| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:07] | Janet, you did it! You brought us into your void. | 珍妮特 你做到了 你把我们带来你的虚空之地了 |
| [00:10] | If I had a heart, it would be pounding. | 如果我有心脏 现在应该在砰砰乱跳了 |
| [00:12] | Michael | 迈克尔 |
| [00:13] | You know, you’d think there’d be side effects, but I feel great. | 还以为会有副作用 但我感觉棒极了 |
| [00:16] | How’s the hair? Is it still amazing? | 我头发怎么样 还那么帅气吗 |
| [00:17] | Michael, there may have been | 迈克尔 人类身上 |
| [00:18] | some side effects for the humans. | 好像出现了一些副作用 |
| [00:25] | Dude, why are there so many Janets? | 我靠 怎么这么多珍妮特 |
| [00:27] | And why do I sound like Janet? | 我的声音怎么和珍妮特一样 |
| [00:29] | You also look like Janet. Do I? | 你看起来也像珍妮特 我也是吗 |
| [00:32] | Why? What? What is happening? | 为什么 怎么回事 |
| [00:38] | Oh, no, am I… | 不 我是 |
| [00:41] | wearing a vest? | 穿了一件马甲吗 |
| [00:43] | Michael, help me! | 迈克尔 快帮帮我 |
| [00:45] | This is going to be tricky. | 这下可难办了 |
| [00:46] | How do we even tell them apart? | 我们怎么区分他们 |
| [00:51] | Okay, that one’s Jason. | 好吧 那个肯定是杰森 |
| [00:59] | I can’t put the humans back in their own bodies, | 我没法把他们放进各自的身体里 |
| [01:01] | so I’ve done the next best, but still not that great, thing. | 所以只能退而求次 凑合一下了 |
| [01:05] | A high-neck sleeveless? | 高领无袖 |
| [01:07] | – I suppose this outfit will do? – Are you sure? | -这身还行吧 -你确定吗 |
| [01:10] | I mean, wearing a floral print to an infinite void | 在这空无一物 无边无际的虚空里 |
| [01:13] | at this time of the nothing? | 穿着有印花图案的衣服 |
| [01:15] | So where are we exactly? We’re not on Earth, right? | 我们到底在哪儿 不是地球 对吧 |
| [01:19] | That’s correct, Chidi-Janet. You’re not. | 没错 奇迪-珍妮特 你不在地球 |
| [01:21] | Your real bodies dematerialized when you entered my void, | 你们的真身在进入虚空时就消失了 |
| [01:24] | and your essences reconstituted themselves in this form. | 而你们的精华重组后变成了现在这样 |
| [01:28] | Cool, cool. And when you say “Void”… | 很好 你说的虚空 |
| [01:31] | I mean a sub-dimension outside of space and time | 是一个时间和空间之外 |
| [01:33] | at the nexus of consciousness and matter tethered to my essence. | 依附于我精华的 意志和物质间连接上的子维空间 |
| [01:37] | Does that help? | 这样说有帮助吗 |
| [01:38] | It does not help. It makes it way worse. | 完全没有 甚至更糟了 |
| [01:41] | I just want to lie down. | 我只想躺下 |
| [01:44] | Where is down? | 下在哪里 |
| [01:46] | I found it. It’s up here. It’s dope. | 我找到啦 在这上面 酷 |
| [01:50] | I have an idea. | 我有个主意 |
| [01:52] | Sweet. I call sofa. | 棒 沙发是我的 |
| [01:53] | Janet’s void has a back door | 珍妮特的虚空有一个后门 |
| [01:55] | to the Janet warehouse in the Neutral Zone, | 可以通往位于中立区的珍妮特仓库 |
| [01:57] | which is right near Accounting. | 仓库刚好在会计处附近 |
| [01:59] | You four will stay here | 你们四个待在这里 |
| [02:01] | while Actual Janet and I sneak through it | 我和正牌珍妮特溜过去 |
| [02:04] | and find the Head Accountant. | 找总会计 |
| [02:05] | But, Michael, why can’t we go with you? | 迈克尔 为什么我们不能一起去 |
| [02:07] | Well, you just died, which means | 你们刚刚死了 这意味着 |
| [02:09] | you’re the first humans in history to not immediately go | 你们是史上第一批没有直接 |
| [02:11] | to the Good or Bad Place, which, in turn, | 分配到善地或者恶地的人类 所以 |
| [02:14] | makes you inter-dimensional fugitives. | 你现在是跨次元空间的逃犯了 |
| [02:16] | So that’s neat. | 干得漂亮 |
| [02:17] | Also, the Judge is probably still pissed at me | 第二 法官可能还在生我气 |
| [02:19] | for, you know, breaking all the rules, | 因为我犯了那么多规 |
| [02:21] | and she might take it out on you. | 她可能会拿你们出气 |
| [02:23] | Plus, the Bad Place is probably hunting for us, | 第三 恶地的人可能也在搜捕我们 |
| [02:26] | so, literally, the entire universe is against you. | 所以整个宇宙都是你们的敌人 |
| [02:29] | Okay, but what’s a fourth really good reason? | 好吧 不过第四好的理由是什么 |
| [02:32] | Jeez, just trying to lighten the mood–tough void. | 天呐 我就是活跃一下气氛 好难搞的虚空 |
| [02:35] | Now, Janet and I will pose as Good Place employees | 现在 我和珍妮特会假扮成善地的员工 |
| [02:38] | and sweet-talk the Accountant into showing us his books. | 给会计拍点马屁 让他给我们看记录 |
| [02:41] | If I’m right, we will find proof | 如果我猜得没错 我们会找到 |
| [02:44] | that the Bad Place is tampering with the point system. | 恶地篡改分数系统的证据 |
| [02:47] | The Accountant will tell us what to do, | 会计会告诉我们怎么做 |
