| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:05] | – Okay, um, U.S. Senator. He killed someone. | 好‥ 美国参议员，他杀过人 |
| [00:08] | – A senator? I don’t know! | 参议员？ 我怎么知道？ |
| [00:10] | Pass. | 跳过 |
| [00:14] | Um, uh… uh, blind singer. | 盲人歌手 |
| [00:16] | – John Lennon! – Time. | －约翰蓝侬 －时间到 |
| [00:17] | – Oh, my God, wha… Stevie Wonder. | 你在说什么？ |
| [00:20] | – Mm, how does he play the piano if he’s blind, Ava? | 是史帝夫汪达 |
| [00:23] | – Oh. Okay. | 如果他是盲人 他是怎么弹钢琴的？ |
| [00:25] | – So you guys got zero points again. | －你们又得零分了 |
| [00:26] | – God. – Unbelievable. | －天啊 真是无法相信 |
| [00:30] | Ready? – Mm-hmm. | 准备好了吗？ |
| [00:31] | – Go. | 开始 |
| [00:33] | – Bought your old house. | －她买了你的旧家 |
| [00:34] | – Suzanne Pleshette. – Yes. | －苏珊普莱薛 答对 |
| [00:37] | Stole your hairdresser. | 他抢了你的发型师 |
| [00:38] | – Keith Urban. – Yes. | －齐斯艾本 －对 |
| [00:42] | Didn’t say hi at JFK. | 在肯尼迪机场没对你打招呼 |
| [00:44] | – Marie Osmond. – Yep. | －玛丽奥斯蒙 －对 |
| [00:47] | You don’t know her. Pass. | 你不认识她，跳过 |
| [00:50] | Ooh! Cheap couch. | －廉价沙发 |
| [00:51] | – Oh, Barbara Bush! | －芭芭拉布希 |
| [00:52] | This is so easy. – Yes. | －对 －太简单了 |
| [00:54] | You used to share a gardener. | －你们以前请了同一名园丁 |
| [00:56] | – Siegfried. | －齐格菲 |
| [00:58] | – Roy. – Yes. | －是罗伊 |
| [01:00] | ♪ ♪ | －对 |
| [01:03] | Innocent. | 他无罪 |
| [01:05] | – Ted Kennedy. – Yes. | －泰德肯尼迪 －对 |
| [01:07] | – There was no guardrail. | 那里没有护栏 |
| [01:09] | – Five seconds. – Um… | 剩下五秒 |
| [01:11] | broken condom. | 保险套破了 |
| [01:13] | – Robert Mitchum. – Yes! | 劳勃米契 |
| [01:15] | Time! | －好耶 －时间到 |
| [01:16] | – We did it! We did it! | 我们办到了 |
| [01:18] | – You guys obviously win again. – Yes! | －显然你们又赢了 －没错 |
| [01:20] | – It’s, like, 75 to 0. | 比分是７５比０ |
| [01:23] | – I think we should work. | 我们应该工作了 |
| [01:28] | – You big baby. | 真是输不起 |
| [01:36] | My business manager embezzled from me | 我的经纪人偷我的钱 |
| [01:38] | and bought himself a place in Tallahassee. | 在塔拉哈西买了一栋房子 |
| [01:40] | I sued him, and the court gave me | 我告他，法院把那栋房子判给我 |
| [01:41] | the house in Tallahassee. | |
| [01:43] | I said, “Why are you punishing me?” | －为什么要惩罚我？ －我不确定‥ |
| [01:45] | I don’t know. | I don’t know. I don’t know. |
| [01:46] | Is that too… I mean, “Boo-hoo, | 说到这件事 |
| [01:49] | my business manager stole from me”? | 观众会不会觉得我在装可怜？ |
| [01:51] | – Well, yeah, | 是啊，但这是真实发生的事 |
| [01:52] | but it’s what really happened to you. | |
| [01:54] | We just need to write a better punch line. | 我们只是需要写出更好的结语 |
| [01:56] | Um… | |
| [01:58] | what about… | 我想想‥ |
| [02:01] | “My business manager stole from me and bought a Rolex. | 我的经纪人偷我的钱 买了一只名表 |
| [02:04] | Now every time he looks at it, it says ’30 years to life.'” | 现在他每次看表 都会看到＂三十年到终身徒刑＂ |
| [02:09] | It’s not terrible. | 不算糟 |
| [02:10] | That’s what I love to hear. | 真是好消息 |
| [02:14] | This is hard. | 太困难了 |
| [02:17] | – Oh, my God! | 天啊 |
| [02:20] | How do you take those all at once? | 你怎么一次吞这么多药丸？ |
| [02:22] | Oh! | |
| [02:25] | – It takes too much time to take them individually. | 一颗一颗吃太浪费时间了 |
| [02:26] | – So you have to unhinge your jaw like a snake? | 你得像蛇一样血盆大口吗？ |
| [02:29] | God, I could never. – Oh, yeah, you could. | 这我永远办不到 |
| [02:32] | I’ve seen you take a bite of a hamburger. | 你可以的 我看过你吃汉堡的样子 |
| [02:34] | Here. In fact, here. You should take one of these. | 对了，你该吃一颗这个 |
| [02:37] | – Oh, I don’t… | －我不‥ |
| [02:39] | – Oh, come on. Take it. It’s good for you. | －吃吧，对你有好处的 |
| [02:40] | You need it. – Wait, this is huge. | 这也太大颗了 |
| [02:54] | – Hi. We have an emergency. | 有紧急状况 |
| [02:56] | They’re retiring Black Pashmina. | －黑披巾要停产了 －什么？ |
| [02:58] | – What? – Yeah. | －没错，以后不会有了 －不会吧 |
| [02:59] | It’s being discontinued. – No! | －没错，以后不会有了 －不会吧 |
| [03:01] | – Can I have some water? – I’m so sorry. | －可以给我一点水吗？ －我很遗憾 |
| [03:02] | What’s that? | 什么东西？ |
| [03:04] | – Ugh, it’s the fragrance I have worn | 我喷了２５年的香水 |
| [03:06] | for 25 years. | |
| [03:08] | – I found a Lord & Taylor 200 miles from here, | 我找到一间百货公司 距离这里两百哩 |
| [03:11] | and they have it in stock. | －他们还有存货 －好的 |
| [03:12] | – Okay, all right, if we skip the meet and greet and reroute, | 要是取消见面会，绕个路 |
| [03:14] | we can still make it to Springfield on time. | 还是能准时抵达春田 |
| [03:16] | – Really? Oh, my God. I’m so glad you’re here. | 是吗？ 太好了 有你在真是太好了 |
| [03:20] | – Oh, there’s a free gift with purchase. | 而且购货还送 |
| [03:21] | Lip liner and a travel size of the fragrance. | 唇线笔和旅行用香水 |
| [03:23] | – Oh, no, they’re gonna sell like wildfire. | －不妙，一定很快就卖光 －是啊 |
| [03:25] | – Yep. – Phil! Step on it. | 菲尔，油门踩下去 |
| [03:26] | We’re taking a detour. | 我们要多停一个地方 |
| [03:28] | And remember, yellow means hit the gas! | 记得黄灯代表全速前进 |
| [03:34] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [03:37] | So I use four to six bottles every… | 我会用四到六瓶‥ 我算算，六个月‥ |
| [03:45] | I’m gonna need 57 bottles. | 我需要５７瓶 |
| [03:47] | – That is a lot of bottles. | 也太多瓶了 |
| [03:49] | – Well, I plan on living to be 102. | 我打算活到１０２岁 |
| [03:51] | Conservatively. | 这是保守估计 |
| [03:52] | Optimistically, 109. | 乐观估计我能活到１０９岁 |
| [03:54] | – Wow. Like, biblical almost. What’s in those pills? | 快跟圣经人物一样了呢 你都吃什么药？ |
| [03:57] | – Well, I’ve been on a Mediterranean diet | 四十年来我都遵守地中海饮食法 |
| [03:59] | for the last 40 years. | |
| [04:00] | I come from Pilgrim blood. | 我是朝圣先辈后代 |
| [04:02] | We’re a very hearty people. | 我们是很健康的一群人 |
| [04:04] | – Um… | |
| [04:05] | not sure you should be, | 以身为殖民者后代为荣 |
