| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Hold up! Nobody leave. | 留步 都不许走 |
| [00:03] | Someone, and I’m not naming Max, | 某人 我指的绝对不是麦克斯 |
| [00:07] | has been stealing from the diner. | 一直在偷餐厅的东西 |
| [00:09] | Well, the diner has been stealing from me. | 餐厅也一直从我身上偷东西啊 |
| [00:12] | Youth, energy, | 我的青春 精力 |
| [00:14] | will to live. | 生存意志 |
| [00:17] | So new policy: before any employee leaves, | 新规定 任何员工离店前 |
| [00:19] | there will be a pat-down. | 需经过搜身检查 |
| [00:21] | I tried to start that policy years ago. | 我多少年前就想推这条规定了 |
| [00:25] | Seriously, Han? | 说真的吗 阿憨 |
| [00:26] | Is that really how you want to get | 你真想靠这种手段 |
| [00:28] | to second base for the first time? | 来首次登”二垒”吗 |
| [00:31] | It’s not ideal, no. | 虽不理想 但吾亦无悔之 |
| [00:34] | Max, you’re first. | 麦克斯 你先来 |
| [00:35] | Fine. | 行 |
| [00:36] | Feel me up, Low-bo-cop. | 你搜吧 机械战矮子 |
| [00:44] | What’s this? | 这是啥子 |
| [00:47] | It’s a boob, sad man. | 那是奶子 悲催的孩子 |
| [00:51] | This, however, is bologna. | 这个呢 是博洛尼亚腊肠 |
| [00:55] | Shame on you! That’s tomorrow’s salmon. | 鄙视你 明天还得靠它假冒三文鱼呢 |
| [01:02] | While we’re coming clean, | 在这个坦白的时刻 |
| [01:04] | I stole your identity three years ago. | 我想说我三年前偷用了你的身份 |
| [01:06] | It’s over now, but I was caught up | 现在一切摆平了 不过当时 |
| [01:08] | in a kind of Jason Bourne situation. | 我深陷类似《谍影重重》般的麻烦呢 |
| [01:13] | Caroline, I’m coming to you next. | 卡洛琳 接下来我要搜你 |
| [01:15] | And I thought this uniform | 我本以为这身制服 |
| [01:16] | would be the worst thing touching my body today. | 会是今日碰过我身子的最糟糕的东西呢 |
| [01:20] | Quick reminder: I’m a human being. | 小提醒 我是人类 不是东西 |
| [01:31] | Caroline, literally slow your roll. | 卡洛琳 当个不心急的妹”纸”好吗 |
| [01:36] | Well, if you’re gonna hit bottom, | 知道人生会触菊花底 |
| [01:37] | you better have something to wipe it with. | 总是得先准备好擦菊花的道具嘛 |
| [01:41] | Earl– | 厄尔 |
| [01:41] | Now, I know you are not | 我知道你绝对不会做 |
| [01:43] | about to accuse a black man of stealing… | 指控一个黑人偷东西这种事 |
| [01:48] | in this current political climate. | 尤其在今时今日反歧视的政治气候下 |
| [01:52] | No, of course not. | 当然不会啦 |
| [01:53] | I was just going to wish you a wonderful evening. | 我只是想祝你有个美好的夜晚 |
| [01:57] | Here, Max. | 给 麦克斯 |
| [01:58] | You can have my bologna. | 我这份腊肠你拿去吧 |
| [02:18] | And I just– | 我… |
| [02:20] | I think I love you. | 我想我爱你 |
| [02:24] | I love you too. | 我也爱你 |
| [02:25] | Uh, Caroline? | 卡洛琳 |
| [02:33] | Oh, good. | 太好了 |
| [02:33] | You brought someone else with you to see that. | 你还带了人来目睹我这一幕 |
| [02:36] | Owen, Caroline. Caroline, Owen. | 欧文 卡洛琳 卡洛琳 欧文 |
| [02:38] | Owen, bedroom. Caroline, later. | 欧文 进我房去 卡洛琳 慢走不送 |
| [02:41] | Owen, nice to meet you. | 欧文 幸会 |
| [02:43] | Do I detect a Philadelphia accent? | 听你的口音 是来自费城吗 |
| [02:46] | I haven’t said anything yet. | 我都还没说过话呢 |
| [02:49] | But I gotta tell you, you really took the cool out of Cool Whip. | 这酷炫牌生奶油被你搞到完全不酷了呢 |
| [02:53] | Let’s go in my room. | 进本小姐香闺吧 |
| [02:54] | Oh, actually, Max, it’s, uh–it’s kinda late. | 麦克斯 其实现在挺晚了 |
| [02:56] | I gotta be at work early. | 我明天还得早起上班 |
| [02:59] | But I had a good time. Good night. | 今晚跟你玩得很愉快 晚安啦 |
