| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:36] | I think I follow too many porn sites. | 我好像订阅了太多黄片网站 |
| [00:38] | – How many do you follow? – So many. | -你订阅了多少个 -太多了 |
| [00:39] | But I’m paranoid if I cut one, | 但我很担心要是取消订阅 |
| [00:41] | I’m gonna miss out on some really good stuff. | 就会错过很多黄暴好片 |
| [00:43] | Well, then don’t unfollow any. | 那就不要取消订阅 |
| [00:44] | But every time I pick up my phone, | 但我每次拿起手机 |
| [00:45] | it takes me, like, an hour to scroll through everything. | 光是翻推送就得花一个小时 |
| [00:48] | Longer if I get all horned up in the middle. | 要是中途欲望被挑起来了 还要花更久 |
| [00:51] | Yeah… No, actually, it sounds like | 有道理 如果是这样的话 |
| [00:53] | you’re in a terrible dilemma, about which I empathize fully. | 似乎真的是进退两难 我完全理解你的感受 |
| [00:58] | Aw, thanks, Jimmy. | 谢谢你 吉米 |
| [00:59] | You see, I didn’t try to fix your problem, I just empathized, | 瞧 我没有试图解决你的问题 只是表示有同感 |
| [01:02] | like you taught me, like a girl. | 就像你之前教我的 女孩的做法 |
| [01:03] | I appreciate that. I feel very heard. | 谢谢 我感觉我的想法得到了倾听 |
| [01:06] | Now fix my problem. | 现在解决我的问题吧 |
| [01:07] | So, hey. | 话说 |
| [01:08] | You know how you guys have been visiting wedding planners, | 你们最近不是一直在见婚礼策划师吗 |
| [01:10] | and no one’s lived up to your standards? | 可是没人能达到你们的标准 |
| [01:12] | – We think we know why. – Because we’ve been | -我们知道其中的原因 -因为一直以来 |
| [01:14] | lying to them for our own amusement? | 我们为了找乐子在对他们撒谎 |
| [01:17] | Great work, Eugène François Vidocq, first private detective | 干得漂亮 尤金·弗朗索瓦·维多克 顶级私人侦探 |
| [01:21] | and father of modern criminology. | 近代犯罪学之父 |
| [01:23] | Jimmy, please! We’re talking. | 吉米 别贫了 我们有话说 |
| [01:25] | It’s because they don’t know you. | 那是因为他们不了解你们 |
| [01:29] | Because we’ve been lying to them. | 因为我们一直在对他们撒谎 |
| [01:32] | Really, Edgar, what part of…? | 埃德加 你这是怎么… |
| [01:37] | Who better to plan the most important day of your lives than | 你们人生中最重要的日子 难道不应该 |
| [01:41] | the two most important people in your lives? | 由你们人生中最重要的人来策划吗 |
| [01:44] | So, first of all, we were thinking something like | 首先 我们在考虑一个日子 |
| [01:47] | August 7… think about it: | 比如8月7日 你们想想 |
| [01:49] | midpoint of summer, clear of any holidays. | 时值盛夏 前后都没有假期 |
| [01:51] | 9/11 is just around the corner. | 离911也不远 |
| [01:53] | Isn’t August 7 your birthday? | 8月7日不是你的生日吗 |
| [01:56] | I know it’s Charlize Theron’s. | 我知道是查理兹·塞隆的生日 |
| [01:59] | Huh! Weird, it’s mine, too. | 好巧啊 也是我的生日 |
| [02:02] | Spitballing here– what if we combine celebrations? | 随便说一句 不如我们合并庆祝吧 |
| [02:07] | There’s not going to be a wedding. | 我们不会举办婚礼了 |
| [02:12] | – No. – This is your natural goddamn end point | -不行 -这才是你们命中注定的结局 |
| [02:13] | – we’re working toward here… – You guys cannot break up again. | -我们努力了这么久… -你们不能再分手了 |
| [02:15] | It’s like we keep doing the same thing over and over, | 就好像同样的事情不断在循环往复 |
| [02:17] | and it’s too much for my heart. | 我的心脏承受不了了 |
| [02:18] | You’re like two ruined ladies from the past… | 你们就像旧时代两个饱受摧残的女性… |
| [02:20] | You’re the pin in my grenade, and you do not want -to pull that pin! | 你们是我手榴弹的引线 千万不要扯开 |
| [02:23] | Oh, my God, shut up. | 天呐 都给我闭嘴吧 |
| [02:26] | Look, we’re getting married, we’re just not having a wedding. | 我们还是要结婚的 只是不举办婚礼 |
| [02:29] | In, like… ten hours. | 大概 十小时后结婚 |
| [02:34] | We’re eloping, suckas! | 我们要私奔了 蠢蛋们 |
| [02:37] | Wasting hella time with those bunk-ass wedding planners | 跟那群无能的婚礼策划人浪费那么多时间 |
