| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | This is exciting for me. I’m a– I’m a comic. | 我很激动 我是 我是喜剧演员 |
| [00:08] | Great. Do you have a business card? | 很好 你有名片吗 |
| [00:10] | – No, I– – I’m fully kidding. | -没 我 -我逗你呢 |
| [00:13] | Abraham and Isaac. | 亚伯拉罕和以撒 |
| [00:14] | Abraham had the knife up in the air and he heard a voice. | 亚伯拉罕已经举起了刀子又听到另一个声音 |
| [00:18] | Thank God. It just would’ve been– | 感谢上帝 不然就会是… |
| [00:21] | You know I have to fire you, right? | 你知道我必须让你走人吧 |
| [00:23] | I figured. | 我猜到了 |
| [00:24] | I just don’t know if I can grow here. | 我不知道在这里会不会有前途 |
| [00:26] | Why do you think we shouldn’t be together? | 你为什么觉得我们不能在一起了 |
| [00:28] | I’m in over my head. | 我受不了了 |
| [00:29] | That is such a cop-out. | 都是借口 |
| [00:30] | The second you missed your ex-girlfriend, | 你一开始想念你的前女友 |
| [00:32] | you got a little bored with me. | 对我有点厌倦 |
| [00:34] | In ten years, you’re gonna regret this so much, | 十年后 你会后悔不已 |
| [00:37] | and I’m gonna realize that I dodged a fucking bullet. | 我也会发现自己算是逃过了一劫 |
| [00:40] | I think you know you’ll die alone. | 你知道自己会孤独终老吧 |
| [01:55] | – Can I help you? – Yeah, I’m here to meet Kevin Woods. | -欢迎光临 -我是来见凯文·伍兹的 |
| [01:58] | Right this way. | 这边请 |
| [02:06] | – Enjoy your meal. – Thank you. | -用餐愉快 -谢谢 |
| [02:11] | Good to see you, Peter. | 很高兴见到你 皮特 |
| [02:14] | What is this place? | 这是什么地方 |
| [02:17] | It’s my favorite restaurant. | 我最喜欢的餐厅 |
| [02:21] | Molto Bene. | 特别好吃 |
| [02:25] | What’s up? What’s going on? | 怎么了 有什么事 |
| [02:27] | I heard about the Christian tour. | 我听说基督教巡演了 |
| [02:30] | Yeah. | 嗯 |
| [02:32] | I… I don’t know. I thought it was one thing, | 我 我也没主意 我以为挺好的 |
| [02:35] | and it was very restrictive. | 结果非常严格 |
| [02:38] | – It was a lot of money. – I know. | -赚得不少 -我知道 |
| [02:41] | A lot of dates. | 约会也很多 |
| [02:43] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [02:45] | Well, I got some news. | 我有新消息 |
| [02:55] | John Mulaney wants you to open for him. | 约翰·马来尼想让你给他暖场 |
| [02:58] | – Are you fucking with me? – Nope. | -你逗我呢吧 -没有 |
| [02:59] | He asked for you by name. | 他点了你的名 |
| [03:01] | – John Mulaney? – John Mulaney. | -约翰·马来尼 -约翰·马来尼 |
| [03:03] | Asked for me? | 找我 |
| [03:05] | – By name? – Yep. | -点了名 -是的 |
| [03:06] | How did– We met one time. | 怎么… 我们只见过一次 |
| [03:09] | He must’ve seen me or something, right? | 他看过我表演了 对吧 |
| [03:11] | That’s the thing about this business, Peter. | 这就是关键所在 皮特 |
| [03:13] | You never know what’s lurking around the next corner. | 你永远不知道接下来会发生什么 |
| [03:16] | Most of the time, it’s a punch in the gut. | 多数情况 都是怼你一拳 |
| [03:18] | Sometimes, it’s a treasure chest. | 有时候 却是百宝箱 |
| [03:20] | This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. | 这就是我们一直等待的机会 |
| [03:22] | All that training, all that grooming. | 所有的训练 准备 |
| [03:25] | This is your treasure chest. | 你的百宝箱来了 |
| [03:26] | – That’s amazing. – You’ve been working really hard. | -太棒了 -你一直勤奋刻苦 |
| [03:28] | – That’s amazing. – You know? | -太好了 -你知道吗 |
| [03:31] | You’re ready for this. This is your moment. | 你已经准备好了 你的机会来了 |
| [03:34] | That’s great. | 太好了 |
| [03:35] | You said yes? | 你同意了 |
| [03:36] | I thought you were just– | 我以为你要… |
| [03:38] | I thought you just wanted to fire me or… | 我以为你要解雇我 |
| [03:40] | because of… this. | 因为 这个 |
| [03:42] | God damn it. | 我的天 |
| [03:45] | Let’s get some cake. | 咱们点个蛋糕吧 |
| [03:47] | I know. I know! He just told me. | 是的 是的 他刚告诉我 |
| [03:50] | It was like a whole thing. He sat me down… | 说来话长 他让我坐下 |
| [03:52] | Ali, it’s, uh, it’s Pete. | 爱丽 我是皮特 |
| [03:55] | Listen, I just found out I’m doing a show, | 我刚得知 我周六在市政厅 |
| [03:57] | Saturday at Town Hall. | 有个演出 |
| [04:00] | John– That’s right, Kid Gorgeous. | 约翰… 是的 《俊小伙儿》 |
| [04:00] | 单口喜剧综艺节目 《无线电城的俊小伙儿》 | |
| [04:03] | And me, Kid Regular. | 还有我 普通小伙儿 |
| [04:06] | Asked for me by name. | 点名找我的 |
| [04:09] | You know, we haven’t talked in a while. | 我们很久没好好聊聊了 |
| [04:10] | I miss you. I wanna hang out. | 我想你了 我想找你出来 |
| [04:12] | So, um, I hope you can make it. | 希望你能来 |
| [04:21] | Hey, Pete. | 皮特 |
| [04:22] | I’m so excited for you, about Mulaney. | 马来尼的事 真为你高兴 |
