| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Hot in Cleveland is recorded in front of a live studio audience. | 《燃情克利夫兰》是在摄影棚观众前现场录制的 |
| [00:04] | All right, people. | 好了 各位 |
| [00:05] | The academy awards are three weeks away, | 三周后就是奥斯卡颁奖典礼了 |
| [00:07] | and we need to mobilize. | 我们要动员起来了 |
| [00:09] | Now first, I need a killer speech– | 首先 我需要艳惊四座的致谢辞 |
| [00:11] | One that will make my fellow nominees hate me even more, | 能够令我那些被提名的同行们更恨我 |
| [00:13] | because I come off so gracious. | 因为我是那么的亲切优雅 |
| [00:16] | Now, luckily, we have a writer in our midst. | 幸运的是 我们当中有位作家 |
| [00:18] | Oh, I wouldn’t call myself a writer. | 我不觉得我足以被称为”作家” |
| [00:20] | Neither would I. | 我也不觉得 |
| [00:23] | That’s why I want Elka to do it. | 所以我让爱尔卡来写 |
| [00:25] | She has more sizzle now | 她现在比较火 |
| [00:26] | that that play she wrote is going to Broadway. | 她写的剧已经进军百老汇了 |
| [00:29] | The Broadway theatre in Cleveland, not New York. | 是克利夫兰的百老汇 不是纽约的 |
| [00:31] | And where is your play being performed? | 敢问你写的戏剧在哪里上演 |
| [00:35] | Oh, that’s right, you don’t have a play. | 对哦 你没有写过 |
| [00:39] | Next, Joy and Melanie, I need to decide | 下一项 乔依和梅兰妮 我需要决定 |
| [00:42] | who will be my plus-one for the academy awards. | 哪一位是我参加奥斯卡颁奖礼的同伴 |
| [00:45] | Oh, I hadn’t even thought about who you would take. | 我压根没想过你会带谁去 |
| [00:48] | Neither had I. | 我也没想过 |
| [00:49] | But of course you are gonna need someone to sit in the limo | 当然了 你需要有人陪你一起坐加长轿车 |
| [00:51] | and drink champagne with you on the way to the show. | 在去颁奖礼的途中一起喝香槟 |
| [00:54] | And afterwards the governor’s ball, | 之后是州长舞会 |
| [00:56] | the vanity fair party, et cetera, et cetera. | 名利场派对 等等 等等 |
| [00:59] | And if you do choose a woman as your plus-one, | 如果你选择一位女性做你的同伴 |
| [01:01] | she’s gonna need a gown. | 她会需要一件礼服 |
| [01:02] | Yes, a gown! | 没错 礼服 |
| [01:04] | She’ll need a gown. | 她会需要一件礼服 |
| [01:06] | Well, I would like to take both of you– | 我想带你们一起去 |
| [01:08] | Oh, my god, we’re going to the oscars! | 老天 我们要去参加奥斯卡颁奖礼了 |
| [01:09] | I know, I’m so excited! | 我知道 我好激动 |
| [01:11] | But I can’t. I can only take one of you. | 但不行 我只能带一个人去 |
| [01:16] | Oh, well, you know, whomever you choose, I’ll be happy. | 无论你选谁 我都高兴 |
| [01:19] | I feel the same way. | 我也一样 |
| [01:21] | And of course, | 当然了 |
| [01:22] | if there’s anything that I can do for you in the meantime, | 如果有什么需要我帮忙的 |
| [01:24] | you just ask me. | 直接吩咐我就行 |
| [01:27] | And of course, I will do anything you need as well too. | 当然 你有任何需要我也会帮忙的 |
| [01:29] | And if you do happen to choose Joy, you know, | 如果你选择乔依 |
| [01:31] | I’m gonna just be so happy for her. | 我会为她高兴的 |
| [01:33] | And I’ll be so happy for Melanie if you choose her. | 如果你选梅兰妮 我也会为她高兴的 |
| [01:39] | Why are you smiling? | 你笑什么 |
| [01:40] | This is gonna be fun. | 这下有得乐了 |
| [01:53] | So I’ve had some thoughts about my speech. | 关于致谢辞 我有些想法 |
| [01:56] | I’d like to open with a joke. | 我想用笑话开场 |
| [01:58] | No. | 不 |
| [02:01] | What do you mean “no”? | “不”是什么意思 |
| [02:02] | You’re funny. You can write a joke. | 你很搞笑 写个笑话没问题 |
| [02:04] | I’m funny. Yes. | 我是搞笑 没错 |
| [02:06] | Wait, are you saying that I’m not funny? | 你的意思是我不搞笑咯 |
| [02:09] | It’s been said. | 有这说法 |
| [02:14] | – For you. – A gift? | -给你的 -礼物吗 |