| [02:39] | made us realize we can just walk right into the courthouse | 让我们意识到我们可以直接走进法院 |
| [02:41] | and do this damn thing like we’re paying a parking ticket. | 完成结婚登记 简单得像交违规停车罚单一样 |
| [02:44] | Oh, but that reminds me, | 这倒是提醒了我 |
| [02:45] | I have, like, 20 parking tickets to pay. | 我大概有20张违规停车罚单还没交 |
| [02:47] | Well, let’s bring them. Where are they? | 那就带上吧 放在哪里了 |
| [02:53] | I can’t believe this is happening. | 我简直无法相信这一切 |
| [02:56] | Come on, let’s go lay down. | 来吧 我们去躺会儿 |
| [03:00] | So, what you up to today, | 你今天准备做什么 |
| [03:01] | besides locking yourself down a hunk? | 除了要通过婚姻拴住一位猛男以外 |
| [03:04] | Coffee, e-mail… might try to squeeze in | 咖啡 邮件 可能在午饭前 |
| [03:06] | a little nap before lunch. You? | 抽空睡个回笼觉 你呢 |
| [03:08] | Oh, I’ve got my first meeting for the movie adaptation | 我要去开会 《桃色世家》要改编电影 |
| [03:10] | of The Width of a Peach. | 今天是第一次会议 |
| [03:11] | So, I have to drive to the west side, which is a whole thing. | 我得开车去西区 非常麻烦 |
| [03:15] | Ugh. Eat dicks, west. | 吃屌去吧 西部 |
| [03:16] | Oh, um… this came in the post for you. | 对了 这是你的快递 |
| [03:21] | Well, I am off. I shall return a much maligned Hollywood elite. | 我走了 等我回来就是被抨击的好莱坞天才了 |
| [03:26] | I’ll see you at 4:30. | 我们4点半见 |
| [03:27] | Oh, we’ll be right by the two-dollar theater. | 到时候可以去一趟两美元影院 |
| [03:29] | They’re showing that Liam Neeson zeppelin movie. | 他们要放映连姆·尼森的那部飞艇电影 |
| [03:32] | He wasn’t asking for trouble. | 他没想找麻烦 |
| [03:33] | Trouble found him. | 是麻烦找上了他 |
| [04:13] | Sir… | 先生 |
| [04:22] | It’s finally happening. | 这一天终于到来了 |
| [04:34] | Called it, I called it! | 我要了 归我占了 |
| [04:35] | It’s mine. I called it. | 这是我的了 我占了 |
| [04:43] | Hot, hot, not. | 性感 性感 无感 |
| [04:47] | – Maybe without the braces. – Gretch? | -把牙套摘了还有点希望 -格雷琴 |
| [04:50] | Has your office gotten bigger or have I gotten smaller? | 是你的办公室变大了 还是我变瘦了 |
| [04:54] | Neither. I have had my eye on this office for years, | 都不是 我已经盯上这间办公室好几年了 |
| [04:57] | so I took advantage of the current cultural climate | 所以我利用了当下的文化潮流 |
| [05:00] | and enacted some personal reparations | 代表全体女性同胞 |
| [05:02] | on behalf of women everywhere. | 要求得到一点个人补偿 |
| [05:03] | You “Me Too-ed” a dude for his office? | 你为了这办公室 利用「反性侵运动」对付一个男人 |
| [05:05] | You know it! And here’s the best part. | 你知道的太多了 这是最棒的部分 |
| [05:10] | Holy shit. | 天呐 |
| [05:12] | A bathroom in an office? | 办公室里的卫生间 |
| [05:14] | It’s like Inception for pooping. | 就像拉屎版的《盗梦空间》 |
| [05:17] | Oh, and it has one of those fancy Japanese toilets | 还有这个超豪华的日本马桶 |
| [05:20] | that washes your butt when you forget how to wipe. | 在你忘记怎么擦屁股的时候 可以自动给你冲干净 |
| [05:24] | But, but… | 但… |
| [05:24] | Prima nocta, bitch. | “初夜权”归我 贱人 |
| [05:27] | I break him in. | 我来给它”开苞” |
| [05:34] | So, what’s up? | 你有什么事 |
| [05:38] | I really think you’re going to regret not having a wedding. | 我真的觉得不办婚礼你会后悔的 |
| [05:40] | Oh, my God, Lindsay. | 天呐 琳赛 |
| [05:43] | Just rent out a Chuck E. Cheese or something. | 去「出奇老鼠」餐厅租一天 办个生日派对得了 |
| [05:45] | This isn’t about our birthday/wedding. | 重点不在于我们的生日兼婚礼 |
| [05:48] | I just wanted to tell you marriage is hard. | 我只是想告诉你 婚姻是很艰难的 |
| [05:51] | Your wedding day is the one day it’s fun. | 婚礼当天是唯一有趣的日子 |
| [05:54] | Seriously, it’s all downhill after the wedding. | 真的 婚礼过后就每况愈下 |
| [05:57] | That’s just gravity. | 就像地心引力 |
| [05:58] | You’re gonna go against gravity? | 你能反抗地心引力吗 |
| [06:00] | I don’t think so, Sandra Bullock, | 我可不信 桑德拉·布洛克 |
