| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:59] | Big day today. | 今天可是大日子 |
| [01:00] | I’m meeting with the publishing house | 我要跟出版社的人见面 |
| [01:02] | about the strategy for the new book. | 讨论新书的推广策略 |
| [01:04] | Of course, marketing budg… | 当然 营销预算… |
| [01:07] | Why aren’t you listening to me? I’m fascinating. | 你怎么不听我说话 我这么有魅力 |
| [01:10] | Oh, I’m on a dating app now. | 我在上一个约会软件 |
| [01:11] | I was hoping to find romance, | 我想找个女朋友 |
| [01:13] | but every girl I match with just ends up wanting to be friends. | 可是每次配对到的女孩最后都只想当朋友 |
| [01:15] | Like, on Friday, | 比如周五那天 |
| [01:16] | I’m helping a girl move a futon into her apartment, | 我帮一个女孩搬沙发床到她新家 |
| [01:18] | but we’ve got to be done by 5:00 | 还非得在5点前弄完 |
| [01:20] | because she’s got a date. | 因为她有约会 |
| [01:21] | Well, the good news for you is that | 那我告诉你一个好消息 |
| [01:23] | these sites attract desperate, soon-to-be spinsters | 上这种网站的都是绝望的大龄处女 |
| [01:26] | with the self-esteem of a shelter pet. | 自尊心跟收容所里的宠物差不多 |
| [01:28] | And that knowledge can help you. | 这个知识可以帮到你 |
| [01:31] | Have you tried negging? | 你试过”否定勾搭法”吗 |
| [01:32] | Isn’t that something lame dudes did, like, ten years ago? | 那不是十年前屌丝常用的老套手法吗 |
| [01:35] | Now it’s making a comeback. | 现在又流行起来了 |
| [01:36] | Like pubes and racism. | 就跟阴毛和种族歧视一样 |
| [01:38] | See, to neg, you employ criticism | 所谓的”否定勾搭法”就是 |
| [01:41] | couched as compliments to prey on low self-esteem. | 把批评粉饰成赞美 利用对方的自卑下手 |
| [01:44] | Par exemple, “Oh, I love your top. | 比如 “你的上衣真好看 |
| [01:47] | My mother had the same one before she lost four stone.” | 我妈减掉50斤之前也有一件” |
| [01:50] | I can’t be mean to someone I like. | 我做不到对喜欢的人这么刻薄 |
| [01:52] | Those are the best people to be mean to. | 他们是最适合被刻薄对待的人 |
| [01:54] | They never see it coming… ugly. | 因为他们不会防备这么恶毒的一招 |
| [01:58] | This is the survival of your genes. | 这可是关系到基因流传的生存大战 |
| [02:00] | You have to be aggressive. | 你必须激进一点 |
| [02:02] | Like they say, “Tits or GTFO.” | 就像他们说的 不露奶子就滚犊子 |
| [02:05] | What does that stand for? | 那是什么意思 |
| [02:06] | I’m not sure exactly. | 我也不确定 |
| [02:07] | I think maybe, “Tits… or get thy fanny out.” | 我觉得可能是 不露奶子就露逼 |
| [02:13] | Mm, I could give it a shot. | 好吧 我可以试试看 |
| [02:16] | Maybe we could be app buddies. | 不如我们一起玩约会软件吧 |
| [02:18] | I’m assuming you’re dating now. | 我猜你也开始重新找对象了吧 |
| [02:20] | That would be a “No.” | 并没有 |
| [02:22] | Actually, I’m guardedly excited about how things went | 其实 那晚见到格雷琴后发生的事 |
| [02:25] | – with Gretchen the other night. – Jimmy, | -让我有点开心 -吉米 |
| [02:27] | I think it’s over. | 我觉得你们结束了 |
| [02:28] | No. You heard her. | 不 你也听到她说的了 |
| [02:30] | She said that everything between us was, and I quote, “Okay.” | 对于我们之间发生的一切 她的原话是”好吧” |
| [02:34] | Did you notice how she said it? | 你没注意到她的语气吗 |
| [02:36] | Weird and flat | 平静而诡异 |
| [02:37] | like someone who’s about to do something bad on Facebook Live. | 就像马上要去Facebook直播上做什么坏事 |
| [02:39] | Edgar, bit of advice. | 埃德加 我给你个建议 |
| [02:40] | Try not to dig beneath the surface of things. | 不要去揣测那些深层次的意思 |
| [02:42] | With your pathetic analytic skills, | 就你那点可悲的分析能力 |
| [02:45] | you really should take everything at face value. | 你只要按字面意思来理解就好 |
| [02:47] | You know, like, when I say, “Oh, Edgar, you idiot.” | 比如我说 “埃德加 你这个笨蛋” |
| [03:14] | I’ve gotten it down so I only have to sleep | 我都记下来了 这样每天晚上 |
| [03:15] | three and a half hours a night. | 只需要睡三个半小时 |
