| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Kids, this a story about the time your Uncle Marshall | 孩子们 这是一个在你们马修叔叔 |
| [00:04] | went before the New York State Judiciary Committee, | 去纽约州司法委员会前 发生的故事 |
| [00:07] | a panel that would decide the fate of his career. | 一次决定他职业命运的审讯 |
| [00:10] | He thought he’d open with an icebreaker. | 他以为他会有一个精彩的开场白 |
| [00:12] | By the way, did I mention those robes really do you all… | 先说下 我有说过那些法官袍让你们看起来 |
| [00:17] | justice? | 帅气极了 |
| [00:20] | I’m just saying that you’re all guilty… | 如果帅是一种罪 |
| [00:23] | of looking sharp. | 你们一定罪恶滔天 |
| [00:25] | Mr. Eriksen, please. | 行了 艾瑞克森先生 |
| [00:26] | You’re here to discuss | 你要在法庭上陈述一下 |
| [00:27] | your conduct in court during the week of November 19, 2012. | 你在11月19日那一周的所作所为 |
| [00:32] | Of course, Your Honor. | 当然 法官大人 |
| [00:33] | It all started when… | 一切开始于… |
| [00:35] | a so-called friend from law school | 一位法学院的”所谓的”朋友 |
| [00:38] | conned me into believing | 骗我相信 |
| [00:39] | that he needed my help getting a job, | 他需要我帮助他找工作 |
| [00:40] | when in reality, he stole my firm’s strategy | 事实上 他窃取了我公司在 |
| [00:43] | for our upcoming trial against | 与格鲁伯制药公司污染 |
| [00:45] | Gruber Pharmaceuticals, who’d been polluting a lake upstate. | 北部湖泊的庭审中的所有策略 |
| [00:48] | Turns out, he was representing Gruber. | 后来发现 他就是格鲁伯的代表 |
| [00:50] | Win this case or you’re fired, Eriksen. | 打赢这场官司 不然就炒了你 艾瑞克森 |
| [00:53] | How could you trick me like that? | 你怎么能这样陷害我呢 |
| [00:55] | This is the biggest trial in my career. | 这是我职业生涯中最重要的官司 |
| [00:57] | Mine too, brobeans. | 也是我的 傻豆兄 |
| [00:58] | When I win this trial, | 如果我赢了这场官司 |
| [00:59] | I’m gonna buy a new car. | 我就要买一辆新车 |
| [01:01] | Thinking Lambo. | 正在考虑兰博基尼 |
| [01:02] | Awesome. I mean, no! | 太棒了 不对 |
| [01:04] | What happened to you? | 你到底怎么了 |
| [01:05] | You used to be, like, the nicest guy ever. | 你以前貌似是世界第一大好人 |
| [01:07] | We were bros. | 我们曾是兄弟 |
| [01:09] | More than bros. | 比兄弟还亲 |
| [01:10] | We ate brunch together. | 我们还一起吃过早午餐呢 |
| [01:12] | And I’ll always cherish that. | 我会永远珍惜那一刻 |
| [01:14] | But after Kara broke my heart again for the millionth time, | 可是当卡拉无数次让我心碎之后 |
| [01:17] | I said screw being nice, | 去你大爷的善良 |
| [01:19] | suited up and started lying to get what I want. | 穿上西装 用谎言得到我想要的一切 |
| [01:22] | That does happen. | 你确实做到了 |
| [01:23] | But you used to want to fight for the little guy. | 但你说过 你要为弱势群体而战 |
| [01:25] | Little guys pay with little checks. | 弱势群体给的薪酬也很弱势 |
| [01:27] | But… you already know that. | 你已经体会到了吧 |
| [01:29] | You’re in environmental law. | 你是个保护环境的律师 |
| [01:30] | Marshall, you have a kid. | 马修 你有个孩子 |
| [01:33] | How are you gonna provide for the little dude’s futche? | 你如何保障小家伙的未来 |
| [01:36] | I’m worried about Planet Earth’s futche! | 我担心的是地球母亲的未来 |
| [01:39] | That’s why I’m gonna kick your ass in this trial. | 所以我要在庭审中虐爆你 |
| [01:41] | Sure, you may have swiped our entire strategy for this case, | 虽然你窃取了我们的整个策略 |
| [01:43] | but I still got some tricks up my sleeve | 但我还有深藏不露的招数 |
| [01:45] | that you know absolutely nothing about. | 而你一无所知 |
| [01:48] | Really? | 真的假的 |
| [01:48] | No. | 假的 |
| [02:03] | Kids, Robin and Barney had recently shared | 孩子们 罗宾和巴尼最近正处在 |
| [02:05] | an awkward moment. | 一段尴尬的时期 |
| [02:08] | After that, they did what any two mature adults would do: | 之后 他们做了成年人都会做的事 |
| [02:12] | Hey! | 嘿 |
| [02:12] | Hey! | 嘿 |
