| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Max. Do you have any gum? | 麦克斯 你有口香糖吗 |
| [00:04] | My breath tastes like someone else’s breath. | 我的口气闻着像别人的口气 |
| [00:08] | You’re asking me if I have any gum? | 你居然问我有没有口香糖 |
| [00:10] | That’s like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts. | 就跟问新泽西有没有淫娃一样 |
| [00:10] | 新泽西州发生过校园欺辱事件 21名女新生遭学姐列入”淫娃名单”恶搞 在校园内散布 | |
| [00:13] | Great. There were onions in my street meat. | 谢了 我刚在街上买的肉里有洋葱 |
| [00:16] | Listen to me. “Onions in my street meat.” | 你听啊 “街上买的肉里有洋葱” |
| [00:18] | Last year, I was taking meetings on wall street. | 去年 我是华尔街开会的有钱人 |
| [00:21] | This year, I’m eating meat from the street by a wall. | 今年 我是靠墙吃从街上买的肉的穷人 |
| [00:25] | Meat肉 音似meet会议 Wall street华尔街 直译 墙街 | |
| [00:26] | Let’s see. Phone, chapstick. | 我找找啊 手机 润唇膏 |
| [00:30] | A pill! | 药丸 |
| [00:31] | Could be birth control, could be ecstasy. | 可能是避孕药 也可能是摇头丸 |
| [00:33] | Waiting for a day off to find out. | 找天休息 一试便知 |
| [00:36] | Why wait? | 算了 等屁呀 |
| [00:40] | If I start touching your hair in an hour, | 如果一小时后我开始摸你的头发 |
| [00:42] | don’t let me have sex with anyone. | 千万要阻止我去摸别人的鸟 |
| [00:46] | Max! | 麦克斯 |
| [00:48] | Max, what’s this? | 麦克斯 这是什么 |
| [00:50] | It’s addressed to Max’s homemade cupcakes. | 地址写的是麦克斯自制蛋糕店 |
| [00:52] | Really? I thought that was just a thing | 是吗 我以为这只是我随手 |
| [00:53] | I wrote the new pizza place info on. | 拿来写新批萨店信息的纸呢 |
| [00:56] | It’s a $200 check from that office party we did. | 这是上次办公室聚会赚的那200块 |
| [00:59] | Max’s homemade cupcakes in type! | “麦克斯自制蛋糕店”还是印上去的呢 |
| [01:01] | No way, I’ve never been typed out before! | 天啊 我这辈子还没收过支票 |
| [01:04] | I’ve been cash, I’ve been sweaty 20s pushed into my palm, | 我收过现金 我收过一堆手汗打湿的20块钱 |
| [01:07] | but I’ve never been typed! | 但我从来没收过支票 |
| [01:10] | We’s all grown up! We’s legit! | 我们店进步了 我们店变合法了 |
| [01:13] | Listen up, diner! I just hit the big time. | 听好了 吃货们 姐赚大钱了 |
| [01:16] | No more serving up slop to you lowlifes. | 再也不用给你们这些废柴端菜了 |
| [01:18] | So everybody can suck it! | 你们都吃屎去吧 |
| [01:20] | My waitress days are over. | 姐的服务生涯就此终结 |
| [01:22] | – Can I get some more coffee? – Sure. | -能再给我来点咖啡吗 -马上 |
| [01:43] | Earl, what are you doing? | 厄尔 你怎么能这样 |
| [01:45] | Employees are not allowed to drink diner liquor. | 员工可不能随便喝餐馆里的酒 |
| [01:47] | Now, hold up, Han. It’s April 16th. | 阿憨 别拦我 今天是4月16号 |
| [01:50] | Do you know what day tomorrow is? | 你知道明天是什么日子吗 |
| [01:52] | Oh, of course. Happy Martin Luther King day. | 当然 马丁·路德·金日快乐 |
| [01:57] | Enjoy a drink on me. | 我请你喝一杯 |
| [01:58] | It’s not Martin Luther King day. | 不是马丁·路德·金日啦 |
| [02:00] | Black people are allowed to be excited about | 黑人也可以庆祝 |
| [02:01] | other days too, you know. | 别的日子好不好 |
| [02:04] | Is there a new Tyler Perry movie coming out? | 泰勒·派瑞出新电影了吗 |
| [02:10] | No, Kim Jong Il. | 不是 金正日先生 |
| [02:13] | It’s tax day. | 是报税日 |
| [02:14] | And I always treat myself to a Brandy when I do my taxes | 而我习惯在核算税费的时候 喝杯白兰地 |
| [02:17] | because I need to be drunk when I see that refund amount. | 因为我不忍在清醒的时候看到退税金额 |
| [02:22] | Chicken breast, side of hot sauce. | 鸡胸肉配辣酱 |
| [02:25] | Breast? Hot sauce? Come on, it’s right there. | 胸 辣酱 拜托 淫起你的好湿句 |
| [02:28] | Max, now that I have big love for Sophie, | 麦克斯 我的爱都给苏菲了 |
| [02:31] | I no longer say inappropriate sexual things to other women. | 不会再对别的女人”淫”诗作对了 |
| [02:34] | I save all my hot sauce for her breasts. | 我的”辣酱”都留给她的大胸了 |
| [02:39] | Love has made you a real old lady. | 爱情让你变得婆婆妈妈的啊 |
| [02:42] | Here you go, Brandy man. Enjoy. | 给 白兰地男 好好享用 |
| [02:44] | Max, you got a stamp? | 麦克斯 你有邮票吗 |
| [02:45] | I wanna drop this off in the mail on my way home. | 我想在回家时 顺便把这封信寄出去 |
| [02:47] | I have one in my purse. I’ll just get it. | 我包包里有一张 这就去给你找 |
| [02:49] | Max, he wants to file this year. | 麦克斯 人家是想今年报税 |
| [02:51] | He doesn’t have time for the search party | 才没空等搜索小队 |
| [02:52] | to go into your purse and return. | 钻进你的包包 把邮票救出来 |
| [02:54] | Hey, it’s a purse. It’s supposed to be messy. | 喂 包包本应乱糟糟 |
