| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:08] | Um, it’s 2:00 a.M. What’s with all the balloons? | 现在是半夜两点 搞这么多气球做什么 |
| [00:11] | You having some clowns over? | 你要请小丑来家里吗 |
| [00:15] | No, it’s for another dumb school thing | 不是 又是艾米的幼儿园 |
| [00:17] | in Emme’s kindergarten class. | 搞的幺蛾子 |
| [00:19] | Mrs. Rodriguez wants a hundred balloons blown up. | 罗德里格兹老师让我准备一百个气球 |
| [00:21] | I’ve already blacked out three times. | 我已经晕过去三次了 |
| [00:27] | why don’t you just use the balloon pump? | 你干吗不用气球泵 |
| [00:32] | Because I didn’t know what that was. | 因为我不知道那是个啥 |
| [00:35] | I thought it was a… | 我以为那是个 |
| [00:36] | lady thing. | 女士用品 |
| [00:40] | Right. ‘Cause I keep all my lady things | 对 我平时都把女士用品 |
| [00:42] | in the kids’ cubbies. | 放在孩子们的储藏间 |
| [00:45] | What function did you think this would perform exactly? | 你觉得这玩意应该是什么功能 |
| [00:53] | Yeah, I don’t think you want me to answer that. | 你不会想听我回答这个问题 |
| [00:55] | Yeah. You’re probably right. | 你说得对 |
| [00:57] | You know, | 你知道 |
| [00:58] | when Rodriguez roped me into being room parent, | 罗德里格兹骗我当家长代表的时候 |
| [01:01] | she never told me how much work it would be. | 根本没告诉我这要费多大功夫 |
| [01:03] | They celebrate everything. | 他们什么都要庆祝 |
| [01:05] | Well, Adam, m-most people like parties. Yeah. | 亚当 大多数人都喜欢派对 |
| [01:08] | But it’s never-ending. | 可这玩意永远不结束 |
| [01:09] | I’ve organized ’80s Day, | 我已经组织过80年代日 |
| [01:11] | ’90s Day, and you remember Future Day. | 90年代日 还有未来日你记得吧 |
| [01:13] | I had to wear a tinfoil suit. | 我穿了一身锡纸服 |
| [01:18] | I’m sorry, honey, but look on the bright side. | 真抱歉亲爱的 但你往好的方面想 |
| [01:20] | Now that I’m working, I don’t have to do it anymore. | 现在我去上班 就不用再干这些事了 |
| [01:25] | I lost my sense of humor 30 balloons ago. | 30个气球以前我就笑不出来了 |
| [01:30] | Look, honey. I-I know it’s a lot, but… | 亲爱的 我知道事情很多很麻烦 |
| [01:33] | you know, I would be freaking out at work all the time | 可是如果要不是你做育儿号的船长 |
| [01:35] | if you weren’t doing such a good job | 把孩子照顾得这么好 |
| [01:36] | as captain of the parenting ship. | 我根本就不能好好地上班 |
| [01:43] | I’m the captain? | 我是船长吗 |
| [01:44] | Yes. You’re the captain. From 7:45 to 5:15, | 对啊你是船长 从7点45到5点15 |
| [01:48] | – and then, when I get home… – We’re co-captains. | -等我回家以后 -我们都是船长 |
| [01:50] | Okay, sure. | 对啊 |
| [01:54] | Okay, Emme. | 好吧 艾米 |
| [01:55] | You did such a good job helping, | 你真是帮了大忙 |
| [01:57] | I’m gonna sneak a couple extra cookies in your cubby. | 我要在你的柜子里多放几个饼干 |
| [01:59] | Thanks, Daddy. | 谢谢爸爸 |
| [02:02] | Hey, it pays to know the right guy, huh? | 跟对人有好处吧 |
| [02:05] | Hi, sweetheart. | 宝贝 |
| [02:06] | You can catch up with the other kids on the playground. | 你去操场上跟别的孩子玩吧 |
| [02:10] | Oh. Not bad. Look who finally got it together. | 还行啊 你终于搞定了 |
| [02:14] | That’s the kind of praise that makes it all worthwhile. | 有你这句表扬 这些都值得了 |
| [02:18] | Okay, I’m out of here. | 行 我走了 |
| [02:20] | Oh, Mr. Burns, one more thing. | 伯恩斯先生 还有件事 |
| [02:21] | Teacher Appreciation Day is coming up, | 教师感谢日要来了 |
| [02:23] | so there’s gonna be a party. | 所以到时候会办个派对 |
| [02:25] | Of course there is. | 当然是要办的 |
| [02:28] | So, we’re gonna need food, decorations and games. | 所以我们需要食物 装饰和游戏 |
| [02:30] | This isn’t a school, it’s a Chuck E. Cheese. | 这不是学校 这里是儿童餐厅 |
| [02:34] | Oh, but the most important thing | 不过最重要的是 |
| [02:36] | is the Teacher Appreciation gift, | 教师感谢日的礼物 |
| [02:37] | which each room parent organizes. This year, | 都是由家长代表来准备的 |
| [02:40] | I’d like you to make me puppets. | 今年我想让你给我做木偶 |
