| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Okay munchkins, family meeting. | 小宝贝儿们 家庭会议 |
| [00:04] | Daddy and I have some exciting news. | 我和爸爸有好消息要宣布 |
| [00:05] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [00:06] | So, Katie, put your phone away. | 所以 凯蒂手机收起来 |
| [00:07] | Emme, don’t pick your nose. | 艾玛 别扣鼻子 |
| [00:08] | Teddy, buddy, stop touching yourself. | 泰迪 哥们 别自摸了 |
| [00:11] | I wasn’t. | 我没有 |
| [00:12] | You had both hands in your pants, | 你双手都伸裤子里头 |
| [00:13] | moving around down there like you’re making origami. | 在那鼓鼓捣捣 像在里头折纸鹤一样 |
| [00:17] | No hands in pants, all right? | 手不许伸裤子里去 |
| [00:19] | Let’s make it a family motto. | 把这句话当作家训吧 |
| [00:21] | So, along with summer being over | 随着暑假的结束 |
| [00:23] | and school starting back up tomorrow, | 明天就要开学了 |
| [00:25] | there’s another change happening in the family. | 家里还有一个变化要发生 |
| [00:26] | I just got the official word and… | 我刚刚接到正式通知 |
| [00:29] | I’m going back to work. | 我要回去工作了 |
| [00:34] | What’s your job? | 什么工作 |
| [00:35] | It’s the same job I had before you guys were born. | 就是我在生你们之前的工作 |
| [00:37] | I worked at a hospital, | 我在医院工作 |
| [00:38] | checking people’s blood | 检查大家的血液 |
| [00:40] | to find out what’s making them sick. | 看看是什么让他们生病了 |
| [00:41] | So you’re a doctor? | 你是医生吗 |
| [00:42] | No. | 不是 |
| [00:45] | She’s not a doctor. | 她哪里是医生 |
| [00:47] | But it’s very important work. | 但这个工作是十分重要的 |
| [00:50] | Anyway, Daddy’s gonna be taking you to school, | 总之爸爸会送你们去上学 |
| [00:52] | picking you up, | 接你们放学 |
| [00:53] | watching you until I get home, stuff like that. | 在我下班前 照看你们之类的 |
| [00:55] | Yeah, since I’m a contractor, I’m my own boss, | 对 因为我是承包商 我自己就是老板 |
| [00:57] | so, I can work my schedule around you guys. | 我可以按你们的时间表走 |
| [00:59] | Look, all you guys need to know is, | 你们只需要知道 |
| [01:01] | Daddy’s in charge now. | 现在老爸当家了 |
| [01:02] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [01:03] | – Aw, bring it in. – I love you, Daddy. | -抱抱 -我爱你 老爸 |
| [01:05] | Oh, you guys. | 宝贝们 |
| [01:07] | We’re gonna have so much fun. | 我们一定会过得非常开心的 |
| [01:09] | – Can we get a puppy? -Sure. | -我们能养条小狗吗 -当然了 |
| [01:11] | – No! – No… | -不行 -不行 |
| [01:13] | Well, which is it? | 听谁的 |
| [01:14] | Ask your mother. Not now. | 问妈妈 现在别问 |
| [01:16] | Do it later, when I’m not around. | 一会儿再问 等我不在的 |
| [01:19] | Love you, Daddy. | 爱你哟 老爸 |
| [01:20] | See? Katie thinks I’m doing great already. | 看着没 凯蒂已经觉得我做得不错了 |
| [01:23] | You can’t trust a 13-year-old girl. | 13岁的姑娘信不得 |
| [01:25] | She’s all whacked out on hormones. | 她现在荷尔蒙爆棚呢 |
| [01:28] | Hormones? | 荷尔蒙 |
| [01:29] | Mm. My mom had those. | 我妈原来也有 |
| [01:31] | She had to wear a patch | 她得贴上个膏药 |
| [01:32] | just to keep from ripping our faces off. | 才不会来手撕我们 |
| [01:35] | I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’m so excited. | 不敢相信我要工作了 好兴奋 |
| [01:38] | And guilty. | 还愧疚 |
| [01:40] | And happy. | 开心 |
| [01:42] | And worried. | 又担心 |
| [01:43] | You know, they make a patch for that, too. | 他们也有膏药治这病 |
| [01:46] | Will you relax? | 你放心吧 |
| [01:47] | Look, I got this. | 我在这呢 |
| [01:48] | Me and the kids have a blast together. | 孩子们和我一起玩得可开心了 |
| [01:50] | I’m Daddy fun times. | 我是老爸的欢乐时光啊 |
| [01:53] | Yeah, that’s true. | 倒也是 |
| [01:54] | And I’ll always be home in time for dinner. | 而且我肯定会赶回家吃晚饭的 |
| [01:56] | Yeah. I mean, it– | 毕竟… |
| [01:57] | it’s not like I’m a doctor. | 我又不是医生 |
| [02:00] | Come on, honey, | 别这样 甜心 |
| [02:01] | this was always the plan | 这不是早就计划好了的 |
