| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:52] | Is that a costume, or are you headed to a mushroom hunt? | 你那是戏服 还是要去采蘑菇？ |
| [00:56] | Hold the sass, ma’am. | 先别忙着讽刺我 女士 |
| [00:58] | I’m Frida Kahlo, I’ve had an epiphany about my expiration date. | 我是弗里达卡罗 突然顿悟到了自己的大限日 |
| [01:03] | Finally, you’ve realized it’s bullshit. | 你终于知道那是胡扯了 |
| [01:04] | Blowing past. | 过去的事就不提了 |
| [01:06] | Do you know what “FOMO” is, Grace? | 你知道错失症是什么吗 格蕾丝？ |
| [01:09] | “Fear Of Missing Out.” Ha. | “错失恐惧症” |
| [01:12] | Yeah, it’s what the Millennials cry when they miss the cool pool party. | 就是千禧一代错过精彩的泳池派对时 痛苦哀嚎的原因 |
| [01:16] | Whiny babies. | 哭哭啼啼的孩子 |
| [01:17] | Wrong. | 错了 |
| [01:19] | Seniors invented FOMO. | 是老年人发明了错失症 |
| [01:20] | We’re the ones who need to worry about missing out on the good stuff. | 我们才是真正应该担心错过好事的人 |
| [01:24] | But I found a FOMO hack. | 但我发现了应对错失症的法子 |
| [01:27] | We know that I’m biting the big one on August 27th. | 我们都知道 我的大限日是8月27日 |
| [01:32] | Why do you have a dentist appointment on the 28th? | 那你28日那天干吗还要约牙医？ |
| [01:34] | That’s the only time she can see me. | 她只有那时有空见我 |
| [01:37] | The point is, I have two-and-a-half months left. | 问题是 我还剩两个半月 |
| [01:41] | Hence, today is Halloween, tomorrow New Year’s, etcetera. | 因此 今天是万圣节 明天是新年 我要好好享受一下 |
| [01:45] | So, Grace, I ask you, are you ready to rumble? | 所以格蕾丝 我要问你 你准备好大干一场了吗？ |
| [01:49] | I’m ready to get off this fucking boat. | 我准备好从这艘船上下来了 |
| [01:55] | Thank you. Put your back into it. | Thank you. 谢谢 使点劲 谢谢 -欢迎上岸 -你牙齿上有根睫毛 |
| [02:00] | -Welcome ashore. -You’ve got eyebrow on your teeth. | |
| [02:05] | I didn’t know that Coyote set a wedding date. | 我都不知道凯奥迪定好了婚期 谢天谢地 我让他们定在七月了 |
| [02:08] | Ah. I got them to commit to July, thank God. | |
| [02:12] | I used to go geode hunting with this woman who owns a llama ranch, | 我过去经常跟一个女人去找紫晶 她有一个羊驼牧场 |
| [02:16] | so I was able to get us in even though it’s peak llama season. | 所以就算是羊驼高峰期 我还是成功预定上了 |
| [02:19] | Only cost 50 geodes. | 只花了50颗紫晶 |
| [02:21] | It’ll be my first wedding at a petting zoo. | 那会是我第一次在宠物动物园 参加婚礼 |
| [02:24] | What a sad, sad life you’ve had. | 你的人生好可悲 |
| [02:26] | -You can’t move Election Day. -That’s what mail-in ballots are for. | -选举日你是动不了的 -所以邮寄选票才存在啊 |
| [02:31] | I took the liberty of filling yours out. | 我还自作主张 把你的选票填了 |
| [02:33] | You need to sign it. I did that too. | 你只需签名 我也帮你签了 |
| [02:35] | -So who am I voting for? -Oh. | 那我投给了谁？ |
| [02:38] | It took some convincing, | 我花了点时间决定 |
| [02:40] | but I finally got you to vote for Monica Lopez. | 但最终帮你投给了莫妮卡洛佩兹 老天 下次扔之前把针头别上去 |
| [02:43] | Ow! God, next time, close it before you throw it. | |
| [02:48] | -Who’s Monica Lopez? -She’s incredible. | -莫妮卡洛佩兹是谁？ -她可厉害了 |
| [02:51] | Thirty years ago, she was a domestic worker | 30年前 她是一个女仆 |
| [02:54] | and she got fired by this horrible family. | 然后被一户恶毒的人家解雇了 |
| [02:57] | On her long walk home, she vowed to change her life. | 在走回家的漫漫长路上 她立志改变自己的人生 |
| [03:01] | -And she did. -She does look familiar. | -她做到了 -她看起来确实有点眼熟 |
| [03:04] | Who’s the horrible family? | 那户恶毒的人家是谁？ |
| [03:06] | They don’t know that yet, but Reddit is on it. | 大家还不知道 但红迪网已经在查了 |
| [03:09] | What’s keeping those trick-or-treaters? | 那些要糖的小孩怎么还不来？ |
| [03:13] | June. | 因为现在是六月 |
| [03:24] | Monica who? | 哪个莫妮卡？ |
| [03:25] | Lopez. | 洛佩兹 |
| [03:27] | She’s running for Congress. | 她要竞选国会议员 |
| [03:29] | Sol has three of her campaign signs out front. | 索尔在门前立了三块她的竞选标语牌 |
| [03:32] | And one right over there. | 那边还有一个呢 |
| [03:36] | Well, let’s see what Sol’s been blabbering on about. | 让我看看索尔一直在唠叨什么 “你搭配勃肯凉拖穿的袜子 应该叫‘勃肯袜’” |
| [03:40] | Ah. “The socks you wear with Birkenstocks should be called Birkensocks.” | |
| [03:46] | Oh, here. | 这里 |
| [03:47] | Monica Lopez. | 莫妮卡洛佩兹 |
| [03:49] | Yes, she has a dramatic story about going to law school | 对 她有很传奇的背景 被一户恶毒的人家解雇后 |
| [03:53] | after a horrible family fired her. I remember. | 她去上了法学院 我想起来了 |
| [03:56] | I’m glad you’ve learned to take notes for the unimportant file. | 我很高兴你学会了 给不重要的文件做笔记 |
| [03:59] | How about that? You can teach an old dog new tricks. | 很厉害吧 老狗也能学艺 |
