时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
---|---|---|
[00:02] | Mom. Mom. | 妈 妈 |
[00:04] | Wake up. I think I’m having a heart attack. | 醒醒 我想我发心脏病了 |
[00:06] | You’re not having a heart attack. | 你没有发心脏病 |
[00:07] | My chest is pounding, and I’m slick from sweat — | 我心跳加速 浑身大汗 |
[00:09] | classic coronary event symptoms. | 这是典型的冠心病症状 |
[00:11] | I made a bad trade in my stock market club. | 我在股市社团做了笔赔钱交易 |
[00:13] | This is why bankers die at 40. | 所以银行家才会在40岁就英年早逝 |
[00:16] | So you have 28 years until your first heart attack. | 所以你28年后才会第一次发心脏病 |
[00:18] | Go rest up for it. | 快去睡吧 |
[00:23] | Mama. | 妈妈 |
[00:25] | Sweetie, what’s the matter? | 宝贝 有什么事 |
[00:27] | I had my dream again. | 我又做梦了 |
[00:29] | I was on the Titanic, just like in the movie, | 我在泰坦尼克号上 就像电影里一样 |
[00:32] | but I was in bed with the old couple. | 但我在那对老爷爷老奶奶的床上 |
[00:35] | Get in here. | 上来 |
[00:37] | Mom, I’m going for a run. | 妈 我去跑步了 |
[00:40] | Taylor… | 泰勒 |
[00:41] | It’s 5:30 in the morning! | 现在是早上5点半 |
[00:42] | It’s 6:25. | 已经6点25了 |
[00:43] | You mixed up the big hand and the little hand again. | 你又看错时针分针了 |
[00:46] | ‘Cause it’s dark in my room! | 我房间太黑了 |
[00:47] | Because it’s 5:30! | 那是因为才5点半 |
[00:50] | Just buy me a digital clock already! | 给我买个数字钟吧 |
[00:55] | How did he sleep through all this? | 他怎么能一直睡得这么香 |
[00:57] | I’m gonna kill him! | 我要杀了他 |
[00:59] | But then I’d have to take care of these animals by myself. | 那我就得自己搞定那些小动物了 |
[01:01] | Damn it! Greg lives! | 见鬼 让格雷格继续活吧 |
[01:11] | You don’t need to Purell your belly. | 你不必给肚子擦上洗手液 |
[01:13] | Oh, my little germaphobe. | 我的小洁癖 |
[01:15] | At this point, she’s more Purell than girl. | 现在 她就是一瓶行走的洗手液 |
[01:17] | Yo, Scooby, your stock market club | 史酷比 你对股市社团的事 |
[01:19] | is getting a little too serious. | 太过认真了 |
[01:21] | No more waking me up in the middle of the night | 不准再在大半夜吵醒我 |
[01:22] | with fake symptoms of a fake heart attack. | 假装心脏病发 |
[01:24] | Can’t help it, Mom. | 我也没办法 妈 |
[01:26] | It’s this type of intensity that’s gonna make me rich — | 这种紧张强度才能让我发财 |
[01:28] | so I can afford things like matching plates. | 这样我能买得起成套的盘子 |
[01:30] | First apartment. Red Lobster. | 第一套公寓的 红龙虾餐厅顺走的 |
[01:32] | Mom, I need you to sign this permission slip for basketball, | 妈 这是篮球的家长签字书 |
[01:34] | and here’s my revised soccer schedule. | 还有修改的足球时间表 |
[01:36] | You know, if you spent as much time on schoolwork | 要知道 如果你在学习上也花这么多时间 |
[01:38] | as you did on sports, you’d be valedictorian. | 就像你对待体育一样 你可以做毕业演讲致辞人 |
[01:40] | I can guarantee you that’s not true. | 我可以向你保证这不可能 |
[01:43] | I feel great — a full nine hours. | 感觉太棒了 整整9小时睡眠 |
[01:45] | Who wants Kashi? | 谁要麦片 |
[01:49] | Peter Felton sent you an e-mail? | 彼得·弗尔顿给你发邮件了吗 |
[01:55] | My old job has opened up again. | 我原来的职位又空出来了 |
[01:57] | Before he hires someone else, | 他在聘用别人前 |
[01:58] | he wants to know if I’m interested. | 想知道我是否有兴趣 |
[02:00] | Yes! | 有 |
[02:01] | I mean, you are, aren’t you? No? | 你有兴趣的 对吗 没有吗 |
[02:03] | Only if you want to. Do you? | 除非你想 你想吗 |
[02:04] | Why don’t you take the floor on this? | 你来发言吧 |
[02:06] | Greg, you realize if I worked, we would have to hire someone | 格雷格 你知道如果我工作了 我们就得请人 |
[02:09] | to clean the house and watch the kids, | 打扫房子 照顾孩子 |
[02:12] | so there’d only be, like, this much extra money. | 所以剩的钱只有这么多了 |
[02:14] | No, we wouldn’t have to hire someone to clean the house. | 我们不用请人来打扫房子 |
[02:16] | You could do it on Saturdays. | 你可以周六打扫 |
[02:17] | I retract that — obviously. | 当我没说 |
[02:20] | I’ll think about it. | 我会考虑的 |
[02:22] | He wants to know by the end of the day. | 他要我今天给他回复 |
[02:23] | Can you drive Taylor to soccer this afternoon? | 你可以开车送泰勒今天下午去踢足球吗 |
