| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:00] | Kids** | 孩子们 也许你们想知道 |
| [00:02] | how many of these stories I’m teing you are true. | 我跟你们讲的故事有多少是真实的 |
| [00:04] | It’s a fair question. | 这个问题不错 |
| [00:06] | After all,there’s a fine line | 毕竟 精彩的故事和赤裸裸的谎言之间 |
| [00:07] | between a good story and a bald-faced lie. | 还是有明显的界限的 |
| [00:11] | I’ve never met anyone who could work that line | 从没有另一个人像Barney叔叔这样 |
| [00:13] | better than your Uncle Barney. | 在这条界限两边穿梭自如 |
| [00:15] | Heck,he could jump rope with it. | 好吧 他简直就是把界限当跳绳来玩 |
| [00:17] | I love to travel myself. | 我也很喜欢旅行 |
| [00:18] | Really? Where’s the best place you’ve visited? | 是吗? 你去过的最好的地方是哪? |
| [00:21] | Hawaii’s nice. | 夏威夷挺不错 |
| [00:22] | A buddy of mine lives in Seattle. That’s a good spot. | 我有个哥们住在西雅图 也是个好地方 |
| [00:26] | But the best place? I’d have to say the moon. | 但是最好的地方嘛 还得算…月球 |
| [00:29] | Hi. Neil Armstrong. | 你好 我是Neil Armstrong |
| [00:31] | No! You did not convince a girl that you were the first man to walk on the moon! | 得了吧 你绝不可能让那姑娘相信 你是人类历史上的登月第一人 |
| [00:35] | That happened seven years before you were born! | 人类成功登月7年之后你才出生呢! |
| [00:38] | Ted,baby doll,minor hurdle. | Ted 小娃娃 听好了哈 |
| [00:41] | Oh,yeah,well,our spaceship passed through a wormhole | 我们的宇宙飞船经过了一个虫洞 |
| [00:44] | or some gamma rays or something. | 或是伽玛射线还是什么的 |
| [00:46] | I started aging backwards,blah,blah,blah. | 反正我就是开始逆生长了 |
| [00:49] | So,you work in a yogurt shop. That must be wild. | 你在一家酸奶店工作啊 肯定很狂野吧 |
| [00:54] | Although,I did actually work in a yogurt store in high school. | 不过话说回来 我高中时确实在酸奶店打过工 |
| [00:58] | And it was indeed… wild. | 的确很…狂野 |
| [01:02] | Anyhoo,20 minutes later,the eagle landed. | 总之 20分钟之后 “雄鹰”着陆了 |
| [01:06] | We knocked space boots. | 我们”在宇宙里翻云覆雨” |
| [01:09] | Houston,we have a moaner. | 休斯顿 听见呻吟声了吧 |
| [01:11] | Other space-related double entendres. | 另外一个和宇宙有关的双关语 |
| [01:15] | Why do you feel the need to lie all the time? | 为什么你无时无刻都要撒谎呢? |
| [01:17] | I’m not lying! Guys,we made sweet love. | 我没撒谎 我们的爱做得可甜蜜了 |
| [01:20] | I got pictures. | 我还拍照了 |
| [01:25] | I hate my job. | 我讨厌我的工作 |
| [01:26] | What are you talking about? I thought you just interviewed the mayor. | 你说什么呢? 你不是刚采访过市长吗? |
| [01:29] | Mayor McWoof. | 麦汪汪市长 |
| [01:30] | He wears a dog costume and teaches kids not to litter. | 是个穿着狗外套的人 教小孩子们不要乱扔垃圾 |
| [01:33] | At least he’s supposed to. | 至少他应该是这样的 |
| [01:35] | Oh,I don’t want to talk about Mayor McWoof. | 我不想谈”麦汪汪市长” |
| [01:37] | I want to talk about these amazing insoles from Bon Appe-Feet! | 我想聊聊这种神奇的”好味道”鞋垫 |
| [01:42] | Just look how shock-absorbent they are! | 看看它们强大的抗冲击力吧! |
| [01:44] | Prop table! Table’s a prop! | 别捶! 这桌子就是个摆设! |
| [01:48] | We’ll be right back. | 我们马上回来 |
| [01:51] | We’ll be right back. | 我们马上回来 |
| [01:53] | Oh. Sorry,Robin. Got bored. | 对不起 Robin 我闲得慌 |
| [01:57] | Yeah,I don’t blame you. | 好吧 不怪你 |
| [01:59] | Man,just one decent interview would be so nice for a change. | 哪怕只有一个靠谱的采访也好啊 |
| [02:04] | Fine. I’ll look at my schedule,see when I’m available. | 我来看看我档期里什么时候有空吧 |
| [02:07] | But I want a list of questions ahead of time, | 不过我要提前看好所有问题 |
| [02:09] | and my personal life is off limits. | 而且坚决不聊私生活 |
| [02:11] | Ted,you caught seven peanuts in a row. | Ted 你一连丢了7颗花生进嘴里 |
| [02:13] | It’s impressive,but it’s not newsworthy. | 的确很犀利 不过还不够格上新闻 |
| [02:16] | You caught seven in a row? | 你一连丢了7颗进嘴里? |
| [02:18] | Seven in a row. | 一连7颗 |
| [02:19] | But that’s not what I’m talking about that. | 但是我要说的还不是这个 |
| [02:21] | No. I’m talking about how I was selected to build | 不 我要说的是我被选中建造 |
| [02:24] | a scale model of the Empire State Building | 帝国大厦的模型 |
