| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience. | 《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的 |
| [00:04] | Hello, my lovelies. | 小美女们 你们好 |
| [00:06] | Aw, you’re lookin’ happy these days. | 这些日子你真开心 |
| [00:08] | It’s Mitch. | 是因为米奇 |
| [00:09] | We’re supposed to be working upstairs, | 我们本应在楼上工作 |
| [00:10] | but I just can’t keep my hands off him. | 但我就是忍不住对他摸来摸去 |
| [00:12] | Ah, he must look so tiny in those hands. | 在你的大手映衬下 他一定显得好娇”小” |
| [00:18] | Now, he’s a bit shy about it, | 他有些害羞 |
| [00:20] | so I promised him I wouldn’t tell you | 我向他保证我不会告诉你们 |
| [00:21] | we were having sex. | 我们刚才做爱了 |
| [00:22] | The story is, we were taking a nap. | 我们想的说辞是 我们睡了个午觉 |
| [00:25] | Oh, boy, I got to tell you. | 老天 我得告诉你们 |
| [00:27] | There is nothing better than hitting the old sack. | 在床上睡一觉真是舒服极了[和老女人上床] |
| [00:30] | She has a name. | 人家有名字的好吧 |
| [00:36] | Well, we better get to work. | 我们得去工作了 |
| [00:37] | We have to catch a cheating husband in the act. | 我们得去抓出轨的丈夫 |
| [00:40] | I’m the honey trap. | 我要用美人计 |
| [00:42] | Guess that sounds a bit seedy. | 听起来真让人不舒服 |
| [00:43] | No, it sounds so exciting. | 不 听起来好令人激动 |
| [00:45] | It’s like you guys are the real-life Hart to Hart | 你们就是现实版的《哈特夫妇》 |
| [00:47] | or Remington Steele | 或《斯蒂尔传奇》 |
| [00:48] | or Moonlighting. | 或《蓝色月光侦探社》 |
| [00:49] | I just love all those shows. | 我好喜欢这些电视剧 |
| [00:50] | Well, I don’t exactly love watching Joy seduce another man. | 其实我不喜欢看着乔依去引诱别的男人 |
| [00:53] | Well, it’s uncomfortable for me too, knowing you’re watching. | 知道你在看着 我也觉得别扭 |
| [00:56] | I can do it. | 我可以上啊 |
| [00:57] | I could be the honey trap. | 美人计由我上 |
| [00:58] | Well, the thought of you demeaning yourself | 你去做这种丢人现眼的事 |
| [01:00] | instead of Joy is appealing to me. | 乔依不用去 我觉得挺好的 |
| [01:02] | I wouldn’t care what happened to you. | 我不会在乎你遭遇什么 |
| [01:05] | Oh, Mitch. | 瞧你 米奇 |
| [01:08] | Meet us at the bar at 8:00. | 8点在酒吧碰头 |
| [01:08] | Wear something demeaning. | 穿些丢人现眼的衣服 |
| [01:10] | Okay, you got it. | 没问题 |
| [01:12] | I have the most puzzling note on my calendar today. | 我日程上今天的内容非常让我困惑 |
| [01:15] | “Tony arrives.” | 托尼[奖]要来 |
| [01:17] | Was I in a broadway smash and I’m blanking it out? | 我是参演了百老汇大剧 然后失忆了吗 |
| [01:20] | Tony’s your son. | 托尼是你的儿子 |
| [01:21] | The one you always forget. | 你总是忘记的那个 |
| [01:23] | Oh, of course. | 当然了 |
| [01:24] | Oh, dear, wonderful Tony. | 可爱的超棒的托尼 |
| [01:27] | Oh, you know, I don’t mean to forget him. | 我不是有意要忘记他的 |
| [01:28] | It’s just that, well, he chose to live | 只是 在离婚后 |
| [01:30] | with his father after the divorce, | 他选择和他父亲一起生活 |
| [01:32] | and it’s been hard keeping in touch. | 很难经常联系他 |
| [01:34] | He’s such an artistic, exuberant, fashion-forward boy. | 他真是一个风雅热情 走在时尚前沿的孩子 |
| [01:38] | You can say, “gay.” | 你可以直接说”同志”的 |
| [01:40] | Elka, that is total midwestern stereotyping. | 爱尔卡 你这是中西部成见 |
| [01:44] | But yeah, he’s gay. | 没错 他的确是”同志” |
| [01:47] | Gayer than the Tonys, | 他比托尼奖得主更基 |
| [01:47] | which I guess I didn’t win. | 我应该没获过托尼奖 |
| [01:50] | Wish I had a gay son. | 我真希望也有一个同性恋儿子 |
| [01:52] | Straight sons will always leave you for a younger woman. | 直男儿子总是会为了年轻女人舍你而去 |
| [01:54] | Yeah, it is fabulous. | 没错 的确很棒 |
| [01:56] | Oh, that boy could tie an hermes scarf before he could walk. | 那小子在会走路前 就会系爱马仕丝巾了 |
| [02:04] | Oh, my god. It’s my gorgeous Tony. | 天呐 是我漂亮的托尼 |
