| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Oh, I guarantee I can | 我保证我能 |
| [00:04] | identify my own butthole in a line up. 100%. | 在屁眼识别中识别出我的屁眼 绝对的 |
| [00:06] | – Even if it’s just a close up line up of buttholes? – Yeah. | -即使是特写镜头的屁眼识别吗 -对 |
| [00:09] | – No way, dude. Come on. – Completely, I can identify yours. | -不可能 姐们儿 拜托 -没问题 我还能识别出你的 |
| [00:12] | Each one has a soul, an ass soul. | 每一个屁眼都有一个灵魂 屁股灵魂 |
| [00:14] | Hey, mamis, where you going? A bra store? | 妈咪们 你们去哪 胸罩商店吗 |
| [00:17] | I bet you got those big boobies to feed all your babies. | 你们波霸那么大一定是用来给你们所有的小孩哺乳 |
| [00:20] | Excuse me? | 你说什么 |
| [00:21] | You can’t talk to us like that. | 你不能这样和我们说话 |
| [00:23] | Yeah, we’re your elders. | 没错 我们是你们的长辈 |
| [00:24] | How did he know we were going to the bra store? | 他怎么知道我们要去买胸罩 |
| [00:25] | Why don’t you come over here and let me touch ’em. | 你们过来让我摸摸 |
| [00:28] | Jesus. | 天啊 |
| [00:28] | The only way that you’re gonna get to touch these boobs | 想碰到这些奶子的唯一方式 |
| [00:32] | is if they graze the top of your head | 就是在老娘跨过你的竹竿身子去灌篮时 |
| [00:34] | as I’m slam dunking your skinny ass! | 奶子从你头上划过 |
| [00:40] | So you wanna ball? Let’s go. | 想较量 放马过来 |
| [01:07] | No. | 不要 |
| [01:19] | Tell your mom you got schooled by two women. | 跟你妈说你被两个女人教训了 |
| [01:23] | Aw, yeah, bitches! | 小婊子们继续嚣张啊 |
| [01:24] | And reminder, I’ll be by later to fuck the shit out of her. | 还有 我过会儿会去操翻她 |
| [01:27] | What? | 什么 |
| [01:29] | Oh, what about this, huh? | 这个怎么样 |
| [01:39] | – No, no, no, no, no. – Oh, no, no, no, no! | -别 别 别 -别 别 别 |
| [01:48] | Hello? Good morning, everyone. | 大家早上好 |
| [01:50] | We open in five minutes. | 我们将在五分钟后开店 |
| [01:52] | This month’s churron flavor is anise, | 这个月马卡龙油条的口味是茴香 |
| [01:55] | but there is a limit to three churrons per customer, | 每位顾客至多只能购买3根马卡龙油条 |
| [01:59] | so please maintain decorum. | 所以请遵守礼节 |
| [02:01] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [02:04] | You know, I’m not even a huge macaroon girl, | 我其实并没有特别喜欢马卡龙 |
| [02:07] | and churros are just, like, you know, hit or miss for me, | 西班牙油条对我来说就是可有可无 |
| [02:10] | – but the combination of… – Too early. | -不过它们合在一起 -大清早的 |
| [02:16] | I’m being nice. | 我是在表示友好 |
| [02:37] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [02:38] | Your total is 28.45. | 一共是28.45 |
| [02:40] | Here’s my co-op card. | 这是我的合作社会员卡 |
| [02:45] | It looks like you haven’t completed any of your work hours. | 好像你没有完成任何你的工时 |
| [02:47] | Just throw ’em on my tab. I’m gonna knock ’em all out at once. | 帮我记在账上就行 我到时一次搞定 |
| [02:50] | Okay, well, today’s actually the last possible day | 但今天实际上是你 |
| [02:52] | you can complete your shifts for this moon cycle. | 在这个月亮周期里能完成轮班的最后一天了 |
| [02:55] | Um, I really can’t today. | 今天我真的不行 |
| [02:57] | Could I speak to the manager? | 我能和经理谈谈吗 |
| [02:58] | I’m sure I could work something out. | 应该能有解决办法 |
| [03:00] | Um… sure. | 当然 |
| [03:02] | Just, um… one second. | 稍等 |
| [03:05] | Hi. | 嗨 |
| [03:07] | We have a slight, um, issue. | 出了点小状况 |
| [03:11] | Yeah? | 什么事 |
| [03:12] | Hi… Lori. | 你好 洛瑞 |