| [02:13] | How are you? | 你好吗 |
| [02:14] | Great. You? | 超好 你呢 |
| [02:14] | Good, so good. | 好啊 无敌好 |
| [02:15] | -Oh, great. Good to see you! -You, too! | -真好 见到你真开心 -我也是 |
| [02:17] | They pretended it never happened. | 他们装作什么也没发生 |
| [02:19] | All right, guys, | 好了 伙计们 |
| [02:20] | this is the biggest case of Marshall’s career. | 这是马修职业生涯中最重要的案子 |
| [02:22] | That is why it’s so great | 所以我们明天都请病假 |
| [02:23] | that we all called in sick to work tomorrow, | 不去上班了 |
| [02:25] | so we could be in that courtroom to support him. | 一块去法庭上支持他 |
| [02:26] | I didn’t call in sick. | 我可没请病假 |
| [02:27] | I called in for all of us. | 我给大家都请好了 |
| [02:29] | Uh, I have strep throat. | 我得了咽喉炎 |
| [02:30] | Robin, bronchitis. | 罗宾 支气管炎 |
| [02:31] | Barney, massive hemorrhoids. | 巴尼 大痔疮 |
| [02:32] | Why’d you have to say “Massive”? | 你有必要说”大”吗 |
| [02:34] | Well, if you’re gonna miss work for hemorrhoids, | 得了痔疮想请假 |
| [02:36] | they kind of have to be massive. | 痔疮必须有点大 |
| [02:37] | I don’t want to sit in a courtroom all day. | 我不想一整天坐在法庭里 |
| [02:40] | I bet you don’t want to sit anywhere with those hemorrhoids. | 我敢说 得了痔疮是不错 就是哪都不敢坐 |
| [02:42] | I don’t have… Shut up. | 我才没有 闭嘴 |
| [02:44] | Look, you guys wouldn’t understand, | 看 你们就不懂 |
| [02:46] | but when you have a rap sheet as long as mine, | 当你们像我一样有这么多的犯罪记录的话 |
| [02:49] | the last place you want to spend | 你最不想待上一天的地方 |
| [02:50] | a day is in court. | 绝对是法庭 |
| [02:51] | Rap sheet? | 犯罪记录 |
| [02:53] | That’s right. | 对头 |
| [02:54] | When I was a teenager, Lily, | 莉莉 当哥还是少年时 |
| [02:56] | I was a total badass. | 哥绝对不是省油的灯 |
| [02:58] | You want to talk about teenage badasses? | 你们想聊聊小混混吗 |
| [03:01] | 约翰•高帝 一位牵扯到13起杀人案,以10项罪名被判终身监禁的人. | |
| [03:01] | I was like John Gotti in a training bra. | 我 简直就是穿少女胸罩的约翰•高帝 |
| [03:04] | I’m serious. | 说真的呢 |
| [03:06] | In high school, before I started dating Scooter, | 高中时候 在我和斯古特交往之前 |
| [03:09] | even he was afraid of me. | 就连他都害怕我 |
| [03:19] | Lily coming! | 莉姐过来了 |
| [03:21] | Lily coming! | 莉姐来了 |
| [03:27] | You look okay. | 小伙子长得还行啊 |
| [03:29] | Want to hang out? | 想玩玩吗 |
| [03:31] | Uh, my mom says I’m only allowed three friends, so… | 呃 我妈妈说我只可以有三个朋友 所以 |
| [03:33] | Your mom don’t make the rules no more, Scooter. | 从现在开始 你妈妈不再给你定规矩了 斯古特 |
| [03:36] | My name’s Jeff. | 我叫杰夫 |
| [03:38] | Not no more it ain’t. | 你不再叫这个了 |
| [03:42] | The one part of that story I believe | 你那个故事 我只相信 |
| [03:44] | is that Scooter only had three friends. | 斯古特只有三个朋友那部分是真的 |
| [03:45] | Ah! | 哈 |
| [03:46] | Here he is. | 他来了 |
| [03:47] | The pride of St. Cloud, | 圣克劳德镇的骄傲 |
| [03:49] | the environmental lawyer | 我们熟知的 敬佩的 |
| [03:50] | we’ve come to know and love. | 伟大的环保律师 |
| [03:51] | He’s mean. He’s green. | 他铁面 他无私 |
| [03:52] | He’s not wearing the tie I bought him for the trial, | 他没有系着昨天我送他的那条领带 |
| [03:54] | but I’m not gonna mention it… | 但我不准备小题大做 因为他就是 |
| [03:55] | Marshall “I Was Gonna Say ‘Nice Tie'” Eriksen! | 马修•我本想说”领带好漂亮”•艾瑞克森 |
| [04:00] | How you feeling, Counselor? | 感觉怎么样 大律师 |
| [04:02] | Well, uh, I mean, at first | 呃 我一开始觉得 |
| [04:03] | that Brad thing had me rattled, | 布莱德那家伙真把我镇住了 |
| [04:05] | but now I feel pretty good. | 可我现在觉得不错 |
| [04:06] | I mean, for one thing, | 我的意思是 至少 |
| [04:08] | I don’t have massive hemorrhoids. Sorry, buddy. | 我没有长大痔疮 不好意思啊 兄弟 |
| [04:10] | I don’t have ma… | 我没有长大痔.. |
| [04:11] | And more importantly, unlike Brad, | 更重要的是 不像布莱德那样 |
