| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:04] | You guys. You guys will not believe what just happened. | 各位 刚才发生的事太神奇了 |
| [00:07] | On my way here, a taxi jumped the curb | 我过来时 一辆出租车撞上人行道的路缘 |
| [00:10] | and it pinned this old lady, | 压住了一位老太太 |
| [00:11] | and I-I just went into this, like, crazy adrenaline mode | 我马上过去帮忙 开启了大力士模式 |
| [00:13] | and I somehow lifted it off her. | 把车从她身上抬了起来 |
| [00:15] | Oh, my God, Ted, your wrist. | 天啊 泰德 你的手腕 |
| [00:17] | Oh, yeah, I guess it’s a little swollen. | 对哦 是有点肿了 |
| [00:18] | – I must’ve strained it lifting. – No, | -肯定是抬车时拉伤了 -不 |
| [00:19] | I believe our dear friend Lily was referring | 我觉得亲爱的莉莉指的是 |
| [00:21] | to your other wrist. | 你另外一只手腕 |
| [00:22] | The one wearing the male birth control. | 带着男性节育环的那只 |
| [00:22] | 一般节育环是放置于女性子宫内部 | |
| [00:25] | I was gonna go with “Chastity bracelet.” | 我本来准备说”婚前禁欲手镯”的 |
| [00:25] | 这种手镯一般只是信基督教的女人才戴 | |
| [00:27] | God, is it possible to love you more? | 天啊 还能更爱你吗 |
| [00:29] | Really? Really? I just saved someone’s life, | 真的假的 我刚才救了别人一命 |
| [00:31] | and you guys are focusing on this? | 而你们关注的重点竟然是这个 |
| [00:33] | Yeah, you know what, guys? Leave him alone. | 就是 各位 不要嘲笑他了 |
| [00:35] | All right, he’s a hero. | 他是个英雄 |
| [00:36] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [00:37] | Do you think that your super strength came from | 你觉得你有超能力是因为 |
| [00:39] | wearing Wonder Woman’s magic wrist cuff? | 戴着神奇女侠的魔力护腕吗 |
| [00:42] | Yeah, I’ll have you know that because of this cuff, | 我告诉你们 因为这个护腕 |
| [00:45] | I have a date. | 我有了个约会 |
| [00:46] | With some hand lotion and the Internet? | 是跟护手霜和互联网约”打飞机”吗 |
| [00:47] | It is possible to love you more! | 原来真的可以更爱你 |
| [00:50] | She exists. | 是跟真人约会 |
| [00:53] | And she’s right outside. | 她就在酒吧外 |
| [00:55] | Great. Bring her in. | 太好了 带她进来啊 |
| [00:56] | You know what? It’s so nice out. | 其实外面天气很好 |
| [00:57] | Why don’t… why don’t we just all go for a walk. | 我们何不出去散散步 |
| [00:59] | It’s pouring rain, Ted. | 外面下倾盆大雨呢 泰德 |
| [01:01] | I think it’s pretty obvious she can’t fit through the door. | 显然是她太胖 进不了酒吧的门 |
| [01:03] | She is a gorgeous, athletic woman. | 她是个漂亮的运动型姑娘 |
| [01:05] | “Athletic”? Sideburns, no cans. | “运动型” 浓鬓角没胸部 |
| [01:07] | She is hot. | 她是辣妹 |
| [01:08] | So why can’t she come in, Ted? | 那她为什么不能进来 泰德 |
| [01:11] | She can come in. | 她当然能进来 |
| [01:14] | In six and a half months. | 再等六个半月后就能了 |
| [01:16] | Wait. Are you saying she’s… | 等等 你是在说她今年… |
| [01:18] | Twenty. | 二十岁 |
| [01:19] | And a half. | 半 |
| [01:20] | Almost. | 左右 |
| [01:35] | 老爸老妈浪漫史 | |
| [01:38] | Hold up, guys. | 等等 各位 |
| [01:40] | She had to bounce. | 她得闪了 |
| [01:41] | Um, a flash mob broke out in front | 因为有一群快闪族出现在 |
| [01:43] | of a line of Korean-Mexican food trucks in Williamsburg. | 威廉斯堡的一排墨西哥韩式快餐车前 |
| [01:46] | The only thing that would make her more of a 20-year-old | 唯一能让她更像20岁姑娘的东西是 |
| [01:49] | is an ironic form of transportation. | 她搞笑的交通工具 |
| [01:51] | She’s roller skating there. | 她穿着轮滑鞋 |
| [01:53] | I don’t know which is more pathetic– | 我不知道哪件事更可悲 |
| [01:55] | that you’re going out with a 20-year-old | 是你和二十岁的小妞约会 |
| [01:57] | or that you bought a leather cuff to get a date with her. | 还是你为了和她约会买了个皮质护腕 |
| [02:00] | I didn’t buy this to get a date. | 我又不是因为她才买这个 |
| [02:02] | I just happened to be out | 只是碰巧赶上 |
| [02:04] | catching up on some Saturday afternoon | 我周六下午出门 |
| [02:06] | leather cuff shopping, | 选购皮质护腕 |
| [02:07] | and she just happened to be a leather cuff saleswoman. | 而她 碰巧是卖皮质护腕的妹子 |
| [02:11] | God, I am so glad I am done chasing bimbos. | 天啊 真庆幸我的泡妞生涯结束了 |
| [02:14] | Now that I’m engaged, that whole part of my life | 现在我订婚了 过去泡妞的生活 |
