| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:10] | *Now you’re looking at a man that’s getting kinda mad.* | *小炯最近很抓狂* |
| [00:15] | *I had lots of luck but it’s all been bad* | *天天霉运一箩筐* |
| [00:19] | *No matter how I struggle and strive,* | *发奋努力白劳碌* |
| [00:23] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive* | *老天从来不赏光* |
| [00:27] | *My fishing pole’s broke, the creek is full of sand,* | *鞋儿破来帽儿破* |
| [00:31] | *My woman run away with another man.* | *女朋友都不要我* |
| [00:35] | *No matter how I struggle and strive,* | *发愤努力白劳碌* |
| [00:39] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive* | *老天从来不赏光* |
| [00:54] | Okay. Uh, everyone, let’s lower the music for a minute. | 好了 各位 把音乐开小点声 |
| [00:57] | I– I wanna say a few words | 我有几句话 |
| [00:59] | about my dear friend Amy. | 要对我的好友小美说 |
| [01:03] | As a lot of you know here, | 你们很多人都知道 |
| [01:05] | I lost my real sister at a very early age, | 在我很小的时候我的亲生妹妹就去世了 |
| [01:08] | but Amy has always helped me | 而小美一直陪伴着我 支持着我 |
| [01:10] | fill that void with her support and friendship. | 用她的友情帮我填补了这份遗失的亲情 |
| [01:15] | I just love her so much and I want her to know– | 我非常非常喜欢她 我想让她知道 |
| [01:17] | Aw, fuck me! | 靠 该死的 |
| [01:19] | – Wh-what? – Oh, I’m sorry. Continue. | -怎么了 -抱歉 你们继续 |
| [01:22] | Are you okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [01:23] | I-I was reaching for the lasagna tray. | 我本来想拿那盘千层面的 |
| [01:25] | – I burned myself. – You’re reaching for lasagna | -结果被烫到了 -我在跟你女友讲话 |
| [01:28] | in the middle of my speech to your girlfriend? | 你却在这个节骨眼上还想着要拿千层面 |
| [01:30] | I can listen to you and– and reach for lasagna at the same time. | 我可以边听边拿嘛 |
| [01:33] | Okay. Well, what was I saying? | 好吧 我说了什么 |
| [01:35] | What were you saying? | 你说了什么 |
| [01:36] | Uh-huh. What was I saying? | 是啊 我说了什么 |
| [01:37] | Talking about how y-your– | 你说你 |
| [01:39] | – your mom died. – Mm-hmm. That’s wrong. | -你妈妈是怎么过世的 -哼 错了 |
| [01:42] | Your dad died or your dad was killed. | 那就是你爸过世了 或者你爸被杀了 |
| [01:46] | Oh my god. Amy, I just wanted to say | 我的天 小美 我就是想说 |
| [01:49] | happy birthday and I love you like a sister | 生日快乐 我像爱我的妹妹一样爱你 |
| [01:52] | and every night I get on my knees | 我每天晚上都跪在地上 |
| [01:54] | and I look up to the heavens and pray to god | 仰望天空 向上帝祈祷 |
| [01:57] | that you find some other man other than Tim. | 你该甩了小炯换个男朋友了 |
| [02:00] | – Cheers! – Cheers! | -干杯 -干杯 |
| [02:03] | That’s one of the worst toasts I’ve ever heard. | 这是我听过最烂的祝酒辞之一 |
| [02:08] | I’m not in the wrong, am I? | 我有错吗 我没错吧 |
| [02:10] | No. You needed to eat lasagna | 没错啊 你吃千层面的 |
| [02:12] | when the opportunity struck and it struck. | 时机不对 所以悲剧了 |
| [02:15] | Hey, guys, I saw what happened over there | 嘿 伙计们 我在那边目睹了一切 |
| [02:16] | and I rushed here to the scene. | 于是就赶紧跑这儿来了 |
| [02:18] | I’m so glad I’m here. I’m a doctor. | 我很高兴能来这儿 我是个医生 |
| [02:19] | Oh, you wanna take a look? | 哦 你要给我瞅瞅吗 |
| [02:21] | Well, in my professional opinion, | 从我专业的角度来看 |
| [02:22] | you definitely wanna get an ice pack on that. | 你真得拿个冰袋敷一下 |
| [02:24] | Oh. You know, actually I might have overreacted. | 你知道 其实我可能是反应过度了 |
| [02:26] | Hey, Tim, let’s not, um, underreact | 嘿 小炯 我们不要那么迟钝好吗 |
| [02:28] | ’cause this guy could maybe prescribe you some vicodin. | 这家伙说不定能给你开维柯丁哦 |
| [02:31] | – Oh, actually I can’t. – Some drugs? Some drugs? | -我不可以这么做 -有药吗 给点药 |
| [02:33] | I can’t do that. I don’t write prescriptions. | 我不能那么做 我不开处方的 |
| [02:35] | I’m a chiropractor, so I can’t write prescriptions. | 我是个脊椎按摩师 所以我不能开处方 |
| [02:38] | – Oh, you said you were a doctor. – I am a doctor. | -你刚才还说你是个医生 -我是医生 |
| [02:40] | – I’m a doctor of chiropractic. – Mmm. | -我是脊骨神经科医生 -唔 |
| [02:43] | – Eh. – I’m confused here. | -呃 -我不懂了 |
| [02:44] | Do you not think that I’m a doctor? I am a doctor. | 难道你们觉得我不是医生吗 我是啊 |
| [02:46] | My license plate says doctor– d-o-k-t-e-r. | 我的车牌上也写着我是医生 医身 |
| [02:50] | Please don’t take any offense. I’m just saying– I mean, | 别生气嘛 我只是说 我意思是 |
| [02:52] | Bill Cosby was a doctor. | 比尔·考斯比是个医生 |
| [02:54] | He doesn’t– if someone was hurt, | 他不 如果有人受伤了 |
| [02:55] | he wouldn’t run up and say, “I’m a doctor.” | 他也不会跑上去说”我是医生” |
| [02:56] | He’d say, “Everyone remember me | 他会说”大家看过 |
| [02:58] | from ‘the Cosby Show’ and ‘Fat Albert’?” | 《考斯比一家》和《胖子阿伯特》吗” |
| [03:01] | Are you comparing my job to a fictitious doctor on a TV sitcom? | 你以为我是情景喜剧里那种虚构的医生吗 |
| [03:05] | I’m just saying on the spectrum of neurosurgeon here | 我只是在说一头是神经外科医生 |
| [03:08] | – and masseuse here… – Please don’t finish your sentence. | -一头是按摩师… -你继续说呀 |
| [03:11] | …You’re in the masseuse quadrant. | 你是属于按摩师这一头的 |
| [03:14] | Well, I guess if we’re gonna have this conversation, | 好吧 如果我们要继续谈这个话题 |
| [03:16] | on the spectrum between super nice guy | 一头是我很想跟他做朋友的 |
| [03:19] | that I’d like to be friends with | 超级好男人 |
| [03:20] | and total dick/asshole… | 一头是彻头彻尾的臭鸡巴傻逼… |
| [03:24] | Don’t say it. | 不要再说了 |
| [03:24] | …You are a total dick/asshole. | …你就是那种彻头彻尾的臭鸡巴傻逼 |
| [03:27] | He is a doctor of comebacks. | 他是牙尖嘴利科医生 |
| [03:32] | Oh, the pain. | 啊 痛啊 |
| [03:34] | Oh, the finger. | 手指痛啊 |
| [03:36] | I feel like I’m not getting a lot of attention for this wound. | 我觉得你都不怎么关心我的伤口 |
| [03:38] | Yeah. You know why? | 是不关心 你知道为什么吗 |
| [03:39] | ’cause you really offended that guy. | 因为你真的得罪人家了 |
| [03:41] | – The chiropractor? – Yeah. | -你是说那个脊椎按摩师 -是啊 |
| [03:42] | Who cares? We don’t even know the guy. | 管他呢 我们又不认识他 |
| [03:44] | – Let it– – Yes, we do. | -随他 -不 我们认识的 |
| [03:45] | It’s Julie’s boyfriend. | 他是朱莉的男朋友 |
| [03:47] | That actually makes sense. | 怪不得啊 |
| [03:48] | And you completely offended him. | 你把他彻底激怒了 |
| [03:49] | They belong– they belong together. | 他们真是天生一对啊 |
| [03:51] | Why does he have to get his neck all out of joint? | 他为什么歪着脖子[脖子都气歪了] |
| [03:54] | Really? | 真的 |
| [03:55] | I said “Why does he have to get his neck out of joint?” | 我说的是”他为什么歪着脖子” |
