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绝望写手(Hacks)第1季第2集台词本阅读、下载和单词统计

Posted on 2024年7月11日 By jubentaici_movie_user 绝望写手(Hacks)第1季第2集台词本阅读、下载和单词统计无评论
目录
S01E01
S01E02
S01E03
S01E04
S01E05
S01E06
S01E07
S01E08
S01E09
S01E10
S02E01
S02E02
S02E03
S02E04
S02E05
S02E06
S02E07
S02E08
S03E01
S03E02
S03E03
S03E04
S03E05
S03E06
S03E07
S03E08
S03E09
时间 英文 中文
[00:05] All right, out.
[00:07] Up. Squeeze the pelvic floor.
[00:10] Jesus Christ, Marty. 天啊,马提
[00:11] You’re putting an awful lot of effort into this one. 你还真努力运动
[00:13] – Ma’am, you can’t… – Help. -女士,你不能‥
[00:14] Hang on. I’ll just be a second. -等等,我一下就好
[00:17] – What? – I’m not doing fewer dates. -怎样? -我不会减少场次
[00:20] Well, it really wasn’t a request. 我那不是请求
[00:22] Well, I don’t know who you’re gonna get. 我不知道你能请到谁
[00:23] – Did you hear about Pentatonix? – What? -听说五声音阶乐团的事了吗? -什么?
[00:25] Well, Steve Wynn found out about your offer somehow 史提芬永利不知怎么发现 你想聘请他们
[00:28] and gave them dates at the Encore. 聘他们去永利安可饭店表演了
[00:30] Huge up-front guarantee they didn’t even counter. 高额预付金 让他们二话不说就接了
[00:32] F**k. 该死
[00:34] Oh, take it easy on his pelvic floor. 别那么操他的骨盆
[00:37] You really want to do this, Deb? 你真的想这样玩吗,小黛?
[00:39] You really want to try to f**k me here? 你真的想要这样搞我吗?
[00:40] Oh, Marty. I’ll never be doing that again. 马提,我再也不会搞你了
[00:44] – He leaves his t-shirt on, you know. – Oh… 你知道他都不脱上衣吗?
[00:47] – That’s not true. – Okay. 才不是真的 好
[01:03] And now for the KTQZ weather report. 现在进入天气预报
[01:06] Expect highs of 111 degrees in Clark County today 克拉克郡今天预计高温111度
[01:09] so make sure to stay out of the sun. 记得别晒太阳
[01:11] Common savers can now take advantage 退休金提领规定松绑
[01:13] of relaxed withdrawal rules around 401(k)s. 存款族现在有福了
[01:16] That’s exactly right, Joe. 你说得没错,乔‥
[01:18] You know, a lot of people are taking losses and do need extra help, but actually…. 给你
[01:38] – Morning. – Morning. 早安‥
[01:40] Good morning, Deb. 早安,黛博拉
[01:48] He’s a miracle worker. There’s nothing you can’t do. 他能化腐朽为神奇 什么都做得到
[01:51] So, we’re thinking of doing the fuzzy slippers 我们想卖绒毛拖鞋
[01:53] instead of the glitter wrapping paper. 别卖亮片包装纸
[01:55] Good, the fuzzy slippers always sell really well. 好,绒毛拖鞋都卖得很好
[01:57] And can we get color options on that too? 可以有颜色选择吗?
[01:58] Of course. 当然
[02:26] Excuse me. Sorry. 不好意思 抱歉 "员工餐厅"
[03:04] The non-smoking section’s over there. 禁烟区在那边
[03:06] Thanks. 谢谢
[03:09] Can I get your attention please? 各位请注意
[03:11] All casino employees are reminded to submit timecards by 5.00pm. 赌场员工请在五点前交考勤卡‥
[03:16] All timecards must be turned in by 5.00pm…
[03:20] – Hey. – Hey, beautiful. 美女,我一直想昨天的事
[03:21] I keep thinking about last night.
[03:22] I… I didn’t think it was gonna be so ticklish, but… 我没想到会这么痒
[03:24] What the f**k? -搞什么?
[03:25] – Wait, who is this? – Ava, your client. -等等,你是谁? 艾娃,你的客户
[03:28] – You called me. – Kayla! -是你打给我的
[03:30] Oh, yes. You are next on my call sheet. -凯拉 对,我下一个才会打给你
[03:33] I was about to call you, but… how’re you doing? How’s Vegas? 我是要打给你,你还好吗?
[03:37] Are you and Deborah Vance “Thelma and Louise” yet or what? 赌城好玩吗? 跟黛博拉凡斯一起末路狂花了吗
[03:39] No, but I do want to drive off a cliff. 没有,但我真想开车冲下悬崖
[03:42] How long do I have to do this? 我还得做多久?
[03:43] Well, it’s been three days, so longer than that. 才过三天,所以还要一阵子
[03:46] I don’t even know what I’m doing here. 我根本不知道我在这里干嘛
[03:48] You’re there to write material for Deborah’s show. 你要替黛博拉写笑话题材
[03:49] You know, punch-ups for appearances and things like QVC 写笑话骂权贵 购物台销售的哏
[03:51] and, you know, any personal joke writing… -贴近个人生活
[03:53] Yeah, I know the literal job description. -我读过工作叙述
[03:55] I signed a 470-page NDA. 我签了470页的保密协定
[03:57] – Seems right. – God! 也对 天啊
[04:01] – Too much. – Okay, Kayla. -太夸张了
[04:03] – Yeah? – You’re supposed to be on mute. -凯拉,你应该关静音
[04:04] Oh, I am. I just pushed the thing, bud. 我有,我按了按钮,老兄
[04:07] Okay, bud. We can hear you. So, you’re definitely not. 老兄,我们都听得到 所以你才没按
[04:09] Oh, don’t worry. I’m not listening. I’m laughing at a meme. 别担心,我没偷听 我只是在笑哏图而已
[04:12] It’s like a… there’s a Minion with a big eyeball. -有个大眼球的小小兵
[04:14] Okay, you’re supposed to be listening. -你是该要听,之前讲过了
[04:15] We talked about this. You listen and you take notes, right? 你要仔细听,做笔记
[04:17] Yeah. So, okay. Where’s my notebook? 好,我的笔记本呢?
