| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | I can’t hold them off, Rick! There’s too many! | 我抵挡不住它们 瑞克 数量太多了 |
| [00:12] | Richard! Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. | 理查德 你的堡垒 根本白白浪费了这些珊瑚和蛤蜊 |
| [00:16] | Relinquish it at once! | 彻底放弃吧 |
| [00:23] | -Submit, you continental cunt. -Got a better idea. | -屈服吧 你这个大陆混蛋 -我有个更好的点子 |
| [00:28] | Oh shit, oh shit. | 该死… |
| [00:35] | -Happy? -Of course I’m happy, | －满意了吗？ －我当然满意 |
| [00:36] | you’re acting like you won but this is exactly what I wanted. | 你表现得像你赢了 但这结果正是我想要的 |
| [00:39] | I am Mister Nimbus! | 我是宁波先生 |
| [00:42] | Whatever. Come on, Morty. | 随便 我们走吧 莫蒂 |
| [00:44] | -Man, that was intense. -Yeah, nice work, buddy. | －天啊 太惊险了 －是啊 做得好 小子 |
| [00:48] | Sorry I had to blow up your bunker. | 很抱歉得炸掉你的地堡 |
| [00:49] | Not so fast, Sanchez. It is I, Cookie Magneto. | 别急着走 桑切斯 我是饼干万磁王 |
| [00:55] | What the fuck. I’m not engaging this guy. | 搞什么？我不想理会这个人 |
| [00:58] | That’s hardly up to you, Rick. | 这不是你能决定的 瑞克 |
| [01:00] | I’m sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? | 抱歉 你能控制 大家认同是饼干的东西吗？ |
| [01:03] | -Yes. -Okay but cookies aren’t a substance, | －对 －好 不过… 饼干不是一种物质 |
| [01:05] | -they’re more of a name we-we give to -To the things I control | -是我们帮一种东西取的名字 -是我能控制的东西 |
| [01:08] | Do you control cookie ingredients, because y’know that sounds dangerous, | 你能控制饼干的原料吗？ 因为这听起来很危险 |
| [01:11] | -y’know, everything has sugar in it. -Fight me and find ou… | -因为所有东西都有加糖 -只要跟我对决就会知… |
| [01:16] | -Jesus, Rick! -I’m sorry, Morty, I know you’re gonna say | －天啊 瑞克 －抱歉 莫蒂 我知道你会觉得我以大欺小 |
| [01:19] | it’s punching down but I can’t fight another one of these nineties | 但我没办法再跟这种1990年代风格的 |
| [01:21] | style goofball super villains, I’m not the fucking Tick, | 愚蠢超级反派过招了 我可不是虱风侠 |
| [01:23] | -I’m exhausted. -Okay but if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you | -我累了 -好吧 但如果真的有这么多这种人跑来对付你 |
| [01:27] | maybe you should look into what you’re doing to… | -那你或许应该反思自己的行为… |
| [01:29] | -Don’t start that crap, Morty. | -少跟我来那套狗屁 莫蒂 |
| [01:31] | I don’t do anything for these dipshits to seek me out | 我没有做任何会引来这些混蛋的事 |
| [01:34] | I am Mr. Calypso. | 我是卡利普索先生 |
| [01:36] | Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. | 跟我对决吧 你这个丑八怪酒鬼、人渣 |
| [01:42] | Okay I might look into it. | 好吧 我可能会反思一下 |
| [02:17] | -Why don’t you have a seat? -Because this isn’t a therapy session, | -你怎么不坐下呢？ -因为我不是来做心理咨商的 |
| [02:20] | I’m just asking you what people in your racket | 我只是想问问你们这种人 |
| [02:22] | say about handling this particular situation. | 会对处理这种状况有什么见解 |
| [02:24] | First we’d want you to define the situation. | 我们会希望你先定义这种状况 |
| [02:27] | I’m a walking target for a neverending sea of angry nerds | 有无止尽的愤怒阿呆一直盯上我 |
| [02:30] | that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of | 他们觉得跟我决斗是某种… |
| [02:32] | I don’t know, platform? I mean, look at this guy. | 我也不知道 平台吗？看看这个人 |
| [02:34] | He shows up and calls me an “ugly drunk.” | 他跑来骂我”丑八怪酒鬼” |
| [02:36] | Because of course that’s the angle of attack that’s gonna undo me, right. | 因为这种攻击角度 一定能打击到我 对吧？ |
| [02:39] | You don’t shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. | 不要瞄准蝙蝠侠的标志打蝙蝠侠 |
| [02:42] | And you think locking this man in a chamber | 你觉得把这个人锁在一个舱室里 |
| [02:44] | and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this? | 汲取他的宇宙液体 就能解决这个问题吗？ |
| [02:47] | I think it’s the best I can do to profit from a situation and maybe set an example. | 我觉得这是我能 从中得利的最佳方式 或许还能杀鸡儆猴 |
| [02:51] | But you’ve set this example many times and it’s not changing your situation. | 但你已经杀鸡儆猴好几次了 你的状况也没有改变 |
| [02:55] | Yeah and now you’re gonna tell me to ignore them | 好哦…你接下来会叫我忽视他们 |