| [02:03] | when Emme started school full-time. | 等艾米正式上学就开始 |
| [02:04] | Remember? | 记得吗 |
| [02:05] | Plus, we’re gonna need the extra money for college. | 而且我们还要多攒钱供他们上大学 |
| [02:07] | Based on their ability to flush a toilet, | 根据他们冲厕所的能力来看 |
| [02:09] | I’m not seeing scholarships. | 我觉得奖学金无望了 |
| [02:11] | You’re right, it’s fine because you are a great dad. | 你说得对 没关系的 因为你是好老爸 |
| [02:14] | Oh… And it means so much to me, | 你能挺身而出 |
| [02:15] | you stepping up like this. | 对我来说意义重大 |
| [02:16] | Oh, well, I’m happy to do it. Mmm. | 乐意效劳 |
| [02:19] | And I’m not looking for any kind of reward. | 我这不是在邀赏 |
| [02:21] | Unless… | 除非… |
| [02:22] | you were thinking about something, in which case, | 你心里有打算 如果是这样的话 |
| [02:23] | who am I to say no? | 傻子才会拒绝 |
| [02:26] | Don’t worry. You’re gonna get your reward. | 别担心 会赏你的 |
| [02:28] | We’re talking about the same thing, right? | 我俩说的是一件事吧 |
| [02:32] | You’ll find out tonight. | 今晚你就知道了 |
| [02:37] | Okay, just one more picture. | 好的 再照一张 |
| [02:39] | Hold Emme in your arms sideways like a big fish you just caught. | 把艾米横抱起来 假装是你们刚捕的鱼 |
| [02:43] | Mom, we’re not doing that. | 老妈 我不要 |
| [02:45] | Okay, cut the cord and go to work. | 行了 别折腾 上班去吧 |
| [02:48] | Yeah, I got to run. | 好 我得走了 |
| [02:50] | – I love you. – Love you, too. | -我爱你 -我也爱你 |
| [02:51] | – Love you. – You, too. | -我爱你 -我也是 |
| [02:54] | I am just so proud of you, sweet pea. | 我好为你骄傲 小豆丁 |
| [02:56] | You have a great first day at school. Okay? | 第一天上学 一切顺利哦 |
| [02:58] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [03:05] | Daddy? | 老爸 |
| [03:06] | Yeah, Butterbean? | 怎么啦 小豆子 |
| [03:07] | I’m worried about kindergarten. | 我有点担心上幼儿园 |
| [03:09] | Aw, honey. | 宝贝 |
| [03:11] | You should be worried. | 你确实该担心 |
| [03:15] | Kids are mean. | 小孩可坏了 |
| [03:17] | But just know if you ever feel uncomfortable, | 不过记住了 一旦觉得不爽 |
| [03:20] | you start swinging. | 直接上拳头 |
| [03:21] | Okay? | 知道吗 |
| [03:22] | A punch in the nose | 瞄准鼻子打 |
| [03:23] | can be a real problem solver. | 是非常有效的解决办法 |
| [03:26] | Right? All right. | 知道吗 好啦 |
| [03:28] | Okay, bye, Daddy. | 再见 老爸 |
| [03:29] | Bye-bye, honey. | 再见 宝贝 |
| [03:32] | Hello, kindergarten parents! | 你们好 各位家长们 |
| [03:34] | I’m Mrs. Rodriguez, your child’s lead teacher. | 我是罗德里格兹老师 孩子们的班主任 |
| [03:37] | I’d like to welcome you all to the Kindergarten Parent Mingle. | 欢迎各位加入幼儿园家长联谊会 |
| [03:40] | What? | 什么 |
| [03:42] | Now, has anyone seen Mrs. Burns? | 哪位看到伯恩斯夫人了 |
| [03:45] | Is Mrs. Burns here? | 伯恩斯夫人来了吗 |
| [03:46] | Uh, you must be talking about my wife. | 你叫的是我妻子 |
| [03:48] | I’m Adam– uh, Mr. Burns. | 我是亚当 伯恩斯先生 |
| [03:50] | Oh, great. Mr. Burns, | 太棒了 伯恩斯先生 |
| [03:52] | your wife graciously volunteered to be our room parent, | 您太太自告奋勇要当家长代表 |
| [03:54] | – so there’s just a few things… – Uh, listen, | -只有几件事… -等一下 |
| [03:56] | she’s not gonna be able to do that. | 她做不了了 |
| [03:57] | See, she’s decided to go back to work. | 她决定回去工作了 |
| [04:00] | Okay, so I’ll just pencil you in. | 这样啊 行 那你替她 |
| [04:03] | I-I’d love to but, uh, | 我其实是愿意的 |
| [04:04] | I have a job, too, see, | 可我也有工作 |
| [04:06] | so please stop writing my name down. | 请不要再写我的名字了 |
| [04:08] | What a wonderful group, | 多好的团队 |
| [04:09] | I can’t wait to meet each and every one of you! | 我真想赶紧认识你们所有人 |
| [04:11] | Mr. Burns, I’d like to see you after the mingle. | 伯恩斯先生 待会我要单独跟你谈谈 |
| [04:16] | Hey, looks like you got stuck in here too, huh? | 你似乎也是迫不得已来的 |
| [04:20] | I’m Adam. | 我叫亚当 |
| [04:20] | Lowell. | 洛厄尔 |