[04:20] Hey, I need to leave early. I have an adult ballet recital. 对了,我今天要早退 我有成人芭蕾舞排演
[04:23] Like, just, I can’t miss this one because I missed last week. 上周已经没去 今天不能再缺席了
[04:26] It just wouldn’t make sense. The whole thing will be off. 这样不行,不去就白练了
[04:28] – Should I leave you two alone? – Kayla, can you jump off, please? 我让你们俩聊吧 凯拉,你可以退出吗?
[04:31] – No problemo. – Thank you. -没有问题 -谢谢
[04:33] Testing, Kayla, testing, testing. 测试‥凯拉
[04:35] – Okay. – You need to fire her. -好了 -你得开除她
[04:36] I would if I could, but her father owns half the company 可以的话我也想 她爸握有公司一半股权
[04:39] so she’s essentially my assistant and my boss. 她基本上是我助理兼老板
[04:41] How does everyone have rich parents except for me? 为何只有我没有富老爸?
[04:44] Look. Just hang in there, okay? 你撑着点就对了
[04:45] Every job has a learning curve, right? 每份工作都有值得学习之处吧?
[04:47] When I was 15 -我15岁在肉桂卷店‥
[04:48] – I took a summer job at Cinnabon… – Jimmy, I gotta go. -我得挂了
[04:49] If I don’t keep moving, I’ll remember that I’m here. 我得做点什么
[04:51] Hey, stop… 才能忘记我人在赌城
[04:53] Are you there? You don’t say goodbye. She doesn’t say goodbye. 你还在吗? 你都不说再见,都这样
[04:56] All right, Kayla, do you want to come in here? 凯拉,你要不要进来聊芭蕾舞?
[04:58] Let’s talk about this dance.
[05:00] I really like the jade. 我很喜欢翡翠绿
[05:02] I do too. But “normals” like “subway tile.” 我也是 但普通人都喜欢地铁磁砖
[05:04] Oh, God, they do. 天啊,的确如此
[05:06] I don’t know, Marcus. 不知道,这是你的工作
[05:07] – It’s your flip. – What’s going on here? 他们在干嘛?
[05:09] Marcus flips properties on the side 马可斯的副业是翻修住宅
[05:11] – like they do on HDTV. – I don’t know. I’m torn. 像电视拍的那样
[05:13] Let’s ask her. Jade or white? -好犹豫 -问她吧,翡翠绿还是白色?
[05:17] I… think the white. 我想‥ 白色吧
[05:22] – Let’s go with the jade. – Yeah, absolutely. -我们选翡翠绿吧 -就这么办
[05:24] Let me know how it goes. 再让我看成品
[05:26] So, do you think today you’ll have time 你今天有空看我写的东西吗?
[05:28] to look over what I’ve been working on?
[05:30] – Sure, just give me a minute. – All right. -好,你等我一下 -好的
[05:33] I noticed you weren’t at my show last night. 你昨晚没来看我表演
[05:35] Oh, sorry. I… 抱歉,我前天晚上有去
[05:36] I came the night before. I figured it was probably the same. 我以为是一样的
[05:39] Should I be coming… 我今天该‥
[05:41] – Oh, crap! – I’ll get it. -该死 -我来装
[05:43] No, you’re busy. I’ll get it. 不用‥你很忙,我来就好
[05:52] Excuse me. 借过
[06:11] There we go. 好了
[06:29] Okay, let’s go. 好的,来吧
[06:37] Hm.
[06:39] Is that a good “hm”? 写得好的意思吗?
[06:41] No. 不好
[06:43] Most of these are unusable, but… 大部分都不能用
[06:46] this part works. 但这个可以
[06:51] Oh, cool. 很好,只有铺陈可以用
[06:53] The set-up.
[06:59] You a lesbian? 你是女同志吗?
[07:03] – Not sure you can ask me that. – Oh, what? 你好像不能问这个
[07:06] Someone’s gonna show up and arrest me? 怎样,难不成有人会来抓我吗?
[07:07] Since you’re my employer, it is illegal. 你是我的雇主,这么问是违法的
[07:11] But… if you’re genuinely curious. 既然你那么好奇
[07:15] I used to only hook up with men 我以前都只跟男人睡
[07:17] but when I masturbated, I thought about women. 但我自慰时,想的都是女人
[07:19] So, then in college 大学的时候
[07:21] I finally hooked up with this amazing TA, Phoebe. 跟漂亮助教菲比勾搭上了
[07:24] And I realized that I could connect more emotionally with women 我发现和女生比较能有情感交流
[07:27] which led to deeper sexual experiences. 这样床上经验也更深刻
[07:30] But sometimes I do still need penetrative sex with a dick to come. 但我有时候还是需要老二 才能有高潮
[07:35] But, I don’t know. 谁知道
[07:37] Maybe I was just conditioned by the porn 也许我只是被演算法推播的
[07:38] that was fed to me by the algorithm, you know? 色情片洗脑
[07:42] So, anyway, I’m bi. 总之,我是双性恋
[07:47] Jesus Christ, I was just wondering why you were dressed 我的天啊
[07:49] like Rachel Maddow’s mechanic. 难怪我觉得你穿得 好像瑞秋梅道的工人
[07:51] Great. So, the jokes? You didn’t like any? 好,我写的笑话怎么样? 你都不喜欢吗?
