| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | I can’t believe I’m talking to a therapist. | 没想到我居然会接受心理治疗 |
| [00:05] | Well, usually, I’m not the touchy-feely, | 我平时不太愿意表露感情 |
| [00:08] | talk-about-your-emotions type, | 属于喜怒不形于色的那种 |
| [00:09] | but with this, I just had to be a big enough person | 但目前形势严峻 我要成熟一点 |
| [00:14] | to admit that I need help. | 勇敢承认自己需要帮助 |
| [00:16] | Huh. I guess this is what growing up feels like. | 哈 原来成熟就是这种感觉啊 |
| [00:20] | This is court-mandated therapy. | 这是法院强制的心理治疗 |
| [00:23] | You assaulted a woman. | 你袭击了一位女性 记得不 |
| [00:27] | That silly thing. | 就那破事儿啊 |
| [00:29] | I guess we can talk about that. | 好吧 我们来谈吧 |
| [00:31] | It all began a few months ago. | 祸根是几个月之前就埋下了 |
| [00:33] | There’s this guy, Barney. We used to date. | 故事的主人公叫巴尼 我的前男友 |
| [00:36] | I set him up with this girl I work with, Nora. | 分手后 我撮合他和我的女同事诺拉在一起 |
| [00:40] | Barney was working hard | 巴尼使出浑身解数 |
| [00:42] | to prove he was real boyfriend material. | 努力去证明自己是绝世好男友 |
| [00:44] | So, all week, I had to sit there watching him… | 所以呢 我一整周都坐在那儿 眼睁睁看着 |
| [00:49] | send flowers… | 他送花 |
| [00:55] | chocolates… | 送巧克力 |
| [01:00] | balloons. | 送气球 |
| [01:05] | Then one day… | 终于有一天 |
| [01:10] | I heard Barney didn’t send anything today. | 我听说巴尼今天没送你东西 |
| [01:13] | Patrice said maybe he met somebody else. | 帕崔斯说可能他有新欢了 |
| [01:16] | She’s such a bitch, right? | 这八婆管不住嘴 对吧 |
| [01:18] | * When a man loves a woman | 当男人爱上女人 * |
| [01:24] | * Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else | 他的心将完全被她占据 * |
| [01:28] | He’s so dreamy. | 绝世好男友啊 |
| [01:29] | Nobody asked you, Patrice! | 帕崔斯 你给我闭嘴 |
| [01:32] | I’m sorry. | 不好意思 |
| [01:33] | You must already think that I’m a horrible person. | 你肯定认为我无药可救了 是吧 |
| [01:36] | Robin, many of my patients are disturbed felons. | 罗宾 我的治疗对象有很多是心理扭曲的罪犯 |
| [01:38] | Last week, one of them mailed me a bag of his feces. | 上周 有人还给我寄了一包他自己的米田共 |
| [01:41] | On the plus side, he remembered my birthday. | 不过往好的方面想 他至少记得我的生日 |
| [01:44] | You’re doing fine. | 你算好的了 |
| [01:45] | Well, finally, I-I just couldn’t take it anymore. | 终于 我忍无可忍 |
| [01:49] | I snapped. | 于是理智线断了 |
| [01:50] | * When a man, when a man, when this man | 当男人 当一个男人 当这个男人 * |
| [01:54] | * Loves this woman | 爱上了这个女人 * |
| [02:05] | And that’s when the assault occurred? | 然后你怒火中烧 对其施暴 |
| [02:07] | Not exactly. | 不算是吧 |
| [02:21] | 老爸老妈浪漫史 | |
| [02:24] | So, you’re drunk under a desk, | 所以你躲在桌底 边借酒浇愁 |
| [02:27] | binge-eating stolen chocolates. | 边狂吃偷来的巧克力 |
| [02:28] | Boy, I am not coming across great here, am I? | 天啊 我的形象顿时荡然无存 对吧 |
| [02:31] | This is not about how you’re coming across. | 现在我们不讨论你的形象 |
| [02:33] | But no. | 不过的确如此 |
| [02:35] | Okay, well, for this story to make sense, | 为了使整件事更合理化 |
| [02:37] | I have to tell you about my friends Marshall and Lily. | 我得插入我的朋友马修和莉莉的故事 |
| [02:39] | The wine looks good. | 这酒看上去不错 |
| [02:44] | Pregnant women can’t drink alcohol. | 孕妇不许喝酒 |
| [02:46] | No, my doctor says it’s okay | 不会啊 我的医生说 |
| [02:48] | to have a sip of wine every now and then. | 偶尔喝个一两口没事 |
| [02:50] | Really? | 是吗 |
| [02:51] | Dr. Sonya’s great. | 桑娅医生太好了 |
| [02:52] | Whenever you ask her if you can have something, she’s, like… | 每次你问她可不可以吃什么东西时 她总是说 |
| [02:55] | Just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [02:58] | Wait, Dr. Sonya doesn’t let you have sushi, does she? | 慢着 桑娅医生应该不会允许你吃寿司吧 |
| [03:00] | Just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [03:03] | You’re allowed to have Cheetos? | 她还让你吃玉米条啊 |
