| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:30] | Jimmy, if you’re thinking of getting into ski porn, | 吉米 如果你是想去拍滑雪黄片 |
| [00:32] | it’s a niche audience and the work is seasonal. | 这种片受众面小 而且季节性太强 |
| [00:34] | I have it all worked out, Gretchen– | 我全都理清楚了 格雷琴 |
| [00:36] | what I saw from my tree house last night: | 昨晚我在树屋上看明白的东西 |
| [00:38] | my father is no longer a force in my life, | 我父亲已经不再对我的生活有任何影响 |
| [00:41] | thus, everything I am and have is suspect, | 因此我这个人的特质和所拥有的一切都不可信 |
| [00:44] | acquired or decided, as it all were, | 不管是后天习得的 还是先天决定的 |
| [00:47] | in the context of being “Ronny’s son,” | 都被置于”罗尼的儿子”这一框架之下 |
| [00:48] | Which I am no longer, thus, reevaluation. | 但我从今以后不再是那样了 因此 需要重新评估 |
| [00:52] | It’s all up for review. | 一切都需要重新审查一遍 |
| [00:53] | So, I’m making a pros and cons list of everything in my life | 所以 我正在将我人生中的一切列成利弊表 |
| [00:57] | to work out whether I still need it or not. | 来决定我是否还需要那东西 |
| [01:00] | – Oh, boy. – It’s the perfect post-emotional analytic tool | -天啊 -用这种后情感主义的分析工具 |
| [01:04] | to determine the inherent, | 来确定事物本身所具有的 |
| [01:06] | unsullied qualitative value of anything. | 未受污染的定性价值实在是完美 |
| [01:09] | To whit. Stapler. | 比如订书机 |
| [01:11] | Pros: petite, efficient, comely. | 利 小巧便携 好用好看 |
| [01:14] | Cons: literally no place for you in the digital world. | 弊 如今数字化时代真是用不着它 |
| [01:17] | Good-bye, old girl. | 再见 老伙计 |
| [01:22] | Tough one. | 这个真难以抉择 |
| [01:23] | Pros: strong tassels, I look fantastic in it. | 利 流苏质量不错 我系着超好看 |
| [01:27] | Cons: I saw Moby wearing the same one on the cover of Yoga Life. | 弊 我看见《瑜伽生活》封面上的莫比系过一样的 |
| [01:31] | And there’s the answer. | 答案显而易见 |
| [01:34] | Right. My stuff… | 好了 这是我的东西 |
| [01:36] | there’s your stuff… | 那是你的东西 |
| [02:05] | Fine! Jesus Christ! | 够了 我的天 |
| [02:07] | Fine, Jimmy. Do your insane, idiotic thing and get this over with. | 行了 吉米 继续发疯发傻吧 赶快完事 |
| [02:12] | Gretchen pro-con list, go. | 格雷琴的利弊表 快开始 |
| [02:15] | Well, okay. | 好吧 |
| [02:18] | You and your stupid tree house. | 你和你那个破树屋 |
| [02:20] | I swear, I wish | 我对天发誓 我真希望 |
| [02:20] | I’d never mentioned Dead Poets Society in front of you. | 我从没在你面前提起过什么《死亡诗社》 |
| [02:23] | You literally just did the standing on the desk thing, | 你真的照搬了站在桌上那一套 |
| [02:25] | but higher. | 但却站得更高 |
| [02:27] | The quicker we do this, the quicker we can move on with our lives. | 快点折腾完 我们就能继续过日子了 |
| [02:30] | I have stuff to do for Shitstain and Jaclyn’s elopement party. | 我还得负责筹备施斯坦和杰奎琳的私奔派对 |
| [02:34] | Bet your ass he’s not making a list. | 我敢说他肯定没列什么表 |
| [02:37] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [02:40] | Here are two things to start off your pro list. | 先把这两条写到利的那一栏 |
| [02:44] | Bam! Carpe those diems. | 瞧 有容奶大 及时行乐 |
| [02:48] | Aw, man. | 妈的 |
| [02:49] | I slept in gum again? | 我又睡在口香糖上了 |
| [02:53] | Just know that, uh, | 要知道 |
| [02:55] | this is gonna be a waste of your time. | 你这是在浪费时间 |
| [02:56] | The end result is gonna be, “Damn, she’s awesome.” | 最后的结论肯定会是”妈的 她太棒了 |
| [02:58] | That list was pointless. | 根本就没必要列这个表 |
| [03:00] | “Wasted all that paper and ink. | 可惜浪费了这么多纸和墨水 |
| [03:03] | Sorry trees. Sorry squids.” | 对不起了 树们 乌贼们” |
| [03:07] | Wait, is that how you think we get ink? | 等等 你以为墨水是这么来的吗 |
| [03:11] | From squids? | 乌贼喷的吗 |
| [03:14] | No. | 不是 |
| [03:17] | Aw, damn it! | 该死 |
| [04:07] | Ceviche? | 给我一份柠汁腌鱼生 |
| [04:16] | I don’t get it. A pros and cons list about you? | 我没懂 一张关于你的利弊表 |
