| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | So it’s a tequila shot on top of Devil’s food cake. | 这是恶魔巧克力蛋糕上加一杯龙舌兰 |
| [00:06] | We can call it Satan’s nipple. | 我们可以取名为 撒旦的奶头 |
| [00:09] | Okay, but I think the menu’s already a little nipple heavy. | 不是不行 但是我们菜单上奶头比例有点大 |
| [00:13] | As am I. | 小女子也是 |
| [00:16] | Girls, two questions– | 姑娘们 有两个问题 |
| [00:18] | -No. -And no. | -不要 -绝对不要 |
| [00:20] | I was coming to see how baby Barbara’s baptism was coming. | 我是来看芭芭拉宝宝的洗礼仪式筹备如何 |
| [00:23] | Also, what drink goes best with a heavy muscle relaxer? | 还有 什么酒最适合配强效迷奸药 |
| [00:28] | I’d try the nipple-tini or the pina co-nipple. | 我建议奶头丁尼或奶头飘香 |
| [00:33] | Oleg, are you okay? | 奥列格 你没事吧 |
| [00:35] | I haven’t seen you this wound up since California | 上一次看你这么心烦意乱 |
| [00:37] | passed that law to make porn actors wear condoms. | 是加州通过法律 要求拍黄片必须戴套套 |
| [00:39] | It ruins the visuals. | 画面美感全被破坏了 |
| [00:42] | You’re the godparents, and my mama is coming | 你们俩是承办的干妈 而我老娘 |
| [00:45] | all the way from the Ukraine for this baptism, | 大老远从乌克兰飞过来参加洗礼仪式 |
| [00:47] | so it’s got to be balls to the walls perfect. | 绝对得尽全力[蛋蛋在墙上]达到完美 |
| [00:52] | Not that balls on walls isn’t a fun theme, | 不是说蛋蛋在墙上这派对主题不好 |
| [00:55] | but I’m thinking of going another way with the baptism party, | 但我想办的是另一种风格的洗礼派对 |
| [00:58] | what with there being a child involved. | 毕竟可是有儿童在场啊 |
| [01:01] | Now, if you don’t mind, | 如果你不介意 |
| [01:02] | we’re not supposed to be at the diner for 10 minutes, | 我们俩应该是十分钟后到餐厅上班 |
| [01:05] | so we’ll see you there in like an hour. | 所以我们大概一小时后餐厅见吧 |
| [01:07] | What’s this? Eh, doesn’t matter. | 这杯是什么 无所谓了 |
| [01:16] | Whatever it is, put that on the menu. | 无论这是什么 加进菜单里 |
| [01:32] | Caroline, did you get my RSVP to the baptism? | 卡洛琳 你有收到我答应出席洗礼的回函吗 |
| [01:35] | Sure did, two seconds after I sent the evite. | 当然 我电邮邀请发出两秒你就回了 |
| [01:39] | Sorry about the lag time. | 抱歉我隔了这么久才回 |
| [01:41] | I thought I was being punked again. | 我一开始以为又是整人信 |
| [01:44] | But, I’m happy to help on an official level. | 我很乐意在仪式上提供协助 |
| [01:46] | I’ve been involved in many baptisms at my church. | 毕竟我也参与过我教会很多洗礼仪式 |
| [01:50] | The Church of Latter Day Smurfs? | 蓝精灵后期圣徒教会吗 |
| [01:55] | For your information, | 我告诉你 |
| [01:56] | I’ve achieved a position of some stature. | 我在教会有一定的地位 |
| [01:59] | Papa Smurf? | 蓝爸爸级别的吗 |
| [02:01] | It’s not a Smurf church! | 不是蓝精灵教会 |
| [02:04] | I want to be the altar boy. | 我想当祭坛侍者 |
| [02:06] | Okay, but no Communion wine for you. | 行吧 但你不许喝圣餐的葡萄酒 |
| [02:09] | You get slutty when you drink. | 你一喝酒就变小骚货 |
| [02:13] | Oh, look, Oleg’s mom’s here. | 看啊 奥列格的妈妈来了 |
| [02:21] | More clean-shaven than I expected. | 大胡子比我想象中剃得整洁 |
| [02:25] | Really, girls? Mom jokes? | 真的要这样吗 开老妈玩笑 |
| [02:29] | Oleg. | 奥列格 |
| [02:31] | Mama! | 妈妈 |
| [02:33] | My gorgeous, beautiful, sexy baby boy. | 我可爱帅气又性感的宝贝儿子 |
| [02:39] | He didn’t tell us she was blind. | 他没说过他妈妈眼瞎啊 |
| [02:45] | Should we stop this before Oleg becomes his own step-father? | 该不该在奥列格变成自己继父前阻止他们 |