| [02:16] | just seems sad and empty. | 看起来可悲又空洞 |
| [02:18] | I don’t want this to sound too harsh, | 我不是故意要说得这么难听 |
| [02:19] | Ted, but you disgust me. | 泰德 但是你让我恶心 |
| [02:22] | Until a month ago, your headboard had a lube dispenser. | 一个月前 你家床头板上还有润滑油机呢 |
| [02:25] | Uh, yeah. | 对 |
| [02:26] | – We got rid of that, okay? – Yeah. | -我们把它扔了 -对 |
| [02:29] | Anyway, speaking of engaged, | 说到订婚 |
| [02:30] | check out what got back from being resized. | 快瞧什么东西改好尺寸啦 |
| [02:32] | Oh, my God. Look at the size of that rock. | 天啊 好大一颗钻石 |
| [02:36] | Barney, you don’t start with | 巴尼 你不能一开始就买 |
| [02:37] | the I-got-caught-cheating diamond. | 一颗”偷情赎罪级”的大钻石 |
| [02:39] | You give yourself room to grow. | 你得给自己留点发展空间啊 |
| [02:41] | It’s a family heirloom. | 这是传家宝 |
| [02:42] | Yeah, I got a few dirty looks | 圣诞节期间 |
| [02:43] | from Barney’s half-sister over Christmas, | 巴尼的嫂子一直对我甩白眼 |
| [02:45] | so I had to sit her down and explain very respectfully… | 所以我请她坐下 然后毕恭毕敬地解释 |
| [02:48] | that she can suck it. | 让她羡慕嫉妒恨吧 |
| [02:49] | Okay. I got to bounce. | 好吧 我得闪了 |
| [02:51] | Stop saying that. | 别这样说 |
| [02:52] | This DJ from Dubai is spinning | 迪拜来的DJ在布什维克 |
| [02:54] | at an abandoned loading dock in Bushwick. | 一个废弃的装货码头打碟 |
| [02:56] | I’m worried I don’t have enough layers. | 我担心我衣服穿少了会冷 |
| [02:58] | So what if my friends thought it was doomed? | 就算我朋友们都不看好又怎样 |
| [03:00] | I was still young, | 我当时还年轻 |
| [03:01] | and I knew that a night of partying with a girl | 知道和比我小十岁的姑娘 |
| [03:03] | over a decade younger than me would be a total… | 狂欢一晚 完全是一场… |
| [03:05] | …disaster. | 灾难 |
| [03:06] | She’s like an entirely different species. | 她和我简直是两个世界的人 |
| [03:09] | And I definitely didn’t have enough layers. | 而且我衣服绝对穿少了 |
| [03:12] | I didn’t understand half the words she was saying. | 她说的词语 我一半都听不懂 |
| [03:15] | To me, it all sounded like hipster Mad Libs. | 我听起来都像嬉皮士版的填词游戏 |
| [03:17] | Didn’t you check your phone? | 你没看手机吗 |
| [03:19] | I just “means of contacting” you | 我刚在”目前很热的社交网站”上 |
| [03:21] | on “currently hot social networking site.” | “联系”了你 |
| [03:24] | The show’s been moved | 表演改到 |
| [03:24] | to “New York neighborhood you’ve never heard of.” | “你从未听说过的纽约郊区”去了 |
| [03:28] | Oh. Wow, my phone has a clock. | 我的手机上居然会显示时间 |
| [03:31] | And they subsist on a diet of pointlessly weird combinations. | 而且他们很爱吃超怪异的混合风食品 |
| [03:36] | Hey, do you want to split a kimchi cupcake | 你要不要跟我分吃个泡菜小蛋糕 |
| [03:38] | with bacon frosting? | 上面有培根糖霜哦 |
| [03:39] | They are the best here. | 这是最美味的搭配 |
| [03:40] | Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’ll go great with my | 好啊 跟我的黄瓜胡椒蛋蜜乳 |
| [03:42] | cucumber jalapeno egg cream. | 估计也会很搭吧 |
| [03:44] | Chug it! Come on. Come on. | 快喝 快点 快点 |
| [03:45] | – We got to get going. – Right. Okay. | -我们得走了 -好吧 |
| [03:50] | Then later, at a club in Chinatown | 然后 在唐人街 |
| [03:52] | somehow located beneath a manhole cover, | 井盖下的一个酒吧 |
| [03:54] | it got weird. | 事情变得很诡异 |
| [03:56] | God, I just love those | 天啊 我真喜欢 |
| [03:57] | tiny gray hairs in your eyebrows. | 你眉毛里的小灰毛 |
| [04:00] | Old men are so sexy. | 老人好性感 |
| [04:03] | All right, to be fair, | 好了 公平地说 |
| [04:05] | some of those gray hairs were dried egg cream. | 有些小灰毛其实是干了的蛋蜜乳 |
| [04:08] | Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, | 原来一边溜冰一边呕吐 |
| [04:10] | you roll right into the spray. | 吐出来的东西会直接溅你一脸 |
| [04:11] | Wait, how old does she think you are? | 她到底觉得你有多老 |
| [04:14] | So, were you in Vietnam? | 你去越南参战了吗[1959年-1975年] |
| [04:17] | Hold that groan. | 等等再叹息 |
| [04:19] | Charlie was everywhere. | 越共无所不在啊 |
| [04:23] | She’s hot! She likes old guys! | 她是辣妹 喜欢老人 |
| [04:24] | Don’t judge me! | 别批判我 |
| [04:26] | Anyway, when we got out on the dance floor, th… | 总之 当我们进入舞池时 |