| [02:08] | Oh, my god, it’s my gorgeous sister. | 我的天 是我漂亮的姐姐 |
| [02:11] | saying the word “mother” always cost us a dollar at our house. | 以前在家叫妈妈 就会被罚一块钱 |
| [02:14] | You remember Melanie. | 你记得梅兰妮吧 |
| [02:15] | – Melanie… – Hi, sweetie. | -梅兰妮 -亲爱的 |
| [02:16] | As beautiful as ever. | 你还是这么漂亮 |
| [02:18] | This is Elka. | 这位是爱尔卡 |
| [02:19] | It can’t be. | 不可能啊 |
| [02:20] | You said you were living with an older woman. | 你说你和一位老太太住在一起 |
| [02:22] | Who’s this breath of spring? | 这犹如春之气息的是谁啊 |
| [02:26] | I want one. | 我也想要个这样的 |
| [02:30] | Oh, mom, I hope you don’t mind, | 妈 希望你别介意 |
| [02:31] | but I brought someone with me. | 我带了一个人来 |
| [02:32] | I’m Justin, Tony’s partner. | 我是贾斯汀 托尼的合伙人[伴侣] |
| [02:34] | Oh, well, nice to meet you, Tony’s partner. | 很高兴认识你 托尼的伴侣 |
| [02:36] | How long have you two been together? | 你们两个在一起多久了 |
| [02:38] | About six months now. Right, dude? | 差不多六个月了 对吗 伙计 |
| [02:40] | Right. | 没错 |
| [02:41] | Where can I put our stuff? | 我们的行李放哪里 |
| [02:42] | The guest room is just down the hall. | 走道尽头就是客房 |
| [02:45] | Let’s celebrate. I’ll get champagne. | 我们庆祝吧 我去拿香槟 |
| [02:48] | Oh, Tony, victoria’s just so proud of you. | 托尼 维多利亚刚谈到你还骄傲得很 |
| [02:51] | We were just saying we’re jealous | 我们还在说 我们很嫉妒 |
| [02:53] | that we don’t have gay sons. | 因为我们没有同志儿子 |
| [02:54] | Yeah, there’s just one problem. | 只是有一个问题 |
| [02:56] | What? | 什么 |
| [02:56] | I’m not gay. | 我不是同志 |
| [03:11] | Tony, what do you mean you’re not gay? | 托尼 什么叫你不是同志啊 |
| [03:13] | Look, when I was little, | 我小时候 |
| [03:14] | my mom just assumed that I was gay. | 我妈武断地认为我是同志 |
| [03:16] | And I knew it would kill her if I told her the truth. | 我知道如果告诉她真相 会要了她的命 |
| [03:18] | It was easy to pretend | 假扮同志很容易 |
| [03:18] | because I’ve always been interested in fashion and theater. | 因为我一直对时尚与戏剧很有兴趣 |
| [03:21] | You know, I know how to dress, | 我知道如何打扮 |
| [03:22] | how to pick out a good bottle of wine. | 如果选择好的红酒 |
| [03:24] | What can I say? I’m Fraser straight. | 我能怎么说呢 我是弗雷泽式直男 |
| [03:24] | 弗雷泽和奈尔斯兄弟 是经典喜剧《欢乐一家亲》的主角 品味非常高大上 | |
| [03:27] | Maybe more like Niles straight. | 也许更像是奈尔斯式直男[更娘炮] |
| [03:32] | Tony? | 托尼 |
| [03:33] | The only cheese I could find is gruyere. | 我只能找到格鲁耶尔干酪 |
| [03:35] | Well, gruyere is an assertive cheese | 格鲁耶尔干酪味道浓郁 |
| [03:37] | with a mischievous, bloomy rind. | 外层味道奇巧厚重 |
| [03:39] | Just drizzle some honey, | 加一点蜂蜜 |
| [03:39] | add a soupcon of crushed walnuts, | 和少许的核桃末 |
| [03:41] | and as sure as there’s a “z” in Liza, | 就像”丽莎”这名字中有Z字母一样 |
| [03:43] | your bouche will be amused. | 你的味蕾将被深深刺激 |
| [03:48] | It’s exhausting. | 累死了 |
| [03:52] | Honey, I don’t understand. | 亲爱的 我不明白 |
| [03:54] | What about Justin, your partner? | 那你的伴侣贾斯汀呢 |
| [03:56] | He’s my business partner. | 他是我生意上的合伙人 |
| [03:57] | We’re software engineers. | 我们是软件工程师 |
| [03:59] | We came to Cleveland to persuade my mom | 我们来克利夫兰说服我妈 |
| [04:00] | to invest in a new app we’re developing. | 投资我们开发的一个应用 |
| [04:03] | Oh, well, does anyone else know you’re not gay? | 还有其他人知道你不是同志吗 |
| [04:05] | Everyone knows. | 大家都知道 |
| [04:06] | I just have to come out to my mom. | 我只是得跟我妈出柜 |
| [04:12] | Maybe that might be “come in.” | 应该是”进柜”吧 |
| [04:18] | In, out–either way, she’s gonna be devastated. | 不管是出还是进 她肯定会伤心死的 |
| [04:21] | Will you keep my secret | 你能帮我保守秘密 |
| [04:22] | until I can find the right time to break it to her? | 直到我找到合适的时机告诉她吗 |
