| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Anything? | 有消息吗 |
| [00:02] | Nope. Nobody know squat. | 没有 什么风声也没有 |
| [00:04] | What the here is going on? | 到底出什么事了 |
| [00:06] | We haven’t had any new humans to torture in, like, a week. | 都一周没有人类给我们蹂躏了 |
| [00:09] | – I miss it. – I know. | -心痒难耐 -可不是 |
| [00:10] | I got so desperate this morning, | 我今早都闲得蛋疼了 |
| [00:11] | I tried flattening an eggplant. | 我只能靠压扁一只茄子解闷儿 |
| [00:13] | It’s just not the same. | 但感觉不爽啊 |
| [00:14] | Skin tags. Special meeting. | 傻鸟们 要开会了 |
| [00:16] | – About what? – I don’t know. | -开什么会 -不知道 |
| [00:17] | Probably your dad’s stinky sack. | 讨论你爸的臭蛋吧 |
| [00:22] | I hope it’s not more sexual harassment training. | 可别又是性骚扰预防培训 |
| [00:24] | We just did that, and I’m already so good at it. | 刚培训完 我已经驾轻就熟了 |
| [00:29] | – All right. We got them. – Okay, here we go! | -我们抓到他们了 -真棒 |
| [00:33] | Yeah, that’s not exactly what’s happening here. | 不是这样 你们想多了 |
| [00:36] | The Bad Place is going to be changing, | “恶地”要实行改革了 |
| [00:39] | and I’m– well, I’m kind of your boss now. | 你们现在归我管了 |
| [00:42] | He’s joking, right? | 他不是认真的吧 |
| [00:44] | I’m afraid he’s not. Things are changing. | 不是 体制改革了 |
| [00:47] | Michael and I are actually going to be… | 我和迈克尔要一起 |
| [00:53] | Working together. | 我们合作了 |
| [00:56] | I hated that. | 真闹心 |
| [00:56] | I hated saying it. Hated how it felt. Hated all of it. | 说这种话太闹心了 整件事就是历劫 |
| [00:59] | You all have been hand-selected | 专门挑了你们几个 |
| [01:01] | to be the very first Bad Place Architects who will learn the new system. | 作为新体制之下的第一批”恶地”设计师 |
| [01:05] | Why do we need a new system? Torture works. | 搞什么新体制 现有酷刑不挺好 |
| [01:08] | It’s the way it’s always been done. | 老祖宗传下来的规矩 |
| [01:09] | With all due respect, | 容我插一句 |
| [01:11] | “It’s the way it’s always been done” | “老祖宗传下来的规矩” |
| [01:13] | is an excuse that’s been used for hundreds of years to justify racism, misogyny– | 这句话一直是”种族歧视”与”歧视女性”的挡箭牌 |
| [01:18] | Exactly. See? This chick gets it. | 没错 瞧这姑娘多明事理 |
| [01:28] | So these computers have access to every file | 这些电脑可以查看 |
| [01:31] | for every human currently in the Bad Place, | 目前”恶地”所有人的档案 |
| [01:33] | and the three of us have a very important job. | 我们三个有一项艰巨任务 |
| [01:35] | To find out which former U.S. Presidents were secretly gay. | 查出美国前总统中谁是同性恋 |
| [01:38] | – No. – Okay, fine, bi. | -不是 -行 双性恋 |
| [01:40] | Sure, but also, while Michael is trying to get the Architects trained, | 你开心就好 总之 迈克尔正在培训设计师 |
| [01:44] | we’re supposed to find the first 1,000 humans to take the test– | 我们要找出第一批一千个人类参加考核 |
| [01:47] | people who will just sail right through it | 一些有潜力向善的人 |
| [01:49] | so we can build confidence in the system. | 这样就能树立起新体制的可靠形象了 |
| [01:51] | So what are the criteria? | 按什么条件选呢 |
| [01:52] | Should it be people with the highest point totals | 是找生前考评分数最高的人 |
| [01:55] | or overcame the greatest hardship? | 还是历经磨难之人呢 |
| [01:56] | I think we just start with the gimmes– | 就从”躁人物”入手吧 |
| [01:58] | the very best people who ever lived. | 活得最碉堡的那些人 |
| [02:00] | So Evel Knievel, Kool-Aid Man, Mini-Me, | 埃维尔·克尼维尔 “酷爱”卡通人物 “小跟班” |
| [02:03] | DJ Jazzy Jeff, a genie so we can wish for infinity people. | DJ爵士杰夫 一个阿拉丁神灯精灵 可以许愿更多”人类” |
| [02:07] | – Jason– – Sure, throw me in there, too. | -杰森 – 把我放进去也行 |
| [02:09] | Also, Fat Bastard, the World’s Most Interesting Man, | “肥八蛋”[《王牌大贱谍》人物] “世上最有趣的灵魂” |
| [02:11] | Pikachu, Karate Kid, Wendy from Wendy’s, | 皮卡丘 “龙威小子”[电影] “温蒂汉堡”的温蒂 |
| [02:15] | Grumpy Cat, and the GPS lady that tells you where to drive. | “暴躁猫” 还有车内导航系统里的”大姐” |
| [02:19] | Feels like a good stopping point. | 差不多了 可以歇一下了 |
| [02:20] | Let’s call it a day, come back fresh tomorrow. | 今天就到这里 明天再议 |
| [02:22] | – Great job, everyone. – What– | -大家表现真好 -啥 |
| [02:27] | Okay, Janet’s passing out the file on Tahani Al-Jamil, | 珍妮特把塔哈妮·阿贾米尔的档案发下去了 |
| [02:32] | who volunteered to be today’s test subject. | 她主动来当今日的测试目标 |