| [04:29] | I swear, this is what all the 20-year-olds looked like… | 我发誓 二十岁的人就是这个样子 |
| [04:36] | I want to thank you for your service to this nation, Private. | 谢谢你对国家做出的贡献 士兵 |
| [04:39] | Colonel. | 是上校 |
| [04:41] | I got to end this. | 我得做个了断 |
| [04:42] | Yeah, seriously, Ted. | 没错 说真的 泰德 |
| [04:44] | Pretending to be someone else just to get laid? | 假扮别人 骗妞上床 |
| [04:47] | That’s… embarrassing. | 那 太尴尬了 |
| [04:48] | Your Highness! | 殿下 |
| [04:50] | Let’s go. | 我们走 |
| [04:53] | Ew. Marshall, take that off. | 马修 把护腕脱了 |
| [04:55] | What? I think it looks kind of cool. | 为什么 我觉得挺酷的 |
| [04:57] | Cool? | 酷 |
| [04:58] | You look like one of those jerks who’s in some lame band | 你看就像某个烂乐队的小混混 |
| [05:01] | and rides a motorcycle without a helmet | 骑摩托车不带头盔 |
| [05:04] | and has a wallet chain and neck tattoos | 腰上挂着钱包链 脖子上有纹身 |
| [05:06] | and a drug problem. | 还爱吸毒 |
| [05:08] | Not a… a big one, just, uh… | 毒瘾不是很大 |
| [05:10] | enough that he deals a little bit on the side, and… | 但也够让他暗地里贩贩毒 |
| [05:13] | he can never… ever be true to one woman. | 他绝不会对女人动真情 |
| [05:16] | Finish that damn pickle and do me! | 快把你的咸菜吃完 开”干”了 |
| [05:22] | Okay, you guys know how my mornings usually go. | 你们都知道我的早晨通常是怎样的吧 |
| [05:25] | Why would we care how… | 我们不想知道 |
| [05:26] | Usually it’s like this. | 通常是这样的 |
| [05:30] | After you. | 你先 |
| [05:30] | Aw, thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [05:37] | On the house, Robin! | 送你的 罗宾 |
| [05:40] | * Take this bagel on the house | 贝果圈送你 * |
| [05:42] | * Have a paper on the house | 报纸送你 * |
| [05:44] | * I’d give you a house on the house | 只要你愿意 * |
| [05:46] | * If I could | 房子也可送你 * |
| [05:49] | * You’re so beautiful | 沉鱼落雁之姿 * |
| [05:51] | * Everything in life should be free | 世间万物皆可送你 * |
| [05:55] | * It’s so wonderful to be me! | 做自己感觉真美好 * |
| [06:02] | Do little bluebirds help you get dressed in the morning, too? | 知更鸟也会在早上帮你更衣吗 |
| [06:06] | * She’s exaggerating to make a point! | 她只是夸张地表达观点 * |
| [06:14] | But today was different. | 但是今天一切都变了 |
| [06:17] | That’ll be $3.75. | 3.75元 |
| [06:19] | But I didn’t have to pay yesterday. | 我昨天就没付钱啊 |
| [06:21] | Okay. $7.50. | 好吧 那就7.5元 |
| [06:23] | – Oh, honey-sweetie-baby. – It’s the ring, Robin. | -我亲爱的乖乖 -是戒指 罗宾 |
| [06:27] | The ring has power. | 那戒指有魔力 |
| [06:28] | When a woman puts on an engagement ring, | 当女人戴上订婚戒指时 |
| [06:29] | it’s like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring | 就像《指环王》哈比人中比尔博・巴金斯 |
| [06:32] | in The Hobbit. | 戴上至尊魔戒一样 |
| [06:33] | Okay, can you say that again but not in nerd? | 这么宅男的解释我听不懂 |
| [06:34] | Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak | 好吧 戒指就像哈利波特 |
| [06:37] | that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts. | 在霍格沃茨潜行时穿的斗篷 |
| [06:39] | Yeah, I don’t speak virgin either. | 这么”处男”[童话]的解释 我也听不懂 |
| [06:41] | The ring– it makes you invisible. | 那枚戒指 会让你变隐形 |
| [06:46] | You’re not precious. | 你不是宝贝…[改自指环王] |
| [06:58] | Oh, good, you’re awake. | 很好 你还没睡 |
| [07:02] | Look, Ted, | 泰德 |
| [07:03] | there’s something we have to talk about. | 有些事我们得谈一谈 |
| [07:04] | Boundaries? Invasion of privacy? | 朋友界线 侵犯隐私 |
| [07:07] | Losing your key privileges? | 没收我家的钥匙 |
| [07:09] | It’s about the 20-year-old, Ted. | 是关于那个20岁的小妞 泰德 |
| [07:11] | You have to bang her. | 你必须把她上了 |
| [07:13] | For me! | 为了我 |
| [07:18] | Why do you want me to hook up with this 20-year-old? | 你为什么要我勾搭20岁的女孩 |
| [07:21] | I thought I disgusted you. | 你不是很恶心我的行为吗 |
| [07:22] | Yeah, that was all an act. | 对 不过那是我装的 |
| [07:24] | Look, look, look, I love Robin | 听我说听我说 我爱罗宾 |
| [07:26] | and she’s the only girl I want to be with. | 我只想和她在一起 |