| [04:23] | Yeah. Ooh, can I tell Joy? | 好 我可以告诉乔依吗 |
| [04:25] | Does aunt Joy still get talky when she drinks? | 乔依阿姨在喝酒时依然话多吗 |
| [04:28] | Do the Indians always collapse in July? | 印第安人队总是在七月崩溃吗 |
| [04:32] | They’re in a tough division. | 他们的赛区挺难打的 |
| [04:34] | Hot damn! You are straight. | 见鬼 你还真是直男啊 |
| [04:41] | Tony, I think you should tell your mother | 托尼 我觉得你应该尽快 |
| [04:43] | the truth as soon as possible. | 告诉你妈妈真相 |
| [04:44] | It’s always best to stop pretending and be honest. | 不要伪装 诚实对人总是最好的 |
| [04:47] | Now, if you’ll excuse me, | 现在我要失陪了 |
| [04:48] | I got to go trick a man into liking me | 我要去骗一个男人喜欢上我 |
| [04:50] | and break up his marriage. | 拆散他的婚姻 |
| [04:54] | Uh, bro? There’s only one bed in the guest room. | 兄弟 客房里只有一张床 |
| [04:57] | Yeah, Justin, I forgot tell you something. | 贾斯汀 我忘了告诉你一件事 |
| [04:59] | Uh, my mom is a little confused, | 我妈妈没搞清楚一件事 |
| [05:01] | and the truth might upset her. | 真相会让她难过 |
| [05:02] | Would you mind just playing along | 你能配合我一下 |
| [05:03] | until I get a chance to clear it up? | 直到我有机会说清楚吗 |
| [05:04] | Look, dude, I’m down with whatever it takes | 伙计 只要你妈肯投资我们的公司 |
| [05:06] | to get your mom to invest in our company. | 什么我都愿意做 |
| [05:08] | What do I have to do? | 我得做什么 |
| [05:09] | All right, I want to hear everything. | 好啦 把一切都告诉我 |
| [05:12] | Now how long have you two been lovers? | 你们成为爱人多久了 |
| [05:14] | Is that the correct term for what you are? | 这个对你们来说是正确用语吗 |
| [05:16] | I want to be gay accurate. | 我想用正确的同志用语 |
| [05:19] | Lovers is good. | “爱人”这词挺好的 |
| [05:22] | Oh, yeah, I couldn’t be gayer for dudes. | 没错 就男人而言 我真是不能再基了 |
| [05:32] | Mitch, stop. | 米奇 住手 |
| [05:34] | We need to work. | 我们得工作 |
| [05:41] | Okay, I’m here. | 我到了 |
| [05:45] | Good, we can see you on our feed. | 很好 我们可以在监控器上看到你 |
| [05:47] | Oh, my god, he just walked in. | 我的天 他走进来了 |
| [05:49] | Somebody is about to get honey-trapped. | 有人要中美人计咯 |
| [05:53] | Beer, please. | 请来杯啤酒 |
| [05:55] | Hi. | 你好 |
| [05:57] | Well, hello, beautiful. | 你好 美女 |
| [05:59] | Those are some killer shoes. | 你的鞋子太美了 |
| [06:00] | I know, aren’t they fabulous? | 我知道 好漂亮对不对 |
| [06:02] | I got ’em at Macy’s. | 我在梅西百货买的 |
| [06:03] | They have all the best brands. | 最好的品牌那里都有 |
| [06:05] | This other woman wanted them, | 当时还有一个女人想要这双 |
| [06:06] | but here’s the interesting part– | 不过最有意思的是 |
| [06:08] | Melanie, focus. | 梅兰妮 别跑题 |
| [06:12] | But I thank you, sir. | 谢谢你了 先生 |
| [06:14] | Notice something about him. | 说些你注意到的他的情况 |
| [06:16] | So, I, um, I see by that tan line | 通过这个晒黑的痕迹可以看出 |
| [06:19] | you recently had a ring on that finger. | 你之前这根手指上戴了戒指 |
| [06:22] | Busted. | 被你发现了 |
| [06:23] | Yeah, I’m married. | 没错 我是已婚男 |
| [06:25] | Is that a problem for you? | 你对此有意见吗 |
| [06:26] | No, no, I love cheaters. | 不 我喜欢出轨男 |
| [06:28] | My ex-husband was a cheater. | 我的前夫就出轨了 |
| [06:29] | That bastard. | 那个混蛋 |
| [06:31] | I mean, that, you know? | 我是说…你懂的 |
| [06:34] | Amazing, sexy bastard. | 帅气性感的混蛋 |
| [06:37] | You’re kind of a weird chick, aren’t you? | 你是个奇怪的女人 对吗 |
| [06:40] | I like that. | 我喜欢 |
| [06:41] | Well, I like you, too. | 我也喜欢你 |
| [06:43] | Nothing more exciting is there? | 这是最令人兴奋的东西 对吧 |
| [06:45] | That new attraction? | 新产生的吸引 |
| [06:47] | When all you can think about is kissing the other person. | 你脑子里想的全是吻对方 |
| [06:53] | I bet you felt that way about your wife once, too. | 我相信你曾经对你妻子也是这种感觉 |
