| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | *Now you’re looking at a man that’s getting kinda mad* | *小炯最近很抓狂* |
| [00:10] | *I had lots of luck but it’s all been bad* | *天天霉运一箩筐* |
| [00:14] | *No matter how I struggle and strive,* | *发奋努力白劳碌* |
| [00:18] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive* | *老天从来不赏光* |
| [00:27] | There are my boys– Timbo and Stualicious. | 我哥们儿 炯宝和司白食 |
| [00:31] | – Ugh. – You know I don’t like Timbo. | -呃 -你知道我不喜欢被叫作炯宝 |
| [00:34] | – And I’m offended by Stualicious. – Why? | -我也讨厌被叫作司白食 -为什么 |
| [00:37] | Because you’re combining my name with the word delicious. | 因为你是把我的名字跟美食混搭 |
| [00:40] | Have you conjured that visual? | 你是有联想到什么吗 |
| [00:42] | Uh, I didn’t really, like, conjure | 我不是真的会联想到什么 |
| [00:45] | – or give any thought to it. – Shocking. | -或者真觉得怎么样 -表示震惊 |
| [00:46] | Anyway, hey, I want to play a prank on the new assistant. | 总之 我只是想跟新来的助手开个玩笑 |
| [00:49] | – You guys in or what? – Absolutely. | -你们要不要一起来 -正合我意 |
| [00:50] | – No. I’m not a– – Come on. | -不 我不是 -来吧 |
| [00:52] | – I’m not a prankster. – Timmy. | -我不是个爱开玩笑的人 -炯炯 |
| [00:54] | We’re gonna make him feel welcome. | 我们就是想表示欢迎他 |
| [00:55] | It’ll be like he’s part of the family and stuff. | 让他有种成为这个大家庭的一份子的觉悟 |
| [00:57] | The way you make someone feel like family | 你所谓的让人有家一般的感觉 |
| [00:59] | – is by doing something awful to them. – Exactly. | -净是些很可怕的事 -说得太对了 |
| [01:01] | Okay, here’s the plan. I’ll buy the thumbtacks. | 行了 计划如下 我去买图钉 |
| [01:04] | Stu, you look like a tape guy. | 司徒 你看上去比较像胶带男 |
| [01:05] | You’re on Scotch. | 你有苏格兰血统 |
| [01:06] | You know it. | 你知道得真多 |
| [01:07] | Tim, you buy the bag of hardcore porn. | 小炯 你去买一袋大尺度的黄书 |
| [01:10] | – No. – Big bag, like shopping bag. | -不要 -要大号的 像购物袋那种 |
| [01:12] | – I’ll get the tape. – Nope, you’re the porn guy. | -我去买胶带 -不行 你是色情男 |
| [01:15] | – I’m the porn guy. – Yup. | -我是色情男 -对 |
| [01:17] | When did I become this person? | 我什么时候变成这种人的 |
| [01:18] | Tim, I don’t have time to argue. | 小炯 我没时间跟你多废话 |
| [01:20] | Let’s review what everyone’s bringing. | 我们再确认下每个人的分工 |
| [01:22] | – Stu? – Tape. | -司徒 -胶带 |
| [01:23] | – Me? Tacks. Tim? – Paper clips. | -我 图钉 小炯 -回形针 |
| [01:26] | – Nope. – Wrong. | -错了 -大错特错 |
| [01:28] | – Huge bag of porn? – Exactly. | -一大袋黄书 -完全正确 |
| [01:30] | What a team. | 精诚合作 |
| [01:34] | Ah, beautiful day, huh? | 天气真好 是吧 |
| [01:35] | I got to admit, I like getting up early. | 我得承认 我喜欢早起 |
| [01:37] | That’s right. Early is good. | 说得对 早起的鸟儿有虫吃 |
| [01:39] | You want coffee or muffin? | 你想要咖啡还是松饼 |
| [01:41] | No, what I need is, um… | 不是 我要的是 呃… |
| [01:44] | I need a lot of porn, actually. | 其实 我要的是一堆黄书 |
| [01:46] | I need a copy of “Juggs.” | 我要一本《巨乳骚妇》 |
| [01:48] | – Okay. – Copy of “Barely Legal.” | -好的 -一本《青涩幼女》 |
| [01:50] | – Oh. – Copy of “Big Boobs,” | -哦 -一本《波涛胸涌》 |
| [01:52] | “Big Tits,” “Tits in Your Face.” | 《大波无敌》《波波逼人》 |
| [01:54] | – Whoa. – “Black Beauties,” | -哇塞 -《黑美人》 |
| [01:57] | – “Asian Beauties.” – Wow. | -《亚洲美女》 -喔哦 |
| [01:59] | You have any gay stuff? Any “Inches”? | 你有同志杂志吗 比如《寸有所长》 |
| [02:02] | What’s that? What’s that one with the big cock on the cover? | 那是什么 那本封面上有个大鸡巴的 |
| [02:05] | Just give me five of those. | 给我来五本 |
| [02:07] | Wow, you horny at 6:00 A.M., huh? | 哇塞 大清早的就性致盎然嘛 |
| [02:10] | A little bit. Just wrap it up. | 有点吧 给我打个包 |
| [02:12] | Excuse me, do you have any cough syrup for children? | 打扰一下 你这儿有小儿止咳糖浆吗 |
| [02:15] | No no no, wait your turn. | 等等等等 还没轮到你 |
| [02:16] | No, let her go. | 不用 她先好了 |
| [02:18] | Okay, let’s ring you up. | 行了 先给你结帐 |
| [02:19] | She can go in front of me. | 我可以排在她后面 |
| [02:20] | So you got one copy of “Juggs.” | 你是要一本《巨乳骚妇》 |
| [02:22] | – One “Barely Legal.” – That’s not mine. | -一本《青涩幼女》 -不是我要的 |
| [02:25] | “Asian Beauties,” “Black Beauties.” | 《亚洲美女》 《黑美人》 |
| [02:27] | That’s not what I asked for. I asked for a blueberry muffin. | 我没要这些 我要的是蓝莓松饼 |
| [02:30] | Oh. Well, I have– | 哦 好吧 我这儿有 |
| [02:33] | – Know what? – What? | -我跟你说 -什么 |
| [02:34] | Just give me a copy of “Maxim” Magazine | 给我一本《风度》杂志就行了 |
| [02:36] | and some gum. | 再来点口香糖 |
| [02:38] | What happened? Not as horny as when you first walked in? | 怎么了 刚才来时的性致去哪了 |