| [07:28] | But my body is detoxing | 但是因为常年的一夜情 |
| [07:31] | after years of one-night stands. | 我的身体还没完全戒掉 |
| [07:33] | They don’t make gum | 世上也没有戒掉 |
| [07:34] | or a patch for this, Ted. | 一夜情的贴片或口香糖 泰德 |
| [07:36] | But, hey, billion-dollar idea alert. | 但这貌似是个挣大钱的点子 |
| [07:40] | Oh, yeah. That’s okay. | 好吧 没事 |
| [07:41] | I’ll just buy a new dream journal. | 我再买一本新的梦之日记 |
| [07:44] | What-what-what are you looking for? | 你在找什么 |
| [07:47] | Your phone. | 你的电话 |
| [07:48] | There’s got to be some pictures of her in here. | 手机里一定有她的照片吧 |
| [07:50] | Damn it. No. | 我靠 不 |
| [07:52] | Those are all worthless. | 这些都没用 |
| [07:53] | I need some one-night-stand material, Ted. | 我需要一夜情的素材 泰德 |
| [07:56] | Oh. Oh. Here’s your mom. Hello, Virginia. | 这是你妈 你好啊 弗吉尼亚 |
| [07:58] | Um, my mother is not one-night-stand material. | 我妈可不是一夜情[站]的素材 |
| [08:01] | Yeah, you’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [08:02] | It wasn’t night and we weren’t standing. | 当时不是夜里 我们也不是站着 |
| [08:05] | That didn’t happen. | 你们没有”干”嘛吧 |
| [08:07] | You’re right. It didn’t. | 没 当然没 |
| [08:09] | You just winked. | 你眨眼了 |
| [08:10] | No, I didn’t. | 不 我没有 |
| [08:11] | You just did it again! | 你又眨眼了 |
| [08:12] | Look, bottom line: I need you | 行了 总之 我需要你 |
| [08:14] | to proxy bang this girl for me. | 替我 上了那妞 |
| [08:17] | Be my stand-in | 做我的替身 |
| [08:18] | and put your gland in. | 用你的”小弟” |
| [08:20] | Hey, wow, that’d be good on a hat. | 这印在潮帽上应该挺酷 |
| [08:23] | Barney, | 巴尼 |
| [08:23] | she’s just using me for my gracefully aging body. | 她只是喜欢我优雅老去的身体 |
| [08:27] | You’re picking now to get some self-respect? | 你挑这个时候来获得自尊吗 |
| [08:29] | You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery. | 你曾经假装肖恩・康纳利 骗盲女和你上床 |
| [08:29] | 苏格兰电影演员 007第一任扮演者 | |
| [08:33] | That was you. | 那是你干的 |
| [08:35] | Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable. | 没错 那次经历真是滋味无限 |
| [08:38] | I’m sorry. T-To hook up with a girl, | 抱歉 要勾搭女孩 |
| [08:40] | I have to connect with her at least a little. | 我至少得和她有点共同之处吧 |
| [08:42] | Then find a connection. | 找一个共同之处呗 |
| [08:44] | Just go simple. | 找点简单的 |
| [08:45] | Nothing about weird poets or buildings | 别找什么奇怪的诗或建筑之类 |
| [08:48] | or any of those stupid articles you’ve ever e-mailed me | 或是任何你取名为《精神粮食》 |
| [08:51] | with the subject line “Food for thought.” | 电邮给我的烂文章 |
| [08:54] | Please, Ted. | 拜托了 泰德 |
| [08:56] | I need this. | 你不”上” 我会死啊 |
| [08:58] | Fine. You win. | 好吧 你赢了 |
| [08:59] | I’ll bang a hot 20-year-old. | 我会上一个20岁的姑娘 |
| [09:02] | But I’m not gonna enjoy… | 但是我可不会乐在其中 |
| [09:03] | Oh, who am I kidding? | 骗谁呢 |
| [09:05] | It’s gonna be awesome. | 肯定是爽翻了 |
| [09:06] | Now, turn off the lights and go. | 现在 关灯 滚蛋 |
| [09:10] | Not all the way! | 别全关掉 |
| [09:14] | Hello. Yeah, three… | 你好 三杯… |
| [09:16] | Okay, normally New York is the friendliest, | 纽约本来是全世界最友好 |
| [09:19] | most affordable city in the world. | 最住得起的城市 |
| [09:21] | Now it’s as rude and expensive as San Francisco. | 现在呢 和旧金山一样 又粗鲁又昂贵 |
| [09:24] | Guys? | 你们说呢 |
| [09:26] | Oh, hey, that’s life once you’re engaged. | 这就是订婚后的生活 |
| [09:28] | Oh, tell her, baby. Make it hurt. | 告诉她吧 宝贝 让她伤心吧 |
| [09:32] | I’ll be at the booth. | 我去卡座了 |
| [09:33] | My panties may or may not be on | 等你来时 我的小内内 |
| [09:35] | when you get there. | 可能在 也可能不在哦 |
| [09:37] | They won’t be! | 肯定不在了 |
| [09:40] | Okay, what is going on with you guys? | 你们是怎么回事啊 |
| [09:42] | It’s the cuff. | 是护腕的魔力 |
| [09:43] | It turns out that picturing me as a loser musician | 把我想象成嗑药的蹩脚音乐人 |
| [09:46] | with a Vicodin addiction and a beat-up van | 还有一辆用来偷铜线的破旧货车 |
| [09:48] | I use to steal copper wire really turns Lily’s crank. | 让莉莉性趣盎然 |
| [09:52] | Who knew? | 谁会想得到呢 |