| [02:57] | -but guess what, they want that too. -And why would they want to be ignored? | -我告诉你 他们也希望我这么做 -他们为什么会希望被你忽视？ |
| [03:00] | You really believe if I let a guy like this do whatever he wants, | 你真的认为我让这种人为所欲为 |
| [03:03] | he gets bored and vanishes? | 他就会自讨没趣而离开吗？ |
| [03:04] | Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? | 瑞克 你有兴趣证明我是错的吗？ |
| [03:08] | -Yes. -Then show me data. | －有？ －那就把资料呈现给我 |
| [03:09] | Ignore them for a week and see what happens. | 忽略他们一星期 看看会发生什么事 |
| [03:12] | You’re on, bitch. | 没问题 臭女人 |
| [03:14] | Is that man dead? | 那个人死掉了吗？ |
| [03:16] | Is everything in here confidential? | 你对在这里发生的事都得保密吗？ |
| [03:18] | -Everything but murder. -Then he’s fine. | －杀人除外 －那他没事 |
| [03:21] | I mean, I think it’s pretty big, you know? | 我觉得这件事非同小可 对吧？ |
| [03:24] | Big step for the big cheese. | 你跨出了一大步 |
| [03:25] | -Yeah, Dad, I’m impressed. -Can we not make it a big deal? | -没错 爸 你真棒 -你们可以不要小题大作吗？ |
| [03:28] | It’s worth celebrating, Rick. | 这很值得庆祝 瑞克 |
| [03:29] | You accepted the concept of therapy | 你接受了心理咨商的概念 |
| [03:31] | without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. | 又没把自己变成酸黄瓜或是家蝇 |
| [03:33] | Jerry, for fuck’s sake, that was a regular fly in her office that day. | 杰瑞 真是够了 那天在她办公室里的是普通苍蝇 |
| [03:37] | What the hell? | 搞什么鬼？ |
| [03:39] | Rick! How ‘bout a little piss? | 瑞克 来点尿如何？ |
| [03:41] | Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? | 瑞克 为什么有人在我们的前院喷尿？ |
| [03:44] | I’m sure he’ll tell you. | 他一定会告诉你 |
| [03:45] | I am Pissmaster! Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. | 我是尿大师 我要来冲瑞克桑切斯这个马桶 |
| [03:52] | He’s spraying my lavender bush. My bees need that lavender. | 他喷到我的薰衣草了 我的蜜蜂需要那些薰衣草 |
| [03:55] | Remember five seconds ago when you guys were stoked about me changing | 你们五秒前不是还 对我要改变感到很开心 |
| [03:58] | because it made you feel superior? | 因为这让你们感到优越吗？ |
| [04:00] | Whole family’s here. Who’s that redhead? | 全家人都在 那个红发妹是谁？ |
| [04:03] | Wouldn’t mind spraying her with a golden shower. | 我真想要喷圣水在她身上 |
| [04:05] | -Oh my god, what? -Hey! | －我的天啊 什么？ －嘿 |
| [04:07] | -Okay, that’s it! -Jerry, please think about this, | －好 够了 －杰瑞 请你再三斟酌 |
| [04:09] | if you fight this guy, I’m either an asshole for not helping | 你如果跟他打起来 我不帮忙就是混蛋 |
| [04:11] | or an asshole for helping. | 我帮了忙也是混蛋 |
| [04:12] | My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms and I’ll respond how I choose. | 有人对我女儿说Ａ片用语 我会自己选择要怎么应对 |
| [04:16] | -Wait Dad, don’t. -Honey. | －等等 爸 不要 －老公 |
| [04:18] | -Hey. -You want a piece of piss? | －嘿 －你想跟我尿斗吗？ |
| [04:20] | If that’s your stupid rude way of saying I have to fight you I will. | 如果你愚蠢又无礼的那句话 意思是想跟我打架 我可不怕 |
| [04:24] | -Take your shot, pussy. -Don’t talk to me that way, go away! | -放马过来 懦夫 -别这样对我说话 走开 |
| [04:27] | – Make me.- Go away. | －我偏不要 －走开 |
| [04:33] | Careful, honey! | 小心 老公 |
| [04:44] | Just stay down. I don’t even know you. | 别起来 我又不认识你 |
| [04:46] | Yeah you don’t know me. | 对 你不认识我 |
| [04:48] | But I’m gonna know your whole ass you son of a gun. | 但我会好好认识你一番 混蛋 |
| [04:55] | -Hey, none of that. Come on. -Break it up, guys. | －嘿 别这样 －别打了 两位 |
| [05:04] | Come on, you dirty motherfucker. | 来吧 你这下流的混蛋 |
| [05:11] | No! No! | 不… |
| [05:18] | Stop! | 住手 |
| [05:21] | Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! Stop! I give up! | 大哥 饶了我… 住手 我放弃 |
| [05:24] | -Apologize to my daughter. -For what? | -跟我女儿道歉 -为了什么道歉？ |
| [05:28] | You know for what! | 你心知肚明 |
| [05:29] | I’m sorry! I’m sorry I sexualized you! It came out wrong! | 对不起 我很抱歉把你性化了 我没那个意思 |
| [05:36] | That’s my dad. That’s my fucking dad! | 他是我爸 他是我超帅的爸爸 |
| [05:42] | Honey, I’m so proud of you. | 老公 我真以你为荣 |
| [05:45] | -Oh sorry. -Thank you, Rick. | －抱歉 – 谢谢你 瑞克 |