| [03:17] | My metal work is more honest in the pre-dawn hours. | 我的思维在黎明前几个小时会比较清晰 |
| [03:23] | That’s so funny! | 太好笑了 |
| [03:24] | Why is that funny? | 哪里好笑了 |
| [03:28] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [03:30] | Watch this. | 瞧好了 |
| [03:34] | Oh, my God, I’m sorry! | 天啊 真是对不起 |
| [03:40] | – Uh, let’s go. – Right. | -走吧 -好 |
| [03:43] | ‘Sup, ninja? Why aren’t you answering your phone? | 哟 忍者 怎么不接电话 |
| [03:46] | Because I’m busy trying different clothes combinations on this… | 因为我忙着将不同的衣服组合套在这个… |
| [03:51] | alive mannequin thingy. | 活体模特身上 |
| [03:54] | Shouldn’t you be at work, too? | 你不是也应该在上班吗 |
| [03:56] | Nah. I was so cranked up | 没 跟吉米一闹 |
| [03:58] | from messing with Jimmy’s head, | 搞得我精神太过兴奋 |
| [03:59] | I decided to blow off work | 我决定翘掉工作 |
| [04:01] | and treat myself to a liquor-store lunch instead. | 用一份酒吧午餐来犒劳自己 |
| [04:07] | So, I forgot to tell you. | 我忘记告诉你了 |
| [04:09] | I had sex with that dummy Ty. | 我跟那个笨蛋泰上床了 |
| [04:11] | – What?! – And then, | -什么 -然后 |
| [04:14] | later that same day, | 就在同一天晚上 |
| [04:16] | – I boned his best friend. – What?! | -我又上了他最好的朋友 -什么 |
| [04:19] | – Should I try a walk, or…? – Shut up! | -我要走台步还是… -闭嘴 |
| [04:21] | Plus, he’s married, so it can’t be a thing. | 而且他还结婚了 所以我们两个没戏 |
| [04:24] | That’s right– two guys in a row, | 没错 一贱双屌 |
| [04:26] | just like senior prom. | 就像毕业舞会一样 |
| [04:31] | Micheladas are much better when they’re cold. | 啤酒鸡尾酒还是冰的更好喝 |
| [04:33] | Lindsay. | 琳赛 |
| [04:35] | Hi, Lindsay’s troubled friend. | 你好 琳赛的”问题朋友” |
| [04:37] | Good news. | 好消息 |
| [04:38] | We just signed to dress Casey Affleck’s lawyer for all future | 我们刚签下个单子 负责凯西·阿弗莱克的律师 |
| [04:41] | court appearances, press conferences and depositions. | 以后出庭 出席新闻发布会和取证的着装 |
| [04:44] | – Looks like Mama’s getting her boat. – That’s amazing! | -老娘终于要有钱买游艇了 -太棒了 |
| [04:47] | Do you want to stay late with me tonight? | 你今晚想和我一起庆祝吗 |
| [04:48] | We can get dinner, force Carl | 我们可以去吃饭 强迫卡尔 |
| [04:50] | to make coffee and froyo runs. Make it fun. | 给我们煮咖啡 做冻酸奶 找乐子 |
| [04:52] | Oh, farts. I promised my sister I’d babysit, | 该死 我答应我姐去给她照顾孩子 |
| [04:55] | but I could cancel if you want me to. | 但是如果你想的话 我可以取消 |
| [04:57] | No, that’s okay. I can harass him by myself. | 不用了 我可以自己骚扰他 |
| [05:00] | Pants… as a hat? | 裤子 当帽子 |
| [05:05] | I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| [05:06] | It’s fun, right? | 很有趣 对吧 |
| [05:10] | Ew. You have to hang out with that ugly-ass baby? | 真恶心 你得去照顾那丑小孩 |
| [05:13] | That thing looks like Billy Corgan fell asleep in a Jacuzzi. | 那小孩就像比利·考根在按摩浴缸中睡着了一样 |
| [05:16] | I know, but thank God I had a legit excuse. | 我知道 但谢天谢地我有合理的借口 |
| [05:19] | Priscilla’s always here. | 普莉希拉总是在这 |
| [05:21] | She eats, sleeps and shits work. | 她吃喝拉撒睡的同时都在工作 |
| [05:23] | I don’t want to shit work, Gretchen. | 我可不想拉的屎都是工作 格雷琴 |
| [05:25] | I once shit out one of those little wooden ice cream spoons, | 我有次拉出了一个小的木制冰激凌勺子 |
| [05:27] | and I couldn’t sit down for a week. | 整个星期都没办法坐下 |
| [05:29] | Hey, want to do something fun? | 话说 想玩点好玩的吗 |
| [05:40] | We would be in the man cave recording the podcast, | 我们会在男人窝里录制播客 |
| [05:42] | so if she cries like a little bitch, just babble at her. | 如果她哭个不停的话 就一直对她叨叨就行 |
| [05:44] | You can say anything on account | 你想说什么就说什么 |
| [05:46] | of her soft-ass baby brain being all stupid and soft. | 因为她的小脑子又傻又软 |