| [03:05] | Cheeto.. | 膨化食品啊 |
| [03:07] | Ah, just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [03:10] | You mind if I double-check some of this stuff? | 你们不介意我复查一下这医生说的话吧 |
| [03:12] | Just in case. | 以防万一嘛 |
| [03:13] | I mean, it’s the least I could do | 我是说 身为”护子队”的一员 |
| [03:14] | as part of Team Baby. | 这也算是聊表寸心吧 |
| [03:17] | “Team Baby”? Whoa. What’s next, | “护子队” 哇 接下来呢 |
| [03:19] | like, cheesy matching T-shirts? | 人手一件特制的劣质T恤吗 |
| [03:22] | No. | 不是 |
| [03:26] | Robin, I’ve had serial killers lead me to shallow graves | 罗宾 连环杀手都能带我去浅墓穴几个来回了 |
| [03:29] | faster than you’re telling this story. | 你这还没进入主题呢 |
| [03:31] | Okay! | 好啦 |
| [03:32] | Look, it was getting impossible for me to be around Nora, | 我越来越无法忍受与诺拉共事 |
| [03:35] | So when an opportunity to get rid of her presented itself… | 所以当有摆脱她的好机会出现时 |
| [03:39] | It’s Sandy time! | 桑迪有话说时间 |
| [03:41] | Huddle up, gang. | 来来来 都听好 |
| [03:42] | Two things: Somebody stole | 两件事 第一 |
| [03:44] | a very expensive bottle of wine from my office… | 有人从我办公室里偷了一瓶超贵的酒 |
| [03:50] | 2:I need a producer to cover the G8 Summit in France. | 第二 我需要一个制片人去法国报道八国峰会的新闻 |
| [03:54] | Nora will do it! | 诺拉可以去 |
| [03:55] | I mean, I know I have seniority, but… | 虽然我资格比较老 不过 |
| [03:57] | I was gonna ask Nora anyway. | 我的意思也是让诺拉去 |
| [04:00] | Thanks for the support, Robin. | 谢谢你这么支持我 罗宾 |
| [04:01] | This is huge for me. | 这个机会太棒了 |
| [04:05] | Are, are you sure about this, Sandy? | 你确定吗 桑迪 |
| [04:07] | I do have seniority. | 我可是资格老经验足啊 |
| [04:08] | Oh, I’m sure. Nora’s amazing. | 当然确定咯 诺拉太棒了 |
| [04:12] | I want to have sex with her. | 我还想跟她滚床单呢 |
| [04:16] | To deal with that rejection from Barney, | 先是巴尼离你而去 |
| [04:17] | not to mention your boss… | 现在连你老板也不要你 |
| [04:20] | must’ve really hurt. | 你一定很郁闷 |
| [04:22] | Why don’t we dig into those emotions? | 我们来深入分析你这些情绪吧 |
| [04:26] | So Marshall and Lily were at Dr. Sonya’s office… | 所以马修和莉莉在桑娅医生的办公室 |
| [04:31] | It’s fascinating | 太神奇了吧 |
| [04:32] | how profoundly little I know about vaginas. | 原来我对阴道的了解是那么肤浅 |
| [04:37] | Come in. | 进来 |
| [04:40] | Ted, what are you doing here?! | 泰德 你来干嘛 |
| [04:41] | I checked up on all the stuff | 这位”医生”允许的事 |
| [04:43] | this “Doctor” Says is okay, and she’s wrong. | 我都查过了 她是错的 |
| [04:47] | So, for the health of this baby, I’m stepping in. | 所以为了宝宝的健康成长 哥要出马了 |
| [04:51] | Sounds like this Ted guy could benefit from some therapy. | 这个叫泰德的人好像是需要一些心理治疗了 |
| [04:53] | Oh, he definitely could. | 他绝对需要 |
| [04:55] | This is unacceptable. | 这样的庸医是无法接受的 |
| [04:56] | I’m sorry, we’re gonna have to find a new doctor. | 不好意思 我们要换医生 |
| [04:58] | -Guys, for the health of our baby, – Our? | -伙计们 为了我们孩子的健康 -关你什么事 |
| [05:01] | We have to get serious about what Lily is putting in her body. | 我们得对莉莉吃的每一样东西严加把关 |
| [05:04] | Speaking of which, when we deliver, | 顺便说一下 生孩子时 |
| [05:06] | we won’t be using any drugs. | 我们坚决不用麻药 |
| [05:07] | Get out! | 滚出去 |
| [05:09] | Why are you kicking me out?! | 你赶我出去干嘛 |
| [05:10] | Because you’re always intruding on our intimate moments! | 因为你总是打扰我们的私密时刻 |
| [05:13] | This is like college all over again! | 感觉大学时期的恶梦又重新上演了 |
| [05:19] | Man, you guys sure are messy! | 你们俩把寝室弄得乱糟糟 |
| [05:20] | There’s clothes everywhere. | 地上全是衣服 |
| [05:22] | There’s even a sock on the door! | 门把手上还有一只袜子 |
| [05:24] | A sock on the door is a universal code | 门把手挂个袜子是全球通用的信号 |
| [05:27] | for “We need some space.” | 意思是”请勿打扰” |