| [03:15] | I haven’t worked any of my hours. | 我还没有完成任何我的工时 |
| [03:19] | And I have a really intense doctor’s appointment in Long Island. | 我在长岛有个很重要的医生预约 |
| [03:24] | There’s something more important in Long Island than organic produce? | 在长岛有比有机食品更重要的东西 |
| [03:27] | For the privilege of membership, | 因为享有会员特权 |
| [03:29] | you just have to work six hours, you cooperate. | 你只需工作6小时 你参与合作 |
| [03:32] | I am feeling this. | 我也很想 |
| [03:34] | But it just also happens to be the very last day | 只是今天刚好也是我能做 |
| [03:37] | I can have this… procedure. | 这个程序的最后一天 |
| [03:40] | Well, either you complete your shifts today | 你要么今天完成你的轮班 |
| [03:43] | or you’re banished from | 要么你就被 |
| [03:45] | the co-op for the rest of your body’s life. | 合作社永久驱逐 |
| [03:50] | Your choice. | 决定权在你 |
| [03:57] | There she is. | 她在那 |
| [03:58] | Ugh, gorgeous, come on. | 是不是很正 |
| [04:00] | – Wow, how ‘dat? – So worth it. | -好吃吗 -很值 |
| [04:03] | Ugh, love your leggings. | 喜欢你的紧身裤 |
| [04:04] | And your legs. And your butt. | 还有你的腿 你的臀 |
| [04:06] | – Thank you so much. – Really cute. | -谢谢 -真的很可爱 |
| [04:07] | You just made my day. Do you want one of these churrons? | 你太让我开心了 想吃点吉事果吗 |
| [04:10] | Sure. Thanks so much. | 当然 谢谢了 |
| [04:12] | Later, line buddy. | 再见 排友 |
| [04:14] | That was sweet. | 真有爱 |
| [04:17] | It’s okay. | 一般般 |
| [04:19] | – I would have eaten that. – Okay, so down to biz. Business. | -你该给我吃的 -说正事 |
| [04:22] | You know how I joined that food co-op a few months ago? | 你知道几个月前我加入了那个食品合作社对吧 |
| [04:24] | Uh, yeah, your meals have given me like the healthiest shits of my life. | 知道 你的食物让我的粪便健康无比 |
| [04:27] | It’s like, dump out, flawless, | 大便 完美 |
| [04:29] | dump out, flawless. | 大便 完美 |
| [04:32] | So, I haven’t worked any hours yet, and I need to do them today. | 我一点工时都没有做 我需要今天完成 |
| [04:36] | Obviously, I would do them, but… | 我当然是想完成的 但是 |
| [04:37] | You’re going to the doctor. | 你得去见医生 |
| [04:39] | Dude, I just said you’re going to the doctor. | 姐们儿 我刚说你得去见医生 |
| [04:41] | No, I can’t think about it. Lifestyle. | 不 我不能想那事 生活方式 |
| [04:44] | Almost forgot. | 差点忘了 |
| [04:46] | Oh, yes, Gaga. | 太好了 Gaga |
| [04:49] | Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [04:50] | So obviously, the three of us can’t lose my membership, | 显然 我们三不能丢失会员资格 |
| [04:53] | – so I need you to cover my shift. – I can cover for you. | -所以我需要你帮我轮班 -没问题 |
| [04:56] | But here da damn ‘tang. | 不过听好了 |
| [04:58] | Not for me. As me. | 不是为我 而是作为我 |
| [05:01] | Co-op members cannot share shifts, | 合作社成员不能让他人代班 |
| [05:02] | so technically you need to be me. | 所以严格来说你得变为我 |
| [05:06] | How’s that gonna work? | 那要怎么做 |
| [05:07] | Well, no one knows me there yet. I… | 还没人认识我 我 |
| [05:09] | haven’t worked any of my hours. | 从来没去工作过 |
| [05:12] | But I need you to make the right first impression | 不过我需要你搞好第一印象 |
| [05:13] | so that when I do work, no one will know the difference. | 这样到时我去的时候 不会被识破 |
| [05:16] | You know what, I would love to live a day in your shoes. | 知道吗 我还挺想体验一天你的生活的 |
| [05:18] | That sounds really fun and very easy. | 感觉很有意思也很简单 |