| [05:49] | Check it. Hey, dumb baby. | 瞧着 你好啊 笨蛋宝宝 |
| [05:51] | Guess what Daddy did at work. | 猜猜爸爸上班时做了什么 |
| [05:53] | He used an oscillating bone distractor | 他用振荡骨牵引器 |
| [05:55] | to try and relieve an old lady’s craniofrontonasal dysplasia, | 尝试减轻一位老太太的颅额鼻的异型增生 |
| [05:59] | and we lost her on the table. | 结果她死在了手术台上 |
| [06:00] | Yes, we did. We lost her. | 是的 她死了 |
| [06:03] | Hey, guys. | 大家好啊 |
| [06:04] | This is my GBF, Walter. | 这是我最好的基蜜 沃特 |
| [06:06] | We met at the bar in Gelson’s. | 我们是在吉尔森酒吧认识的 |
| [06:08] | He and his hubby also have a three-month-old. | 他和他老公也有个三个月大的孩子 |
| [06:10] | And I’m definitely the Becca in my marriage. | 在我们的婚姻中 我绝对是贝卡的角色 |
| [06:13] | I would say that Troy is the Vernon, but he has money | 我倒想说特洛伊是弗南 但是他有钱 |
| [06:15] | and a chin. | 还有下巴 |
| [06:19] | – You’re late. – I’m “Saw-wee.” | -你迟到了 -“对吧起呀” |
| [06:21] | I had to leave my job as a professional stylist | 我不得不丢下我专业造型师的工作 |
| [06:24] | so I could babysit for “Fwee.” | 才能来”免费”当保姆 |
| [06:26] | Hey, being a mom is the most important job in the world. | 做妈妈是世界上最重要的工作 |
| [06:30] | Don’t indoctrinate my baby with your libtard bullcrap. | 不要给我的宝宝灌输你那些自由主义的屁话 |
| [06:35] | Normally, I don’t let my sitters bring their friends, | 通常情况下 我是不允许我的保姆带朋友来的 |
| [06:38] | especially when one is clearly intoxicated, | 尤其是其中一个喝醉了 |
| [06:41] | and the other one’s probably in our country illegally. | 另一个还可能是非法移民 |
| [06:45] | I can say that because I voted for Obama. | 我能这么说是因为我投给了奥巴马 |
| [06:48] | – The first time. – Lock her up! | -第一次的时候 -把她关起来 |
| [06:50] | Lock her up! Lock her up! | 把她关起来 把她关起来 |
| [06:55] | Um, I have to run. | 我得走了 |
| [06:57] | Troy’s on this new thing about eating dinner at the table | 特洛伊最近迷上了在餐桌上吃饭 |
| [06:59] | and just talking, like friggin’ psychopaths? | 聊天 就跟狗日的心理变态似的 |
| [07:03] | You should do what I do. | 你应该像我一样 |
| [07:04] | I just make Vernon eat in the car. | 我让弗南在车里吃饭 |
| [07:06] | Joke’s on you. | 傻了吧 |
| [07:08] | I get to eat dinner with Joe Rogan every night. | 我每晚得以和乔·罗根一起吃饭 |
| [07:17] | What?! No! Jon Cryer just canceled. | 搞什么 不 乔恩·克莱尔不来了 |
| [07:19] | Damn it! We can’t just not do the podcast. | 该死 这期播客我们不能不做 |
| [07:22] | We already blew the Red Napkin cash on Tallulah’s eye medicine. | 我们已经把红餐巾的赞助费花在塔卢拉的眼药上了 |
| [07:25] | Gretch, you just had some crazy stuff go down. | 格雷琴 你刚经历了一些疯狂的事 |
| [07:28] | You want to come get deep in the man cave? | 你想去男人窝里好好聊聊吗 |
| [07:29] | Mm. No, Vernon, she doesn’t… she doesn’t want to. | 不 弗南 她不 她不想 |
| [07:32] | Sure. I am owning what Jimmy did to me. | 好啊 我要把吉米对我的所作所为公之于众 |
| [07:34] | I am not living in silence anymore. | 我不要再保持沉默了 |
| [07:39] | Plus, I am drunk as shit on this clam booze, | 而且 我喝高了 |
| [07:41] | so I’m down for whatever. | 所以让我做什么都行 |
| [07:42] | Come on, I’ll get you set up. | 来吧 我带你去准备一下 |
| [07:44] | Listen, when I ask you if you wish you could have | 听着 等我问你是否希望 |
| [07:46] | all your dinner ingredients delivered to your door, say yes. | 将所有食材送货上门时 说希望 |
| [07:49] | I mean, I know that seems obvious, | 我知道这答案是明摆着的 |
| [07:51] | but for some reason, Janeane Garofalo said no. | 但不知为何 詹尼安·吉劳法罗说不用 |
| [08:00] | They’re ready for you. | 他们准备好会见你了 |
| [08:10] | “Simon entered the room as he entered a woman: deliberately, | “萨蒙边进房间边操进那女人的洞 他故意如此 |
| [08:13] | “With no appetite for the bromidic. | 完全无意于平庸 |
| [08:14] | “For Simon, even the humdrum was veined thick | 对萨蒙来说 即使单调也充斥着 |