| [02:26] | for the largest recreation of the New York skyline in the world. | 那可是世界上最大的 重建纽约高楼模型 |
| [02:30] | Is that the thing you were playing with the other night? | 你那天晚上玩的就是这个? |
| [02:33] | I wasn’t playing. I was working. | 我不是在玩 我是在工作 |
| [02:36] | “It’s you. ” “It’s me. ” “I saw you in the street. | 是你 是我 我在街上见过你 |
| [02:41] | Are you Annie? | 你是Annie? |
| [02:42] | ” “Yes. | 是的 |
| [02:44] | ” Ted,are you acting out the last scene of | Ted 你是不是拿着小人偶 |
| [02:47] | Sleepless in Seattle with little dolls? | 在演”西雅图未眠夜”里的最后一幕? |
| [02:51] | How long have you been out here? | 你出来多久了? |
| [02:52] | – Ten seconds. – Yeah. Just the last scene. | – 十秒钟 – 没错 只有最后一幕 |
| [02:56] | Oh,Ted. Again? | 噢 Ted 又一次啊? |
| [02:59] | Ooh. That’s the pizza. Baby,do you have any cash? | 披萨到了 亲爱的你有现金吗? |
| [03:02] | Oh. You know,uh,I don’t… I actually… | 噢 实际上…我觉得… |
| [03:05] | I don’t think that I should have to pay. | 我觉得不该我出钱 |
| [03:09] | ‘Cause I’m not a fan of pizza. | 因为我不喜欢吃披萨 |
| [03:13] | – What? ! – Marshall,we’ve driven halfway across the country | – 什么?! – Marshall 我们无数次开车穿越大半个美国 |
| [03:15] | for a piece of pizza literally hundreds of times. | 就为了吃一块披萨 |
| [03:17] | I once caught you eating pizza in the shower. | 我有次逮到你洗澡时还在吃披萨 |
| [03:20] | Marshall,there’s a cartoon of you on our coupons. | Marshall 我们的优惠券上 都印着你的卡通头像呢 |
| [03:23] | I’m not saying Marshall’s a guy who likes pizza, | 我不是说Marshall有多喜欢披萨 |
| [03:25] | but last time he went in for a physical, | 不过上次他去体检 |
| [03:27] | Doctor says,”Marshall,you got to stop eating pizza. | 医生说”Marshall 你别吃披萨了好吗” |
| [03:28] | ” Marshall says,”Why? ” Doc says,”So I can examine you. | Marshall说”为什么” 医生说”这样我才能检查啊” |
| [03:31] | ” But seriously,we kid because we love. | 不过说真的 这是逗你玩 |
| [03:33] | All right,look,the reason | 好吧好吧 其实… |
| [03:34] | that I don’t have any money on me is because… | 我身上没钱是因为… |
| [03:40] | I got mugged. | 我被打劫了 |
| [03:41] | You…? What? | 你…? 什么? |
| [03:44] | Can somebody please pay Arthur? All right? I’m starving! | 你们谁把钱付给Arthur行吗? 我饿死了! |
| [03:47] | How’s your dad,by the way? | 顺便问下 你爸爸怎么样了? |
| [03:48] | – Better. – Good. | – 好多了 – 那就好 |
| [03:59] | How I Met Your Mother S05E19 | |
| [04:04] | Oh,my God,you got mugged?! | 天哪 你被打劫了? |
| [04:05] | Who mugged you? Was he wearing a black skull-knit cap and a five o’clock shadow? | 谁干的? 他是不是戴着顶黑色毛线编织帽 还留着胡渣? |
| [04:09] | Did he say,”Stick ’em up? | 他有没有说”举起手来”? |
| [04:10] | ” Yes,Barney,because I got mugged in 1947 | 是啊 Barney 因为我是在1947年的 |
| [04:13] | at the corner of Abbott and Costello. | 黑帮电影里被打劫的 |
| [04:14] | No. I was cutting through Central Park on my way home from work… | 当然不是了 我下班从中央公园抄近路回家 |
| [04:19] | Watch it. Don’t get any closer. | 当心点 别靠近 |
| [04:22] | It’s cool. It’s cool. | 好的 好的 |
| [04:28] | It was… completely terrifying. | 实在…太吓人了 |
| [04:30] | It was… completely terrifying. | 实在…太吓人了 |
| [04:34] | What are you doing? | 你在干嘛? |
| [04:35] | I’m rehearsing. I’m gonna pretend this happened to me later | 我在练习今后怎样假装被抢劫 |
| [04:37] | to try and get some sympathy sex. | 然后骗到姑娘因为同情跟我上床 |
| [04:39] | Barney,that won’t work. Will it? | Barney 这不管用的 是吗? |
| [04:42] | – Big time. – I’ll allow it. | – 绝对管用 – 那你练去吧 |
| [04:44] | I can’t believe someone pointed a gun at my Marshmallow. | 我不敢相信有人用枪 指着我的Marshall宝贝 |
| [04:47] | Now,I’m shaking. | 现在我都发抖了 |
| [04:48] | I-I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. | 我今天晚上恐怕都睡不了觉了 |
| [04:50] | Oh! Here,sweetie. I have something that will help you sleep. | 亲爱的 我有个东西能让你睡个安稳觉 |
| [04:55] | Just stick this under your pillow. You’ll sleep like a freakin’ baby. | 只需要把这个压在你枕头底下 保证你睡得跟婴儿一样香 |
| [04:58] | Robin,put that away. | Robin 拿开那个东西 |