| [04:24] | That’s so awesome! | 太棒了 |
| [04:26] | He never did anything for me except bump me, | 他除了开除我以外没为我做过什么 |
| [04:28] | but I’m not bitter about it. | 但我并不为此苦恼 |
| [04:31] | I’m really sorry. I can’t make it to your show, | 我不能去看你的演出了 真的很抱歉 |
| [04:33] | because, um, Ted and I broke up. | 因为 我和泰德分手了 |
| [04:37] | Ugh, he was just so perfect in all of the wrong ways. | 他在不该完美的方面都太完美了 |
| [04:42] | So, uh, yeah… | 所以 |
| [04:44] | if you need me, I’ll be on my couch, | 如果你要找我 我就在沙发上 |
| [04:47] | watching The Great British Bake Off , | 看《英国家庭烘焙大赛》 |
| [04:49] | contemplating how I’m gonna die alone. | 思考一下我要如何孤独终老 |
| [04:52] | All right, have a good show. | 好了 祝你演出顺利 |
| [04:55] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [04:58] | Bye. | 再见 |
| [05:54] | You did it. | 你做到了 |
| [05:56] | You really did it. | 你做到了 |
| [05:58] | You belong here. | 你属于这里 |
| [06:00] | You belong here. | 你属于这里 |
| [06:05] | You got this. | 你可以的 |
| [06:08] | Look at me. | 看着我 |
| [06:09] | You’re special. You deserve this. | 你是独一无二的 你可以胜任 |
| [06:11] | That’s why he asked for you, because you can do it. | 他找你就是因为你可以胜任 |
| [06:16] | Hello? | 谁啊 |
| [06:17] | – Hey, Peter. – Oh my God! | -皮特 -我的天 |
| [06:19] | – Are we intruding? – Not at all. | -打扰你了吗 -没有 |
| [06:21] | – Congratulations! – Welcome! Yes. | -恭喜 -欢迎 |
| [06:23] | We’re so proud of you! | 我们太为你骄傲了 |
| [06:25] | Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re here! | 我的天 你们能来真是太好了 |
| [06:26] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [06:27] | This goes great with my dressing room mirror. | 这和我的试衣镜很搭 |
| [06:30] | I’ll put them– No vase. They’re lovely. | 我把它们放在 没有花瓶 很好看 |
| [06:34] | Remember, you’re swimming right now. | 记住 你就像在游泳 |
| [06:36] | Enjoy it, Peter. Don’t grab for the water, man. | 用心享受 皮特 不用着急 |
| [06:38] | Relax and just float. This is awesome. | 放松漂浮 特别棒 |
| [06:41] | That was strangely coherent. | 居然很有条理 |
| [06:43] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [06:44] | That was– What’s happening today? | 那是 今天怎么回事 |
| [06:46] | I’m in a suit, I’m in a green room, | 我穿着西装 待在休息室里 |
| [06:48] | he’s making sense. This is magic. | 他说得很有道理 太神奇了 |
| [06:50] | Really exciting. | 好激动 |
| [06:52] | I’m Justin. I work with John. | 我是贾斯汀 我和约翰一起工作 |
| [06:54] | When you get a chance, John wants to say hi. | 等你有空 约翰想跟你打个招呼 |
| [06:56] | Oh, fancy! | 甚好 |
| [06:58] | Well, go say hi. | 去打个招呼 |
| [07:00] | Enjoy. There’s Jelly Bellys. | 这里有啫哩豆 |
| [07:01] | – Oh great! – Ronald Reagan’s favorite. | -棒 -罗纳德·里根的最爱 |
| [07:03] | Open that up if you want. | 想吃就打开吧 |
| [07:04] | – Okay. – I’ll be right back. | -好的 -我一会儿回来 |
| [07:08] | – What do you want? – Not Jelly Bellys. | -你想吃什么 -反正不要啫哩豆 |
| [07:13] | I love these old theaters. | 我喜欢老剧院 |
| [07:15] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [07:22] | This is incredible. I love it. | 不可思议 我很喜欢 |
| [07:26] | Does it, um… Does it ever get old or…? | 这里会不会 会不会废弃 |
| [07:29] | No. | 不会 |
| [07:34] | Hey, John. I’ve got Pete here for you. | 约翰 我把皮特带来了 |
| [07:41] | Good to see you. | 很高兴见到你 |
| [07:44] | You too. | 我也是 |
| [07:47] | Who are you? | 你是谁 |
| [07:49] | Pete Holmes. I’m wearing a suit, maybe. | 皮特·福尔摩斯 可能因为穿了西装 |
| [07:52] | Remember, we met at Rafifi. | 记得吗 我们见过 |
| [07:54] | Yeah, yeah. On 11th. | 是的 十一号 |
| [07:55] | Out of sight. | 离久情疏 |
| [07:57] | I just, um… | 我只是 |
| [07:59] | I wanted to come back, and I don’t want to bother you. | 我想回来 但不想麻烦你 |
| [08:01] | I just want to say it’s wonderful to be opening | 我只想说能给您这样的人 |
| [08:03] | for somebody of your caliber, | 开场实在太棒了 |
| [08:04] | and just a dream come true, and it’s– | 实现了一个梦想 |
| [08:08] | It’s an honor, and Town Hall, I mean… | 能在市政厅演出是种荣幸 |
| [08:16] | When you say, “Open for me–“ | 你说”为我开场” |
| [08:18] | I just mean emcee, not open. I’m just the supporting act. | 我是指主持人不是开场 我只是配角 |
| [08:23] | Why are you saying this? Why are you saying that? | 你为什么要这么说 为什么要这么说 |
| [08:26] | Yeah, whatever term you want to use. | 你觉得怎么合适怎么来 |
| [08:28] | I’m the “Special guest.” I’m your special guest tonight. | 我是”特邀嘉宾” 今晚你的特邀嘉宾 |
| [08:31] | And that’s a thrill. | 太激动了 |
