| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | I’m very much a creature of habit. | 我算是个十分依习惯做事的人 |
| [00:03] | Perhaps it’s a trait I got from my father. | 这个特质可能遗传自我父亲 |
| [00:05] | Every night he would go through the mail, | 每天晚上他都会过一遍邮件 |
| [00:08] | and every night, like clockwork, he would get very cranky. | 他也每一晚都会因邮件而不爽 |
| [00:11] | – Damn bills. – George. | -妈的 账单又来了 -管好嘴 |
| [00:15] | You’d think he’d get used to it, | 你可能会以为他早该习惯了 |
| [00:18] | but night after night it upset him all over again. | 但无论多少个夜晚 这都能反复让他不爽 |
| [00:21] | Jury duty? Son of a… | 去当陪审团吗 我了个… |
| [00:23] | George. | 管好嘴 |
| [00:25] | It was complicated. | 总之就是一言难尽 |
| [00:28] | I didn’t like seeing him upset, | 我不喜欢看到他不高兴的样子 |
| [00:30] | but what can you do? I love consistency. | 但我又能如何呢 我也喜欢一致性啊 |
| [00:33] | IRS? This can’t be good. | 国税局 这肯定不是好事 |
| [00:36] | Sure it can. | 当然可以是好事 |
| [00:37] | When is the IRS ever good? | 国税局什么时候有过好事了 |
| [00:39] | Perhaps they’re writing to congratulate me | 或许是写信来夸奖我 |
| [00:41] | on filing such a beautiful tax return. | 报税报得如此完美无瑕呢 |
| [00:43] | – What’s it say? – Okay. Not so bad. | -信上说了什么 -还好 不算太糟 |
| [00:46] | We owe four dollars and 22 cents. | 我们得补交4块22 |
| [00:48] | What? | 什么 |
| [00:49] | That could’ve been worse. | 还好不是什么太严重的事 |
| [00:50] | Yeah, tell me about it. | 可不是嘛 |
| [00:51] | Let me see that. | 让我看看 |
| [00:53] | I’m gonna wash up for dinner. | 我先去梳洗好准备吃晚饭 |
| [00:54] | You realize they’re wrong. My return was flawless. | 你们知道是他们搞错吧 我报的退税绝对没问题 |
| [00:57] | I-It’s four dollars. Forget it. | 就4块钱而已 别纠结了 |
| [00:59] | But they’re saying I made a mistake. | 但他们这意思是说我报错了 |
| [01:01] | You also got us a nice refund. You did a great job. | 但你也帮我们成功退了很多税啊 你做得很棒 |
| [01:05] | I appreciated my mother’s love, | 我很感激我妈妈对我的爱 |
| [01:07] | but what a boy really craves | 但一个男孩真正想要的是 |
| [01:08] | is the unconditional approval of a government agency. | 国家机构对他公正不阿的赞许 |
| [01:13] | ♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ | ♪ 世上没人比我强壮 ♪ |
| [01:16] | ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ | ♪ 昨天我移了一座山 ♪ |
| [01:19] | ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ | ♪ 我相信我能当你的英雄 ♪ |
| [01:21] | ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ | ♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪ |
| [01:24] | ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ | ♪ 我是个了不起的小家伙 ♪ |
| [01:36] | Yippee-Ki-Yay, Mr. Falcon. | 中大奖吧 王乌龟 |
| [01:40] | Wait, who is Mr. Falcon? | 等等 谁是王乌龟啊 |
| [01:42] | No one. | 谁都不是 |
| [01:43] | Then why’d he say it? | 那他为什么这么说 |
| [01:45] | Well, in the real version, he said a bad word, | 在电影版里他说的是脏话 |
| [01:47] | but they had to change it for TV. | 所以电视版就和谐了 |
| [01:49] | TV is so lame. | 电视也太垃圾了吧 |
| [01:51] | What did he really say? | 那他真正说的是什么 |
| [01:55] | That’s so much better. | 这个帅太多了 |
| [01:57] | This movie works on a lot of levels. | 这部电影各方面都超牛逼 |
| [01:59] | Dad, I reviewed the tax return and I was right. | 爸 我检查了退税单 我没弄错 |
| [02:02] | They’re the ones who made the mistake. | 他们才是算错的人 |
| [02:05] | Uh– What are you doing? | 你在干什么 |
| [02:07] | Writing a check to the IRS. | 给国税局开支票啊 |
| [02:09] | But we don’t owe them anything. | 但我们又不欠他们任何一毛钱 |