| [02:44] | Kids like puppets. | 小孩子都喜欢木偶 |
| [02:45] | No, they don’t. | 他们并不喜欢 |
| [02:47] | They haven’t liked puppets since… | 他们早就不喜欢木偶了 |
| [02:49] | anything else was invented. | 现在什么不比木偶好玩 |
| [02:52] | Mr. Burns, why do you have to be so difficult? | 伯恩斯先生 你是不是非得这么多事 |
| [02:54] | No other room parent has ever caused me this much trouble. | 别的家长代表从没找过这么多麻烦 |
| [02:57] | Well… It just seems like you’re crossing a line. | 我是觉得你有点过分了 |
| [03:00] | You know, you’re taking advantage of me | 你在占我便宜 |
| [03:01] | because my daughter’s in your class, and you know… | 就因为我女儿在你班上 而且你知道 |
| [03:04] | I like her. | 我喜欢她 |
| [03:07] | I’m only being hard on you because I know | 我对你这么严格是因为 |
| [03:08] | you’re capable of better work. | 我知道你能做得更好 |
| [03:10] | So, dig deep, | 所以 加把劲 |
| [03:11] | and make me puppets. | 然后给我做木偶 |
| [03:14] | You know what? No. | 我告诉你 不 |
| [03:17] | But they’re for Teacher Appreciation Day. | 可这是为了教师感谢日 |
| [03:18] | I got to be honest. I don’t appreciate you. | 我老实跟你说 我并不感谢你 |
| [03:22] | When Teacher Resentment Day comes along, | 等教师仇恨日的时候 |
| [03:24] | I’m your man. | 你想怎么都行 |
| [03:26] | Plus, I don’t have time to make puppets. | 再说 我也没时间做木偶 |
| [03:29] | Mr. Burns, being a room parent is a full-time job. | 伯恩斯先生 做家长代表可是全职工作 |
| [03:32] | No. No, my full-time job is my full-time job. | 不不 我的全职工作才是全职工作 |
| [03:35] | I have three construction projects going on right now. | 我现在手上有三个建筑工程 |
| [03:38] | Okay. Why don’t you take all this negative energy, | 好吧 你不如把这些负能量 |
| [03:41] | and put it into making puppets. | 都用来做木偶 |
| [03:44] | I got a better idea. I quit. | 我还有个更好的主意 我不干了 |
| [03:46] | Uh… no. You can’t quit. As long as Emme’s in my class, | 你不能不干 只要艾米还在我班上 |
| [03:49] | you’re the room parent. And if you don’t like it, | 你就得当家长代表 如果你不喜欢 |
| [03:51] | you can transfer her to the other class. | 就把她转到别的班去吧 |
| [03:53] | Hold on a second. | 等一下 |
| [03:55] | That’s an option? | 这样也行吗 |
| [03:57] | – Well, technically, yes. – I could just… | -是可以的 -我可以 |
| [03:59] | put her in the other class? | 把她转到另一个班上去 |
| [04:00] | – They already have a room parent. – Okay. | -那个班已经有家长代表了 -好吧 |
| [04:03] | – Trust me, you don’t want to do that. – Oh, I think I do. | -相信我 你不会想要这样做 -我想 |
| [04:05] | – No, you don’t. – Yes, I do. | -你不想的 -我想 |
| [04:06] | – No, you don’t. – Yes, I do. | -你不想的 -我想 |
| [04:07] | – No, you don’t. – See, this is | -你不想的 -看 这就是 |
| [04:08] | one of the issues. | 问题之一 |
| [04:10] | No, it’s not. | 并不是 |
| [04:13] | All right, I’ve had enough. | 行了 我受够了 |
| [04:14] | I’m transferring Emme out of this class. | 我要把艾米转到别班 |
| [04:16] | Fine. | 行 |
| [04:18] | Here’s the transfer form. | 这是转班申请表 |
| [04:20] | Now, we have a reason to party. | 我们现在有理由庆祝了 |
| [04:23] | No, we don’t. | 并没有 |
| [04:24] | Yes, we do. | 有的 |
| [04:38] | So long, suckers. I’m transferring Emme | 拜拜了倒霉蛋们 我要把艾米 |
| [04:40] | out of Mrs. Rodriguez’s class. | 转出罗德里格兹老师的班了 |
| [04:41] | So, who’s gonna be our room parent? | 那谁来做我们的家长代表啊 |
| [04:42] | I can’t do it. I got to go home and sit around. | 我做不了 我得回家躺着 |
| [04:46] | But you can’t just leave me. You’re my mentor. | 可你不能离开我 你是我的导师 |
| [04:50] | People our age don’t have mentors, Lowell, | 我们这个年纪的人没有导师 洛厄尔 |
| [04:52] | they’ve already… mented. | 我们都受过指导了 |
| [04:54] | Not me. After years of being a stay-at-home dad to two girls, | 我不觉得 我给两个女孩做了多年全职爸爸 |
| [04:58] | you’re showing me how to be a man again. | 是你告诉我怎么样再次成为一个男人 |
| [04:59] | Thanks to you, I started watching the sports report. | 多亏了你 我又开始看体育报道了 |