| [02:50] | To think I made this. | 我竟生出如此杰作 |
| [02:54] | You win some, you lose some. | 人生潮起之后一定有潮落啊 |
| [02:56] | I look fantastic, eh? | 老娘状态也很赞吧 |
| [02:59] | I’ve been doing Pilatskis. | 我有在练普拉斯基 |
| [03:01] | Like Pilates, only instead of rubber bands | 类似普拉提 不过不是用橡皮带练 |
| [03:04] | you do it with big airplane tires. | 是用大飞机的轮胎来练 |
| [03:08] | Oh, mama, you’re back to your shot-putting weight. | 妈妈 你又回到你当年丢铅球的体态了 |
| [03:11] | Feel my thigh, eh? | 摸摸我大腿 |
| [03:14] | Squeeze it. | 用力捏 |
| [03:16] | Harder. | 大力点 |
| [03:17] | Harder! | 使点劲儿 |
| [03:18] | All right, now punch it. | 好了 现在打一拳 |
| [03:20] | Like mother/son fight club. | 好像母子版的电影《搏击俱乐部》 |
| [03:23] | Hi, I’m Caroline Channing. | 您好 我叫卡洛琳·钱宁 |
| [03:26] | They’re making a movie about me, | 最近有人在拍我的人生故事电影 |
| [03:27] | but I’m just a regular person. | 但我只是一介平凡小女子 |
| [03:29] | That they’re making a movie about. | 被人翻拍成电影的小女子 |
| [03:32] | I’m Max Black– I’m sure you’ve heard about me from Oleg | 我是麦克斯·布莱克 想必奥列格跟您提过我 |
| [03:34] | or Channel 7 Scam Busters. | 或者在抓诈骗犯节目里见过我 |
| [03:37] | Oh, and this is Earl. He runs the register, | 这位是厄尔 他是收银员 |
| [03:40] | and he’s the reason we know our defibrillator works. | 是他让我们知道店里心脏电击器还能用 |
| [03:43] | Yeah, thanks for bringing me back from heaven, girls. | 谢谢你们把我从天堂拉回来啊 姑娘们 |
| [03:47] | If you need a place to crash, | 如果你需要地方暂住 |
| [03:49] | my roommate is out of town for the weekend. | 我的室友周末出门不在家 |
| [03:52] | Mm, well, I do like Black Russians, | 我的确喜欢俄罗斯黑人 |
| [03:56] | so we’re halfway there. | 你也算满足一半条件了 |
| [03:59] | Sorry, Earl, she’s spoken for. | 抱歉 厄尔 她名花有主 |
| [04:01] | She’s dating my Uncle Oleg. | 她跟我奥列格叔叔好着呢 |
| [04:04] | Well, if you two ever decide to tie the knot, | 如果哪天你们决定要办婚事 |
| [04:07] | I am a Universal Life Minister. | 我是宇宙生活教会的证婚人 |
| [04:11] | Did I mention my roommate’s out of town for the weekend? | 我提了我室友这周末会不在家吗 |
| [04:15] | I’m only asking ’cause I forgot. | 我问单纯是因为我忘了 |
| [04:18] | Mrs. Golishevsky, | 高列彻夫斯基太太 |
| [04:20] | Han Lee, your son’s boss. | 李憨 你儿子的老板 |
| [04:23] | He’s a great– | 他是个很棒的… |
| [04:28] | A good– | 不错的… |
| [04:30] | We haven’t had to– Welcome! | 我们还没… 欢迎你来 |
| [04:35] | Max and I are the godparents, Mrs. Golishevsky. | 我跟麦克斯是干妈 高列彻夫斯基女士 |
| [04:37] | I know what you’re thinking: | 我知道您在想什么 |
| [04:39] | I look too young to have a godbaby. | 我看起来太年轻 完全不像当干妈的人 |
| [04:41] | Don’t tell me what I’m thinking. | 我在想什么不用你说 |
| [04:45] | Two godmommies? Really? | 两个干妈 真要这样咩 |
| [04:49] | All right, no, I get it. I’m very hip. | 没事 我能理解 我很潮 |
| [04:52] | Who among us has not kissed a woman? | 毕竟在座各位谁没亲过女人啊 |
| [04:57] | Han. | 阿憨 |
| [05:02] | It was a pleasure to– | 很荣幸能… |
| [05:04] | You seem– | 您看起来… |
| [05:07] | I’m so happy we– | 我很高兴我们能… |
| [05:09] | Catch you later. | 稍后再聊 |
| [05:14] | Hey, everybody. | 大家安安 |
| [05:19] | I would’ve gotten here sooner, | 我本来想早点过来的 |
| [05:20] | but Teresa Giudice was on Hoda & Kathie Lee, | 但真人秀爆火女正在上谈话节目 |
| [05:23] | and Barbara wanted to watch. | 而芭芭拉想看 |
| [05:31] | It’s okay– she’s strapped in. | 没事的 她有绑安全带 |