| [04:07] | like, proud of descending from colonizers. | 好像不太好 |
| [04:09] | I just, like, think that… | 我觉得‥ |
| [04:11] | – Tweet it. | 发文抱怨吧 |
| [04:13] | No can do. | 办不到 ＂百货公司＂ |
| [04:19] | – Yeah, I’m gonna take the testers too. | 试用品我也要 |
| [04:22] | Okay, I need 33 more. | 我还需要３３瓶 |
| [04:23] | See if you can find any anywhere on our route. | 看看路上还买不买得到 |
| [04:26] | – Yeah. Okay. | 好，收到 |
| [04:28] | – You and I are gonna go | 你跟我去出清品区看看 |
| [04:30] | to the clearance rack before we go. | |
| [04:31] | People in this part of the country | 这一带的人不了解时尚 |
| [04:32] | don’t understand fashion, | |
| [04:34] | so the best stuff gets passed over. | 最好的东西都没人要 |
| [04:35] | – Wow, what happened to, | |
| [04:37] | “Just because they don’t live in New York or LA | 你不是说过 ＂没住在纽约或洛杉矶＂ |
| [04:39] | doesn’t mean they don’t know what’s funny”? | ＂不代表不懂幽默＂吗？ |
| [04:41] | – They know comedy. | 他们懂喜剧 |
| [04:42] | But they dress like tableware. | 但打扮土得要命 |
| [04:45] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [04:48] | When I was a kid, I used to hide in these racks, | 我小时候喜欢躲在衣架里面 |
| [04:50] | and one time I hid way too well | 有次我躲得太隐密 |
| [04:52] | and my mom couldn’t find me for, like, nine hours. | 我妈花了九小时才找到我 |
| [04:54] | – Oh, God. – I realized you could survive | －天啊 |
| [04:56] | in a mall for a long time, though. | －但在商场里可以存活很久 |
| [04:58] | Like, you could sleep | 可以到家用品区睡觉 |
| [04:59] | in the home goods section. | |
| [05:01] | – Live off samples from the food court. | 靠美食街的试吃品填饱肚子 |
| [05:03] | Go to school at Barnes & Noble. | 到书店学习 |
| [05:05] | – That’d make a good movie. Kid grows up in a mall. | 很适合拍成电影 在购物商场长大的小孩 |
| [05:07] | – Yeah, it could be, like… | 是啊，那可以是一种‥ |
| [05:09] | a metaphor for losing a parent. | 失去父母的暗喻 |
| [05:10] | Like, “Home Alone” meets late stage capitalism. | 像是＂小鬼当家＂ 遇上晚期资本主义 |
| [05:14] | – You should write that. | 你应该写出来 |
| [05:19] | Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. | |
| [05:21] | See, this wouldn’t fit me, but this would fit… | 这我穿不下，但对你合身 |
| [05:24] | – Absolutely not. | 绝对不要 |
| [05:27] | Absolutely not. | 我拒绝 |
| [05:32] | – Finally! A woman! | 你终于有点女人样了 |
| [05:33] | – Ugh, you’ve gotta hire an HR person. | 你得请一个人际关系顾问 |
| [05:35] | – I’m buying this for you. I’m buying it all. | 我买给你，我出钱 |
| [05:38] | – I don’t want this. – Oh, it’s not for you. | －我不想要 |
| [05:40] | It’s for the rest of us. | －又不是为了你，是为了大家 好啦 |
| [05:50] | – Deborah? | 黛博拉？ |
| [05:52] | – Susan. | 苏珊 |
| [05:54] | Susan Essig? | 苏珊埃席？ |
| [05:56] | Oh, my God. The hell? | 真的是你 |
| [05:58] | – Oh, my God. | 我的天啊 |
| [06:00] | – This is Ava. Ava, Susan. | 她叫艾娃，她叫苏珊 |
| [06:02] | It’s been forever. – Yeah, I know. | －我们好久没见了 －是啊‥ |
| [06:05] | Just think, a child born the day I quit comedy | 我放弃喜剧那天出生的孩子 |
| [06:07] | would be old enough to quit comedy now. | 现在也到了放弃喜剧的年龄了 |
| [06:10] | – Wait, wait. – When did you quit? | 等等，你什么时候放弃的？ |
| [06:12] | – I retired after that Reno showcase. | 雷诺那次后我就引退了 |
| [06:15] | You remember that? | 你一定记得 |
| [06:17] | – Oh. | |
| [06:18] | Yeah, yeah. | 我记得 |
| [06:20] | What are you doing here? | －你怎么会来这里？ |
| [06:21] | – Well, actually, we’re on our way to Springfield. | －我们在往春田的路上 |
| [06:23] | I’m doing the state fair. | 我要在州园游会上演出 |
| [06:24] | – Oh, fun. That’s… – Excuse me. | －那一定很好玩‥ －不好意思 |
| [06:28] | I’m still waiting on those flats in an 8 1/2. | 我还在等你拿八号半的平底鞋 |
| [06:29] | – You’re excused. She’s actually helping us. | 没关系，她在帮我们的忙 |
| [06:35] | – Yeah, I actually do work on commission, | 我主要的收入来自佣金 |
| [06:36] | so I should probably get back to helping her. | 所以我应该回去服务她 |
| [06:38] | – Oh. Yeah, well, good, good. Wait, no, she needs shoes. | 那正好，她也需要鞋子 |
| [06:41] | Ava, go pick out some shoes. | 艾娃，去挑鞋子 |
| [06:42] | – Anything I want? – Sure. | 随便我挑吗？ 当然 |
| [06:47] | Not from the men’s department! | 不能挑男鞋 |
| [06:50] | – You know, the state fair is very popular around here. | 这里的州园游会很热闹 |
| [06:53] | My grandkids love it. | 我孙子们很喜欢 |
| [06:54] | They go crazy for those deep fried Oreos. | 他们很爱那里的油炸巧克力饼干 |
| [06:57] | I know I’m spoiling them, but I’ll be long dead | 我宠坏他们了 |
| [07:00] | by the time they develop diabetes. | 反正他们得糖尿病时 我早就已经死了 |
| [07:02] | Oh, God. | 天啊 |
| [07:03] | Oh, well, look, you know what? | 带他们一起来吧 |
| [07:05] | Tell you what, why don’t you bring them? | |
| [07:06] | Bring them to the fair and come and see the show. | 一起来园游会看我的表演 |
| [07:09] | – Well, we’d love that. | －我们很乐意 －太好了‥ |
| [07:10] | – Yeah. | – Yeah. Good. |
| [07:11] | – Give me your number. – Yeah, yeah. Let’s see. | 给我你的号码 |
| [07:14] | Now you put yours in mine. – Oh. | 好‥我找找，输入你的号码 |
| [07:15] | – Okay, and then I’ll put mine in yours. | 然后我输入我的号码 |
| [07:18] | Okay, so I don’t know. | 奇怪，我打开的东西是‥ |
| [07:19] | I opened something called Keynote? | －记事本？ |
| [07:22] | – Oh, shoot, I just put my number | －错了 |
| [07:24] | in your calculator. – Oh, well, you know what? | 我把号码打在你的计算机上 |
| [07:26] | Here, take a picture of my calculator, | 这样吧，把计算机拍下来 |
| [07:28] | and then you could text me the picture. | 再把照片传给我 |
| [07:29] | – Well, which one’s your camera? | －哪个是相机？ |
| [07:31] | – No, the camera on your phone. – Ugh. | －我是说用你的相机‥ |
| [07:32] | Stepping in, folks. | －打扰一下 －你拍照‥ |
| [07:34] | Just gonna… | 我来帮你们处理，免客气 |
| [07:35] | Handle that for you guys. No problem. | |
| [07:38] | There you go. | 好了 |
| [07:40] | Thanks. | 谢了 |
| [07:42] | – I should go help that bitch. | －我该去服务那个贱人了 |