| [04:02] | Here’s some news for you, old dog: | 那我告诉你一件事 老狗子 我们就是那户恶毒的人家 |
| [04:05] | -Mm? -We’re the horrible family. | |
| [04:13] | I’m thinking about taking a stand-up comedy class. | 我在考虑上脱口秀培训班 |
| [04:19] | Oh, that’s a good one. | 真好笑 |
| [04:25] | -Oh, you’re serious. -It’s cool. | -你是认真的啊 -没关系 |
| [04:27] | I can take your heartless laughter because as a comic, I have thick skin. | 我能接受你无心的嘲笑 因为作为喜剧演员 我脸皮很厚 |
| [04:30] | And when did you become a comic exactly? | 你什么时候成了喜剧演员？ |
| [04:33] | When I won “best effort” at the middle-school talent show. | 在中学才艺秀上拿到最佳努力奖时 |
| [04:36] | I got braces in middle school. You don’t see me bringing those back. | 我上学时还戴牙套呢 但我没想过再戴上 |
| [04:39] | I have seen you trying to bring those back. | 我见过你偷偷戴牙套 |
| [04:41] | -Oh, yeah. -How about a little support? | -好吧 -你支持一下我嘛 |
| [04:45] | Of course. Of course. | 没问题 |
| [04:49] | It’s just such a weird choice for you. | 这对你来说是个好奇怪的选择 |
| [04:51] | Do you think you’re that funny? | 你真觉得自己很幽默吗？ |
| [04:55] | Just ask anyone I’ve ever been in an elevator with. | 你随便去问跟我同坐过电梯的人 |
| [04:58] | Okay, there’s “held captive” funny, | 好吧 有“不得已才笑”幽默 |
| [05:00] | and then there’s “people who can leave” funny. | 也有“不好笑就走人”幽默 |
| [05:02] | I can be “people who can leave” funny. | 我就是“不好笑就走人”的类型 |
| [05:06] | Oh, you don’t believe me? | 你不相信我吗？ |
| [05:09] | I bet I can get laughs off of Jessica’s parents today. | 我打赌今天一定能让 杰西卡的父母开怀大笑 |
| [05:11] | Ooh, a bet. | 你要打赌啊 |
| [05:13] | Seems like a great addition to your family thing | 你家的又一大优良传统 |
| [05:15] | I didn’t want to go to in the first place. Yes. | 我本来不想说的 绝了 |
| [05:17] | Boy, that steroid cream makes you mean. | 老天 你抹了类固醇药膏后好刻薄 |
| [05:23] | Hey, everybody, listen up. | 嘿 大家听好了 |
| [05:26] | We have some news. | 我们有事要宣布 |
| [05:28] | Unfortunately the llama ranch was shut down. | 很不幸 羊驼牧场停业了 |
| [05:31] | Turns out some of the llamas were underage. | 原来是一些羊驼还未成年 |
| [05:35] | What does this mean? | 你这话什么意思？ |
| [05:36] | It means we have to postpone the wedding a bit. | 意思就是我们得稍微推迟一下婚礼 |
| [05:39] | How–? Wait, wait. For how long? | 怎么…等一下 推迟多久？ |
| [05:41] | Until November 9th. | 推迟到11月9日 |
| [05:42] | Luckily they had an opening at Potato Chip Rock. | 好在薯片岩那里能订上 |
| [05:46] | No, no, no. | 不行 |
| [05:47] | -Autumn will not work. -Oh, I disagree. | -秋天不行 -我不同意 |
| [05:50] | November is great. | 十一月很不错啊 |
| [05:51] | Sufficient time to give notice to all our guests. | 有足够的时间通知所有宾客 |
| [05:54] | My cousin Debbie is coming down from Manitoba. | 我表妹黛比要从曼尼托巴过来 |
| [05:57] | Fun fact about Manitoba: they have a huge prairie skink population, | 关于曼尼托巴的一个冷知识 那里草原石龙子泛滥 |
| [06:02] | which, as I say it out loud, is a fact, but not that fun. | 不过我讲出来后才发现 这虽然是事实 但貌似不够冷 |
| [06:07] | Would Cousin Debbie be interested in coming | 你的黛比表妹有兴趣 |
| [06:10] | for a full-moon beach ceremony in two weeks? | 两周后参加满月沙滩婚礼吗？ |
| [06:13] | -Two weeks? -My dress won’t be in yet. | -两周？ -我的婚纱做不好的 |
| [06:16] | Shh. She’ll offer to knit you one. | 她会提议给你织一条 |
| [06:17] | I sure will. | 我肯定会的 |
| [06:18] | I’ve never heard of anyone getting married on a potato chip before. | 我从未听说过有人在薯片上举行婚礼 |
| [06:21] | What do we throw, sour cream and onions? | 我们该扔什么 酸奶油还是洋葱？ |
| [06:24] | Are you doing live theater? | 你是在搞现场秀吗？ |
| [06:27] | Because I hate live theater. | 因为我讨厌现场秀 |
| [06:29] | Well, I think you’ll make a beautiful November groom. | 我觉得你一定会是一位 英俊的11月新郎 |
| [06:35] | But he’d also be a beautiful July groom. | 但他也能成为英俊的7月新郎 |
| [06:38] | -There’s still the matter of Debbie. -It’s two whole weeks. | -还有黛比表妹的事呢 -整整两周呢 |
| [06:42] | What, is she traveling by coconut horse? | 她是骑椰子马过来吗？ |
| [06:45] | Frankie, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but the answer is no. | 弗兰基 我很感激你的热情 但是不行 |
| [06:49] | What if I promised a private serenade by Canadian legend Celine Dion? | 如果我保证加拿大人席琳迪翁 单独为你们唱一首小夜曲呢？ |
| [06:54] | I challenge Cousin Debbie to miss that. | 黛比表妹肯定不会想错过 |
| [06:57] | Cousin Debbie is deaf. | 黛比表妹是聋子 |
| [07:00] | I feel like we’re bending over backwards for Cousin Debbie. | 我感觉我们过于迁就黛比表妹了 |