| [06:56] | She’s terrible. | 她太差劲了 |
| [06:59] | Yeah, I guess in– you know in the beginning. | 是啊 最开始的时候或许是这样 |
| [07:02] | Did you ever try couples counseling? | 你们试过夫妻咨询吗 |
| [07:05] | Yeah, yeah. | 有过 |
| [07:06] | And all they said was we should’ve come in sooner. | 医生都说我们应该早点去 |
| [07:08] | Said couples would be a lot happier if they learned | 说夫妻在问题出现前就学会 |
| [07:10] | how to deal with their problems before they even came up. | 如何处理的话 会幸福很多 |
| [07:12] | Melanie, be sexier. | 梅兰妮 性感一些 |
| [07:17] | So, a good-looking guy like you… | 那么 像你这样的帅哥 |
| [07:21] | You must have kids. | 一定有孩子吧 |
| [07:25] | Two. Six and nine. | 两个 6岁和9岁 |
| [07:28] | I bet it’s really close to their… | 我敢说现在已经接近他们的… |
| [07:31] | Bedtime. | 就寝时间了吧 |
| [07:34] | Yeah, I guess it is. | 我想是的 |
| [07:36] | I bet you just love tucking them in, | 我敢说你肯定喜欢给他们盖被子 |
| [07:40] | reading to them. | 给他们读故事 |
| [07:43] | They grow up so fast. | 孩子成长得可快了 |
| [07:47] | They do. | 的确 |
| [07:49] | I’m gonna go home and see them. | 我要回家看他们 |
| [07:51] | Nice talking to you. | 很高兴和你聊天 |
| [07:55] | I think that went pretty well. | 我觉得这进行得很顺利 |
| [08:02] | So, it’s kind of interesting what the cheater said. | 那个出轨男说的话倒有些意思 |
| [08:05] | Do you think we should see a therapist now before trouble starts? | 你觉得我们应该在问题出现前去看心理医生吗 |
| [08:09] | Maybe. | 也许吧 |
| [08:10] | You know, when I was having problems with my ex-wife | 我和前妻出现问题后 |
| [08:12] | I gained 100 pounds in like six months. | 我在六个月内长了一百磅肉 |
| [08:14] | Oh, my god. | 我的天 |
| [08:15] | I’ll make the appointment. | 我去约医生 |
| [08:18] | Can you believe how bad Melanie was? | 你敢相信梅兰妮有多差劲吗 |
| [08:21] | She’s just not sexy, honey-trap material. | 她根本不是使美人计的性感料 |
| [08:23] | It’s a little embarrassing to remember how smitten I was with her. | 想到我之前那么迷恋她 真的有点丢人 |
| [08:26] | You turned the microphone off, right? | 你把麦关了吧 |
| [08:27] | No. | 没 |
| [08:28] | No, he did not. | 他没有 |
| [08:33] | Oh, mom. | 妈 |
| [08:34] | Uh, I-I have something I need to tell you. | 我有事要跟你说 |
| [08:36] | It’s kind of big and it–it might come off as a bit of a shock. | 是件大事 而且结果会有些震撼 |
| [08:39] | Oh, god, please don’t tell me | 老天 拜托别告诉我 |
| [08:40] | I can’t pull off sleeveless dresses anymore. | 我再也不适合穿无袖裙了 |
| [08:43] | oh, no, honey. | 不 亲爱的 |
| [08:45] | You got arms like an egyptian priestess. | 你的胳膊就像埃及女祭司 |
| [08:47] | No, um, it–it’s about me. | 不 是我的事 |
| [08:50] | You and Justin? | 你和贾斯汀的事吗 |
| [08:51] | Uh, yes. | 是的 |
| [08:52] | Oh, he is very handsome. | 他长得非常帅 |
| [08:54] | Uh-uh, yes, he is. | 是的 没错 |
| [08:55] | You know, I was a little surprised to see you with a redhead, | 看到你和红发男在一起我有些意外 |
| [08:57] | but in any event, you’ll have beautiful vietnamese children. | 但不管怎样 你们会有漂亮的越南孩子 |
| [09:02] | Oh, mom. | 妈 |
| [09:03] | I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself. | 我想你想得太多了吧 |
| [09:05] | Oh, you’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [09:07] | I mean, you’re not even married yet. | 你们甚至还没有结婚 |
| [09:09] | Please tell me you’re gonna get married. | 拜托告诉我你们要结婚了 |
| [09:11] | You know, we’ve been apart for so long, | 我们分开了这么久 |
| [09:13] | and I haven’t been able to do anything for you, | 我一直不能为你做些什么 |
| [09:15] | but if I could throw you a big wedding, oh, | 但如果我为你举办一场盛大的婚礼 |
| [09:18] | nothing would make me happier. | 那我真是开心死了 |
| [09:21] | Is that what you were gonna say? | 你是跟我说的事是这个吗 |
| [09:23] | Say, “yes.” | 说是的 |
