| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | I know sex is a casual thing to some people, | 我知道做爱对有些人来说不算什么 |
| [00:06] | but you’re the second person | 但你是我人生中第二个 |
| [00:07] | in my entire life I’ve ever made love to. | 和我上床的人 |
| [00:10] | You gotta go. | 你快走吧 |
| [00:12] | You need to lose yourself to find out who you are. | 你得彻底豁出去才能发掘真我 |
| [00:15] | If you wanna play, you’re more than welcome. | 如果你们想玩 非常欢迎 |
| [00:17] | Why don’t you leave the ring here? | 要不你把戒指留在这吧 |
| [00:25] | What’s goin’ on? | 怎么了 |
| [00:26] | – Bomb scare. – What? | -疑似有炸弹 -什么 |
| [00:28] | I’ll grab a cop, I’ll explain what happened, | 我去找个警察 解释一下 |
| [00:29] | I’ll get my ring. I gotta get my ring. | 我要把戒指拿回来 必须得拿回来 |
| [00:30] | No, no, no. I have LSD in that bag. | 不行 那包里有迷幻药 |
| [00:32] | Okay, fuck you. | 去你妈的 |
| [00:37] | You know what you’re learning? Strength. Tons of it. | 你知道你学到了什么吗 非常多的力量 |
| [00:40] | Can you roll up the window? | 能把窗户关上吗 |
| [01:10] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [01:15] | The, uh, the toilet, it was running all night. | 厕所流了一夜的水 |
| [01:19] | You might want to call a plumber. | 你得找个水管工 |
| [01:41] | That jerk-off Ramirez still doing mug shots? | 那个蠢货拉米雷斯还在拍照吗 |
| [01:43] | It was a lady, like Raising Arizona. | 是个女的 就像《抚养亚利桑那》那样 |
| [01:47] | She hadn’t seen it. | 她没看过 |
| [01:48] | Now there’s a surprise. | 那还挺意外的 |
| [01:50] | It’s a classic. | 很经典的片子 |
| [01:52] | My God, man, look at you. | 天啊 看看你 |
| [01:53] | You’re eating like Elvis with the lights off. Calm down. | 你这吃相跟猫王摸黑吃东西一样 悠着点 |
| [01:56] | You know, they don’t really feed you in the can. | 牢房里不让你吃饱肚子的 |
| [02:00] | – The can? – You know. | -牢房 -你懂的 |
| [02:01] | Yeah, I know, right. You weren’t in the can, Pete. | 我当然知道了 你那不是坐牢 皮特 |
| [02:04] | You weren’t exactly on Rikers Island. | 你又不是被关进克里斯岛牢房里 |
| [02:07] | You were in a holding cell at a police station. | 你是被关在警察局的拘留室里 |
| [02:09] | That’s like a Radisson with cleaner sheets. | 跟雷迪森酒店差不多 床单还更干净 |
| [02:11] | – There were no sheets. – No sheets, right. | -根本没床单 -没床单 好吧 |
| [02:13] | It’s rough in the joint. | 牢房条件很差 |
| [02:15] | Listen. I appreciate you meeting me, | 话说 很感激你能见我 |
| [02:18] | but, um, I really could use a place to, you know… | 不过 我真的需要一个地方… |
| [02:21] | – What? – …use the couch. | -什么 -借用沙发 |
| [02:24] | Artie, it’s just, like, a couple days, | 阿迪 就几天的事 |
| [02:26] | just to settle myself, that’s what this whole thing was about. | 让我自己稳定一下 仅此而已 |
| [02:28] | I knew it. I knew it. You see, I’m right about everything. | 我知道 我真是料事如神 |
| [02:30] | I told you this. I told you this. | 我跟你说过 |
| [02:32] | I told you the couch is a one-time sort of thing, all right? | 我说过只能借你一次沙发对吧 |
| [02:35] | I know, but I spent the night in jail. | 我知道 但我昨晚在大牢里过的 |
| [02:37] | I slept on a bench. It was like Shawshank. | 我睡在长凳上 跟《肖申克的救赎》一样 |
| [02:39] | Honestly, you know what? Do this. | 不跟你整虚的 这样吧 |
| [02:41] | I got a show tonight at the New School. | 我今晚在新学院有表演 |
| [02:43] | It’s a thing I got to do. | 我得完成的一个工作 |
| [02:44] | Just come by and I’ll sort you out, all right? | 你过来吧 我帮帮你好吧 |
| [02:46] | You’ll enjoy it, actually. | 你会喜欢的 |
| [02:47] | – This is somethin’ up your alley. – Thank you. | -这个合你胃口 -谢谢了 |
| [02:49] | All right, so let’s just, uh… Hey, sweetie? | 好吧 那咱们就…亲爱的 |
| [02:53] | Check, right? Thank you. | 结账吧 谢谢 |
| [02:56] | – Thank you. – Thank you, dollface. All right. | -谢谢 -谢谢娃娃脸 |
| [02:57] | – Dollface? – Yeah, they love that. | -娃娃脸 -嗯 她们喜欢 |
| [02:59] | What are you, a Dick Tracy villain? | 你当自己是《至尊神探》里的混混 |
| [03:01] | No. They secretly love that. | 不是 她们背地里喜欢这称呼 |
| [03:02] | – They don’t love that. – Yes, they do. | -她们才不喜欢 -她们喜欢 |
| [03:20] | Fuck this place. | 这鬼地方 |
| [03:31] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [03:32] | Uh, I think I’m on the guest list, Holmes? Like Sherlock? | 嘉宾名单里应该有我 跟夏洛克同姓福尔摩斯 |
| [03:36] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [03:37] | Uh, Pete? | 皮特 |
| [03:40] | All I can think is, | 我能想到的就是 |
| [03:41] | I just want to grab this guy by his tie, over the counter | 我只想一把抓住他的领带 隔着柜台 |
| [03:44] | and just keep repeatedly slamming his head down on the counter. | 把他脑袋玩命往柜台上撞 |
| [03:49] | But you can’t do that ’cause you go to jail, but I thought it. | 你不能这样做 会坐牢的 但我脑补了 |
| [03:51] | 新学院 问答会 | |
| [03:52] | So what you do, is you take that to the stage, | 所以你只能把它搬上台 |
| [03:55] | and all you’re doing is talking about it. | 然后调侃一番 |
| [03:57] | But the point is, is that everybody has fucked-up thoughts. | 不过重点是 人人脑子里都有乱七八糟的想法 |
| [04:00] | All right? I don’t care who you are. | 对吧 我不管你是谁 |
| [04:01] | You just– you just have fucked-up thoughts, | 是人都会有这种乱七八糟的念头 |
| [04:03] | and all these people who are trying to, like, police comedy | 而所有人都试图 比如警察喜剧里 |
| [04:06] | are acting like they don’t also have these thoughts. | 演得好像他们没有这些想法 |
| [04:08] | And the reality is, if you really pay attention | 而事实上是 如果你把注意力集中在 |
| [04:10] | to what you think on a moment-to-moment basis, | 某个时刻的想法 |
| [04:13] | like, if all of your thoughts, | 例如 如果你所有的想法 |
| [04:14] | every thought that you had just this morning | 你今天早上想的每一件事 |
| [04:16] | was broadcast on the Internet, | 都是网上报道的新闻 |
| [04:18] | would any of you have a job on Monday? | 你们当中有哪位周一有事做吗 |
| [04:22] | Probably not. | 估计没有 |
