| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | So, anyway, of course, now the guy’s on top of me | |
| [00:06] | going at it, you know. | |
| [00:09] | T-shirt’s still on ’cause his breasts are bigger than mine. | 他的胸部比我还大 我叫他别脱上衣 |
| [00:13] | And I told him… | 我告诉他‥ |
| [00:14] | What? I was jealous. | 怎样？ 我就很嫉妒 |
| [00:17] | So, anyway, the dummy starts asking me questions. | 总之那蠢蛋开始问我问题 |
| [00:20] | “Are you close…” | ＂你快到了吗‥？＂ |
| [00:23] | I’m like, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m close… | 我回他，对‥我快了 |
| [00:27] | I’m close to getting a buzzcut, a flannel shirt | 快了‥ 我干脆理平头，穿法兰绒上衣 |
| [00:29] | and finally accepting Melissa Etheridge’s dinner invite!” | 接受女同志歌手的晚餐邀约吧 |
| [00:35] | I’m still Deborah Vance. | 我是黛博拉凡斯 |
| [00:39] | Good night, Las Vegas! | 晚安，拉斯维加斯 |
| [00:46] | – Great show. – Thank you. | －表演很棒 －谢谢 |
| [00:50] | Love these new heels. | 新高跟鞋很美 |
| [00:51] | Yeah, let’s use them this Friday night | 周五晚上再穿一次 |
| [00:52] | but let’s put a little tread on the bottom. | －但帮我加个鞋底 |
| [00:54] | – Copy. – I almost slipped. | －了解 |
| [00:55] | Yeah. | 我差点跌倒 |
| [00:58] | I knew these earrings were gonna be too heavy. | 我就知道耳环会太重 |
| [01:00] | I was right. | 我就知道 |
| [01:05] | – Towel? – No, thanks, sweetie. | －要毛巾吗？ －不用了，美女 |
| [01:08] | So, Bill, how’d they do? | 比尔，结果还好吗？ |
| [01:09] | Didn’t cover the f**kin’ spread. I’m out two grand. | 输得可惨了，我赔两千块钱 |
| [01:13] | Good luck with Beverly. | 祝你去比佛利好运 |
| [01:14] | You sleep on the couch more than my dogs do. | 你睡沙发的次数 比我家的狗还多呢 |
| [01:20] | – Hey, Deb. – Lookin’ good, ladies. | 小黛 很漂亮喔，美女 |
| [01:23] | They want us wheels-up in 25. | －他们要我们２５分钟后开始 |
| [01:25] | – I’ll be quick. – And after the taping tomorrow | －我会尽快 明天录音之后 |
| [01:26] | I got QVC to give us a studio space to shoot the Christmas album cover. | 我借到购物台的摄影棚 拍摄圣诞节专辑封面 |
| [01:29] | Ooh, love it. | 好棒 |
| [01:31] | Also, Damien has some historic news. | 戴米恩也有重大消息分享 |
| [01:33] | – eBay is my bitch. – No. | －赞叹亿贝 －不会吧 |
| [01:34] | – The Verdure tapestry is yours. – Oh, yes! | 古董织毯是你的了 |
| [01:36] | That’s what I like to hear. | 太好了，就想听你这么说 |
| [01:39] | – Great show, Deb. – Thanks, baby. | －表演好棒，小黛 －谢了，宝贝 |
| [01:41] | – Car’s out front. – Okay. Let’s party. | 车在门口了 好，开始狂欢吧 |
| [01:46] | Aw, did you like the show? | 你们还喜欢吗？ |
| [01:47] | I’m so sorry. We’re running late to the airport. | 很抱歉，我们去机场要迟到了 |
| [01:50] | Thank you so much. | 非常谢谢你们 |
| [01:52] | Oh, love you guys. Love you guys. | 爱你们喔‥ ＂时尚天后２＂ |
| [02:05] | Look at the veining. | 你看这个纹路 |
| [02:06] | Wow, this rose marble. | 玫瑰大理石纹呢 |
| [02:08] | Look at the detail in that crystal work. | 仔细看水晶的做工 |
| [02:10] | It’s like a million little winks. | 好像对你眨眼百万次 |
| [02:12] | I’ve never found glass handles like this | 我用过的所有浴盆架 |
| [02:13] | on any bath caddy that I have ever used. | 都没有如此精致的玻璃手把 |
| [02:16] | – Very intentional. – Oh, I am hearing | 精心制作 |
| [02:18] | – that we have sold out once again. – Oh, my goodness! | －听说又销售一空了 －我的天啊 |
| [02:21] | We are a team. That’s incredible. | 我们是最佳拍档，太棒了 |
| [02:24] | Someone’s been a bad boy. | 有人很淘气喔，你很调皮吗？ |
| [02:25] | – Have you been a bad boy? – Ho, ho, ho. | 老婆婆 |
| [02:27] | – Oh. He called me a ho. – Have you been naughty or nice? | 他居然叫我八婆 你是淘气还是乖呢？ |
| [02:45] | Good night, Ronnie. | 晚安，劳尼 |
| [03:04] | Dinner’s ready! | 晚餐准备好了 |
| [03:08] | There you are, my darlings. There you go. | 给你们，亲爱的，吃吧 |
| [03:40] | You know how I’m redoing the casino’s east tower? | －知道我把赌城东侧大改造吧？ |
| [03:42] | – Oh, yeah. – So, the contractor | －知道 |
| [03:45] | double orders everything. | 承包商什么都订成两份 |
| [03:47] | And what the hell am I supposed to do with two tons of fertilizer? | 我要拿两吨肥料如何是好？ |
| [03:50] | Dump it on Steve Wynn’s doorstep. | 拿去倒在史提芬永利家门口 |
| [03:54] | – Bingo. – Come on. You set me up. | －宾果 －拜托，一定要的 |
| [03:57] | Deb, 2,500 shows. | 小黛，两千五百场了 |
| [04:00] | – Now, I think it’s a Vegas record. – It is. | 我看破赌场纪录了 的确 |
| [04:04] | – Well then, cheers. – Cheers. | －那么敬一杯 －干杯 |