| [08:34] | – He’s your opener, John. – Yeah, opener. | -他为你开场 约翰 -开场 |
| [08:36] | -Who the fuck’s my opener? – This is the opener. | -谁他妈给我开场 -这位 |
| [08:39] | This is not what I asked for. | 我没找他啊 |
| [08:41] | You asked for Pete Holmes. This is Pete Holmes. | 你要找皮特·福尔摩斯 这位就是 |
| [08:42] | I could not have asked for Pete Holmes, | 我不可能找皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [08:44] | because I do not know who Pete Holmes is. | 我都不知道他是谁 |
| [08:46] | I’m Pete Holmes. Remember we– | 我是皮特·福尔摩斯 还记得我们 |
| [08:47] | I know that now. | 我现在知道了 |
| [08:49] | I wanted Holmes, the comedian, from Chicago. | 我想要福尔摩斯 芝加哥的喜剧演员 |
| [08:53] | They got Holmes from Chicago, | 芝加哥有个福尔摩斯 |
| [08:54] | from the Chicago Comedy Festival. | 芝加哥喜剧节 |
| [08:56] | He was super funny, we were on the same show, | 他很搞笑 我们一起演出过 |
| [08:58] | then we went to Alinea together, | 后来我们一起去了艾莱尼亚餐厅 |
| [08:59] | they closed the kitchen, we ate at the chef’s counter. | 厨师桌被关了 我们在主厨桌吃的 |
| [09:02] | I didn’t go to Alinea with you. | 我没和你去过艾莱尼亚 |
| [09:03] | I know, we didn’t invite you, but I told you– | 我们没请你 但我告诉过你 |
| [09:05] | The guy, Holmes– | 福尔摩斯那家伙 |
| [09:07] | – Ben Holmes? – Yes! | -本·福尔摩斯吗 -是的 |
| [09:08] | – Ben Holmes. Okay. – Ben Holmes! | -本·福尔摩斯 好吧 -本·福尔摩斯 |
| [09:10] | Ben Holmes. You wanted Ben Holmes. | 本·福尔摩斯 你想要本·福尔摩斯 |
| [09:11] | Ben Holmes is opening tonight. | 本·福尔摩斯今晚来开场 |
| [09:12] | – Okay, okay, okay. – He’s opening tonight. | -好的 -他今晚开场 |
| [09:15] | No, he’s in Chicago. | 不 他在芝加哥 |
| [09:16] | Ben Holmes is not here, and Pete Holmes is here? | 本·福尔摩斯不在这 皮特·福尔摩斯在这 |
| [09:19] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [09:20] | Sounds like there’s been a little bit of confusion. | 你们好像弄错了 |
| [09:23] | It’s most likely because we have the same surname. | 应该是因为我们姓一样 |
| [09:27] | Oh, do you fucking think, Agatha Christie? | 你这么觉得吗 阿加莎·克里斯蒂 |
| [09:30] | I’m gonna fix this. We’re gonna fix this. | 我来解决 我们会解决的 |
| [09:32] | – This is totally fine. This is totally fine. – Okay. | -没事的 没事的 -好吧 |
| [09:34] | All right, what does one– | 好吧 这个人 |
| [09:39] | What does one do? | 这个人会做什么 |
| [09:40] | I’m sure you can call somebody else. There’s plenty of time. | 你肯定能找到人来代替 时间还很充裕 |
| [09:42] | We can form a list and think of comedians, | 我们可以列一个喜剧演员的名单 |
| [09:44] | – other comedians that could open. – Okay, we’ll make a list. | -其他有空的喜剧演员 -好 列个名单 |
| [09:46] | – A list of New York City comedians. – Yes, okay. | -一份纽约喜剧演员的名单 -好 |
| [09:48] | A list of comedians in New York City. | 纽约喜剧演员的名单 |
| [09:50] | – I’ve got a note open, yes. – Do it in this order, okay? | -准备好记录了 -按我的顺序来 行吗 |
| [09:52] | Ron Funches. He’s third, okay? | 罗恩·芬奇斯 他第三个 好吗 |
| [09:55] | Jon Stewart– I know that sounds like a reach, | 乔恩·斯图尔特 我知道听起来有点不可能 |
| [09:56] | but maybe if you pitch it as like, | 但或许如果这样说 |
| [09:57] | “Oh, this would be so crazy if you showed up,” All right? | “如果你能出场就太好了” 好吗 |
| [10:00] | First, Birbiglia. He’s too big to open for me, | 第一个 伯德比格利亚开场有点太大牌了 |
| [10:02] | but he’s a friend. He might do it as a favor. | 但他是我朋友 他可能会帮忙 |
| [10:04] | If he says he’s not in New York, he is lying. | 如果他说他不在纽约就是在撒谎 |
| [10:25] | Jesus fucking Christ. | 真是见鬼了 |
| [10:28] | Kevin, it’s Pete. | 凯文 我是皮特 |
| [10:30] | There’s a mix-up. They booked the wrong fucking guy. | 搞错了 他们找错人了 |
| [10:33] | I don’t know where you are. I’m at the theater. | 我不知道你在哪 我在剧院 |
| [10:35] | You gotta fucking call me. It’s fucked up. | 你快回我电话 太操蛋了 |
| [10:45] | Pete, can I talk to you for a second? | 皮特 能跟你聊几句吗 |
| [10:55] | Shut the– shut the door. | 把门关上 |
| [10:59] | Have a seat for a minute. | 请坐 |
| [11:05] | I’m really sorry. | 真的很抱歉 |
| [11:06] | Uh, no. This is a… | 不 这是 |
| [11:10] | This is a big deal. This is Town Hall, | 这是大事 这里是市政厅 |
| [11:12] | and I would want my show to be perfect too. | 换做是我 我也希望我的演出完美 |
| [11:14] | It was– Yeah. It threw me. I… | 给我打击有点大 我 |
| [11:17] | …acted like a jerk, and, you know, | 表现得像个混蛋 |
| [11:20] | as you know and as you’ll tell people, I’m not a jerk. | 你知道我不是个混蛋 你也会这么告诉别人 |
| [11:24] | I don’t– I’m not gonna talk about this. | 我不会说的 |
| [11:27] | It’s not a bad– I don’t even… | 这不是坏… 我都没… |