| [05:02] | “Boom,” Says that one guy. | 有个人说 砰 |
| [05:04] | Great job. I’m proud of you. | 干得漂亮 我为你感到骄傲 |
| [05:06] | Now all we got to do is get that jazzercise sticker off your car. | 现在只需要把你车上那个舞蹈课贴揭下来 |
| [05:11] | Over my dead body. | 除非我死了 |
| [05:16] | Hold on. So, you just transferred Emme | 等一下 你把艾米转到了别的班上 |
| [05:19] | into another class, without asking Andi? | 但没有问过安迪 |
| [05:22] | I don’t need to ask her permission. | 我不需要请求她允许 |
| [05:27] | Little brother. Do you know what you are? | 小弟 你知道你这人什么样吗 |
| [05:30] | Adorable. | 特别可爱 |
| [05:34] | Let me tell you a little something | 我告诉你在我们家 |
| [05:35] | about how things work in my house, okay? | 事情是怎么运转的 |
| [05:37] | I steer the parenting boat. | 育儿船是我掌舵 |
| [05:38] | You know what Andi told me last night? | 你知道安迪昨晚怎么跟我说的吗 |
| [05:40] | I’m the captain. | 我是船长 |
| [05:42] | Oh, you are, huh? | 是吗 |
| [05:43] | That’s right. Uh-huh. | 说的对 |
| [05:46] | You know how you give a little kid | 你知道小时候 |
| [05:47] | a fake steering wheel in the backseat | 爸妈会在后座给装个假方向盘 |
| [05:48] | so they can pretend they’re driving? | 让小孩假装自己在开车 |
| [05:50] | Might even have a little horn. | 可能还有个小喇叭 |
| [05:52] | That’s the kind of captain you are. | 你就是这种船长 |
| [05:55] | You don’t know what you’re talking about. Oh. | 你才不知道自己在说什么呢 |
| [05:57] | Okay, how about this? Call Andi. Let’s see if I’m right. | 那要不这样 打给安迪 看我说得对不对 |
| [06:00] | Loser has to… | 输家就得 |
| [06:02] | eat a ghost pepper. Ooh. | 吃一个魔鬼辣椒 |
| [06:04] | That’s right. The world’s hottest pepper. | 没错 全世界最辣的辣椒 |
| [06:07] | – Put your mouth where your mouth is. – Fine. | -你要是对自己说的话有信心 就赌 -行 |
| [06:10] | But you’re gonna be eating that pepper, | 但到时候要吃辣椒的是你 |
| [06:11] | and if I know you, | 如果我没想错的话 |
| [06:12] | you’ll forget and rub your eye. | 你会忘掉这件事然后用手揉眼睛 |
| [06:13] | And if I know me, | 如果我没想错的话 |
| [06:15] | I’ll be laughing at you. | 我会嘲笑你 |
| [06:20] | Hey, honey. What’s up? | 亲爱的 怎么了 |
| [06:22] | I got a great idea. | 我有个好主意 |
| [06:23] | You know how Rodriguez has been on me? | 你知道罗德里格兹一直给我找茬吧 |
| [06:25] | Well, I’m thinking I’m gonna transfer Emme | 我想把艾米 |
| [06:27] | to the other class. How about that? | 转到别的班上去 你觉得如何 |
| [06:33] | Andi? | 安迪 |
| [06:35] | Do I hear you smiling? | 你是在笑吗 |
| [06:37] | No, I’m not smiling. | 我没有在笑 |
| [06:39] | That’s a terrible idea! | 这个主意烂透了 |
| [06:40] | Look, there’s only one good teacher in every grade. | 你听我说 每个年级只有一个好老师 |
| [06:43] | Okay? Y-You have no idea | 你都不知道 |
| [06:46] | how much I had to kiss Mrs. Rodriguez’s butt | 我为了让艾米进罗德里格兹的班 |
| [06:48] | to get Emme in that class. | 拍了她多少马屁 |
| [06:49] | So, for you to even think | 所以 你就因为工作太多 |
| [06:51] | about transferring her because you have to work too hard, | 就想把她转到别班 |
| [06:53] | makes me so mad, that I’m yelling. | 让我很生气 所以我在吼 |
| [06:55] | I’m yelling now, and everybody here’s looking at me. | 我是在吼 每个人都在看我 |
| [06:57] | What? This isn’t a show, Markowitz. | 干吗 有什么好看的 马克维茨 |
| [07:01] | Good. Yeah. Take it out on Markowitz. | 很好 把火发在马克维茨身上 |
| [07:02] | Bye, honey. Love you. | 拜亲爱的 爱你 |
| [07:05] | Hello, ghost pepper store? | 你好 魔鬼辣椒店吗 |
| [07:07] | I’d like to place an order. | 我要买东西 |
| [07:13] | Look, Mrs. Rodriguez, | 罗德里格兹老师 |
| [07:14] | I would really appreciate it | 如果你能让艾米回你班上 |
| [07:16] | if you would let Emme back in your class. | 我就真的太感激了 |
| [07:18] | Why would I do that? | 我为什么要这样做 |
| [07:20] | Well… what better way to celebrate | 要庆祝这个好学校的生日 |
| [07:22] | the birthday of this fine school | 忘掉我今天早上所说的话 |