| [06:02] | star of the hit film Gravity. | 《地心引力》女主 |
| [06:04] | – What? – I want a party! | -什么 -我想办派对 |
| [06:06] | Lindsay, stop. | 琳赛 打住 |
| [06:08] | Eloping is fine because the point | 私奔很好 因为重点在于 |
| [06:10] | is being hitched, not getting hitched, | 结婚后的日子 而不是结婚的过程 |
| [06:12] | and if you’d ever actually been in love, you’d know that. | 如果你真的爱过的话 你一定明白的 |
| [06:15] | Why-why would you say that? | 你为什么要说这种话 |
| [06:18] | Because when you divorced Paul, | 因为你和保罗离婚的时候 |
| [06:19] | you told me you’d never been in love. | 你告诉我你从来没爱过他 |
| [06:21] | Okay, whatever. | 好吧 随便你 |
| [06:24] | I have to go to day work. | 我得回去上班了 |
| [06:26] | You forgot your dry cleaning. | 你的干洗衣物忘拿了 |
| [06:28] | It’s not my dry cleaning. | 这不是我的干洗衣物 |
| [06:29] | It’s actually a wedding dress I stole for you from work. | 这是我从公司给你偷来的婚纱 |
| [06:33] | I brought it in case you didn’t want to look shitty | 我给你带来了 以防你不想在那 |
| [06:35] | at your fake-ass non-wedding. | 狗屁非婚礼的场合看起来太寒碜 |
| [06:43] | – Gretchen? – I called it! | -格雷琴 -已经被我占了 |
| [06:45] | No, we just wanted to thank you for speaking out about Ryan. | 不 我们只是想谢谢你大胆告发瑞恩 |
| [06:50] | Ryan? Wait. This guy? | 瑞恩 慢着 这家伙吗 |
| [06:54] | He really was a harasser? | 他真的性骚扰你们了吗 |
| [06:56] | U-Um, yeah. | 是的 |
| [06:59] | Anyway, thanks. You’re a hero. | 总之谢谢你 你是英雄 |
| [07:06] | I am a hero. | 我确实是英雄 |
| [07:12] | We’re just so excited, Jimmy. | 我们真的超激动 吉米 |
| [07:13] | I still can’t believe that my book is being made into a movie. | 我仍然不敢相信自己的书要被改编成电影了 |
| [07:18] | Well, believe it. | 大胆地相信吧 |
| [07:19] | Oh, I absolutely believe it. I was being folksy. | 我当然信了 刚才只是在装谦虚随和而已 |
| [07:22] | This thing is getting great reads all over town. | 这本书广受欢迎 |
| [07:24] | We’re starting to hear takes next week. | 我们下周就要开始听一些点子了 |
| [07:25] | Takes? Oh, brilliant. | 点子吗 太棒了 |
| [07:27] | And obviously, we’ll run the screenwriter by you, | 显然 在编剧的选择上我们会听你的建议 |
| [07:29] | as a courtesy, you know. | 以示礼貌和尊重 |
| [07:31] | Thank you so much for stopping by. | 真的很感谢你顺路过来 |
| [07:33] | And if you have any suggestions, | 如果你有任何建议 |
| [07:34] | we definitely want you to feel heard. | 我们一定尽量听取 |
| [07:37] | Wait, why would you hire someone else | 慢着 你们为什么要另外雇编剧 |
| [07:39] | to write the movie of my book? | 来将我的书改编成电影 |
| [07:45] | Great, you want to throw your hat in the ring? | 太好了 你也想参与竞争吗 |
| [07:48] | That’s fantastic. | 好极了 |
| [07:49] | Why don’t you come back in once you’ve nailed down your take? | 那不如等你想好改编的点子后 再回来吧 |
| [07:53] | – Dan. – Okay? | -丹 -好吗 |
| [07:54] | Ooh, sorry, guys, I got to run. | 抱歉 各位 我得走了 |
| [07:56] | Great seeing you, Jim. | 很高兴认识你 吉米 |
| [07:58] | Uh, that must be that, uh, big 1:00 meeting. I really should… | 肯定是1点那个重要的会要开始了 我得走了 |
| [08:20] | What’s a take? | 什么是点子 |
| [08:27] | Stubborn bitch is being such a stubborn bitch. | 顽固不化的贱人就是这么油盐不进 |
| [08:29] | She doesn’t deserve that toilet. | 她不配用那个马桶 |
| [08:31] | Lindsay, you’re-you’re hurting my… | 琳赛 你弄疼我的… |
| [08:32] | She said I’ve never been in love. | 她说我从来没有爱过 |
| [08:34] | How dare she criticize my love life | 她竟然有脸评价我的爱情生活 |
| [08:36] | when she’s eloping like a poor? | 她都要像个穷鬼一样私奔了 |
| [08:37] | This is bad, Lindsay. Think about it. | 这很不妙 琳赛 想想看 |
| [08:39] | If they’re cutting us out of this, what’s next? | 如果他们在这事上都要抛下我们 接下来呢 |
| [08:41] | – Vacations? – Dog adoptions. | -度假 -收养狗狗 |
| [08:42] | – Babies? – Shopping montages. | -生小孩 -购物狂欢 |