| [11:28] | Oh, I’m not telling you not to talk about it. | 我不是要你不要谈论这件事 |
| [11:31] | – I didn’t say that. – No, but I won’t. | -我没这么说 -但我不会说的 |
| [11:34] | Yeah, it’s like the story could be that I’m an asshole, | 这事说出去可能会让我看起来像个混蛋 |
| [11:37] | and, you know, that’s not the story. | 但你知道不是这样的 |
| [11:42] | You know, it’s Town Hall. | 这里是市政厅 |
| [11:44] | You can’t shoot to wound. | 小打小闹可不行 |
| [11:46] | You gotta shoot to kill. | 你得竭尽全力 |
| [11:49] | Oh, it’s Birbiglia. | 是伯德比格利亚 |
| [12:19] | Hey, Pete. | 皮特 |
| [12:20] | Oh, hey, man. | 你好 |
| [12:23] | We’re gonna need you to clear out of here. | 你得离开这里 |
| [12:26] | – Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course. I’m sorry. – Yeah. Yeah. | -当然了 抱歉 -好 |
| [12:29] | No, we’re sorry. | 不 抱歉的是我们 |
| [12:32] | I didn’t touch most of this. | 大多数我都没碰过 |
| [12:48] | We’ll get a new one. Just, uh, follow me out here. | 我们会换个新的 跟我来 |
| [12:55] | Should I go? I kind of feel like I should get out of here. | 要我走吗 感觉我应该走了 |
| [12:58] | No, stay, stay. Literally stay. | 不 留下来 别走 |
| [13:00] | You’re here, just watch the show, you know? | 来都来了 就把节目看完 |
| [13:03] | Okay, is there a seat in the house, or–? | 好吧 还有座位吗 还是说 |
| [13:05] | Well, no. Um, but you can watch from backstage. | 没了 不过你可以在后台看 |
| [13:08] | You’ll be a VIP, our very important guest. | 你就是VIP 我们的贵宾 |
| [13:10] | John’s very important guest. | 约翰的贵宾 |
| [13:12] | Yeah, I’ll watch from wherever, sure. | 在哪看都行 没事 |
| [13:14] | – Fuck! – I’ve got to take care of this. | -操 -我去处理一下 |
| [13:18] | – John, anything? – Ron Funches is in Denver. | -约翰 有人来吗 -罗恩·芬奇斯在丹佛 |
| [13:21] | I called Gethard, | 我打给盖瑟德了 |
| [13:22] | and he said he would try to be here by eight o’clock, | 他说他尽量在八点前赶来 |
| [13:24] | and it’s almost eight, | 现在已经快八点了 |
| [13:25] | so I don’t think he’s gonna be here. | 我觉得他不会来了 |
| [13:26] | – So Gethard will not be here? – Gethard will not be here. | -所以盖瑟德不来了 -不来了 |
| [13:28] | Okay. Fuck! I’m not mad at you. | 操 我不是冲你发火 |
| [13:41] | How many minutes can you do? | 你能讲几分钟 |
| [13:45] | – I could do 20. – You’ll do 10. | -二十分钟 -你来十分钟 |
| [13:47] | So are we doing this? | 那就这样了 |
| [13:49] | Yeah. | 是的 |
| [13:53] | Aah, fuck, it’s happening. | 操 真的要开始了 |
| [13:55] | Take that, Justin. | 拿着 贾斯汀 |
| [13:56] | The show is about to happen. | 表演就要开始了 |
| [13:58] | It’s not not going to happen. | 不会不开始 |
| [14:00] | God, I hate doing stand-up. | 天呐 我讨厌做单口相声 |
| [14:01] | I hate doing stand-up comedy so much. | 我特别讨厌单口相声 |
| [14:04] | I only wanted to be a comedian my whole life, | 我这辈子只想做喜剧演员 |
| [14:06] | and the thing I hate the most is stand-up comedy. | 而我最讨厌的就是做单口相声 |
| [14:08] | Hey, are you clean? | 你说脏话吗 |
| [14:10] | Uh, yeah, I’m– I’m a clean– | 不说 我不喜欢说脏… |
| [14:12] | No, you gotta be dirty. | 不行 你得下流一点 |
| [14:13] | That way my parents will hate you, | 我爸妈会讨厌的那种 |
| [14:15] | and when I walk out I seem clean. | 我出场时就看起来很正经了 |
| [14:17] | I’m not a clean comic. People think I am, | 但我不是正经的喜剧演员 |
| [14:19] | but I say “dick” and “ass” and “cocaine” | 但我经常说”屌” “屁股”和”可卡因” |
| [14:21] | – and all this stuff. – Okay, I’ll be dirty. | -什么脏话都说 -好吧 我下流点 |
| [14:23] | – Yeah, be dirty. – A little dirty. | -好 下流 -下流点 |
| [14:24] | Also, don’t mention marriage. | 还有 不要提婚姻 |
| [14:26] | Don’t mention adolescence. | 不要提青少年 |
| [14:27] | A lot of it is about adolescence. | 有很大一部分都是讲青春期的 |
| [14:29] | Well, then you don’t do that, you do something else. | 那就别讲 讲别的 |
| [14:32] | Or you just say, “Welcome, I’m the venue owner,” | 或者直接说”欢迎 我是会场老板” |
| [14:36] | and then you walk off. | 然后下台 |
| [14:39] | – All right. – Look… | -好吧 -听着… |
| [14:42] | don’t be bad. | 别出丑 |
| [14:44] | Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Ben Holmes! | 女士们先生们 掌声欢迎本·福尔摩斯 |
| [15:11] | Speak! | 说话 |
| [15:14] | Speak! | 说啊 |
| [15:26] | Um, sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [15:29] | It’s actually, it’s Pete. | 其实是皮特 |
| [15:33] | My name is, um… | 我的名字是… |
| [15:36] | Pete Holmes. | 皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [15:38] | It’s okay. | 没关系 |
| [15:40] | There was a… There was a mix-up. | 他们…他们弄混了 |