| [04:23] | But that’s an interesting thought, | 不过这个想法很有趣 |
| [04:24] | – because I work on daytime TV now. – I know. | -因为我在日间电视台工作 -我知道 |
| [04:26] | Everything I say, I have to censor | 我的每一句话 |
| [04:29] | whatever comes out of my fucking mouth. | 从我嘴里说出每句话都得自我审查一下 |
| [04:31] | There you go. Let it out, Joy! Let it out! | 这就对了 释放吧 乔伊 释放 |
| [04:35] | Look, I’m gonna be honest with you, sometimes I do worry, though, | 我说实话 不过有时我真的很担心 |
| [04:37] | what the crowds are gonna be like in 10 years, | 十年后人们会怎样 |
| [04:40] | that we’re gonna be performing to, right? | 我们所表演的对象会怎样 |
| [04:42] | Well, at least that I’m gonna be performing to. | 至少我还能活到那时候继续演出 |
| [04:44] | Sorry, Artie. | 不好意思 阿迪 |
| [04:46] | See? That’s what I’m talking about, right then, obviously, | 听到没 这就是我要说的 刚才明显地 |
| [04:48] | – I’m just breaking his balls. – Well… | -我在开他玩笑 -好吧 |
| [04:51] | You can’t hear the love underneath it? | 你难道听不出其中的爱意吗 |
| [04:52] | You know I fucking love you. | 你知道我多爱你 |
| [04:53] | I don’t want you to die. Jesus Christ. | 我不要你死啊 天啊 |
| [04:55] | And if you do, please get cremated, | 真死也拜托你选火化 |
| [04:57] | ’cause I don’t want to carry that fucking coffin. | 我可不想抬棺材 |
| [05:00] | Artie, Artie, weigh in on this, come on. | 阿迪 阿迪 快较量一下 |
| [05:02] | I don’t know. I think people are way too uptight now. | 我不知道 我觉得如今人们都太紧张了 |
| [05:05] | You know, that happens a lot on the road– you get the moan. | 在路上就很常见 你会抱怨 |
| [05:07] | I don’t mind when a girl does it, when a guy does it… | 我不介意女孩这样 但如果换作一个男的 |
| [05:10] | I’m like, turn up the lights. | 我会把灯调亮点 |
| [05:12] | I got to see what guy just got offended by something– | 看看是什么样的男人会被这么容易被惹怒 |
| [05:15] | A 25-year-old guy got offended by something I said, | 如果一个25岁的男孩被我的话激怒 |
| [05:18] | to the point where he goes… | 表现出这个样子 |
| [05:20] | – What was it? – No matter what it is, | -是什么 -无论是什么 |
| [05:22] | like, I mean, when I was 25, | 比如我25岁那年 |
| [05:25] | a comedian could not offend me. | 不可能被一个喜剧演员惹毛了 |
| [05:26] | They’d have to be beating my mother with a salami on stage. | 除非他们在台上用香肠打我妈 |
| [05:31] | You guys, listen, where’s the line, you know? | 我说两位 界限在哪里 |
| [05:33] | I don’t think there is a line. I mean, it’s an art form– | 我觉得就没有界限 这就是一种艺术形式 |
| [05:36] | There you go. One person agreed. | 你看 有一个人同意我 |
| [05:39] | I don’t know, I just– Pharmaceutical companies | 我不知道 制药公司 |
| [05:41] | can just hand out fucking opiates to everybody | 就能随便兜售镇定剂 |
| [05:43] | like they’re handing out fliers to some shitty jam band, | 就好像随手跟某个破摇滚乐队发广告传单 |
| [05:46] | and get everybody hooked on heroin, | 让大家都吸海洛因成瘾 |
| [05:48] | and nobody has a problem with it? | 没人对此有意见 |
| [05:49] | But you tell a Caitlyn Jenner joke in a fucking strip mall, | 你在商场里讲个凯特琳·詹纳的笑话 |
| [05:52] | and all of a sudden people get offended. | 突然间所有人就被惹毛了 |
| [05:54] | That’s a good point. He makes a good point, right? | 言之有理 他说的很有道理啊 |
| [06:00] | This is really fun. | 真的很棒 |
| [06:01] | This is actually the first, like, sit-down meal, like this, | 像这么正经坐下来用餐真的是 |
| [06:05] | that I’ve had since I moved to New York, so thank you. | 我搬来纽约的第一次 谢谢你们 |
| [06:07] | Moved? Moved is a strong word. | 搬来 搬来这个词有点过了 |
| [06:10] | Shouldn’t you move into a place before you use the word “Move”? | 你在用搬来这个词之前是不是应该搬进某地 |
| [06:13] | Right. So let me get this straight. | 好了 咱们就直说了吧 |
| [06:14] | Your wife fucks another guy and then throws you out of the house, | 你老婆被别人搞了 还把你扫地出门 |
| [06:17] | and you’re still in contact with that guy? | 而你还和那个奸夫有联系 |
| [06:20] | – Well, yeah. I– – Pretty accurate. | -好吧 嗯我… -总结精准 |
| [06:22] | I know. It’s a little weird, but, you know, he’s– | 我知道是有点奇怪 不过他呢… |
| [06:24] | A little? | 有点 |
| [06:26] | He’s a hard guy to stay mad at, I guess. | 他这个人 很难一直生他的气 |
| [06:29] | And plus, you know, | 另外 你知道 |
| [06:30] | I’m not living with him anymore. | 我不再和他住在一起了 |
| [06:31] | Dude, you lived with the guy? | 兄弟 你和那男的同居吗 |
| [06:33] | – Well, yeah… – You should’ve beat the fucking shit out of him. | -是啊 -你真他妈应该打死他 |
| [06:36] | Thank you! Finally, somebody understands what I’m talking about. | 谢谢 终于有人懂我在说什么了 |
| [06:39] | He’s making sense. You should’ve beat the shit out– | 他讲得对 你应该揍死他 |
| [06:41] | Somewhere there should be a bloody poncho | 现在就该有一件沾满血的披风 |
| [06:43] | in a pawnshop right now. | 挂在某个当铺里 |
| [06:44] | I’m eating a very nice steak. | 我正在吃一块美味的牛排 |
| [06:45] | Do we have to ruin it by talking about the guy | 我们真要讨论一个害我在监狱过一晚的男人 |
| [06:47] | that I just spent the night in jail because of– | 来毁掉这顿饭吗 |
| [06:50] | I mean, think about the situation. You’re living with him. | 想想这个情形 你和这个男人同居 |
| [06:52] | First you share a bed, then you share the same woman. | 首先你们同床共枕 其次共享一个女人 |
| [06:54] | Now you’re gonna share, what, the– some soap and a chore wheel? | 现在你又要和他分享肥皂和家务轮班吗 |
| [06:58] | I got to smoke. | 我得抽支烟 |
| [07:04] | I don’t mean to be crabby. It’s just, you know, | 我不是故意暴脾气的 只是你知道 |
| [07:05] | it’s not my favorite thing to talk about, you can understand. | 我不喜欢谈论这件事 你能理解吗 |
| [07:09] | Look, dude, I’m not trying to, like, pry or anything, | 兄弟 我不是要打探或什么 |
| [07:11] | but how did you end up living with your arch-nemesis? | 但你怎么会和你的劲敌住在一起了 |
| [07:13] | I don’t know anybody. I– My wife was– | 我不认识任何人 我的妻子 |
| [07:15] | Please tell me this is like a scam. | 拜托告诉我这就像一场骗局 |
