| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | I decided if I was gonna get my boobs done… | 所以我决定了 如果我去隆胸 |
| [00:03] | …I might as well go whole-hog, you know what I mean? | 也许会让我变得更”抢手” 你明白我说什么吗? |
| [00:06] | Yeah, I know what you mean. | 是的 我知道你什么意思 |
| [00:09] | They’re still pretty natural-Iooking, don’t you think? | 现在看上去还是很自然的 你不这么觉得吗? |
| [00:12] | They fooled me. | 你骗到我了 |
| [00:14] | Oh, yeah, gotta get right up on them before you can tell. | 对啊 在你发现不妥之前 我得赶快去做了 |
| [00:18] | I think they’re really gonna help me reach my career goals. | 我想这对我实现我的事业目标有帮助 |
| [00:22] | Do you remember what they were? | 你还记得是什么吗? |
| [00:24] | What what were? | 什么是什么? |
| [00:26] | My career goals. | 我的事业目标啊! |
| [00:29] | Yeah, sure. You wanna be an actress, right? | 是的 当然了 你想成为一名演员对吗? |
| [00:33] | No, silly. I wanna be a talk show host. | 才不是呢 傻瓜 我想当个脱口秀主持人 |
| [00:37] | Right. | 对哦 |
| [00:42] | Of course, what they don’t tell you is: Big boobies equal bad back. | 他们没告诉你的是”大胸部就等于背伤” |
| [00:46] | Say that three times fast. | 快速的说三遍 |
| [00:48] | -No,thank you. -Big boobies equal bad back. | -不用了 谢谢 -大胸部等于背伤 |
| [00:52] | Big boobies equal bad back. Big boobies equal bad back. | 大胸部等于背伤 大胸部等于背伤 |
| [00:57] | Get your skinny little butt in here, | 不论怎么我还是有美妙纤细的身躯的 |
| [00:59] | and I’ll interview you standing up. | 我的对手怎么还在外面站着 |
| [01:01] | I’ll be right there. | 我马上就进去 |
| [01:03] | Okay, we’re back. | 好吧 欢迎回来 |
| [01:05] | Now, let’s give a warm, soapy welcome to my next guest… | 让我们用一个热情的拥抱 来欢迎我下一个客人 |
| [01:08] | …and my close personal friend, Charlie Harper. | 和私人好友 查理·哈勃 |
| [01:19] | Hey. Where you off to? | 你去哪里? |
| [01:21] | I don’t know. Anywhere. | 不知道 随便哪里 |
| [01:25] | Charlie, the shower’s still running. | 查理 浴室水龙头还开着呢! |
| [01:34] | There you are. | 你来啦! |
| [01:40] | Charlie! Charlie, help me! | 查理 查理 来救我啊! |
| [01:43] | -What’s going on? -Nothing. Go watch TV. | -怎么回事? -没事 看电视去 |
| [01:47] | Yeah, right. | 想得美 |
| [01:59] | Well, I’m sorry, Alan, but who told you to go sticking your hand in my shower? | 抱歉 艾伦 但谁叫你把手伸进我的浴室里! |
| [02:04] | Oh, please. How can she sue you? You have no money. | 得了吧 她怎么告你 你又没钱! |
| [02:09] | Oh, boy. | 天哪! |
| [02:11] | Nothing. Just saw an old girlfriend. Talk to you later. | 没什么 只是看到一个以前的女朋友 晚点再和你聊 |
| [02:17] | Lisa? | 丽莎? |
| [02:19] | Oh, boy. | 天哪! |
| [02:21] | Charlie. I don’t believe it. | 查理! 真难以置信! |
| [02:24] | -You look great. -You too. | -你看上去真不错! -你也是! |
| [02:27] | Although if you’re taking votes, I prefer the brown sock to the beige one. | 不过如果你需要投票的话 我觉得棕色那只袜子比米色的好看 |
| [02:31] | What? Oh, I got kind of dressed in a hurry this morning. | 我今天早上匆匆忙忙穿的 |
| [02:35] | Really? Did somebody’s husband come home early? | 真的吗? 是谁的丈夫提前回家了吗? |
| [02:39] | Why do you always assume the worst? Can’t I just be hung-over? | 你怎么老是往坏处想 难道我就不能空窗吗 |