| [08:17] | – with decadence.” – “With decadence.” | -腐朽” -“腐朽” |
| [08:20] | I’m Candace Sebring, head of marketing. | 我是坎迪丝·希布林 营销主管 |
| [08:22] | This is my rock star team. | 这是我的明星团队 |
| [08:23] | And we all love the book! | 我们都超爱你的书 |
| [08:32] | We have been looking for you for three months! | 我们找你找了三个月了 |
| [08:35] | Our little disappearance artist. | 失踪大师 |
| [08:37] | We can’t wait for you to see the mock-up of your cover. | 我们等不及让你看看书的封面实物模型了 |
| [08:40] | Yes. Well, it is a tricky one, | 太好了 封面确实难定 |
| [08:42] | what with having to capture the tenor and zeitgeist | 因为要捕捉到伦敦那三个迥异时期的 |
| [08:45] | of three wildly different periods in London’s… | 主旨和时代精神 |
| [08:50] | 吉米·希瓦-奥弗利 《桃色世家》 | |
| [08:55] | I’m, um… I’m-I’m just confused, | 我…我有点困惑 |
| [08:57] | because that looks like a sex book for horny airport ladies. | 因为那看着像是给饥渴机场女看的激情肉文 |
| [09:03] | My book is, of course, literature. | 我的书是文学 |
| [09:06] | Oh, Jimmy. No, this is just marketing. | 吉米 这只是营销手段 |
| [09:08] | We want your genius to have the best possible chance to succeed. | 我们希望你的天分有最大的可能成功 |
| [09:12] | Which is why we’re putting it in the erotica section. | 所以我们要上架在情色作品区 |
| [09:16] | If it’s marketed as erotica and it’s in the erotica section, | 如果是按情色作品营销 并且上架在情色作品区 |
| [09:20] | then it’s erotica. | 那它就是情色作品 |
| [09:21] | If what’s inside is literature, it’s literature. | 如果内容是文学 那就是文学 |
| [09:25] | Then why not market it as literature? | 那为什么不当文学作品来营销 |
| [09:27] | Because nobody buys literature. | 因为没人买文学作品 |
| [09:28] | They do buy erotica. | 大家都买情色作品 |
| [09:30] | And they’re definitely gonna buy this erotica. | 并且绝对愿意买这本情色作品 |
| [09:32] | You just said it’s not erotica! | 你刚还说这不是情色作品 |
| [09:34] | Which is what makes it so erotic. | 这样才显得更情色啊 |
| [09:36] | Imagine what happens when an overworked mom | 想象一下 一个疲惫的妈妈 |
| [09:38] | lights her scented candles, slips into her bubble bath, | 点上香薰 浸入泡泡浴 |
| [09:42] | opens your book and realizes | 打开你的书 然后发现 |
| [09:44] | this isn’t just sexy as hell– | 这书不仅十分香艳激情 |
| [09:46] | it’s actually a really good book. | 内容本身也非常不错 |
| [09:48] | She’ll squirt so hard, that tub will overflow! | 她的淫水如泉涌般喷出 从浴缸里漫出来 |
| [09:52] | Besides, we’ve already paid | 况且 我们已经买了 |
| [09:53] | for the most prominent spots in all the major chains. | 各大连锁书店最显眼的位置 |
| [09:56] | Right next to some of our other hot titles. | 跟我们其他的热销书同列 |
| [10:02] | Bye! | 再见 |
| [10:03] | Jimmy. Jimmy. | 吉米 吉米 |
| [10:06] | Jimmy, we’re doing a reading tonight at The Straining Corset. | 吉米 我们今晚要在”紧身胸衣”办读书会 |
| [10:09] | Some of our authors from our Silk Sheets line are reading, | 几个”丝绸被单”排行榜上的作者将倾情献读 |
| [10:12] | and we’re hoping that you will, too. | 我们希望你也能参与 |
| [10:15] | All of the top erotica bloggers and tastemakers will be there. | 所有顶级情色博客博主和风尚领头人都会到场 |
| [10:20] | At least… think about it. | 至少 考虑一下 |
| [10:31] | Wow. As if. | 搞得跟真的一样 |
| [10:36] | Unbelievable! | 难以置信 |
| [10:39] | – Seriously? – Stop it! | -不是吧 -够了 |
| [10:42] | I’m trying to stare at this baby real quick. | 我在尝试快速紧盯宝宝 |
| [10:45] | Well, Jimmy told me to neg these girls, | 吉米让我用否定勾搭法对付这些女人 |
| [10:46] | but I just keep getting back all sorts of rude comments | 但我一直收到各种恶评 |
| [10:49] | and no titties whatsoever. | 完全没人露奶子给我看 |
| [10:51] | It’s like they don’t even care if they get thy fannies out. | 就好像她们根本不在乎能不能露阴 |
| [10:55] | What’d you write? | 你发了些什么 |