| [05:22] | Not literally in my shoes, ’cause I’m a size five and you… | 不能是真的穿我的鞋 因为我穿5码的鞋而你 |
| [05:25] | Yeah, I understand. | 我懂的 |
| [05:26] | Okay. I’m gonna just end it there. | 好 够了 |
| [05:28] | Squashed 11! | 你能把我的鞋穿成11码 |
| [05:32] | More, more. More, more, more! | 继续 继续 继续 |
| [05:50] | Yas, queen. | 太棒了 女王 |
| [05:51] | – Yas, queen! – Yas, queen! | -太棒了 女王 -太棒了 女王 |
| [05:52] | Yas, queen! | 太棒了 女王 |
| [05:53] | Again! Yas, queen! | 再来一次 太棒了 女王 |
| [05:55] | – Yas, queen. – I’m not a dick! | -太棒了 女王 -我不是混蛋 |
| [05:57] | Smell… smell a duke! | 嗅到了一个公爵 |
| [05:58] | – Nice pussy bitch! – Nice pussy bitch! | -贱人阴部不错 -贱人阴部不错 |
| [06:00] | I love you, Abbi! | 我爱你 艾比 |
| [06:02] | I love you, Abbi! | 我爱你 艾比 |
| [06:06] | Do it! | 照着做 |
| [06:10] | There you go, you’re getting it! | 不错 有点样子了 |
| [06:12] | There you go, you’re getting it! | 不错 有点样子了 |
| [06:16] | Aww, what up, my babies! | 宝贝们 你们好 |
| [06:18] | Mami Lani in the hizzy-lee! | 妈咪Lani回家了 |
| [06:22] | Rape culture sucks! | 强奸文化[将强奸正常化]太操蛋了 |
| [06:24] | Recognize! | 承认吧 |
| [06:28] | Lincoln, hey, woo! | 林肯 |
| [06:32] | My Lincoln Towncar. | 我的林肯城市车 |
| [06:34] | But this is a… A Prius, right? | 但这车是普锐斯[丰田]吧 |
| [06:36] | Yeah, but I call it that because my name is Lincoln. | 嗯 我这么称呼它是因为我的名字是林肯[同名汽车品牌] |
| [06:39] | And I’m gonna drive around town in my car. | 以及我要开车在城里转 |
| [06:47] | You okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [06:48] | Sorry. I’m so nervous. | 抱歉 我太紧张了 |
| [06:51] | – Me too. – You are? | -我也是 -是吗 |
| [06:52] | About something else. | 不过紧张的是别的事 |
| [06:54] | I brought you some comfort food. Turkey jerky. | 我给你带了些放松身心的食物 土耳其肉干 |
| [06:56] | Organic fruit leather and some Tuscan nut mix. | 有机果泥干和一些托斯卡纳坚果混合包 |
| [07:01] | I’m not really that hungry, though. | 其实我不怎么饿 |
| [07:03] | I never understand when people say that, | 我从来不明白人们这么说的意思 |
| [07:05] | but I anticipated it. | 不过我预料到了 |
| [07:06] | That’s why I had Jaime make you a… ginger blunt man! | 所以我让Jaime给你做了个雪茄姜人 |
| [07:10] | Oh, my God! With real honey! | 天啊 还有真的蜂蜜 |
| [07:13] | While I thought an extraordinary blunt would probably do the trick, | 当我以为一根上等的雪茄也许就可能满足你 |
| [07:16] | I knew I had to take it to the next level. | 我知道我还需要更上一层楼 |
| [07:20] | That almost makes me feel kind of okay. | 这差点就让我感觉不错了 |
| [07:29] | Okay, Ilana Wexler? | 阿拉娜·韦克斯勒 |
| [07:31] | – Uh… kyuh. – Great. | -在 -很好 |
| [07:33] | Somebody groomed their dreadlocks in the bathroom. | 有人在卫生间里打理他们的脏辫 |
| [07:36] | You can get started by cleaning those hair stumps. | 你可以先去清扫那些散落的头发 |
| [07:44] | You know what, Martha? | 知道吗 玛莎 |
| [07:46] | It’s Kristy. | 我叫克里斯蒂 |
| [07:47] | Exactly. | 没错 |
| [07:48] | I feel like you really get me. | 我觉得你很懂我 |
| [07:50] | And you know why? Because you’re a “Kween”. | 知道为什么吗 因为你是女王 |
| [07:52] | And you know who else is a kween? | 知道还有谁是女王吗 |
| [07:55] | She’s a kween. | 她是 |
| [07:56] | And we queens, we cannot be in the back of the bus, | 我们女王不能受不公正待遇 |
| [07:59] | cleaning up white dude’s dreadlocks. | 清扫白人男子的脏辫 |
| [08:02] | “Ja-feel”? | 懂吗 |