[07:55] They’re not jokes. I mean… 那些都不是笑话
[07:58] they’re, like, thought poems? 我觉得比较像‥心灵短诗
[08:01] “I had a horrible nightmare that I got a voicemail.” "我做了接到语音留言的恶梦"
[08:07] What? 什么啊?
[08:09] It’s funny because voicemails are annoying. 语音留言很烦,所以才好笑
[08:11] – It’s, like, just text. – First of all 传简讯就好了
[08:14] if you start a sentence with, “it’s funny because” 首先,你说"所以才好笑"
[08:17] then it’s probably not. 那大概都不好笑
[08:18] And second, jokes need a punchline. 第二,需要有好笑的结尾
[08:20] Well, in my opinion 我个人认为
[08:22] traditional joke structure is very male. 传统笑话结构太男性化了
[08:25] It’s so focused on the ending. It’s all about the climax. 都只在乎结局,老是想着高潮
[08:27] Oh, look who’s talking. I just got a TED Talk about yours. 居然训起话来 我才听完你长篇大论一番
[08:31] – Deborah, Kiki’s here. – Oh, great. 黛博拉,琦琦来了
[08:33] Thanks, Josefina. 好的,谢谢,约瑟菲娜
[08:36] Sorry, are we done? What’s happening? 谈了吗,怎么回事?
[08:37] I’m playing blackjack. I don’t know what you’re doing. 我要去玩21点 你要干嘛我不管
[08:40] Why don’t you just play at the casino? 你干嘛不去赌场玩就好?
[08:42] Oh, casinos are disgusting. People smoke indoors. 赌场很恶心,大家都在室内抽烟
[08:45] Yeah, I know. You make me live in one. 我知道,你逼我住那里
[08:47] – Ha! – Hi, Deborah. 你好,黛博拉
[08:49] Hello. 你好,新头发好可爱
[08:50] – Oh, cute hairdo. – Oh, thank you. 谢谢
[08:53] – How’s our little Luna? – She’s amazing! 璐娜还好吗?
[08:56] We just had her three-year check-up. 她很棒,刚才完成三年检查
[08:58] The doctor said her arms and legs are super long. 医生说她的手脚都非常长
[09:00] I think she’s going to be a hip-hop dancer. 我觉得她以后是街舞好手
[09:02] Oh, good for her. 太好了
[09:03] Kiki, Ava. Deal her in. 琦琦,这是艾娃 发牌给她
[09:06] Oh. Oh, no. I… I don’t really know how to play. 不用,我其实不知道怎么玩
[09:09] Then why’d you follow me in here? 那你干嘛跟着我进来?
[09:12] Your call. 你决定吧?
[09:15] Hit me? 拿牌?
[09:16] You just moved here, huh? 你才刚搬来吧?
[09:18] Well, Vegas f**king slaps! 赌城很酷,你一定会喜欢
[09:21] – You’re gonna love it. – Not if she keeps playing like that. 她继续这样玩就不酷了
[09:24] Okay. Any… 好‥你可以教我一下吗?
[09:25] any guidance for me?
[09:27] Always hit on 16 and double down on 11. 16点就拿牌 11点就加倍下注
[09:29] Hilarious. 真好笑,我是说写笑话的部分
[09:30] I mean about the jokes. Anything in particular you want? 你有什么特别偏好吗?
[09:33] Yes, there should be more of them, and they should be funny. 你要多写一点,要写得好笑
[09:36] Blackjack! Deborah! 二十一点,黛博拉
[09:38] – Yay, got a blackjack! – The blackjack! Oh, my God. -二十一点‥ -我的天啊
[09:41] – Thanks for the ride. – Yeah, no problem. 谢谢你送我一程
[09:43] It’s on the way to my next gig. 不用客气,到我下一场顺路
[09:48] – Nice car. – So sick, right? 好棒的车 很帅吧?
[09:50] Whenever Deborah gets a new Rolls, I get the old one. 每次黛博拉买新的劳斯莱斯 我就可以接手旧的
[09:54] This is my third. 这是第三辆了
[09:58] I cannot believe she gave you this car. 没想到她会送你这辆车
[10:01] So far all I’ve gotten is emotional abuse. 我只一直被情绪虐待
[10:03] – Today she asked me about the… – Okay, that sounds like a bummer -她今天问我‥
[10:05] but I’ve gotta stop you. -听起来很惨,但我得打断你
[10:06] I’ve got to sing the chorus whenever this song comes on. 每次播这首歌 我一定要跟着唱副歌
[10:11] Oh, God. 天啊
[10:13] This dancing was killing me softly "这支舞迷死我"
[10:17] I needed to hate you to love me, yeah "我得恨你才能宠爱自己"
[10:21] To love, love, yeah "宠爱‥"
[10:23] To love, love, yeah
[10:25] To love, yeah
[10:27] I needed to lose you to love me, yeah "我得离开你才能宠爱自己"
[10:30] Oh.
[10:32] Okay. You were complaining? 好,你刚才在抱怨什么?
