| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:02] | Okay, so get this. The kids brushed their teeth | 你听我说 孩子们刷完牙 |
| [00:04] | and went straight to bed. | 直接上床睡觉了 |
| [00:05] | I think somebody replaced ’em with Pod People. | 应该是被换成外星人了吧 |
| [00:09] | I mean, I’m gonna miss ’em, | 我确实会想他们的 |
| [00:10] | but I am not complaining. | 不过我也知足了 |
| [00:13] | You’re welcome. | 不客气 |
| [00:16] | Oh, you’re taking credit for this? | 你是说 这都是你的功劳吗 |
| [00:17] | Yes, I am. | 正是在下 |
| [00:18] | Because after school today, | 因为今天放学以后 |
| [00:19] | your kids were out of control. | 你家孩子们都撒欢儿了 |
| [00:21] | Our living room was like the first 15 minutes | 咱家客厅简直重现了《拯救大兵瑞恩》的 |
| [00:23] | of Saving Private Ryan. | 前十五分钟混乱战场 |
| [00:26] | Okay, so they’re my kids when they do something wrong? | 所以他们一犯错 就成我家孩子了 |
| [00:29] | Yeah, or when they’re in a school play. | 对 他们出演校园剧的时候也是你家的 |
| [00:32] | Yeah, three hours | 是啊 看了三小时 |
| [00:33] | of watching Emme be a tree in The Wizard of Oz. | 艾米在《绿野仙踪》里就演棵树 |
| [00:35] | The witch said, “I’m melting.” | 那个巫婆说”我要化了” |
| [00:36] | I was like, “Take me with you.” | 我心想”把我也带走吧” |
| [00:41] | That’s like Club Med compared to | 跟我今天处理的这出戏一比 |
| [00:43] | what I dealt with today. | 你那都算是度假了 |
| [00:44] | While I was on the phone with a client, | 我在那跟客户打电话呢 |
| [00:45] | the kids decided to have a Nerf dart shootout. | 孩子们玩起了软弹枪枪战 |
| [00:48] | Katie nails me in the face, right? | 凯蒂一枪打我脸上了 |
| [00:51] | And I open my mouth in surprise, | 然后我大吃一惊把嘴张开了 |
| [00:54] | as you do. Right? | 换你也一样 对吧 |
| [00:55] | Teddy rolls by on his skateboard | 泰迪滑着滑板 |
| [00:56] | and shoots one down my throat. | 一枪直接打我嗓子眼里了 |
| [00:59] | I coughed up the foam part, | 我把泡沫那玩意咳出来了 |
| [01:01] | but the rubber tip is still inside me somewhere. | 可橡胶头现在不知道在我肚子里哪呢 |
| [01:04] | Oh, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [01:05] | Yeah, well, it won’t happen again | 不过以后不会再有这事了 |
| [01:06] | because I handled it. | 因为我已经管好了 |
| [01:08] | The way you kids behaved today | 孩子们 你们今天的行为 |
| [01:09] | was completely unacceptable, okay? | 彻底不能接受 懂吗 |
| [01:12] | So from now on, there will be no | 所以从现在开始 以后不许玩滑板 |
| [01:14] | skateboards, no Nerf wars, | 不许玩软弹枪 |
| [01:16] | no monkey business in the house. | 不许在家里耍猴戏 |
| [01:19] | What’s a monkey’s business? | 什么是耍猴戏 |
| [01:23] | It’s an old person word for fun. | 老人把乐趣叫耍猴戏 |
| [01:24] | He’s trying to ban fun. | 他要把乐趣取缔了 |
| [01:26] | That’s exactly right, Katie. | 完全正确 凯蒂 |
| [01:28] | I’m banning fun. | 我要取缔乐趣 |
| [01:31] | So until further notice, all of these… | 所以在另行通知以前 所有这些东西 |
| [01:35] | – will go in the off-limits cubby. – No! | -都要关进小黑屋 -不要 |
| [01:38] | All right, get in there. | 好 进去 |
| [01:45] | I really wish that had a door on it. | 要是有个门就好了 |
| [01:48] | God, I wonder why they were so wound up? | 天啊 他们为什么那么兴奋 |
| [01:51] | Oh, you know what? It rained today | 怪不得 今天下雨了 |
