| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | Alan. | 艾伦 |
| [00:06] | Hurry up. | 动作快点 |
| [00:07] | The girls are almost here, and I’m a… | 小妞们都快到了 我也… |
| [00:08] | * Hunka hunka rotting love. * | * 啪啪 腐烂[燃烧]的爱 * |
| [00:11] | Sorry, just finishing up my costume. | 抱歉 在给我的变装做最后修饰 |
| [00:20] | Who the hell are you supposed to be? | 你这他娘的是在扮啥呢 |
| [00:22] | You never saw Pretty in Pink? | 你没看过电影《红粉佳人》吗 |
| [00:23] | Oh, right! You’re Molly Ringwald. | 我知道了 你是扮莫利·林沃德[女主角] |
| [00:27] | Ha-ha. I-I’m Duckie. | 哈哈 我是达奇 |
| [00:28] | You know, the-the best friend, the-the scene stealer? | 女主最好的朋友 抢走主角光芒的角色 |
| [00:30] | 1986年《红粉佳人》电影中 这个角色在当年正是由艾伦本人饰演 | |
| [00:30] | Some would say the true star of the film. | 有些人甚至认为他才是该片的主角 |
| [00:34] | Who played him, Boy George? | 谁演那角色的来着 乔治男孩吗 |
| [00:38] | Hey, what do you think about zombie Elvis, baby? | 你觉得我这身僵尸猫王装扮如何 宝贝 |
| [00:40] | And don’t be cruel. | 《别太残忍》[猫王歌名] |
| [00:43] | It’s great. | 很棒 |
| [00:44] | You look like both the impersonator at my wedding | 看起来像我婚礼上模仿猫王的表演者 |
| [00:46] | and my ex-wife. | 和我前妻的混合体 |
| [00:49] | Thank you. Thank you very much. | 谢谢 谢谢各位观众 |
| [00:50] | What decays in Vegas, stays in Vegas. | 在赌城腐烂的事 就留在赌城吧 |
| [00:54] | Oh, hey, uh, did your friend Stacy say anything | 你朋友史黛西有说 |
| [00:56] | about the girl she’s bringing for me? | 带给我的妞是什么样的吗 |
| [00:57] | Uh, just that she’s supposed to be really cute, | 只说她是超可爱的那型 |
| [00:59] | and she just moved out here after a tough breakup. | 而且搬过来是因为刚经历一场心碎的分手 |
| [01:01] | Ooh, hot, lonely and damaged. | 正点啊 寂寞又脆弱 |
| [01:03] | Duckie’s getting lucky. | 达奇有得爽了 |
| [01:05] | You know, if Duckie really wants to get lucky, | 如果达奇真想有机会爽一发 |
| [01:07] | he’ll tell the girls that he’s someone that people remember. | 就应该告诉妞们他扮演的是广为人知的角色 |
| [01:10] | Like Ferris Bueller. | 比如菲利斯·布依勒 |
| [01:10] | 1986年电影《春天不是读书天》中的男主角 由外形与艾伦极为相像的马修·布罗德里克饰演 | |
| [01:13] | Fine, you win again, Broderick. | 行行行 你又赢了 布罗德里克 |
| [01:17] | God, you know what I love about Halloween? | 你知道我最爱万圣节的什么吗 |
| [01:18] | You can put slutty in front of any job position, | 你可以在所有职业前面加上”淫荡” |
| [01:20] | and it becomes a costume. | 然后将其变为一种装扮 |
| [01:23] | Slutty nurse, slutty librarian, slutty lunch lady. | 淫荡护士 淫荡图书馆员 淫荡食堂阿姨 |
| [01:27] | Hey, you didn’t know Mrs. Goobadeck | 干嘛 你要是认识马克·吐温小学的 |
| [01:29] | from Mark Twain Elementary. | 古达贝克女士就信我了 |
| [01:32] | She rocked that hairnet. | 她戴着发网的样子风骚到爆 |
| [01:34] | My chest. | 我的胸口 |
| [01:36] | Seriously? W-What’s going on? | 你是认真的吗 你怎么了 |
| [01:37] | I don’t know, I can’t breathe, my chest is tight. | 不知道 我喘不过气 胸口好闷 |
| [01:39] | Oh, my God. Oh, my God. | 天啊 天啊 |
| [01:40] | Here, here. Sit down. | 来来 坐下 |
| [01:42] | Oh. Uh, well, uh, don’t worry. | 没事 别担心 |
| [01:44] | I-I’m sure this is nothing, but, uh… | 我相信应该只是小问题 不过… |
| [01:46] | I’m going to call an ambulance, just in case. | 为了以防万一 我还是叫救护车吧 |
| [01:50] | Just, uh, just stay calm. | 别慌 保持冷静 |
| [01:51] | You’re gonna be fine. | 一定会没事的 |
| [01:52] | Help! My friend is dying! | 救命啊 我的朋友要死了 |
| [01:55] | I can’t settle down, I think he’s having a heart attack. | 我怎么冷静啊 他都心脏病犯了 |
| [01:57] | Oh, my God, I’m having a heart attack. | 天啊 我犯心脏病了 |
| [01:59] | Oh. No, no. | 不是 不是 |
| [02:00] | I-I’m just saying that to get them to hurry. | 我瞎掰的 好让他们快点来 |
| [02:02] | I’m not just saying that. | 我可不是瞎掰的 |
| [02:03] | I think he’s headed toward the light. | 我觉得他离天堂就差几步路了 |
| [02:05] | I can’t feel my left arm. | 我感觉不到我的左手臂了 |
| [02:07] | Um, uh, you’re gonna be okay. | 你会没事的 |
| [02:08] | It’s probably just gas. Try to fart! | 可能只是胀气 把屁放出来试试 |
| [02:12] | Trick… | 不给糖 |
| [02:13] | Or treat. | 就捣蛋 |
| [02:14] | Oh, ladies. I’m sorry, you just got here during a bit of a… | 姑娘们 抱歉你们来的时间有点… |