| [05:50] | Damn, hashtag FlamingoDad is everywhere! | 天啊 红鹤爸在网络上爆红了 |
| [05:52] | Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list of other people’s observations about you | Buzzfeed把其他人对你的见解 做成了奇数清单 |
| [05:56] | and you’re getting a lot of hand clap emojis | 而且模仿黑人推特的白人推特 |
| [05:58] | on White Twitter’s impression of Black Twitter. | 给了你很多鼓掌符号 |
| [06:00] | Jezebel’s offering a cash reward for evidence that you’re a bad person. | Jezebel网站还悬赏征求 你是坏人的证据 |
| [06:04] | -That is their highest honor! -So this is what it’s like to trend. | -这是至高的荣誉 -原来这就是爆红的感觉 |
| [06:07] | Feels good. Feels right. | 感觉很棒 感觉很对 |
| [06:09] | Just keep in mind now a bunch more assholes | 你要知道 现在有更多混蛋 |
| [06:10] | are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. | 会知道他们能激怒你 |
| [06:13] | -Rick, let a dog have one day. -I’m letting. I’m letting. | -瑞克 就让他开心一天吧 -我会的… |
| [06:19] | Are those orbs? | 那是能量球吗？ |
| [06:20] | This is what I’m talking about. Some asshole saw that fight | 我指的就是这个 有混蛋看到了你打架的画面 |
| [06:23] | and believe it not, they were jealous of Pissmaster. | 信不信由你 他们很嫉妒尿大师 |
| [06:29] | I am Blagnar the Eternal. We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. | 我是永恒的布拉格纳 要寻找教训了尿大师的地球人 |
| [06:33] | That’s my dad, Jerry Smith! | 就是我爸杰瑞·史密斯 |
| [06:35] | Jerry Smith. Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice and those who deliver it. | 杰瑞·史密斯 我们的银河能量球会渴望正义以及主持正义之人 |
| [06:40] | -Wait, what? -Our great council | －等等 什么？ －我们伟大的理事会 |
| [06:41] | would like to offer you this silver orb. | 想将这个银色能量球赠予你 |
| [06:43] | And with it, a place amongst us. | 以及理事席位 |
| [06:46] | -It’s sticky. -Yeah. | -啊 这球粘粘的 -对 |
| [06:48] | That means it’s found a pure heart it wants to bond with. | 这代表它找到了 想结合的纯正之心 |
| [06:51] | you guys saw my son-in-law on the news, now he gets a sticky orb, | 你们在新闻上看到了我女婿 他就得到了粘粘的能量球 |
| [06:54] | what’s the catch? We’re not rubes. | 有什么陷阱？我们不是笨蛋 |
| [06:56] | Yeah your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez, | 是 我们非常了解你的力量 瑞克·桑切斯 |
| [06:59] | and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you. | 你应该也不意外 我们的能量球对你没兴趣 |
| [07:02] | Oh no, first I get banned from the Next Door app, now this. | 不 我之前被禁用邻居应用程序 现在又被排除在外了 |
| [07:06] | I’d be honored to join your organization. | 我很荣幸能加入你们的组织 |
| [07:08] | So what do I do, rub the orb when I see crime, or eat the orb like spinach? | 我该做什么 看到有人犯罪时摩擦能量球、还是把它当菠菜吃？ |
| [07:13] | The orb is raw power. Trust your heart, Jerry. | 能量球是原始力量 相信你的内心 杰瑞 |
| [07:17] | It will know what to do. | 它会知道该怎么做 |
| [07:24] | -Did you turn on the microwave? -No? Maybe? I was trying to fly. | -你把微波炉打开了吗？ -没有？或许有？我是想飞起来 |
| [07:30] | -What? -I mean, come on, Rick. | －干嘛？ －拜托 瑞克 |
| [07:32] | -Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. -Orbs and goblets. | -你很理解能量球和圣杯 -能量球和圣杯？ |
| [07:35] | I’m just saying, you’re the orb guy in the family. Can you please help me? | 我是说 你是我们家最懂能量球的人 可以拜托你帮帮我吗？ |
| [07:39] | Jerry, I give you raw power, you’ll end up miserable like me. | 杰瑞 我如果给了你原始力量 你就会变得跟我一样悲惨 |
| [07:42] | -Trust me, I’m helping by not helping. -Seriously, Rick? | -相信我 我不帮你才是在帮你 －有没有搞错 瑞克？ |
| [07:45] | What the eff, Grandpa! Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing, | 搞什么 外公？有个变态想尿在我的奶子上 你却什么都没做 |
| [07:48] | now you’re gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero? | 你现在又要坐在一旁 不帮助我们的爸爸当英雄？ |
| [07:51] | -Are you seriously that petty? -Okay, you know what, fine! | -你真的这么小心眼吗？ -那好吧 |
| [07:54] | Here. Here’s your goddamn suit. | 这该死的超人装就给你 |
| [07:55] | I hard-wired the orb’s infinite energy right into it. | 我把能量球的无限能量接上去了 |
| [07:58] | This shooty-thing looks cool. | 这能发射的东西看起来很酷 |