| [03:02] | I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll do something. | 明天打给你 我们再约 |
| [03:07] | Oh… | 额 |
| [03:08] | my… | 滴 |
| [03:10] | God. | 神 |
| [03:14] | It finally happened. | 天下第一惨事终于发生了 |
| [03:16] | Someone doesn’t want to have sex with me! | 有人不想跟我上床 |
| [03:21] | He said he gotta be at work early. | 他说他明天得早起上班 |
| [03:24] | Isn’t that weird? | 这不怪吗 |
| [03:26] | That you’re dating a guy with a job? | 你居然跟有工作的人约会这事吗 |
| [03:27] | Yeah, that is weird. | 的确是怪到炸 |
| [03:30] | Max, maybe you finally met a guy | 麦克斯 说不定你终于遇到 |
| [03:32] | who wants to get to know you | 一个想先了解你 |
| [03:33] | before he jumps into bed with you. | 再帮你宽衣解带的男人 |
| [03:35] | Maybe Owen’s the one. | 或许他是你人生中那个真爱 |
| [03:38] | The one that won’t have sex with me! | “那个”不想跟我上床的人吗 |
| [03:42] | So what happens around here | 所以当这一块 |
| [03:44] | when nothing happens around here? | 没状况发生时 我们要干什么呢 |
| [03:48] | Well, when that’s not happening, | 当那种”状况”没有发生时 |
| [03:52] | cheesecake is a fun alternative. | 吃起司蛋糕是不错选择 |
| [03:55] | I stole one from the diner ’cause I thought | 我从店里偷了一个蛋糕 因为我以为 |
| [03:56] | you wouldn’t be home and I’d be sad. | 你不会在家 我又会难过 |
| [03:59] | You hide that between your legs too? | 这蛋糕也是夹双腿间偷回来的吗 |
| [04:05] | Open up! | 开门 |
| [04:06] | I smell cheesecake! | 我闻到有起司蛋糕 |
| [04:14] | And you know what that smells like. | 你们一定知道这味道代表啥 |
| [04:16] | Girl talk. | 闺蜜谈心 |
| [04:19] | Girl talk? | 闺蜜谈心吗 |
| [04:20] | All right, but if we lez out, nobody catch feelings. | 如果我们”拉拉”松神经 就不会染上”感情”了 |
| [04:24] | Eh, I’m just talking about a little chick-ity chat. | 我指的是聊些姑娘们的心事 |
| [04:27] | You know, friends sharing with friends | 朋友跟朋友之间分享心事 |
| [04:29] | in a completely safe environment. | 在一个安全放心的环境下聊 |
| [04:31] | Well, I’ve been having this recurring dream– | 我最近梦到好多次… |
| [04:34] | Yeah, well, you’ll have it again. | 你下次还会再梦到 |
| [04:37] | Let’s talk about me. | 来聊聊我的事吧 |
| [04:40] | Girls, Oleg and I have been having a lot of sex. | 姐妹们 奥列格跟我”做”个没完没了 |
| [04:44] | You know, standing up, sitting down, | 站着日 坐着顶 |
| [04:46] | on a elevator, on a escalator. | 电梯里操 电扶梯上干 |
| [04:52] | Going down and up at the same time. | 同时又上又下 上上下下 |
| [04:56] | All of that unprotected sex, and still no baby. | 所有都是无套中出 结果还是没怀上 |
| [05:01] | Did you just come here to brag? | 你丫敢情是来这里显摆的吗 |
| [05:04] | You know, Sophie, | 苏菲 |
| [05:05] | sometimes when people have trouble getting pregnant, | 有时候当人们怀不上孩子 |
| [05:08] | they see a doctor. | 就会去找医生检查 |
| [05:17] | Sophie, where did you go? | 苏菲 你都上哪去了 |
| [05:20] | I looked up from the harness, and you were gone. | 被你按在性爱秋千的我一抬头 就发现你不见了 |
| [05:23] | Well, Caroline thinks one of us… | 卡洛琳觉得我们中的一人 |
| [05:31] | And she’s not pointing fingers at anyone, | 她绝对没有明指某一人 |
| [05:33] | but one of us… | 但我们中的一人 |
| [05:35] | you know, may need to get the sperm tested. | 可能需要去做一下精虫检测 |
| [05:40] | All right, but I’ve been known to miss the cup. | 行行行 可是我出了名的射不准 |
| [05:46] | All right, Earl. | 厄尔 |
| [05:47] | After last night’s date, I need a rebound. | 在昨晚的约会之后 我得来一发安慰炮 |
| [05:49] | I’m ready for you to set me up with your friend. | 你可以把我介绍给你的朋友了 |