| [02:11] | They’re claiming that I underreported our income, | 他们说我低报了家里的收入 |
| [02:12] | but I can prove that they’re wrong. | 但我能证明是他们错了 |
| [02:14] | It’s not worth picking a fight with them over a few bucks. | 为了几块钱跟他们斗可不是明智的选择 |
| [02:17] | Just let me call them, I can sort this out. | 让我打给他们 我能解决 |
| [02:18] | Just drop it, we don’t want to get on their radar. | 别纠结了 我们可不想被盯上 |
| [02:22] | But if you send that check, | 但如果你寄支票过去 |
| [02:22] | it’s like admitting I made a mistake when I didn’t. | 就等于承认我犯了错 但我根本没错 |
| [02:25] | Sheldon, sometimes being right isn’t the most important thing. | 谢尔顿 有时候对或错并不是最重要的事 |
| [02:29] | I’m glad you feel that way, because, boy, are you wrong. | 幸好你这么觉得 因为你可真是大错特错 |
| [02:32] | We’re done talking about this. | 这件事到此为止 |
| [02:37] | And there he goes, wrong again. | 他又再次犯了大错 |
| [02:42] | I’ll have the rib eye, medium rare. | 我要来一份肋眼牛排 三分熟 |
| [02:45] | And for you? | 那您呢 |
| [02:46] | Uh, just the house salad, please. | 请给我来一份招牌沙拉 |
| [02:49] | Very good. | 好的 |
| [02:51] | House salad? | 招牌沙拉 |
| [02:52] | You watching your figure? | 你不会是在减肥吧 |
| [02:54] | I have a physical tomorrow. | 我明天要体检 |
| [02:55] | Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now? | 所以你的计划就是今天开始健康饮食吗 |
| [02:59] | Can’t hurt. | 不快也光 |
| [03:01] | It ain’t gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer. | 扭转不了70年来吃红肉喝啤酒的后果 |
| [03:04] | I’m not trying to undo it, | 我没有想要扭转什么啊 |
| [03:05] | I’m just trying to hide it under some lettuce. | 我只是想要用生菜来粉饰太平 |
| [03:12] | Son of a Mitch. | 曹你爸 |
| [03:14] | Melissa Cooper. | 梅丽莎·库珀 |
| [03:15] | What? I said “Mitch.” | 干嘛 我说的是”曹” |
| [03:17] | There’s nothing wrong with that. | 这个字又没有哪里有问题 |
| [03:19] | But you meant another word. | 但你的意思就是另一个字 |
| [03:21] | I’m sorry, what other word? | 不好意思 你说的是哪个字呢 |
| [03:23] | Just watch it. | 你管好你的嘴 |
| [03:25] | Hold on. So you’re saying if I have a friend | 等等 所以如果我有朋友姓曹 |
| [03:27] | whose dad’s name is Mitch, | 哪天我要说他爸爸的事 |
| [03:29] | I’m not allowed to talk about him? | 我不准跟他说”曹你爸怎么怎么了”吗 |
| [03:31] | I know what you’re doing. | 我知道你是在玩哪招 |
| [03:32] | Okay, I just feel bad for my friend. | 行吧 我只是觉得叔叔好可怜啊 |
| [03:36] | That poor son of a Mitch. | 曹你爸好惨啊 |
| [03:37] | Melissa Cooper. | 梅丽莎·库珀 |
| [03:42] | – How’s that salad? – It sucks. | -沙拉可还美味 -难吃到要命 |
| [03:45] | How’s your steak? | 你的牛排如何 |
| [03:46] | You know how they overcook it sometimes so it’s a little bit dry? | 你知道他们有时候会弄过熟 害牛排有点干吗 |
| [03:50] | Not this time. It’s so good. | 这次没有 超完美 |
| [03:53] | You know what else is good? | 你知道还有什么也超美味吗 |
| [03:55] | This radish. | 这个萝卜 |
| [03:57] | – Would you like some steak? – Yes. | -你想要吃一口牛排吗 -想 |
| [03:59] | Then you probably should’ve ordered some. | 那你之前就该老实点牛排 |
| [04:01] | It’s delicious. | 超好吃 |
| [04:02] | You are not a very nice lady. | 最毒妇人心啊 |
| [04:10] | Psst. Hey-a, kid. | 醒醒 孩子 |
| [04:15] | Who is it? | 谁啊 |
| [04:16] | It’s me. The envelope with the IRS check. | 是我 装给国税局支票的信封 |
| [04:21] | What do you want? | 你找我干嘛 |
| [04:22] | You can’t let him send me. | 你不能让他把我寄出去啊 |
| [04:24] | You didn’t make a mistake. | 你又没算错 |
| [04:25] | Oh, I know that, but it’s too late. | 我知道啊 但是已经来不及了 |
| [04:27] | It’s not. The check isn’t due for 30 days. | 还没啊 这支票30天后才到期 |