| [02:43] | Sorry. So how are you? | 对不起 那你怎么样? |
| [02:45] | Fine. I mean, you know, considering. | 很好 我是说 在思索… |
| [02:49] | And you? How’s married life? | 你怎么样呢? 结婚的生活怎么样? |
| [02:51] | Really great. Best decision I ever made. | 非常好 我做过的最好的决定 |
| [02:54] | You deserve all the happiness in the world… | 我很高兴 你应该得到这世上所有的幸福 |
| [02:56] | …and you found a guy who can give it. | 显然你找到了 那个可以给你幸福的男人 |
| [02:58] | -Thanks. That’s very sweet. | 谢谢 你真会说话 |
| [03:00] | I mean it sincerely. It warms my heart… | 我是说真的 真心诚意 这让我内心感觉温暖 |
| [03:02] | Okay, we broke up. | 够了 我们离婚了 |
| [03:05] | Oh, I am so, so sorry. Honestly. | 我真的真的很遗撼 真的 |
| [03:13] | -So, what happened? -None of your business. | -那发生了什么? -不关你的事 |
| [03:19] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [03:26] | I thought he was the sweetest guy in the world… | 我以为他是这世上最贴心的家伙 |
| [03:29] | …but after we got married, he changed. | 但是在我们结婚之后 他就变了 |
| [03:31] | He started drinking a lot, and lying around the house all day. | 他开始酗酒 整天躺在家里 |
| [03:34] | Oh, no. | 不是吧 |
| [03:37] | I caught him in the shower with some bimbo. | 然后我逮住他跟某个荡妇一起冲凉 |
| [03:39] | Some guys, huh? | 男人啊 |
| [03:41] | Yeah. If I wanted that kind of life, I could have stayed with you. | 是啊 如果我想要那样的生活 和你在一起就行了 |
| [03:45] | Good point. So, what are you doing for dinner? | 说得真好 一起吃晚饭怎样? |
| [03:49] | -You’re shameless. -Thank you. | -你还真不害臊 -谢谢 |
| [03:51] | -It’s not a compliment. -Whatever. | -这可不是赞美! -管他呢 |
| [03:53] | What are you doing for dinner? | 一起吃晚饭怎样? |
| [03:55] | Charlie, a lot has changed. | 查理 许多事情都变了 |
| [03:57] | I know. I’m older and wiser, | 我知道 我老了而且聪明了 |
| [03:59] | and you’re hot and on the rebound. | 你还是那么迷人 而且准备重新开始 |
| [04:02] | -Charlie. -Dinner tonight. | -查理! -今天一起吃晚餐 |
| [04:03] | I won’t take no for an answer. | 我可不接受否定的答复 |
| [04:06] | Hey, lady. Lady, you forgot your baby. | 女士 女士 你忘了你的孩子 |
| [04:09] | Charlie, it’s not her baby. | 查理 这不是她的孩子 |
| [04:13] | Shall we say 7? | 我们约7点? |
| [04:20] | Just out of curiosity, what the hell happened in your brother’s bathroom? | 只是好奇 你哥哥的浴室里到底发生了什么事? |
| [04:26] | -Nothing. -Dad was wrestling on the floor… | -没什么 -爸爸和个裸体女人 |
| [04:28] | …with a naked lady. | 在地板上玩摔跤 |
| [04:31] | The quiet ones are always the freaks. | 会咬人的狗还真是不会叫的 |
| [04:34] | -Jake, I was not wrestling. -But she was naked. | -杰克 那不是在玩摔跤 -但她是裸体的啊! |
| [04:37] | She was taking a shower, and I didn’t know. | 她正在洗澡 而我不知道她在那里 |
| [04:40] | When I reached to turn it off, she was startled. | 我伸手去关水龙头 她就被吓到了 |
| [04:42] | It was innocent and there’s no reason to tell your mother, understand? | 我完全是清白的 这绝对没有必要告诉你妈妈 明白吗? |
| [04:46] | Sure. By the way, you have to sign my math test. | 好吧 顺便说一下 你得在我的这个数学考试卷上签名 |
| [04:50] | Okay. D minus? Jake, how do you get a D minus? | 好的 D- 杰克 你怎么会只得D-? |