| [02:49] | and this will all be over. | 然后这一切就都结束了 |
| [02:50] | We’re almost at the end, guys. | 我们就快熬出头了 |
| [02:52] | Just stay here, keep Janet’s heads on straight. | 乖乖待在这里 保持头脑冷静 |
| [02:55] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [03:00] | Is that a Good Janet or a Bad Janet? | 这是良善版珍妮特还是邪恶版珍妮特 |
| [03:02] | That’s a Neutral Janet. | 这是中立珍妮特 |
| [03:03] | She’s sort of the black sheep of the Janet world. | 可以说是珍妮特世界里的败类 |
| [03:05] | Or blank sheep, I guess. | “没脑败类”更贴切 |
| [03:07] | I can throw shade now. That’s cool. | 我现在都会含沙射影了 棒 |
| [03:11] | You’ve arrived at the Accounting Office. | 你们已到达会计处 |
| [03:13] | All point calculations | 地球上所有行为的分数 |
| [03:14] | for actions taken on Earth are made here. | 都在这里进行计算 |
| [03:16] | – End of conversation. – My name is Michael. | -对话结束 -我叫迈克尔 |
| [03:19] | I need to speak with the Head Accountant on official Good Place business. | 我找一下总会计师 有”善地”要事相商 |
| [03:22] | I will inform the Head Accountant of your presence, | 我会将你的来访告知总会计师 |
| [03:24] | and he either will or will not see you | 他会或不会 |
| [03:26] | in a certain amount of time– end of conversation. | 在某个特定时间见你 对话结束 |
| [03:32] | 通缉 以做处理 | |
| [03:33] | Good thing your void plan worked out, huh? | 还好你的虚空计划成功了 |
| [03:39] | ♪ Believe in life after love ♪ | ♪爱过之后还相信人生♪ |
| [03:43] | having four humans in my void is weird. | 虚空里装着四个人类 我有些反常 |
| [03:47] | This is nuts. | 这简直疯了 |
| [03:48] | We’re in a void in the body of a white lady. | 我们在一个白人女性的身体的虚空里 |
| [03:51] | – Not a lady. – Not a lady, darling. | -她不是女人 -她不是人类 |
| [03:53] | Well, we are white. | 我们是白人 |
| [03:54] | Let’s all say white people things! | 我们都说白人说的话吧 |
| [03:55] | Billy Joel. I found it on Etsy. | 比利·乔 我在易集上找到的 |
| [03:58] | There was nowhere to park. Did you refill the Brita? | 没地方停车 你把净水器灌满了吗 |
| [04:01] | I find this void quite calming, actually. | 我发现虚空让人平静 |
| [04:03] | It’s like, this time, the Xanax took me. | 这次就像是阿普唑仑[抗焦虑药]吃了我 |
| [04:07] | I have the worst stomachache. | 我的胃疼到极点了 |
| [04:08] | Dude, relax. | 老兄 放松点 |
| [04:10] | Here, let me see if I can figure this out. | 我看看能不能行 |
| [04:15] | wow, Eleanor! How’d you do that? | 天呐 埃莉诺 你怎么做到的 |
| [04:18] | I don’t know. We’re Janets now. | 我也不知道 我们现在是珍妮特了 |
| [04:19] | So I thought we’d have some bitchin’ Janet powers. | 所以我想我们应该有些酷炫的珍妮特能力 |
| [04:21] | What just happened? What did you do? | 发生了什么 你干了什么 |
| [04:24] | Sorry, I’m just trying to help Chidi calm down– | 对不起 我只是想让奇迪放松 |
| [04:25] | The structural integrity of this void is already at risk. | 这个虚空的构造合理性已经岌岌可危了 |
| [04:28] | You can’t start randomly conjuring up objects, | 你不能随便变出物体来 |
| [04:30] | or it might shatter the void. | 这会损害虚空 |
| [04:32] | Yes, it might. | 是的 它会 |
| [04:34] | It might make everything blow up, | 可能会让一切都爆炸 |
| [04:35] | and we’ll all disappear forever. | 我们就要永远消失了 |
| [04:37] | So stop it! | 别再胡闹了 |
| [04:43] | Everything okay? | 一切还好吗 |
| [04:45] | – Nope. – Well– | -不好 -好吧 |
| [04:47] | The Head Accountant has decided to see you. | 总会计决定要和你们见面 |
| [04:49] | This will happen now. End of conversation. | 现在就见 对话结束 |
| [04:54] | Hey-o! | 你们好呀 |
| [04:55] | There they are. Good to see you. | 来了啊 很高兴见到你们 |
| [04:57] | Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m Neil, Head Accountant. | 不好意思久等了 我是尼尔 总会计师 |
| [04:59] | – You must be Janet and Michael? – Yes. | -你们一定是珍妮特和迈克尔吧 -是的 |
| [05:02] | Can I just say, I really depreciate you coming. | 我可以说 我真的很”感税”你们到来吗 |
| [05:07] | A little bit of accounting humor. | 会计式幽默一把 |
| [05:09] | – So what can I do for you? – Well, I’m concerned | -找我何事 -我觉得 |
| [05:12] | about certain anomalies in the point system. | 积分系统有一些异常 |
| [05:15] | I’m worried that, somehow, the Bad Place has been tampering. | 我怕”恶地”的人一直在动手脚 |
| [05:19] | Tampering? No, no, no. | 动手脚 不不不 |
| [05:20] | Quite impossible. Laughable, really. | 不大可能 这个想法倒是很好笑 |
| [05:22] | Janet, can you remind me to laugh at that later? | 珍妮特 稍后能提醒我嘲笑一下这事吗 |
| [05:24] | Your amusement has been scheduled. | 此事已为您加入日程之中 |
| [05:26] | End of conversation. | 对话结束 |