| [04:31] | So? | 所以呢 |
| [04:32] | Just go in the kitchen and take me off the pile. | 现在去厨房把我抽出来就行了啊 |
| [04:34] | Buy yourself some time to straighten this out. | 给自己争取一点平反的时间 |
| [04:37] | But tampering with the mail is a federal offense. | 但是对信件做手脚是会犯联邦法律的 |
| [04:40] | I’m not mail yet. I’m not in the mailbox. | 我还不是正式的信件 我又不在邮筒里 |
| [04:43] | That’s the law. | 法律就是这样 |
| [04:46] | But what if my dad notices you’re missing? | 如果我爸发现你不见了呢 |
| [04:47] | Do it after he leaves for work. He’ll never know. | 等他去上班后再下手 他绝对不会发现 |
| [04:51] | That’s brilliant. | 高招啊 |
| [04:52] | I’m not real, so technically, you thought of it. | 我并不存在 所以这妙计其实是你想出来的 |
| [04:56] | That makes more sense. | 这就合理多了 |
| [04:59] | The next morning, I patiently waited | 隔天早上 我耐心等候 |
| [05:01] | for my father to leave for work. | 我爸爸出门上班 |
| [05:06] | Are you leaving for work? | 你要出门上班了吗 |
| [05:09] | Yeah? | 是啊 怎么 |
| [05:10] | See you. Bye. | 再见 您慢走 |
| [05:15] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [05:27] | I leapt into action. | 我立刻出击 |
| [05:28] | My heart was pounding. | 我的心脏砰砰跳 |
| [05:32] | I don’t know what kind of bladder control professional spies have, | 不知道职业间谍他们的膀胱控制力有多强大 |
| [05:35] | but this first-timer needed to pee pronto. | 但我这菜鸟可是要憋不住了 |
| [05:42] | Now that I had prevented my dad from saying I made a mistake, | 在阻止我爸爸要令我蒙受的不白之冤后 |
| [05:45] | it was time to get the IRS to admit theirs. | 就到了让国税局承认错误的时候 |
| [05:48] | IRS, Agent Green speaking. | 国税局 我是税务师格林 |
| [05:49] | Hello, my name is Sheldon Cooper. | 你好 我叫谢尔顿·库珀 |
| [05:52] | Forgive me for cutting right to the chase, | 请原谅我不多客套 要直接进入正题 |
| [05:53] | but I’m outside and my skin is incredibly fair. | 我人在室外 我又十分苍白不耐晒 |
| [05:55] | Okay, how can I help you? | 行 有何能帮到你 |
| [05:57] | You sent my family a bill saying we owe | 你给我家人发了一封账单表示 |
| [05:59] | an additional four dollars and 22 cents, but you’re mistaken. | 我们得补交4块22 但你算错了 |
| [06:02] | I filed a flawless return. | 我报的退税绝对无懈可击 |
| [06:04] | I’m sorry, how old are you? | 抱歉 你几岁啊 |
| [06:06] | That seems irrelevant, but I’m 11. | 这问题无关紧要 但我11岁 |
| [06:08] | Your parents let an 11-year-old file their federal tax return? | 你的父母让一个11岁小孩来报税吗 |
| [06:11] | This year. Two years ago, they let a nine-year-old do it. | 今年是这样 两年前他们让9岁孩子来报呢 |
| [06:14] | Look, these tax codes are complicated. | 你听我说 这些税码什么的很复杂 |
| [06:18] | If you only made a four dollar mistake, | 如果你只弄错了4块钱 |
| [06:19] | that’s pretty impressive. | 那可以说是非常厉害了 |
| [06:21] | I didn’t make a mistake at all. You did. | 我完全没犯错 是你犯错 |
| [06:25] | – Is that so? – Yes. | -是吗 -是的 |
| [06:26] | But don’t feel bad, these tax codes are complicated. | 但你别难过 这些税码什么的很复杂 |
| [06:33] | Okay, I’ve got your file right here, and, uh, | 行 我现在打开了你们的档案 |
| [06:37] | looks like you underreported your income. | 貌似你们低报了收入啊 |
| [06:39] | Actually, if you check under charitable donations, | 其实如果你看看慈善捐款那一栏 |
| [06:41] | you’ll notice that the money we made | 你会发现我们车库拍卖的收入 |
| [06:43] | at the garage sale did not count as taxable income | 不能被算作应税所得 |
| [06:45] | because we donated it to the church. | 因为我们把所得全捐给教会了 |
| [06:47] | Well, I’ll, uh, I’ll have a look into that. | 这样吗 那我再去研究研究 |