| [05:29] | We needed it back then, and we need it now. | 那时候你不该打扰 现在也一样 |
| [05:31] | Come on! We’re a trio! | 拜托 我们可是铁三角 |
| [05:33] | We’ve always been a trio! | 我们一直都是铁三角 |
| [05:35] | We’re right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred. | 我们是蝙蝠侠和罗宾 以及管家阿福 |
| [05:37] | Out! | 出去 |
| [05:39] | Romeo and Juliet and the Apothecary. | 我们是罗密欧与朱丽叶 以及买毒药的药剂师 |
| [05:41] | Now! | 赶快 |
| [05:42] | Salt and Pepper and Cumin! | 我们是盐和胡椒 以及孜然 |
| [05:45] | What’s that little guy up there do? | 上面那个小东西是干嘛的 |
| [05:47] | Oh, you poor girl. | 可怜的姑娘 |
| [05:49] | Robin! | 罗宾 |
| [05:50] | It all ties together, I swear. | 这都是环环相扣的 我保证 |
| [05:53] | So, Nora was about to leave for France. | 诺拉准备出发去法国了 |
| [05:55] | You know, not too long ago, | 这要是在不久前 |
| [05:56] | I would have been worried that if I left you alone, | 我还会担心等我走了之后 |
| [05:58] | you’d be up to no good with some blond bimbo. | 你会跑去跟某个金发浪女风流快活 |
| [06:01] | Oh, I’ve changed. | 但我已经洗心革面了 |
| [06:03] | I know, which is why when I get back, | 我知道 所以说我回来之后 |
| [06:05] | it’s gonna be the start of a new chapter for us. | 我们将开启感情的新篇章 |
| [06:07] | A chapter of me and you and hopefully not that tie. | 我们的关系会更近一步 希望这领带就别跟来了 |
| [06:10] | You got me! | 正中下怀 |
| [06:12] | Have a nice trip! | 旅途愉快 |
| [06:15] | Dr. Stinson? I saw your ad, | 斯丁森医生 我看了你的广告 |
| [06:17] | and I’m here for my free breast-reduction consultation. | 我是为了免费缩胸咨询而来的 |
| [06:21] | What do you think? | 你觉得怎么样 |
| [06:22] | Are they too big? | 太大了吗 |
| [06:30] | I can’t believe you’re still running plays on dumb blondes! | 我真不敢相信你还在钓胸大无脑的金发妹 |
| [06:33] | I thought you were serious about Nora! | 我还以为你对诺拉是认真的呢 |
| [06:35] | No, I’ve been good, I swear! | 我发誓 我真的变乖了 |
| [06:37] | I just forgot about my BDSes. | 我只是忘记还有个系统没关掉 |
| [06:40] | – BDSes? – Bimbo Delivery Systems. | -什么系统 -“蠢妞送上门”系统 |
| [06:44] | You see, over the years, | 多年以来 |
| [06:45] | I’ve launched a variety of elaborate systems | 我为自己量身定制了多套完美的策略 |
| [06:47] | that are always working to get me laid. | 成功地将女人一个接一个骗上床 |
| [06:50] | Like my pop-up ads. | 比如说 那个弹出式广告 |
| [06:52] | Oh, hi. I’m Dr. Barney Stinson. | 你好 我是巴尼・斯丁森医生 |
| [06:56] | Are your really large breasts | 你是否因为胸部过大 |
| [06:57] | making everyday tasks difficult? | 而影响到日常生活 |
| [07:00] | There’s just got to be a better way! | 谁来救救我们吧 |
| [07:03] | There is! | 救星来了 |
| [07:04] | I, Dr. Barney Stinson, for a limited time only, | 我 巴尼・斯汀森医生 将为您限时提供 |
| [07:08] | can give you a free breast-reduction consultation. | 免费缩胸咨询服务 |
| [07:11] | Call me. | 现在就拿起电话吧 |
| [07:12] | If your knockers are just too damn big, | 如果你波涛汹涌得闹不住 |
| [07:14] | I can handle them… it. | 就让我带你脱离苦海吧 |
| [07:18] | Women actually fell for that? | 居然会有女人相信这种东西 |
| [07:19] | Yeah. That business really took off. | 是啊 这生意一炮打响 |
| [07:21] | It played in all kinds of markets. | 广告还在各地播放呢 |
| [07:29] | Okay, survivors, today’s reward challenge | 幸存者们 今天挑战成功的奖品 |
| [07:31] | is brought to you by Dr. Barney Stinson’s | 巴尼・斯汀森医生提供的 |
| [07:34] | Free Breast Reduction Consultations. | 免费缩胸咨询 |
| [07:36] | That scam was so successful, | 我的计划实在是太成功 |
| [07:38] | it spawned a related enterprise. | 于是又衍生出了另一个产业 |
| [07:42] | If you’ve been fooled by a well-endowed man | 如果你曾被一个勃大茎深的男人骗财骗色 |
| [07:44] | who claimed to be a doctor | 那人自称自己是医生 |
| [07:46] | offering free breast-reduction consultations, | 利用提供免费缩胸咨询服务来行骗 |
| [07:49] | come see me, Arnie Linson, attorney-at-law, | 来找我吧 阿尼・林森律师 |
| [07:53] | and join my class-action suit. | 加入我的集体诉讼 |