[02:25] | Oh, I’d love to, but I have to go to campus to give a lecture. | 我也想 但我得去大学做演讲 |
[02:29] | Taylor! Oliver! In the car! | 泰勒 奥利弗 上车 |
[02:31] | Anna-Kat? | 安娜凯特 |
[02:32] | Anna-Kat, it will sting if you put it there. | 安娜凯特 洗手液擦那里会痛哦 |
[02:37] | Mama, Oliver hit me in the nuts. | 妈妈 奥利弗打了我的蛋蛋 |
[02:39] | Sweetie, girls don’t have nuts. | 宝贝 女孩没有蛋蛋 |
[02:41] | I’m pretty sure they do. | 我相当肯定有的 |
[02:42] | I didn’t hit her. I gave her her water bottle. | 我没打她 我是把她的水壶给她 |
[02:44] | Yeah, and you slammed it hard right in my nuts. | 对 你重重摔在了我的蛋蛋上 |
[02:47] | Okay, I’m too tired for this. Everybody out. | 我太累了 不理你们 给我下车 |
[02:49] | Mom, you’re supposed to | 妈 我们应该 |
[02:50] | wait until we’re at the front of the line. | 排到最前面才能下车 |
[02:51] | Not today. Out! | 今天不行 下车 |
[02:55] | You can’t let them out here! | 你不能让他们在这里下车 |
[02:57] | They’re on the sidewalk! | 他们在人行道上 |
[02:59] | I bet running over Crossing Guard Sandy | 我打赌从协管员桑迪身上轧过去 |
[03:01] | would make a real satisfying “Tha-thunk!” sound. | 轮胎和她身体摩擦的声音听起来一定很爽 |
[03:07] | Guys, I’m not even here. | 姐妹们 当我不存在 |
[03:09] | I got to get groceries, buy Taylor a digital clock, | 我得去商店给泰勒买数字钟 |
[03:11] | track down a thousand brown sugar cubes | 搜刮一千块红糖块 |
[03:13] | for Anna-Kat’s Great Wall of China. | 给安娜凯特做中国长城 |
[03:14] | Honestly, what is she going to learn by watching me build that thing? | 说实话 她看着我做那玩意能学到什么 |
[03:17] | Okay, sit down a second. | 好了 坐下 |
[03:20] | What is going on? | 出什么事了 |
[03:22] | Staying at home with the kids… | 在家全职带孩子 |
[03:24] | is exhausting. | 令人精疲力尽 |
[03:25] | I know! | 我知道 |
[03:28] | Shut up. | 闭嘴 |
[03:29] | You’re a mother, and you stay at home, | 你是母亲 你在家里 |
[03:31] | but you have a housekeeper, a nanny… | 但你有管家 有保姆 |
[03:33] | A house manager — whatever that is. | 房屋管理员 鬼知道是什么 |
[03:35] | She manages my house. | 她管理我的房子 |
[03:37] | I never run out of anything. | 我家从来没什么东西用完过 |
[03:38] | I don’t even know what running out of toilet paper feels like. | 我甚至不知道没卫生纸是什么感觉 |
[03:41] | It feels like a coffee filter. | 咖啡过滤纸的感觉 |
[03:45] | Katie, look, you are a real stay-at-home mom, | 凯蒂 你是真正的全职妈妈 |
[03:48] | not like some of these other women in Westport — | 和西港其他的女人不同 |
[03:50] | like her. | 比如说她 |
[03:50] | I am not like them, okay? | 我和她们不同 好吗 |
[03:52] | I’m way richer. | 我有钱多了 |
[03:54] | And Celeste and I share custody — | 塞莱斯特和我共同拥有监护权 |
[03:56] | three days on, four days off. | 照顾三天 休息四天 |
[03:58] | Dirty little secret about divorce? | 关于离婚的一点肮脏小秘密 |
[04:00] | Just when you want to slip your kids a Benadryl | 正当你想给孩子喂镇静剂 |
[04:01] | and leave them at the animal shelter, | 把他们放在动物收容所时 |
[04:03] | you get to give them back to your ex. | 你可以把他们推给前任 |
[04:05] | Ohh, I can’t leave Greg. | 我不能离开格雷格 |
[04:07] | Can I? | 我可以吗 |
[04:08] | Nah. | 不 |
[04:10] | Nah. | 不 |
[04:11] | No. | 不 |
[04:12] | I just went over the school calendar. | 我刚看了校历 |
[04:13] | My kids have 11 days of school in the entire month of November. | 11月 我孩子在学校只待11天 |
[04:18] | That’s a straight-up war on women. | 这简直就是女人的战争 |
[04:19] | You know what else is a straight-up war on women? | 知道还有什么是女人的战争吗 |
[04:20] | That whole half-day thing. | 上半天学 |
[04:22] | Can Mama stay at home and watch “Unreal” on Lifetime or not?! | 全职妈妈还能不能看有线台的《假撕逼》了 |
[04:25] | You know what you need, Katie? | 你知道你需要什么吗 凯蒂 |
[04:27] | You need a break from being a mom. | 你需要从妈妈工作中休息一下 |
[04:28] | – A break? – Yes! | -休息 -是的 |
[04:29] | Do all that stuff tomorrow | 所有事明天做 |
[04:31] | and do something for yourself today. | 今天为自己做点什么 |
[04:33] | – You’re right. – I know. | -你是对的 -我知道 |
[04:34] | I do need a break. | 我的确需要休息 |
[04:36] | I’m gonna take a nap. | 我要小睡一下 |