| [08:03] | – Do you want another assignment? – Yas, yas, yas. | -你想要别的任务吗 -是的 是的 |
| [08:06] | Okay, why don’t you just go | 那你去帮克雷格 |
| [08:07] | help out Craig with setting up the bulk bins? | 安置散粒储存箱吧 |
| [08:09] | Okay, Craig… | 好吧 克雷格 |
| [08:28] | I mean… kyuh. | 我是说 好 |
| [08:37] | Since when do you bite your nails? | 你什么时候开始咬指甲的 |
| [08:40] | I didn’t even notice. I do it when I’m nervous. | 我也不知道 我紧张的时候就会咬 |
| [08:42] | You can’t be nervous, you’re my rock today. | 你不能紧张 今天你是我坚实的后盾 |
| [08:44] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [08:46] | Ilana, what are you doing? | 阿拉娜 你在干什么 |
| [08:48] | This is dangerous! Prisons are safe, but they’re not that safe! | 这很危险 监狱虽然安全 但也没那么安全 |
| [08:51] | I need to be swaddled! | 我需要被抱住 |
| [08:52] | Come on, if you’re not gonna swaddle me, | 快 如果你不抱我 |
| [08:54] | at least let me drive and give me road head. | 至少让我开车 然后你给我口 |
| [08:55] | Well, do you want to die and how does that even work? | 你是想死吗 那要怎么做 |
| [08:57] | Road hand, whatever. | 用手也行 随便了 |
| [08:59] | Just quit the pillow talk and get me off! | 别废话快帮我高潮 |
| [09:01] | I’m driving! | 我在开车 |
| [09:03] | All I’m saying is that we are on the fast track to, like, | 我的意思是我们正在通往 |
| [09:06] | caramel and queerdom. | 混血和酷儿主义的快速通道上 |
| [09:09] | Sexuality is on a spectrum. | 性取向多种多样 |
| [09:11] | It’s like, we are just dancers in the dark, | 我们好比是在黑暗中的舞者 |
| [09:13] | we’re just shards. | 我们是碎屑 |
| [09:16] | “Shweet” Ink. | 文身8错 |
| [09:18] | “Shweet” Ink, brah! | 文身8错 哥们 |
| [09:20] | Sweet tat. | 文身不错 |
| [09:22] | Thanks, it’s inspired by a Bukowski poem. | 谢谢 这是受了布考斯基的诗的启发 |
| [09:24] | I actually drew it. | 我自己文的 |
| [09:25] | – You drew this? – Yeah. | -你文的 -对 |
| [09:27] | I’m an artist. | 我是艺术家 |
| [09:29] | I mean, not that I pay the bills with it. | 当然我并不靠这个糊口 |
| [09:31] | That is amazing, me… | 那太棒了 我 |
| [09:33] | Me… me friend is an artist | 我 我朋友也是个艺术家 |
| [09:36] | that does not pay the bills with it, either. | 也不靠搞艺术糊口 |
| [09:38] | So I get that. Uh, her name is Abbi. | 所以我能体会 她叫艾比 |
| [09:41] | Oh, cool, what’s she make? | 不错啊 她做什么的 |
| [09:43] | Well, she’s actually mostly an illustrator. | 她主要画插画 |
| [09:45] | I can actually show you. | 我可以给你看看她的作品 |
| [09:47] | She sends it to me. | 她发给我的 |
| [09:48] | She has this new series called “Where Are They Now?” | 她正在画一个新系列叫《它们现在在哪儿》 |
| [09:51] | And it’s, like, popular toys and stuff from the ’90s | 就是90年代流行的玩具 |
| [09:55] | doing, like, office jobs. | 在办公室里工作 |
| [09:57] | They’re hilarious. I love it. | 很有意思 我喜欢 |
| [09:58] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [10:00] | Yeah. I mean, I knew you would. | 就知道你会喜欢 |
| [10:02] | ‘Cause Abbi’s kind of like | 因为艾比就像 |
| [10:03] | this undiscovered genius with an ass of an angel. | 一个长着天使般翘臀 未被发掘的天才 |
| [10:05] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [10:08] | Martha! | 玛莎 |
| [10:09] | It’s Kristy. And that wasn’t funny. | 是克里斯蒂 还有那一点都不好笑 |
| [10:14] | Respect the produce, dude. | 尊重食品 |
| [10:16] | So anyway, where did Abbi go to art school? | 那艾比在什么艺术学校上的学 |