| [01:52] | so they didn’t have recess. | 他们没处发泄 |
| [01:53] | That always makes ’em a little crazy. | 所以让他们有点疯 |
| [01:55] | They seemed fine after school at the ice cream place. | 放学以后去吃冰淇淋的时候还好好的 |
| [02:00] | You took ’em for ice cream? | 你带他们吃冰淇淋去了 |
| [02:01] | Yeah, well, you know I like ice cream. | 是啊 你知道我喜欢吃冰淇淋 |
| [02:03] | And if I want to eat it, I got buy them some. | 如果我想吃 也得给他们买点 |
| [02:08] | What difference does it make? | 不都一样嘛 |
| [02:09] | I’m just trying to figure out why they were so nuts. | 我就是想知道他们为什么疯成那样 |
| [02:11] | Well, it doesn’t matter why. I handled it. | 为什么不重要 我管好了 |
| [02:13] | Okay, but you didn’t take everything into consideration. | 好的 但你没有全都考虑清楚 |
| [02:16] | Look, | 听着 |
| [02:17] | different situations | 不同的状况 |
| [02:18] | require different reactions. | 需要不同的反应 |
| [02:20] | Like if it were me, | 如果换我来管 |
| [02:21] | I would have taken ’em to the park, | 我会带他们去公园 |
| [02:22] | let ’em run it out. | 让他们把精力跑光 |
| [02:23] | You know, like dogs. | 你知道 就像遛狗 |
| [02:29] | Nah. | 不要 |
| [02:31] | Yelling and taking stuff away, | 大吼和没收东西 |
| [02:32] | that’s my move. | 才是我的招 |
| [02:36] | Okay, but… | 好吧 可是… |
| [02:37] | now that you’re home with the kids more, | 现在你在家带孩子的时间更多了 |
| [02:38] | you might want to expand your playbook. | 你要不要扩展一下战术方式 |
| [02:40] | I don’t think so. | 不用了 |
| [02:42] | I have one move. | 我就一招 |
| [02:43] | My dad had one move. | 我爸也只有一招 |
| [02:44] | My dad’s dad had one move. | 我爸的爸 也是只有一招 |
| [02:47] | And that one move | 一招鲜 |
| [02:48] | won two world wars. | 赢遍两次世界大战 |
| [02:52] | Trust me, we didn’t take the Germans | 相信我 我们可没有把德国人 |
| [02:53] | to the park and let ’em run it out. | 领公园去 让他们把精力跑光 |
| [02:58] | I’m telling you, if you put two round hot tubs | 我跟你讲 你要是把那两个圆形浴缸 |
| [03:01] | at the end of a long pool, | 装在长条泳池的一端 |
| [03:02] | from the second story balcony, | 从二楼阳台往下一看 |
| [03:04] | you’re gonna get a very… | 那场面 |
| [03:05] | masculine view. | 特别雄心勃起 |
| [03:09] | If you know what I’m sayin’. | 你懂我的意思吧 |
| [03:10] | Yeah. Yeah, okay. | 对 对 好 |
| [03:13] | I will take care of it. | 我来解决 |
| [03:14] | All right, bye. | 好 再见 |
| [03:15] | Gee. | 天老爷啊 |
| [03:17] | Hey. Hey, how was your day? | 你今天怎么样 |
| [03:18] | How were the kids? | 孩子们怎么样 |
| [03:19] | They were fantastic. | 孩子们特别好 |
| [03:20] | Listen to the sound… | 听听这 |
| [03:23] | of silence. | 寂静之音 |
| [03:26] | My one move– the perfect move– | 我这一招 完美的一招 |
| [03:28] | is still working. | 还管用呢 |
| [03:29] | In fact, it’s so good, I named it: | 这招太棒了 我给起个名 |
| [03:31] | The Velvet Hammer. | 丝绒大锤 |
| [03:35] | Isn’t that the name of the gay bar | 这不是冰淇凌店旁边那家 |
| [03:37] | by the ice cream shop? | 同性恋酒吧的名字吗? |
| [03:41] | It doesn’t matter where the name came from. | 名字哪来的不重要 |
| [03:44] | That’s what I’m calling it. | 就这么定了 |
| [03:47] | Mm-okay, well, | 好吧 |
| [03:47] | – good for you, honey. – Mm-kay. | -你高兴就好 -好的 |