| [05:29] | She’s a lot of fun. | 她可有意思了 |
| [05:30] | Could you just humor us, though? | 能迁就一下我们吗 |
| [05:32] | Show us how the system works? | 介绍一下系统如何运作 |
| [05:35] | well, I suppose I could give you a quick tour. | 带你们转一下这里也行 |
| [05:37] | We don’t get a lot of visitors. Follow me. | 这里访客不常有 跟我走吧 |
| [05:40] | Eleanor, how’d you know I always wanted a dog like this? | 埃莉诺 你怎么知道我一直想要一只这样的狗狗 |
| [05:44] | Funny story, it’s one of the things I saw in the alternate timeline, | 说来有趣 这出现在重启版本之中的一条故事线中 |
| [05:48] | where we were soul mates on and off for 300 years. | 我们断断续续做了三百年的灵魂伴侣 |
| [05:52] | Maybe we should talk about that? | 我们要不要谈一下这事 |
| [05:54] | Well, I suppose we can, | 谈是能谈 |
| [05:56] | but there’s not that much to talk about. | 但也没啥好说的啊 |
| [05:59] | The things you saw weren’t part of my life, | 你看到的故事 不是我的人生 |
| [06:01] | so they didn’t happen to me. | 没发生在我身上 |
| [06:02] | What the hell are you talking about, man? | 你在说什么呢 |
| [06:03] | Of course it was you. I saw it. | 当然是你 我都看见了 |
| [06:05] | Well, it was a Chidi, sure, but it wasn’t me Chidi. | 确实是”奇迪” 但不是我这个奇迪 |
| [06:09] | This is a classic philosophical question. | 这是个经典的哲学问题 |
| [06:11] | The concept of the self, or who we are. | 自我的概念 或者我们是谁 |
| [06:13] | Philosophically speaking, | 从哲学层面讲 |
| [06:15] | there’s the Chidi I am, who lived a certain life, | 我这个奇迪 过着一种人生 |
| [06:18] | and there’s the Chidi you saw– | 而你看见的那个奇迪 |
| [06:20] | your soul mate or whatever, | 你的灵魂伴侣还是什么的 |
| [06:22] | who had some entirely different life. | 过着完全不同的人生 |
| [06:25] | They’re not the same Chidis. | 我们不是同一个奇迪 |
| [06:27] | I’m so sorry. Yeah, no, I get it. | 抱歉 我懂了 |
| [06:29] | Counterpoint–that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, | “另一个自己” 这是你说过最蠢的话 |
| [06:31] | and you do not deserve a puppy! | 你不配拥有狗狗 |
| [06:33] | I’m un-blooping your puppy! | 我要收回你的狗狗 |
| [06:37] | Things are getting cuter, | 场面怎么萌翻了啊 |
| [06:38] | and I want them to get less cute! | 我不想要萌萌哒效果 |
| [06:40] | 沃尔特 借款部 | |
| [06:42] | 米尔顿 印象部 | |
| [06:43] | 克莱芒蒂娜 特定歌舞指南部 | |
| [06:45] | So this is the main feed. | 这是主电脑 |
| [06:47] | Every action by every human on Earth is recorded | 记录并上传人间每个人的每个行为 |
| [06:50] | and then sent here to be assigned a point value | 根据该行为的绝对道德价值 |
| [06:52] | based on the absolute moral worth of that action. | 来分配一个相应的分值 |
| [06:55] | For example, a couple in Osaka, Japan, | 举个例子 日本大阪的一对夫妇 |
| [06:57] | just decided to have a destination wedding. | 刚刚决定旅游结婚 |
| [07:00] | Negative 1,200 points. | 负1200分 |
| [07:02] | And it’s a destination theme wedding. | 还是主题旅游婚礼 |
| [07:04] | Negative 4,300. | 负4300分 |
| [07:07] | The theme’s “Lord of the Rings.” | “指环王”主题 |
| [07:09] | They’re basically doomed. | 他们基本就玩完了 |
| [07:11] | Here’s one. | 这个 |
| [07:11] | This means that someone has just done something | 指有人刚刚做了 |
| [07:13] | which has never been done before. | 别人从未做过的事 |
| [07:15] | “Richard Moore of Sugarland, Texas, | “得克萨斯州舒格兰的理查德·摩尔 |
| [07:18] | Hollowed out an eggplant | 把茄子挖空 |
| [07:20] | and filled it with hot sauce and nickels.” | 并填满辣酱和五分硬币” |
| [07:23] | And amazingly, it’s not a weird sex thing. | 令人惊讶的是 这不是怪异的性行为 |
| [07:25] | 99% of all new human behaviors are weird sex things. | 人类的新行为有百分之九十九都与性有关 |
| [07:28] | But not in this– No, it is a weird sex thing, yeah. | 但这次不是 不 确实是 |
| [07:31] | Well, then we zip that over to the relevant departments. | 然后会将其打包压缩发给相关部门 |
| [07:33] | In this case, Anastasia in the Stuffed Vegetable Department. | 就这个案例 蔬菜填塞部的阿纳斯塔西娅 |
| [07:36] | We’ve got Hector over in American Coins, | 还有美国硬币部的赫克托 |
| [07:38] | and my dear buddy, Matt, in Weird Sex Things. | 还有我的好兄弟 怪异性行为部的马特 |
| [07:41] | 马特 怪异性行为部 | |
| [07:41] | I’m still waiting on a response to the request I filed | 我上交的立即自杀申请 |
| [07:43] | for immediate suicide. | 结果还没有出来 |
| [07:45] | Request denied. | 请求被拒 |
| [07:46] | I love Matty. He’s hilarious. | 我大爱马特 他很逗 |
| [07:48] | So they now examine the action– | 所以他们现在审核该行为 |
| [07:51] | its use of resources, the intentions behind it, | 利用了什么资源 背后有什么意图 |