| [10:27] | What are you doing? | 你干什么 |
| [10:29] | Smelling Abbi. | 嗅艾比 |
| [10:30] | Thank you so much, sweet Lincoln. Thank you for calming me today. | 太谢谢你了 亲爱的林肯 谢谢你今天来安抚我 |
| [10:34] | You challenged me to grow and be a big girl. | 你激发我变得更成熟 |
| [10:36] | Ilana Wexler? | 阿拉娜·韦克斯勒 |
| [10:39] | – No, no, no, no, no! – Ilana. | -不 不 不 -阿拉娜 |
| [10:41] | – No, no, no, no, no, no, no! – Ilana. Ilana! | -不 不 不 -阿拉娜 阿拉娜 |
| [10:42] | Please stop, please stop, please stop, please stop! | 求你停下 求你停下 |
| [10:44] | You have to have all three shots | 你必须打完全部三针 |
| [10:45] | for the HPV vaccine to even work. | 这样HPV[人乳头瘤病毒]疫苗才能生效 |
| [10:47] | I love my HPV. | 我喜欢我的HPV |
| [10:48] | – I heard your parents are getting a divorce. – What? | -听说你父母要离婚了 -什么 |
| [10:51] | That’s what I say to distract all the kids… | 为了分散小孩儿的注意力我总说这个 |
| [10:53] | – Fucking shit! – When they’re getting their shot. | -靠 -在他们接种疫苗的时候 |
| [10:55] | That’s what they say back to me. | 他们都这么回复我 |
| [10:56] | So, um, you’re all done. | 打完了 |
| [10:59] | Red. | 要红色的 |
| [11:01] | Oh, God. | 天 |
| [11:02] | – Thank you. – Oh, one more thing. | -谢谢 -还有一件事 |
| [11:04] | Can you turn over, please? | 能转下身吗 |
| [11:07] | I’m just kidding. | 逗你的 |
| [11:08] | So gullible. | 你太好骗了 |
| [11:09] | Oh, please, thank your mom for that Coach bag she got me. | 帮我谢谢你妈给我买的蔻驰包 |
| [11:13] | I cannot tell you how many compliments I get on it. | 你不知道有多少人称赞那包 |
| [11:15] | She really knows how to pick ’em. Doesn’t it look so real? | 她真的知道怎么选 看着是不是很逼真 |
| [11:21] | You’re kidding. | 你在说笑吧 |
| [11:25] | And a’nudder tang… | 还有件事 |
| [11:27] | Abbi’s just incredibly bold and dynamic. | 艾比非常大胆 活力四射 |
| [11:30] | One summer, she traveled across the country following Phish, | 有年夏天 她为了追Phish[摇滚乐队]跑遍全国 |
| [11:33] | selling mushroom chocolates. | 售卖蘑菇巧克力 |
| [11:35] | No way, I was a Phish head. | 不会吧 我以前是Phish死忠 |
| [11:36] | – Me too. – Me too. | -我也是 -我也是 |
| [11:38] | Set the gear shift to the high gear of your soul. | 把变速排档调成你灵魂的高速档 |
| [11:40] | Run like an antelope outta control. | 像发疯了的羚羊一样狂奔 |
| [11:44] | Are you a Phish head, too? | 你也是Phish死忠吗 |
| [11:46] | No. Not me. Uh, Abbi is. | 不 不是我 艾比才是 |
| [11:49] | I just know the one lyric. | 我就知道一句歌词 |
| [11:57] | You still seem stressed. | 你看着还是很紧张 |
| [11:59] | You want to blow off some steam? | 想发泄下吗 |
| [12:01] | You know, I’m technically Abbi today, | 严格来说我今天是艾比 |
| [12:03] | so if we hook up, it’s… kind of a threesome. | 所以如果我们做爱 可以算是3P |
| [12:07] | To be honest, | 老实说 |
| [12:09] | I’ve been working up the courage to tell you something all day. | 今天一整天我都在努力鼓足勇气和你说件事 |
| [12:13] | This is hard. | 真的很难 |
| [12:17] | I hooked up with someone else. | 我和别人睡了 |
| [12:28] | – Not bad. – Not bad. | -不错嘛 -不错 |
| [12:30] | I know we just met, so… | 我知道我们刚认识 |
| [12:32] | I hope this doesn’t seem too forward, | 我希望这不会显得太激进 |
| [12:34] | but I was wondering what you think about maybe… | 我在想你能不能 |
| [12:38] | setting me up with Abbi. | 帮我和艾比牵线 |
| [12:41] | She seems really, really cool. | 她好像很酷的样子 |
| [12:43] | I would love to go out. | 我很乐意约会 |