| [05:52] | He’s dead. | 迟了 他已经死了 |
| [05:55] | I didn’t say which friend. | 我没说是哪个朋友啊 |
| [05:56] | They’re all dead, Max. | 他们全死光了 麦克斯 |
| [05:59] | Jeez, one guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, | 我去 一个男的不跟你上床 |
| [06:02] | and you’re sweatin’ to the oldies? | 你就要开始小阴抓老鸡了吗 |
| [06:07] | Flowers? | 花 |
| [06:08] | Oh, no! Am I dead too? | 天啊 不会是来给我上坟的吧 |
| [06:13] | I’m looking for Max. | 我来找麦克斯 |
| [06:14] | She said she doesn’t work here. | 她说她不在这里工作 |
| [06:18] | What is he doing here? | 他来这里干嘛啊 |
| [06:19] | It’s so awkward seeing a guy | 这也太尴尬了吧 |
| [06:20] | the day after he doesn’t see you naked. | 跟昨晚没见到我裸体的约会对象见面 |
| [06:25] | These are for you. | 这花送你 |
| [06:27] | Flowers? | 花吗 |
| [06:28] | For future reference, I’m more of a | 如果还有下次 我先声明 |
| [06:29] | “Mickey’s Malt Liquor” Kind of girl. | 我那种是喜爱麦芽酒的姑娘 |
| [06:32] | Hey, can we talk over there in that booth? | 我们能到那个卡座聊聊吗 |
| [06:35] | It depends. How’s your immune system? | 那得看你的身体免疫系统多强了 |
| [06:38] | Caroline, cover my tables. | 卡洛琳 帮我照看一下我的区 |
| [06:40] | First I’ll put these in some diner water. | 我先把这些花放进餐厅的水中 |
| [06:42] | I hope these flowers like little floating meat bits. | 希望这些花喜欢水中漂浮的肉渣 |
| [06:46] | So…you take me to dinner, | 所以… 你带我共进晚餐 |
| [06:48] | treat me like a lady, | 待我如一名淑女 |
| [06:49] | and bring me flowers. | 还给我送花 |
| [06:50] | What kind of sick stuff are you into? | 说吧 你是玩哪种变态玩意啊 |
| [06:54] | Max, I like you a lot. | 麦克斯 我非常喜欢你 |
| [06:56] | Then why aren’t you laying on top of me somewhere? | 那你怎么还不把我压在身下 |
| [07:01] | Look, I want us to get to know each other before we have sex | 我想我们先多了解彼此再上床 |
| [07:04] | to be able to trust each other, | 这样我们才能更信任彼此 |
| [07:05] | keep each other’s secrets. | 更能保守彼此的秘密 |
| [07:07] | Fine; just tell me your safe word, and let’s go. | 好吧 告诉我你的安全词 就开干吧 |
| [07:07] | 性爱时会玩比较刺激行为的情侣 会事先设下安全词 在太过火时说出 能让对方知道是真得停下 | |
| [07:11] | Mine is “Pot sticker.” | 我的安全词是”锅贴” |
| [07:16] | I’m serious, | 我是认真的 |
| [07:17] | ’cause when we do have sex, you’re gonna find out | 因为当我们真做爱时 你会发现 |
| [07:18] | that I’m not… | 我那个… |
| [07:20] | well, I’m not regular down there. | 我的下面异于常人 |
| [07:27] | Um…”not regular”? | “异于常人”吗 |
| [07:34] | So does it look something like… | 所以是看起来像… |
| [07:44] | This? | 这样吗 |
| [07:47] | No. And bigger. | 不是 而且比这个大 |
| [07:51] | Uh, so something like… | 所以是类似… |
| [07:56] | This? | 这样吗 |
| [07:57] | No, it doesn’t have a face. | 不是 它没有长脸 |
| [08:00] | Max, something’s wrong in the kitchen. | 麦克斯 厨房里出问题了 |
| [08:02] | Not here. Nothing’s wrong here. | 不是这里 这里没有任何问题 |
| [08:03] | Just come with me. | 跟我来就是了 |
| [08:07] | Uh, well, can I see you tomorrow? | 明天能跟你见面吗 |
| [08:09] | Sure, but at least be late. | 当然啊 但你至少得迟到一下 |
| [08:11] | Give me something to work with. | 我才能有些空间借题发挥 |
| [08:14] | I heard what he said. | 我听到他说的话了 |
| [08:15] | What the heck does “not regular down there” mean? | “下面异于常人”是什么鬼啊 |
| [08:17] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [08:21] | All I know is, it doesn’t mean… | 我只知道他说的不是 |
| [08:24] | this. | 这样 |
| [08:27] | It could be anything. | 一切皆有可能 |