| [07:55] | its effects on others. | 对他人的影响 |
| [07:56] | Correct. And you end up with this. | 没错 而这就是最终结果 |
| [07:58] | 行为编号 减9884分 | |
| [07:59] | And here is why tampering is impossible– | 结果不可能被人做手脚 |
| [08:01] | because this score is then double-checked | 因为将会随机抽取三百万位会计师 |
| [08:03] | by 3 billion other accountants, all chosen at random, | 对分数进行再次审核 |
| [08:07] | and if they all come to the same conclusion, | 如果他们结论一致 |
| [08:09] | which they always do, it makes this official. | 基本上总是一致 就正式生效了 |
| [08:12] | Anyone who does this same action | 如果有人以相同方式做了同一行为 |
| [08:13] | in the exact same way loses this many points. | 就会扣除这些分树 |
| [08:16] | When people die, their biographical history | 人们死后 他们的生平记录 |
| [08:18] | and final point totals are sent to the relevant destination. | 及最终分数会被送到相应的终点 |
| [08:21] | This batch is going to the Bad Place. | 这一批是前往”恶地”的人 |
| [08:24] | Thank you, Doris. | 谢谢 多丽丝 |
| [08:27] | The system is flawless, and tampering is quite impossible. | 这个系统完美无缺 不可能被人动手脚 |
| [08:29] | I see. Could we look at one | 明白了 我们能不能看 |
| [08:32] | specific file, though, just to make sure? | 一个特定档案 再确认一下 |
| [08:35] | Who do you want to see– | 你想看谁的啊 |
| [08:36] | Genghis Khan, Marie Antoinette? | 成吉思汗 绝代艳后 |
| [08:38] | Walt Disney’s got some freaky stuff in his file. | 华特·迪士尼的档案有见不得光的事哦 |
| [08:41] | Doug Forcett. | 道格·福赛特 |
| [08:43] | I don’t get this, man. | 我不明白 |
| [08:45] | Why wouldn’t you want to know what our life was like? | 为什么你不想知道我们之前的生活 |
| [08:48] | You’re not even a little bit curious what it was like to hit this? | 你不好奇跟我睡的感觉吗 |
| [08:51] | I don’t mean this this. | 我不是说她的身体 |
| [08:52] | Although, frankly, I would also hit this this. | 虽然老实说 我也想睡一下这副身体 |
| [08:55] | I don’t want to see those memories | 我不想知晓那些记忆 |
| [08:57] | because, philosophically speaking, | 因为从哲学层面讲 |
| [08:58] | they’re none of my business. | 那些记忆与我无关 |
| [09:00] | They happened to someone else. | 是发生在别人身上的事 |
| [09:02] | Let me explain. | 我来解释一下 |
| [09:05] | Take a seat. | 坐下 |
| [09:06] | Conceptions of the self. | 自我的概念 |
| [09:08] | Let’s start with John Locke, | 先从约翰·洛克说起 |
| [09:09] | who believed that personal identity | 他认为”人格同一性”建立在 |
| [09:11] | was based on having a continued consciousness– | 具有持续意识的基础之上 |
| [09:14] | essentially, memory. | 本质上就是记忆 |
| [09:16] | Memories are links in a chain | 记忆是链子上的链结 |
| [09:19] | that together form a single self. | 共同构成一个单一的自我 |
| [09:21] | If I can’t remember what happened | 如果我不记得发生过的事 |
| [09:23] | because it happened to a Chidi from another timeline, | 因为这是发生在另一时间线的奇迪身上 |
| [09:26] | it’s not a unified me. | 那就不是一个统一的我 |
| [09:28] | Just because you don’t remember doing something | 你不记得你做过 |
| [09:29] | doesn’t mean you didn’t do it. | 并不代表你没做过 |
| [09:31] | I have no idea how it happened, | 我也不记得怎么发生的 |
| [09:32] | but there is definitely a tattoo on my butt | 但我屁股上就是多了个纹身 |
| [09:35] | that says “Jasom.” | 写着”杰粗” |
| [09:36] | That leads us to Derek Parfit. | 这就要说到德里克·帕菲特 |
| [09:38] | – It does? – Parfit said | -是吗 -帕菲特说过 |
| [09:40] | even if I have memories from an earlier time, | 即使我有之前的记忆 |
| [09:43] | that doesn’t necessarily mean it was me. | 也不一定就是我 |
| [09:45] | After all, if my brain was split in two | 毕竟 如果我的大脑一分为二 |
| [09:48] | and each half was put in a different person, | 每一半都放到不同人身上 |
| [09:50] | which one is me? | 哪一个是我呢 |
| [09:52] | All I know is that other Chidi | 我只知道那个奇迪 |
| [09:54] | doesn’t exist anymore, and this one does. | 已经不存在了 但我这个奇迪还存在 |
| [09:56] | So this must be the real Chidi. | 所以我这个奇迪肯定是真奇迪 |
| [09:59] | And all I know is that you’re just | 我只知道你把维基百科 |
| [10:00] | barfing Wikipedia all over everyone | 都一股脑吐出来 |
| [10:02] | to avoid talking about your feelings. | 就是不说自己的真情实感 |
| [10:06] | Let’s talk about David Hume. | 现在说一下大卫·休谟 |
| [10:10] | Here we go, the Book of Dougs. | 找到了 道格们的档案 |
| [10:13] | Let’s have a look. | 来看看 |
| [10:16] | Doug Forbush, Doug Forcap… | 道格·福布什 道格·福卡普 |
| [10:19] | Doug L. Forcett. | 道格·L·福赛特 |
| [10:21] | Hey, no peeking. Accountants only. | 别偷看 仅限会计人员 |
