| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Excuse me, ma’am? | 女士 抱歉打扰了 |
| [00:03] | Ma’am? | 女士吗 |
| [00:05] | Well, it happened. | 看来真要发生了 |
| [00:06] | I’m gonna hit a kid. | 我要痛打小孩 |
| [00:08] | Would you like to support my baseball league | 您愿意支持我们 |
| [00:10] | for underprivileged youth? | 贫困孩童棒球联盟吗 |
| [00:12] | I don’t see an underprivileged youth. | 我并没有看到一个贫困孩童 |
| [00:13] | I see a young me trying to scam an old me. | 我只看到一个年轻版的我 想骗老人版的我 |
| [00:17] | Sir? | 先生 |
| [00:18] | I’m sorry, I have diabetes. | 抱歉 我有糖尿病 |
| [00:22] | And I’m not stupid. | 而且我不是傻逼 |
| [00:25] | Move it along. | 一边去 |
| [00:28] | It’s not a scam! | 这不是在骗钱 |
| [00:29] | My friends and I just want to place | 我跟小伙伴们只想要下课后 |
| [00:30] | to play baseball after school | 能有场地打棒球 |
| [00:31] | so we’re not hanging on the streets like rap people. | 不想像玩饶舌的人一样 在街上游荡 |
| [00:35] | Kid, I started the candy scam. | 孩子 卖糖诈骗术是我发明的 |
| [00:38] | I raised $500 for a homeless bowling league, | 我募了500元给流浪汉保龄球联盟 |
| [00:42] | AKA pot. | 又名 大麻 |
| [00:45] | Catch this, Mr. Baseball. | 接住 棒球男孩 |
| [00:46] | Not the face! | 别扔脸 |
| [00:49] | I think I know which team you play on, | 我知道你是哪一队的了 |
| [00:50] | and it ain’t baseball. | 不是棒球队 是小受队 |
| [01:07] | You still shopping on your phone for things you can’t afford? | 你还在你的手机上当剁手党乱买吗 |
| [01:10] | Who are you? Everyone in America? | 你是谁啊 美国所有民众吗 |
| [01:12] | I just add things to my cart without buying them. | 我只是把东西加进购物车 不买 |
| [01:14] | Why not buy one Apple watch when I can not buy two? | 一块苹果手表在手 不如两块在购物车 |
| [01:18] | It’s called dry shopping. | 这叫过干瘾 |
| [01:20] | So it’s like dry humping, but you don’t get anything? | 就类似”干磨蹭” 只是你啥都捞不着吗 |
| [01:24] | I’m sorry, Max, | 别说我嘛 麦克斯 |
| [01:25] | but tomorrow’s the anniversary of when I lost my money | 明天是我失去万贯家财 |
| [01:28] | and my peaches-and-cream complexion. | 与桃红加奶白肤色的纪念日 |
| [01:30] | Not my words; “Seventeen” magazine’s. | 不是我自夸 是少女杂志《17》写的 |
| [01:33] | I need a fantasy life. | 我需要一个幻想的生活 |
| [01:34] | I mean, I just thought you were over all that junk. | 我只是以为你早放下那些陈年屁事了 |
| [01:37] | You thought I was “over” losing $5 billion | 你以为我已”放下”失去50亿 |
| [01:39] | and my whole life? | 与原有人生这事了吗 |
| [01:41] | I guess I was just over you talking about it all the time. | 可能只是我已习惯你说不停这事了吧 |
| [01:44] | You need to let go of your past. | 你得抛开你的过去 |
| [01:47] | Pickup! Turkey burger… ish. | 上菜 火鸡汉堡…吧 |
| [01:52] | If you weren’t so busy not buying a… | 要不是你忙着”不买” |
| [01:56] | three-bedroom townhouse on the Upper East Side, | 一间在上东区的三房别墅 |
| [02:00] | you would’ve noticed that Mr. Turkey Burger at table ten’s | 你就会发现十号桌的火鸡汉堡哥 |
| [02:03] | been checking out your buns. | 在打量你的翘臀呢 |
| [02:05] | He is not. He is? | 才没有呢 他真看了吗 |
| [02:10] | Get in there. | 赶紧上吧 |
| [02:13] | Sex is still free… | 性爱还是免费的 |
| [02:16] | For women. | 至少女人不要钱 |
| [02:19] | Fine, I’ll go over there, | 好吧 我现在过去 |
| [02:20] | but this better not be a prank, | 但这最好不是在整人 |
| [02:21] | like when you told me Bette Midler was at table three | 就像上次你跟我说杰出女演员在第十桌 |
| [02:24] | and really wanted to meet me. | 而且超级想见我 |
| [02:27] | It was just some old Jewish lady, | 结果只是某个犹太老太婆 |
| [02:29] | and she was mean. | 而且她人超坏 |
| [02:31] | That was Bette Midler! | 真的是贝蒂·米勒她本人啊 |
| [02:36] | Here’s your turkey burger. | 这是你的火鸡汉堡 |
| [02:37] | My friend thinks you’re flirting with me, | 我朋友觉得你在勾搭我 |