| [03:57] | How long have you been waiting to say that? | 你憋了那么久就为了说这句话 |
| [03:59] | I rushed the delivery, didn’t I? | 我是不是说得太快了 |
| [04:01] | What do you want me to do? | 你想要我怎么做 |
| [04:02] | You need to make an appointment and apologize. | 你应该找个机会当面向他道歉 |
| [04:04] | I’m not big on in-person apologies. | 我不喜欢亲自去给人家道歉 |
| [04:06] | You know what? I’m just gonna take care of this myself. | 我跟你说 我自己来解决好了 |
| [04:08] | I like that plan. | 这想法不错 |
| [04:10] | You go make amends and I’m gonna make a quesadilla. | 你负责赔礼道歉 我负责做油炸玉米饼 |
| [04:17] | – Tim? – Hey, “El bosso loco.” | -小炯 -嗨 “疯老板”[西班牙语] |
| [04:20] | I don’t know. | 我不知道为啥 |
| [04:21] | I wanna be mad at that, but I like it. | 我很想朝你发火 不过我喜欢这个调调 |
| [04:24] | Um, “El bosso loco”– I like that. | 呃 “疯老板” 我喜欢这个调调 |
| [04:27] | Listen, um, you’re a white guy right? | 对了 你是个白人 对吗 |
| [04:29] | Like, you’re a white person? | 就是说 你是个白人吗 |
| [04:31] | Oh, caucasian, yeah. | 高加索血统 是的 |
| [04:32] | You’re cau– caucasian. | 你是高加索人 |
| [04:34] | – Your parents were both white. – Yeah. Yeah. | -你父母都是白人 -是的 没错 |
| [04:35] | – And their parents were white. – Might have been one– | -他们的父母也是白人 -好像有一个 |
| [04:37] | – one Chinese guy in the mix. – Ah, that’s what I didn’t– | -中国血统的人 -那我就不… |
| [04:40] | Going pretty far back though. | 但那是很久以前的事了 |
| [04:41] | Okay. What, like maybe a railroad worker? What? | 好吧 是修铁路的华工吗 是吗 |
| [04:43] | – I’m– I’m white. – Okay. Good. | -我 我是白人 -好吧 很好 |
| [04:45] | – Why do you ask? – Oh, just curious. | -干嘛问这个 -好奇而已 |
| [04:47] | But, on a side note, do you play poker? | 还有一个问题 你会玩扑克吗 |
| [04:50] | Or would you like to play poker tonight with me? | 或者说 你今晚愿意跟我一起玩扑克吗 |
| [04:53] | Uh, I’m a little– got a lot of work going on. | 我有点…我有很多工作要做 |
| [04:55] | Wait wait wait, before you say no, | 等等 在你拒绝之前 |
| [04:57] | – Let me set this up a little better. – Yeah. | -让我把这事解释清楚点 -好吧 |
| [04:58] | This is an exclusive table | 今晚的牌桌上汇聚了 |
| [05:00] | with A-list celebrities, hall of fame athletes… | 名流中的名流 位居名人堂的运动健将 |
| [05:02] | – Really? – …prominent business leaders. I mean, this is– | -真的吗 -最卓越的商业领袖 |
| [05:05] | – Oh my god. – This is the creme de la creme of poke-aire. | -我的神 -这可是真正的精英牌桌 |
| [05:08] | Well, who’s playing? Who’s in? Who’s coming? | 有哪些人参加 谁会来参加 |
| [05:10] | – I can’t tell you. – You can’t tell me who? | -我不能告诉你 -你不能告诉我是谁 |
| [05:12] | Let’s just say at least one of the players | 这么说吧 其中至少有一个玩家 |
| [05:14] | has a candy bar named after him. | 拥有以他的名字命名的糖果 |
| [05:17] | If it’s the Charleston Chew guy, | 如果是查尔斯顿糖 |
| [05:18] | I’m gonna shit my pants. | 我快要尿裤子了 |
| [05:20] | – Is it based on a guy? – What are you talking about? | -这是取自某人的名字吗 -你说啥 |
| [05:21] | The Charleston– – is that based on a person? | 查尔斯顿糖是取自某个人的名字吗 |
| [05:22] | I don’t know. Maybe. | 我不知道 可能吧 |
| [05:23] | All right. Who– whoever it is, it sounds amazing. | 好吧 不管是谁 听起来不错 |
| [05:25] | – I’m in. Count me in. – Good. | -我加入 算我一个 -很好 |
| [05:26] | Nice. This is great. | 很好 太棒了 |
| [05:27] | I’m flattered that you look at me in this light, | 多谢你能以这个标准看待我 |
| [05:28] | – that I’m part of that kind of– – Are you kidding? | -你觉得我是那种… -开啥玩笑 |
| [05:31] | This is the ultimate power group. | 这是终极权力集团 |
| [05:34] | Plus you, the token white guy. | 带你这个垃圾白人玩 |
| [05:40] | Okay, so where– what’s– what is this? | 好吧 那么你是去哪 去干什么 |
| [05:42] | I can’t– I can’t share any more. I’ve already said too much! | 我不能再说了 我已经说太多了 |
| [05:45] | You haven’t told me anything. | 你啥都没告诉我呢 |
| [05:47] | I’ve been invited to a very secret | 你想知道的话 我受邀去参加 |
| [05:49] | “men’s club” if you will. | 一个秘密的男士俱乐部 |
| [05:51] | It sounds so lame. | 听起来很假 |
| [05:53] | – It doesn’t sound lame. You sound jealous. – I am definitely– | -一点也不假 你在嫉妒 -我绝对 |
| [05:56] | You sound incredibly jealous of where I’m going. | 你对我要去的地方感到万分嫉妒 |
| [05:58] | I am definitely not jealous. | 我绝对没有嫉妒 |
| [05:59] | Oh my god, what did you call for? | 我的神 你到底为啥打电话 |
| [06:01] | I know how we’re gonna make this thing up to Matt. | 我知道该怎么跟马特道歉了 |
| [06:03] | – We’re still on the Matt thing? – Yes. | -马特这事还没完吗 -是的 |
| [06:04] | – So he throws this fundraiser dinner. – Sounds terrible. | -他举办了一次筹资晚宴 -真糟糕 |
| [06:08] | And you and I are going. Okay, love you. | 我们必须得去 就这么说了 爱你 |
| [06:10] | Okay, I never really agreed, but sounds like you’ve hung up. | 好吧 我可没同意 但你好像挂机了 |
| [06:15] | Hey, you look like a fashionable guy. | 你看起来像是个潮男 |
| [06:16] | What do you think of the hat? | 你觉得我这帽子怎样 |
| [06:21] | I have to admit, guys, I’m a little starstruck– | 老实说 同志们 我有点激动 |
| [06:23] | Tim Meadows | 蒂姆·麦多斯 |
| [06:24] | Reggie Jackson and Colin Powell | 雷吉·杰克逊和科林·鲍威尔 |
| [06:24] | 前者是黑人棒球明星 后者是美国首位黑人国务卿 | |
| [06:27] | – all at the same table with Tim. – What about me? | -都和小炯同列一席 -那我呢 |
| [06:30] | Oh, who are you again? | 你是谁来着 |
| [06:31] | I’m Al Sharpton’s college roommate. | 我是阿尔·夏普顿的大学室友 |
| [06:34] | Oh that’s right, Al Sharpton’s college roommate. | 没错 阿尔·夏普顿的大学室友 |
| [06:36] | Mm-hmm. And show a little respect. | 对老子尊重点 |
| [06:39] | If I may interject, it seems it would be easier | 容我插一句 想让别人尊重你的话 |
| [06:41] | to respect you if you introduced– | 你介绍自己时应该… |
| [06:43] | I mean, you’re your own man. Am I right? | 我是说 你是个独立的个体 对吧 |
| [06:45] | Yes, I am. That’s right. | 没错 我是 说得对 |
| [06:46] | So, full house. | 满堂红 |
| [06:48] | – Shit, man, I cannot catch a break tonight! – Me neither. | -妈的 我今晚衰运连连 -我也是 |
| [06:51] | This new guy is bad luck. | 这个新来的是个灾星 |
| [06:53] | Me? No, I’m fitting in well. | 我吗 不 我适应得挺好 |
| [06:54] | Are you? | 是吗 |
| [06:55] | You suck my dick, you’d fit in even better. | 舔舔我的老二 你会适应得更好 |
| [06:58] | – Oh boy. – Suck your dick? Oh my god. | -天哪 -舔你的老二 我的神啊 |
| [07:00] | Yeah, he’s not very funny at card games, Tim. | 他玩牌的时候脾气不太好 小炯 |
| [07:03] | – Not at all. – Yeah, he tends to lose. | -是很不好 -是啊 他总是输 |
| [07:05] | Can I ask one question? | 我能不能问问 |