| [10:24] | Can you just tell me his total so far? | 你能告诉我他目前多少分吗 |
| [10:26] | Looks like he’s at 520,000 points. | 他目前有52万分 |
| [10:30] | – Well done, Doug. – So that’s–that’s good? | -不错啊 道格 -这个分数很好吗 |
| [10:33] | It’s excellent. | 非常好 |
| [10:34] | Wait, he’s 68 years old? | 等下 他68岁了 |
| [10:36] | That’s terrible. He’s screwed. | 很糟糕 他完蛋了 |
| [10:38] | I knew it! | 我就知道 |
| [10:40] | Doug has spent his entire life being nothing but good. | 道格一生都只做好事 |
| [10:43] | He once found a dollar on the ground, | 他看到地上有一美元 |
| [10:45] | and he sent it to the Canadian government to help pay down their national debt. | 就寄给了加拿大政府帮忙偿还国债 |
| [10:50] | And he isn’t even close to getting in? | 却还是离进入”善地”差得很远吗 |
| [10:52] | How can that be? | 这怎么可能 |
| [10:53] | Look, mate, the points are indisputable. | 哥们 分数无可争议 |
| [10:55] | They have been since the beginning. | 从一开始就一直是这样 |
| [10:57] | “Og Gives His Rock to Grog.” | “奥格把他的石头给了格罗格” |
| [10:59] | First ever act of human altruism. | 人类历史上首次利他行为 |
| [11:01] | Og earned 10,000 points that day. | 奥格那天赢得了一万分 |
| [11:03] | Of course, then Grog used that rock to beat Og’s brains in | 当然 后来格罗格用这块石头把奥格砸得脑袋开花 |
| [11:06] | and lost a million points. | 丢了一百万分 |
| [11:07] | The point is, the math is cold, objective, and airtight, | 重点是 分数计算客观无感情 且无懈可击 |
| [11:10] | and unless you can prove otherwise, | 除非你能证明不是这样 |
| [11:12] | I don’t know how I can help you. | 否则我没办法帮你 |
| [11:14] | I just got 700 new Weird Sex Thing files in the last one second. | 就在上一秒我收到七百份新的怪异性行为档案 |
| [11:17] | Yeah, Burning Man just started. | 对了 “火人狂欢节”开始了 |
| [11:20] | Buckle up, Matty. It’s going to be a long week. | 打起精神吧 马特 这周有得忙了 |
| [11:23] | So, in essence, Hume thought that we don’t truly have a self. | 本质上 休谟认为我们并不真正拥有自我 |
| [11:27] | We’re just a bundle of our ever-changing impressions. | 我们只是不断变化的想法集合于一体 |
| [11:31] | Just admit it, man. | 干脆点承认吧 |
| [11:32] | You’re embarrassed you fell in love with an Arizona trash bag. | 爱上我这个没文化的庸俗女 你觉得很丢脸 |
| [11:34] | Eleanor, it’s not personal. | 埃莉诺 别代入私人感情 |
| [11:37] | Someone fell in love with you. | 有人爱上了你 |
| [11:39] | It’s just not me. | 只不过不是我 |
| [11:40] | I told you not to conjure anything. | 我说了不要召唤任何东西 |
| [11:42] | Sorry, I-I just swapped the living room for a classroom. | 抱歉 我只是把客厅换成了教室 |
| [11:45] | Not you, him. | 不是说你 是他 |
| [11:47] | – Jason, what is wrong with you? – Sorry, Janet. | -杰森 你怎么回事 -抱歉 珍妮特 |
| [11:49] | I didn’t mean to conjure Pillboi. | 我不是有意召唤”药哥” |
| [11:51] | I was just thinking about how much fun we used to have | 我只是在想过去在他的破热水浴池里 |
| [11:54] | hanging out in his broken hot tub, | 玩得多么欢乐 |
| [11:56] | and then he showed up, | 接着他就出现了 |
| [11:57] | Yeah, I was just chilling, being nothing, | 没错 我正悠哉悠哉无聊呢 |
| [12:00] | and then all of a sudden, I was. | 突然之间 我就到这里了 |
| [12:02] | Good-bye, Pillboi. | 再见 “药哥” |
| [12:03] | Dip. I’m not again! | 我去 我又没了 |
| [12:09] | You need to hurry. | 你得抓紧时间了 |
| [12:10] | My molecular essence is fragmenting, | 我的分子精华正在碎裂 |
| [12:13] | and it’s giving me the worst headache. | 我快要头疼死了 |
| [12:15] | Okay, here’s a question. | 好吧 我有个问题 |
| [12:17] | If Doug Forcett’s not getting in, who is? | 如果道格·福赛特没能进”善地” 那谁进了 |
| [12:19] | Let’s look at one more file– | 我们再看一个档案 |
| [12:21] | someone who–who’s gotten into the Good Place this year. | 看一个今年进入”善地”的人 |
| [12:23] | All right, why don’t we look at… | 好吧 来看看 |
| [12:27] | No one. No one got in. | 没人 没人进”善地” |
| [12:29] | No one’s gotten in for a year? | 一年都没人进”善地”了吗 |
| [12:31] | Correct. | 没错 |
| [12:32] | How about the last three years? | 那过去三年呢 |
| [12:34] | All right… | 好吧 |
| [12:40] | No one. | 还是没有 |
| [12:42] | When was the last time someone got in? | 上次有人进入”善地”是什么时候 |
| [12:45] | The last time someone got enough points to get into the Good Place was… | 上次有人获得足够分数进入”善地”是在 |
| [12:49] | 521 years ago. | 521年前 |
| [12:53] | Michael… | 迈克尔 |
| [12:57] | Yo, homey. | “姐们儿” |
| [12:59] | You and Eleanor were fighting before, | 你和埃莉诺之前争吵 |
| [13:00] | and I couldn’t help but overhear. | 我不小心听到了 |
| [13:03] | Hey, if we hear with our ears, | 如果我们是用耳朵听 |
