| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | – I can’t believe it. – I know. | -我真不敢相信 -我知道 |
| [00:07] | Since you let me do it to you, I had to let you do it to me. | 你让我对你做”那个” 我也让你对我做”那个” |
| [00:11] | Not that. | 不是说那个 |
| [00:12] | Although, remind me to throw away that cat toy. | 不过记得提醒我把那个猫玩具丢掉 |
| [00:16] | No, I meant the fact that you are cheating | 我是在说你让你老公戴绿帽 |
| [00:17] | on your husband to sleep with your social worker. | 来跟你们的社工睡的这事 |
| [00:20] | You just described a fantasy I didn’t know I had. | 你说完我才发现我好这口 |
| [00:24] | Naughty social worker. | 坏坏社工妹 |
| [00:26] | Show me on the doll where I should touch you. | 指着娃娃 告诉我该摸你哪个部位 |
| [00:30] | Okay, I need to keep romantically what I do here | 我需要把跟你在闺房的事 |
| [00:33] | separate from what I do professionally out there. | 跟我平常的专业工作划清界限 |
| [00:36] | Even though, in both cases, | 虽然在这两种情况中 |
| [00:37] | I seem to work with the jobless and homeless. | 我都是跟无工作还无家的人打交道 |
| [00:40] | I think we have a professional relationship. | 我觉得我们之间也有专业关系啊 |
| [00:42] | You gave us a kid, I gave you an orgasm. | 你送了我们孩子 我送你高潮 |
| [00:45] | Well, technically, both of those are still pending. | 技术上来说 这两项都还待定 |
| [00:52] | But I’m serious. | 但我是说认真的 |
| [00:53] | If we’re gonna do this, we have to establish some boundaries. | 如果我们要搞男女关系 就得有规矩与界限 |
| [00:55] | I mean, I’m overseeing Walden’s adoption of Louis. | 我是沃顿领养路易斯的监护人 |
| [00:58] | Right, right, I-I really don’t want to mess that up. | 我知道 我也不想破坏了这件事 |
| [01:00] | It’s just that I-I like spending time with you. | 只是我真的很喜欢跟你相处 |
| [01:04] | And I– | 我 |
| [01:05] | to my surprise– | 虽然很令自己讶异 |
| [01:07] | like spending time with you. | 但我也喜欢跟你相处 |
| [01:09] | I’m kind of like poison ivy. | 我就像是毒藤 |
| [01:12] | You don’t realize you’ve been exposed until you get that itch. | 没开始发痒前 都不知道你已陷入了我的魔爪 |
| [01:35] | Oh, what’s that? | 你说什么 |
| [01:37] | Yes, I am wearing the same clothes as last night. | 是的 我还穿着跟昨晚一样的衣服 |
| [01:42] | Ask not for whom the booty calls. | 千万别问妹子约谁来一炮了 |
| [01:45] | The booty calls for me. | 妹子约我来一炮 |
| [01:48] | So I assume you’re not gonna stop until I ask who it was. | 我如果不问是哪个女的 你是不会闭嘴的吧 |
| [01:51] | A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell, | 真汉子不会打啵完就到处说 |
| [01:52] | but I’m no gentleman, | 但我不是真汉子 |
| [01:54] | and it’s hard to kiss a woman from behind. | 而且从她”背后来” 也很难打啵 |
| [01:57] | Alan, okay, who was it? | 艾伦 说吧 是谁 |
| [01:58] | I banged our social worker. | 我上了咱家社工 |
| [02:01] | Ms. McMartin? | 麦克马丁小姐吗 |
| [02:02] | Again? | 又来吗 |
| [02:03] | What can I say? | 我能说什么 |
| [02:05] | She gave my penis a good home. | 她给了我的小鸡鸡一个完美的”鸡窝” |
| [02:07] | I thought this was gonna be something that you did once, | 我还以为这事是做过一次后就学到教训的 |
| [02:09] | like manscaping with a straight razor. | 比如用剃刀来剃”鸟”毛 |
| [02:14] | Please don’t mess this up for me. | 求你别害我了 |
| [02:16] | Oh, no, no, it’s a good thing. | 不 不会的 这事好事 |
| [02:17] | Uh, plus, we-we really like each other, | 而且我们真的很彼此相爱 |
| [02:19] | And we agreed to respect boundaries. | 而且也同意会尊重彼此界限 |
| [02:20] | You know– personal life, professional life. | 就是公私会分明 |
| [02:22] | Okay, and what boundaries are you respecting | 你跟我说你上了她的事 |
| [02:24] | when you’re bragging about having sex with her? | 是尊重了哪门子的公私界限了 |
| [02:26] | That’s just something a man wants to share with his husband. | 我只是一个想跟老公分享事情的男人 |
| [02:30] | Oh, oh, that’s Ms. McMartin. | 是麦克马丁小姐 |
| [02:31] | She’s here to check up on Louis. | 她是来看看路易斯的 |
| [02:32] | It was supposed to be a surprise. | 本来应该是惊喜家访 |
| [02:36] | Wait up, hold on… | 等等 等等 |
| [02:37] | She told you this? | 她跟你说这事的吗 |
| [02:38] | No, she didn’t tell me– we have boundaries. | 她没跟我说 我们公私分明 |
| [02:40] | I saw it on her phone when I was going through her texts. | 我是在偷看她短信时看到的 |
| [02:47] | Hello, Walden. | 你好啊 沃顿 |
| [02:48] | Ms. McMartin. | 麦克马丁小姐 |
| [02:50] | Hi. | 你好啊 |