| [05:35] | This is my beautiful wife | 这是我美丽的老婆 |
| [05:37] | and my beautiful baby mama, mama. | 以及我可爱女儿的妈妈 妈妈 |
| [05:40] | It’s a pleasure, I know. | 你幸会我 我知道 |
| [05:44] | How can you listen to that accent all day long? | 你从早到晚听她那口音不恶心吗 |
| [05:49] | Yikes. | 要死 |
| [05:52] | Yikes? | 要死吗 |
| [05:54] | It means…she yikes it. | 是指… 她”要”爱”死”你了 |
| [05:58] | Oh, there she is. | 我的小孙女 |
| [06:00] | Little baby Bair-bra. | 恶心巴拉小宝宝 |
| [06:04] | You know, I would have named her Bohuslava. | 要是我 就给她取名叫波赫斯拉娃 |
| [06:09] | Isn’t that a prettier name, Oleg? | 这名字是不是更美啊 奥列格 |
| [06:15] | No, we like Barbara, don’t we, Oleg? | 没 我们就喜欢叫芭芭拉 对吧 奥列格 |
| [06:21] | Anybody gonna put in an order around here? | 这里没人要点个菜什么的吗 |
| [06:29] | Wow, haven’t been to a church in, uh… | 不知道有多久没来过教堂啦 |
| [06:33] | Have I ever been to a church? | 我有来过教堂吗 |
| [06:35] | If I burst into flames, you can have all my possessions. | 如果我遭天谴被火烧成渣 我的财产都给你 |
| [06:38] | Great, I’m really looking forward to owning | 太好啦 我可是”超期待”成为 |
| [06:40] | two bongs and a treasure map. | 俩大麻烟斗加一张藏宝图的主人 |
| [06:43] | Oh, that’s just a place mat from Bubba Gump’s. | 不是藏宝图 只是连锁虾子餐厅的餐垫 |
| [06:47] | Learned that the hard way. | 我也是吃了亏才知道的 |
| [06:49] | Hi, Mrs. Golishevsky. | 你好啊 高列彻夫斯基太太 |
| [06:51] | You look so nice. | 你气色真不错 |
| [06:52] | I don’t look nice. I look fantastic. | 老娘不是气色不错 是美得惊天动地 |
| [06:56] | This is Father Kozac. | 这是科扎克神父 |
| [06:58] | He will be performing the baptism. | 他将会为孩子施洗礼 |
| [07:00] | Yes, and I also perform in an R&B group. | 没错 我也是节奏布鲁斯表演团体的成员 |
| [07:06] | You may have heard of us: Altar Boys to Men? | 你可能有听说过我们 圣坛老男孩 |
| [07:11] | You two have to wear this on your heads, | 你们俩得在头上戴这个 |
| [07:13] | to show respect for God. | 以对上帝表示敬意 |
| [07:15] | And also because most Ukrainian women are bald. | 也因为大多数乌克兰女性都秃头 |
| [07:20] | Hands up! Give me the baby! | 举起双手 把孩子给我 |
| [07:23] | All rightsky, should we get started? | 好了夫斯基 我们要开始了吗 |
| [07:27] | Em, here you go, Max. | 来 麦克斯 给 |
| [07:31] | What, like a hot-potato situation? | 是类似扔出烫手山芋那样吗 |
| [07:36] | Before the baptism, the father will question you about | 洗礼仪式开始之前 神父会问你有关 |
| [07:40] | guiding the spiritual life of the child. | 未来指引孩子精神生活的问题 |
| [07:42] | You know, taking her to church, | 比如带她上教堂 |
| [07:46] | making sure she only wears pants to drive the tractor. | 确保她只有在开拖拉机的时候才穿裤子 |
| [07:50] | Yeah, then I will say a prayer, | 然后我会说一段祷文 |
| [07:52] | you hand me the baby… | 你们再把孩子传给我 |
| [07:58] | And I will baptize her | 然后我为她施洗礼 |
| [08:02] | like so. | 比如这样 |
| [08:05] | So basically we’re just waterboarding a baby. | 所以基本上我们就是水刑刑求这宝宝 |
| [08:09] | Excuse me, do you know what a baptism is? | 抱歉 你知道洗礼是什么吗 |
| [08:12] | No, she knows, she’s just shy. | 她知道的 只是有点害羞 |
| [08:15] | So, Max, do you pray? | 麦克斯 那你祷告吗 |
| [08:18] | Oh, she prays all the time, right, Max? | 她整天都在祷告啊 对吧 麦克斯 |
| [08:21] | I’m always hearing her in her bedroom say, | 我整天听到她卧室里传来 |
| [08:24] | “Oh God, oh God, oh God” | “我的天啊 我的上帝啊 我的神啊” |