| [08:00] | That “shooty thing” is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets. | 那”能发射的东西” 是可以把星球炸掉的 核子破坏武器 |
| [08:03] | -So tight. -Kinda hot. | －真棒 －好性感 |
| [08:05] | Ok show me acts of evil happening around the galaxy. | 好 请显示…银河周遭的犯罪行为 |
| [08:10] | Space Hitlers? “Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime.” | 太空希特勒？ “太空希特勒 在泽普勒主星召开集会” |
| [08:15] | My god, each one of them is their own type of Hitler | 天啊 他们每一个人 都是不同类型的希特勒 |
| [08:17] | -Yeah, that’s a problem. -Oh shit, do that one. | －很好 就这个 －没错 这问题得解决 |
| [08:19] | -You guys. -That’s my parents. | －你们真甜蜜 －他们是我爸妈 |
| [08:23] | Well family, looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission. | 各位家人 看来杰瑞·史密斯 要出第一个能量球任务了 |
| [08:27] | Lawn Flaming-ho! | 草坪红鹤 |
| [08:31] | Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. | 别忘了 是你们自己要求的 |
| [08:34] | Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order. | 不久之后 我们的希特勒军团 就会带来全新的银河秩序 |
| [08:38] | -A reich, if you will. -Riddle Hitler me this. | -也可以说是帝国 -谜语希特勒问你… |
| [08:41] | I’m sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? | 抱歉 现在什么希特勒 都能加入我们吗？ |
| [08:44] | -Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! -Exterminate him! | -再会了 各位坏人 -除掉他 |
| [08:48] | Shit, oh Jesus. One at a time! | 该死 天啊 一个一个来 |
| [08:53] | Oh my god! | 我的天啊 |
| [09:00] | Hope there weren’t other people on that planet. | 希望那个星球上没有其他人 |
| [09:03] | And there were no other people on the planet. Only Hitlers. | 那个星球上没有其他人 只有希特勒 |
| [09:06] | Each one ready to start their own holocaust, | 他们正准备推动各自的种族屠杀 |
| [09:09] | meaning an estimated thirty billion lives were saved by a single blast. | 代表这一发攻击 就估计拯救了三百亿条性命 |
| [09:13] | And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. Hashtag FlamingoDad. | 这一切都是杰瑞·史密斯的功劳 也就是红鹤爸 |
| [09:17] | -You gotta be fucking kidding me. -Up next, oh actually nothing. | -有没有搞错？ -接下来… 其实没事了 |
| [09:21] | I guess we’re just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. | 我们就继续谈杰瑞·史密斯吧 |
| [09:24] | I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. I’ve got so many issues! | 我也不知道 我觉得 心理咨商根本没有希望 我有太多问题了 |
| [09:30] | -We need to talk. -Hey. No. | -我们需要谈谈 -嘿 不行 |
| [09:32] | I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect. | 你如果不尊重我还有我的病人 我是不会跟你谈的 |
| [09:39] | Oh lord. I was a fly! So unburdened, so free of shame! | 天啊 我刚刚变成苍蝇了 无忧无虑又没有任何羞耻 |
| [09:44] | Welp, I’m officially cured! | 好 我彻底被治好了 |
| [09:46] | Here. Here’s your data. Hard proof that god hates me. | 拿去 这是你要的资料 这是神恨我的确切证据 |
| [09:48] | I ignored a troll and Jerry beat the guy’s ass. | 我忽略了一个蠢蛋 杰瑞打了他一顿 |
| [09:51] | Now he’s got this orb and he’s using the power which I gave him | 结果他就获得了能量球 他利用了我给他的力量 |
| [09:54] | to annihilate planets of Hitlers and everyone’s popping champagne. | 消灭希特勒星球 大家都在开香槟庆祝 |
| [09:57] | Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change and they’re changing. | 瑞克 你是因为希望现况改变才来找我的 现况已经改变了 |
| [10:00] | It’s working. | 这样是有用的 |
| [10:01] | So if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law beats up people, it’s “working”. | 所以如果是我那个糊里糊涂的蠢蛋女婿 揍人就是有用 |
| [10:05] | But if I do it, it’s a cosmic abuse of power? | 但如果是我揍人 就是滥用能力？ |
| [10:07] | Rick, listen to yourself. | 瑞克 听听你自己说的话 |
| [10:09] | You’re complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power. | 你在抱怨 你得小心使用自己强大的力量 |
| [10:12] | And that Hitlers are dead. Everything you’re describing is positive. | 还有希特勒们死了 你刚刚提到的事都是正面的 |
| [10:17] | Oh shit, not reacting. That really is the kill move? | 该死 所以不予理会 真的是必杀绝技吗？ |
| [10:20] | I don’t know if you need to think about it in terms of murder, | 我不确定你需不需要用杀人的角度来想这件事 |
| [10:23] | but yes just stay the course. | 不过没错 继续保持吧 |