| [02:51] | What a surprise. | 真是太惊喜了 |
| [02:53] | Come on in. | 请进 |
| [02:58] | Hey, girl. | 小妞 你好 |
| [03:01] | You are social workin’ it. | 好一个让人想射的社工 |
| [03:05] | Can I get you anything? | 需要给你什么吗 |
| [03:06] | Like a new boyfriend? | 比如新男友吗 |
| [03:09] | Okay, so obviously Alan told you about us. | 一看就知道艾伦跟你说了我们的事 |
| [03:12] | Uh, yes, he has. | 是的 他说了 |
| [03:13] | Look, I want you to know this will in no way | 我想你知道 我跟他的事 |
| [03:15] | affect our professional relationship. | 绝对不会影响到我们之间的公事 |
| [03:16] | I am here strictly as your and Louis’s caseworker. | 我纯粹是以是你跟路易斯的社工人员而来 |
| [03:19] | And let me tell you something right now, | 让我告诉你们一件事 |
| [03:20] | I want to back that case up. | 我绝对”顶”这位社工 |
| [03:25] | You know, Alan, the lucky thing is that after I smack you, | 艾伦 你应该庆幸 在我暴打你之后 |
| [03:28] | there’s already a social worker here to report it to. | 在你面前就有社工能让你向当局举报 |
| [03:33] | So how is everything going with Louis? | 所以跟路易斯之间如何了 |
| [03:35] | You know, it’s good. | 挺好的 |
| [03:36] | Uh, but I have a couple questions. | 但我有几个问题 |
| [03:39] | Like… like, okay, for example, | 比如 比如说 |
| [03:42] | what’s the best way to discipline him? | 用什么方式管教他最好呢 |
| [03:45] | Uh, I believe she favors spanking. | 我相信她最推崇的是”打屁屁” |
| [03:53] | All right, what do I say | 好吧 又或者 |
| [03:54] | when he asks about his biological parents? | 他问起亲生父母时 我该怎么回答 |
| [03:56] | And how much cheese is too much cheese? | 还有吃多少起司 才算是吃太多 |
| [04:01] | Okay, how about we just do one question at a time? | 我们还是一题一题来吧 |
| [04:03] | Okay, okay. | 行 行 |
| [04:04] | There’s some cultural things, like– | 还有一些文化上的问题 比如 |
| [04:05] | should I teach him a cool handshake, | 我应该教他酷炫的握手方式吗 |
| [04:08] | or does that just make me lame? | 还是那样会显得我土爆了 |
| [04:10] | Good question, bro. | 好问题啊 兄弟 |
| [04:14] | Blow it up. | 握手完爆炸 |
| [04:17] | You know what might help? | 你知道有什么能帮到你吗 |
| [04:18] | Talking to other foster parents. | 跟其他领养孩子的养父母聊天 |
| [04:20] | Actually, some of my dads have started an informal support group. | 其实有几个领养了孩子的养父发起了互助会 |
| [04:23] | They kick around these kind of questions every week. | 他们每周都互相讨论这种问题 |
| [04:25] | Oh, that’d be great for you. | 那很适合你啊 |
| [04:26] | Uh, I went to a group for divorced dads, | 我也曾经去过离婚爸爸互助会 |
| [04:28] | and it really helped. | 也得到了许多帮助 |
| [04:29] | Uh, I also went to a group for people whose moms died, | 我也去过丧母互助会 |
| [04:31] | but, uh, that was just wishful thinking. | 但那只能算是乐观地祈愿吧 |
| [04:38] | Hey, buddy. | 小家伙 |
| [04:39] | Berta’s gonna watch you when I go to my meeting tonight, okay? | 我今晚去互助会的时候 波塔会照顾你 好吗 |
| [04:41] | Okay. | 好 |
| [04:42] | We’re gonna have a lot of fun. | 我们会玩得很开心 |
| [04:44] | Remember the last time when we learned about animals and math? | 还记得上次我们学了动物们与数学吗 |
| [04:47] | Yep. Wow, what’d you learn? | 哇 你学了什么呀 |
| [04:50] | A trifecta is a sucker bet. | 傻子赌马赌前三 |
| [04:53] | And? | 还有呢 |
| [04:54] | Horses run faster when they poop before the race. | 马在比赛前拉过屎 会跑比较快 |
| [04:58] | The kid’s a sponge. | 孩子学习能力像海绵 |
| [05:01] | Good morning. | 早安 |
| [05:02] | Speaking of sponges. | 说到吸干力超强的海绵 |
| [05:05] | Big plans for the day? | 今天有什么大安排啊 |
| [05:06] | I got my first dads group tonight. Oh. | 今晚是第一次去养父互助会 |
| [05:08] | And before that, Louis and I are gonna go to the movies. | 在去之前 我跟路易斯要去看场电影 |
| [05:10] | Then I’m gonna hit the gym. | 然后我要去一下健身房 |
| [05:11] | Oh, you know what? Why don’t we go to the gym first? | 其实呢 我们何不先去健身房 |
| [05:13] | That way, we can steal some waters | 这样我们就能偷些水 |
| [05:14] | so we can sneak them into the movies. | 然后偷带进电影院里喝啦 |
| [05:16] | You want to go? | 你想去吗 |
| [05:18] | Uh, isn’t today when you go to the farmer’s market | 今天不应该是你去农贸市场 |
| [05:20] | and bargain for bruised peaches? | 跟人杀价买烂桃子的日子吗 |
| [05:22] | I can just go to the supermarket. | 我可以直接去超市啊 |
| [05:24] | They’re all bruised when you bring a Sharpie. | 自己带只笔 想水果哪里烂就画哪里 |