| [09:28] | I have a major announcement to make. | 我有重大消息要宣布 |
| [09:30] | My son is getting married. | 我儿子要结婚了 |
| [09:32] | Dude, congratulations. To who? | 老兄 恭喜啦 跟谁结啊 |
| [09:36] | To you, silly. | 和你啊 小傻瓜 |
| [09:39] | He’s so forgetful, he forgot he proposed. | 他太健忘了 他都忘记他求婚了 |
| [09:42] | I did. But now I remember. | 我忘了 但我现在想起来了 |
| [09:45] | It’s all happening so fast. | 这事发生得太快了 |
| [09:47] | I haven’t quite processed it yet. | 我还没能彻底消化接受 |
| [09:51] | For a wedding gift, | 结婚礼物 |
| [09:52] | I am going to buy you matching porsches. | 我会送你们男男情侣款保时捷 |
| [09:54] | Mom! | 妈 |
| [10:02] | It’s great that you decided to seek guidance early. | 你们决定在早期就寻求指引非常好 |
| [10:05] | Well, we’ve both seen our fair share of bad relationships. | 我们都经历过糟糕的恋情 |
| [10:08] | Yes, and we’re both detectives, | 是啊 我们都是侦探 |
| [10:09] | so we have a tendency towards suspicion, | 我们喜欢怀疑他人 |
| [10:12] | even though the two of us are soul mates. | 哪怕我们是灵魂伴侣 |
| [10:14] | Uh-oh. | 不好 |
| [10:16] | When you say, “soul mates,” that’s a red flag. | 你说”灵魂伴侣” 这可是危险信号 |
| [10:19] | After all, relationships aren’t fairy tales. | 毕竟 爱情不是童话故事 |
| [10:21] | But I rather like fairy tales. | 但我喜欢童话故事 |
| [10:23] | Fairy tales are for children. | 童话故事是给小孩子看的 |
| [10:26] | Now, tell me what you know about each other. | 跟我说说 你们互相了解些什么 |
| [10:30] | Lots of things. | 很多事 |
| [10:31] | We both like wine and sex and– | 我们都喜欢红酒和性爱 |
| [10:34] | And when we combine the two, it’s fantastic. | 当二者结合起来 感觉妙极了 |
| [10:39] | But what about deeper issues? | 深层次的问题呢 |
| [10:41] | Well, to be honest, | 说实话 |
| [10:42] | if I need to know anything deeper, | 如果我需要知道更深层次的 |
| [10:43] | I’ll just wait till he falls asleep | 我会等到他睡着了 |
| [10:45] | and snoop through his computer. | 偷偷看他的电脑 |
| [10:46] | – You do that, too? – Yes. | -你也喜欢这样吗 -是的 |
| [10:48] | Ah, see? Soul mates. | 看见没 灵魂伴侣 |
| [10:51] | How do you two handle conflict? | 你们如何处理矛盾 |
| [10:53] | Oh, we never fight. | 我们从未吵过架 |
| [10:54] | And we never will. | 以后也不会吵的 |
| [10:55] | Okay, but lack of conflict | 好吧 但缺少矛盾 |
| [10:57] | is one of the biggest red flags of all. | 是所有危险信号中最可怕的 |
| [10:59] | Here’s a compatibility quiz. | 这是相配度测试 |
| [11:01] | It’s designed to determine if you two | 测试是用来判断你们两个 |
| [11:03] | are emotionally suited for the long run. | 在情感上是否适合发展长期关系 |
| [11:06] | Sounds fun. | 听起来很有意思 |
| [11:06] | Sounds like homework. | 听起来像是家庭作业 |
| [11:09] | Wonderful. A little conflict. | 太好了 一点矛盾 |
| [11:10] | We’re off to a great start. | 有一个良好的开始了 |
| [11:17] | You’re safe. Victoria’s not here. | 你很安全 维多利亚不在 |
| [11:19] | Oh, thank god. | 太好了 |
| [11:20] | She is driving me crazy with all these wedding plans. | 她的那些婚礼计划快把我逼疯了 |
| [11:23] | You saw the matching sailor outfits? | 你看到了男男情侣款的水手服了吗 |
| [11:26] | What? | 什么 |
| [11:27] | Oh, nothing. | 没什么 |
| [11:32] | I just can’t keep pretending to be gay. | 我不能再假扮同志了 |
| [11:34] | Back in my day, all men were straight. | 我年轻时 所有男人都是直男 |
| [11:37] | Even the men who slept with other men. | 就连睡了男人的男人也是直的 |
| [11:41] | Do you think I should tell her? | 你觉得我应该告诉她吗 |
| [11:42] | You’re here, you’re not queer, | 你在这里 你不是同志 |
| [11:43] | she’ll get used to it. | 她会习惯的 |
| [11:47] | Okay, I’ll tell her. | 我会告诉她的 |
| [11:49] | Oh, there you are, darling. | 你在这里啊 亲爱的 |
| [11:51] | Look what I found for the top of your wedding cake. | 看我找到什么做你们结婚蛋糕的顶层装饰 |
| [11:57] | It’s you and Justin. | 是你和贾斯汀 |