| [07:04] | Mom, drop it. Okay? | 妈妈 算了 好吗？ |
| [07:05] | Planning this wedding, it’s stressful enough. | 计划婚礼已经够压力山大了 |
| [07:07] | We’re lucky we got a spot at Potato Chip Rock. | 能预定上薯片岩 我们其实很幸运 |
| [07:10] | We hiked up there on our first date. | 我们第一次约会就爬上了那里 |
| [07:13] | It’s perfect. | 太完美了 |
| [07:14] | It looks like you’re standing on a Pringle. | 看起来就像站在品客薯片上 |
| [07:17] | But you’re a Doritos man. | 但你喜欢吃多力多滋啊 |
| [07:19] | Frankie, the kids should get married on whatever snack food they want. | 弗兰基 两个孩子有自由选择 要站在什么零食上结婚 |
| [07:24] | Right. | 对 |
| [07:25] | As long as it’s before August 27th. | 只要是在8月27日之前就行 |
| [07:31] | The heat is on. | 现在热度很大 |
| [07:34] | Reddit is trying to unmask the horrible family. | 红迪想曝光这户恶毒的人家 |
| [07:37] | What’s a Reddit? | 红迪是什么？ |
| [07:38] | I’m told it’s a group of angry boys on the Internet. | 我听说是网上一群愤青 |
| [07:41] | The story isn’t true. | 不是她说的那样 |
| [07:42] | We wouldn’t fire someone for unjust reasons. | 我们不会无辜解雇别人 |
| [07:45] | Exactly. | 就是啊 |
| [07:47] | We fired her for smoking in the house. Remember? | 我们因为她在房子里抽烟 解雇了她 你还记得吗？ |
| [07:50] | Our wall-to-wall carpeting always reeked of cigarettes. | 我们的整室地毯总是一股烟臭味 |
| [07:54] | Oh, my God. | 老天 |
| [07:56] | We had wall-to-wall carpeting? | 我们铺过整室地毯？ |
| [07:58] | In our home? | 在我们家吗？ |
| [07:59] | And she stole. Remember? | 她还偷东西 你记得吗？ |
| [08:02] | I’d buy cookies, and boxes would disappear by the shelf-full, | 我会买饼干 本来架子上全是满的 但饼干盒会不见 |
| [08:06] | and then you figured out it must be her taking the cook… | 然后你觉得肯定是她偷了饼… |
| [08:10] | Oh, dear God. It was you? | 老天爷 是你吗？ |
| [08:13] | You ate the cookies? | 是你吃了饼干？ |
| [08:17] | Of course I did. | 当然是我 |
| [08:18] | I was a repressed man and I needed an eatlet. | 我当初心情压抑 需要吃泄 |
| [08:21] | -A what? -An eatlet. | -你说什么？ -吃泄 |
| [08:25] | An outlet to eat my feelings. | 一种通过吃发泄感情的办法 |
| [08:28] | So you stole cookies from your children and framed our housekeeper? | 所以你偷了自己孩子的饼干 嫁祸给了我们的清洁工？ |
| [08:32] | You could have at least given her a ride home. | 你至少该开车送她回家 |
| [08:35] | -They said she walked 10 miles. -Well, I assumed she had a car. | -他们说她走了16公里 -我以为她有车 |
| [08:38] | -Yeah. -Jesus. | -好吧 -老天 |
| [08:41] | We were horrible. | 我们那时真是恶毒 |
| [08:42] | But we’re not the same people we were then. | 但我们现在已经变了 |
| [08:45] | I mean, I’m gay. | 我现在是同性恋 |
| [08:47] | What the hell does that mean? | 这话什么意思？ |
| [08:48] | It means as a member of a marginalized group, | 意思是我是边缘群体的一员 |
| [08:51] | I understand that Monica’s injustice is my injustice. | 我能对莫妮卡受到的不公感同身受 |
| [08:55] | Oh, come on. | 拜托 |
| [08:57] | The only injustice around here | 这里唯一的不公 |
| [08:59] | is you wiping out the Keebler Elf population in one sitting. | 就是你一口气吃光了基布勒精灵饼干 |
| [09:02] | My point is, we’ve changed for the better. | 我的意思是 我们变好了 |
| [09:04] | Yeah, but if the Reddit boys figure this out, | 好吧 但要是让那些红迪愤青知道 |
| [09:08] | we are going to be crucified. | 我们会被钉死在十字架上 |
| [09:10] | I don’t want to be remembered as somebody that terrorized a young woman. | 我可不想留给世人 一个恐吓年轻女性的形象 |
| [09:15] | I want to be remembered as the Bonida Bandida. | 而是柏妮达班迪达的形象 |
| [09:19] | Sure you do, honey. | 肯定了 亲爱的 |
| [09:20] | What about you? You want to be remembered for your gay John Adams, | 你呢？你想被世人记作 同性恋约翰亚当斯 |
| [09:23] | or for your crimes against Monica? | 还是欺负莫妮卡的罪人？ |
| [09:25] | I wasn’t playing him gay, I was gay when I was playing him. | 我没把他演成同性恋 我扮演他时已经是同性恋了 |
| [09:28] | But I see your point. | 但我懂你的意思 |
| [09:31] | Is there anybody that knows our true identity and would talk? | 有没有谁知道我们的真实身份 然后会说出去？ |
| [09:37] | Mallory and the other one. | 玛洛琳和另一个人 |
| [09:41] | The other one would give us up in a heartbeat. | 另一个会毫不犹豫出卖我们的人 |
| [09:43] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [09:45] | Ooh. | |
| [09:48] | You’re bombing. | 你刚才真是炸场 |
| [09:49] | Usually there’s an emcee to warm up the crowd. | 一般都会有主持人暖暖场 |
| [09:52] | All I had was Jody’s endless story about extreme couponing. | 我只有乔迪不停地唠叨 省钱折价王的梗 |
| [09:55] | She bought a boat with coupons. | 她用优惠券买了一艘船呢 |
| [09:57] | She’s a freaking wizard. | 她简直是一位女巫 |