| [04:21] | I’m a stay-at-home dad. | 我是全职父亲 |
| [04:23] | Four years now, it hasn’t changed me at all. | 已经四年了 我一点也没变 |
| [04:25] | Oh, you got a little something… | 你这里有一点 |
| [04:28] | I’m gonna say it has changed you. | 我觉得你还是变了 |
| [04:30] | Sorry, I’m a little revved up. | 抱歉 我现在有点心焦 |
| [04:32] | I just can’t believe they’re not introducing | 我不敢相信幼儿园 |
| [04:33] | any foreign language in kindergarten. | 完全不教外语 |
| [04:35] | How can our children compete | 我们的小孩不会说一门流利的外语 |
| [04:36] | in a global economy without fluency in a second language? | 怎么去参与全球化竞争 |
| [04:43] | You know this school is free, right? | 你知道这个学校是免费的吧 |
| [04:46] | Free stuff is not that great. | 免费的都没什么好东西 |
| [04:48] | Water is free, | 水是免费的 |
| [04:49] | but beer you got to pay for. Hm? | 可啤酒你就得付钱 |
| [04:52] | Beer. | 啤酒 |
| [04:54] | It’s so great to connect on a masculine level again. | 又能跟爷们交往了 太好了 |
| [05:03] | Where are the regular moms? | 别的普通妈妈呢 |
| [05:08] | I-I think I know you, right? | 我好像认识你 是吧 |
| [05:09] | Didn’t you sneak a flask into the school play? | 是你把酒瓶子带进学校戏剧演出的吧 |
| [05:12] | Yeah. Yeah. | 是我 |
| [05:13] | Marie Faldanado. | 玛丽亚·法达纳多 |
| [05:14] | Ah. My kid’s in Teddy’s class. | 我小孩跟泰迪一个班 |
| [05:16] | Hey, uh, did Teddy get invited to Brady’s birthday party? | 布雷迪的生日会有邀请泰迪去吗 |
| [05:19] | Because my Victor didn’t and it’s happened before. | 没请我家维克托 以前也发生过 |
| [05:22] | Yeah, we had Victor over last year, he’s a… | 我们去年请了维克托 他… |
| [05:23] | Oh, yeah, Victor. | 啊那个维克托 |
| [05:25] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [05:26] | Well, he flushed a couple of | 他把泰迪的几个风火轮玩具车 |
| [05:27] | Teddy’s Hot Wheels down the toilet, | 扔马桶冲掉了 |
| [05:29] | he called my wife a hottie. | 还称呼我老婆为辣妹 |
| [05:30] | He was kind of a jackass. | 是个小混蛋 |
| [05:32] | I can’t believe you’d call my child that word! | 你居然用这个词骂我儿子 |
| [05:37] | Hey-hey, isn’t it two words? | 那不是两个词吗 |
| [05:43] | It’s two words, right? | 是两个词的吧 |
| [05:46] | And to make up for a lack of funding, we depend on parent volunteers. | 为了弥补我们的资金不足 我们需要家长做志愿者 |
| [05:51] | I just think of the children. | 我一心只想着孩子们 |
| [05:52] | There’s not a thing I wouldn’t do for them | 为了孩子我愿意做任何付出 |
| [05:53] | and I know you feel the same way. | 我知道你也一样 |
| [05:56] | No. | 并不是 |
| [05:58] | But everyone else has refused to be room parent. | 不过其他人都已经拒绝做家长代表了 |
| [06:00] | Great, put me on that list. | 很好 我也跟他们一样 |
| [06:04] | That’s a shame. | 太遗憾了 |
| [06:06] | It would also be a shame if i don’t teach your daughter to read. | 如果我不教你女儿识字那也是挺遗憾的 |
| [06:11] | What are you saying? | 你说什么 |
| [06:12] | I said that’s a shame. | 我说太遗憾了 |
| [06:13] | No, you said something after that. | 不是 后面还有 |
| [06:15] | I don’t think so. | 没有了 |
| [06:15] | – Yes, you did… – No, I didn’t. | -还有 -没有了 |
| [06:17] | – Yes, you did. – No, I didn’t. | -还有 -没有了 |
| [06:18] | – Yes, you did… – No, I didn’t. | -还有 -没有了 |
| [06:22] | – Yes, you did. – Nope. | -还有 -没有 |
| [06:27] | Okay, I’ll do it. | 好吧 我干 |
| [06:29] | Wonderful! | 太好了 |
| [06:30] | Your first event is tomorrow’s | 第一个活动是明天 |
| [06:32] | Ice Cream Sundae Fun Day party at 11:00 a.M. | 早上十一点 冰淇淋圣代开心日 |
| [06:35] | Okay, but I mean, | 可以 不过 |
| [06:35] | you’re gonna teach Emme to read, right? | 你要教艾米识字的吧 |
| [06:38] | We’ll see how the party goes. | 我们看看明天活动进行得怎么样 |
| [06:54] | Adam, what’s up? | 亚当 怎么了 |
| [06:55] | Are the kids okay? | 孩子们都还好吧 |
| [06:56] | Yeah, the kids are fine. | 孩子们都还好 |
| [06:58] | How come you didn’t tell me you were room mom? | 你怎么没告诉我你以前是家长代表 |
| [07:00] | Oh, honey, I forgot. | 亲爱的我忘了 |