| [07:17] | Dude, I would be shitting in that guy’s bed every fucking night. | 兄弟 我会每晚都在那男的床上拉屎 |
| [07:21] | How his toothbrush hasn’t been up your ass is a mystery. | 他的牙刷怎么还没塞到你屁股里 |
| [07:23] | Please tell me you did that. | 你这么做了吧 |
| [07:24] | – Uh– no. – It’d be good for you. | -不 -你会很爽的 |
| [07:25] | I’m not a revenge person. I’m a forgive person. | 我不是会复仇的人 我倾向于原谅 |
| [07:28] | I’m trying to forgive. It not easy, but, you know, with time– | 我试着原谅 这不太容易 但随时间 |
| [07:32] | – Oh, my God. Oh, my God, of course. – Forgive and be forgiven. | -我的天 当然 -原谅与被原谅 |
| [07:36] | – What? – You’re a Jesus freak. | -怎么了 -你信耶稣 |
| [07:39] | – A lot of– – You are. Look at your hair. | -许多 -你就是 看你的头发 |
| [07:40] | Your hair wants to introduce me | 你的头发想向我介绍 |
| [07:41] | to your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. | 你的上帝和救主耶稣 |
| [07:43] | Your fucking part wants to pray for me. | 你的三七分想为我祷告 |
| [07:47] | – Can it? – Fuck no! | -真的吗 -当然不 |
| [07:52] | I don’t like that Artie’s | 我不喜欢那个阿迪 |
| [07:53] | smoking in the middle of the meal now, that’s a bad sign. | 吃饭到一半出去抽烟 这是不好的迹象 |
| [07:55] | They have to go out for a smoke while you’re eating. | 在你吃饭的时候他们得出去抽烟 |
| [07:57] | – Oh, yeah, he’s gone. – What do you mean? | -他走了 -什么意思 |
| [08:01] | Artie’s like one of those old country songs. | 阿迪就像那些老的乡村音乐一样 |
| [08:03] | Dude goes out for a pack of cigarettes and doesn’t come back. | 男人出去抽盒烟 然后一去不返 |
| [08:07] | That’s Artie. | 阿迪就是这样 |
| [08:08] | He’s coming back. He’s just smoking, he said he’s smoking. | 他会回来的 他说自己只是出去抽烟 |
| [08:10] | I’m telling you right now, | 我告诉你 |
| [08:11] | he’s halfway to Atlantic City. He’s not coming back. | 他在去大西洋城的途中 不会回来了 |
| [08:13] | I know what you’re saying, but he’s doing better. | 我知道你在说什么 但他好多了 |
| [08:15] | I’ve been hanging out with him, | 我跟他出去玩过 |
| [08:17] | he’s doing better, he’s sober. | 他好多了 他现在很清醒 |
| [08:18] | – Oh, sure, sure. – He’s a sober person. | -是啊是啊 -他现在都戒了 |
| [08:20] | What am I thinking? Silly me, right? | 我想什么呢 我太傻了对吧 |
| [08:22] | No, no. He’ll– he’ll be back. | 他会回来的 |
| [08:25] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [08:31] | Shit. | 妈的 |
| [08:33] | Shit! | 妈的 |
| [08:35] | Come on. | 拜托 |
| [08:41] | Fuck. God. | 妈的 |
| [08:46] | – He left. – Told you. | -他走了 -早跟你说了 |
| [08:48] | It’s 10:30, man. It’s 10:30 at night. I-I… | 现在是晚上十点半 我 |
| [08:51] | I don’t know what I’m gonna do. | 我不知道我要去做什么 |
| [08:59] | Fuck you, man. Come on. | 操 走吧 |
| [09:02] | Really? You don’t mind? | 真的吗 你不介意吗 |
| [09:04] | Of course I fucking mind. What am I gonna do? | 我他妈当然介意 但我能怎么办 |
| [09:06] | You look like you’d get stabbed at a Pizza Hut. | 你看起来就像会在必胜客门口被人捅 |
| [09:08] | Just try not to fall down a manhole, you fucking bumpkin. | 别掉进检修孔里 你这个土包子 |
| [09:28] | Oh, hey, look who’s still up. | 还有人没睡呢 |
| [09:30] | You guys partyin’? | 你们在开派对呢 |
| [09:31] | Yeah, just a couple party girls. | 是啊 几个派对女孩 |
| [09:34] | Look who’s home? | 看看谁回家了 |
| [09:35] | Oh, my little precious. | 我的小宝贝 |
| [09:38] | Hey, this is, uh, this is Pete. | 这位是皮特 |
| [09:40] | Hi. Yeah, he’s gonna be stayin’ with us tonight. | 他今晚会跟我们待在一起 |
| [09:42] | It’s, uh, an honor to meet you, Mrs. Burr. | 很荣幸见到你 布尔女士 |
| [09:45] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [09:47] | So this is what you’re doing now, huh? | 所以你现在就干这事 |
| [09:48] | Just bringing your drinking buddies home? | 把你的酒友带回家 |
| [09:50] | Yeah– No, he’s a good guy. He works clean. | 不 他是个好人 他干干净净 |
| [09:52] | I’m not a heavy drinker. I… I’m a nice person. | 我不酗酒 我是个好人 |
| [09:55] | Right. Hey, uh, you run hot or cold? | 好的 你怕热还是怕冷 |
| [09:57] | I run cold. | 我怕冷 |
| [09:59] | All right, quilt it is. | 那就盖被子吧 |
| [10:01] | She’s so precious. | 她真可爱 |
| [10:02] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [10:05] | I– I don’t wanna– uh, I know you’re trying to get her to sleep, | 我知道你在哄她睡觉 |
| [10:08] | but do you mind if I say hello? | 但我可以跟她打个招呼吗 |
| [10:11] | Oh. Sure, yeah, yeah. | 好的 |
| [10:12] | – A little visit? – No, of course. | -打个小招呼 -当然 |
| [10:16] | Can you say hi? | 打个招呼吧 |
| [10:22] | It’s like life itself. | 真是个小生命 |
| [10:26] | Don’t– don’t sniff my baby. | 不要闻我的宝宝 |
| [10:28] | Bill, he’s sniffing the baby. | 比尔 他在闻宝宝 |
| [10:30] | Pete, don’t be a fucking weirdo! | 皮特 别像个变态 |
| [10:36] | This is me? | 这是给我的 |
| [10:37] | This is you. | 这是给你的 |
| [10:38] | Wow, thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [10:40] | Don’t worry about it. | 没事 |
| [10:41] | I… I been sleeping in a garage. | 我一直都睡在车库 |
| [10:43] | This is incredible. | 这太棒了 |
| [10:45] | Oh, you’re gonna love this. | 你会爱上它的 |
| [10:45] | This is like a top-of-the-line pull-out couch here. | 这可是最好的折叠沙发 |
| [10:49] | No bar in the middle, you’re gonna sleep like a baby. | 中间没有栏杆 你会睡得像个宝宝 |
| [10:53] | Are you sure, uh, Nia’s okay with me staying here? | 你确定尼娅接受我住在这里吗 |
| [10:56] | Dude, that’s irrelevant. | 兄弟 这不相干 |
| [10:58] | She fucking loves pillows, man, you can’t even sit down. | 她爱死枕头了 都没地方坐 |
| [11:02] | You know, I used to be married. I didn’t understand them, | 我曾经结过婚 我也不能理解她们 |
| [11:04] | but then, when I lived with a woman, | 但当我和一个女人住在一起 |
| [11:06] | they really can provide what’s known as a splash of color. | 她们真的可以带来生活的色彩 |
| [11:12] | You know, there’s so much stuff that you say | 你说的很多东西 |
| [11:14] | that I don’t even know how to respond to it. | 我都不知道怎么回复 |