| [09:59] | You think I don’t know that? | 你以为我不知道吗？ |
| [10:01] | I can’t follow a wizard. | 我跟不上女巫 |
| [10:08] | Frankie. | 弗兰基 |
| [10:09] | What the hell are you doing? | 你这是干吗？ |
| [10:11] | Seizing the day, what’s it to you? | 只争朝夕啊 你觉得呢？ |
| [10:14] | I haven’t seen you this pushy since you broke someone’s nose | 自从你那次为了拿到香草冰的签名 打断了别人的鼻子 |
| [10:17] | trying to get Vanilla Ice’s autograph. | 我就没见你这么强势过 |
| [10:20] | And I was pretty bummed when it turned out not to be him. | 结果那人不是他 我超失望 |
| [10:22] | So why are you trying to shotgun this wedding? | 你干吗要这么着急办婚礼？ |
| [10:27] | Because I’m dying. | 因为我要死了 |
| [10:34] | And that’s when your mother fired her and unknowingly birthed a movement. | 你们妈妈就是在那时解雇了她 不知不觉间催生了一场运动 |
| [10:40] | Thank you, Robert. | 谢谢 罗伯特 |
| [10:42] | -Holy shit. -I can’t believe this. | -老天爷 -真是不可思议 |
| [10:45] | You’re the horrible woman who fired Monica Lopez? | 你是那个解雇了洛佩兹的恶毒女人？ |
| [10:49] | We were the horrible family. | 我们是那户恶毒的人家 |
| [10:52] | We were just kids. | 我们当时只是孩子 |
| [10:54] | Look, did we have blind spots? Yes. | 听着 我们有疏忽吗？当然有 |
| [10:57] | I mean, it was the ’90s. | 毕竟那时是1990年代 |
| [10:58] | But we’ve changed. | 但我们已经变了 |
| [11:00] | Yeah, we had carpeting back then. | 对 我们当时还铺地毯呢 |
| [11:02] | If you treat people badly, it will come back to haunt you. | 如果你让别人受了委屈 迟早会遭到反噬 |
| [11:06] | I’ve always known I came from terrible people, | 我一直觉得自己爸妈不是好人 |
| [11:08] | but it would be so validating if everyone knew. | 但如果所有人都知道 那就肯定是真的了 |
| [11:11] | What about Monica’s second-hand smoke? | 那莫妮卡的二手烟呢？ |
| [11:13] | We had to think of you girls inhaling it as you played, uh… | 我们得想到你们会吸入二手烟 在玩… |
| [11:17] | Hearts and– And beads and such. | 心和…心和串珠游戏的时候 |
| [11:20] | Brianna, you were the one that screamed bloody murder for days | 布丽安娜 她害你的芭比娃娃衣服缩水后 |
| [11:23] | when she shrunk your Barbie clothes. | 是你放声嚎哭了好几天 |
| [11:25] | Now that I think of it, that was the tipping point. | 现在想想 我觉得那件事就是临界点 |
| [11:28] | The Beach Barbie clothes? | 沙滩芭比的衣服吗？ |
| [11:30] | And I specifically told her to hang-dry the bikini. | 我专门告诉她要悬挂领晒比基尼 |
| [11:35] | Oh, my God, I’m part of the problem. | 老天 我也是罪魁祸首之一 |
| [11:38] | Mom, please tell me you didn’t accuse Monica of that. | 妈妈 拜托你没把那件事 怪在莫妮卡头上 |
| [11:41] | Who else would it have been? | 不然我能怪谁？ |
| [11:43] | I mean, maybe that Rochelle girl next door? | 或许隔壁罗谢尔家的女儿？ |
| [11:46] | The one who ate bugs? | 就那个吃虫子的？ |
| [11:48] | Roly-Poly Rochelle? | 甲壳虫罗谢尔吗？ |
| [11:51] | She had the heart of an angel. | 她有一颗金子般的心 |
| [11:53] | It was me. | 是我 |
| [11:58] | No way. | 不可能 |
| [12:00] | You never did anything wrong. | 你从未做过错事 |
| [12:02] | You were like a Stepford child. | 你小时候就是完美的孩子 |
| [12:04] | I am a real person. | 可我也是人 |
| [12:06] | A person with feelings. | 一个有感情的人 |
| [12:09] | And you can only get noogied by Brianna so many times | 我气到把布丽安娜的芭比比基尼 放进烘干机里 |
| [12:11] | before you snap and put her Barbie bikini in the dryer. | 也是因为被她欺负太多次了 |
| [12:14] | It was a cry for attention. | 我是为了引起你的注意力 |
| [12:16] | Which failed and then cost Monica her job. | 但你失败了 导致莫妮卡丢了工作 |
| [12:22] | Wow, Mallory, wow. | 哇 玛洛琳 真是的 |
| [12:24] | Oh, yeah? | 你认真的吗？ |
| [12:26] | Why don’t you tell them who was really smoking in the house? | 你为什么不告诉他们 究竟是谁在家里吸烟？ |
| [12:35] | You were nine. | 你那年才九岁 |
| [12:37] | Are you kidding me? | 你是在逗我吗？ |
| [12:38] | Elsbeth? | 艾斯贝丝？ |
| [12:40] | We’ve had this intervention before. | 我们之前干预过了 |
| [12:42] | Oh, they all bleed together. | 他们倒是挺同仇敌忾的 |
| [12:45] | Sol, please. | 索尔 拜托 |
| [12:46] | I’ve dreamed of walking Coyote down the aisle | 自从我们收养凯奥迪那天起 |
| [12:48] | ever since the day we adopted him. | 我就梦想着陪他走红毯 |
| [12:50] | I can’t risk missing it. | 我真的不能错过 |
| [12:52] | There are no assurances that any of us will be here in six months. | 可是谁都不能保证 我们六个月后还在这个世界上 |
| [12:57] | You think I’m not scared? | 你以为我不害怕吗？ |
| [13:00] | I worry-weep into my pillow at night. | 我晚上担心得都把枕头哭湿了 |
| [13:02] | But it’s just part of aging. | 但这就是衰老 |
| [13:05] | Where’s the fight in you, man? | 你身上那股斗劲哪去了？ |
| [13:06] | What can we do? | 我们能怎么做？ |