| [02:34] | So take a look, and then we’ll get going. | 你们看一眼 我们继续 |
| [02:36] | They don’t seem very enthused. | 大家情绪不太高涨 |
| [02:38] | This may be a tougher challenge than I thought, | 这比我想象中要棘手啊 |
| [02:40] | like when I tried to teach Taylor Swift how to dance. | 堪比我当年教泰勒·斯威夫特怎么跳舞 |
| [02:43] | The longest four years of my life. | 教了四年 教到我吐血 |
| [02:45] | We’re uprooting the entire Bad Place system, | “恶地”体制彻底改革了 |
| [02:48] | and these Architects are set in their ways. | 这些设计师们积习难改 |
| [02:51] | It’s gonna take a lot of work, | 培训他们要投入很多心血 |
| [02:53] | but the work is the fun part, guys. | 但投入过程才有意思啊 |
| [02:56] | So no matter who long it takes, | 不管花多长时间 |
| [02:57] | see it through and usher in a better, brighter future. | 要坚持到底 开创一个辉煌未来 |
| [03:01] | Screw this. I’m not working for a traitor. | 拉倒吧 我才不要替一个叛徒干活 |
| [03:05] | Phil out. That’s my name, Phil. | 菲尔小爷不干了 我就是菲尔 |
| [03:08] | Phil, hey. Come on, buddy. | 菲尔 别这样 |
| [03:10] | I personally chose you | 我亲自挑了你 |
| [03:11] | based on your innovative work in the Performative Wokeness department. | 就因为你在”自主启蒙部”取得的创新成果 |
| [03:16] | Way to mansplain my own department to me. | 谁不懂 用你这个直男癌教 |
| [03:19] | And I’m triggered. | 你惹毛小爷了 |
| [03:22] | Man. What a legend. | 天 碉堡了 |
| [03:25] | Who you reading about? | 你看谁的档案呢 |
| [03:26] | Me. I ruled on Earth. | 我啊 我生前帅炸了 |
| [03:28] | I siphoned so much gas, Eleanor. | 我偷吸了好多汽油 埃莉诺 |
| [03:31] | Even if the car was moving or on fire or a boat, | 即便车在路上 着火了 车在船上 |
| [03:35] | I still always got that gas. | 我还是能把汽油弄出来 |
| [03:37] | Man. I never thought about the fact that we could look up our own files. | 天 我都没想到还可以看自己的档案 |
| [03:40] | Yeah, I printed out all of ours. | 我把我们档案都打印出来了 |
| [03:46] | I love you, okay? | 我爱你 |
| [03:48] | The words are nice, but the tone is scary. | 是句甜言蜜语 但语气有点吓人 |
| [03:49] | We’re in love, and everything’s great, | 我们情投意合 琴瑟和鸣 |
| [03:51] | and if we want to keep it that way, | 如果想一直这么恩爱下去 |
| [03:53] | you have to promise to never, ever, ever read my file. | 你得答应我永远别看我的档案 |
| [03:56] | Okay. | 好 |
| [03:57] | If you don’t want me to, then of course I won’t, | 你不想让我看 我就不看 |
| [03:59] | but nothing in there could ever change how I feel about you. | 但不管档案里有什么 我对你的爱都不会变 |
| [04:02] | You say that now, but you don’t know what I did on Halloween 2013. | 你现在这么说 那是你不知道我在2013年万圣节造的孽 |
| [04:06] | What did you do on Halloween 2013? | 你在2013年万圣节干什么了 |
| [04:08] | I don’t remember, but it must’ve been bad, | 不记得了 肯定没好事 |
| [04:10] | because the next morning, | 因为第二天早上 |
| [04:11] | I woke up in a large Rubbermaid container in some family’s basement, | 我在别人家地下室的乐伯美大储物柜里醒来 |
| [04:14] | and I had barfed all over their old photo albums. | 把人家的家庭相册吐得到处都是 |
| [04:17] | Yeah, see, that’s the look we’re trying to avoid here, bud. | 我就担心你会有这种反应 才不让你知道 |
| [04:20] | I don’t need to read your file. | 我不用看你的档案 |
| [04:22] | I know you, and I love you. | 我了解你 我爱你 |
| [04:25] | And I can’t wait to spend eternity with you. | 我等不及要跟你永生相守了 |
| [04:29] | I mean, obviously, we have a lot of work to do here, | 当然 我们目前手头任务量很重 |
| [04:32] | and then we both have to pass the test, | 我们还都得通过考核 |
| [04:34] | but eventually we’re gonna be together forever– | 但最终 我们会幸福相守 |
| [04:36] | You have to read my file right now! | 你现在就看我档案吧 |
| [04:37] | What? I’m confused. Is this a game? | 这是什么套路 我蒙圈了 你闹着玩吗 |
| [04:40] | Is it a sex game somehow? | 这是什么撩人的前戏吗 |
| [04:42] | I can’t risk it. | 我不能冒险 |
| [04:43] | What if we spend half of eternity together | 万一我们永世相守过程中 |
| [04:46] | and then you find out something that does change the way you feel about me | 你了解到一些事 于是变心了 |
| [04:49] | and then you resent me for wasting half your eternity? | 再怨恨我让你的青春喂了狗 |
| [04:53] | No, it’s better we just rip the Band-Aid off, | 算了 早死早超生 |
| [04:55] | and you read about all the bad stuff now when we’re hot and heavy. | 还是趁恋爱甜蜜期 看一下吧 |