| [04:19] | What’s on it? | 上面写了什么 |
| [04:20] | Oh, who cares? We all have negative shit | 谁管啊 我们对生活中的所有人 |
| [04:22] | we think about everyone in our lives. | 都有些消极的想法 |
| [04:24] | Yeah, but writing it down makes it real. | 没错 但写下来就是实实在在的 |
| [04:26] | Like Web sites or fortune cookies. | 就像网页啊 幸运饼啊 |
| [04:29] | So, how’d Paul react to the news that you’re leaving him? | 保罗对于你要离开他这个事是什么反应 |
| [04:32] | Ain’t told him yet. | 我还没跟他说 |
| [04:34] | First I got to set myself up, get my own place. | 首先我得自立 自己找个地方 |
| [04:37] | And it’ll be so phat | 生活会很美好 |
| [04:38] | because I’ll be getting those sweet monthly checks from the prenup. | 因为婚前协议 我每个月都能收到支票 |
| [04:41] | Wait, what? You have a prenup? | 等等什么 你签了婚前协议 |
| [04:43] | Yeah, Paul was like, “Oh, honey, we don’t need one.” | 是啊 保罗当时说”亲爱的我们不用签” |
| [04:46] | But uh-uh, I didn’t fall for that shit. | 但老娘才不上当 |
| [04:49] | So, like a boss, I made him. | 所以我强迫他签了 |
| [04:52] | Lindsay, you ding-dong. | 琳赛 你傻到家了 |
| [04:54] | A prenup protects the wealthier person, him, | 婚前协议保护更有钱的人 保护他 |
| [04:57] | in a divorce from giving his money to the poorer person, you. | 以防离婚时他的钱会落到你这个穷鬼手上 |
| [05:01] | Are you goddamn kidding me? | 你他妈在逗我吧 |
| [05:03] | And you let me get an abortion?! | 那你还让我去堕胎 |
| [05:05] | I had a ticket to 18 years of dough | 我原本可以坐收18年的钱 |
| [05:08] | and you let me flush my ticket? | 你却让我连这个机会都没了 |
| [05:10] | Hey, just focus. | 嘿 冷静下来 |
| [05:13] | Do the most important thing first: tell Paul. | 先做最重要的事 告诉保罗 |
| [05:17] | Once you do that, you can figure out your life. | 告诉他之后 你就能理清你的生活 |
| [05:19] | Now I have to get a stupid job. | 我现在还得找工作 |
| [05:22] | Can I have a job? | 我找得到工作吗 |
| [05:24] | That’s gonna be a hard no. | 绝逼找不到 |
| [05:32] | So, I got a bunch of ideas about that restaurant concept. | 关于餐厅的事 我有一肚子好主意 |
| [05:36] | You know, savory cereal? | 比如美味麦片 |
| [05:38] | Two words: Beefy Pebbles. | 两个词 卵石牛肉 |
| [05:40] | We’ll talk later. | 我们过会儿再说 |
| [05:43] | Ooh, excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me? | 打扰下 打扰下 打扰下 |
| [05:46] | Did-did you call him? | 你给他打电话了吗 |
| [05:46] | Yes, I called him. I can’t believe he’s late, man. | 是的 打过了 难以置信他迟到了 |
| [05:49] | I can. He’s been the worst best man ever. | 我早想到了 他是最最糟糕的伴郎 |
| [05:52] | He lost the ring at the Monterey Aquarium tide pool. | 他在蒙特雷湾水族馆的潮水潭弄丢了戒指 |
| [05:54] | Said a sea anemone took it. | 说被一只海葵抢走了 |
| [05:56] | Does that even sound plausible to you? | 你觉得这可能吗 |
| [05:57] | Do you know how slow a sea anemone is? | 你知道海葵有多迟缓吗 |
| [06:01] | – There he is. – Where’s the navy suit? | -他来了 -那套蓝西服呢 |
| [06:03] | Oh, nah, blood, this is it. | 该死 只有这套 |
| [06:05] | I just got the pants hemmed and the jacket taken in. | 我把裤子缝好边 把上衣改小 |
| [06:08] | Then it still was a total piece of shit, | 但还是丑得不行 |
| [06:10] | so I lit it on fire and bought something dope instead. | 所以我把它烧了 买了套酷炫的 |
| [06:13] | That’s it! | 我受够了 |
| [06:14] | You’re fired as best man. | 你不再是伴郎了 |
| [06:16] | Nutz, you’re giving the toast tonight. | 蜜蛋 今晚你来发表祝酒辞 |
| [06:19] | Seriously? | 不是吧你 |
| [06:20] | Okay, idiot, good luck with this mush-mouth. | 好吧 白痴 让这口齿不清的人当伴郎 祝好运了 |
| [06:23] | Fool can’t even leave a simple voice mail. | 他连个留言都留不好 |
| [06:25] | Always be like, “Uh… Call me back. Uh…” Click. | 老是”呃…回我电话 呃…”时间就到了 |
| [06:29] | Y-Yo, you know public speaking is one of my greatest fears. | 你 你知道我最怕当众讲话了 |
| [06:32] | It’s public speaking, heights and waking up | 当众讲话 在高处 清晨醒来 |