| [02:16] | Oh, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [02:18] | Van cleef–wait, wait. | 梵克的 等等 |
| [02:20] | You drove all the way to Chicago for this? | 你开车去芝加哥买的吗 |
| [02:23] | Oh, it’s not that far for a best friend. | 送最好的朋友 根本算不上远 |
| [02:25] | Oh, my god. | 老天 |
| [02:27] | Joy, look at this gorgeous necklace Melanie just gave me. | 乔依 你看梅兰妮刚送我的这么漂亮的项链 |
| [02:32] | Oh, it’s nothing, really. | 真的没什么 |
| [02:33] | I mean, yes, I had drive all the way to Chicago for it, | 没错 我得开车去芝加哥才买到的 |
| [02:35] | but it’s no big deal. | 但没什么的 |
| [02:37] | Chicago, gosh. | 芝加哥 老天 |
| [02:39] | I bought Victoria this, | 我给维多利亚买了这个 |
| [02:40] | but I only drove to New York. | 只是开车去了趟纽约而已 |
| [02:42] | New York is further away. | 纽约远多了 |
| [02:44] | Is it? | 是吗 |
| [02:45] | Time flies when you’re buying | 当你给最好的朋友 |
| [02:46] | breakfast caviar for your best friend. | 买鱼子酱早餐时 再远的路时间也过得快 |
| [02:48] | Caviar is my favorite. | 鱼子酱是我的最爱 |
| [02:51] | Your favorite from your favorite. | 你最爱的人送你的最爱的食物 |
| [02:55] | You did a very nice thing. | 你做得真棒 |
| [02:56] | Now, we both did nice things. | 我们都做得很棒 |
| [02:59] | It’s not a competition. | 这不是在比赛 |
| [03:00] | No, no, it’s not. | 没错 不是的 |
| [03:02] | It’s just two equally good best friends | 只是两位感情一样好的好友 |
| [03:05] | doing nice things for Victoria. | 对维多利亚好 |
| [03:07] | – Oh, no. – What? What is it? | -不好 -怎么啦 |
| [03:09] | You know that Victoria Chase stretch of highway I sponsored? | 你们知道那个我赞助的”维多利亚·蔡斯高速公路”吗 |
| [03:12] | Well, apparently you’re supposed to pay to clean it, | 显然你要出钱清洁 |
| [03:14] | not just adopt it and leave it to its own devices, | 而不是领了后 就让其自生自灭 |
| [03:17] | as you would a child. | 好像对孩子那样 |
| [03:19] | You know, you would make a great adoptive mother, Victoria. | 你会成为优秀的养母的 维多利亚 |
| [03:23] | Yes, your heart is as big as your dress size is small. | 没错 你的裙子尺码有多小 心灵就有多宏大 |
| [03:27] | Damn it! That was a good one. | 见鬼 这马屁拍得绝了 |
| [03:29] | Oh, I’ve got 50 hours community service. | 我收到了50小时的社区服务令 |
| [03:32] | – I’ll do it for you, Victoria. – Are you sure? | -我帮你做 维多利亚 -你确定吗 |
| [03:34] | Oh, Joy, you’re amazing. | 乔依 你太好了 |
| [03:35] | What? What? And I got 50 more hours | 什么 什么 又多了50小时 |
| [03:38] | for not responding to the first violation. | 因为第一次违规警告时没反应 |
| [03:40] | I’ll do it for you. | 我帮你做 |
| [03:41] | I can’t believe you would both do this for me. | 真不敢相信你们愿意这样帮我 |
| [03:44] | I have the best friends. | 我的好友最棒了 |
| [03:47] | We’re happy to help. | 我们很开心能帮忙 |
| [03:48] | I mean, how many times is someone nominated for an oscar? | 一个人获奥斯卡提名的机会能有多少次啊 |
| [03:51] | Many times, probably, if that someone is Victoria Chase. | 如果这人是维多利亚·蔡斯 就可能很多次啊 |
| [03:58] | Wait, I can top that. | 慢着 我可以说得更好 |
| [04:01] | Hit the showers, Joy. That round went to Melanie. | 洗洗睡吧 乔依 这个回合梅兰妮胜了 |
| [04:09] | I just got off the phone with the community service people. | 我刚和社区服务那边的人通完电话 |
| [04:11] | I have to spend 50 hours cleaning port-a-potties in the park. | 我必须清洗公园的移动厕所50小时 |
| [04:15] | And this week is Cleveland’s chili fest. | 这周是克利夫兰的辣椒酱节 |
| [04:20] | You should trade jobs with Joy. | 你应该和乔依换工作 |
| [04:22] | She won’t wanna clean toilets. | 她不会想去洗厕所的 |
| [04:24] | Sell her on the park. | 卖点在公园上 |