| [04:06] | And they’re naming a street after you. | 他们好像要把街道以你为名 |
| [04:09] | I know. Deborah Vance Drive. | 我知道，黛博拉凡斯大道 |
| [04:11] | It’ll probably be a dead end with an abortion clinic on it. | 可能是条死路，尽头是堕胎诊所 |
| [04:20] | Now that the big show’s all planned | 如今大场次都敲定好了 |
| [04:22] | maybe it’s a good time to talk about the future. | 该谈谈未来了 |
| [04:27] | You know you’ll always be a part of the Palmetto’s history | 你永远是帕美托赌场饭店的 传奇人物 |
| [04:31] | but maybe… | 但也许你一年少演几场比较好 |
| [04:33] | it’d be good if you did a few less shows a year. | |
| [04:35] | Good for who? | 对谁比较好？ |
| [04:39] | Yeah. I need some marquee dates for new acts… | 我需要留几场大的给新秀 |
| [04:44] | like Pentatonix. | 例如五声音阶乐团 |
| [04:45] | What the hell is that? | 那是什么鬼东西？ |
| [04:47] | They’re a beatbox-forward a cappella group. | 他们是节奏口技的无伴奏合唱团 |
| [04:49] | They do medleys. | 专门表演组曲 |
| [04:51] | They won “The Sing-Off.” | 他们在清唱选秀节目夺冠 |
| [04:54] | Who gives a shit? | 谁在乎啊？ |
| [04:55] | Look, I have two buckets to fill, families and idiots in their 20s. | 我有两群观众要照顾 家庭和二十几岁的小笨蛋 |
| [04:59] | The families want to see singing and dancing | 家人想看唱歌跳舞 |
| [05:02] | and the college kids want to spend a grand | 大学生愿意花一千元 |
| [05:03] | to watch a guy in a helmet hit “play” on an iPod. | 看戴安全帽的人播放随身听 |
| [05:06] | You’re forgetting about your third bucket… | 你忘记第三群观众了 |
| [05:08] | people from Florida. | 佛罗里达州的人 |
| [05:10] | They love me, and my numbers are strong. | 他们很爱我，我的观众多得很 |
| [05:12] | You’ll still be doing shows, just not Friday and Saturday. | 你还是会继续登台 只是少了周五和周六 |
| [05:15] | Oh, just the most important nights. Un-f**king-believable. | 最重要的那几晚 －我真不敢相信 |
| [05:19] | Deb, why do you even want to do a hundred-plus shows a year? | －小黛‥ 你干嘛一年要演上百场？ |
| [05:23] | It’s not like you’re having fun. | 你又不尽兴 |
| [05:25] | I mean, you’re on cruise control up there. | 你在台上活像定速巡航 |
| [05:27] | I f**king wish! | －最好啦 －好了‥ |
| [05:28] | – All right. – I wish I was on cruise control. | 最好是定速巡航 |
| [05:30] | I’ve been playing defense my entire career | 我整个演艺事业只能看人脸色 |
| [05:32] | thanks to assholes like you! | 都多亏你这种浑球 |
| [05:33] | – Deborah, calm down, please. – Oh, what do you care? | 黛博拉，冷静一点 |
| [05:36] | You own the place, and the service sucks. | －拜托你 －你是老板，有什么好在乎？ －这里服务烂透了 －好极了 |
| [05:39] | – Great. – Where’s my f**king doggy bag? | 我打包的东西呢？ |
| [05:42] | Okay, all right. | 好了‥ |
| [05:43] | – I’ll take his too. – Okay. | －我也要带走他的 －好 |
| [05:46] | And the fork! | 叉子也要 |
| [05:50] | There was a cockroach in my salad! | 我的沙拉里有蟑螂 |
| [05:53] | Shit. | 该死 |
| [05:56] | Comp everybody. | 招待所有客人 |
| [05:57] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [06:07] | I guess I should just jump out the window. | 我直接跳窗好了 |
| [06:08] | Well, you’d probably just break your legs | 你可能只会跌断腿 |
| [06:10] | because there’s that 12th-floor terrace, but… | 因为中间１２楼有露台 |
| [06:13] | if you’re seriously thinking of hurting yourself… | －如果你真的想自残‥ |
| [06:14] | I’m not. | －我没有 |
| [06:15] | Plus, I’ve told you how I would kill myself | 何况我跟你讲几百万次 |
| [06:17] | – a million times. – Yeah. | 我理想中的死法 |
| [06:19] | I’d wear a suicide vest on… | 我会穿着自爆背心‥ |
| [06:20] | – Watch What Happens Live. | – Watch What Happens Live. －上谈话节目‥ －真幽默 |
| [06:21] | – Very funny. – You can’t get me a meeting | 你完全没帮我谈到任何写作机会 |
| [06:22] | to write on anything. | |
| [06:24] | I’m just… I’m just done because of one mistake? | 只因为我犯了一个错 生涯全毁了吗？ |
| [06:26] | Well, it was one mistake and then a series of replies | 你不只犯了错 |
| [06:28] | where you doubled down, Ava. | 后续回复又雪上加霜，艾娃 |
| [06:29] | I didn’t do anything wrong. | 我什么都没做错 |
| [06:37] | Here, you’re dripping on the leather. | 给你，眼泪会滴到皮椅上 |
| [06:39] | I just got those chairs. It was a whole thing. | 我才刚买到 |
| [06:42] | I had to get approvals. | 得来不易，还要上级批准 |
| [06:44] | Look, you know I love your strong female POV. Obsessed. | 听着，我很爱你的强烈女性观点 |
| [06:48] | But maybe in the future | 爱死了，但是你以后‥ |
| [06:50] | you don’t need to say | 也许你不必随时坦白内心想法 |