| [08:28] | In Moscow, I saw this amazing penis freak show, | 我曾经在莫斯科看过千奇百怪的鸡鸡特展 |
| [08:31] | “Ripleyvitch Believe It or Nyet.” | “俄版的信不信由你”博物馆 |
| [08:37] | I’m not over it “nyet.” | 看完之后 久久不能忘”鸡” |
| [08:40] | So you’re really gonna go out with Owen again? | 你真的还要再跟他约会吗 |
| [08:42] | I mean, you’re playing penis roulette down there. | 你这样是在玩”屌”罗斯轮盘啊 少女 |
| [08:45] | It could be gnarly or wonky or… | 毒鸟猛鸡 鸡飞鸟跳 |
| [08:48] | truly haunting. | 甚至猛鬼吹鸡 |
| [08:51] | You’re right. | 太有道理 |
| [08:52] | I gotta see it! | 这”鸡”我必须得看啊 |
| [08:59] | Okay, tell me again. | 好了 再跟我说一遍 |
| [09:00] | Talk to my like I’m a 10-year-old… | 像跟十岁小孩那样说话 |
| [09:02] | with overdeveloped boobs. | 一个十岁大奶少女 |
| [09:05] | It’s simple. | 很简单 |
| [09:05] | Owen just wants to get to know you | 欧文想要先了解你 |
| [09:07] | before he has sex with you. | 再跟你滚床单 |
| [09:08] | That is sick! I’m ten. | 他也太变态了 人家才十岁 |
| [09:11] | Here. Let’s practice. | 来 我们来练习一遍 |
| [09:13] | Pretend I’m Owen, and ask me something. | 假装我是欧文 问我问题 |
| [09:15] | So, Owen, when you gonna take “dem” pants off? | 欧文 什么时候要扒下小裤裤啊 |
| [09:20] | Hi, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [09:23] | Do you think anyone would notice | 你们觉得会有人注意到 |
| [09:24] | if you closed your shop | 你们关店一天 |
| [09:25] | and we had a girls’ day tomorrow? | 好跟我去过闺蜜之日的事吗 |
| [09:27] | Where we going tomorrow, Sophie? | 苏菲 我们明天要去哪里 |
| [09:29] | Say Coney Island, say Coney Island. | 拜托是附近康尼岛玩 |
| [09:32] | We’re going to a gynecologist! | 我们要去看妇科医生 |
| [09:36] | Yeah, see, Oleg said that he’d get himself checked out, | 奥列格说他会去找医生检查精虫 |
| [09:39] | so, to be a team player, | 为了表现团队精神 |
| [09:40] | I’m gonna let a doctor poke around my front bottom. | 我也打算去让医生检查我”前院的水井” |
| [09:45] | Well, obviously I’m honored, | 我感到无上光荣 |
| [09:47] | but that’s gonna be a hard “no” from me. | 但我必须得回答”打死都不去” |
| [09:50] | Oh, girls! | 姑娘们 |
| [09:51] | I don’t want to go alone. | 我不想自己去 |
| [09:53] | I’m scared! | 我好害怕 |
| [09:55] | You know, in Poland, our doctor was also the butcher, | 在波兰 我们的医生也是镇上的屠夫 |
| [09:58] | you know, because he already had the white coat | 因为他已经有白色屠宰袍 |
| [09:59] | and the metal draining table. | 外加钢铁放血台了 |
| [10:02] | I mean, you try sharing a waiting room | 想象一下 跟一群紧张不安的羊 |
| [10:04] | with a bunch of nervous sheep. | 同处在等候室 |
| [10:06] | Baaah! | 咩 |
| [10:08] | Baaaah! | 咩 |
| [10:10] | Sheep flashbacks? | 羊咩咩的往事回忆吗 |
| [10:12] | I am obviously in. | 那我必须得去看看啊 |
| [10:14] | Buh-bye. | 到时见 |
| [10:17] | This is the part where the sheep | 现在来到羊 |
| [10:18] | really started to freak out. | 真正开始害怕的部分了 |
| [10:21] | Baaah! | 咩 |
| [10:24] | Sophie, just relax, | 苏菲 别紧张 |
| [10:26] | and maybe change into this paper gown | 要不换上这件纸长袍 |
| [10:28] | so the doctor can have better access. | 好让医生检查”水井”时能更方便点 |
| [10:30] | And as I’m saying this, | 虽然我说这种话 |
| [10:30] | I really wonder what I am doing here. | 但我真不知道我来干嘛 |
| [10:34] | Well, I don’t need a gown. | 我不需要长袍 |
| [10:36] | I ripped the middle right out of my Spanx. | 我已经把我塑身裤从中间撕开了 |
| [10:41] | It’s Owen. | 是欧文 |
| [10:42] | “How about dinner tonight? | “今晚一起吃饭怎么样 |