| [05:26] | I want to spend the day with you. | 我想跟你共度今天 |
| [05:29] | Oh, great. | 那好吧 |
| [05:31] | You know, it’s just that I-I was gonna head straight from the gym | 其实我本来打算直接从健身房 |
| [05:35] | to the meeting. | 去参加互助会 |
| [05:37] | So… | 所以 |
| [05:39] | if you go… | 如果你跟着去的话… |
| [05:40] | Oh, oh, I get it. Say no more. | 哦 我懂了 不必多说 |
| [05:42] | Thank you. | 多谢理解 |
| [05:43] | You can just drop me off on your way. | 那你半路放我下车就好啦 |
| [05:44] | Mmm, what do you want for dinner? | 你晚餐想吃什么 |
| [05:47] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [05:49] | Who thinks about dinner | 早餐都没咽下去 |
| [05:50] | when you’re still swallowing your breakfast? | 谁顾得上想晚上吃啥 |
| [05:52] | I’ll have hot dogs. | 我要吃热狗 |
| [05:56] | Where are you going? | 你要去哪里 |
| [05:57] | I’m gonna do something to help me run faster. | 我要拉掉妨碍我跑得更快的屎 |
| [06:05] | Hey, fellas, the new guy’s here. | 各位 新成员来了 |
| [06:08] | Hey, you going to spin class, sweetie? | 你要去练动感单车吗 宝贝 |
| [06:09] | Yep. See you later. | 是的 回见 |
| [06:11] | – Hey, I’m Rick. – Hey, Walden. | -我是里克 -我是沃顿 |
| [06:13] | – Nice to meet you. – Nice to meet you. | -很高兴见到你 -幸会 |
| [06:14] | Your daughter is very nice. | 你女儿人真好 |
| [06:15] | Yes, she is, but that was my wife. | 这话不假 但那位是我的老婆 |
| [06:19] | My daughter’s 40. | 我女儿都40岁了 |
| [06:21] | That’s way too old for me. | 对我来说 年纪太大了 |
| [06:23] | This is Leo, and that’s Jack. | 这位是里奥 那位是杰克 |
| [06:25] | – Hi. – Hey, nice to meet you. | -你好 -很高兴认识你 |
| [06:27] | That’s, uh, Brian over there. | 那边躺着的是布莱恩 |
| [06:29] | Just had newborn twins, so he just comes here to sleep. | 他的双胞胎刚降生 所以他是过来睡觉的 |
| [06:32] | Yeah, you could fart in his face, he won’t even wake up. | 没错 就算你冲着他的脸放屁都弄不醒他 |
| [06:36] | – Here you go. – Oh, thank you. | -给 -谢谢 |
| [06:37] | This place is amazing. | 这地方太酷了 |
| [06:38] | You got a bar, and the pool table, and the TVs. | 这里有吧台 桌球台还有电视机 |
| [06:40] | You just add some hot chicks, orange paint and an owl, | 只需加几个辣妹 弄点橙色油漆和一只猫头鹰 |
| [06:44] | and you got a Hooters. | 这里就是猫头鹰餐厅啦 |
| [06:46] | Maybe Heidi can serve us beers when she gets back. | 或许等海蒂健身回来 可以给我们倒啤酒 |
| [06:48] | Why not? That’s what she was doing when I met her. | 可以啊 我当时认识她时 她就是干这个的 |
| [06:52] | So, uh, what’s your kid situation? | 来 说说你家的孩子吧 |
| [06:54] | Uh, I got a boy. | 我家是个男孩 |
| [06:55] | Uh, his name’s Louis. | 他叫路易斯 |
| [06:56] | He’s six. | 今年六岁 |
| [06:57] | He likes Minecraft and Legos, and… | 他喜欢玩《我的世界》网游和乐高积木 |
| [07:00] | apparently twice as much cheese as what doctor’s recommand. | 显然他吃芝士的量比医生建议的要多两倍 |
| [07:04] | Nice. I got three daughters. | 不错嘛 我有三个女儿 |
| [07:06] | I always wanted a son, so, uh, we adopted Josh. | 我一直想要个儿子 所以我收养了乔什 |
| [07:08] | Now I got half a girl’s volleyball team | 现在我有半支女子排球队 |
| [07:10] | and a boy who wants to be their cheerleader. | 和一个想当她们啦啦队队长的儿子 |
| [07:11] | But I love him– no judgment. | 但我爱他 所以我没意见 |
| [07:15] | My wife and I adopted a four-year-old girl, Micah. | 我和我老婆收养了一个四岁的小女孩 叫麦卡 |
| [07:17] | I also do alarm systems, in case you’re in the market. | 我还是卖报警装置的 如果你有需求的话 |
| [07:20] | Give me your contact info, | 把你的联系方式给我 |
| [07:21] | I’ll put you down on my weekly e-mail blast. | 我把你加到我的每周精选电邮名单里 |
| [07:23] | All the guys get it. | 他们都有 |
| [07:24] | Mark as spam. | 标记垃圾邮件就好 |
| [07:27] | That is funny. | 真有意思 |
| [07:28] | Jack’s alarm code is #227. | 杰克家报警系统的密码是#227 |
| [07:32] | I got three grown kids from my first marriage, | 我第一段婚姻有三个小孩 他们都长大成人了 |
| [07:34] | and Heidi and I just adopted a seven-year-old girl. | 我和海蒂刚收养了一个七岁的小女孩 |
| [07:37] | You must really love kids. | 你肯定超级爱孩子 |
| [07:38] | Kids are fine. What I love is Heidi. | 一般般啦 我爱的是海蒂 |
| [07:41] | You saw her. | 你也看见她啦 |
| [07:43] | When I was in college, | 我念大学的时候 |
| [07:45] | her mother was in sixth grade. | 她妈妈刚上六年级 |
| [07:48] | And if you think about it, | 如果你仔细琢磨会发现 |
| [07:49] | my next wife isn’t even born yet. | 我下一任老婆现在还没出生呢 |