| [06:34] | with a scorpion in my mouth. | 都能让我舌头转不动 |
| [06:35] | You’ll be fine. | 你不会有事的 |
| [06:37] | We’re professional public speakers. | 我们可是专业的公众演讲家 |
| [06:38] | That-that’s different. | 那不一样 |
| [06:39] | Look, Honey Nutz is a persona. | 听着 蜜蛋只是一重人格面貌 |
| [06:42] | Uh, when I’m not rapping, I’m just Zachary from Reseda, | 我不说唱时 我只是来自莱斯德的普通人扎克瑞 |
| [06:46] | that likes hard cider | 喜欢烈性苹果酒 |
| [06:47] | and losing myself in a graphic novel. | 然后沉浸在连环画里 |
| [06:51] | I don’t mean no disrespect, by that. | 我没有不敬的意思 |
| [06:53] | I don’t, I don’t. I’m just saying… | 没有 没有 我只是说… |
| [07:00] | Nice look. | 造型不错 |
| [07:01] | Shouldn’t you be trying to shoot down Snoopy? | 你是要模仿打史努比的红衣男爵吗 |
| [07:04] | I went a little crazy with the purge. | 我干大清除工作干得疯狂过头了 |
| [07:06] | Got rid of all my outerwear and my underwear. | 我把所有外衣和内衣都扔掉了 |
| [07:09] | I’m currently wearing one of Edgar’s bathing suits. | 现在我穿的是埃德加的一套泳衣 |
| [07:13] | Jimmy, I’ve thought about your pros and cons list, | 吉米 我考虑过你的利弊清单了 |
| [07:17] | and I think it’s only fair that you show it to me. | 我觉得你有必要给我看看才算公平 |
| [07:20] | Gretchen, I’m undergoing | 格雷琴 我正在经历 |
| [07:22] | a really painful process of reevaluation. | 一个很痛苦的自我审视过程 |
| [07:26] | Now, if you could just respect my privacy, | 你能不能尊重下我的隐私 |
| [07:29] | I’d really appreciate it. | 我会感激不尽的 |
| [07:31] | Fine, I hear you. You have my word. | 好吧 懂了 我保证 |
| [07:40] | Oh, yeah. Ooh, a zipper! | 天啊 拉链拉起来了啊 |
| [07:42] | I can’t get through that. | 这下我拿不到了 |
| [07:47] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [07:48] | I’m gonna go shake gifts, see if anything sounds expensive. | 我去晃一晃礼物盒 看有没有值钱的 |
| [07:54] | Jimmy. | 吉米 |
| [07:55] | This is my wife, Jaclyn. | 这是我妻子 杰奎琳 |
| [07:57] | Hi! | 你好 |
| [07:59] | – What a dick. – Don’t worry, he’s an asshole. | -真是个混蛋 -别在意 他是个混球 |
| [08:02] | Priscilla! | 普莉希拉 |
| [08:04] | Look at you! | 瞧瞧你 |
| [08:05] | – What do you think? – Amazing! | -好看吗 -美极了 |
| [08:06] | Oh, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [08:07] | Shitstain in the house! | 施斯坦驾到 |
| [08:09] | I love weddings. | 我喜欢婚礼 |
| [08:11] | Friends coming together. | 好朋友欢聚一堂 |
| [08:12] | Old couples falling in love again. | 老夫妻重拾爱的滋味 |
| [08:14] | Plus, you can totally steal a chair at a wedding. | 而且你完全可以借机偷把椅子 |
| [08:17] | I’ve done it so many times. | 我试过很多次了 |
| [08:18] | Most of my chairs are wedding chairs. | 我家很多椅子都是婚礼用椅 |
| [08:21] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [08:22] | It’s Doug Benson. | 是道格·本森 |
| [08:24] | He wants me to come up with five sketch ideas by tomorrow. | 他想让我明天之前想出5个喜剧创意 |
| [08:29] | I guess I better start brainstorming. | 我最好开始集思广益了 |
| [08:32] | Wait, you’re gonna work at a wedding? | 什么 你要在婚礼上工作 |
| [08:34] | I don’t have a choice, Dorothy. | 我别无选择 多洛希 |
| [08:35] | I mean, this is a huge opportunity. | 这是一个绝好的机会 |
| [08:37] | I-I got to nail it. | 我必须抓住 |
| [08:39] | Okay, let’s see. | 让我看看 |
| [08:41] | Weddings, weddings. | 婚礼 婚礼 |
| [08:43] | Bride. Groom. Broom. | 新娘 新郎 扫帚 |
| [08:48] | Here comes… the broom? | 扫帚闪亮登场 |
| [08:55] | This might not take long after all. | 也许不用花多少时间 |
| [08:58] | Cool. So just go do your very important work, | 好 去做你重要的工作吧 |
| [09:01] | and I’ll just wander around by myself, like a loser. | 我自己四处游荡 像窝囊废一样 |
| [09:06] | Hey! Lindsay! | 嗨 琳赛 |
| [09:12] | He has a job. | 他有工作 |
| [09:14] | How’d he get that? | 他是怎么得到的 |
| [09:22] | All right, I fired him to hire you. | 好吧 我开除了他 选择了你 |