| [06:51] | exactly how you’re feeling about everything at all times. | |
| [06:53] | Oh, my God. | 天啊，很抱歉我这么诚恳不造作 |
| [06:54] | I’m sorry if I was unfiltered and honest or whatever | |
| [06:57] | but that’s literally what people like about my writing. | 大家就是喜欢我这种写作风格 |
| [07:00] | Now, all of a sudden, it’s a problem? | 如今突然成了问题？ |
| [07:02] | – I mean, where’s the line? – I don’t know, okay? | 界线在哪里？ |
| [07:05] | All I do know is you need to lay low for a while. | 我不知道 但我知道你得避避风头 |
| [07:07] | Yeah, I can’t lay low. I need to work. | 我不能避风头，我得工作 |
| [07:10] | You know I send money to my parents, and I just bought a house. | 你知道我得拿钱给爸妈 我还刚买了房子 |
| [07:13] | I thought it was a townhouse. | 我以为只是联排住宅 |
| [07:14] | Yeah, well, it costs as much as a “house” house. | 但跟普通房子一样贵 |
| [07:17] | I hate to say this, but maybe you should consider selling it. | 我不想泼你冷水 但你也许该考虑出售 |
| [07:19] | I have. I can’t immediately re-list it. | 我考虑过了 |
| [07:21] | I’m gonna lose a shit-ton of money. | 但不能马上抛售，会赔很多钱 |
| [07:23] | My realtor accidentally CC’d me on an e-mail | 我房仲不小心寄副本给我 |
| [07:25] | where she said she got me a bad deal. | 她说没帮我谈到好价格 |
| [07:27] | E-mail’s tricky. | 电邮好危险 |
| [07:29] | This is probably just residual Catholic-guilt bullshit, but I… | 我可能只是天主教愧疚感作祟 |
| [07:34] | I can’t help feeling that this is all punishment | 都怪我在替洛可叔叔守灵时 |
| [07:36] | for getting fingered at my Uncle Rocco’s wake. | 乱让人指交 |
| [07:38] | Okay, great example of what I’m talking about, Ava. | 好，我刚才说的就是这个，艾娃 |
| [07:41] | I never need to know where you’ve been fingered. | 我根本不用知道你在哪里指交过 |
| [07:45] | You don’t know where a woman gets fingered? | －你不知道女生怎么被指交吗？ |
| [07:47] | Ava. | －艾娃 |
| [07:48] | Please, I’m really trying here, okay? | 拜托，我尽力了 |
| [07:51] | I’ve called everybody, but… | 我联系了所有人 |
| [07:54] | I’m sorry. Nobody seems interested in helping you right now. | 但很抱歉，目前没人想帮助你 |
| [07:57] | Also, don’t vape in here. | －别在这里抽电子烟，都是玻璃 |
| [08:00] | – It’s not… – It’s all glass. | －又不是‥ |
| [08:01] | Just vape outside. Wait one minute. | 去外面抽，等我一下就好 |
| [08:03] | This is so unfair. | 太不公平了 |
| [08:05] | Would a hug make you feel better? | 抱一下会让你好过点吗？ |
| [08:06] | I can’t technically touch you without someone else present. | 没有别人在现场的话 |
| [08:09] | We had a meeting about it, but… | 我其实不能碰你，之前开过会 |
| [08:10] | Hi, dude. | 你好，老兄 |
| [08:11] | Hi. | 你好？ |
| [08:13] | You told me to, like, interrupt you when more important clients call | 你之前说重要客户来电时 务必要打断你 |
| [08:15] | and Deborah Vance is on the line | 黛博拉凡斯在线上 |
| [08:17] | and, like, she’s not, like, as important. | 她没那么重要 |
| [08:19] | – So, I’m just, like… – Okay. | －所以跟你说一下 |
| [08:20] | – …kinda giving you a heads-up. – Kayla, can you set her up | －好‥ |
| [08:21] | somewhere comfortable, please? | 凯拉，你能招呼她一下吗？ |
| [08:22] | Absolutely. Follow me, chica. | 没问题，美女跟我走 |
| [08:24] | We’re right in the middle of something. | 我们才谈到一半 |
| [08:25] | Deborah, perfect timing. | 黛博拉，你来得正好 |
| [08:27] | How are you, my favorite client? | 我最爱的客户，怎么了？ |
| [08:29] | F**king Pentatonix? | 该死的五声音阶乐团 |
| [08:31] | Did you know about this, Jimmy? | 你知道这件事吗，吉米？ |
| [08:32] | Do I know the Pentatonix? Ye… | 五声音阶乐团吗？ |
| [08:34] | Yes, love ’em. I voted for ’em on “The Sing-Off.” | 我知道，很爱他们 清唱选秀节目我投他们一票 |
| [08:37] | Marty wants to cut my dates. | 马提想要砍我的表演 |
| [08:38] | He blindsided me at lunch, the dick-less snake. | 他午餐时无预警这么说 邪恶的无屌男 |
| [08:42] | Oh, he says he needs to appeal to a younger crowd. | 他说得取悦年轻的族群 |
| [08:44] | You gotta do something about this, Jimmy. | 你得处理一下，吉米 |
| [08:45] | Okay, I will call Morty. | 好，我会打给莫提 |
| [08:47] | Marty! | 是马提 |
| [08:49] | Marty, yes. But, I have a pitch. | 马提，好的 不过我有个提议 |
| [08:52] | What if you hire a writer? | 你聘一名写手如何？ |
| [08:54] | I actually represent a very in-demand young woman. | 我手上有一位抢手的年轻女性 |
| [08:56] | She wrote for a hit show | 她替大节目撰稿 |
| [08:59] | nominated for an Emmy, almost. | 几乎要得艾美奖提名了 |
| [09:01] | Everybody is talking about her. | 大家都在讨论她 |