| [07:54] | So, uh, why did you and your wife choose to adopt? | 话说你和你老婆为什么选择领养 |
| [07:57] | My wife is incapable of having children. | 因为我的老婆不能生孩子 |
| [08:01] | Yeah, his name is Alan. | 还有 他的名字叫艾伦 |
| [08:03] | A-Although, uh, | 虽然… |
| [08:05] | he did order boner pills from China once that made him lactate. | 他曾经从中国买过害他分泌乳汁的壮阳药 |
| [08:11] | So, anything going on with Louis? | 那收养路易斯有遇到什么问题吗 |
| [08:13] | Yeah, you know, I have a couple questions | 有 我正好有几个问题 |
| [08:15] | that-that you’re the perfect person to answer. | 而你回答问题的最佳人选 |
| [08:18] | Why is that? | 此话怎讲 |
| [08:20] | ‘Cause I’m handsome? Charming? College graduate? | 因为我长得帅气迷人 大学毕业吗 |
| [08:24] | Top home security specialist in the South Bay three years running? | 连续三年获得南湾最佳家庭安保专家吗 |
| [08:27] | Yes, that… | 是的 |
| [08:30] | Louis is also all those things. | 这些优点路易斯全有 |
| [08:33] | I’m just messing with you! | 跟你开玩笑的啦 |
| [08:35] | Yeah. | 真的 |
| [08:37] | Ms. McMartin told us your kid was mixed-race. | 麦克马丁小姐告诉我们 你的孩子是混血儿 |
| [08:39] | So what do you want to know? | 你想知道什么 |
| [08:40] | Uh, do you want to know how to comb his hair? | 你想知道怎么帮他梳头发吗 |
| [08:42] | Uh, what type of music to expose him to? | 该让他接触哪种类型的音乐 |
| [08:44] | Do I need to teach him a cool handshake? | 用我教他怎么酷酷地握手吗 |
| [08:47] | So that’s-that’s actually a thing? | 所以这真算回事儿 对吧 |
| [08:49] | Yeah, yeah. Here, let me show you, let me show you. | 真的啊 来 我示范给你看 |
| [08:54] | That is cool. | 还真酷 |
| [08:55] | And you just did it | 你跟我握手 |
| [08:56] | to hand me your business card. | 是为了把名片塞给我 |
| [08:58] | Yeah. If you tell me that I sent you, | 是的 如果你告诉我是我介绍来的 |
| [09:00] | then you get 20% off. | 可以给你打八折哦 |
| [09:04] | By the way, have you seen my wife? | 对了 你见过我老婆了吗 |
| [09:09] | Hey, uh, thanks for having me. | 谢谢你们让我加入 |
| [09:10] | You know, this is great. I-I don’t think I knew it, | 这感觉太棒了 虽然我从不知道有 |
| [09:12] | but I needed a place like this. | 但我很需要这样的一个地方 |
| [09:13] | You mean a place to get away from our wives? | 你是说可以远离我们老婆的地方吗 |
| [09:15] | Preach! | 懂你 |
| [09:17] | Wait, why do you need a place? You’re married to a guy. | 慢着 你为什么需要逃离 你可是跟男人结婚啊 |
| [09:19] | Your only problem is, do I watch SportsCenter before, | 你唯一的问题是 是在做爱前看体育节目 |
| [09:22] | during or after sex? | 还是边做边做 或做完再看 |
| [09:25] | Uh, actually, it’s-it’s a little more complicated than that. | 老实说 情况远比表面上复杂 |
| [09:27] | What do you mean? | 什么意思 |
| [09:28] | I mean, well, imagine… | 我是说 想象一下 |
| [09:30] | all of the wife and none of the sex. | 老婆该有的问题都有 就是没有性生活 |
| [09:32] | Yeah, we don’t need to imagine. We’re married, too. | 不需要想象 我们也是深受其害的已婚人士 |
| [09:35] | I don’t know what you guys are talking about. | 我不知道你们在说什么 |
| [09:37] | I get all the sex I can handle. | 只有我能承受得了 多少性生活都有 |
| [09:39] | Which, at my age, is about once a month. | 当然在我这个年纪 也就一个月一次吧 |
| [09:44] | Can-can I share something that doesn’t leave this room? | 我能跟你们分享个秘密 但别说出去吗 |
| [09:46] | Yeah, sure. | 当然可以 |
| [09:47] | Oh, these guys know that back when I was single… | 他们知道我单身的时候 |
| [09:49] | I used to bang his sister. | 睡过他的妹妹 |
| [09:53] | Okay, here’s the thing. | 好的 事情是这样的 |
| [09:57] | I’m not gay. | 我不是同性恋 |
| [09:58] | I-I married my best friend | 我跟我最好的朋友结婚 |
| [10:00] | so I could adopt Louis. | 是为了领养路易斯 |
| [10:02] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [10:03] | Then you shouldn’t have any of these problems. | 那你们相处不应该有任何夫妻问题啊 |
| [10:06] | And yet I have all of these problems. | 而我现在却拥有所有这些夫妻问题 |
| [10:09] | I mean, that’s why it’s so great coming here. | 所以能来这里 我感觉很棒 |
| [10:10] | I get to get away from Alan. | 这样我就可以摆脱艾伦 |
| [10:11] | I mean, he wants to do everything with me. | 我是说 他干什么事都想黏着我 |
| [10:14] | He ordered a Groupon for two-for-one prostate exams. | 他甚至团购了一个买一送一的前列腺检查劵 |
| [10:21] | Oh, yeah. My wife just bought golf clubs | 有 我老婆买了几根高尔夫球杆 |
| [10:24] | so she could ruin golf for me. | 好毁了我对高尔夫球的兴趣 |