| [09:25] | These aren’t your words you’re writing. | 你写的不是你真心实意的词 |
| [09:27] | What is that? | 都是些什么鬼 |
| [09:35] | – How’d you get that? – What? | -你是怎么得到的 -什么 |
| [09:37] | I-I don’t know what you’re talking about. | 我 我不知道你在说什么 |
| [09:41] | Listen one more time. | 再仔细听一遍 |
| [09:43] | My client wants 100% ostrich feathers. | 我的客户要纯天然的鸵鸟毛 |
| [09:48] | I don’t care. Just wait until they stick their heads in the ground | 我不管 就等它们把脑袋扎进沙子里 |
| [09:51] | and then slit their throats. | 然后割破它们的喉咙 |
| [09:54] | Hey, how’d you get that? | 你是怎么得到的 |
| [09:56] | My job? | 工作吗 |
| [09:57] | Well, I started a fashion blog. | 我建了一个时尚博客 |
| [09:59] | Then Tavi Gevinson retweeted me. | 后来泰薇·盖文森转发了我的文章 |
| [10:02] | Then I dressed Parker Posey for the Good Wife premiere. | 我又为帕克·波西设计了《傲骨贤妻》首映礼服 |
| [10:05] | Before I knew it, I was a stylist. | 不知不觉 我竟成了造型师 |
| [10:08] | – I love your jacket, by the way. – Thanks. | -顺便说下 我喜欢你的外套 -谢谢 |
| [10:10] | My trick is I just buy a cheap jacket, | 我的秘诀是买件便宜的外套 |
| [10:12] | replace the buttons with doper ones, | 然后把扣子换成更屌的 |
| [10:13] | and tell everyone I got it in Italy. | 再跟别人说是在意大利买的 |
| [10:15] | But not Little Italy. The big Italy. | 不是”小意大利” 是正经的大意大利 |
| [10:18] | That’s brilliant. | 太厉害了 |
| [10:20] | I really like your pocket square, too. | 我也很喜欢你口袋里的方巾 |
| [10:22] | Thanks. Those are my panties. | 谢谢 那是我的内裤 |
| [10:26] | I’m not joking. | 我没开玩笑 |
| [10:34] | What’s up with you? | 你们干什么呢 |
| [10:35] | Hi, Gretchen. | 嗨 格雷琴 |
| [10:36] | Got fired as the best man. | 不让我当伴郎了 |
| [10:37] | Not that I care. | 我又不在乎 |
| [10:39] | Group’s turning into a bunch of pussies anyway! | 反正这帮人都快成一帮孬种了 |
| [10:41] | Honey Nutz is getting his knuckles waxed | 蜜蛋为了上《深夜扑克》好看 |
| [10:43] | for his appearance on Poker After Dark. | 要给手指做除毛 |
| [10:46] | Shitstain getting married | 施斯坦就要结婚 |
| [10:47] | with no thought to how it will affect our careers. | 完全不考虑这会对我们的事业有怎样的影响 |
| [10:50] | I ain’t trying to rap about kids or poker! | 我才不想说唱关于孩子或扑克的歌 |
| [10:52] | Ain’t nothing rhyme with “Poker.” | 也没有词能和”扑克”押韵 |
| [10:56] | So what are you gonna do? | 那你打算怎么办 |
| [10:58] | What can I do? He went and changed his whole life, | 我能怎么办 他要去改变整个人生 |
| [11:01] | and I don’t even got a say in it. | 我对此却连一点发言权都没有 |
| [11:02] | Hey, you guys are a team. | 你们是一个团队啊 |
| [11:04] | If you feel like you’re losing control of your future, | 如果你觉得无法掌控你的未来 |
| [11:06] | just talk to him. | 就找他谈谈 |
| [11:07] | Your actions affect each other. | 你们的行为会相互影响 |
| [11:11] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [11:13] | My actions do affect each other. | 我的行为确实会互相影响 |
| [11:16] | I don’t like how you just repeated that verbatim | 我不喜欢你眼里放光 |
| [11:18] | with a glint in your eye, but, yeah, | 重复这句话的样子 但没错 |
| [11:20] | you got to take charge of your… future. | 你必须掌控自己的…未来 |
| [11:24] | Now you have the glint, too, bitch. | 你眼里也放光了 贱人 |
| [11:26] | Bitch, I ain’t got no glint! | 贱人 我才没放光呢 |
| [11:38] | Okay, how’s this for a sketch idea? | 听着 这个喜剧小品创意如何 |
| [11:40] | A guy who takes everything literally. | 有个家伙 只会理解每句话的字面意思 |
| [11:43] | That’s kind of the first sketch that everybody comes up with. | 那差不多是每个人最先想到的喜剧创意 |
| [11:46] | That or 50-hour Energy. | 那个或是50小时超持久能量饮料 |
| [11:47] | Oh, man. That’d be so much energy. | 我的天 那能量可真是太劲爆了 |
| [11:52] | Hey, look. It’s Brian Posehn. | 快看 是布莱恩·波塞恩 |
| [11:56] | That is not Brian Posehn. | 那才不是布莱恩·波塞恩 |