| [11:16] | Yeah. Because for some fucked up reason, on the way up here, | 因为某些操蛋的原因 来这的路上 |
| [11:19] | I was actually starting to think, like, you know, | 我真的开始想 |
| [11:20] | it’s probably a good thing that you’re coming up here. | 你来这里或许是件好事 |
| [11:22] | I have no guy time. | 我没有和男人一起玩的时间 |
| [11:24] | You wanna do guy stuff with me? | 你想和我一起做男人做的事 |
| [11:25] | Yeah, watch a game or something. Have a couple of pops. | 是啊 看看比赛 喝喝汽水 |
| [11:29] | I’m not really a manly… guy. | 我不是特别有男子气概 |
| [11:33] | My favorite part of the Super Bowl is the fun dips. | 我最爱的超级碗的部分就是那些糖 |
| [11:35] | You don’t understand. You can’t do this to me. | 你不明白 你不能这么对我 |
| [11:39] | Can you just not be Pete, for just a couple of days? | 你能在这几天里不做皮特吗 |
| [11:42] | Just pretend, just treat it like an acting exercise. | 只要假装 把它当作表演训练 |
| [11:44] | Can you just fucking try to guy it up? | 你能不能男子气概一点 |
| [11:46] | Just do something for me. | 为我做点事 |
| [11:47] | – Sure. – Just somethin’. Can you do that for me? | -当然 -你能为我做到吗 |
| [11:49] | – Yeah, I’d love to try. – All right. | -好 我愿意试试看 -好的 |
| [11:51] | I love the– the Boston Red Sox. | 我喜欢波士顿红袜队 |
| [11:53] | They don’t have a– a good starting lineup this year, but I– | 他们今年没有好的阵容 但是我… |
| [11:56] | There you go. | 就是这样 |
| [11:58] | Oh, Jordan. Best of all time– | 乔丹 史上最佳 |
| [12:01] | Babe Ruth– but black and lean and jumpy. | 贝比·鲁斯 可惜是黑人太瘦还神经质 |
| [12:05] | – Why do you always do that? – Am I ruining it? Yeah. | -你为什么要一直这么做 -我是不是搞砸了 |
| [12:07] | Yeah. You’re always ruining it. I’m just trying to make it– | 是啊 你又搞砸了 我只是想… |
| [12:10] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [12:30] | Holy shit! | 我的天 |
| [12:36] | – Oh, my God. – So, you ever play before? | -我的天 -你以前打过吗 |
| [12:38] | No, I played, uh, mini-golf a little bit. | 我只玩过一点迷你高尔夫 |
| [12:40] | Well, there you go, that’s all you need, right? | 这就足够了 对吧 |
| [12:43] | Yeah, this isn’t really a sport. | 这并不算真正的运动 |
| [12:45] | It’s just a, uh… it’s just a game. | 这只是种… 只是种游戏 |
| [12:49] | What are you talking about? It’s like in the Olympics and stuff– | 你在说什么 这可是奥运会那种赛事的项目 |
| [12:52] | Feel how comfortable these clothes are. Look at this. | 感受一下这些衣服多舒服 看看这个 |
| [12:56] | You’re not supposed to be able to do this with pants on. | 穿着裤子本来做不了这动作 |
| [12:58] | Like these pants are so comfortable, | 这些裤子太舒服了 |
| [13:00] | I keep having to look down to make sure my dick isn’t out. | 我得一直低头看来确保我的老二没跑出来 |
| [13:02] | It doesn’t even feel like I’m wearing clothes right now. | 我现在甚至都感觉不到自己穿了衣服 |
| [13:05] | Do you know why that is? That’s just because | 你知道为什么吗 就因为有很多 |
| [13:06] | so many unathletic fat fucks play this game. | 不爱运动的肥佬很爱玩这游戏 |
| [13:09] | Dude, the fact that everybody has to shut up | 兄弟 真相就是你在击球的时候 |
| [13:11] | when you hit the ball, there’s nobody guarding you, | 所有人都得闭嘴 没人防守你 |
| [13:13] | and if you– Ooh! Simmer down! | 如果你… 安静点 |
| [13:16] | Simmer down, everybody! | 安静点 各位 |
| [13:17] | He’s gonna hit the ball! Shh! | 他要击球了 |
| [13:19] | You ever watch somebody take a free throw in basketball? | 你看过篮球比赛里的罚球吗 |
| [13:22] | Ah, yeah, sure. | 当然 |
| [13:23] | There’s like 5,000 people going, “Fuck you! Fuck your mother!” | 那场景就像有五千人要”操死你 操你妈” |
| [13:26] | And this thing here, it’s not even moving. | 而这玩意甚至都不会动 |
| [13:28] | Dude, they’ve changed the clubs. | 他们换过了球杆 |
| [13:29] | These used to be made out of wood. | 本来是木头做的 |
| [13:30] | It was too heavy for ’em. | 但对来说他们太重了 |
| [13:32] | Too heavy for these cheating banker cunts, right? | 对那些奸诈的银行骗子们来说太重了 |
| [13:35] | Of course, here we go. | 好了 开始吧 |
| [13:37] | So all you do, is you just, you don’t look there. | 你要做的就是 不看这里 |
| [13:39] | You just go like this… and you go like that. | 你只需要这样… 再那样 |
| [13:42] | Look at that! Jesus Christ! | 看看 我的天 |
| [13:44] | That’s how you play golf. | 你就得这么打高尔夫 |
| [13:46] | That’s ’cause you were talkin’! | 那是因为你们在讲话 |
| [13:48] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [13:49] | – All right, I– – Now just relax, just relax. | -好的 我… -放松就好 放松 |
| [13:51] | This– This doesn’t– This doesn’t matter. | 这不重要 |
| [13:55] | That’s all right! | 好了 |
| [13:56] | Come on, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll! | 加油 滚 滚 滚 |
| [13:59] | All right, you take it to fucking– | 好吧 你把它打到… |
| [14:00] | I hit it again there? | 我在那再打一次吗 |
| [14:01] | That’s great. You take the wedge out. | 挺好的 把楔子带走 |
| [14:02] | All right. Do we get in the cart? Huh? | 好吧 我们要上车吗 |
| [14:04] | Well, you’ll probably want to hit that thing | 我们离开前 |
| [14:05] | before we get out of here. | 你得先打中那个球 |
| [14:06] | – I’ll drive you up to it. – I need a ride– | -我载你过去 -快来载我 |
| [14:09] | What was your family like? | 你的家庭是怎样的 |
| [14:11] | You know, always awkward when there was a friend over. | 有朋友来的时候总是很尴尬 |
| [14:14] | Your parents don’t know you have a friend over, | 你父母不知道你带了朋友来 |
| [14:16] | and they start yelling and you’re like… | 他们就开始吼 你就会… |
| [14:18] | Oh, that was the worst! | 那真是太糟了 |
| [14:19] | That’s the worst, then you got to, like, make up an excuse. | 那是最糟的事 你就得编个借口 |
| [14:23] | You get those few friends that have watched your parents fight, | 要是有几个朋友看见你父母吵架 |
| [14:25] | you’re like, “Oh, well, we’re gold now.” | 你就会想”我们可是铁哥们了” |
| [14:28] | – You know I’m from Boston. – Yeah. | -你知道我来自波士顿吧 -是的 |