| [07:05] | Why do we need this token white guy here? | 我们为啥让这个垃圾白人坐在这 |
| [07:08] | – What are we trying to prove? – That we’re diverse. | -这是为了证明什么 -我们的多样性 |
| [07:11] | Shuffle up and deal, Reg. | 洗牌再来 雷吉 |
| [07:16] | You all right? | 你还好吗 |
| [07:19] | – These reggie bars are disgusting. – Oh jesus, I know. | -这些雷吉糖太难吃了 -我知道 |
| [07:22] | They’ve been in my freezer since November ’82. | 它们从82年11月起就在我冰箱里了 |
| [07:25] | – Why are we eating them? – Well, you invite Reggie Jackson, | -那干嘛还吃 -请了雷吉·杰克逊 |
| [07:28] | you have to consume anything with his name on it. | 就必须消费所有以他名字命名的产品 |
| [07:30] | This scotch is disgusting also. | 威士忌也很难喝 |
| [07:33] | This is Reggie brand scotch, isn’t it? | 这是雷吉牌的威士忌 是不是 |
| [07:34] | It’s called reg-otch. | 它叫雷士忌 |
| [07:36] | That’s the thing that really bothers me. | 这个真的让我非常困扰 |
| [07:38] | Yo, Tim, can you, uh, take a rain check on that money I owe you? | 小炯 我欠你的钱能不能改天还 |
| [07:41] | Rain check? That’s a lot of money. | 改天 那可是不少钱呢 |
| [07:43] | It’s $1,000. Come on, don’t be a pussy. | 就一千美刀 拜托 别那么小肚鸡肠 |
| [07:45] | Come on, don’t be a pussy. | 就是 别那么小肚鸡肠 |
| [07:47] | All right, you owe me the money. | 好吧 钱你先欠着吧 |
| [07:48] | – Fair enough. – All right. Cool. | -没啥说的 -好吧 棒极了 |
| [07:50] | Yeah. What are you up to, by the way? | 是啊 顺便问下 你最近忙什么呢 |
| [07:52] | Uh, I’m up to a lot actually, you know. | 我忙的事可多了 |
| [07:53] | – I’m up for this one role. – Yeah? | -我正在争取一个角色 -是吗 |
| [07:55] | Could open some huge doors for my film career. | 会让我的演艺事业有巨大突破 |
| [07:58] | – That’s good. – Not really. | -那不错呀 -还没准 |
| [07:59] | It’s between me and Don Cheadle. | 唐·钱德尔在跟我争角色 |
| [08:01] | And the director thinks I’m too soft. | 导演觉得我太温柔 |
| [08:03] | – Yeah, you gotta be yourself, you know? – No, you– no, I don’t. | -你得保持自己的特色 -我不想保持 |
| [08:06] | – You don’t? – I’m adopting a new persona | -你不想 -为了得到这个角色 |
| [08:07] | to try and get to the role, you know? I’m gonna be more edgy. | 我在培养一个新人格 我要变得更犀利 |
| [08:10] | – Edgy Tim Meadows? – Exactly. | -犀利的蒂姆·麦多斯 -没错 |
| [08:12] | – How’s that working out? – It’s going okay. | -进行得怎么样 -还不错 |
| [08:14] | I mean, I started punching out photographers. | 我开始揍摄影师们 |
| [08:16] | – Paparazzi come around, I’ll deck ’em. – Yeah! | -狗仔队敢来 我就扁他们 -很好 |
| [08:19] | That’s good, getting the press, get some… | 那不错啊 上头条 得到… |
| [08:20] | – Yeah, man, that’s how they do it, you know? – Sean Penn style. | -没错 他们就爱这样 -借机炒作 |
| [08:23] | It’s either that or making a porno tape, | 要么炒作自己 要么就拍AV |
| [08:25] | You know, and I already did that. | 要知道 哥早耍过这些伎俩了 |
| [08:27] | – Did you do that? – There’s a Tim Meadows porno? | -这是真的吗 -是蒂姆系列片吗 |
| [08:29] | – Mm, yeah. – Learning a lot here. | -是的 没错 -那是部好教学片 |
| [08:36] | So he just canceled? | 所以他是取消了吗 |
| [08:37] | So what’s Matt gonna do, postpone the event? | 马特要怎么办 打算延期吗 |
| [08:40] | What’s going on there? | 怎么了 |
| [08:41] | Well, Matt needs a new emcee for the event. | 马特要个新的主持 |
| [08:44] | The guy canceled. | 原来那个放他鸽子 |
| [08:48] | I might. | 或许我能 |
| [08:50] | – What do you mean? – I may not have mentioned this, | -怎么说 -我可能没提过 |
| [08:52] | but I’m pretty tight with Tim Meadows, | 我跟蒂姆·麦多斯 |
| [08:54] | Reggie Jackson and Al Sharpton’s college roommate. | 还有阿尔·夏普顿大学室友关系很铁 |
| [08:57] | What?! | 什么 |
| [08:58] | – Don’t ask me how. – Hold on. | -不要问我为什么 -等等 |
| [09:00] | Okay, so Tim is saying he’s friends | 小炯刚提到他的两个朋友 |
| [09:02] | with Tim Meadows and Reggie Jackson. | 蒂姆·麦多斯和雷吉·杰克逊 |
| [09:04] | – Um, Julie says, “Bullshit.” – Julie says, “Bullshit.” | -茱莉说你扯淡呢 -她说扯淡 |
| [09:07] | Let me make some calls. Let me make some calls. | 我来打个电话 打个电话 |
| [09:09] | If I come through, everyone will say, | 如果这事儿成了 大家都会讲 |
| [09:11] | “Wow, Tim, you’re an amazing dude. You saved the day | 小炯 你太强大了 你是救世主 |
| [09:13] | and I’ll never say anything negative again.” | 我再也不会泄你气了 |
| [09:15] | okay, Julie still says bullshit, | 茱莉仍说你在扯淡 |
| [09:17] | but that would be awesome if you would put in a call. | 如果你请到他们 就另当别论了 |
| [09:22] | Hello. Uh, this is Tim Meadows’ butler. May I help you? | 我是蒂姆·麦多斯的管家 有什么事吗 |
| [09:26] | – Tim. – Yes? I mean… | -蒂姆 -什么 我说… |
| [09:28] | Tim, I know it’s you and I know you don’t have a butler. | 蒂姆 我知道是你 你哪儿来的管家 |
| [09:30] | All right, fine. Who is this? | 好吧 你是谁啊 |
| [09:32] | It’s that guy from the card game. | 那天跟你玩儿纸牌那个 |
| [09:34] | It’s not cool showing up at my place, man. | 兄弟 在我地盘出现可不好 |
| [09:36] | You don’t answer your phone. | 你不接我电话 |
| [09:37] | – I’m busy. – What are you doing? | -哥很忙 -你在干嘛 |
| [09:39] | – I’m writing… letters. – You’re writing letters? | -我在写…信 -你在写信吗 |
| [09:42] | – Of course. – Listen, I got a job offer you could… | -那是当然 -我给你找了个活儿 |
| [09:45] | Wait, job offer? You gonna offer Tim Meadows a job? | 慢着 有活干 你给蒂姆·麦多斯活干 |
| [09:48] | Tim’s gonna offer Tim Meadows a job. | 小炯要给蒂姆·麦多斯活干 |
| [09:50] | Uh, I hate the sound of that. | 我讨厌这个说法 |
| [09:52] | You could emcee this charity dinner. | 做慈善晚宴的主持人 |
| [09:54] | – We’ll forget the debt. – Fine, I’ll do it. | -你的债务会一笔勾销 -那成 |
| [09:58] | – Send me the details. – That’s great. | -把具体流程发给我 -太好了 |
| [10:00] | – Send them to my butler. – That’s great. | -发给我管家 -好的 |
| [10:01] | – I’m glad it worked out. – Yeah, me too. | -真高兴你答应了 -我也是 |
| [10:03] | I’m glad it worked out. | 我也很高兴 |
| [10:04] | Now get the fuck off my porch! | 现在他妈的从我门口滚开 |
| [10:07] | – I’m sorry. – Where’d that come from? | -对不起 -干嘛这么说 |
| [10:08] | My agent wants me to keep it edgy, so I’m just trying to… | 经纪人让我说点脏话 所以我试着 |
| [10:12] | Fucking bitch, man. I’m sorry. This is really not me. | 你妹的贱人 对不起 这不是真的我 |
| [10:16] | It’s not edgy if you keep apologizing when you curse. | 骂了后知错就改 这不算真的骂人 |
| [10:19] | 慈善晚宴 由风趣的蒂姆·麦多斯主持 | |
| [10:20] | Tim, it’s almost 8:00. | 小炯 这都要八点了 |
| [10:22] | Are you sure he’s gonna show? | 你确信他会出现吗 |
| [10:24] | I’m pretty sure. He said he was gonna be here. | 相当确信 他说过他会出场的 |
| [10:26] | – What do you mean “Pretty sure”? – He told me. | -相当确信 是个啥意思 -他说的 |