[10:34] Sorry. I… 抱歉,我知道有工作就很幸运了
[10:35] I know I’m lucky to have a job, genuinely, I do. I just, I don’t understand why she’s making it so hard. 真的,但我不懂她干嘛这么难搞
[10:40] Listen, Deborah’s a hustler like me. 听着,黛博拉跟我一样拼命
[10:43] You see this dope shirt? This was hers. She gave it to me. 看见这漂亮上衣了吗? 这是她的,她给我的
[10:46] – Deborah had a glitter crop top? – Uh-uh, no. 黛博拉居然有亮片小背心?
[10:49] I had to cut off the sleeves and trim it. 不是,我把袖子剪掉改造的
[10:51] Point is, her shit is ugly, but the quality is there. 重点是,她的东西很丑 但品质很好
[10:55] So, if you can’t make it good, that is on you. 若你不能善加发挥,错就在你
[10:59] Oh, and don’t kill me 你别生气
[11:00] but I’m gonna play that song two more times. 这首歌我还要再播两次
[11:03] – This is a playlist? – Uh-huh. -原来这是歌单? -对
[11:05] Then why did I have to stop talking? 那干嘛叫我别讲话?
[11:06] Honey, when you’re on shuffle, any song can play at any moment 亲爱的 随机播放时歌随时都会出现
[11:10] and it is through that randomness 就是这种随机感才能学到意义
[11:12] that we can totally receive meaning.
[11:16] I needed to lose you to find me "我得离开你才能找到自我"
[11:21] I can see it in your eyes. You wanna. 从你的眼神看得出你也想唱
[11:22] Killing me softly "迷死我"
[11:26] I needed to hate you to love me, yeah "我得恨你才能宠爱自己"
[11:29] Oh, my God. 天啊
[11:30] To love, love, yeah "宠爱自己‥"
[11:32] To love, love, yeah, to love, yeah
[11:34] Yeah!
[11:35] I needed to lose you to love me "我得离开你才能宠爱自己"
[11:43] I’m sorry. I’m gonna… 抱歉,我得‥
[11:47] – Really? – Yeah. -你来真的吗? -对
[11:48] – Oh, watch the drink. – Sorry. -小心饮料 -抱歉
[11:52] Jesus. 天啊
[11:58] I’m sorry. I can’t write in my room. 对不起,我在房里无法写作
[12:00] My neighbors are having, like, performatively loud sex 邻居恩爱叫得夸张大声
[12:02] and the business center is essentially like 商务中心根本是古柯硷毒窟
[12:03] a f**king coke den.
[12:05] Okay. 好喔
[12:08] Hey, can I get you a drink? 你需要饮料吗?
[12:09] Oh, yes. Can I get a vodka soda? 好,给我伏特加苏打好吗?
[12:12] – Sure. – Yeah. 当然
[12:13] Oh, drinks are on the house. 饮料免费
[12:14] Oh, can I get two? 那可以给我两杯吗?
[12:17] Oh, I’ll get you three, sweetie. 我拿三杯给你,美女
[12:19] Yes! 好耶
[12:22] Do you want me to show you how to play? 要我教你怎么玩吗?
[12:24] Sure, yeah. 好啊
[12:25] Well, you have to match up the hamsters with the tabby cats. 你得把仓鼠跟虎斑猫配对
[12:28] The tabby cats? 虎斑猫
[12:29] – There you go. – Thank you. -给你 -谢谢
[12:31] – Oh, enjoy. – You too. -慢慢享受
[12:34] – Thanks. – “You too”? -你也是 你也是?
[12:43] – Oh, my God, yes! – Yes! 天啊,好耶
[12:47] Chill… 喝慢一点
[12:48] – Christina. – Whoo! 克莉丝汀
[12:49] Have fun at Disney World. 去迪士尼乐园好好玩
[12:51] Yeah…
[12:52] This game is such f**king capitalist bullshit. 这机台根本是资本主义垃圾
[12:55] I won! 我赢了
[13:35] Yes? 怎么了?
[13:36] Oh… I was just wondering if you got a chance 不知道你看过
[13:39] to read any of the new stuff I sent for tonight? 我为今晚表演写的新素材了吗?
[13:42] I did. 我看了
[13:44] And? 然后呢?
[13:46] Better. 比较好
[13:47] Oh. Great. 太好了
[13:50] It’ll be great to hear them with a crowd. 你能在观众前讲就太好了
[13:52] – Fifteen, Ms. Vance. – Thank you. -十五分钟,凡斯小姐 -谢谢
[13:56] Oh, but I do love my wine, though. 但我很爱葡萄酒
[13:59] Now, I wouldn’t say I’m alcoholic. 我不会大声说我是酒鬼
[14:01] I’d slur it. 我会偷偷说
[14:04] But my idea of a perfect evening is a glass of wine 但我理想的夜晚是一杯红酒
[14:09] and if I’m feeling a little frisky 若我感到有点调皮
[14:12] I’ll pop in an adult film. 可能就放一支成人片
[14:14] But here’s the trick. 但有技巧的
[14:16] I watch it in reverse. 我会倒着看
[14:20] Because then it’s about being rewarded for sex. 那样性爱结束就有奖品
[14:24] With a pizza! 可以吃披萨
[14:32] Have a good night. 祝你有个美好夜晚
[14:35] – You said my jokes were better. – They were. -你明明说我的笑话比较好了 -的确
[14:37] Well, you didn’t use any. 但你一个都没用
[14:39] They were better because you stole them from yourself. 比较好的原因是你抄自己的笑话
[14:42] Half were from your film script. 有一半都是你剧本里的哏
[14:44] The others were clearly dated rehashes you threw in. 剩下的都是你稍微改过而已
[14:47] – You read my script? – Yes. 你看过我的剧本?