| [02:39] | and you’re obviously not, | 但很显然你并没有 |
| [02:40] | so if you could just tell her you’re not, | 能不能麻烦你告诉她你没这想法 |
| [02:41] | that’d be great. | 我会很感谢你 |
| [02:42] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [02:43] | I will tell her I am not flirting with you… | 我会告诉她我没有在勾搭你 |
| [02:45] | on one condition. | 但有个条件 |
| [02:46] | You go see a show with me tomorrow. | 你明天晚上跟我去看场表演 |
| [02:48] | I feel tricked. | 你好坏坏 |
| [02:51] | So… is that a yes? | 所以… 你答应吗 |
| [02:53] | I hope so, | 希望是答应 |
| [02:54] | because I already wrote down my number. | 因为我已经把我号码写下来了 |
| [02:57] | Um… yeah, sure. | 好啊 可以 |
| [02:59] | I mean, if it’s already written down, | 如果你都已经写下来了 |
| [03:00] | I guess I have to go. | 我不去也不行啊 |
| [03:05] | I can’t believe I didn’t notice he was flirting. | 真不敢相信我没发现他在勾搭我 |
| [03:07] | What’s wrong with me? | 我是哪里有毛病啊 |
| [03:08] | Let me get my list. | 让我拿出你的《毛病大全集》 |
| [03:11] | Hi, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [03:15] | Good news! | 好消息宣布 |
| [03:16] | Oleg and I are getting a surrogate to carry our baby. | 我跟奥列格决定找一个代理孕母 |
| [03:20] | Yeah, doing it the other way was taking longer | 另一种怀孕方式花太久时间了 |
| [03:23] | than my stuttering uncle did to finish his s-s-s-sentence. | 比我结巴的叔叔说完一句话还久 |
| [03:29] | Sophie, I hope you’re not thinking of me to be your surrogate. | 苏菲 希望你不是打算找我当代理孕母 |
| [03:31] | Just keep in mind, | 你别忘了 |
| [03:32] | you won’t even let me carry your purse. | 你连包包都不准我”代”你拿 |
| [03:35] | You think I’d hire a surrogate that’s older than me? | 你觉得我会请一个比我还老的代理孕母吗 |
| [03:41] | Come on. No. | 别闹了 当然不是 |
| [03:42] | Max is helping me interview people this week in my booth. | 麦克斯这周会帮我在我的卡座面试孕母 |
| [03:45] | This is so exciting. | 好兴奋啊 |
| [03:47] | I wish I got to pick the person I grew inside. | 我希望我能选自己在谁肚子里长大 |
| [03:49] | My mom drank so much during her pregnancy, | 我妈妈在怀孕时喝太多酒 |
| [03:51] | I was born wearing a shirt that says, | 我出生时就穿着酒鬼招牌衣服 |
| [03:53] | “It’s 5:00 somewhere.” | 写着”世上某处已到喝酒点” |
| [04:02] | Can we all just admit vaping is smoking? | 咱们能承认抽电子烟也算抽烟吗 |
| [04:06] | Anyway, I’m on the list for whatever this is. | 总之 我在这不知道啥玩意的宾客列表上 |
| [04:09] | Channing, Caroline. | 钱宁 卡洛琳 |
| [04:10] | There you are. The show’s $20. | 看到了 表演收费20块钱 |
| [04:13] | My date put me on the list. | 我的对象把我加进了名单 |
| [04:14] | I’m sure he paid for me. | 我挺确定他帮我付了票钱 |
| [04:16] | He kind of pursued me pretty hard. | 他追我追地挺殷勤 |
| [04:19] | It is, again, a date. | 毕竟怎么说 这也是场约会 |
| [04:21] | Well, then you’re dating a loser… | 那看来你在跟废柴交往 |
| [04:25] | and you owe me 20 bucks. | 而且你还欠我20块钱 |
| [04:27] | What am I spending my last $20 on right now? | 那我仅剩的20块是花在什么上呢 |
| [04:30] | It’s a storytelling show. | 是一个说故事秀 |
| [04:32] | People telling their personal stories. | 人们诉说他们个人的故事 |
| [04:34] | It’s basically a fun way to find out | 基本上就是个有趣的方式 |
| [04:36] | which one of your friends had a stepfather | 来知道你的哪个朋友有一个继父 |
| [04:38] | that was so mean. | 坏到不行 |
| [04:41] | In lieu of cash, would you accept a tampon? | 你这里接受以卫生巾代替钱吗 |
| [04:45] | I have light, regular, super. | 我有量少型 普通型 量多型 |
| [04:48] | Everything you don’t feel on your period. | 全都是让你能舒适度过经期的好货 |
| [04:52] | There is nothing funny about my cramps. | 我的经痛一点都不好玩好吗 |
| [04:56] | I don’t get out of bed three days a month. | 我每个月有三天都下不了床 |
| [05:00] | I’ll go call a friend. | 我去打给我朋友吧 |