| [04:55] | How do you get wrapped in a shower curtain… | 我不知道 那你怎么会在浴室 |
| [04:58] | …with a naked lady? | 被一个正在洗澡的裸女抓进去的? |
| [05:01] | -Did you show this to your mother? -No. | -你给你妈妈看了这个吗? -没有 |
| [05:03] | -Why not? -I didn’t catch her doing anything. | -为什么没有? -我可没抓到她的把柄 |
| [05:10] | Okay, I’ll sign this. | 好吧 我会签名的 |
| [05:12] | But you are gonna go study so this won’t happen again. | 但是你得立刻回你房间学习 别再得这样的分数了 |
| [05:15] | All right, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. | 但期望和现实是有距离的 |
| [05:19] | If you want something from Dad, now’s a good time. | 如果你想敲诈我爸 就趁现在 |
| [05:24] | Oh, Alan, I am having the best day. | 艾伦 今天是我过的最棒的一天 |
| [05:28] | -Really? Do share it with me. -Remember Lisa? | -真的? 一定要和我分享一下啊! -还记得丽莎吗? |
| [05:32] | Oh, is that the girl who bitch-slapped me in your shower this morning? | 是今天早上把我抓进浴室 象疯子样打我的那个女孩吗? |
| [05:39] | No, that’s Meegan… | 不是 那是米根 |
| [05:42] | …or Megan or Sue. | 或是玛根或是…苏 |
| [05:48] | Lisa is the woman that I asked to marry, | 丽莎是那个我还蛮想和她结婚 |
| [05:49] | but she married this other guy instead. | 但她却和另一个家伙结婚了的女孩 |
| [05:52] | They’re divorced and we’re having dinner. Isn’t that great? | 她离婚了 我们今晚一起吃饭 这够美好的吧! |
| [05:55] | I’d applaud, but my hand was bitten earlier. | 我想鼓掌 但是我的手早先被咬伤了 |
| [05:59] | I’m sensing you’re upset? | 你不高兴啊 |
| [06:01] | Oh, no, no, no. Why would I be upset? | 没有没有 我有什么不高兴的 |
| [06:03] | I mean, besides the… The bite and the mild concussion… | 我是指 除了被咬 |
| [06:06] | …that I got from my head bouncing off your bathroom floor… | 和我脑袋撞到你浴室的地上 而导致的脑震荡之外 |
| [06:10] | …while your shower buddy was driving her knee into my groin. | 而你那浴友却把膝盖藏到花岗石下 |
| [06:14] | She wants to be a talk show host. I don’t see it. Not with that voice. | 她想当个脱口秀的主持人 我觉得就她那嗓音不行 |
| [06:18] | And to top it all off, my son saw me entwined on the floor… | 而最过分的事情是 我儿子看见我跟 |
| [06:22] | …with Meegan or Megan or Sue… | 米根 或玛根 或苏一起缠在地上 |
| [06:26] | …and is now blackmailing me. | 现在正勒索我呢! |
| [06:29] | Kid’s a genius. | 这小孩真是天才! |
| [06:33] | Anyway, here’s the wrinkle with Lisa. | 不管怎样 丽莎的郁闷之处在于… |
| [06:36] | She’s got a kid now. | 她现在有个孩子了 |
| [06:37] | I’m not sure where I’m at with having an instant family. | 而我不清楚 会不会立刻和她组建个家庭 |
| [06:40] | I’m sorry. Are we done with what’s bothering me? | 不好意思 我的麻烦都说完了吧? |
| [06:44] | I am. | 我是啊! |
| [06:48] | It’s like talking to a horny chimp. | 这像是在和 一只欲火焚身的黑猩猩说话! |
| [06:51] | Well, that was uncalled for. | 我从没被这么叫过! |
| [06:57] | -So, what do you think? -About what? | -你怎么认为? -关于什么? |
| [06:59] | Lisa, me, the kid. | 丽莎 我 还有那个孩子 |
| [07:02] | Okay, let’s see now. | 好 让我们回顾一下 |
| [07:04] | This is the same woman you’ve broken up… | 这就是那个跟你 |
| [07:06] | …and gotten back with for years, right? -Right. | 分分合合好几年的女人 对吗? -是的 |
| [07:09] | And she turned you down in order to marry somebody else? | 她为了要和别人结婚而甩了你 |