| [07:24] | than with the gift of forgetting what I said this morning? | 就是最好的办法了 |
| [07:28] | Or you could apologize | 或者你可以为你今天早上 |
| [07:29] | for everything you said this morning. | 所说的每一句话道歉 |
| [07:32] | Okay. | 可以 |
| [07:34] | – Apparently, you think that I… – No. | -很明显 你觉得我… -不行 |
| [07:38] | – If I said something… – No. | -如果我说了什么… -不行 |
| [07:41] | – If you weren’t so… – No! | -如果不是你… -不行 |
| [07:45] | Fine. | 行行 |
| [07:55] | I’m sorry. | 我很抱歉 |
| [07:56] | Now we’re making progress. | 现在总算有点进步了 |
| [07:58] | Emme can come back to my class. | 艾米能回我班上来 |
| [07:59] | Oh! Great. Thank you. | 太好了 谢谢你 |
| [08:01] | Big win for the captain. | 船长赢了 |
| [08:03] | Oh, this is gonna mean a lot to Andi. | 安迪会很高兴的 |
| [08:05] | She’s always saying how you’re the best teacher | 她总是说你 |
| [08:06] | in the whole school. | 是全校最好的老师 |
| [08:08] | – Really? – Yeah, yeah. | -真的 -真的 |
| [08:09] | She told me that to get Emme in this class, | 她说为了让艾米进这个班 |
| [08:11] | she spent years kissing your butt. | 她一直在拍你马屁 |
| [08:16] | What was that? | 什么意思 |
| [08:22] | That… was a compliment. | 是在夸你 |
| [08:24] | – No, it wasn’t. – Oh, sure. Sure it was. | -并不是 -真的是 |
| [08:28] | Yeah, you know how people are always | 你知道人都喜欢开玩笑 |
| [08:29] | joking around and saying crazy stuff? | 说些莫名其妙的事 |
| [08:32] | Like, “Hey, Bob.” “Kiss my butt, Jim.” | 比如”嘿鲍勃””吃屎吧吉姆” |
| [08:35] | And then they’re laughing, ’cause they’re buddies. | 然后都会大笑 因为他们是哥们 |
| [08:37] | You know, j-just like us. | 就好像我们一样 |
| [08:38] | – Oh, so we’re buddies now? – Definitely. | -我们现在是哥们了 -绝对的 |
| [08:40] | -Really? – Yeah. | -真的 -对 |
| [08:41] | What’s my first name? | 我叫什么 |
| [08:58] | That’s what I thought. I think Emme would be better off | 我也是这么想的 我觉得艾米 |
| [09:00] | staying in the other class. | 还是留在另一个班比较好 |
| [09:01] | What? Oh, come on! | 什么 不要吧 |
| [09:03] | It’s not like you know my first name. | 你也不知道我叫什么啊 |
| [09:05] | Adam. | 亚当 |
| [09:06] | Oh. Well, yeah. Anyone could guess that. | 这谁都能猜中 |
| [09:08] | It’s like the first name ever. | 世界上第一个人就叫这名 |
| [09:21] | What’s with the flowers? | 这花是怎么回事 |
| [09:23] | Is it the day after Mom’s birthday again? | 又是妈妈生日的第二天吗 |
| [09:27] | No. | 不是 |
| [09:28] | Wait… | 等等 |
| [09:31] | No. No. | 不是 不是 |
| [09:33] | Don’t scare me like that! | 不要吓唬我 |
| [09:35] | Oh! I think I hear Mom’s car. | 我好像听见妈妈车子的声音 |
| [09:37] | Okay, guys, go play outside, and enjoy your childhood, | 你们去外面玩吧 享受你们的童年 |
| [09:39] | ’cause it only gets more complicated. | 以后就没这么美好了 |
| [09:44] | Hey. There’s my beautiful wife. | 我美丽动人的老婆 |
| [09:47] | Flowers? What for? | 花 干吗 |
| [09:49] | Do I need a reason to buy you flowers? | 我送你花还需要理由吗 |
| [09:51] | Historically, yes. | 按照以往记录来看 需要的 |
| [09:55] | Okay, fine. I know this is gonna make you mad, but… | 好吧 我知道你肯定会生气 |
| [09:57] | I transferred Emme out of Mrs. Rodriguez’s class | 我把艾米转出了罗德里格兹老师的班 |
| [10:00] | but look at the pretty flowers! | 可是你看看这些花多美 |
| [10:03] | What? | 什么 |
| [10:04] | I can’t believe you did that, | 我不敢相信你这样做了 |
| [10:06] | after we talked this morning! | 我们今早不是讨论过了吗 |
| [10:07] | Well, not sure this is gonna help me, but… | 我也不知道这样说对我有没有帮助 不过 |
| [10:10] | I did it before we talked. | 我在那之前就已经转了 |
| [10:19] | All right, look. | 我跟你说 |
| [10:20] | Mrs. Rodriguez is impossible! | 罗德里格兹老师太难对付了 |
| [10:22] | It’s too much work! | 太多事了 |
| [10:23] | Oh, so you did this for your own selfish reasons. | 你是出于自私才这么做的 |
| [10:26] | Well, a lot of great stuff was done for selfish reasons. | 因为自私 有了不少好东西 |