[14:49] I had Jimmy send me everything you’ve ever written. 对,我叫吉米把你所有作品寄来
[14:51] I do my research. 我做足功课
[14:52] So, the next time you try to half-ass something 下次你想交半调子的东西出来前
[14:55] I… "自助餐吃到饱,黛博拉凡斯 螃蟹真材实料"
[15:01] – Son of a… – There she is. -王八蛋 -你打来了
[15:03] How dare you! 你好大的胆子
[15:05] Well, if I don’t have Pentatonix, I’ve got to promote you, right? 没了五声音阶乐团 我只能宣传你了
[15:08] And the truth is… 但老实说,卖龙虾赚的钱比你多
[15:09] is you don’t make me nearly as much money as lobster tail.
[15:13] But, if it’s any consolation 希望我这么说,你会好过一点
[15:15] I bet you taste just as good dipped in butter. 我猜你沾了奶油也很好吃
[15:41] I just… I wanted to say I’m sorry that I gave you… "自助餐吃到饱,黛博拉凡斯 螃蟹真材实料"
[15:46] upcycled material yesterday. 我想跟你道歉 昨天给了你创意再利用的素材
[15:51] The crowd loved the show last night. 观众很爱昨晚的表演
[15:53] You might wanna lose that joke about Anna Nicole Smith, though 但安娜妮可史密斯的哏 还是别说了
[15:57] as she is… 因为她已经‥死很久了
[16:00] long dead.
[16:02] Let me get this straight. 我厘清一下状况
[16:05] You not only don’t write me anything funny 你不只没写出好笑又原创的素材
[16:09] or even original
[16:11] and now you’re telling me what jokes not to do? 现在还要禁止我讲某些笑话吗?
[16:15] I’m sorry. 对不起
[16:18] I think it’s just been hard to write in your voice 在不了解你的状况下
[16:21] when I don’t know you. 要用你的语气写笑话很困难
[16:26] You know what? 这样吧
[16:28] You make a good point. 你说得有道理
[16:29] Why don’t we… 我们开车出去绕绕吧?
[16:32] take a little drive?
[16:33] You can get to know me better on a little road trip. 出去兜风的过程你也可以认识我
[16:35] Okay, cool. 太好了
[16:37] Wait. What about… what about the show tonight? 等等,今晚的表演怎么办?
[16:39] Ah! We’ll be back in time. I’ll speed. 我们会及时赶回来,我会飙车
[16:44] What do you think about the climate crisis? 你觉得气候危机如何?
[16:47] In theory, I’m an environmentalist, but in practice 理论上,我是环保份子
[16:49] paper straws taste like a cardboard worm. 但实务上
[16:51] Uh-huh. Hey, why don’t you turn on the radio? 我觉得纸吸管都有纸板虫味 你开一下收音机吧?
[16:55] All right. 好
[16:57] Whoa, do you have, like, huge hands? 你的手也太大了吧?
[17:03] – I think they’re normal-sized. – No… 应该是正常尺寸
[17:05] They look like catcher’s mitts. 不对‥看起来跟捕手手套一样
[17:07] Your manicurist must use a paint roller. 你的美甲师得用油漆滚轮吧
[17:09] Okay. You know, some people think it’s pretty cheap 有人觉得拿他人外表作文章
[17:12] to make fun of other people’s appearances. 是一件很低级的事
[17:14] Yeah. Ugly people. 对,丑八怪都这么想
[17:20] Sorry. 对不起
[17:21] Had I known the drive was this long, I would have peed before we left. 我要是知道要开那么久 出发前我就会先尿尿
[17:24] – All right, well, just hurry. – Okay. 好啦,动作快就是了
[17:26] Oh, wait, while you’re in there 等等,既然都要进去
[17:27] you might as well get me a Diet Coke… 顺便帮我买健怡可乐
[17:31] from the fountain. -要饮料机的
[17:32] Okay! Jesus. -好啦
[17:39] Oh. 天啊
[17:40] Hey. Do you have a reusable cup? 对了,你有环保杯吗?
[18:01] Here you go. 给你
[18:03] Where’s the change? 找的钱呢?
[18:04] Oh, it was only, like, 27 cents or something. 只找了27分钱
[18:06] Go back and get it. 回去拿呀
[18:13] Okay. 好的
[18:17] I should’ve finished college. 早知道就乖乖读完大学 "古董行"
[18:42] Okay. You see that antique shop there? 你看见那边的古董店了吗?
[18:46] – Yeah. – Okay. I want you to go in there 看到了 我要你进去店里
[18:49] and I want you to buy… this for me. 帮我买这个东西
[18:55] I’m… I’m sorry, what? 抱歉,那是什么?
[18:56] What is… what is that?
[18:58] That is a Jean Royère pepper shaker. And I want it. 那是罗耶尔的胡椒罐 我想要,但我不能进去
[19:01] But I can’t go in. He’ll gouge me. You’ll get a much better deal. 他会开高价 你能谈到更好的价格
[19:04] Oh, my God. 天啊,难怪我们要开车出来
[19:06] That’s why we drove all the way out here.
[19:07] You didn’t want to spend time getting to know each other. 你才不想花时间认识彼此
[19:10] You just wanted a pepper shaker mule. 你只是想找人帮你代买胡椒罐
[19:13] Okay, when you go in there 你进去之后
[19:14] don’t make a beeline for the pepper shaker 千万别冲去找胡椒罐
[19:16] because he’s gonna know you want it 这样他就知道你的目的
[19:17] so, you know, kind of casually browse, you know. 你就随意看看
[19:20] Look at a couple of other things 看看其他的东西
[19:21] but then, when you do 等到你看到胡椒罐时
[19:23] offer him five, but go up to ten if you have to. 先开五千块钱 必要的话开到一万块也可以
[19:28] I’m sorry. Is this 10,000 dollars? For… for a pepper shaker? 抱歉,这是一万块钱吗? 买区区一个胡椒罐?