[04:37] | Oh! You never take naps. | 你从来不会小睡 |
[04:39] | I know! That’s what’s going to make this one so delicious. | 我知道 所以这次会非常爽的 |
[04:42] | Oh! Call your housekeeper now | 现在给你的管家打电话 |
[04:44] | so she puts lavender underneath your pillow. | 她会在你的枕头下放薰衣草 |
[04:48] | I’m sensing you guys are reaching maximum Doris. | 我想你们现在已经受够我了 |
[04:51] | Yeah. | 对 |
[04:52] | But it’s okay, because I’m taking a nap. | 没事 因为我要去小睡一下 |
[05:01] | Ugh! That’s Oliver’s lunch! | 奥利弗的午餐 |
[05:03] | The curse of a stay-at-home mom. | 全职妈妈的诅咒 |
[05:04] | You know, if I had a job, I’d be at work, | 如果我有工作 我就去上班了 |
[05:06] | and everyone would be like, “Eh, she’s at work.” | 所有人都会说 算了 她在上班 |
[05:09] | Man, I’d blame everything on work. | 老天 我可以把一切怪在工作头上 |
[05:18] | All right. | 好的 |
[05:19] | I’m in and out. | 我马上就走 |
[05:20] | Mrs. Otto! | 奥图太太 |
[05:22] | – You can’t park there! – You don’t need to acknowledge her. | -你不能在这里停车 -你不用答理她 |
[05:24] | – Just smile and keep going. – Mrs. Otto! | -笑一下继续走 -奥图太太 |
[05:25] | Like when you’re watching a movie with your parents | 就像你和父母一起看电影时 |
[05:27] | – and people start doing it. – Mrs. Otto, I know you can hear me! | -出现床戏镜头一样 -奥图太太 我知道你可以听到 |
[05:30] | I bet Sandy’s never done it. | 我打赌桑迪从来没碰到过这种情况 |
[05:37] | Can you please make sure this gets to Oliver Otto? | 麻烦把这个转交给奥利弗·奥图好吗 |
[05:39] | Mrs. Otto! | 奥图太太 |
[05:42] | Nurse Chapel. | 查普护士 |
[05:44] | I really need the kids’ vaccination dates. | 我真的需要孩子接种疫苗的日期 |
[05:46] | – I’ve e-mailed you three times! – Mm-hmm. Right. | -我发了三封邮件给你了 -对 |
[05:49] | The dates are right in my phone, right here. | 日期在我的手机里 |
[05:51] | This really should’ve been taken care of weeks ago. | 这事几周前就应该解决了 |
[05:53] | I know, | 我知道 |
[05:54] | I’ve been ignoring many, many reminders. | 我一直在无视很多提醒 |
[05:57] | If I had a job, I’d have my assistant do this. | 如果我有工作 就能让助理做这事 |
[06:00] | I’d have my assistant do everything. | 我会让助理做所有的事 |
[06:01] | And he’d be cute. | 而且助理得是个小帅哥 |
[06:03] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
[06:04] | No, thank you. | 不 谢谢你 |
[06:07] | Katie! | 凯蒂 |
[06:08] | Ugh! Skinny mommies in tight, white jeans. | 穿着白色紧身裤的苗条妈妈团 |
[06:10] | Good for you. | 好样的 |
[06:11] | We need to get your picture for the school newsletter. | 学校通讯报需要你的照片 |
[06:13] | Not now, Suzanne. This is not what I look like. | 现在不行 苏珊 我平常不是这个样子 |
[06:16] | It pretty much is. | 差不多就是这样 |
[06:19] | Chin up, Katie. | 下巴抬起来 凯蒂 |
[06:20] | I have a double chin, so… | 我有双下巴 |
[06:22] | Try the other side. | 换边脸 |
[06:23] | Okay, well, it’s on that side, too. | 那边脸也有双下巴 |
[06:29] | Mrs. Otto! | 奥图太太 |
[06:31] | You are not supposed to park in the yellow! | 你不能在黄线区内停车 |
[06:33] | Do not make me write you up. | 别逼我给你开条子 |
[06:35] | Write me up? | 开条子 |
[06:36] | Is it possible this woman is insane? | 有没可能这女人疯了 |
[06:38] | How are you supposed to talk to an insane person? | 和疯子要怎么说话 |
[06:40] | Okay, Sandy. You’re the boss. | 好的 桑迪 你是老大 |
[06:45] | My nap is 5 feet away. | 我的小睡就在眼前 |
[06:54] | What are you doing here? I thought you were at work. | 你在家做什么 你不是上班去了吗 |
[06:56] | I think I’m getting sick. | 我想我病了 |
[06:57] | What are you talking about? | 你说什么呢 |
[06:58] | You were perfectly fine two hours ago. | 两小时前你还好好的 |
[07:00] | Yeah, but when I got in the car, I started feeling clammy. | 但我上车后 开始觉得倦倦的 |
[07:02] | My throat is scratchy, and my tongue is big. | 喉咙发痒 舌头发肿 |
[07:05] | I’m, like, very aware of my tongue. | 我对舌头很敏感 |
[07:07] | I need sleep and my neti pot. | 我需要睡眠和洗鼻壶 |
[07:08] | He’s not even sick! He’s man-sick. | 他根本没病 他是男人的懒病犯了 |
[07:11] | You know what I call having a little cough | 知道我管咳嗽一下 |
[07:12] | and wanting to go back to bed? | 就想回床上睡觉叫什么吗 |
[07:14] | Every day of my life! | 我生活的每一天 |