| [07:44] | But I’ll see you at the fair. | －好 －园游会见了 |
| [07:46] | – Go, go. All right, talk to you soon. | －去吧‥ 我们再联络 |
| [07:48] | Okay, loafer report. | 好，我挑了一双帆船鞋 |
| [07:51] | Deborah. | 黛博拉，你看 |
| [07:53] | Okay, so these are technically unisex, | 这是男女适穿的鞋款 |
| [07:56] | but I thought you might like them | 但你一定会喜欢 |
| [07:58] | because they are $800. ♪ ♪ | 因为要价八百美元 |
| [08:09] | You okay? | 你还好吗？ |
| [08:10] | – Yeah. | 还好 |
| [08:12] | It’s just kind of weird when I run into one of the ones | 遇到没成名的同行感觉很奇怪 |
| [08:15] | who didn’t make it, you know? I just feel bad. | 我觉得很罪恶 |
| [08:18] | – It’s not your fault. | 又不是你的错 |
| [08:20] | – In the case of Susan, it kind of is. | 苏珊的情况有点算是我的错 |
| [08:24] | – What do you mean? | 什么意思？ |
| [08:27] | – There was this stand-up showcase in Reno, | 当年雷诺有一场单口喜剧表演赛 |
| [08:29] | and the finalists all got to go to the nationals, | 进入决赛的人可以参加全国赛 |
| [08:31] | and if you won, then you were booked | 赢得全国赛就能到各大学表演 |
| [08:33] | on all the college shows, so it was a really huge deal. | 所以是很重要的比赛 |
| [08:36] | And I knew that there was only room for one woman, | 我很清楚女生组 |
| [08:39] | if that, so… | 最多只有一个名额，所以‥ |
| [08:43] | I erased Susan’s name off the whiteboard | 我把苏珊在白板上的名字擦掉 |
| [08:46] | so she wouldn’t know she’d made it into the final round. | 所以她不知道自己晋级决赛 |
| [08:49] | – Whoa. | 我知道‥ |
| [08:50] | – Yeah, I know, I know. | 我知道‥ |
| [08:51] | And right after that, she retired. | 在那之后她就引退了 |
| [08:54] | And now she works for commission | 现在她竟然在百货公司卖鞋 |
| [08:55] | in the shoe department. | |
| [08:57] | – Eh, a little classist. | 你的语气有点阶级歧视 |
| [08:59] | – She was really good, you know? | 她那时很优秀 |
| [09:01] | I saw her as competition. | 我把她当成劲敌 |
| [09:06] | Why did I invite her to the fair? | 我邀请她做什么？ |
| [09:08] | Last thing she’s gonna wanna do is watch me perform. | 她一定不想看我表演 |
| [09:11] | – Well, I mean, if she’s that upset by it, | 如果她还耿耿于怀 |
| [09:14] | she probably won’t come, right? | 就八成不会去，不是吗？ |
| [09:18] | – You’re right. | 你说得对，她一定不会去 |
| [09:19] | Of course she won’t. | |
| [09:21] | No, it’d be too painful for her. | 对她来说太难受了 |
| [09:24] | Fantastic! Okay. | 太好了‥ |
| [09:26] | Wait, is this the way out? | 等等，出口在这里吗？ |
| [09:27] | – No, I’m taking us to Mrs. Fields. | 不是，我们要去糕饼店 |
| [09:29] | I need a cookie… | 我想吃饼干‥我是说蛋糕 |
| [09:30] | cake. | ＂苏珊埃席＂ |
| [09:36] | ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ | ＂找不到符合的结果＂ |
| [10:13] | – Oh, Jesus. | 拜托 |
| [10:15] | Kayla, it’s Saturday. | 凯菈，今天是周六 |
| [10:17] | You gotta start using that calendar I gave you. | 我不是送你一份行事历吗？ |
| [10:19] | – Oh, no, I know. I heard you had to cancel | 我知道‥ |
| [10:21] | your trip to Cabo this weekend ’cause you had to work. | 我听说你要工作 因此取消了这周末的卡波行程 |
| [10:24] | I thought I’d come here in case you need anything. | 所以我来上班，看能不能帮上忙 |
| [10:26] | – Oh. | |
| [10:28] | – Plus, I feel so bad about your trip | 而且我很同情你不能去度假 |
| [10:30] | that at lunchtime, | 午餐时间我会帮你做 |
| [10:32] | I’m gonna make you a piña colada. | 一杯凤梨可乐达 |
| [10:34] | Bring a little island to you, | 把海岛风情带到办公室 |
| [10:36] | brother! | |
| [10:37] | – Oof, okay. Um, not an island. | 卡波不是海岛 |
| [10:39] | Also… | 而且不要乱学口音 |
| [10:41] | be careful with the accent, but… that’s actually very sweet. | 但我很感动 |
| [10:44] | Just do me a favor. | 帮我个忙，不要加酒精 |
| [10:46] | Could you make it virgin since I’m working? | 因为我要工作 |
| [10:47] | – Um, I don’t think I can, but I can try. | 可能办不到 但我尽量 |
| [10:53] | – Okay, thank you. | 好，谢谢 |
| [10:55] | Thanks for coming in. | 谢谢你来上班 |
| [10:57] | – My boss. | 我老板 |
| [10:58] | Gotta love him. | 谁能不爱他？ |
| [11:02] | With all the discarded food, | 这里那么多人浪费食物 |
| [11:05] | I would love to see a composting bin somewhere. | 真希望园方设置厨余桶 |
| [11:09] | – Ah, yes, let’s make sure that nacho dog | 是啊，得让玉米片热狗 |
| [11:11] | returns to Mother Earth. | 回归大地怀抱 |
| [11:15] | Ugh. Susan actually came. | 苏珊真的来了 |
| [11:18] | – Maybe you should just apologize. | 也许你应该跟她道歉 |
| [11:20] | – No, no. No, no, no, no, no. | 不行‥ |
| [11:22] | I’ll treat her and her family to a day she’ll never forget. | 我会让她和她的家人 渡过难忘的一天 |
| [11:25] | I mean, how much could that cost, 47 bucks? | 又花得了多少钱，４７美元吗？ |
| [11:27] | Okay, I gotta go find her. | 我得去找她 |
| [11:29] | Do you guys mind doing the sound check without me? | 你们能代替我做试音吗？ |
| [11:31] | – No. – All right, thank you. | －可以‥ |
| [11:33] | – Hey, uh, can you guys handle sound check? | －谢谢你们 |
| [11:36] | I found 14 bottles | 试音交给你们好吗？ |
| [11:37] | of Black Pashmina on the dark web. | 我在暗网上找到十四瓶黑披巾 |
| [11:38] | – Scary. – Be careful. | －太可怕了吧 －小心一点 |
| [11:40] | – Perfect. Thanks. | 太好了，谢啦 |
| [11:41] | – The dark web? | 暗网？ |
| [11:43] | Think he means Facebook. | 他应该是指脸书吧 |
| [11:47] | – Hello, hello. – Deb! | －她‥ －你们好啊 小黛 |
| [11:50] | This is Keller. This is Mason. – Hi. | 他们叫凯勒跟梅森 |
| [11:53] | – Boys, this is world-famous comedian Deborah Vance. | 孙子，她就是知名喜剧家 |
| [11:55] | Hi. | 黛博拉凡斯 |
| [11:56] | – Tell you what, I got VIP passes | 我这里有贵宾通行证 |
| [11:58] | so you don’t have to wait in line. | －太棒了 －这样你们就不必排队 |
| [12:01] | And 600 tickets. – Thank you. | －还有六百张票券 －谢谢你 |
| [12:03] | – Thank you. That’s too much. | －谢谢你，你太慷慨了 －好耶 |
| [12:06] | – No, it’s the least I can do. | 这是我应该做的 |
| [12:08] | – Well, I am just so excited to see you perform. | －我等不及要看你的表演了 |
| [12:11] | – Thanks. | －谢谢 |
| [12:12] | – Do you still have that joke about the leper’s penis? | 你还会说 痳疯患者老二的笑话吗？ |