| [04:58] | Okay. I’ll read your file. | 好 我会看 |
| [05:00] | Can I finish reading about Oskar Schindler first? | 我能先看完奥斯卡·辛德勒的档案吗 |
| [05:02] | That’s who I got to follow? The list guy? | 我要排在那个”名单男”后面吗 |
| [05:05] | You and I are so screwed, dude. | 这段感情危险了啊 |
| [05:08] | After as many attempts as it takes, | 经过不断地考核 |
| [05:09] | if your human passes the test | 如果这些人类通过考核 |
| [05:11] | and proves that they deserve to go to the Good Place, | 证明自己有资格进入”善地” |
| [05:13] | you’ll hear this sound. | 就会听到这个声音 |
| [05:15] | Good Place, here I come. | “善地” 我来了 |
| [05:17] | This new system is great. | 这个新体制特别赞 |
| [05:18] | Who do we have to thank for effortlessly implementing it? | 新体制不费吹灰之力地实现 要归功于谁呢 |
| [05:22] | Whoever it is, I think we can all agree it was a home run. | 不管是谁 这都是一次壮举 |
| [05:26] | It was me. Okay, bye, everyone. | 就是我啦 再见 各位 |
| [05:28] | Sweet Hitler’s hairpiece. Is this movie finally over? | 辣眼睛啊 这段影片终于放完了吗 |
| [05:32] | It’s basically over. Just one little– | 差不多完了 还有一小段 |
| [05:34] | ♪ It’s simply the test ♪ | ♪就是个考验♪ |
| [05:39] | ♪ Better than other tests ♪ | ♪胜过万千考验♪ |
| [05:43] | – I think we should stop. – Okay, so, thoughts? | -差不多行了 -好 怎么样 |
| [05:46] | Yeah. This all sounds so lame. | 太没水准了 |
| [05:49] | No, it’s the current system that’s lame. | 不 现有体制才不行 |
| [05:52] | It’s so basic. | 太没档次了 |
| [05:53] | You get a human’s file, and let’s be honest, you never even read it. | 拿到一份人类档案 老实说 你们都不会看 |
| [05:56] | You just skip to the fears and phobias section | 你们只会跳到对方恐惧点 |
| [05:59] | and use that to torture them. | 以此才蹂躏人类 |
| [06:01] | Fear of snakes, throw them in a snake pit. | 有人害怕蛇 就扔进蛇坑 |
| [06:03] | Worried something’s gonna happen to your normal cylindrical penis, flatten it. | 有人担心小鸡鸡出事 就将其小鸡鸡压扁 |
| [06:08] | This new way allows you to test their specific psychological flaws and weaknesses. | 新体制可以考核人类不同的心里缺陷和弱点 |
| [06:13] | And trust us, they have plenty. | 相信我们 人类缺陷可多了 |
| [06:16] | Sorry. I’m in selling mode. | 别见怪 我把自己调成”安利”模式了 |
| [06:18] | Guys, this is your chance to be part of a bold new future. | 各位 你们有机会迈入前卫的崭新未来啊 |
| [06:21] | You telling me there’s not one single demon | 难道就没有一个恶魔 |
| [06:24] | who wants to design the very first sample test of this new system? | 想成为第一个吃螃蟹的人 来设计试验版吗 |
| [06:29] | There is. | 有 |
| [06:30] | And she’s a stone-cold fox. | 一位冰山美人 |
| [06:35] | Vicky, what are you doing here? | 薇琪 你怎么来了 |
| [06:37] | Relax. I heard about the new system, | 别慌 我听说新体制了 |
| [06:39] | I love it, and I want to be a part of it. | 很合我心意 我想参与 |
| [06:41] | Forgive me if I’m a little skeptical, | 别怪我心生疑虑 |
| [06:44] | given that you did once try to sabotage my entire Neighborhood. | 毕竟你之前想搞垮我整个”善地”计划 |
| [06:47] | Look, after you blew me into goo, | 你把我炸成浆糊之后 |
| [06:49] | I had a lot of time to think, while my goo was re-forming. | 粘液重塑形体时 我有很长时间反思 |
| [06:52] | If things are gonna change, then I have to change along with them. | 如果大势所趋 我必须跟着改变 |
| [06:55] | And, sure, change can be scary, but I’m an artist… | 改变确实让人不安 但我是个艺术家 |
| [07:00] | which means it’s my job to be scared. | 不安 乃是职业所需 |
| [07:04] | All right, fine. Take a seat. | 好吧 坐吧 |
| [07:06] | Janet’ll give you Tahani’s file. | 珍妮特会把塔哈妮的档案给你 |
| [07:08] | No, I don’t– I don’t need her file. | 不用 不需要 |
| [07:09] | I know Tahani very well– | 我对塔哈妮了若指掌 |
| [07:11] | self-obsessed, family issues, way too into being tall. | 自恋狂 原生家庭问题 个子太高 |
| [07:14] | Typical Vicky– throwing shade. | 你不毒舌 就不会说话了啊 |
| [07:16] | But it doesn’t matter… | 但姐不在乎 |
| [07:18] | ’cause I’m casting it. | 因为姐挡得住 |
| [07:20] | Because I’m closer to the Sun. | 我离太阳更近 心里阳光 |
| [07:23] | I’m tall. | 我身材高挑 |
| [07:27] | No. I knew it. | 坏了 我就知道 |
| [07:28] | You hate me now. What did it? | 你不喜欢我了 因为哪件事 |
| [07:30] | The time I was subpoenaed by the Make-A-Wish Foundation? | 我被”许愿基金会”告上法庭那一次吗 |
| [07:32] | – No. – I know what it was. | -不是 -我知道是什么事了 |