| [02:17] | Ooh, I can see your nipples, officer. | 妈呀 我能看见你的乳头 警官 |
| [02:19] | Anything you see will be held against you. | 你所”看”到的一切 都将成为呈堂证供 |
| [02:24] | And I’m Harry Potter. | 我是哈利[毛多]波特 |
| [02:25] | But I’m not so hairy. | 但我毛可一点都不多哦 |
| [02:28] | She’s mine. | 她是我的 |
| [02:35] | Didn’t work! | 放了没用 |
| [02:52] | Don’t worry, we’re almost to the hospital. | 别担心 我们快到医院了 |
| [02:54] | Sir, are you taking any medications? | 先生 你有在服用任何药物吗 |
| [02:56] | Well, I take a generic Lipitor and a women’s multi-vitamin. | 吃便宜降胆固醇药加女性多重维他命 |
| [02:59] | I mean, just so you know, I take the women’s | 我之所以吃女性维他命 |
| [03:01] | ’cause it has more iron. | 是因为它含有更多铁质 |
| [03:04] | Same price, more iron. | 同样价钱 铁质加倍 |
| [03:05] | Yes, please. | 何乐而不为 |
| [03:07] | Is he gonna be okay? | 他会没事的吧 |
| [03:08] | We’re doing all we can, sir. | 我们会尽一切努力 先生 |
| [03:10] | I can’t believe this is happening, you know? | 我真不敢相信会发生这种事 |
| [03:11] | He’s so young! | 他还这么年轻 |
| [03:12] | He leads such a healthy lifestyle… | 生活习惯这么健康 |
| [03:14] | Well, except for all the pot. | 除了吸大麻之外 |
| [03:17] | You know, the-the weed. | 你懂的 大麻叶 |
| [03:19] | The… the ganja. | 麻… |
| [03:21] | The ol’ Mexican spinach. | 墨西哥菠菜 |
| [03:24] | Alan, if I live, I’m going to kill you. | 艾伦 如果我没死 我一定宰了你 |
| [03:28] | Stop it. You are gonna live. | 别乱说 你当然不会死 |
| [03:31] | Is he gonna live? | 他不会死吧 |
| [03:33] | We’re en route with a 35-year-old male. | 我们载着一名35岁男性正在路上 |
| [03:35] | BP is 160/94, pulse is 108. | 血压160/94 脉搏108 |
| [03:38] | And he’s dressed as zombie Elvis, over! | 他打扮成了僵尸猫王 完毕 |
| [03:42] | I-I don’t know if you guys need to know that. | 我不知道你们需不需要知道这信息 |
| [03:44] | They don’t. | 不需要 |
| [03:47] | By the way, uh, I’m dressed as… | 对了 我扮演的是… |
| [03:48] | Ferris Bueller? | 菲利斯·布依勒吗 |
| [03:51] | Hey, hey, at least I took a chance with my costume. | 好歹我有勇气冒险试试新打扮 |
| [03:54] | I mean, Elvis and zombies. | 瞧你的猫王加僵尸 |
| [03:56] | It’s real original. | 真是烂大街的装扮 |
| [03:57] | Next year, it’s vampire Obama. | 明年是不是要扮吸血鬼奥巴马 |
| [03:59] | Yes, we can! | 是的 我们行[奥巴马名言] |
| [04:02] | Excuse me, do you have anything for the pain? | 抱歉你有可以缓解… |
| [04:06] | In my ass? | 傻逼的药吗 |
| [04:08] | I know, I know. | 行行行 |
| [04:09] | I’m just… I’m freaking out because I’m worried. | 我 我抓狂是因为我很担心 |
| [04:11] | I mean, you are my best friend. | 你是我最好的朋友 |
| [04:13] | And if something were to happen to you, | 如果你有什么三长两短 |
| [04:15] | I don’t know what I would do. | 我不知道我会怎么样 |
| [04:16] | I mean, I-I’ve already lost a brother. | 我都已经失去过一个哥哥了 |
| [04:18] | I can’t lose you, too! | 我不能失去你 |
| [04:19] | A-And you’re more of a brother than he was. | 而且你比他更像是我的哥哥 |
| [04:21] | And now Jake’s in the Army, and I’m all alone. | 而现在杰克又去参军了 我孤独一人 |
| [04:23] | And I don’t do well when I’m alone… | 我孤独的时候真的不太行 |
| [04:25] | Here, breathe. | 给 深呼吸 |
| [04:29] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [04:33] | Am I crazy, or is, uh, something happening here? | 我发疯了 还是我们真的有点来电 |
| [04:46] | Oh, good, uh, you made it. | 太好了 你赶到了 |
| [04:48] | Uh… Oh, I-I’m sorry I pulled you out of your Halloween party, | 抱歉把你从万圣节派对中拉出来 |
| [04:50] | I just figured you’d want to… | 我猜你会想… |
| [04:51] | I wasn’t at a Halloween party. | 我不是在参加万圣节派对 |
| [04:54] | I-I just assumed, since you’re dressed… | 我会这么认为是看到你穿成… |
| [04:56] | So what happened? | 所以到底怎么了 |
| [04:58] | I don’t know. | 我也不知道 |
| [04:59] | We were about to go out, | 我们本来打算出去玩 |
| [05:00] | and he got chest pains and suddenly collapsed. | 他说胸口疼 然后突然就倒下了 |
| [05:04] | He’s so young. | 他还这么年轻 |
| [05:06] | So fit. | 这么健壮 |
| [05:07] | So not you. | 这么不像你 |
| [05:11] | Hope he’s okay. | 希望他一切平安 |
| [05:14] | I never thought I’d have a boss better than your brother, | 我从来没想过会有一个比你哥更好的老板 |
| [05:18] | but Walden is good people. | 但沃顿是个好人 |