| [12:14] | No, no, no, no, no. | 不行‥ |
| [12:16] | The set’s a little different these days. | 现在的表演不太一样了 |
| [12:18] | No, I’m actually working on some new stuff. | 其实我在写新素材 |
| [12:20] | It’s…more confessional. | 比较像在自白 |
| [12:23] | – Huh, and you’re trying it out here? | 你要在这里试水温？ |
| [12:25] | – Actually, state fairs are good for that. | 州园游会很适合 |
| [12:27] | I mean, it’s not just comedy fans. | 来的不只是喜剧爱好者 |
| [12:28] | It’s everybody, you know? | 各种人都有 |
| [12:30] | People from the city, | 不管是住在市区，郊区 |
| [12:31] | suburban folk, you know, all ages. | 各种年龄层都有 |
| [12:33] | It’s a good cross-section. | 所以很适合试笑话 |
| [12:34] | – Smart. You always knew your audience. | 聪明，你总是很了解观众 |
| [12:37] | – Well, not that time in Portland. | 波特兰那次不算 |
| [12:39] | Do you remember the skinhead bar? | 记得那间光头党酒吧吗？ |
| [12:41] | Oh, they did not like us. | 他们超级不悦 |
| [12:44] | – Oh, my God. | 天啊 |
| [12:45] | We didn’t know they were angry skinheads. | 当时我们不知道 他们是愤怒的光头党 |
| [12:47] | I just thought they were bald | 我以为他们只是秃头 |
| [12:48] | and angry because they were bald. | 而且因为秃头感到愤怒 |
| [12:50] | Your grandma’s funny, isn’t she? – Yeah. | 你们奶奶很幽默，对吧？ |
| [12:54] | – Okay, who’s ready to go have a great time? | －对 －谁准备好大玩一场了？ |
| [12:56] | – Yes! – Me! | －我 －你吗？ |
| [12:57] | – You? Okay, let’s go! Here we go. | 好，我们走吧 |
| [12:59] | – Stick together. | 别走散了 |
| [13:01] | – Okay, so we have, like, two hours to kill? | 我们有两个小时要消磨？ |
| [13:04] | – Yeah, I’m gonna head back to the bus, do some work. | －对，我要回巴士做点工作 |
| [13:05] | – Really? Come on. | －真的吗？ |
| [13:07] | It’s a Saturday and we’re at a fair. | 拜托，今天是周六 我们人在园游会 |
| [13:08] | Don’t you wanna, like, go on a ride or something? | 你不想玩游乐设施吗？ |
| [13:10] | – I don’t do rides. – Please? | －我不玩游乐设施的 －拜托啦 |
| [13:12] | I was an only child, so I never got to go on rides | 我是独生女 小时候都没有机会玩 |
| [13:14] | at these things ’cause my parents didn’t want to | 因为我父母不想 |
| [13:16] | and I’d have to go by myself. | 所以我都得一个人坐 |
| [13:18] | Come on a ride with me. | 跟我一起玩嘛 |
| [13:19] | – Okay, these rides are held together | 这些游乐设施非常不安全 |
| [13:21] | by Gorilla Glue and rubber bands | |
| [13:22] | and manned by children on meth. | 操作人员都是嗑药的小孩 |
| [13:24] | – Ugh, okay, fine, we… | 好啦‥ |
| [13:26] | we could bet on the time the baby calf is born. | 不然我们可以去赌 牛宝宝的出生时间 |
| [13:29] | It says there’s a $1,000 cash prize. | 上面写奖金有一千美元 |
| [13:31] | Think of how many skintight polos you could buy. | 要是赢了 你就能买更多紧身马球衫 |
| [13:34] | – Okay, I don’t gamble, | 我不赌博 |
| [13:35] | and you shouldn’t joke about clothes. | 而且你不该拿穿着开玩笑 |
| [13:37] | – Okay, do you want to look at the butter sculptures? | 那你想去看奶油雕像吗？ |
| [13:39] | – The butter sculptures? – Okay, okay. | －奶油雕像？ －好啦‥ |
| [13:43] | We could get our caricatures drawn. | 或可以请人帮我们画画像 |
| [13:46] | – You sitting still and not talking. | 可以让你坐着不说话？ |
| [13:48] | I’m in. – Whoo! | 我加入 |
| [13:49] | – Okay. – Yes. | －好喔 －太好了 |
| [13:51] | Love the fair! | 我爱园游会 |
| [13:55] | ♪ ♪ Fucker! | 混账东西 |
| [14:03] | – Everything all right? | 你还好吗？ |
| [14:04] | Ya, mon! | 安啦 |
| [14:07] | “Ya, mon.” | ＂安啦＂ |
| [14:09] | – ♪ Ooh, if you like piña coladas ♪ | ＂如果你喜欢凤梨可乐达‥＂ |
| [14:12] | You do? | 你当然喜欢 |
| [14:13] | – Oh, shit. Kayla, you’re bleeding. | 凯菈，你流血了，还好吗？ |
| [14:15] | Are you okay? – I cut myself. | 我不小心割伤了 |
| [14:17] | And, uh, I’m a little wheezy from the blood. | 流血让我有点头晕 |
| [14:19] | But I want you to have a good time. | 但我希望你能好好享受 |
| [14:21] | – Okay, it’s really bleeding, like, a lot. | －你流了很多血 －我想要先‥ |
| [14:23] | – For a second, I’m just gonna have a little bit of… | 我先稍微‥ |
| [14:25] | – Okay. All right. Just stay there. | －你别动，我去拿急救箱‥ |
| [14:27] | I’m gonna get the first aid kit. | －我觉得‥ |
| [14:28] | – ‘Cause I feel a little bit like I’m gonna throw up. | 我要吐了 |
| [14:31] | – Oh, Jesus Christ. | 真是的 |
| [14:37] | – Grandma, squirt guns! – Can we? | －奶奶，是水枪 |
| [14:38] | – Let’s go. We’ve got four seats left. | －最后机会，剩四个位置 |
| [14:40] | – Okay, okay, we’ll take ’em. Just take ’em. | 给我们‥ |
| [14:42] | – Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go. – Come on down. | 快点‥ －请坐 |
| [14:44] | – 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12. There you go. | －二，四，六，八，十，十二 给你 |
| [14:47] | – This one’s a little tricky. | 这一把枪比较难操作 |
| [14:49] | You have to press really hard on the trigger, | 扣扳机要用力一点 |
| [14:50] | but not all the way. | 但不能扣到底 |
| [14:52] | – Don’t worry. – I’m gonna let them win. | 没关系，我会放水 |
| [14:55] | – All right, guys. | 大家准备 |
| [14:56] | Three, two, one. | －三，二，一‥ －一定很好玩 |
| [14:59] | Showtime! | 开始 |
| [15:00] | – Go! | |
| [15:01] | – Look at ’em going. Look at ’em growing. | 继续‥ |
| [15:05] | Who’s gonna win? | 水球越来越大，谁会是赢家？ |
| [15:07] | There’s only one way of knowing. | 只有一个方法知道 |
| [15:08] | – Mine’s going! – No, mine’s going! | －赢家是我 －是我才对 |
| [15:10] | – You’re too fast. I’m never gonna catch up. | 你们太强了，我永远追不上 |
| [15:14] | – Watch and see. Who’s it gonna be? | 看好了 赢家会是谁呢？ |
| [15:18] | – Look, Grandma’s winning. | 你看，奶奶要赢了 |
| [15:20] | Oh, how is this happening? | 怎么可能呢？ |
| [15:24] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [15:26] | – Grandma, she’s getting closer! | 奶奶，她要追上了 |
| [15:30] | – Come on, come on! | －谁？ －上啊‥ |
| [15:32] | – It’s not coming out. | 水喷不出来，我的枪有问题 |
| [15:34] | I think there’s something wrong with my gun! | |
| [15:35] | – You’re a lost cause! | 你没救了，干脆来帮我吧 |
| [15:37] | Help me. | |
| [15:38] | Shoot towards Grandma’s hole! | 射进奶奶的洞里 |