| [13:08] | We can’t cheat death. | 我们又跑不过死神 |
| [13:10] | Duh. | |
| [13:12] | But we can cheat time, if my Avatar sequel is to be believed. | 但我们跑得过时间 如果人们相信我说的《阿凡达》续集 |
| [13:16] | It is not. | 不会有人相信 |
| [13:18] | Look, all we have to do is convince them to have a summer wedding. | 听着 我们只需说服他们 在夏天举办婚礼 |
| [13:23] | Frankie, this wedding is not about you. | 弗兰基 你不是婚礼的主角 |
| [13:28] | It’s about Coyote and Jessica. | 凯奥迪和杰西卡才是 |
| [13:32] | When you say it that way, you make me sound selfish. | 你那么说显得我很自私 |
| [13:37] | I see your point. | 我懂你的意思了 |
| [13:39] | Good. | 那就好 |
| [13:40] | Now wipe that “Carpe Diem” off this cake | 行了 你就别再想着及时行乐 |
| [13:44] | and let’s show Allen and Jody your normal side. | 让艾伦和乔迪看看你正常的一面 |
| [13:48] | Okay, buster, I will drop the wedding business, | 好吧 臭老头 我不会再管婚礼的事 |
| [13:51] | but you have a lot of nerve asking me to be normal. | 但你胆子真大 居然让我当正常人 |
| [13:56] | Is Frankie okay? | 弗兰基没事吧？ |
| [13:58] | She seems a little frantic. | 她貌似有些烦躁 |
| [13:59] | She’s fine. | 她没事 |
| [14:00] | She fell off a horse at Medieval Times. | 她在中世纪餐馆剧场从马上摔下去了 |
| [14:03] | Oh, goodness. Did she get a traumatic brain injury? | 老天 那她是不是伤到了脑袋？ |
| [14:07] | That would explain a few things. | 这样很多事就解释得通了 |
| [14:09] | No, no. I was joking. | 不 我开玩笑的 |
| [14:11] | Oh. | |
| [14:14] | Coyote worked at Medieval Times for about five summers, | 凯奥迪在中世纪餐厅剧场 工作了五个夏天 |
| [14:17] | two of which he can remember. | 有两个他还能回想起来 |
| [14:19] | I was the squire for the red knight. | 我当时扮演红骑士的侍从 |
| [14:22] | A fancy way of saying “cleaned up horse poo in a cape.” | 说白了就是“披着斗篷清理马屎” |
| [14:28] | Hey, everyone. Frankie and I wanna make a toast. | 嘿 各位 我和弗兰基请大家举杯 |
| [14:33] | To the new members of our family: | 敬我们家的新成员 |
| [14:36] | Allen and Jody, we are so honored to have you here. | 艾伦和乔迪 你们大驾光临 我们倍感荣幸 |
| [14:41] | And, Jessica, you’re a dream. | 还有 杰西卡 你太美好了 |
| [14:43] | And I’ve always wanted Allison to have a sister. | 我一直希望艾莉森能有个姐妹 |
| [14:46] | Score. | 没错 |
| [14:47] | So thank you for making our boy so happy. | 谢谢你让我们儿子这么开心 |
| [14:52] | Think he’s happy now, should’ve seen him last week. | 你要是觉得他现在开心 真应该开看他上周的样子 |
| [14:54] | He made a cool five G’s with a blind bet on an obese camel. | 他盲目下注给一头过度肥胖的骆驼 赚了五千块呢 |
| [14:58] | -I think the camel was actually blind too. | 那头骆驼好像也是瞎眼 |
| [15:02] | -What? -Bud– | -什么？ -巴德 |
| [15:03] | But not as blind as Coyote, who was married to a lady | 但没有凯奥迪那么瞎眼 因为他跟一个叫 |
| [15:06] | named Missy Pachangas. | 米西帕昌加斯的女人结了婚 |
| [15:09] | Don’t worry, folks, they’re divorced now. | 别担心 各位 他们已经离婚了 |
| [15:12] | The camel’s single too. | 那头骆驼也是单身 |
| [15:14] | You were married before? | 你结过婚？ |
| [15:16] | Don’t blame yourself. In this family, it’s hard to keep up. | 你别自责 在这个家里 很容易就落伍 |
| [15:20] | Our honeymoon money came from a camel race? | 我们度蜜月的钱来自骆驼赛跑？ |
| [15:23] | You told me that was a profit-sharing teacher’s bonus. | 你跟我说是利润共享教师的奖金 |
| [15:25] | Oh, God. | 老天 |
| [15:27] | First rule of economics, kiddo: | 孩子 经济学第一原则 |
| [15:29] | public schools don’t give teacher bonuses. | 公办学校不会给教师发奖金 |
| [15:32] | Okay, I screwed up. | 好吧 我搞砸了 |
| [15:35] | Why would you lie to her about that? | 你为什么要骗她？ |
| [15:37] | Because the truth sounded bad. | 因为实话很不中听 |
| [15:40] | You think that sounded bad, | 你觉得实话不中听 |
| [15:41] | you should’ve heard the camel cross the finish line. | 那真该听听那头骆驼 跨越终点线时的声音 |
| [15:50] | Bud, stop. Shut up. Really. Shut up. | 巴德 闭嘴 真的 你给我闭嘴 |
| [15:52] | We can laugh about this. We just have to get over the hump. | 大家笑一笑嘛 笑开了就好 |
| [15:56] | I think we’ve had enough live theater. | 你别再表演现场秀了 |
| [15:58] | Honey, I need some help yelling at you in the other room. | 亲爱的 你跟我走 我得去别的地方教训你一下 |
| [16:05] | What is up with you? | 你怎么回事？ |
| [16:07] | Nothing. I swear. It’s just me being stupid. | 没什么 我发誓 我就是犯傻了 |
| [16:12] | You know, to be human is to be fallible. | 人都会犯错 |
| [16:16] | Isn’t that the incredible thing about hitching your horse | 把自己的快乐全都赌在别人身上 |
| [16:20] | to someone else’s wagon? | 这样岂不是很好？ |
| [16:22] | In that spirit, I’d like to propose a toast– | 这样的话 我建议咱们干一杯… |