| [10:30] | The guy who invented fire. | 发明火的那个人 |
| [10:32] | Probably freezing his ass off. | 可能是因为他快冻死了 |
| [10:35] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [10:36] | Well, and, and… | 还有 还有 |
| [10:38] | it’s good for Emme, too. | 对艾米也有好处 |
| [10:40] | Her best friend is in the other class. | 她最好的朋友在别的班 |
| [10:42] | Yeah, and you know why the school separated them? | 你知道学校为什么把她们分开吗 |
| [10:43] | Because they talk too much. | 因为她们话太多了 |
| [10:45] | No fair, that is new information. | 不公平 这是新的信息 |
| [10:48] | Well, everything’s new information | 你什么事都不知道时 |
| [10:49] | when you don’t know anything. | 任何信息都是新的 |
| [10:53] | You know, maybe instead of just criticizing me, | 也许试着别批评我 |
| [10:55] | you could try seeing my side of it. | 你可以尝试从我的角度想想 |
| [10:57] | Yeah, but your side of it is so… wrong. | 但你的角度大错特错 |
| [11:02] | You know what? | 知道吗 |
| [11:03] | I’ll go down there, I’ll talk to her. | 我去学校 我找她谈 |
| [11:05] | She likes me. | 她喜欢我 |
| [11:07] | Yeah, about that. | 关于这点 |
| [11:11] | Oh, good, it gets worse. | 很好 还有坏消息 |
| [11:12] | Well, just a little, and then we’re all caught up. | 一点点糟而已 然后我们都会激动起来 |
| [11:15] | So, when I went back to apologize, | 我回去道歉时 |
| [11:17] | like I knew you would’ve wanted me to, | 我知道你会希望我去 |
| [11:19] | I complimented her, and she got all mad. | 我恭维她 她生气了 |
| [11:23] | How did you compliment her? | 你是怎么恭维她的 |
| [11:25] | Is that really important? | 这很重要吗 |
| [11:29] | I told her that you kissed her butt | 我告诉她为了让艾米能进她的班 |
| [11:30] | to get Emme into her class, | 你拍她马屁 |
| [11:33] | and, for some reason, she took offense. | 不知什么原因 她生气了 |
| [11:37] | Yeah, so what happened next? | 接下来怎样 |
| [11:38] | Did you punch her in the throat? | 你对着她的脖子来了一拳吗 |
| [11:41] | I just… | 我只是 |
| [11:41] | how could you say that to Alicia? | 你怎么能把这个告诉艾丽西娅 |
| [11:43] | Alicia! | 艾丽西娅 |
| [11:44] | That’s her name. | 她叫这个名字 |
| [11:48] | Look, you know, anyway, | 总之 |
| [11:48] | I should be allowed to make these kind of decisions. | 我应该能够做这种决定 |
| [11:51] | After all, I am the captain. | 毕竟 我是船长 |
| [11:52] | Yeah, I only told you that so you’d finish | 我这样跟你说 只为让你 |
| [11:54] | blowing up the balloons. | 把气球吹完 |
| [11:57] | Hold on a second. | 等等 |
| [11:59] | Are you saying that I’m not the captain? | 你是说我不是船长吗 |
| [12:02] | Well, you’re the captain of balloons. | 你是气球船长 |
| [12:06] | Look, here’s what’s gonna happen. | 这样做 |
| [12:08] | I’m gonna go down there tomorrow with you | 我明天和你一起去 |
| [12:10] | and a box of chocolates, and I’m gonna… | 带上一盒巧克力 然后我 |
| [12:11] | kiss her butt some more, | 更用力地拍她马屁 |
| [12:13] | and I’m gonna fix this. | 我来解决这事 |
| [12:15] | I don’t need you | 我不需要你 |
| [12:16] | cleaning up my messes, okay? | 清理我的烂摊子 |
| [12:17] | I can handle this. | 我可以处理 |
| [12:19] | Adam, listen to me, | 亚当 听我说 |
| [12:21] | I am the captain now. | 我现在是船长 |
| [12:32] | Okay, I don’t know if this is what you were going for, | 我不知道这是不是你的目的 |
| [12:33] | but I am really turned on right now. | 但我现在好性奋的说 |
| [12:39] | Look, you know what Adam’s like. | 你也知道亚当这个人 |
| [12:40] | He-he just says stuff, he doesn’t think. | 他说话不经大脑的 |
| [12:43] | I really don’t. | 真是这样 |
| [12:45] | But to imply that currying favor has any impact | 但暗示巴结行为与我管理班级 |
| [12:47] | on how I run my classroom is insulting. | 有关系 对我是一种侮辱 |
| [12:50] | Look, I’m well aware that parents give me presents | 我清楚知道那些家长送我礼物 |
| [12:52] | just because they want something from me. | 是因为他们有求于我 |