| [15:40] | – That’s cheating. There’s no teams! | 作弊，不可以组队 |
| [15:43] | Come on. | 快啊 |
| [15:44] | ♪ ♪ Whoo! | 上啊 |
| [15:54] | winner, winner, | Winner, winner, |
| [16:01] | ♪ ♪ | winner! －我赢了‥ －可恶 |
| [16:04] | – I’m gonna go get some funnel cake. | 我要去买漏斗蛋糕，我们走吧 |
| [16:05] | Let’s go, boys. | |
| [16:13] | – Um, this is for you. | 这是你的奖品 |
| [16:16] | – Thank you. – Congratulations. | －谢谢 －恭喜你 |
| [16:22] | – Look at you two. | 你们这对真是太可爱了 |
| [16:23] | Such a cute couple. My goodness. | 我的天啊 |
| [16:27] | You guys married? – Not yet. | 你们是夫妻吗？ 还没有 |
| [16:30] | – What’s the holdup there, bub? – Her personality. | －怎么还没呢？ |
| [16:32] | Uff da. | －她个性不好 真爱说笑 |
| [16:36] | So what are you… what do you guys do | 那你们从事哪一行？ |
| [16:37] | for a living? – I’m a writer. | －我是写手 |
| [16:39] | – And I’m the chief executive officer | －我是执行长 |
| [16:41] | for an entertainment personality’s | 就职于某艺人的媒体与商品帝国 |
| [16:42] | media and consumer products empire. | |
| [16:45] | – Uh, okay. | 好喔 |
| [16:46] | Um… | |
| [16:48] | so what do you guys do for fun? | 那你们有什么嗜好？ |
| [16:51] | – Um… | |
| [16:54] | Writing. | 写作？ |
| [16:55] | – But isn’t that your job? | 那不是你的工作吗？ |
| [16:57] | – Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [16:59] | – Okay… um, what about you? | 好吧，那你呢？ |
| [17:01] | – I own and manage several rental properties. | 我持有并管理好几个租赁物件 |
| [17:04] | – Yeah, look, guys, | 是喔，我是问你们有什么兴趣 |
| [17:06] | I’m kind of looking for hobbies here, you know? | |
| [17:08] | Something I could actually draw. | 当作画的素材 |
| [17:11] | So again, | 我再问一次，你们有什么嗜好？ |
| [17:13] | what do you do for fun? | |
| [17:15] | – The way I go through ChapSticks, | 我护唇膏用超凶，可以算嗜好了 |
| [17:17] | it should be a hobby. | |
| [17:21] | – I like to organize my Pinterest. | 我喜欢整理网络素材 |
| [17:25] | – I’m just gonna think of something. | －我随便自由发挥好了 |
| [17:27] | – That’s probably best. – Yeah. | －好主意 |
| [17:28] | We’ll do that. – Okay. | －就这么决定了 －好 |
| [17:30] | Okay, this might sting. | 这可能会有点痛 |
| [17:32] | Okay, okay, okay. | 没事‥ |
| [17:35] | – You think I’m gonna need stitches? | 你觉得伤口需要缝吗？ |
| [17:37] | – No, I think you’re gonna be just fine. | 不用，你不会有事的 |
| [17:39] | – I feel so stupid. | 我觉得自己好笨 |
| [17:40] | I was just trying to do something nice, | 我只是想做好事 |
| [17:42] | but I always fuck everything up. | 但最后总是搞砸 |
| [17:44] | Maybe I should just quit | 也许我该辞职 |
| [17:45] | and go run Fox Searchlight or whatever. | 去经营福斯探照灯影业 |
| [17:49] | – You know what? It’s okay. | 这没什么 |
| [17:50] | I fucked up so much when I was an assistant. | 我当助理的时候也常搞砸 |
| [17:53] | – Really? – Oh, my God, one time, | －真的吗？ －天啊，有一次 |
| [17:54] | I was on Carl Dubin’s desk, | 当时我是卡尔杜宾的助理 |
| [17:56] | and I sent two clients on the exact same show | 我把同一档节目 |
| [17:59] | each other’s W-2s. | 两个客户的薪资单寄反了 |
| [18:01] | – So? | －结果呢？ |
| [18:02] | – So they found out how much the other one was making. | －他们知道了对方的薪水 |
| [18:04] | One was making $150,000, | 其中一人薪水是十五万美元 |
| [18:06] | while the other was making $200,000 | 另一个人做同样的工作 |
| [18:07] | for the same exact job. | 薪水却有二十万美元 |
| [18:12] | That’s, like, so little money. | 也太少了吧 |
| [18:16] | – It is more than you get paid. | 但比你的薪水多 |
| [18:17] | – Yeah, but I just do this for travel money. | 是啊，但我只是为了赚旅费 |
| [18:19] | – Mm-hmm. | |
| [18:21] | – By the way, next week, I need off | 对了，我下周要请假 |
| [18:22] | because I’m going to the dentist again. – Hmm… | 我又要去看牙医了 |
| [18:26] | okay, my point is, I messed up a lot too, | 我想说的是，我也经常犯错 |
| [18:28] | and it’s all part of it. | 这就是工作的一部分 |
| [18:30] | – Yeah, it’s okay to mess up. – Exactly. | 是啊，犯错没有关系 |
| [18:33] | – ‘Cause our dads founded the company. | －没错 －因为公司是我们爸爸成立的 |
| [18:35] | – Well, actually, it’s just the opposite for me. | 其实这点对我来说正好相反 |
| [18:38] | You know, I feel like everybody thinks | 我觉得大家认为 |
| [18:40] | I have this job because of my dad, | 我有这份工作都是靠爸 |
| [18:41] | so it makes me want to work extra hard | 这让我想加倍努力 |
| [18:43] | to prove I deserve to be here. | 证明自己属于这个地方 |
| [18:44] | – Well, obviously you deserve to be here, | 你当然属于这里 |
| [18:47] | but everyone thinks that I’m, like, a big joke. | 但大家都把我当作笑柄 |
| [18:49] | – Hey, you’re not a joke. | 你才不是呢 |
| [18:51] | I mean, sometimes I think maybe your outfits are intentionally | 虽然有时我觉得你的装扮 |
| [18:55] | tongue in cheek or something, but you’re not a joke. | 有刻意搞笑的意味 但你不是笑柄 |
| [18:57] | But I will say, sometimes, | 但我有时觉得 |
| [18:59] | it does feel like maybe you don’t want to be here. | 你好像不太想在这里上班 |
| [19:02] | – But I really want to be here. | 我想在这里上班啊 |
| [19:03] | I want to be a manager like you. | 我想成为跟你一样的经纪人 |
| [19:05] | – Okay, great. Well, you can. | 那很好啊，你可以的 |
| [19:06] | You just have to prove it. – Okay. | 你必须先证明自己的能力 好 |
| [19:09] | – Maybe you could reschedule your dentist for the weekend? | 例如你可以‥ 跟牙医改约周末？ |
| [19:13] | – I’ll try, but… | 我尽力，但机票已经订了 |
| [19:15] | I already booked the ticket. | |
| [19:18] | To the dentist…office. | 我要搭飞机去看牙医 |
| [19:20] | – Hmm. Okay. | 不如我们就近找一间牙医吧 |
| [19:22] | Maybe we find you a local dentist, yeah? | |
| [19:24] | – Okay. | 好 |
| [19:27] | – You feeling better? | 感觉好一点了吗？ |
| [19:28] | No. | 没有 |
| [19:30] | – Hmm. | |
| [19:31] | – Do you have Oxy? | －你有疼始康定吗？ |
| [19:33] | – No, I don’t. | －没有 |
| [19:34] | But we have Advil. | 但这里有安舒疼 |
| [19:36] | – Doesn’t work on me. | 对我没效 |
| [19:37] | – Huh. Tylenol? – Mm. Ick. | 那泰诺呢？ |