| [15:42] | I’m not Ben Holmes, I’m Pete Holmes. | 我不是本·福尔摩斯 我是皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [15:45] | I mean, there was a whole thing. | 这事说来话长 |
| [15:48] | It turns out John Mulaney, who we’re all here to see, | 原来约翰·马来尼 今晚的头牌 |
| [15:52] | um, wanted Ben Holmes, | 想找本·福尔摩斯 |
| [15:54] | but they got in touch with my manager and they got Pete Holmes, | 但他们联系我的经纪人找来了皮特·福尔摩斯 |
| [15:58] | and then I got here and John was– | 我来的时候 约翰… |
| [16:03] | He was not cool about it. | 他不太高兴 |
| [16:06] | I’m not… I’m not saying he’s a dick. He’s not a dick. | 我不是说他是混蛋 他不是混蛋 |
| [16:11] | I’m saying we all have moments where we slip into dick. | 我是说每个人都有犯浑的时候 |
| [16:16] | And he… | 而他… |
| [16:18] | He slipped into dick. I know! | 他就犯浑了 没错 |
| [16:22] | What a nightmare for me, because he was upset. | 我真是太倒霉了 因为他不高兴 |
| [16:25] | He had this important show. I get it, I get it, I get it. | 这次表演这么重要 我明白 我明白 |
| [16:28] | I get it. I really get it. | 我明白 我真的明白 |
| [16:29] | But he was calling other comedians in front of me. | 但他当着我的面给别的喜剧演员打电话 |
| [16:36] | – Sorry I’m late, man. – Is that Chris Gethard? | -抱歉 我迟到了 -克里斯·格哈德吗 |
| [16:38] | – Yeah, it’s me. – Where the fuck were you? | -对 是我 -你他妈去哪儿了 |
| [16:40] | I was having, you know, dinner with my wife. | 我在…和我妻子吃晚餐 |
| [16:43] | And that’s, hopefully, why you’re dressed like that. | 希望你是因为这个才穿成这样的 |
| [16:45] | And they’re calling like, | 他们打电话说 |
| [16:46] | “Mike Birbiglia, we need you!” | “迈克·伯德比格利亚 我们需要你” |
| [16:48] | And I’m like… | 然后我就… |
| [16:50] | But I don’t understand. | 但是我不明白 |
| [16:52] | My job is to just not be as good as the headliner. | 我的工作就是要衬托头牌 |
| [16:58] | Brother, if you’re looking | 兄弟 如果你要找 |
| [17:00] | for someone to be not as good as John Mulaney, | 比不上约翰·马来尼的人 |
| [17:03] | I’m your first call. | 第一个来找我 |
| [17:05] | I am mediocre and forgettable together, like two great tastes. | 我集平庸与渺小这两种最佳品味于一身 |
| [17:13] | – Hey, Greer. – Hey. Am I too late? | -格里尔 -我是不是来晚了 |
| [17:15] | Uh, no, the show hasn’t started yet. | 不 表演还没开始呢 |
| [17:18] | Yes, you’re too late. | 是的 你来晚了 |
| [17:20] | I’m basically an open mic-er who does some road work, | 我就是个时不时巡演的开放麦演员 |
| [17:23] | and my manager was like, “John Mulaney asked for you by name.” | 我的经纪人说”约翰·马来尼点名要你” |
| [17:26] | And I was like, “That checks out.” | 然后我说”靠谱” |
| [17:30] | He doesn’t even know me! | 他都不认识我 |
| [17:32] | He doesn’t know me. We met once, | 他不认识我 我们见过一次 |
| [17:35] | and, you know, he was kind of a dick then too. | 当时他就挺混蛋的 |
| [17:36] | He was dick then. | 他当时就是个混蛋 |
| [17:38] | You are a dick. | 你确实是个混蛋 |
| [17:40] | I know, but people don’t know that. | 我知道 但是观众不知道 |
| [17:43] | Town Hall, thank you so much. | 市政厅的各位观众 非常感谢 |
| [17:45] | What a dream come true. Thank you, Mulaney. | 简直是梦想成真 谢谢 马来尼 |
| [17:48] | Are you guys ready for your headliner? | 你们准备好迎接头牌了吗 |
| [17:53] | I am, too. This is obviously the person we all came to see. | 我也准备好了 他就是今晚的主角 |
| [17:56] | You know him, you love him. Town Hall, give a big welcome | 你们认识他爱他 大家热烈欢迎 |
| [17:59] | to John Mulaney! | 约翰·马来尼 |
| [18:06] | – You’re not bad. – Really? I thought– | -你不错嘛 -真的吗 我以为… |
| [18:09] | I have to go do it. Thank you. | 我得表演了 谢谢 |
| [18:12] | Pete Holmes, ladies and gentlemen. | 皮特·福尔摩斯 女士们先生们 |
| [18:17] | – Good show, dude. – Thanks, man. | -表现不错 -谢谢 |
| [18:19] | – I love your stuff. – Thanks. | -我喜欢你的表演 -谢谢 |
| [18:21] | – Not bad, man. Not bad at all. – Thank you, Greer. | -不错嘛 相当不错 -谢谢 格里尔 |
| [18:23] | Hello, I’m John Mulaney. | 大家好 我是约翰·马来尼 |
| [18:24] | You may know me from some of Pete’s stories | 五秒钟之前 你们可能 |
| [18:27] | from five seconds ago. | 从皮特那儿听说过我 |
| [18:29] | I got to admit, Pete Holmes was kind of right about me. | 说实话 皮特·福尔摩斯对我的评价是对的 |
| [18:33] | I was a dick to him this evening, | 今晚我对他的态度很混蛋 |
| [18:35] | and I do apologize. | 我向他道歉 |
| [18:37] | I’m embarrassed that you have seen the darker side of me. | 你们看到了我的阴暗面 我很羞愧 |
| [18:41] | But in terms of dark sides | 不过说到今年 |
| [18:43] | of male comedians coming to light this year, | 男性喜剧演员暴露出的阴暗面 |
| [18:45] | I think that’s a pretty tame one. | 我应该算好的了 |
| [18:49] | But… | 但是… |
| [18:54] | I want to be a good, nice person. | 我想做一个善良的人 |