| [04:12] | I actually have something to fight for. | 我确实有奋斗的目标 |
| [04:15] | Pop, because of your precedent-setting | 老爸 多亏有你14年前那场经典审判 |
| [04:17] | legal victory 14 years ago, | 成为不朽的案例 |
| [04:18] | kids like me can fish in clean lakes | 让我这一代孩子还能在干净的湖中钓鱼 |
| [04:20] | all over the world. | 钓遍世界 |
| [04:22] | They sure can, champ. | 当然了 孩子 |
| [04:24] | Because when you do one good deed… | 这是因为当你做一件善事 |
| [04:31] | …it creates a ripple effect. | 会产生一种涟漪效应 |
| [04:32] | One good deed | 一个善举 |
| [04:35] | leads to another and another. | 会引发一次又一次善行 |
| [04:37] | Man, you’re wise. | 老爸 你真睿智 |
| [04:40] | That’s probably why I never have felt the need to do drugs | 也许这就是为什么 |
| [04:43] | or rebel in any way. | 我再也不用嗑药或者叛逆了 |
| [04:48] | Anyhoo… | 不管怎样 |
| [04:50] | The next day, we all headed down to court | 第二天我们都去法庭 |
| [04:53] | to support Uncle Marshall. | 支持马修叔叔 |
| [04:54] | Yeah. | 耶 |
| [04:56] | Want to know what I looked like at age 15? | 想知道我15岁时什么样子吗 |
| [04:58] | There it is. | 就是那样 |
| [04:59] | I don’t get it. That guy wasn’t masturbating. | 我不懂啊 那孩子没有在自撸啊 |
| [05:01] | Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn’t pulled up | 是啊 而且那孩子内裤裤腰 |
| [05:03] | to his Cub Scouts neckerchief. | 没有被提到童子军领巾的位置 |
| [05:07] | Ted, | 泰德 |
| [05:08] | you were never a badass. | 你从来都不是个小混混 |
| [05:10] | Au contraire. | 正相反 |
| [05:11] | Off to a good start… | 开始讲他的光辉历史了 |
| [05:12] | I was locked up | 我在少年时期 |
| [05:13] | plenty of times as a teenager. | 经常被锁起来 |
| [05:15] | Let’s just say | 意思就是 |
| [05:16] | Johnny Law was not a fan | 强尼•洛 从来都御不住 |
| [05:18] | of Teddy Westside. | 西区小泰迪 |
| [05:20] | Make sure you get my good side… | 一定要把我拍帅点哟 |
| [05:22] | Princess. | 小公主 |
| [05:27] | You guys want to talk | 你们想讲讲 |
| [05:28] | about hassling the fuzz? | 和条子找麻烦的事儿么 |
| [05:30] | Finish that, Scoots. | 喝完它 斯古特 |
| [05:33] | Okay, | 好吧 |
| [05:35] | let’s see some IDs. | 给我看一下你们的身份证 |
| [05:36] | Scooter, do you smell bacon? | 斯古特 你闻到培根味了吗 |
| [05:40] | Laugh, bitch. | 给老娘笑一下 小婊子 |
| [05:42] | Ha! | 哈 |
| [05:43] | Ha ha! | 哈哈 |
| [05:44] | ID now, both of you. | 你们两个 马上给我看下身份证 |
| [05:49] | Which one of you | 你们当中 |
| [05:50] | is Yuki Hakutani? | 谁是伯谷由纪 |
| [05:51] | Right here. | 正是在下 |
| [05:53] | So, Yuki, you’re 6’1″ And you were born in 1947? | 这么说 由纪你身高1米85 生于1947年 |
| [05:57] | Congratulations. You can read. | 答对了 你还识几个字呀 |
| [06:04] | Barney Stinson? | 巴尼•斯丁森 |
| [06:06] | Well, if it isn’t Warren Frankel. | 哎呀呀 这不是华伦•弗兰克吗 |
| [06:09] | Bailiff | 法警 |
| [06:10] | Warren Frankel, | 华伦•弗兰克 |
| [06:11] | -who knows me. | -他最懂我 |
| [06:14] | You know, I almost didn’t recognize you without handcuffs on. | 你没有戴着手铐我真差点没认出你 |
| [06:16] | Yeah, I’ve matured quite a bit since the old days. | 是啊不像过去 我现在成熟多了 |
| [06:18] | The only time I’m wearing handcuffs now is, uh, | 现在我唯一戴手铐的时候 呃 |
| [06:20] | in the bedroom. | 是在卧室里 |
| [06:21] | Bondage. I get it. | 玩捆绑 我懂的 |
| [06:23] | Well, | 呃 |
| [06:24] | I have to run. | 我有事儿先走了 |
| [06:25] | Stay out of trouble. | 别惹麻烦啊 |
| [06:29] | Badass. | 混混 |
| [06:33] | In summary, I will prove that Gruber Pharmaceuticals | 总之 我可以证明格鲁伯制药公司 |
| [06:36] | wantonly and knowingly polluted Frog Lake | 肆意且故意污染了青蛙湖 |
| [06:39] | and therefore must pay restitution of no less | 所以他必须要为此承担不少于 |
| [06:42] | than $25 million. | 2500万美元的环境赔偿款 |
| [06:45] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [06:49] | How’s this for a fact: | 我来说下这事实 |