| [08:28] | One of those times was because an owl got in there. | 其中一次是因为有猫头鹰飞进我房间 |
| [08:32] | So do you have a good relationship with the Father? | 所以你有跟父保持良好关系吗 |
| [08:36] | Uh, well, he took off before I was born, so, | 我还没出生之前他就跑了 |
| [08:38] | all I know about him is he makes really great decisions. | 所以我对他唯一的了解 就是他懂得做明智决定 |
| [08:41] | No, no, now, that is not the father I mean. | 不不 不是这个父 |
| [08:44] | I mean that one. | 我说的是那位 |
| [08:47] | Oh, Santa Claus? | 圣诞老公公吗 |
| [08:50] | I want to, but every house in one night? | 我也想啊 可一夜之间窜遍每家每户 |
| [08:52] | Come on. | 怎么可能真存在 |
| [08:54] | She got hit in the head with a softball recently. | 她最近脑子刚被垒球砸到过 |
| [08:58] | No, not Santa Claus! | 不 不是圣诞老公公 |
| [09:01] | What do you think, this is some kind of joke? | 你是怎么样 觉得这是一场笑话吗 |
| [09:05] | You are not fit to be my granddaughter’s godmommies, | 你们不配当我孙女的干妈 |
| [09:09] | I don’t care how much I hate her name. | 哪怕我有多讨厌她那名字 |
| [09:12] | Kaputzki. | 什么烂东西 |
| [09:15] | God, oh God, oh God. | 天啊 上帝啊 神啊 |
| [09:16] | What? Did an owl get in here? | 怎么了 有猫头鹰飞进来了吗 |
| [09:23] | I can’t believe we got fired as godmothers. | 真不敢相信我们干妈的职位都被炒了 |
| [09:26] | I’ve never been fired before. | 我这辈子从未被炒过呢 |
| [09:28] | And don’t bring up that Habitat for Humanity thing. | 别提我跟慈善组织仁人家园的事 |
| [09:30] | We mutually parted ways. | 我们是理念不同 各奔东西 |
| [09:33] | Yeah, and then you guys never finished my house. | 然后你们帮我这穷人盖房子的事也告吹了 |
| [09:39] | Hey, girls. | 姑娘们 |
| [09:40] | Hey, look at this new machine. | 看看这台新机器 |
| [09:42] | It’s like a radio that monitors the baby. | 就像是个监视孩子的无线电 |
| [09:46] | Live from upstairs, it’s W-B-A-B-Y! | 来自楼上的直播 我们是宝宝新闻台 |
| [09:50] | It’s a great thing if you’re not home, | 这东西特别适合你不在家 |
| [09:52] | or you just don’t trust your baby. | 或不信任你家宝宝时使用 |
| [09:55] | I’m assuming you haven’t talked to Mrs. Golishevsky | 我猜高列彻夫斯基太太还没跟你们说 |
| [09:57] | since you’re not scream-crying at us. | 因为你们还没冲我们大吼大叫 |
| [10:00] | I am now! | 老娘现在就要叫 |
| [10:02] | What happened at the rehearsal? | 排练的时候发生什么事了 |
| [10:04] | Um, everything’s fine, but Mrs. Golishevsky | 本来一切都很顺利 但是高列彻夫斯基太太 |
| [10:07] | fired us as godparents. | 炒了我们干妈的身份 |
| [10:09] | She really did not like Caroline. | 她真的很不喜欢卡洛琳 |
| [10:12] | I am not the one she put a thousand year curse on. | 她下千年诅咒的人又不是我 |
| [10:15] | I got it down to 500. | 我杀价到500年呢 |
| [10:19] | Oh, she can’t just come up here | 她没资格大摇大摆来到这 |
| [10:22] | and fire my godparents and drink my beer | 炒了我孩子的干妈 还喝我的啤酒 |
| [10:26] | and talk over American Ninja Warrior. | 还大聊特聊参加《美国极限体能王》 |
| [10:30] | Sophie, she’s only here for another week, | 苏菲 她再过一周就回去了 |
| [10:32] | and then everything will go back to normal. | 然后一切就会恢复正常 |
| [10:35] | We’ll have the bed to ourselves again. | 我们就不用再三个人挤一张床了 |
| [10:37] | Oleg, if she thinks she can fire my godparents | 奥列格 要是她觉得她有资格炒了干妈 |
| [10:41] | and use my kettle bells, | 乱用我的举重壶铃 |
| [10:43] | then I’m calling off the baptism. | 那我要取消洗礼 |
| [10:47] | We need to go upstairs and set your mother straight. | 我们得上楼把你妈摆平 |