| [10:28] | He told you personally? He looked you in the face | 他亲自跟你说的吗 他跟你当面对视 |
| [10:30] | and said, “Tim, yes, I’ll be there”? | 然后跟你说 小炯 我会去的 |
| [10:32] | I’m not big on making eye contact. | 我对不喜欢俩人深情对视 |
| [10:33] | – What does that mean? – He told me through his intercom. | -那啥意思 -他用对讲机跟我说的 |
| [10:36] | – What the hell does that mean?! – What do you mean… | -这你妹的啥意思 -你啥意思… |
| [10:39] | Anything over… that doesn’t count. | 从头至尾都用… 那不重要了 |
| [10:40] | I didn’t ask him to sign a document. He said “I’ll be there.” | 我没叫他签个合同 他说他会来的 |
| [10:42] | People say stuff over intercoms all the time. | 人们一直用着对讲机说话 |
| [10:44] | “Yeah, I’m gonna buzz you in” And then they don’t buzz you in. | 说是会帮你一把 然后就放你鸽子 |
| [10:46] | No, the intercom is a socially binding agreement. | 不 对讲机也具有社会约束力 |
| [10:49] | – No, it is not! – Oh my god, he’s here. | -不 根本没有 -天呐 他来了 |
| [10:51] | Oh my god. | 天呐 |
| [10:53] | Oh my god! | 我的个神啊 |
| [10:56] | – That’s Tim fucking Meadows. – Wait. Tim… | -这尼玛不是蒂姆·麦多斯吗 -等等 小炯 |
| [11:00] | – I’m speechless. – Oh my god! | -我有点语无伦次 -天呐 |
| [11:01] | – Who’s the hero now? – Look at him. | -现在谁主沉浮呢 -看看别人 |
| [11:03] | Look how good his skin looks. | 他的皮肤真好 |
| [11:04] | – This is a happy ending, right? – Can I just say | -圆满收场 不是吗 -我只想说 |
| [11:06] | on the spectrum between total dick/asshole | 一头是彻头彻尾的臭鸡巴傻逼 |
| [11:10] | and best dude in the world, | 一头是最好的伙伴 |
| [11:13] | you’re closer to best dude in the world? | 你在最好的伙伴一头 不是吗 |
| [11:15] | That’s the nicest spectrum analogy anyone’s ever given me. | 这是我听到过的对我最好的评价 |
| [11:24] | Ladies and gentlemen, | 女士们 先生们 |
| [11:25] | Thank you so much for coming out tonight. | 衷心地感谢你们能在今晚出席这个晚宴 |
| [11:27] | Your support means so very much to kids around the globe | 你们物质上如此大力的支持 |
| [11:30] | who don’t have access to chiropractic care | 让世界各地的孩子们都能受到脊椎按疗法 |
| [11:33] | and as a result they often have a neck pain | 使他们免于脖子酸痛 |
| [11:36] | or minor joint stiffness, | 以及小关节僵硬的痛苦 |
| [11:37] | Which, that can be stressful for them. | 那是 他们难以承受的 |
| [11:40] | So without further ado, from “Saturday night live”, | 言归正传 欢迎来自《周六夜谈》 |
| [11:43] | please welcome Mr. Tim Meadows! | 蒂姆·麦多斯先生登场 |
| [11:45] | Yeah, all right! | 是的 好的 |
| [11:47] | Thank you, guys. | 谢谢大家 |
| [11:49] | Wow, chiropractors without borders… what a charity! | 脊椎按摩师无国界 普度天下啊 |
| [11:52] | I can picture you guys showing up | 各位可以先看看 |
| [11:54] | and these poor kids in the Congo are like, | 那些刚果的穷孩子们的照片 |
| [11:56] | “Clean water and food for sustenance? No, thanks. | 有足够生存的干净水和食物吗 不用了 |
| [11:58] | Check the alignment of my back, bitches!” | 贱人们 看看我身后的队伍 |
| [12:02] | Yeah, I know that’s what it’s like. How you doing? | 没错 我知道是啥样 你在干嘛 |
| [12:05] | But I kid. Seriously, you know, | 开个玩笑 老实说 |
| [12:07] | Chiropractors without borders are doing… | 无国界脊椎按摩师就是… |
| [12:10] | you’re doing god’s work, | 你们在给上帝分忧 |
| [12:11] | Assuming that god is a smug self-serving asshole. | 假设上帝是个自以为是的傻逼 |
| [12:15] | Bam! Take it like this, like this, like this! | 嘭 接招吧 像这样 像这样 |
| [12:18] | Yeah yeah, I’ve been drinking a little bit. | 没错 我喝了点酒 |
| [12:20] | I’m doing good though! | 我说的还不错吧 |
| [12:21] | – Did you put him up to this? – Put him up? | -是你怂恿他这么做的吧 -怂恿 |
| [12:23] | Are you trying to make me look bad? | 你想让我没面子 |
| [12:24] | No, I think he’s just trying some edgier material. | 不 我想他只是想尝试些犀利的说辞 |
| [12:27] | – Is that too edgy? – Yes! | -太犀利了吗 -是的 |
| [12:28] | The cursing and the mocking? – Yes, it’s way too edgy. | -诅咒和嘲讽 -是 过于犀利了 |
| [12:31] | I gotta stop this. | 我得阻止他 |
| [12:32] | Tim, I’m sorry. Tim? | 蒂姆 不好意思 蒂姆 |
| [12:33] | Excuse me. What the fuck? | 请原谅 搞什么 |
| [12:34] | Paparazzi! | 狗仔队 |
| [12:39] | That’s how I roll– hard. I’m hardcore. | 这就是我的风格 冷酷 不留情面 |
| [12:42] | Feel free to report this to T.M.Z. | 请随意告知美国名人网 |
| [12:43] | or any other website, you know? | 或别的网站 |
| [12:45] | You motherfuckers have been the best audience ever. | 你们他妈的都是我最好的观众 |
| [12:47] | Good night, everybody. | 各位晚安 |
| [12:50] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [12:52] | I agree that was too edgy. That part was too edgy. | 我也觉得太犀利了 这部分太犀利了 |
| [12:55] | I need medical attention. | 我需要医疗帮助 |
| [12:57] | Should someone call a doctor? | 需要叫个医生来吗 |
| [12:59] | You son of a bitch. | 你这狗娘养的 |
| [13:01] | Is there a chiropractor in the house? | 这里有脊椎按摩师吗 |
| [13:04] | Bad time for that joke? | 不是开这个玩笑的时候吗 |
| [13:16] | These cinnamon buns are ridiculous. | 这些肉桂面包简直不可思议 |
| [13:18] | Oh my god, these are sick. | 我的神啊 好吃到不行 |
| [13:20] | Helen, so good! | 海婶 太棒了 |
| [13:23] | Oh, come on, they’re just my cinnamon buns. | 得了吧 只是我自己做的肉桂面包 |
| [13:27] | Holy shit, are these good! | 我的妈呀 太好吃了 |
| [13:29] | Marie, you get your bony white ass in my office! | 马姐 带着你的白瘪屁股滚进来 |
| [13:32] | – Now! – That doesn’t sound good at all. | -现在 -这听上去不妙啊 |
| [13:35] | Yeah, when he says bonny white ass, | 是啊 当他说白瘪屁股时 |
| [13:37] | – that’s never a good thing. – I want them out! | -就绝对没好事 -让他们滚 |
| [13:39] | – Out of the building! – Out of the building? | -滚出这栋楼 -滚出这栋楼吗 |
| [13:40] | – Out of the building! – Yes, sir. | -滚出这栋楼 -是 老大 |
| [13:42] | Rodney, get me the intercom. | 大鲁 给我对讲机 |
| [13:46] | Attention, everyone. | 大家请注意 |
| [13:48] | We need all low-level personnel | 现在所有低级员工 |
| [13:50] | to go home for a few hours now. | 回家待上几个小时 |
| [13:53] | All non-essential employees please leave. | 所有不重要的员工请离开 |
| [13:57] | Nothing to be frightened about. | 没有什么好惊慌的 |
| [13:59] | Just get the fuck out now. | 现在就滚人 |
| [14:01] | Oh my. | 神呐 |
| [14:03] | That kind of puts a damper on cinnamon-bun Tuesday, huh? | 扫了周二肉桂面包时刻的兴 |
| [14:05] | Big time. You guys should really get moving here. | 重要时刻 你们真的得走了 |
| [14:07] | What do you mean, you guys? | “你们”是什么意思 |
| [14:09] | I’m not non-essential anymore. | 我不再是不重要员工了 |
| [14:11] | I’m a junior vice president. | 我是初级副经理 |