| [06:51] | Frog Lake is home | 青蛙湖原来是 |
| [06:52] | to a buttload of frogs and birds. | 一群青蛙和鸟儿的栖息地 |
| [06:56] | If it’s so polluted, | 如果它真被污染的话 |
| [06:57] | why don’t all those birds fly to a cleaner lake? | 鸟儿为什么不飞去一个干净点的湖 |
| [07:00] | And why don’t the frogs just be like, | 而这些青蛙为什么不说 |
| [07:02] | “Hey, birds, can I catch a ride, ribbit?” | 你好啊鸟儿们 我能搭个便车吗 呱呱 |
| [07:05] | Marshall’s gonna wipe the floor with this ding-dong. | 马修会把这小二逼虐得屁滚尿流的 |
| [07:09] | Oops. | 这可好 |
| [07:10] | I seem to have dropped my pen. | 我的笔好像掉地上了 |
| [07:22] | Objection, Your Honor. | 我反对 法官大人 |
| [07:23] | Nobody needs this long to pick up a pen. | 这捡笔的时间太长了 |
| [07:26] | I’ll allow it. | 本席特准 |
| [07:33] | The biggest case of my life and I’d already lost the jury. | 人生中最重要的庭审啊 而我已经丢了陪审员的芳心 |
| [07:36] | I mean, | 我想说 |
| [07:37] | I’ve heard of Twelve Angry Men, | 我听说过十二怒汉 |
| [07:40] | but this was more like Twelve Horny Women. | 但当时 更像是十二荡妇 |
| [07:44] | Stay on topic. | 不要离题 |
| [07:46] | I can’t compete with Brad. | 我没法和布莱德竞争 |
| [07:48] | The jury is in love with him. | 陪审员们都爱死他了 |
| [07:49] | During recess, one of those ladies raced across the hall | 休庭期间 其中一位女士直接跑到法院另一头 |
| [07:52] | to see if she could get a divorce. | 去看看她能不能离婚 |
| [07:54] | And I’m pretty sure there was some funny business | 我非常确定这位法官的法袍下的 |
| [07:56] | going on under that judge’s robe. | 某个部位一定起反应了 |
| [07:59] | What you guys saw Brad do was nothing. | 也许你不觉得布莱德有多出格 |
| [08:01] | He’s taken it to a whole other level. | 他把气氛搞得很诡异 |
| [08:03] | Ladies and… | 女士们 |
| [08:05] | ladies of the jury, | 还有陪审员女士们 |
| [08:08] | I’m sorry if I seem down. | 如果我看起来情绪低落 我很抱歉 |
| [08:09] | My girlfriend | 我的女朋友 |
| [08:10] | Kara… | 卡拉 |
| [08:12] | broke up with me last night. | 昨晚和我分手了 |
| [08:14] | Aww | 好口年 |
| [08:15] | She said I listen too much, | 她说我太懂得聆听了 |
| [08:17] | whatever that means. | 这算个什么破理由 |
| [08:19] | Aww… Aww… | 真口年啊 |
| [08:22] | Can you believe this guy? | 这男人太难以置信了 |
| [08:28] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [08:30] | Do I even want to see what I look like? | 我都想看看我是什么样子了 |
| [08:36] | Wow. | 这 |
| [08:38] | That’s, like, super mean. | 太刻薄了吧 尼玛 |
| [08:41] | Next, Brad brought out his “Expert witness.” | 然后 布莱德请来了他口中的 砖家证人 |
| [08:44] | So, Dr. Bedrosian, you’re saying | 那么 贝德罗希医生 你的意思是 |
| [08:47] | that even if Gruber Pharmaceuticals’ | 就算格鲁伯制药厂 |
| [08:51] | industry-leading drugs somehow seeped into Frog Lake, | 不慎将药物排入蛙湖中 |
| [08:55] | they could actually be helping the otter population | 但是这些药物能帮助水獭们 |
| [08:58] | grow thicker coats of fur? | 长出更厚的毛皮吗 |
| [09:01] | Absolutely. | 我确定 |
| [09:03] | And for the older birds, who… | 对于那些年迈的鸟类 |
| [09:05] | maybe don’t perform as well in the bedroom as they used to, | 那些也许床上功夫已经不及当年的鸟类 |
| [09:08] | could actually be having | 能够确确实实地 |
| [09:10] | healthier sex lives? | 拥有更好的性生活吗 |
| [09:12] | In my expert opinion… | 以我专业的观点来说 |
| [09:14] | yes…? | 行吗 |
| [09:16] | Yes. | 行 |
| [09:18] | So Gruber… | 所以 格鲁伯 |
| [09:19] | is giving these animals free medicine. | 给予这些动物们免费的药物 |
| [09:22] | Medicine that you or I would have to pay a fortune for if… | 那些你和我 估计得花一大笔钱才能使用的 |
| [09:26] | we needed help in the bedroom… | 提升性爱体验的药物 |
| [09:28] | which I don’t. | 当然我是不需要的 |
| [09:31] | You’re so bad. | 你好坏哟 |
| [09:35] | But I realized, | 然后我明白了 |
| [09:36] | if Brad could call a quack as his star witness, | 如果布莱德能够叫来一位江湖医生来当他的首席证人 |