| [10:58] | “Damn, girl, what’s up with those nostrils? | “天啊 美女 你的鼻孔是怎么了 |
| [11:00] | You Airbnb’ing them shits?” | 你是要挂在网上出租吗 |
| [11:02] | “Titties or GTFO.” | 要么露奶子 要么滚犊子” |
| [11:03] | That would work on me, | 那个套路对我倒是会管用 |
| [11:04] | but why are you talking like that? | 不过你为什么这样说话 |
| [11:06] | It sounds wrong. Like if your cat started barking. | 听着不对劲 就好像猫开始像狗一样叫 |
| [11:09] | – Oh, my God, how cute would that be? – I know! | -天啊 那多萌啊 -是吧 |
| [11:10] | – That would be so cute! – As soon as I said it, | -那会超萌的 -我一说出口 |
| [11:11] | I was like, “Aw!” Aw! | 就觉得萌化了 |
| [11:14] | Well, being nice didn’t work. | 客气友善行不通 |
| [11:17] | And doing Jimmy’s strategy of being mean didn’t work. | 吉米那种刻薄策略也行不通 |
| [11:20] | So… what can I do? | 那…我还能怎么办 |
| [11:22] | Give up. Die alone. | 缴械投降 孤独终老 |
| [11:24] | Or– oh, and stay with me here– what if I combine | 或者…跟着我的思路走 如果我将 |
| [11:27] | the intensity of my natural, intimate approach | 私下与人交往时的天然热情 |
| [11:30] | with the aggressive manipulation of negging? | 与尖锐的损人劲儿结合起来呢 |
| [11:33] | That’s ridiculous. It’ll never work. | 简直荒谬 不可能成功的 |
| [11:35] | I’m gonna go practice this in the place | 我要去一个 |
| [11:37] | where all the greatest flirting is done: | 绝妙调情场所练习一下 |
| [11:40] | – the toilet. – The toilet. I was gonna say that. | -厕所 -厕所 我也正要说呢 |
| [12:07] | And once I realized it wasn’t some elaborate heckle | 等我终于反应过来 这不是精心策划的整蛊 |
| [12:09] | and he really wasn’t coming back, | 而他也不会再回来了之后 |
| [12:11] | I walked down toward the Hollywood Bowl to get a signal. | 我就朝着好莱坞露天剧场的方向下山找信号 |
| [12:15] | I almost got trampled by a pack of | 我差点被一群50多岁 |
| [12:17] | wine-drunk 50-year-olds with picnic baskets, | 带着野餐篮的醉汉糟蹋 |
| [12:19] | but my cab finally came. | 好在我的出租车终于到了 |
| [12:23] | I just can’t believe what I’m hearing. That’s not Jimmy. | 我简直不敢相信自己的耳朵 吉米才不会这样 |
| [12:26] | You must have misunderstood. | 你一定是误会了 |
| [12:28] | – How? – Unknown. | -怎么个误会法 -我也不知道 |
| [12:30] | You just had to have. No way. | 但肯定是你搞错了 那是不可能的 |
| [12:32] | Jimmy is way too manly a boss to punk out on a bitch like that. | 吉米可是条汉子 不会用这样的方式甩女人的 |
| [12:36] | I just want to say that you are so brave | 我想说的是 你可真有勇气 |
| [12:38] | for showing your face after that humiliation. | 蒙受了这种奇耻大辱后 还敢露面 |
| [12:41] | I would’ve changed my name, cut off all my hair, | 换做是我 大概会隐姓埋名 剪掉头发 |
| [12:45] | gotten a neck tattoo, | 在脖子上纹个身 |
| [12:47] | joined a golf league at the local par 3, | 加入当地的三洞高尔夫社团 |
| [12:51] | maybe rent a little efficiency | 或许在水天相接的 |
| [12:53] | in Marina Del Rey where the water meets the sky and… | 玛丽安德尔湾租一间小公寓 |
| [12:56] | a woman can just live her life out loud | 一个女人完全可以活得张扬 |
| [12:58] | without judgment or labels… | 无需任何评判和标签 |
| [13:02] | Whatever. He’s the one who should be ashamed, not me. | 随便了 反正该羞愧的人是他才对 不是我 |
| [13:05] | I know Jimmy better than anybody. | 我比任何人都更了解吉米 |
| [13:06] | He could never do something like that. | 他绝不会做这样的事 |
| [13:08] | It was probably some cool-ass prank | 那倒是像杰米·肯尼迪 |
| [13:09] | like Jamie Kennedy would do. | 搞出来的恶作剧 |
| [13:11] | Jimmy is a psychopath. | 吉米就是个神经病 |
| [13:14] | I woke up in the middle of the night one time, | 我有次半夜醒来 |
| [13:16] | and he was editing a picture of my feet | 发现他在那种美颜软件上 |
| [13:19] | on one of those Facetune apps. | 修一张我脚的照片 |
| [13:20] | I once walked in on him | 我有次还撞见他 |
| [13:21] | masturbating to a story written by an 11-year-old. | 对着11岁小孩写的故事打飞机呢 |