| [19:40] | – Okay, here. | 画好了，看你们觉得如何 |
| [19:42] | So let me know what you guys think. | ＂终于啊＂ |
| [19:49] | I got you, girl. – This is beautiful work. | 我尽力帮你，妹子 画得太好了 |
| [19:51] | – Yeah, this is going in our dining room. | 我要挂在我们家饭厅 |
| [19:53] | – Aww, that’s nice. Thank you. | 你人真好，谢谢 |
| [19:55] | All right. | －谢谢 |
| [19:56] | – Yeah. – Have fun. | －是啊 |
| [19:58] | – Mm-hmm. | 祝你们玩得愉快 |
| [20:02] | Well, we didn’t really give him much to work with. | 我们没提供他多少题材 |
| [20:04] | – Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [20:05] | I guess we’re both all about our jobs. | 我们都太执著于工作了 |
| [20:09] | But at least you’re a CEO and, like, super successful. | 至少你是功成名就的执行长 |
| [20:13] | – I guess. – Uh, yeah. | －或许吧 －是啊 |
| [20:15] | Plus you own multiple homes | 而且你有多件房产 |
| [20:17] | and you’re in a relationship with a 9.5. | 还跟外貌甲上的人交往 |
| [20:20] | – Actually, Wilson and I broke up. | 其实我和威尔森分手了 |
| [20:24] | A while ago. | 已经一阵子了 |
| [20:25] | – Oh. | |
| [20:27] | That sucks. I’m really sorry. | 太令人难过了，我很遗憾 |
| [20:30] | – Mostly because I’m married to my work, obviously. | 显然主要原因是 我花太多时间工作了 |
| [20:33] | And when I did try to have fun, I almost killed a dog. | 有次我难得放松 结果差点杀了一条狗 |
| [20:36] | – Like, for revenge? | 你‥ |
| [20:39] | – No, it was an accident. – Ah. | －拿它出气吗？ －不是，那是意外 |
| [20:41] | Well, accidents happen. | 意外常有嘛 |
| [20:44] | I called Deborah “Mommy” earlier. | 我刚才把黛博拉叫成＂妈咪＂ |
| [20:46] | – Oh. – I don’t even call my mom that. | 我连亲生妈妈都不会这样叫了 |
| [20:49] | – You know, Marcus, you’re really smart | 马可斯，你聪明又帅 |
| [20:52] | and so attractive and incredibly tall. | 而且长得超高 |
| [20:57] | – You’re gonna find someone. | 你一定能找到对象的 |
| [20:59] | – Thanks. | 谢了 |
| [21:02] | Can you maybe not tell anyone about the breakup? | 可不可以别告诉其他人 我分手的事？ |
| [21:06] | – Of course. Spousal privilege. | 当然 毕竟我们是夫妻嘛 |
| [21:12] | – Okay, I will do one ride. | 好吧，我跟你搭一个设施 |
| [21:15] | – Yes! | 好耶，我要玩飞天弹弓，走吧 |
| [21:16] | Slingshot, bitch. Let’s go! | |
| [21:19] | – Okay. | 好啦 |
| [21:25] | – Hi. Um… | 你好 |
| [21:28] | I-I wanted you to have this hemorrhoid pillow they gave me. | 这个防痔疮座垫送你 |
| [21:32] | – Hemorrhoid pillow? | 防痔疮座垫？ |
| [21:35] | This is a plush donut. | 这是甜甜圈抱枕 |
| [21:37] | But thank you. | 但还是谢谢你 |
| [21:39] | – You can still use it as a hemorrhoid pillow. | 你可以当成防痔疮座垫用 |
| [21:41] | – Do you think I have hemorrhoids? | 你觉得我有痔疮吗？ |
| [21:43] | – N-no! | 不是，我没有 |
| [21:44] | God, no. | 我只是‥ |
| [21:46] | No, I just… | |
| [21:51] | Susan, I… | 苏珊 |
| [21:54] | I just… I’m sorry. | 我很抱歉，我刚才太投入了 |
| [21:55] | I got so carried away back there. | |
| [21:57] | – Oh, it’s fine. It’s a silly game. | 没事，不过是个蠢游戏 |
| [22:01] | But you haven’t changed a bit. | 但你一点都没变 |
| [22:03] | You are still the most competitive person | 依然是我见过竞争心最强的人 |
| [22:05] | I have ever met. – About that, I… | 说到这点，我‥ |
| [22:11] | I owe you an apology. | 我欠你一个道歉 |
| [22:14] | I think that I’m the reason that you quit doing stand-up. | 我可能是你放弃单口喜剧的原因 |
| [22:19] | – Oh, I wouldn’t say it was your fault. | 说是你的错也太夸张了 |
| [22:21] | – No, it is. | 真的是我的错 |
| [22:24] | When they posted the advancing comics | 当年那场表演赛 |
| [22:26] | at the showcase… | 他们公布了晋级的参赛者 |
| [22:30] | I erased your name. | 是我把你的名字擦掉了 |
| [22:33] | You had made it to the final round, | 你其实进到了最后一轮 |
| [22:35] | and I can’t help but think that if you had moved on, | 我觉得如果你最后赢了 |
| [22:37] | you’d have just kept going. | 可能就会继续做下去 |
| [22:41] | – Wait, what? – No, I know. I know. | －等等，你说什么？ －我知道‥ |
| [22:44] | There’s no excuse. I’m sorry. | 我的行为不可原谅，我很抱歉 |
| [22:47] | You really could have made it. | 你真的有可能成功的 |
| [22:48] | Deborah, hold on. | 黛博拉，慢著 |
| [22:50] | You think I quit comedy because I didn’t make it | 你觉得我放弃喜剧 |
| [22:53] | to the next round of a college showcase? | 是因为在大学表演赛没晋级？ |
| [22:57] | – Well, it was a national college showcase. | 那可是全国性的大学表演赛 |
| [22:59] | – No! | 才不是这样 |
| [23:01] | That was when your daughter | 当时你女儿撞到头，脑震荡 |
| [23:03] | hit her head and got a concussion. | |
| [23:07] | – What? – Yeah. | －什么？ －对啊 |
| [23:08] | She was, like, ten, and she snuck a bottle of vodka | 当时她十岁 从酒吧偷了一瓶伏特加 |
| [23:11] | from the bar, she hit her head on a table in the green room. | 在休息室里头撞到桌子脑震荡 |
| [23:15] | She got a concussion. | |
| [23:17] | Do you not remember this? | 你不记得了吗？ |
| [23:20] | – I remember I closed | 我记得当天收尾的 |
| [23:22] | with the one-legged cheerleader joke and it killed. | 独脚啦啦队员笑话效果很好 |
| [23:26] | DJ concussion… | 黛洁脑震荡的事‥ |
| [23:29] | no. | 没印象 |
| [23:30] | – Wait, wait, why would you retire after that? | 等等，你为什么 要因为这件事引退？ |
| [23:33] | – Well, I’d just found out that I was pregnant. | 当时我刚发现自己怀孕 |
| [23:35] | And, um… | 然后‥ |
| [23:39] | then that happened and… | 发生了那件事，于是‥ |
| [23:44] | I saw the sacrifices you were making | 我看到你带着女儿巡回 |
| [23:46] | to have your daughter on the road. | 做了多少牺牲 |
| [23:48] | And I just had this vision of the kind of person | 我理解到在这一行要成功 |
| [23:51] | I’d have to be in order to make it, and… | 我必须成为另一种人 |
| [23:58] | You were completely devoted to your work. | 你全心投入自己的工作 |
| [24:02] | You had to be. You were like a shark. | 你别无选择 你就像鲨鱼 |
| [24:06] | I mean, case in point, | 你看，你连这种事情都不记得 |
| [24:08] | you didn’t even realize it happened. | |
| [24:10] | – Hell, I don’t even remember it now. | 就连你说了，我还是想不起来 |
| [24:14] | – Well, the point is, | 我的意思是，我办不到 |
| [24:16] | I couldn’t do it. | |
| [24:22] | Or I didn’t want to. | 或者说，我不想要那样 |