| [09:40] | then so could I. | 那我也可以 |
| [09:43] | You’ll get that in a second. | 你们马上就懂了 |
| [09:45] | Meet Paddles, | 来见见鸭鸭 |
| [09:47] | the duckling. | 小水桨 |
| [09:48] | “Quack.” | 嘎嘎 |
| [09:49] | Continue. | 继续说 |
| [09:51] | Little Paddles here just spent | 小水桨在不久前 接受了三个月的治疗 |
| [09:52] | three months being nursed back to health. | 才得以康复 |
| [09:54] | Why? | 为什么 |
| [09:56] | Well, because he was found in Frog Lake | 对 因为他在蛙湖被发现时 |
| [09:58] | suffering from acute dermatitis… | 身患急性皮炎 |
| [10:03] | …A painful full-body rash, caused by who? | 痛遍全身的疹子 因谁而起 |
| [10:06] | Gruber Pharmaceuticals. | 格鲁伯制药厂 |
| [10:10] | For a brief, shining moment, | 在这短暂而又光辉的瞬间 |
| [10:11] | it looked like I might just win this thing. | 我认为我都快赢了这案子 |
| [10:14] | But then… | 但是之后 |
| [10:15] | I took a field trip to this so-called “Polluted” Lake. | 我到这所谓的污染的湖泊实地考察了一番 |
| [10:20] | If you’ll indulge me, | 如果诸位同意 |
| [10:21] | I’d like to share my experience. | 我愿意分享这段经验 |
| [10:24] | Frog Lake. | 蛙湖 |
| [10:28] | Behold… | 蕴藏着 |
| [10:30] | nature’s beauty. | 自然的美丽 |
| [10:33] | Polluted? | 污染了吗 |
| [10:35] | Polluted with good times. | 被好时光污染了 |
| [10:42] | Frog… Lake. | 蛙 湖 |
| [11:00] | Frog Lake. | 蛙湖 |
| [11:01] | Come on in. | 快来哟 |
| [11:03] | The water’s fine. | 水很好哟 |
| [11:11] | I shot and edited that myself. | 我自己拍摄剪辑的 |
| [11:14] | Yep, I edit stuff, too. | 我也会填补满你们的欲壑的 |
| [11:18] | Sorry, Ms. Aldrin, there’s no rap sheet under your name. | 抱歉 艾尔德林女士 这里没有你的犯罪前科 |
| [11:21] | Oh, y-you know what, it must be under | 那这样 这档案一定在我的街头外号 |
| [11:24] | my street tag: Number One Gunna. | 头号小太妹 下面 |
| [11:27] | Nope. Sorry, Number One Gunna. | 没有 抱歉了 头号小太妹 |
| [11:29] | Next! | 下一个 |
| [11:32] | Those jive-ass turkeys must’ve lost it. | 这群饭桶肯定把它弄丢了 |
| [11:35] | Well, they’re pretty swamped | 唔 他们一定是为了逮捕你这种 |
| [11:37] | arresting 1970s pimps like yourself. | 七十年代老咖弄得焦头烂额 |
| [11:38] | Lily, let it go. | 莉莉 算了 |
| [11:40] | I didn’t want to brag, but I think | 我不想自吹 但是我认为 |
| [11:43] | it’s time to acknowledge | 是时候声明 |
| [11:44] | that I was the ultimate teenage badass of this group | 我才是真正的终极少年混混 |
| [11:49] | You were a teen pop star in Canada. | 你当时是个加拿大流行歌手 |
| [11:51] | You sang songs about the mall. Hey. | -你唱的都是关于商场的歌 -嘿 |
| [11:54] | There is a dark side to being a rocker on the road | 在北49路当个混混 |
| [11:57] | north of the 49th. | 是姐的阴暗面 好伐 |
| [12:00] | Mm, thanks. | 嗯 谢谢 |
| [12:05] | Hey. | 嘿 |
| [12:05] | We’ve received some noise complaints, eh? | 我们收到一些举报 因为你这里噪音太大了 诶 |
| [12:08] | Can you please lower the music? | 能请您降低音量可以吗 |
| [12:10] | Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. | 哦 可以 可以 当然可以 |
| [12:12] | Sure. | 没问题 |
| [12:13] | How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, | 你说我顺便把电视也降低了 肿么样 |
| [12:16] | yeah? | 行吗 |
| [12:23] | Three hours later, I was arrested | 3小时以后 我被逮捕了 |
| [12:26] | drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni. | 因为我喝醉了 光着身子开着一辆磨冰机 |
| [12:29] | Man, that DUI drove my insurance through the roof. | 唉 那次酒驾导致了我的保险费爆棚 |
| [12:34] | Please be seated. | 全体入座 |
| [12:37] | Mr. Morris, good seeing you this morning. | 莫尔斯先生 很高兴能在早上见到你 |
| [12:39] | Mr. Eriksen… | 艾瑞克森先生… |
| [12:41] | you’re here. | 你也来了 |
| [12:42] | Any, uh, | 还有没有什么 嗯 |
| [12:43] | final witnesses? | 需要最后举证的了 |
| [12:44] | Well, Your Honor, um… | 那个 法官大人 嗯 |