| [05:00] | It’s not going to hurt anyone. The safety’s… on. | 这不会伤人的 我把安全栓…扣上了 |
| [05:04] | Okay,you know what? Let’s all just relax. | 好吧 淡定淡定 |
| [05:07] | We don’t need a gun. | 我们不需要枪 |
| [05:09] | I’d just like to forget this ever happened | 我只想把这一切都忘了 |
| [05:12] | and try to move on with my life. | 然后继续生活下去 |
| [05:13] | Just like to forget this ever happened | 只想把这一切都忘了 |
| [05:16] | and try to move on with my life. | 然后继续生活下去 |
| [05:18] | This is great stuff. I think I’m gonna add tears,though. | 真是好东西 不过我觉得还得加点眼泪啥的 |
| [05:21] | Listen,baby,I know that it’s scary,but look at me. | 听着 亲爱的 我知道这很恐怖 但是看着我 |
| [05:24] | I’m fine,okay? Can we just put this behind us? | 我很好 我们把它忘了好吗? |
| [05:28] | Oh,that’s gold,but I’m going to switch it to “Put me behind you. | 这句好 不过我要换成 “你帮我忘了它好吗” |
| [05:33] | Look,baby,you don’t have to worry about me. | 宝贝儿 你不用担心我 |
| [05:34] | I mean,yes,I’m a little scared,but I’m a New Yorker. | 没错 我是有点害怕 不过我是纽约人 |
| [05:38] | I’m not gonna let this change me. | 我不会让这件事改变我的生活的 |
| [05:40] | I’ve changed! | 我变了! |
| [05:42] | I’m a gun person now. | 我在玩枪了! |
| [05:46] | – Clip! – Yeah,maybe we should just take a break for a little bit… | – 弹夹拿来 – 也许我们应该休息一下… |
| [05:48] | I said,”Clip. | 我说”弹夹拿来” |
| [05:53] | ” You want to get a gun? | 你要一把枪? |
| [05:54] | Not a scary one. Just a cute,little,pink Beretta | 不是很大只的 只要一把可爱的粉色小贝雷塔枪 |
| [05:57] | that matches these adorable strappy sandals I just bought. | 和我刚买的凉鞋简直是绝配 |
| [06:00] | By the way,our new credit card works. | 另外 用我们新信用卡买就行 |
| [06:02] | You don’t need a gun. | 你不需要枪 |
| [06:03] | Every statistic in the world points to the fact | 世界上所有的调查数据都显示 |
| [06:06] | that it’s safer not to have a gun in the home than to have one, | 家里没有枪比有枪更安全 |
| [06:09] | especially in our home. | 尤其是在我们家 |
| [06:11] | You know how I’m always accidentally injuring you. | 你知道我总是会不小心伤到你 |
| [06:13] | Pretty easy,right? | 很简单 不是吗? |
| [06:28] | Hurry up,baby. The party’s about to start. | 快点亲爱的 派对就要开始了 |
| [06:35] | Oh,my God,Lily! I thought you were going as a sexy cat! | 噢 天哪 Lily 我以为你会打扮成一只性感小野猫 |
| [06:39] | I changed my mind. | 我改变主意了 |
| [06:41] | And now you want to bring a gun into that equation? | 现在你想带把枪回家? |
| [06:43] | I know,you’re right,but every time I close my eyes, | 我知道 你说的没错 但我只要一闭上眼睛 |
| [06:47] | I picture that guy pointing a gun at you. | 就会想到有个人用枪指着你 |
| [06:50] | And you’re my whole world,Marshall. | 你是我的一切 Marshall |
| [06:52] | If something ever happened to you,I would just… I would just… | 如果你出了什么事 我会…我会… |
| [06:55] | Okay. Okay… no,I know. I know. | 好的好的 我明白 |
| [06:58] | Okay,look,I’ve got to admit something. | 我得坦白一件事 |
| [07:00] | That mugging didn’t happen exactly the way that I said it did. | 其实那天的抢劫 并不是像我之前说的那样 |
| [07:04] | Aha! So he was wearing a black,skull-knit cap. | 所以他确实戴着黑色毛线编织帽 |
| [07:07] | Told… ja! | 我就说吧 |
| [07:09] | No,he wasn’t wearing a black,skull-knit cap. | 不 他没有戴着黑色编织帽 |
| [07:12] | He wasn’t wearing anything. | 他什么都没戴 |
| [07:15] | Wait,so… | 那么… |
| [07:18] | Watch it. Don’t get any closer. | 当心 别靠近 |
| [07:22] | It’s… it’s cool. It’s cool. | 好的 好的 |
| [07:26] | He naked-muggered you? | 他全裸着打劫了你? |
| [07:28] | I’m not going to ask where he was keeping the gun. | 我不想知道他把枪放哪儿 |
| [07:30] | Are we sure it was a gun? | 你确定那是把枪? |
| [07:32] | Okay,no,guys. I was,I was walking home from work… | 不是这样的 我从中央公园下班回家… |
| [07:36] | through Central Park,and I stopped at the zoo. | 在动物园那儿停了一会儿 |
| [07:43] | Watch it. Don’t get any closer. | 当心点 别靠近 |
| [07:46] | Oh,it’s cool. It’s cool. | 好的 好的 |
| [07:55] | You’re telling us… | 你跟我们说… |
| [07:58] | That you got mugged… | 你被打劫了… |
| [08:01] | By a monkey. | 被一只猴子 |
| [08:02] | I got mugged by a monkey. | 我被一只猴子打劫了 |