| [10:26] | My wife’s outside waiting in the minivan. | 我老婆还在外面小货车里等着我呢 |
| [10:30] | Yeah, even I have to get away from Heidi every now and then. | 就连我也常常不得不躲开海蒂 |
| [10:33] | Do you know what the worst “Wife” thing is? | 你知道”老婆”最可怕的是什么吗 |
| [10:36] | When you forget to ask them, “How was your day?” | 就是当你忘了问”今天过得怎样啊” |
| [10:38] | – Oh. – No, no, | -对 -错 |
| [10:40] | the worst thing is when you ask Alan, | 最可怕的是当你问艾伦 |
| [10:42] | “How was your day?” and he answers. | “今天过得怎样啊”然后他开始回答你 |
| [10:46] | You know, it’s funny– I-I always thought | 有意思 我还以为 |
| [10:47] | being married to a guy would be different. | 娶个男老婆会有什么不同呢 |
| [10:49] | In some ways, it is. I mean, uh… for example, | 有些方面是不太一样 比如 |
| [10:51] | I imagine that you guys enjoy it | 想象一下你们 |
| [10:53] | when you walk in on your wives masturbating. | 撞见老婆打飞机时 必定很爽吧 |
| [10:56] | Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah… | 对对对 |
| [10:57] | Oh, no! | 靠 恶心啊 |
| [11:03] | Hey, there you are. We didn’t get to talk yesterday. | 你来啦 昨天我们都没聊聊 |
| [11:06] | – How was your day? – Great. | -今天过得怎样 -很不错 |
| [11:07] | How was your…day? | 你今天过得 怎样呢 |
| [11:11] | Oh, oh, it was the worst. | 衰到家了 |
| [11:13] | Filled in supermarket, there’re only two lanes opened, | 超市人满为患 只开了两个收银台 |
| [11:15] | but there must have been 30 of us. | 至少有30人排队 |
| [11:17] | 30? Wow, that’s an amazing end to that story. | 30人 看来故事结局挺惊悚 |
| [11:20] | I wish. You know they don’t give you bags anymore? | 何止 他们居然不提供免费袋子了 |
| [11:22] | If you want a bag, that’s ten cents. | 想要袋子得付10分钱 |
| [11:24] | Ten cents. That’s outrageous. | 10分钱 不如去抢啦 |
| [11:26] | That’s six bruised peaches. | 能买六个烂桃子呢 |
| [11:29] | Uh, anyway, so I-I went out to the parking lot | 后来我去了停车场 |
| [11:30] | – and there was a… – Alan, can… | -看到一个 -艾伦 你能不能 |
| [11:32] | can we just jump to the end? | 能不能直接说结果 |
| [11:34] | She agreed not to press charges. | 她同意不起诉我 |
| [11:36] | Okay, that is the end to, like, | 你有太多事情 |
| [11:38] | way too many of your stories. | 都是以这句话告终的了吧 |
| [11:40] | So, uh, how did your foster dads group go? | 话说你的养父互助会怎么样 |
| [11:42] | I-I texted you, but you never answered. | 我给你发消息 你一直都没回 |
| [11:44] | Really? | 有吗 |
| [11:46] | I… That’s… I must not have gotten it. | 我 我肯定是没收到 |
| [11:49] | Are you sure? Uh, it says it was read at 7:47. | 你确定吗 上面显示7点47分已读 |
| [11:53] | I guess it was ignored at 7:48. | 也许在7点48分时 被某人抛诸脑后了 |
| [11:57] | Dads group was really fun. | 养父互助会真的很欢乐 |
| [11:59] | Yeah, I think it’s gonna be really gonna helpful for Louis. | 我想应该对路易斯会很有帮助 |
| [12:01] | Oh, great, great. Uh, when are you gonna do it again? | 太好了 你们什么时候再聚呢 |
| [12:03] | Uh… Well, you know, I was gonna actually | 其实我准备今天 |
| [12:05] | have the guys over tonight. | 请大家今晚来玩 |
| [12:07] | Tonight? The place is a mess. | 今晚就来吗 家里乱成这样 |
| [12:09] | And The Good Wife is on. | 而且今晚有《傲骨贤妻》新一集 |
| [12:13] | Well, I do want to meet the guys, though. | 好吧 不过我挺想见他们 |
| [12:15] | Oh. Well, you know, it’s a… it’s actually, | 这个…其实吧 |
| [12:17] | it’s a pretty tight-knit group, so… | 我们几个人感情特别铁 所以 |
| [12:20] | I don’t think people will be able to open up | 我怕如果有生人在场的话 |
| [12:21] | if there’s a stranger around. Besides, don’t… | 他们会放不开 而且你 |
| [12:23] | don’t you and Ms. McMartin have a thing tonight? | 你不是和麦克马丁小姐今晚有”约”吗 |
| [12:25] | Nope. Uh-uh. | 没约 |
| [12:26] | Free as a boner in sweat pants. | 闲得就跟我的老二一样 |
| [12:29] | No. Come on. | 不是吧 |
| [12:30] | You deserve a thing, so… | 你值得有点乐子 |
| [12:32] | here. | 给 |
| [12:34] | Well, I-I do deserve a thing. | 我的确值得拥有些乐子 |
| [12:36] | Hey, hey– you only give me money | 你只有在想甩掉我时 |
| [12:38] | when you’re trying to get rid of me. | 才会给我钱 |
| [12:39] | No, I don’t. Here, take more money. | 我没有啊 再给你点 |
| [12:44] | Wait, hold on. Do you… | 等等 你是不是 |
| [12:45] | do you not want me around tonight? | 今晚不想让我加入 |
| [12:47] | No, it’s just… it’s just… | 没有 只是 |