| [11:58] | And if you press that button, | 如果按这个按钮 |
| [12:00] | it plays the theme song from Will & Grace. | 会播放《威尔和格蕾丝》的主题曲 |
| [12:05] | Planning this wedding has made me feel closer to you than ever. | 策划这个婚礼让我觉得与你无比亲近 |
| [12:12] | Oh, god, I can’t tell her. | 老天 我没法告诉她 |
| [12:16] | I was hoping we’d run into each other again. | 我之前就希望我们能再次碰到 |
| [12:19] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
| [12:20] | But could we not talk about my kids this time? | 但这次能不提我的孩子吗 |
| [12:23] | How about you buy me a drink | 不如你请我喝酒 |
| [12:24] | and we’ll just talk about us? | 我们就只聊我们的事 |
| [12:25] | Good, she’s following our script. | 很好 她按照我们的剧本走的 |
| [12:28] | Well, we’ve got some time. | 我们有些时间 |
| [12:30] | Let’s go over our compatibility quiz. | 我们看下相配度测试 |
| [12:32] | Okay. I got “a, c, d, b, b, d, a, c, d.” | 好的 我的答案是ACDBBDACD |
| [12:39] | So what’s our compatibility score? | 我们的相配得分是多少 |
| [12:42] | Zero. | 零分 |
| [12:44] | Zero? | 零分 |
| [12:46] | Well, I’m not worried. | 我不担心 |
| [12:48] | I still feel good about our relationship. | 我对我们的关系很有信心 |
| [12:53] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
| [12:54] | I’m not worried either. | 我也不担心 |
| [12:57] | Good. | 很好 |
| [13:00] | Do you realize you just ate an entire doughnut? | 你知道你刚吃了一整个甜甜圈吗 |
| [13:03] | I don’t think so. | 我觉得没有吧 |
| [13:06] | So, maybe we should check in on Melanie. | 我们看下梅兰妮的情况吧 |
| [13:09] | The seduction should be well underway by now. | 现在引诱应该很顺利了 |
| [13:12] | So, tell me what you’re gonna do. | 那么 告诉我你会怎么做 |
| [13:15] | I’m gonna go home, | 我会回家 |
| [13:16] | tell my wife I love her, | 告诉我老婆我爱她 |
| [13:17] | and work on our relationship. | 挽救我们的婚姻 |
| [13:19] | You do that, big boy. | 你去吧 猛男 |
| [13:29] | What do you mean you don’t want me to work on cases anymore? | 你说再也不让我办任何案子了是什么意思啊 |
| [13:32] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [13:33] | Because you are the worst honey trap ever. | 因为你是史上最差劲的美色诱饵 |
| [13:36] | Elka could do a better job. | 爱尔卡都能做得更好 |
| [13:38] | You couldn’t afford me. | 你请不起我 |
| [13:42] | Well, the good news is now you can help me plan Tony’s wedding. | 好消息是 现在你可以帮我策划托尼的婚礼了 |
| [13:45] | Yeah, Victoria, about the wedding. | 维多利亚 关于婚礼的事 |
| [13:48] | If Tony weren’t gay, you would still love him, right? | 如果托尼不是同志 你依然会爱他对吗 |
| [13:51] | But he is gay. | 但他是同志 |
| [13:53] | Imagine he wasn’t. | 想象下他不是 |
| [13:54] | I will do no such thing. It– | 我不会这样做的 |
| [13:56] | Well, I had no idea you had a problem with this. | 我不知道你对这个有意见 |
| [13:59] | No, it– that’s not a problem. | 不 我没意见 |
| [14:00] | I just–I don’t think this wedding is right. | 我只是觉得这个婚礼不对 |
| [14:04] | Much has been learned about Melanie this week. | 这周我们对梅兰妮有了好多新了解啊 |
| [14:07] | She can’t seduce strangers, | 她无法引诱陌生人 |
| [14:08] | and she’s more than a little homophobic. | 她还是个小恐同者 |
| [14:11] | Well, I don’t think anyone’s going to need | 我觉得短期内都不需要有人 |
| [14:13] | to be planning my wedding anytime soon. | 为我策划婚礼了 |
| [14:16] | Mitch and I got a big, fat zero | 米奇和我的相配度测试 |
| [14:18] | on our compatibility test. | 得了个大大的鸭蛋 |
| [14:20] | Don’t you mean a big, flat zero? | 你应该说大大的零蛋吧[平胸] |
| [14:26] | Now I’m afraid he’s doubting our relationship. | 现在我害怕他会质疑我们的感情 |
| [14:29] | But I don’t know how to get him to admit it. | 我不知道如何让他承认 |
| [14:32] | Well, you have to find out the truth. | 你必须查出真相 |