| [13:06] | why is it called “Butt overhearing”? | 为什么会有”屁股不小心听到” |
| [13:06] | 杰森是想说”屁股不小心坐到手机上拨出电话” 指”无意拨错电话” | |
| [13:09] | Bro, if you don’t like her, you should just tell her. | 哥们 如果你不喜欢她 就直接说 |
| [13:13] | It’s not about whether I like Eleanor. | 我喜不喜欢埃莉诺 这不是重点 |
| [13:16] | I got into philosophy to try to make sense of a world that almost never makes sense. | 我研究哲学就是为了理解几乎不可理解的世界 |
| [13:21] | And that was before I learned that I died and then un-died and then re-died. | 那还是在我知道自己死了又活又死了之前 |
| [13:28] | I just can’t take one more thing. | 再来一个”惊喜意外” 我就崩溃了 |
| [13:31] | It’s too much. | 承受不住啊 |
| [13:32] | I’m going to tell you a story. | 我给你讲个事吧 |
| [13:34] | Back in Jacksonville, there was this guy | 我在杰克逊维尔那会儿 八十人舞队里 |
| [13:36] | in my 80-person dance crew named Stank Toby. | 有个叫”臭托比”的人 |
| [13:39] | Hang on. It was a 60-person dance crew. | 慢着 应该是六十人舞队 |
| [13:45] | Dip! What are numbers? | 我去 数字算什么嘛 |
| [13:48] | You’re not Jason-Janet. | 你不是”杰森内核版珍妮特” |
| [13:50] | You’re Eleanor-Janet pretending to be Jason-Janet. | 你是”埃莉诺假扮杰森内核版珍妮特” |
| [13:54] | That is so wrong and so confusing! | 真是太不应该了 也太让人困惑了 |
| [13:58] | What was I supposed to do, man? | 那我该怎么做 |
| [13:59] | You wouldn’t talk to me. | 你不愿意和我谈 |
| [14:01] | This seemed like the only option. | 我好像只能这么做了 |
| [14:02] | Hi, Chidi, I’m Eleanor. | 嗨 奇迪 我是埃莉诺 |
| [14:04] | I’m Arizona shrimp horny. | 我是亚利桑那州爱虾狂魔 |
| [14:05] | That’s not what I sound like, Jason. | 我才不那样说话 杰森 |
| [14:08] | – Get out of here. – Dip. | -走开 -好滴 |
| [14:10] | Look, you know what? Just forget it. | 好吧 当没有这事吧 |
| [14:13] | What am I even doing? | 我何苦为难自己啊 |
| [14:14] | I’m–I’m chasing a dude who isn’t into me. | 我在追一个不喜欢我的男人 |
| [14:16] | I’m making myself vulnerable for no reason. | 我这就是飞蛾扑火啊 |
| [14:18] | I don’t even know who I am anymore! | 我都迷失自我了 |
| [14:23] | This is new. | 新状况出现 |
| [14:24] | I’m so annoyed at myself. | 我好气自己 |
| [14:27] | Stupid, Eleanor! Stupid! | 傻甜白啊 埃莉诺 太没脑子了 |
| [14:30] | This whole thing sucks, you know? | 这事太令人闹心了 |
| [14:32] | Eleanor, you–you’re not– | 埃莉诺 你不是… |
| [14:33] | The one thing I never wanted to do, ever, for any reason, | 不管出于何因 我最不愿意做的事 |
| [14:36] | was to follow some guy around like a lame puppy dog! | 就是像个傻白甜 围着男人转 |
| [14:39] | I mean, look at me. I don’t need to do that. | 就姐这颜值 这身材 |
| [14:41] | I can get any guy I want. | 想要什么男人没有啊 |
| [14:42] | – Eleanor, just hang on. – What, dude, what? | -埃莉诺 等一下 -又怎么了 老兄 |
| [14:45] | – What do you want? – What is going on? | -你想怎么样 -这是怎么回事 |
| [14:48] | Okay, well, this is bad. | 这下不妙了 |
| [14:51] | Why are you staring at me? | 你为什么盯着我 |
| [14:53] | Do I have a zit on my nose or something? | 我鼻头长痘了 还是怎样 |
| [14:55] | Your sense of self is crumbling, | 你的自我意识正在瓦解 |
| [14:56] | and it’s taking the void down with it. | 同时也造成我的虚空崩塌 |
| [14:58] | Great. So I don’t feel like myself for two seconds, | 太棒了 我迷失自己才两秒 |
| [15:01] | and it breaks the universe? | 宇宙就崩坏了吗 |
| [15:03] | How come nothing went wrong when Chidi freaked out | 奇迪不认同自我 为此抓狂了三个小时 |
| [15:05] | about his identity for three hours? | 怎么就没出事 |
| [15:07] | Because freaking out about everything is my identity. | 因为我对自我的认同 就是经常性抓狂 |
| [15:09] | Not to brag. | 不是值得骄傲的事 |
| [15:10] | I need you to hold it together. | 你必须冷静下来 |
| [15:12] | Try to do something Eleanor-y. | 做点埃莉诺风格的事 |
| [15:14] | Laugh at someone who falls down, | 嘲笑别人摔了一跤 |
| [15:15] | or show up to an event under-dressed and get mad at everyone else somehow. | 或穿着随意出席宴会 却无故不爽别人 |
| [15:19] | I’ll be right back. | 我马上回来 |
| [15:24] | I know I asked you this before, but– | 我知道我问过你 不过 |
| [15:26] | No, darling, this is not where the Mac and PC guys live. | 不 亲爱的 技术宅不住这里 |
| [15:30] | Check out this dope flat-screen! | 快瞧瞧这个酷炫的平板屏幕 |
| [15:32] | It’s air-mounted! Do you see this, Tahani? | 是悬空哎 你看到了吗 塔哈妮 |
| [15:36] | 你好 我能帮你做些什么 | |
| [15:36] | This must be where Janet stores all her information. | 珍妮特肯定把所有的信息都储存在这里了 |
| [15:39] | This screen can literally show us anything that has ever happened. | 这个屏幕可以把所有发生过的事都播出来 |
