |
| [24:13] | Well, I’ll tell you what, Tim: | 我说 小炯 |
| [24:15] | Hopefully through all of this you’ve learned a lesson. | 希望经过这一切 你能够吸取教训 |
| [24:19] | I guess the only lesson is… | 我觉得唯一的教训是 |
| [24:22] | you have to confess even if it’s really difficult. | 不管有多难 你也要坦白招认 |
| [24:27] | – No. – No? | -不是 -不是吗 |
| [24:28] | I wouldn’t say that’s the lesson. | 我说的教训不是这个 |
| [24:29] | – What is it? – I’d say the lesson is: | -那是什么 -而是 |
| [24:31] | Don’t ever tell a group of women | 永远不要告诉一群女人 |
| [24:32] | – that you jerked off to them in church. – That too. | -你在教堂想着她们打手枪 -必须的 |
| [24:35] | Not something they want to hear, Tim. | 她们接受不了这种事 小炯 |
| [24:37] | Not something they want to hear. | 接受不了 |
| [24:41] | *These shabby shoes I’m wearing all the time* | *麻衣破鞋伴着我* |
| [24:45] | *is full of holes and nails* | *走过风雨许多年* |
| [24:49] | *and, brother, if I stepped on a worn-out dime* | *倘若踩到五角币* |
| [24:53] | *I bet a nickel I could tell you if it was heads or tails. * | *五分赌它正或反* |
| [24:58] | *I’m not gonna worry wrinkles in my brow* | *满脸褶子不用愁* |
| [25:02] | *’cause nothing’s ever gonna be all right nohow. * | *天掉馅饼是空想* |
| [25:06] | *No matter how I struggle and strive* | *发愤努力白劳碌* |
| [25:10] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive. * | *老天从来不赏光* |