| [05:20] | He’s the best. | 他最好了 |
| [05:21] | The guy has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. | 他的品德如此高尚 无人可比 |
| [05:25] | Yep, a heart of gold. | 是啊 他胸怀宽广 |
| [05:27] | Clogged with arterial plaque. | 里面塞满了动脉斑块 |
| [05:30] | You’ve been a good friend to Walden. | 你是沃尔顿的好朋友 |
| [05:31] | He’s lucky to have you. | 有你在 他很幸运 |
| [05:33] | He’s lucky to have you, too, Sister Berta. | 有你在他也很幸运 波塔修女 |
| [05:37] | And, listen, um… | 我说 |
| [05:39] | if, God forbid, the worst happens, | 如果不幸发生了最坏的情况 |
| [05:42] | I-I just want you to know that, uh… | 我想让你知道 |
| [05:45] | you’ll always have a job at the house. | 你永远可以留在那房子里工作 |
| [05:48] | I mean, we’d have to talk reduced salaries, but, uh… | 当然工资会减一点 不过 |
| [05:50] | What makes you think he’d leave you the house? | 你凭什么觉得他会把房子留给你 |
| [05:53] | I’m his best friend. | 我是他最好的朋友 |
| [05:54] | There’s nobody closer to him than me. | 没人比我俩更亲近了 |
| [05:56] | I clean his underwear. | 我还帮洗他的内裤呢 |
| [05:57] | I wear his underwear. | 我还穿着他的内裤呢 |
| [06:01] | Alan Harper? | 艾伦·哈勃 |
| [06:02] | Oh, oh, that’s me. | 我在这里 |
| [06:04] | I’m Dr. Prajneep. | 我是普拉吉尼普医生 |
| [06:06] | Your friend had a mild heart attack. | 你朋友犯了轻微的心脏病 |
| [06:08] | We put in a stent to clear the blockage. | 我们装了一个支架来疏通血管堵塞 |
| [06:09] | Is that bad? | 病情严重吗 |
| [06:10] | In general,a heart attack is bad. | 总的来说 心脏病都很严重 |
| [06:13] | But, uh, he should make a full recovery. | 不过他很快就会康复的 |
| [06:15] | Oh, thank God. | 谢天谢地 |
| [06:16] | Oh, that is a huge relief. | 真让人松了一口气 |
| [06:18] | Um, is there anything we should do at home? | 我们回家后有什么注意事项吗 |
| [06:20] | I just want to make sure he has all the care he needs. | 我想确保他能得到最好的照顾 |
| [06:22] | Uh, any special diet, exercises, medications? | 有什么特殊饮食 锻炼 药物吗 |
| [06:25] | If it’d help, | 如果需要 |
| [06:26] | I’d chew up his food and feed him like a baby bird. | 我可以帮他把食物嚼碎 像喂小鸟一样喂他 |
| [06:29] | How could that possibly help? | 谁会需要这种帮助 |
| [06:32] | I’ll tell you what doesn’t help– that tone. | 我告诉你什么是不需要的 他那语气 |
| [06:35] | Can we see him? | 我们可以见他吗 |
| [06:36] | Soon as he’s in recovery. | 等他醒来就可以了 |
| [06:37] | Any other questions? | 还有问题吗 |
| [06:39] | Uh, no, we’re just happy that he’s gonna be okay. | 没有了 他没事我们就开心了 |
| [06:41] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [06:41] | My pleasure. | 不用谢 |
| [06:42] | By the way, Ferris Bueller is my favorite movie. | 对了 《春天不是读书天》是我最喜欢的电影 |
| [06:48] | Wait, B-Berta. W-Where are you going? | 等等 波塔 你要去哪儿 |
| [06:50] | We’re not supposed to go back there yet. | 我们现在还不能进去 |
| [06:51] | I’m a nun at a hospital. | 我是穿梭在医院的修女 |
| [06:52] | I can do whatever the hell I want. | 我想干嘛就能干嘛 |
| [07:02] | I’m dead. | 我死了 |
| [07:08] | And I’m in hell. | 而且下了地狱 |
| [07:12] | Relax. | 放轻松 |
| [07:13] | You’re in the hospital. | 你人在医院呢 |
| [07:14] | You had a mild heart attack, but you’re gonna be fine. | 你犯了轻微心脏病 但一切都没事了 |
| [07:17] | I don’t feel very good. | 我感觉很不好 |
| [07:18] | That’s because they put a stent in your heart. | 那是因为他们给你装了一个支架 |
| [07:20] | But also I feel really good. | 但我同时感觉又很爽 |
| [07:23] | That’s because they put morphine in your veins. | 那是因为他们给你打了吗啡 |
| [07:27] | We should start keeping morphine in the house. | 我们家以后该常备吗啡 |
| [07:30] | I know a guy. | 我认识有货的人 |
| [07:33] | Berta, you’re so funny. | 波塔 你真搞笑 |
| [07:36] | I would’ve missed you so much if I would’ve died. | 我要是死了 一定想死你了 |
| [07:39] | Oh, oh, but you don’t have to worry about that. | 你不用担心 |
| [07:41] | Y-You’re not going anywhere. | 你不会死的 |
| [07:43] | I love you guys. | 我爱你们 |
| [07:44] | We love you, too. | 我们也爱你 |
| [07:45] | You know, when I think about it, | 当我想到 |
| [07:47] | you guys are my only real family. | 你们是我唯一真正的家人时 |
| [07:50] | Oh, Walden, that’s so… | 沃尔顿 这真是太 |
| [07:52] | Horrible. | 太悲哀了 |