| [12:52] | Actually, Your Honor, uh, I’m afraid… | 实际上 法官大人 嗯 我恐怕 |
| [12:56] | Mr. Eriksen? | 艾瑞克森先生 |
| [13:01] | Your Honor, I call Brad Morris | 法官大人 我传唤布莱德•莫尔斯来举证 |
| [13:05] | Mr. Eriksen, this is | 艾瑞克森先生 这是 |
| [13:06] | highly irregular. I would like | -非常不正常的 -我希望 |
| [13:08] | Mr. Morris to remove his shirt. | 莫尔斯先生脱掉上衣 |
| [13:09] | -I’ll allow it. -Objection, Your Honor, | -本庭准许 -反对 法官大人 |
| [13:12] | on grounds that this is ridonk! | 这也太可笑了吧 |
| [13:14] | Overruled. Take it off. | 反对无效 脱了吧 |
| [13:29] | Acute… | 急性… |
| [13:31] | dermatitis, | 皮炎 |
| [13:33] | courtesy of Frog Lake | 向青蛙湖 |
| [13:35] | and Gruber Pharmaceuticals. | 和格鲁伯制药厂致敬 |
| [13:39] | That was badass. | 那才是混世魔王 |
| [13:42] | So, in the end, | 所以 在最后 |
| [13:43] | one might say you were forced to do something…rash? | 有人说 你被迫”操之”过急了么 |
| [13:48] | Rash! | 被迫操之 |
| [13:51] | You know, I had that one, but Lily told me to cut it. | 我也想到这个笑点了 但是莉莉让我删掉了 |
| [13:54] | Um, anyway… | 嗯 不管怎么说 |
| [13:55] | all that was left was the verdict. | 接下来就剩判决了 |
| [13:59] | “We, the jury, find Gruber Pharmaceuticals… | 陪审团在此作出判决 我们认定 格鲁伯制药厂 |
| [14:04] | guilty.” | 罪名成立 |
| [14:05] | Yes! | 太好了 |
| [14:09] | $25 million. | 2500万美金的赔偿啊 |
| [14:11] | That tie is not only tasteful; it’s lucky! | 那领带不仅仅有品位 还能给你带来幸运 |
| [14:14] | I hereby fine Gruber in the amount of $25,000. | 我判决格鲁伯赔偿罚金25000美元 |
| [14:19] | Court is adjourned. | 现在退庭 |
| [14:28] | Your Honor, $25,000? What just happened? | 法官大人 才25000美元 怎么回事 |
| [14:31] | Son, yes, Gruber Pharmaceuticals probably polluted that lake, | 孩子 是这样的 格鲁伯制药厂可能污染了那个湖 |
| [14:34] | but I’m not gonna ruin an important company | 但我不能因为污染导致一些鸟儿得皮疹 |
| [14:36] | just because they gave some bird a rash. | 就毁掉一家重要的企业 |
| [14:38] | No, but it’s thousands of birds, | 不 但那是几千只鸟啊 |
| [14:39] | -and fish and otters and turtles… -Look, Eriksen, | -还有 鱼啊 蚌啊 乌龟啊… -是这样 艾瑞克森 |
| [14:42] | I hate to cut you short, | 我不想打断你 |
| [14:43] | but I got tickets to Annie and my wife is waiting. | 但我有安妮的票 我老婆等着我呢 |
| [14:45] | You have a wi… | 你居然有老… |
| [14:47] | won-wonderful show to see? | …老精彩的歌剧要去看 |
| [14:49] | Guilty. Ciao. | 是的 拜拜 |
| [14:53] | You’d best get your mind right, son! | 你最好想清楚了 孩子 |
| [14:56] | The game is the game, and there ain’t no winners. | 游戏就是游戏 不可能没有输赢之分 |
| [14:59] | How many retired gangbanger you know? | 你认识多少退休的痞子 |
| [15:02] | Exactly. | 我要准确数字 |
| [15:07] | Barney… | 巴尼… |
| [15:09] | check it out. | 你看看 |
| [15:11] | I found my scrapbook from the old days. | 我在当年那些剪报里找到这个 |
| [15:12] | We’re kind of busy right now, Warren. | 我们现在很忙 沃伦 |
| [15:14] | We’re scaring kids straight, so… | 我们正吓唬小孩改邪归正呢 所以 |
| [15:15] | -No, no. -Barney was | -不要啊 不 -想当年 |
| [15:16] | the youngest member of our Magic Enthusiasts Clubyears back. | 巴尼曾经是我们魔术爱好者俱乐部最年轻的一员 |
| [15:19] | Famous for escaping from handcuffs. | 最拿手的是 手铐逃脱 |
| [15:22] | Handcuffs, huh? | 手铐魔术 哈 |
| [15:23] | Very tiny hands. | 手超级小 |
| [15:24] | That was his secret. | 那曾经是个秘密 |
| [15:27] | See you around, baby hands. | 回头见 小手孩 |
| [15:31] | So, you don’t know the bailiff because you were a badass. | 所以 你不是因为你是个混混才认识的法警 |
| [15:33] | You knew him because you guys were in a nerd club together. | 你认识他 是因为你们曾经都是死宅俱乐部的一员 |
| [15:37] | Where you dazzled audiences with your sleight-of-tiny-hand. | 在那里 你用你惊人小的小手迷惑观众 |
| [15:41] | So I was a late hand bloomer! | 所以 我是个手部后发育的人 |
| [15:44] | Go ahead, laugh, | 继续吧 笑吧 |