| [08:43] | – Funerals? – That dress was our last hope, | -葬礼 -那件婚纱是我们最后的希望 |
| [08:45] | and she didn’t even look at it. | 可她连看都没看一眼 |
| [08:45] | Oh, this elopement is a slippery slope. | 这场私奔就是一个滑坡 以后只会更惨 |
| [08:47] | And we’re sliding, Lindsay, we’re sliding fast. | 我们正在下滑 琳赛 我们正急速下滑 |
| [08:51] | That’s it. | 我想到了 |
| [08:52] | I have to convince him to have a wedding. | 我要说服他办婚礼 |
| [08:55] | Oh, buddy. | 亲爱的 |
| [08:58] | Oh, sweet, sweet buddy. | 亲爱亲爱的 |
| [09:02] | – Oh, sweet, sweet, sweet… – What?! | -亲亲亲爱爱爱的… -怎么了 |
| [09:05] | Edgar, Jimmy is smart. | 埃德加 吉米是个聪明人 |
| [09:08] | And you’re, well, Edgar. | 而你 只是埃德加 |
| [09:11] | I’m smart. | 我也很聪明 |
| [09:13] | I’ve been tricking Jimmy into letting me live in his house | 过去三年 我一直花言巧语地哄骗吉米 |
| [09:15] | for the last three years. | 才成功地赖在他家 |
| [09:17] | Hate to break it to you, but, | 我也不想告诉你这残酷的事实 但 |
| [09:19] | you’re the dumb one of the group. | 你是我们小团体里最笨的那个 |
| [09:21] | What? No. You’re the dumb one. | 什么 不 你才是最笨的那个 |
| [09:24] | – No, I’m the hot one. – I’m the hot one. | -不 我是性感的那个 -我是性感的那个 |
| [09:28] | The reason you think | 你之所以觉得 |
| [09:29] | someone else is the dumb one of the group | 别人才是团体中最笨的那个 |
| [09:31] | is because that’s what the dumb one’s supposed to think to protect them, | 是因为这是笨人用来保护自己的安慰招数 |
| [09:34] | ’cause if you were dumb and sad at the same time, | 因为如果你同时既笨又可悲 |
| [09:37] | then you’d kill yourself. | 那你会想一头撞死 |
| [09:39] | Now stick it back in me somewhere, dummy. | 快点再插回来吧 笨蛋 |
| [09:47] | I’m not the dumb one, you’re the dumb one. | 我不是最笨的那个 你才是 |
| [09:50] | Gretchen? | 格雷琴 |
| [09:52] | Gretchen. Gretchen? | 格雷琴 格雷琴 |
| [09:55] | Gretchen, are you okay? Gretchen! | 格雷琴 你还好吗 格雷琴 |
| [09:59] | Gretchen, is our session today? | 格雷琴 我们的治疗是今天吗 |
| [10:00] | How’s Iowa? | 爱荷华那边怎么样 |
| [10:02] | Oh, wait, literally no one cares about anyone in Iowa. | 等等 其实根本没人关心生活在爱荷华州的人 |
| [10:06] | Anyway, I am eloping today. | 不说了 我今天要私奔 |
| [10:09] | And you feel conflicted about it? | 你心里正为此事而纠结吗 |
| [10:10] | Uh, hell no. I feel great about it. | 当然没有 我感觉好极了 |
| [10:13] | They teach you to jump to conclusions | 难道他们在吸奶的婊子学校 |
| [10:14] | in titty-sucking bitch school? | 教你要草率下结论吗 |
| [10:16] | I’m sorry. I know we’re working on that. | 抱歉 我知道我们在努力解决我的脏话毛病 |
| [10:18] | Thank you. | 谢谢啊 |
| [10:19] | I meant titty-sucking bitch university! | 我指的是吸奶的婊子大学 |
| [10:22] | Goddamn it, I am killing it today. | 他奶奶的 我今天状态奇佳 |
| [10:25] | Gretchen, I have work to do. | 格雷琴 我还有工作要做 |
| [10:27] | So, I was 100 on this eloping thing, | 我本来对私奔的事十分确定 |
| [10:31] | and then this box showed up | 然后有个包裹突然出现 |
| [10:33] | with this dumb wedding dream book I made as a kid. | 里面装着我小时候做的傻傻的梦幻婚礼书 |
| [10:38] | And I’m still into eloping, I just… | 我还是很想私奔 只是… |
| [10:42] | I don’t know. | 我也说不清 |
| [10:45] | I’m just mad pissed. | 我只是超级生气 |
| [10:47] | I told my simple-ass brother about this whole thing in secret, | 我悄悄把这事告诉了我那头脑简单的哥哥 |
| [10:50] | and he went and blabbed to his depressed postpartum sad wife. | 然后他大嘴巴告诉了他产后抑郁的老婆 |
| [10:53] | It’s like, maybe focus on keeping her | 拜托请把注意力放在 |
| [10:55] | from drowning my nephew, you loose-lipped dickwad. | 别让她淹死我侄子身上好吗 口风不严的蠢货 |
| [10:58] | Jesus Christ, Gretchen, what is going on with you? | 老天爷啊 格雷琴 你是怎么了 |
| [11:01] | It’s this stupid book! | 都怪这本傻兮兮的婚礼书 |
| [11:03] | And on top of that, Lindsay brought me a wedding dress. | 除此以外 琳赛带了件婚纱给我 |