| [09:53] | Whoa, what-what happened to your wrist? | 你的手腕怎么了 |
| [09:55] | Oh. It’s an allergic reaction. | 对护腕过敏了 |
| [09:58] | So take it off. | 那就取下来呀 |
| [09:59] | Robin, once you have a child, | 罗宾 一旦为人父母之后 |
| [10:01] | anything that gets you even remotely close | 只要能换来一点点滚床单的可能性 |
| [10:03] | to the possibility of sex is worth a few pus-filled blisters. | 几个化脓的水泡又算得了什么 |
| [10:07] | Better the sores weep than I. | 再疼也胜过我”下半身”煎熬啊 |
| [10:11] | Hey, hold on. That slut just got here. | 等一下 那个小荡货刚进酒吧 |
| [10:12] | How’d she get beer already? | 怎么这么快就买到酒了 |
| [10:15] | Do you see a ring on that finger? | 你看她手指上有戴订婚戒了吗 |
| [10:18] | Are you saying that this invisibility thing | 你是说这戒指的隐形作用 |
| [10:20] | means I might not be able to get beer? | 会害得我以后都没法买到酒了吗 |
| [10:22] | I was just getting used to the idea of having to pay for coffee | 人家才刚刚开始习惯自己买咖啡 |
| [10:25] | – and bagels and rent. – Rent? | -贝果圈和付房租呢 -房租啊 |
| [10:26] | But not being able to get a beer? | 现在连一杯酒都买不到 |
| [10:28] | Unacceptable. | 我决不接受 |
| [10:32] | Excuse me. | 抱歉 |
| [10:34] | Hot girl coming through. | 请为辣妹让一下路 |
| [10:47] | Three beers, please. | 请给我三杯啤酒 |
| [10:53] | Damn it, ring! | 靠 我讨厌这戒指 |
| [10:56] | Oh, yeah, baby. | 亲爱的 |
| [10:57] | Later you should totally go out and buy a switchblade. | 一会记得出去买把弹簧刀 |
| [10:59] | Sure. | 好呀 |
| [11:01] | While I’m out, maybe Daddy picks up some diapers | 或许爸爸会顺便买些尿布 |
| [11:04] | and a little mild salsa because we’re low. | 和微辣的莎莎酱 因为我们无比堕落 |
| [11:11] | Well, you’re right– | 好吧 你说对了 |
| [11:12] | I’m invisible. | 我已经化为无形了 |
| [11:20] | That night, the only person in worse shape than Robin | 那一夜 唯一一个比罗宾还狼狈的人 |
| [11:23] | was her fiance. | 是她的未婚夫 |
| [11:24] | Ted, I’m desperate. | 泰德 我快被逼疯了 |
| [11:26] | Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff | 今天上午 我看到那护腕 |
| [11:28] | and I got a partial for Marshall. | 就给马修买了一副 |
| [11:30] | Did you bang that girl yet? | 你把那妞上了吗 |
| [11:32] | Don’t get your hopes, or anything else, up. | 你别激动 也别”鸡”动 |
| [11:34] | I tried to connect with her, | 我试着和她找话题 |
| [11:36] | but everything just comes back | 可不管说什么 |
| [11:37] | to her weird fetish about how old I am. | 最后总是回到她对我年纪的痴迷上去 |
| [11:40] | Well, j-just go simple– does she like TV? | 先从简单入手吧 她喜欢看电视吗 |
| [11:43] | No. | 不喜欢 |
| [11:44] | But I’ll watch 60 Minutes with you | 但如果我愿意陪你一起看《60分钟》 |
| [11:44] | 美国老牌新闻节目 | |
| [11:46] | as loud and as long as you want. | 开多大声看多久都没问题 |
| [11:49] | Sports? | 体育呢 |
| [11:50] | No. | 不喜欢 |
| [11:52] | But I bet you look super hot playing shuffleboard, | 不过我猜你玩沙壶球时一定帅爆了 |
| [11:52] | 一种老年人常玩的运动 | |
| [11:54] | just… slathered in Bengay. | 想象你厚厚地涂满止痛药膏的样子 |
| [11:58] | Well, does she like books? | 好吧 那她喜欢读书吗 |
| [11:59] | No. | 不喜欢 |
| [12:01] | But I bet you do. | 可我猜你一定喜欢 |
| [12:03] | I bet you have a big, thick | 你一定有一个又大又厚的… |
| [12:06] | pair of bifocals. | 老花眼镜 |
| [12:08] | She doesn’t have daddy issues, | 她这已经不是恋父情节了 |
| [12:10] | she has granddaddy issues. | 而是恋祖父情节 |
| [12:12] | I’m ending it. | 我要和她说再见了 |
| [12:13] | Ted, I beg of you, | 泰德 求你了 |
| [12:14] | don’t quit on a body that won’t quit. | 只要她一息尚存 你就不能放弃 |
| [12:16] | Ooh, ooh, that’ll go sweet on a bumper sticker. | 这句话用来做车标不错 |
| [12:18] | That’s going in the journal. | 我要写在日记上 |
| [12:20] | Wait, did you steal my dream journal? | 等等 你偷走了我的梦之日记吗 |
| [12:22] | No! Now, get back in there before all your teeth fall out | 才没有 好了 在你牙齿落光 |
| [12:25] | and you’re naked in front of Shaker Heights High School | 和你在自己高中全校师生面前裸体出演 |
| [12:27] | in a play you never rehearsed for. | 没排练过的戏剧前 快回去吧 |
| [12:28] | Bastard! | 你个王八蛋 |
| [12:30] | We don’t connect on a single thing. It’s over. | 我们之间毫无共通处 绝对要分手了 |
| [12:33] | It’s not… | 不要 |