| [14:33] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [14:35] | Somehow, someway, I have to find out the truth. | 不择手段 不管怎样 我必须找出真相 |
| [14:40] | Mitch? | 米奇 |
| [14:41] | I want to ask you something, | 我想问你一件事 |
| [14:42] | and I need you to be honest with me. | 你得跟我说实话 |
| [14:44] | Are you doubting our relationship? | 你质疑我们的感情了吗 |
| [14:46] | Honestly? | 说实话吗 |
| [14:47] | I am sort of doubting it. | 我是有些质疑 |
| [14:50] | I’m also doubting that I can keep from staring | 我还怀疑 我能坚持住不看 |
| [14:51] | at that woman’s breasts over there. | 那边那个女人的胸部吗 |
| [14:54] | Why did I just tell you that? | 我为什么告诉你这个 |
| [14:56] | Because I put truth serum in your coffee. | 因为我在你的咖啡中加了吐真剂 |
| [15:00] | Wait, why did I just tell you that? | 慢着 我为什么要告诉你这个 |
| [15:02] | Because I put truth serum in your coffee. | 因为我在你的咖啡中加了吐真剂 |
| [15:06] | You drugged each other? | 你们对彼此下药 |
| [15:09] | Yes, but with good reason. | 是 但有充分的理由 |
| [15:10] | We didn’t trust each other enough to tell the truth. | 我们对彼此的信任还不到说实话的地步 |
| [15:13] | It was just a little sodium pentothal. | 只是一点硫喷妥钠 |
| [15:17] | Surely other couples with zeros on their compatibility tests | 我相信其他在相配度测试中得零分的人 |
| [15:21] | went on to have long and happy relationships, right? | 也有长久快乐的恋情 对吗 |
| [15:24] | Yes, but not with each other. | 是 但相配的人换了 |
| [15:27] | Based on your quiz results, you should be asking yourself, | 就你们的测试结果来看 你们应该问自己 |
| [15:30] | should you really be together? | 你们真的应该在一起吗 |
| [15:33] | I’m not sure. | 我不太确定 |
| [15:35] | Me either. | 我也是 |
| [15:35] | See? | 瞧吧 |
| [15:36] | It’s good you guys came to me early. | 你们提早来找我真是太对了 |
| [15:42] | So who wants to be the first to toast the happy couple? | 谁想第一个为幸福情侣祝酒 |
| [15:45] | Melanie? | 梅兰妮 |
| [15:47] | I’m sorry, Victoria, I just– | 对不起 维多利亚 |
| [15:48] | I don’t feel comfortable doing that. | 我觉得挺别扭的 |
| [15:49] | Oh, that’s right. You’re a raging homophobe. | 是哦 你是个愤怒的恐同者 |
| [15:53] | Elka, how about you? | 爱尔卡 你呢 |
| [15:55] | Oh, Tony knows how I feel. | 托尼知道我的感受 |
| [15:57] | Well, once again, I have to save the day. | 又一次 得由我救场了 |
| [16:02] | Tony, Justin, I am so proud and happy. | 托尼 贾斯汀 我好骄傲好开心 |
| [16:06] | I just want to share this with the world. | 我想与全世界分享 |
| [16:08] | Friends, fans, fellow diners, | 朋友们 粉丝们 吃饭的人们 |
| [16:11] | I have an announcement so major I am fairly bursting. | 我有件天大的喜事 必须当众宣布 |
| [16:16] | My gay son Tony is getting married. | 我的同志儿子托尼要结婚了 |
| [16:18] | Now I know that that may come as a shock | 我知道这对于你们有些人来说很震惊 |
| [16:20] | to some of you here in the backward province of Cleveland. | 毕竟你们身处落后的克利夫兰 |
| [16:23] | No, it doesn’t. We’re fine with it. | 不会啊 我们没意见 |
| [16:27] | Well, look at me, changing hearts and minds. | 瞧我 在改变思想和观念啊 |
| [16:30] | Champagne for everyone. | 请大家喝香槟 |
| [16:33] | Oh, they want you to kiss. | 他们要你们接吻 |
| [16:36] | Two seconds, no tongue. | 两秒 不准舌吻 |
| [16:37] | I want my porsche. | 我要保时捷 |
| [16:45] | Mom, I’m sorry! | 妈 对不起 |
| [16:46] | I can’t go through with this wedding. | 我不能结这个婚 |
| [16:47] | Why not? What did I do? | 为什么 我做错了什么 |
| [16:48] | I can change. | 我可以改啊 |
| [16:55] | So, uh… | 那么 |
| [16:57] | When did you realize you were straight? | 你什么时候知道你是直男的 |
| [17:00] | Hm, I guess a part of me always knew. | 我想内心深处我一直知道 |
| [17:03] | Maybe a part of me always knew too. | 也许我内心深处也一直知道 |
| [17:06] | Wow…I have a non-gay son. | 哇 我有个不是同志的儿子 |
| [17:10] | I guess I’m just going to have to get used to telling people | 我想我必须习惯告诉大家 |