| [11:58] | I took tickets for Brian Posehn’s one-man show, | 我买过布莱恩·波塞恩单人秀演出的票 |
| [12:01] | like, a decade ago. | 大概10年前吧 |
| [12:02] | I used to party with all those comics. | 我过去经常和那些喜剧演员一起玩 |
| [12:04] | The one thing I know is who is who in comedy, | 喜剧界演员我是能分清的 |
| [12:06] | and I know that that is not Brian Posehn. | 我知道那不是布莱恩·波塞恩 |
| [12:10] | Oh. I guess it is him. | 好吧 好像就是他 |
| [12:13] | Haircut. | 那个发型 |
| [12:14] | I should go talk to him. | 我该去找他搭个讪 |
| [12:15] | Maybe I could bounce some ideas off him. | 没准能让他帮我的段子把把关 |
| [12:20] | Excuse me. Champagne? | 不好意思 能再来点香槟吗 |
| [12:28] | I’ll leave it in the bathroom later under the soap. | 我一会儿放到洗手间的香皂下面 |
| [12:30] | Soap. | 香皂 |
| [12:42] | Excuse me, where’s the restroom? | 不好意思 请问洗手间在哪 |
| [12:46] | Can I help you? | 有什么需要帮助的吗 |
| [12:48] | Yeah, um, uh, my boyfriend | 是的 我男朋友 |
| [12:50] | left his heart attack medication in his coat. | 把治心脏病的药落在外套里了 |
| [12:57] | Yeah, do you have a claim ticket? | 好的 您有号牌吗 |
| [12:59] | Uh, no, but… | 没有 不过… |
| [13:01] | I got this. | 我有这个 |
| [13:04] | Ignore the bruise. | 别在意那块瘀伤 |
| [13:05] | I just needed a ticket to know which coat to get. | 我要号牌只是想知道该取哪件外套 |
| [13:08] | Oh, uh, yeah. It’s the really ugly bomber jacket. | 这样啊 是那件特别丑的飞行员夹克 |
| [13:22] | Goddamn it. | 该死的 |
| [13:26] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [13:37] | Fine. Two can play at that game. | 好 那我也来写 |
| [13:40] | Yeah, whatever you say, Gr… | 随你怎么说吧 格… |
| [13:42] | What? Hang on. What are you doing? | 什么 等等 你在做什么 |
| [13:43] | Um, I’m making a pros and cons list about you. | 我也要列一个你的利弊表 |
| [13:46] | No. No. You can’t do that. | 不行 你不能列 |
| [13:49] | Pros and cons list is my thing. | 利弊表是我独家的 |
| [13:50] | Oh, another con: possessiveness of ideas. | 又一个缺点 强行霸占主意 |
| [13:55] | Right. | 好吧 |
| [14:00] | Just to balance it out. | 两边都看才能平衡 |
| [14:16] | Congratulations. | 恭喜你 |
| [14:17] | Thanks. Yeah, my parents thought 25 was young to get married, | 谢谢 我父母觉得25岁就结婚太早了 |
| [14:21] | but when you know you found the one… | 但当你遇到真命天子… |
| [14:23] | 25? Wow, that’s… that’s a good age. | 25岁 真是…正当妙龄啊 |
| [14:27] | I tested for Ugly Betty when I was 25. | 我25岁时给《丑女贝蒂》试镜来着 |
| [14:30] | Who’s Ugly Betty? | 丑女贝蒂是谁 |
| [14:33] | I’m gonna go. | 我还是走吧 |
| [14:37] | Uh, that’s actually just for the bride… | 那个其实是为新娘准备的 |
| [14:42] | Listen. | 听我说 |
| [14:44] | It’s only fair I warn you what you’re getting into with us. | 如果我不先警告你一下我们的情况 对你不公平 |
| [14:47] | Our lifestyle is straight bananas. | 我们的生活方式特别疯狂 |
| [14:49] | Touring, staying out late, | 巡演 刷夜 |
| [14:51] | living off gum and Code Red. | 只靠吃口香糖喝红色激浪活着 |
| [14:53] | It can be rough on bitches. | 贱人们可能会受不了 |
| [14:55] | Bitches? | 贱人们 |
| [14:56] | Oh. On women. | 你是指女人啊 |
| [14:58] | Yes, Sam, I know. Don’t worry. | 山姆 我都了解的 别担心 |
| [15:00] | I am very pragmatic. | 我这人特别实际 |
| [15:02] | You have to maintain a certain image for the fans. | 你们得在粉丝面前维持特定的形象 |
| [15:05] | Nothing will change. | 什么都不会改变的 |
| [15:07] | Okay, good. | 好 很好 |
| [15:09] | At least until we have a baby. | 至少可以持续到我们有了孩子 |
| [15:11] | But we aren’t planning on starting a family until at least a year. | 但我们至少一年内 都不打算要小孩 |
| [15:16] | A baby? | 孩子 |
| [15:17] | A human-ass baby? | 要个人类死孩子吗 |
| [15:20] | Oh, man. | 天呐 |
| [15:22] | Seems like just yesterday we were skating on Fairfax, | 我们好像昨天还在费尔法克斯滑冰 |
| [15:25] | stealing leftovers from Orthodox Jews coming out of Canter’s. | 从刚走出犹太熟食店的正统派犹太教徒那里偷吃的 |