| [15:43] | Cartoons, cartoons! | 卡通 卡通 |
| [15:44] | 你让珍妮特帮忙查找 卡通 | |
| [15:46] | I think it’s broken. | 好像坏掉了 |
| [15:47] | TV, play cartoons for Jason! | 电视 给杰森播放卡通 |
| [15:51] | My. Janet has a crush on you. | 天啊 珍妮特暗恋你 |
| [15:55] | I’m sorry. | 说错了 |
| [15:56] | It’s not just a crush. | 不只是暗恋 |
| [15:58] | I think in one of the reboots, you and Janet were married. | 好像在某一版本中 你和珍妮特结婚了 |
| [16:03] | Whoa, married? | 老天 结婚 |
| [16:06] | This flat-screen must have been a wedding present. | 这个平板屏幕肯定是结婚礼物 |
| [16:10] | It’s all starting to make sense now. | 这一切都说得通了 |
| [16:13] | Well, I’ve got to run. | 我必须离开了 |
| [16:14] | We’re having a little thing in the break room for Marisol’s birthday. | 我们要在休息室庆祝玛莉索的生日 |
| [16:17] | She’s turning 39,000,000… again. | 她又一次过三千九百万岁生日了、了 |
| [16:20] | So, if there’s nothing else… | 如果没别的事… |
| [16:21] | “If there’s nothing else”? | “如果没别的事” |
| [16:23] | Neil, be logical. | 尼尔 动动脑子 |
| [16:25] | Not one Good Place resident in over 500 years? | 五百多年没有一个”善地”居民吗 |
| [16:29] | Not Jonas Salk? | 乔纳斯·索尔克[制出小儿麻痹症疫苗]呢 |
| [16:31] | Not Harriet Tubman? | 哈丽特·塔布曼[南北战争时期废奴主义者]呢 |
| [16:32] | Not one single Golden Girl? | 电视剧《黄金女郎》也一个没有吗 |
| [16:35] | The Bad Place has hacked your system! | “恶地”黑了你们的系统 |
| [16:38] | No, it hasn’t. How dare you? | 没有 你怎么敢这么说 |
| [16:40] | Frankly, I’m beginning to resent your tone, sir. | 老实说 我不喜欢你这样跟我说话 先生 |
| [16:42] | If you’ve got a problem, then go to the Good Place | 如果你有问题 那就去”善地” |
| [16:44] | and take it up with the Committee. | 找委员会理论 |
| [16:45] | Now, if you’ll excuse me, | 恕我失陪 |
| [16:46] | I have to get to the break room, | 我必须去休息室了 |
| [16:47] | because there’s cake over there, | 因为那里有蛋糕 |
| [16:48] | and if I don’t move quickly, | 如果我不尽快 |
| [16:49] | Erika will get the last corner piece. | 艾瑞卡就要抢走最后一块了 |
| [16:51] | Good day, sir! | 日安 先生 |
| [16:53] | No, no, no. This can’t be happening. | 不是吧 这一定是幻觉 |
| [16:55] | No, he was supposed to tell us what to do. | 他本该告诉我们要怎么做 |
| [16:57] | If he’s not going to fix this, who is? | 如果他不能解决 那谁能啊 |
| [17:01] | You, Michael. | 你呀 迈克尔 |
| [17:02] | It has to be you. | 非你莫属 |
| [17:04] | We keep wandering around these different realms | 我们一直穿梭于阴世与阳间 |
| [17:06] | expecting someone else to have the answer, | 寄希望于他人为我们解决问题 |
| [17:07] | but no one ever does. | 但没人解决 |
| [17:09] | You’re the guy, Michael. | 就是你了 迈克尔 |
| [17:11] | You’re the only one who can fix whatever’s wrong with the afterlife. | 只有你能解决”死后世界”到底出了什么问题 |
| [17:14] | But before we get into that, | 不过在此之前 |
| [17:15] | Eleanor’s identity is shattering inside of my void, | 埃莉诺的自我认知在我的虚空粉碎 |
| [17:18] | and I might blow up. | 我可能要爆炸了 |
| [17:19] | So I’m going to need you to grab a paper clip | 我需要你拿个回形针 |
| [17:20] | and marbleize me, like, yesterday. | 把我缩成玻璃球 就像昨天那样 |
| [17:22] | What’s going to happen to the humans? | 他们几个人类会怎么样 |
| [17:23] | No idea, but I can’t take them out of my void in the middle of this office. | 不知道 但我不能在众目睽睽之下把他们带出虚空 |
| [17:26] | And if we do nothing, everyone’s gone-zo. | 如果什么都不做 大家都死定了 |
| [17:29] | Marbleize me, get us somewhere safe, and bring me back. | 把我缩成球 找个安全地方 再把我变回来 |
| [17:32] | Right, a paper clip! I need a paper clip! | 好 回形针 我需要一个回形针 |
| [17:33] | Hey, Matt. Do you have a paper clip? | 马特 你有回形针吗 |
| [17:36] | What are you going to use it for? | 你要用来做什么 |
| [17:38] | – Chidi, I’m scared. – I know. | -奇迪 我害怕 -我知道 |
| [17:40] | What am I supposed to be doing right now? | 我现在该怎么办 |
| [17:42] | I don’t remember. | 我不记得了 |
| [17:43] | I’m having a hard time remembering. | 我怎么什么都记不起来了 |
| [17:46] | Right. | 对了 |
| [17:48] | Memories, you need to remember who you are. | 记忆 你要记起你是谁 |
| [17:51] | You’re Eleanor Shellstrop from Phoenix, Arizona. | 你是亚利桑那州凤凰城的埃莉诺·谢尔斯卓普 |
| [17:54] | Your favorite meal is shrimp scampi. | 你最喜欢吃的是鲜虾饭 |
| [17:56] | You listed your emergency contact as Britney Spears | 你把紧急联系人设为”小甜甜布兰妮” |
| [17:58] | as a long-shot way of meeting her, | 痴心妄想能见到她 |
| [18:00] | and your favorite movie is that clip of | 你最喜欢的电影是约翰·特拉沃尔塔 |