| [07:34] | In my defense, I didn’t realize he was my boyfriend’s twin | 容我辩一句 我当时不知道他是我男友的双胞胎兄弟 |
| [07:37] | until halfway into hooking up with him, | 我知道时 已经跟他勾搭上了 |
| [07:39] | and at that point, you know, it’s a sunk cost. | 这时再走人 就太不值了 |
| [07:41] | I don’t hate you at all. | 我完全不讨厌你 |
| [07:43] | I mean, you were dealt a pretty tough hand. | 你这辈子命运多舛 |
| [07:44] | You essentially had to raise yourself, | 你基本上得自己养大自己 |
| [07:46] | but you were still more confident and self-possessed at 13 than I ever was. | 但你13岁就自信从容地应对人生 比我强多了 |
| [07:51] | I mean, seeing your whole life all laid out like this, it’s… | 看着你的人生旅程 |
| [07:56] | it’s remarkable. | 很了不起 |
| [07:57] | Okay, so you still love me. | 你还是爱我 |
| [08:00] | You’re still horny for me, blah, blah, blah. | 还是对我欲罢不能 情意绵绵 |
| [08:02] | Then what’s wrong? | 那怎么了啊 |
| [08:04] | I’m not good enough for you. | 我配不上你 |
| [08:05] | I mean, look at my file. | 看看我的档案 |
| [08:07] | It is 1/10 as long as yours | 只有你的十分之一 |
| [08:10] | because I did nothing with my life. | 因为我这辈子啥也没干 |
| [08:12] | Yeah, we’re very different, but we already knew that. | 我们早就知道彼此不是同一个世界的人了 |
| [08:14] | Why are you freaking out? | 你怎么反应这么大 |
| [08:16] | You’re cool, confident Chidi now, remember? | 你不是潇洒霸气 自信笃定了吗 |
| [08:18] | I am confident about my feelings for you. | 我是对你的爱很笃定 |
| [08:20] | I am also confident that I am a damn drip, | 我还很笃定我就是个”百无一用的书生” |
| [08:24] | and you deserve to be with someone who’s not. | 你该找一个配得上你的人 |
| [08:26] | Like Nicolas, that fireman that you dated back in 2009. | 比如尼古拉斯 你2009年交往过的消防员 |
| [08:29] | He rescued people from burning buildings, and he was so hot. | 他冲入火场救死扶伤 他还特别帅 |
| [08:34] | Nicolas the fireman. | 那个消防员 尼古拉斯 |
| [08:38] | Nicolas. | 硬核汉子尼古拉斯啊 |
| [08:40] | I can’t argue with you on that one, but… | 他确实帅 我无力反驳 |
| [08:43] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [08:45] | There is no one else I want to be with– | 除了你 我不想跟别人厮守 |
| [08:47] | at least not forever. | 至少不想厮守永世 |
| [08:49] | I mean, if Frida Kahlo wants to make out with me in Heaven, | 如果弗里达·卡罗想在天堂里跟我亲热 |
| [08:51] | then you and I are gonna have a conversation, | 我们就得好好商量一下了 |
| [08:53] | but if you read my file and you’re good, | 但如果你看了我的档案 你还爱我 |
| [08:56] | then we’re good, | 我们之间就没问题 |
| [08:58] | unless there’s something in your file that would freak me out, | 除非你的档案里有些事 让我抓狂 |
| [09:00] | like you kept out a library book past the due date. | 比如你借书没按时还 |
| [09:03] | I moved, and it got buried in the bottom of a box. | 我当时搬家了 那本书压在箱底了 |
| [09:05] | I put the library in my will to make up for it. | 我把那间图书馆写进遗嘱了 以此补偿 |
| [09:07] | No, I’m kidding. I’m kidding. | 我逗你玩呢 逗你呢 |
| [09:08] | Relax. Let’s get back to work. | 别当真 回去干活吧 |
| [09:13] | Now, when I press this lever, | 我拉动电杆之后 |
| [09:15] | Tahani will enter the scenario that Megan has designed | 塔哈妮会进入梅根设计的情境之中 |
| [09:19] | that will test her ethical decision-making. | 以此考核她的道德观 |
| [09:22] | Obviously, in the real test, | 显然 真正考核中 |
| [09:24] | the humans won’t know they’re being tested, | 人类不会知道自己处在考核之中 |
| [09:26] | but this should be a good practice run. | 但这次实践会很有用 |
| [09:29] | Everyone ready? | 准备好了吗 |
| [09:34] | Hors d’oeuvre? | 吃开胃菜吗 |
| [09:35] | Well, yes. Thank you. | 好 谢谢 |
| [09:38] | Chain saw bear! | 电锯熊 |
| [09:41] | Okay, so couple of things. | 说几个要点 |
| [09:44] | We’re not using chain saw bears anymore, remember? | 不再用电锯熊了 记得吗 |
| [09:47] | Right. Okay, yeah. What else? | 好吧 还有呢 |
| [09:50] | It was mainly that one thing. Why don’t you try again? | 其实就这一点 你再试一次吧 |
| [09:53] | And remember, the challenges your test subject faces | 记住 试验对象接受的考验 |
| [09:57] | should smaller and–and more relatable. | 别太夸张 要有相关性 |
| [10:00] | Okay. | 好 |
| [10:03] | Hors d’oeuvre? It’s salmon crudités. | 吃开胃菜吗 三文鱼沙拉 |
| [10:04] | Is it farm-raised salmon? | 是人工饲养三文鱼吗 |
| [10:06] | ‘Cause I prefer to support sustainable fishing. | 因为我是永续渔业支持者 |