| [15:28] | Now everything’s getting so serious. | 现在一切都变得严肃起来了 |
| [15:31] | Sam, things change. | 山姆 事情总会改变的 |
| [15:34] | I know it’s scary, but… you’ll be okay. | 我知道那很可怕 但 你会没事的 |
| [15:38] | – What the hell?! – What? | -搞什么 -怎么了 |
| [15:42] | I can’t believe he just did that. | 我真不敢相信他居然会那样做 |
| [15:43] | Ugh. Dale! Dale! | 戴尔 戴尔 |
| [15:45] | Shitstain! | 施斯坦 |
| [15:47] | What happened? | 怎么了 |
| [15:48] | Sam tried to kiss me! | 山姆居然想吻我 |
| [15:50] | What the hell is wrong with you?! | 你他妈的什么毛病 |
| [15:51] | I’m sorry! I’m just highly upset! | 对不起 我只是闹心得不行了 |
| [15:55] | This is all happening so fast. | 这一切都发生得太快了 |
| [15:56] | First, you settling down. And as soon as someone agrees | 先是你安顿下来了 然后一旦有人愿意 |
| [15:59] | to go on a date with Zachary, you know he gonna | 和扎克瑞约会的话 你知道他肯定会 |
| [16:01] | – grab on tight and never let go. – Oh, wait, wait, wait. | -死死握住永不放手 -等一下 |
| [16:03] | Are you talking about someone specific? | 你说的是确有其人吗 |
| [16:05] | Because if someone has expressed interest, | 因为如果有人对我有兴趣 |
| [16:06] | – I’m available. – Look, if you’re afraid | -我单身可约 -如果你害怕 |
| [16:08] | that this is going to affect our work, it’s not. | 这会影响到我们的工作 我保证不会的 |
| [16:11] | We signed our million-year pledge. | 我们承诺过要合作一百万年的 |
| [16:13] | It ain’t the work. | 不是工作的问题 |
| [16:14] | I’m just… | 我只是… |
| [16:17] | I’m just afraid I’m losing my best friends. | 我只是害怕我会失去我最好的朋友们 |
| [16:21] | Sam, you’re never going to lose me as a friend. | 山姆 你永远不会失去我这个朋友的 |
| [16:26] | Look, why don’t you and Zachary give the speech together. | 听着 你为什么不和扎克瑞一起致辞呢 |
| [16:30] | Both of you are my best men. | 你们两个都是我的伴郎 |
| [16:33] | Always will be. | 永远是 |
| [16:35] | All right, man. | 好的 兄弟 |
| [16:36] | Let’s go work on that speech. | 我们改致辞去吧 |
| [16:38] | I go first, obviously. | 我先致辞 显然嘛 |
| [16:43] | You know you can’t be friends with him anymore, right? | 你知道你不能再和他们做朋友了对吧 |
| [16:45] | Yeah, yeah, I know. | 是是 知道 |
| [16:48] | Okay, so far, I have “Takes up too much room in bed,” | 好了 目前为止我写了”在床上总挤我” |
| [16:52] | “Eats pizza with a fork.” | “用叉子吃披萨” |
| [16:54] | So you’re making a list of dumb little negative things about him? | 所以你这是在把他所有的小缺点列成表吗 |
| [16:56] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [17:02] | Is this the dude that wore the bomber jacket? | 这是那个穿飞行员夹克的家伙吗 |
| [17:04] | That feels like one. | 那应该记一笔吧 |
| [17:05] | Yes. Thank you. | 没错 谢谢你 |
| [17:11] | Alex said you were gonna put the coke in the bathroom, man. | 艾利克斯说你会把可卡因放到洗手间的 |
| [17:13] | It’s not there. | 但那里没有 |
| [17:14] | What? I left it under the soap. | 什么 我放到香皂下面了 |
| [17:17] | Dude, I bet you Alex took it. | 我敢说肯定是艾利克斯拿走了 |
| [17:19] | Look, I’m not sure I want to get involved | 听着 如果我们不能信任他 |
| [17:20] | in this cereal restaurant thing if we can’t trust him. | 我觉得我不太想和他一起开麦片餐厅 |
| [17:27] | So, the guy’s, like… | 然后那个人就说 |
| [17:30] | “The boss is up my butt,” | “我快被老板烦死了” |
| [17:32] | and our hero — | 然后我们的主人公 |
| [17:33] | taking everything literally, right? | 总是按字面意思理解所有话对吧 |
| [17:34] | puts his mouth to the guy’s butt, | 用嘴对着那人的屁股 |
| [17:36] | and he’s like, “Are you in there, Mr. Hendrickson? | 大喊”亨德里克森先生 你在里面吗 |
| [17:38] | I’ll save ya.” | 我会救你出来的” |
| [17:41] | That’s hilarious, man. | 太好笑了 |
| [17:43] | Hey! Brian! | 嘿 布莱恩 |
| [17:45] | So good to see you again. | 再见到你真好 |
| [17:47] | I’m sorry. Do I know you? | 不好意思 我们见过吗 |
| [17:50] | Dorothy Durwood. | 多洛希·杜伍德 |
| [17:51] | We worked together on your one-man show. | 我们在你的单人秀节目上合作过 |