| [16:25] | Sol, the moment has passed. | 索尔 现在已经没那个气氛了 |
| [16:27] | Maybe the perfect way to say “I’m sorry” is to say “I do.” | 或许最佳道歉方式是说“我愿意” |
| [16:32] | -Frankie– -I’m serious. | -弗兰基… -我是认真的 |
| [16:34] | I could get you a street-legal wedding today. | 我今天就能给你们举办一场 街头合法婚礼 |
| [16:37] | Oh, Frankie, Vanilla Ice is on the phone for you in the kitchen. | 弗兰基 香草冰在厨房的电话上等你呢 |
| [16:42] | I don’t believe you, but I can’t take the risk. | 我才不信 但我冒不起这个险 |
| [16:46] | I’ll be back in a jiff. | 去去就回 |
| [16:48] | So… | 所以… |
| [16:50] | she really did fall off a horse at Medieval Times? | 她真的在中世纪餐厅剧场中 从马上摔下来过吗？ |
| [16:57] | You were chain-smoking in pigtails and you let us accuse Monica? | 你还是黄毛丫头时就是老烟民了 还让我们错怪莫妮卡？ |
| [17:03] | My God, child. What are you capable of? | 老天 孩子 你都能做出什么事？ |
| [17:06] | I was stressed. | 我当时压力太大了 |
| [17:09] | Hey, at least Monica got out. We had to stay and grow up in this family. | 嘿 至少莫妮卡脱身了 我们还得在那个家熬着 |
| [17:12] | What was so traumatic about your childhood? | 你的童年又有什么创伤性经历？ |
| [17:15] | That I didn’t let you watch Ren & Stimpy? | 我不让你看《莱恩与史丁比》吗？ |
| [17:18] | Cartoons are for kids who go to recess. | 小孩子休闲时才会看动画片 |
| [17:21] | Exactly. You never let me be a kid. | 没错 你从来不让我当小孩 |
| [17:25] | You made me carry a Lee Iacocca lunchbox. | 你让我带李艾科卡午餐盒去学校 |
| [17:27] | The only thing in it was a Wall Street Journal. | 里面唯一的东西是《华尔街日报》 |
| [17:29] | Oh, well, I’m so sorry that I prioritized your education. | 很抱歉我把你的教育放在了首位 |
| [17:33] | Well, what about my education? All I got was carrot sticks and lip gloss. | 那我的教育呢？ 你只给我胡萝卜条和唇釉 |
| [17:38] | I wanted everybody to go with their strengths. | 我只是想因材施教 |
| [17:42] | What was your strength exactly? | 那你的才能是什么？ |
| [17:45] | Pretending like you weren’t in a loveless marriage? | 假装自己不是困在 没有爱情的婚姻里吗？ |
| [17:49] | Oh, yeah, guys, that lack of love part was hard not to notice. | 对 两位 你们不爱对方的事实 很难被发现 |
| [17:54] | Might have affected us. | 或许还影响到我们了 |
| [17:55] | I probably would still be smoking | 我要是没学会 |
| [17:57] | if I hadn’t learned a healthy way to redirect my anger. | 找到健康的方式重新定向愤怒 或许现在还会抽烟呢 |
| [18:00] | You know, outwards, toward humanity. | 就是对人类发泄出来 |
| [18:03] | Okay, look, I did the best I could. | 好吧 听着 我尽力了 |
| [18:08] | Maybe I gave you the wrong things, but I tried to give you something. | 或许我给与你们错误的东西 但我至少给过你们东西 |
| [18:13] | My mother didn’t even notice if I went to school. | 我妈甚至都不会注意到我上学去了 |
| [18:15] | Didn’t even notice if I came back. Didn’t notice if I snuck a drink. | 她甚至没发现我回来了 也没发现我偷酒 |
| [18:20] | I always assumed I’d be a better mother than she was. | 我一直以为自己会是比她更好的妈妈 |
| [18:24] | I guess the bar wasn’t very high. | 看来标准也不怎么高 |
| [18:27] | Gee. | |
| [18:30] | Grandma was a bitch. | 外婆太恶劣了 |
| [18:32] | Both your grandmas. | 你们奶奶也是 |
| [18:39] | I hid in the closet with éclairs | 我为了避开她 |
| [18:42] | and travel magazines to avoid my mother. | 拿着泡芙躲在柜子里看旅行杂志 |
| [18:46] | Pez? | 吃糖吗？ |
| [18:47] | Vodka. | 我有伏特加 |
| [18:49] | God. | 老天 |
| [18:50] | I cannot believe I fired a hardworking woman | 真不敢相信 我因为没办法面对 |
| [18:54] | because I couldn’t face how miserable we all were. | 我们的悲惨生活而辞退了 一个辛勤工作的女仆 |
| [19:01] | Oh, God, girls, I am so sorry. | 老天 女儿 我真的很抱歉 |
| [19:05] | Oh, no, ew, Mom, please stop. | 别 妈妈 快打住 |
| [19:08] | Just– It’s too late for us. Save it for Monica. | 现在道歉对我们来说太迟了 你还是给莫妮卡省着吧 |
| [19:11] | We do owe her quite the apology. | 我们确实欠人家一个真诚的道歉 |
| [19:13] | Yeah, but we can’t ask her to alleviate our guilt | 对 但都这么久了 我们没办法求她 |
| [19:16] | after all this time. | 减轻我们的内疚感 |
| [19:17] | Why don’t we just out ourselves to the vigilantes? | 不如我们直接去找那些义务警员吧？ |
| [19:21] | Let them really go at us. | 让他们狠狠批判我们 |
| [19:23] | Or do what we all know we’re going to do | 或者做我们心知肚明的一件事 |
| [19:25] | and write her a fat check. | 给她一张丰厚的支票 |
| [19:27] | What’s the amount that says, | 要多少钱才能表示出 |
| [19:29] | “We’re not asking for redemption, but we’re open to receiving it”? | “我们不求赎罪 但愿意接受你的原谅”？ |
| [19:37] | Frankie, you promised you were going to leave this alone. | 弗兰基 你答应我不再搅和的 |
| [19:41] | Don’t you see what’s happening? Coyote lied to her. | 你没看出来是什么情况吗？ 凯奥迪骗了她 |