| [07:55] | If your giant breasts have been wronged, | 如果你因为玉峰高耸而深受其害 |
| [07:58] | I can handle them… it. | 就让我来为民除害吧 |
| [08:02] | I got ’em comin’ and goin’! | 她们始终飞不出我的手掌心 |
| [08:07] | I can’t believe you go to so much trouble to get laid. | 你居然为了骗妞上床费那么多功夫 |
| [08:10] | Yeah, sometimes I don’t even have to shower. | 就是 有时候我连澡都懒得洗 |
| [08:12] | Mama loves it musky. | 姐就喜欢重口味 |
| [08:14] | I gotta shut down all these systems before Nora gets back. | 我得在诺拉回来前把这些系统都关掉 |
| [08:17] | How am I gonna do all that in three days? | 三天内怎么可能办到 |
| [08:20] | I’ll help you. | 我会帮你 |
| [08:21] | Maybe you should write on your little chart there: | 或许你应该在你的小板子写上 |
| [08:24] | “Patient selflessly tried to help a friend in need.” | 病人无私地帮助朋友 |
| [08:28] | First of all, this is a crossword puzzle. | 首先 这是字谜 |
| [08:30] | Secondly, you were clearly planning on using | 其次 很明显你计划 |
| [08:32] | those three days to steal Barney back. | 利用这三天把巴尼抢回去 |
| [08:35] | I am his friend! How dare you! | 我是他的朋友 你真不要脸 |
| [08:38] | God, you think you’re so smart just because | 天啊 你还真以为学富五车就能洞悉人心啊 |
| [08:40] | you went to Harvard | 上过哈佛了不起吗 |
| [08:42] | and then Princeton | 普林斯顿又怎么样 |
| [08:44] | and then… wow, Harvard again. | 怎么又是哈佛 好吧 是挺牛的 |
| [08:46] | Okay, yes, fine. | 好吧 是的 |
| [08:48] | I was… I was trying to steal him back. | 我是想着把他抢回去 |
| [08:50] | This is good. You’re finally opening up | 很好 你终于肯打开心扉 |
| [08:52] | and talking about yourself, | 谈谈自己的问题了 |
| [08:53] | not just what Marshall and Lily were up to. | 而不是三句不离马修莉莉 |
| [08:55] | Oh, yeah, so Marshall and Lily were folding laundry… | 对哦 马修和莉莉正叠衣服 |
| [08:57] | That one’s my fault. | 我真是犯贱 |
| [09:00] | You know… | 知道吗 |
| [09:02] | Never mind. | 没什么 |
| [09:05] | It’s just… | 只是 |
| [09:07] | Forget it. | 算了 |
| [09:10] | Marshall, you’re a grown-ass man. | 马修 你又不是三岁小孩 |
| [09:11] | If you want to say something, just say it. | 想说什么就说吧 |
| [09:13] | I feel bad for Ted! | 我为泰德感到难过 |
| [09:14] | And if my mom were here, | 还有如果我老妈在这 |
| [09:16] | she would ask me what was wrong. | 她会先问我怎么了 |
| [09:18] | You feel bad for Ted?! | 你居然为泰德感到难过 |
| [09:19] | It’s tough feeling like the third wheel. | 当电灯泡的感觉肯定让他很难受 |
| [09:22] | Okay, first of all, I’m sure Ted’s fine. | 够了 第一 我肯定泰德没事 |
| [09:25] | Who eats salt and pepper without cumin? | 谁会加完盐和胡椒 不再加点孜然的 |
| [09:30] | Second, Ted is way off base coming after Dr. Sonya. | 第二 泰德指责桑娅医生真是太离谱了 |
| [09:33] | We love her! Right? | 我们很喜欢她 是吧 |
| [09:39] | Don’t tell me you’re doubting Dr. Sonya! | 别告诉我你也怀疑桑娅医生的话 |
| [09:42] | Just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [09:45] | What’s that thing? | 这是什么 |
| [09:46] | Well, for some women, it was the ashes of my parents. | 对某些女人来说 这是我父母的骨灰 |
| [09:49] | For others, it was the trophy from Wimbledon. | 对有些来说 是温布尔登的奖杯 |
| [09:52] | And believe it or not, for one busty dullard, it was both. | 信不信由你 对一个波霸傻妞来讲 两者皆是 |
| [09:56] | Game, enormous set, match. | 比赛 双波 绝配 |
| [10:02] | Hello? | 你好 |
| [10:03] | Oh, yeah, thanks for calling me back. | 对 多谢回电 |
| [10:05] | Uh, Barney, | 巴尼 |
| [10:06] | It’s Mitch from the Port Authority. | 是港务局的米奇 |
| [10:12] | Port Authority Mitch. | 港务局米奇 |
| [10:14] | You’d always call me whenever | 每当有一个怀揣百老汇梦想的 |
| [10:16] | a wide-eyed farm girl would get off the bus | 纯真乡下女孩下了巴士 |
| [10:18] | with big dreams of Broadway | 你就会及时致电给我 |
| [10:20] | and no idea what a “Casting director” could legally ask her to do, | 可怜的孩子 全然不知所谓的”选角导演”会在试镜时 |
| [10:24] | hold or lick during an audition. | 合法地要求她又抱又舔 |