| [08:13] | You got mugged by a monkey? | 你被一只猴子打劫了? |
| [08:17] | Yep,I got mugged by a monkey. | 是的 我被一只猴子打劫了 |
| [08:19] | I was embarrassed,so I made up the other story. | 我觉得很丢脸 所以就瞎编了个故事 |
| [08:21] | But the point is,Lily,you don’t need a gun. | 不过重点是 Lily 你不需要枪 |
| [08:23] | Oh,forget about the gun. We’re on this now. | 别提枪了 我们继续说这个 |
| [08:26] | Whoa,monkeys are mugging people now? | 哇 现在连猴子都开始抢劫了? |
| [08:28] | It really is a jungle out there. | 果然是适者生存的丛林啊 |
| [08:29] | Oh,my God! That monkey has our address. | 天哪 那只猴子有我们的地址 |
| [08:32] | What if he’s in a gang? | 万一他是黑帮的怎么办? |
| [08:33] | I hope he doesn’t do a swing-by. | 可别哪天上我们家来抢劫 |
| [08:37] | Why didn’t you just ask the zookeeper to get your wallet back? | 你干嘛不直接找动物园管理员要回钱包? |
| [08:40] | ‘Cause I saw what the monkey was doing with it, | 因为我看到猴子是怎么玩钱包后 |
| [08:42] | and I didn’t really want it after that. | 我也不想要回来了 |
| [08:45] | Hey,guys. What’s up? | 嗨 伙计们 怎么了? |
| [08:46] | Oh,some new information has come to light on Marshall’s mugging. | Marshall被劫案的真相大揭秘啊 |
| [08:51] | Oh,really? Did they catch the guy? | 是吗? 抓到犯人了? |
| [08:52] | Well,he’s behind bars. | 是的 他已经在铁牢里了 |
| [08:55] | Well,where did they find him? | 在哪儿找到的? |
| [08:57] | Oh,I’m guessing naked in a tree,throwing his own feces. | 我猜是光着屁股在树上扔便便吧 |
| [09:01] | Oh,I’ve seen that guy. See,that’s why I take cabs. | 我见过那个人 这就是为什么我打的 |
| [09:03] | You know how they caught him,right? | 你知道怎么抓到他的吧? |
| [09:06] | – There was a tail on him. – There was a tail on him! | – 抓它的尾巴 – 抓它的尾巴! |
| [09:10] | Okay… What is going on? | 究竟是怎么回事? |
| [09:12] | All right,Robin,here’s what happened. | 好吧 Robin 事情是这样的 |
| [09:14] | No-no-no-no! Let me tell it. It’s my story. | 别别 让我来说 这是我的故事 |
| [09:18] | You see,young Marshall was at the zoo eating a banana… | 小Marshall在动物园吃着香蕉 |
| [09:24] | No,I wasn’t eating a banana! | 我没吃香蕉! |
| [09:25] | If you’re gonna tell it,tell it right. | 如果你非要讲 别瞎讲好吧 |
| [09:27] | Oh,you’re right. The banana was on the ground. | 对的 香蕉掉在地上 |
| [09:43] | There was no banana! There was no… there was no banana. | 根本没有香蕉! 根本没有…香蕉 |
| [09:46] | Marshall,I apologize– truly. | Marshall 我真诚地道歉 |
| [09:49] | Robin,here’s what happened. | Robin 事情是这样的 |
| [09:51] | stick*** | 举起手来 |
| [09:52] | Oh,God. Oh,God,don’t shoot. | 噢 天哪 别开枪 |
| [09:55] | There was no banana! | 根本没什么香蕉! |
| [09:56] | Oh,come on. Barney,I know,Marshall didn’t get mugged by a monkey. | 得了吧 Barney Marshall不会被只猴子抢劫 |
| [10:02] | Marshall? | Marshall? |
| [10:04] | That part he got right. | 这点他说的倒没错 |
| [10:06] | Guys! This is not an uncommon thing,okay? | 同志们 这不稀奇好吧! |
| [10:09] | In Thailand,in China,in Costa Rica, | 在泰国 中国 哥斯达黎加 |
| [10:13] | people get mugged by monkeys all the time. | 总有人被猴子抢劫 |
| [10:14] | Monkeys are gatherers. | 猴子是群居动物 |
| [10:16] | Because of their intersocial dynamics, | 它们的群居动态性 |
| [10:18] | having a predisposition towards stealing gives one a genetic advantage. | 让它们先天具有盗窃的倾向 |
| [10:22] | You were mugged by a monkey! | 你被只猴子打劫了! |
| [10:25] | Maybe he was just curious. | 也许它只是好奇 |
| [10:26] | Were you wearing a yellow hat? | 你当时戴着顶黄帽子吗? |
| [10:29] | Marshall,in all seriousness,this is a great story. | Marshall 说正经的 这是个很精彩的故事 |
| [10:31] | I mean,can I interview you about it on my show? | 我能在节目里采访你吗? |
| [10:33] | What?! He gets to be on your show? What about my model? | 什么? 他要上你节目? 那我的模型呢? |
| [10:36] | No one wants to see a guy come on my show and play with dolls. | 鬼才想看上节目就只会玩娃娃的人 |
| [10:39] | Okay,first of all,that is not what it is. | 首先 事情不是这样的 |
| [10:41] | And second of all,you just had a guy on your show playing with dolls. | 其次 你刚请了个玩娃娃的人上节目 |