| [07:55] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [07:56] | Saved your life, but whatever. | 亏我救你一命 算了 |
| [07:58] | My life is pathetic. | 我这辈子太可悲 |
| [08:00] | I mean, thank you guys so much for being here. | 我很感激你们陪在我身边 |
| [08:04] | But you’re not good enough! | 但光有你们是不够的 |
| [08:07] | Okay, now it sounds like my family. | 好 这话听起来像我的家人了 |
| [08:11] | Maybe you should rest. | 你还是好好休息吧 |
| [08:12] | You know, just go to your happy place. | 想想让你开心的事 |
| [08:13] | I know a shortcut. | 我知道有种捷径 |
| [08:15] | Say when. | 说”爽” |
| [08:16] | Whe… | 爽 |
| [08:20] | Dressed as a nun, giving some guy morphine– | 打扮成修女 给人吗啡 |
| [08:23] | boy, does this take me back to high school. | 感觉真是回到高中生活啊 |
| [08:32] | Hey, how you feeling? | 你还好吗 |
| [08:34] | I’m all right. | 我很好 |
| [08:36] | Well, uh, I know | 我知道 |
| [08:37] | something that’ll make you feel better. | 什么可以让你感觉更好 |
| [08:40] | I made some of my famous three bean salad. | 我做了最拿手的三豆沙拉 |
| [08:43] | The secret– | 秘方就是 |
| [08:44] | I use four beans. | 我用了四种豆 |
| [08:49] | Garbanzo. | 加了鹰嘴豆 |
| [08:53] | You ever look out at the ocean | 你试过远眺大海 |
| [08:54] | and think about how small and insignificant you are? | 感觉自己无比渺小微不足道吗 |
| [08:56] | I don’t need the ocean; I can just call my mother. | 我不用看海 给我妈打电话就够了 |
| [09:00] | I almost died, Alan. | 我差点死掉 艾伦 |
| [09:01] | But the important thing is you didn’t. | 但重要的是你没有死 |
| [09:03] | So, now you just have to listen to your doctors, | 所以你现在要听医生的话 |
| [09:05] | don’t stress about anything and relax. | 不要有压力 好好放松 |
| [09:09] | Sorry, sorry, sorry. | 抱歉 抱歉 抱歉 |
| [09:14] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [09:16] | That was supposed to scare the life out of trick-or-treaters, | 这是用来吓要糖的小孩 |
| [09:18] | not you. | 不是吓你的 |
| [09:19] | This sucks! | 太糟糕了 |
| [09:20] | How am I the one with a stent in my heart? | 在心脏里装支架的怎么会是我 |
| [09:22] | I’m healthy, I-I’m fit. | 我这么健康 这么强壮 |
| [09:24] | You sit in front of the TV every night, | 你每晚都睡在电视机前面 |
| [09:26] | shoveling a pint of ice cream down your throat. | 大吃特吃冰激凌 |
| [09:28] | Hey, I eat my feelings, | 拜托 我是借食物来慰藉 |
| [09:29] | and you are sending me right back to the freezer. | 你一句话就把我打回冰箱了 |
| [09:32] | You know, it just goes to show, | 这一切告诉我们 |
| [09:33] | your life can end in the blink of an eye. | 生命可以在眨眼间结束 |
| [09:35] | One day you’re here, the next day you’re gone. | 今天你还在这里 明天你就不在了 |
| [09:37] | That’s why I live by the philosophy | 所以我的人生哲学是 |
| [09:38] | One day I’m here, the next day I’m still here. | 今天我在这里 明天我仍然会在这里 |
| [09:43] | You know, if-if I would have died, who would have missed me? | 如果我真的死了 谁会怀念我呢 |
| [09:45] | What are you talking about? I would, Berta would. | 你说什么呢 我会 波塔也会 |
| [09:48] | A-And you just got an e-mail from Netflix the other day | 而且你还收到过网飞电视的广告电邮 |
| [09:51] | that literally said, We miss you. | 上面明确写着”我们想你了” |
| [09:55] | You know, other than you guys and my mom, I got nobody. | 除了你们和我妈 就没有别人了 |
| [09:59] | At least you got Jake. | 至少你还有杰克 |
| [10:00] | Well, that’s true. | 你说得对 |
| [10:02] | I’ll always have my little guy. | 我永远有我的儿子 |
| [10:04] | Although, in his last e-mail, | 虽然 他上次写信问我 |
| [10:06] | he, uh, asked me when the Fourth of July was this year. | 今年的七月四日国庆节应该是在几月几日 |
| [10:12] | But, yes, I’m very lucky. | 不过没错 我还是幸运的 |
| [10:15] | Do you know how much I would give to have a kid | 你知道为了能有一个看不懂日历的孩子 |
| [10:17] | who didn’t understand the concept of a calendar? | 我宁愿放弃多少东西吗 |
| [10:22] | All I have is money. | 我除了钱 啥都没有 |
| [10:24] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [10:25] | ‘Cause I wouldn’t give up Jake for a billion dollars. | 我不会为了十亿美元放弃杰克的 |
| [10:32] | I got to make some changes. | 我需要做些改变了 |
| [10:33] | Changes are good. | 改变是好的 |
| [10:34] | Uh, you know, I remember when I switched | 我记得我从《美国偶像》 |