| [07:12] | -Yes. -And then the marriage fell apart… | -是的 -然后婚姻破裂了 |
| [07:14] | …and now she’s got his baby? -Yeah. | 她有了个孩子 -对 |
| [07:18] | Sounds perfect. Go for it. | 听起来好极了 上吧 |
| [07:23] | Okay, don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. | 别以为我不知道你在干吗! |
| [07:32] | Are you gonna be okay? | 你还好吧? |
| [07:35] | Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. | 是的 我很好 |
| [07:38] | It’s just nobody’s taken a crap in my car since college. | 只是大学后就没人在我车上拉屎了 |
| [07:44] | Don’t be such a baby. | 别这么孩子气! |
| [07:45] | Hey, tell her. | 对她说! |
| [07:48] | I’ll change her diaper while your car airs out. Then you can take us home. | 我帮她换尿布 等你车的臭气散了 你就可以带我们回家 |
| [07:52] | But what if it happens again? | 万一又出事了怎么办? |
| [07:54] | Don’t worry. I’ll hold her out the window till we arrive. | 别担心 在我们到达前 我会一直把她举在窗外 |
| [07:57] | Thank you. Can I make you a nightcap? | 谢谢 需要我去拿个奶罐子吗? |
| [08:00] | Charlie, I’m breastfeeding, remember? | 查理 我是母乳喂养的 还记得吗? |
| [08:02] | Oh, right, right. | 是的 是的 |
| [08:04] | And may I say, on behalf of myself, the mare d’… | 我代表我自己 和那些找借口路过我们桌子的 |
| [08:06] | …and the entire kitchen staff that found a reason to walk past our table: | 服务生 部门主管 还有整个厨房的员工对你说 |
| [08:10] | You’re doing a hell of a job. | 你做的真棒啊! |
| [08:17] | Look at what a good poopie you made. | 看看你拉了多棒的一坨便便啊! |
| [08:21] | Mommy’s gonna get you all cleaned up. | 妈妈会把你弄得干干净净的 |
| [08:29] | -Would you throw this away? -Sure. | -你帮我把这个扔了吧 -当然可以 |
| [09:14] | You didn’t throw that on the beach, did you? | 你不会是把那个扔到海滩上去了吧 |
| [09:17] | No, no. I threw it on my neighbor’s deck. | 才不是呢 我扔到邻居家甲板上去了 |
| [09:21] | Long story. He started it. | 说来话长 他先开始的 |
| [09:25] | -So how we doing? -All done. | -弄得怎么样了? -都弄好了 |
| [09:28] | Oh, good. | 那太好了 |
| [09:32] | Boy, you hear all these horror stories about screaming babies… | 我听过不少关于 哭泣宝宝的恐怖故事 |
| [09:35] | …but she’s not half bad. | 不过她也不差呢 |
| [09:38] | She’s my little angel. | 她是我的小天使 |
| [09:40] | Kind of weird, huh? You and me and a baby. | 有点怪怪的 你 我 还有孩子 |
| [09:44] | Yeah. | 是有点 |
| [09:46] | Not that the baby’s weird. It’s just the whole, you know, gestalt. | 不是孩子奇怪 是这整个…你知道的 哭泣声 |
| [09:56] | You are so sweet. | 你的嘴真甜 |
| [09:58] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [10:01] | Wanna go upstairs? | 想上楼去吗? |
| [10:04] | -No, I have to go home. -Why? | -不 我得回家了 -为什么 |
| [10:07] | What do you mean, why? I have a baby. | 什么为什么 我有个孩子啊! |
| [10:10] | Okay, she can stay too. | 好吧 她也能留下来 |
| [10:13] | I can’t spend the night. I didn’t bring enough diapers… | 我不能在这过夜 我没带够尿布 |
| [10:17] | …the bassinet. I don’t have a breast pump. | …没带够运动衫 还没带吸奶器 |
| [10:19] | So? We’ll do it the old-fashioned way. | 那又怎样 我们可以用古时候的方式嘛 |
| [10:22] | What are you gonna do, Charlie? Milk me? | 那你要怎么做啊 查理? 挤我的奶吗? |
| [10:26] | What kind of thing is that to say? | 这事说出来有点怪啊 |