| [18:56] | I was raised Catholic, I was raised to be kind to everyone. | 我在天主教家庭长大 从小知道要善待别人 |
| [18:59] | You know, Catholicism is all about kindness | 天主教义的核心就是善 |
| [19:02] | until you go digging into it, and then it’s not at all. | 直到你深入了解发现根本不是这么回事 |
| [19:06] | There’s a new pope, and people like him a lot. | 现在有一位新教宗 倍受爱戴 |
| [19:09] | Pope Francis, people think he’s cool. | 教宗方济各 大家都觉得他很酷 |
| [19:11] | Like, look at all of you. | 看看你们 |
| [19:13] | You’re clapping for him, | 你们在为他鼓掌 |
| [19:14] | and he’s against abortion and all of your rights, | 而他反对堕胎 反对你们的权利 |
| [19:17] | but you like him. | 但是你们喜欢他 |
| [19:18] | The pope is popular, ’cause he acts like a sophomore in college | 教皇受人欢迎 因为他就像刚刚 |
| [19:22] | who just took mushrooms for the first time. | 第一次尝试了迷幻蘑菇的大二生 |
| [19:25] | He’ll be like, “Maybe God is just an energy, | 他会说”或许上帝只是一种能量 |
| [19:29] | not some man with a son.” | 而不是一个有儿子的男人” |
| [19:31] | And everyone’s like, “Whoa, Catholicism’s cool!” | 大家都说”天主教好酷呀” |
| [19:35] | It’s not! | 并不是 |
| [19:37] | This is a trick to lure you Jews and atheists | 这只是引诱你们犹太人和无神论者 |
| [19:41] | into our weird Italian religion. | 投向我们古怪意大利宗教的把戏 |
| [19:45] | Here’s how you’ll know if the pope ever really shakes things up. | 听我一句你们就知道教皇到底能不能变革了 |
| [19:49] | He’ll die. | 他会死 |
| [19:51] | If the pope was ever like, “Hey, | 要是教皇哪天会说 |
| [19:52] | I just realized that we could cure world hunger | “我刚刚想到如果我们卖一些黄金大教堂 |
| [19:55] | if we sold some of these gold cathedrals.” | 就能解决世界饥荒了” |
| [19:57] | The next day they’d be like, “Oh, no! The pope died! | 第二天人们就会发现”天呐 教皇死了 |
| [20:02] | Yeah, he had a heart attack. He fell down the stairs.” | 没错 他心脏病发了 他摔下了楼梯” |
| [20:06] | “I’m sorry. He had a heart attack or he fell down the stairs?” | “抱歉 他到底是心脏病发还是摔下楼梯” |
| [20:09] | “I know!” | “就是嘛” |
| [20:18] | – Oh my God! – Amazing! | -天啊 -太棒了 |
| [20:20] | I’m so glad you saw that. | 很高兴你们看到了 |
| [20:21] | Oh my goodness, that looked so cathartic for you. | 天啊 你在台上好好宣泄了一番吧 |
| [20:24] | Yes, it was. It was… tense, fucking crazy, | 没错 很紧张 太疯狂了 |
| [20:28] | but out there, I mean, it was all– it was worth it. | 不过上台表演 一切都值了 |
| [20:30] | You took all that weird anger you have inside yourself, | 你把你内心怪异的气愤 |
| [20:34] | and then you totally transformed it, | 以另一种方式呈现 |
| [20:36] | and you gave it these folks and you just made them laugh | 传递给台下的观众 让他们欢笑不断 |
| [20:39] | and turned it into positivity, Peter! | 转变成了正能量 皮特 |
| [20:41] | Yeah, it was great. | 是啊 真的很棒 |
| [20:43] | Um, John, sorry. Would you mind? | 约翰 打扰了 能过来一下吗 |
| [20:46] | These are my, uh, these are my guests. | 这是我邀请的来宾 |
| [20:47] | – This is Jess. – Hello. | -这是杰茜 -你好 |
| [20:49] | And this is Leif. | 这是利夫 |
| [20:50] | And this is John Mulaney. | 这位是约翰·马来尼 |
| [20:51] | I’m John Mulaney. Nice to meet you. | 我是约翰·马来尼 幸会 |
| [20:53] | – John Mulaney. – Uh, this is Greer Barnes. | -约翰·马来尼 -这是格里尔·巴尔内斯 |
| [20:54] | – “Leif,” you said? – Yeah. | -你说你叫利夫吗 -是的 |
| [20:55] | Nice to meet you. | 幸会 |
| [20:56] | – Greer. Nice to meet you. – How are you? | -我是格里尔 幸会 -你们好啊 |
| [20:58] | You were so funny. I couldn’t breathe. | 你的表演太搞笑了 我笑得喘不上气 |
| [21:01] | – Thank you. – Y’all brothers and sisters? | -谢谢 -你们是兄妹吗 |
| [21:04] | Lot of people think that, but no, we are lovers. | 很多人这么以为 不过不是 我们是恋人 |
| [21:07] | – What are you doing? – Nothing. | -你在做什么 -没什么 |
| [21:08] | She said she liked comedy, so I wanted to see | 她说喜欢喜剧 我就想问问 |
| [21:10] | if she wanted to come to the late show. | 她要不要来午夜场 |
| [21:12] | – Oh, there’s another show? – I think it’s a euphemism. | -还有一场吗 -他应该是说约炮 |
| [21:15] | – Oh, okay. – Okay, we gotta go. | -好吧 -好了 我们要走了 |
| [21:17] | – You gotta go. Thank you. – Okay. | -你们得走了 谢谢你们 -好的 |
| [21:19] | I’m being pulled away. | 我被拉走了 |
| [21:21] | You guys were great. | 你们太棒了 |
| [21:22] | I really liked this. This was really fun, thank you. | 我喜欢这次会面 很有趣 谢谢 |
| [21:26] | – I really liked it. Okay. – Okay. | -我真的喜欢 -好的 |
| [21:28] | Bye, guys. Thank you for coming. Hey, John. | 再见 谢谢你们能来 约翰 |
| [21:31] | Um, I just feel like I should apologize for some of the things I said. | 我应该为台上说的有些话道歉 |