| [05:09] | So by now I was in high school. | 所以这会我已经上高中了 |
| [05:11] | But just when I thought I’d escaped my bullies, | 但当我以为我已经逃离恶霸时 |
| [05:14] | I met the worst one yet: puberty. | 我遇到了最坏的一个 青春期 |
| [05:18] | Oh, God. | 额滴神啊 |
| [05:21] | Thanks for bringing the $20, Max, | 麦克斯 谢谢你带20块来救急 |
| [05:23] | and sorry you had to spend another $20. | 也对不起 害你得多花20块 |
| [05:25] | It figures, on the anniversary of my father stealing money, | 还挺合理 我在我爹骗光全城纪念日时 |
| [05:27] | I get ripped off by another guy. | 被别人给骗了钱 |
| [05:30] | Well, I’m getting that $40 back. | 老娘绝对要把40块捞回来 |
| [05:33] | I spent more money tonight than I did in 2013. | 我今晚花的钱 比2013一整年还多 |
| [05:37] | It was a high school dance, | 当时是我高中的一场舞会 |
| [05:39] | and Rachel Mooney, a popular girl, | 瑞秋·穆尼 人见人爱的校花 |
| [05:43] | pulled down my pants. | 当众扒我裤子整我 |
| [05:45] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [05:46] | I got dance-pantsed. | 我被人跳舞扒裤恶整了 |
| [05:49] | Oh, this guy just went from Tom Cruise | 这男的从汤姆·克鲁斯 |
| [05:51] | to Tom Snooze. | 变成汤姆·睡死死了 |
| [05:54] | In the end, what I learned | 最后 我学到了 |
| [05:55] | is that I’m the painter of my life, | 我才是我人生这幅画的画家 |
| [05:59] | and I can paint out what I don’t want to see. | 我可以把我不想看到的部分涂掉 |
| [06:02] | My brushes are mine. | 我的画笔由我操控 |
| [06:04] | My strokes are mine. | 每一笔刷都由我做主 |
| [06:08] | Guess what’s not getting stroked tonight. | 猜猜谁裤裆里的”画笔”今晚不会被”操”控 |
| [06:13] | Old Adam’s paintbrush. | 亚当老兄的”画笔” |
| [06:21] | That’s got to be sarcastic applauding, right? | 这鼓掌绝对是带讽刺性吧 |
| [06:24] | ‘Cause I feel like I heard, like, a question mark | 因为我觉得每一声掌声的尾音 |
| [06:25] | at the end of the clap. | 都带着问号 |
| [06:28] | Thank you, Adam August. | 谢谢 亚当·奥古斯特 |
| [06:29] | That is the end of our show. | 现在到了节目的尾声 |
| [06:31] | I’d like to thank all of our performers. | 我想谢谢所有的表演者 |
| [06:33] | You live the stories that we live to hear. | 活出你的人生 做你独家听众 |
| [06:39] | Hey, Caroline. | 卡洛琳 |
| [06:40] | I know, that was pretty real. | 我知道 挺震撼挺真 |
| [06:45] | It was real long. | 真得很又臭又长 |
| [06:48] | So where are we going for dinner? | 所以我们去哪里吃晚饭 |
| [06:49] | Your treat, and she’s coming. | 你来请客 她一起来 |
| [06:51] | Actually, I’m pretty spent emotionally. | 我今晚情绪上已经耗光 累了 |
| [06:55] | Well, we’re spent forty-dollars-ally. | 我们金钱上也耗了40块呢 |
| [07:00] | It’s just one of those nights where… | 今晚大概就是属于那种 |
| [07:02] | you leave it all on the stage. | 把一切都散尽在台上的夜晚 |
| [07:05] | You happen to leave a couple twenties up there? | 你有没有刚好散几张20块在台上呢 |
| [07:09] | Let… let me get something straight. | 让我把事情理一下 |
| [07:11] | You gave all of yourself talking about a couple bullies? | 你就聊几个恶霸 就情绪上筋疲力尽了吗 |
| [07:14] | That’s not a rough life. You know that, right? | 你知道这根本算不上是艰苦人生吧 |
| [07:17] | Well, I know I’m entitled to my truths | 我只知道我有权拥有人生遭遇 |
| [07:19] | and how my truths make me feel. | 以及人生遭遇带给我的感受 |
| [07:23] | Yeah, but it’s not like you lost a billion dollars | 的确 但你又没有失去了几十亿 |
| [07:26] | and your father went to prison and you had to move in with me. | 老爸去坐牢 而且还得当我的室友 |
| [07:29] | And I am a way bigger bully than Rachel Mooney. | 而我绝对比瑞秋·穆尼恶霸十万倍 |
| [07:33] | Caroline has a rough story. | 卡洛琳才有艰苦遭遇 |
| [07:35] | Again, we can’t compare our truths. | 每个人的遭遇没有可比性 |
| [07:38] | I’m sorry, but did all that really happen to you? | 抱歉 但你真的遭遇过那些事吗 |
| [07:42] | You lost billions? | 你失去几十亿吗 |
| [07:43] | Five years ago today, in fact. | 正是五年前的今天失去的 |