| [14:13] | Uh, yeah, dude, you’re about as non-essential as they come. | 算了吧 老兄 你和他们一样不重要 |
| [14:15] | Me?! | 我 |
| [14:15] | You’re the part of the totem pole that’s in the ground, bro. | 你就在图腾柱的最底端 兄弟 |
| [14:18] | – Tim, I mean all due respect when I say this… – Yeah? | -小炯 我充满敬意的说 -什么 |
| [14:20] | you’re fucking useless. Let’s get out of here. | 你真他妈的没什么用 一起走吧 |
| [14:23] | This is crazy! | 真是疯了 |
| [14:27] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [14:29] | – You sound happy. – O’flaherty: Well, look at all this business. | -你好像很高兴 -看看我的生意 |
| [14:31] | This is crisis business. Usually at this hour | 危机中的生意 通常这个时候 |
| [14:34] | it’s just me standing around with my drunk brother. | 只有我和我喝醉的哥哥站在一起 |
| [14:37] | That guy’s your brother? | 那家伙是你的哥哥 |
| [14:38] | Yeah, that’s my brother, yeah. He is always drunk. | 是啊 他是我哥哥 他总是醉汹汹的 |
| [14:42] | I swallowed it. | 我吞下去了 |
| [14:43] | Hey, shut up. Nobody told you to say anything. | 给我闭嘴 没人叫你说话 |
| [14:45] | I will burn you with this lighter. | 我会用这打火机烧你 |
| [14:47] | You know I’ll do it. I’ve done it before. | 你知道我会烧的 以前也烧过 |
| [14:49] | Fuck me in the ear with a dick. | 强奸了我的听觉 |
| [14:51] | – What’s going on? – Look at that. | -怎么了 -看那 |
| [14:53] | Terrible situation here in Bergen, New Jersey. | 在新泽西的卑尔根发生了可怕的事件 |
| [14:56] | A chemical facility that manufactures | 一家生产低档抗冻剂的 |
| [14:58] | low-grade antifreeze has imploded. | 化工厂爆炸了 |
| [15:01] | There’s a massive sinkhole in the ground | 地面上的大陷坑 |
| [15:03] | that continues to get worse | 还在不断扩张 |
| [15:04] | – and is threatening the local water supply. – That’s not good. | -现已威胁到了当地的供水 -不妙啊 |
| [15:08] | A hole so deep that it could only be described as a hellmouth. | 这个大坑如此之深 可被称为地狱之口 |
| [15:12] | We don’t know much, except that it’s owned | 已知信息不多 只知道这家工厂的 |
| [15:25] | – Oh, no. – I thought we– | -不 -我以为 |
| [15:27] | I thought we made spreadsheets. Am I crazy? | 我们是做电子表格的 是我疯了吗 |
| [15:30] | If we go out of business, I am fucked! | 如果我们公司倒闭 我就完了 |
| [15:32] | I will put my kids up for adoption, | 我会把我的小孩送给别人抚养 |
| [15:33] | – no questions asked. – That’s the first thing you think of? | -毫无疑问 -你首先考虑的是这个 |
| [15:36] | Yeah. They’re just fucking drains | 是啊 他们他妈的把我的 |
| [15:38] | – on my checking account. – No one’s going out of business. | -存款都花完了 -没人会失业的 |
| [15:40] | This might not even be that bad. | 情况也许没那么糟 |
| [15:41] | Oh, wait. Hold on a sec. | 稍等一下 |
| [15:43] | Timalamadingdong, talk to me. | 叮咚 我是小炯 说话 |
| [15:45] | I don’t even have time to address | 我没时间听 |
| [15:46] | how you just answered the phone. | 你是怎么接电话的 |
| [15:47] | – Oh hey, boss. – Where are you? | -嗨 梁总 -你在哪 |
| [15:49] | Oh, they said everyone go home. All non-essentials go home. | 不是说所有人回家吗 所有不重要的人 |
| [15:52] | Of course you’re ess– god, | 你当然是重…天呐 |
| [15:53] | I hate saying that, but you are essential. | 我真不想说出口 但你是重要人士 |
| [15:54] | – Come here right now. – Oh, I’ll be right back. | -马上回来 -我马上就过去 |
| [15:56] | I was right. I’m a big shot now. | 我没错 我现在是大人物了 |
| [15:59] | – Hmm. – Catch you later. | -嗯 -待会见 |
| [16:00] | Big shots don’t normally refer to themselves as big shots. | 大人物通常不说自己是大人物 |
| [16:03] | Yeah, and they definitely don’t wear braided belts. | 也绝对不会系编织皮带 |
| [16:06] | I will throw you down the stairs! | 再动我就把你扔下楼梯 |
| [16:12] | So, smoking. | 怎么在这抽烟啊 |
| [16:13] | This is a no-smoking zone. I’m so so sorry. | 这是禁烟区 很抱歉地通知你 |
| [16:17] | Someone tell that bitch to shut up! | 告诉那婊子闭嘴 |
| [16:20] | Okay. Listen, everyone. The P.R. Department is running this. | 各位听着 公关部正在处理此事 |
| [16:24] | Here’s what’s gonna happen over the next 24 hours. | 接下来24小时的议程如下 |
| [16:27] | – Okay. – Hey. | -好 -嗨 |
| [16:29] | Oh. I’m sorry. I’m a little late. | 抱歉 迟到了一小会儿 |
| [16:32] | Can I grab anyone a cinnamon bun? | 有要让我跑腿买肉桂面包的吗 |
| [16:34] | – Okay, don’t, uh– – oh my god. | -别 -老天 |
| [16:37] | Do not– you are not taking a seat. | 别坐下 |
| [16:39] | – Don’t sit, don’t even think about sitting. – I’m not moving. | -别坐 想都别想 -我可是一直站着 |
| [16:41] | – There’s no motion. – Oh god, if she kills him, | -纹丝不动 -要是她杀了他 |
| [16:43] | this could be very unpleasant. | 场面一定十分难看 |
| [16:44] | This kid is the new face of the company. | 这小子是公司里的新形象代言人 |
| [16:47] | – Really? – Press releases, ads– I want him talking. | -真的 -广告报道里要让他发表讲话 |
| [16:50] | That’s amazing. That’s amazing. | 太棒了 太棒了 |
| [16:51] | I hate to have to interject here, | 我要插一句 |
| [16:52] | but is– I mean, is this really a good– | 这真的是一个明智的… |
| [16:54] | – I sound extremely authoritative. – He does. | -我的声音很有权威性 -确实如此 |
| [16:56] | If I may, um… | 如果让我… |
| [16:58] | …Does anyone here want a cinnamon bun? | …有人要肉桂面包吗 |
| [17:01] | – Uh, is that just– – Please stop talking! | -这个嘛 -大家闭嘴 |
| [17:03] | – Well, I mean– – He is the one– young, wholesome, | -我想说 -就是他了 年轻有活力 |
| [17:06] | not the type of corporate douchebag | 不是那种大家印象里的 |
| [17:09] | everyone’s expecting to hear from. | 发表申明的官僚人渣 |
| [17:11] | Is this woman insinuating that I’m some form of bag of a douche? | 那个女人在影射我是人渣吗 |
| [17:14] | You’re coming to Jersey with me. It’s the garden state. | 和我一同去泽西 花园之州 |
| [17:17] | – Just hold your nose going through Secaucus. – All right. | -经过锡考克斯时可得闭住气 -好的 |
| [17:20] | – She kind of turns me on. – Me too. | -她让我有点性奋了 -同感 |
| [17:27] | and do a five-minute q&a. You don’t like it? | 紧接着有五分钟问答时间 你不满意 |
| [17:30] | Suck my left tit. No, the left tit. | 吸我左乳 左边的 |
| [17:32] | Yeah, they like my look. | 他们喜欢我的长相 |
| [17:33] | They want me to talk and be the face of the company. | 要让我代表公司形象演讲 |
| [17:36] | – And you’re actually doing it? – Yeah. | -你真的要去做 -是呀 |
| [17:38] | I have to do it. I don’t think I have a choice in the matter. | 我必须要做 这种事轮不到我来挑 |
| [17:40] | Wait wait wait, who are you talking to back there? | 等等等 你在和谁讲话 |
| [17:42] | – My girlfriend Amy. You wanna say hi? – No! | -我的女友小美 要问候下吗 -不 |
| [17:45] | I told you– no contact with anyone. | 我告诉你不要和任何人联络 |