| [02:47] | You guys got the contraband or what? | 你们的货都搞到了吗 |
| [02:49] | Scotch tape in the hizzy. | 透明胶带在这儿 |
| [02:51] | – Boom. – And here’s the bag of porn. | -很好 -一袋黄书 |
| [02:55] | – “Maxim”? – What is this? | -《风度》 -这是什么 |
| [02:57] | It’s got women in it. | 里面有女人的照片 |
| [02:58] | They’re in bathing suits. That’s pretty sexy. | 她们穿的是泳装 很性感 |
| [03:01] | “Maxim” makes | 跟《风度》相比 |
| [03:02] | “Playboy” look like “Knocked Up and Horny”. | 《花花公子》就像是《越孕越硬》 |
| [03:03] | You know what? We’re gonna have to dip into my private stash. | 看来不得不动用我的私家珍藏了 |
| [03:06] | You have a private stash? That should have been plan “A”. | 你有私家珍藏 那才应该是A计划 |
| [03:09] | Here’s what I want you to do. | 下面是我要你们做的 |
| [03:10] | Tim, go get some porn from under my desk. | 小炯 去我的桌子下面拿几张春宫图 |
| [03:12] | Then you guys tape the porn around the guy’s cubicle– | 然后你们把这些春宫图贴在大伙的隔间 |
| [03:15] | on his screen, on his chair, | 像是屏幕上啦 椅子上啦 |
| [03:17] | on the floor, in his drawers and stuff. | 地面上啦 抽屉里啦之类的 |
| [03:19] | Rodney, can I just ask what exactly you’re doing? | 大鲁 我能问下你要干什么吗 |
| [03:22] | – I’m on lookout. – Lookout? | -我打掩护 -打掩护 |
| [03:24] | – Yup. – That’s not doing anything. | -对 -那不是啥都不用做 |
| [03:26] | Lookout is the hardest part. It’s like the Danger Zone. | 打掩护是最难的 就像《危险地带》里 |
| [03:29] | The stuff that Kenny Loggins was talking about. | 肯尼·罗根斯唱的那样 |
| [03:31] | Know what, Rodney? I’m gonna be on lookout. | 我说 大鲁 我来打掩护好了 |
| [03:32] | I’m gonna put my foot down. | 我保证立场坚定斗志强 |
| [03:34] | Uh, if you’re feeling it, I’ll go with it. | 如果你是这么想的 那就随你吧 |
| [03:36] | – I’m the lookout guy. – I want you to do me something. | -我打掩护 -我要你帮我做的是 |
| [03:39] | If anyone comes I want you to shout out really loudly, | 如果有人来了 你要用尽全力大声喊 |
| [03:42] | “Hey, Rodney! Put away the porn. | “嘿 大鲁 扔掉黄书 |
| [03:44] | Someone is coming in your direction to bust you.” | 有人往你那儿去了 要找你麻烦” |
| [03:48] | Then throw in a crow call or something. | 然后来几声乌鸦叫什么的 |
| [03:50] | – Ca-caw. – Exactly. | -哇-啊 -就是这样 |
| [03:52] | Stu, maybe you should take over. | 司徒 也许你更能胜任 |
| [03:54] | – Wow, this group is a… – Dynamic force. | -这个团队真是… -生气勃勃 |
| [03:57] | -…well-oiled machine. – Yes. | -…油箱满格[效率很高] -当然 |
| [03:58] | It’s like the movie “Inside Man.” | 就像是电影《局内人》 |
| [04:05] | It’s a go? It’s happening? | 就这么办 开始行动了吗 |
| [04:07] | It’s gonna be classic, dude, yes. | 绝对一流 老兄 绝对的 |
| [04:10] | The guy’s cubicle is covered | 大家的隔间都贴满了 |
| [04:12] | in tons of balls and asses and tits. | 睾丸蛋蛋跟美臀大波 |
| [04:17] | Rodney, you’re like a porn Picasso. | 大鲁 你真是个色情毕加索 |
| [04:21] | Thank you, my friend. | 多谢夸奖 我的挚友 |
| [04:22] | Can’t wait to see it. | 恨不得马上去看看 |
| [04:23] | Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt. | 抱歉 我不是有意打断你们 |
| [04:25] | – Who are you? – Well, my name’s Keith. | -你是谁 -我叫小吉 |
| [04:28] | I just started here and thought I’d say hi. | 我刚来这儿 我想我应该打个招呼 |
| [04:31] | – You’re the new guy? – Yeah. | -你是新人 -是的 |
| [04:33] | I, uh– right out of Ohio State. | 我是地地道道的俄亥俄州人 |
| [04:35] | Yeah yeah yeah. And this cube here, this is where you sit? | 行了行了 这个隔间 你就坐这儿 |
| [04:39] | This is home. | 这就是我的家 |
| [04:41] | – Whoops. – Not good. | -哎呀 -那糟糕了 |
| [04:42] | Abort mission. Stu is aborting the mission. | 任务取消 司徒的任务取消 |
| [04:46] | This prank has fallen apart, Rodney. | 大鲁 这个玩笑开不下去了 |
| [04:48] | Hi, everyone. | 大家好 |
| [04:49] | Welcome back, Helen. | 欢迎回归 海婶 |
| [04:51] | How did your bone marrow transplant surgery go? | 你的骨髓移植手术做得怎么样 |
| [04:53] | Oh, honey, I just tell you, | 亲爱的 我刚跟你说过 |
| [04:56] | – I’m happy to be alive. – Oh. | -我很高兴我还活着 -哦 |
| [04:58] | I got this nice gel cushion to sit on now. | 我现在有这个漂亮的凝胶泡沫坐垫呢 |
| [05:02] | But I’m just… | 我真的… |
| [05:03] | glad to be back at work in my old cubicle. | 很高兴能回到我原来的隔间上班 |
| [05:06] | We’re happy to have you, Helen. | 很高兴你能回来 海婶 |
| [05:10] | – Oh no. – This is awful. | -不 -太可怕了 |
| [05:12] | – Who’d do such a thing? – I think I’m gonna vomit. | -这是谁干的 -我觉得我都要吐了 |
| [05:15] | My God, that man has a– | 我的天哪 那个男人 |
| [05:17] | – Disgusting. – Helen, look away. | -真恶心 -海婶 掉过头去别看 |
| [05:19] | First the bone marrow transplant and now this. | 先是骨髓移植再是这种东西 |