| [12:54] | Ugh. Yeah, those parents are the worst. | 这些家长最差劲了 |
| [12:58] | – Although the presents are nice. – Oh, yeah, I mean, | -不过那些礼物非常棒 -是啊 |
| [13:00] | who doesn’t like a little treat now and again? | 谁不喜欢一点小礼物呢 |
| [13:03] | – But it doesn’t change anything. – No, of course not, | -但这改变不了什么 -当然不会 |
| [13:05] | you’re above all that. | 你不会被礼物收买 |
| [13:07] | Just give me the chocolates. | 把巧克力给我就成 |
| [13:12] | There’s a little chart in there | 里面有张清单表 |
| [13:14] | so you don’t get surprised by anything. | 所以你不会碰到什么意外 |
| [13:16] | You wouldn’t want to bite into one of those cherry squirty ones | 你可不希望穿着白色衣服时 |
| [13:18] | when you’re wearing a white blouse. | 一口咬下樱桃夹心的 |
| [13:21] | Look, we didn’t mean to insult you. | 我们不是想羞辱你 |
| [13:23] | You know, it’s just how we show appreciation. | 这是我们表达感谢的方式 |
| [13:25] | I mean, we kiss butt because we love. | 因为有爱 我们才会拍马屁 |
| [13:28] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [13:29] | Let’s be honest, | 说实话 |
| [13:30] | butt kissing makes the world go round. | 拍马屁令这个世界更和谐 |
| [13:33] | Everybody does it. I kiss my clients’ butts. | 大家都这样做 我会拍客户的马屁 |
| [13:36] | My crew kisses my butt. | 我的工人拍我的马屁 |
| [13:38] | Yeah, I mean, “World’s Greatest Teacher”” | “全世界最伟大的老师” |
| [13:40] | You didn’t buy that for yourself, right? | 这不是你自己买的 对吗 |
| [13:42] | Good point, honey. | 有道理 亲爱的 |
| [13:43] | See, I just kissed my wife’s butt, she’s not mad. | 瞧 我刚拍了我老婆的马屁 她没生气 |
| [13:45] | No, I rather enjoyed it, yeah. | 不 我挺开心的 |
| [13:48] | Now, he’s a very good butt kisser. | 他是个优秀的马屁精 |
| [13:51] | Uh, no, he’s not, he’s terrible. | 不 他差劲透了 |
| [13:53] | He quit because of Teacher Appreciation Day. | 他因为教师感谢日辞职 |
| [13:55] | That’s the Super Bowl of butt kissing. | 这可是马屁界的超级碗 |
| [13:58] | Look, there are plenty of ways | 如果你真心去做 |
| [13:59] | to get on my good side, if you cared enough to try. | 讨我欢心的办法多的是 |
| [14:01] | Oh, whoa, hold on, that’s unfair. | 等等 这不公平 |
| [14:04] | No, I think I’m being perfectly fair. | 不 我想我很公平 |
| [14:05] | He’s been working like a dog for you. | 他都为你累成狗了 |
| [14:07] | Stay on track. | 别跑题 |
| [14:09] | I mean, he’s up in the middle of the night, | 他大半夜的还不能睡 |
| [14:11] | he’s here every day… | 他每天来这里 |
| [14:12] | He complains all the time | 我要他做的 |
| [14:13] | about every little thing I ask him to do. | 每件小事 他都会抱怨 |
| [14:15] | Okay, all right, why is everybody standing up? | 好了 为什么大家要站起来 |
| [14:21] | Yeah, well, I’m not gonna let you talk about my husband that way. | 我不允许你这样说我的老公 |
| [14:24] | – If anything, I’m being easy on him. – No, you’re not. | -我对他很宽容好吗 -你没有 |
| [14:26] | You’re asking him to do too much. | 你要他做的太多了 |
| [14:27] | Well, maybe it seems like a lot because I have to ask him | 看起来很多 也许是因为每件事 |
| [14:29] | to do everything three times. | 我都要跟他说三遍 |
| [14:31] | – Which is fine. – It’s not fine. | -没事 -有事 |
| [14:33] | He does the bare minimum at best. | 他最多只是花了最少的工夫 |
| [14:35] | I ask him to make puppets, all I got was attitude. | 我让他做木偶 他就对我臭脸 |
| [14:38] | I don’t see any commitment. | 我没看到任何承诺 |
| [14:39] | You know what? I don’t think anybody | 知道吗 我想没人 |
| [14:41] | could live up to your standards. | 可以达到你的要求 |
| [14:42] | – ‘Cause you know what? You’re… – Easy. | -你知道吗 你… -别激动 |
| [14:44] | – You’re… – Careful. | -你… -小心 |
| [14:47] | You’re high maintenance. | 你太难伺候了 |
| [14:49] | Better than I thought it would be. | 比我想象的要好 |
| [14:52] | How’s it going? Are they getting Emme back in the class? | 怎么样 艾米要回班上吗 |