| [24:26] | But it’s nice to know I made it to the next round. | 但很高兴知道我当时晋级了 |
| [24:31] | You were really funny. | 你当时真的很好笑 |
| [24:36] | – I know. | 我知道 |
| [24:39] | – You miss it? | 你会怀念吗？ |
| [24:42] | Sometimes, when I see someone | 有时候，例如看到 |
| [24:43] | like Leona Skaggsley doing a guest spot on “Grey’s Anatomy,” I think, | 里欧娜史凯利客串＂实习医生＂ |
| [24:47] | “Ooh, I could have been funnier than that.” | 我会心想＂我能比她好笑多了＂ |
| [24:50] | Yeah, well, not the most comedic show. | 毕竟那个节目不太算喜剧 |
| [24:54] | – Well, sometimes they use the guest actors for levity. | 他们有时会靠客串演员增加笑料 |
| [24:57] | – That’s true. | 是这样没错 |
| [25:02] | I am… | 我‥ |
| [25:05] | so, so sorry I erased your name. | 擦掉你的名字，我很抱歉 |
| [25:09] | – Hey, we both did what we had to do. | 我们都做了自己该做的事 |
| [25:13] | And it worked out for both of us, right? | 现在我们都过得不错，是吧 |
| [25:16] | Also, I told everyone | 而且我告诉大家 |
| [25:18] | you blew one of the judges to get on that showcase. | 你为了参赛帮某个评审口交 |
| [25:21] | So I call it even. | 所以我们是扯平了 |
| [25:23] | You bitch! | 你这贱人 |
| [25:33] | – All right. – Whoo-hoo! | 好，扣住了 |
| [25:35] | Down. | |
| [25:36] | – Here we go. | – Here we go. －要开始了 －好，尽情享受吧 |
| [25:38] | Uh, I want… | 我不想搭了‥ |
| [25:39] | I want to get off. – What? | |
| [25:41] | – I want to get off. We need to get off. | －什么？ －我不想搭了，我们走吧 |
| [25:42] | – You’re the one who wanted to do this. | －是你说想玩的 |
| [25:43] | – I don’t. I decided that I don’t. | －我决定我不想玩了 |
| [25:45] | – I’m only doing this for you, Ava. | －我是为了你才来搭的 |
| [25:47] | – Excuse me. Uh, sir. Does anyone… | －不好意思‥ 先生，有没有人‥ |
| [25:50] | let me off! – We’re already strapped in. | －我们都坐好了 －让我下去 |
| [25:52] | – Stop! Seriously! | 停止 |
| [25:54] | Stop! I have a bomb! – This isn’t a plane, Ava. | 我是说真的，我身上有炸弹 |
| [25:57] | Diarrhea! | －我们又不是搭飞机 －我想拉肚子 |
| [25:59] | – Stop the ride or I’ll make a big mess! | 赶快停止，不然会喷得四处都是 |
| [26:01] | Oh, no! Oh, God! | 天啊，不要‥ |
| [26:03] | No, no! | |
| [26:09] | – Hey, I’m headed out. | －我走了 |
| [26:10] | – Mahalo, my king. | －好的，我的国王 |
| [26:12] | – And I was thinking. | 我有一个想法 |
| [26:14] | How would you like to do coverage | 你愿不愿意帮我审几份剧本？ |
| [26:15] | on a couple scripts for me? | |
| [26:17] | – Really? – Yeah. | －真的吗？ |
| [26:19] | – Oh, I would love to. Yeah. | －是啊 我很乐意 |
| [26:23] | Thank you, Jimmy. | 谢谢你，吉米 |
| [26:24] | – Thank you. I’ll see you Monday? | 谢了，周一见 |
| [26:26] | I’ll see you Monday. | 周一见 |
| [26:37] | “What is coverage…script.” | 什么叫＂审剧本＂？ |
| [26:43] | Uh-huh, uh-huh. | |
| [26:46] | You know what I’m talking about. | 你们懂我的意思 |
| [26:48] | Being a female comedian is a lot of joke writing | 女性当喜剧家不外乎写笑话 |
| [26:52] | and then men telling you you’re ugly | 听男人说你长得很丑 |
| [26:54] | or that you should sleep with them, | 或是你应该跟他们上床 |
| [26:56] | whereas women in other professions don’t | 其他职业的女性的差别 |
| [26:58] | write as many jokes. | 是不会写这么多笑话 |
| [27:04] | But I’m lucky to be in comedy | 但我很幸运能从事这一行 |
| [27:05] | because I could never have been a nurse, | 因为我永远当不了护理师 |
| [27:07] | I mean, my God, those shoes… | 你看过他们穿的鞋子吗？ |
| [27:09] | Ladies and gentlemen, | 各位先生女士，贝西快生了 |
| [27:10] | Bessie is calving. | |
| [27:14] | The calf birth is just moments away. | 牛宝宝即将诞生 |
| [27:16] | Check your tickets and head to tent four | 检查你的彩券，并前往四号帐棚 |
| [27:18] | to see the new addition and claim your prize. | 见见小牛并领取奖品 |
| [27:21] | – Lord! | 天啊，我觉得你应该剖腹产的 |
| [27:23] | Honey, I think you should have had a C-section. Ouch. | 感觉好痛 |
| [27:26] | You know the rule. Hooves on the ground. | 规则很清楚，四脚落地才算 |
| [27:30] | Oh, there she is! | 出来了，出生时间是４点３６分 |
| [27:32] | Winning time is 4:36. | |
| [27:34] | Please go to the livestock stall | 请前往牲畜摊位 |
| [27:36] | to check your tickets and collect your winnings. | 查看彩券并领取奖品 |
| [27:39] | – Check your watches, folks. | 各位，看一下手表 |
| [27:41] | You know, as I was saying before the… | 被未来的起司汉堡打断前 |
| [27:44] | future cheeseburger interrupted… | 我刚才说到‥ |
| [27:50] | Folks, we’ve got another calf! | 乡亲们，还有另一头小牛 |
| [27:53] | They’re twins, which means multiple winners. | 是双胞胎 这表示赢家会有很多位 |
| [28:02] | – You know, I didn’t know I was gonna be competing | 没想到今天还有竞争对手 |
| [28:04] | for stage time today. | |
| [28:06] | Should’ve shown more cleavage. | 早知道就多露点乳沟了 |
| [28:12] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [28:20] | Hey. | |
| [28:22] | Whew. | |
| [28:23] | State fair’s a tough crowd, huh? | －园游会的观众真难搞，对吧？ |
| [28:25] | – Yeah, well, it’s hard to share a time slot | －是啊 |
| [28:27] | with the miracle of life. | 毕竟你和生命的奇迹 |
| [28:29] | Yeah, well, not the first time | 排在同一时段 |
| [28:31] | I’ve been upstaged by a scene-stealing cow. | 这不是我第一次被牛抢锋头了 |
| [28:33] | I worked with Chevy Chase in the ’90s. | 我在１９９０年代 和吉维蔡斯合作过 |
| [28:38] | Thanks. Yeah. – Yeah. | －谢谢 －不客气 |
| [28:40] | – Thanks for coming. – Good to see you. | －谢谢你来 －见到你很高兴 |
| [28:42] | – You too. | 我也是 |
| [28:43] | – You hang in there. | 你要撑住 |
| [28:48] | Come on, boys. | 我们走吧 |
| [28:57] | – Thanks. | 谢谢你 |
| [28:58] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [29:06] | – You actually look good here, though. | －艾娃，他把你画得很好看 |
| [29:11] | ♪ ♪ | －该死 |
| [29:23] | – You want to beat us at Celebrity? | 想玩猜名人修理我们吗？ |
| [29:26] | – No. | 谢了，但我现在没心情 |
| [29:27] | Thanks. I’m not in the mood. | |
| [29:30] | – We got you something. | 我们有东西要给你 ＂终于啊＂ |
| [29:40] | He was very kind to your hands. | 他把你的手画得很漂亮 |
| [29:43] | – I kept ’em in my pockets. | 因为我把手藏在口袋里 |