| [02:57] | No, it’s supposed to be a purse, | 不 包包本应齐整整 |
| [02:59] | not a retirement home for a pair of panties | 而非一堆失禁老人穿过的 |
| [03:01] | stuck to old lifesavers. | 内裤的养老院 |
| [03:04] | I’m kinda off my meal now. | 现在我吃不下了 |
| [03:08] | I have a stamp right here, Earl. | 我马上就能拿出邮票 厄尔 |
| [03:11] | There, see? Order versus chaos. | 看见没 秩序对比混乱 |
| [03:14] | Also known as OCD versus | 也是OCD[强迫症]对比 |
| [03:17] | “Oh, here’s a CD I forgot I had.” | “噢 我都忘了我有这张CD” |
| [03:22] | Would you prefer a flower, flag, or a love stamp? | 邮票要什么图案 花 旗帜或心形 |
| [03:24] | Ladies, I don’t care which, I just wanna get these taxes | 姑娘们 哪个都行 我只想在截止日期前 |
| [03:27] | in the mail before the deadline. | 把报税单寄出去 |
| [03:28] | – Earl, you do your own taxes? – I surely do. | -厄尔 你自己报税吗 -当然 |
| [03:31] | Proud to say I haven’t missed a year since 1950 | 我可以很自豪地说 从1950年开始从不间断 |
| [03:34] | when I had my first job as Frank Sinatra’s ball boy. | 那时候我第一份工作是法兰克·辛纳屈的球童 |
| [03:38] | Ball boy? Was he a good tennis player? | 球童 他还是个网球好手吗 |
| [03:41] | No, darling, he didn’t play tennis. | 不 亲爱的 他不玩网球 |
| [03:43] | The job was washing his balls. | 那工作就是给他清洗蛋蛋[球] |
| [03:47] | And that was good work for those times. | 在那个年代 这可是一份好工作啊 |
| [03:51] | Do you mind if I look over your 1040 | 我可以看一下你的1040表吗 |
| [03:52] | to see if I can increase your return? | 看看能不能多帮你报点退税 |
| [03:54] | Do you, Wharton, do you. | 请便 沃顿高材生 请便 |
| [03:58] | Well, at first glance, | 一眼看过去 |
| [03:59] | I see you short-changed yourself on some deductions. | 我发现你忽略了几个税额扣除项目 |
| [04:01] | There’s 500 right there. | 这里就有500块 |
| [04:03] | Why don’t you sign this now, and I’ll save you what I can | 你何不直接签个名字 我回去看看怎么弄 |
| [04:05] | and then drop it in the mail tomorrow? | 然后明天再帮你寄出去 |
| [04:07] | Max, look at this. | 麦克斯 瞧瞧 |
| [04:08] | Blonde ambition here just saved me $500. | 野心金发妹刚帮我省500块呢 |
| [04:08] | 电影《美女的野心 Blonde ambition 》讲述的是 一个金发美女变成职业女性的故事 | |
| [04:12] | Really? That’s pretty cool. | 真的吗 挺不错啊 |
| [04:14] | Oh! There’s another 100. | 这里还有100块 |
| [04:15] | – No way, that’s awesome. – Ding, ding, ding. | -靠 厉害死了 -叮 叮 叮 |
| [04:18] | It’s like I won the slots without being surrounded | 就像我玩老虎机赢钱 身边却没有围满 |
| [04:20] | by those pissed off ladies with emphysema. | 嫉妒到气得肺气肿的女人 |
| [04:25] | But how could you not know | 你怎么会不知道 |
| [04:26] | there was a cupcake check in your purse? | 你包包里有一张蛋糕赚的支票呢 |
| [04:27] | It just got mixed in. | 无意间都塞进去了呗 |
| [04:29] | And anyway, who still sends important stuff | 话说现在哪还有人 |
| [04:31] | through the mail these days? | 把重要的东西用信寄啊 |
| [04:32] | What are we, pioneers? | 我们又不是早期拓荒者 |
| [04:34] | No, we’re businesswomen, | 不 我们是商人 |
| [04:36] | and we need to keep track of every penny. | 得记下每一分钱 |
| [04:38] | Hey, should we frame it and hang it on the wall? | 是不是应该把它裱起来 然后挂在墙上啊 |
| [04:40] | That way when we’re two billionaire bitches | 这样等那天我们俩成了亿万富婊子 |
| [04:42] | who hate each other’s guts, | 互相恨透对方时 |
| [04:43] | we can look at the check and remember. | 可以看看那张支票 回想当年 |
| [04:47] | Max, I’ll never hate your guts. | 麦克斯 我永远不会恨你 |
| [04:49] | You don’t know. | 这可不好说 |
| [04:50] | Business pressure, | 生意压力 |
| [04:51] | you caught me sleeping with your husband, | 我跟你丈夫偷情 被你捉奸在床 |
| [04:52] | anger about your bad facelift. | 整容整坏了 迁怒于我 |
| [04:55] | Oh, honey, I will never have a bad facelift. | 亲爱的 我永远不会整坏的 |
| [04:57] | I’ve been collecting names of good doctors since I was 11, | 我从11岁开始 就在收集好医生的名字 |
| [05:00] | and I was terrified by my piano teacher | 因为当时我被我钢琴老师吓到 |
| [05:02] | whose nose was suddenly here. | 她的鼻子突然就跑到这里了 |
| [05:06] | That’s pretty cool of you to do Earl’s taxes for him. | 你帮厄尔报税的行为真酷 |
| [05:08] | I’m happy to. | 我乐意帮忙 |
| [05:09] | After all, finance is my field of expertise. | 毕竟 金融是我擅长的领域嘛 |
| [05:12] | Yeah, pretty cool. | 对 超酷的 |
| [05:14] | You know, all that stuff. | 我说了那么多有的没的 |
| [05:15] | Helpful hints and whatnot. | 你应该懂吧 |
| [05:18] | Cripes! What more do I have to do, | 天啊 还要我怎么暗示啊 |