| [07:45] | And with what I lost tonight, $5 billion, $40. | 再加上今晚的损失 我失去了50亿又40元 |
| [07:49] | Well, have you ever considered | 你有考虑过 |
| [07:50] | telling your story in a safe space? | 在一个安心的场合诉说你的故事吗 |
| [07:52] | You mean one of those locations where you can drop off a baby, | 你只指那些你能托养不想养的孩子 |
| [07:55] | no questions asked? | 又不会问你任何问题的地方吗 |
| [07:58] | N… no. No. | 不 不是 |
| [07:59] | No, I mean here. | 我是指这里 |
| [08:01] | Telling your story here. | 在这里说你的故事 |
| [08:02] | Hey, you know what? | 是这样的 |
| [08:03] | I probably have some fans waiting for me outside, | 我估计有几个粉丝在外面等我 |
| [08:06] | so I will leave you be. | 就让我还你自由 |
| [08:08] | You’re still here? | 你还在这里啊 |
| [08:13] | Thanks for the offer, but I’m not really a writer. | 谢谢您的邀请 但我不太算是编剧 |
| [08:15] | Or a person who would come here twice. | 也不是会来这里第二次的人 |
| [08:19] | Plus, I’m trying to put my story behind me. | 况且 我在试着放下这段过去 |
| [08:21] | All right. Well, think about it. | 好吧 你再考虑考虑 |
| [08:23] | It pays $50. Here’s my card. | 会有50块酬劳 这是我的名片 |
| [08:24] | You work at Avis? | 你在汽车出租公司工作吗 |
| [08:27] | That’s my other job. | 那是我另一份工作 |
| [08:29] | And remember, you have a story to tell. | 记得 你有个该分享的故事 |
| [08:32] | And sometimes renting a car is actually cheaper | 还有 有时候短租一台车 |
| [08:34] | than a long-term lease, so… | 比长租还划算呢 所以… |
| [08:38] | I think you should totally do this. | 我觉得你应该来说啊 |
| [08:40] | To finally tell my story and give it closure? | 说出我的故事 得到解脱吗 |
| [08:42] | Yeah, a little of that, but mostly the 50 bucks. | 算是吧 但主要是看在50块的份上 |
| [08:49] | I’m here for the surrogacy interview. | 我来参加代理孕母面试 |
| [08:51] | Max, we got another baby mama. | 麦克斯 又来了一个孩子的妈 |
| [08:53] | Look at all these woman trying to get pregnant. | 看看这些来”投怀送肚”的女人 |
| [08:56] | It’s like NBA All-Star Weekend. | 简直就像美国职篮全明星周末啊 |
| [09:00] | Here’s my resume, and do you validate? | 这是我的简历 停车费报销吗 |
| [09:03] | I’ve never been validated, so you’re not getting validated. | 我从来没被承认[报销]过 你也别想 |
| [09:08] | But I am impressed you have a car, | 我很惊叹你有车 |
| [09:09] | so have a seat. | 你先请坐吧 |
| [09:12] | Max, I’ve been working on my life story for the show. | 我在写表演要说的故事 |
| [09:15] | “As a little girl, I dreamt of being a princess. | “我从小就梦想着要当一名公主 |
| [09:19] | It wasn’t until I lost everything that I realized… | 而一直到我失去了一切 我才意识到… |
| [09:22] | that’s what I’d already been.” | 我本来一直都是个公主” |
| [09:25] | What else you got? | 还有别的吗 |
| [09:28] | Come on, Max, this is important. | 别这样 麦克斯 这很重要 |
| [09:30] | I’ve never told the story about the day I lost my money, | 我从来没有说过我失去家财的那一天 |
| [09:32] | so it’s all very raw. | 所以比较新鲜生涩 |
| [09:34] | Okay, but just know, | 但你要知道 |
| [09:35] | sometimes things can be too raw, | 有时候有些事物会太过生 |
| [09:37] | like that chicken club sandwich that | 比如那天那个鸡肉招牌三明治 |
| [09:38] | buck-kaw’d at the table. | 在桌上还鸡鸣了两声 |
| [09:42] | Looks like my appearance | 看来我去上 |
| [09:44] | on the Brooklyn Small Business podcast | 布鲁克林小生意播客秀的辛苦 |
| [09:46] | really paid off! | 终于获得回报 |
| [09:49] | These aren’t customers, silly. | 傻孩子 这些不是顾客 |
| [09:50] | These are just women that will do literally anything for money. | 这些只是一群为了钱 啥都愿意做的女人 |
| [09:53] | Will any of them wait tables? | 她们有人愿意招呼顾客吗 |
| [09:56] | Han, can I go work in your office? | 阿憨 我能去你办公室写作吗 |
| [09:57] | I just need to write my life story. | 我需要把我的人生故事写下来 |
| [09:59] | I promise I won’t play with your Legos. | 我发誓我绝对不乱碰你的乐高玩具 |