| [09:02] | I write my own material. I do not need a writer, I need a manager. | 我的稿我自己写，不需要写手 我需要的是经纪人 |
| [09:06] | Your father would’ve handled this. | 你爸就会处理好这件事 |
| [09:08] | He promised me you’d take care of me. | 他答应过会照顾我 |
| [09:10] | Don’t make your dead father a liar, Jimmy. | 别害你已故老爸变成骗子，吉米 |
| [09:28] | So, that was Deborah Vance, and I have incredible news. | 刚刚黛博拉凡斯打来 我有好消息分享 |
| [09:32] | She is intrigued | 她很有兴趣请你替她写笑话 |
| [09:34] | by the idea of you writing jokes for her. | |
| [09:37] | The QVC muumuu lady? | 你说购物台花洋装女吗？ |
| [09:39] | They’re kaftans. | 是卡佛坦长袍 |
| [09:40] | Didn’t she, like, burn her husband’s house down? | 她不是烧掉她老公的房子吗？ |
| [09:45] | Yes. | 对 |
| [09:46] | – Yeah, no f**king way. – She’s a legend. | －好，想都别想 －她是个传奇 |
| [09:49] | She’s one of the biggest earners at this company | 她是我们公司最赚钱的艺人 |
| [09:50] | and you just said you need to work. | 你刚才说你需要工作 |
| [09:52] | – So… – I do, but come on. | 需要是需要，但是拜托 |
| [09:53] | I’m not gonna go write knock-knock jokes | 但我才不想写男人不放马桶盖 |
| [09:55] | about how men don’t put the toilet seat down. | 那种敲门双关笑话 |
| [09:58] | I’m not that desperate. | 我没那么走投无路 |
| [10:00] | Respectfully, as your manager | 无意冒犯，身为你的经纪人 |
| [10:03] | right now, you are that desperate. | 你现在就是走投无路了 |
| [10:07] | I know you think you’ve called everyone | 你以为你打给所有人了 |
| [10:10] | but I actually have a lot of friends who will help me | 但我有很多愿意帮助我的朋友 |
| [10:13] | so I guess I’ll just handle this on my own. | 我看这件事我自己处理就好 |
| [10:16] | Ava, come on. | 艾娃，拜托 |
| [10:19] | – Girly, do you need validation? – Yeah. | －美女，需要开证明吗？ －需要 |
| [10:22] | Oh, God. | 天啊，那得花一点时间了 |
| [10:23] | Crap, girl. That’s gonna take me a minute. | |
| [10:26] | – That’s fine. Don’t worry about it. – Bill, can you get Kelly to help me? | 没关系，不用了 比尔，可以请凯莉来帮我吗？ |
| [10:30] | Now you gotta find Another place to stay… | ＂你得找个新地方＂ |
| [10:34] | – What the hell? – Just go away | －什么？ －＂滚开＂ |
| [10:38] | The way you lie is not okay… | ＂你可不以这样说谎＂ |
| [10:45] | Damien! | 戴米恩，请你跑一趟电脑店 |
| [10:47] | I need you to go to the computer store! | |
| [11:01] | Oh, shit. | 该死 |
| [11:06] | Yeah, he’s an actor. | 对，他是演员 |
| [11:07] | He says he’s shooting some Richard Linklater movie | 说在拍一些李察林克雷特的片 |
| [11:09] | but I guess we won’t know if that’s true for, like, 20 years. | 但二十年后才知道是否属实吧 |
| [11:11] | Oh, my God. Hey, Taylor. | 天啊，泰勒 |
| [11:13] | Ava. | 艾娃 |
| [11:15] | – Hey. – How are you? | 你好吗？ |
| [11:17] | It’s been forever. How’s… | 好久不见 |
| [11:20] | the husband? | 你的‥先生还好吗？ |
| [11:22] | – Mark? – Yeah. | －你说马克吗？ －对 |
| [11:23] | He’s my ex-husband now. | 他现在是我前夫了 |
| [11:25] | Oh, f**k… him, then. His loss, obviously. | 该死，他倒霉 显然是他的损失 |
| [11:29] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [11:32] | – Hi. – Okay. Ava, this is my mom. | 好的，艾娃，这是我妈 |
| [11:35] | We’re actually just having lunch before she heads back to the airport. | 我们在她搭机回家前午餐小聚 |
| [11:39] | Oh, my God. Your mom? | 天啊，她是你妈？ |
| [11:41] | No, impossible. | 不可能，她是你姊吧 |
| [11:43] | Your sister. Look at that skin. | 看那个皮肤 |
| [11:46] | Get this bitch on Raya! Oh, my God. | 根本是拉雅公主了 |
| [11:49] | So, congrats on season two. So cool. Are you guys hiring? | 好酷，你们在招募人才吗？ |
| [11:53] | Oh, not even thinking about that yet. | 还不敢想那么远呢 |
| [11:55] | Really? ‘Cause I heard you’re taking meetings | 我听说你见过人选 |
| [11:57] | and I would love to work with you. | 我很想与你共事 |
| [11:59] | I mean, you know, obviously I’ve been going through a lot | 如你所见，我最近很不顺 |
| [12:02] | and I could really use a job. | 真的需要一份工作 |
| [12:05] | Ma’am, you’re blocking the driveway to Tommy Hilfiger. | 小姐 你挡住汤米席尔菲格的路了 |
| [12:09] | Oh, no, that’s… | 那不是我‥我不开车，我没车 |
| [12:10] | That’s not mine. I don’t drive. I don’t have a car. | |
| [12:14] | I saw you do it. | 我亲眼看你挡住的 |
| [12:15] | You’re holding the keys. | 手上还拿着钥匙 |
| [12:19] | Ava, why don’t we just talk next week, ‘kay? | 艾娃，我们下周再谈吧？ |
| [12:20] | You know, I would love to | 我很乐意，但你简讯电邮都不回 |
| [12:22] | but you haven’t really responded to any of my texts or e-mails | |