| [15:46] | laugh like all the others, | 像其他人一样嘲笑我 |
| [15:47] | but those magicians pulled off the greatest trick of all: | 但那些能演出伟大魔术的魔术师们 |
| [15:50] | they accepted me. | 他们都包容了我 |
| [15:55] | Okay, well, to be fair, | 好吧 那个 公平起见 |
| [15:57] | I… may have slightly exaggerated | 我…也小小的夸大了 |
| [15:59] | my badass story, too. | 我的混混经历 |
| [16:03] | Oh, sorry. Uh, no, thank you, housekeeping. | 哦 对不起 谢谢你 清洁工 |
| [16:05] | I’ve already made my bed. | 我已经把床整理好了 |
| [16:07] | And I only used one washcloth, so it’s… | 而且我只用了一条毛巾 所以 |
| [16:10] | Congratulations, Miss Sparkles. | 恭喜你 亮晶晶小姐 |
| [16:13] | On behalf | 我谨代表 |
| [16:14] | of the Manitoba Hotel | 曼尼托巴省酒店 |
| [16:15] | and Curling Rink Association, we’d like to thank you | 以及冰壶协会 为你作为本店住店行为最佳 |
| [16:18] | for being the nicest, most well-behaved hotel guest ever. | 最有礼数的客人表示由衷的祝贺以及感谢 |
| [16:22] | yippee! | 呀比 |
| [16:24] | What a loser! | 真特么怂 |
| [16:26] | Your story’s not true, either, is it, Ted? | 泰德 你的故事也不是真的发生过吧 |
| [16:28] | Not at all. | 完全没有 |
| [16:29] | Make sure you get my good side, Princess! | 一定要把我照得帅一点哟 小公主 |
| [16:36] | I left the courthouse that day | 那天 当我离开法院的时候 |
| [16:37] | questioning what I was even doing with my life… | 我问自己我这一生到底在做些什么 |
| [16:40] | and then that night, I had a dream. | 然后那晚 我做了一个梦 |
| [16:43] | Sorry I failed, son. | 对不起 儿子 爸爸失败了 |
| [16:45] | What about your Pebble Theory, Dad? | 爸 那您那套涟漪效应呢 |
| [16:47] | One good deed ripples out and makes another and another? | 一个善举 会引发一次又一次善行 |
| [16:51] | Yeah. | 是么 |
| [16:53] | This is what really happens | 当你把小石子扔进青蛙湖里 |
| [16:54] | when you throw a pebble into Frog Lake. | 你眼前的景象才是事实 |
| [17:02] | The truth is, you can fight | 你可以穷尽一生去斗争 |
| [17:04] | your whole life to do good and still get nowhere. | 去做善事 到头来却什么都没改变 |
| [17:07] | You’re wrong. | 你错了 |
| [17:09] | Some good’s gonna ripple out of this, Dad. | 魔高一尺道高一丈 爸 |
| [17:11] | I promise. | 我保证 |
| [17:15] | Great, I’ve angered the Frog King. | 这下倒好 我激怒了青蛙王 |
| [17:19] | Later that night, some good did ripple out. | 那天晚些时候 好的事情的确发生了 |
| [17:24] | Hey. | 嘿 |
| [17:26] | What, are you here to gloat? | 怎么 你是来这幸灾乐祸的么 |
| [17:29] | No. Came here to thank you. | 不 我是来感谢你的 |
| [17:32] | For reminding me | 因为你提醒了我 |
| [17:33] | of why I got into law in the first place: | 当初进入法学院的初衷 |
| [17:35] | to fight for the little guy. | 是要帮弱者伸张正义 |
| [17:37] | Which is why | 这就是为什么 |
| [17:38] | I said “Hasta Lucia” To my firm, | 我跟我的公司说”拜拜”了 |
| [17:40] | and took a job at your firm, brobeans. | 然后在你的公司找了份工作 傻豆兄 |
| [17:42] | Don’t “Brobeans” Me. | 别这样叫我 |
| [17:44] | My boss would never hire you after the way you lied to us. | 你欺骗了我们 我老板绝对不会雇你的 |
| [17:47] | I told him I’d take every last bit of manipulation, | 我告诉他 我会用尽那些 |
| [17:50] | deception, and accidental pen-dropping | 操控审判的计谋和骗局 还有拣笔那招 |
| [17:52] | I used against you guys and put it towards saving the world. | 曾用来对付你们的 我会用来拯救这个世界 |
| [17:56] | Even if that’s true, | 就算你说的是真的 |
| [17:57] | I’m still not sure that I can forgive you. | 我也不确定是否还能原谅你 |
| [18:00] | Would you object to an 11:15 brunch rezzy for two | 那你会反对明天十一点十五 |
| [18:04] | tomorrow at the Popover Pantry? | 在煎饼屋的二人共进早午餐么 |
| [18:08] | I’ll allow it. | 本席特准 |
| [18:10] | Yes! The Brunch Bros are back! | 太好了 早午餐兄弟回来了 |
| [18:14] | And thank God we were, because… | 真感谢上帝我们当时我们和好了 因为 |
| [18:16] | well, what he said next | 都因为一些他接下来说的话 |
| [18:18] | is the reason that I’m sitting in this chair. | 我才坐在这里 |