| [10:28] | What makes you think I’m ready to jump back into bed with you? | 为什么你会认为 我会就这么跟你跳上床? |
| [10:32] | I don’t know. Because I’m sweet? | 不知道 因为我嘴甜? |
| [10:35] | You weren’t ready when I was single. | 查理 我单身的时候你都没准备好 |
| [10:37] | How are you gonna handle me and a baby? | 你说你能处理好我和孩子是多么不切实际啊! |
| [10:39] | Easy. I love babies, babies love me. | 简单 我喜欢孩子 孩子也喜欢我 |
| [10:41] | Look how good I get along with Jake. | 看我和杰克就能相处得多好 |
| [10:43] | Jake’s 11. | 杰克已经11岁了 |
| [10:45] | So? He was 10 when I met him. | 那又怎样 我遇到他的时候他才10岁呢 |
| [10:49] | Gosh, they grow so quickly, don’t they? | 唉 他长得可真快啊! |
| [10:52] | -Okay, look. If you’re serious… -I am. | -好吧 听着 如果你是认真的 -我是的 |
| [10:56] | come over tomorrow night to our place. | 明天晚上过来我这里 |
| [10:58] | I’ll make dinner, we’ll see what happens. | 我来做饭 看看会发生什么 |
| [11:00] | Or we go to your place now… | 或者 我们现在就去你那里 |
| [11:02] | …having already eaten, and see what happens. | 吃也吃过了 看看会发生什么 |
| [11:05] | Still incapable of delaying gratification, aren’t you? | 你还是江山易改本性难移 对吧 |
| [11:08] | No, no, no, I’ve grown. | 才不是呢 我已经成熟许多了 |
| [11:10] | I learned to put the needs of others before me. | 我已经懂得先人后己的道理了 |
| [11:12] | -Really? -Oh, yeah. Absolutely. | -真的吗? -当然是 |
| [11:14] | The old thoughtless, selfish Charlie is gone… | 以前那个不经思考的 自私的查理已经不在了 |
| [11:17] | …and I say good riddance to him. | 现在是个成熟理智的家伙了 |
| [11:20] | Now, come on. I’ll take you home. | 来吧 我送你回家 |
| [11:23] | -Charlie? -Yeah? | -查理 -在 |
| [11:25] | The baby. | 孩子 |
| [11:44] | This makes no sense. | 这没什么道理啊! |
| [11:45] | It’s math. It makes perfect sense. | 这是数学 有道理极了 |
| [11:48] | Well, then I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree. | 看来我只能表示 我是赞同你还是不赞同 |
| [11:52] | No, you just have to do the work. | 不是 你只能做你的作业 |
| [11:55] | Well, maybe I have a learning disability, or a syndrome of some sort. | 可能我是有点学习障碍 或者智商上的缺陷 |
| [12:00] | You don’t have a learning disability. You’re just lazy. | 你没有学习障碍 你只是懒 |
| [12:03] | Maybe that’s the syndrome. | 也许这就是缺陷 |
| [12:21] | See you later. And by “later,” I’m hoping tomorrow. | 待会见 我的”待会”希望是明天 |
| [12:24] | Is there anything in your shower I need to know about? | 你的浴室里还有什么我该注意的吗? |
| [12:30] | Oh, come on. That’s the most action you’ve had in months. | 别这样 那可是你这个月最刺激的事啊 |
| [12:34] | I have a loose tooth. | 我的牙松了 |
| [12:37] | Can’t you just be happy for me? The woman I love is back in my life. | 你就不能为我高兴吗 我爱的女人回到我身边了 |
| [12:40] | That’s great. I’m thrilled. I can’t eat apples. | 那很好啊 我真是太激动了 我不能吃苹果了 |
| [12:46] | I’ll bring you back some applesauce from Lisa’s. | 我会从丽莎那带点苹果酱回来的 |
| [12:50] | Her kid needs to lay off the fiber anyway. | 反正她宝宝也搞不定粗纤维 |
| [12:53] | Oh, yeah. How’s that working out? | 是的 你们处的怎样? |
| [12:56] | With the kid? She’s great. I love kids. | 和孩子? 她很棒 我喜欢孩子 |