| [17:47] | You’re an unreasonable P.R. Exec. | 真是个不讲道理的公关总监 |
| [17:48] | – Give me– – no. She doesn’t count. | -拿过来 -不 她不算 |
| [17:50] | He’ll call you back later, bitch. | 他待会儿再打给你 婊子 |
| [17:52] | Bitch? Who said that? | 婊子 谁说的 |
| [17:54] | That seemed like overkill. | 有点滥杀无辜 |
| [17:59] | Okay, so how do you want him? | 你想怎样设计他的外形 |
| [18:00] | I want him all-american, you know? | 我要让他完全美国化 |
| [18:02] | Yeah yeah yeah. Okay, so like a sexy little ethnic hardy boy? | 比如塑造一个有民族特色坚强性感的男孩 |
| [18:05] | – What? – No, with his sleeves rolled up. | -什么 -让他把袖子翻上去 |
| [18:07] | – We’re gonna push up his sleeves, right? – Right. | -把他袖子翻上去是吧 -对 |
| [18:09] | Just a caz– a caz, like tossed off, | 随意一点 |
| [18:11] | Kind of casual, uh, cazzy-cazzy kind of– | 要那种比较随性的 |
| [18:15] | – Kind of dressed up. – Just roll up his fucking sleeves. | -穿着 -把他袖子翻上去就好 |
| [18:16] | Like fun. Just kind of like funny funny, fun fun. | 就很好玩的那种 |
| [18:19] | – Okay. My golden boy. – Thank you. | -好了 我的黄金男孩 -谢谢 |
| [18:21] | – My golden boy. – My golden P.R. Lady. | -我的黄金男孩 -我的黄金公关女 |
| [18:24] | – You know what to say? – No. | -你知道要说什么吗 -不 |
| [18:25] | Just read the prepared statement. | 念准备好的发言 |
| [18:27] | – Oh, I’m gonna read that first. – Yes. And for the q&a? | -我要先念那个 -问答时间怎样呢 |
| [18:31] | – Yeah. What do I do? – Say things like, | -我要干什么 -说些类似 |
| [18:34] | “We live here too,” “We’ve got a team on that” | “我们也住在这儿””我们派小组来解决问题” |
| [18:36] | and “We’re here for the long haul.” | “我们准备打持久战” |
| [18:38] | – Just keep saying that over and over? – Yeah. For any question | -就这么重复说 -所有问题都这么答 |
| [18:41] | – It’ll apply. Trust me, okay? – We got a team on it. | -都能套得上 相信我 -我们已派人来解决了 |
| [18:44] | We’re here for the long haul with a team on it. | 我们准备派团队打持久战 |
| [18:45] | – We live here too. – We live here. | -这也是我们的家 -这也是我们的家 |
| [18:47] | – We got a team on it. – Yeah, anything they could ask. Perfect. | -已经派人来了 -能解决所有提问 完美 |
| [18:49] | And what do you not do under any circumstances? | 在任何情况下都不要做什么 |
| [18:52] | – I don’t apologize or accept blame. – Exactly. | -我不会道歉或接受指责 -完全正确 |
| [18:56] | – You’re gonna do great. – Am I? | -你会做得很好的 -我行吗 |
| [18:58] | Yes. And if you don’t, so help me god, I will cut off your balls. | 要是你做不到 我会切下你的蛋蛋 |
| [19:01] | – Oh my god. – I’ll suck ’em off. | -老天 -我会把它们吸下来 |
| [19:05] | And, you know, that’s where we stand at this juncture. | 这就是我们在危急情况下的态度 |
| [19:07] | We’re here for the long haul. Thanks for your time. | 我很是来打持久战的 谢谢各位 |
| [19:11] | – Ah, you did great. – Thank you, thank– | -你做得很棒 -谢谢 |
| [19:13] | Okay, we’ll do a brief q&a. | 接下来是问答环节 |
| [19:15] | Keep your questions concise, please. | 问题尽量言简意骇 |
| [19:17] | – Richard. – Yeah. Uh, first can we just get | -理查德 -首先请问 |
| [19:20] | – The correct spelling of your name, please? – Tim. | -你的名字怎么拼 -小炯 |
| [19:22] | Standard spelling. | 标准拼法 |
| [19:24] | Standard spelling on that. Great. | 标准拼法 很好 |
| [19:27] | Oh and you know what? Let me add one more thing. | 我还有一点要说 |
| [19:28] | I was supposed to hit several points. | 我的申明需要戳中几个要点 |
| [19:30] | I wanna make it clear | 我要让大家清楚地明白 |
| [19:34] | – What do you mean? – Oh, just– just for the record. | -什么意思 -必须明确指出 |
| [19:36] | We’re not– – I’m sorry, | -我们不 -抱歉 |
| [19:37] | I just wanna make sure I understood that. | 我想确认一下我是不是理解正确 |
| [19:39] | – I just wanted to get that in. – So you’re not– | -我只是想把这点加进来 -所以你 |
| [19:40] | You’re not sorry for causing the greatest ecological disaster | 所以你们不为造成新泽西有史以来 |
| [19:43] | in the history of New Jersey, which is saying something. | 最大的生态灾害感到抱歉 |
| [19:46] | You’re not sorry for that? | 你不感到抱歉 |
| [19:48] | – Nope. – Tim. | -不 -小炯 |
| [19:50] | – What? Can I have a minute? – Tim. | -能待会儿再说吗 -小炯 |
| [19:53] | We’re not sorry, right? What’s going on here? | 我们不道歉 对不 怎么回事 |
| [19:55] | We’re sorry now? We a little sorry? | 我们现在感到抱歉了 |
| [19:56] | We’re a little sorry. We’re a little sorry. | 我们现在有点抱歉 有一点点抱歉 |
| [19:58] | You’re a little bit sorry? So I’m gonna say that– | 你有一点点抱歉吗 我得说 |
| [20:01] | I think the headline of this article now is gonna be | 明天头条的标题就会是 |
| [20:07] | …”about greatest ecological disaster in state’s history.” | 这起有史以来来最大的生态灾难有点抱歉 |
| [20:09] | I’m getting some looks over here. | 我再商量商量再说 |
| [20:10] | Okay. And that’ll do it for the Q&A. | 好了 记者问答就此结束 |
| [20:12] | Thanks for coming. Go home, | 感谢诸位的到来 现在就各回各家 |
| [20:14] | shut your windows, don’t bathe.. | 拉上窗帘 但别洗澡 |
| [20:18] | I wanna make it clear | 我要澄清一下 |
| [20:21] | What the hell were you thinking? | 你他妈的脑子是怎么想的 |
| [20:23] | I thought I was supposed to not apologize. | 我以为我不应该道歉呢 |
| [20:25] | Tim, the media will tear you limb from limb | 小炯 媒体会把你撕成碎片 |
| [20:27] | and America will tune in to watch! | 全美国都会看你怎么死 |
| [20:30] | Listen, I am sorry. | 听着 我很抱歉 |
| [20:31] | I thought I was doing what I was told. | 我以为我是按照吩咐去做的 |
| [20:32] | Guys, take him away. I’m gonna kill him. | 二位 把他带走 老娘要宰了他 |
| [20:34] | Here we go. Hup. | 走吧 起 |
| [20:35] | Let me apolo– | 让我道个 |
| [20:35] | – No no no! – Grab him. | -不行 不行 -抓住他 |
| [20:37] | – Come on, you little bitch. – Please no no no! | -快点 你个小混蛋 -拜托 别 |
| [20:39] | – Get him out. – Hup! | -把他带走 -起 |
| [20:41] | Honestly, I had no idea the P.R. Department was this hardcore. | 说实话 我真不知道公关部门真么强悍 |
| [20:43] | – I’m impressed. – Okay, | -太令我震惊了 -好了 |
| [20:45] | They’re playing Tim’s quote on every channel. | 所有的电视台都在播小炯的屁话 |
| [20:48] | – Got it. – We need to– | -知道了 -我们需要 |
| [20:49] | Boss, I got the london chairman on the phone. | 头儿 我这接到了伦敦分部总裁的电话 |
| [20:51] | You talk to him. You deal with it. Tell him I’m busy. | 你跟他说 你来搞定 跟他说我很忙 |
| [20:54] | – Tell him I’m on the bidet. – Hold on. | -跟他说我正沐浴呢 -等等 |
| [20:56] | Mr. Chairman, you’re on with the boss. | 总裁先生 已经把电话接到头儿这了 |
| [20:58] | Thank you. And please stop calling him the boss. | 谢谢 也请你不要再称呼他为头儿了 |
| [21:00] | That really is quite ridiculous. Now what’s being done? | 真是太可笑了 现在是什么情况 |