| [07:03] | You forgot? | 你忘了 |
| [07:03] | Well guess who’s room mom now? Me! | 你猜现在谁是家长代表了 我 |
| [07:08] | Are you laughing at me? | 你是在笑我吗 |
| [07:09] | So hard. | 太好笑了 |
| [07:11] | All right, I’m done talking to you. | 我不想跟你说话了 |
| [07:13] | I understand. I love you. | 我理解 我爱你 |
| [07:15] | I love you, too. | 我也爱你 |
| [07:17] | Oh, poor bastard. | 这傻逼惨了 |
| [07:20] | You didn’t hang up, I can still hear you. | 你没挂掉 我能听见 |
| [07:28] | So guys, how was school today? | 孩子们 今天在学校怎么样 |
| [07:30] | – I’m hungry. – And thirsty. – Me, too. | -我饿了 -又渴 -我也是 |
| [07:33] | Uh, I didn’t– I don’t have anything. | 我没… 我这什么也没有 |
| [07:36] | – What? – I’ve literally never been thirstier. | -什么 -我这辈子没这么渴过 |
| [07:38] | Mommy had snacks and ice cold waters every day. | 妈妈以前每天都准备零食和冰水 |
| [07:41] | Hey, easy, it’s me, Daddy fun times. | 别激动 是我 是老爸的欢乐时光 |
| [07:45] | Uh, here… | 来 |
| [07:47] | have a Listerine Strip. | 吃点李施德林洁口片 |
| [07:55] | What the… | 什么玩… |
| [08:05] | Headphones off. | 耳机都放下 |
| [08:06] | Everybody line up. | 所有人站成一列 |
| [08:07] | What? | 什么 |
| [08:08] | Line up, one, two, three. | 站成一列 一 二 三 |
| [08:09] | I can’t believe I have to explain a line to you. | 我居然还得给你们解释什么叫一列 |
| [08:13] | Why did you just dump all your stuff everywhere? | 你们为什么把东西到处丢 |
| [08:16] | We always do. | 一直都这样啊 |
| [08:16] | Well, who cleans it up? | 那谁收拾呢 |
| [08:17] | Mommy. | 妈妈 |
| [08:18] | And she’s not upset about that? | 她就没有不爽吗 |
| [08:20] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [08:22] | Okay, well, from now on, | 从现在开始 |
| [08:23] | you’re gonna hang your backpacks up, | 你们必须把书包挂起来 |
| [08:25] | and you’re gonna clean up the truck | 下车之前必须把车子 |
| [08:26] | before you get out, | 收拾干净 |
| [08:27] | and close the door! | 而且要把门关上 |
| [08:29] | That’s right. | 没有错 |
| [08:35] | Any questions? | 有问题吗 |
| [08:39] | Well, I got one. | 我有个问题 |
| [08:41] | What the hell happened to my life? | 我的人生是特么怎么了 |
| [08:43] | Ooh, Daddy said a bad word. | 爸爸说了脏字 |
| [08:45] | Oh sure, that you heard. | 这你倒是听见了 |
| [08:54] | What kind of animal puts gum on a chair and just leaves it? | 什么烂人会把口香糖留在椅子上 |
| [09:09] | Where are the kids? | 孩子们呢 |
| [09:10] | Upstairs, washing up for dinner. | 在楼上 收拾收拾 准备吃饭 |
| [09:11] | How was your day? | 你今天怎么样 |
| [09:12] | It was incredible. | 太棒了 |
| [09:14] | All right, I mean, first I was freaking out | 就是 刚开始还是很紧张 |
| [09:16] | because I’d been home with the kids for so long, | 因为我在家带了这么多年孩子 |
| [09:17] | – you know, but I fit right in. – Good. | -可我很快就融入了 -真好 |
| [09:20] | I mean, I did try to cut the crust | 我虽然说是差点动手把人家三明治 |
| [09:22] | off somebody’s sandwich at lunch, but other than that, | 上面的面包边给切掉 不过除此以外 |
| [09:23] | it was amazing | 简直棒呆了 |
| [09:25] | and it wouldn’t have been possible | 而且要不是你的话 |
| [09:26] | if it weren’t for you. | 这根本就不可能 |
| [09:28] | Thank you. | 谢谢你 |
| [09:30] | Oh, that’s great. | 那太好了 |
| [09:31] | You’re welcome. | 不用谢 |
| [09:33] | I want out. | 我不干了 |
| [09:34] | What? What happened? | 什么 出什么事了 |
| [09:36] | It was awful. Those are not the same kids | 太可怕了 那几个不是 |
| [09:38] | I used to see when I came home at night. | 我原来晚上回家看到的孩子 |
| [09:40] | Those kids smelled good and were delightful. | 原来的孩子又香又可爱 |
| [09:42] | Well yeah, | 是啊 |
| [09:43] | it took me all day to get ’em that way. | 我花了整天功夫才把他们收拾成那样 |
| [09:45] | You were just getting the greatest hits. | 你听到的是精选辑 |
| [09:46] | Yeah. Now it’s the deep cuts. | 对 现在全是专辑里凑数的 |
| [09:48] | The– the drum solos, the bass player sings a song. | 鼓手独奏 贝斯手唱歌 |