| [29:50] | – Well, congratulations to the happy couple. | 恭喜有情人终成眷属 |
| [29:52] | – Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. | 谢谢你‥ |
| [29:55] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [30:02] | – That would have happened to anyone in your position. | 不管是谁都会有一样的结果 |
| [30:04] | No one can compete with a 20-foot cow vagina behind them. | 没有人拼得过 萤幕上巨大的牛阴道 |
| [30:08] | – That’s the thing. | 这就是重点 |
| [30:10] | Nobody at my level would be in that position. | 我这种地位的人 不该遇到这种处境 |
| [30:13] | Doing drop-ins and state fairs. | 做一次性表演，在州园游会演出 |
| [30:16] | After all this stupid, competitive shit. | 当初为了胜出不择手段 |
| [30:22] | For what? | 最后呢？ |
| [30:25] | Get bumped by a cow. | 还不是被一头牛打败了 |
| [30:28] | Fight for a residency at Terrible’s | 争取特里伯赌场驻场表演 |
| [30:30] | an hour off the Strip. | 离赌城大道一小时车程远 |
| [30:32] | – I thought you said the MGM was interested. | 你不是说米高梅饭店 |
| [30:35] | Well, they’re not. | 有兴趣找你？ 我骗你的 |
| [30:39] | I should have…. | 我早该急流勇退的 |
| [30:41] | just retired and gone out on top. | |
| [30:48] | Who are you kidding? | 你想骗谁啊？ |
| [30:49] | You could never retire. | 你永远不可能退休的 |
| [30:51] | You’re gonna be up on that stage until you die. | 你会一直在台上表演 |
| [30:54] | At 109. | 直到活到１０９岁死去为止 |
| [30:59] | And I’m the same way. I can’t turn it off either. | 我也一样没办法停下来 |
| [31:03] | And nothing matters more, | 永远把工作摆第一位 |
| [31:04] | even if it should. | 虽然这样不健康 |
| [31:08] | – Well… | 这样啊 |
| [31:10] | shit. | 该死 |
| [31:13] | – You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [31:14] | And I don’t want to stop. | 我并不想休息 |
| [31:18] | I like the work. | 我喜欢这份工作 |
| [31:19] | – You know, Deborah, back in Vegas, you were on top. | 黛博拉，你在拉斯维加斯时 是站在巅峰没错 |
| [31:24] | But with all due respect… | 虽然很了不起 |
| [31:28] | I think that was just a hill. | 也不过只是一座小丘 |
| [31:31] | And now you’re climbing a mountain. | 你现在爬的是高山 |
| [31:33] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [31:37] | – A mountain? Ugh. | 高山？ |
| [31:38] | Sounds exhausting. | 光听就累死了 |
| [31:43] | We can’t even figure out that stupid | 我们连经纪人笑话的哏都想不到 |
| [31:46] | business manager punch line. | |
| [31:48] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [31:50] | Maybe it’s, like, | 或许要跟‥ |
| [31:52] | something about… | 报税有关？ |
| [31:54] | filing taxes? | |
| [31:56] | – Filing taxes… | 报税‥ |
| [31:58] | filing… | 磨指甲‥ |
| [32:00] | Filing nails, filing… | |
| [32:04] | ah, God, no, no, no, I can’t do this. | 该死，我办不到‥ |
| [32:06] | I can’t do this. You know what? | |
| [32:07] | Get your bathing suit. | 去拿你的泳衣 |
| [32:08] | – What? – You need to learn to float. | －什么？ －你得学会漂浮 |
| [32:12] | Come on. | 来吧 |
| [32:15] | – Come on. – No. | －来啊 －不要啦 |
| [32:19] | – Nothing’s gonna happen. Come on. | 怕什么？ 过来 |
| [32:20] | – I don’t like it. – Oh, for Pete’s sake. | －我不喜欢 －真是的 |
| [32:23] | I’ll hold you. – Okay. | －我会撑着你‥ |
| [32:24] | – Okay, I’m gonna hold you up. | －好 |
| [32:25] | – Like… | －等等 |
| [32:27] | – I’m just gonna support you. | －我不会放手 |
| [32:28] | Lean back. | 向后躺 |
| [32:29] | Lean back. Lift your chest. | 往后躺，挺胸 |
| [32:40] | – Okay, what about this? | 我想到了 |
| [32:43] | My business manager stole over $3 million. | ＂我的经纪人偷了 超过三百万美元＂ |
| [32:46] | If I wanted a man to take that much money from me, | ＂如果我希望他拿走那么多钱 |
| [32:48] | I would have married him. | 我早就嫁给他了＂ |
| [32:51] | Yeah, but… | 可是‥ |
| [32:53] | no, we’ve got so much marriage stuff right before this. | 已经有太多关于婚姻的笑话了 |
| [32:55] | How about… | 如果‥ |
| [32:57] | how about something about… | 提到那些钱现今有多少价值呢？ |
| [32:59] | how much that would be today with inflation? | |
| [33:02] | – Well, how much would it be? – I have no idea. | 所以有多少价值？ 我不知道 |
| [33:07] | – My business manager stole over $3 million. | ＂我的经纪人偷了 超过三百万美元＂ |
| [33:10] | You know how much that is when you adjust for inflation? | ＂你知道经过通膨调整 那些钱现在价值多少吗？＂ |
| [33:14] | Neither do I… it’s why I had a business manager. | ＂我也不知道 所以当初才请经纪人＂ |
| [33:19] | – Oh, that’s good. | 这个好 |
| [33:20] | Oh, I like that. I like that. | 我喜欢‥我要写下来 |
| [33:22] | I gotta write that down. – Wait, no, no. | 不行，不要放开 |
| [33:23] | Don’t leave me. | |
| [33:26] | – You got it. | 你学会了 待续 |
| [33:34] | ♪ ♪ | 谢谢观赏 |
| [33:37] | – ♪ Numbers on a screen mean nothing to me ♪ | |
| [33:40] | ♪ We’re on the same boat but different seats ♪ | |
| [33:42] | ♪ And how could you ever believe ♪ | |
| [33:44] | ♪ “It’s not personal, it’s business” ♪ | |
| [33:48] | ♪ No matter how much ♪ | |
| [33:51] | ♪ You get to have ♪ | |
| [33:53] | ♪ You will still die ♪ | |
| [33:55] | ♪ And that’s the only thing ♪ | |
| [33:58] | ♪ You gotta have boots ♪ | |
| [34:00] | ♪ If you wanna lift those bootstraps ♪ | |
| [34:04] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [34:06] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:09] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:11] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:14] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [34:16] | ♪ I don’t believe in pennies and nickels ♪ | |
| [34:19] | ♪ And dimes and dollars and pesos and pounds ♪ | |
| [34:21] | ♪ And rupees and yen and rubles ♪ | |
| [34:24] | ♪ No dinero ♪ | |
| [34:26] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:28] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:31] | ♪ You can do a lot with four American dollars ♪ | |
| [34:33] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [34:39] | ♪ ♪ | |
| [34:48] | – This is my time to shine. |