| [03:50] | What was that? | 什么动静 |
| [03:51] | I don’t know, but it better not be fun. | 不知道 最好别是乐趣的声音 |
| [04:02] | Something happened in here. | 这里刚刚绝对有情况 |
| [04:06] | It’s quiet. | 好安静 |
| [04:09] | A little too quiet. | 有点太安静了 |
| [04:12] | And empty. | 还空 |
| [04:14] | A little too empty. | 有点太空了 |
| [04:19] | And that rug is on the wall. | 那条毯子上墙了 |
| [04:22] | A little too on the wall. | 有点太上墙了 |
| [04:25] | Are you done, Colombo | 有完没完 神探科伦坡 |
| [04:28] | It’s so fun, though. | 可是好有乐趣啊 |
| [04:38] | Oh, my God, your kids put a hole in the wall. | 天啊 你家孩子给墙弄出个洞 |
| [04:54] | Okay, I need to know who made the hole, | 我得要知道 是谁弄的洞 |
| [04:57] | how they made the hole, | 怎么弄的 |
| [04:58] | and why they tried to hide the hole. | 以及为什么想把它藏起来 |
| [05:02] | What hole? | 什么洞 |
| [05:06] | The hole in the wall. | 墙上的洞 |
| [05:07] | You mean, like, the window? | 你是说窗户吗 |
| [05:10] | N-No, no. | 不 不是 |
| [05:11] | I mean like that. | 我是说那个 |
| [05:14] | Whoa, where did that come from? | 那玩意怎么回事 |
| [05:21] | You know, I-I think that’s always been there. | 我觉得那个一直都在那 |
| [05:25] | Maybe we have a mouse. | 可能我们家里有老鼠 |
| [05:31] | can I see you in the kitchen? | 我们到厨房谈两句 |
| [05:32] | No! I’m getting to the bottom of this. | 不 我要把这事搞清楚 |
| [05:34] | Are you? | 有吗 |
| [05:38] | Okay, you three stay put. | 好 你们三个待着别动 |
| [05:41] | Will you get me a Go-Gurt from the fridge? | 你能从冰箱给我拿个酸奶吗 |
| [05:49] | What fridge? | 什么冰箱 |
| [05:52] | See? | 看 |
| [05:53] | Two can play at that game. | 这一套我也会 |
| [05:56] | What game? | 什么这一套 |
| [06:07] | What is going on in there? | 那怎么回事 |
| [06:08] | Have they ever stonewalled you like that before? | 他们以前也这样拒绝合作吗 |
| [06:10] | Well, yeah, a few times, | 有过几次 |
| [06:12] | but I always had a move. | 不过我有一招 |
| [06:13] | What was it? | 是什么 |
| [06:14] | “Wait until your father gets home.” | 等爸爸回家了再说 |
| [06:15] | I’m already home. | 我已经在家了 |
| [06:17] | Yes, that’s why we’re in the kitchen. | 对啊 所以我们现在才在厨房 |
| [06:22] | I can’t believe they formed an alliance. | 我不敢相信他们联合起来了 |
| [06:24] | Well… it’s actually kind of sweet. | 我觉得还挺有爱的 |
| [06:26] | I mean, I am always telling them to stick together. | 我一直都让他们要团结一致 |
| [06:28] | Who knew it would backfire? | 谁知道砸了自己脚 |
| [06:31] | Parenting’s hard. | 当家长太难了 |
| [06:34] | Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. | 好好好 等一下 |
| [06:35] | If they’re sticking together, we got to split ’em up, right? | 他们这么团结 我们得让他们分裂 对不 |
| [06:38] | Yes. | 对 |
| [06:39] | And make them understand it’s in their best interest | 让他们明白最有利的选择 |
| [06:41] | to be on our team. | 是跟我们站在一起 |
| [06:43] | So what are we gonna use, threats or bribes? | 那我们要用什么办法 威逼还是利诱 |
| [06:46] | Uh, well, threats are free. Let’s start with those. | 威逼不要钱 先来两斤的 |
| [06:48] | Good. | 好 |
| [06:50] | Oh, look, | 看啊 |
| [06:52] | Katie’s trophy from when her volleyball team | 凯蒂的奖杯 |
| [06:54] | won regional’s. Hmm. | 她的排球队赢了区域赛 |