| [14:54] | I don’t know, you keep talking. | 我不知道 你一直在说话 |
| [14:56] | Uh-oh, angry footsteps. | 不好 愤怒的脚步声 |
| [14:58] | Angry footsteps. | 愤怒的脚步声 |
| [15:03] | So, Adam, you back? What happened? | 亚当 你回来了 怎么样了 |
| [15:06] | Lady fight, big step backwards. | 女人吵架 情况更糟糕了 |
| [15:10] | And that’s why you never do stuff without asking your wife. | 所以做任何事之前 要先问老婆 |
| [15:13] | I once made a decision without consulting my wife. | 我曾经做过一个决定 没有咨询我的老婆 |
| [15:16] | But then we got married anyway. | 不过反正我们结婚了 |
| [15:24] | – Hi, Andi. – Hey, Don. | -安迪 -唐 |
| [15:26] | Hey, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [15:27] | How was the rest of your day? You feeling better? | 你今天怎么样 好些了吗 |
| [15:28] | No, I mean, because I lost my temper, | 不 因为我发脾气 |
| [15:30] | Emme’s stuck in the crummy kindergarten class. | 艾米困在了幼儿园的差班 |
| [15:34] | I really don’t think it’s that big of a deal. | 我真心觉得没什么 |
| [15:35] | Or it could be the difference between her being | 这可能让她做不了 |
| [15:37] | a Supreme Court justice, or a… | 最高法院法官 而沦落为 |
| [15:39] | cocktail waitress at an Indian casino. | 印第安赌场的鸡尾酒女招待 |
| [15:42] | Hey, either way, she’s wearing a silly outfit. | 不管怎样 她的工作服都很傻 |
| [15:45] | Well, I guess the good news is | 我想好消息是 |
| [15:46] | that you’re not room parent anymore, so… | 你不再是家长代表了 所以 |
| [15:48] | that’s a win. | 你胜利了 |
| [15:52] | Hey, you won. | 你赢了 |
| [15:56] | Savor this. | 享受胜利吧 |
| [15:57] | I didn’t win. | 我没赢 |
| [15:58] | Didn’t you hear her tone? | 你没听到她的语气吗 |
| [16:00] | It’s not how you say it, it’s what you say. | 怎么说不重要 重要是说什么 |
| [16:02] | Like, “Shania Twain wants to take a bath with you.” | 比如说 仙妮亚·唐恩要和你洗鸳鸯浴[歌手] |
| [16:07] | Sing it, scream it, cry it, either way | 唱着说 叫着说 哭着说 不管怎样 |
| [16:09] | I’m clean and happy. | 我又干净又开心 |
| [16:12] | Why the bath? | 为什么是洗澡 |
| [16:14] | You know what? I don’t care. | 我不在乎 |
| [16:18] | I started this whole thing. | 这事是我挑起来了 |
| [16:20] | I got to find a way to win Rodriguez over. | 我得想办法拉拢罗德里格兹 |
| [16:23] | What would a captain do? | 船长会怎么做 |
| [16:25] | Which reminds me– | 让我想到 |
| [16:27] | I got you something that I think might help. | 我给你准备了东西 可能有帮助 |
| [16:30] | Here you go, Captain. | 给你 船长 |
| [16:35] | Yeah, yeah, I deserve that. | 好吧 我活该 |
| [16:37] | Happy sailing! | 航行愉快 |
| [16:39] | And just remember– | 你要记住 |
| [16:40] | even if you get through the Straits of Forgiveness, | 就算你这次杀出了宽恕海峡 |
| [16:42] | some day, there’s a torpedo heading your way | 总有一天 更年期军舰会向你 |
| [16:44] | from the S.S. Menopause. | 发射一枚鱼雷 |
| [16:49] | I’m gonna need a bigger boat. | 我需要更大的船 |
| [16:56] | I think if you just give Adam another chance, | 我想如果你再给亚当一次机会 |
| [16:58] | he won’t disappoint you. | 他不会让你失望的 |
| [16:59] | He’s already done a lot personally for me. | 他对我个人的帮助就不少 |
| [17:01] | He’s like… he’s like my Phil Jackson. | 他就像是我的菲尔·杰克逊[篮球著名教练] |
| [17:04] | Sports reference. What’s up? | 用体育做梗 不错嘛 |
| [17:06] | And I think the whole class will miss him. | 我想全班都会想他的 |
| [17:08] | Well, my decision hasn’t changed | 从你在厕所门外求我开始 |
| [17:10] | since you asked me through the bathroom door. | 到现在我的决定没有变 |
| [17:17] | What are you doing here? | 你在这里做什么 |
| [17:18] | I bet I know exactly what he’s doing here. | 我打赌我知道他在这里做什么 |
| [17:27] | A puppet theater. | 木偶剧院 |
| [17:29] | Oh, I was way off. | 我错得太离谱了 |
| [17:33] | Oh, my God, it’s beautiful. | 我的天 好漂亮 |
| [17:35] | No other room parent has ever done anything like this. | 从来没有家长代表这样做过 |
| [17:37] | Did you build this? | 这是你做的吗 |
| [17:38] | Yup. Happy Teacher Appreciation Day. | 对 教师感谢日快乐 |