| [10:27] | I’m sorry, old friend, | 对不起 老朋友 |
| [10:28] | your services are no longer needed. | 无良的导演不再需要你了 |
| [10:33] | Oh, god, I can’t believe I’m doing this over the phone! | 上帝啊 这么重要的事我居然用电话来结束 |
| [10:33] | 巴尼一贯甩女人都是用电话 | |
| [10:36] | My love to Marge and the kids! | 替我向玛吉和孩子们问好 |
| [10:41] | I know. Here. | 我懂你 给 |
| [10:42] | – I didn’t realize this would be so hard! – I know, I know. | -我没意识到会这么痛苦 -我懂我懂 |
| [10:44] | But hey, you know what? We’re almost through our checklist. | 不过 单子上列的都快搞定了 |
| [10:46] | – Okay? Okay? – Okay. | -别伤心了 好吗 -好 |
| [10:48] | Which reminds me, | 正好提醒我了 |
| [10:49] | why am I calling a hair salon and saying, | 为什么要我打电话给美发沙龙说 |
| [10:51] | “Jack Fantastic is quitting”? | 妙手杰克要辞职 |
| [10:54] | Sweetheart, | 甜心 |
| [10:55] | it’s like Maya Angelou keeps telling Oprah, | 就像马雅・安琪罗一直对奥普拉说的 |
| [10:55] | 马雅・安琪罗是著名女作家 诗人 | |
| [10:57] | and I keep telling you: | 我也一直对你说 |
| [10:59] | When you know better, you do better. | 懂得越多 做得越好 |
| [11:03] | Wow, you are so wise. | 哇 你好聪明哦 |
| [11:06] | I wish you were straight so I could date you. | 真希望你是直男 我们就可以约会了 |
| [11:12] | As a matter of fact, I have an extremely attractive | 其实吧 我有个非常迷人的 |
| [11:17] | straight twin brother! | 直男双胞胎兄弟 |
| [11:24] | Oh hi. | 你们好啊 |
| [11:26] | I cropped that Halloween photo. | 我把万圣节的照片剪了 |
| [11:28] | It’s just salt and pepper, now, so it looks ridiculous. | 只剩盐和胡椒了 看起来荒谬至极 |
| [11:32] | – Ted, I want you back on Team Baby. – What? | -泰德 我要你回到护子队 -什么 |
| [11:34] | I knew you’d come around! | 我就知道你会回心转意的 |
| [11:35] | Guys! I didn’t really crop the photo! | 伙计们 其实我没有把照片剪掉 |
| [11:39] | Good news. | 好消息 |
| [11:41] | I signed us up for a birthing class. | 我为咱们报了分娩课程班 |
| [11:43] | Well, that’s insane. | 你疯了吧你 |
| [11:45] | It’s way too early for that, right, Marshall? | 现在太早了 是吧 马修 |
| [11:47] | Okay, listen. I am the father of this child, | 好吧 听着 我是孩子他爹 |
| [11:50] | and I vote that we go to the birthing class. | 我赞成去上分娩课 |
| [11:52] | Absolutely not. | 想都别想 |
| [11:54] | ‘Kay, Lily. | 好吧 莉莉 |
| [11:56] | I hate to play this card… | 是你逼我出手的 |
| [11:58] | but if you don’t come to this class… | 如果你不去上课 |
| [12:01] | I’m withholding sex. | 我就在床上罢工 |
| [12:03] | I don’t think she’s coming. | 我想她不会来了 |
| [12:04] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [12:05] | I was a little suspicious when she had us take separate cabs. | 她提出分开坐计程车时 我就有点儿怀疑了 |
| [12:11] | Lily, don’t do it! | 莉莉 别吃 |
| [12:12] | Just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [12:14] | Think about our baby! | 想想我们的孩子 |
| [12:18] | You got to be kidding me, Robin. Get to the assault. | 你耍我是吧 罗宾 快说打人的事 |
| [12:21] | Okay, fine. | 好的 |
| [12:22] | So Barney and I were finishing packing his apartment… | 巴尼和我把公寓收拾好了 |
| [12:25] | Okay. One last item on the checklist. | 好了 单子上的最后一项 |
| [12:29] | Disconnect the Cold Call 5000. | 切断随机电话5000号 |
| [12:31] | What the hell’s that? | 这又玩的哪一出 |
| [12:32] | I was able to secure the customer database from a company | 我曾从一家专卖身体闪粉和高档乳贴的 |
| [12:35] | that sells body glitter and high-end pasties. | 公司搞到些客户资料 |
| [12:38] | The Cold Call 5000 will dial every female client | 随机电话5000号会打给每一个 |
| [12:41] | between the ages of 22 and 23, | 22到23岁的女性客户 |
| [12:44] | and leave the following message: | 并留下这段留言 |
| [12:47] | Hi, I know this is crazy, | 你好 我知道这太疯狂了 |
| [12:48] | but I saw you on the subway, | 但我在地铁上对你一见倾心 |
| [12:49] | and I knew we were meant to be. | 我知道这是命中注定的缘分 |
| [12:51] | If you believe in destiny, come to MacLaren’s tonight | 如果你相信天意 今晚到麦凯伦酒吧 |