| [05:23] | Why does God hate me? | 为什么老天这么讨厌我啊 |
| [05:25] | How do they do that? | 他们怎么能做出这种事 |
| [05:27] | Tim, go check the security camera. | 小炯 去查查监控录像 |
| [05:30] | We’re gonna find the perverted | 我们要把这个变态的 |
| [05:31] | son of a bitch who did this. | 狗娘养的始作俑者给找出来 |
| [05:37] | Hmm. | 嗯 |
| [05:39] | Guess that clears me. | 我想那个很明显是我 |
| [05:41] | – Clears you? – Clears me, right? | -很明显是你 -很明显是我对吧 |
| [05:43] | Why on the name of the sweet baby Jesus | 我七舅姥爷的三外甥女啊 |
| [05:45] | were you standing by the elevators with a duffle bag at 7:00 A.M. | 你早上七点背着布包站在电梯边干嘛 |
| [05:48] | Iooking around nervously for 25 to 35 minutes? | 还鬼鬼祟祟地张望了二三十分钟 |
| [05:53] | I was just hanging out. | 闲着瞎晃荡而已 |
| [05:55] | Just hanging out by the elevators. | 就晃到电梯这来了 |
| [05:58] | – Tim. – Yeah? | -小炯 -咋了 |
| [05:59] | Brenda from accounting saw you. | 记账的布兰达看到你了 |
| [06:01] | She saw you at the store | 今早她看到你 |
| [06:02] | this morning in the process of purchasing | 在店里买东西 |
| [06:05] | – an ungodly amount… – That was her? | -买了很多 -是她 |
| [06:07] | No, that transaction never went through. | 我没买 |
| [06:09] | -…of porn. – No, it never went through. | -黄片 -没 我没买 |
| [06:11] | Tim, I’m gonna have to go ahead and call Helen in here. | 小炯 我去叫海婶来一下 |
| [06:13] | – No no. – And you’re gonna apologize. | -别啊 -你得跟她道歉 |
| [06:15] | – No, I don’t want to talk to her. – Helen. | -别啊 我不想跟她说话 -海婶 |
| [06:18] | – You wanted to see me? – Oh, Helen. | -您叫我吗 -哦 海婶 |
| [06:20] | Helen, Helen, Helen, you cripply old hobbler. Come on over here. | 海婶 海婶 老瘸子 过来 |
| [06:23] | Helen, it appears as if it was | 海婶 好像是 |
| [06:26] | Timothy here | 这位小炯炯 |
| [06:27] | who was the responsible party for that awful prank. | 跟你开了那个糟糕的玩笑 |
| [06:32] | Why would you do such a thing? | 你为什么要这么做 |
| [06:35] | – Why? – Why? | -为什么 -为什么 |
| [06:37] | I just thought in light of your recent surgery… | 我只是考虑到最近你做了手术 |
| [06:39] | – Yes? -…it might lighten the mood a little | -然后呢 -你回来后 |
| [06:42] | if you came back and found your cubicle | 看到办公室贴着鸡鸡和胸胸的图片 |
| [06:45] | plastered with, you know, | 也许会 |
| [06:48] | penises and– and– and boobs. | 让你开心点 |
| [06:52] | Just people screwing. I thought that would be funny. | 还有爱爱的图 我以为会很有意思 |
| [06:55] | It’s so out of character for the office. | 跟办公室的风格很不一样 |
| [06:57] | – Are you crazy or what? – It is funny. | -你是疯了还是咋 -有意思 |
| [06:59] | You could’ve gotten me a welcome-back teddy bear. | 你可以送个欢迎我回来的泰迪熊 |
| [07:03] | – I didn’t think of that. – Or a balloon. | -我没想到 -气球也可以 |
| [07:05] | – A balloon? – Balloon saying, “Welcome Back Helen.” | -气球 -写着”欢迎海婶回来” |
| [07:08] | Really simple stuff. | 这么简单的事 |
| [07:10] | – Good idea. – Live and learn. Live and learn. | -好主意 -活到老学到老 |
| [07:13] | Let me make it up to you. | 我可以补偿你 |
| [07:14] | Is there anything I could possibly do at this point? | 现在我有什么能帮你的吗 |
| [07:17] | – You know, there is one thing. – Yeah? | -还真有 -什么事 |
| [07:19] | In my condition, I’m so weak. | 我身子还很虚弱 |
| [07:21] | I can’t teach my Sunday school class. | 不能给主日学校的学生上课 |
| [07:24] | – You want me to teach it? – Mmm-hmm. | -你想让我代课 -是的 |
| [07:26] | That’d be great. I’d love that. | 好啊 我喜欢 |
| [07:28] | All right. That’s wonderful. Thank you. | 太好了 谢谢你 |
| [07:30] | – All is forgiven. – Fantastic. | -我不怪你了 -好极了 |
| [07:33] | This is great. No hard feelings. | 这样很好 没人受伤害 |
| [07:34] | We’re all friends again. | 大家又是朋友了 |
| [07:36] | And certainly no pending sexual-harassment lawsuits. | 以后当然也不会告你性骚扰 |
| [07:40] | Back to work. | 回去工作吧 |
| [07:42] | – Timbo. – Oh, hey, Father. | -小炯炯 -嘿 神父 |
| [07:44] | Haven’t seen you since the baptism. | 洗礼后就没见你了 |
| [07:46] | – That’s right. That was fun. – That was fun. | -是啊 洗礼很有意思 -没错 |
| [07:48] | You remember you jerked off in the bathroom? | 还记得你在厕所手淫吗 |
| [07:50] | – I do. I remember. – That’s right. | -当然记得 -是啊 |
| [07:52] | But, uh, this is your church? This is where you work now? | 这是你的教堂吗 你在这工作 |
| [07:55] | Oh no, it’s not mine. It’s God’s. | 教堂不是我的 是上帝的 |
| [07:57] | Anyway, I’m just here part time. | 我在这兼职 |
| [07:59] | Just a part-time priest. | 兼职神父 |
| [08:00] | Yeah, well, they want me to lay off the sermons | 是啊 他们想让我停止布道一段时间 |