[07:15] | Move over. | 过去 |
[07:16] | I’m taking a nap. | 我要小睡一下 |
[07:17] | Oh, no, I totally forgot — I’m supposed to be | 我完全忘了 我今天应该去 |
[07:19] | the Reading Rascal today in Anna-Kat’s class! | 安娜凯特的班上做”阅读捣蛋鬼” |
[07:21] | You signed up for that on purpose? | 你是自愿报名的吗 |
[07:23] | What are you, an idiot? | 你是白痴吗 |
[07:24] | I can’t go. | 我不能去 |
[07:25] | I might get her class sick. | 我可能会传染给她全班 |
[07:27] | You have to cover for me. | 你得替我去 |
[07:28] | No. | 不 |
[07:30] | No, Greg. | 不 格雷格 |
[07:31] | But Anna-Kat picked the book. | 但这是安娜凯特选的书 |
[07:33] | She’s so excited. | 她好激动 |
[07:34] | It’s about a cat. | 是讲一只猫的 |
[07:36] | I think you’ll find it’s got some really surprising turns. | 我想你会发现一些很意外的剧情反转 |
[07:38] | Fine! | 好吧 |
[07:40] | But you should not be allowed to wear that T-shirt! | 但你没资格穿这件T恤 |
[07:42] | If you were a real feminist, | 如果你真主张男女平等 |
[07:43] | you would down some DayQuil and rally like a mommy would. | 你会像做妈的一样喝感冒药后满血复活 |
[07:46] | You know what? | 知道吗 |
[07:48] | You’re right. | 你是对的 |
[07:49] | I’m gonna take off this shirt. | 我脱下T恤 |
[07:56] | “Hunky Mama Cat and her kittens were on their way. | 猫妈妈和她的小猫咪们在路上 |
[07:59] | Hunky Mama Cat said, ‘Where’s Patches?'” | 猫妈妈说 小补丁在哪里 |
[08:02] | Daddy does voices. | 爸爸会模仿不同的声音 |
[08:04] | Daddy also gets nine hours of sleep a night. | 爸爸晚上还睡了9小时呢 |
[08:07] | “Hunky Mama Cat does every last thing for her kittens. | 猫妈妈为小猫咪们做所有的事 |
[08:10] | She feeds them, she plays with them, | 她喂他们吃饭 和他们一起玩 |
[08:14] | she licks them clean.” | 把他们舔干净 |
[08:16] | Does she complain? | 她抱怨了吗 |
[08:18] | No. | 没有 |
[08:20] | But she has every right to complain. | 但她完全有理由抱怨 |
[08:22] | Yeah, I know it was her choice, but Hunky Mama Cat… | 我知道这是她自己选择的 但猫妈妈 |
[08:25] | still wonders… | 依然禁不住想 |
[08:27] | what the hell happened to her life. | 她的人生怎么了 |
[08:30] | You know, before she decided to spew kittens onto the planet, | 在她决定把小猫吐出来前 |
[08:34] | she had a great job. | 她有份好工作 |
[08:36] | She was North American sales director | 她是洛步婴儿车公司的 |
[08:39] | of Rollaboo Stroller Company. | 北美销售总监 |
[08:41] | Hunky Mama Cat? | 猫妈妈吗 |
[08:42] | Yes. She was. | 对 是的 |
[08:44] | She got to wear high heels. She got to fly in airplanes. | 她可以穿高跟鞋 可以坐飞机 |
[08:48] | She even had the special golden corporate credit card. | 她甚至有特制的公司信用金卡 |
[08:52] | And Peter, the president of the entire corporation, | 彼得 全公司的总裁 |
[08:56] | e-mailed Hunky Mama Cat | 发邮件给猫妈妈 |
[08:58] | and offered her her old job back! | 要把她原来的职位给她 |
[09:02] | It was the best moment. | 那是最棒的时刻 |
[09:04] | I mean, they want her so much | 他们太想要她了 |
[09:06] | that after 12 years, they’re still coming after her. | 过了12年 他们依然来找她 |
[09:09] | And every morning, there’s a box of pastries, | 每天早上 都有一盒点心 |
[09:12] | and I don’t know who brings them, | 我不知道是谁拿来的 |
[09:13] | and I don’t care! | 我才不在乎呢 |
[09:16] | It’s okay. My mom had a breakdown, too. | 没事 我妈也曾经崩溃过 |
[09:27] | Screw it. I’m napping here. | 不管了 我就在这里睡 |
[09:52] | I patrol vehicles for forgotten car-seat kids. | 我巡逻看有没有孩子落在了安全座椅上 |
[09:56] | It’s rare to find a drugged-out mommy. | 发现吸毒嗨过去的妈妈真是稀罕事 |
[09:58] | I’m not drugged-out. | 我没嗨过去 |
[09:59] | I deserve to be, but I’m not. | 我完全有理由嗨过去 但我没有 |
[10:01] | And button up down there! | 把裤子扣好 |
[10:03] | There are children within 100 yards. | 百码外就有孩子呢 |
[10:10] | Oh, how’d it go? | 怎么样 |
[10:11] | I hate that evil witch, Sandy. | 我恨恶毒巫婆桑迪 |
[10:13] | You mean beloved Crossing Guard Sandy? | 你是说可爱的协管员桑迪吗 |
[10:15] | She carries stunned birds to the animal shelter. | 她把撞上车窗的小鸟送到动物收容所 |
[10:17] | She caught me with my pants unbuttoned, | 她逮到我没扣好裤子 |
[10:19] | and now she thinks I’m a molester or something. | 现在她以为我是性变态 |