| [05:19] | Rouge my boobs | 像阿姆斯特丹的妓女那样 |
| [05:20] | and stand in a storefront window in Amsterdam? | 一丝不挂的站在橱窗里卖骚才够”明显”吗 |
| [05:23] | Are you gonna help me with my taxes or not? | 你到底帮不帮我报税呀 |
| [05:26] | Max, I don’t know if it’s a good idea. | 麦克斯 我不知道这是否是个好主意 |
| [05:27] | I’ve seen your purse. I can only imagine your taxes. | 我见识过你的包包 你的税务更是可想而知 |
| [05:30] | Can you let go of the purse? It’s just a messy bag. | 能不能不说包包了 不就乱了点吗 |
| [05:33] | It’s not like I lost your child in the outback. | 我又没把你的孩子丢失在沙漠地带 |
| [05:36] | It’s symptomatic. Here, look at my purse. | 我是以小见大 你看我的包 |
| [05:39] | You know what, never mind. | 好了 你还是算了吧 |
| [05:41] | It’s too late for a purse smackdown. | 现在批评我的包包太晚了 |
| [05:43] | But for the record, even if you win now, | 况且 就算你说赢了我 |
| [05:45] | my purse will kick your purse’s ass. | 我的包还是能把你的包打死 |
| [05:47] | Later, after it spent two weeks learning your purse’s schedule. | 当然 等它先花两周了解你包包的行程 |
| [05:52] | Organized, clean, perfect. Look. | 有序 干净 完美 快看 |
| [05:55] | Just look at it. | 快看呀 |
| [05:57] | Look at it, Max. It won’t bite. | 快看嘛 麦克斯 它不会咬人 |
| [05:59] | Who are you, my mother’s third boyfriend? | 我妈的第三任男友才说这话 |
| [06:03] | And truthfully, before I saw that check, | 坦白说 在我看见那张支票之前 |
| [06:05] | I wasn’t even going to file. | 我没想过要报税 |
| [06:07] | But now that our business is getting real, | 但现在生意越来越像一回事 |
| [06:09] | maybe I should start getting real about my finances. | 我才打算把我的财政状况当一回事 |
| [06:11] | I mean, when we are two billionaire bitches, | 等咱俩真的成了亿万富婊子 |
| [06:14] | I don’t want the government to swoop in | 我可不想政府半路杀出来 |
| [06:15] | and Wesley snipe us for back taxes. | 然后韦斯利为了税务而狙击咱俩 |
| [06:15] | 韦斯利·斯奈普斯(Wesley Snipes) 系列电影《刀锋战士》男主角 有过逃税历史 姓氏Snipes与狙击同字 | |
| [06:18] | Okay, great. We’ll do it tomorrow. | 好吧 那明天帮你 |
| [06:20] | And I promise, no more purse slams starting now. | 我保证 从现在开始我再也不批评你包包了 |
| [06:24] | Who is that? | 谁呀 |
| [06:25] | CNN. They found a 34th Chilean miner in your purse. | 新闻台 他们在你包包发现第34名智利矿工 |
| [06:31] | Okay, okay! Starting now. | 好啦 好啦 从现在正式开始 |
| [06:35] | – Who is it? – Kim Kardashian. | -谁呀 -金·卡戴珊 |
| [06:40] | No. I’m not Kim Kardashian. | 不 我不是金·卡戴珊啦 |
| [06:43] | No, I work for a living. | 老娘不靠作秀圈钱 |
| [06:53] | Hey, Sophie, you come down for your cupcake nightcap? | 苏菲 你是下来吃睡前小蛋糕的吗 |
| [06:55] | Yeah, thank you, Max. | 对 谢啦 麦克斯 |
| [06:57] | But tonight I’m going to take two. | 不过今晚我要吃两个 |
| [06:59] | ‘Cause I’m getting ready to date | 因为我得为约会做准备 |
| [07:01] | and I wanna get back to my fighting weight. | 我得回到我的”战斗体重” |
| [07:04] | Sophie, what do you mean you’re getting ready to date again? | 苏菲 你说准备跟人约会是什么意思 |
| [07:06] | Oh, well, there’s some really cute new guys | 在波兰酒吧那 有几个真心不错的 |
| [07:09] | down at the Polish club. | 新帅哥 |
| [07:10] | And… oh, my gosh, one in particular | 而且 老天 还有一个长得 |
| [07:13] | is like a cross between Vin Diesel and Viggo Mortensen. | 特别像范·迪塞尔和维戈·莫特森的混合版 |
| [07:13] | 范·迪塞尔 肌肉男星 代表作《速度与激情》 维戈·莫特森 气质男星 代表作《魔戒》 | |
| [07:17] | Yeah, so rich and handsome | 没错 又富又帅 |
| [07:20] | you almost don’t notice the wheelchair. | 让人都快忘了他还坐着轮椅 |
| [07:23] | Hard to resist a man in New York who’s got his own ride. | 在纽约有”车”的男人实在难以抗拒啊 |
| [07:27] | I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. | 抱歉 我不是故意要打听 |
| [07:29] | Oh, then don’t. | 那就闭嘴 |
| [07:31] | It’s just what about you and Oleg? | 那你和奥列格算什么呀 |
| [07:33] | He thinks you two are a couple. | 他以为你俩是情侣呢 |
| [07:36] | A couple? | 情侣 |
| [07:38] | No, this is crazy talk. | 不 这话也太扯了吧 |
| [07:41] | I mean, yes, we have had some hot, dirty sex | 没错 我们曾有过火辣淫秽的性爱 |
| [07:44] | in a few kitchens and toilets, and… | 比如在厨房和厕所 |
| [07:46] | On the floor of a sandwich shop in the subway. | 在地铁站的三明治店地上 |
| [07:49] | Plus twice we did it like dogs on the hallway stairs | 还有两次是在走廊楼梯用狗狗式 |
| [07:52] | and on every smooth surface in my apartment. | 以及在我公寓的每一平面 |
| [07:54] | But I mean, come on. I mean, that’s it. | 可拜托 仅此而已 |
| [07:57] | I’m a lady. | 我可是位淑女 |