| [10:25] | -Okay, good talk. -Well what you’re describing is therapy | -好 聊得真愉快 -你刚刚形容的是心理咨商 |
| [10:28] | and if you’d like to keep receiving it, | 你如果想继续做心理咨商 |
| [10:30] | start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. | 就去跟外面的茱蒂约时间 |
| [10:33] | Thank you, thank you Flamingo Fam. | 谢谢 谢谢各位红鹤粉 |
| [10:35] | you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human | 有人问我想不想当第一位 |
| [10:38] | to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought well I don’t know, | 驾驶三菱太空菱帅的人类时 我心想 “不用吧？” |
| [10:42] | I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast. But you know what sold me? | “我已经有速度很快的能量球装了” 知道我是怎么被说服的吗？ |
| [10:47] | The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew. | 理事会说我可以自己挑机组员 |
| [10:50] | Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say? | 莫蒂、夏茉、贝丝 你们愿意吗？ |
| [10:52] | -What? Are you serious? -Oh shit yeah, I love Mitsubishi! | -什么？真的吗？ -当然 我超爱三菱 |
| [10:56] | -Me too! I’ve heard of them! -This is so exciting! | －我也是 我有听说过三菱 －真是太棒了 |
| [10:58] | Oh my god this is so cool! | 天啊 太酷了 |
| [11:00] | Alright gang, orbs away! | 好 各位 我们出发吧 |
| [11:09] | O me o my, can it be? A giant piece of shit I see? | 我的天啊 我眼前这是人渣吗？ |
| [11:16] | I am Mr. Stringbean! No one resists my rhyming scheme! | 我是豆子先生 谁都无法抵挡我的押韵攻势 |
| [11:20] | Hey douchebag, why don’t you chill out? | 嘿 混蛋 要不你冷静点吧？ |
| [11:22] | -Who’s this asshole? -I am Doctor Buckles! | -这个混蛋是谁？ -我是扣具博士 |
| [11:25] | Here to tighten the belt on your opinions! | 我要束紧你的意见 |
| [11:28] | You wanna see the Bean get mean? | 你想惹豆子生气吗？ |
| [11:34] | I’ll be damned. I’m out. | 还真的有用 我不斗了 |
| [11:37] | I’m out. | 我不斗了 |
| [11:41] | I’m-I’m out. | 没酒了 |
| [11:43] | Oh my god, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. | 天啊 那个尿人被揍得好惨 |
| [11:47] | Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car. What a loser. | 看看他 他还想爬到车底 太逊了 |
| [11:50] | -Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? -Yeah. | －你们在看尿大师的视频吗？ －没错 |
| [11:52] | He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? | 他一定是全银河最烂的人渣 对吧？ |
| [11:55] | Without a doubt. Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit. | 那当然 谁能体会当那样的人渣是什么感觉？ |
| [12:35] | Goddamnit. | 真是的 |
| [12:37] | Fuck, shit, come on man. Fuck, come on where is it? Shit, shit. | 糟糕 可恶 醒醒吧 可恶 快啊 在哪里？ 可恶… |
| [12:45] | Fuck! | 糟糕 |
| [12:48] | Come on Pissmaster, come on. | 醒醒 尿大师 醒醒 |
| [12:57] | Damn it. | 可恶 |
| [13:06] | It’s me. Please, please just open up | 是我 拜托 拜托你开门 |
| [13:10] | Dad? Mom told me you weren’t responding to her calls and I’m worried, okay? | 爸？妈跟我说你都没回她电话 我很担心 好吗？ |
| [13:14] | I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast, | 我知道我曾经 在我的Podcast上大肆批评你 |
| [13:17] | it’s just, I’ve been so frustrated with you. | 我只是…你让我很心烦 |
| [13:19] | Look, if you were to ever do something I’d never stop blaming myself. | 你如果真的做了什么事 我绝对会自责一辈子 |
| [13:23] | Just, please. | 拜托 |
| [13:24] | -Please let me know you’re okay. -God damn it. | -拜托让我知道你没事 -该死 |
| [13:29] | -I’m okay honey, we’re good. -I thought something happened to you. | -我没事 宝贝 我们没事了 -我还以为你怎么了 |
| [13:32] | I can tell you for sure. If anything happens to me, | 我可以告诉你 我如果真的怎么了 |
| [13:35] | it’s 100% not on you, it’s my own choice. | 百分之百不是你的错 是我自己的选择 |
| [13:38] | You still sound like you’re gonna do something bad. | 你这样讲 好像还是想做什么不好的事 |
| [13:41] | Just promise you won’t, okay? | 答应我不要那样 好吗？ |
| [13:44] | -Okay, yeah. Promise. -Love you, Dad. | -好吧 我答应你 -我爱你 爸 |
| [13:52] | Fuck. | 该死 |
| [14:01] | Well this is it. I’m killing myself because of Jerry Smith. The Earth man. | “就这样 我要因为杰瑞·史密斯自杀了 那个地球人” |
| [14:07] | FlamingoDad. Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped made me realize. | “红鹤爸” “看到大家因为我被痛殴而欢呼 让我明白了” |