| [04:27] | I got the worst community service ever. | 我碰到了最悲惨的社区服务令 |
| [04:30] | They’ve got me working in the hospital morgue. | 他们要我在医院太平间工作 |
| [04:34] | Why not trade jobs with Melanie? | 不如跟梅兰妮换吧 |
| [04:38] | I could never convince her to work in the morgue. | 我没办法说服她在太平间工作 |
| [04:40] | Sell her on the hospital. | 卖点在医院上 |
| [04:44] | Hi, Joy. | 嗨 乔依 |
| [04:45] | So did you get your community service? | 你知道了社区服务令的内容吗 |
| [04:47] | I did. | 知道 |
| [04:48] | I’m working in a hospital. | 我要在医院工作 |
| [04:50] | Really? Working with patients? | 是吗 为病人服务吗 |
| [04:53] | Mostly former patients. | 主要是前病人 |
| [04:57] | How about you? | 你呢 |
| [04:57] | Oh, I’m working in the park. You know, just tidying up. | 我在公园工作 就稍微打扫一下 |
| [05:00] | Oh, lucky you. | 你真幸运 |
| [05:02] | I’ll be stuck with all these doctors flirting with me all day, | 我会被那些医生整天调戏的 |
| [05:05] | and they’ll all be so young. | 他们还那么年轻 |
| [05:06] | Oh, yeah. | 是啊 |
| [05:07] | You know, knowing my luck, | 你知道我运气不好的 |
| [05:08] | I’ll probably be invited to play frisbee with a bunch of college boys | 可能会被一堆大学男生邀请去玩飞盘 |
| [05:11] | and totally embarrass myself. | 我肯定会出尽洋相的 |
| [05:14] | You know, I wouldn’t mind being outdoors. | 我不介意去户外 |
| [05:17] | Rather like getting my hands dirty. | 我宁愿做些累活 |
| [05:19] | And I don’t mind a hospital. | 我不介意去医院 |
| [05:20] | Maybe we should switch. | 也许我们应该交换 |
| [05:22] | I could see that working. | 我觉得这样能行 |
| [05:27] | Hello, Melanie. | 你好 梅兰妮 |
| [05:29] | I hate you! | 我恨你 |
| [05:31] | I hate you more. | 我更恨你 |
| [05:34] | You’re going down, Moretti. | 你要完蛋了 莫雷蒂 |
| [05:37] | Over my dead body. | 除非我死了 |
| [05:39] | No offense. | 别介意哈 |
| [05:42] | I hope Joy and Melanie are having as good a time as we are. | 我希望乔依和梅兰妮和我们一样这么享受 |
| [05:46] | One’s in a toilet, and one’s in a morgue. | 一个在厕所 一个在太平间 |
| [05:50] | – More caviar? – Oh, please. | -再来点鱼子酱吗 -谢谢 |
| [05:53] | So how is my speech coming along? | 我的致谢辞写的怎么样了 |
| [05:55] | I’m working on it right now. | 我现在就在想呢 |
| [05:57] | You’re just drinking wine. | 你只是在喝酒而已 |
| [06:00] | Oh, it just looks that way. | 只是表面看上去是这样 |
| [06:02] | I’m actually writing. | 我其实在写作呢 |
| [06:05] | Time for a rewrite. | 该重写了 |
| [06:13] | Dr. Rayner, thanks again for coming to my home for this procedure. | 雷纳医生 谢谢你亲自上门为我做这个小手术 |
| [06:17] | Since this facial filler is so new, | 鉴于这个”面部填充术”属于新技术 |
| [06:19] | I’m just a little nervous | 我有点担心 |
| [06:21] | about injecting myself this close to the oscars. | 现在距离奥斯卡颁奖日这么近 该不该做 |
| [06:24] | I understand. | 我理解 |
| [06:25] | So what parts of your face are we targeting? | 你到底想改变一下面部的哪一块呢 |
| [06:27] | Oh, let me show you on my guinea pig. | 我先让你看看我的小白鼠吧 |
| [06:32] | Now, she doesn’t have my naturally high cheekbones, | 瞧 她没有我这种天生的高颧骨 |
| [06:35] | and I don’t have the drooping here or the sagging here. | 我也没有她这里的下垂和这里的凹陷 |
| [06:39] | Well, I could plump here, | 我可以在这里扎一针 |
| [06:41] | add some filler above the cheekbones here and maybe here, | 在颧骨和这里加一点填充物 |
| [06:44] | – and then pull– – You know what? | -然后拉一下… -话说 |
| [06:45] | Surprise me. Just go nuts. | 给我个惊喜吧 你疯狂发挥吧 |
| [06:48] | Go nuts? | 疯狂发挥 |
| [06:49] | And do something about those lines when she’s scared. | 顺便处理一下她惊恐时会露出的皱纹 |
| [06:58] | How long do I have to keep this on? | 我得顶着这个东西多久啊 |