| [19:44] | That’s Number 6 on our list of warning signs. | 这是我们警报信号清单上的第六条 |
| [19:47] | He hasn’t pulled a Coyote since he’s been sober. | 他自从戒瘾后就没犯过 |
| [19:50] | You heard. He’s on edge with this wedding. | 你也听到了 婚礼的事都要害他崩溃了 |
| [19:52] | Remember Warning Sign Number 3? | 还记得警报信号清单第三条吗？ |
| [19:54] | -“Freaking out before a big event.” -Yes. | -“重要关头崩溃” -对 |
| [19:57] | Remember what happened in 2010? | 还记得2010年的事吗？ |
| [19:59] | Lady Gaga wore a dress made out of meat. | 嘎嘎小姐穿了一件肉做的裙子 |
| [20:02] | Yes, but it was also the year Coyote had the longest happy streak of his life. | 对 但也是在那一年 凯奥迪开心的时间最久 |
| [20:06] | He was dating that lovely girl who smelled like cucumbers. | 他在跟一个闻起来像黄瓜的 可爱女孩约会 |
| [20:10] | She helped him get that great job at the record label. | 她帮他在唱片商店 找了那份很不错的工作 |
| [20:13] | And then he did too much cocaine, even for a record label. | 然后他吸了太多可卡因 比那帮搞音乐的吸得还凶 |
| [20:19] | Why does our beautiful boy refuse to believe he deserves happiness? | 我们儿子为什么拒绝相信 自己值得幸福呢？ |
| [20:23] | That’s why we have to get him to the altar. | 所以我们得让他结婚啊 |
| [20:25] | The sooner the better. | 越早越好 |
| [20:28] | If you’re gonna keep doing this, | 如果你还想这么做 |
| [20:29] | maybe more jokes, less insulting your family? | 或许多开点玩笑 不要再冒犯你的家人？ |
| [20:32] | It’s called roasting. | 这叫吐槽 |
| [20:33] | You don’t roast someone in front of their future in-laws. | 你不能当着人家岳父岳母的面吐槽 |
| [20:36] | -You just made them all miserable. -Oh, trust me, that is not true misery. | -你让他们惨不忍睹 -相信我 这还不算真的惨 |
| [20:41] | I know because I’m a divorce lawyer. | 我之所以知道 因为我是离婚律师 |
| [20:43] | I deal in true misery. Day in, day out. | 我天天对付各种惨事 |
| [20:46] | And I’m trying to get out of that | 我只是想摆脱那种生活 |
| [20:49] | and into something that might bring me some joy. | 做点或许能让自己开心的事 |
| [20:51] | This is about you trying to get out of your job? | 你是想不干律师了吗？ |
| [20:55] | Is stand-up a way to let off steam, | 你说脱口秀是为了发泄情绪 |
| [20:57] | or are you telling me you’re looking for a new career? | 还是你在寻找新的职业？ |
| [21:00] | I just want to be able to explore something else. | 我就是想探索一下其他可能性 |
| [21:03] | And this could be my way out. | 这可能会是我的出路 |
| [21:06] | No more dealing with dickhead clients | 不再跟那些多付我钱 |
| [21:08] | that pay me extra to screw over their life partners. | 给自己的人生伴侣找不痛快的 白痴客户打交道 |
| [21:16] | These Dementors are sucking my soul out | 这些摄魂怪用我的肠子当吸管 |
| [21:19] | through my eyeballs with a straw made of my own innards. | 从眼珠子里插进去 慢慢吸走我的灵魂 |
| [21:22] | -Jesus. -Sorry to be so graphic. | -老天 -我不该说这么血腥 |
| [21:30] | How long have you felt this way? | 你有这种感觉多久了？ |
| [21:33] | More and more lately. Exponentially, the last few weeks. | 最近越来越强烈 尤其是过去几周 |
| [21:38] | I’m so sorry. | 真的很抱歉 |
| [21:40] | Me too. | 我也是 |
| [21:41] | I just wish you would’ve talked to me | 我只希望你在 |
| [21:44] | before jumping 30 steps ahead and planning a Netflix comedy special. | 大刀阔斧计划出Netflix喜剧特辑前 先跟我聊聊 |
| [21:47] | Yeah, it sounds silly when you say it out loud. | 对 你这么一说 感觉挺傻的 |
| [21:51] | Hey, you know I want you to be happy. | 嘿 你知道我希望你开心 |
| [21:55] | It’s just– It’s complicated when you have a family. | 只是…有了家庭事情就变得复杂了 |
| [22:01] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [22:04] | Maybe I just hit a wall, and I need to work through it. | 或许我只是撞到了墙 我需要想办法穿过去 |
| [22:09] | But are you gonna be okay with being a divorce lawyer? | 但离婚律师你还能当下去吧？ |
| [22:13] | Yes. | 能 |
| [22:18] | -I don’t know what got into me. -Mm. | 我不知道自己是中了什么邪 |
| [22:21] | I’ve got you, I’ve got Faith. | 我有你 还有费丝 |
| [22:24] | -I’ve got everything I ever wanted. -Mm. | 我要什么有什么 |
| [22:27] | -Except… -Never gonna happen. | -除了… -不可能 |
| [22:39] | Done. The Hansons just made | 好了 汉森一家 |
| [22:41] | a very generous donation to Monica’s campaign. | 刚刚对莫妮卡的竞选团队慷慨捐款 |
| [22:45] | You can’t put a price on a clear conscience. | 千金难买问心无愧 |
| [22:47] | Wanna bet? | 你要打赌吗？ |
| [22:48] | You owe me $1000. | 你欠我一千美元 |
| [22:50] | Wait, you guys. | 你们先等一下 |
| [22:53] | It wasn’t us. | 不是我们 |
| [22:55] | What? | 什么？ |
| [22:57] | Reddit just identified the family, | 红迪找到了那户人家 |
| [22:59] | and it’s George and Henrietta Sanderson. | 是乔治·桑德森和亨丽埃塔·桑德森 |