| [06:51] | In the future, you might consider doing that | 未来希望你能在发出信之前 |
| [06:53] | before you send out the letter. | 就做好详细研究 |
| [06:55] | So how does this work? | 所以接下来是怎么样 |
| [06:56] | Do you apologize now, do I get it in writing? | 是你现在跟我道歉 还是会寄来道歉函 |
| [07:00] | It’s no big deal. | 又不是什么大事 |
| [07:01] | It’s a colonoscopy. | 是结肠镜检查啊 |
| [07:03] | – So? – So, one of those words means “colon,” | -所以呢 -这三个字的意思是”结肠” |
| [07:06] | and the other means “shoving a camera up it.” | 以及”把摄像头塞进去” |
| [07:10] | I’m surprised you need one. | 我也挺”惊讶”会要你检查这个 |
| [07:11] | Did you tell him about the salad? | 你有告诉他们你吃了沙拉吗 |
| [07:13] | It’s not funny. | 别开玩笑了好吗 |
| [07:14] | Stop being such a baby. | 你能别像个婴儿一样吗 |
| [07:17] | Something I have pushed out of my body. You can do this. | 老娘婴儿都生过了 你肯定能检查 |
| [07:20] | Wait, wait, I got an idea. | 等等 我有个主意 |
| [07:22] | Why don’t we do it together? | 我们可以一起去做检查啊 |
| [07:25] | What? | 什么 |
| [07:26] | – No. – Come on. | -我才不要 -来嘛 |
| [07:27] | It’ll be romantic. | 这样很浪漫呢 |
| [07:30] | You’re weird. | 你有病吧 |
| [07:32] | What the hell? | 什么鬼 |
| [07:34] | Why are we getting audited? | 我们为什么要接受审计 |
| [07:35] | What? Are you sure it doesn’t say “applauded”? | 什么 你确定不是我们要接受”夸奖”吗 |
| [07:38] | Perhaps for a job well done? | 或许是要夸奖表现卓越 |
| [07:39] | We’re being audited for the last three years of our tax returns. | 我们过去三年的退税要被审计 |
| [07:43] | I don’t get it. | 我不懂了 |
| [07:44] | I mailed in that check a week ago. | 我一周前就把支票寄过去了 |
| [07:46] | About that. I can explain. | 我可以解释一下这件事 |
| [07:48] | – Sheldon? – I just needed some time | -谢尔顿你说 -我需要一点时间 |
| [07:50] | to prove there were no errors in my work. | 去跟他们证明我没有犯任何错误 |
| [07:51] | What did you do? | 你干了什么 |
| [07:53] | – I took the check before Mom mailed it. – What? | -我抢在妈妈寄出前 收走了支票 -什么 |
| [07:56] | But I called the IRS and sorted things out. | 但我打给国税局搞定一切了啊 |
| [07:58] | Clearly you didn’t. | 很明显没搞定啊 |
| [07:59] | I told you to let it go. | 我跟你说了别去纠结 |
| [08:02] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [08:03] | This could end up costing us a fortune. | 到时候我们可能得补一大笔钱 |
| [08:05] | – I can fix it. – No. | -我能解决 -不必 |
| [08:07] | I’m gonna hire an accountant and have him handle it right. | 我要去请一个专业会计来搞定这一切 |
| [08:09] | – But I want to help. – You’ve helped enough. | -但我想帮忙 -你帮够多倒忙了 |
| [08:12] | Go to your room. | 回你房间反省 |
| [08:15] | Yes, sir. | 遵命 |
| [08:25] | I feel bad beating you like this after you bought me drinks. | 你请我喝酒我还这么虐你 真过意不去 |
| [08:28] | Okay, I tell you what. You want to make it more interesting? | 行 你想来玩点刺激的吗 |
| [08:31] | – Sure. – Okay, how about this? | -好 -那这样吧 |
| [08:33] | If I win, you get a colonoscopy with me. | 如果我赢了 你陪我去做结肠镜 |
| [08:36] | God, are you still on this? | 天啊 你还在想这件事啊 |
| [08:38] | Come on, why not? | 来嘛 有什么不行的 |
| [08:39] | ‘Cause I don’t wanna. | 因为老娘不想 |
| [08:40] | Well, I don’t wanna, either, but my doctor said I got to. | 我也不想啊 但我的医生说我必须得做 |
| [08:43] | Well, my doctor didn’t say nothing. | 我的医生可什么都没说 |
| [08:45] | When was the last time you saw him? | 你上次去找他是什么时候 |
| [08:47] | I don’t know, it’s been a while. | 忘了 有段时间了 |
| [08:48] | Yeah, well, like, “six months” a while, | 有段时间是指”半年”呢 |
| [08:51] | – “Watergate” a while? – Drop it. | -还是水门事件呢 -别烦我了 |