| [07:00] | You heard what he said, until it sets. | 你也听到医生说的了 要等到塑形固定 |
| [07:02] | You look great already. | 你现在已经很靓了 |
| [07:04] | I’ll tell you what I look like. | 我来告诉你我看着像什么吧 |
| [07:06] | I look like the one friend | 我看着像是唯一一个 |
| [07:08] | who would have done this for you. | 愿意为你做这种事的朋友 |
| [07:09] | I don’t know who else would. | 我不知道还有谁会愿意 |
| [07:11] | Victoria, guess what I did for you. | 维多利亚 猜猜我为你做了什么 |
| [07:16] | How could you? | 你怎么可以这样 |
| [07:17] | How could you? | 你怎么可以这样 |
| [07:18] | Now, now, no fighting. | 好了 别吵 |
| [07:20] | You both just did something wonderful and important. | 你们都做了伟大而重要的事 |
| [07:24] | Give each other a hug. | 互相抱一下吧 |
| [07:35] | This is a great draft, but I have a couple of questions. | 这份草稿很棒 但我有几个问题 |
| [07:37] | Who is this Tony you have me thanking? | 你要我感谢的这个托尼是谁啊 |
| [07:41] | Your third child. | 你的第三个孩子 |
| [07:44] | Good catch. | 说的好 |
| [07:46] | You know, those injections that doctor gave to Joy and Melanie | 医生给乔依和梅兰妮打的注射针 |
| [07:50] | really turned out nicely. | 效果真的非常不错 |
| [07:51] | I’m gonna have it done myself. | 我打算亲自尝试一下了 |
| [07:54] | Hello, this is Victoria Chase. | 你好 我是维多利亚·蔡斯 |
| [07:56] | Oh, my god! | 天啊 |
| [07:57] | I look like a freak! | 我看着跟怪物一样 |
| [07:58] | I’ll call you back. | 我再打给你吧 |
| [08:01] | That bloody cheek injection migrated. | 那个该死的面颊注射物移位了 |
| [08:04] | It gave me an adam’s apple. | 让我长了个喉结 |
| [08:09] | I look like a man! | 我看上去跟男人一样了 |
| [08:11] | On the bright side, it goes with the hands and the chest. | 往好的一面看 跟你的大手和平胸倒是挺搭的 |
| [08:17] | Well, Joy, the doctor warned us | 乔依 医生之前有提醒过我们 |
| [08:20] | that something like this could happen. | 像这种情况是有可能发生的 |
| [08:21] | He never saidthis would happen! | 他从没说过会长个喉结啊 |
| [08:24] | Maybe he said that only to me. | 或许他只对我说了 |
| [08:26] | I disfigured myself for you, Victoria. | 我为你毁容了 维多利亚 |
| [08:29] | This had better count for something. | 这个最好是有意义的 |
| [08:30] | Oh, absolutely. | 当然了 |
| [08:31] | No, you definitely are way ahead of Melanie right now. | 不 你现在领先梅兰妮一大截了 |
| [08:33] | Wait, wait, why? I got the same treatment. | 等等 凭什么 我也进行注射了啊 |
| [08:36] | I have an adam’s apple! | 我长了个喉结 |
| [08:38] | And how is that a plus? | 那凭什么就可以加分了 |
| [08:41] | What will people think when on the red carpet | 你们走红毯时 人们看到你的同伴长得 |
| [08:43] | your date looks like John Stamos in drag? | 跟伪娘版的约翰·斯塔莫斯一样会怎么想啊 |
| [08:43] | 经典喜剧《欢乐满屋》的主演 非常帅气 | |
| [08:47] | That was a compliment, Joy. | 那可是对你的赞美哦 乔依 |
| [08:51] | Melanie, I’m sorry, | 梅兰妮 不好意思 |
| [08:52] | but Joy made a real sacrifice for me. | 但乔依为我做出了很大的牺牲 |
| [08:54] | Well, I can do that too. Just give me a task. | 我也可以牺牲的啊 给我个任务吧 |
| [08:57] | I’ll get that for you. | 我来帮你开门 |
| [09:02] | It’s for you. | 是给你的 |
| [09:05] | What is it? | 是什么 |
| [09:06] | Oh, no. It’s from the ladypants people. | 不要啊 是淑女裤公司的人寄来的 |
| [09:12] | “Dear international face of incontinence… | “亲爱的尿失禁国际代言人 |
| [09:19] | Say ‘hi’ to enclosed absorbent gown | 来见识一下强力吸收礼服吧 |
| [09:21] | that you are legally obligated to wear to the oscar academies.” | 你在法律上有义务穿去参加奥斯卡颁奖礼” |
| [09:24] | This can’t be happening. | 告诉我这不是真的 |
| [09:27] | I thought your lawyers were gonna make that go away, | 你不是说你的律师会替你摆平这事的吗 |
| [09:29] | so you could wear the dior gown. | 那样你就可以穿迪奥礼服了 |