| [10:43] | Italian, sushi, whatever you’re in the mood for.” | 意大利菜 寿司 你想吃啥都行” |
| [10:46] | I’m in the mood for a little… | 我想来点…[摇床声] |
| [10:51] | Max, why don’t you invite him over? | 麦克斯 你何不把他邀家里 |
| [10:52] | You can make him a romantic dinner, | 你可以给他做一顿浪漫晚餐 |
| [10:54] | and then you can watch | 然后你还能看 |
| [10:55] | “American Horror Story: Penis Edition.” | 《美国恐怖故事:惊恐之”鸟”》 |
| [10:59] | Miss Kuchenski, I’m Dr. Surden. | 科臣斯基小姐 我是瑟顿医生 |
| [11:03] | Baaah! | 咩 |
| [11:09] | Miss Kuchenski, why aren’t you wearing a gown, | 科臣斯基小姐 你怎么不把长袍穿上 |
| [11:11] | and why are you clenching your knees? | 为什么你要把双膝并拢 |
| [11:15] | Oh, no. | 天啊 |
| [11:17] | I got the lock legs. | 我居然从小六变成小文了 |
| [11:21] | Hang on; I got an idea. | 等等 我有个主意 |
| [11:27] | That tickles! | 好痒哦 |
| [11:29] | Make your move now, Doc! | 快出招 医生 |
| [11:30] | That tickles! | 好痒 |
| [11:31] | Baaah! | 咩 |
| [11:34] | Uh, m-m-maybe I’ll have the nurse | 要不我让护士 |
| [11:37] | bring something to relax you. | 拿点东西来安抚你的情绪 |
| [11:38] | I’ll take a water if we’re getting stuff. | 如果可以点东西 我要来杯水 |
| [11:45] | I got to get out of here. | 我得离开这里 |
| [11:47] | But, Sophie, he hasn’t even examined you yet. | 可是苏菲 他还没给你做检查呢 |
| [11:50] | What’s going on? | 到底怎么回事 |
| [11:51] | You’re acting odd-er than usual. | 你今天比平时怪…一百倍 |
| [11:55] | Well, what if Oleg and I can’t have a baby | 万一我和奥列格不能生孩子 |
| [11:58] | because there’s something wrong with me? | 是因为问题出在我身上 |
| [12:02] | I mean, what if it’s not Oleg’s swimmers? | 我是说 万一奥列格的”小蝌蚪”没问题 |
| [12:06] | What if it’s my pool? | 是我这片”池塘”有毛病呢 |
| [12:11] | I mean, that would be so… | 那岂不是很… |
| [12:15] | sad. | 可悲…咩 |
| [12:20] | Here’s how I want things to unfold. | 我希望事情会是如此展开 |
| [12:22] | Do you think his thing will unfold? | 你觉得他那件”事”还能展开吗 |
| [12:27] | Like Beetlejuice? | 就像喜剧鬼片那样神展开 |
| [12:31] | Do you think you can handle getting to know him? | 你觉得你能做到真的去了解他吗 |
| [12:33] | I’m getting really upset. | 我被你弄得好心烦啊 |
| [12:34] | Hey, I have questions prepared. | 我问题都准备好了 |
| [12:36] | I’ll be fine. | 没事的 |
| [12:37] | You’re the one who has to sit at Starbucks | 你才是那个接下来 |
| [12:39] | and listen to homeless Barb pitch her screenplay | 要在星巴克坐三个小时 听流浪汉巴布 |
| [12:41] | for the next three hours. | 推销她的烂剧本的人 |
| [12:44] | Uh, careful. | 讲话注意点 |
| [12:44] | I’ve got a producer credit on that. | 到时会写我是制作人呢 |
| [12:48] | Max, your package is here. | 麦克斯 你的”货”到了 |
| [12:54] | Hope you like white wine. | 希望你喜欢白葡萄酒 |
| [12:56] | Of course. I live with her. | 当然 我可是跟白妞住一起 |
| [12:59] | And “her” Is leaving. | 那”妞”要走了 |
| [13:00] | Nice to see you, Owen. | 很高兴见到你 欧文 |
| [13:01] | You two have a great time getting to know each other. | 祝你俩用餐愉快 好好了解彼此哦 |
| [13:03] | Don’t let this one talk your ear off. | 别让这家伙烦死你 |
| [13:05] | She’s the type of girl that just loves to talk. | 她可是话超多的那种姑娘 |
| [13:09] | You look beautiful. | 你今晚真漂亮 |
| [13:11] | You went to all this trouble. | 还不怕麻烦亲自下厨 |
| [13:13] | I did. Thank you. | 是的 谢谢夸奖 |
| [13:15] | And you look… | 你看起来… |
| [13:17] | man-beautiful. | “爷”漂亮 |
| [13:19] | Shall we sit and get to know each other? | 我们要不要坐下 开始了解对方呢 |