| [07:59] | Sophie, I can’t believe I’m about to say this, | 苏菲 真不敢相信我会说这种话 |
| [08:02] | but for Oleg, it’s not just about sex. | 但对奥列格来说 你们之间不只是性 |
| [08:05] | He feels things for you. | 他对你有爱意 |
| [08:06] | I know for a fact he’s buying you a special gift. | 我还知道他为你准备了份特殊的礼物 |
| [08:09] | Tell her, Max. | 告诉她 麦克斯 |
| [08:10] | Well, he mentioned something about a fur, | 他是有提过是皮草类的啦 |
| [08:12] | and tonight when he was talking about you | 而且今晚当他说到你的时候 |
| [08:14] | he did use the word “love.” | 也的确用了”爱”这个词 |
| [08:16] | Love? | 爱 |
| [08:18] | Come on, don’t ruin my cupcake buzz. | 拜托 别破坏我的蛋糕雅兴 |
| [08:22] | I mean, this man has no future. | 这个男人没有未来 |
| [08:25] | Of course, he does have a giant penis. | 虽然他有根”大鸟” |
| [08:27] | But no future. | 但没未来啊 |
| [08:29] | I mean, I’ve worked hard to get where I am. | 我辛苦打拼才获得今天的成就 |
| [08:31] | I need a man who has a dream and a drive. | 我需要一个有梦想有冲劲的男人 |
| [08:34] | And I can buy a big giant penis online for $47. | 而且电动”大鸟”在网上才卖47块钱 |
| [08:39] | Really? Add to cart. | 真的吗 马上加入购物车 |
| [08:43] | Well, then you have to tell him | 那你必须告诉他 |
| [08:44] | you’re not interested in going any further. | 你没兴趣跟他走下去 |
| [08:46] | Oh, all right, don’t worry. I will. | 好吧 别担心 我会的 |
| [08:49] | Yeah, I mean, I need this man in my life | 我是说 这个男人对我而言 |
| [08:51] | like I need breast implants. | 就跟隆胸一样 |
| [08:53] | Which is like… Not at all, right? | 就是… 根本没必要嘛 对吧 |
| [09:04] | Here’s another W-2, H&R blonde. | 这有另一张W-2表 税务金发妞 |
| [09:07] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [09:09] | Max, you worked at a Mexican restaurant | 麦克斯 你还在长岛的一家 |
| [09:10] | in long island city? | 墨西哥餐馆工作过啦 |
| [09:12] | Oh, my God, don’t be so judgmental. | 天啊 你别戴有色眼镜行不行 |
| [09:15] | Mira, look! | 快看[西语] |
| [09:16] | I just found a receipt for shoe insoles and double-stick tape. | 我刚找到一张鞋垫和双面胶的收据 |
| [09:19] | Work expense. | 工作花销 |
| [09:20] | Again, senorita, not a write-off. | 再说一遍 小姐[西语] 这不能核销 |
| [09:23] | Like when you asked if you could claim your pot dealer | 跟刚才你问能不能把买毒钱 |
| [09:25] | as an entertainment expense. | 以娱乐花销退税一样 |
| [09:27] | So I was wrong. We’ve all got our talents. | 所以我错了嘛 我们都有各自的天赋 |
| [09:30] | You’re great at doing paperwork, | 你擅长做文书工作 |
| [09:32] | and I’m great at baking | 而我擅长烘培 |
| [09:33] | and finding places to have sex at carnivals. | 和在嘉年华找做爱的绝佳地点 |
| [09:36] | Just add that to the pile I’m calling | 把这个放进我命名为 |
| [09:38] | “evidence for your future audit.” | “你未来审计的证据”那一类 |
| [09:40] | Not there, that’s Earl’s tax return. | 不是那里 那是厄尔的退税单 |
| [09:42] | Can I see a copy of what you filed last year? | 我能看一眼你去年的报税单吗 |
| [09:45] | Ugh… I didn’t file last year. | 我去年没报税 |
| [09:47] | Or the year before or any year ever. | 前年也没有 之前每一年都没有 |
| [09:49] | Wait, you’ve never paid your taxes? | 等等 你从来没纳过税吗 |
| [09:51] | No, I’ve never filed my taxes. | 我只是从来没报过税 |
| [09:54] | I’ve paid taxes. I see it on my check. | 我纳过税啊 我在支票上有看到 |
| [09:56] | $8 to the state, 15 in federal income, | 8块给国家 15块给联邦收入 |
| [09:59] | 6.23 to Fica, whoever that lucky bitch is. | 6.23块给”社宝” 那贱货真幸运 |
| [10:03] | Max, why didn’t you tell me the severity of this last night? | 麦克斯 你昨晚怎么不早说你这惨况啊 |
| [10:06] | Um, maybe you haven’t noticed, but I have issues around money. | 你难道不知道 我对钱的事一窍不通吗 |
| [10:10] | Every year, I say I’m going to file, | 每一年 我都下决心要报税 |
| [10:12] | and then I put it off and put it off | 然后拖延症病发 一直拖拖拖 |
| [10:13] | until the day it’s due, like today, | 拖到截止日期的那一天 比如今天 |
| [10:16] | and then I sit down with a 1040 and my W-2s, | 我就拿着1040表和W-2表坐下来 |
| [10:18] | and right around the fourth question, | 回答到大概第四个问题 |
| [10:19] | I’m like, screw it! | 我就会心想 管它去死 |
| [10:21] | I’m gonna watch old soul train clips on YouTube before work. | 还是趁上班前 看几段《灵魂列车》的视频吧 |
| [10:24] | And then I feel like a loser until tax day is over. | 直到报税日结束 一直觉得自己是废柴 |
| [10:27] | And then I’m like, who cares? I’m awesome. | 之后就想 管它去死 老娘最棒了 |
| [10:28] | I’ll do them next year. | 明年再好好报吧 |
| [10:31] | So what you’re telling me | 所以你的意思是 |