[10:21] | Why were your pants unbuttoned? | 你为什么没扣好裤子 |
[10:22] | Because I’m fat, Greg! | 因为我胖 格雷格 |
[10:23] | I was sleeping in the car, | 我在车上睡觉 |
[10:25] | and I unbuttoned myself, like a normal fat person. | 我解开了裤子 普通胖子都会这样做 |
[10:27] | Not like a pervert. | 这不是变态 |
[10:29] | Scoot over. I need to rest my eyes. | 让开 我要休息眼睛 |
[10:32] | You were sleeping in the car? | 你在车上睡觉吗 |
[10:33] | You know what — you don’t understand my life. | 你不懂我的生活 |
[10:34] | All I do all the time is think about other people — | 我一直做的就是为别人考虑 |
[10:37] | you, the kids, especially Anna-Kat. | 你 孩子们 尤其是安娜凯特 |
[10:41] | At least you get a break. | 至少你可以休息 |
[10:43] | A break? | 休息 |
[10:44] | I go to work. You seem to forget that. | 我要上班 你似乎忘记了 |
[10:46] | I work all day, and then I come home | 我工作一整天 然后回家 |
[10:47] | and continue to work by helping you with the kids. | 继续工作 帮你照顾孩子们 |
[10:49] | – I don’t get a break. – Oh, please. | -我没休息 -得了 |
[10:51] | Work is a break. | 工作就是休息 |
[10:52] | You go to work, you have a lunch break, | 你去上班 有午餐休息 |
[10:53] | an afternoon break, a break room. | 午后休息 休息室 |
[10:55] | You have a whole room dedicated to breaks. | 你有一间房 就是为休息准备的 |
[10:58] | If work is a break, why don’t you go back to work? | 如果工作是休息 你不如回去工作 |
[10:59] | – Maybe I will. – Good. | -也许我会的 -很好 |
[11:00] | – Don’t think I won’t. – Fine. I just want you to be happy. | -别以为我不会 -好 我只想你开心 |
[11:02] | Well, maybe I’ll just go back to work and be happy! | 也许我会回去上班变开心 |
[11:05] | You realize I’m agreeing with you | 你知道我是赞同你的 |
[11:05] | and your voice just keeps getting louder? | 但你的声音越来越大 |
[11:07] | It’s ’cause I’m tired. And I need a nap. | 因为我累了 我需要小睡一下 |
[11:10] | That’s the landline. | 固定电话 |
[11:12] | If someone is trying to sell me solar power again, | 如果有人想再卖太阳能给我 |
[11:14] | I’m gonna go ape turd on them! | 我就要对他们发飙了 |
[11:17] | Take me off your list! | 把我从名单上划掉 |
[11:21] | Really? | 真的吗 |
[11:24] | Okay. Somebody will be there. | 好 有人会去的 |
[11:26] | No, thank you. | 不 谢谢你 |
[11:28] | What is it? | 什么事 |
[11:29] | Oliver got caught insider-trading in his stock-market club. | 奥利弗被抓到在股市社团做内线交易 |
[11:33] | Is that even possible | 这可能吗 |
[11:35] | in a made-up club using pretend money? | 在一个假装这是钱的社团里 |
[11:37] | It’s idiotic, but it’s cheating. | 很白痴 但这是作弊 |
[11:38] | He’s suspended for the rest of the day. | 他今天被停学了 |
[11:40] | You have to go pick him up. | 你得去接他 |
[11:41] | I took a double dose of DayQuil. | 我喝了双倍剂量的感冒药 |
[11:43] | So?! | 怎样 |
[11:44] | Well, I’m not good on uppers. | 我对兴奋剂吸收不好 |
[11:45] | It has the opposite effect on me. | 对我有反作用 |
[11:46] | Up is down, down is up. | 上下颠倒 |
[11:48] | I keep thinking I’m smelling mangos. | 我一直觉得我闻到了芒果味 |
[11:49] | Oh, Greg! | 格雷格 |
[11:50] | Is there anything normal about you? | 你还有正常的地方吗 |
[11:52] | I’m all jacked up, honey! It’s not safe for anybody! | 我已经兴奋起来了 亲爱的 开车不安全 |
[11:56] | Insider trading, Oliver? | 内线交易吗 奥利弗 |
[11:58] | I used to have one goal in life — | 我曾经有一个人生目标 |
[11:59] | to have a man-made stream in my yard. | 在院子里能有一条人造溪 |
[12:01] | Now I have a new one — | 现在我有新的目标了 |
[12:02] | keep my only son out of white-collar prison. | 别让我唯一的儿子进白领监狱 |
[12:05] | White-collar prison isn’t that bad. | 白领监狱没那么差 |
[12:06] | Grant Windsor’s dad was in for 16 months. | 格兰特·温莎的爸爸坐了16个牢 |
[12:09] | All he did was play squash and get super-ripped. | 他只是打壁球加喝得烂醉 |
[12:11] | Which is why I’m going to make sure | 所以我会确保 |
[12:12] | they put you in regular prison. | 他们把你关在普通监狱 |
[12:14] | That is now my new goal in life, young man! | 这是我人生的新目标 年轻人 |
[12:18] | Mrs. Otto. | 奥图太太 |
[12:19] | Nurse Chapel. | 查普护士 |
[12:20] | I thought it was strange that all of your children | 我觉得很奇怪 你孩子接种疫苗的日期 |