| [12:35] | Look, Carly, I got to tell you something. | 听着卡莉 我要告诉你 |
| [12:37] | I just, I don’t see a future here. | 我们之间不会有未来 |
| [12:41] | Oh, my God. | 我的妈呀 |
| [12:43] | Are you dying? | 你是要死了吗 |
| [12:45] | Oh, that is so hot. | 真是迷死人了 |
| [12:50] | Hey… is that R2-D2? | 我说 你这是R2-D2的声音吗 |
| [12:50] | 星球大战宇航技工机器人 | |
| [12:53] | Do you like Star Wars? | 你喜欢《星球大战》吗 |
| [12:55] | I love Star Wars. | 我超爱《星球大战》 |
| [12:57] | Me, too! | 我也是 |
| [13:02] | I mean, I’ve only seen the new ones. | 虽然我只看过最新的几部 |
| [13:05] | Close enough. | 那也成啊 |
| [13:10] | – So? – Yeah. | -结果… -上了 |
| [13:13] | I knew it! I could feel it. | 我就知道 我能感应得到 |
| [13:15] | It’s almost like we were hooking up with her together. | 感觉就跟咱俩一起上了她似的 |
| [13:18] | You felt that, right? | 你也有同感 对吧 |
| [13:19] | I couldn’t have performed if I did. | 要真有这感觉 我就不做了 |
| [13:21] | Don’t you see, Ted? | 你没发现吗 泰德 |
| [13:22] | We had a bro-nnection. | 我们俩有兄弟感应啊 |
| [13:26] | All right, I got to know what she looks like– | 好了 我得知道她长什么样 |
| [13:28] | show me a picture. | 给我看照片 |
| [13:29] | Well, normally, I’m above such things, | 一般来说 我不屑于干这种事的 |
| [13:31] | but it’s been a while, and, uh, Teddy’s braggin’. | 但我单身已经很久了 泰德也想炫耀一下 |
| [13:34] | Okay, here she is. | 好了 这就是她 |
| [13:36] | Okay. Scrolling up. | 好 从下往上慢慢看 |
| [13:39] | Oh, yeah, those are “plow me” Heels. Nice. Uh-huh. | 脚踩”求开垦”高跟鞋 不错不错 |
| [13:42] | The knee bruise is encouraging. | 膝盖的瘀痕 让人食指大动 |
| [13:45] | Working our way up to those 20-year-old ta-tas. | 一路上拉到二十岁的尖峰处 |
| [13:49] | Oh… gravity’s cruel grasp | 哇 地心引力的残酷魔爪 |
| [13:51] | hasn’t found you yet, my sweet perky miracles. | 还没有伸向你 我可爱的奇迹翘乳 |
| [13:55] | Now, let’s get a gander at Dirty Girl’s face. | 现在 让我们瞧瞧小浪娃的庐山真面目吧 |
| [14:01] | Her face says, “Ready to bone,” Am I right? | 她的脸上写着”欢迎来搞” 对不对 |
| [14:06] | I say again, am I right? | 再重复一次 我说得对不对 |
| [14:09] | That’s my half-sister. | 这是我同父异母的妹妹 |
| [14:13] | Then you probably shouldn’t scroll to the next picture. | 那你还是不要看下一张照片的好 |
| [14:19] | No! | 天啊 |
| [14:25] | That’s my sister, Ted! | 这是我妹啊 泰德 |
| [14:27] | Well, look, I didn’t know! | 问题是 我又不知道 |
| [14:29] | None of us even knew you had a sister | 不光是我们 连你都是两年前才知道 |
| [14:30] | until two years ago, including you! | 你有个同父异母妹妹的 |
| [14:32] | This is just some crazy coincidence. | 这不过是奇怪的巧合罢了 |
| [14:34] | There are four million women in the city of New York, | 整个纽约市整整4百万女人 |
| [14:36] | Ted, and you sleep with my sister? | 泰德你就偏偏睡了我妹妹 |
| [14:38] | – Why would the universe do that to me? – I don’t know. | -上天你为什么要这样对我 -我哪知道 |
| [14:41] | It’s not like you’ve ever treated women in such a way | 你又没有视女人如弃履过 |
| [14:42] | that would invite some sort of karmic retribution. | “不应该”会招来天谴报应呀 |
| [14:45] | You banged my sister! | 你睡了我妹妹 |
| [14:47] | My sweet, little, innocent… | 我可爱的 幼嫩的 无辜的 |
| [14:50] | – Pierced. – Really? Where? | -她有穿环 -真的吗 在哪里 |
| [14:51] | Don’t answer that! | 别告诉我 |
| [14:53] | Now I know why I felt everything | 现在我知道昨晚我怎么会 |
| [14:55] | you did to her last night. | 感应到你对她干的好事了 |
| [14:57] | It wasn’t a bro-nnection, it was a sis-nnection! | 不是什么兄弟感应 是兄妹感应啊 |
| [15:01] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [15:02] | Ted… did you… | 泰德 你有没有 |
| [15:08] | Big-time. | 超厉害的 |
| [15:09] | Nice! High five! | 有你的 击掌相庆 |
| [15:11] | Wait! No! No! | 不 等一下 |
| [15:12] | Retraction five! | 收回击掌 |
| [15:16] | Hey, hey, you’re the one who begged for a proxy bang. | 是你哭着求我帮你上了她的 |
| [15:19] | And while we’re on the subject of family, | 既然我们提到家人这个问题了 |
| [15:20] | I’m pretty sure you banged my mom– | 我知道你还睡过我妈呢 |
| [15:22] | mom beats sister. | 妈妈比妹妹严重多了 |
| [15:23] | I never banged your mom. | 我才没有睡过你妈呢 |
| [15:25] | You just did the winking thing again! | 你刚刚又眨眼了 |