| [08:02] | until my drinky drinky is under control. | 直到我戒酒为止 |
| [08:04] | – That makes sense. – When you start giving communion, Tim, | -合情合理 -喝几杯再恳谈的话 |
| [08:07] | with shots of Jager, it’s time to reel it in. | 说着说着就把别人绕进去了 |
| [08:09] | That’s when you’ve got to reel it in. | 你就是这样把别人绕进去的 |
| [08:11] | That’s when you know as a priest, reel it in. | 神父不就是这样吗 把别人绕晕 |
| [08:14] | All right, well, I guess I’ll be in with the kids if you need me. | 好吧 我去陪陪孩子们 |
| [08:17] | That sounds great. Let me know how that goes. | 不错啊 有问题告诉我 |
| [08:23] | Hey, little guys. I’m Tim. | 小家伙们 我是小炯 |
| [08:26] | – Hey. – Hi. | -嘿 -嗨 |
| [08:29] | Not a very warm welcome. | 不怎么欢迎我 |
| [08:31] | – What are you gonna read? – Yeah. | -你要给我们读什么 -是啊 |
| [08:33] | – What am I gonna read? – Yeah. Mm-hmm. | -我要读什么 -对啊 |
| [08:35] | I guess the Bible, right? Where do you guys– | 读圣经吧 你们 |
| [08:38] | where do you keep those things? | 你们把书放哪了 |
| [08:40] | Mrs. J. brings the Bible. | 海婶会带书来 |
| [08:43] | – She brings it? – In her purse. | -她会带吗 -装在包里 |
| [08:46] | Seems like a key piece of information to leave out. | 这条被忽略的信息很关键啊 |
| [08:50] | Mrs. J. always reads to us. | 海婶一直读给我们听 |
| [08:52] | You’ve made that point very clear. Um… | 我知道了 |
| [08:53] | Are you gonna read? | 你要读吗 |
| [08:55] | You know what? Give me a minute. | 失陪一下 |
| [08:58] | – Father. – Timbo. | -神父 -炯宝 |
| [08:59] | I got a problem. There are no Bibles in this church. | 有个问题 教堂里没有圣经 |
| [09:02] | – So? – So? | -所以呢 -所以呢 |
| [09:04] | I got to read something to these kids. | 我得给孩子们读点什么 |
| [09:06] | Read anything, Tim. They’re children. | 什么都行 小炯 孩子而已 |
| [09:08] | They don’t understand what you’re saying. | 不会明白你在说什么的 |
| [09:10] | No, these kids are pretty sharp. | 不 他们很聪明的 |
| [09:12] | No, they’re not. Trust me. | 不会的 相信我 |
| [09:13] | Just read from a Wheat Thins box, they’ll be enthralled. | 读读小麦薄片盒上的字 他们会着迷的 |
| [09:16] | “Ooh, wheat.” That’s what they’ll say. | 他们会说 哦 小麦 |
| [09:18] | – Just read? – Just read whatever you got, Tim. | -这样都行 -怎样都行 小炯 |
| [09:20] | – Whatever I got? – Whatever’s in your bag, just read it. | -什么都行 -随便念念你包里的东西 |
| [09:25] | All right, guys. Change of plans. | 好了孩子们 计划有变 |
| [09:27] | We don’t have any Bibles. | 我们没有圣经 |
| [09:29] | So we’re just gonna go ahead | 我们就读读 |
| [09:31] | and read from “Maxim” Magazine. | 《风度》杂志吧 |
| [09:34] | A publication for men. | 男性读物 |
| [09:37] | Today’s story is entitled, | 今天的故事题目是 |
| [09:38] | “The 40 Hottest Babes on the Planet,” | 全球40大性感尤物 |
| [09:42] | compiled by staff editor Randy Goldstein. | 由兰迪·戈德斯坦编制 |
| [09:44] | Does it have to do anything with God? | 这跟上帝有什么关系吗 |
| [09:48] | I can’t imagine how it’s gonna come around to that. | 难以想象结局会怎样 |
| [09:50] | It’s really just about the babes and their– | 这只是在说尤物和她们的 |
| [09:52] | I’ll just get into it. I’ll just get into it. | 让我读完 让我读完 |
| [09:54] | “Number 40: Scarlett Johansson. | 第40名 斯嘉丽·约翰逊 |
| [09:57] | Check out Scarlett eating hot dogs at Coney lsland. | 围观斯嘉丽在科尼岛吃热狗 |
| [10:00] | If you ask us, that rack of hers | 要是你问我们的话 |
| [10:03] | is one thing that does not get ‘Lost in Translation.”‘ | 她的胸器可没有在东京迷失 |
| [10:03] | 《迷失东京》：斯嘉丽的代表电影 2012《复仇者联盟》中扮演黑寡妇 | |
| [10:08] | Is that the whole story? | 这就完了吗 |
| [10:09] | No, but it’s not going to get any better. | 没有 不过下面的故事也不会好到哪去 |
| [10:12] | I don’t understand what this is about. | 我不知道这在讲什么 |
| [10:15] | It doesn’t make any sense. | 狗屁不通 |
| [10:16] | You know what doesn’t make sense? | 你知道什么才是狗屁不通吗 |
| [10:18] | Natalie Portman at number 22. | 娜塔莉·波特曼居然只排第22 |
| [10:21] | How is she not top five? | 她怎么没进前五 |
| [10:22] | Who’s Natalie Portman? | 娜塔莉·波特曼是谁 |
| [10:24] | Who is she? | 她是谁 |
| [10:26] | You didn’t see “V for Vendetta”? | 你们没看过《V字仇杀队》吗 |
| [10:29] | She’s in that Wes Anderson thing. | 她演过维斯·安德森的电影 |
| [10:32] | The short where she’s nude. | 她裸体出镜的那部 |
| [10:37] | Look, it’s her. | 看 这就是她 |
| [10:46] | Hey, bud, how was Sunday school today? | 孩子 今天的课上得怎么样 |
| [10:48] | Tim told us that there’s these | 小炯告诉我们 |
| [10:51] | hottest babes on the planet. | 全球的性感尤物 |
| [10:53] | They weren’t really naked, | 她们没有全裸 |
| [10:55] | but you could see the boob come through. | 不过可以看见她们露出来的胸 |