| [12:49] | I had fun last night, | 昨晚玩得太开心 |
| [12:51] | and I want to have fun again tonight. | 我希望今晚像昨晚一样开心 |
| [12:53] | I see. And Webster’s defines fun as | 我懂了 《韦氏字典》里 “开心”是指 |
| [12:56] | having or pertaining to the absence of Alan. | 即将或已经远离艾伦 |
| [12:59] | From the Latin: hurticus feelingsmus. | 用拉丁语就是 “桑新了” |
| [13:03] | Okay, are you really asking why I don’t want you around | 你真的要一边用这种调调说话 |
| [13:05] | while you’re talking like that? | 一边问我为什么不喜欢你在吗 |
| [13:07] | Oh, so you really don’t want me around? | 所以你确实不想让我来 |
| [13:08] | Yes, or as defined in Webster’s, affirmative. | 对 或《韦氏字典》中的 确定一定以及肯定 |
| [13:12] | Don’t take my dictionary thing. | 别学我字典的这招 |
| [13:14] | Well, at least you have a thing. | 你至少还有招呢 |
| [13:15] | I don’t have anything for myself. | 我自己却一无所有 |
| [13:17] | I mean, every time I turn around, there you are. | 每次我一转身 身后只有你 |
| [13:19] | Oh, what? Let’s just do it. | 不信试试 |
| [13:20] | Look, oh, there you are. | 瞧 身后只有你 |
| [13:23] | Well, I’m sorry if my presence offends you. | 抱歉我碍着您的眼了 |
| [13:26] | If bags weren’t ten cents apiece, I’d put one over my head. | 要不是塑料袋那么贵 我就买一个套头上 |
| [13:28] | Listen, I just want one thing for myself. | 听着 我只想留着一件只属于我的事 |
| [13:31] | One thing where you’re not around. | 只求一件你不在我身边的事 |
| [13:34] | Is that too much to ask? | 我这要求很过分吗 |
| [13:35] | Fine. If that’s how you feel, you know, | 行啊 如果这就是你想要的 |
| [13:37] | have your stupid little group all to yourself in our house. | 那你就在家里办你的白痴养父互助会吧 |
| [13:42] | But don’t expect me to wait to watch The Good Wife. | 不过别指望我会等你们走了才看《傲骨贤妻》 |
| [13:57] | And here’s a picture of Heidi on a nude beach in Cancun. | 这是海蒂在坎昆的裸体沙滩的照片 |
| [14:01] | Whoa. I can see her can. | 哇 我看见了她的”坎”[胸] |
| [14:04] | And her Cun. | 还有她的”昆”[逼] |
| [14:11] | Alan? | 艾伦 |
| [14:13] | I thought you had a thing. | 我以为你有事要忙 |
| [14:15] | Well, if you saw my feet after the paraffin dip, | 如果你看到我护肤滴蜡后的双足 |
| [14:17] | you’d know I already had my thing. | 就会知道我已经忙完了 |
| [14:21] | Don’t worry, I won’t spoil your little party. | 放心 我不会打扰你们的雅兴 |
| [14:24] | You must be the dads who are part of the group. | 你们是小组里的爸爸们 |
| [14:27] | I’m the dad who’s not part of the group. | 我是个无组可归的爸爸 |
| [14:30] | And here we go. | 我们开始吧 |
| [14:34] | Hey, hey, why don’t… why don’t you have a beer? | 嘿 来点啤酒吧 |
| [14:37] | Oh, no, I’ll be in my room. I can amuse myself. | 不 我要回房 我可以自娱自乐 |
| [14:39] | I have a half bag of Cheetos and a radio. | 我还有半袋奇多和收音机 |
| [14:48] | Oh, hey, hey, come on, man. | 这样不好吧 |
| [14:51] | No. Please stay. | 别走 请你留下 |
| [14:55] | Well, when the boss says jump, | 君要臣死臣不得不死 |
| [14:57] | I say how… Hi. I’m Alan. | “死”[四]位先生大家好 我是艾伦 |
| [14:58] | Wow, what a fun way to meet someone. | 这打招呼方式真是有趣 |
| [15:01] | Here you go. | 给 |
| [15:02] | Oh. Thank you, thank you. So, uh, so what’s going on? | 谢谢 怎么样啊你们 |
| [15:04] | Or-Or should I say Whassup?! | 还是我该说“我擦啊”[百威啤酒广告词] |
| [15:08] | You remember that? | 你记得吗 |
| [15:08] | You guys… You guys remember that? Remember? | 你们记得吗 记得吗 |
| [15:10] | Whassup?! | 我擦啊 |
| [15:13] | That is the whitest guy I have ever seen. | 我从没见过这么”白”的人 |
| [15:17] | Wait, wait, is that all you’re serving? | 等等 这怎么能行 |
| [15:19] | Chips? Not even in a bowl? | 吃薯片不用碗装怎么行 |
| [15:21] | You should be embarrassed. | 你作为主人应该感到尴尬 |
| [15:23] | Oh, trust me, I’m embarrassed. | 还用你说 我尴尬到想死 |
| [15:26] | Look, nobody cares. | 他们无所谓的 |
| [15:28] | Alan seems to care, and you care about Alan’s feelings, don’t you? | 艾伦在意 你也在意艾伦的感受对吗 |
| [15:31] | Ooh, I like him. Two points for the silver fox. | 我喜欢他 这老帅哥加两分 |
| [15:35] | Maybe I’ll just, uh, throw together some nachos. | 我还是拌成玉米脆饼好了 |
| [15:37] | We’re fine. The… | 我们无所谓的 |
| [15:38] | Hey, I don’t want you to go to all the trouble. | 我不想给你添麻烦 |
| [15:41] | See? I’m thinking about you. | 瞧 我在为你着想 |
| [15:42] | It’s no trouble. It’s just, uh, chips, uh… | 不麻烦 不过是些薯片 |