| [10:50] | And if you think that you are gonna have sex | 如果你觉得在接下来三小时内 |
| [10:52] | in the next three hours, oh, well, | 你有得”干” |
| [10:55] | you’ve got another thing coming! | 那你还得先干另一件事 |
| [10:58] | Three hours? What about hand stuff? | 要等三小时吗 用手”干”的呢 |
| [11:02] | Oh, we’ll see. | 再说吧 |
| [11:08] | I didn’t want to bring this up when she was upset, | 刚才她不爽时 我没好意思提 |
| [11:10] | but those are my kettle bells. | 但那是我的举重壶铃 |
| [11:14] | I’m upset too. | 我也不爽啊 |
| [11:15] | That was the only party I was invited to this year. | 这是今年唯一一个邀请我的派对啊 |
| [11:19] | Girls, I wanted to show you | 姑娘们 帮我看看 |
| [11:20] | the two robes I’m considering for the baptism. | 这两件长袍 哪件适合洗礼穿 |
| [11:23] | And, FYI, your doorbell is electrocuting people. | 对了 你们的门铃漏电会电人 |
| [11:26] | Definitely the white. The baptism’s off. | 肯定是白色 另外 洗礼取消了 |
| [11:28] | Bye. | 再见啦 |
| [11:32] | Max, Han just made me realize something, | 麦克斯 阿憨让我意识到一件事 |
| [11:34] | and not just that he would look really cute in a dress. | 除了他穿裙子会特别可爱之外 |
| [11:37] | Between him, the baby, | 有他 有宝宝 |
| [11:38] | and Earl being a minister, | 有厄尔当牧师 |
| [11:40] | we have almost everything we need for a baptism. | 我们几乎有了洗礼所需的一切事物 |
| [11:42] | We did do that exorcism here, | 我们的确在这办过驱魔 |
| [11:44] | which clearly didn’t work because that 1800s lady | 显然不管用 因为来自18世纪那个女的 |
| [11:47] | was watching me sleep again last night. | 昨晚又来偷看我睡觉 |
| [11:49] | Anyway, where is it written that a baptism has to be in a church, | 总之哪儿白纸黑字写明 洗礼非得在教堂啊 |
| [11:53] | other than the Bible? | 除了圣经就没了吧 |
| [11:54] | I mean, all we need is holy water. | 我们现在就缺圣水 |
| [11:56] | Ask the 1800s lady. She’s always carrying a bucket. | 问问18世纪那个女的啊 她老是拎着个小桶 |
| [12:03] | Why not steal holy water from a church? | 为什么不能从教堂偷圣水 |
| [12:06] | God’s already mad at me. | 反正上帝已经不爽我了 |
| [12:07] | I woke up with a zit behind my ear. | 我早上起来发现我耳朵后面长了颗痘 |
| [12:10] | Wow, that’s all I can look at now. | 我现在注意力都移不开那里了 |
| [12:12] | Leave it! That’s my Saturday night. | 别挤 这是我周六夜的娱乐 |
| [12:16] | Okay, I’m more nimble, so you distract Father Kozac | 好了 我更机灵 所以你去分散神父注意 |
| [12:20] | while I grab the holy water. | 我去偷圣水 |
| [12:22] | Nice jug. | 奶壶不错 |
| [12:25] | Max, I’ve been waiting six years for you to say that. | 麦克斯 我等了六年终于等到你夸我[奶]了 |
| [12:28] | Now go tell Father Kozac you need to confess. | 现在去跟神父说你要忏悔 |
| [12:31] | Okay, but then I’ll get kicked out of the crypts. | 好吧 可这样我会被地狱扫地出门 |
| [12:34] | Max and Caroline, | 麦克斯 卡洛琳 |
| [12:35] | Sophie said the baptism’s canceled, | 苏菲说洗礼仪式取消了 |
| [12:39] | as is Altar Boys to Men’s next gig. | 就像圣坛老男孩的下一场演出 |
| [12:42] | It’s been a tough day. | 今天真是糟糕的一天 |
| [12:45] | Actually, Max is here to confess. | 其实麦克斯是来忏悔的 |
| [12:47] | I’m traditionally more of a victim. | 而我就是传统意义上的受害者 |
| [12:50] | All right, let’s do this. | 好吧 开始吧 |
| [12:52] | Where’s your little shame box thing? | 你们的羞耻小黑屋在哪儿 |
| [12:54] | Our confessional is under construction, | 我们的忏悔室正在施工中 |
| [12:57] | although it’s taking Sergei forever. | 虽然感觉已经修了一辈子了 |