| [11:00] | So, sweetie, did you hear a good story today? | 宝贝 今天在学校听了什么好故事吗 |
| [11:02] | When I grow up, I think I want to be– | 我长大以后 想当 |
| [11:06] | I think I want to go lesbian. | 我想当拉拉 |
| [11:09] | Oh my. | 我的天 |
| [11:10] | – Mommy? – Yes, sweetheart. | -妈咪 -怎么了 甜心 |
| [11:12] | My wiener’s going crazy and it won’t stop. | 我的小帐篷消不下去了 |
| [11:21] | In my defense, | 容我辩解一下 |
| [11:23] | what kind of church doesn’t have a Bible? | 哪有教堂里没《圣经》的 |
| [11:38] | Wow, a Rolex. That’s amazing. | 哇 劳力士 好漂亮 |
| [11:41] | – It’s my dream watch. – Wow. | -我梦寐以求的表 -哇 |
| [11:43] | Well, I figured it’s the big 5-0, so why not? | 我想 这是他50大寿 就买吧 |
| [11:45] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [11:47] | Dad, I think Tim got you something too. | 老爸 小炯也给你带礼物了 |
| [11:50] | Oh, how nice. | 真好 |
| [11:53] | Just a little– a little something. | 不起眼的礼物 |
| [11:55] | I put it all in the same bag | 我把它们都放在一个包里 |
| [11:58] | – That’s very thoughtful. – to contain it. | -真细心 -装着 |
| [12:01] | – Tim, give him the present. – Thank you, Tim. | -小炯 给他礼物 -谢谢 小炯 |
| [12:02] | – All right, here it is. – Let’s see. | -好吧 给 -我看看 |
| [12:06] | – Is this, um… – That’s a pen. | -是不是 -一支笔 |
| [12:09] | Yes. | 是啊 |
| [12:10] | And a highlighter. | 还有支荧光笔 |
| [12:14] | The theme is everything for the working dad. | 都是工作用的 |
| [12:17] | There are Post-it notes there. | 还有便签贴纸 |
| [12:19] | Yeah, you got some of those.. | 是啊 送给你的 |
| [12:22] | Speechless? | 说不出话了 |
| [12:24] | Tim, did you steal this stuff from work? | 小炯 这些是你上班时偷来的吗 |
| [12:26] | Steal? No. I didn’t steal the gift. | 偷 没有 不是偷来的 |
| [12:28] | – You came here straight from work. – Yeah. | -你下了班直接过来的 -是啊 |
| [12:31] | And these are office supplies. | 这些都是办公用品 |
| [12:37] | Yeah. I’m not– don’t know where you’re going with this. | 是啊 我不知道你想说什么 |
| [12:40] | I can’t believe you stole my dad’s present. | 我不敢相信你给我爸的礼物是偷来的 |
| [12:43] | Well, Amy, they could have a gift shop. | 小美 他们应该有礼品店 |
| [12:46] | – You guys have a gift shop? – No. | -你们有个礼品店吗 -没有 |
| [12:47] | But why are we talking about theft at a nice dinner? | 为啥我们要在美好的晚餐时刻讨论偷窃呢 |
| [12:51] | Folks, the point is, I absolutely love my Rolex. | 伙计们 我想说 我喜欢这块劳力士 |
| [12:54] | And I’ll be able to get plenty of good use | 不论这些办公用品 |
| [12:57] | out of the office supplies | 到底是不是偷来的 |
| [12:59] | that ultimately may or may not have been stolen. | 我都会好好用的 |
| [13:07] | Oh, man. I need help here. | 伙计 帮我个忙 |
| [13:09] | I got to get another birthday gift for Amy’s dad. | 我要给小美的老爸再送份礼物 |
| [13:11] | – Right. – What’s thoughtful but costs nothing? | -这样 -什么东西又好又不花钱 |
| [13:15] | Um, loyalty? | 呃 忠诚 |
| [13:17] | No, something– maybe I’ll sculpt something, | 不行 要实物 也许我能用木头 |
| [13:20] | whittle something out of wood. | 刻点什么 |
| [13:21] | I got something. You’d owe me huge big time, | 有了 这下你要欠我一大份人情了 |
| [13:24] | – but I might have a solution. – Let’s hear it. | -我有个主意 -说来听听 |
| [13:26] | All right, you know my dad. He has Giants season tickets. | 你知道我爹吧 他有巨人队这赛季的票 |
| [13:29] | And he has two extra tickets for Sunday. Giants-Eagles. | 周日巨人对猎鹰还剩两张 |
| [13:32] | Are you joking? That’s amazing. | 真的吗 太棒了 |
| [13:34] | Her dad’s from Philadelphia. He loves the Eagles. | 他老爸是费城人 喜欢猎鹰队 |
| [13:36] | You and Amy’s dad come with me and my dad. | 你和小美老爸跟我和我爸来看 |
| [13:38] | – We have an afternoon out. – That’s amazing. | -玩一个下午 -好棒 |
| [13:41] | You understand how big of a favor this would be? | 你知道这下欠我的人情有多大了吧 |
| [13:43] | I do. How can I repay you? | 知道 我要怎么还你 |
| [13:45] | – Uh, I got something. – Let’s hear it. | -呃 有了 -说来听听 |
| [13:48] | I want Amy to call and say goodnight to me | 我要小美每周至少打三次电话给我 |
| [13:50] | – at least three times a week. – No. | -跟我说晚安 -不行 |
| [13:52] | Here’s exactly the words I want her to say | 我想让她跟我说 |
| [13:54] | “Hey, baby, sleep well. I’m thinking about you.” | 宝贝 好梦 我在想你 |
| [13:57] | – Okay? – No. | -行吗 -不行 |
| [13:58] | This was a generous offer a second ago. | 本来你要给我票还挺不错的 |
| [14:01] | – Yeah. – Then it got weird. | -是啊 -然后就变味了 |
| [14:07] | – Tim, this is a great present. – Tell me about it. | -小炯 这礼物太赞了 -那当然 |
| [14:10] | – My dad is gonna love these tickets. – I hope so. | -我爸会喜欢的 -但愿吧 |