| [09:51] | They didn’t even clean up after themselves. | 他们甚至连自己的卫生都不做 |
| [09:53] | It’s like living with three tiny truckers. | 就像和三个小邋遢卡车司机住在一起 |
| [09:57] | Look, honey, | 听着 亲爱的 |
| [09:58] | I understand you had a tough day, | 我知道你今天很不顺 |
| [10:00] | I do. I do. | 我懂 |
| [10:01] | But the thing you need to remember is: | 但你要记住的是 |
| [10:04] | you already got your reward, | 你已经领了奖品 |
| [10:05] | so, no takey-backsies. | 所以不能反悔了 |
| [10:09] | I’m just not all-the-time guy, okay? | 我不适合做全职老爸 |
| [10:12] | I’m Daddy fun times! | 我是老爸的欢乐时光 |
| [10:14] | I’m like Johnny Cash. | 我就像约翰尼·卡什[著名歌手] |
| [10:16] | Okay? | 明白吗 |
| [10:17] | I fly in, I play the prison, | 我飞过去 在监狱里演出 |
| [10:19] | everybody loves me, | 所有人都喜欢我 |
| [10:20] | and then I’m out of there. | 然后我就走了 |
| [10:21] | I don’t want to be the warden. | 我不想做监狱长 |
| [10:22] | Well, I don’t want to be the warden, either. | 我也不想做监狱长 |
| [10:24] | I mean, it’s not like I’m so great at it. | 又不是说我很擅长 |
| [10:26] | No kidding. Teddy? | 说真的 泰迪 |
| [10:28] | He has his hands in his pants all the time. | 他的手一直插在裤子里 |
| [10:31] | He opens doors with his shoulders. | 他用肩膀开门 |
| [10:35] | Well, I think we’re better off with him not touching doorknobs. | 他不碰门把手更好 |
| [10:39] | Yeah, look, all I know is | 我只知道 |
| [10:40] | I gave you three perfect babies. | 我给了你三个完美的宝宝 |
| [10:43] | And as far as I can tell, | 就我现在看来 |
| [10:45] | you ruined ’em. | 你毁了他们 |
| [10:47] | Whoa there, Johnny Cash, | 慢着 约翰尼·卡什 |
| [10:48] | I think you mean we ruined ’em. | 你是说我们毁了他们吧 |
| [10:51] | Uh-uh, no, no, no, for 13 years, | 不 13年来 |
| [10:53] | you have been in the driver’s seat. | 开车的一直是你 |
| [10:55] | I was just riding shotgun. | 我只是坐前排而已 |
| [10:56] | Well, it doesn’t matter who was driving before, | 之前谁开车不重要 |
| [10:59] | because you’re behind the wheel now. | 现在方向盘归你了 |
| [11:00] | Oh, really? | 是吗 |
| [11:01] | Well, then, guess what, | 你猜怎样 |
| [11:03] | I’m taking my hands off the wheel, | 我不碰方向盘 |
| [11:04] | I’m opening the car door, | 我打开车门 |
| [11:06] | and I’m rolling out. | 我下车 |
| [11:07] | Oh, yeah? Well, I’m rolling out the other side. | 是吗 我从另一边下车 |
| [11:10] | Then I’ll see you in the gutter. | 我希望你一脚踩在臭水沟里 |
| [11:12] | It’s where I found you. | 踩臭水沟的是你 |
| [11:15] | – Hey, mom. – Hi, cuties. How was your day? | -妈 -小可爱们 今天好吗 |
| [11:19] | We don’t want Daddy to stay at home anymore. | 我们不想要爸爸继续在家了 |
| [11:21] | We had to line up, | 我们必须排队 |
| [11:23] | in a line. | 排成一队 |
| [11:26] | So we were wondering if you could… | 所以我们想知道你是否可以 |
| [11:29] | you know, stop going to your job. | 不去上班了 |
| [11:33] | Sometimes the wisest words come from children. | 有时候孩子们说的话是最充满智慧的 |
| [11:37] | Well, you guys were okay with it yesterday. | 你们昨天没意见啊 |
| [11:40] | Our snack was Listerine strips. | 我们的零食是李施德林洁口片 |
| [11:45] | Okay, just let me talk to Daddy. | 让我跟爸爸谈谈 |
| [11:47] | – That means yes! – Oh, really? Yes! | -就是说行 -是吗 太好了 |
| [11:49] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [11:53] | How’s this supposed to work? | 这样怎么能行 |
| [11:54] | I mean, I’m not quitting my job. | 我不会辞职的 |
| [11:56] | So what, I’m just supposed to do everything myself? | 所有事都要我自己来做吗 |
| [11:58] | Well, sounds like a plan that makes everybody happy. | 听起来是个皆大欢喜的计划 |
| [12:01] | You know what? You can be a real jackass. | 知道吗 你真是一个混蛋 |
| [12:06] | Maybe it is one word. | 也许这是一个词 |
| [12:16] | – Morning, everyone. – Good morning, Mom. | -大家早上好 -早上好 妈妈 |
| [12:18] | -早上好 妈妈 -早上好 妈妈 | |
| [12:19] | You okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [12:20] | Yeah, yeah, I’m great. | 我很好 |