| [12:25] | so I would just love to talk right now. | 所以我很想现在谈 |
| [12:28] | Okay, fine. | 那好吧 |
| [12:30] | Ava, I can’t hire you. Okay? | 艾娃，我不能雇用你 |
| [12:32] | I’m sorry, but I have to protect the show. | 抱歉，我得保护节目 |
| [12:33] | – I’m just gonna get that. – No, I got it. I’m going. | 我帮你移车 不用了，我要走了 |
| [12:37] | So, I make one stupid joke, and everyone just turns on me? | 我不过开了个蠢玩笑 大家就这样背弃我？ |
| [12:41] | This is so f**ked up. | 太夸张了 |
| [12:42] | – I thought we were friends. – Did you? | 我以为我们是朋友 是吗？ |
| [12:45] | Because you barely talked to me until I got a show, so… | 在我有节目之前 你根本没跟我讲过几句话 |
| [12:49] | I don’t remember it that way. | 我印象中并非如此 |
| [12:51] | Yeah, I’m sure you don’t. | 是啊，那当然了 |
| [12:53] | Listen, I know this seems like the worst thing in the world | 听着，我知道感觉是世界末日 |
| [12:56] | but it’s really not. | 但其实并非如此 |
| [12:59] | Hey! | |
| [13:00] | Move your shit-box car, bitch, or I’ll f**king kill you! | 快把烂车移开，否则我杀了你 |
| [13:06] | I’m sorry. | 对不起 |
| [13:09] | You really do have amazing skin. | 你皮肤真的很好 |
| [13:21] | Deborah? | 黛博拉？ |
| [13:23] | Yes? | 怎么了？ |
| [13:24] | I’m sorry to bother you. | 抱歉打扰，你妹打来 |
| [13:26] | Your sister’s on the phone. | |
| [13:28] | How the hell did she get my number? | 她怎么会有我的号码？ |
| [13:31] | No. | 不接 |
| [13:37] | Beloved entertainer and producer, Frank Vance | 深受喜爱的制作人法兰克凡斯 |
| [13:39] | died today at the age of 74 in his Monterey home. | 今日过世在蒙特雷家中 享寿７４岁 |
| [13:43] | Vance’s career began in 1973 | 凡斯的演艺事业始于１９７３年 |
| [13:45] | with the CBS sitcom “Who’s Making Dinner?” | 电视网情境喜剧＂谁煮晚餐？＂ |
| [13:48] | which he starred in with his then-wife, Deborah Vance. | 与他当时的妻子 黛博拉凡斯共同主演 |
| [13:52] | The couple made headlines when they divorced | 两人离婚闹得沸沸扬扬 |
| [13:54] | after Deborah Vance set fire… | 黛博拉凡斯放火‥ |
| [13:58] | I can’t believe they used that photo. | 他们居然用那张照片 |
| [14:01] | Do you wanna maybe take tonight off? | 你今晚想请假吗？ |
| [14:07] | Why would I do that? | 我干嘛请假？ |
| [14:12] | Ladies, have you ever noticed that men seem to feel | 女士们，你们发现到男人 |
| [14:15] | entitled to sex on their birthday? | 都觉得自己生日时值得做爱吗？ |
| [14:18] | No, thanks. You know, a word of advice. | 不了，谢谢 |
| [14:20] | Next time, marry a guy born on Leap Day. | 良心建议 下次嫁个闰日生日的男人 |
| [14:24] | You know what I mean? | 你们懂吗？ |
| [14:28] | You know, a leap day, leap year every four years? | 闰日，闰年每四年一次 |
| [14:31] | Yeah, never mind. | 当我没说 ＂餐点即将送达＂ |
| [15:04] | – Hey. | – Hey. |
| [15:06] | Have a good night. | 祝你有个愉快的夜晚 |
| [15:09] | Hey. | |
| [15:13] | What? | 怎么了？ |
| [15:20] | – Wait, do you have a condom? – I think so. | 等等，你有保险套吗？ 应该有 |
| [15:31] | – You look so hot. – I have one somewhere. | 你看起来好性感 我应该有一个 |
| [15:36] | Shit. | 该死 |
| [15:44] | Why would they put the kitchen shit up here? | 他们干嘛把厨房用具放这里？ |
| [15:47] | Oh, shit. Is that a Vitamix? | 不会吧，那是调理机吗？ |
| [16:09] | Hello? | 喂？ |
| [16:11] | Hey, I tried you a few times last night. | 我昨晚打给你好几次 |
| [16:13] | Oh, sorry. I was f**king my Postmate. | 抱歉，我在跟送餐员做爱 |
| [16:15] | Okay, I’m going to choose to ignore that. | 好，我就当作没听到那句 |
| [16:18] | So, Deborah wants to meet. | 黛博拉想见你 |
| [16:20] | I know you don’t think she’s cool | 我知道你觉得她不够酷 |
| [16:22] | but I really think you should reconsider. | 但你真的该再考虑一下 |
| [16:24] | – Hey, mama. – You know, it’s a job. | －早安，美女 |
| [16:26] | Work begets work. | －这是工作，能引来新工作 |
| [16:27] | I know you really need something right now | 我知道你现在真的需要工作 |
| [16:29] | so I don’t know. | 你愿意尝试的话 |
| [16:30] | I think it could be worth it if you just give it a try. | 应该会有帮助 |
| [16:33] | I’ll do it. | 我会接 |
| [16:35] | Really? That’s great. Okay, could you meet today? | 真的吗？ 太好了，那能今天见面吗？ |
| [16:39] | All right, fine. | 好啦 |
| [16:41] | Do I have to go all the way to Beverly Hills or something? | 我得跑去比佛利山庄吗？ |
| [16:45] | No. | 不用 |
| [16:47] | Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada. | 欢迎来到内华达州，拉斯维加斯 |
| [16:49] | The current temperature is 111 degrees. | 目前气温是华氏１１１度 |
| [17:10] | – Jimmy. – Hey, hey, Marcus. | －吉米 －马可斯 |
| [17:12] | How’s my favorite CEO? | 我最爱的执行长好吗？ |