| [21:02] | Well, first of all, my name is the boss. | 那个 首先 我就叫头儿 |
| [21:04] | Secondly, uh, we’re– we’re discussing ways | 其次 我们 我们正在讨论 |
| [21:07] | to punish Tim– the employee Tim. | 怎么惩罚小炯 雇员小炯 |
| [21:10] | And we could dock his pay. We could– we could fire him. | 我们可以扣他的工资 或者 炒了他 |
| [21:13] | Um, or just make him wear– I have the jacket | 或者我们可以让他穿上那件 |
| [21:15] | from “Joseph and the technicolor dreamcoat” | 《约瑟夫与神奇彩衣》里的那件彩衣 |
| [21:17] | That Donny Osmond wore on broadway. | 就是唐尼·奥斯蒙德在百老汇穿的那件 |
| [21:19] | Maybe make him wear that. | 或许可以让他穿那个 |
| [21:20] | How on earth is that gonna get us out of this mess? | 这怎么就能够让我们摆脱这麻烦啊 |
| [21:23] | It absolutely won’t. | 肯定不会的 |
| [21:25] | – Should we keep thinking? – Yes, of course. | -要不要我们再想想辙 -要 当然 |
| [21:27] | We need problem solvers here. | 我们需要人出来解决问题 |
| [21:29] | Now does anyone have an intelligent idea?! | 就没人能想出一个金点子吗 |
| [21:34] | – Yeah. – No, it appears we’re done. | -有 -没有 很显然我们这没有 |
| [21:36] | – Bleh. – Nobody has a thought. | -那个 -没人有想法 |
| [21:38] | – I got an idea! – Great, who am I speaking with? | -我有主意 -太好了 是谁想的 |
| [21:41] | No, it’s– – Rodney. Stiff Rod. | -不是 那是 -大鲁 死人鲁 |
| [21:43] | This is awful. | 这就杯具了 |
| [21:44] | – I can’t believe this is happening. – Hot Rod. | -真不敢相信会这样 性感鲁 |
| [21:45] | – Big hunk of Rod. – Nobody calls you that. | -大鸟鲁 -没人这么叫过你 |
| [21:47] | Never mind. Okay. | 那算了 好了 |
| [21:49] | Why don’t we just change the name of the company? | 我们给公司换个名儿不就得了 |
| [21:51] | Then nobody knows who to be mad at. | 这样不就没人知道该向谁发难了吗 |
| [21:55] | You are a dimwit. | 你丫就一傻逼 |
| [21:56] | Sir, I uh– listen, we’ve got a lot of ideas. | 先生 我 听着 我们有很多想法 |
| [21:59] | No no, just a moment, just a moment. | 别 别 等一下 等等 |
| [22:00] | It is a bold maneuver, I grant you that, | 这的确是一招险棋 我敢这么说 |
| [22:02] | but it could actually work. | 但是 说不定真好使 |
| [22:05] | Phillip Morris became Altria. | 飞利浦·莫里斯公司就改成了奥驰亚集团 |
| [22:07] | Kentucky fried chicken became K.F.C. | 肯他州炸鸡改成肯德基 |
| [22:10] | – Dwayne Johnson became the rock. – I like it. | -道恩·强森改称巨石强森 -我喜欢 |
| [22:12] | Let’s act on this. In the meantime, | 就这么办 同时 |
| [22:15] | I want a media blackout and I want this Rodney | 我需要控制住媒体 而且我还有好好 |
| [22:18] | to be fairly compensated– Six-figure bonus. | 奖励这个大鲁 给六位数的奖金 |
| [22:22] | Good talk, people. | 谈话愉快 大家 |
| [22:24] | I don’t know what just– I’m not sure– Rodney? | 我真没搞懂 我不确定 大鲁 |
| [22:27] | Really? I don’t– am I having a stroke? | 知道 我真不 我是不是中风了 |
| [22:30] | Now what we’re gonna do is wait for the story to blow over, | 现在我们要做的就是等到风头过去 |
| [22:34] | then we’ll re-emerge with a new name. | 然后我们再取个新名字 |
| [22:36] | In the meantime, | 与此同时 |
| [22:37] | I want the sign removed from the building | 我要这个标志从公司大楼外面拿掉 |
| [22:40] | And Tim to fucking disappear. Okay everyone, let’s move. | 然后让炯崽子消失 好了大家 行动 |
| [22:45] | So guess who’s getting the big bucks! | 看看谁这回有钱赚了 |
| [22:49] | Stiff stiff stiff Rod! | 死 死 死大鲁 |
| [22:51] | Yeah, he’s getting paid! Paid some big ol’ dough | 这回他有大 大 大钱 赚 |
| [22:54] | He’s getting paid a lot of money | 这下他有大钱赚了 |
| [22:56] | ’cause he’s in charge | 因为他是老大 |
| [22:58] | Look at the big swinging dick! It’s stiff rod! | 看看谁的大鸟拽 是死大鲁 |
| [23:02] | Good lord, sir, we’re all just right here. | 神啊 老大 我们还在这呢 |
| [23:03] | Oh, sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [23:04] | I thought you guys left. You been there the whole time? | 我以为你们走了呢 你们一直在这吗 |
| [23:06] | What the hell’s happening? | 这他娘的是神马情况啊 |
| [23:10] | Hey, what’s going on? | 什么情况 |
| [23:11] | I’ve been caged up in here like a wild animal. | 我像只野兽一样给关在这 |
| [23:14] | – Pretty spacious office. – It is pretty nice actually. | -这办公室蛮大嘛 -地方不错 |
| [23:16] | It’s pretty comfy. But what’s going on? | 是挺舒服的 但是什么情况 |
| [23:18] | Any news? | 有什么消息 |
| [23:19] | Rodney– Rodney strangely enough saved the day. | 大鲁挽救了大局 |
| [23:21] | – Rodney? Wow. – I know. Blew my mind. | -大鲁 -我知道 差点眼瞎了 |
| [23:24] | – Um, we’re gonna rename the company. – What?! | -我们要重命名公司 -啥 |
| [23:26] | – And the third thing, um– – We need you to disappear. | -还有就是 -你得消失 |
| [23:29] | Disappear? – Right. | 消失 -没错 |
| [23:31] | Like Mengele from Germany to Argentina. | 就像门格勒从德国逃到阿根廷 |
| [23:33] | – We need you to go into hiding. – In a closet? | -我们需要你躲起来 -躲衣柜里 |
| [23:35] | – No. We need you to leave the country. – What?! | -不是 我们需要你出境 -啥 |
| [23:38] | Tim, you’re our only liability right now, okay? | 小炯 你是我们现在唯一的阻碍 |
| [23:41] | Your face is the image of disaster. | 你的脸就是灾难的代名词 |
| [23:44] | The press won’t stop hounding you. | 媒体是不会放过你的 |
| [23:45] | Okay, I can get a haircut. | 好吧 我可以换个发型 |
| [23:46] | They’re not mad at your hair. | 他们并不对你的发型生气 |
| [23:47] | I can’t leave. I’ve got a girlfriend. | 我不能出国 我有妹子啊 |
| [23:50] | I got– I got magazine subscriptions. | 我还订了杂志 |
| [23:52] | Listen, I would love to fire you. | 听着 我很乐意炒了你 |
| [23:53] | – We both would. – But we can’t. | -我俩都是 -但是我们不能 |
| [23:55] | Because of the lawsuit, | 因为有法律问题 |
| [23:56] | everybody’s contractually obligated to work here | 所有人都签了具有法律效力的合约规定 |
| [23:57] | for the rest of their lives. | 他们这辈子都得在这干 |
| [23:59] | So you’ve gotta get the hell outta here. | 所以你丫赶紧滚走 |
| [24:00] | So you get indentured solitude | 所以你有法律义务 |
| [24:05] | That’s my punishment? | 这就是我的惩罚 |
| [24:06] | Go to a caribbean resort indefinitely? | 要无限期呆在加勒比海度假胜地吗 |
| [24:08] | Tim, let’s trade clothes real quick | 小炯 快点和我换了衣服好跑路 |
| [24:10] | so we can sneak you out before the press spots you. | 不然媒体就找上门了 |
| [24:12] | All right, let’s do it. | 好啦 换就是了 |
| [24:13] | Wow, oh my god, you’re really doing it here. | 天呐 你真要在这换吗 |
| [24:15] | Marie, those are your tits. | 马姐 你露点了 |
| [24:17] | They’re right there– big and bouncy. | 真不可貌相 丰满有弹性 |
| [24:19] | Marie, I know I’ve said some nasty things to you over the years, | 马姐 虽说这些年我调戏过你好多次 |
| [24:21] | but you’ve got an amazing set of boobs. | 但不可否认 你真有对人间胸器 |