| [14:12] | – He’s the biggest Eagles fan. – I know. | -他是猎鹰队的粉丝 -我知道 |
| [14:14] | It’s a thoughtful gift. Thoughtful and expensive. Oh yeah. | 这礼物很花工夫的 还很贵重 |
| [14:18] | It’s just really really sweet of you. | 你真是太贴心了 |
| [14:20] | You know, I just want your dad to like me. | 我只想让你爸喜欢我 |
| [14:23] | Who said he doesn’t like you? | 谁说他不喜欢你了 |
| [14:24] | – He said it. And your mom agreed. – He did? | -他说的 你老妈也说过 -是吗 |
| [14:28] | At dinner, remember he said, | 还记得吃饭的时候 他说 |
| [14:29] | “Amy, I think you can do much better”? | 小美 你能找个更好的 |
| [14:31] | Maybe he meant something else. | 可能他不是那个意思 |
| [14:33] | He was looking at me. He was looking at me. | 他在看我 他在看我 |
| [14:34] | – Could have been the food. – No, he pointed at me. | -是在说菜吧 -不是 他指着我呢 |
| [14:36] | Remember he said, “I don’t care for this guy”? | 他说 我才不管这小子呢 |
| [14:38] | – Right. – Anyway, on a completely unrelated note, | -是啊 -我有个事要你帮忙 |
| [14:42] | could you call Stu later tonight and just say, | 今晚你能给司徒打电话吗 |
| [14:44] | – “Hey, baby, time for bed”? – Excuse me? | -就说 宝贝 该睡觉了 -什么 |
| [14:48] | Wow, this is great, Tim. | 太好了 小炯 |
| [14:51] | You know how much I love my Eagles. | 我爱死猎鹰了 |
| [14:53] | I think I’ve outdone myself. This is a generous, thoughtful gift. | 我小宇宙爆发了 真是个周到的好礼物 |
| [14:56] | – It really is. – Let’s just have a fun day. | -确实是 -我们好好玩玩吧 |
| [14:58] | Get to know each other. | 互相了解 |
| [14:59] | I’m really looking forward to meeting your friends. | 好想见见你朋友 |
| [15:02] | Yeah, my friends are coming. I figured I’d treat the whole gang. | 是啊 他们马上到 我请你们 |
| [15:05] | – Oh, this is amazing, Tim. – Wait, is that them? | -太棒了小炯 -等等 是他们吗 |
| [15:07] | If any Philly fans want to suck my cock, | 有哪个费城粉想吃我的香肠吗 |
| [15:11] | now’s the time. Come and get it. | 来吧 吃一口 |
| [15:14] | Suck it down, Philly. Get a mouthful of urine. | 吞下去 费城粉 来口尿吧 |
| [15:18] | Um, are those your friends? | 他们是你朋友吗 |
| [15:21] | Yeah. Yeah, that’s them. | 是啊 就是他们 |
| [15:24] | Hey, guys. How you doing? | 伙计们 还好吗 |
| [15:26] | Hey, guys. Sorry we’re late. | 嘿 伙计 抱歉来晚了 |
| [15:27] | Amy’s dad, Stu. | 这是小美爸 司徒 |
| [15:29] | Hey, Amy’s father. I’m Stu. | 小美爸 我是司徒 |
| [15:32] | Oh God. | 上帝啊 |
| [15:33] | – I see. – Uh, listen, guys. | -幸会 -听着 伙计们 |
| [15:36] | – What up? – Can I talk to you real quick? | -怎么了 -能跟你说句话吗 |
| [15:37] | You want to do a little side chat? | 你想私下聊吗 |
| [15:39] | Listen, guys, that was embarrassing. | 你们刚说的话太囧了 |
| [15:41] | – Amy’s father is from Philadelphia. – Awkward. | -小美爸是费城人 -囧 |
| [15:44] | So if we could tone down the anti-Philly rhetoric, | 别那么大声说反费城的话 |
| [15:47] | I think everyone would win. | 大家都是赢家 |
| [15:48] | – But, Tim. – Yeah? | -但是 小炯 -怎么 |
| [15:50] | – Why else would I come to a game? – What does that even mean? | -那我还来看比赛干吗 -什么意思 |
| [15:52] | I’m here to insult people, to yell cock. | 我是来骂人的 来鸡讽人的 |
| [15:55] | I can’t yell cock at work. | 上班的时候我可不能鸡讽人 |
| [15:57] | One time I yelled cock and people said, “What are you yelling?” | 有一次我一叫 别人问 你在叫什么 |
| [15:59] | I said cock. They said, “Don’t do that.” I almost got fired. | 我说鸡 他们说别这样 我差点被炒 |
| [16:02] | Please, this is my girlfriend’s father. | 拜托 这是我女友的老爸 |
| [16:05] | I’m trying to make a good impression here. | 我想给他留个好印象 |
| [16:07] | Fine. Fine, I’m there with you, Tim. | 好吧 不为难你了 小炯 |
| [16:09] | I want you to make a good impression. | 我想让你给他留个好印象 |
| [16:11] | Watch me take care of things. | 看我的吧 |
| [16:12] | I got to say, I appreciate it. | 真感谢你 |
| [16:14] | – Listen, Amy’s father. – Yes. | -听着 小美爸 -怎么 |
| [16:15] | I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. | 我们不该那么说话 |
| [16:18] | I couldn’t agree more. | 我再同意不过了 |
| [16:19] | All I was trying to say is that I’m not | 我想说的只是 |
| [16:22] | a big fan of the Eagles. I prefer the Giants. | 我不是猎鹰粉 我喜欢巨人 |
| [16:25] | And I live here in New York, so… | 我住纽约 |
| [16:27] | Thank you. That’s very big of you. | 谢谢你 你人真好 |
| [16:29] | Why don’t we shake and let’s let bygones be bygones? | 来握个手吧 过去的事就别再提了 |
| [16:33] | I appreciate the gesture. | 很高兴我们握手言和了 |
| [16:34] | I guess that’s just the way New Yorkers are– | 纽约人应该就是这样的吧 |
| [16:36] | a little rough around the edges. | 性格比较直率 |