| [21:34] | – I wanna make sure it was okay. – Pete, you were funny. | -希望你不要在意 -皮特 你很搞笑 |
| [21:37] | You made the show better. Okay? Relax. | 你让演出更精彩了 别紧张 |
| [21:39] | What are you doing right now? | 你目前在做什么 |
| [21:41] | Nothing, I mean this is it. | 没什么 就这一场 |
| [21:42] | You want to come to The Cellar with us? | 你想和我们一起去酒窖吗 |
| [21:44] | – Come on. – Yeah. | -去吧 -对啊 |
| [21:45] | We gotta unwind after the show. | 我们演出后得放松一下 |
| [21:47] | Yeah. I mean. Really? You don’t mind? | 好啊 真的吗 你们不介意吗 |
| [21:49] | I’ve already invited you! Say, “Yes.” | 我已经邀请了你 说”好”就行 |
| [21:53] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [22:06] | What’s up, man? | 你好啊 兄弟 |
| [22:10] | – Pete Holmes. – How are you? | -皮特·福尔摩斯 -你怎么样 |
| [22:11] | – Lookin’ good, brother. – Thanks, dude. | -看起来不错 兄弟 -谢了 哥们 |
| [22:15] | Hold on, I can’t sit back there ’cause I don’t play here. | 等等 我不能坐那里 我不在这里表演 |
| [22:18] | It’s not gonna be a problem. I’ll talk to Estee. | 不会有问题的 我找埃斯蒂谈谈 |
| [22:20] | Hey, Estee. | 埃斯蒂 |
| [22:24] | – How are you, John? – How are you? | -你好吗 约翰 -你好吗 |
| [22:26] | It’s so good to see you. Wonderful. | 见到你真好 太棒了 |
| [22:29] | Wonderful to see you. | 见到你也很高兴 |
| [22:30] | – What’s happening? – Uh, I did Town Hall tonight. | -最近怎么样 -我今晚在市政厅演出了 |
| [22:33] | Oh, I heard. How was it? | 我听说了 怎么样 |
| [22:35] | It was amazing. | 非常棒 |
| [22:37] | – Really? – It was really, really cool. | -真的吗 -真的特别棒 |
| [22:39] | When I was standing on stage, I thought, it is all thanks to Estee. | 我站在台上时就想 这一切都要感谢埃斯蒂 |
| [22:43] | Well, I’m glad I gave you first shot, | 我很高兴给了你首次机会 |
| [22:45] | but your talent took you to where you are. | 不过是你的才能让你发展到这一步 |
| [22:47] | I know I have talent. But, no, really you gave me the opportunity. | 我知道我有才 不过是你给了我机会 |
| [22:52] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [22:52] | Speaking of, someone opened for me tonight, | 说到这个 今晚有人为我暖场 |
| [22:55] | a guy I’d never seen before. | 一个我从未见过的伙计 |
| [22:57] | Uh, he was hilarious. Do you know Pete Holmes? | 他特别搞笑 你知道皮特·福尔摩斯吗 |
| [23:02] | This guy hovering, right here? | 就是这个徘徊不走的人吗 |
| [23:04] | I’m sorry, I just– We came in together. | 抱歉 我只是… 我们今晚一块来的 |
| [23:06] | I know I’m not supposed to sit there, but– | 我知道我不该坐在这一桌 不过… |
| [23:08] | Look, I didn’t like him either when I first met him, | 我第一次见他时也不喜欢他 |
| [23:10] | and I was pretty rude to him. | 我对他很不友好 |
| [23:12] | And then he got on stage, and he killed. | 然后他表演得非常精彩 |
| [23:15] | And I feel like I owe him something. | 我觉得我欠他点什么 |
| [23:17] | And if you could give him a spot, that would be amazing. | 如果你能给他一个机会 那就太棒了 |
| [23:21] | Honestly, I just– We’re just hanging out. | 说实话 我只是 我们只是一起出来玩 |
| [23:23] | I didn’t– I didn’t ask him to do this. | 我没有 我没让他这么做 |
| [23:25] | I– I’m happy… | 我 我很高兴 |
| [23:26] | All right, he can go on next. Only because you asked. | 下个让他上吧 给你个面子 |
| [23:30] | – Thank you, Estee. – You’re welcome. | -谢谢你 埃斯蒂 -不客气 |
| [23:37] | – Thank you. – You’re welcome. | -谢谢 -不客气 |
| [23:39] | I… thank both of you. | 我 谢谢你们俩 |
| [23:42] | I gotta work on my set. | 我得想段子了 |
| [23:45] | – I’m performing! – You gotta earn that. | -我也要表演啊 -你得努力 |
| [23:48] | Sit over there! | 坐那边去 |
| [23:50] | The longer you sit here, the worse it gets. | 你坐得越久 情况就越糟 |
| [23:51] | – Come on. – Thank you. Thank you. | -去吧 -谢谢 谢谢 |
| [23:52] | – Go work on it alone. – Take care of yourself. | -自己去想吧 -好好加油 |
| [23:55] | – You have to do this alone. – Honestly… | -你必须一个人想 -老实说 |
| [23:57] | You know, honestly, be careful, because she hates him. | 老实说 小心点 因为她讨厌他 |
| [24:01] | I vouched for him once, | 我为他担保过一次 |
| [24:02] | and now she won’t let me vouch for anybody. | 现在她不让我为任何人担保了 |
| [24:04] | Oh my God, and most people trust you. | 天哪 大多数人都相信你啊 |
| [24:12] | Are you guys ready for some more? | 你们还想听吗 |
| [24:15] | This next brother coming to the stage, you are gonna love him. | 接下来上台的这位哥们 你们会爱上他的 |
| [24:17] | Very funny. Give it up for the one and only Pete Holmes, y’all. | 非常逗 为皮特·福尔摩斯鼓掌 |
| [24:19] | Clap it up for Pete Holmes, y’all! | 为皮特·福尔摩斯鼓掌 |
| [24:22] | Come on, show your love! | 让我看到你们的热情 |
| [24:26] | Show your love for that brother. | 再热情点 |