| [12:59] | Really? Tell me. How many diapers have you changed so far? | 真的吗? 告诉我 你到现在为止换了多少次尿布? |
| [13:03] | Well, none, actually. But I am credited with an assist. | 实际上还没有 但是我很会评估(她是否需要换) |
| [13:08] | -Have you fed the baby? -No. | -你哄过那个孩子睡觉吗? -没有 |
| [13:10] | Dressed the baby? Bathed the baby? | 给孩子穿过衣服吗? 给孩子洗过澡? |
| [13:11] | -No. What’s your point, Alan? | 没有 你到底要说什么啊? |
| [13:13] | -Nothing. Have fun. -Thanks. | -没什么 玩的开心 -谢谢 |
| [13:17] | I intend to. | 我正有此意 |
| [13:22] | Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. | 别以为我不知道你在干吗! |
| [13:32] | -What was that? -Coyotes, Charlie. | -那是什么? -镇静点 查理 |
| [13:37] | Probably dropped her pacifier. I’ll be right back. | 她可能把奶嘴弄掉了 我去去就来 |
| [13:39] | -No, no, no. You stay. I’ll take care of it. -Really? | -不 你呆着 我来搞定 -真的吗? |
| [13:43] | Oh, yeah. No problem. I’m great with babies. | 是的 没问题 我对小宝贝很在行 |
| [13:48] | Pacifier is the little nipple thing, right? | 奶嘴是奶头那样的东西 对吧? |
| [13:51] | Be right back. | 我去去就来 |
| [13:57] | Hey, little baby, you decent? | 小宝贝 你还好吧 |
| [14:00] | Okay, here’s your pacifier, sweetie. | 好了 这是你的奶嘴 宝贝 |
| [14:03] | Not as good as the real thing, am I right? | 这没有真的爽 对吧 |
| [14:08] | Smells like one of us just crapped our pants. | 好像你的小屁股上有大便 |
| [14:12] | I sure hope it’s you. | 肯定是你拉的 |
| [14:14] | Let’s take a look. | 让我看一看 呃! |
| [14:19] | Charlie? You okay? | 查理 你可以吗? |
| [14:23] | -What? -Is everything okay? | -什么? -那边还好吧? |
| [14:26] | Oh, yeah. Just a little diaper issue. I can take care of it. | 是的 只是点尿片问题 我能搞定 |
| [14:30] | And then I’ll be back to take care of you. | 然后我再回来搞定你 |
| [14:37] | Okay. Let’s just take this thing off. | 好吧 我来把这东西拿掉 |
| [14:40] | Oh, sweet Lord. | 宝贝 额滴神呀 |
| [14:45] | Did you have Thai food for dinner, or what? | 你晚饭吃了泰国菜还是怎么 |
| [14:49] | Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps. | 天哪 随便哪人都比你拉的少啊! |
| [14:54] | Do you need any help? | 需要帮忙吗? |
| [14:58] | What? | 什么? |
| [15:00] | Do you need any help? | 需要帮忙吗? |
| [15:02] | No, we’re good. | 不 不用 我能弄好 |
| [15:09] | Okay. Now we wipe the tushy. | 好了 我来擦下你的小屁屁 |
| [15:14] | Sorry. It’s not you. It’s me. | 不好意思 不是因为你 是我 |
| [15:16] | Wipe it again. Third time’s the charm. | 再擦一下 好事不过三 |
| [15:21] | Little powder. Oh, that smells nice. | 再来点爽身粉 还挺好闻的 |
| [15:24] | Maybe a little powder for my tushy. Don ‘t tell your mommy. | 也该给我的屁屁来点爽身粉 别告诉你妈咪 |
| [15:31] | Charlie, I can hear you on the monitor. | 查理 我能通过监听器听到你 |
| [15:35] | Oh, right. | 对哦 |
| [15:37] | People of Earth… | 你说”你”是指”我们” (you可代表 你 和 你们) |
| [15:40] | … we mean you no harm. | 我们是说”你能听到我们” |
| [15:45] | See? This one is wrong, this is wrong. | 看看 这个错了 这个也错了 |
| [15:47] | Jake, you have to check your work. | 杰克 你得检查一下你的作业 |
| [15:49] | These are careless mistakes. | 都是些粗心的错误 |
| [15:51] | Maybe I’m not careless. Maybe I ate lead paint as a child. | 可能我不是粗心 我是儿童智障 |