| [14:30] | I know. That blows my mind | 我知道 我想不通 |
| [14:31] | ’cause I don’t hear the accent at all. | 因为我根本没听到波士顿口音 |
| [14:33] | What’s your favorite Boston word? | 你最喜欢的波士顿方言是什么 |
| [14:35] | Mine’s “Baked stuffed lobsta!” | 我的是”烤盘大龙霞[虾]” |
| [14:37] | Dude, every year for my birthday, | 老兄 每一年我生日 |
| [14:38] | we go to the last fucking Ground Round. | 我们都会去最好吃的圆地店 |
| [14:41] | The fucking peanuts, still on the floor! | 那些花生都还在地上 |
| [14:46] | My aunt always gets fucking shatta’d, | 我阿姨总是很森[生]气 |
| [14:49] | starts arguin’ with my motha! | 开始跟我麻麻[妈妈]吵架 |
| [14:51] | We’re being fucking pricks right now! | 我们现在真他妈蠢蛋 |
| [14:53] | We’re cutting through, ya cocksuckas! Sorry! | 我们超车啦 混旦[蛋] 抱歉 |
| [15:02] | Hey, so how are you enjoyin’ | 你的单身生活如何 |
| [15:03] | the single life, man, it must be great. | 兄弟 一定很棒 |
| [15:07] | You know, it’s different. | 不太一样 |
| [15:08] | I’m– I’m, uh– | 我… |
| [15:09] | Yeah, you tagging anybody out there? | 你有在外面钓过什么妹子吗 |
| [15:12] | You know, I– I’ve dipped my beak. | 我确实睡过别人 |
| [15:15] | Well, just please tell me you’re wearing a condom, man. | 拜托告诉我你戴了避孕套 |
| [15:18] | Yes. I’m terrified of STDs. | 是的 我很怕得性病 |
| [15:20] | Yeah, you don’t wanna knock anybody up, either, | 对 也不想搞大别人的肚子啊 |
| [15:22] | you know what I mean? | 你懂我意思吗 |
| [15:23] | I don’t wanna… | 我不想… |
| [15:24] | Then you got to deal with the death of that shit, right? | 然后你就得面对死亡什么的 是吧 |
| [15:27] | Not that I’m against abortion or anything, but, like… | 我不是反对堕胎 但是… |
| [15:30] | Well, it’s a complicated issue. | 这是个很复杂的问题 |
| [15:32] | It really isn’t. You’re aborting a life. | 真不是 你放弃了一条生命 |
| [15:36] | I’m not– I’m not a fucking right-to-lifer, | 我不是什么生命至上主义者 |
| [15:37] | but, like, for those people who fuckin’– you have an abortion, | 但对于那些人 他们堕了胎 |
| [15:40] | to sit there and say they didn’t kill somebody, it’s bullshit. | 还坐着说他们没有杀人 真是狗屁 |
| [15:42] | ‘Cause it’s like, if you didn’t do | 因为如果你没有 |
| [15:43] | what the fuck you did, there would be a kid. | 做你做了的事 就会有个小孩出生 |
| [15:45] | Just two white men on a golf course | 两个白人男性在高尔夫球场上 |
| [15:47] | discussing reproductive rights. | 讨论生育权 |
| [15:49] | No, just own up to it. | 不 不过是直言不讳 |
| [15:50] | They’re just sayin’ because it doesn’t look like a baby yet, | 他们这么说只是因为那看起来还不像个婴儿 |
| [15:52] | it’s not a baby. | 那不是个婴儿 |
| [15:53] | It’s like, well, let ’em finish. | 让她们生下来啊 |
| [15:54] | It’s like cake batter. It’s like it’s a tray of cake batter… | 就像蛋糕糊 就像一盘蛋糕糊… |
| [15:58] | Perfect. Exactly! | 没错 完全正确 |
| [16:00] | Yeah, and then they look at the batter and go, | 对 他们看了眼蛋糕糊就走了 |
| [16:01] | “Well, that’s not a cake. I just didn’t ruin your birthday.” | “那不是蛋糕 我没有毁了你的生日” |
| [16:04] | It’s like, “It was gonna be a cake. “ | 但事实是”它本来会是块蛋糕” |
| [16:05] | – If you left it in the oven. – Exactly. | -只要你把它放进烤箱 -没错 |
| [16:07] | Hey, can I use that? | 我能用这段吗 |
| [16:08] | Yeah. Of course. | 当然可以 |
| [16:10] | That’s cool? You all right with that? | 真的吗 你不介意吗 |
| [16:11] | – I don’t wanna be weird. – Please, I’d be honored. | -我不想冒犯 -请便 我很荣幸 |
| [16:14] | All right, cool. Where’s your ball? | 好吧 行 你的球在哪 |
| [16:16] | I didn’t get it anywhere near the hole. | 我没把它打到洞旁边 |
| [16:18] | Which is why I shouldn’t worry about getting anyone pregnant. | 所以我也不该担心会把别人搞怀孕 |
| [16:23] | I was in the airport the other day, right? | 有一天 我在机场 |
| [16:26] | I’m sitting there waiting for my flight, just hating my life | 我就坐在那边等我的航班 一边厌恶人生 |
| [16:28] | watching this– watching this lady, she’s eating Egg McMuffins, | 看到一位女士在吃吉士蛋麦满分汉堡 |
| [16:32] | like, plural, it’s just– like, three of ’em! | 吃了两个 三个都吃了 |
| [16:35] | Right down her throat like a pelican! | 像鹈鹕一样顺喉而下 |
| [16:37] | Like, right down her gullet! | 直接顺着食管滑了下去 |
| [16:39] | And when she was done, she wiped her face with the bag! | 她吃完以后用袋子擦了脸 |
| [16:44] | With the bag! | 用袋子 |
| [16:48] | One Chocolate Devotion. | 一杯爱慕巧克力 |
| [16:51] | Sounds like a Boyz II Men song. | 听上去就像男人男孩组合的歌 |
| [16:53] | Enjoy. | 慢用 |
| [16:59] | What’s up, man? | 你好 兄弟 |
| [17:02] | This is a little weird, I’ve never seen you | 有点奇怪 我从没见你 |
| [17:04] | outside of the– of the Grisly Pear. | 走出过恐怖梨酒吧 |
| [17:06] | I’ve never seen you in the daylight. | 我从没在白天见过你 |
| [17:07] | Can I– Can I get you something? | 我能为你做点什么吗 |
| [17:08] | – You want s– I can hook you up. – No, actually, uh, | -你想要… 我能帮你做 -不 |
| [17:10] | I came here to talk to you. But also… yeah. | 其实我是来找你谈谈的 但也可以 |
| [17:14] | Let me get, uh, Cookies and Cream and, uh, Skittles. | 我要曲奇 奶油和彩虹糖 |
| [17:18] | Fruity creamy guy, huh? | 喜欢果味奶油是吧 |
| [17:27] | So, uh… what’s up? What’s going on? | 怎么了 有什么事 |
| [17:29] | I, uh… wanted talk to you about representation. | 我来找你谈谈代理的事 |
| [17:33] | What do you mean? | 什么意思 |
| [17:35] | You’re a manager? | 你是经纪人吗 |
| [17:36] | Yeah. I represent comics. | 对 我是代理喜剧演员 |
| [17:38] | You think I’m funny? | 你觉得我很幽默吗 |
| [17:40] | I think you will be. | 我想你会的 |
| [17:41] | I’ve noticed things are starting to happen. | 我注意到一些端倪 |
| [17:43] | And I just want you to know, as your manager, | 我想让你知道 作为你的经纪人 |
| [17:45] | I’m entitled to 20 percent of those things going forward. | 我享有你的表演20%的提成 |
| [17:48] | I’d love a manager. I– I could use some help, | 我需要经纪人 我需要点帮助 |
| [17:51] | obviously, I– I work in an ice cream shop. | 很明显 我还在冰淇淋店工作 |