| [17:13] | – COO. – COO, yes. | －我是营运长 －没错 |
| [17:15] | Chief Operating Officer. You go off, king. | 营运长大人，你干得好 |
| [17:19] | Listen. I need a favor. | 听着，我需要请你帮忙 |
| [17:21] | How scared should I be? | 又是什么鸟事？ |
| [17:22] | Look, I’m sending a writer to Las Vegas | 我要派一名写手去拉斯维加斯 |
| [17:24] | but Deborah is unaware. | 但是黛博拉还不知情 |
| [17:26] | You know, if she wants to keep her dates | 她若想要留住档期 |
| [17:27] | she’s gotta do something. | 势必得有所改变 |
| [17:28] | – Uh-huh. – It could be good… | 了解 可能会有帮助‥ |
| [17:30] | It could be bad, but it could be good. | 可能会搞砸，但也可能有帮助 ＂第一名的喜剧表演 黛博拉凡斯＂ |
| [17:53] | Holy shit. | 我的天啊 |
| [17:57] | We need a wealth tax. | 真该课富人税 |
| [18:04] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [18:06] | You can wait in here. | 你可以在这里面等 |
| [18:08] | Would you like something to drink while you wait? | 等候的时候，想喝点什么吗？ |
| [18:10] | We have coffee, tea, iced tea, lemonade, Diet Coke | 我们有咖啡，热茶，冰茶 柠檬水，建怡可乐，普通可乐 |
| [18:14] | – regular Coke, Coke Zero, Tab… – I’ll just take a water. | 零卡可乐‥ 我喝水就好 |
| [18:17] | Okay. We have Pellegrino, Perrier, Acqua Panna, Voss… | 好的，我们有圣沛黎洛 沛绿雅，普娜，芙丝水 |
| [18:21] | I’ll just take tap. | 自来水就好 |
| [18:23] | The Acqua Panna is the best. | 普娜最好喝了 |
| [18:25] | Okay, I’ll have that. | 那就一杯吧 |
| [18:27] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [19:04] | Deborah, a girl is here from Jimmy. | 黛博拉，吉米派了一个女生来 |
| [19:08] | A redhead. | 红发女 |
| [19:09] | – What? – Okay, Jimmy did send that writer. | －什么？ －好，吉米派了写手来 |
| [19:12] | – That little shit. – I know, but listen. | －那小王八蛋 －我知道‥ |
| [19:13] | We may be able to use this to stall Marty on the dates. | 但我们能利用她 让马提延后调整档期 |
| [19:17] | It’s just for optics. Just sit down with her. | 做个样子而已，坐下跟她谈吧 |
| [19:25] | Hi, I’m Ava. It’s so nice to meet… | 你好，我是艾娃，很高兴‥ |
| [19:28] | Sit… | 坐下‥ |
| [19:36] | You know, I’ve actually never been to Vegas. | 其实我从没来过赌城 |
| [19:38] | Do you ever get used to this heat? | 真的可能适应这种高温吗？ |
| [19:41] | Yes. | 可能 |
| [19:43] | So, Jimmy tells me | －吉米说你很有天份 |
| [19:45] | – that you’re a very talented… – No, let go of it! Mom! | －不要，你放开我 |
| [19:48] | Mom, they’re being insane. They’re not letting me leave. | 妈‥他们疯了，居然不让我走 |
| [19:51] | Sorry, apparently, she won’t let Josefina see. | 抱歉，谁叫她不让约瑟菲娜查看 |
| [19:55] | Oh, my God. There’s nothing in here. | 天啊，里面没东西啦 |
| [19:59] | Give. | 拿来 |
| [20:00] | Fine. | 好吧 |
| [20:02] | You see the shit I gotta put up with? | 看到我得经历什么烂事了吗？ |
| [20:04] | Unbelievable. | 真不敢相信 |
| [20:08] | They’re antibiotics. | 那些是抗生素 |
| [20:10] | I’ve got a f**kin’ UTI, okay, everybody? | 各位观众，本人泌尿道感染 |
| [20:13] | I’m so sorry I didn’t feel like broadcasting to the whole world | 真抱歉，本来不想跟全世界分享 |
| [20:17] | but you got me. | 但被你抓到了 |
| [20:18] | You got me, detectives. | 你们抓到我了，侦探们 |
| [20:19] | I need relief from my horrific urethra pain, okay? | 我痛得要命的尿道需要吃药 |
| [20:23] | Everybody happy now? | 大家高兴了吗？ |
| [20:25] | Not happy, no. | 一点都不高兴 |
| [20:27] | Just glad to see you’re getting your fluids, sweetheart. | 很高兴你补充很多水份，甜心 |
| [20:44] | You’ll have to excuse her. She has a UTI. | 请见谅，她泌尿道感染 |
| [20:47] | – That’s fine. – Oh, and her father just died. | －没关系 －而且她父亲刚过世 |
| [20:50] | Oh, my God. I’m so sorry. Are you okay? | 天啊，我很遗憾 你‥没事吧？ |
| [20:53] | Me? Thrilled. | 我‥高兴得很 |
| [20:56] | – So, why are you here? – Oh… | 你为何在这里？ |
| [20:58] | well, obviously it would be a huge honor | 能和您共事绝对是我的荣幸 |
| [21:00] | to work with someone like you who’s been working so… | 毕竟您演艺生涯这么成功 |
| [21:04] | successfully for so long. | 还这么长青 |
| [21:07] | I mean, you’re a legend. | 您是个传奇 |
| [21:09] | – Wow, a legend. – Yeah. | －传奇 －是啊 |
| [21:12] | – So, you’re a fan? – I mean, of course. | 你喜欢我的表演？ |
| [21:15] | Would I be here if I wasn’t? | 那当然，我不是的话会来吗？ |
| [21:16] | What’s your favorite joke of mine? | 你最喜欢我哪个笑话？ |
| [21:21] | Man, you know… | 这‥很难选 |
| [21:24] | – That’s so hard. – Well, it shouldn’t be. | 不会吧，我写过三万多个笑话 |
| [21:26] | I’ve written over 30,000. Just pick one. | 就选一个 |