[19:34] Royère never made tableware. It’s very rare. 罗耶尔从来不做餐具 非常稀有
[19:39] Okay, now don’t mention my name. 好,记得别提到我的名字
[19:41] Oh, and tell him it’s personal to you. 记得跟他说东西对你很重要
[19:43] He loves a story. 他很喜欢听故事
[19:46] Hurry up! 快去
[19:54] I hope you’re donating regularly to Planned Parenthood. 希望你会定期捐款 给计划生育协会
[19:57] Go! 去啦
[20:04] Well, hi there. 你好
[20:05] Hi, how’s it goin’? 你好吗?
[20:06] Well, can I help you find something special? 要帮你找特别的商品吗?
[20:10] No, I’m just browsing. 没关系,我随意看看
[20:25] How much is this? 这多少钱?
[20:27] Well, look at you. You have great taste. 瞧瞧你,品味真好
[20:30] That’s one of the most valuable pieces in the store. 这是店里最名贵的古董
[20:33] – Oh, yeah. That’s… – It’s French. 这样啊‥
[20:37] Sevres porcelain, signed 这是法国赛佛尔瓷器
[20:40] early 19th century, with exceptional provenance. 上头有签字,19世纪初的古董 大有来头
[20:43] It was purchased by a member of the Obenchain-McMillan family 欧班麦克米兰家族成员
[20:45] at auction in 1930. 于1930年拍卖会时购入
[20:47] Cute. 真可爱
[20:48] It’s listed for 32,000 dollars. But I could do… 要价三万两千元
[20:53] 28 today. 但今天可以卖你‥两万八千元
[20:54] Oh, okay. Maybe. Maybe. 也许吧‥
[21:00] Oh, you know, this just occurred to me. 我突然想到
[21:03] Do you have a pepper shaker? 店里有胡椒罐吗?
[21:07] A single pepper shaker? 单一胡椒罐吗?
[21:10] Yeah. I love… them. 对,我很爱
[21:16] I did list one. 店里有一个,今天刚到货
[21:19] Just today.
[21:25] Yep, yeah, wow. That’s so nice. 对,好漂亮
[21:29] Would you do 5,000? 五千元你卖吗?
[21:35] – Are you here for Deborah Vance? – Yes. -黛博拉凡斯派你来的? -对
[21:37] I explicitly told you not to say my name. -我明叫你不要提我的名字
[21:38] – He asked! – Unbelievable. -是他问的 太离谱了
[21:41] Well… 你看看‥
[21:43] She shows her face. 藏镜人现身了
[21:45] I can’t believe you would stoop so low 没想到你竟然自贬身价
[21:47] as to hire some niche escort off Craigslist to do your dirty work. 随便找网路上的人帮你代购
[21:50] I wouldn’t have to send anyone if you’d just sell it to me! 你若直接卖我,就不需要找人了
[21:52] Yeah, I wasn’t joking, Deborah. I will never sell to you. 我不是开玩笑,黛博拉 我永远不会卖给你
[21:55] Oh, get over it! 别闹了
[21:57] Do you know how many years I put in with that rancid gorgon 你知道我跟蛇发女妖交涉多少年
[22:00] before she croaked? 她才终于死掉吗?
[22:01] I played Parcheesi with her! 我还跟她玩十字戏
[22:02] And then you sweep in and buy 你半路杀出来
[22:05] the entire estate sale sight unseen. 就这样扫光所有财产
[22:08] It’s a free market! Come on! I’ll give you 15. 这是自由市场 拜托,我出一万五千元
[22:10] – No. – Oh, you stubborn ass! -不要
[22:12] – Twenty? – No. -你这固执鬼,两万块呢? 不要
[22:16] Okay, name your price. 你开个价
[22:19] An apology. 跟我道歉
[22:36] No eating in the car. 车上不准吃东西
[22:44] Oh!
[22:55] Shit. 该死
[22:58] All right. Should we get the spare? 好,要拿备胎出来换吗?
[23:02] It’s a Rolls Royce, not a Suzuki Samurai. 这是劳斯莱斯
[23:05] There is no spare. 不是三菱越野车,没有备胎
[23:06] Thing’s got heated cup holders. There’s no f**king spare tire. 车上有保温杯座,却没有备胎
[23:08] Okay, so we’ll call AAA. 好,叫道路救援吧
[23:11] My show’s in 90 minutes. I can’t wait. 再90分钟就要开演,等不了
[23:15] Danny. Danny, hi. It’s Deborah Vance. 丹尼‥我是黛博拉凡斯
[23:18] Hi, baby. 宝贝啊
[23:19] I’ve got a flat, and I need to get to my show. 我爆胎了 但我得赶着演出
[23:21] Yeah, I need a ride. Can you pick me up? 对,我需要你载我一程 你能来载我吗?
[23:25] You’re a sweetheart. Okay, I’m on Las Vegas Boulevard 你人太好了 我在洛杉矶大道上
[23:29] about… 15 minutes north of Primm. 普莱姆向北约15分钟车程处
[23:33] You’ll see me. Okay. 你会看到我的,好的
[23:37] Yeah, that is shredded. 没错,裂光光了
[23:41] Shredded to the bone. 裂到见骨了
[23:54] So, how long you gonna give me the silent treatment? 你要跟我冷战多久?