| [15:56] | -Here. Do it again. -Fine. | -给你 再做一遍 -好吧 |
| [16:03] | Dad, are you and Mom related? | 爸爸 你和妈妈是亲戚吗? |
| [16:12] | I’m sorry. What? | 不好意思 你说什么? |
| [16:14] | Well, if you marry your cousin, your kids will be stupid, right? | 如果你和你表妹结婚了 你的小孩就会很笨对吧? |
| [16:20] | Jake, you’re not stupid, your mother’s not my cousin… | 杰克 你不是笨 你妈妈也不是我表妹 |
| [16:23] | …and you’re not going anywhere until you do your homework. | 而且除非你做完作业 否则你哪也去不了 |
| [16:28] | Like I have somewhere to go. | 我还有地方可去吗 |
| [16:32] | There we go. You were a hungry little girl. | 现在好了 你真是个饿坏了的小女孩 |
| [16:38] | Of course she was hungry. | 她当然饿啦! |
| [16:40] | She must of dropped half her body weight in that last diaper. | 她把一半体重拉在了上一块尿布上 |
| [16:46] | What a good burp. Wasn’t that a good burp, Charlie? | 这个嗝打得多棒啊 查理 这个嗝很棒吧 |
| [16:50] | Oh, yeah. Wait till you meet my nephew. | 要是你碰到我侄子 |
| [16:54] | He can belch the theme from Shaft. | 你可以跟他一较高下 |
| [16:58] | All right. Good night, sweetheart. | 好吧 晚安 宝贝 |
| [17:01] | Oh, there we go. | 开始吧 |
| [17:06] | Now, where were we? | 我们进行到哪了? |
| [17:10] | You know, I’m a little tired. Aren’t you tired? | 其实 我有点累了 你累吗? |
| [17:13] | -What’s wrong? -Nothing. | -怎么了? -没什么 |
| [17:16] | Was it the breastfeeding? Because in the restaurant, it turned you on. | 是因为喂奶吗? 但在饭店里它让你兴奋了 |
| [17:20] | I know, but there I wasn’t on deck. | 我知道 但那时却没有万事具备 |
| [17:24] | So you don’t wanna fool around? | 那你是说不想玩了吗 |
| [17:26] | It’s not that. I’m looking at the sexiest woman in the world… | 不是那样的 我看着世上最性感的女人 |
| [17:29] | …and all I can see is a Thermos. | 可到我脑子里就变成了热水瓶 |
| [17:33] | Charlie, there are things you do with your penis that aren’t exactly a turn-on. | 查理 你的小弟弟 也不只是为了做某事而存在 |
| [17:37] | You mean the puppet show? | 你是说那次”公开秀”吗? |
| [17:41] | I thought you loved The Amazing Adventures of Stretch Armstrong. | 我以为你喜欢 那次与强壮手臂男的冒险经历 |
| [17:45] | That’s not what I meant. Now, come on. Come to mama. | 我不是说那个 来吧 来妈妈这吧 |
| [17:50] | Okay, time. “Come to mama” bums me a little. | 好了 等下 “来妈妈这吧” 让我有点拘束 |
| [17:55] | Can we make it “Come to Catholic schoolgirl”? | 我们能说 来教会学生妹这儿吗? |
| [17:59] | Yes, Monsignor. | 好吧 我的学长 |
| [18:02] | Hallelujah. | 哈利路亚 |
| [18:10] | Here you go. Two sugars, no cream. | 给你的 加了两块糖 没放奶油 |
| [18:13] | Oh, perfect. And I don’t mind saying, last night was none too shabby either. | 好极了 这和我说昨晚”不是太差”大有不同吧 |
| [18:19] | “Dear diary: Coffee perfect, sex none too shabby.” | 亲爱的日记：咖啡很棒 性 不是太差 |
| [18:25] | You know what I mean. | 你知道我的意思 |
| [18:27] | I can’t remember why we kept breaking up. | 我都已经不记得为什么我们分手了 |
| [18:30] | -You can’t? -Well, I can. I was just being romantic. | -你不记得了吗? -我记得 我只是想说得更浪漫些 |
| [18:35] | -What are you doing? -Putting on my pants. | -你在干吗? -穿裤子 |
| [18:38] | You’re leaving already? | 你要走了吗? |
| [18:42] | No. | 不是 |