| [21:31] | You know what? I would have to say that your TV show | 这么说吧 |
| [21:35] | is my personal favorite thing that you’ve ever done. | 我得说您的电视节目 是我个人最喜欢的 |
| [21:39] | You mean my sitcom from 1973? | 我１９７３年的情境喜剧吗？ |
| [21:42] | You’ve seen it? | 你看过吗？ |
| [21:43] | Oh, yeah. | 对 |
| [21:45] | I mean, I’ve… Yeah, I’ve seen… | 我看过‥ |
| [21:50] | clips. | 很多片段 |
| [21:51] | Clips? | 片段？ |
| [21:53] | Wonderful. | 真好 |
| [21:57] | Yeah, well… you know, a lot of the actors on the show | 总之‥ |
| [22:01] | that I most recently worked on were stand-ups… | 我最近大多替单口喜剧演员撰稿 |
| [22:04] | You know, I’m gonna stop you right there. | 我得请你停一下 |
| [22:07] | I don’t work with writers. | 我不需要写手 |
| [22:10] | – You don’t? – No. | －不需要？ |
| [22:11] | Jimmy sent you against my wishes. | －对，吉米违背我的意思派你来 |
| [22:14] | I’m gonna kill him. | 我要杀了他 |
| [22:16] | No, I’m gonna kill him. | 不用，我会杀了他 |
| [22:18] | Great, well, this sucks. | 很好，烂透了 |
| [22:21] | Yeah, sucks. | 是啊，烂透了 |
| [22:24] | Well, but at least you didn’t waste too much time researching me. | 至少你没花太多时间研究我 |
| [22:27] | I’m sorry. Did I do something to offend you? | 抱歉，我说什么冒犯你了吗？ |
| [22:31] | Other than walk those chimney-sweep boots on my silk rug? | 除了穿着烟囱鞋踩我丝绸地毯 |
| [22:35] | No. | 是没有 |
| [22:38] | Sorry, I… didn’t realize it was a shoes-off situation. | 抱歉，我不知道进来要脱鞋 |
| [22:42] | Well, it’s shoe-dependent. | 看什么人穿什么鞋 |
| [22:46] | Thank you for your time. | 谢谢你拨空前来 |
| [22:53] | Good luck with your career, honey. | 祝你事业顺遂，亲爱的 |
| [22:55] | – F**king bitch. – Excuse me. | 臭婊子 |
| [22:58] | Did you have something else to say? | 不好意思，你还有话要说吗？ |
| [23:01] | Yeah. | 对，你很失礼 |
| [23:03] | You’ve just been pretty rude | |
| [23:04] | and I dropped everything to come here. | 我可是放下一切来这里见你 |
| [23:06] | Oh, Christ. Oh, you want a gold star just for showing up? | 天啊，你出现就想要我称赞你 |
| [23:11] | Kinda, yeah. | 差不多，因为你说得对 |
| [23:12] | Because you’re right. | |
| [23:13] | I’m not a fan of yours. You caught me. | 我不是你的死忠观众 被你逮到了 |
| [23:16] | This is all just a little f**king annoying | 我觉得好烦 |
| [23:18] | because I flew all the way here on Spirit f**king Airlines | 明明我根本不想要这份工作 |
| [23:21] | even though I didn’t want this job in the first place. | 我还搭廉航远道而来 |
| [23:23] | I mean, the last thing on earth I want to do | 我最不想做的 |
| [23:26] | is move to the desert to write some lame jokes | 就是跑到沙漠 |
| [23:29] | for an old hack. | 替过气女星写烂笑话 |
| [23:32] | – I think you better leave. – Yeah. | －你最好给我离开 －当然 |
| [23:34] | Can I show you to the door | 要带你到门口吗？ |
| [23:35] | or would you like to go back up the chimney? | 还是你想从烟囱出去？ |
| [23:37] | Oh, no. I know my way out. | 不用，我自己知道路 |
| [23:38] | By the way, so cool they let you move into a Cheesecake Factory. | 对了，你家简直是芝乐坊餐馆 |
| [23:42] | Oh, is that where you wait tables? That seems like a better fit. | 你在那边端盘子吗？ 的确比较适合你 |
| [23:44] | Oh, yeah. I agree, you classist monster. | 我同意，你这阶级歧视的禽兽 |
| [23:47] | I’d rather sling Bang Bang Chicken and Shrimp all day than work here. | 我宁可天天端棒棒鸡 也不想在这里工作 |
| [23:50] | I mean, f**k. What is this? Fifty tassels on one couch? | 拜托，这什么鬼东西？ 一张沙发上要放五十个流苏？ |
| [23:54] | Even Liberace would think it’s a bit much. | 我看连李伯拉斯都觉得太超过 |
| [23:56] | Oh, no, you’re incorrect. He actually loved it. | 你错了，他其实很爱 |
| [23:58] | He did poppers on that couch in ’85. | 他在１９８５年 在那张沙发上吸过催情剂 |
| [24:01] | Cool. | 真酷 |
| [24:02] | I’m glad Liberace’s butthole was nice and loose in your house. | 很高兴李伯拉斯在你家 括约肌大放松 |
| [24:06] | Maybe you should’ve joined him | 你真该跟他吸一吸 |
| [24:07] | since yours is obviously tight as f**k. | 因为你屁眼紧得要命 |
| [24:10] | Oh, hey, before I leave | 对了，在我离开前 |
| [24:12] | did you want to inspect my bag? | 你想检查我的包包吗？ |
| [24:14] | Maybe I should just piss in a cup. | 也许我该尿在杯子里验尿 |
| [24:16] | You know what? I’m gonna go ahead. | 不如这样吧 |
| [24:18] | I’m just gonna leave a stool sample on your lawn. | 我就照办，我去你草坪拉一坨屎 |
| [24:25] | Okay. Why are you really here? | 好，你到这里的真正目的为何？ |
| [24:28] | If you’re so “in demand,” why are you meeting with me? | 如果你这么抢手，干嘛来见我？ |