| [12:22] | I, uh, got up at 5:00 this morning, | 我今早5点起来了 |
| [12:24] | and I-I figured out an after-school schedule, | 我写好了放学后的安排 |
| [12:26] | a couple carpools, couple play dates. | 拼车 带孩子和其他孩子一起玩 |
| [12:29] | Now I just have to do morning drop-off a little early | 现在我只需早点送孩子们上学 |
| [12:32] | so I can get to work on time. | 我就能准时上班了 |
| [12:34] | I got this. | 我能行的 |
| [12:35] | Are you coming to Ice Cream Sundae Fun Day? | 你会来参加冰淇淋圣代开心日吗 |
| [12:38] | That’s today? | 是今天吗 |
| [12:41] | Um… yeah, you know, | 好的 |
| [12:43] | I-I-could just– I can ask my boss | 我可以问我的领导 |
| [12:45] | if-if-if-if I can miss, uh, my second day, uh… | 复职第二天就不去上班成不成 |
| [12:51] | Oh, jeez. | 老天 |
| [12:52] | Mommy’s having a little trouble breathing. | 妈妈有点呼吸困难 |
| [12:55] | Okay, kids, your mom and I need to have a talk, | 孩子们 妈妈和我需要谈谈 |
| [12:57] | so, uh… | 所以 |
| [13:00] | get in the pantry. | 进食品室 |
| [13:02] | Come on, take your cereal with you. | 拿上麦片 |
| [13:04] | This is why these open-floor plans don’t work. | 所以这种开放式厨房不好 |
| [13:06] | There’s no place to have a private conversation. | 根本没地方进行私人对话 |
| [13:08] | Teddy, one hand on the bowl, one hand on the spoon. | 泰迪 一手拿碗 一手拿勺 |
| [13:14] | Okay, I don’t think this is working. | 我想这样不行 |
| [13:16] | I don’t want to quit my job. | 我不想辞职 |
| [13:17] | Yeah, well, you shouldn’t have to, okay? | 你不必辞职 |
| [13:19] | This is important to you, | 这对你来说很重要 |
| [13:20] | and I am not gonna stand by | 我不会袖手旁观 |
| [13:21] | and let you be treated like this. | 让你忙成那样 |
| [13:23] | Why are you yelling my side of the fight? | 你明明是维护我 为什么你要大叫 |
| [13:24] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [13:26] | I feel bad. | 我很内疚 |
| [13:27] | I don’t like it. It makes me want to yell. | 我不喜欢这种感觉 害我想大叫 |
| [13:28] | Well, I feel bad, too. I mean, | 我也内疚 |
| [13:30] | I don’t want to turn everything upside-down. | 我不想把一切弄得乱了套 |
| [13:33] | All right, look, | 行了 听着 |
| [13:34] | we don’t have time to figure this whole thing out now, okay? | 我们现在没时间把一切想清楚 |
| [13:37] | I’ll take the kids to school, I’ll do Sunday Dumb Day, | 我送孩子去学校 我去参加圣代蠢蛋日 |
| [13:40] | but just for today. Okay? | 但只有今天 好吗 |
| [13:42] | We need to find a solution that makes you happy, | 我们得找到解决办法 让你开心 |
| [13:44] | and me happy, and the kids happy, and me happy. | 我开心 孩子们开心 我开心 |
| [13:48] | Okay, I get it. You want out. | 我明白 你不想干了 |
| [13:49] | But look, the most important thing | 但最重要的 |
| [13:50] | is that the kids are taken care of. | 是照顾好孩子们 |
| [13:52] | That’s right, we’re all about the kids. | 没错 最重要的就是孩子 |
| [13:54] | All right, I gotta go. Bye. | 我得走了 拜 |
| [13:56] | You left something. | 你落了东西 |
| [14:03] | Forgot my phone. | 忘了手机 |
| [14:07] | Adam! | 亚当 |
| [14:10] | I know, I know. | 我知道 |
| [14:13] | Can’t go anywhere without these. | 没有这个哪里也去不了 |
| [14:23] | I volunteered to be your assistant today. | 我今天志愿来做你的助手 |
| [14:26] | I’m finding myself very drawn to your alpha-male energy. | 你的大老爷们精气神深深打动了我 |
| [14:31] | Don’t say stuff like that, Lowell. | 这样的话别说出来 洛厄尔 |
| [14:33] | It’s weird. | 好奇怪 |
| [14:35] | Such an alpha. | 真是个大老爷们 |
| [14:39] | Oh, hey, Marie. | 玛丽亚 |
| [14:42] | Look, I’m sorry for what I said yesterday about Victor. | 抱歉我昨天那样说维克托 |
| [14:44] | Actually, it made me think. | 事实上你的话让我好好想了想 |
| [14:46] | He has hit a rough patch. | 他正处于艰难时期 |
| [14:48] | I’m a single mom. | 我是单亲妈妈 |
| [14:49] | Maybe Victor could use a male role model. Oh. | 也许维克托有个男性楷模比较好 |
| [14:52] | Maybe next weekend you could take him camping? | 你下周带他去露营好吗 |