| [17:53] | I took tickets. | 我是检票员 |
| [17:54] | Remember after that one show at Birds, | 还记得那次在伯兹的演出后 |
| [17:56] | you dared me to eat an entire rotisserie chicken | 你挑战我 说我不敢吃下一整只柠檬香料烤鸡 |
| [17:59] | and then I did? | 然后我做到了 |
| [18:01] | But then people kind of felt sorry for me, and… | 但之后人们都很同情我 于是… |
| [18:03] | it was kind of a downer all told, | 总的来说就是件令人很沮丧的事 |
| [18:05] | and not ultimately worth it comedically. | 完全不值得被用作喜剧素材 |
| [18:07] | Right! | 对哦 |
| [18:09] | Course. | 当然啦 |
| [18:10] | H-How’s it going? | 你还好吗 |
| [18:12] | Still grinding away at the old improv. | 还在老即兴喜剧界摸爬滚打呢 |
| [18:14] | Been doing it, gosh, like, a decade now. | 天啊 我干这行估计都有十年了 |
| [18:16] | But, yeah, my boyfriend here, he goes and does it | 但是 我这位男朋友 只是稍微展示了下才华 |
| [18:18] | for literally an hour and gets a job, but… | 就迅速拿下一份工作 但是… |
| [18:21] | I’ve got chore monkey shifts, so– you know what that is? | 我还得去当家政工 你知道那是什么吗 |
| [18:24] | Someone literally pays you just over minimum wage | 比如 有人用比最低薪资高那么一点点的薪水 |
| [18:27] | to clean out their fridge, for an example, | 雇佣你去帮他们清理冰箱 |
| [18:29] | and, uh, if you’re real lucky, when you get there, | 如果你足够幸运的话 进屋后你会发现 |
| [18:31] | it’s your ex-boyfriend from college. | 那是你大学时交的前男友的家 |
| [18:33] | Hey, uh, how much do I have to pay you | 问一下 我得付你多少钱 |
| [18:35] | to end this conversation? | 才能结束这场对话呢 |
| [18:38] | Uh, hey, why-why don’t I take you home? | 不如我先送你回家吧 |
| [18:41] | No. No, you’re networking. | 不要 你在社交呢 |
| [18:43] | Go network. | 去社交吧 |
| [18:44] | D-Dorothy? | 多洛希 |
| [18:46] | That was rough. Sorry. | 刚刚我太不留情面了 抱歉 |
| [18:49] | Hey, uh, I found some cocaine in the bathroom. | 对了 我在洗手间发现一点可卡因 |
| [18:51] | Do you want some? | 你想来点吗 |
| [18:59] | You know, actually, | 实际上 |
| [19:01] | I’m looking for an assistant stylist. | 我在找一个助理造型师呢 |
| [19:03] | I’ve stylisted before! | 我以前就当过造型师 |
| [19:05] | I-I dressed this rapper, and we wrote a song | 我曾给一个说唱歌手做过造型 我们共同写了首歌 |
| [19:07] | and smoked a, um… A professional job thingie. | 然后还抽了…一种专业的”工作辅助品” |
| [19:12] | Well, I’d love to run through a few questions with you. | 我想问你几个问题 |
| [19:15] | But you need to know that there is travel required. | 你需要知道 这份工作是需要出差的 |
| [19:18] | You’d have to come with me to Paris a couple of times a year… | 你每年将和我一起去几次巴黎 |
| [19:23] | Oh. Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [19:24] | Um, I’ll be right back. | 我等下就回来 |
| [19:28] | I don’t know, you tell me: | 我不知道 你告诉我啊 |
| [19:30] | is an emu the same thing as an ostrich? | 鸸鹋和鸵鸟是同样的东西吗 |
| [19:32] | I’ll wait. | 我等着 |
| [19:34] | Can you believe this? | 你敢相信吗 |
| [19:35] | Sweetie, I think it’s amazing that you want to work, but… | 亲爱的 我觉得你想工作很棒 但是… |
| [19:39] | it’s only ethical that you tell her you’re with child. | 你必须告诉她你怀着孩子 才是道德的 |
| [19:42] | Paul, this woman dressed Porter Potty | 保罗 这个女人给”移动厕所” |
| [19:44] | for The Good Life premiere | 做过《傲骨生活》的首映礼造型 |
| [19:45] | after being retweeted by Crabby Applepants. | 后来还被”暴躁的苹果裤”转发了 |
| [19:47] | She likes me. Let me handle this. | 她喜欢我 让我来处理 |
| [19:50] | Sorry about that. | 很抱歉 |
| [19:51] | Poachers can be so unreliable. | 偷猎者真是太不靠谱了 |
| [19:54] | Anyway, tell me about you guys. | 好了 跟我说说你们自己吧 |
| [19:56] | – Do you have any children? – Nope. | -你们有孩子吗 -没有 |
| [20:00] | well, that’s not entirely accurate. | 那并不完全准确 |
| [20:02] | Do not take this from me, Paul. | 别害我失去这个机会 保罗 |
| [20:03] | It’s entirely accurate. | 那完全准确 |