| [11:06] | It’s like the universe wants me to have a wedding? | 就仿佛整个宇宙都想让我办婚礼 |
| [11:10] | Sounds like you’re more in touch with what you want than you realize, | 看来你心里很明确你想要什么 只是你还没意识到 |
| [11:13] | and if you’re still having doubts… | 如果你心中依然存疑… |
| [11:14] | I should try the dress on? | 我应该试试那件婚纱吗 |
| [11:16] | I was gonna say go for a run, but sure, | 我本来打算说放手去做的 不过没错 |
| [11:18] | Gretchen, try on the dress and see how you feel about it. | 格雷琴 试试那件婚纱 看你感觉如何 |
| [11:21] | Cool. | 好啊 |
| [11:22] | I’m glad I figured that out. | 我好开心终于搞明白了 |
| [11:23] | I’ll Venmo myself ten bucks. | 我待会给自己转10块钱 |
| [11:25] | It’s $150. | 是150块 |
| [11:27] | And you owe me for three months. | 你已经拖欠三个月的治疗费了 |
| [11:30] | Anyways, I– I hope you and Boone figure it out. | 不管怎样 我希望你和布恩想清楚了 |
| [11:32] | Who? | 谁 |
| [11:34] | Keep up, I’m marrying Jimmy. | 跟上状况吧 我要和吉米结婚 |
| [11:36] | Gretchen, you listen to me very carefully. | 格雷琴 你认真听我说 |
| [11:40] | Do not marry… | 不要嫁给… |
| [12:00] | I feel nothing. Nice. | 我什么感觉都没有 真棒 |
| [12:29] | Yeah, I got 15 minutes. Let’s do this, toilet. | 好吧 我还有15分钟的时间 开干吧 马桶哥 |
| [12:43] | How dare they make me audition | 他们真是放肆 竟然要我 |
| [12:45] | to write the movie version of my book? | 跟别人一起竞争 来负责改编我的书 |
| [12:48] | It’s illogical | 简直不合逻辑 |
| [12:49] | and insulting. | 也很侮辱人 |
| [12:51] | And if that’s the way that this industry works, | 如果这行就是这样的话 |
| [12:53] | then I shan’t be party to any of it. | 那我绝不想掺和进来 |
| [12:56] | – No, I shan’t indeed. – Hey. | -绝不 -好了 |
| [12:59] | Let’s not talk shop today. | 今天别谈工作的事了 |
| [13:01] | Um, a toast. To your wedding. | 喝一杯 为你的婚礼干一杯 |
| [13:05] | Since we won’t actually be there, | 既然到时候我们不会在场 |
| [13:07] | – I just want to say… – Edgar, Edgar, | -我只想说… -埃德加 埃德加 |
| [13:09] | Edgar, please, just save yourself the mental exertion | 埃德加 拜托 你别费劲了 |
| [13:12] | you can clearly ill afford. We’re not having a wedding. | 没有用的 我们不举办婚礼 |
| [13:16] | – No, but you… – Moreover, | -不 但你… -而且 |
| [13:17] | if you truly knew us, | 如果你真的了解我们 |
| [13:19] | you would understand the heterodox iconoclastic nature | 你就会明白 心血来潮私奔这事 |
| [13:22] | of a spontaneous elopement | 其打破常规的本质 |
| [13:24] | perfectly captures the renegade tale of our amorous union. | 完美体现了我们伟大的结合中离经叛道的故事 |
| [13:28] | – So just save it. – Ugh, fine. | -所以你省省吧 -好吧 |
| [13:31] | I did bring you here to convince you to have a real wedding, | 我带你来的确是为了说服你举办一场真正的婚礼 |
| [13:34] | but you painted such a beautiful word salad just now, | 但听完你刚刚说的话以后 |
| [13:38] | I’ve changed my mind. | 我改变主意了 |
| [13:41] | I guess Lindsay was right– I am the dumb one of the group. | 大概琳赛说得对 我是小团体里最笨的那个 |
| [13:46] | Well, I guess eloping does make sense | 或许私奔的确是有道理的 |
| [13:48] | considering all the people whose weddings you’ve heckled over the years | 毕竟这些年来被你毁掉婚礼的人 |
| [13:51] | who’d just show up to bring you down. | 都想在你的婚礼上摧毁你 |
| [13:54] | Please! I am un-bring-down-able. | 拜托 我是坚不可摧的 |
| [13:56] | Nah, but weddings aren’t. | 是啊 但婚礼不是 |
| [13:58] | Remember what you did to Becca and Vernon’s? | 记得你当年在贝卡和弗南婚礼上的所作所为吗 |
| [14:00] | Ugh, what a low-rent, | 太劣质了 |
| [14:02] | tacky affair. | 太低俗了 |
| [14:04] | I mean, the horrid music, the wretched decor, | 那讨厌的音乐 难看的装饰 |
| [14:07] | my God, the food. | 我的天 还有那食物 |
| [14:08] | There was nary a burrata bar to be seen. | 一个芝士棒都没看到 |
| [14:11] | Ooh, what kind of food would you have? | 如果是你的婚礼 你会选用什么食物 |
| [14:15] | Oh, well, my wedding would be catered by Roy Choi, | 我的婚礼会由崔洛伊承办 |