| [10:32] | is your finances are as messy as your purse. | 你的财务跟你的包包一样乱吗 |
| [10:35] | Careful now! | 小心你的用词 |
| [10:37] | Starting to get a little hot up in here. | 开始有点剑拔弩张啊 |
| [10:39] | Fine, I don’t care. | 算了 随你便 |
| [10:41] | I just want you to get your taxes done. | 我只希望你能好好报税 |
| [10:42] | Now throw away all of your useless garbage | 先把这些没用的”垃圾”资料 |
| [10:45] | into this trash can. | 扫进垃圾桶算了吧 |
| [10:46] | You know what, I’m just gonna go to that pop-up tax place | 算了 我还是去餐馆附近的快速报税中心 |
| [10:49] | near the diner. | 让人帮吧 |
| [10:50] | And I’ll throw my “useless garbage” in the dumpster | 然后顺路把我的”没用的垃圾” |
| [10:53] | on the way out. | 扔进垃圾堆 |
| [10:54] | Wait, you’re gonna spend like $100 | 你都有我这大师在这了 |
| [10:57] | to have someone do your taxes | 却打算花100块 |
| [10:58] | when I’m sitting right here. | 去请人帮你报税啊 |
| [10:59] | The amount of money I’ll spend down there | 请人报税的那点钱 |
| [11:01] | is nothing compared to the amount of money | 跟我在与你核算税费时 |
| [11:03] | I’d have to spend on weed to survive doing taxes with you. | 为了要消气而买大麻的钱相比 便宜太多 |
| [11:08] | – Good afternoon, girls. – Hello. | -下午好 姑娘们 -你们好 |
| [11:11] | I hope Sophie and I’s wild lovemaking | 希望我们昨晚床战三百回合时 |
| [11:13] | didn’t keep you up all night. | 没有吵到你们睡不着 |
| [11:16] | We wanted to come down | 我们下来是想 |
| [11:17] | and show you the gift I just gave Sophie. | 给你们看看我送苏菲的礼物 |
| [11:20] | Yeah, look, girls. Look at my gift. | 对啊 瞧 姑娘们 瞧我的礼物 |
| [11:23] | It’s got a leg. | 还有腿呢 |
| [11:26] | Wow, I didn’t think you two were the couple type. | 我还以为你俩算不上情侣呢 |
| [11:29] | We are going into Manhattan | 我们准备去曼哈顿 |
| [11:30] | for fruit cocktail and champagne. | 吃点什锦水果沙拉 喝点香槟了 |
| [11:32] | – Want to join? – Hell, yeah! | -想一起吗 -好啊 |
| [11:34] | No, Max, you’re doing your taxes. | 不行 麦克斯 你得报税 |
| [11:36] | Oh. My mother says I can’t come out. | 我妈不让我出去玩 |
| [11:38] | Have fun. | 你们好好玩吧 |
| [11:42] | This means nothing! | 这算不了什么 |
| [11:48] | I can’t believe you’re putting your financial future | 我不敢相信你把你财政的未来 |
| [11:50] | into the hands of a hipster tax place | 交给一个名为”税收生活”的 |
| [11:52] | called “The Tax of Life.” | 嬉皮士报税中心 |
| [11:55] | You know how the old proverb goes. | 俗语道 |
| [11:56] | “You take the good, you take the bad. | “有好生活 有坏生活 |
| [11:56] | You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life | 美剧《生命的事实》中经典台词 |
| [11:58] | You take what’s left, and there you have the tax of life.” | 而剩下的 就是税务生活 |
| [12:03] | 43! Number 43. | 43 43号 |
| [12:07] | And remember, if you need any help, | 记住 如果你需要任何帮忙 |
| [12:08] | I’m acquainted with your finances. | 我是最熟悉你财务的人 |
| [12:10] | And I’m acquainted with your attitude. | 我也是最熟悉你态度的人 |
| [12:12] | Don’t say a word. | 把嘴闭上吧 |
| [12:14] | – I’m 43. – ‘Sup, 43? | -我是43号 -你好呀 43号 |
| [12:16] | I’m Kyle. I’m your tax bro. | 我是凯尔 你的报税兄弟 |
| [12:19] | Hi, I’m Max and this is my mute friend Caroline. | 我是麦克斯 她是我的哑巴朋友卡洛琳 |
| [12:22] | I already started to fill out the 1040 | 我已经开始填1040表 |
| [12:25] | and I have my W-2s from this year. | 这里我今年的W-2表 |
| [12:26] | Also some receipts. | 还有一些收据 |
| [12:28] | Well, let’s get started! | 好咧 咱们开始吧 |
| [12:31] | Do you have a health savings account? | 你有医疗储蓄账户吗 |
| [12:33] | – Definitely not. – Oh, well, we can fudge that. | -当然没有 -没事 我们可以捏造一个 |
| [12:36] | – I’ll put you down for 500. – Sounds good. | -就把钱定在500块 -可以 |
| [12:40] | Fudge that? Fudge? | 捏造医疗储蓄账户 |
| [12:41] | I wasn’t aware there was fudging in finance. | 我还真不知道原来财务是可以捏造的 |
| [12:44] | Domestic production activities. | 家庭生产活动 |
| [12:46] | Like condoms and stuff? | 比如避孕套之类的吗 |
| [12:49] | I guess. | 或许吧 |
| [12:50] | Talk about adjusted gross income, am I right? | 咱们谈的是调整后的收入 对吧 |
| [12:54] | Am I right? | 对不对啊 |
| [12:55] | Kyle, put me down for 250. | 凯尔 这个定250块吧 |
| [12:57] | 250. | 250块 |
| [12:58] | Should I just put the cheese plate out for the IRS now? | 我该准备奶酪盘 恭候国税局大驾光临了吗 |
| [13:02] | What about residential energy credits? | 那居住能源退税呢 |
| [13:04] | I bought some of those curly light bulbs once. | 我买过几个节能灯泡 |