| [12:53] | and find me, Barney Stinson. | 找我巴尼・斯丁森 |
| [12:55] | Because I have this feeling that I’m supposed to be on you– | 因为我有强烈的感觉 我应该长驱直入你 |
| [12:58] | with you. | 你的心 |
| [13:00] | Why not re-record it? | 为什么不重录一个正常版的 |
| [13:01] | I did like a hundred takes. It kept happening. | 我试了上百遍了 一录就不由自主说这话 |
| [13:06] | I can’t believe Lily’s not coming! | 真不敢相信莉莉居然不来 |
| [13:08] | You know what? Screw it! | 见鬼去吧 |
| [13:09] | Who says that two bros can’t rock a birthing class? | 谁说俩爷们就不能玩转分娩课了 |
| [13:12] | Rock it! | 玩转它 |
| [13:15] | Today, we’ll be exploring “The Sensual Massage.” | 今天 我们来研究”肉欲马杀鸡” |
| [13:19] | Let’s start by gently cupping our partner’s hands… | 首先 请与搭档的手合在一起 |
| [13:28] | and just breathe each other in. | 感受彼此的呼吸 |
| [13:38] | Thanks, Robin. | 谢谢了 罗宾 |
| [13:39] | You’re the only person I know who would help me do all that. | 我认识的人当中 只有你会帮我收拾这个残局 |
| [13:43] | You’re a real bro. | 你是真兄弟 |
| [13:44] | Am I, though? | 是吗 |
| [13:45] | ‘Cause I’m really more of a woman. | 女人不能算兄弟吧 |
| [13:49] | To my femininity. | 敬我的妩媚 |
| [13:50] | Nah, you’re more of a bro. | 不 你更像兄弟 |
| [13:53] | You’re a dude. You’re a man. | 你是哥们 是男人 |
| [13:58] | Hey, you are flying solo one more night. | 你还可以享受一晚单身 |
| [14:02] | How about I put on a smokin’ hot dress, | 不如我换一件惹火的晚装 |
| [14:05] | you slap a vest over that crime scene of a tie | 你穿上件能遮住这条煞风景的领带的马甲 |
| [14:08] | and we paint the town? | 我们好好乐一下 |
| [14:09] | I mean, when was the last time we got rip-roaring drunk | 我的意思是 我们多久没以帅哥美女之姿 |
| [14:11] | in clothing that highlights our genders? | 出来畅饮一番了 |
| [14:15] | So, your plan was to be out on the town, | 所以你的计划是外出狂欢 |
| [14:17] | dressed provocatively, | 穿着暴露 |
| [14:19] | drinking with another woman’s man. | 以小三的身份陪他喝酒 |
| [14:22] | Robin, this is our first session, and | 罗宾 这是第一次治疗 |
| [14:24] | I know this is just one clinical opinion, but… | 纯属临床意见 不过 |
| [14:27] | you a dawg! | 高招啊 |
| [14:29] | Yeah… | 是啊 |
| [14:30] | There was just one problem… | 就是有一个问题 |
| [14:32] | Surprise! | 惊喜吧 |
| [14:33] | I got back early! | 我提前回来了 |
| [14:41] | Let me guess, | 让我猜猜 |
| [14:41] | you got drunk under your desk again? | 又是躲在办公桌下大醉一场吗 |
| [14:43] | No, Mr. Harvard. | 不 哈佛先生 |
| [14:45] | I handled things a little differently… | 我处理的方式有所改变 |
| [14:56] | So, I suppose now you want me to talk about how it felt | 我想现在 你会希望我谈谈看着巴尼与诺拉 |
| [15:00] | watching Barney and Nora walk off together, right? | 双双离开的感觉 对吗 |
| [15:03] | I’d rather just skip ahead to the assault. | 我更希望你直接跳到打人的正题 |
| [15:05] | My next patient thinks he’s God. | 我的下一位病人觉得他是上帝 |
| [15:07] | On the off chance that he’s right, | 说不定他是对的 |
| [15:08] | I really don’t want to keep him waiting. | 我可不想让上帝等着 |
| [15:10] | Well, right after they left, something crazy happened. | 他们离开后 劲爆的事情发生了 |
| [15:14] | Excuse me, do you know where I can find Barney Stinson? | 打扰下 知道在哪里可以找到巴尼・斯丁森吗 |
| [15:19] | He saw me on the subway | 他在地铁对我一见倾心 |
| [15:20] | and left me a message to meet him here. | 并给我留言让我来这里 |
| [15:23] | Why not re-record it? | 为什么不重录一个正常版的 |
| [15:24] | I did like a hundred takes. It kept happening. | 我试了上百遍了 一录就不由自主说这话 |
| [15:34] | Hi, I know this is crazy, | 你好 我知道这太疯狂了 |
| [15:35] | but I saw you on the subway… | 但我在地铁上对你一见倾心 |
| [15:37] | He asked me if I believed in destiny. And I do. | 他问我是否相信天意 我信 |
| [15:41] | We are so meant to be. | 我们果然是命中注定的一对 |
| [15:44] | Where can I find him? | 他在哪里 |
| [15:46] | So I was faced with a moral dilemma. | 在道义上 我真是进退两难 |