| [08:53] | Uh, last time you saw him, were they using leeches? | 你上一次见他的时候 他还在用水蛭治病吗 |
| [08:57] | I’m about to take this pool cue | 我要拿这根球杆 |
| [08:59] | and beat your doctor to the punch. | 把你的医生打个花开富贵了 |
| [09:01] | That long, huh? | 看来是真的很久了啊 |
| [09:03] | Look, all I’m saying is you could use a checkup. | 我就只是想说 你去做个体检也没坏处 |
| [09:06] | – I feel fine. – Okay. | -我身体感觉好得很 -行 |
| [09:08] | At your age, there’s nothing wrong with going in… | 到你这把年纪 去看个医生也… |
| [09:10] | I’m not going to the doctor, so just… | 我不要去看医生 所以你… |
| [09:13] | mind your own business. | 少跟我唧唧歪歪 |
| [09:23] | Why didn’t you eat with us? | 你为什么不跟我们一起吃晚饭 |
| [09:25] | I’m not hungry. Dad’s mad at me. | 我不饿 爸爸在生我气 |
| [09:27] | Mom’s not thrilled with me, either. | 妈妈也对我不满 |
| [09:29] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [09:30] | Mom made chicken, | 妈妈煮了鸡肉 |
| [09:32] | and I said chickens cluck a lot, | 我说鸡经常咯咯叫 |
| [09:34] | so they should be called “cluckers.” | 所以它们应该叫”咯咯鸡” |
| [09:36] | And some chickens are moms, | 而咯咯鸡都有妈妈 |
| [09:37] | – so you could call them “mother…” – I don’t care. | -所以可以叫它们”咯你妈” -我不在乎 |
| [09:40] | Mom sure did. | 老妈可在乎了 |
| [09:42] | What did you do wrong? | 你做错什么了 |
| [09:43] | I got Dad in trouble with the IRS. | 我害爸爸惹上国税局的麻烦了 |
| [09:46] | He has to hire an accountant, | 他得请个会计师 |
| [09:47] | which could cost us a lot of money. | 也许会让我们家损失一大笔钱 |
| [09:49] | Dang, makes me not want to have kids. | 我去 我彻底打消了生熊孩子的念头 |
| [09:55] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [09:57] | Well, hey. | 你好啊 |
| [09:58] | Well, you missed it. | 你错过了好戏 |
| [09:59] | Some old broad went nuts over there | 刚才有个老太婆在那边发飙 |
| [10:02] | and threw her pool cue on the table. | 把她的台球杆扔到桌上 |
| [10:04] | She’s crazy. | 真是个疯婆子 |
| [10:06] | Sorry. | 对不起嘛 |
| [10:07] | Well, you’re not a fan of doctors, huh? | 你不喜欢医生 对吧 |
| [10:10] | They never have good news. | 他们从来不会给你好消息 |
| [10:12] | They just want to find something wrong. | 只想找出毛病 |
| [10:16] | It’s kind of their job. | 这算是他们的职责 |
| [10:17] | If something’s wrong with me, | 如果我有什么毛病 |
| [10:19] | I don’t want to know about it. | 我可不想知道 |
| [10:21] | That’s dumb. | 讳疾忌医很傻 |
| [10:22] | No, it’s not. | 才不是 |
| [10:24] | If I’m gonna drop dead, | 如果我要挂了 |
| [10:25] | I’d rather do it quick and leave lookin’ good. | 我宁可死得痛快 留下美貌在人间 |
| [10:29] | I want to live so long I start looking like a mummy. | 我想活很久很久 直到熬成千年老妖 |
| [10:33] | You’re off to a strong start. | 你的开局不错 |
| [10:36] | My husband went to the doctor. | 我老公以前去看医生 |
| [10:39] | And they found something. | 他们发现有问题 |
| [10:41] | Two days later, he was in surgery. | 两天后 他就动手术了 |
| [10:43] | Nine months later, he was dead. | 九个月后 他就去世了 |
| [10:46] | Geez. | 老天 |
| [10:49] | I don’t want that. | 我可不想那样 |
| [10:52] | And I, I don’t want to put anybody else through that. | 我也不想让任何人经历这种折磨 |
| [10:57] | I’m sorry. | 我很遗憾 |
| [11:01] | I hope you stick around long enough | 我希望你也能活得够久 |
| [11:03] | to start looking like a mummy, too. | 熬成千年老妖 |
| [11:06] | I always pictured myself more the Bride of Frankenstein type. | 我倒自认是科学怪人的新娘那种类型 |
| [11:10] | Well, you got the hair for it. | 你发型是跟她一样啦 |
| [11:17] | So how’s it look? | 情况看起来如何 |