| [15:44] | guacamole, uh, Jalapenos and, uh, queso fresco. | 鳄梨酱 墨西哥胡椒 还有鲜奶酪 |
| [15:49] | My wife’s idea of nachos | 我老婆以为玉米脆饼 |
| [15:50] | is just dumping some salsa on chips. | 就是把莎莎酱倒薯片上 |
| [15:53] | Well, I’m nacho average wife. | 我可不是你家糟糠薯片妻 |
| [16:00] | So this guy– I bail him out completely, | 这个男人 这个被我拯救了的男人 |
| [16:02] | agree to marry him, | 我委身下嫁的男人 |
| [16:04] | and guess what we do on our wedding night. | 猜猜新婚之夜我们做什么了 |
| [16:06] | I-I don’t need to hear that. | 不用跟我说了 |
| [16:08] | No judgment. | 我没意见 |
| [16:09] | Nothing. We came straight home. | 什么都没做 直接回家了 |
| [16:11] | Same place we went on our honeymoon. | 我们蜜月也是在家里过的 |
| [16:13] | The guy has a jet. | 自己有私人飞机的人 |
| [16:15] | How hard is it to go to Aruba? | 去趟阿鲁巴岛能有多难 |
| [16:16] | Jamaica. | 牙买加 |
| [16:17] | * Ooh, I wanna take you to Bermuda * | * 我要带你去百慕大 * |
| [16:20] | * Bahama, come on, pretty mama * | * 巴哈马 来吧 漂亮妈妈 * |
| [16:23] | * Key Largo, Montego * | * 基拉哥 蒙特卡洛 * |
| [16:25] | * Baby, why don’t we go * | * 宝贝 何不启程出发 * |
| [16:27] | * Ooh, I want to take you down to Kokomo * | * 我想带你去往科科莫 * |
| [16:29] | * We’ll get there fast * | * 我们快快走 * |
| [16:31] | * And then we’ll take it slow * | * 我们慢慢玩 * |
| [16:33] | * That’s where we want to go * | * 那就是我们的目的地 * |
| [16:37] | * Way down in Kokomo * | * 去往科科莫 * |
| [16:39] | * Martinique * | * 马提尼克 * |
| [16:40] | * That Monserrat mystique.* | * 蒙塞拉特的秘密 |
| [16:46] | That is my jam, | 这是哀家的曲子 |
| [16:47] | and y’all are my bitches. | 我的小婊砸们 |
| [16:56] | What the hell are you doing? | 你到底在干嘛 |
| [16:57] | I’m just being a fun guy. What are you doing? | 表现的幽默一点 你在干嘛 |
| [17:00] | You’re about as much fun as the polyp in Rick’s colon. | 你快赶上里克的结肠息肉一样有趣了 |
| [17:04] | You’re doing exactly what I thought you would. | 你果然跟我料想中一样 |
| [17:06] | You’re taking my friends. | 你夺走我的朋友们 |
| [17:07] | Just like you take everything. | 和你夺走我的一切一样 |
| [17:08] | You took my house, you took my money, you even took my old jeans | 我的房子 我的银子 甚至还有旧裤子 |
| [17:10] | and turned ’em into cutoffs. | 剪成大裤衩穿 |
| [17:13] | They’re called jorts, and they look great on me. | 那叫牛仔短裤 我穿可帅了呢 |
| [17:16] | Okay, you knew I didn’t want you here | 你知道我不希望你来 |
| [17:18] | and you said you weren’t gonna be here, | 你也说自己不会来 |
| [17:19] | yet here you are | 结果你来了 |
| [17:21] | with your… guacamole | 带着你那…鳄梨色拉酱 |
| [17:22] | and your fresco queso. | 和莫斯科私企 |
| [17:25] | It’s queso fresco. | 是墨西哥起司 |
| [17:26] | You do not correct me when I’m mocking you. | 我取笑你时不许纠正我 |
| [17:28] | You know what? You know what? I think… | 我跟你说 我觉得… |
| [17:29] | I think that the reason that you didn’t want me here | 你之所以不希望我来 |
| [17:32] | is because you were afraid | 是因为你害怕 |
| [17:33] | that they were gonna like me better than you. | 你怕跟我比 大家会更喜欢我 |
| [17:35] | Okay, I can honestly say that I have never | 我挖心掏肺的说实话 |
| [17:37] | had that thought in my life. | 我这辈子压根就没有这念头 |
| [17:40] | Everything okay in here? | 这里还好吧 |
| [17:44] | Well, am I allowed to answer your friends, Walden? | 能允许我回答你的朋友们吗 沃顿 |
| [17:48] | I’m sorry you guys had to see this. | 对不起让你们见到这个样子 |
| [17:50] | Oh, come on, we’ve all been there. | 得了吧 我们都经历过 |
| [17:52] | I mean, just a while back, Jack’s wife chased him | 就刚才 杰克的老婆拿着牛排刀 |
| [17:54] | around his house with a steak knife. | 追的他满院子跑 |
| [17:57] | Trust me, I was in no danger. | 相信我 我完全没有危险 |
| [17:59] | She couldn’t use a kitchen utensil to save her life. | 区区厨房用品 她哪保得住自己的命 |
| [18:02] | We can help you work though this. | 我们能帮你们解决这事 |
| [18:04] | That’s what the group is for. | 互助会就是为了解决这种事 |
| [18:05] | Yeah. Yeah, yeah, | 对啊 对 |
| [18:07] | Hey, why don’t we do some role playing? | 要不我们来点角色扮演 |
| [18:09] | Okay, you’re… you’re, uh, Alan, | 好 你是 艾伦 |
| [18:11] | and you just found out that Walden | 你刚刚发现沃顿不想 |
| [18:14] | doesn’t want you around his friends. | 你和他的朋友们一起玩 |
| [18:16] | Fine. | 行 |