| [10:01] | You mean those little plastic men | 你是说那些个保护他 |
| [10:03] | protecting his virginity? | 一辈子不会失去贞操的塑料小人吗 |
| [10:09] | Sophie, ready to meet the next potential surrogate? | 苏菲 准备好见下一个代理孕母候选人了吗 |
| [10:12] | Oh, well, the lady in stall two is out. | 厕所第二隔间的女人出局了 |
| [10:15] | Yeah, I just heard her balls hit the water. | 我刚才听到她的蛋蛋碰到水的声音 |
| [10:21] | Where is Oleg? | 奥列格呢 |
| [10:23] | Sorry, I was watching a YouTube video | 抱歉 我刚在看一个网络视频 |
| [10:25] | on how to make spaghetti. | 学习怎么做意大利粉 |
| [10:27] | Boy, I was way off. | 我以前做的真是大错特错啊 |
| [10:32] | Uh, Sophie? | 苏菲 |
| [10:33] | This is Claire. | 这位是克蕾儿 |
| [10:34] | You liked that her application was filled out in pink pen. | 你很喜欢她用粉红色笔填的申请表 |
| [10:39] | Do you mind if I sit down? | 你不介意我坐下吧 |
| [10:40] | My back is killing me. | 我的背要疼死了 |
| [10:42] | Yeah, well, your front is killing me. | 你的肚子才要气死我呢 |
| [10:46] | I mean, what the hell? | 你搞毛啊 |
| [10:49] | I don’t know if you’re aware of this, | 我不知道你知不知道这事 |
| [10:51] | but your “No Vacancy” sign is flashing. | 但你的”已占用”灯在亮呢 |
| [10:54] | Yes, but once I give this gift | 我知道 但在我把这”礼物” |
| [10:56] | to a lovely same-sex couple in Tribeca, | 送给特里贝克地区的那对同性夫妻后 |
| [10:59] | I would love to carry your gift into the world. | 我很乐意帮你怀你们的”礼物” |
| [11:02] | I’ve been a surrogate 12 times. | 我已经当过12次代理孕母了 |
| [11:05] | What are you? | 你是啥啊 |
| [11:07] | A baby PEZ dispenser? | 宝宝糖果罐吗 |
| [11:11] | What do you get after 12? A free sub? | 生12个之后能干嘛 免费换一个潜艇堡吗 |
| [11:13] | Next! | 下一个 |
| [11:16] | Pregnant 12 times? | 怀孕12次吗 |
| [11:17] | Must be like saloon doors down there. | 下面两片肯定跟酒吧推门一样了吧 |
| [11:21] | I don’t know. | 我不知道了 |
| [11:22] | Are you sure you can’t spend more than $200 on this thing? | 你确定不愿意付超过200块的酬劳吗 |
| [11:25] | Because I feel like it’s reflecting | 因为我觉得省钱的后果 |
| [11:27] | in the pool of candidates. | 都反映在低品质报名者上了 |
| [11:32] | Which one says, “Just because I’m at my bottom | 哪件能表达这句话 “谁说在人生低谷 |
| [11:35] | doesn’t mean I can’t wear a nice top”? | 就不能穿漂亮上衣” |
| [11:38] | Even your shirts talk too much. | 就连你的衣服都话太多 |
| [11:42] | Max can you be serious? | 麦克斯 你能正经点吗 |
| [11:44] | No, but you sure can. | 不能 但我知道你能 |
| [11:46] | I read your story, and it is supes serious, | 我看了你的故事 太正儿八经了 |
| [11:50] | so I took the liberty of putting some jokes in. | 于是我擅自做主 插了几个笑话进去 |
| [11:52] | I mean, “Schindler’s List” was depressing, | 《辛德勒的名单》这部电影虽然很压抑 |
| [11:54] | but at least there were still jokes. | 但至少里面也有笑话啊 |
| [11:56] | You changed my life story? | 你修改了我的人生故事 |
| [11:59] | You got mustard on my life story? | 这上面还沾上黄芥末了 |
| [12:02] | I added a few riffs and had a hot dog. | 我加了一点即兴笑话 还吃了一根热狗 |
| [12:05] | I think your story is really, really sad, | 我觉得你的故事真的非常非常悲伤 |
| [12:07] | and it’s gonna bum people out, | 人们会觉得很没劲 |
| [12:08] | and that’s gonna bum you out, | 你也会觉得很扫兴 |
| [12:09] | and that’s gonna bum me out. | 我就会觉得很烦躁 |
| [12:12] | Well, as I said to Mrs. Shearson, | 我对在音乐剧《卡米洛特》 |
| [12:14] | who directed me in “Cabaret,” | 指导我的希尔森先生也这么说 |
| [12:16] | I don’t know how I could be much better, | 我不知道我该怎么变得更好 |
| [12:18] | but I’m open to your ideas. | 但我乐意接受你的意见 |
| [12:21] | All right, let me hear some of your funnies. | 好了 让我听听你的笑料吧 |
| [12:23] | All right, first of all, | 首先 |
| [12:24] | we’re gonna sit Han in the front row, | 我们让阿憨坐前排 |
| [12:26] | and you’re gonna say, | 然后你就说 |