| [15:49] | Unleash this nut bag on them | 是让这傻妞去坏他们好事 |
| [15:50] | or be a bigger person, and help my friend. | 还是风度一点 帮助我的朋友 |
| [15:54] | Barney’s at Café L’Amour, 75th and Amsterdam. | 巴尼在真爱餐厅 75大街和阿姆斯特丹大街交汇处 |
| [15:57] | – Awesome! – No, wait, wait, wait! | -太好了 -不 等等 |
| [16:00] | Okay, this isn’t right. | 这样不对 |
| [16:02] | Let’s pop that top button, show off your gals. | 解开上面的纽扣 秀出你的本钱 |
| [16:05] | Ooh! Good luck, go get ’em! | 祝你好运 冲吧 |
| [16:09] | Let your love come through your fingers. | 让你的爱从指间流出 |
| [16:14] | Dude, the rule is no moaning | 兄弟 规矩是不能哼哼 |
| [16:16] | and keep your eyes open at all times. | 而且要一直把眼睛睁着 |
| [16:17] | Stop being weird. | 正常点 |
| [16:19] | And hey, when do I get to be the woman? | 什么时候才轮到我当女人 |
| [16:22] | Now remember, the most important thing in pregnancy | 记住 怀孕过程最重要的 |
| [16:25] | is to keep Mom calm and happy. | 就是让妈妈平静开心 |
| [16:28] | She knows best what she needs. | 她才知道自己最想要什么 |
| [16:30] | Trust her. | 要信任她 |
| [16:32] | Now, Papas, | 下面有请准爸爸 |
| [16:33] | I want you to take Mom’s hands in yours, | 拉住准妈妈的手 |
| [16:36] | look deep into her eyes, | 深情地看着她的眼睛 |
| [16:39] | and repeat after me. | 跟我念 |
| [16:41] | I believe in you. | 我相信你 |
| [16:44] | I believe in you. | 我相信你 |
| [16:45] | I honor your body’s wisdom. | 我尊敬你的身体智慧 |
| [16:50] | I honor your body’s wisdom. | 我尊敬你的身体智慧 |
| [16:52] | Your womb is a temple. | 你的子宫就像一座庙宇 |
| [16:55] | – Your womb is a– – Okay, I get it! | -你的子宫就像一座 -好啦 我知道了 |
| [16:58] | I feel terrible we didn’t listen to what Lily wanted! | 我们忽视莉莉的意愿 让我觉得好糟糕 |
| [17:00] | I know, so do I. | 我知道 我也是 |
| [17:02] | The truth is, I thought I’d be married by now | 其实 我一直以为结婚的会是我 |
| [17:05] | and going through all this stuff alongside you guys. | 而你们会陪着我一起经历这些事情 |
| [17:08] | But even if I meet the girl of my dreams right this second, | 但即使我现在就遇到我的梦中情人 |
| [17:10] | I’m still one night and nine months away | 我离我自己的小家庭 |
| [17:12] | from having a family of my own. | 还有一晚和九个月之遥 |
| [17:15] | And that’s assuming the mother of my children | 除非我孩子的妈是个荡妇 |
| [17:16] | is just a huge slut. | 否则很难一见面就上床 |
| [17:19] | Don’t lose hope, Ted. | 不要失去希望 泰德 |
| [17:21] | That slut is out there. | 那个荡妇在等着你呢 |
| [17:23] | Thanks, buddy. | 谢谢 伙计 |
| [17:25] | We owe Lily an apology. | 我们该去跟莉莉道歉 |
| [17:26] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [17:30] | Dads, this is the time that I’ll answer | 准爸爸 现在是提问时间 |
| [17:32] | every question you’ve ever had about vaginas. | 你们有什么关于阴道的问题尽管问吧 |
| [17:36] | Damn it! | 擦 赶巧了 |
| [17:43] | I’m so sorry, Lily. | 真的很抱歉 莉莉 |
| [17:46] | You have just a little bit. | 亲 就一点点哦 |
| [17:55] | I realize now that it’s my job for the next seven months | 我明白从现在开始的七个月里 |
| [17:57] | to keep you happy, and that’s why… | 我的职责就是要让你开心 所以 |
| [18:02] | I’m no longer withholding sex. | 我会床上当一台永动机 |
| [18:05] | My hero. | 真英雄 |
| [18:07] | But I want to make sure that you feel comfortable with Dr. Sonya, too. | 但我想确定你也能和桑娅医生相处融洽 |
| [18:10] | I do. And you know what, | 我能 而且我觉得 |
| [18:11] | the fact that she’s so calm and laid back, | 她这么淡定从容 |
| [18:14] | maybe that’s not a bad thing. | 或许也不是件坏事 |
| [18:16] | Maybe that’s exactly what we’re gonna | 或许我们在分娩的时候 |
| [18:17] | want in that delivery room. | 正需要她这种人才呢 |
| [18:18] | Lily, if you don’t push, | 莉莉 如果你不使劲 |
| [18:20] | I will shove this baby up your throat | 我会把你的宝宝挤上你的喉咙 |
| [18:23] | and pull it out of your mouth! | 然后从你的嘴巴拽出来 |
| [18:27] | Where the hell is Marshall?! | 马修死哪儿去了 |