| [24:33] | Because I can’t get any other job, okay? | 因为我得不到其他工作 |
| [24:36] | I tweeted a joke | 我在推特上写了恐同参议员笑话 |
| [24:37] | about that closeted senator who’s sending his son | |
| [24:39] | to conversion therapy camp or whatever | 因为他逼他儿子去性向改造营 |
| [24:41] | and everybody freaked out. | 大家大惊小怪 |
| [24:43] | And then some other asshole dug up some stupid shit I said | 有些浑球还把我二十岁写的烂事 |
| [24:45] | when I was, like, 20 years old and I lost my deal. | 拿出来炒作 我瞬间丢了工作 |
| [24:48] | And now no one will hire me, including you, apparently. | 现在没人想雇用我，包含你在内 |
| [24:51] | So, yeah, my life is pretty much ruined. | 我人生差不多是毁了 |
| [24:54] | Oh, your life is “ruined.” | 你人生哪里毁了，拜托 |
| [24:56] | Please, it sounds like a Tuesday for me. | 听起来不过是个稀松平常的周二 |
| [24:59] | Besides, you’re just a writer. No one cares. | 何况你只是作家，又没人在乎 |
| [25:01] | Well, actually, people really do care. | 其实大家真的很在乎 |
| [25:04] | It’s been a huge f**king problem for me. | 对我来说真的是严重的大问题 |
| [25:10] | So, what was it? | 所以是什么？ |
| [25:13] | This joke that supposedly ruined your life. | 害你人生全毁的笑话 |
| [25:17] | I gotta hear it. | 我一定得听一下 |
| [25:23] | Senator Rogers is upset because he found out his kid is gay. | 罗杰参议员 发现儿子是同志很生气 |
| [25:27] | Apparently, he heard it | 他肯定是在参议院衣帽间 |
| [25:28] | from one of the guys he was sucking off in the Senate cloak room. | 替人口交时听说的 |
| [25:31] | Yeah, I… I don’t even do jokes like that. | 我平常不开这种玩笑 |
| [25:33] | I was just trying to call him out for being a hypocrite | 我只是想指出他是伪君子 |
| [25:35] | because he was caught with a male escort. | 因为他找了伴游猛男 |
| [25:37] | It didn’t help that it was a slow news day, but I… | 当天恰好没有大新闻 |
| [25:40] | I guess I crossed a line or whatever. | 反正我就是越界了 |
| [25:42] | Oh, honey, no. There is no line. It’s just not funny. | 亲爱的，不是越不越界 只是真的不好笑 |
| [25:47] | I mean, you should be blacklisted for how bad that joke is. | 你这笑话这么烂 真该被列上黑名单 |
| [25:49] | Cool, thank you so much for having me. | 很感谢你邀请我过来 |
| [25:51] | I’m glad we did this. | 我们相谈甚欢 |
| [25:52] | I am starting to see why your husband left you | 我开始了解你先生 |
| [25:55] | for your own sister now. | 为何选择你妹，离你而去了 |
| [25:56] | Buh-bye. | 再见 |
| [26:12] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [26:14] | Holy shit. | 该死 |
| [26:16] | What is she doing? | 她在干什么？ |
| [26:26] | What the f**k? | 搞什么？ |
| [26:32] | Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [26:33] | Sending your son to the woods | 把你儿子送到森林 |
| [26:35] | with a bunch of other horny, gay teens. | 和一群饥渴的同志少男一起 |
| [26:36] | The only thing you’re gonna convert him to | 性向改造营 |
| [26:38] | is from a top to a bottom. | 只会把他从一改造成零啦 |
| [26:41] | – Okay? – Now, that’s a better joke. | －好喔 －这才叫好笑 |
| [26:44] | Oh, my God. That’s why you almost just killed me? | 你为了这个害我差点没命？ |
| [26:46] | Wait… No… We keep it on the dad. | 等等，不行‥重点是老爸 |
| [26:49] | Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long | 罗杰参议员身为同志好久了 |
| [26:52] | his wife keeps trying to donate him to Goodwill. | 难怪他老婆一直想把他捐出去 |
| [26:54] | Okay, to be clear, these are all problematic | 我先声明，讲这些都会被骂 |
| [26:56] | but what if it’s something like “Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long | 不如说罗杰参议员在柜子里好久 |
| [27:01] | – all his friends are mothballs?” – Mothballs. | 他的朋友只剩樟脑丸了 樟脑丸 |
| [27:04] | Senator Rogers has been in the closet so long | 罗杰参议员在柜子里好久 |
| [27:06] | he shits mothballs. | 拉出来的屎都是樟脑丸 |
| [27:09] | – Yeah, that’s pretty good. – Yeah, that’s it. That’s it. | －还不错 －对，这可以 |
| [27:12] | Okay, can I go now? | 好，我可以走了吗？ |
| [27:14] | No. No, you’re hired. | 不行‥ 你被录取了 |
| [27:17] | Wait, what? | 等等，什么？ |
| [27:19] | I said I didn’t want the job. | 我说过我不想要这份工作 |
| [27:21] | Yeah, well, you need it. | 但你需要 |
| [27:22] | Write me 20 jokes before tomorrow morning. | 明天早上前写２０个笑话给我 |
| [27:25] | Oh, and nothing about pantyhose or the Challenger explosion. | 举凡裤袜 或挑战者号太空梭爆炸都别写 |
| [27:28] | I’ve done ’em all. | 全被我想完了 |
| [27:35] | What the f**k just happened? | 刚才是怎么回事？ 待续 谢谢观赏 |