| [14:12] | People just wanna see me fail. All I’ve ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. | “大家希望看到我失败 我原本就是只想证明大家都是错的” |
| [14:34] | Help! | 救命 |
| [14:38] | Wait! Who are you? | 等等 你是谁？ |
| [14:40] | Pissmaster. Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. | 尿大师 记得告诉大家 是尿大师救了你 |
| [14:44] | Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. Not just missiles. | 刚刚那是热导引导弹 不是普通导弹 |
| [14:48] | Oh, okay. | 好 |
| [14:49] | Y’all ready for piss? | “准备好迎接尿了吗？” |
| [14:51] | Yo! Pissmaster! You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? | 喂 尿大师 你是因为想让大家忘记你很烂才救那只猫的吗？ |
| [14:54] | Nope, just saving it to save it. | 不是 我只是纯粹想救猫 |
| [14:56] | Okay, we got nothing. | 好吧 真无聊 |
| [15:04] | Piss! Pee! Urine! Number one! | 撒尿 小便 排尿 小号 |
| [15:08] | (17则让我们认同 尿大师超赞的推特发文) (我其实蛮喜欢尿大师回归的) | |
| [15:09] | (17则让我们认同 尿大师超赞的推特发文) (我其实蛮喜欢尿大师回归的) (尿大师现在还蛮性感的) | |
| [15:11] | (17则让我们认同 尿大师超赞的推特发文) (我其实蛮喜欢尿大师回归的) (尿大师现在还蛮性感的) （那个尿人太酷了） | |
| [15:11] | Pee pee! Piss! Pee pee! | 撒尿 小便 |
| [15:15] | Look, it’s Pissmaster! | 看啊 是尿大师 |
| [15:20] | Dr. Wong, what’s up? | 王医师 怎么了？ |
| [15:21] | -Rick, you’re late for your session. -Cancel it. Bill me. I’m good. | – 瑞克 你预约的咨商时间到了 －取消吧 跟我收费 我没事了 |
| [15:24] | You’re good? | 你没事了？ |
| [15:25] | Yeah see, I put on the suit of my enemy and I fucking love it. | 对 我穿上了敌人的服装 结果我超喜欢的 |
| [15:28] | Now I’m gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city, | 我现在要做个超大炸弹放在城市里 |
| [15:30] | and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space. | 然后用他的服装自动驾驶 把炸弹带到外太空引爆 |
| [15:33] | Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. | 大家都会以为尿大师牺牲了自己 |
| [15:36] | He dies a hero, I get a win I’d otherwise never get myself, | 他英勇而死 我得到自己永远无法得到的胜利 |
| [15:39] | nice wet bow on top. | 就当作是锦上添花 |
| [15:40] | I’m tempted to second guess a lot of that but I think you might be nailing it. | 我很想质疑你这一切 不过呢 你好像完全做对了 |
| [15:44] | -What? -If it’s free and fun, do it. | －什么？ －你该做能让你无拘无束又开心的事 |
| [15:47] | It sounds healthy. | 这听起来很健康 |
| [15:48] | That wasn’t my goal but, good to know. Shit, gotta go. | 我意不在此 但谢谢你告诉我 该死 我该挂电话了 |
| [16:02] | No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, | 没错 还有奴隶星球的事 |
| [16:04] | I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so. | 我听说他用尿液 割断了他们的铁链 所以… |
| [16:10] | Hey guys, sorry I’m late, lot of traffic on the orbway. | 大家好 抱歉迟到了 刚刚路上很塞 |
| [16:13] | Take a seat, Jerry. We were just discussing Pissmaster’s honorable rise. | 请坐 杰瑞 我们正在讨论尿大师的光荣崛起 |
| [16:17] | I mean, who cares, right? | 谁在乎啊 对吧？ |
| [16:19] | People are talking about him. He’s becoming likable. Good, even. | 他是现在的话题人物 他变得很讨喜 甚至变善良了 |
| [16:22] | -But he’s Pissmaster. -People change, Jerry. | -但他是尿大师 -人是会改变的 杰瑞 |
| [16:25] | Everyone loves a comeback story. | 大家都喜欢东山再起的故事 |
| [16:27] | -Yes. -I agree. | －没错 －对 |
| [16:28] | All in favor of offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster? | 有谁赞成让尤金麦可尿 也就是尿大师 加入能量球会？ |
| [16:33] | -Orb-yes. -Orb-yes. | －赞成 －赞成 |
| [16:35] | -All those opposed? -Obviously orb-no. | -有谁反对？ -我当然反对 |
| [16:37] | The orbship has spoken. | 能量球会已经做出决策 |
| [16:41] | You know what Jerry, I think this is a good test for you. | 杰瑞 我觉得这对你来说 会是很棒的考验 |
| [16:44] | If you can’t let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster, | 你如果没办法宽宏大量去招募尿大师 |
| [16:47] | maybe you don’t deserve your orb. | 那你或许就不配拥有能量球 |
| [16:50] | And Jerry. Don’t come back without him. | 杰瑞 你如果没成功招募到他 就别回来了 |
| [16:54] | Absolute chaos! No one knows who planted the bomb, | 现场一片混乱 没人知道炸弹是谁放的 |
| [16:57] | but one thing is clear. | 但我们可以肯定的是 |
| [16:58] | Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, | 孤儿岛 这座全是孤儿的城市 |
| [17:02] | now sits on the brink of doom. | 有可能将会遭到毁灭 |