| [18:44] | So why are you putting on your pants, then? | 那你干吗穿裤子? |
| [18:48] | I don’t know. Did you wanna wear them? | 我不知道 你要穿吗? |
| [18:53] | Forget it. | 得了吧 |
| [18:56] | Hey, I’ve gotta go home sooner or later. | 我早晚都要回家的 |
| [18:58] | -Go home whenever you want. -I can’t leave… | -想回去就回去吧 -你这样的情绪 |
| [19:01] | …when you’re in this mood. -What mood? | 我可不能走 -什么情绪 |
| [19:03] | This mood. | 这种情绪 |
| [19:05] | Oh, just leave, Charlie. It’s what you do best. | 走就是了 查理 你最擅长做这个了 |
| [19:08] | No, it’s what I do after I do what I do best. | 不是 这是我做了 最擅长的事之后做的事情 |
| [19:15] | Oh, come on. I was just putting on my pants. | 别这样 我只是穿上裤子嘛 |
| [19:18] | -You wanna spend the day with us? -The whole day? | -你想和我们共度这一天吗? -一整天吗? |
| [19:25] | -Here are your shoes. -Hang on a second. | -你的鞋子! -等一下 |
| [19:28] | Is this some hormonal thing because of the baby? | 这是因为荷尔蒙的关系吗? 因为孩子 |
| [19:31] | No, it’s some kind of stupid thing because you’re stupid. | 不是 这是很蠢的关系 因为你蠢 |
| [19:36] | Any time I don’t behave the way you want, it’s hormonal. | 我每次不按照你想我去做的做 你就觉得是荷尔蒙在作怪 |
| [19:39] | Not every time, but you gotta admit there is a pattern. | 不是每次 但是你得承认是有这么个模式了 |
| [19:42] | You know the pattern I see? | 你知道我看到的是什么样的模式吗? |
| [19:44] | Every time things start going well for us, you find an excuse to run. | 每次都进展的很好的时候 你却找个借口跑开 |
| [19:48] | No, no, no. You push me away. | 才不是呢 是你把我推开的 |
| [19:50] | How? How do I push you away? | 怎么会是我呢? 我怎么把你推开了? |
| [19:52] | Like this. You pick a fight over nothing and say I can’t commit. | 就像这样 你无理取闹 然后说我不能负责 |
| [19:55] | -You can’t commit. -Hey, I can commit. | -你不能负责啊 -我能负责 |
| [19:58] | Oh, yeah? Prove it. | 是吗? 证明给我看啊 |
| [20:00] | Fine. I’ll start right now. | 好 我现在就开始 |
| [20:07] | I’m gonna stay here all day. | 我要一整天都呆着这里 |
| [20:14] | -Really? -Really. | -真的吗? -真的 |
| [20:18] | We’re talking a business day, right? | 我们说的是工作日对吧? |
| [20:25] | -Hey. How did it go with Lisa? -I don’t think it’s gonna work out. | -和丽莎怎么样了? -我觉得不太可能了 |
| [20:30] | Really? Even with the little baby there to help smooth things along? | 天哪 有个孩子也不能 让事情更顺利吗? |
| [20:35] | It wasn’t the baby. | 不是孩子 |
| [20:38] | She has commitment issues. | 她有责任的问题 |
| [20:41] | Oh, that’s too bad. Hey, what’s that splattered all over your shirt? | 那不太好 什么东西泼到你衬衣上了? |
| [20:45] | Coffee and breast milk. | 咖啡和母乳奶 |
| [20:49] | What happened? Did Starbucks merge with Hooters? | 怎么了? 星巴克里开始有妓女了吗? |
| [20:53] | Hooterbucks. | 妓女克 |
| [20:56] | I’d like a double-D cup latte, please. | 麻烦给我来一杯双D罩杯的拿铁 |
| [21:12] | Dad, you gotta sign this. | 爸爸 你得在这个上面签名 |
| [21:16] | Another D? Jake, what is wrong with you? | 又是个D? 杰克 你到底怎么了? |
| [21:20] | Well, I have a theory. | 我有个理论 |
| [21:22] | Oh, really? Another one. Do tell. | 好吧 又是一个 说吧 |
| [21:24] | I’m a crack baby. | 我是废物宝宝 |
| [21:30] | Kid’s a genius. | 这小子真是天才! |