| [14:54] | Oh, uh, I… | 那个 我 |
| [14:57] | Gotcha. You were sweating. | 上当了 你都吓出汗了 |
| [15:00] | He was sweating? I was sweating | 他冒汗 我才冒汗呢 |
| [15:02] | because he’s my role model. | 他可是我的楷模 |
| [15:06] | – Andi. – Hey, guys. | -安迪 -各位好 |
| [15:09] | – What are you doing here? – Oh, uh, took an early lunch. | -你怎么来了 -我提前午休过来的 |
| [15:12] | I thought you might need some help. | 猜你可能需要帮忙 |
| [15:14] | What, are you checking up on me? | 你是来检查工作的吗 |
| [15:15] | Well, you did leave the kids in the pantry. | 你的确把孩子落在了食品室 |
| [15:18] | You put your children in the pantry? | 你把你的孩子关在食品室吗 |
| [15:19] | You know, Victor could use a little pantry time. | 维克托也应该被关进食品室 |
| [15:21] | Go scoop something. | 快去挖冰淇淋吧 |
| [15:24] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [15:26] | I was just thinking about what you’re going through, | 我只是在想你经历的事情 |
| [15:28] | and, you know, maybe you’re right. | 也许你是对的 |
| [15:29] | Maybe you’re just not cut out for this. | 也许你不适合做这些 |
| [15:31] | Not cut out for this? | 不适合做这些 |
| [15:33] | That’s what I say when I fire people | 我炒人鱿鱼时就是这样说的 |
| [15:34] | Are y– Are you trying to fire me? | 你是想炒掉我吗 |
| [15:37] | Well, let me tell you something, love of my life. | 我跟你说 我的一生挚爱 |
| [15:39] | I don’t get fired, okay? | 没人能炒我 |
| [15:40] | I have a 99% customer satisfaction rate. | 我的客户满意度高达99% |
| [15:43] | I have a plaque from the county, | 我有县政府颁的牌匾 |
| [15:45] | which I said we should hang in the den, | 我说了要挂在地下室 |
| [15:47] | and you never did, and now nobody can find it. | 结果你没挂 现在谁都找不着了 |
| [15:50] | Okay, well, there’s a big difference | 但建房子和养孩子 |
| [15:51] | between building houses and raising kids. | 是有很大区别的 |
| [15:53] | Not true. Not true at all. | 不对 完全不对 |
| [15:55] | They both need a solid foundation. | 两者都需要坚实的基础 |
| [15:57] | That’s right, didn’t see that coming, did you, huh? | 没错 没想到我会这样说吧 |
| [16:00] | Look, all I know is I can take care of our kids. | 我只知道 我能照顾好我们的孩子 |
| [16:03] | Didn’t see that coming either, did you? | 你也没想到我会这样说吧 |
| [16:05] | Well, great. | 很好 |
| [16:07] | Do you have a plan to get the kids in line? | 你有什么招让孩子们听话吗 |
| [16:09] | Yes, I do. | 我有 |
| [16:13] | But it’s a secret. | 但这是个秘密 |
| [16:16] | – So… – Great. | -慢走不送 -太好了 |
| [16:18] | Can’t wait to see it. | 等不及来见识下 |
| [16:20] | – Good luck. – Good luck? | -祝好运 -祝好运 |
| [16:22] | That’s the other thing I say when I fire people. | 这也是我炒人鱿鱼时会说的话 |
| [16:25] | Good luck! | 祝好运 |
| [16:26] | I don’t need luck. I need help. | 我不需要好运 我需要帮助 |
| [16:31] | I can’t believe I’m about to say this, | 真不敢相信我会这样说 |
| [16:32] | but, Lowell, what do you think I should do? | 洛厄尔 你觉得我应该怎么做 |
| [16:35] | Well, I managed to get my girls addicted | 我让我闺女们刮彩票刮到上瘾 |
| [16:37] | to lottery scratchers, and I simply withhold them | 她们只要不听话 |
| [16:40] | when they don’t do what I say. | 我就不给她们刮 |
| [16:47] | Well, first of all, good luck with your future exotic dancers. | 首先 祝你家未来的脱衣舞娘们好运 |
| [16:52] | Plus, I don’t have time to get my kids addicted to something, | 而且 我没时间让我的孩子对什么上瘾 |
| [16:54] | and then take it away, I need a solution now. | 然后再拿走 我现在就需要解决办法 |
| [16:57] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [16:58] | My iPad is at one percent. What do I do? | 我的iPad只有1%的电了 我怎么办 |
| [17:00] | Kill your apps. Dad, give me your phone. | 关掉APP 爸 把手机给我 |
| [17:03] | I just need a little something to get me to the house. | 我只是需要点能让我撑到家的东西 |
| [17:05] | Relax. It’s like you guys are addict… ed to those. | 别激动 感觉你们都有瘾…了 |
| [17:13] | My little junkies. | 我的小瘾君子们 |