| [10:45] | So,your dolls are favored to win | 所以 你的娃娃被行家看好 |
| [10:47] | at the Rhinebeck Collector Awards next month. | 将会在下月赢得莱茵贝克收藏家大奖 |
| [10:49] | Only if they behave themselves. | 当然她们得继续乖乖的才行 |
| [10:51] | Last year,I found one of them cavorting with a G.I. Joe. | 去年我发现她们其中有一个 和一个G.I. Joe偷情 |
| [10:55] | It’s not funny. | 有什么好笑的 |
| [10:57] | What were you thinking? | 你在想什么? |
| [10:58] | What if you’d gotten pregnant? | 要是怀孕了怎么办? |
| [11:01] | And you invited him back for a follow-up interview. | 而且你还请他回来做了个后续采访 |
| [11:03] | Only because the FBI asked us to keep him occupied | 那只是因为FBI请我们帮忙拖住他 |
| [11:06] | while they search his house. | 他们要搜查他的住处 |
| [11:09] | Come on,Marshall. I need this story. | 来吧 Marshall 我需要这个故事 |
| [11:11] | It’s got everything: | 它包罗万象 |
| [11:12] | crime,monkeys,no stupid model of the Empire State Building | 犯罪 猴子 没有愚蠢的帝国大厦模型 |
| [11:16] | that takes up my entire living room and makes the whole place smell like glue. | 那东西占据了我整个客厅 还让所有地方都闻起来有胶水味 |
| [11:20] | Come on. Do this for me… as a friend? | 来吧 就算是为了我…朋友一场? |
| [11:24] | – It’d be fun to see you on TV. – Yeah. | – 看你上电视也很有趣 – 是啊 |
| [11:26] | Okay… | 好吧… |
| [11:27] | Can you promise to present it in a way | 你能保证在讲述这个故事时 |
| [11:31] | that doesn’t make a joke out of the fact that I got mugged by a monkey? | 能不能不要说成是我被猴子抢劫的笑话? |
| [11:36] | You got mugged by a monkey. | 你被一只猴子抢劫了 |
| [11:40] | – Oh,my God. I just got mugged. – What? | – 我的上帝 我刚被抢劫了 – 什么? |
| [11:43] | Is what I was saying to this girl at the bar earlier… | 是我刚在酒吧里对一个女孩说的… |
| [11:47] | It was complely terrifying. | 我完全吓傻了 |
| [11:49] | I just want to forget this ever happened and try to move on with my life. | 我只想永远忘记这件事 继续我以后的生活 |
| [11:53] | Oh,you poor thing. | 你这可怜的东西 |
| [11:55] | Neil? Neil. Neil. Neil? Neil Neil | |
| [11:57] | – I… I… – Neil! | – 我… 我… – Neil! |
| [11:59] | Lady,my ne’s not Neil. | 女士 我的名字不是Neil |
| [12:01] | It’s Bar… Gah-gah! | 是Bar…啊啊啊! |
| [12:03] | Why are you calling him Neil? | 你为什么叫他Neil? |
| [12:05] | cause that’s his name. He’s Neil Armstrg. | 因为那是他的名字 他是Neil Armstrong |
| [12:08] | The cyclist? | 那个自行车手? |
| [12:09] | I thought you were supposed to be on a shuttle mission? | 我以为你去出任务了? |
| [12:12] | I thought you just got mugged. | 我以为你刚被抢劫了 |
| [12:15] | Okay,I n do this. | 好的 我能解释这个 |
| [12:17] | Uh,uh,you see,I was my way to the launch pad when I was mugged. | 你知道 在我前往发射台的途中 我被抢劫了 |
| [12:24] | And the mugger took my space sttle keys. | 而抢我的人拿走了我飞船的钥匙 |
| [12:29] | Nailed it. ‘s up for a three-way? | 成功 谁有兴趣玩三人行? |
| [12:31] | – I am. – Me,too. | – 我 – 我也要 |
| [12:34] | And it was the best three-way ever. | 这是史上最爽的三人行了 |
| [12:37] | Strange,’cause you look like you just had two vodka toni thrown in your fa. | 奇怪 因为你看起来像 刚被两杯伏特加汤力水泼到脸上 |
| [12:41] | And you have le in yr hair. | 你头发里还有柠檬 |
| [12:45] | I do? The story’s better with my ending. | 这个故事用我的结局比较好 |
| [12:48] | st… okay? | … 好吗? |
| [12:50] | So,there we are,zero gravity. | 所以 开始了 在失重状态下 |
| [12:53] | The three of us wearing nothing t space helmets… | 我们三个除了太空飞行帽什么都没穿… |
| [12:56] | Marshall! You won’t believe it. | Marshall 你不会相信 |
| [12:58] | I pitched the monkey mugger story to my producer and he loves it! | 我跟我的制作人说了这个猴子抢劫 他很喜欢! |
| [13:04] | – Yeah! Ye! – Really? Cool. | – 是的! – 真的吗? 太好了 |
| [13:06] | I mean,who’s ever heard of guy getting mugged by a monkey? | 我是说 谁听过有人被猴子抢劫的事? |
| [13:08] | No one except fothe good people of Thailand,China,Costa Rica, | 没人 除了在泰国 中国 哥斯达黎加 |
| [13:12] | and plenty other countries | 还有其他很多国家 |
| [13:14] | where monkey crime is an extmely common nuisance. | 猴子犯罪是极其常见的公害 |
| [13:16] | Well,the best part is,he said that it might get picked up to go national | 最棒的是 他说这新闻 说不定能上国家台 |