| [17:53] | I just actually heard, uh, some of the guys were talkin’ | 我其实有听一些人说 |
| [17:55] | about Colbert’s looking for writers. | 科尔伯特[著名主持人]在找写手 |
| [17:56] | If we could submit, | 如果我们能申请 |
| [17:58] | I’d love to submit a– a submission. | 我想提交一份申请 |
| [18:00] | Yeah, we could submit. | 我们可以帮你提交 |
| [18:01] | You know those guys? | 你认识他们 |
| [18:02] | No, but I– I’m good at guessing emails. | 不 但我会猜电邮 |
| [18:05] | You know? You just kinda watch the credits… | 你看一下鸣谢名单 |
| [18:07] | take a crack at it. Stephen Colbert at Colbert dot-com, | 然后猜一下 StephenColbert@Colbert.com |
| [18:12] | you know… whoever the producer is, | 不管制片人是谁 |
| [18:14] | at Colbert dot-com, you try the G-mails, try the Yahoo’s. | @Colbert.com 试试Gmail 然后雅虎 |
| [18:17] | You go– you go back to Hotmail sometimes if you need to. | 不行就试试Hotmail |
| [18:20] | Sometimes they just have a dot-M.E. | 有时候他们就用.me |
| [18:23] | There’s all sorts of websites out there. | 有很多网址的 |
| [18:26] | I– I could do that. I– I really need somebody with connections | 我试试 我真的很需要一个人 |
| [18:29] | that can kinda plug me in, you know? | 能帮我引荐一下 |
| [18:31] | Yeah. But aren’t you, uh, someone told me | 有人跟我说 |
| [18:33] | you’re… opening for Nikki Glaser this summer? | 你今年夏天要给尼基·格拉泽开场 |
| [18:36] | 22 cities? | 22城 |
| [18:37] | That’s not me. | 不是我 |
| [18:38] | That’s not you? | 不是 |
| [18:40] | No, but I mean, I’d love to do something like that. | 不是 我也很想啊 |
| [18:42] | If you could get me out there opening for someone, | 要是你能让我帮别人开场 |
| [18:44] | or… emcee work? Club work? | 或者主持 俱乐部的工作也行 |
| [18:48] | So you didn’t already book that? | 你没预约吗 |
| [18:50] | No. That– they must have me confused with somebody else. | 没有 你肯定把我和别人弄混了 |
| [18:54] | Do you still wanna be my manager? | 你还想当我经济人吗 |
| [19:05] | Yeah. Yeah. | 想啊 |
| [19:07] | Yeah, I’ll do it. | 我当 |
| [19:08] | That’s great! That’s great! | 太棒了 |
| [19:10] | Yeah. Hey, that’s– that’s on me. | 这份算我的 |
| [19:12] | You can have that. | 你拿走吧 |
| [19:13] | I know, this is your first check. | 这是你第一个账单 |
| [19:15] | Later. | 回见 |
| [19:16] | That’s my manager. Show biz. | 这是我娱乐圈的经理 |
| [19:22] | So I was working out in the Midwest recently. | 我最近在中西部锻炼 |
| [19:24] | There’s, uh, you know, all the Jesus freak, | 很多信耶稣的 |
| [19:26] | all the Trump supporters out there, you know? | 还有特朗普的支持者 |
| [19:28] | ‘Cause he’s gonna make it great again! | 因为他要让美国再伟大起来 |
| [19:30] | Right? He’s gonna dig up the Native Americans | 他要把美国土著挖出来 |
| [19:32] | and kill ’em all over again! | 再干掉他们一次 |
| [19:35] | Make sure my friend Cletus gets that casino this time around! | 这次要让我朋友克莱图斯得到那个赌场 |
| [19:39] | He’s really going for it, huh? | 他真的很棒哈 |
| [19:41] | I’d say– I’d say so. | 是啊 |
| [19:44] | He’s– He’s blowing off a lotta steam, I think. | 他算是在发泄吧 |
| [19:46] | He’s got a kid, he’s got a baby, you know, family life. | 他有孩子 还是宝宝 有家庭了 |
| [19:49] | He’s hilarious. | 他太逗了 |
| [19:51] | Who are you? | 你是谁 |
| [19:53] | I’m Pete. | 我叫皮特 |
| [19:54] | Pro-choice people annoy me more than pro-life. | 比起反对堕胎的 我更烦主张的 |
| [19:58] | I like pro-life people | 我喜欢反对堕胎的 |
| [19:59] | ’cause I know where I stand with them, right? | 因为我理解他们 |
| [20:01] | They’re into Jesus, they quote scripture, | 他们信耶稣 会引用经文 |
| [20:03] | they have a strict whites-only dating policy. | 还只能和白人约会 |
| [20:06] | Right? | 多吧 |
| [20:08] | Pro-choice, you know what annoys me? | 主张堕胎的为什么很烦 |
| [20:10] | If they would just admit that they’re killing a baby, | 要是他们承认那是杀害婴儿 |
| [20:12] | I could get on board. | 那我没觉得有问题 |
| [20:13] | ‘Cause I’m big on, like, thinning out the herd. | 我也觉得适者生存没毛病 |
| [20:16] | But that whole thing goin, “Oh, it– it’s not a baby,” | 但他们觉得那不是婴儿 |
| [20:18] | it’s like, well, it would’ve been. | 生出来就是了啊 |
| [20:20] | If you didn’t fucking do that. | 你要是没堕胎不就是了吗 |
| [20:24] | That’s like– that’s like if you’re making a cake, | 这就像做蛋糕一样 |
| [20:26] | and there’s a big bowl of batter, and somebody just grabs it | 那有一碗面糊 然后有人拿起来 |
| [20:28] | and throws it in the trash. You’re, | 扔到垃圾桶里 |
| [20:30] | like, dude, you– you’ve ruined my birthday cake. | 你就说 你毁了我的生日蛋糕 |
| [20:32] | Then I go, that wasn’t a birthday cake. | 我会说 这又不是生日蛋糕 |
| [20:34] | It’s like, well, it would’ve been. | 烤出来就是了啊 |
| [20:35] | If you fuckin’ didn’t throw it out. | 你没扔不就能做出来了吗 |
| [20:38] | A cake’s life was ended, and somebody’s birthday got ruined. | 蛋糕毁了 生日也毁了 |
| [20:43] | That’s another fucked up thing, too, | 还有件操蛋的事 |
| [20:45] | is women get to decide, too, right, | 就是由女人来决定 |
| [20:47] | who’s gonna have the birthday, who isn’t. | 谁能有生日 谁不能 |
| [20:49] | Right? Oh, it’s in my body, so what? | 对吧 孩子在我肚子里 那又怎么样 |
| [20:51] | I put the frosting on it. | 我抹了”糖霜”啊 |
| [20:53] | You know? | 是吧 |
| [20:55] | It’s true! | 真的 |
| [20:56] | It’s fucking true! You’re gonna make the decision, | 绝对的 你能做决定 |
| [20:59] | and I got to walk around with their death? | 我就得接受这些孩子的死 |
| [21:01] | It’s un-fuckin’-real. Then if you decide to keep it, | 太扯了 你要是想留下来 |
| [21:04] | I also have to pay for it? | 我就得付钱 |
| [21:05] | They get it coming and goin’. | 这种事经常发生 |
| [21:07] | I don’t know what fucking women are bitching about, | 我就不懂女人有什么好抱怨的 |
| [21:09] | ’cause you get– you get to decide if babies live or die. | 宝宝能不能活都是你们来定的 |
| [21:11] | Isn’t that enough for you? | 还不满足吗 |