[12:22] | got their shots on their birthdays, | 都恰好是他们的生日 |
[12:24] | so I troubled myself to put in a call | 所以我不嫌麻烦打电话 |
[12:25] | to your pediatrician. | 给你们的儿科医生 |
[12:27] | I think you know where this is headed. | 我想你知道结果 |
[12:28] | I do. Can we just get to it? | 知道 快点说行吗 |
[12:31] | You just can’t make up vaccination dates | 你不能捏造接种日期 |
[12:32] | and put them on official school documents. | 写在正式的学校档案上 |
[12:34] | I don’t know, Mom. I think that falls under mail fraud. | 我不知道 妈 这应该是邮件欺诈 |
[12:38] | Good instincts, Oliver. Aggravate me. | 情商真高 奥利弗 激怒我 |
[12:40] | Anna-Kat needs a booster today. | 安娜凯特需要今天打针 |
[12:42] | You have to pull her out of class. | 你得带她离开学校 |
[12:43] | Now?! | 现在吗 |
[12:44] | She could be teeming with disease. | 她可能全身是病 |
[12:46] | Teeming with it! | 全身是病 |
[12:47] | Okay. Nurse Chapel, you are here. | 好吧 查普护士 你在这里 |
[12:50] | I’m gonna need you here. | 我需要你在这里 |
[12:56] | You let me walk around completely unprotected?! | 你让我完全没保护的情况下到处乱走吗 |
[12:59] | It’s not a big deal. It’s an MMR booster. | 没什么大不了的 只是MMR疫苗 |
[13:01] | That’s measles, mumps, and rubella. | 麻疹 腮腺炎 风疹 |
[13:04] | That’s what I have. I have all of that! | 我有这些病 我全得了 |
[13:06] | You don’t have any of that. | 你没得任何一种 |
[13:07] | Hang on. | 稍等 |
[13:09] | I forgot something. | 我忘了什么 |
[13:10] | There’s no way I’m coming back here for just one kid. | 我不可能再为了一个孩子回来 |
[13:13] | I was right in the middle of practice. | 我正在训练 |
[13:15] | You were supposed to be in the middle of math class. | 你应该是在数学课上才对 |
[13:18] | You said I could miss math today to practice basketball | 你说可以不上数学课去打篮球 |
[13:20] | because now I have soccer after school. | 因为我放学后要踢足球 |
[13:21] | When did I say that?! | 我什么时候说的 |
[13:22] | When you signed the permission slip this morning. | 你今天签家长同意书的时候 |
[13:24] | Ohh! I thought it was for something else. | 我还以为那是别的事 |
[13:26] | I can’t control what you think. | 我无法控制你的想法 |
[13:35] | What?! | 什么 |
[13:38] | Sandy!! | 桑迪 |
[13:41] | I can’t. | 我不行了 |
[13:42] | I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. | 我受不了了 不行了 |
[13:44] | I have a marketing degree from Duke! | 我有杜克大学的市场营销学位 |
[13:54] | The school gave you a boot? | 学校给你了一个锁车器吗 |
[13:55] | No, I bought it on eBay with some of my Christmas tips. | 不 我用圣诞节红包在网上买的 |
[14:00] | Thanks for the empty card, by the way. | 对了 多谢你的纯贺卡 |
[14:02] | Just let me go. | 让我走吧 |
[14:05] | I don’t know who you think you are. | 我不知道你觉得自己是谁 |
[14:08] | I don’t know who I am, either. | 我也不知道我是谁 |
[14:10] | What happened to me, Sandy? | 我是怎么了 桑迪 |
[14:12] | Look at you. You’ve got a job. | 瞧你 你有工作 |
[14:15] | You’re in a position of authority. | 你的工作有权力 |
[14:17] | You have a purpose. | 你有目标 |
[14:18] | Kind of. | 算是吧 |
[14:20] | And I have seen you | 我见过你 |
[14:21] | sitting on your folding chair under the shade umbrella | 坐在太阳伞下面的折叠椅上 |
[14:23] | taking a nap. | 打盹儿 |
[14:25] | You got it all. | 该有的你全有了 |
[14:26] | A job, naps — | 工作 打盹儿 |
[14:29] | everything. | 所有的 |
[14:30] | And I admire you. | 我羡慕你 |
[14:33] | How sad is that? | 我是不是好可怜 |
[14:35] | And all I have is a car with three kids in it | 而我只有一辆车 仨孩子在上面 |
[14:38] | and a really bad smell that I cannot seems to locate. | 还有一股我无法找到来源的臭味 |
[14:41] | I don’t think it’s me. | 我觉得不是我 |
[14:44] | It might be me. | 也许是我 |
[14:46] | When did this become my life? | 我的生活何时变成这样了 |
[14:48] | You’re right, Crossing Guard Sandy. | 你是对的 协管员桑迪 |
[14:51] | I need to go back to work. | 我需要回去工作 |
[14:56] | Next time I’ll have you towed. | 下次我会叫拖车 |
[15:00] | I open up to her, and this is what I get! | 我对她说出掏心窝的话 却是这个下场 |
[15:02] | You know what? I’m taking these cones. | 知道吗 我要拿走这些小路障 |
[15:07] | Here. | 给 |