| [15:27] | No, I didn’t. | 我没有 |
| [15:29] | Fine. Hey, Barney, let me ask you something. | 好吧 巴尼 我问你 |
| [15:31] | Were you, uh, feeling a little sore this morning? | 你今天早上有感觉到酸痛吗 |
| [15:33] | Especially… | 尤其是… |
| [15:37] | Friendship over! | 友谊到此为止 |
| [15:41] | Oh, yeah. | 好爽 |
| [15:43] | Who’s your guitar-player-biker- | 谁是你的吉他兼摩托车手 |
| [15:45] | who-couldn’t-find-mild-salsa- | 找不到微辣莎莎酱 |
| [15:48] | but-said-screw-it- and-went-medium bad boy? | 骂句去你的 然后买中辣酱的坏男孩啊 |
| [15:53] | Marshall, your hand! | 马修 你的手 |
| [15:55] | Okay, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that bad, | 好吧 我肯定没有肿成那样 |
| [15:57] | but this is how Uncle Marshall likes to tell the story. | 但马修叔叔讲这件事时总喜欢说成这样 |
| [15:59] | Oh, yeah, no, that’s the cuff. | 没事 都是护腕弄的 |
| [16:02] | I’m woozy, and I can’t flex my fingers… | 我晕乎乎的 而且也动不了指头 |
| [16:06] | …and the rotten fish smell is getting stronger. | 死鱼的臭味也越来越浓了 |
| [16:08] | But I’m learning to compensate with my left. | 但我在学着使用左手 |
| [16:11] | Is that why last night when I asked you to honka honka me | 所以说昨晚我要你双掌袭胸 |
| [16:14] | you only honka’d me? | 结果你只是一只手上吗 |
| [16:16] | I didn’t think you noticed. | 我没想到你会注意到 |
| [16:18] | Snap’s been jealous of Crackle all day. | 左咪咪嫉妒右咪咪一整天了呢 |
| [16:21] | Just take the cuff off. | 取下护腕吧 |
| [16:22] | No, but, baby, then all the sex will stop. | 不 宝贝 这样我们就没机会享性福了 |
| [16:24] | Marshall, you don’t need a cuff for me to find you sexy. | 马修 你不需要戴护腕来让我觉得你性感 |
| [16:29] | All you have to do is smile, | 你只需要冲我微笑 |
| [16:30] | and I’m ready for you to hop on Pop. | 我就准备好让你扑上来了 |
| [16:30] | hop on Pop是著名儿童读物 字面意为跳到爸爸身上来 | |
| [16:34] | Thanks, baby. | 谢谢 宝贝 |
| [16:36] | Are you too woozy to do it one last time | 你这么晕还能不能坚持最后做一次 |
| [16:38] | before we seek emergency medical attention? | 然后再去看急诊呢 |
| [16:42] | Only one way to find out. | 只有试了才能知道啊 |
| [16:50] | I’m sorry, bro, I totally overreacted. | 抱歉 兄弟 我的反应太过了 |
| [16:53] | You think? I can’t believe | 你觉得呢 我真不敢相信 |
| [16:55] | you’re allowed to ship a dead possum. | 快递公司居然接受你的死负鼠 |
| [16:57] | He died? | 它死了吗 |
| [16:58] | That possum was supposed to be an olive branch. | 那只负鼠可是我抛给你的橄榄枝[和平] |
| [17:02] | Are you sure he’s not just playing dead? | 你确定它不是在装死吗[负鼠的强项] |
| [17:05] | He smells like Marshall’s hand. | 它的味道和马修的手一个味儿 |
| [17:07] | And wait, you-you forgive me? | 等等 你原谅我了吗 |
| [17:09] | Absolutely. Hey, I got a couple “Cee-gars.” | 当然了 我有两根上好雪茄 |
| [17:11] | Get over here! | 过来吧 |
| [17:13] | All right. So, where are those “Cee-gars”? | 好啦 雪茄拿出来吧 |
| [17:15] | Eh, we’ll break ’em out in a minute. | 稍后奉上 |
| [17:17] | Hey, Barn. | 巴哥 |
| [17:21] | Ted? | 泰德 |
| [17:21] | Barney, what is your sister doing here? | 巴尼 你妹妹怎么来了 |
| [17:23] | Nothing, bro. Or should I say, | 没什么 兄弟 或者我该称呼你为 |
| [17:25] | bro-in-law! | 妹夫 |
| [17:40] | Congratulations! | 恭喜 |
| [17:42] | You’re marrying my sister! | 你现在要娶我妹妹 |
| [17:45] | And you spared no expense, you big crazy! | 而且你得不惜血本办婚礼 你这个疯子 |
| [17:51] | You know what? I love Barney, | 知道吗 我爱巴尼 |
| [17:53] | but this ring thing sucks. | 但戒指的事太令人沮丧了 |
| [17:54] | Some gross guy just brushed up against my rack | 有个恶心的家伙碰到我的胸 |
| [17:57] | and then apologized. | 然后向我道歉 |
| [17:58] | And I think he really, really meant it. | 而且我觉得他是真心道歉呢 |
| [18:00] | Oh, sweetie, I know it’s nice to be groped by strangers, | 亲爱的 被陌生人袭胸是件很美滋滋的事 |
| [18:04] | but nothing beats the rush you get | 但没什么比得上那个特别的人 |
| [18:06] | when that one special person looks at you. | 注视你时带给你的悸动 |
| [18:09] | It’s true. | 真的 |
| [18:11] | Like here in this bar, there’s only one thing that I see, | 比如说现在在这个酒吧 我只看得见一个人 |
| [18:15] | and I see her brighter and more clearly | 她的面容比世界上任何人 |
| [18:17] | than anything else in this world. | 还要更亮更清晰 |