| [06:56] | Our girl really does love her volleyball, | 我们女儿真的很爱排球 |
| [06:58] | doesn’t she? Mmm. | 是嘛 |
| [06:59] | What are you guys doing? | 你们在干吗呢 |
| [07:03] | You, uh, | 你 |
| [07:03] | you have a volleyball camp coming up, don’t you? | 你马上要参加一个排球训练营对吧 |
| [07:06] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [07:07] | Boy, I’d hate for you to get grounded | 我真是不想让你因为禁足给错过了 |
| [07:09] | and miss it, just because of some stupid hole in the wall. | 就因为墙上这个破洞 |
| [07:14] | I don’t want to miss my camp. | 我不想错过训练营 |
| [07:16] | Here we go. | 这就对了 |
| [07:18] | I mean, | 因为 |
| [07:19] | if I don’t go to camp, | 如果我不去训练营 |
| [07:22] | I’d feel bad for you guys. | 会挺替你们惋惜的 |
| [07:27] | Um, what’s that? | 什么意思 |
| [07:30] | That’s the weekend Teddy and Emme are supposed to | 那个周末泰迪和艾玛 |
| [07:32] | stay at Grandma and Grandpa’s. | 不是要去爷爷奶奶家吗 |
| [07:33] | You guys are gonna have the whole house to yourself. | 你们就能好好地过二人世界了 |
| [07:44] | Can I see you in the hall? | 我们去走廊说两句 |
| [07:46] | We are getting our weekend alone. | 我们周末能单过了 |
| [07:47] | I don’t care if they burn the house down. | 就算他们把房子烧了我都不管 |
| [07:50] | And we never should have started with Katie, | 我们根本不该从凯蒂开始 |
| [07:52] | that was a rookie mistake. | 这个错误太低级了 |
| [07:53] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [07:54] | She’s too smart. | 她太精了 |
| [07:56] | We need to go to the dumb one. | 我们要从笨的开始 |
| [07:58] | Hey, hey. I don’t think any of our kids are dumb. | 我才不觉得我们哪个孩子笨 |
| [08:02] | But I will follow you to Teddy’s room. | 不过我跟你一起去泰迪的房间 |
| [08:06] | Boy, is this room crowded. | 这房间太挤了 |
| [08:09] | You know, | 其实吧 |
| [08:10] | if you had Katie’s room, | 你要是住在凯蒂的房间 |
| [08:12] | you’d have space to set up all your toys. | 就会有地方安装好你的所有玩具 |
| [08:16] | But, you said Kate gets the bigger room | 不过你说凯蒂住大房间 |
| [08:18] | because she’s older. | 因为她年纪最大 |
| [08:19] | Ah, she’s had her time. | 她已经享受过了 |
| [08:22] | Tell us who made the hole, | 告诉我们是谁弄的洞 |
| [08:24] | the room is yours. | 大房间就归你了 |
| [08:27] | Kate said I shouldn’t answer any questions | 凯蒂说我没有代理人在场的情况下 |
| [08:28] | without representation. | 不能回答任何问题 |
| [08:32] | He’s trying to lawyer up. | 他要请律师 |
| [08:35] | Wait, where did you learn the word “Representation”? | 等一下 你上哪学的代理人这个词 |
| [08:38] | Kate wrote it on my hand. | 凯蒂写在我手上的 |
| [08:43] | Are you gonna talk or not? | 你到底说不说 |
| [08:46] | No. | 不说 |
| [08:49] | Can I see you in the hallway? Mm-hmm. | 我们去走廊讨论一下 |
| [08:52] | That boy has learned more in an hour with Katie, | 这孩子跟凯蒂待了一小时 |
| [08:54] | than he has in five years of school. | 比他在学校五年学的都多 |
| [08:57] | What now? | 现在怎么办 |
| [08:58] | We’ve only got one kid left. | 现在只剩一个孩子了 |
| [09:00] | I don’t even know why we stopped in the hall this time. | 我都不知道还有什么好讨论的 |
| [09:01] | Yeah. | 有道理 |
| [09:03] | Let’s talk a little bit about Santa Claus. Hmm? | 我们来聊聊圣诞老人吧 |