| [14:19] | – obviously. – Oh, man, I love him. | -显然嘛 -天 我爱他 |
| [14:21] | The flowers would have | 花当然是 |
| [14:23] | to be sourced same-day from the flower mart, of course. | 当天从花市买来的最新鲜的花 |
| [14:26] | Color palette: Claude Monet, Rouen Cathedral, | 背景板图案 克劳德·莫奈 卢昂大教堂 |
| [14:30] | West Facade, Sunlight, 1892. | 西面 日出印象 1892年 |
| [14:34] | But I’m getting ahead of myself. | 但我可能有点想太多了 |
| [14:37] | Day of the event, fade in. | 婚礼当天 淡入 |
| [14:40] | It’s dawn at Adamson House, | 亚当森大宅 黎明时分 |
| [14:43] | and the fog is dense over the Pacific Ocean, | 太平洋上的雾很浓 |
| [14:46] | like a perfect Christmas pudding. | 就像完美的圣诞布丁一般 |
| [15:10] | Omakase? | 马桶自行决定 |
| [15:23] | I’ll have what I’m having. | 给我什么我就体验什么 |
| [15:37] | And then a tasteful fireworks display over the ocean, | 在海上有雅致的烟花表演 |
| [15:41] | scored to Mahler’s Ich bin der Welt abhanden gekommen, | 播放着马勒的《我弃绝尘世》 |
| [15:45] | would bring to a close the greatest wedding | 那几乎算得上是婚姻史上 |
| [15:49] | in the history of matrimony. | 最伟大的婚礼了 |
| [15:51] | Resetting the very bar to which all couples aspire. | 将所有情侣的理想婚礼标准又拉升了一个档次 |
| [15:56] | As espoused by Will Smith | 就像威尔·史密斯在《全民情敌》中 |
| [15:58] | as Alex “Hitch” Hitchens in Hitch, | 饰演的亚历克斯·希切斯说的 |
| [16:01] | “Life is not the amount of breaths you take, | “生命的真谛不在于你呼吸的次数 |
| [16:05] | it’s the moments that take your breath away.” | 而在于那些令你怦然心动到无法呼吸的时刻” |
| [16:12] | That shit was beautiful, bro. | 真是太美了 兄弟 |
| [16:14] | So when’s this wedding? | 那你什么时候举办婚礼 |
| [16:15] | Oh, that was all hypothetical, lowly barkeep. | 那是假设的 卑下的酒保先生 |
| [16:18] | In fact, my fiancée and I are eloping at… | 实际上 我未婚妻和我要私奔了 就在… |
| [16:24] | …45 minutes ago. | 45分钟之前 |
| [16:26] | Oh, dear God! | 我的天 |
| [16:27] | – What’d you do, bro? – Jimmy, no. Jimmy. | -你干了什么啊 -吉米 不 吉米 |
| [16:30] | She thinks I’ve abandoned her. Again. | 她以为我抛弃她了 又一次 |
| [16:32] | Oh, no, Jimmy. | 不好 吉米 |
| [16:34] | I guess you have no choice but to throw a real wedding. | 看来你别无选择 只能办一场真正的婚礼了 |
| [17:15] | Oh, God. | 老天 |
| [17:27] | This is my fault. This was my plan all along. | 都是我的错 这一直都是我的计划 |
| [17:30] | Well, not this. Just the part where I bamboozle you | 我不是说这个结果 我本来只是想哄骗你 |
| [17:33] | into wanting a real wedding. | 让你想要办一场真正的婚礼 |
| [17:34] | I didn’t mean for you to leave Gretchen at the non-altar. | 我没想让你把格雷琴抛在那个”非圣坛” |
| [17:37] | – I’m too powerful, Jimmy. – Yeah, right. | -我太强大了 吉米 -是啊 |
| [17:40] | We’ve already established that you’re the dumb one. | 我们都已经确定你是最笨的那个 |
| [17:42] | Nice try, though, dummy. | 不过想得挺美 笨笨 |
| [17:44] | Quick, give me a tube sock and some nickels. | 快 给我一只短袜和几个硬币 |
| [17:46] | I’ll work you over, basic training style, | 我砸你几下 像军队中的基本训练那样 |
| [17:48] | and Gretchen will think you got jumped outside City Hall. | 格雷琴就会以为你在市政厅外面被袭击了 |
| [17:50] | Edgar, that is moronic. | 埃德加 那也太蠢了 |
| [17:52] | What kind of demented idiot | 哪个脑子不正常的笨蛋 |
| [17:54] | would agree to something like that? | 会同意这么做啊 |
| [17:56] | Do it. | 动手吧 |
| [18:08] | Damn it, Gretchen! Stay still. | 我靠 格雷琴 别动啊 |
| [18:11] | This is really hard for me. | 这对我来说真的很难 |
| [18:12] | I’m sorry, I thought I’d long ago lost my survival instinct, | 抱歉 我还以为我早就失去生存本能了 |
| [18:16] | along with my gag reflex. Oh, goddamn it! | 跟我的咽喉反射一起消失了 真该死 |
| [18:19] | I can’t believe I missed my wedding. | 真不敢相信我错过了自己的婚礼 |
| [18:21] | What the fuck is wrong with me? | 我他妈到底有什么毛病啊 |
| [18:23] | Gretchen, Gretchen. | 格雷琴 格雷琴 |