| [13:25] | That was supposed to be sexy moaning. | 本该是个性感呻吟声效的 |
| [13:27] | Stop it! Stop ripping on my best friend! | 闭嘴 都别再攻击我最好的朋友了 |
| [13:31] | I am just glad to be done with the whole thing! | 我挺高兴的 这档子事算是了结了 |
| [13:33] | Sure, I’m out some rent money, but it’s a small price. | 没错 我损失了一点租金 但这代价算小了 |
| [13:36] | Wait a minute, | 慢着 |
| [13:36] | you paid rent in advance? | 你预付租金 |
| [13:38] | Yeah, like, half a year. | 是啊 半年的 |
| [13:39] | I was once right up on that same hill | 我曾站在同一座山的山顶 |
| [13:42] | getting proposed to by Jimmy. | 被吉米求婚 |
| [13:43] | I said no and you said yes, | 我拒绝了 你同意了 |
| [13:45] | which really adds extra humiliation for you. | 那显得你的耻辱更大了 |
| [13:48] | But that’s not the point. The point is, | 但这不是重点 重点在于 |
| [13:51] | why does Jimmy get to decide everything? | 凭什么一切都由吉米说了算 |
| [13:54] | Yeah! He disappeared | 没错 他凭空消失 |
| [13:56] | and I don’t get to live in my house anymore? | 我还不能继续住自己的房子吗 |
| [13:58] | – Stop it! – It’s not fair! | -都打住 -太不公平了 |
| [14:00] | That butthole can’t do that! | 那混蛋不能这样做 |
| [14:01] | You guys can’t say that stuff about my friend! | 你们不能这样说我的朋友 |
| [14:04] | I’ll walk out! | 我走了 |
| [14:05] | This is my show! | 这是我的节目 |
| [14:06] | Did you ever catch him plucking his nipple hairs? | 你见没见过他拔自己乳头上的毛 |
| [14:09] | That’s it! | 够了 |
| [14:10] | Podcast over! | 节目到此结束 |
| [14:11] | Hey! We have a financial commitment, mister. | 喂 我们可是有财务承担的 先生 |
| [14:14] | Oh, yeah. | 好吧 |
| [14:17] | Just joking around there, guys. Ha-ha. | 各位 我刚是在开玩笑呢 哈哈 |
| [14:20] | You guys, | 各位 |
| [14:21] | I love Ned Rapkin so much. | 我超级喜欢”餐红巾” |
| [14:24] | Are you ever in the mood | 不知道你们想不想 |
| [14:26] | for a spinach and fried leek “Frittoto” | 吃一个菠菜加炸韭菜馅的煎蛋饼 |
| [14:29] | surrounded by a bed of “Rugala…” | 配着乳酪卷… |
| [14:44] | 坎迪丝: 你要是也在场就好了 | |
| [15:01] | 献给格雷琴 感谢你陪我一起孤独 | |
| [15:15] | What’s wrong? | 怎么了 |
| [15:17] | In the middle of messaging all these girls, I just… | 在和这些姑娘发信息的过程中 我… |
| [15:20] | started thinking about the relationship you and I have– | 开始想到你我之间的关系 |
| [15:22] | whatever it is– and how, yeah, | 不管那是什么关系 总之 |
| [15:25] | we’re just a couple of wild cards who don’t add up to much, | 我们只是不重要的存在 没什么太大用 |
| [15:27] | but if nothing else during this time, | 但这段时间要说有什么收获 |
| [15:31] | I learned firsthand just… | 那就是我亲身感受到 |
| [15:34] | how absolutely amazing you are. | 你是一个多么美好的人 |
| [15:37] | Me? | 我吗 |
| [15:38] | Your smile. | 你的笑容 |
| [15:40] | The way your eyes catch fire when you laugh. | 你笑起来时眼里散发的光芒 |
| [15:43] | I mean, sure, you regularly get outwitted by dogs, | 虽然 很多时候 狗都比你聪明 |
| [15:46] | but that’s what makes you unique. | 但那正是你的独特之处 |
| [15:47] | And yeah, you get Doritos stuck in your eyebrows sometimes, | 并且 你的眉毛里有时会沾着玉米片碎屑 |
| [15:50] | but I still want to make out with you all the time, | 但我依然无时无刻不想和你亲热 |
| [15:53] | because our connection, despite whatever, | 因为不管怎样 我们之间的亲密联系 |
| [15:55] | it’s true and deep and good. | 是真实 深刻且美好的 |
| [16:00] | Now I’d love to see those beautiful bosoms of yours, | 现在我想看你那对美丽的奶子 |
| [16:04] | if I might. | 如果可以的话 |
| [16:06] | Yeah. Okay. | 好啊 行 |
| [16:16] | Wouldn’t work, huh? | 你还说这招不会成功 |
| [16:19] | You! | 你个死鬼 |
| [16:20] | You cannot bring that technique into the world, Edgar. | 你绝不能把那招数带到这世上来 埃德加 |
| [16:23] | It’s too dangerous. | 太危险了 |
| [16:31] | Your Uncle Edgar is a bad man. | 你的埃德加叔叔是个坏人 |
| [16:34] | He’s gonna make all the girls show him their titties. | 他将让所有姑娘把奶子露给他看 |