[15:10] | Why did you only take four? | 你为什么只拿走四个 |
[15:11] | Because the last thing that I need | 因为我最不需要的就是 |
[15:12] | is 12 traffic cones garbaging up our garage for the rest of forever. | 12个路障筒从此以后在咱家车库霸占位置 |
[15:20] | Seriously, Mom, this is ridiculous. | 真的 妈 这太不像话了 |
[15:21] | I’m missing basketball and soccer practice. | 我错过了篮球和足球训练 |
[15:24] | Stop breathing your germs! I’m completely defenseless! | 别再呼出细菌了 我完全没有保护 |
[15:29] | Mom, regarding these allegations, | 妈 关于那些指控 |
[15:30] | I just overheard a conversation at Grant Windsor’s, | 我只是无意中在格兰特·温莎家听到对话 |
[15:32] | and I made a few smart trades. | 我做了项聪明的交易 |
[15:34] | I don’t want to hear it, Oliver! | 我不想听 奥利弗 |
[15:35] | You don’t know what happens in business. | 你根本不懂商界会发生什么事 |
[15:36] | You don’t even have a job! | 你甚至没有工作 |
[15:42] | Wh– Wh– Why did we pull over? | 我们为什么要停车 |
[15:44] | What did you just say? | 你刚刚说了什么 |
[15:47] | I love you? | 我爱你 |
[15:48] | Did you just say that I don’t have a job? | 你刚说我没有工作吗 |
[15:50] | For your information, | 告诉你 |
[15:51] | being a stay-at-home mom is my job! | 做全职妈妈就是我的工作 |
[15:54] | But apparently, today, I’m pretty crappy at it! | 但显然今天 我做得很差劲 |
[15:57] | But not anymore! | 但不会再这样了 |
[15:59] | Get out of the car! | 下车 |
[16:07] | This is humiliating. | 这太丢人了 |
[16:08] | Good. | 很好 |
[16:09] | If you keep doing whatever it takes to get rich | 如果你继续这样投机取巧 |
[16:12] | by cutting corners and breaking laws, | 违反法律来变成有钱人 |
[16:13] | this is where you’re going to wind up — | 这就是你的下场 |
[16:15] | cleaning up trash by the side of the road, | 在路边捡垃圾 |
[16:17] | like a common criminal. | 像普通罪犯一样 |
[16:18] | Why do I have to do this? | 我为什么也要做这个 |
[16:20] | Because you’re missing one booster shot. | 因为你错过了一次接种疫苗 |
[16:22] | You’re not gonna die, | 你不会死的 |
[16:23] | and a little dirt never killed anybody. | 一点泥土从来不会让谁没命 |
[16:25] | Mama would never let that happen to you. | 妈妈永远不会让你碰到这种事 |
[16:27] | Don’t touch that needle! | 别碰那个针头 |
[16:28] | This isn’t fair! | 这不公平 |
[16:29] | Come on. I want to pick up trash, too. | 拜托 我也想捡垃圾 |
[16:32] | No! You stay in there and keep studying. | 不 你在车上继续学习 |
[16:34] | And you’re only playing one sport, | 你只能从事一项体育运动 |
[16:36] | so you can concentrate on your schoolwork. | 这样可以专注于学习 |
[16:37] | That stinks! | 真差劲 |
[16:38] | Well, it’s what I think, and you can’t control it. | 这是我的想法 你无法控制 |
[16:41] | No after-school babysitter | 没有课后保姆 |
[16:43] | could parent my kids the way I do. | 可以像我这样教育孩子 |
[16:44] | I’m not just looking after them. | 我不仅在照顾他们 |
[16:46] | I am trying to shape them into halfway-decent people. | 我在尽力让他们成为还算正派的人 |
[16:49] | There’s an old sock next to the shrub. | 灌木旁边有只旧袜子 |
[16:51] | I’m not touching that. | 我不会碰的 |
[16:52] | In prison, you’d be touching worse. | 在监狱里 你会碰更恶心的东西 |
[16:56] | Besides, if some babysitter made my kids do this, | 而且 如果哪个保姆让我的孩子做这种事 |
[16:59] | I’d probably have them arrested. | 我可能会报警抓他们 |
[17:01] | John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on July 4, 1826 — | 约翰·亚当斯和拖马斯·杰斐逊都死于1826年7月4日 |
[17:05] | the 50th anniversary of American independence. | 美国独立50周年的纪念日 |
[17:07] | They wrote — | 他们写道 |
[17:08] | How could you support me taking a job | 抚养咱们的孩子这么重要 |
[17:10] | when raising our kids is so important? | 你怎么能支持我去上班呢 |
[17:12] | Katie, I’m Skyping with my students. Can this wait? | 凯蒂 我在和学生们视频 可以等等吗 |
[17:15] | Oh, they’re five grad students, and four of them are ladies. | 五个研究生而已 有四个是女生 |
[17:17] | They need to hear this. | 她们需要听听 |
[17:18] | Can you hold that thought — | 你稍等下可以吗 |
[17:19] | Ladies, being a stay-at-home mom suuucks. | 女士们 做全职妈妈太差劲了 |
[17:24] | It does. | 没错 |
[17:25] | But I’m like one of those Navy SEALs | 但我就像被派去杀本拉登的 |