| [23:02] | -You’re kidding. -Well, how about that? | -你在开玩笑 -真是意外 |
| [23:06] | Any chance we can get our money back? | 我们能要回钱吗？ |
| [23:08] | -Can we do that? -No. | -可以吗？ -不行 |
| [23:10] | Well, maybe. | 或许吧 |
| [23:11] | Forget it. | 算了吧 |
| [23:13] | We may not be the horrible family, but we were horrible enough. | 我们或许不是那户恶毒的人家 但我们也好不到哪去 |
| [23:16] | We did all that emotional work for nothing. | 刚才的感情宣泄全浪费了 |
| [23:19] | I was bordering on introspection there for a minute. | 我差点就开始反省了 |
| [23:23] | But this is good news. | 但这是好消息 |
| [23:25] | We weren’t the worst. | 我们不是最烂的人 |
| [23:27] | That’s something. | 这很了不起啊 |
| [23:28] | Yeah, we should put it on our family crest. | 对 我们应该把这话放在家族徽章上 |
| [23:31] | “We weren’t the worst.” | “我们不是最烂的人” |
| [23:34] | To not being the worst. | 敬不是最烂的人 |
| [23:36] | To not being the worst. | 敬不是最烂的人 |
| [23:41] | We’re just asking you to hit the pause button. | 我们只是让你们暂停一下 |
| [23:45] | Five days ago you didn’t even know he was married. | 五天前你都不知道他结婚了 |
| [23:48] | To be fair, I didn’t know I was married. | 说句实在的 我自己都不知道 |
| [23:51] | What’s the harm in postponing the wedding? | 推迟一下婚礼也没什么大碍吧？ |
| [23:53] | -Just for a while. -Thank you, Allen. | -就推迟一小段时间 -谢谢 艾伦 |
| [23:56] | And now to Frankie, tagging in. | 现在让弗兰基说几句 |
| [24:00] | I agree with you in that we’re talking about a wedding. | 我同意你的看法 因为这是婚礼 |
| [24:03] | But let’s tie this knot ASAP. | 但我们还是尽快搞定 |
| [24:06] | Frankie, I just need a minute. | 弗兰基 我需要缓一下 |
| [24:08] | I’m not past the fact that you lied to me. | 你骗我的事还没过去呢 |
| [24:10] | I can explain the lie. | 谎言的事我可以解释 |
| [24:12] | Sometimes Coyote gets a little nervous before a big event. | 有时候凯奥迪在重要关头会紧张 |
| [24:16] | Surely we can all relate to that. | 我们当然都可以理解 |
| [24:19] | Weddings can be traumatic for the happiest of couples. | 即便是最幸福的情侣 婚礼也可能会带来创伤 |
| [24:22] | I threw up in a bird bath before mine. | 我大婚前就吐在了鸟盆了 |
| [24:26] | You can stop making excuses for me. | 你们不要再为我找借口了 |
| [24:28] | I am 40 years old. | 我都40岁了 |
| [24:30] | So, what are we waiting for? Let’s get you hitched. | 那我们还等什么？赶紧结婚吧 |
| [24:33] | Jessica is only 36. | 杰西卡才36岁 |
| [24:34] | Allen, you’re not thinking here. | 艾伦 你脑子不清楚 |
| [24:36] | What about the things that could happen between now and November? | 谁知道从现在到11月会发生什么事？ |
| [24:39] | Murder hornets attack, Cousin Debbie gets snowed in, | 大黄蜂袭来 黛比表妹被大雪封住 |
| [24:43] | Coyote goes off the rails, | 凯奥迪脱离正轨 |
| [24:44] | California secedes, becomes part of Mexico. | 加利福尼亚退出联邦 成为墨西哥的领土 |
| [24:47] | What do you mean I go off the rails? | 你说我会脱轨是什么意思？ |
| [24:50] | That’s the one you focus on? | 你就只听到了这个吗？ |
| [24:52] | It’s certainly the one I’m focusing on. | 我肯定只听进去了这个 |
| [24:55] | Why would you say that? | 你为什么要这么说？ |
| [24:56] | You’re just under a lot of pressure. | 你压力太大了 |
| [24:59] | In the past, you’ve had a tendency to… | 过去你总是会… |
| [25:03] | When things are going well, to maybe make them go less well. | 一切顺利的时候 你或许会出幺蛾子 |
| [25:08] | Oh, my God. | 老天 |
| [25:11] | You think I’m gonna Coyote this. | 你们觉得我会再犯“凯奥迪病” |
| [25:14] | Not if you get married before the murder hornets hit. | 如果你在大黄蜂来袭前结婚就不会 |
| [25:17] | Coyote, why did you just use your name as a verb? | 凯奥迪 你的名字怎么会是一种病？ |
| [25:22] | Because that’s my mother’s way of saying that she doesn’t believe in me. | 因为那是我妈妈 表达对我不信任的方式 |
| [25:26] | In that case… | 既然如此 |
| [25:28] | I am going to Allen all over this wedding | 我要行使“艾伦特权” |
| [25:32] | and suggest we postpone it indefinitely. | 建议我们无限期延迟婚礼 |
| [25:34] | That’s really not how you use the phrase. | 你不能照葫芦画瓢 |
| [25:37] | I’m sorry, Jessica, but Coyote is clearly not ready. | 抱歉 杰西卡 但凯奥迪显然还没准备好 |
| [25:41] | No, no, no. He is ready. | 不 他准备好了 |
| [25:44] | I’m just making sure he doesn’t get in the way of his own happiness. | 我只是确保他不会妨碍自己追求幸福 |
| [25:49] | Wow, Mom. | 哇 妈妈 |
| [25:53] | I can understand… | 我可以理解 |
| [25:55] | you know, them doubting me. But you? | 他们怀疑我 但你也会吗？ |
| [26:03] | You know, maybe I am who you all think I am. | 或许我就是你们想的那样 |
| [26:08] | Coyote. | 凯奥迪 |
| [26:17] | What have I done? | 我做了什么？ |