| [09:30] | So did I. | 我也是这么以为的 |
| [09:32] | “Despite best good efforts from your legal team, | “尽管你的法律团队付出了艰苦卓绝的努力 |
| [09:35] | Our contract, like our garment, is watertight. | 我们的合同跟我们的吸尿裤一样 是滴水不漏的 |
| [09:41] | Here is your Mrs. Ladypants gown, | 请收好你的淑女裤牌礼服 |
| [09:44] | now with litter crystal technology.” | 现在更是加入了水晶工艺” |
| [09:49] | Oh, god. | 天啊 |
| [09:57] | It’s not so bad. | 也没那么差劲啊 |
| [09:59] | With your figure, you can make anything look beautiful. | 以你的身材 穿什么都美 |
| [10:02] | And you look amazing in white. | 你穿白色真是美呆了 |
| [10:06] | You look like an angel. | 你看着跟天使一样 |
| [10:09] | Wearing a diaper. | 系尿布的天使 |
| [10:13] | Oh, I’m ruined. | 我死定了 |
| [10:14] | Wait, there’s a P.S. | 等等 还有个附言 |
| [10:17] | “Do not spoil surprise of gown. | “别提前曝光这件礼服 |
| [10:19] | If it is seen in press before oscar academies, | 如果在奥斯卡典礼前被媒体爆料出来 |
| [10:22] | we will not allow you to wear it.” | 我们就不允许你穿了” |
| [10:29] | This is fantastic. | 真是太棒了 |
| [10:31] | I mean, all I have to do is get someone photographed in public | 我只需要找人穿着这异形装 |
| [10:34] | wearing this monstrosity. | 在公共场合拍个照就行了 |
| [10:37] | Well, you’re smart, Victoria. | 你真聪明 维多利亚 |
| [10:39] | You’ll think of someone. | 你肯定能找到人的 |
| [10:41] | Hi. Melanie Moretti. | 大家好 我是梅兰妮·莫雷蒂 |
| [10:43] | Ask Melanieat wjvb. | 「问问梅兰妮」栏目主播 |
| [10:45] | I’m so happy to be here at the Cleveland radio awards. | 我很高兴参加克利夫兰电台颁奖礼 |
| [10:48] | Who am I wearing? | 我穿的是什么 |
| [10:49] | Mrs. Ladypants. | 淑女裤礼服 |
| [10:52] | Yes, that’s what I said. | 没错 我说的就是这个 |
| [10:53] | Mrs. Ladypants. | 淑女裤礼服 |
| [10:55] | Oh, my god, the water main just blew! | 天啊 总水管爆裂了 |
| [10:57] | We need something to suck up this water. | 我们需要个东西来吸干这些水 |
| [11:04] | I have something. | 我有东西可以帮忙 |
| [11:07] | Hey, here’s the hero. | 嘿 大英雄来了 |
| [11:09] | Yes, I used the ladypants dress to plug the giant leak. | 没错 我用淑女裤把水管大缺口给堵住了 |
| [11:14] | The force of the water tore the dress right off my body. | 水管压力把裙子从我身上撕扯下去了 |
| [11:18] | Remember when you said, because it had a built-in pant, | 还记得你之前说 那衣服有个内置小裤裤 |
| [11:22] | that I didn’t need to wear underwear? | 所以我不需要穿内裤吗 |
| [11:27] | I really wish I had. | 我真希望我穿了 |
| [11:29] | Well, at least millions of people saw it on youtube. | 至少几百万人在Youtube上看到视频了 |
| [11:34] | Somebody posted it on youtube? | 有人传到Youtube上去了吗 |
| [11:35] | Well, I had to, and it worked. | 我必须传啊 效果超好 |
| [11:39] | And the ladypants lawyers said that I no longer get to wear that gown. | 淑女裤公司的律师说 我不能再穿那件礼服了 |
| [11:43] | So what I hear you saying | 所以我听你这话的意思就是 |
| [11:45] | is that I made the biggest sacrifice for you. | 我为你做出了巨大的牺牲 |
| [11:48] | You? | 你吗 |
| [11:49] | I have an adam’s apple. | 我可是长了个喉结 |
| [11:52] | I touched dead bodies. | 我触碰了死尸 |
| [11:53] | I cleaned port-a-potties. | 我打扫了屎坑 |
| [11:55] | – Chicago. – New york! | -芝加哥 -纽约 |
| [11:56] | – Van cleef! – Petrossian! | -梵克项链 -法式早餐 |
| [11:58] | Stop it, both of you. | 够了 你们两个 |
| [12:00] | I have less than two hours | 我现在只剩不到两小时 |
| [12:02] | to choose my plus-one for the academy awards, | 来选择去参加奥斯卡颁奖礼的伴侣了 |
| [12:04] | and all you’re doing is stressing me out. | 你们简直让我压力山大 |
| [12:07] | I’m going to the spa. | 我要去做个水疗 |
| [12:08] | I’m gonna sit in the sauna and gonna clear my head. | 我要坐在桑拿室里 好好清醒一下脑子 |