| [24:30] | Keep it going for Mike Yard, everybody. That’s Mike Yard. | 掌声鼓励迈克·亚德 迈克·亚德 |
| [24:39] | It’s weird, uh, it’s weird to be here. | 在这里感觉很奇怪 |
| [24:42] | “It’s great to be here,” Is what I’m supposed to say, | 我应该说很高兴来到这里 |
| [24:45] | but it’s weird because the last time I was here, | 但我感觉很奇怪 因为我上次来这 |
| [24:47] | I broke up with my girlfriend. | 就和我女朋友分手了 |
| [24:51] | Good for you. | 好样的 |
| [24:53] | You’re not sociopaths. That’s very healthy. | 你不是反社会者 很健康 |
| [24:56] | I’ll tell you, the main difference between being single | 我告诉你们 对我来说 在这座城市 |
| [24:59] | and having a girlfriend, for me, in the city, | 单不单身的主要区别 |
| [25:01] | is missing the train. | 就是会错过火车 |
| [25:03] | When I’m single– listen to me now. | 我单身的时候 听好了 |
| [25:05] | When I’m single, I don’t miss it. | 我单身的时候是不会错过的 |
| [25:07] | I make it. Just a free man, | 我自己的时候能赶上 |
| [25:08] | just one free man with agency and free will, I make it. | 我有自由的意志 就能赶上 |
| [25:12] | I hear it through the grate, and I assess its direction | 在栅门听到声音后 我会估摸地铁从哪边来的 |
| [25:15] | like a herd of buffalo that I’m stalking. | 就像在跟踪一群野牛一样 |
| [25:17] | I’m right on the stairs. I tear my shirt open a little bit | 我开始下楼梯 把衬衫扯开一点 |
| [25:20] | just to feel more like a man… … and I make it. | 感觉更男人了 我能赶上 |
| [25:24] | Two at a time on the stairs. | 一次下两阶 |
| [25:25] | That’s a leap. I’m leaping… I’m leaping down the stairs. | 这叫跳跃 我从楼梯上跳下来 |
| [25:29] | I get my metro card out strong, I’m swiping in down the stairs. | 我把地铁卡拿出来 潇洒一刷 |
| [25:33] | Before the doors close, I have time to get my hat | 在门关上前 我还有时间去拿帽子 |
| [25:35] | that I dropped like Indiana Jones, | 因为我像印第安纳·琼斯一样把它扔在地上了 |
| [25:36] | put it on, light a cigarette, kiss a woman I don’t know. | 戴上帽子 点支烟 吻一个陌生女人 |
| [25:40] | I make it! | 我赶上了 |
| [25:42] | But when I had a girlfriend, I never made it. I never made it. | 但我有女朋友的时候 我从来没赶上过 |
| [25:45] | I’m already swiped through, | 我刷过了 |
| [25:46] | ’cause I get my metro card out on the stairs. | 因为我在楼梯上就把地铁卡拿出来了 |
| [25:48] | She gets to the thing– to the turnstyle, | 她到了旋转栅门后 |
| [25:50] | she’s opening her bag to retrieve another bag. | 打开她的包 去拿另一个包 |
| [25:56] | She’s got a bag within a bag, Russian-doll system of baggery. | 她包里还有个包 跟俄罗斯套娃似的 |
| [26:01] | She’s got all these dead metro cards. | 她有很多不能用的地铁卡 |
| [26:03] | Why does she keep the dead metro cards? | 地铁卡不能用了还留着干嘛 |
| [26:05] | Are you scrapbooking? | 你要弄剪贴簿吗 |
| [26:15] | Sit. Please. | 请坐 |
| [26:21] | So… | 那个 |
| [26:23] | the show downstairs was… good. | 你在楼下的表演很不错 |
| [26:29] | You can call in for spots. | 你可以来表演了 |
| [26:30] | – Holy shit! – Really? | -天啊 -真的吗 |
| [26:32] | – Pete! – Yeah, look at that. | -皮特 -瞧瞧 |
| [26:33] | Congrats, I suppose. But, Estee, are you sure about this? | 恭喜你 但是埃斯蒂 你确定吗 |
| [26:37] | Come on, man. What the | 不是吧 |
| [26:38] | – hell are you talking about? – Come on, Dan. | -你这话什么意思 -拜托 丹 |
| [26:39] | The question is, is Pete ready to be here? | 问题是 皮特准备好了吗 |
| [26:42] | – That’s the question. – He’s here! | -这是问题所在 -他都在这了 |
| [26:43] | Are you suggesting I should get rid of somebody? | 你是说我应该开掉一个人吗 |
| [26:46] | You get rid of Dan. | 把丹开了 |
| [26:47] | You can’t get rid of me. I’ve been here for 10 years. | 那可不行 我都在这表演十年了 |
| [26:49] | – Yes, you can. – I think, at least, | -可以的 -我觉得至少 |
| [26:51] | – he should reaudition. – Give this up to Pete. | -让他重新面试吧 -为皮特干一杯 |
| [26:53] | – Reaudition him. – I reaudition | -让他重新面试 -我每晚 |
| [26:54] | every night when I’m killing down there. | 都能让大家捧腹大笑 这都是在面试 |
| [26:56] | – Thank you. – Congratulations. | -谢谢 -恭喜你 |
| [26:58] | – Thank you. – You’re welcome. | -谢谢 -不客气 |
| [26:59] | – Thank you. – No, you don’t. | -谢谢 -你心里不是这么想的 |
| [27:02] | What do you guys wanna do? Wanna go eat? | 你们去干嘛 吃个饭吗 |
| [27:04] | – Yeah, why not. – Yeah, I could eat. | -有何不可 -好啊 |
| [27:06] | Pete, you wanna come eat with us? | 皮特 和我们一起吗 |
| [27:10] | I’m sorry, I can’t. I… | 对不起 我不行 我 |
| [27:13] | I gotta go. Thank you. | 我得走了 谢谢 |
| [27:15] | You’re welcome. | 不客气 |
| [27:17] | He’s an odd duck. | 他真奇怪 |
| [27:19] | I was just trying to be polite. | 我就是客气一下 |
| [27:20] | To be honest, I think we’re better off. | 说实话 没他更好 |