| [10:09] | Mondays. Am I right? Chain saw! | 周一很烦人吧 电锯 |
| [10:13] | You said smaller and more relatable. | 你说别太夸张 有相关性 |
| [10:15] | The bear is smaller, | 那只熊没之前那么夸张 |
| [10:16] | humans hate Mondays and love bacon. | 人类讨厌周一 大爱培根 |
| [10:18] | What do you want from me? | 你还想让我怎样 |
| [10:20] | Michael, can I try? | 迈克尔 能让我试一下吗 |
| [10:22] | I can show them what you’re trying to do. | 我能让他们领会你的思想 |
| [10:24] | Fine, Vicky. Go ahead. | 行 薇琪 你上吧 |
| [10:26] | Now, first, I need to get into Tahani’s headspace. | 先让我融入塔哈妮的心境 |
| [10:30] | ‘Ello, love. Pish-posh. Tuna and pickles. | “大噶好” “炒鸡好笑” 金枪鱼腌黄瓜 |
| [10:33] | I once played billiards with Questlove and Olivia Munn. | 我跟”寻爱”[说唱歌手]和奥立薇娅·玛恩打过台球 |
| [10:38] | Yeah, there she is. | 我进入状态了 |
| [10:39] | Okay, just give me a second. | 我很快就好 |
| [10:43] | Just finished reading up about James Buchanan. | 刚看完詹姆斯·布坎南的档案 |
| [10:46] | Definitely at least a little bi. | 他至少是个双性恋 |
| [10:49] | I’m gonna put him in the maybe pile. | 我要把他放进待定席 |
| [10:52] | I want nachos. Is there a snack bar here? | 我想吃玉米片 这里有小吃店吗 |
| [10:56] | What’s going on, dog? I know you’re upset. | 哥 你怎么了 我知道你心情不好 |
| [10:58] | – You have a tell. – I do? | -全写在你脸上[说] -是吗 |
| [11:00] | Yeah, you “telled” Eleanor before that you were upset, | 你之前跟埃莉诺”说”你心情不好 |
| [11:02] | and I think you still are. | 你现在还是不开心 |
| [11:04] | Looking at Eleanor’s life made me realize how different we are. | 看了埃莉诺的档案 我意识到我们有多么不同 |
| [11:08] | If the system works and we both pass our tests, | 如果新体制实行了 我们都通过考核了 |
| [11:10] | I don’t see any version of eternity where she doesn’t get bored of me. | 我们永世在一起 她一定会厌倦我 |
| [11:15] | I mean, my fake heaven was a 600-square-foot apartment | 我之前伪造版天堂就是一间67平方米的公寓 |
| [11:17] | that was essentially a bookcase and a toilet, | 基本只有一个书柜和和一个厕所 |
| [11:20] | and I loved it. | 而我特别喜欢 |
| [11:21] | So what? It’s cool that you guys are so different. | 那又怎样 两个有差异性很好啊 |
| [11:25] | Sometimes two people who have nothing in common get together, and it rules. | 天差地别的两个人在一起 有时很美妙 |
| [11:29] | Opposites attract. | 异性相吸 |
| [11:30] | Well, you need that to be true because you’re dating Janet. | 你跟珍妮特交往 必须这么安慰自己 |
| [11:34] | Ultimate opposites. | 你们完全不是一个”种类” |
| [11:35] | So, what, are you saying Janet might get bored of me? | 你是说珍妮特可能会厌倦我吗 |
| [11:40] | No, that’s not– I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean– | 不是 抱歉 我意思不是… |
| [11:42] | Man… No. | 扎心了 |
| [11:44] | No, Jason, come back. I… | 别这样 杰森 回来 |
| [11:49] | I wish I were back in my toilet library. | 还不如回到我那间带厕所的小图书馆啊 |
| [11:52] | And places. | 场景设置完成 |
| [11:54] | And… action. | 好戏开始 |
| [11:59] | Can you believe we’re still having this dinner for Kamilah? | 竟然还为卡米拉办这种宴会呢 |
| [12:03] | So embarrassing. | 真丢脸 |
| [12:04] | She doesn’t know this yet, | 她还不知道 |
| [12:05] | but I heard that the reviews for her new album are going to be dreadful. | 听说这张新专辑风评很差 |
| [12:08] | The rumor is that the label is going to drop her. | 据说唱片公司不打算跟她签约了 |
| [12:11] | I heard she may have to fly home coach | 我听说她可能得坐经济舱回家了 |
| [12:13] | and check a bag, whatever that means. | 还得托运行李 我都不知道什么叫托运 |
| [12:17] | Thank you, everyone, for coming to celebrate our daughter Kamilah. | 谢谢大家来为我家宝贝闺女卡米拉庆贺 |
| [12:21] | I know you’re all very busy these days. | 感谢百忙之中能抽空前来 |
| [12:24] | Just look at our other daughter, Tahani. | 瞧瞧我另一个女儿就知道了 塔哈妮 |
| [12:25] | She had to come straight from the gym. | 没怎么梳洗打扮 就来了 |
| [12:28] | Would anyone like to say a few words of praise about Kamilah’s latest album | 有人想赞一下卡米拉的最新专辑 |
| [12:33] | or any other aspect of Kamilah? | 或卡米拉的其它成就吗 |
| [12:35] | There are so many to celebrate. | 有太多成果要庆贺了 |
| [12:37] | Perhaps Tahani should speak. | 不如让塔哈妮说几句吧 |
| [12:39] | She’s had her share of failures recently. | 她最近受挫不少 |
| [12:41] | Celebrating me could be therapeutic. | 祝贺我 可以让她重新振奋 |
| [12:44] | Certainly. I can say something. | 当然可以说几句了 |