| [12:27] | “I’m gonna keep this short, ’cause this guy did.” | “我就长话短说来配合这短小家伙吧” |
| [12:33] | Hold for what I have to imagine is a five-to ten-minute laugh. | 然后暂停 迎接我预计五到十分钟的笑声 |
| [12:37] | Okay, all through this first section, | 好了 第一部分结束后 |
| [12:39] | you’re driving right through Snoresville, | 你的车径直驶入”呼噜镇” |
| [12:41] | and then you take a slight right into Who-gives-a-crap-town. | 然后右转来到”没人在乎城” |
| [12:45] | The point is you’re driving a 2016 Ford Bore-us. | 重点是 你开的是2016版的福特”无聊车” |
| [12:49] | All right, fine. | 好啦 |
| [12:50] | I’ll put some of your jokes in. | 我会穿插一些你的笑话 |
| [12:52] | Oh, but I don’t want to attack Anne Hathaway. | 可我不想攻击安·海瑟薇 |
| [12:54] | Hasn’t she been through enough? | 她受到的攻击还不够多吗 |
| [12:59] | And after it was all said and done, | 事已至此 |
| [13:02] | I looked at my vagina… | 我看着我的阴道 |
| [13:05] | And my vagina looked at me, | 我的阴道也看着我 |
| [13:08] | and we shared a knowing glance. | 那是彼此会意的眼神 |
| [13:12] | It was as if she was giving me permission to tell her story. | 仿佛她在示意 准许我诉说她的故事 |
| [13:18] | Thank you, vagina. | 谢谢 阴道妹 |
| [13:22] | And thank you for listening. | 也感谢各位的聆听 |
| [13:27] | I never thought I could get tired | 我从未想过会有我厌倦 |
| [13:29] | of hearing the word “vagina,” | 听到”阴道”这个词的一天 |
| [13:31] | and yet, here I am. | 但今日似乎就是那天 |
| [13:34] | Hey, tips are kind of low, huh? | 小费挺少的 对吧 |
| [13:37] | How’d you like to make $200, possibly $250, | 你想不想挣200块 很可能是250块 |
| [13:39] | to have my baby? | 当我的代理孕母 |
| [13:42] | What? | 干嘛 |
| [13:43] | You carry stuff anyway. | 在哪儿打工不是打呀 |
| [13:46] | Just as well. | 无所谓 |
| [13:47] | I didn’t want our baby to have that hair color. | 我也不想我们宝宝的发色像她那样 |
| [13:51] | Where’s that waitress going? | 那个女服务员去哪儿了 |
| [13:53] | I need a double. | 我要加倍 |
| [13:54] | A double what? | 加倍啥 |
| [13:55] | Double anything. | 啥都加倍 |
| [13:58] | How’s everyone doing out there? | 各位感觉怎么样 |
| [14:00] | Isn’t this a wonderful way to spend a Friday night? | 来这里度过周五夜是不是很棒呀 |
| [14:04] | I’m up next. | 我是下一个上台 |
| [14:05] | On a scale of 9 to 10, how do I look? | 按照9到10打分 我看起来多少分 |
| [14:09] | You look beautiful, | 你看起来很漂亮 |
| [14:10] | so they’re gonna be really surprised | 所以当你开口讲笑话时 |
| [14:12] | when you have jokes. | 人们一定会相当惊喜 |
| [14:14] | And our next storyteller is here for the first time, | 下一位故事讲述者是第一次登台 |
| [14:17] | reading a tale so epic that it should be two tales. | 一个史诗般的故事 仿佛由两个故事组成 |
| [14:21] | And like the two-tailed Melusina, | 就像双尾梅露希娜 |
| [14:24] | a serpent of European folklore… | 欧洲民间传说的蛇女 |
| [14:28] | She is truly a beauty. | 她十分美艳动人 |
| [14:31] | What in good God is that man talking about? | 这家伙到底在说什么鬼呀 |
| [14:35] | Please welcome Caroline Channing. | 下面有请卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [14:43] | As he said, my name is Caroline Channing. | 正如他所说 我的名字是卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [14:47] | That used to mean something special, | 那曾经有着特殊的意义 |
| [14:49] | and I have learned through the past few years | 而在过去的几年里我学到 |
| [14:52] | that it still does. | 它依然如此 |
| [14:55] | My father was Martin Channing, | 我的父亲是马丁·钱宁 |
| [14:56] | the most hated man in New York City. | 纽约最受人憎恨的男人 |
| [14:59] | Except for any Time Warner Cable guy… | 排在有线电视修理工之后 |
| [15:04] | You know what? I don’t need to look at this. | 算了 我不需要看稿 |
| [15:07] | I know what happened. | 一切心中皆有数 |
| [15:08] | I’ll never forget it. | 永远难以忘怀 |