| [11:18] | Do I owe a lot of money? I don’t have a lot of money. | 我欠很多钱吗 我没钱的 |
| [11:21] | I can see that. | 我看得出来 |
| [11:24] | Who did these? | 这报税是谁做的 |
| [11:26] | Why? | 为什么问 |
| [11:27] | Is it that bad? | 有这么糟吗 |
| [11:29] | They’re impeccable. | 是无懈可击 |
| [11:31] | Actually, it was my son. | 其实是我儿子做的 |
| [11:33] | Well, why don’t you just use him for the audit? | 你为什么不直接叫他去应付审计 |
| [11:36] | He’s 11. | 他才11岁 |
| [11:38] | An 11-year-old did these? | 这是11岁的孩子做的 |
| [11:40] | Actually, he might’ve been nine at the time. | 事实上他当时可能只有9岁 |
| [11:41] | I’m not good with birthdays. | 生日这种事我记不太清 |
| [11:49] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [11:51] | Playing with your trains? | 你在玩火车吗 |
| [11:52] | I’m punishing myself by looking at them, | 我在惩罚自己 只能看着 |
| [11:54] | but not allowing myself to run them. | 不准上手开车车 |
| [11:56] | You don’t have to punish yourself. | 你不用惩罚自己啦 |
| [11:57] | Because you’d rather do it? That’s fair. | 因为你想亲自惩罚我吗 这也公平 |
| [12:00] | No. | 不是啦 |
| [12:01] | It’s okay. I deserve it. | 没关系 是我罪有应得 |
| [12:05] | Actually… | 事实上 |
| [12:07] | I want you to represent us at the audit. | 我是想让你代表我们家接受审计 |
| [12:10] | But I messed everything up. | 但我把一切都搞砸了啊 |
| [12:11] | You did. | 确实 |
| [12:13] | But I also know if anyone’s smart enough | 但我也知道 要说有谁够聪明 |
| [12:14] | to get us out of this, you are. | 能解救我们 那一定是你 |
| [12:18] | Why’d you change your mind? | 你为什么改变心意了 |
| [12:21] | No reason. | 没什么原因 |
| [12:23] | What did the accountant say? | 会计师说了什么 |
| [12:24] | Nothing. | 没说什么 |
| [12:25] | They said my returns were perfect, didn’t they? | 会计师说我的申报无可挑剔 对吗 |
| [12:29] | Play with your trains. | 玩你的火车去 |
| [12:37] | Why are you readin’ the Bible? | 你为什么在读《圣经》啊 |
| [12:39] | I felt bad about last night, | 昨晚的事我感到很内疚 |
| [12:40] | so I thought it might be good for me. | 所以想着看一下可能对我有帮助 |
| [12:43] | Where are you going with this? | 你在打什么鬼主意 |
| [12:45] | Nowhere, I just want to make you happy. | 没主意 我只想让你开心 |
| [12:49] | “And the man increased | “于是 雅各变成 |
| [12:50] | exceedingly, and had much cattle, | 非常富有 拥有很多羊群 |
| [12:53] | and maidservants, and menservants, | 男仆与女仆 |
| [12:55] | – and camels, and asses.” – Okay. Stop. | -骆驼和驴” -好了 停 |
| [12:58] | What? I’m just reading from Genesis. | 怎么了 我只是在读《创世纪》 |
| [13:00] | – Well, cut it out. – Fine. | -别读了 -好吧 |
| [13:03] | Let’s try Exodus. | 那我来读读《出埃及记》 |
| [13:05] | “And on the seventh day thou shalt rest: | “但第七天你要休息 |
| [13:08] | that thine ox and thine ass may rest.” | 在耕种和收割的时候也要休息” |
| [13:10] | That is it, you are grounded. | 够了 你被禁足了 |
| [13:12] | For reading the Bible? | 因为读《圣经》吗 |
| [13:14] | The way you are doing it, yes. Go to your room. | 是因为你故意念出其他意思 给我回房间 |
| [13:16] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [13:17] | I don’t have a donkey. | 我没有驴子 |
| [13:19] | But if I did, I’d take my ass out of here. | 但如果有 我会带它离开这里 |
| [13:22] | Hello. I’m George Cooper. This is my son Sheldon. | 你好 我是乔治·库珀 这是我儿子谢尔顿 |
| [13:25] | Yes, we spoke on the phone. | 嗯 我们通过电话 |
| [13:27] | You look exactly like you sound. | 你人如其声呢 |
| [13:29] | Not everybody does. | 不是每个人都有这优点 |
| [13:30] | – Should we get started? – Yes. | -我们开始吧 -好 |
| [13:35] | I realize some people may find the ins and outs of tax law | 我知道有些人认为税法的细节 |