| [13:19] | Gu,this monkey mugger story could make me faus. | 伙计们 这个猴子抢钱的故事 可能让我成名 |
| [13:25] | Me,too. | 我也是 |
| [13:27] | Guys,this is bad. I-I can’t,I can’to this. | 伙计们 不行 我不能…我不能做这事 |
| [13:30] | – So,it’ll be a little embarrassing– so what – It’s not that. | – 这会有点难为情 那又怎样 – 不是那个原因 |
| [13:34] | Guys. | 伙计 |
| [13:37] | I wasn’t mugged by a monke | 我没有被猴子抢劫 |
| [13:42] | So,uh… So,you weren’t mugged by a monkey? | 那…那你没有被猴子抢劫? |
| [13:45] | ,I wasn’t. | 我没有 |
| [13:47] | So what you’re saying is the monkey tricked you into giving hiyour wallet? | 那你是说这只猴子 耍花招骗你交出了钱包? |
| [13:52] | ,that’s not what I’m saying. | 我没那么说 |
| [13:53] | Soou mugged the monkey? | 那是你抢劫了那只猴子? |
| [13:55] | Guys,there was monkey! | 伙计们 根本没有猴子 |
| [13:57] | It was a humaneing with a gun. | 是一个人拿着一把枪 |
| [14:00] | Are you sure it wasn’t onmonkey standing on anotr monkey’s shoulders, | 你肯定不是一只猴子 站在另一只猴子的肩上 |
| [14:04] | wearing a men’s trench coat? | 穿着一件军用防水上衣? |
| [14:06] | Be abouthe right height. | 可能差不多高度呢 |
| [14:07] | No! I… | 不 我… |
| [14:09] | I just me that story up so that Lily wouldn’t get a gun. | 我只是编个故事让Lily不要买枪 |
| [14:11] | The truth is that it never happened. | 事实上根本不是猴子 |
| [14:14] | – I don’t buy it – What? | – 我不信 – 什么? |
| [14:16] | You heard me. I think you were mugged by a monkey. | 你听到我了 我认为你确实被猴子抢劫了 |
| [14:19] | You just don’t want to go on Robin’s show | 你只是不想上Robin的节目 |
| [14:21] | ’cause you’re afraid it’ll make you look like a big joke. | 因为你害怕它会让你成为一个大笑话 |
| [14:23] | – We,won’t it? – The biggest,’cause it’s so funny. | – 难道不是吗? – 天大的笑话 因为实在太好笑了 |
| [14:26] | Well,never happened,okay? | 但真的没发生 好吗? |
| [14:28] | And I can lie to you guys about it because yore my best friends. | 我只能骗你们 因为你们是我最好的朋友 |
| [14:30] | am,but go on. | 我是 继续 |
| [14:32] | But can’t lie about it on national TV. | 但我不能在国家电视台上撒谎 |
| [14:37] | Ted,you’ve known him e longest. Is htelling the truth? | Ted 你认识他时间最长 他说的是真话吗? |
| [14:42] | Ted,don’t… | Ted 别… |
| [14:50] | I can’t tell. | 我看不出来 |
| [14:53] | He slls good. | 他闻起来很香 |
| [14:56] | But I ju can’t tell. | 但我实在看不出来 |
| [15:01] | Well,I’m still saying it happened. | 我还是认为它发生了 |
| [15:03] | Maybe. But,Marshall,you didn’t get mugged by a monkey, | 可能 但Marshall 如果你没被猴子抢劫 |
| [15:07] | you can’t let Robin report it her show. | 你不能让Robin在节目上报道 |
| [15:09] | I mean,this could hurt r credibility. | 这可能会伤害到她的信用 |
| [15:10] | Oh,plea! Journalists lie all the time. | 省省吧 记者哪有不说谎的 |
| [15:13] | I’m sorry,but I will believe that Jack Palance isead when I see the body. | 对不起 但除非我看到尸体 我不会相信Jack Palance已经死了 |
| [15:18] | Okay,this may come as a shock to you,Barney, | 好吧 这可能对你来说是个惊吓 Barney |
| [15:20] | but people don like to be lied to. | 但人们不喜欢听谎言 |
| [15:21] | Wrong! They don’t like finding ou they’ve been lied to. | 错 他们不喜欢发现他们被骗了 |
| [15:25] | “Because a lie is just a great story that somne ruined with the truth. | “因为谎言在被真相拆穿之前 都是最美的故事” |
| [15:29] | ” Barney Stinson. | Barney Stinson名言 |
| [15:31] | Case in point,what that girl Sarah did to me! | 事例证明 那个女孩Sarah对我做的事! |
| [15:34] | I think you mean what you did ther. | 我想你想说你对她做的事 |
| [15:36] | No,I mean what she did toe. | 不 我是说她对我做的 |
| [15:38] | The truth is,I’m afraid the the-way story | 真相是 恐怕那个三人行的故事 |
| [15:41] | didn’t go exactly e way I said it did. | 并没有完全像我说的那样发展 |
| [15:43] | Nailed it. Who’s up for a threeay? | 成功 谁有兴趣玩三人行? |
| [15:49] | Lisa,wait. | Lisa 等等 |
| [15:51] | Yes,Neil? | 什么 Neil? |
| [15:52] | Ohyou’re Lisa? Sarah,wait. | 你是Lisa? Sarah等等 |
| [15:56] | Look… | 听着… |
| [15:58] | I’m not Neil Armstro. | 我不是Neil Armstrong |
| [16:00] | I’m sorry I lied. | 对不起我撒谎了 |
| [16:02] | Well,I guess I wasn’t completelyonest with you,either. | 我想我对你也没有完完全全诚实 |