| [13:23] | Like, for instance, | 比如 |
| [13:26] | “Your wife’s work friend Gary | “你妻子的同事盖里 |
| [13:28] | invites her away on a business trip | 邀请她一起出差 |
| [13:29] | where they’d be sharing one room. | 他们俩同住一间房 |
| [13:31] | Do you, A–“ | 你会 A” |
| [13:32] | – Max. – I know. | -麦克斯 -我知道 |
| [13:33] | Obviously, she bones him. | 一看就知她跟他一腿 |
| [13:39] | When I said “get to know each other,” | 我说的”了解对方” |
| [13:41] | I wasn’t thinking “Scruples.” | 不是要跟你玩”顾忌”这种选择游戏 |
| [13:41] | 这是一款基于道德困境的游戏 该游戏考察的是玩家本人对其他游戏者的熟悉程度 | |
| [13:43] | I’m more of a “Hungry Hungry Hippos” guy. | 我更像是会玩”饥饿河马”那种游戏的人 |
| [13:46] | I wish I could afford “Scruples.” | 我希望我能买得起正版的”顾忌” |
| [13:48] | This is “Scrumples.” | 这是盗版货”咕鸡” |
| [13:51] | Look, I don’t know how to do this. | 听着 我不知道该怎么做 |
| [13:53] | I feel stupid. | 我觉得好蠢 |
| [13:54] | You may feel stupid, | 你可能觉得自己蠢 |
| [13:55] | but you look really cute right now. | 但你现在看起来好可爱 |
| [13:57] | I do? | 真的吗 |
| [13:59] | How cute do I look? | 有多可爱 |
| [14:00] | A, super very a lot. | A 超级无敌可爱 |
| [14:03] | B B– | |
| [14:04] | Oh, it’s A. | 我选A |
| [14:06] | Seriously, have you never gotten to know anybody ever? | 说真的 你从来没试着了解过别人吗 |
| [14:08] | I…don’t know. | 我…不知道 |
| [14:11] | How do people get to know each other? | 人们都是怎么了解对方 |
| [14:12] | I mean, what do you want to know? | 我是指 你想了解我什么啊 |
| [14:16] | We didn’t have any money growing up. | 我小时候家里没什么钱 |
| [14:17] | My mom was an alcoholic. | 我妈妈是一名酒鬼 |
| [14:19] | My father was… | 我爸爸… |
| [14:21] | not able to be located by Maury Povich. | 连《寻父记》的栏目组都找不到他在哪儿 |
| [14:21] | 知名节目的一个单元 专门替生母找来 否认是生父的男人上节目来做亲子鉴定 | |
| [14:27] | We moved a lot because | 我们经常搬家 |
| [14:28] | the parking brake on our house didn’t work. | 因为我们房车的刹车不管用 |
| [14:33] | So now you know me. | 现在你了解我了吧 |
| [14:35] | I guess you’ll be leaving. | 我猜你也要走了 |
| [14:45] | Was that an A, kiss good-bye? | 这是不是 A 告别吻 |
| [14:50] | That’s for being cute and for sharing that. | 那是因为你很可爱 还跟我分享你的事 |
| [14:54] | I definitely think we should skip dinner– | 我真的认为我们该跳过晚餐 |
| [14:58] | blow this out ’cause I worry about fire; | 把蜡烛吹灭 因为我担心着火 |
| [14:59] | that’s something about me– | 我个人对火有阴影 |
| [15:02] | and go straight to dessert. | 我们直接进入”甜点”吧 |
| [15:08] | Is it weird that I want to talk now? | 我现在想聊了 会不会很欠揍啊 |
| [15:15] | Oh, wow. Going right for it, huh? | 哇 直奔主题啊 |
| [15:19] | Never would’ve drawn that. | 这老娘想破脑袋也画不出来 |
| [15:27] | I can’t believe you won’t tell me | 真不敢相信你居然不告诉我 |
| [15:28] | what’s not regular about Owen’s “down there.” | 欧文”下面”有什么异于常人之处 |
| [15:32] | I tell you everything. | 我什么都告诉你 |
| [15:36] | Fine. | 行 |
| [15:36] | Meet me at the first coleslaw tub. | 在第一个卷心菜沙拉桶那等我 |
| [15:38] | Come alone. | 自己来 |
| [15:42] | – Get out. – But I’m cooking. | -出去 -但我在做饭呢 |
| [15:43] | Get out. | 出去 |
| [15:45] | Fine. This is garbage anyway. | 好吧 反正做出来也是垃圾 |
| [15:51] | Okay, okay. Tell me. | 行啦行啦 告诉我吧 |
| [15:52] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [15:53] | Remember on “Full House,” | 记得在《欢乐满屋》里 |
| [15:55] | when you thought there was one Michelle, | 当你以为只有一个米雪儿 |
| [15:55] | 由于童星工作时间不允许过长 米雪儿一角由著名的奥尔森姐妹两人轮换扮演 | |