| [13:07] | Oh, that’s another 150 easily. | 轻松搞定150块 |
| [13:10] | Sorry, Max, I can’t stop myself. | 抱歉 麦克斯 我实在忍不住了 |
| [13:12] | Money, finances… this is my thing. | 钱 财务 我就是学这个的 |
| [13:14] | If we were at a copper-plated jewelry sale, | 如果我们是要买铜镀金的首饰 |
| [13:16] | I’d let you take the wheel. | 我绝对放手让你处理 |
| [13:18] | I can’t sit back and watch you risk our financial future. | 如果你要拿我们未来财务冒险 我就得管 |
| [13:21] | You’ll be dragging me into this with you and your tax bro. | 你和你的报税兄弟肯定会拖我下水的 |
| [13:24] | Excuse me, tax bro. | 闪开 报税兄弟 |
| [13:26] | Oh, my God, you wanna claim a residential energy credit? | 天啊 你要申请居住能源退税 |
| [13:29] | You don’t even have a 5695 up here. | 你连5695表格都没有 |
| [13:33] | Hey, your mute friend’s all over this. | 你的哑巴朋友很懂行嘛 |
| [13:37] | You should let her do your taxes. | 你应该让她帮你报税 |
| [13:39] | She’s way better. | 她比我强多了 |
| [13:40] | No, that’s cool, Kyle. I’m not gonna do this. | 没关系 凯尔 我放弃了 |
| [13:42] | One more year won’t kill me. | 再拖一年又不会死 |
| [13:44] | I’ll just spend this money on pot. | 我还是拿这钱去买大麻吧 |
| [13:45] | That’s an entertainment expense, BTW | 对了 这属于娱乐费用哦 |
| [13:51] | Max, don’t give up yet. Let me help. | 麦克斯 别放弃嘛 让我帮你 |
| [13:53] | Look, it’s already 9:00. We ran out of time. | 现在已经9点了 我们没时间了 |
| [13:55] | At least take a form and file an extension. | 你至少拿张表 申请延期报税 |
| [13:57] | The post office is open till midnight. | 邮局开到半夜12点呢 |
| [13:59] | Max, you know you wanna change your finances. | 麦克斯 你想改善你的财务状况不是吗 |
| [14:01] | It’s a step. | 你得迈出第一步 |
| [14:03] | You’re right. Good idea. | 你说得对 好主意 |
| [14:04] | They have extension forms at the post office. | 邮局就有延期申请表 |
| [14:06] | We can pick one up when I drop off Earl’s return. | 帮厄尔寄报税单时 顺便拿一张就行 |
| [14:10] | – What? – It’s not here. | -怎么了 -不见了 |
| [14:12] | It’s not in my purse. | 不在我的包包里 |
| [14:13] | Last time I saw it, it was on the coffee table | 我最后一次看见它 是在我们的茶几上 |
| [14:15] | before you came in with all your tax stuff. | 在你拿出你所有的税务凭据之前 |
| [14:17] | It must still be there. | 肯定还在那儿 |
| [14:18] | Uh, no, you made me throw all that stuff out. | 不 你让我把桌子上的东西都扔了 |
| [14:21] | You threw out a 75-year-old man’s tax return? | 你居然扔掉一个75岁老人的报税单 |
| [14:24] | You threw some papers out too. | 你也有份扔的好不好 |
| [14:25] | This is so not like me. | 这太不像我了 |
| [14:27] | The only thing I’ve ever lost is my virginity. | 我这辈子只搞丢过我的童贞 |
| [14:31] | What are we gonna do? | 我们该怎么办 |
| [14:32] | No, it’s okay. Relax. No big deal. | 没事 放轻松 没什么大不了 |
| [14:34] | We just have to go home and climb through the dumpster. | 我们回家 爬进垃圾桶里找就行 |
| [14:37] | No, seriously, what are we gonna do? | 不 说真的 我们该怎么办 |
| [14:41] | Ready? | 准备好了吗 |
| [14:42] | No, seriously, what are we gonna do? | 不 说真的 我们要怎么办 |
| [14:53] | Well, let’s get to it. | 咱们开始吧 |
| [14:54] | My garbage ain’t gonna find itself. | 我的垃圾不会自己跑出来的 |
| [14:57] | Max, I can’t. | 麦克斯 我做不到 |
| [14:58] | If I go in there, I will literally be white trash. | 如果我进去了 那我就真的成了垃圾白人了 |
| [15:03] | Look, you’re the one who had to butt in | 瞧 是你非要插手 |
| [15:05] | and get all “Wharton” With Earl. | 跟厄尔显摆你是沃顿高材生 |
| [15:06] | If you had left him alone, | 如果你撒手不管 |
| [15:07] | it would be at the post office safe and sound. | 那报税单早就平安抵达邮局了 |
| [15:09] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [15:11] | But to be clear, if we find a baby in there, | 但先声明一点 如果在里面发现弃婴 |
| [15:12] | you’re raising it on your own. | 你自己把他抚养长大 |
| [15:15] | Hey, it’s already off to a better start than I had. | 拜托 这弃婴的命比我好太多了 |
| [15:17] | There’s food everywhere. | 这里全是食物 |
| [15:21] | Oh, hell, no! It’s Tuesday… trash pick up! | 靠 今天周二 垃圾要被收走了 |
| [15:23] | Better get in and out | 快进快出 |
| [15:24] | or we’ll be on a garbage barge to Coney island. | 不然我们会被送上去康尼岛的垃圾船 |
| [15:26] | Come on, I’ll give you ten fingers. | 快点 我托你上去 |
| [15:28] | My shoes. My dignity. | 我的美鞋 我的尊严 |
| [15:31] | My shoes. | 我的美鞋 |
| [15:34] | My hands are touching a dumpster. | 我的手居然放在垃圾箱上 |
| [15:37] | All right, on the count of three, | 好了 数到三 |