| [13:39] | a little tedious, so allow me to spice this story up. | 有点乏味 所以允许我给这故事增添趣味 |
| [13:42] | Instead of an audit, imagine this is a showdown | 与其把这视为审计 不如看作一场对决 |
| [13:46] | between two warriors in the most brutal | 两名战士通过最残酷 |
| [13:49] | and exciting form of combat there is… | 最刺激的搏斗形式来决一胜负 |
| [13:51] | chess. | 就是国际象棋 |
| [13:54] | Am I the only one who just got chills? | 只有我激动到起鸡皮疙瘩了吗 |
| [13:56] | Let’s start with the business deductions | 我们先从日期为1989年的纳税申报单的 |
| [13:59] | from Schedule A on the tax return dated 1989. | 附表A扣除额开始 |
| [14:03] | I know, bold opening move. | 我知道 开局走这一步很大胆 |
| [14:04] | 谢尔顿 黑棋 国税局 白棋 | |
| [14:06] | Don’t worry, I came to play. | 别担心 我是来大展身手的 |
| [14:08] | Happy to. | 乐意至极 |
| [14:09] | I’ve got those receipts right here. | 那些收据我都带来了 |
| [14:11] | Dated, highlighted… | 注有日期 高亮标记 |
| [14:13] | and itemized. | 并且逐项登记了 |
| [14:16] | Told you. | 我说了吧 |
| [14:21] | For the next three hours, we battled it out. | 接下来三小时 我们展开鏖战 |
| [14:23] | Two mighty brains locked in mortal tax code combat. | 两个非凡大脑陷入一场你死我活的税码大战 |
| [14:30] | Justify this expense. | 为这笔开销做出合理解释 |
| [14:32] | Our AGI was less than 50,000. | 我们的调整后收入总额低于五万 |
| [14:35] | Improper classification. | 分类不当 |
| [14:38] | Rolled over from the previous fiscal year. | 是从上一会计年度延续下来的 |
| [14:41] | The receipt has barbecue sauce on it. | 这收据上沾了烧烤酱 |
| [14:45] | – Dad. – Sorry. | -爸爸 -对不起嘛 |
| [14:50] | So you are remarkably well-versed in the tax code. | 看来你十分精通税码 |
| [14:53] | Thank you. It’s nice of you | 谢谢夸奖 你真好 |
| [14:55] | to do your parents’ returns for free every year. | 每年都免费帮你父母报税 |
| [14:57] | Oh, I don’t do it for free. | 不是免费的 |
| [14:58] | My dad buys me a model train afterwards. | 完事之后我爸都会买火车模型给我 |
| [15:02] | Interesting. | 有意思 |
| [15:04] | So you accept payment | 这么说你接受报酬 |
| [15:05] | even though you’re not a licensed tax professional? | 尽管你不是持证专业税务人员 |
| [15:10] | In clear violation of federal law. | 这明显违反了联邦法律 |
| [15:15] | Check. | 将军 |
| [15:18] | I had walked right into his trap. | 我正好落入了他的圈套 |
| [15:21] | Excuse me, I need to use the restroom. | 不好意思 我需要去洗手间 |
| [15:28] | So, catch that Cowboys game last… | 你昨晚有没有看牛仔队的球赛 |
| [15:31] | – No. – Yeah. | -没有 -好吧 |
| [15:36] | Ballard’s. | 巴拉德体育用品 |
| [15:37] | – Hello. – Hey, what’s up? | -是我 -怎么啦 |
| [15:40] | You’ll be happy to know I went out and got a checkup. | 你会很高兴知道我去做了体检 |
| [15:42] | Fantastic. | 太棒了 |
| [15:44] | Yeah, great, just great. | 是啊 好得不能再好 |
| [15:45] | And now you can shut up about it. | 现在你可以别再逼逼这事了 |
| [15:48] | Well, how’d it go? | 体检结果如何 |
| [15:49] | Good news, bad news. | 好消息坏消息都有 |
| [15:51] | Good news is I’m fine. | 好消息是 我身体健康 |
| [15:53] | Well, now, isn’t that comforting to know? | 得知之后是不是很放心啊 |
| [15:55] | Don’t be smug. | 别得意 |
| [15:57] | So what’s the bad news? | 坏消息是什么 |
| [15:59] | – He wants me to have a colonoscopy. – Great! | -医生希望我做结肠镜 -太好了 |
| [16:03] | Oh, my gosh, we can do it together! | 天啊 我们可以一起去做 |
| [16:05] | Can’t you just feel the romance? | 你不觉得很浪漫吗 |
| [16:07] | No, you weirdo. | 浪漫个屁 你个怪人 |
| [16:14] | There you are. | 你在这啊 |
| [16:14] | Hey, we’re waiting on you. | 我们在等你呢 |
| [16:17] | I want to go home. | 我想回家 |