| [16:38] | – Start with a clean slate. – Oh, good heavens. | -重新开始 -哦 我的天 |
| [16:41] | He’s urinating on my foot! | 他在我脚上尿尿 |
| [16:42] | – No no. – Oh no, am I doing that? | -哦 不 -我有吗 |
| [16:45] | What happened to toning it down? | 不是说了态度要好点吗 |
| [16:48] | I got to tell you something. I can’t believe it myself. | 跟你们说 我也不相信自己 |
| [16:51] | We’re as surprised as you guys are by this turn of events. | 你居然做出这种事 我们也很惊讶 |
| [16:56] | Okay, let’s put that behind us and let’s get some beers. | 好了 忘记过去 来点啤酒吧 |
| [16:59] | Birthday beers. | 生日啤酒 |
| [17:00] | Timothy, your friend just urinated on my foot. | 小炯炯 你朋友在我脚上尿尿 |
| [17:03] | He’s just kidding. I mean, he’s got a dry sense of humor. | 他开玩笑的 他只是有点冷幽默 |
| [17:06] | Hey, lady. Yeah, you with the Eagles hat. | 小妞 就你 戴猎鹰帽子的 |
| [17:09] | You’re retarded. | 你脑子没发育吧 |
| [17:11] | He’s like Bob Newhart, this guy. | 这家伙跟鲍勃·纽哈特一样 |
| [17:13] | Oh, hold on a second. Hold on. | 等等 等等 |
| [17:14] | – Amy. – Hey, Tim. Are you guys having fun? | -小美 -小炯 你们玩得开心吗 |
| [17:17] | – Are we having fun? – No. | -我们玩得开心吗 -不开心 |
| [17:19] | – What do you mean by that? – Is my dad there? | -你说这是啥意思 -那是我爸吗 |
| [17:21] | He’s here. What are you calling for? | 是啊 有事吗 |
| [17:24] | – I want to see how it’s going. – I don’t understand the nature of the call. | -想看你们玩得咋样 -不懂你啥意思 |
| [17:27] | – Tell her not having any fun. – Was that my dad? | -跟她说我们很不开心 -那是我爸吗 |
| [17:29] | – Yeah, he’s having a blast. – Oh, good. | -是啊 他开心着呢 -真好 |
| [17:31] | Yeah, it’s a generous gift. | 是啊 很棒的礼物 |
| [17:32] | Tell her a man urinated on my foot. | 告诉她有个人尿我脚上了 |
| [17:34] | – What did he say? – My sock’s wet with another man’s piss. | -他说啥 -我袜子上都是别人的尿 |
| [17:38] | I don’t know what he’s saying. | 我不知道他在说什么 |
| [17:39] | I think he said, “Happy birthday to me.” | 可能在说 祝我生日快乐 |
| [17:41] | – What? – It’s crazy here. What a time. | -什么 -这儿真热闹 一场狂欢 |
| [17:43] | What a great day. I’ll talk to you later. | 多美好的一天 待会再打给你 |
| [17:45] | Pissed on my foot! | 尿在我脚上 |
| [17:54] | All right, game time. | 好了 游戏时间 |
| [17:56] | You having a happy birthday? | 生日过得开心吗 |
| [17:57] | – I’m curious, Timothy. – Yeah? | -我很疑惑 小炯炯 -怎么 |
| [17:59] | Why did you invite the apes? | 你干吗邀请这些野蛮人 |
| [18:02] | I’m just generous. That’s just my nature. | 我是好人 这是我天性 |
| [18:05] | To include everyone. | 大家一起玩 |
| [18:06] | Listen, they’re good guys. | 他们人很好的 |
| [18:08] | You got to just get to know them. | 你得试着了解他们 |
| [18:10] | Now that we’re sitting, at this point it’s all about football. | 我们坐好了 现在是橄榄球时间 |
| [18:13] | Now their eyes are on the field. | 他们都盯着赛场 |
| [18:14] | Hey, Philly. You might be from Philadelphia, | 嘿 费城粉 你是费城来的吧 |
| [18:17] | but this is my dad’s ass. | 这是我爸的屁股 |
| [18:21] | Okey-dokey. | 好吧 |
| [18:22] | – Uh, Tim? – Yeah? | -小炯 -咋了 |
| [18:24] | Thank you for ruining my birthday. | 谢谢你毁了我生日 |
| [18:26] | I’m gonna finish my beer and go. | 我喝完啤酒就走 |
| [18:28] | Come on, don’t blame me for what these guys are doing. | 别啊 他们在做什么可不关我事 |
| [18:30] | – They’re their own guys. – You do have a point. | -他们不是我 -有道理 |
| [18:34] | Yeah, judge me based on what I do or what I say, | 你该根据我的所作所为评价我 |
| [18:37] | the generous gifts that I give. | 我送的好礼 |
| [18:39] | Well, how about this? I’ll take a breather, | 你看这样如何 我去休息一下 |
| [18:42] | I’ll go get us a couple of hot dogs | 买些热狗 |
| [18:44] | and we’ll come back and see how things go from there. | 再回来看比赛 |
| [18:46] | You know what? I love that idea. | 好啊 我喜欢 |
| [18:48] | Why don’t you let it be my treat | 我来请客吧 |
| [18:50] | and why don’t we make it Philly cheese steaks? | 来点费城芝士条 |
| [18:52] | Now you’re talking Philly style. | 你在说费式小吃 |
| [18:54] | Philly style. Let’s eat it up. | 费式小吃 我们来把它吃光 |
| [18:55] | You know what, Tim? You may do a lot of things | 小炯 你做的很多事 |
| [18:58] | that make you look like a total jackass, | 都让我觉得你是个混球 |
| [19:01] | but deep down I think your heart’s in the right place. | 但我觉得你的心地是好的 |
| [19:03] | Thank– thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [19:05] | You are welcome. | 别客气 |
| [19:07] | All right, let’s just enjoy the game. | 好了 好好看比赛吧 |
| [19:10] | Beautiful day. Breezy and beautiful. | 多好的一天 微风拂面 天气宜人 |