| [15:58] | but there were actually two Michelles… | 但其实是有两个米雪儿 |
| [16:03] | Why are you bringing up | 你干嘛提起 |
| [16:04] | one of the craziest days of my life? | 我这辈子最疯狂的那段日子 |
| [16:08] | He has two. | 他有俩 |
| [16:09] | Two what? | 俩什么 |
| [16:11] | Owen has two penises! | 欧文有两根鸡鸡 |
| [16:12] | Why is it so hard to understand? | 为什么这么难理解呢 |
| [16:17] | Is that a thing that can happen? | 真的能有这种事吗 |
| [16:19] | Yes. It’s called diphallia. | 有啊 这叫双阴茎畸形 |
| [16:21] | I just Googled it. | 我刚在网上搜了一下 |
| [16:26] | It’s a medical condition in which a male | 这是一种医学症状 |
| [16:28] | is born with two penises. | 一个男人天生有两根鸡鸡 |
| [16:30] | The only case in which two dongs make a right. | 有两屌 错不了 |
| [16:36] | Oleg, this was supposed to be private. | 奥列格 这本该是我们的私密谈话 |
| [16:39] | I think you mean “privates.” | 你的意思是”私处”谈话吧 |
| [16:44] | What’s the ball count? | 球数[蛋数]是多少 |
| [16:49] | Oleg, stop Googling! | 奥列格 别搜了 |
| [16:51] | I’m not Googling. | 我没有搜 |
| [16:52] | Now I’m on the phone with Sophie. | 我现在跟苏菲打电话呢 |
| [16:54] | Who has two penises? | 谁有两根鸡鸡呀 |
| [16:57] | Max’s boyfriend. | 麦克斯的男朋友 |
| [16:59] | What’s going on back here? | 你们在里面干嘛呢 |
| [17:01] | Max’s boyfriend has two penises! | 麦克斯的男朋友有两根鸡鸡 |
| [17:03] | Okay! Okay! That’s it. | 好啦 真是够了 |
| [17:06] | No more talk about Owen’s penis | 不许再谈论欧文的鸡鸡 |
| [17:08] | or his other penis. | 或他的二号鸡 |
| [17:12] | Well, Max, I guess he’s not the one… | 麦克斯 他不是你要找的那”一”个人 |
| [17:14] | ’cause he’s the two. | 他是”对”的人 |
| [17:18] | Actually, I really like him, | 其实我还挺喜欢他的 |
| [17:20] | and not just because I can cheat on him with him. | 绝不是因为我可以跟他另一根鸡鸡出轨 |
| [17:25] | Max, you can’t be serious. | 麦克斯 你在开玩笑吧 |
| [17:26] | Hey, everyone has something wrong with them. | 我们每个人都会有自己的问题 |
| [17:29] | I’m messed up on the inside. | 我的内心支离破碎 |
| [17:30] | At least Owen’s is right out there where you can see it. | 至少欧文的问题就在外面 你可以看得见 |
| [17:38] | Owen’s stopping by just to chat. | 欧文刚特意过来跟我聊两句 |
| [17:41] | I like talking now. | 我现在喜欢聊天了 |
| [17:42] | I think I’m gonna tell him | 我想我会告诉他 |
| [17:43] | about the first time I ran away from home. | 我第一次离家出走的事 |
| [17:45] | I crawled to Detroit. | 我爬到了底特律 |
| [17:48] | Max, I think it’s great you were able | 麦克斯 我觉得这样很棒 |
| [17:49] | to look past Owen’s situation. | 你能忽视欧文的症状 |
| [17:51] | Even the sight of one of them can be disturbing. | 即使只看其中一根 也会觉得很恶心吧 |
| [17:55] | Hey, everybody! | 大家安安 |
| [17:57] | Oh, good news. | 好消息 |
| [17:58] | Oleg’s got strong sperm. | 奥列格的精子龙精虎猛 |
| [18:02] | Well, that’s the end of this cookie. | 这块饼干我也吃不下了 |
| [18:05] | And the bad news is… | 坏消息是… |
| [18:07] | Oh, I thought that was the bad news. | 我以为刚才那就是坏消息 |
| [18:09] | I went back to the doctor, and he said | 我回去看医生 他说 |
| [18:11] | I can still get pregnant. | 我还能怀孕 |
| [18:13] | It’s just gonna take a while, you know, | 只是会比较耗时费工 |
| [18:15] | ’cause my eggs are a bit like the eggs here at the diner. | 因为我的蛋[卵子]有点像这餐厅的蛋 |
| [18:19] | You know, not exactly bad, | 虽然严格来说没有坏 |
| [18:21] | just real close to the use-by date. | 但也将近过期了 |
| [18:26] | Sophie, what made you go back to the doctor? | 苏菲 什么让你改变心意回去看医生 |