| [16:19] | What are you talking about? | 你说什么傻话啊 |
| [16:20] | We’re not done yet. | 我们还没弄完 |
| [16:21] | Yes, we are. | 已经结束了 |
| [16:23] | I made a mistake that’s gonna cost us | 我犯了个错误 那会让我们损失 |
| [16:24] | a lot of money that we don’t have. | 一大笔钱 我们家没这个钱 |
| [16:26] | I feel so stupid. | 我觉得自己好愚蠢 |
| [16:34] | It’s okay to feel stupid. | 觉得愚蠢也没关系的 |
| [16:35] | No, it’s not. | 当然有关系 |
| [16:37] | It just means you’re growing. | 这只是代表你在成长 |
| [16:40] | If you don’t look back and think you were dumb, | 如果你回顾过往 没发现自己有犯蠢过 |
| [16:41] | then you, then you haven’t learned anything. | 那只说明你没吸取过任何教训 |
| [16:44] | So what do we do? | 那我们该怎么做 |
| [16:46] | We get back in there. | 我们回去那里 |
| [16:47] | What if we lose? | 万一我们输了呢 |
| [16:48] | Doesn’t matter– win or lose, | 那不重要 无论输或赢 |
| [16:51] | we don’t give up, all right? | 我们都不放弃 知道吗 |
| [16:52] | Now let’s get in there and show ’em what we’re made of– | 我们进去吧 让他们见识我们的能耐 |
| [16:54] | what do you say? | 你说好不好 |
| [16:55] | I’ve heard you give that exact same pep talk at football games. | 你在橄榄球赛说过一模一样的打气话 |
| [16:58] | Well, I didn’t have a special one prepared. | 我没准备特别的演讲词嘛 |
| [17:00] | That’s all right. | 没关系 |
| [17:01] | I feel properly pepped. | 我觉得受到了激励 |
| [17:10] | So… | 那么 |
| [17:11] | where were we? | 刚才进行到哪了 |
| [17:15] | Check. | 将军 |
| [17:19] | It’s true. | 没错 |
| [17:21] | I made a mistake. | 我是犯了个错 |
| [17:22] | But my dad taught me that’s okay. | 但我爸教会我 犯错也没关系 |
| [17:27] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [17:28] | My dad’s a teacher. | 我爸是老师 |
| [17:31] | Which means, my doing our taxes wasn’t work for-hire, | 这意味着 我替我们家做税不是当雇工 |
| [17:34] | but an economics lesson he was teaching me. | 而是我爸在给我上经济课 |
| [17:39] | Therefore, the train he bought me | 所以 他给我买的火车 |
| [17:41] | wasn’t payment for unlicensed work, | 并不是无证工作的报酬 |
| [17:43] | it was a reward for successfully completing my lesson. | 而是成功完成我课程的奖励 |
| [17:50] | So it does not violate the statute, | 所以这并未违反法规 |
| [17:52] | and since the value of the train is less than $10,000, | 由于火车的价值低于一万元 |
| [17:54] | there’s no additional gift tax. | 所以没有额外赠与税 |
| [17:58] | Checkmate. | 将军 |
| [18:10] | Well, I guess that wraps it up. | 那我们就审完了 |
| [18:13] | Is it over? What happened? | 结束了吗 发生了什么 |
| [18:15] | We won. | 我们赢了 |
| [18:16] | Wait, we don’t owe anything? | 等等 我们不欠任何税款吗 |
| [18:17] | No, your returns are all in order. | 对 你们的报税全部合法妥当 |
| [18:20] | Well done. | 做得好 |
| [18:21] | Thank you. | 多谢夸奖 |
| [18:22] | Your son’s extremely intelligent. | 你儿子非常聪明 |
| [18:23] | – Yep. – I hope you audit us next year, | -是的 -希望明年还是你审核我们 |
| [18:25] | so I can run circles around you again. | 我就可以再次大胜你 |
| [18:27] | Until he says something stupid. Let’s go. | 他一说蠢话就不聪明了 快走吧 |
| [18:40] | I can’t believe we have to drink so much of that garbage. | 这恶心玩意我们居然得喝那么多 |
| [18:44] | Well, the important thing is, we get to do it together, dear. | 重要的是 我们可以一起做这件事 亲爱的 |
| [18:47] | You are so full of crap. | 你真是满肚子鬼话 |
| [18:51] | Well, not for much longer. | 但它们呼之欲出了 |
| [18:53] | Excuse me, the festivities have begun. | 失陪 狂泄庆典开始了 |
| [18:56] | You’re taking that whole thing with you? | 你还带上那玩意去厕所吗 |
| [18:57] | I’m gonna be a while. | 我要蹲很久 |