| [16:37] | I don’t know what titties are | 我不知道奶子是什么 |
| [16:39] | because my mommy doesn’t let me suck on hers. | 因为我妈妈不让我吸她的 |
| [16:45] | Give me the thing. | 把这玩意儿交给我吧 |
| [16:53] | How’s the podcast? | 播客做得怎么样 |
| [16:54] | I hate Jimmy. Why is your boob out? | 我恨吉米 你奶子怎么露出来了 |
| [16:56] | I was showing it to Edgar. | 我刚才掏出来给埃德加看 |
| [16:58] | It’s not weird. We’re doing it. | 一点都不怪 我们在上床 |
| [17:00] | What?! Why?! Since when?! | 什么 为什么 几时开始的 |
| [17:02] | For a while. Don’t worry, we just bang. | 有一阵子了 别担心 我们只是打炮 |
| [17:04] | And do mouth stuff. And he loves the booty. | 也口交 他超爱我的屁股 |
| [17:06] | Ew. Ew. Wait. | 恶心 等等 |
| [17:09] | You don’t do it on the couch where I sleep, do you? | 你们没有在我睡觉的沙发上做吧 |
| [17:11] | Oh, yeah, all the time. | 有啊 做了好多次 |
| [17:13] | Oh, that reminds me, Gretchen, | 那倒提醒我了 格雷琴 |
| [17:15] | you should definitely buy a new pillowcase. | 你绝对应该买个新的枕头套 |
| [17:20] | “His tongue explored her inner sanctum | “他的舌头探索她体内的秘境 |
| [17:22] | “With varying degrees of fervor, | 带着不同程度的热情 |
| [17:25] | “Whimsy giving way to desperation. | 浮躁的心情屈服于绝望 |
| [17:27] | “On her uncle’s farm, Chastity had seen newborn kittens | 在她叔叔的农场 查丝媞媞[贞节]见过新生的小猫 |
| [17:31] | “And foals licked clean by their mothers. With careful… “ | 和小马驹被它们的妈妈舔干净 小心翼翼…” |
| [17:35] | I knew you’d show. | 我就知道你会来 |
| [17:36] | Ugh, did I put the mustache on crooked? | 我的胡子贴歪了吗 |
| [17:39] | – I’m not reading. – Listen, Jimmy, | -我不会读的 -吉米 |
| [17:41] | I’ve done my research, | 我调查过了 |
| [17:41] | and I know you need this now more than anything. | 我知道你现在迫切需要这个机会 |
| [17:44] | It’s been a while since your last significant paycheck. | 你已经很久没有大额收入了 |
| [17:46] | House isn’t gonna pay for itself. | 房子可不会自己付贷款 |
| [17:50] | This is anathema to everything I love about literature. | 这亵渎了我对文学全部的热爱 |
| [17:54] | Genre, groupies, fandom… | 流派 追星族 粉丝文化 |
| [17:57] | I can’t really think of a good analogy right now, | 我一时想不出好的类比 |
| [17:59] | but why pre-judge something before you’ve even tried it? | 但为何还没尝试过就预先批判某个事物呢 |
| [18:04] | Oh, and amazing news, | 还有个好消息 |
| [18:05] | People magazine read the book and they want to do a profile, | 《人物》杂志看了你的书后想做专访 |
| [18:08] | because a little white girl hasn’t been murdered in a while, | 因为有一阵子没有白人小女孩被谋杀了 |
| [18:10] | but that clock is ticking. | 但这机会转瞬即逝 |
| [18:13] | Jimmy, I think this book could really be a thing. | 吉米 我觉得这本书肯定能大获成功 |
| [18:17] | That’s why I need you to get up there. | 所以我需要你到台上去 |
| [18:20] | “…with the taste of her.” | “…品尝着她的味道” |
| [18:24] | Thank you. Buy the book. | 谢谢 请买我的书 |
| [18:31] | Up next, | 下一位 |
| [18:32] | we have one of our most exciting new writers. | 是最令人激动的新锐作家之一 |
| [18:35] | A man who can take a World War II bombing raid | 他能将二战空袭题材 |
| [18:38] | and turn it into a sensual siege on your entire body. | 变成对你整个身体施加的情欲围攻 |
| [18:44] | Please join me in welcoming | 请大家和我一起欢迎 |
| [18:46] | the author of the forth coming, the Width of a Peach, | 即将出版的”高潮”迭起的佳作《桃色世家》的作者 |
| [18:51] | Jimmy Shive-Overly. | 吉米·希瓦-奥弗利 |
| [19:06] | When I set out to write the sexiest, erotic literary novel | 当我打算写出自《波特诺伊的怨诉》之后最性感 |
| [19:13] | since Portnoy’s Complaint, | 最情色的文学小说 |
| [19:16] | I knew I was going to ruffle a few feathers. | 我知道我肯定会引发一些人的不满 |
| [19:18] | Take off your pants! | 把你的裤子脱了 |
| [19:45] | “Simon stroked himself gently…” | “萨蒙轻轻地将肉体…” |