| [12:49] | But I have no idea what. | 但不知道该说什么 |
| [12:51] | Goodness, this is hard. | 这也太不好应付了 |
| [12:56] | Well done, Vicky. | 你真厉害 薇琪 |
| [12:57] | That was quite good… for the system. | 真不错 是个不错的考核情境 |
| [12:59] | For me, it was rather traumatic. | 但对我来说 太受伤了 |
| [13:00] | Okay, so, like, her parents were the chain saw bear, | 她的父母在这里就是”电锯熊” |
| [13:03] | but instead of chopping off her head, | 不是砍掉她的头 |
| [13:05] | they chopped off her self-esteem? | 而是打击她的自尊吗 |
| [13:07] | Yes, Megan. Good. | 没错 梅根 你上道了 |
| [13:09] | Take what you know about them | 利用对人类的了解 |
| [13:10] | and then force them into moments of personal difficulty. | 制造出让人类为难的情境 |
| [13:13] | Think of it as flattening the penises of their heart. | “压扁小鸡鸡”心灵版 击碎对方的玻璃心 |
| [13:18] | Now it makes sense. | 现在懂了 |
| [13:19] | Why don’t you go deeper into her file | 再仔细研读一下她的档案 |
| [13:21] | and look for other ways to challenge her? | 再想些别的招数对付她 |
| [13:23] | All right, slow down, slow down here. | 打住 先别急 等一下 |
| [13:25] | Vicky’s example was fine. | 薇琪的示范还行吧 |
| [13:27] | There was some good stuff there. | 确实有亮点 |
| [13:30] | But overall, C-plus. It was a C-plus, I’d say. | 但总体也就中等水平吧 |
| [13:34] | There are some problems with it, | 还是有很多问题 |
| [13:35] | some technical issues that only I can see and everything. | 只有我能看出来的一些技巧性问题 |
| [13:38] | So, basically, it actually kind of stunk. | 这次示范基本上不怎么样 |
| [13:40] | So I think it’s just best if you leave, Vicky. | 你没事可以退下了 薇琪 |
| [13:43] | This is not working. You’re bad at this. C-plus. Okay, good-bye. | 你没起什么作用 你实力不够 中等水平 慢走不送 |
| [13:47] | Same old Michael. | 你还是老样子 |
| [13:49] | Just can’t share the spotlight. | 总爱抢风头的”柠檬精” |
| [13:51] | Well, good-bye, everyone. | 我先走了 各位 |
| [13:52] | That’s a wrap on Vicky. | 薇琪谢幕 |
| [13:59] | Michael, why did you fire Vicky? | 迈克尔 你为什么把薇琪打发走了 |
| [14:00] | Look, I know she did well on the first test, | 她第一次试验确实表现不错 |
| [14:04] | but it’s beginner’s luck. | 但那是新手运气好 |
| [14:05] | There’s an X factor here… | 这里存在天机 |
| [14:07] | a secret sauce that only I truly know | 只有我知晓的窍门[酱汁] |
| [14:10] | how to pour over the–the juicy s-steak of this process. | 怎样打造出精彩的一场戏[一道菜] |
| [14:15] | I’ve never said this before, but… what? | 我从没这么说过 但你说的是啥啊 |
| [14:18] | Not only is Vicky good at test design, | 薇琪不仅在试验中表现出色 |
| [14:19] | but she’s good at teaching the others. | 她还很会教人 |
| [14:21] | Well, that’s the problem. She’s moving too fast. | 这就是问题所在 她进展太快了 |
| [14:23] | We have to learn how to walk before we can run. | 我们不能没学会走 就先跑了 |
| [14:25] | So, first, you thought it would take forever, | 你先是觉得这是一场持久战 |
| [14:27] | and now it’s moving too fast? | 现在又嫌进展太快了吗 |
| [14:28] | First of all, you know, shut up. | 首先 你闭嘴 |
| [14:30] | A-and second of all, just shut up. | 第二 你闭嘴 |
| [14:33] | It’s obvious what’s going on here. | 情况一目了然 |
| [14:35] | You don’t want your nemesis to be the one to solve your problem. | 你不想让旧敌替你解决问题 |
| [14:38] | I know that feeling. | 我了解这种感受 |
| [14:39] | Once, on Earth, I didn’t know something, and I had to ask Alexa. | 我之前在人间 有些事不懂 不得不去请教爱丽莎 |
| [14:43] | I felt dirty. | 我感觉很不好受 |
| [14:45] | No, that’s not it. | 不是那样 |
| [14:49] | I’m upset, because for hundreds of years, | 我不开心 是因为几百年以来 |
| [14:52] | I’ve had a job. | 我一直都有活干 |
| [14:54] | First, it was finding a better way to torture humans, | 一开始是想出更好蹂躏人类的办法 |
| [14:57] | then helping them, | 然后帮助人类 |
| [14:58] | then proving the system was broken, | 然后证明现有体制存在问题 |
| [15:00] | then teaching the demons. | 然后教授这些恶魔 |
| [15:02] | I have to roll a rock up a hill over and over, | 我一步一步把”巨石”推上山 |
| [15:07] | and then it kept rolling down, so I had to do it again. | 石头总是半路滚下山 我一次又一次推上去 |
| [15:10] | And then Vicky comes along with this… | 结果薇琪出现了 |
| [15:13] | like, rock-lifter thing | 不费吹灰之力 |
| [15:15] | and just lifts it to the top of the hill. | 轻而易举就把石头弄到山顶了 |
| [15:18] | Pushing the rock up the hill gave me a purpose. | “把石头推上山”是我活着的动力 |