| [12:11] | That’s a great idea, Victoria, just you and your thoughts. | 真是个好主意 维多利亚 只剩你和你的想法 |
| [12:14] | Your amazing thoughts! | 你那些超赞的想法 |
| [12:15] | Yes, take all the time you need, | 是啊 你想蒸多久都行 |
| [12:17] | my dear, dear friend! | 我最最亲爱的朋友 |
| [12:26] | I think I may just go for a walk. | 我还是出去散散步吧 |
| [12:29] | And I may go check the mail. | 我去查看一下邮件吧 |
| [12:38] | – Victoria, wait for me! – Wait for me! | -维多利亚 等等我 -等等我 |
| [12:44] | It was nice of Joy to volunteer to park my car. | 乔依主动要帮我泊车 可真好 |
| [12:46] | It really was. | 是啊 |
| [12:48] | You bring out the best in even the worst people. | 就连最差劲的人 你也能让她展现出最好的一面 |
| [12:51] | Why don’t you just go relax in the sauna, | 不如你先去桑拿室里蒸着 |
| [12:53] | and I’ll sign in for all three of us? | 我来替我们三个签一下字 |
| [12:54] | Oh, that’s sweet of you. | 你可真好 |
| [12:55] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [12:58] | Oh, my god. | 天啊 |
| [12:59] | – Was that Victoria Chase? – Yes, it was. | -那是维多利亚·蔡斯吗 -是的 |
| [13:02] | And she desperately needs your help. | 她迫切需要你的帮助 |
| [13:04] | See, there’s this crazy transvestite stalker following her. | 有一个疯狂的异装癖在跟踪她 |
| [13:08] | And if he shows up here, | 如果她跟来这里的话 |
| [13:09] | it is imperative that you call security. | 请你务必叫安保把她弄走 |
| [13:12] | You can’t miss him. | 你绝对不会认错的 |
| [13:13] | Crazy short shorts and a huge adam’s apple. | 穿着超短裤 长着个大大的喉结 |
| [13:19] | I wonder what’s keeping Joy. | 不知道乔依为什么还没来 |
| [13:22] | Oh, she probably got a text from Mitch. | 她大概是收到了米奇的短信吧 |
| [13:24] | You know, whenever he calls or texts, | 你也知道 只要他一打电话或发短信 |
| [13:26] | she just drops everything. | 她就会放下手头的一切 |
| [13:27] | Imagine if he texted her at the oscars. | 想象下 如果她在奥斯卡现场收到他的短信 |
| [13:30] | You’d be all alone on the red carpet. | 你就会被孤零零扔在红毯上 |
| [13:33] | No one to yell, “oh, my god, | 没人会冲你叫喊 “天啊 |
| [13:35] | Victoria Chase and Jennifer Lawrence | 维多利亚·蔡斯和珍妮弗·劳伦斯 |
| [13:37] | look just like sisters!” | 看着就像姐妹一样” |
| [13:39] | Well, somebody else will probably say it. | 或许别人也会这么喊的 |
| [13:42] | I am not a transvestite! | 我不是个异装癖 |
| [13:46] | Or a stalker! | 也不是跟踪狂 |
| [13:47] | I am a woman! | 我是个女人 |
| [13:49] | With that adam’s apple? | 女人有这么大喉结的吗 |
| [13:51] | Look, buddy, security’s on its way. | 听着 兄弟 安保人员马上就要过来了 |
| [13:53] | So if you don’t wanna get arrested, I suggest you leave. | 如果你不想被捕 我建议你立即离开 |
| [13:55] | Now. | 立刻 |
| [13:56] | Also… | 并且 |
| [13:58] | Here’s my number. | 这是我的号码 |
| [14:03] | All right, I’m gonna call the oscar people right now | 我这就给奥斯卡组委会的人打电话 |
| [14:06] | and tell them you’re my plus-one. | 告诉他们我决定带你去了 |
| [14:08] | Not so fast. | 慢着 |
| [14:11] | How did you get in? | 你是怎么进来的 |
| [14:12] | I had to prove to the receptionist | 我不得不向那个前台证明 |
| [14:14] | that I’m a woman. | 我是个女人 |
| [14:16] | You took off your top? | 你脱了上衣吗 |
| [14:18] | That didn’t work. | 那一招没管用 |
| [14:26] | I hate to burden you with this, but as your best friend, | 我也不想给你添堵 但作为你最好的朋友 |
| [14:30] | I need to tell you | 我必须告诉你 |
| [14:31] | that your friend Melanie is mean and deceitful. | 你朋友梅兰妮卑鄙无耻下流 |
| [14:33] | First of all, I’m Victoria’s best friend. | 首先 我才是维多利亚最好的朋友 |
| [14:36] | And if anyone’s being deceitful, it’s Joy. | 如果说有人卑鄙无耻下流 那也是乔依 |
| [14:39] | Ladies, ladies, I can’t fault you for fighting over me, | 姐妹们 我不能怪你们为我而争吵 |