| [24:23] | I feel like I should get nude too. | 我也想脱光光了 |
| [24:25] | Bee boop ba doo ba doo ba doo. | 裆里个裆里个裆 |
| [24:29] | You know, if you guys move any slower, | 告诉你们 要是干活磨磨唧唧 |
| [24:31] | You’re gonna get a Jimmy Choo up your butt. | 我会拿吉米·丘插你们菊花 |
| [24:33] | – What’s a Jimmy Choo? – Oh, shut your fucking mouth | -吉米·丘是什么 -少他妈废话 |
| [24:36] | and don’t talk back. I am not in the mood. | 别顶嘴 老娘现在没心情 |
| [24:38] | Oh, I like the way you talk dirty. | 这脏话真对我胃口 |
| [24:40] | Yeah! Talk dirty! Get violent! | 再脏再黄再暴力点呀 |
| [24:43] | Yeah, that’s how I like it. | 我就爱这调调 |
| [24:45] | Shut your mouth and work. | 你闭嘴吧 快给我工作 |
| [24:46] | I’m not in the mood for this crap. | 老娘没心情和你胡说八道 |
| [24:48] | You got a good thing going on with your body. | 你身材保养的真不错 |
| [24:50] | – I like it. – Thank you very much. | -我爱死了 -多谢夸奖 |
| [24:53] | Yeah. Hey, let’s get a bite to eat after this on me. | 不用 等我完活后咱俩吃点啥去 |
| [24:56] | – Okay, after this. – You promise? | -好啊 等你完活 -你保证 |
| [24:58] | – Promise. – All right! Hey! | -我保证 -好耶 |
| [25:01] | Hey, guys, she’s gonna let me take her out! | 伙计们 她答应跟我出去咯 |
| [25:04] | I’m the luckiest guy in the world! | 我是世上最幸运的人了 |
| [25:10] | Okay, if you’re ever gonna sit down, this is the time. | 那个 你最好找个地方坐稳当了 |
| [25:12] | – What? Just– – Get low, get low to the ground. | -什么啊 -你坐低点 坐地上最好 |
| [25:15] | Tim, just say it. | 小炯 痛快点说 |
| [25:19] | They’re gonna pay, but I have to leave in the morning. | 公费的 不过早上就得走 |
| [25:21] | So, uh, I fucked up, I know. | 所以 那事我搞砸了 |
| [25:25] | I know how mad you are. You’re still there? | 我明白你现在很生气 你还在听吗 |
| [25:26] | Fucked up? | 搞砸了 |
| [25:28] | – Tim, this is amazing. – Amazing? | -小炯 真让我惊讶 -惊讶 |
| [25:30] | It’s just what we need. | 这正是我们所需要的 |
| [25:32] | You want me out of the co– oh! | 你就这么想让我出…真的吗 |
| [25:33] | I mean, my job has just been not fun | 我是说 最近我的工作 |
| [25:35] | – lately, and– – True. | -也不尽人意 而且 -没错 |
| [25:37] | – You know, I could just quit. – That’s amazing. | -我干脆辞职 -太让我吃惊了 |
| [25:38] | And then we could just have a whole fresh start. | 我们可以有个全新的开始 |
| [25:41] | That’s great. So Tim didn’t fuck up? | 没错 所以我没搞砸 |
| [25:42] | No, Tim did good. | 没有 小炯你做的很好 |
| [25:46] | Tim did real real good. | 真的真的很好 |
| [25:48] | You know that’s a condescending tone of voice, right? | 你把我当成不成器的孩子哄 是不是 |
| [25:50] | – No. – The way you talk to a small dog? | -我没那意思 -你也这么逗小狗 是吧 |
| [25:52] | No. | 真不是 |
| [25:56] | Don’t even ask– it’s– they’re Marie’s clothes. | 别再问了 是马姐的衣服 |
| [25:59] | Looks like Eileen Fisher just diarrhea’ed | 就像是伊林费雪[服饰品牌]在你身上 |
| [26:01] | – all over your body. – Don’t even– don’t even ask. | -拉稀拉个遍 -别再 别再提了 |
| [26:03] | Oh man, this is crazy. | 这很疯狂好不 |
| [26:05] | One minute you’re eating cinnamon buns, | 上一分钟还吃着肉桂卷呢 |
| [26:06] | the next minute company’s going out of business | 下一分钟公司就临近倒闭 |
| [26:08] | and you’re on a plane to the caribbean. | 还得飞去加勒比海避难 |
| [26:10] | – I think it worked out for everybody. – Yeah? | -我想大家都从中受益了 -是吗 |
| [26:12] | Yeah, you’re getting a sick trip. | 是啊 你有风流之旅 |
| [26:13] | I’m getting a big bonus. | 我有大笔奖金 |
| [26:15] | What about Stu? What does Stu get? | 那司徒呢 司徒有了啥 |
| [26:17] | Well, I don’t think you really get anything. | 我觉得你什么都没捞着 |
| [26:21] | Or I got two free cinnamon buns. | 或者 我白得两个肉桂卷 |
| [26:24] | – Oh, look at that. – Bam! | -看这真不错 -呯 |
| [26:25] | – Oh, nice. – Stuball, stuball,l… | -好极了 -咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 |
| [26:28] | stuball, stuball, stuball, stuball… | 咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 |
| [26:30] | Stu-wa, stu-wa, stu-wa. | 司徒娃 司徒娃 司徒娃 |
| [26:32] | stu-ball, stu-ball | 咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 |
| [26:36] | Stuball, stuball, stuball, stuball. | 咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 咸蛋司徒 |
| [26:39] | Stuball wins. | 咸蛋司徒赢了 |
| [26:40] | – Nice. – Stu, two; | -好哇 -司徒我 两分 |
| [26:42] | Everybody else on this fucking planet, zero. | 别的人嘛 零蛋 |
| [26:46] | All right, I’m outta here. Quick hug. | 好了 我要走了 来抱一个 |
| [26:48] | – Yeah, come here. – Gimme a hug. | -过这来 -抱抱吧 |
| [26:49] | – Best friends. – Nice. | -都是铁哥们 -对 |
| [26:51] | Oh, yeah. | 没错 |
| [26:53] | – All right that’s too much. – I love you guys. | -够了 太过了 -我爱你俩 |
| [26:54] | That’s two penises I’m feeling right now. | 我都感觉到你俩的鸡鸡了 |
| [26:56] | – It might be a cinnamon bun. – It’s too much thrusting. | -可能是肉桂卷 -抱得我要窒息了 |
| [26:57] | Might be an unraveled cinnamon bun. | 可能是挤烂的肉桂卷 |
| [27:02] | – You the guy? – I’m the guy. | -是你吗 -是我 |
| [27:03] | – Okay. – I’m dressed like Marie. | -那就行 -我只是打扮成马姐 |
| [27:05] | – Right. Yeah, I got it. – Give me two minutes… | -明白明白 -再给我两分钟… |
| [27:07] | – Then we’re off. – …Then we’re off. | -然后就走 -…然后就走 |
| [27:10] | Oh man, this is crazy. | 真得很疯狂 |
| [27:12] | What if I don’t come back? | 要是我回不来怎么办 |
| [27:18] | I’m not good at goodbyes, | 我真不擅长告别 |
| [27:21] | especially with buildings in midtown. | 尤其对着一幢市中心的建筑 |
| [27:24] | No, the other one from before. | 不是 是另一个 |
| [27:25] | Yeah yeah, the big boxy, | 对对 圆胖圆胖的 |
| [27:27] | with the square butt and the big shoes | 屁股饱满 脚也挺大 |
| [27:30] | and the square tits– yeah, they’re real ugly. | 胸部也丰满得很 对 他们都没我帅 |
| [27:32] | yeah yeah, she’s all business. I love it. | 她就是我的全世界 我爱死她了 |
| [27:35] | Oh. Ho! | 嘿 小心 |
| [27:36] | Oh, shit. | 妈的 |
| [27:37] | *These shabby shoes I’m wearing all the time* | *麻衣破鞋伴着我* |
| [27:41] | *is full of holes and nails* | *走过风雨许多年* |
| [27:45] | *and, brother, if I stepped on a worn-out dime* | *倘若踩到五角币* |
| [27:49] | *I bet a nickel I could tell you if it was heads or tails. * | *五分赌它正或反* |
| [27:54] | *I’m not gonna worry wrinkles in my brow* | *满脸褶子不用愁* |
| [27:58] | *’cause nothing’s ever gonna be all right nohow. * | *天掉馅饼是空想* |
| [28:02] | *No matter how I struggle and strive* | *发愤努力白劳碌* |
| [28:06] | *I’ll never get out of this world alive. * | *老天从来不赏光* |