| [18:25] | I know this seems like a giant deal now, | 我知道这事现在看起来很严重 |
| [18:27] | but in a few years, when you and Jimmy are… | 但几年后 等你跟吉米… |
| [18:30] | Oh, no! Gretchen, | 不 格雷琴 |
| [18:32] | I thought surprising you would work, but it worked too good. | 我想着出其不意打你会成功 谁知效果也太好了 |
| [18:35] | I… | 我… |
| [18:36] | – Again. – What? | -再来 -什么 |
| [18:37] | No. Honey, once was hard enough. | 不行 亲爱的 一次就够难的了 |
| [18:39] | I-I couldn’t possibly– | 我怎么可能… |
| [18:42] | That’s for saying I’ve never been in love. | 这一拳是教训你说我从没爱过 |
| [18:44] | Oh, Jesus, but it’s true! | 老天 但那是实话啊 |
| [18:48] | Stop! Lindsay! Safe word! | 住手 琳赛 安全词 |
| [19:09] | How do I look? | 我看起来如何 |
| [19:10] | Like Mickey Rourke was stung by bees. | 像米基·洛克被蜜蜂蛰了一样 |
| [19:13] | Perfect. | 完美 |
| [19:15] | Sorry I said the thing about you never being in love. | 很抱歉我说你从没爱过 |
| [19:18] | It’s okay. It’s true. | 没关系 那是实话 |
| [19:20] | Just hurts to hear it out loud. | 只是被你大声说出来很伤人 |
| [20:05] | Oh, no. | 不好 |
| [20:07] | My Snapple was in there. | 我的饮料还在里面呢 |
| [20:27] | I don’t smell smoke. | 我没闻到烟味 |
| [20:32] | And her car’s not here. | 她的车也不在 |
| [20:37] | Oh, I… I guess we’re safe for now. | 我们应该暂时安全 |
| [20:40] | I wonder if there’s a way that we can convince her | 不知道能不能想办法说服她相信 |
| [20:42] | that you manipulated me into missing the wedding? | 是你操纵我错过婚礼的 |
| [20:44] | Oh, you mean my plan I actually did? | 你是指我真的执行了的计划 |
| [20:47] | Yeah, but in my fictitious version, it worked. | 没错 不过在我虚构的版本中 你成功了 |
| [20:53] | Okay, listen, Gretchen, | 好吧 听着 格雷琴 |
| [20:54] | I can… Oh, my God! | 我可以…老天啊 |
| [20:57] | What happened?! | 发生什么事了 |
| [20:58] | Oh, Jimmy, I’m still shaking. | 吉米 我还在发抖 |
| [21:01] | I got in an insane accident. | 我出了一场疯狂的车祸 |
| [21:04] | Like, an inch away from being decapitated, | 差那么一点 我就身首异处了 |
| [21:07] | Final Destination insane. | 像《死神来了》那么疯狂 |
| [21:11] | Oh, Jesus, are… are you hurt? | 天呐 你…你受伤了吗 |
| [21:12] | Yeah, but I guess I deserve it. | 是的 不过是我活该 |
| [21:16] | Oh, Gretchen, I’m so, so sorry. | 格雷琴 我太抱歉了 |
| [21:19] | Listen, the-the last thing I’d want you to think is | 听着 我最不希望的就是你以为 |
| [21:21] | that I’d abandoned you… again. | 我又一次抛弃了你 |
| [21:24] | And, uh, it’s been absolutely killing me. | 我内疚得要死 |
| [21:26] | Wait. You didn’t show up? | 等等 你没去吗 |
| [21:28] | I mean, you didn’t show up. | 我是说 你没去 |
| [21:31] | You didn’t show up! | 你竟然没去 |
| [21:33] | Oh, what is wrong with you? | 你是有什么毛病啊 |
| [21:36] | You left me standing there in this dress? | 你把我一个人丢在那儿 还穿着这婚纱 |
| [21:39] | Do you know how stupid I looked? | 你知道我看起来有多蠢吗 |
| [21:42] | Do you know how humiliated I was? | 你知道我有多丢脸吗 |
| [21:45] | I’m so, so sorry. | 我真的很抱歉 |
| [21:46] | You left me standing there, | 你把我一个人丢在那儿 |
| [21:48] | waiting for you | 痴痴地等着你 |
| [21:51] | on the street! | 就在大街上 |
| [21:53] | Crying like I’m in some bad movie. | 哭得好像是某部烂片中的场景一样 |
| [21:57] | All the other couples in line were laughing at me! | 其他排队的小情侣们都在笑我 |
| [22:02] | A homeless man hugged me | 一个流浪汉给了我一个拥抱 |
| [22:05] | ’cause he felt so bad! | 因为他难受得看不下去了 |
| [22:09] | What is wrong with you, Jimmy? | 你到底是有什么毛病 吉米 |
| [22:13] | What…? | 到底… |
| [22:14] | Oh, Gretchen. | 格雷琴 |
| [22:16] | You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? | 你就是忍不住戏精上身 是吧 |
| [22:19] | What are you talking about? | 你在说些什么 |
| [22:20] | You little ginger fool. | 你个红发小笨瓜 |
| [22:23] | You say you were “Waiting on the street” | 你刚说你当时在大街上等着 |