| [18:29] | That’s a crazy story, kids. | 孩子们 这可是个疯狂的故事 |
| [18:31] | I’ll get to that. | 晚点会讲到的 |
| [18:32] | Hey, Ted’s out in the hall. | 泰德就在走廊等着呢 |
| [18:35] | He wants to apologize, too. | 他也想向你道歉 |
| [18:46] | What happened to your sock? | 你的袜子哪儿去了 |
| [18:47] | Long story. | 说来话长 |
| [18:48] | Bottom line, I realized that sometimes | 总之 我意识到有时 |
| [18:51] | love means taking a step back. | 爱意味着放手成全 |
| [18:54] | Well, not always. | 不尽然吧 |
| [18:56] | I mean, sometimes it’s better to interfere | 我是说 有时蓄意干扰 |
| [18:58] | and sabotage stuff, right? | 搞点小破坏会更好 不是吗 |
| [19:01] | Well, I think if you care about somebody, | 我觉得如果你真的在乎某人 |
| [19:03] | you should want them to be happy, | 即使你最后被人遗忘 |
| [19:05] | even if you wind up being left out. | 你还是希望他们能够开心 |
| [19:09] | The lesson you learned with Lily and Marshall | 你从马修和莉莉身上得到的感悟 |
| [19:11] | is directly applicable to my situation, | 整好适用于我现在的情况 |
| [19:14] | and is therefore | 因此也是 |
| [19:15] | a valid part of how I’ll eventually tell this story. | 我最终讲述这个故事时 要说到的一个有用的细节 |
| [19:19] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:19] | That’s how that went down? | 所以这两件事就联系上了 |
| [19:21] | Point is, it all tied together, right? | 重点就是 环环相扣嘛 对吧 |
| [19:24] | Not really at all. | 完全不觉得 |
| [19:26] | Can we just get to the assault? | 能不能直接说打人的部分 |
| [19:29] | To us! | 敬我们 |
| [19:31] | Barney, it’s me! | 巴尼 是我 |
| [19:32] | I love you, Barney! | 我爱你 巴尼 |
| [19:34] | Mmm, scallops look good. | 扇贝看起来不错 |
| [19:35] | Oh, they are. | 是不错 |
| [19:36] | But the last time I was here they ran out, so, uh… | 但上次我来这儿时 他们卖完了 所以 |
| [19:39] | knock… on… wood. | 祝 你 好 运 |
| [19:39] | Knock on wood 是指接触木制的东西可以甩掉坏运气并确保好运 | |
| [19:43] | Well, I have my eye on the red velvet cake for dessert. | 我要点红丝绒蛋糕作餐后甜点 |
| [19:46] | Lovely. Splitsies? | 很好 一人一口吗 |
| [19:49] | Nah, I want it all toyself. | 不 我要吃独食 |
| [19:51] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [19:53] | Arm wrestle for it? | 掰手腕决胜负吧 |
| [19:54] | No! | 不要 |
| [19:56] | fine | 好吧 |
| [19:57] | I love this place. | 我爱这家餐厅 |
| [19:59] | – Thank you, babe. – You’re welcome. | -谢谢你 宝贝 -不客气 |
| [20:00] | Babe. | 宝贝 |
| [20:02] | Barney doesn’t know a thing about any of this. | 巴尼对这件事一无所知 |
| [20:05] | But that’s why I got court-mandated therapy. | 但这就是我被法院强制接受心理治疗的原因 |
| [20:10] | You must think I’m nuts. | 你肯定觉得我是个疯婆子 |
| [20:11] | I think you’re a really good friend. | 我觉得你是一位讲义气的好朋友 |
| [20:15] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [20:16] | Really. | 真的 |
| [20:18] | As far as I’m concerned, there was no criminal intent to this assault. | 依我看来 本次袭击事件绝无犯罪意图 |
| [20:22] | Well, thanks, Doc! | 谢谢你 医生 |
| [20:24] | Well, look at us! | 瞧瞧 |
| [20:26] | We got this wrapped up in one session. | 一个疗程解决所有问题 |
| [20:28] | Go us, right? | 太牛了 对吧 |
| [20:30] | Now let’s discuss how you keyed the judge’s car. | 下面我们再来谈谈你是怎么弄开法官的车的 |
| [20:32] | Okay. Um… | 好吧 |
| [20:34] | Here’s how it happened: | 事情是这样的 |
| [20:36] | Marshall and Lily were supposed to go to the zoo– | 马修和莉莉本来要一起去动物园 |
| [20:38] | okay, it all ties together, I swear. Now… | 好啦 这都是环环相扣的 我保证 |
| [20:45] | 1997年 盐和胡椒 以及孜然 | |
| [20:48] | 1998年 淑女狗与流浪狗 以及装意大利面的盘子 | |
| [20:48] | 《Lady and the Tramp》是迪斯尼1995年出品的经典动画长片 | |
| [20:53] | 《Lewis and Clark: A Prairie Dog for the President》著名儿童读物 | |
| [20:53] | 2000年 刘易斯和克拉克 以及他们的独木舟 | |
| [20:58] | 2006年 弗兰肯斯坦博士和科学怪人 以及被吓坏的村民 | |
| [20:58] | 美国1931年经典电影《Frankenstein》 | |
| [21:03] | 2007年 C-3PO和R2-D2 以及卢克的舅舅差点从加哇人手里买的破机器人 | |
| [21:03] | 经典科幻电影《Star Wars》 |