| [10:36] | from American Idol to The Voice. | 换台到《美国之声》 |
| [10:39] | My life turned around like Blake Shelton’s chair. | 我的人生就像布莱克·谢尔顿的转椅 转了一大圈 |
| [10:44] | You know what? | 其实呢 |
| [10:45] | I want to have a kid of my own. | 我想有个自己的孩子 |
| [10:47] | What? | 什么 |
| [10:48] | Yeah, I want something to give my life meaning. | 我想赋予我生命意义 |
| [10:51] | I want somebody I can love unconditionally. | 我想无条件去爱一个人 |
| [10:53] | Someone I can teach, someone I can nurture, | 我想教育他 养育他 |
| [10:55] | someone I can leave all this to. | 我想把这一切都留给他 |
| [10:58] | Well… | 好吧 |
| [10:59] | I mean, I don’t know what to say, except… | 我不知道该说什么 除了 |
| [11:02] | Papa? | 爹爹 |
| [11:14] | Have you thought this through? | 你考虑清楚了吗 |
| [11:15] | Having a kid is a lot of work. | 养孩子负担很重的 |
| [11:17] | Having you is a lot of work. | 养你的负担也不轻啊 |
| [11:20] | You know, having a child would give my life meaning. | 养一个孩子能让我的人生有点意义 |
| [11:22] | Otherwise, all this has been for nothing, | 不然 这一切都毫无意义 |
| [11:24] | and that’s difficult to accept. | 这接受起来有点困难 |
| [11:25] | You know what’s difficult? | 我来告诉你什么是困难 |
| [11:26] | Removing a marble your kid shoved up his nose. | 把孩子塞进鼻孔里的玻璃弹珠取出来 |
| [11:30] | I did something like that. | 我干过那种事 |
| [11:30] | I jammed a penny up there. | 我把一个硬币塞进鼻孔里 |
| [11:32] | I was trying to get a gumball to fall out of my butt. | 想着我屁眼会像糖果机一样掉糖果出来 |
| [11:35] | But a kid is permanent. | 但孩子是一辈子的事 |
| [11:37] | It’s not like you’re dating. | 这不像约会 |
| [11:38] | You can’t just stop calling or change your number | 你不能因为约会对象很烦 |
| [11:40] | or fake your own death because they annoy you. | 就和她断绝联系或者换号码 甚至假死 |
| [11:43] | You do that to women? | 你这么对待女人吗 |
| [11:44] | No, they do it to me. | 不 是女人这么对我 |
| [11:47] | Look, I-I’m sorry if it feels like I’m being negative, | 很抱歉我让你感觉很悲观消极 |
| [11:50] | because the truth is, you know, kids are amazing. | 因为事实是 孩子虽然很美好 |
| [11:52] | But you just had this big health scare, | 但是你现在刚被自己的病吓到 |
| [11:54] | and you’re probably not in the best frame of mind | 所以你现在脑子可能不够清楚 |
| [11:56] | to make life decisions. | 不能做出最正确的决定 |
| [11:57] | I mean, this morning, you cried at a beer commercial. | 今早你对着一则啤酒广告大哭 |
| [12:01] | Yeah, but the horse and the puppy were best friends! | 对 马儿和小狗是最好的朋友 |
| [12:05] | Look, having a heart attack didn’t make me realize | 我得了心脏病并没有让我觉得 |
| [12:08] | I want to have a kid, it made me realize | 我想要一个孩子 而是让我觉得 |
| [12:10] | I don’t want to live another day without one. | 我不能没有孩子 |
| [12:12] | It was like a wake-up call. | 就像一个警钟 |
| [12:14] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [12:15] | If you really want to do this, I will be here to support you. | 如果你是真心的 我会在你身边支持你 |
| [12:19] | From my room. | 在我房间里支持你 |
| [12:21] | Which, FYI, is way too drafty to use as a nursery. | 顺便说一句 我那间房太透风 不适合做婴儿室 |
| [12:24] | Don’t worry. You’re not going anywhere. | 别担心 我不会赶你走 |
| [12:26] | Sweet! Let’s get that kid! | 很好 那快养孩子吧 |
| [12:28] | So, uh, who’s the lucky lady | 接受你播种的 |
| [12:29] | who’s gonna receive your seed? | 是哪个幸运的女人 |
| [12:32] | See, you just put your creepy little finger right on the problem. | 瞧 你淫荡的心一问就问到点子上了 |
| [12:36] | I haven’t exactly been successful in love. | 我的感情生活一直不顺 |
| [12:39] | It’s like I’m running JavaScript | 好像我运行的是JAVA |
| [12:41] | and women are running HTML5. | 而女人运行的是HTML5 |
| [12:45] | Talking like that is part of the problem, isn’t it? | 我这种说话的方式也是一个问题 |
| [12:47] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [12:48] | And it’s weird, because your package is perfect. | 这很奇怪 因为你的硬件很完美 |
| [12:52] | And… and by package, I don’t mean your package, | 我说硬件 指的不是你的”硬”件 |
| [12:56] | I mean your… package. | 我说的是全身的硬件 |
| [13:00] | Although, that is also a showstopper. | 当然你的”硬”件也颇为精彩 |