| [13:01] | We can do it right here. | 我们可以在这里进行 |
| [13:06] | Oh, hmm, suddenly I can’t think of much to confess. | 突然也想不到太多需要忏悔的 |
| [13:17] | Pretty sure someone Men in Black’d me in 2008. | 肯定08年时 有人像《黑衣人》那样消洗掉我记忆 |
| [13:20] | A-ha, well, start by kneeling. | 我们可以先从下跪开始 |
| [13:24] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [13:25] | Oh, some stuff’s starting to come back to me. | 这动作触发了我的记忆 |
| [13:30] | Just to summarize, uh, fires, fires, knife fights, | 总结一下 就是火光 火影 刀光剑影 |
| [13:34] | robberies, robberies, knife robberies, | 抢劫 盗窃 持刀抢盗 |
| [13:36] | but third grade is where the real sinning began. | 但真正的犯罪是从三年级才开始 |
| [13:47] | Oh, just give me a second. I’m on a real roll here. | 给我点时间 我现在回忆如泉涌 |
| [13:56] | For an illegitimate, blasphemous, | 对于一个非法 亵渎上帝 |
| [13:58] | back-alley baptism, | 难登大雅之堂的洗礼会 |
| [14:00] | I think it looks pretty. | 我觉得这布置很棒了 |
| [14:02] | Hey, when are we gonna get started, girls? | 我们打算什么时候开始 姑娘们 |
| [14:05] | I’m performing a conscious uncoupling at 2:00. | 我2点还要主持一场理性分手会 |
| [14:09] | Ooh, this is cute. | 布置得好有爱 |
| [14:13] | Much nicer than the church/slaughterhouse | 比我之前洗礼的那地儿好多了 |
| [14:16] | I was baptized in. | 说是教堂其实是屠宰场 |
| [14:18] | Sophie, you look beautiful. | 苏菲 你看起来美美哒 |
| [14:20] | Oleg, I’m glad you didn’t wear your vagina tie. | 奥列格 很高兴你没系你那条阴道领带 |
| [14:23] | It’s dirty. | 因为”脏” |
| [14:25] | Hey, thanks for stealing the holy water | 姑娘们 谢谢你们偷来了圣水 |
| [14:28] | and going to hell for baby Barbara, girls. | 为了芭芭拉宝宝不惜下地狱 |
| [14:31] | I’m just glad I look good in red. | 我只庆幸我穿地狱红特好看 |
| [14:34] | Max, you’re gonna have so many friends there, | 麦克斯 你在下面有那么多朋友 |
| [14:36] | and I’m not gonna know anyone. | 而我一个认识的人都没有 |
| [14:38] | Let’s get ready to baptize. | 我们准备开始洗礼吧 |
| [14:41] | I sent my mother to Curves. | 我把我妈送去健身了 |
| [14:43] | It’s a bi’s and tri’s day for her. | 今天是她努力练二头与三头肌日 |
| [14:48] | Speaking of bi’s who try. | 一说到”努力”变”双”[二] |
| [14:51] | I told you, I thought Grindr was a kitchenware app. | 我都说了 我以为是”磨基”是一款厨具软件 |
| [14:54] | Found out the hard way that “Melon baller” has two meanings. | “硬”是到后来才知道 掏”球”器有两个意思 |
| [14:58] | Hey, before we start, can I get a hit off of this thing? | 在开始前 我能吸两口这玩意吗 |
| [15:02] | It’s an incense boat, Earl, not wacky-tobacky. | 这是香炉 厄尔 不是大麻烟 |
| [15:05] | We ain’t picky. | 我们又不挑 |
| [15:07] | Puff, puff, pass, sister act. | 吸两口就给我 疯狂小修女 |
| [15:09] | I’d be insulted if that wasn’t my | 要不是《修女也疯狂》是我第三爱的电影 |
| [15:11] | third favorite movie. | 我会觉得被羞辱了 |
| [15:15] | Sophie, oh, Barbara’s dress is beautiful. | 苏菲 芭芭拉的裙子好美 |
| [15:20] | Hi. | 你好呀 |
| [15:22] | Oh, I love her makeup. | 我好喜欢她的妆容 |
| [15:24] | Who did the smokey eye? | 这烟熏妆谁画的 |
| [15:26] | All right, let’s huddle up. | 好了 大家都过来吧 |
| [15:29] | Ugh, this reminds me of my time | 这让我想起我曾经 |
| [15:31] | singing doo-wop over a trash fire. | 围着垃圾桶之火唱和声 |
| [15:34] | Okay, let’s begin. | 好了 开始吧 |
| [15:36] | Ashes to ashes, dust to– | 尘归尘 土归土… |
| [15:38] | oops, wrong page. | 不好意思 念错了 |
| [15:42] | Max and Caroline, yeah, as Barbara’s godparents, | 麦克斯 卡洛琳 作为芭芭拉的干妈 |