| [19:14] | Uh-oh, what time is it? Time to feel the fresh air on our bodies. | 几点了 该去呼吸点新鲜空气了 |
| [19:18] | Oh yeah. | 是啊 |
| [19:20] | – That’s impressive – Thank you, thank you. | -画得真好 -多谢 多谢 |
| [19:22] | – This is how men act. – This is how they act? | -男人就该这样 -男人就该这样吗 |
| [19:25] | – Yeah. – I got to say, you know what? | -是啊 -我想说 |
| [19:27] | This is a good chance to kiss up to Amy’s dad. | 这是给小美爸留下好印象的好机会 |
| [19:29] | – Any chance I could get in on this? – Are you kidding? | -我也想在身上画 -开什么国际玩笑 |
| [19:32] | You know what? I don’t usually do it for people just randomly. | 我可不随便为别人画 |
| [19:36] | It’s something that’s well thought out. | 都是经过深思熟虑的 |
| [19:37] | But I’ll tell you something. | 告诉你吧 |
| [19:39] | I’ve been tough on the old man. | 我对那老家伙不大好 |
| [19:40] | I peed on his shoes. I’ve been saying profanities. | 在他鞋上尿尿 还骂他 |
| [19:44] | I’ve been a little out of control as far as he’s concerned. | 他觉得我有点太过分了 |
| [19:47] | As far as I’m concerned, son, I’ve toned it down. | 儿子 我觉得自己已经很低调了 |
| [19:49] | – Like an angel. – That’s correct. | -像个天使 -没错 |
| [19:51] | Now let me tell you something. | 告诉你 |
| [19:52] | For you I’m gonna do it. | 我会帮你画的 |
| [19:54] | – With a Philly–? – Philly, yeah. | -写个费城 -费城 对啊 |
| [19:56] | – “Philly number one.” – We got some green and white. | -费城第一 -我们有绿漆和白漆 |
| [19:59] | Philly rules. | 费城是王道 |
| [20:01] | – Hand me the paint. – Here you go. | -把油漆给我 -给 |
| [20:03] | I cannot wait to see the guy’s face. | 好想看他的表情 |
| [20:06] | You got a fantastic chest for painting. | 你的胸脯很适合画画 |
| [20:08] | – Really? – It’s nice and flat. | -是吗 -又好看又平坦 |
| [20:11] | Here we go, and done. Take a look. | 好了 看看吧 |
| [20:14] | What? No no no no. | 什么 不不不 |
| [20:15] | – Yeah. – That’s not Philly rules. | -好了 -不是费城是王道 |
| [20:17] | – Not even close. – What are you doing? | -意思差远了 -你什么意思 |
| [20:19] | I just thought you wanted Philly in there somewhere. | 还以为你想让费迷帮你把那里吃掉呢 |
| [20:20] | – This is a living hell. – All righty, kiddo. | -真是活见鬼了 -好了 孩子 |
| [20:23] | – Oh no. – Two cheese steaks and a– what? | -哦不 -两份芝士条和 什么 |
| [20:27] | – Can I explain this? – “Suck it, Philly”? | -我能解释吗 -舔鸡巴吧 费城 |
| [20:29] | “It” means penis and that’s why there’s an arrow pointing to it. | 是说里面的香肠 所以有个箭头指着 |
| [20:33] | – Timothy. – I don’t think that needed further explanation. | -小炯炯 -那没必要解释了吧 |
| [20:36] | Excuse me. I just want to say me and the rest of the guys | 打扰下 我和其他穿蓝衣服的伙伴 |
| [20:38] | in the blue seats up there saw your funny body | 在上面看到你的彩绘了 |
| [20:41] | and we just wanted to say | 我们想说 |
| [20:43] | that it’s hilariously inspirational to us. | 那非常搞笑 很鼓舞人心 |
| [20:45] | And I think it’s time for a little | 该喊一喊 |
| [20:47] | “Suck it, Philly.” | 舔鸡巴吧 费城 |
| [20:49] | – Oh yeah. – No, let’s not chant it. | -就这样 -别唱了 |
| [20:52] | Suck it, Philly. | 舔鸡巴吧 费城 |
| [20:54] | Suck it, Philly. | 舔鸡巴吧 费城 |
| [20:58] | Suck it, Philly. | 舔鸡巴吧 费城 |
| [21:03] | It’s been a great weekend. | 这个周末过得真好 |
| [21:04] | It’s been a wonderful weekend. | 过得太好了 |
| [21:05] | I loved that restaurant last night. | 我喜欢昨天那家餐厅 |
| [21:07] | Oh, isn’t it nice? Judy recommended that to me. | 很不错吧 朱迪推荐的 |
| [21:10] | I hope the guys are having fun at the game. | 希望他们比赛看得开心 |
| [21:12] | Oh, sweetie, how could they not? | 宝贝 他们怎么会不开心呢 |
| [21:15] | You know, it looks like the Eagles are winning, | 猎鹰好像要赢了 |
| [21:17] | so your father just must be in heaven. What’s that? | 你爸肯定高兴坏了 那是什么 |
| [21:21] | Look at that guy down there. This is crazy. | 看看那家伙 太疯狂了 |
| [21:23] | He’s not only telling everybody to suck on his schlong, | 他不仅要所有人来吃他的香肠 |
| [21:26] | but he has got an entire section chanting it with him. | 还让全区人跟他一起唱 |
| [21:30] | I mean, he’s got this whole stadium on fire. | 他点燃了整个体育馆 |
| [21:32] | Oh my God. | 我的上帝 |
| [21:33] | Maybe it’s not him. He looks a little short to be Ti– | 可能不是他 他比小炯矮一些 |
| [21:37] | That’s Tim. | 那就是小炯 |
| [21:39] | Oh shit, that is Tim. | 该死 是小炯 |
| [21:41] | You got to love these sick perverted sons of bitches | 你会爱上这些疯子的 |
| [21:44] | who come out here and just | 他们令整个体育馆 |
| [21:45] | shower an entire stadium with obscenities. | 沉浸在污言秽语中 |
| [21:48] | It’s just fun to see. | 真有意思 |