| [12:46] | Wait, uh, I was talking about your friend. | 等等 我是在说你朋友 |
| [12:49] | No, I know, it’s like, “Mmmdoy”! | 我知道 抱歉 |
| [12:52] | You two are gonna be, like, so hot, | 你们俩会超级热辣 |
| [12:54] | you’re gonna be like, | 像这样 |
| [12:55] | Both get, like, super wet, downtown! | 两个都浑身湿透 下面 |
| [12:59] | Down twat! | 下面 |
| [13:00] | Vape life! | 大麻生活 |
| [13:14] | Did I do that? | 刚才是我吗 |
| [13:23] | So you’re telling me she jerked you off | 你说她用的什么油 |
| [13:25] | for eight minutes with what kind of oil? | 帮你打了8分钟飞机 |
| [13:27] | Almond. | 杏仁油 |
| [13:35] | Then you had sex doggy style, and who finished first? | 然后你们又用狗交式做爱 谁先高潮 |
| [13:38] | – I don’t… – Tell me! | -我不 -快说 |
| [13:40] | She did? | 她 |
| [13:51] | And then you spooned watching | 然后你们依偎着在油管上 |
| [13:53] | YouTube videos of news anchor fails. | 看新闻主播出糗视频 |
| [13:55] | Who was which spoon? | 谁是哪根勺子 |
| [13:57] | I was the little spoon! | 我是小的那根 |
| [14:04] | That is so fucking hot! | 这真是太他妈性感了 |
| [14:14] | Couldn’t read that reaction for a while. | 想不到会是这种反应 |
| [14:17] | Thank you so much for telling me that, woo! | 谢谢你告诉我 |
| [14:19] | We are a modern day Will and Jada. We are open sex friends. | 我们就是当今的Will和Jada 我们是开放式炮友 |
| [14:22] | – We are poly, we are bi. – I’m not bi. | -我们是多角恋 我们是双性恋 -我不是双性恋 |
| [14:26] | You’re right, | 你说得对 |
| [14:27] | how do I know if I haven’t truly tested my boundaries? | 如果还没试探过自己的界限我又怎么会知道呢 |
| [14:31] | Honestly, I’ve never felt closer to you. | 坦白说 我从来没有觉得和你这么接近过 |
| [14:33] | You are a damn king. | 你是个国王 |
| [14:36] | What if we tricked her into having a threesome? | 我们要不要骗她来玩3P |
| [14:39] | People really shouldn’t trick other people into having sex. | 人们不应该骗别人做爱 |
| [14:45] | I’ve heard so many women say that, | 我听过很多女人这么说 |
| [14:48] | but when you say it, I really hear it. | 但当你说出后 我真的听到了 |
| [14:51] | All right, penis kiss. | 好吧 亲下鸡鸡 |
| [14:55] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [15:02] | So, wait. All porn is kiddie porn? | 等等 所有的色情片都是儿童色情 |
| [15:04] | Basically, all entertainment is porn. It’s like, everywhere. | 基本上所有的娱乐都是色情 到处都是 |
| [15:07] | It’s like, soon, they’re gonna be, like, | 要不了多久 它们就会 |
| [15:09] | screening on the inside of our eyes. | 在我们眼睛里播放了 |
| [15:10] | Ab, Ab, Ab, Ab. | 小艾 小艾 小艾 小艾 |
| [15:13] | What? | 什么事 |
| [15:14] | Lincoln hooked up with another girl. | 林肯睡了别人 |
| [15:16] | She started by jerking him off with almond oil. | 她先用杏仁油帮他打飞机 |
| [15:18] | She went slow but really tight squeeze… | 节奏很慢但是很紧 |
| [15:21] | Dude, you gotta go. | 姐们儿 你快离开 |
| [15:22] | I’ve been hitting it off with this guy and it’s complicated. | 我和一个人很来电 说来话长 |
| [15:27] | Is this your friend Abbi? | 这就是你朋友艾比吗 |
| [15:29] | Yeah, this is my friend, Abbi. | 对 这就是我朋友 艾比 |
| [15:32] | Ab, this is Craig. | 小艾 这是克雷格 |
| [15:35] | A guy. | 一个男人 |
| [15:40] | Hi, I’m Abbi. | 你好 我是艾比 |
| [15:43] | I love pugs. | 我喜欢哈巴狗 |
| [15:45] | My family comes from a long line of colonial Jews. | 我家世代都是殖民犹太人 |
| [15:50] | Ilana has told me so much about you. | 阿拉娜跟我讲了很多关于你的事 |
| [15:52] | It’s crazy how much we have in common. | 我们共同点如此多真是太不可思议了 |