| [20:06] | Ma’am, despite my wife’s objections, | 女士 尽管我妻子强烈反对 |
| [20:09] | I feel we have an ethical obligation | 我觉得我们有道德义务 |
| [20:11] | to inform you of something. | 告知你一些事 |
| [20:15] | Lindsay’s pregnant. | 琳赛怀孕了 |
| [20:16] | No, I’m not. | 不 我没有 |
| [20:19] | Lindsay, I can’t let you mislead her. | 琳赛 我不能允许你误导她 |
| [20:21] | She’s pregnant. | 她怀孕了 |
| [20:22] | No! I’m not pregnant, Paul. There is no baby. | 不 我没怀孕 保罗 孩子没有了 |
| [20:26] | I had an abortion. | 我去堕胎了 |
| [20:27] | Lindsay, don’t lie to her. | 琳赛 别对她撒谎啊 |
| [20:29] | I’m not lying. Gretchen drove me. | 我没撒谎 格雷琴开车送我去的 |
| [20:31] | There was a pie flight. I talked to a sign lady. | 当时吃了很多派 我还跟一个签字女交谈过 |
| [20:33] | I did that. | 我真的去做了 |
| [20:35] | Also, I’m leaving you. | 并且 我还要离开你 |
| [20:39] | So this is the big Paris, right? | 所以 是要去大巴黎 对吧 |
| [20:41] | The one with the bread? | 就是面包很出名的那地方 |
| [20:45] | You guys seem like you need some time alone. | 你们似乎需要点时间单独聊聊 |
| [20:47] | Why don’t you call me when you… | 不如你之后打电话给我 |
| [20:50] | figure all this out. | 到时再谈这事 |
| [20:55] | Paul, are you okay? | 保罗 你没事吧 |
| [21:11] | I am allowed to reassess my life. | 我可以重新评估我的生活 |
| [21:14] | You have no say in it. | 你没有权利指手画脚 |
| [21:16] | So I’m just supposed to wait around | 所以我就该在一边等着 |
| [21:17] | until you think I’m worthy of being your girlfriend? | 直到你觉得我值得当你的女朋友吗 |
| [21:19] | That’s bullshit, dude. | 那真扯淡 老兄 |
| [21:21] | Just tell me one of the things on your list. | 告诉我你清单上的一项内容吧 |
| [21:24] | Okay, fine. But only if you tell me one of yours. | 好吧 行 但前提是你也说一项你的 |
| [21:27] | Fine. | 行 |
| [21:29] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [21:31] | “I can’t see having kids with her.” | “我无法想象跟她一起生孩子” |
| [21:36] | Your turn. | 到你了 |
| [21:42] | I’m afraid you’ll never be successful. | 我害怕你永远不会成功 |
| [21:45] | All right, everybody, quiet down. Quiet down. | 好了 各位 肃静 肃静 |
| [21:47] | I’m Sam. This is my boy Zachary. | 我是山姆 这是我兄弟扎克瑞 |
| [21:49] | Now, we know why we’re here today. | 我们知道今天到这是干什么来了 |
| [21:51] | Dale and Jaclyn went and eloped, | 戴尔和杰奎琳私奔了 |
| [21:54] | because they were too cheap to throw a proper wedding. | 因为他们太小气了 舍不得办一场像样的婚礼 |
| [21:58] | “Two people haven’t gotten married that fast | “我很久没见到有哪两个人比他们跑得更快 |
| [22:01] | since Immigration came for my mom’s gardener.” | 上次见还是移民局来抓我妈家的园丁那次” |
| [22:07] | It’s true that this courtship was kind of quick, | 没错 他们的求爱过程的确很迅速 |
| [22:09] | but the thing is, | 但问题是 |
| [22:10] | when your shadow looks like a broomstick with an afro, | 如果你的影子看上去像是顶着非洲特色发型的扫帚柄 |
| [22:14] | you lock down the first girl that lets you touch her titties! | 你会锁定第一个肯让你碰她奶子的女人 |
| [22:18] | “This-this dude is so ugly… | 这家伙实在太丑了 |
| [22:21] | “His dad left his family | 把他爹丑得宁愿抛妻弃子 |
| [22:23] | and asked to go to jail.” | 主动要求入狱 |
| [22:30] | All joking aside, | 暂且不提笑话了 |
| [22:32] | it may seem like they ain’t been dating that long, | 看上去他们的恋爱时间并不长 |
| [22:36] | but when it’s the person you’re meant to be with, | 但是你一旦遇到命中注定的那个人 |
| [22:38] | you know right away. | 你立刻就能察觉到 |
| [22:39] | And as you get to know them, | 当你慢慢了解他们 |
| [22:42] | you only grow to love them more. | 你只会更加爱他们 |
| [22:50] | uh, “Even if it doesn’t work out, | 就算你们婚姻不成功 |
| [22:53] | we all got some wack-ass ceviche out of it, right?” | 我们至少都能吃到一顿超赞的柠汁腌鱼生 对吧 |
| [23:05] | Sorry about that kiss thing. I apologize. | 刚刚吻你老婆那事很对不起 我道歉 |
| [23:11] | I know he stole it. He’s the one. | 我知道是他偷的 就是他干的 |
| [24:02] | Oh. Right. | 噢 对哦 |