| [18:20] | You know what that is? | 知道这是什么吗 |
| [18:22] | That’s love. | 是爱情 |
| [18:24] | And possibly alcohol | 也有可能是酒精 |
| [18:26] | mixed with some very powerful antibiotics. | 与非常强效的抗生素产生的效果 |
| [18:31] | And that’s how Barney sees you. | 巴尼就是这样看你 |
| [18:33] | And I know that’s how you see Barney. | 我知道你也是这样看巴尼 |
| [18:38] | I’d like to start the service | 婚礼仪式就从 |
| [18:40] | with a passage from Ted’s dream journal. | 泰德梦境日记中截选的一段开始 |
| [18:43] | “Drowning. | “溺水 |
| [18:45] | Gasping for air. | 渴望空气 |
| [18:47] | No escape.” | 无处可逃” |
| [18:49] | Wait, is that about Vietnam? | 你梦到了越战吗 |
| [18:51] | It’s about Whole Foods. | 他梦到了全食超市 |
| [18:51] | 全美最大天然有机食品零售商 | |
| [18:52] | Barney. We are not getting married. | 巴尼 我们不会结婚的 |
| [18:55] | And those aisles are too narrow! | 超市的过道太窄了 |
| [18:59] | But you two have to get married– | 但你们两个必须结婚 |
| [18:59] | otherwise, it’s just a cheap, | 否则 你们之间就只是一次廉价 |
| [19:01] | meaningless, disgusting one-night stand. | 无意义 恶心的一夜情 |
| [19:05] | Wait, just to be clear, you’re saying you’re opposed | 等等 说清楚下 你是说你反对 |
| [19:08] | to cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stands? | 廉价 无意义 恶心的一夜情吗 |
| [19:10] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [19:12] | Barney… don’t you see? | 巴尼 你没明白吗 |
| [19:14] | Your detox is done! | 你戒瘾成功了 |
| [19:16] | You’re over one-night stands! | 你已经戒掉”一夜情瘾”了 |
| [19:18] | Oh, my God, you’re right! | 我的天 你说对了 |
| [19:21] | – I’m free! – Yeah. | -我自由了 -对 |
| [19:22] | So if you think about it– but not too much– | 所以如果你想想 别想得太深刻 |
| [19:25] | it’s actually good that Carly and I hooked up. | 卡莉和我上床其实是件好事 |
| [19:28] | Yeah, it’s really good. | 是啊 非常好 |
| [19:30] | I mean, this guy goes at it like he’s still in his 50s. | 他的表现就像他还是五十多岁一样 |
| [19:33] | Hey, have a cigar, you big crazy! | 来根雪茄吧 你这个大疯子 |
| [19:37] | Hey, don’t try to make this okay. | 别想糊弄过去 |
| [19:38] | You still slept with my sister. | 你还是跟我妹妹上床了 |
| [19:40] | Promise me you will never, ever do that again. | 向我保证你永远不会再这样做 |
| [19:44] | I promise. | 我保证 |
| [19:46] | You just winked. | 你刚刚眨眼了 |
| [19:47] | No, I didn’t. | 我没有 |
| [19:49] | – You did it again! – No, I didn’t! | -你又眨了 -我没有 |
| [19:51] | You swear, right? | 你可以保证 对吗 |
| [19:53] | Yeah. Of course. | 对 当然了 |
| [20:00] | That night, | 那天晚上 |
| [20:01] | even though she still couldn’t get a beer, | 虽然罗宾依然无法拿到啤酒 |
| [20:03] | Robin realized the true power of the ring. | 但她了解到戒指的真正魔力 |
| [20:14] | Hey, Robin. | 罗宾 |
| [20:15] | Did you ever figure out how you’re gonna get | 你弄清楚怎么在订婚的情况下 |
| [20:16] | a drink at the bar now that you’re engaged? | 从吧台那里拿到喝的了吗 |
| [20:18] | Oh, sure. I know a way that’s gonna last forever. | 当然 我知道一个永远有效的方法 |
| [20:21] | Scotch on the rocks? | 威士忌加冰 |
| [20:22] | Coming right up. | 马上来 |
| [20:30] | Now, before you say anything about the hat… | 在你们对帽子发表看法之前 |
| [20:34] | this new girl’s ass is phenomenal! | 这位妹子的屁屁真是太赞了 |
| [20:42] | Hey, Marshall, you got to see this. | 马修 你得看看这个 |
| [20:44] | The catalog must have mixed up my order. | 网购肯定弄混了我的订单 |
| [20:46] | You won’t believe the jeans they just sent me. | 你不会相信他们寄给我什么样的牛仔裤 |
| [20:49] | Hilarious, right? | 真滑稽 对吗 |
| [20:52] | Totally. | 绝对的 |
| [20:54] | You look like some | 你看起来像是 |
| [20:55] | suburban mom who drives a minivan | 郊区妈妈 开着迷你面包车 |
| [20:57] | filled with stale Cheerios and empty juice boxes… | 车上全是变味儿的麦圈和空果汁盒 |
| [21:02] | probably makes | 有可能 |
| [21:03] | chili mac and Frito pie for dinner… | 用辣椒通心粉和玉米馅饼做晚餐 |
| [21:06] | smells like that menthol cigarette that | 车上全是薄荷烟的味道 |
| [21:08] | she snuck while she was waiting to | 她在等着孩子们 |
| [21:09] | pick her kids up from hockey practice. | 冰球训练时 偷偷在车上抽的 |
| [21:11] | Get over here! | 快过来 |