| [15:53] | On the count of three, your favorite Phish album. | 我数三下 说出你最爱的Phish专辑 |
| [15:55] | One, two, three. “Rift”! | 一 二 三 《裂缝》 |
| [16:00] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [16:01] | I have to take this. | 我得接下这电话 |
| [16:03] | Hello? | 喂 |
| [16:05] | It’s my doctor with the X-rays. | 是帮我拍X光照片的医生 |
| [16:09] | What?! | 什么 |
| [16:10] | No, I don’t need a labia reduction, | 不 我不需要缩小阴唇 |
| [16:12] | I was just asking about it. | 我之前只是问问 |
| [16:14] | And I’m gonna make a call to the Better Business Bureau. | 我要给商业改进局打个电话 |
| [16:22] | Listen, on paper, Abbi seems perfect. | 听着 理论上 艾比似乎很完美 |
| [16:25] | But she’s just not my type physically. | 但她的身材不是我的菜 |
| [16:28] | I like a girl with a butt. | 我喜欢有翘臀的女生 |
| [16:30] | Me! Me, I have… butt. | 我 我 我有翘臀 |
| [16:33] | Okay, come here. | 好吧 这边来 |
| [16:39] | I’ve been pretending to be Ilana. | 我一直在假扮阿拉娜 |
| [16:41] | I’m really Abbi. Hi. | 我其实是艾比 你好 |
| [16:44] | Wait, what? | 等下 你说什么 |
| [16:45] | All that stuff I said about Abbi, that’s me. | 之前我说的那些艾比的事 都是我 |
| [16:48] | I’m her. | 我就是她 |
| [16:49] | Abbi. I’m an artist, okay? I love Phish. | 艾比 我是艺术家 我喜欢Phish |
| [16:52] | I wear full-length shirts. | 我穿全长T恤 |
| [16:54] | This isn’t me. This is me. | 这不是我 这才是我 |
| [16:58] | You impersonated someone to cover a shift at the co-op? | 你假扮某人来合作社代班 |
| [17:01] | Technically, that is… how I would explain it. | 差不多就是这样 |
| [17:06] | No way. | 不可能 |
| [17:08] | The Abbi I’ve been hearing about all day | 我今天听到的艾比 |
| [17:10] | would never do something like this. | 绝不会做这种事 |
| [17:12] | She would, | 会的 |
| [17:13] | ’cause I did, for my best friend. | 因为我做了 为了我最好的朋友 |
| [17:17] | I don’t know what’s more disgusting. | 我不知道哪个更恶心 |
| [17:20] | The fact that you’ve been lying to me all day | 你骗了我一整天 |
| [17:22] | or the fact that you tried to cheat the co-op. | 还是你在合作社里作弊 |
| [17:26] | This is a place of trust. | 这是一个互相信任的地方 |
| [17:29] | In the words of Phish, | 用Phish的话说 |
| [17:31] | “Deduct the carrots from your pay, | “从你的酬劳里扣除额外奖励 |
| [17:33] | you worthless, swampy fool.” | 你个没用的臭死人的蠢货” |
| [17:38] | “Cavern.” I love that song. | 《洞穴》我喜欢那首歌 |
| [17:41] | Every 46 minutes of it. | 46分钟每分钟都喜欢 |
| [17:44] | How slick was that labia mention, right? | 刚才我说阴唇是不是很有才 |
| [17:47] | Yeah. How slick. | 是啊 有才死了 |
| [17:53] | You signed a billion-year contract | 你签署了一个十亿年的合同 |
| [17:56] | specifically prohibiting the sharing of shifts. | 明令禁止让他人代班 |
| [18:00] | Guess I didn’t read the fine print. | 大概是我没看小字 |
| [18:02] | There it is, okay. | 看到了 懂了 |
| [18:05] | I’m sorry, but are you… breastfeeding? | 不好意思 你是在用母乳喂养吗 |
| [18:08] | The power of co-op produce has made me fertile | 合作社的食物让我在50岁后 |
| [18:11] | into my 50s and beyond. | 还能生育 |
| [18:14] | So amazing. | 太棒了 |
| [18:15] | Don’t try and butter me up, I’m a vegan. | 别给我抹黄油[拍我马屁] 我是素食主义者 |
| [18:18] | – No butter. – I just got it. | -不抹黄油 -我刚懂了 |
| [18:19] | You two are SPs. Shitty peoples. | 你们两个是SP 人渣 |
| [18:24] | You belong on garbage island. | 你们该去垃圾岛 |
| [18:26] | Nobody belongs on garbage island! | 没人该去垃圾岛 |