| [18:17] | Thank you, Walden, | 谢谢你 沃顿 |
| [18:18] | for letting me live here rent-free. | 让我免费住在这里 |
| [18:20] | Despite not contributing anything to this household, | 尽管我对这个家毫无建树 |
| [18:24] | I ignore even your most basic requests. | 我还忽视了你最基本的一个要求 |
| [18:26] | Um… You’re not really supposed to use this to attack. | 这不是让你俩借机攻击对方的 |
| [18:29] | Wait, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. | 等等 等等 |
| [18:31] | I’m Walden, | 我是沃顿 |
| [18:31] | and I get off on making Alan feel bad about himself. | 最爱做把快乐建立在艾伦的痛苦上的事 |
| [18:34] | Well, I’m Alan, and I get off on everything. | 我是艾伦 什么都可以拿来打飞机 |
| [18:38] | Including the stock photos | 包括从超市买相框 |
| [18:39] | that come from the picture frames from Target. | 里面带的那张样品照片 |
| [18:42] | That was one time. The Internet was down, | 就那么一次 网断了 |
| [18:45] | and-and she reminded me of a girl I knew in high school. | 她还长的像我高中时喜欢的女生 |
| [18:47] | Yeah, we’ve all been there. Sears catalog. | 是 我们都做过 西尔斯百货的目录照 |
| [18:50] | Neiman Marcus. | 内曼·马库斯[高端百货公司] |
| [18:52] | The Indian girl from the Land O’Lakes box. | 蓝多湖公司箱子上印的印度妞 |
| [18:56] | Okay, you know what, | 好了 我受够了 |
| [18:58] | I’m sick of having the same fight over and over again. | 我们总是因为同一件事一遍又一遍的吵 |
| [19:00] | You know, why do we keep doing this? | 我们为什么还要继续 |
| [19:01] | ‘Cause you love him and he loves you. | 因为你爱他来他爱你 |
| [19:04] | Also, where am I? | 还有 我这是在哪 |
| [19:07] | Oh, hey, Brian, I know you’ve been asleep for a few meetings, | 布莱恩 你睡过了几次聚会 |
| [19:09] | but Walden told us they’re not actually gay. | 但沃顿说了 他们不是真基佬 |
| [19:12] | I know they’re not gay. I said they love each other. | 我知道他们不是 我是说他们彼此相爱 |
| [19:15] | It’s the only thing that can explain | 这是唯一能解释为什么 |
| [19:16] | why they make each other so crazy. | 他们总把彼此逼疯 |
| [19:19] | You chose to adopt this kid together for a reason. | 你们选择一起收养孩子是有原因的 |
| [19:22] | Why don’t you talk about that? | 怎么不谈谈那个 |
| [19:25] | Oh, God, my wife said the twins are sick. | 天 我老婆说孩子们病了 |
| [19:28] | I got to go. | 我得出发了 |
| [19:29] | Back to sleep. | 前往梦乡之中 |
| [19:32] | By the way, not cool about my sister. | 顺便说下 对我妹妹真不地道 |
| [19:35] | No judgment? | 没意见吗 |
| [19:39] | I’m Alan. | 我是艾伦 |
| [19:42] | And I’m always there for Walden whenever he needs me the most. | 当沃顿最需要我时 我总是在他身边 |
| [19:46] | And I do look good in jorts. | 我穿牛仔短裤可帅了呢 |
| [19:49] | And my nachos are restaurant quality. | 我做的玉米脆饼是饭店水准的 |
| [19:54] | Well, I’m Walden, and, uh, | 我是沃顿 |
| [19:57] | I’ve been the best friend that Alan’s ever had. | 我是艾伦有过最好的朋友 |
| [20:01] | And also, | 还有 |
| [20:02] | I’m not angry about the 20s | 我没有因为他时不时地 |
| [20:04] | he occasionally steals from my wallet. | 偷我钱包里的零钱生气 |
| [20:07] | I’m sorry I said I didn’t want you around. | 对不起我说我不想你来 |
| [20:09] | I’m sorry I was smothering you. | 对不起我逼你逼的太紧了 |
| [20:11] | Bring it in. I’m s… | 来吧 |
| [20:18] | You know where we should go? | 知道我们该去哪吗 |
| [20:20] | * Bermuda, Bahama * | * 百慕大 巴哈马* |
| [20:23] | * Come on, pretty mama * | * 来吧 漂亮妈妈 * |
| [20:25] | * To Key Largo, Montego, baby why don’t we go? * | * 去基拉哥 蒙特卡洛 宝贝 何不启程出发 * |
| [20:28] | – Wait, are you really taking me to… – No. | -等等 你是真要带我去… -没有 |
| [20:30] | * The Florida Keys, there’s a place called Koko…* | * 佛罗里达群岛 有过地方叫科… * |
| [20:41] | I just want to tell you guys, | 我想跟你们说 |
| [20:42] | I love being a part of this group. | 能成为组里的一员 我好开心 |
| [20:45] | And we love having you, Alan. | 你能加入 我们也很高兴 艾伦 |
| [20:47] | Oh, well, thank you. So, as I was saying, | 谢谢你 我刚才说到 |
| [20:48] | why is it that I’m willing to take | 为什么我可以牺牲整整三个小时 |
| [20:50] | three hours to make him dinner | 给他做顿晚饭 |
| [20:52] | and he won’t take three seconds to tell me | 而他却不肯花区区三秒钟告诉我 |
| [20:54] | what he wants? | 他想要什么 |
| [20:55] | Speaking of three seconds, can we talk about the sex? | 说到区区三秒钟 我们谈谈性生活吧 |
| [20:57] | At least you’re having sex, sister. | 至少你还有性生活呢 姐妹儿 |