| [21:15] | I’m just doing this for the reaction. You guys are too f– | 我就是为了逗乐 你们太入戏了 |
| [21:18] | “Oh my God!” | 都是”天啊” |
| [22:00] | Pro-choice people annoy me more than pro-life. | 比起反对堕胎的 我更烦主张的 |
| [22:04] | With that whole thing goin’, “Oh, it– it’s not a baby, | 他们觉得那不是婴儿 |
| [22:07] | it’s like, well, it would’ve been! | 生出来就是了啊 |
| [22:09] | If you didn’t fucking do that! | 你要是没堕胎不就是了吗 |
| [22:12] | That’s like– that’s like if you had cake batter… | 这就像做蛋糕一样 |
| [22:14] | Oh my God. | 天啊 |
| [22:15] | Shit! | 糟了 |
| [22:26] | You know, you don’t have to print plane tickets anymore. | 你不用再把机票打出来了 |
| [22:28] | You can do it at the airport. | 你可以在机场弄 |
| [22:29] | You can put it on your phone. Bunch of different shit. | 弄到你手机上就行 |
| [22:31] | Porter. What are you doing here? | 波特 你怎么来了 |
| [22:33] | Sorry. Excuse me. | 抱歉 不好意思 |
| [22:35] | Why are you here? Don’t come here. | 你来干嘛 别来这 |
| [22:36] | I– I don’t like mixing my worlds. | 我不想混淆自己的生活 |
| [22:37] | I’m sorry. I– you emailed me. | 抱歉 你发电邮给我了 |
| [22:40] | – What? – The thing? Like– | -什么 -那什么 |
| [22:42] | Okay, so what, so you responded to an email | 那咋了 你看到封电邮 |
| [22:43] | with a pop-in? What the fuck is wrong with you? | 就来找我 你什么毛病 |
| [22:45] | It was me! | 是我 |
| [22:46] | What do you mean? | 什么意思 |
| [22:47] | It was me, I shot the video at the Cellar, I taped it, | 酒窖那个视频是我录的 |
| [22:50] | I put it on my Instagram, | 我发到图享网上 |
| [22:51] | they– they got it from my account. | 他们是从我账户转走的 |
| [22:53] | Dude! What are you fuckin’ talking about? | 哥们 你在说啥呢 |
| [22:55] | You know, I need to scrub it. | 我得把那个视频抹掉 |
| [22:57] | You– you seem like you know stuff. | 你看上去应该会 |
| [22:58] | I– do you know how to scrub something? | 你知道怎么抹掉吗 |
| [23:00] | – Scrub it? – I can’t have him know it was me! | -抹掉 -我不能让他知道是我 |
| [23:02] | I don’t know Anonymous. | 我不认识”匿名”的人 |
| [23:03] | – All right? I don’t– – Nobody knows Anonymous. | -好吗 我不 -谁也不认识啊 |
| [23:06] | You can’t scrub it from the Internet. | 网上的东西抹不掉的 |
| [23:07] | Everything on the Internet, it’s permanent. | 一发上去就是永久的 |
| [23:08] | It’s digital herpes. | 就像数字疱疹一样 |
| [23:10] | You… you are fucked. | 你完了 |
| [23:12] | It’s a career ender. | 职业生涯肯定毁了 |
| [23:14] | For me? | 我吗 |
| [23:15] | Maybe. For him, definitely. | 可能吧 他肯定完了 |
| [23:18] | – You think so? – Yeah. Women? | -是吗 -对啊 女人 |
| [23:20] | Definitely will upset women. | 女人们肯定不高兴 |
| [23:21] | Do you have any idea how many women there are that buy tickets? | 你知道有多少女人会买票吗 |
| [23:25] | Millions. All right? | 百万 好吗 |
| [23:26] | Whatever made you think of putting it up? | 你为什么要上传呢 |
| [23:28] | I– he’s been letting me stay with him. | 他一直让我跟他住一起 |
| [23:30] | You’ve been staying with Bill Burr? | 你和比尔·伯尔住一起 |
| [23:32] | – Yeah. I know… – You’ve been at his house? | -我知道这 -你在他家住 |
| [23:34] | I– he– and he did a joke, and I kinda riffed with him, | 他那个段子算是我和他一起编的 |
| [23:37] | and then I wanted to film it ’cause I was proud that I helped. | 我想录下来 毕竟我很骄傲自己帮上忙了 |
| [23:40] | Of all the people in the world that you could’ve pissed off, | 世界上这么多人 |
| [23:42] | Bill Burr is the worst. | 你最不该惹的就是比尔·伯尔 |
| [23:45] | All right, he’s out there, he’s– he’s… MMA! | 他混综合格斗的 |
| [23:48] | He’s involved with the MMA community! | 他跟综合格斗有关系 |
| [23:49] | He’s friends with Joe Rogan. | 他是乔·罗根的朋友 |
| [23:51] | He’ll Krav-Maga ya. | 他会揍你的 |
| [23:52] | He’s gonna punch you in the kidney | 给你的肾来一拳 |
| [23:53] | and you’ll die a week later. | 你一周后就挂了 |
| [23:55] | This isn’t helping me. | 别帮倒忙了 |
| [23:56] | Okay, well, you need to take some heat off of this, | 你别太去在意这事了 |
| [23:58] | honestly, ’cause the last thing that you want | 说实话 你也不想最后看到的 |
| [24:00] | is for the last thing you see just to be, like, an orange beard, | 是一个橘色胡子的人 |
| [24:03] | and an ice pick, and him just going. | 拿把碎冰锥 然后怼你吧 |
| [24:07] | ‘Cause you’re fucked! | 你完了 |
| [24:18] | – Hey, Pete! – Oh, jeez! | -皮特 -天啊 |
| [24:20] | Where do you think you’re goin’? | 你去哪 |
| [24:21] | I, uh– you know… I, um… | 我吧 我 |
| [24:28] | I w– uh… | 我 |
| [24:29] | Come here. | 来 |
| [24:31] | Something I wanna do with you. | 跟我做件事 |
| [24:35] | Is something wrong or–? | 出事了吗 |
| [24:36] | No. Why? | 没有 怎么了 |
| [24:39] | Does somethin’ look like it’s wrong? | 你觉得像出事了吗 |
| [24:42] | I honestly can’t tell. | 我真不知道 |
| [24:44] | Just come. | 来吧 |
| [24:46] | Come on. | 快点 |
| [24:49] | Okay. | 好 |
| [25:07] | Dude… fuckin’ love these things. | 哥们 我超爱这些的 |
| [25:09] | You know? It’s the best. | 超棒 |
| [25:12] | You know, everybody, you got– you got to have your escape. | 你得有点自己的空间来静静 |
| [25:14] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [25:16] | That was– that was awesome. | 真是太棒了 |
| [25:39] | You know, I never have anybody down here. | 我从没让别人下来过 |
| [25:44] | Yeah, I was really looking forward to this. | 我还挺喜欢的 |
| [25:48] | – It’s nice. – Yeah. A little hang time. | -挺好 -是啊 歇一会 |
| [25:51] | Savoring the moment! | 享受当下 |
| [25:54] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [26:00] | I thought maybe you were, uh– | 我以为你 |
| [26:02] | I thought maybe you were mad… in a bad mood, maybe. | 我以为你挺不开心的呢 |
| [26:05] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [26:07] | I just thought maybe you saw the– the article? | 我以为你看到那篇文章了 |
| [26:10] | What ar– that shit on the Internet? | 网上那破玩意 |