| [15:46] | do you agree to look out for her welfare | 你们愿意守护她的幸福安康 |
| [15:49] | and to be honest if she puts on a few pounds? | 在她胖了的时候如实告诉她吗 |
| [15:52] | I mean, you know, not now, but in a couple of months? | 当然不是现在 但几个月之后呢 |
| [15:56] | Hey, I like baby who can fill out a diaper. | 我喜欢能拉满一张尿布的宝宝 |
| [15:59] | I think she just filled one out. | 我觉得她刚拉满了一张 |
| [16:02] | Hi, Barbara. | 你好呀 芭芭拉 |
| [16:03] | It’s my fault you’re having | 都怪我 |
| [16:04] | your baptism in a bar instead of a church, | 害你不能去教堂 只能在酒吧接受洗礼 |
| [16:07] | but that’s just how we roll. | 但我们就是这么有个性 |
| [16:09] | You’re family now, and I promise, | 你现在是我的家人 我保证 |
| [16:10] | no matter what happens, we will always have your back. | 无论发生什么事 我们都会支持你 |
| [16:15] | Yeah, you can talk to me about boys, or girls, | 对啊 你可以跟我聊男生 女生 |
| [16:18] | or whatever they have by the time you’re a teenager. | 或任何你长大后市面上有的对象类别 |
| [16:22] | You can call me Uncle Han, the Han-ster. | 你可以叫我阿憨叔叔 或者憨叔[鼠] |
| [16:28] | You know what? Han’s fine. | 算了 叫阿憨就挺好 |
| [16:31] | In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, | 以上帝 圣子及圣灵的名义 |
| [16:36] | I baptize this child Barbara Kuchenski Golishevsky. | 我正式洗礼芭芭拉·科臣斯基·高列彻夫斯基 |
| [16:43] | Yay! | 好棒 |
| [16:44] | We did it, Sophie. | 我们做到了 苏菲 |
| [16:46] | We baptized little Bohus–Barbara. | 我们洗礼了小波赫斯… 芭芭拉 |
| [16:50] | Aww, she’s smiling. | 她笑了 |
| [16:53] | Hey, oh, yeah, you know what? | 你知道吗 |
| [16:56] | She can tell that she avoided an eternal hell fire. | 她知道洗礼后 自己躲过了永恒的地狱之火 |
| [17:03] | What is going on here? | 你们在这里搞什么 |
| [17:06] | Mama, you’re back so soon. | 妈妈 你这么快就回来啦 |
| [17:09] | Damn you, Curves. | 该死的女子健身馆 |
| [17:10] | I forgot it’s an hour workout packed into 30 minutes. | 我忘了那是一小时变半小时的加速健身班 |
| [17:13] | The gym is garbage. | 那健身馆就是垃圾 |
| [17:15] | They don’t even have nunchucks. | 连双截棍都没有 |
| [17:18] | What, you’re not having this baptism without me, are you? | 什么 你们不是想趁我不在给宝宝洗礼吧 |
| [17:22] | Go ahead, Oleg. | 说啊 奥列格 |
| [17:24] | Tell her the truth, | 跟她说实话 |
| [17:25] | or you’re sleeping in the middle tonight. | 不然你今晚就睡中间吧 |
| [17:28] | Mama, here’s the truth, | 妈妈 实话就是 |
| [17:32] | whether you like it or not: | 不管你乐不乐意 |
| [17:35] | My friends and I like to dress up | 我和我的朋友喜欢盛装打扮 |
| [17:37] | and put on pretend baptisms. | 举行假洗礼仪式玩 |
| [17:40] | Come on, I know you have balls. | 不是吧 我知道你有种[蛋] |
| [17:43] | They were hanging out of my nightgown this morning. | 今早你穿我睡袍时 它们俩还在底下荡阿荡呢 |
| [17:47] | Mama, we just baptized Barbara without you. | 妈妈 我们刚趁你不在给芭芭拉洗礼了 |
| [17:52] | Sophie wants Max and Caroline as the godparents, | 苏菲希望麦克斯和卡洛琳当孩子的干妈 |
| [17:55] | and so do I. | 我也是 |
| [17:57] | So you’re siding with these people against your mama? | 所以你跟这群人合伙 反抗你亲妈吗 |
| [18:01] | Yes, mama. | 是的 妈妈 |
| [18:03] | Oh, there’s those big, beautiful balls. | 这才是我那对名副其实的”硬”蛋 |
| [18:08] | Are they out? | 真放出来了吗 |
| [18:10] | I don’t know, but I can’t see them again today. | 我不知道 但我今天不能再看第二次了 |
| [18:14] | Oleg, you sound just like your sister, Oleg. | 奥列格 你的语气跟你姐姐一样 |