| [18:21] | Seriously, | 说真的 |
| [18:22] | thanks– for giving my soul a little redempsh. | 真感谢你 让我的灵魂感觉到有一点点的救赎 |
| [18:25] | And B-T-dubs, that judge was an idiot. | 而且顺便说一句 那法官就是个白痴 |
| [18:28] | It’s people like you, | 只有你这样的人 |
| [18:29] | people with hope and vision and integ, | 这么有理想和远见 还有智慧的人 |
| [18:33] | that should be behind that bench making the calls. | 才应该坐在那个席位后面 做出决定 |
| [18:38] | And that’s when I realized I wanted to be a judge. | 那时我才意识到我想当一名法官 |
| [18:40] | Because judges | 因为法官 |
| [18:42] | are the ones who can effect real change. | 才有那种影响力 去做真正的改变 |
| [18:44] | And that’s why I’m here, | 这就是为什么我坐在这里 |
| [18:45] | before the New York State Judiciary Committee. | 坐在纽约州司法委员会各位同仁面前 |
| [18:48] | I hope that you will consider me | 我希望你们能考虑我 |
| [18:51] | for an appointment to a judgeship. | 加入你们的法官席 |
| [18:55] | Thank you, Mr. Eriksen. | 谢谢你 艾瑞克森先生 |
| [18:56] | The panel will take this under advisement. | 我们会认真考虑的 |
| [18:59] | Take your time. | 慢慢来 |
| [19:02] | It could be a few months. | 这可能要花几个月的时间 |
| [19:05] | Better tell my wife I won’t be home for dinner. | 那我最好告诉我老婆 我不回家吃晚饭了 |
| [19:09] | Get out. | 出去 |
| [19:15] | Hey. | 嘿 |
| [19:15] | Hey. | 嘿 |
| [19:16] | -How are you? -Uh, great. You? | -你怎么样最近 -呃 不错啊 你呢 |
| [19:18] | So gr… | 非常好… |
| [19:20] | Can we talk about this for a second? | 我们能谈谈这个事么 |
| [19:23] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [19:25] | It is super-weird between us, and I don’t want it to be. | 最近我们两个之间变的非常尴尬 我不想这个样子 |
| [19:28] | Me, neither. | 我也不想 |
| [19:29] | So let me just say this. | 那我说 就这样吧 |
| [19:31] | I’m done. | 我放弃了 |
| [19:33] | You don’t have to worry anymore. | 你不用再担心了 |
| [19:35] | What do you mean? | 你什么意思 |
| [19:37] | I’m done trying to get you. | 我放弃和你在一起的念头 |
| [19:39] | I can’t do it anymore. | 我不能再有这念头了 |
| [19:40] | I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to figure it out, | 很抱歉 这么久我才明白 |
| [19:43] | but I promise… | 不过我保证 |
| [19:45] | I’m done making a fool of myself. | 我不能再让自己像个傻瓜一样 |
| [19:48] | Barney, you haven’t been making a fool out of yourself… | 巴尼 你并没有让自己像个傻瓜 |
| [19:50] | It’s okay. | 没事的 |
| [19:50] | It’s okay. | 不用说了 |
| [19:52] | I want it to be okay. | 我不想再提它了 |
| [19:54] | So here’s what’s gonna happen. | 所以接下来就这样 |
| [19:56] | I’m gonna get us two drinks, | 我去给咱俩弄两杯喝的 |
| [19:58] | come back and comment on the likely size and color | 回来我们讨论下 坐在吧台的那位红发女 |
| [20:01] | of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, | 她奶头的颜色与大小 |
| [20:04] | with the big, dark nipples. | 应该是又大又黑的 |
| [20:06] | And you’re gonna be grossed out, | 然后你肯定被恶心死 |
| [20:07] | but you’re gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you’ll tell | 不过你也会觉得好笑 然后你要给我讲一些 |
| [20:10] | a funny story about “That bitch Patrice” At work, | “贱人帕特里斯”的搞笑故事 |
| [20:13] | but neither one of us are gonna say, | 但是我们两个都不能说 |
| [20:15] | “Hey, how’s it going?” Or “Good to see you!” | “嘿 你怎么样” 或者 “真高兴见到你” |
| [20:17] | Because it really will be good to see you. | 因为我能见到你 就很高兴了 |
| [20:22] | Think we can swing that? | 觉得我们能这么潇洒么 |
| [20:25] | Yeah, I do. | 没问题 |
| [20:28] | Badass. | 无敌了 |
| [20:48] | Thanks for your support, guys. It means a lot. | 谢谢你们的支持 伙计们 这对我来说意义重大 |
| [20:52] | We’ll call in sick anytime you have a problem. | 只要你有困难 我们立刻请病假过来 |
| [20:59] | Lily coming! | 莉爷来了 |
| [21:00] | Lily coming! | 莉爷过来了 |
| [21:04] | Badass. | 老娘才是混世魔王 |