| [13:04] | Okay, I can’t believe that this is not the first time | 真不敢相信这不是我第一次说这话了 |
| [13:06] | I’ve said this, but stop looking at my penis. | 请不要盯着我的老二看 |
| [13:12] | Well, now that you’ve mentioned it, | 你这么一提 |
| [13:13] | I can’t stop looking. | 我眼睛都移不走了 |
| [13:16] | It’s like the elephant’s trunk in the room. | 感觉就像是房里有神雕 想忽视都难 |
| [13:20] | Don’t worry, you’ll-you’ll find somebody. | 别担心 你会找到合适的人选 |
| [13:22] | And, you know, it goes without saying | 不过如果我能的话 不必多说 |
| [13:24] | that if I could, I would happily bear you a child. | 我非常乐意怀你的孩子 |
| [13:28] | Okay, I wish all of this had gone without saying. | 我希望你什么都不用说 |
| [13:32] | You doing okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [13:33] | Yeah, I’m good. | 没事 我很好 |
| [13:35] | He wants to have a kid. Now all he needs is a woman. | 他想要个孩子 而他现在需要一个女人 |
| [13:38] | Would you consider a pregnant stripper? | 你能接受一个怀孕的脱衣舞女吗 |
| [13:42] | Uh, no. | 不能 |
| [13:42] | Well, that rules out both my granddaughters. | 那我两个孙女都没戏了 |
| [13:52] | Morning. Did you take your pills? | 早上好 你吃药了吗 |
| [13:54] | Yep. | 吃了 |
| [13:55] | Are you lying to me or are you lying to yourself? | 你是骗我呢 还是骗你自己 |
| [14:00] | They’re too big. It’s hard to swallow. | 太”大”了 我吞不下 |
| [14:03] | If you say that’s what she said, | 你要是敢说 我那妞也这么说 |
| [14:05] | I will kill you. | 我会杀了你 |
| [14:07] | You know what she said? | 你知道她说什么吗 |
| [14:08] | take your pills. I care about you. | 快吃药 我关心你 |
| [14:11] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [14:12] | Do you know how long it takes to get a baby? | 你知道怀孕要多长时间吗 |
| [14:14] | Well, I know it takes, uh, five months of mood swings | 我知道 情绪波动的五个月 |
| [14:17] | and four months of not wanting to be touched. | 加不想被碰的四个月 |
| [14:20] | And who knows what my ex-wife was going through. | 真不知道我前妻经历了什么 |
| [14:23] | I was just researching surrogacy, | 我刚在查代孕的事 |
| [14:25] | and they say that once you choose a great candidate, | 他们说你选好候选人之后 |
| [14:27] | it can take up to three years | 有可能会等三年 |
| [14:28] | before you have a baby in your arm. | 你才能得到你的孩子 |
| [14:30] | I can’t wait that long. | 我可不想等那么久 |
| [14:31] | I mean, who knows if I’ll even still want a kid by then? | 谁知道三年后我会不会改变主意了 |
| [14:35] | Tell me about it. | 可不是嘛 |
| [14:35] | Six months into Jake’s life, I was like, | 杰克出生半年后 我的感觉就是 |
| [14:37] | Check, please! | 买单 我要走啦 |
| [14:39] | – I was kidding. – As was I. | -我开玩笑的 -我也是 |
| [14:46] | I’ve narrowed down my options to either adoption | 我的选择现在只剩下两种 |
| [14:48] | or seeing if Brad and Angelina | 要么领养一个 要么等 |
| [14:50] | have an extra one they could throw me. | 皮特与安吉丽娜又生一个 然后送给我 |
| [14:52] | Uh, you know, if you really want to adopt… | 如果你真想领养的话… |
| [14:54] | For the last time, Alan, I am not adopting you! | 最后说一次 艾伦 我不会领养你 |
| [14:58] | But, Papa… | 不过 爹爹… |
| [14:59] | Ah! All right. | 行了 |
| [15:05] | I already reached out to a lawyer | 我已经联系了一个 |
| [15:06] | who specializes in adoption. | 领养方面的专业律师 |
| [15:08] | Well, you’re a perfect candidate to adopt. | 你是条件完美的领养人 |
| [15:11] | I mean, you’re highly educated, you’re likeable, | 你受过高等教育 惹人爱 |
| [15:13] | uh, you have a stable home environment… | 你的家庭环境稳定 |
| [15:15] | Financially secure, no criminal record, handsome. | 财务安全 无犯罪记录 长得帅 |
| [15:19] | I-I don’t… I don’t think handsome really comes into play. | 我觉得长相不起什么作用 |
| [15:23] | Doesn’t it, Alan? | 没作用吗 艾伦 |
| [15:26] | No, I don’t think so. | 没啊 没作用 |
| [15:30] | Doesn’t it? | 真没有吗 |
| [15:32] | You’re being ridiculous. | 你发神经吗 |
| [15:34] | Am I? | 是吗 |
| [15:37] | I will steal you a baby. | 我给你偷一个孩子吧 |
| [15:42] | So, as you can see, finances are not an issue. | 如你所见 财务不是问题 |
| [15:45] | I have a lot of extra free time, | 我有很多空闲时间 |
| [15:46] | and I know I can provide a loving, nurturing home. | 我能提供一个温馨的养育环境 |