| [15:10] | You don’t forget the day that you lose yourself. | 你不会忘记你迷失自我的那天 |
| [15:13] | Oh, boy. | 天啊 |
| [15:15] | She’s off script. | 她脱稿了 |
| [15:17] | She’s gone rogue. | 玩自由发挥 |
| [15:20] | Where’s that waitress? | 那个女服务员在哪里 |
| [15:21] | Double his double! | 我要加倍他的加倍 |
| [15:28] | As my driver drove down 5th Avenue | 我的司机带我驶过第五大道 |
| [15:30] | and up to my townhouse, | 停在我的豪华别墅前 |
| [15:32] | I saw there was a police car parked out front. | 我看见外面停着一辆警车 |
| [15:35] | And at first, I thought, “Am I being arrested?” | 一开始我想 “是来抓我的吗” |
| [15:39] | Lip-synching to Ludacris at a stoplight! | 在等红灯时 假唱卢达克里斯的歌 |
| [15:43] | But it was my father being arrested. | 但被抓走的 是我的父亲 |
| [15:47] | I saw my father in handcuffs. | 我看见我父亲戴着手铐 |
| [15:50] | There, in that instant, | 就在那一瞬间 |
| [15:54] | I went from princess to pariah. | 我从公主变成了贫民 |
| [15:58] | Well, she threw away a perfectly good | 她居然浪费了一个超级棒的 |
| [16:00] | “Pariah Carey” Joke. | “贫民凯莉”笑话 |
| [16:05] | Just looking out for my girl here. | 我是在给她保驾护航好吗 |
| [16:10] | My perfect world was shattered. | 我的完美世界瞬间坍塌 |
| [16:14] | I saw the man who I trusted, | 我看见那个我曾信任的男人 |
| [16:17] | who I believed in more than anyone, | 全世界我最信任的男人 |
| [16:20] | who read me bedtime stories | 那个会给我念睡前故事 |
| [16:23] | and taught me how to tie my shoes with bunny ears… | 用童趣的方式教我系鞋带的男人 |
| [16:27] | I saw my father in handcuffs. | 我看见我父亲戴着手铐 |
| [16:30] | He stole my trust, | 他偷走了我的信任 |
| [16:32] | my belief in people, | 我对人的信任 |
| [16:33] | my innocence. | 我的单纯天真 |
| [16:35] | If she doesn’t say “virginity,” I am leaving. | 如果她不说”纯洁[童贞]”这个词 我就走人了 |
| [16:39] | He stole who I thought I was | 他偷走了那个我想象中的自己 |
| [16:42] | and left me to find who I really am. | 让我去寻找 真正的自己 |
| [16:48] | Thank you. | 谢谢大家 |
| [16:52] | Nothing? | 没反应吗 |
| [16:53] | We got to sneak her out the back door. | 我们得偷偷把她弄到后门溜走 |
| [17:07] | You were so sad and triumphant | 你刚讲得又悲伤又成功 |
| [17:10] | and… so… | 而且还… |
| [17:13] | Oh, here come the waterworks! | 我要飙泪了 |
| [17:17] | Caroline, | 卡洛琳 |
| [17:18] | I know you said you never would, | 你说过你永远不会这么做 |
| [17:21] | but you touched me. | 但你感动[摸]了我 |
| [17:25] | That really tugged at my heartstrings… | 你的故事触动了我的心弦 |
| [17:28] | or cables or wires | 或电线 管线 |
| [17:30] | or whatever’s in here keeping me alive. | 反正是里面那个让我活着的东西 |
| [17:33] | Caroline… | 卡洛琳 |
| [17:35] | Oh, you know what you and I both need? | 你知道我和你都需要什么吗 |
| [17:39] | A hug. Yeah. | 爱的抱抱 |
| [17:47] | It’s nice, isn’t it? | 感觉很好吧 |
| [17:51] | Caroline, that was great! | 卡洛琳 刚才太棒了 |
| [17:53] | I’m so glad I inspired you with my awesome story. | 很高兴我能用我了不起的故事激励你 |
| [17:57] | You’re still here? | 你怎么还在这儿啊 |
| [18:01] | I’m sorry I didn’t do your jokes, Max. | 抱歉我没有讲你的笑话 麦克斯 |
| [18:03] | You know what? You didn’t need them! | 算了 你根本不需要 |
| [18:05] | I think people sometimes like to be sad. | 我觉得人们有时候喜欢悲伤 |
| [18:08] | That’s why there’s Adele. | 所以阿黛尔才这么火 |
| [18:11] | I think I finally got closure. | 我觉得我终于解脱了 |
| [18:13] | It’s gone, Max. | 过去了 麦克斯 |
| [18:15] | Love you. | 爱你 |
| [18:17] | Love your story. | 爱你的故事 |
| [18:18] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [18:19] | I’m Nina Spiegel. | 我是妮娜·施皮格尔 |
| [18:20] | I found the whole thing riveting. | 我觉得这故事引人入胜 |
| [18:22] | The ups, the downs, the way-downs. | 起起落落 跌落谷底 |
| [18:25] | Ugh, your story had it all. | 你的故事真是一应俱全 |