| [17:42] | I hope you’ll consider letting Emme back into your class, and, | 希望你能考虑让艾米回到你的班上 |
| [17:45] | as you’re making your decision, | 你做决定时 |
| [17:47] | I’ll ask you to press the button on that little remote. | 请你按下遥控器上的按钮 |
| [17:56] | Not just the bare minimum, right? | 不仅是最少的工夫吧 |
| [17:58] | Oh, wait a minute. | 慢着 |
| [17:59] | Is this just a sophisticated way of kissing my butt? | 这是拍我马屁的更高级的方式吗 |
| [18:03] | – Well, I wouldn’t call it that. – ‘Cause it’s working. | -我不会这样说 -挺管用的 |
| [18:06] | Oh. So, can Emme come back to your class? | 艾米可以回到你班上吗 |
| [18:08] | Well, of course she can. | 当然可以 |
| [18:12] | And I haven’t been able to find a replacement | 我还没有找到替代者 |
| [18:14] | so, maybe you could, you know… | 所以也许你可以 |
| [18:17] | Just… | 回来… |
| [18:20] | Come back as room parent. | 回来做家长代表 |
| [18:21] | It’s happening. | 成真了 |
| [18:26] | Okay, okay. | 好的 |
| [18:26] | – But I have a few conditions. – No. | -但我有几个条件 -不 |
| [18:28] | – Well, just hear me out. – No. | -听我说完 -不 |
| [18:29] | – If we could just… – No! | -我们能否 -不 |
| [18:32] | – Okay. Deal. – Good! | -好吧 成交 -很好 |
| [18:39] | Are we just gonna stand here, or are we gonna hug? | 我们只是站在这里 还是拥抱一下 |
| [18:44] | We’re just gonna stand here. | 只是站在这里 |
| [18:49] | Nice job on the puppet theater, babe. | 木偶剧院做得真不错 亲爱的 |
| [18:51] | I bet you knocked her socks off. | 我打赌你让她无话可说 |
| [18:53] | Yeah. I just feel bad for the kids. | 我只是替孩子们难过 |
| [18:56] | They have to sit through a puppet show now. | 现在他们得看完木偶表演 |
| [19:00] | I mean, you crashed our ship into an iceberg, | 你把我们的船撞上了冰山 |
| [19:02] | and then I panicked and start throwing passengers overboard, | 我慌了 开始把乘客丢下船 |
| [19:04] | but you just hopped into your little tugboat | 但你跳进小拖船里 |
| [19:06] | and you got us back on course. | 你让我们回归了正轨 |
| [19:13] | You don’t have to talk to me like I’m a child. | 你不必把我当孩子似的说话 |
| [19:16] | – I did do that, though. – Yeah, you did. | -我会这样 -没错 |
| [19:19] | You know, it doesn’t surprise me, the fires you start, | 你放火我不感到意外 |
| [19:21] | but it always surprises me how you put ’em out. | 但你怎样灭掉总是让我惊讶 |
| [19:24] | Hey, it’s my job to do the best I can for our family. | 为家人尽力做到最好是我的工作 |
| [19:27] | Huh? That way, if the kids turn out bad, | 这样 如果孩子们变坏了 |
| [19:29] | they can’t blame it on us. | 他们不能怪我们 |
| [19:33] | I know this isn’t what you’re going for, | 我知道这不是你的目的 |
| [19:34] | but… I am really turned on right now. | 但我现在好性奋 |
| [19:39] | Baby, that’s always what I’m going for. | 亲爱的 这永远是我的目的 |
| [19:51] | The time has come. Bon appétit, señor. | 时候到了 祝你好胃口 先生 |
| [19:55] | You know, I wasn’t gonna make you | 就算你输了 我也不会 |
| [19:56] | really eat the ghost pepper if you lost. | 让你真吃魔鬼辣椒 |
| [19:58] | – Yes, you were. – I know. | -你会的 -我知道 |
| [20:02] | – How hot is this thing? – It’s pretty hot. | -这东西有多辣 -很辣 |
| [20:05] | They made me sign some papers and watch a video | 在我拿走前 他们让我签了文件 |
| [20:06] | before they let me take it. | 看了段视频 |
| [20:09] | Okay, would you be willing to exchange it for a spider? | 你想换成蜘蛛吗 |
| [20:10] | I’ll munch a spider right now. | 我现在不介意吃蜘蛛 |
| [20:12] | I’ve already seen that. | 我已经看过了 |
| [20:15] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [20:18] | Oh, you got a little something on your eye there. | 你眼睛上有东西 |
| [20:20] | – What? – Yeah, right… yeah, right there, yeah. | -什么 -这里 对了 |
| [20:24] | Aah! Okay. I knew you were gonna do that! | 我就知道你会这样做 |
| [20:27] | But then I forgot. | 但我忘记了 |
| [20:29] | Oh, God. Aah. | 老天 |