| [14:42] | but you have to remember that you’re both my best friends. | 但你们得记住 你们都是我最好的朋友 |
| [14:45] | No, but you have to have a best best friend. | 不 但你得有个最好最好的朋友 |
| [14:48] | And isn’t that the person that’s always been there for you? | 难道一直支持你的人不是最好最好的朋友吗 |
| [14:50] | Oh, you mean like how I poisoned Susan Lucci for her? | 你是说 我为她给苏珊·露琪下毒吗 |
| [14:54] | I seduced a cannibal for her. | 我为她色诱食人族 |
| [14:55] | Oh, please! | 得了吧 |
| [14:57] | I seduced countless men for Victoria. | 我为维多利亚色诱过无数的男人 |
| [14:59] | In fact, I’m so devoted, I married Victoria. | 事实上 我献身到嫁给过维多利亚 |
| [15:03] | You also divorced her. | 你还跟她离婚了 |
| [15:04] | As I recall, it was a mean and contentious divorce. | 我记得 离婚过程搞得很僵 |
| [15:07] | It was not! | 才不是 |
| [15:08] | How dare you insult our beautiful union? | 你怎敢侮辱我们美丽的结合 |
| [15:11] | Oh, please. | 得了吧 |
| [15:12] | I mean, I can’t even count how many times | 我都已经记不清多少次 |
| [15:14] | I have humiliated myself, broken the law | 我令自己出丑 违反法律 |
| [15:16] | and my own standards of decency just to do things for Victoria. | 以及自己的做人原则 来为维多利亚做事 |
| [15:20] | Well, take your number and double it. | 把你的次数翻倍就是我的次数 |
| [15:23] | And remember, my standards are lower than yours. | 记住 我的做人底线比你的要低 |
| [15:28] | Wait a minute. | 慢着 |
| [15:30] | You and I have risked our personal relationships, | 你和我为了维多利亚 以友谊 |
| [15:33] | lives, and self-worth for Victoria. | 生活和自我价值做赌注 |
| [15:36] | And now we’re fighting against each other for Victoria? | 现在我们为了维多利亚 这样针锋相对 |
| [15:40] | We should be banding together against her. | 我们应该联合起来对付她 |
| [15:42] | Ooh, I do not like the way this is going. | 我不喜欢现在的发展趋势 |
| [15:46] | Neither do we. Come on, Joy. Let’s go. | 我们也不喜欢 乔依 我们走 |
| [15:48] | Good-bye, Victoria. | 再见 维多利亚 |
| [15:51] | Oh, my god. | 我的天 |
| [15:53] | I just got invited to the Elton John oscar party. | 我刚被邀请参加艾尔顿·约翰的奥斯卡派对 |
| [15:57] | Plus one. | 可以带一个伴 |
| [15:58] | Oh, please take me! I’m his biggest fan! | 拜托带我去 我是他的铁粉 |
| [16:00] | No, take me. I’m your biggest fan. | 不 带我去 我是你的铁粉 |
| [16:02] | No, but you just said– | 但你刚刚说 |
| [16:03] | I was just trying to draw Melanie out, | 我只是给梅兰妮下套 |
| [16:05] | so she’d reveal her true feelings about you. | 这样她会说出对你的真实感觉 |
| [16:07] | – That’s what I was doing! – Liar! | -我也是这样做的 -骗子 |
| [16:08] | You’re the liar! | 你才是骗子 |
| [16:09] | If you take her to that party, she’s gonna embarrass you | 如果你带她去派对 她会让你没面子的 |
| [16:11] | by asking Elton if she looks like Kate Beckinsale. | 她会问艾尔顿她是不是长得像凯特·贝金赛尔 |
| [16:13] | I do look like Kate Beckinsale! | 我本来就长得像凯特·贝金赛尔 |
| [16:15] | Right now you look like Nate Beckinsale. | 现在你像男版凯特·贝金赛尔 |
| [16:19] | You take that back. | 你收回这话 |
| [16:21] | Make me, dude. | 你有本事就来呀 兄弟 |
| [16:28] | I owe you both an apology. | 我欠你们一个道歉 |
| [16:30] | I should never have had you compete for that oscar ticket. | 我不应该让你们为了去奥斯卡颁奖礼而竞争 |
| [16:34] | And so I decided that the fairest thing to do | 所以我决定最公平的办法就是 |
| [16:35] | is to put both your names in a hat | 将你们的名字放在帽子里 |
| [16:37] | and just choose my plus-one blindly. | 凭天意选择 |
| [16:39] | But first I want to read to you | 但首先我要给你们念念 |
| [16:41] | my oscar acceptance speech that Elka wrote. | 爱尔卡为我写的奥斯卡得奖致谢辞 |
| [16:45] | As written, please. | 拜托照着念 |