| [15:51] | You okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [15:53] | Are you? | 你有事吗 |
| [15:55] | Seriously, do I need to call someone? | 说真的 要我叫人来吗 |
| [15:58] | Never mind. | 别介意 |
| [15:59] | What’s important is that | 重要的是 |
| [16:00] | I will coach the hell out of the Braves. | 我会好好地训练”勇士之队” |
| [16:03] | Excuse me? | 你说什么 |
| [16:04] | It’ll be the name of my son’s tee-ball team. | 那是我儿子少儿棒球队的名字 |
| [16:06] | Pretty Pink Ponies, if it’s a girl. | 要是女孩就叫靓靓粉小马队 |
| [16:07] | You know what, if my son wants to play | 其实呢 要是我儿子 |
| [16:09] | for the Pretty Pink Ponies, then so be it. | 想去靓靓粉小马队 我也接受 |
| [16:11] | Tolerant. | 够包容吧 |
| [16:14] | Well, Mr. Schmidt, | 施密特先生 |
| [16:15] | you are obviously more than qualified. | 你的条件非常好 |
| [16:18] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [16:19] | That said, I’d start looking | 所以我会着手帮你 |
| [16:20] | at Golden Retriever puppies, | 找一只黄金猎犬幼犬 |
| [16:21] | ’cause there’s no way you’re getting a baby. | 因为你根本不可能领养到孩子 |
| [16:24] | Well, I don’t understand. | 我没理解 |
| [16:24] | You just said that I’m more than qualified. | 你不是说我条件非常好吗 |
| [16:26] | And you are. | 你的确是 |
| [16:27] | But you’re a single guy, | 但你是单身男性 |
| [16:28] | and the system is really geared towards married couples. | 本机构更倾向于已婚夫妇 |
| [16:31] | That’s racist. | 这是种族歧视 |
| [16:32] | Uh, no, it’s not. | 不是 |
| [16:35] | Then it’s sexist. | 那是性别歧视 |
| [16:37] | Nope. | 也不是 |
| [16:38] | Well, it’s some kind of ist | 反正是歧视的一种 |
| [16:41] | Look, I’m not saying it’s impossible, okay? | 我不是说完全没有可能 懂吗 |
| [16:43] | Just that it’s difficult. | 只是非常困难 |
| [16:44] | You’re in line behind families that already have children, | 排在你前面的还有已经有孩子的家庭 |
| [16:47] | married couples, single women… | 已婚夫妇 单身女性 |
| [16:49] | Anyone else? | 还有谁 |
| [16:49] | What, sweat shops? Circuses? | 血汗工厂 马戏团 |
| [16:51] | The Vienna Boys’ Choir? | 维也纳少年合唱团吗 |
| [16:53] | Look, I wish I had better news, okay? | 我也希望能帮到你 |
| [16:55] | If you were married, this would be a slam dunk. | 要是你是已婚 这事绝对板上钉钉了 |
| [16:57] | Okay, you don’t get it. | 你不理解 |
| [16:59] | Marriage is not an option for me. | 婚姻于我来说不再考虑范围内 |
| [17:02] | Okay, I understand you’re frustrated… | 我理解你情路不顺 |
| [17:04] | No, what’s frustrating is that every woman I meet | 你不理解 我不顺到所有姑娘 |
| [17:06] | runs screaming from me! | 见到我就尖叫着逃走 |
| [17:07] | I was married before and she left me | 我之前结过婚 她不要我了 |
| [17:09] | and I tried to commit suicide. | 我还试着自杀过 |
| [17:10] | Don’t write that down. | 别写下来啊 |
| [17:11] | Why are you writing that down?! | 你为什么要记下来 |
| [17:13] | No, no… | 不要啊 |
| [17:14] | Then I proposed to two other women, | 之后我还跟两个姑娘求过婚 |
| [17:15] | and they both shot me down. | 她们都甩了我 |
| [17:16] | I am incapable of maintaining | 我已经对与人保持 |
| [17:18] | a long-term relationship with anybody. | 长期感情关系无能了 |
| [17:20] | Now, give me a frickin’ baby! | 马上把该死的孩子给我 |
| [17:22] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [17:23] | I think we’re done here. | 我们已经谈完了 |
| [17:24] | No, we are not done here! | 不 我们没完呢 |
| [17:25] | I almost died wearing a bedazzled jumpsuit | 我差点穿着花里胡哨的连身裤挂掉 |
| [17:28] | and my life needs meaning. | 我的生命需要意义 |
| [17:29] | Stop writing things down! | 别再给我记了 |
| [17:38] | – Hey, how’d it go? – What kind of world… | -顺利吗 -哪个鬼世界里… |
| [17:40] | Uh-oh. | 糟糕 |
| [17:41] | are we living in | 是可以让 |
| [17:42] | where any two high school kids with a broken condom | 两个高中小破孩戴着破套套 |
| [17:45] | can screw behind an Applebee’s Dumpster, | 在破餐厅的破垃圾箱后乱搞 |
| [17:48] | have a baby, give it up for adoption, | 结果有了孩子 送去给人收养 |
| [17:49] | but not have it go to an adult who is upstanding, | 却不能让一位正直 负责 |
| [17:53] | responsible, and, might I add, handsome… | 恕我直言 还很帅气的成人收养 |
| [17:58] | …simply because every woman I meet | 仅仅是因为我遇到的女人 |