| [18:02] | John Travolta saying “Adele Dazeem.” | 误把伊迪娜·门泽尔叫做阿黛尔·达西姆的片段 |
| [18:04] | You flew halfway around the world because you wanted to be a better person, | 你千里迢迢来学习 就为了做一个更好的人 |
| [18:09] | and it was very brave. | 真的很勇敢 |
| [18:10] | You’re sharp, and you’re strong. | 你刁钻 但很坚强 |
| [18:13] | You make fun of me a lot. | 你经常取笑我 |
| [18:15] | You once called me a human snooze button. | 你曾说我是”人形闹钟按钮” |
| [18:17] | but you also showed up in my classroom | 不过你也在我沉溺于罐装辣椒与绝望之时 |
| [18:18] | when I was drowning in despair and canned chili, | 前来教室解救我 |
| [18:21] | and you basically saved my life. | 你算是我的救命恩人了 |
| [18:24] | You have very high self-esteem, | 你的自尊心很强 |
| [18:26] | and a very low tolerance for men who wear sandals, | 对穿凉鞋的男人容忍度很低 |
| [18:30] | and your worst nightmare | 你最不能忍受 |
| [18:32] | is someone saying something nice about you to your face, | 有人当面说你好话 |
| [18:35] | but too bad because I need to say it | 但很遗憾 我必须要说 |
| [18:38] | because you deserve it. | 因为你理应受到称赞 |
| [18:40] | – Because–because– – Chidi– | -因为 因为… -奇迪 |
| [19:01] | Nice work, bud. | 干得好 兄弟 |
| [19:04] | Did you mean everything you said, | 你说的是真心话 |
| [19:06] | or did you just say it because the world was ending? | 还是因为世界要毁灭了 才这么说 |
| [19:11] | I really want to play this cool, | 我本来想故作镇定 |
| [19:13] | but I’m afraid that I’m going to ruin it if I try to be sexy. | 但我怕如果我走性感风 会毁了气氛 |
| [19:20] | I already ruined it. | 我已经搞砸了 |
| [19:22] | Saying the word “Sexy” is not sexy– | “性感”这词一说出来 就不性感了 |
| [19:29] | Wait! | 等等 |
| [19:30] | I’m okay. | 我没事了 |
| [19:32] | – Are you sure? – Yes, I’m okay. | -你确定吗 -确定 我没事了 |
| [19:34] | – Wait. – What? | -等等 -怎么了 |
| [19:36] | They’re not Janets anymore. | 他们不再是”珍妮特”了 |
| [19:37] | They’re them, and they’re not sitting well. | 而是变回了自己 还收不住了 |
| [19:40] | Incoming. | 要来了 |
| [19:46] | They’re all here, and they’re safe… | 他们都出来了 还都没事 |
| [19:50] | From the old scary thing. | 逃过一劫 |
| [19:52] | Now there’s a new scary thing. | 又来一劫 |
| [19:55] | Hi, guys, I’m Neil. Welcome to Accounting. | 你们好 我是尼尔 欢迎来到会计处 |
| [19:57] | Now, it does seem that four of you are inter-dimensional fugitives, | 你们四个就是”跨时空逃犯”吧 |
| [20:01] | so I did go ahead and hit the alarm–sorry about that. | 所以我拉响了警报 抱歉啦 |
| [20:03] | – But there is some good news. There’s some cake left. – Yes! | -不过也有好消息 蛋糕还有剩 -棒极啦 |
| [20:07] | Michael, what are we going to do? | 迈克尔 我们该怎么办 |
| [20:08] | Guys, I’m so sorry. | 小伙伴们 我很抱歉 |
| [20:10] | – The Accountant was no help. – Rude. | -这个会计很没用 -我受到一万点暴击 |
| [20:12] | No one’s gotten into the Good Place in 500 years. | 五百年都没有人进入”善地”了 |
| [20:16] | We have no plan. | 我们没有对策 |
| [20:17] | No one’s coming to save us. | 没人会来救我们 |
| [20:23] | So… | 所以 |
| [20:27] | I’m gonna do it. | 由我来救 |
| [20:32] | Follow me! | 跟我走 |
| [20:34] | Corner piece! No! | 最爱这一块了 太没节操了 |
| [20:40] | You can’t take the Book of Dougs. | 你不能拿道格档案 |
| [20:42] | Accountants only. | 只有会计才可以 |
| [20:43] | I need one of you to volunteer to do something outrageously insane | 你们谁愿意主动来发疯做件事 |
| [20:48] | that will either make you cease to exist or be really fun. | 这事要么让大家都挂掉 要么超级精彩 |
| [20:51] | That’s most of the things I’ve tried. | 我经常做这样的事 |
| [20:52] | That’s my guy. Come here, come here. | 就是你了 快来 快来 |
| [20:54] | – Get in the tube. – Hell, yeah. | -进管子里 -好耶 |
| [20:55] | I love getting in stuff. | 我喜欢进东西里面 |
| [21:05] | No way to know what happened to him. | 没办法知道他怎么样了 |
| [21:06] | So, come on, let’s go, everyone else. Come on. | 所以来吧 你们几个 我们走 快来 |
| [21:09] | Here you go. | 发射咯 |
| [21:22] | That was awesome! That was awesome! | 太爽了 太好玩了 |
| [21:23] | I want to go again! | 我想再来一次 |
| [21:27] | Where are we? | 这是哪里 |
| [21:30] | We’re in the Good Place. | 这里是”善地” |
| [21:32] | No offense, dude, but you have told us a lot of lies in the last 300 years. | 别怪我不信你 但你这三百年骗了我们好多次了 |
| [21:35] | So, seriously, where the fork are we? | 说真的 我们他喵的到底在哪儿 |
| [21:39] | Fork. | 他喵的 |
| [21:41] | Shirt. | 喵的 |
| [21:42] | Ash hole. | 灰蛋 |
| [21:45] | Holy forking shirtballs. | 我他喵呀 |
| [21:48] | We’re in the Good Place! | 我们进入”善地”了 |