| [16:48] | Let the words do the work. | 让文字发挥它们的作用 |
| [16:53] | Writers. | 瞧这些作家 |
| [16:55] | Actors. | 瞧这些演员 |
| [17:02] | Thank you to the academy, to our brilliant producers | 感谢学院 感谢优秀的制片人 |
| [17:05] | Todd Milliner, Josh and Joel Mandel”– | 陶德·米利纳 乔什和乔尔·曼德尔” |
| [17:10] | No, no. | 不 |
| [17:11] | This is not what I want to say. | 这不是我要说的 |
| [17:13] | I need to speak from the heart. | 我要从心底里致谢 |
| [17:17] | Here’s the speech that I’d really rather give. | 这才是我要说的致谢辞 |
| [17:21] | I want to thank my two best friends. | 我想感谢我两位最好的朋友 |
| [17:23] | Yes, two. | 没错 两位 |
| [17:25] | For 30 years, we have had each other’s backs. | 三十年来 我们肝胆相照 |
| [17:28] | We have shared each other’s triumphs and heartbreaks, | 我们分享了彼此的喜悦和心碎 |
| [17:32] | made the hard times good times | 令难过变成开心 |
| [17:34] | and the good times great times. | 令开心变成幸福 |
| [17:38] | Melanie Moretti and Joy Scroggs, | 梅兰妮·莫雷蒂 乔依·斯克罗格 |
| [17:40] | I share this award with you | 我将此荣誉与你们共享 |
| [17:42] | as I share my life with you. | 就像我们共享生命一样” |
| [17:44] | Oh, Victoria. | 维多利亚 |
| [17:46] | That is so… | 那真是… |
| [17:48] | Lovely and kind. | 充满爱意与宽容 |
| [17:51] | And we feel the exact same way about you. | 我们对你的感觉也是这样 |
| [17:53] | Oh, guys, I’m so sorry. | 姐妹们 真是对不起 |
| [17:57] | Why did we ever fight about this? | 我们为什么要为这个争吵啊 |
| [17:59] | I know. What were we thinking? | 就是啊 我们在想什么啊 |
| [18:01] | We would never ask you to choose between the two of us. | 我们永远不会要你在我们两个中做选择 |
| [18:04] | So why don’t you take Elka to the oscars? | 你不如带爱尔卡去奥斯卡颁奖礼吧 |
| [18:11] | Me? | 我 |
| [18:12] | Go to the Oscars? | 去奥斯卡颁奖礼 |
| [18:14] | It’s always been a dream. | 这一直是我的梦想 |
| [18:17] | Well, then it’s settled. | 那就决定了 |
| [18:20] | Elka, you are my plus-one. | 爱尔卡 你是我的同伴 |
| [18:22] | Come on, Melanie. | 来吧 梅兰妮 |
| [18:24] | Help me open a celebratory bottle of wine. | 帮我开瓶欢庆的美酒 |
| [18:26] | We’ll toast to Elka. | 我们为爱尔卡干杯 |
| [18:28] | Hey, do we still have | 话说 我买的 |
| [18:29] | that great bottle of bordeaux I bought? | 那瓶上好波尔多红酒还有吗 |
| [18:31] | Oh, sorry, I finished it up for breakfast. | 对不起 我早餐时喝完了 |
| [18:35] | That was a $1,000 bottle of wine. | 那可是一千块一瓶的红酒 |
| [18:38] | It really brought out the subtle flavors of my eggo. | 真的带出了冷冻华夫饼的深层美味 |
| [18:48] | Your plan worked perfectly. | 你的计划天衣无缝 |
| [18:49] | They totally fell for the fake speech. | 她们完全信了假的致谢辞 |
| [18:52] | I told you they would. | 我说了她们会信的 |
| [18:54] | And I didn’t have the heart to choose between them. | 我没有办法在她们中选择 |
| [18:57] | And I meant every word I said. | 我说的每个字都是真心的 |
| [18:59] | But you’re not gonna give that speech, are you? | 但你不会真说这个吧 |
| [19:03] | Well, why not? | 为什么不行 |
| [19:04] | No one wants to hear about your noncelebrity friends. | 没人想听你非名人朋友的事 |
| [19:08] | I know them, and I don’t care. | 我认识她们 我不在乎 |
| [19:13] | Elka, can you believe | 爱尔卡 你敢相信 |
| [19:14] | you’re going to the academy awards? | 你要去参加奥斯卡颁奖礼了吗 |
| [19:16] | What are you gonna wear? | 你打算穿什么礼服 |
| [19:19] | It’s all so sudden. | 太突然了 |
| [19:20] | I hadn’t given it a thought. | 我没考虑过 |
| [19:27] | Wow, Victoria. | 维多利亚 |
| [19:28] | Is that your oscar gown? | 这是你的奥斯卡礼服吗 |
| [19:29] | Looks a little short for Victoria. | 维多利亚穿着有些短啊 |
| [19:32] | Maybe I’ll wear that. | 也许我就穿这个好了 |