| [22:26] | because you imagined City Hall was just some sort of kiosk | 因为你想象市政厅就是个小报刊亭 |
| [22:31] | or storefront, didn’t you? | 或者店面 是吧 |
| [22:33] | No. I… | 不 我… |
| [22:34] | Because you’ve never been there. | 因为你从未去过那里 |
| [22:36] | Not to pay a parking ticket, | 没去交过违规停车罚款 |
| [22:38] | not to get married. | 也没去登记结婚 |
| [22:41] | You didn’t show up either! | 你也没有出现 |
| [22:43] | Yes, I did. Why would I be wearing this dress if I didn’t? | 不 我去了 如果我没去 那我怎么会穿着这婚纱 |
| [22:47] | See, when I mistakenly drank through our City Hall wedding, | 当我因为醉酒而错过了我们在市政厅的婚礼 |
| [22:51] | Edgar’s first instinct was to use his penchant for violence | 埃德加的第一反应 就是利用他对暴力的嗜好 |
| [22:55] | to make it look as though I was set upon by ruffians. | 假装我像是被地痞流氓袭击了 |
| [22:59] | Now something tells me, as the twin dummies of the group, | 我有种直觉 作为团体里的”夺命双傻” |
| [23:03] | Lindsay had a similar moronic idea. | 琳赛肯定也想出了一个类似的蠢主意 |
| [23:05] | It was my moronic idea! | 那是我的蠢主意 |
| [23:10] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [23:13] | I missed it, too. | 我也错过了 |
| [23:15] | – Sit down, Gretchen. – No. | -坐下吧 格雷琴 -不 |
| [23:18] | – Oh, come on. We can figure this out. – No. | -拜托 我们能想办法解决这事的 -不 |
| [23:20] | I know. I just can’t sit down right now. | 我懂的 只是我现在没办法坐下 |
| [23:25] | I missed the wedding | 我错过婚礼 |
| [23:25] | ’cause I was banging my new toilet. | 是因为我被我的新马桶搞得欲仙欲死 |
| [23:28] | It’s a long story. | 这事说来话长 |
| [23:31] | Actually, it’s not. | 实际上 并不长 |
| [23:32] | I just said the whole thing. | 我刚一句话已经说完了 |
| [23:34] | So, neither of us showed. | 所以我们两个都没有出现 |
| [23:39] | Do you think there’s some deeper meaning? | 你觉得这事有什么深意吗 |
| [23:49] | Gretchen Cutler’s Wedding Diary. | 《格雷琴·卡特勒的婚礼日记》 |
| [23:54] | I think I want a wedding. | 我觉得我想要个婚礼 |
| [23:56] | A wedding? Are you mad? | 婚礼 你是疯了吗 |
| [23:58] | He wants one, too! | 他也想要 |
| [24:00] | Tell her about the fog, Jimmy. The Christmas fog. | 跟她说说那个有雾的婚礼策划 吉米 圣诞雾 |
| [24:31] | Dear Gretchen, | 亲爱的格雷琴 |
| [24:32] | if you’re watching this, it’s because I died. | 如果你在看这个 肯定是因为我已经死了 |
| [24:35] | Just kidding! | 开玩笑的啦 |
| [24:36] | It’s because we’re getting married! | 是因为我们要结婚啦 |
| [24:38] | If everything’s gone according to the plan, | 如果一切都按计划进行 |
| [24:41] | you’re a hot 22-year-old marine biologist | 你现在是个性感的22岁海洋生物学家 |
| [24:44] | who’s engaged to Jonathan Taylor Thomas. | 现在跟乔纳森·泰勒·汤玛斯订婚了 |
| [24:47] | 22. | 22岁 |
| [24:48] | – He’s so cute. -You’re no JTT, pal. | -他好帅 -你也不是乔纳森啊 老兄 |
| [24:51] | Okay. So this is the must-have section. | 好了 接下来说说必备要素 |
| [24:54] | A French lace gown with a ten-foot train, | 一件法式蕾丝婚纱 带有十英尺长的裙摆 |
| [24:56] | a chocolate fountain. | 一个巧克力喷泉 |
| [24:57] | New Kids on the Block will perform. | 「街头顽童」组合会进行现场表演 |
| [24:59] | For the complete list, | 欲知完整清单 |
| [25:00] | refer to the must-haves section in our book. | 请查看日记里的”必备”部分 |
| [25:06] | I know it sounds fun, but marriage can be really scary. | 我知道虽然听上去很好玩 但婚姻可能会很吓人 |
| [25:10] | So, if you ever get nervous, just remember | 所以 如果你紧张了 请记住 |
| [25:13] | you’re making me really happy. | 你将让我非常幸福 |
| [25:15] | And don’t forget to run everything by Mom, | 别忘了万事都要跟妈妈报备一下 |
| [25:18] | or you’ll have to eat dinner | 否则你只能去楼梯下面 |
| [25:19] | in the scary room for bad girls under the stairs. | 为坏女孩准备的”恐怖室”里吃晚餐了 |
| [25:25] | So should we pick a date? | 我们要选个日期吗 |
| [25:28] | – August 7 is a nice… – No! | -8月7日是个黄道吉… -不行 |