[17:27] | they sent to kill Osama bin Laden. | 海豹突击队员一样 |
[17:29] | They dodged the bullets and didn’t get a lot of sleep, | 他们要躲子弹 而且没什么睡眠 |
[17:32] | but they were convinced that they were doing | 但他们确信他们在做 |
[17:34] | the most important job in the world. | 全世界最重要的工作 |
[17:36] | And being at home with my kids | 在家和我的孩子们在一起 |
[17:38] | is the most important thing I could be doing right now. | 是我现在能做的最重要的事 |
[17:41] | But don’t fool yourselves. | 但别骗自己 |
[17:42] | Being a working mom sucks, too — | 做职业妈妈也很差劲 |
[17:44] | just in a different way. | 只是方式不同 |
[17:47] | Guys, you’ve got it made. | 各位 你们能行的 |
[17:49] | My husband is working in bed right now, | 我老公现在在床上办公 |
[17:51] | and he’s not wearing any pants. | 而且没穿长裤 |
[17:52] | Class dismissed. | 下课 |
[17:53] | Oh, come on! They’ve met me! | 拜托 他们见过我 |
[17:55] | They know what you’re dealing with. | 他们知道你老婆是怎样的人 |
[17:56] | These aren’t my grad students. | 他们不是我带的研究生 |
[17:58] | This is History 101. | 这是历史课101 |
[18:00] | 300 freshmen. | 300个新生 |
[18:07] | Go, Cardinals. | 加油 红雀队 |
[18:10] | Why didn’t you shut me up? | 你为什么不让我闭嘴 |
[18:12] | You compared yourself with SEAL Team 6. | 你拿自己和海豹突击6队相比 |
[18:14] | I was curious to see where it was going. | 我很好奇 想听听结果 |
[18:15] | Besides, I didn’t think you | 而且 我不知道 |
[18:16] | were gonna bring up I’m not wearing pants. | 你会说出我没穿长裤 |
[18:19] | So, you’re turning down the job? | 你会拒绝那份工作吗 |
[18:21] | I’m turning down the job. | 我会拒绝那份工作 |
[18:23] | Mama! You were right! | 妈妈 你说得对 |
[18:25] | It stings bad! | 擦上去好痛 |
[18:28] | No, no, no, no, no. | 不用 |
[18:30] | You take your nap. | 你小睡一下 |
[18:31] | I’ll take care of this. | 我去 |
[18:33] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
[18:58] | No. | 不 |
[19:02] | Would you rather have hair for teeth or teeth for hair? | 你是想头发做牙齿 还是牙齿做头发 |
[19:04] | Hair for teeth. No-brainer. Smoothies for every meal. | 头发做牙齿 这很好选 每顿吃冰沙 |
[19:10] | Hey, what are you doing down here? | 你下来做什么 |
[19:11] | I thought you needed a nap. | 你不是在小睡吗 |
[19:12] | I do. | 是的 |
[19:14] | But I don’t want to miss the fun parts. | 但我不想错过有趣的部分 |
[19:17] | And, Oliver, I don’t want you to miss the fun parts, either. | 奥利弗 我也不想你错过有趣的部分 |
[19:20] | I think it’s time we let the stock market club go. | 我想是时候退出股市社团了 |
[19:23] | You need to be a kid. | 你需要做个孩子 |
[19:24] | I promise you can be a capitalist pig when you grow up. | 我保证 你长大后会成为一名臭猪资本家的 |
[19:28] | Thanks, Mom. | 谢谢你 妈 |
[19:29] | Can we eat? | 可以吃饭了吗 |
[19:30] | Yeah. | 可以 |
[19:35] | Okay, let’s review. | 好的 我们来回顾下 |
[19:37] | Being a stay-at-home mom does suck. | 做全职妈妈很差劲 |
[19:39] | And it’s really important. | 但非常重要 |
[19:41] | But also, it can be the best thing in the world. | 但同时 也是全世界最棒的事 |
[19:45] | So yeah. | 没错 |
[19:46] | This is what I would rather. | 我更宁愿做这个 |
[20:02] | Whoever it is, leave now. | 不管是谁 快走 |
[20:04] | I just need to brush my teeth. | 我只是来刷牙的 |
[20:06] | Anna-Kat! | 安娜凯特 |
[20:07] | Mom, Crossing Guard Sandy just dropped off | 妈 协管员桑迪给你送来了 |
[20:08] | a written warning for you. | 书面警告 |
[20:09] | Let me file that right here. | 我放在这里归档 |
[20:12] | Not looking. Not looking. | 没看 没看 |
[20:14] | Guys! We are not a naked family! | 孩子们 我们不是裸体家族 |
[20:16] | Nice picture of you in the school newsletter. | 学校通讯报上你的照片真不错 |
[20:18] | Ugh. Another one for the tub. | 浴缸归档又一项 |
[20:20] | Now, everybody, get — | 所有人 出… |
[20:22] | – Sorry. – Greg?! | -抱歉 -格雷格 |
[20:23] | I’m trying to balance out four DayQuil, | 我想缓解下药劲 四顿日用感冒药 |
[20:24] | two NyQuil, and a Pepto-Bismol. | 两顿夜用感冒药 还有胃肠药 |
[20:25] | I’m really chasing the dragon here. | 我现在就像磕毒品嗨了一样 |
[20:26] | Get out! | 出去 |
[20:27] | Get out! | 出去 |
[20:28] | Get out! Get out! Get out! | 出去 出去 |