| [17:23] | And… panic. | 恐慌开始 |
| [17:29] | We can’t get online! | 我们上不了网 |
| [17:30] | Nothing works. W-what’s happening? | 都不能用了 出了什么事 |
| [17:31] | Is it the Wi-Fi? Is the Wi-Fi out? | 是网有问题吗 没网了吗 |
| [17:34] | No, it’s not out. | 不 有网 |
| [17:36] | I just installed a rolling Wi-Fi password. | 我刚装了一个滚动WIFI密码软件 |
| [17:40] | Every day, the password will change. | 每天密码都会变 |
| [17:43] | And until your chores get done, you won’t get your fix– | 在你们的家务完成之前 你们拿不到 |
| [17:46] | the new password. | 新的密码 |
| [17:48] | So pick your clothes up off the floor, | 把你们的衣服从地上捡起来 |
| [17:50] | put your backpacks where they belong, | 把书包放在应该放的地方 |
| [17:53] | and keep your hands out of your pants! | 手从裤子口袋里拿出来 |
| [17:57] | Oh, my God, you’ve gone crazy! | 我的天 你疯了 |
| [17:59] | At least ease us in. | 至少慢慢来嘛 |
| [18:00] | Maybe today is just explaining it, | 今天先解释一下规定 |
| [18:02] | and then tomorrow… | 然后明天… |
| [18:04] | I know you’re mad at me, | 我知道你们生我的气 |
| [18:05] | but you know what? That’s okay. | 可我告诉你们 无所谓 |
| [18:07] | Because I’m not your friend. | 因为我不是你们朋友 |
| [18:08] | I’m your father. | 我是你们的爸爸 |
| [18:10] | I’m the warden. | 我是监狱长 |
| [18:12] | And it’s my job to rehabilitate you. | 改造你们是我的工作 |
| [18:15] | Now, my chores are done, so I have the password. | 我的家务做完了 我有密码 |
| [18:19] | If you’ll excuse me… I have candy to crush. | 失陪了 糖果传奇还在等我去书写 |
| [18:30] | Hey. Hi, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [18:31] | Wow, it’s so clean. | 好干净 |
| [18:33] | And quiet. | 好安静 |
| [18:35] | Did you put the kids in the pantry again? | 你又把孩子们关在食品室了吗 |
| [18:39] | No. It’s clean and quiet because… Daddy won. | 没 干净又安静是因为 老爸赢了 |
| [18:43] | That’s right. And I didn’t yell at them. | 没错 我没吼他们 |
| [18:46] | I outwitted ’em. Like the Roadrunner. | 我智取了他们 就像老鼠杰瑞 |
| [18:54] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [18:56] | Look… | 听着 |
| [18:59] | I love you, and I want to do this for you | 我爱你 我想为你做这些事 |
| [19:02] | because you deserve it. | 这是你应得的 |
| [19:03] | And now, I know I can. | 现在 我知道我可以做到 |
| [19:06] | So don’t worry about the kids. | 所以别担心孩子们 |
| [19:08] | I got it. | 我可以的 |
| [19:12] | I think this might be the most attractive you have ever been. | 现在是你最有魅力时候 |
| [19:16] | I agree. | 我同意 |
| [19:20] | So I guess me coming to school was worth it. | 看来我去学校一趟还是值得的 |
| [19:23] | – What? – What? | -什么 -什么 |
| [19:37] | Wait a minute. | 慢着 |
| [19:44] | So you came down to the school… | 所以你去了学校 |
| [19:48] | and you said all that stuff… | 又说了那些话 |
| [19:51] | so that I would… | 于是我就… |
| [19:54] | To get me to… | 让我去… |
| [19:59] | No. I had it and I lost it. | 不 我想明白了又忘了 |
| [20:01] | It’s too complicated. | 太复杂了 |
| [20:02] | Eh, drink your beer, Roadrunner. | 喝你的啤酒吧 小杰瑞 |
| [20:04] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [20:13] | – Hey, Mom. – Hey, guys. | -妈 -孩子们 |
| [20:16] | – Uh, Dad? – Yeah? | -爸 -什么事 |
| [20:19] | We just wanted to say we were sorry. | 我们是来道歉的 |
| [20:21] | We were super inconsiderate. | 我们太不顾及他人的感受了 |
| [20:23] | And spoiled. | 被宠坏了 |
| [20:24] | You’re then best Daddy in the world. | 你是全世界最棒的爸爸 |
| [20:31] | Aw, I love you guys. Bring it in. | 我爱你们 来抱抱 |
| [20:34] | Come on. | 来 |
| [20:39] | Daddy, can we have a puppy? | 爸 我们可以养小狗吗 |
| [20:41] | Oh, sweetheart, you know we can’t. | 宝贝 你知道不可以 |
| [20:45] | Well, maybe we should think about a puppy. | 也许可以考虑一下小狗 |
| [20:48] | Really. Mom? Mom, are you serious? | 真的吗 妈妈 你说真的吗 |
| [20:54] | What happened here? | 这是什么情况 |
| [20:56] | Everybody loves Johnny Cash. | 大家都爱约翰尼·卡什 |