| [17:12] | that my son likes… | 我儿子喜欢… |
| [17:15] | Women. | 女人 |
| [17:18] | Well, not women. A woman. | 不是女人 而是一个特定的女人 |
| [17:20] | I have this gorgeous girlfriend and– | 我有个非常棒的女友 |
| [17:21] | All right, no details, I’m not there yet. | 别说细节 我还没准备好接受这个 |
| [17:25] | I know it’s a lot to process. | 我知道你一下子要消化的太多 |
| [17:26] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [17:28] | Well, now that we’re being totally honest with each other, um… | 现在我们对彼此都说实话了 |
| [17:32] | Did you choose to live with your father because you thought | 你当初选择和你父亲一起生活是因为你觉得 |
| [17:35] | I couldn’t accept your being straight? | 我无法接受你是直男吗 |
| [17:37] | No, I chose dad because he needed me more. | 不 我选择爸爸是因为他更需要我 |
| [17:40] | And even though it’s probably not healthy | 尽管让一个孩子去照管父母 |
| [17:41] | for a kid to take care of his parent, | 或许算不上健康的行为 |
| [17:42] | that’s what I did. | 但我就是这样做的 |
| [17:44] | You were stronger. | 你更坚强 |
| [17:45] | Oh, my sweet boy. | 我的好儿子 |
| [17:47] | Well, why didn’t you keep in touch? | 你为什么不和我联系呢 |
| [17:49] | ‘Cause I knew if I did, I’d want to leave dad | 我知道如果我联系你 我就想离开爸 |
| [17:51] | and come live with you. | 和你一起生活 |
| [17:53] | I was avoiding the hurt. | 我在避免伤害 |
| [17:54] | Sometimes I would pretend you didn’t even exist. | 有时候我会假装你根本不存在 |
| [17:56] | Oh, I did the same thing. | 我也这样做 |
| [18:00] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -是的 |
| [18:02] | So we’re equally horrible. | 这么说我们同样差劲 |
| [18:03] | Yeah, we are. | 是的 |
| [18:05] | Oh, I love you, sweetie. | 我爱你 亲爱的 |
| [18:06] | I love you too, mom. | 我也爱你 妈 |
| [18:08] | That’ll cost you a dollar. | 你得交一块钱 |
| [18:20] | – Mitch? – Joy? | -米奇 -乔依 |
| [18:21] | What are you doing here? | 你跑来这里做什么 |
| [18:22] | I don’t trust this doctor. | 我不信任这个医生 |
| [18:23] | I’m here to dig up some dirt on him. | 我来挖些他的黑料 |
| [18:25] | – Me, too. – You see? | -我也是 -你瞧 |
| [18:27] | It’s our mutual distrust of people | 我们对别人的这种共同的不信任 |
| [18:28] | that always made me think we were compatible. | 一直让我觉得我们很相配 |
| [18:30] | Me, too. | 我也是 |
| [18:32] | Shall we? | 我们开始吧 |
| [18:40] | Oh, my god. | 我的天 |
| [18:41] | That compatibility test he gave us? | 他给我们的这个相配度测试 |
| [18:43] | Got it off buzzfeed. | 是从网上随便下载的 |
| [18:45] | This is no different than those silly | 这和那些傻傻的 |
| [18:46] | “What disney character are you?” quizzes. | “你是迪士尼里的哪个角色”测试没区别 |
| [18:49] | I love those. Who did you get? | 我喜欢那类测试 你是哪个 |
| [18:50] | Jasmine. | 茉莉公主 |
| [18:52] | Aladdin. | 我是阿拉丁 |
| [18:55] | Do you know what this means? | 你知道这意味着什么吗 |
| [18:56] | Yes. | 知道 |
| [18:57] | We’re a match, and he’s a fraud. | 我们很相配 他是个骗子 |
| [18:59] | Oh, Mitch, I don’t care about reality. | 米奇 我不在乎现实 |
| [19:02] | I want our fairy tale relationship. | 我要我们的童话爱情 |
| [19:04] | I do, too. | 我也是 |
| [19:09] | What’s going on in here? | 什么情况 |
| [19:11] | What would you say if we said we broke in | 如果我们说我们闯了进来 |
| [19:13] | and found out what a fraud you are? | 发现你是个骗子 你会怎么说 |
| [19:16] | I’d say I was calling the police. | 我会说我要报警 |
| [19:20] | Well, what would you say if we said that we’re gonna tell | 如果我们说我们会告诉你所有的病人 |
| [19:22] | all your other patients where you get your quizzes? | 你的测试题目是从哪里抄来的 你会怎么说 |
| [19:25] | I’d say… | 我会说 |
| [19:26] | Lock up when you’re finished. | 你们完事后锁好门 |
| [19:30] | You two deserve each other. | 你们绝配 别祸害别人了 |
| [19:35] | We do. | 没错 |