| [18:29] | – We as a society are very… – Puh-leeze! I know your type. | -我们作为一个团体是 -得了吧 我知道你们是什么样的人 |
| [18:33] | You act and you think like you’re all eco-conscious. | 一副自以为你们有生态意识的样子 |
| [18:36] | But I see you with your iced coffees | 但我看到了你们的冰咖啡 |
| [18:39] | and your food to go. | 和快餐 |
| [18:41] | You are garbage island, and you are officially | 你们就是垃圾岛 你们正式 |
| [18:45] | disconnected from the co-op for life. | 被合作社永久驱逐 |
| [18:49] | Fine. I hear the Bushwick co-op is better anyway. | 切 我听说布什威克合作社更好 |
| [18:54] | All the co-ops are connected. | 所有合作社都是互通的 |
| [18:56] | We also have connections with security at Whole Foods. | 我们还认识全食超市的安保部门 |
| [18:59] | That’s right, you two are going to be eating | 是的 你们俩将要在你们 |
| [19:03] | vending machine food | 短暂的一生中 |
| [19:05] | and bodega veggies for the rest of your very short lives. | 以贩卖机食物和酒窖蔬菜为食 |
| [19:12] | Now, get the fuck out. | 滚吧 |
| [19:14] | Jesus. | 天 |
| [19:15] | You “Carniv-whores”! | 吃肉食的素食婊 |
| [19:18] | Go on! | 滚快点 |
| [19:21] | Robert Oh, Robert. | |
| [19:23] | Robert Owen | 食品合作社创始人 |
| [19:25] | Oh, latch. | 吃吧 |
| [19:27] | And then he gave her water for her cranberry pills. | 然后他给她递水吃蔓越莓胶囊 |
| [19:30] | She’s prone to UTls. | 她容易尿路感染 |
| [19:33] | But you’re not jealous at all? | 但你一点也不忌妒 |
| [19:34] | You know, if you love something, | 你知道 如果你喜欢某样东西 |
| [19:35] | you have to let it have sex with other people. | 你就得让它和别人做爱 |
| [19:37] | And then if it comes back to you, dope, | 如果它回来找你 酷 |
| [19:39] | ’cause you also get to have sex with other people. | 这样你也能和别人做爱了 |
| [19:41] | I never heard that version. | 我从没听过这版解释 |
| [19:43] | I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| [19:45] | My whole arm hurts. | 我整个手臂都痛 |
| [19:48] | Don’t you already have HPV? | 你不是已经有HPV了吗 |
| [19:51] | Of course I have HPV. | 我当然有了 |
| [19:54] | I’d almost be embarrassed not to have HPV at this point. | 这个时候我要是还没有的话我就太丢人了 |
| [19:58] | Totally. | 是的 |
| [19:59] | But now, I don’t have the three strains | 不过现在我没有那三个能 |
| [20:01] | that can cause cervical cancer. | 造成子宫颈癌的菌株了 |
| [20:04] | You know… | 你知道 |
| [20:07] | it’s okay, what happened with Craig. | 克雷格的事 其实没什么 |
| [20:09] | It’s like, yeah, we hit it off. | 没错 我们很来电 |
| [20:11] | Yeah, he was like, really fucking hot. | 没错 他很性感 |
| [20:13] | – Yeah. – Yeah, he seemed to really like “Abbi.” | -嗯 -没错 他好像很喜欢艾比 |
| [20:16] | Things just don’t work out, but he was right about one thing. | 我们有缘无分 不过他说对了一件事 |
| [20:19] | “Rift” is without a doubt Phish’s best album. | 《裂缝》毫无疑问是Phish最好的专辑 |
| [20:22] | Studio album, at least. | 至少在录音室专辑里是 |
| [20:24] | Can I tell you something? | 我能和你说点事吗 |
| [20:25] | I don’t think I’ve ever heard a fucking Phish song. | 我好像从没听过一首该死的Phish的歌 |
| [20:27] | What? | 不会吧 |
| [20:28] | And that fucking was for the P-H. | 该死说的是PH两个字母 |
| [20:30] | Yeah, never. | 是的 从没 |
| [20:31] | – No. – But, like, I feel like I get it, like, it’s all, like. | -不会吧 -但我感觉我能懂 就像 |
| [20:39] | No. | 不对 |
| [20:41] | No, dude. | 不对 姐们儿 |
| [20:42] | It’s not far off though. | 不过也没太左 |