[23:56] It’s not silent. You’re breathing very loudly. 这不是冷战 你呼吸声非常大声
[24:00] You know, it’s gonna be hard to work together 我们无法沟通的话很难共事
[24:01] if we can’t communicate.
[24:03] We don’t work together. You work for me. And not very well. 我们不是共事 你是替我做事,还做得不好
[24:08] You couldn’t even do the one thing I asked. 叫你办个小事,你都做不好
[24:10] Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t haggle 抱歉没买到尚万强的小玩意儿
[24:12] for your “Jean Valjean tchotchke” or whatever, but I… 我是喜剧写手
[24:15] – I’m a comedy writer. – Oh, my God. 我的天啊
[24:27] You know, this isn’t even about the pepper shaker. 这根本跟胡椒罐无关
[24:29] It is most certainly about the pepper shaker. 这完全跟胡椒罐有关
[24:32] No, I think you’re just butt-hurt about that billboard 你只是看到螃蟹广告不高兴
[24:34] and you’re taking it out on me. 尽是拿我出气
[24:36] Ooh. Great psychoanalysis. 精神分析得真好
[24:38] Oh, I get it. You’re a therapist. That explains it. 我懂了,你是咨商师
[24:41] – You’re certainly not a writer. – Yeah, how would you know? 那说得通了,你绝对不是作家 你怎么知道?
[24:44] You barely give me the time of day! You skim my work. 你根本没给我多少时间 你随手翻翻我的作品
[24:47] I never know where you want me to be or when. 我不知道你希望我何时何地出现
[24:49] You don’t give me any feedback. 也不给我任何回馈
[24:51] You’re making it really hard! 你让我真的很不好过
[24:55] Hard? 不好过?
[24:57] You think this… this is hard? 你觉得这叫不好过吗?
[25:00] You don’t know what hard is. 你根本不知道什么叫不好过
[25:02] You got plucked off the Internet at what, 20? 你不过二十岁时在网路上被骂
[25:05] You just got lucky! 你只是走运
[25:06] I may have been lucky, but I’m also good. 就算我是走运,我也有实力
[25:09] Well, I should hope so. 但愿如此
[25:10] Good is the minimum. It’s the baseline. 实力是基本的,最低底线
[25:13] You have to be so much more than good. 你必须更加突出
[25:15] And even if you’re great and lucky 就算你有实力,又走运
[25:17] you still have to work really f**king hard! 还是得非常努力
[25:19] And even that is not enough. 做到那样还是不够
[25:21] You have to scratch and claw, and it never f**king ends. 你必须埋头苦干,而且永无止尽
[25:25] And it doesn’t get better. 人生不会更顺遂
[25:29] It just gets harder. 只会更苦
[25:31] So, don’t complain to me 所以少跟我抱怨让你人生不好过
[25:32] that I’m making your life hard.
[25:36] You don’t even know what that means. 你根本不懂什么叫做不好过
[25:41] Oh, good. My ride’s here. 很好,有人来接我了
[25:49] I don’t think I’m comfortable riding in a local news chopper. 我不敢坐当地新闻台直升机
[25:53] Well, good, because you’re not. 你不需要坐,你得把车开回去
[25:54] You’ve got to get the car back.
[25:56] What, you’re leaving me here? 你要把我丢在这里吗?
[25:57] Yep! 对
[25:59] And don’t run the AC. It’s low on gas. 记得别开冷气,快没油了
[26:02] Hey! 你好幸运,不用再忍受我的演出
[26:03] Lucky for you
[26:04] you don’t have to suffer through another one of my shows!
[26:08] Nice catch! 接得好
[26:10] Not surprised. 不意外
[26:42] Oh…
[26:46] F**k. 该死
[26:53] F**k it. 算了
[26:58] Jimmy Lusaque Jr.’s office. 小吉米拉萨克办公室
[27:00] Hi, Kayla. Can I talk to Jimmy? 凯拉,我能找吉米吗?
[27:02] It’s… who is it? 你哪位?
[27:04] – Ava. – Oh, my goodness! 我是艾娃
[27:06] We’ve gotta go to the club, girl. 美女,我们得一起去夜店
[27:08] Jimmy? You got a call. 吉米,你有电话
[27:11] Ava, jump on, babe. 是艾娃 宝贝接吧
[27:15] Hey, how’s it going? 你还好吗?
[27:16] This woman left me in the middle of the desert. 那女人把我丢在沙漠
[27:18] I… I’m so sorry, like, I will do any other job. 对不起,我其他什么工作都接
[27:22] What about Camilla? Her room? 帮卡蜜拉写稿呢?
[27:23] The job you quit after 11 days because you said it was “basic”? 你才做了十一天 就嫌人家无聊辞职不干了
[27:27] I don’t think so. 我看不了
[27:28] I can’t do it, Jimmy. 我做不下去了,吉米
[27:31] Ava, they want me to drop you. 他们要我放生你
[27:32] – Wait. What? Who? – The partners. -等等,谁啊? -合伙人
[27:34] I used this job with Deborah 我说你在帮黛博拉,求他们留你
[27:35] to convince them to let me keep you on.
[27:37] I… I don’t wanna drop you. 我不想放弃你
[27:38] You’re the first person I signed for a reason. 我第一个签下你不是没有原因
[27:41] Didn’t you sign Lil Miquela before me. though? 在我之前你不是签了米凯拉吗?