| [18:17] | Are you gonna spank me in here, | 你要在这里打我屁屁 |
| [18:19] | or can we go in another room? | 还是我们可以去别的地方 |
| [18:21] | Because I don’t love, love, love the underwear I’m wearing. | 因为我非常非常不喜欢 我现在穿的内裤 |
| [18:26] | To stand up to me, | 敢反抗我 |
| [18:29] | you must really love these people. | 你肯定很爱这些人 |
| [18:33] | No, Oleg, I am not going to spank you. | 奥列格 我不会打你屁屁 |
| [18:37] | That is your wife’s job now. | 现在这是你妻子的工作了 |
| [18:41] | I will send you my paddle. | 我会把我的刑桨寄给你 |
| [18:43] | Aw, yeah, that would be great, Mrs. Golishevsky, | 那真是太好了 高列彻夫斯基夫人 |
| [18:47] | ’cause I shattered the last one. | 因为我那个打烂了 |
| [18:50] | Call me mama. | 叫我妈妈 |
| [18:52] | Aww, okay, mama. | 好的 妈妈 |
| [18:56] | No, that doesn’t work. | 算了 还是听了恶心 |
| [19:04] | So I’m just gonna put the holy water back where I got it, | 我去把圣水倒回原处 |
| [19:06] | and it’ll be like I never stole it at all. | 就像我从来没偷过一样 |
| [19:08] | I can’t risk the wrath of God. | 我不能冒险惹神大怒 |
| [19:10] | Or have I already suffered it? | 还是我已经在接受惩罚了 |
| [19:12] | It’s so hard to tell. | 人生悲催 孰能分清 |
| [19:13] | Would you stop overreacting? Our walls bled once. | 你能不能别反应过激 我们的墙就渗出过一次血 |
| [19:17] | Here comes the priest. | 神父来了 |
| [19:19] | Max, did you come back to finish confession? | 麦克斯 你是回来做完你的忏悔吗 |
| [19:22] | I want to hear what happened when you were living | 我想听听你跟男演员杰克·尼科尔森 |
| [19:25] | with Jack Nicholson. | 同住的那段故事 |
| [19:29] | Did I get all the way up to fifth grade? | 我都说到五年级了吗 |
| [19:32] | So you’re just here to bring back the holy water? | 所以你只是来还圣水的吗 |
| [19:35] | You knew about that? | 你知道这事啊 |
| [19:37] | God sees everything. | 什么事都瞒不过上帝 |
| [19:41] | Really? | 是咩 |
| [19:42] | Yes, but so do our security cameras. | 是啊 也瞒不过我们的监控 |
| [19:46] | And I thought you weren’t really a believer. | 我还以为你没有信仰呢 |
| [19:49] | Uh, I don’t know, I mean, I never met my dad, | 我也不知道 我从未见过我生父 |
| [19:52] | but sometimes I think maybe he’s out there | 但有时我相信或许他在某处 |
| [19:54] | hoping I’m gonna be okay. | 希望我一切安好吧 |
| [19:56] | Plus, if there’s no God, | 再说了 如果没有上帝 |
| [19:57] | how do you explain America’s Funniest Home Videos? | 那怎么解释《全美家庭滑稽录像》呢 |
| [20:00] | Right? Why would you have a pie | 是吧 谁会在弹床旁边 |
| [20:02] | cooling next to a trampoline? | 放凉一块派呢 |
| [20:07] | Hi, Father. | 你好 神父 |
| [20:08] | We were just in the neighborhood | 我们来这附近 |
| [20:09] | doing good deeds for old people. | 帮帮老人 做做善事 |
| [20:12] | He knows. | 他知道了 |
| [20:13] | What do the kids say? | 现在的孩子们怎么说 |
| [20:15] | Busted? | “被抓包”吗 |
| [20:18] | So lying to a priest? | 对神父撒谎 |
| [20:20] | What’s that gonna get me, | 会让我有什么下场呢 |
| [20:21] | five more years in our apartment? | 在咱们公寓多蹲五年吗 |
| [20:23] | Come on, it’s not that bad. | 拜托 没那么糟啦 |
| [20:25] | You, me, | 我和你 |
| [20:25] | and the wet 1800s lady make a great team. | 还有18世纪那个女的 就是欢乐三人行啊 |
| [20:29] | She said it herself through the hole in her throat. | 她自己说的 用喉咙的那个洞 |
| [20:31] | Weird, | 奇怪了 |
| [20:32] | ’cause she told me that your snoring drives her crazy. | 她明明跟我说 你的呼噜声烦死她了 |