| [26:12] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [26:14] | You know what pissed me off? | 你知道我最生气什么吗 |
| [26:16] | Is that somebody filmed my set. | 有人盗录我表演 |
| [26:18] | What kinda person does that? | 谁会这么做啊 |
| [26:20] | I was doing a new bit! | 我那是新段子 |
| [26:21] | And they only showed the first half, | 那人只拍了前半段 |
| [26:23] | before I got to the point. | 我的笑点还没到呢 |
| [26:24] | – Bill… – I would love to meet the asshole. | -比尔 -我真想见见那混蛋 |
| [26:27] | Know what I mean? Listens to DJ music, | 懂我意思吗 肯定是爱听DJ |
| [26:29] | lives at home with his mother. | 跟他妈住一起 |
| [26:30] | – I– I’m sorry… – Always doing | -非常抱歉 -总是摆出 |
| [26:31] | the– the– the peace sign with the stupid– | 剪刀手 蠢了吧唧的 |
| [26:33] | You know, um… I f– I filmed your set. | 是我录的 |
| [26:38] | What the fuck you talking about? | 你说什么 |
| [26:39] | Bill… I didn’t put it on Jezebel, I– I– | 比尔 我没发到”耶洗别”上 |
| [26:42] | What do you mean– Wait… Wait. You filmed it? | 什么意思 等等 是你录的 |
| [26:45] | I was there. I– I just put it on my Instagram. | 我当时在看 然后发到图享网上了 |
| [26:47] | I have, like, 23 followers. I was– | 我只有23个粉丝 |
| [26:49] | Pete, what the fuck, dude? | 皮特 你搞什么啊 |
| [26:51] | I was p– I was proud– | 我很骄傲嘛 |
| [26:52] | Dude, you filmed me, | 哥们 你录我 |
| [26:53] | you’re just telling me that now, you asshole? | 然后现在才告诉我 你个混蛋 |
| [26:55] | I deleted the post. It was too late, | 我已经删了 但太迟了 |
| [26:57] | somebody shared it, and they found it, | 有人分享了 然后被他们发现了 |
| [26:59] | – and they put it– – Pete, you put it on the fucking Internet. | -然后他们发 -皮特 你传网上了 |
| [27:01] | Jesus Christ, what’d you think was gonna happen? | 天啊 你以为会发生什么 |
| [27:03] | I don’t have a lot of followers, | 我没什么粉丝的 |
| [27:04] | I w– I w– I w– I’m sorry, I was bragging. | 我很抱歉 我当时就是想炫耀一下 |
| [27:06] | I was proud that I had helped you with a joke, | 我很骄傲我帮你编了个段子 |
| [27:08] | that was a big deal to me. | 这对我来说很重要 |
| [27:11] | Oh, Jesus Christ, it’s like getting mad at a fucking paper boy. | 天啊 这就像跟报童发火似的 |
| [27:14] | – D– Ah– I– I’m sorry… All right, all right, relax. | -我很抱歉 -好了 放松 |
| [27:17] | I fucked with your money, I– I– I– I– I– | 我断了你的财路 我我我 |
| [27:19] | Pete, it’s not that big a deal. | 皮特 没事的 |
| [27:21] | It’s not that big a deal. | 不是什么大事 |
| [27:23] | – I’ll do it, okay? I’m sorry. – Pete? | -我愿意去做 好吗 抱歉 -皮特 |
| [27:25] | Pete, it’s not that big a deal. | 皮特 这不是什么大事 |
| [27:26] | Okay? I don’t give a shit. | 好吗 我无所谓 |
| [27:28] | You don’t care? | 你不在意吗 |
| [27:29] | Nah, I don’t give a shit. | 我无所谓的 |
| [27:31] | Dude, it’s all gonna blow over in three days. | 过个三天就没事了 |
| [27:33] | You know, the Kardashians will do somethin’. | 卡戴珊姐妹肯定会出幺蛾子 |
| [27:35] | Rihanna will start fuckin’ blowing some guy in Formula One. | 蕾哈娜会在F1赛场给人口交 |
| [27:38] | You know, they’ll– something will happen, right? | 肯定会有别的新闻的 对吧 |
| [27:41] | I– I thought you were mad at me. | 我以为你会很生我的气 |
| [27:43] | Oh, no, believe me, if I was mad at you, you’d know. | 没有啦 相信我 我要是生气 你会知道的 |
| [27:45] | Okay? I don’t hold shit in the way you do. | 好吗 我不像你什么都不说 |
| [27:48] | You keep it bottled up, man. | 你会憋在心里 |
| [27:50] | I– I packed up my stuff, I was ready to go. | 我收拾了我的东西 都准备走了 |
| [27:53] | Good. Get the fuck outta here. | 很好 快走吧 |
| [27:55] | You got to go back to your life. | 你得回到你自己的生活去 |
| [27:57] | You’re a perfectly good white guy. | 你是个很好的白人 |
| [27:59] | But you– I… I can’t go back to Artie. | 但你 我不能回去找阿迪 |
| [28:01] | I– I can’t go– go back to my roommate. | 我不能回去找我室友 |
| [28:03] | You know what you need to do. | 你知道你要干嘛吗 |
| [28:05] | What? | 干嘛 |
| [28:06] | You need to go down there, | 你得回去 |
| [28:08] | and you need to tell that fucking cheatin’ | 然后跟那个偷情的奸夫说清楚 |
| [28:09] | hippie piece of shit what the fuck he is. | 他到底是个什么垃圾 |
| [28:12] | You need to pull him down | 拽着他的马尾 |
| [28:13] | the flight of stairs by his fucking ponytail, | 把他拖下楼梯 |
| [28:15] | you need to beat the shit out of him. | 把他狠狠地揍一顿 |
| [28:16] | Why? What does it accomplish? | 为什么 这有什么用 |
| [28:17] | ‘Cause it would make you feel better. | 这样你心里爽啊 |
| [28:19] | It’s literally– it’s– it’s– it’s– it’s– it’s hurting you. | 你现在很难受 |
| [28:22] | I can see it. | 我能看出来 |
| [28:24] | I could… | 我可以 |
| [28:25] | You should. | 你应该这么做 |
| [28:27] | I could, you know… | 我可以 |
| [28:29] | Beat his fucking ass. | 狠狠地揍他 |
| [28:31] | Yeah, I could beat his ass. | 没错 揍死他 |
| [28:32] | He fucked your wife. | 他操了你老婆啊 |
| [28:34] | He f– he fucked my wife! | 他操了我老婆 |
| [28:36] | Go in there, knock on the door, | 回去敲门 |
| [28:38] | and fucking punch him in the face! | 然后给他脸来一拳 |
| [28:40] | That’s right! Do you know how good you’d feel? | 没错 你知道有多爽吗 |
| [28:42] | I feel good just thinking about it. | 我想想就好爽啊 |
| [28:43] | Good. What are you thinking about? | 很好 你怎么想的 |
| [28:44] | You fucking Rusted Root cover band hippie dipshit! | 你这个邋遢的傻逼 |
| [28:47] | Fuck you! | 操你妈 |
| [28:48] | There you go, let it out. | 就这样 发泄出来 |
| [28:48] | – Fuck you! – Louder! | -操你妈 -大点声 |
| [28:50] | – Fuck you! – Louder! | -操你妈 -再大点声 |
| [28:51] | Fuck that guy! | 去他的 |
| [28:53] | Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re not made at me! | 天啊 你没生我的气真是太好了 |
| [28:56] | I’m not, but seriously, dude… | 我没有 但说真的 |
| [28:58] | You got to get out of here. | 你得离开这了 |
| [29:01] | It’s time. | 是时候了 |
| [29:04] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [29:40] | Hey, buddy. | 哥们 |