[27:43] Yes, but she’s a CGI Instagram thirst-trap bot, so it’s different. 但她是卖弄身材的虚拟网红 那不一样
[27:47] Look, you can do this, okay? 听着,你一定可以的
[27:50] You just have to find a way to prove it to her. 你得找到向她证明自己的方法
[27:53] Okay, okay. 好‥
[27:56] Hey, Jimmy. 吉米,我手很大吗?
[27:58] Do I have big hands?
[28:01] – I don’t think so. – Yes, you do, girl. -我觉得没有 -你手真的很大,姊妹
[28:03] – Kayla! – What? -凯拉 -怎样?
[28:04] They’re not big. 你的手不大
[28:05] I wouldn’t call them small, but I wouldn’t call them big. 不算小,但也不会太大
[28:07] Don’t worry about it. 你不要担心
[28:15] Where’s the girl? Did you bury her in the desert? 她人呢,你把人家埋在沙漠吗?
[28:18] Not yet. 还没埋
[28:20] Cue intro. 准备开场
[28:21] Ladies and gentlemen, Deborah Vance! 各位观众,欢迎黛博拉凡斯
[28:26] This donut, it’s too small for this car. 这个备胎太小
[28:28] You can’t drive faster than 50 miles per hour. 时速不能超过五十哩
[28:30] – Great, thank you. – Yeah. 好的,谢谢
[28:53] I’m closing! 我们关门了
[28:59] Jesus. 天啊
[29:01] – What happened to you? – It’s… 你怎么了?
[29:03] it’s a long story. 说来话长
[29:06] So then, I had to leave LA. 后来我得离开洛杉矶
[29:08] It’s pretty much the worst thing that’s ever happened to me 算是我人生最惨的经历了
[29:10] and that’s saying a lot 我所言不假
[29:11] because my dad had a stroke the same day I chipped a veneer. 我爸中风那天 我还撞断瓷牙贴片
[29:15] And now, for your punishment, you’ve got to work for that woman? 如今你受到惩罚 得在那女人手下做事吗?
[29:19] – Poor girl. – Life is random, but I… 可怜的孩子 生命无常
[29:24] I think from that randomness we can totally receive meaning. 但经历这种无常 才能悟出人生意义
[29:28] And, right now, for me 对现在的我来说
[29:31] there’s meaning in that pepper shaker. 那个胡椒罐很有意义
[29:33] Because of that one stupid tweet I’m stranded in the Nevada desert 就因为一则愚蠢的推特 我被困在内华达沙漠
[29:39] asking you to sell me an antique pepper shaker 拜托你卖古董胡椒罐给我
[29:43] because otherwise I’ll lose this job that I hate 因为要是我买不到 我就会失去我痛恨的工作
[29:48] but… that I need. 我需要这份工作
[29:51] So, it’s not for Deborah. 所以不是卖给黛博拉,是卖给我
[29:53] It’s for me. So, please. Will… will you just sell me the pepper shaker? 拜托你,可以卖胡椒罐给我吗?
[30:06] No. 不要
[30:11] Okay. 好的,我尊重你的决定
[30:13] – I have to respect that. – Good luck. 祝你好运
[30:24] – What are you doing? – Sell it to me. -你这是干嘛? -卖给我
[30:25] Are you out of your mind? 你疯了不成?
[30:27] – That’s one of a kind! – Sell me it! 那是稀世珍宝
[30:29] I have nothing left to lose! I’ll do it! 卖给我,我没什么好损失‥
[30:30] – Just stop! Put it down! – Sell me it! -住手,放下来 -卖给我
[30:32] You think you have nothing in common with Deborah Vance? 你以为你跟黛博拉凡斯不一样?
[30:34] No, you’re the same! 你们一模一样
[30:35] You’re both psychotic bitches! 你们都是疯女人
[30:37] You have three seconds to take the money or I’m gonna do it! 只给你三秒收钱,否则我就砸了
[30:39] Please! Think of the Obenchain-McMillan family! 拜托,想想欧班麦克米兰家族
[30:40] I don’t give a f**k about the Obenchain-McMillans! 我才不在乎欧班麦克米兰家族
[30:43] They probably owned slaves! F**k you, “Lemony Snicket”! 他们家可能还有奴隶 去死吧,雷蒙尼史尼奇
[30:47] One, two, three! 一,二,三
[30:52] Here. 给你
[30:55] And no. 而且没有找钱
[30:57] There was no change.
[31:00] You look like hell. 你看起来很糟
[31:01] Yeah, I had a pretty hard day. 我今天不太好过
[31:06] Oh, we can start early tomorrow. I can be ready for you at 10.00. 明天可以早点开始 我十点可以见你
[31:12] Okay. 好
[31:54] – Oh, good morning. – Morning. 早安‥
[31:57] So, I have been thinking more about what you said 我思考过你说的话,你说得对
[32:00] and you’re right.
[32:01] You do need to get to know me to write for me. 你得更认识我才能帮我写笑话
[32:05] – For real this time? – Yes. -你这次是认真的吗? -对
[32:08] Cool. 太好了
[32:09] So, come with me. 那么,你跟我来
[32:15] This is everything I’ve ever done. 这是我所有的表演
[32:17] Every joke I’ve ever written. Every show I’ve ever taped. 所有写过的笑话都在这里
[32:20] Every TV appearance for the last 40 years. 所有录下的演出 过去四十年来上过的电视
[32:23] I want you to digitize it and organize it. 我要你数位化整理好
[32:26] – Well, I’m not… – Before you say anything -我不是‥ -在你开口前
[32:29] I know, you’re a writer. 我知道你是写手
[32:31] That’s all material, honey. 这些都是素材,亲爱的
[32:37] Wha… 待续 谢谢观赏
绝望写手

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