| [17:04] | The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak. | 孤儿岛防爆小组 目前正在试图拆解炸弹 |
| [17:08] | I can’t stress enough, I’m 8 years old, I have no idea what I’m doing! | 我得重申 我才八岁 我不知道自己在干嘛 |
| [17:12] | Look! It’s Pissmaster! | 看啊 是尿大师 |
| [17:15] | Oh no, there’s no time to dismantle it! Come on, it’s not safe here. | 糟糕 没时间拆解了 快走吧 这里不安全 |
| [17:20] | Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? | 击拳… |
| [17:23] | -Pissmaster. -Jerry, what are you doing here? | －尿大师 －杰瑞？你怎么会来？ |
| [17:26] | Eugene Michael Piss. By decree of the Andromeda strain, our great council | 尤金麦可尿 奉仙女座菌株之旨 我们伟大的理事会 |
| [17:30] | presents you with this orb, which you have to take. | 要将这个能量球赠予你 你得收下 |
| [17:33] | Fuck off, Jerry, I’m in the middle of something. | 滚开 杰瑞 我在忙 |
| [17:38] | -I don’t want it! -Well you have to take it. | －我不想要 －你一定要收下 |
| [17:40] | Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here! | 天啊 你快滚吧 |
| [17:44] | He’s flying it into space! He’s gonna sacrifice himself! | 他要把炸弹带到外太空 他要牺牲自我 |
| [17:49] | Get back here, you ungrateful shit! | 快回来 你这不知感恩的混蛋 |
| [17:51] | What is your problem? | 你有什么毛病？ |
| [17:52] | -You’re screwing up my hero death! -Good! | -你这样会毁掉我的英勇之死 -很好 |
| [17:55] | FlamingoDad wants us to blow up? When did he become a shitheel? | 红鹤爸希望我们被炸死吗？ 他是什么时候变成烂人的？ |
| [17:59] | Life comes at you fast. | 人生真是难以预料 |
| [18:00] | -Jesus, Dad! People are filming! -Yeah, maybe dial it back? | -天啊 爸 有人在录影 -是啊 可以收敛一点吗？ |
| [18:12] | Rick? | 瑞克？ |
| [18:13] | PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload! -Confirmed. | －尿装 带着酬载自动驾驶 －没问题 |
| [18:28] | That’s my fucking dad. | 我爸太棒了 |
| [18:35] | -Jerry? -Dad, are you okay? | －杰瑞？ －爸 你没事吧？ |
| [18:37] | Your father is the fucking Pissmaster! | 你爸是尿大师？ |
| [18:40] | Grandpa? What the hell? | 外公？搞什么？ |
| [18:43] | Jerry, what is this? People are saying you turned shitheel? | 杰瑞 怎么回事？ 怎么有人说你变烂人了？ |
| [18:46] | Well apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster so why don’t you ask him? | 尿大师其实是我岳父 你们不如问他吧？ |
| [18:50] | What the? Rick Sanchez, thePissmaster? | 搞什…瑞克·桑切斯是尿大师？ |
| [18:53] | -Okay, this is not a good look. -This family, man | －这样观感会很不好 －这家人真是的 |
| [18:56] | Look, I don’t know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling | 听着 我不清楚 你们两个在搞什么花招 |
| [18:59] | but it’s completely unstickworthy. We’re done here. | 但你们都不配拥有能量球 就到此为止 |
| [19:02] | But I didn’t know! I’m a good guy, I made you all famous! | 但我并不知情 我是好人 是我让你们出名的 |
| [19:06] | I’m a thousand years old. | 我已经一千岁了 |
| [19:08] | You know how many “Flamingo Dads” I’ve seen? Don’t orb us. | 你知道我见过多少红鹤爸吗？ 别闹了 |
| [19:14] | I don’t get it. You were Pissmaster the whole time? | 我不懂 尿大师从头到尾都是你吗？ |
| [19:18] | Obviously not, Jerry, I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill… | 当然不是 杰瑞 我是在尿大师自… |
| [19:22] | When, when you made him… | 在你害他… |
| [19:25] | Yeah. I’ve always been Pissmaster. | 对 尿大师从头到尾都是我 |
| [19:28] | But, that would mean you let my dad beat you up just so he could, like, | 那就代表你是故意让爸痛殴你 好让他… |
| [19:31] | feel more confident? | 更有自信？ |
| [19:34] | -Damn, Rick. -Yeah that’s amazing. | －真是的 瑞克 －太棒了 |
| [19:35] | Hold on, everyone’s just accepting this? | 等等 大家这么快就接受这件事了吗？ |
| [19:38] | Wait wasn’t Pissmaster an alien? | 等等 尿大师原本不是外星人吗？ |
| [19:40] | -Probably a robot. -He obviously avatar’d it. | －可能是机器人 －他肯定用了《阿凡达》的技术 |
| [19:42] | But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? | 为什么？瑞克为什么会做球给我？ |
| [19:44] | Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once okay? | 天啊 杰瑞 瑞克难得做了一件好事 好吗？ |
| [19:47] | He’s obviously trying to change. | 他显然是想改变自我 |
| [19:51] | You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. | 你已经配不上三菱了 |