| [16:06] | mean,I said that I was 28,but thtruth is that I’m really 31. | 我说我只有28岁 但事实上我是31岁 |
| [16:11] | And if we’re being comptely honest, | 如果我们都完全诚实坦白 |
| [16:13] | I went to the doctor the other day and found out… | 我第二天去看了医生然后发现… |
| [16:15] | 31! | 31岁 |
| [16:17] | I was ppy,very happy,thinking that | 我很高兴 非常高兴 以为 |
| [16:20] | I had nailed a 28-year-old with some sun damage. | 我泡上了一个28岁的姑娘 只是她皮肤被日晒老化得凶一点 |
| [16:25] | People want the lie. | 人们想要谎言 |
| [16:27] | rshall,they need the lie,which is why, | Marshall 他们需要谎言 这也就是为什么 |
| [16:30] | as far aI’m concerned,you were mugged by a monkey. | 对我而言 你就是被一个猴子抢劫了 |
| [16:32] | Just as sure as I had at three-way. | 就像我玩了三人行一样肯定 |
| [16:35] | am the greatest in the world! | 我是世界最强! |
| [16:39] | Bar… Barney! Is that the three-way belt? | Bar… Barney 这是三人行腰带吗? |
| [16:42] | You know it. | 你知道的 |
| [16:46] | Man,I slept so great last night. | 我昨晚睡得太好了 |
| [16:49] | Can you believe I almost bought a gun? | 你能相信我差点买了把枪? |
| [16:52] | I’m so glad u got mugged by a monkey. | 我太高兴抢你的是只猴子了 |
| [16:57] | Okay… you guys got me. | 好吧…被你们说中了 |
| [17:00] | I was just nervous. I,I g mugged by a monkey. | 我刚只是有点紧张 我是被一只猴子抢了 |
| [17:03] | Yes! I knew it. | 是的! 我就知道 |
| [17:04] | Wait a minute. Now I’m thinking you really weren’t mugged by a monkey. | 等等 现在我又觉得你没被猴子抢了 |
| [17:09] | Come on,Ted. Why would he make something like that up? | 别这样 Ted 他为什么会编出这样的话来? |
| [17:11] | Yeah,come o Ted. | 是啊 别这样 Ted |
| [17:13] | Come here. | 过来 |
| [17:20] | Okay,seriously,what is that cologne? It’s intoxicating. | 好吧 说真的 那是什么古龙水 简直让人兴奋 |
| [17:25] | So,late the following night,we all went to the set ofobin’s show. | 所以 接下来的那晚 我们全都去了Robin节目的现场 |
| [17:28] | OkayMarshall,now,don’t be nervous. | 好了 Marshall 现在别紧张 |
| [17:29] | What we’re going to do is we’re going to siyou… | 我们要做的就是让你… |
| [17:31] | What the hell ishis? | 这鬼东西是什么? |
| [17:33] | I don’t know. Looks like something covered by a sheet. | 我不知道 看起来像毯子盖住了什么 |
| [17:36] | Gus if you want to find out,you’re going to have to do a story on i | 想知道是什么 就得让它上节目 |
| [17:39] | You’re going to be covered by a sheet | 你小心被我盖上毯子扔出去 |
| [17:41] | if you don’tet your stupid model out of here. | 如果你不把这个愚蠢的模型弄出去 |
| [17:44] | Dude,what are you doing? | 伙计 你在干什么? |
| [17:46] | I don’t think Marshall’s going to lie on TV. | 我认为Marshall不会在电视上说谎 |
| [17:48] | And when he backs out, | 当他退缩时 |
| [17:49] | want to be there for my friend,Robin,with a story. | 我想为我的朋友Robin 准备一条后路 |
| [17:52] | Or rather,102 stories, | 或者说102层楼 |
| [17:55] | because that’s how ll a certain iconicew York landmark is. | 因为那也是某座纽约标志性建筑的楼层 |
| [17:59] | Now,I wa to buy a gun. | 现在 我想买把枪了 |
| [18:01] | – Whoa,the monkey’s her – Yeah,surprise. | – 猴子也来了 – 是的 惊喜吧 |
| [18:04] | We thought it would help the story to bring him here | 我们认为把它弄来能为让这个故事更丰富 |
| [18:05] | so you could fe your attacker. | 这样你能面对你的攻击者 |
| [18:07] | Yeah. Because this incident,we will be sendingaptain Bobo to a wildlife sanctuary. | 是的 因为这个事件 我们将送Bobo船长 去一个野生动物保护区 |
| [18:12] | Oh,I bet he’ll like it there. | 我打赌它会喜欢那里的 |
| [18:14] | No,ma’am. | 不 夫人 |
| [18:15] | Yosee,we’ll be splitting him up from his mate,Milly. | 你看 我们必须让它和它的配偶Milly分开 |
| [18:18] | They’ve been together for a long tim | 它们已经在一起很长时间了 |
| [18:22] | His mate’s name is Milly? | 它的配偶的名字是Milly? |
| [18:24] | And then,the inrview began. | 然后 采访开始了 |
| [18:26] | Marshall,in your own words,describe what happened. | Marshall 用你自己的话 描述一下发生了什么 |
| [18:29] | We,I would,I… | 我们 我… |
| [18:32] | I would love to tell you at happened,Robin. | 我很高兴能告诉你发生了什么 Robin |
| [18:35] | But I’m just,I’m so curious as twhat is going on underneath that sheet. | 但我只是 我只是很好奇 那张毯子底下到底是什么 |