| [15:22] | Who am I… if the rock’s gone? | 如果”这块石头”不存在了 我又何去何从呢 |
| [15:27] | Ironically, that’s exactly what Vin Diesel asked me when Dwayne Johnson | 有意思的是 “巨石强森”拒演《速度与激情9》时 |
| [15:30] | refused to appear in “The Fast and the Furious 9.” | 范·迪塞尔也这么问我来着 |
| [15:34] | Not helpful? | 这话没用吗 |
| [15:35] | Copy that. | 我不说了 |
| [15:37] | Honestly… | 老实说 |
| [15:38] | Michael, I don’t know what’s to become of you… | 迈克尔 我不清楚你未来的路 |
| [15:41] | or any of us. | 也不清楚我们未来的路 |
| [15:42] | But getting Vicky back is the best chance to make your plan work now, | 但把薇琪找回来 你的方案才能成功执行 |
| [15:46] | so focus on that and deal with the future in the future. | 先把这件事做成 未来的事 未来再议 |
| [15:55] | I’m sorry I said that before, man. | 我很抱歉之前把你说郁闷了 |
| [15:58] | No, you were right. | 没 你说得对 |
| [16:01] | Janet and I are different. Maybe it can’t last. | 我和珍妮特确实不是一个种类 也许我们不会长久 |
| [16:05] | Maybe we’re like the Montagues and Capulets. | 就像蒙塔古家族和凯普莱特家族[罗密欧与朱丽叶] |
| [16:08] | How do you know that? | 你怎么会知道这种事 |
| [16:09] | I read some books, man. Jeez. | 我也读书 瞧不起谁啊 |
| [16:13] | Listen. | 是这样 |
| [16:15] | Maybe on paper, you and Janet don’t make total sense, | 也许理论上 你和珍妮特完全不搭 |
| [16:18] | but who cares? | 但谁在乎啊 |
| [16:19] | The relationship you have built together is wonderful. | 你们之间的感情多么美好啊 |
| [16:22] | She knows you and loves you, and that’s all that matters. | 她了解你 爱你 这就够了 |
| [16:27] | – Do you really believe that? – Of course I do. | -你真这么觉得吗 -当然了 |
| [16:30] | Sucker! | 傻秀才 |
| [16:32] | Sorry? | 什么 |
| [16:33] | I got you so bad. | 我跟你演戏呢 |
| [16:35] | Dude, pretend what you just said was what you said to you instead of to me. | 哥 我故意让你把对我说的话 说给你自己听 |
| [16:39] | And you have to listen to yourself, | 你必须要听自己劝 |
| [16:41] | because it was already in your own head and then came out. | 因为道理你都懂 借着劝我来劝你自己 |
| [16:44] | But just put it back in your head, | 只是把你懂的道理再还给你 |
| [16:45] | and realize that it was you talking about you and Eleanor. | 让你意识到 你和埃莉诺就是这样 |
| [16:51] | Against all odds, I know what you mean, | 尽管被你绕晕了 但我明白你的意思了 |
| [16:54] | and I-I got to give it up. | 我得拜服你 |
| [16:56] | That was… that was good. | 你牛掰啊 |
| [16:58] | Yeah, it was. | 必须啊 |
| [17:00] | Chess mate. | 你被我将军了吧 |
| [17:09] | There she is. | 你在这里啊 |
| [17:10] | Where you off to? | 你去哪儿 |
| [17:11] | I have an ice-cold yoga class. | 我去上冰冻瑜伽课 |
| [17:14] | It’s amazing. You pull so many muscles. | 特别棒 能锻炼好多肌肉 |
| [17:17] | What do you want? | 你有什么事 |
| [17:19] | I-I’m sorry that I kicked you out. | 我很抱歉把你打发走了 |
| [17:22] | I-it wasn’t about you. | 我不是针对你 |
| [17:23] | It was just my own insecurities getting in the way. | 我只是一时自尊心受挫 感情用事了 |
| [17:27] | Will you please come back? | 你能回来吗 |
| [17:29] | No. | 不能 |
| [17:30] | I’m not gonna let myself be degraded by you again. | 我可不要再被你踢出局了 |
| [17:33] | I am a strong, independent acid snake | 我是一只厉害 独立的迷幻蛇 |
| [17:36] | in the skin suit of a strong, independent woman. | 身披一具强悍 独立的女人皮囊 |
| [17:39] | Listen, listen… | 你听我说 |
| [17:42] | You were the best part of my original Neighborhood. | 第一场”善地大戏”中 你表现最佳 |
| [17:45] | I took you for granted, and that was wrong. | 我没珍视你 是我错 |
| [17:48] | But now I want to give you the role of a lifetime. | 但我现在要赋予你一个终生角色 |
| [17:52] | You’re going to run the whole project. | 你来负责整个项目 |
| [17:54] | I’ll give you all my plans and my notes, | 我会把方案与经验倾囊相授 |
| [17:57] | but then I’ll–I’ll step back, and–and you’ll take over. | 然后退位让贤 你来接任大权 |
| [18:00] | Full creative control… | 自由创作空间 |
| [18:03] | like a director. | 就像导演一样 |
| [18:04] | What do you say? | 你意下如何 |
| [18:07] | That sounds great, but it won’t work. | 听起来很有吸引力 但不行 |
| [18:09] | Everyone here hates you so much, | 大家都对你心生芥蒂 |
| [18:11] | if you just put me in control, they’ll think I’m your puppet. | 你退位给我 我在他们眼中只是你的傀儡 |
| [18:14] | I can’t have any of your dingleberry stank on me. | 你没擦干净的屁股 可别蹭到我身上 |