| [19:56] | Proud of you, Dad. Or should I say: Pissmaster. | 我真以你为荣 爸 还是我该叫你尿大师？ |
| [20:00] | Yeah Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. | 是啊 外公 真抱歉我之前对你大吼 |
| [20:02] | And I guess I’m sorry for trying to stop you from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb, | 很抱歉我之前试图阻止你用核弹自杀 |
| [20:05] | I just… | 我只是… |
| [20:07] | really liked having an orb. | 很喜欢拥有能量球的感觉 |
| [20:09] | Don’t sweat it, Jer. Piss under the bridge. | 没事的 杰瑞 一切都过去了 |
| [20:13] | Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? | 天啊 心理咨商真的很有效 对吧？ |
| [20:14] | Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. | 你敞开了心胸 还为了让我爸有自信做了那些事 |
| [20:17] | That’s pretty great of you, Rick. | 你真的很棒 瑞克 |
| [20:19] | Yeah that’s right, Morty. That’s right. | 是啊 没错 莫蒂 没错 |
| [20:21] | Wait Morty, you have to promise not to tell anyone | 等等 莫蒂 你得保证不会告诉别人 |
| [20:23] | but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. | 其实你爸害尿大师自杀了 |
| [20:25] | -Oh man, what? -Yeah, I mean, I found him dead | －天啊 什么？ －对 我发现了他的尸体 |
| [20:27] | and I put on his suit but look at this, he literally blames your dad. | 就穿上了他的服装 但看看这个 他还怪在你爸头上 |
| [20:31] | Holy shit. | 我的天啊 |
| [20:33] | Wait, you kept the suicide note? | 等等 你竟然把遗书带在身上？ |
| [20:34] | -That’s so messed up! -I know, I mean, | -你太糟糕了 -我知道 |
| [20:36] | I had to tell someone, Morty, | 我非告诉别人不可 莫蒂 |
| [20:37] | -I couldn’t just sit on that. -And you expect me to? | －我没办法把这件事埋在心底 －你觉得我有办法吗？ |
| [20:39] | Morty, no! What are you doing? | 莫蒂 不 你要干嘛？ |
| [20:43] | -What the hell?! He killed himself? -Jesus, Dad, you should’ve told us! | -搞什么？他自杀了？ -天啊 爸 你应该告诉我们的 |
| [20:46] | -Especially if Jerry murdered him! -Wait, don’t say that, | －尤其杰瑞还杀了他 －等等 别这么说 |
| [20:48] | -I didn’t murder! -Hey, I thought it was pretty cool | －我没杀人 －我觉得我隐瞒这件事 |
| [20:50] | -that I withheld that information. -But you didn’t withhold it! | －其实很高尚 －但你没有隐瞒 |
| [20:52] | -You’re walking around with the note! -Yeah Grandpa, you gotta like, | -你把这份遗书带在身上 -没错 外公 |
| [20:54] | keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice, | 你应该要埋在心底 牺牲自我 |
| [20:56] | -that’s the cool move. -I mean, how am I the bad guy? | －这么做才高尚 －我怎么成了坏人？ |
| [20:59] | He sprayed piss on us! You all cheered me on! | 他对我们洒了尿 你们都还帮我加油 |
| [21:01] | -Don’t drag us into this. -A man is dead, Dad. | －别把我们扯进去 －有人死了 爸 |
| [21:03] | Again, wasn’t gonna say it, but I told you this would happen. | 我不打算提的 但我之前就说过会发生这种事 |
| [21:05] | -Get off your high horse. -Dr. Wong would be so proud. | －少自以为高尚了 －王医师一定很为你骄傲 |
| [21:06] | Go ahead and boo, I was breathing piss, you think I care? | 随便骂 我之前还吸了尿 你们以为我在乎吗？ |
| [21:08] | Is this what it’s like to trend? | 这就是爆红的感觉吗？ |
| [21:10] | This is a nightmare, I should’ve just let him pee on my daughter! | 这简直是恶梦 我应该让他尿在我女儿身上的 |
| [21:14] | What the hell, Dad? | 恶心 你搞什么 爸？ |
| [21:47] | how about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? He lifted a car off a stranger. | 绰号千斤顶的杰克·米勒呢？ 他帮陌生人把车搬了起来 |
| [21:52] | -Next. -Orb-no. | －下一位 －反对 |
| [21:54] | We’re fresh off a dad and a piss guy. | 我们才刚逐出了一位爸爸和一个尿人 |
| [21:56] | Maybe we add someone that’s already powerful? | 我们可以招募本身就有能力的人吗？ |
| [21:58] | We have to be realistic about who we can get. | 我们得考量我们实际能招募到谁 |
| [22:00] | -I have a pitch. -We’re not gonna add Scarlett Johansson. | -我有个提议 -我们不会招募斯嘉丽·乔纳森 |
| [22:03] | Next up: Mr. Nimbus. Lord of the oceans. | 下一位 宁波先生 海洋之王 |
| [22:08] | I hear he controls the police. | 我听说他能控制警察 |
| [22:09] | -The police? -Orb-yes. | －警察？ －同意 |
| [22:11] | Guys, I already checked, his reps say he’s really busy right now. | 各位 我确认过了 他的经纪人说他最近很忙 |
| [22:15] | -Everyone says that. -And we’re not busy? | -大家都这么说 -我们难道就不忙吗？ |