| [18:00] | eventually grows to loathe me? | 最后都厌弃我吗 |
| [18:01] | And because of that, | 也因为这个原因 |
| [18:02] | the Pretty Pink Ponies will not have a tee-ball coach! | 靓靓粉小马少儿棒球队的教练也没了 |
| [18:06] | So it didn’t go well? | 看来不是很顺利 |
| [18:07] | No, it did not go well. | 是的 的确不顺利 |
| [18:10] | All right, well, uh, first things first. | 好的 目前最重要的是 |
| [18:12] | Uh, how about we get you a little Zin | 我来给你点金芬德尔葡萄酒 |
| [18:14] | to calm your nerves? | 平复下你的心情 |
| [18:15] | It’s just not fair. | 实在太不公平了 |
| [18:17] | I know, I know. | 我懂 我懂 |
| [18:18] | Uh, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [18:18] | Just because I’m single, I’m not a fit parent? | 就因为我是单身 就当不好爹了吗 |
| [18:21] | Did they say that to you? | 他们这么跟你说的吗 |
| [18:24] | That’s how I felt. | 给我的感觉就是这样 |
| [18:26] | Apparently, the whole system | 显然整个机构 |
| [18:28] | is geared towards married couples. | 都更倾向于已婚夫妇 |
| [18:30] | And-and single guys are not welcome. | 我等单身男青年不受欢迎 |
| [18:32] | Like a Studio City swingers party. | 跟影视城里的换妻派对一个德行 |
| [18:33] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [18:36] | Wait, what? | 你说什么 |
| [18:38] | Nothing. So, uh, did you tell her everything? | 没事 你跟她都说了吗 |
| [18:40] | I mean, how you’re successful, you’re warm, you’re caring… | 你有多成功 多暖男 多有爱心… |
| [18:42] | – I told her everything. – Did you give her the smile? | -我什么都说了 -给她迷人微笑了吗 |
| [18:44] | Of course I gave her the smile. | 我当然对她使出迷人微笑了 |
| [18:46] | She thought I was having a stroke. | 她还以为我中风了 |
| [18:49] | So nothing worked? | 这些都没用吗 |
| [18:50] | No. Even if I hadn’t been escorted out by security, | 没有 虽然我不是被保安送出大门的 |
| [18:52] | I still don’t think they were giving me a kid. | 但感觉他们还是不会给我孩子 |
| [18:55] | Wow, I’m, uh… I’m really sorry. | 我很遗憾 |
| [18:56] | You know, it’s ridiculous. | 这真是匪夷所思 |
| [18:57] | Why-why are married people automatically better parents? | 凭什么已婚夫妇就被默认成好家长了 |
| [19:01] | My mom was married six times; didn’t help her. | 我妈妈结了六次婚 也没有进步啊 |
| [19:04] | See, and I would’ve been a great dad. | 是吧 我本来能当个好父亲 |
| [19:06] | I would’ve played catch with him, | 会和儿子玩传球 |
| [19:07] | I would’ve read to him, | 给他读书听 |
| [19:08] | I would’ve waited till he went to sleep | 一直等到他睡着了 |
| [19:10] | before I smoked pot. | 才会抽大麻 |
| [19:12] | Already got my mom beat. | 已经比我妈妈表现好了 |
| [19:15] | But-but you shouldn’t give up. | 你不应该放弃啊 |
| [19:16] | I mean, you might still find somebody. | 还是有可能找到另一半的 |
| [19:18] | No, I don’t want to marry somebody just to marry somebody. | 不 我才不会为了要结婚而结婚 |
| [19:21] | It’s got to be the right person. | 她一定得是我的真命天女 |
| [19:22] | Ooh, or Mila Kunis. | 或者是米拉·古妮丝 |
| [19:26] | I get it. | 我懂了 |
| [19:26] | That’s hard to find. | 就是极其难找 |
| [19:28] | Oh, that’s my banana bread. | 是我的香蕉蛋糕 |
| [19:29] | I love your banana bread. | 我爱吃你做的香蕉蛋糕 |
| [19:31] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [19:32] | I made it hoping we could celebrate, | 我本来是烤来庆祝的 |
| [19:33] | but it works on a sad tummy, too. | 不过安慰人 它也是神效 |
| [19:38] | Oh, what would I do without you? | 没有你我可怎么办啊 |
| [19:39] | I hope you never have to find out. | 希望你永远都不会有这么一天 |
| [19:45] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [19:46] | You are… always there for me. | 你总是陪在我身边 |
| [19:49] | Yeah, and-and you’re always there for me. | 没错 你也总陪在我身边 |
| [19:51] | We’re best friends. | 我们是最好的朋友 |
| [19:55] | What if we were more than friends? | 如果我们超越友谊呢 |
| [20:00] | Like… | 比如说… |
| [20:02] | super friends? | 超级好朋友吗 |
| [20:09] | Alan Harper, | 艾伦·哈勃 |
| [20:11] | will you marry me? | 嫁给我好吗 |
| [20:26] | Are you seriously asking me to marry you? | 你真的是在跟我求婚吗 |
| [20:33] | I can’t believe this is happening. | 我真不敢相信 |
| [20:38] | And I always thought Alan would be the one on his knees | 我一直以为会是艾伦跪下[口交]呢 |