| [18:40] | Well,we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to talk abt your mugging. | 我们不是来讨论那个的 我们要来讨论你被抢的事 |
| [18:43] | Right. Well,people get mugd in New York City all the time,Robin, | 是的 在纽约 被抢劫再平常不过了 Robin |
| [18:46] | but how often do you get to see whatever’s under that eet? | 但看到毛毯之下那神秘之物的机会 能有多少呢? |
| [18:50] | Mike,can we get a shot that? | Mike 能给一个镜头吗? |
| [18:52] | – We’ll be right bk. – We’re clear. | – 我们马上回来 – 好了 |
| [18:53] | What the hell are you doing? | 你到底在干什么? |
| [18:55] | Robin,I… | Robin 我… |
| [18:56] | I wasn’t really mugged by monkey,okay? | 我没有被猴子抢劫 |
| [18:58] | I just made up that story that Lily wouldn’t buy a gun. | 我只是编了这个故事 好让Lily不要买枪 |
| [19:00] | So you weren’t mugged by monkey? | 那你没被猴子抢劫? |
| [19:02] | No,what are you talking abt,baby? Of course I was mugged by a monkey. | 不 你在说什么 宝贝? 我当然被猴子抢了 |
| [19:04] | Great,tell it to America. We’re back in five | 太好了 告诉全美国 我们5秒后开始 |
| [19:07] | No-no-no,not ck in five. I sn’t mugged by a monkey. | 不 不 不 不要5秒 我没被猴子抢劫 |
| [19:09] | Ok,that’s it. I’m getting a gun. | 好了 就这样 我要买枪 |
| [19:10] | No-nno! Don’t get a gun. I was mugged by a monkey. | 不 不! 不要买枪 我真的被猴子抢了 |
| [19:12] | Well,then Bo here is going away. | 那 Bobo船长要被送走 |
| [19:14] | Wasn’t! I wasn’t gged by a monkey! | 没有 我没被猴子抢! |
| [19:15] | – Ted,do you ve any idea if Marshall was mugged by a monkey? – None whatsoever. | – Ted Marshall到底被猴子抢了没? – 毫无头绪 |
| [19:18] | Just tell me: | 告诉我 |
| [19:19] | we you or were you not mugged by Captain Bobo? | 你到底有没有被Bobo船长抢? |
| [19:21] | Yeah,baby,just tell us what ally happened. | 是的 宝贝 告诉我们到底发生了什么 |
| [19:23] | Yeah,Marshall,just us tell the truth. | 是的 Marshall 告诉我们真相吧 |
| [19:29] | That’s when Marshall realized there was only one thing he could say. | 就在那时Marshall认识到 他只能说一件事 |
| [19:32] | All rit! Here’she truth. | 好的! 真相是这样的 |
| [19:37] | I… | 我… |
| [19:40] | …am ing back to bed. | …要回家睡觉了 |
| [19:42] | And that was it. | 事情就是这样了 |
| [19:44] | never found out what really happened toncle Marshall’s wallet. | 我们始终不知道 Marshall叔叔的钱包到底怎么了 |
| [19:47] | But we do know this: | 我们只知道 |
| [19:48] | Lily never got aun,Robin’credibility remaed impeached, | Lily没有买枪 Robin的公信力也无损 |
| [19:53] | and Bobo and Milly lived out their days together | 而Bobo和Milly后来一直在一起 |
| [19:55] | in the Central Park Zoo. | 在中央公园动物园里幸福生活 |
| [19:57] | Damn it. | 糟糕 |
| [20:00] | All right,Ted,mic up. | 好的 Ted 带上麦克风 |
| [20:01] | c’d up and made up. Red leather,yell leather. | 带上麦克风 画上妆 |
| [20:06] | Well,that wasn’t very satisfying. | 好吧 太不让我满意了 |
| [20:08] | When Iell everyone at work th story,I’m sayinge was mugged by a monkey. | 我上班的时候讲这个故事时 我还是要说被猴子抢了 |
| [20:11] | And I’m going to keep the banana on a ring thing. That was working. | 而且我要把香蕉绑在绳上加进去 一定会有用 |
| [20:14] | Barney,ough with the lies. | Barney 谎言该停止了 |
| [20:16] | You can’t st tack on a new ending | 你不能硬加个结尾 |
| [20:17] | because you’re not satisfied with how story wraps up. | 仅仅因为你对事情原本的结局不满意 |
| [20:20] | Oh,really? | 真的吗? |
| [20:22] | Well,marky words,Mosby. | 好 记住我的话 Mosby |
| [20:24] | Someday you’ll be telling this story,you’ll see it myay. | 有一天你讲这个故事时 你就会理解我的看法了 |
| [20:28] | Doubtful. | 我很怀疑 |
| [20:29] | d then,kids,you’ll never believe what hapned. | 然后 孩子们 你们不会相信发生了什么 |
| [20:32] | The monkey got loose | 那猴子逃走了 |
| [20:34] | He got one of my dolls! | 它拿了我的娃娃! |
| [20:37] | Bobo,come here,Bobo. | Bobo 过来 Bobo |
| [20:40] | He’s climbing the building! | 它爬上了那栋楼! |
| [20:45] | Bobo,co here. | Bobo 过来 |
| [20:46] | I’ll get him. | 我来抓它 |
| [20:53] | Is this really hpening? | 这是真的吗? |
| [20:55] | Sure is,Ted. | 真的 Ted |
| [20:58] | True story. | 真的 |