| [18:16] | I know. | 我知道 |
| [18:17] | That’s why I’m not giving it to you. | 所以我不会让位于你 |
| [18:21] | You’re going to take it. | 你来夺权 |
| [18:25] | So… I was being stupid. | 我刚才犯傻了 |
| [18:28] | And Jason gave me some really good advice. | 杰森苦心劝解了我一番 |
| [18:32] | Classic us. | 我总是向他”传授智慧” |
| [18:33] | Look, who we were on Earth is a tiny part of who we are | 我们生前的人生只是一段经历而已 |
| [18:39] | and an even smaller part of who we are together. | 不能定义我们 更不能影响我们的感情 |
| [18:42] | So I’m sorry for freaking out. | 我很抱歉之前反应那么大 |
| [18:44] | But also, some day when we get to the Good Place, | 还有 等我们一起进入”善地”之后 |
| [18:46] | I’m gonna learn to play the guitar | 我会学习弹吉他 |
| [18:48] | so you don’t get bored of me. | 这样你就不会厌倦我了 |
| [18:50] | I actually prefer drummers. | 我其实喜欢鼓手 |
| [18:53] | Read my file. | 档案里写着呢 |
| [18:56] | Sorry for the delay. | 抱歉让大家久等了 |
| [18:57] | Now, for this next phase of the training– | 下一阶段的训练 |
| [18:59] | – Stop right there. – Vicky? | -你给我打住 -薇琪 |
| [19:01] | I thought I got rid of you, | 你不是被我打发走了吗 |
| [19:03] | and now you’re coming through the door unexpectedly? | 你竟然”出其不意”地回来了吗 |
| [19:06] | That’s right. I’m launching a coup. | 没错 我要篡权谋位 |
| [19:08] | My, my, my, we’ve got some history, don’t we? | 哎呀呀 我们之间恩怨很深吧 |
| [19:12] | But I am still standing, Mikey boy. | 但我还没战败 小迈迈 |
| [19:14] | And right now I’m taking over. | 我现在要夺权了 |
| [19:16] | Explain what you mean for me and everyone else. | 向我和大家解释一下这话是什么意思 |
| [19:19] | This is my training now. You’re done. | 我来接受培训项目了 你没戏唱了 |
| [19:22] | And all of these demons are behind me, right, guys? | 这些恶魔都支持我 对吧 |
| [19:24] | – Yep. – Yeah. | -对 -对 |
| [19:26] | All right, Vicky, you win… this time. | 行 薇琪 这次你赢了 |
| [19:29] | Tahani, Janet, let’s go. | 塔哈妮 珍妮特 我们撤 |
| [19:31] | No, but wait, wait. We’re– we’re still fighting. | 等下 夺权大戏还没结束 |
| [19:33] | And it’s so heated that, it might just erupt into… | 堪比宫斗大戏 可能要触发… |
| [19:38] | The dance battle from “West Side Story.” | 《西区故事》大型斗舞场面 |
| [19:41] | No, I’m–I’m too upset about the coup thing. | 算了 我受到暴击 血槽已空 |
| [19:43] | Hurry up, hurry up, before she starts singing. | 快 她唱歌要命 我们得赶紧走 |
| [19:47] | Welcome. Welcome, everyone. | 欢迎 欢迎各位 |
| [19:49] | Come on in. | 进来 |
| [19:50] | Good Place Architects to my left, | “善地”设计师请到左手边 |
| [19:52] | Bad place Architects to my right. | “恶地”设计师请到右手边 |
| [19:54] | Get your files and orientation packets. | 拿好文件和入学档案袋 |
| [19:56] | Classes begin in 30 minutes. | 三十分钟后开课 |
| [20:02] | Also, my “Movement for Lava Monsters” class is now full. | 还有 “熔岩怪运动课”现已满员 |
| [20:07] | Man. | 不是吧 |
| [20:09] | You got the rock up the hill. | “你把石头推上山了” |
| [20:11] | And it looks like it’s gonna stay there. | 而且这次不会再滚下来了 |
| [20:13] | Now we just have to find your next rock. | 你再找到下一个”目标石头”就行了 |
| [20:16] | Well, the first bunch of Neighborhoods is up and running. | 第一批”社区”正式上线了 |
| [20:19] | What now? | 下一步呢 |
| [20:20] | That’s the sound when someone gets into the Good Place. | 这是有人进入”善地”的声音 |
| [20:23] | Who was it? Prince? It’s got to be Prince. | 谁啊 普林斯[流行音乐传奇]吗 这才科学 |
| [20:25] | Honestly, if it wasn’t Prince, | 如果不是普林斯 |
| [20:26] | this whole thing is screwed up, and we got to start over. | 这个体制还是有问题 要重新设计 |
| [20:29] | No. | 不是 |
| [20:30] | It’s you guys. | 是你们 |
| [20:32] | For real? | 真的吗 |
| [20:33] | The Judge agreed that the four of you don’t need to take the test. | 法官认为你们四个不用接受考核了 |
| [20:37] | Turns out that saving every soul in the universe is worth a few points. | 你们拯救了全人类 加了不少分 |
| [20:42] | You’re in. | 你们进入”善地”了 |
| [20:52] | I know, I know. It’s real this time. | 我知道你们上过当 这次是真的 |
| [20:55] | I promise. | 我保证 |
| [20:58] | Get in. | 进去吧 |
| [21:00] | – Are you coming, too? – Yeah, I figured I would. | -你也一起来吗 -对 我也一起 |
| [21:03] | Recently unemployed. | 刚离职 |
| [21:05] | Might as well do some traveling. | 不如到处走走 散散心 |
| [21:07] | Shall we? | 走吧 |
| [21:18] | Foles! | 福勒斯万岁 |