| [15:38] | I’ll push, you hoist yourself up. | 我往上一顶 你使劲一蹬 |
| [15:40] | But really pull yourself up, or you won’t make it. | 但你得使劲把自己顶起来 不然你进不去 |
| [15:42] | It’s hell. I’m looking into hell. | 里面就是地狱 我正凝视着地狱 |
| [15:45] | 1…2…3! | 一 二 三 |
| [15:55] | I wanted to scream, but it wouldn’t come out. | 我想大叫 却叫不出声 |
| [15:59] | Okay, well, good luck. See ya. | 随便你 祝你好运 回见 |
| [16:00] | – Max! – I’m kidding! | -麦克斯 -我开玩笑的啦 |
| [16:02] | I’m coming around the back. I found a place to get a leg up. | 我从那边进去 我发现一个可以踩的地方 |
| [16:05] | Now? You just saw that now? | 什么 你他妈现在才发现啊 |
| [16:11] | Why’d you scream? You knew it was me. | 你叫个屁呀 你明知道是我 |
| [16:14] | That’s the one I couldn’t get out before. | 这是刚才我叫不出来的那声 |
| [16:17] | Oh, God, look at this mess. | 天啊 看看这乱的 |
| [16:19] | It’s like looking for a dirty needle in a haystack, | 如同要在大海捞一根用过的针[吸毒用] |
| [16:22] | which I’ve done. | 这事我试过了 |
| [16:24] | Okay, start poking around. Look for familiar garbage. | 好了 别闲着了 开始找眼熟的垃圾吧 |
| [16:27] | “Familiar garbage”? | “眼熟的垃圾” |
| [16:30] | I hate it in here. I wanna die. | 我在里面痛不欲生 不如死了算了 |
| [16:33] | It’s not that bad. | 没那么糟糕 |
| [16:34] | My mom and I once spent five hours in a dumpster | 我和我妈有一次为了找她男友偷吃的证据 |
| [16:37] | looking for proof that her boyfriend was cheating on her, | 在垃圾堆里找了整整五个小时 |
| [16:39] | and all we found was a scratch-off worth a $1.50 | 结果我们只发现一个中了1块5的刮刮乐 |
| [16:42] | and a beach towel. | 和一条浴巾 |
| [16:43] | And then, we used that $1.50 | 然后我们用那1块5 |
| [16:45] | to take the towel to the laundromat. | 把浴巾拿到自助洗衣店洗干净 |
| [16:47] | 12 years later, you and I use that very towel | 12年后 我们每次洗完澡擦身子 |
| [16:50] | to dry ourselves off after a shower. | 用的正是那条浴巾 |
| [16:54] | Well, I’m standing on a stranger’s cold sesame noodles | 我现在站在陌生人的麻酱冷面上 |
| [16:58] | with egg shells stuck to my ankles. | 脚踝处还有碎蛋壳 |
| [17:00] | You win, Max. | 你赢了 麦克斯 |
| [17:02] | What does that have to do with me? | 这关我屁事呀 |
| [17:03] | It means I’m officially standing in your purse. | 这意味着我正式踏进了你的包包 |
| [17:09] | How about more real garbage, less Caroline garbage? | 何不多干实事 少点抱怨 |
| [17:13] | Caroline garbage? | 谁抱怨了 |
| [17:15] | You have been dumping on me all day. | 你都跟我抱怨一天了 |
| [17:17] | Me? What have I done? | 我 我干嘛了 |
| [17:19] | “Max, you didn’t file…ever?” | “麦克斯 你从没… 报过税吗” |
| [17:23] | I didn’t say it like that. | 我的语气才不那样呢 |
| [17:25] | And you didn’t file ever. Is that my fault? | 而且你的确从没报过税 这也能怪我吗 |
| [17:27] | Yes! This is all your fault. | 能 都怪你 |
| [17:29] | Before I met you, I didn’t even think about a future. | 在我认识你之前 我从来没想过未来会如何 |
| [17:32] | Now I have a future, and I’m standing in a dumpster! | 现在我不但有了未来 还站进了垃圾箱里 |
| [17:35] | You are not the only one standing in a dumpster. | 站进垃圾箱的 又不止你一个 |
| [17:39] | And… get a new purse. | 另外 去买个新包吧 |
| [17:41] | If you had been able to find a stupid stamp | 要是你当时能在那可怕的包包里 |
| [17:43] | in that horrid thing, | 找出一张破邮票 |
| [17:44] | I would’ve never even seen Earl’s taxes | 我就不会看见厄尔的税单 |
| [17:46] | and I wouldn’t be standing in a dumpster. | 更不会沦落到站进垃圾箱 |
| [18:01] | Max, no, no, no! | 麦克斯 别 别 别 |
| [18:02] | I will never, ever recover from that! | 我心里会有阴影一辈子的 |
| [18:04] | Red bulls? Red bulls? Are those our red bulls? | 红牛罐 红牛罐 那些是我们喝的红牛吗 |
| [18:07] | Where? | 哪里 |
| [18:07] | Yes! Yes! That’s my garbage! | 没错 那是我的垃圾 |
| [18:10] | That’s my garbage! Get over here! | 那是我的垃圾 快过来 |
| [18:12] | If we find it, we’ll have enough time | 如果现在找到 我们还有时间 |
| [18:13] | to shower and get to the post office. | 回去洗个澡 再去邮局 |
| [18:15] | Earl’s taxes! Earl’s taxes! | 厄尔的税单 厄尔的税单 |
| [18:18] | Next! | 下一个 |
| [18:21] | Next! | 下一个 |
| [18:21] | This is unbelievable. | 真不可思议 |
| [18:23] | Everyone trying to get their taxes filed by midnight. | 大家都想赶在半夜前把自己的税单寄出去 |
| [18:26] | Wow, I haven’t seen this much last-minute licking | 哇 自从上次警察突袭泰式按摩院后 |
| [18:28] | since the cops raided that Thai massage parlor. | 我再也没见过这么多”舔”最后一口的人 |
| [18:32] | I’ll grab an extension form. You get in line. | 我去拿一张延期申请表 你去排队 |