| [18:28] | Well, you know, I was doing a lot of soul-searching, | 我经常进行深刻的自我反省 |
| [18:31] | and I left my purse there. | 还有我的钱包落在那里了 |
| [18:34] | So I figured, you know, while I’m here, | 于是我就想 既然我都在这了 |
| [18:36] | why not take a look, you know? | 何不做个检查 |
| [18:38] | I mean, like Max said, | 就像麦克斯所说 |
| [18:39] | everybody’s got something. | 每个人都会有些问题 |
| [18:42] | Well, not to brag, | 不是我瞎吹 |
| [18:42] | but mine’s got two somethings. | 但我那位有两个”问题” |
| [18:46] | Hi. I’m here for, uh… | 你好 我来找… |
| [18:48] | Table for two. I mean one! | “两”人桌 我是说一人 |
| [18:52] | Why did I say two? | 我为什么要用”两”呢 |
| [18:55] | I don’t know. Have a good one. | 我不知道 祝你今天愉快 |
| [18:57] | You too. I mean, one! | 你俩也是 我是说你也是 |
| [19:00] | Oh, hi. Yeah. | 你好呀 |
| [19:04] | I’ve heard a lot about you. | 我听说了很多你的事 |
| [19:06] | You know, but not everything. | 但也不是一切啦 |
| [19:08] | You know, just a couple of things. | 就”两”件事而已 |
| [19:12] | – She knows? – What? | -她知道了吗 -什么 |
| [19:14] | Um, no. | 不 |
| [19:16] | This is like meeting Elvis | 这就像跟偶像猫王见面 |
| [19:17] | if Elvis had two penises and didn’t die on his toilet. | 前提是他有两根鸡鸡 还没死在马桶上 |
| [19:17] | 猫王的私人医生写书爆料 猫王真实死因是慢性便秘 | |
| [19:21] | Okay. They all know. | 好吧 他们都知道了 |
| [19:23] | Owen, wait! Wait. I’m sorry. | 欧文 等等 对不起嘛 |
| [19:26] | Uh, I expected him to walk differently. | 我以为他走路姿态会不一样呢 |
| [19:31] | Did anybody else think that? | 其他人也这么认为吗 |
| [19:32] | Yeah, I was wondering if he wears briefs and boxers. | 是啊 我在想他是不是三角裤和四角裤一起穿 |
| [19:36] | I was wondering if he’d let me take a selfie with them. | 他会不会让我跟他的”无间双龙”自拍呢 |
| [19:39] | Guys, Max really likes Owen, | 各位 麦克斯真的很喜欢欧文 |
| [19:41] | and she might have blown it. | 现在这感情可能得告”吹”了 |
| [19:43] | Which, again, seems like a lot of work. | 不得不说 “吹”起来是双倍的活儿啊 |
| [19:47] | What happened? | 怎么样了 |
| [19:48] | He broke up with me. | 他跟我分手了 |
| [19:50] | He broke up with you? | 他居然跟你分手 |
| [19:51] | He said I betrayed his trust, | 他说我背叛了他的信任 |
| [19:53] | and I said, whether I like it or not, | 我说 不管我想不想 |
| [19:54] | you guys know everything. | 你们都知道了 |
| [19:56] | You’re part of the package. | 你们是我沉重的负担 |
| [19:57] | And what did he say? | 那他怎么说 |
| [19:59] | He said my package was too much for him. | 他说我的负担对他来说太多了 |
| [20:02] | Your package is too much? | 他好意思说你负担[鸡鸡]太多 |
| [20:05] | I mean, he’s driving a double-decker. | 他自己可是”双龙”出海 |
| [20:10] | Coleslaw tub. Come alone. | 卷心菜沙拉桶 自己来 |
| [20:14] | Are you okay? | 你没事吧 |
| [20:15] | I’m fine. | 没事 |
| [20:17] | I don’t really believe you, | 我不是很信你 |
| [20:18] | but I do know something that might make you feel better. | 但我知道有东西能让你好过点 |
| [20:21] | Oh, God! No! | 天啊 不要吧 |
| [20:23] | No more girl talk. | 闺蜜谈心靠边闪 |
| [20:25] | Private stash. | 私人珍藏 |
| [20:27] | I get sad a lot in here. | 我在这里经常觉得难过 |
| [20:31] | I really liked him. | 我真的很喜欢他 |
| [20:34] | I did what you said, | 我按你说的做了 |
| [20:36] | and I let him get to know me. | 我让他了解我的内心 |
| [20:39] | I’m never doing that again. | 我再也不会这样做了 |
| [20:42] | This isn’t doing it for me. | 这样感觉不够力啊 |
| [20:47] | I’m gonna miss him. | 我会想死他的 |