| [19:53] | Becca, we’re leaving. | 贝卡 我们要走了 |
| [19:55] | Yo, we getting paid or what? | 我们到底有没有工资拿 |
| [19:59] | Becca? | 贝卡 |
| [20:06] | Jesus Christ! | 天啊 |
| [20:12] | What the hell is wrong with you?! | 你是有什么毛病 |
| [20:13] | Tallulah needs you, and you’re passed out drunk. | 塔卢拉需要你 你却喝醉酒昏睡过去了 |
| [20:16] | Yeah! We want our money, too, bitch. | 没错 我们还想要工资呢 贱人 |
| [20:18] | Eh, what happened? | 发生什么事了 |
| [20:22] | I’m not dirty. | 我身上不脏啊 |
| [20:23] | Drag that deadbeat out of the shower | 把那具死尸从浴室拖出去 |
| [20:25] | and force-feed her coffee till it shoots out of her butt. | 强行给她灌一壶咖啡 直到咖啡从她屁股漫出来 |
| [20:33] | I guess I didn’t realize it, | 或许我一直没意识到 |
| [20:35] | but I never actually felt love before in my life. | 但我这辈子以前从未感受到过爱 |
| [20:44] | Not real love anyway. | 没有感受到真正的爱 |
| [20:46] | But as I stared at that baby, | 但当我盯着那个孩子时 |
| [20:49] | I felt my heart swell. | 我觉得我的心都融化了 |
| [20:55] | And in that moment, I knew | 在那一刻 我知道 |
| [20:58] | that even though the magical feeling came | 尽管这种神奇的感觉 |
| [21:01] | with the possibility of one day losing it, | 将来有一天可能会消失 |
| [21:04] | the pain would totally be worth it. | 那种痛苦也是完全值得的 |
| [21:17] | All of my life, | 我这一生 |
| [21:18] | I’d been trying to resist that feeling, | 一直在抗拒那种感觉 |
| [21:21] | but I couldn’t anymore. | 但我无法继续抗拒下去了 |
| [21:26] | And that knowledge forced me to really think about my future. | 这一认识迫使我真正去思考我的未来 |
| [21:30] | Because, you see, it was all too vulnerable, and… | 因为 那一切都太脆弱了 |
| [21:35] | I never want to feel that way again. | 我再也不想有那种感觉了 |
| [21:38] | I never want to care about something that might go away. | 我再也不想去在乎将来可能会失去的东西 |
| [21:43] | So, I choose… | 所以 我选择 |
| [21:47] | for my job to be my everything. | 让工作成为我的一切 |
| [21:51] | Just like you, Priscilla. | 就跟你一样 普莉希拉 |
| [21:54] | Just like you. | 就跟你一样 |
| [21:56] | What the hell are you talking about? I’m married. | 你在胡说八道些什么 我结婚了 |
| [21:59] | I have two kids and three stepkids. | 我有两个孩子和三个继子 |
| [22:01] | Emily is 32, and we get Botox together. | 艾米莉都32岁了 我们一起去打肉毒杆菌 |
| [22:04] | What? Then why are you in the office all the time? | 什么 那你为什么整天耗在办公室里 |
| [22:08] | Because there’s a lot of work to do. | 因为有很多工作要做 |
| [22:13] | Well, I’m still choosing my job. | 反正我还是要选择我的工作 |
| [22:15] | Okay, sure, whatever. | 好吧 行 随便吧 |
| [22:17] | Eh, can I have an eggroll now? I’m starving. | 能给我个蛋卷了吗 我快饿死了 |
| [22:34] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [22:34] | 吉米·希瓦-奥弗利凭借《桃色世家》 让我们震撼得无以复加 | |
| [23:15] | Gretchen? | 格雷琴 |
| [23:19] | What are you doing here? | 你到这里来干什么 |
| [23:20] | What do you mean? This is my home. | 你什么意思 这里是我家啊 |
| [23:23] | I never moved out. | 我又没搬出去 |
| [23:25] | You just brought a bunch of my stuff, unasked, to Lindsay’s, | 你未经我同意 把我的一些东西拿去了琳赛家 |
| [23:28] | where I happened to be staying for a little while. | 我只是暂住在她那里而已 |
| [23:32] | But now I’m back here, | 但现在我回来了 |
| [23:33] | where I already paid rent, because why wouldn’t I be? | 我可是付了房租的 我为什么不回来呢 |
| [23:38] | I didn’t do anything. | 我又没做错什么 |
| [23:40] | You did. | 是你做的 |
| [23:43] | Now, get out of my room. | 好了 滚出我的房间吧 |
| [23:49] | Jack FM. | 杰克FM |
| [23:50] | Like if the worst kid in detention | 就好像被留校的最顽劣的孩子 |
| [23:52] | had sex with a radio station. | 跟电台做爱了 |
| [23:54] | If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, | 如果你有任何问题 评论或担忧 |
| [23:56] | e-mail it to Jack at stick it up your dot com. | 请发电邮到”杰克干你丫的”网 |