| [18:34] | The line’s longer than I expected. | 这队伍比我想象中要长 |
| [18:36] | – No, we have to file. – She’s nursing. | -不 我们一定得报税 -他在吃奶 |
| [18:40] | Don’t worry. We’re fine. | 别担心 我们没事 |
| [18:42] | I’m a bum. | 我就是个懒蛋 |
| [18:43] | She’s got a baby hanging off her nipple | 人家还有个孩子在吸奶 |
| [18:45] | and her taxes are done. | 可她的税都弄好了 |
| [18:47] | Max, you can’t compare yourself to other people. | 麦克斯 别拿别人跟自己比 |
| [18:49] | You’ll do it your way. | 你有你的步调 |
| [18:51] | And there’s a blind guy. | 那还有个瞎子 |
| [18:54] | No eyes, taxes done. | 看都看不见 人家税也报好了 |
| [18:57] | I guess he wasn’t distracted by YouTube clips. | 可能人家不会被在线视频分心 |
| [19:00] | Don’t be so hard on yourself. | 别对自己这么苛刻 |
| [19:02] | You’re filing an extension, and then you’ll get them done. | 你申请了延期 之后就会报上了 |
| [19:04] | You say I’m going to file, but will I? | 你说我会补报税 可我真的会吗 |
| [19:06] | I say I’m going to clean out my purse, but do I? | 我还说我要整理我的包包呢 可我做了吗 |
| [19:09] | Sophie says she’s gonna tell Oleg, but did she? | 苏菲还说她会跟奥列格坦白 可她说了吗 |
| [19:12] | An extension is just another excuse | 申请延期只是个让我推迟报税 |
| [19:14] | for me to put it off and create a bigger mess. | 然后把事情弄得越来越糟的借口 |
| [19:17] | Hey, Max. What’s up? | 麦克斯 你好吗 |
| [19:20] | Bob. Wow, what are you doing here? | 鲍勃 你怎么在这儿 |
| [19:23] | Oh, I just filed my taxes like everyone else. | 就跟其他人一样 来报税呗 |
| [19:26] | Bob had a good year. Ha. | 鲍勃今年盆满钵满啊 |
| [19:29] | Who was that? | 那是谁 |
| [19:31] | My dealer. | 我的药头 |
| [19:32] | Forget the extension. | 去他的延期 |
| [19:33] | If my pot dealer can file, I can file. | 如果我的药头可以报税 那我也可以 |
| [19:36] | We still have half an hour. | 我们还有半个小时 |
| [19:37] | Run home and get my W-2s | 我边排队边填1040表 |
| [19:38] | while I stay in line and fill out the 1040. | 你跑回家把我的W-2表拿过来 |
| [19:40] | Maybe I should stay and fill it out, | 要不我呆着这儿帮你填 |
| [19:41] | and you can run home. | 你跑回家拿 |
| [19:42] | No, I have to do this. | 不 我得亲力亲为 |
| [19:44] | Don’t worry, if I get stumped, | 别担心 如果我不会填 |
| [19:45] | I’m surrounded by procrastinators. | 我周围都是拖延症者 |
| [19:46] | One of them will help… eventually. | 总会有人… 帮我的 |
| [19:49] | Okay, here’s a pen. | 好的 那笔给你 |
| [19:50] | I’m gonna go drop off Earl’s return in the slot, | 我去把厄尔的报税单投进邮筒 |
| [19:51] | and I’ll be back as soon as I can. | 然后我会尽快赶回来 |
| [19:53] | Okay. | 好 |
| [19:54] | Uh, hi, can you hold my place | 你好 我去拿今年的报税单时 |
| [19:55] | while I get a tax form for this year? | 能帮我占一下位置吗 |
| [19:57] | Oh, cutting it close. You’re worse than me. | 时间掐得真紧 你比我还拖拉 |
| [19:59] | – Go, I got your back. – And she’s got your front. | -快去 我帮你占着后面 -前面被她占着 |
| [20:05] | So I add up all these lines and put the total here? | 我把所有项都加起来 然后在这里填个总数吗 |
| [20:07] | – Right. – What about student loans? | -没错 -学生贷款呢 |
| [20:09] | Yes, and I paid mine off this year. | 对 我今年还清了 |
| [20:10] | Then claim it. | 那记得报上 |
| [20:11] | That interest is a huge write off. | 销掉那个利息可以省下一大笔钱呢 |
| [20:12] | Put down $436 on line 33. | 在33行写上436块 |
| [20:15] | – Post office is closing! – No! | -邮件要关门咯 -别啊 |
| [20:18] | My friend just texted me. She’s almost here. | 我朋友刚发短信给我 她马上就到 |
| [20:20] | Please, I have to file this year. | 求你了 我今年必须得报税 |
| [20:21] | Midnight is midnight! | 时间到了就是到了 |
| [20:23] | Boo! | 去死吧 |
| [20:25] | Oh, please, I have six children at home. | 拜托 我家里还有6个孩子呢 |
| [20:27] | This is nothing. | 你们吓唬谁啊 |
| [20:29] | Here! I’m here, I’m here! What time is it? | 来了 我来了 我来了 几点了 |
| [20:32] | 30 seconds. | 还剩30秒 |
| [20:35] | Make room, make room. | 借过 借过 |
| [20:37] | Stapler, stapler. | 订书机 订书机 |
| [20:40] | – 10… – Sign it! Sign your 1040! | -十 -签名 快把你的1040表签了 |
| [20:42] | – 9… – Where? | -九 -签哪里 |
| [20:43] | 8…7… | 八 七 |
| [20:47] | – 6… – Fold! Fold, you bastard! | -六…-我在折 我在折了 你个混蛋 |
| [20:49] | 5…4… | 五 四 |
| [20:52] | 3… | 三 |
| [20:53] | 2… | 二 |
| [20:56] | No stamp. | 没邮票哦 |
| [20:58] | What? | 什么 |
| [21:02] | It’s cool. I got ya, boo. | 没关系 我帮你贴啦 |
| [21:06] | I did it! I filed my taxes! | 我做到了 我把税报了 |
| [21:10] | Everybody can suck it! | 大家都吃屎去吧 |