| [18:27] | She’s not joining your threesome. | 她不会跟你玩3P的 |
| [18:31] | Sorry, that’s usually what women want when they compliment me. | 抱歉 通常有女人夸我都是因为想玩3P |
| [18:35] | Look, I’d like to talk about taking this to my studio. | 我想谈谈把这故事带去我的制片厂[公寓] |
| [18:37] | You have your own studio apartment? | 你还有自己的小公寓吗 |
| [18:41] | Let the wooing continue. | 让欢呼继续 |
| [18:43] | No, it’s a film studio. | 不 那是电影制片厂 |
| [18:45] | Warner Brothers. | 华纳兄弟 |
| [18:46] | The Tasmanian Devil Warner Brothers? | 拍《大嘴怪》的那个华纳兄弟吗 |
| [18:51] | I think we can turn your story into a movie. | 我觉得我们能将你的故事变成电影 |
| [18:54] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [18:55] | The Caroline Channing story | 卡洛琳·钱宁传奇故事 |
| [18:57] | deserves to live on the big screen | 理应能在大荧幕上 |
| [18:59] | for one to two weeks. | 存活一到两周 |
| [19:01] | Then On Demand for eternity. | 然后永远待在电视点播里 |
| [19:05] | Oh, my God. | 老天 |
| [19:06] | Max, isn’t this exciting? | 麦克斯 这太让人激动了 |
| [19:08] | I know! | 我知道 |
| [19:10] | They have Speedy Gonzalez too! | 墨西哥飛毛腿鼠也是他们公司的 |
| [19:17] | I’m still on hold, Max. | 我还在等 麦克斯 |
| [19:19] | I know Nina’s important, | 我知道妮娜是个大人物 |
| [19:20] | because her assistant has put me on hold six times | 因为她的助手让我等了六次 |
| [19:22] | and muted me twice. | 静音了我两次 |
| [19:25] | Muting you’s an option? | 还可以静音你吗 |
| [19:27] | Why wouldn’t they put that in your manual? | 他们怎么不在你的说明书里写上 |
| [19:29] | Hi! | 你好 |
| [19:30] | Oh, are you kidding? | 开什么玩笑 |
| [19:32] | I love waiting. | 我最爱等[端盘子]了 |
| [19:35] | Sophie, here’s your consolation gnocchi, | 苏菲 这是你的安慰汤圆 |
| [19:38] | for not finding somebody to get gn-knocked up. | 来”安慰”你没找到代孕妈妈 |
| [19:42] | Oh, thanks, Oleg. | 谢谢 奥列格 |
| [19:44] | Well, at least I have you. | 至少我还有你 |
| [19:49] | You know what, Sophie? | 算了 苏菲 |
| [19:51] | I’ll be the surrogate, | 我来帮你代孕吧 |
| [19:52] | but if my pregnancy boobs knock over a street lamp, | 但如果怀孕了 我奶涨到撞倒路灯 |
| [19:54] | that’s on your insurance. | 那得算在你的保险账上 |
| [19:56] | That’s real nice of you, Max, | 谢谢你的好意 麦克斯 |
| [19:58] | but if there’s anything that I learned from Caroline’s story, | 但如果说我从卡洛琳的故事学到什么的话 |
| [20:02] | it’s that you can’t give up, even if you should. | 就是不能放弃 即使到了应该放弃的地步 |
| [20:07] | Oh, so you’re gonna keep trying? | 所以你们要继续努力造人吗 |
| [20:08] | No, we’re gonna adopt, | 不 我们要领养 |
| [20:10] | and we will cherish this little baby, | 我们会珍惜这个小宝宝 |
| [20:12] | even if it’s not technically from us. | 就算它不是我们亲生的 |
| [20:15] | Yeah, Oleg’s right. | 对 奥列格说得对 |
| [20:16] | I mean, half my hair’s not from me, | 我有一半头发也不是我自己的 |
| [20:20] | but I love it just as much as if it were. | 但我对它们视如己出 爱护有加 |
| [20:24] | They are flying me to Hollywood! | 他们要我飞去好莱坞 |
| [20:28] | They want to bring me out first class | 他们想我坐头等舱 |
| [20:30] | for a meet-and-greet. | 去参加见面会 |
| [20:31] | But I told them no. | 但我拒绝了 |
| [20:33] | Are you crazy? | 你疯了吗 |
| [20:34] | You can’t pass up a meet-and-greet. | 你不能拒绝见面会 |
| [20:36] | You can’t pass up any kind of meat. | 你不能拒绝任何肉[谐音] |
| [20:37] | You’re anemic. | 你贫血好吗 |
| [20:39] | I switched the tickets for two coach seats. | 我换成了两张经济舱机票 |
| [20:41] | I want you to come with me! | 我想你跟我一起去 |
| [20:43] | Who needs to lie flat | 谁稀罕能平躺的座位 |
| [20:44] | when I can be squished between my best friend | 我只想跟我的闺蜜和一个胖犹太人 |
| [20:45] | and an obese rabbi in row 36? | 挤在飞机的36排 |
| [20:49] | We’re going to Hollywood! | 我们要去好莱坞啦 |