| [09:07] | He knows when you’ve been naughty | 你淘气的时候他会知道 |
| [09:09] | and he knows when you’ve been nice. | 你乖巧的时候他也知道 |
| [09:10] | So, is there something | 你现在有没有什么事 |
| [09:11] | you want to tell us right now? | 想告诉我们的 |
| [09:12] | I mean… | 这样 |
| [09:13] | could really help you out with the big guy. | 圣诞老人会对你刮目相看的 |
| [09:19] | I’m comfortable with my relationship with Santa. | 我跟圣诞老人目前的状态挺好的 |
| [09:28] | – Hall. – Hall. | -走廊 -走廊 |
| [09:37] | Hey, do you guys want to watch a movie in my room? | 你们想去我房间看电影吗 |
| [09:39] | Yeah, can I pick the movie? | 能让我选看什么吗 |
| [09:40] | Of course. | 当然 |
| [09:41] | I just want to hang out with you guys. | 我只想跟你们一起玩 |
| [09:47] | Unbelievable. | 不可置信 |
| [09:48] | Did you see how happy they are? | 你看见他们多开心了吗 |
| [09:52] | Of course they’re happy, | 他们当然开心了 |
| [09:53] | they just kicked our ass. | 刚把我们打败 |
| [09:56] | That was like a victory dinner for them. | 这对他们来说就是庆功宴 |
| [09:59] | Okay, okay, we got to regroup. | 我们得重新想办法了 |
| [10:01] | We tried bribery, we tried threats. | 威逼没反应 利诱没上钩 |
| [10:03] | What’s our next move? | 下一步该怎么做 |
| [10:04] | I don’t know, maybe we should just patch the hole, | 我也不知道 要不直接把洞填起来 |
| [10:07] | ground ’em all and move on. | 所有人禁足 这事就算过了 |
| [10:08] | I mean, eventually, the truth’ll just slip out. | 总有一天 真相会水落”石”出 |
| [10:11] | Like that Nerf dart you ate. | 你吞的那颗软弹也会水落”屎”出 |
| [10:16] | We cannot live in a world where holes are made | 他们在墙上开洞 还不解释原因 |
| [10:19] | and not explained. | 我们不能得过且过 |
| [10:20] | We’ll lose all credibility. | 会失去所有的威信 |
| [10:23] | I know, I’m sorry, | 你说得对 我错了 |
| [10:24] | it’s just I’m so tired. | 我就是太累了 |
| [10:27] | Okay, all right. | 好 来吧 |
| [10:28] | We got to think. | 我们好好想想 |
| [10:29] | Okay, um… | 好 |
| [10:31] | All right. | 这样 |
| [10:32] | What would happen if we pulled | 如果我们小时候做出这种事 |
| [10:33] | something like this when we were kids? | 会发生什么 |
| [10:39] | It worked on me. | 我之前就这么想的 |
| [10:41] | Did it? | 最后成功了吗 |
| [10:45] | No. | 没有 |
| [10:47] | Yeah, and we’re nothing to be scared of. | 而且我们根本吓不住他们 |
| [10:49] | We’re like mall cops. | 我们就跟商场警卫一样 |
| [10:53] | Remember how we used to laugh | 记不记得以前老唐家孩子胡闹 |
| [10:54] | when your brother Don’s kid would act up? | 我们当时还总是偷笑 |
| [10:57] | That kid was always in trouble. | 那熊孩子总是闯祸 |
| [10:59] | Now? Delivering Porta-Potties. | 现在呢 去搬运移动厕所了 |
| [11:02] | Hey, wait a minute. | 等下 |
| [11:04] | Maybe we can use that. | 也许可以用这招 |
| [11:06] | You know, | 明白吗 |
| [11:07] | give our kids a little glimpse into their future. | 让他们展望一下自己的未来 |
| [11:10] | Scare ’em straight. | 吓吓就乖了 |
| [11:13] | Ooh, I like it. | 不错 我喜欢 |
| [11:16] | Yeah. I mean, in the last day, our kids have engaged in | 毕竟这件事情上 我们的孩子 |
| [11:19] | vandalism, conspiracy and racketeering. | 狼狈为奸 破坏公物 还敲诈勒索 |
| [11:25] | I don’t really know what that is, | 虽然我也不太明白是什么意思 |
| [11:26] | but they make a hell of a racket. | 但他们真的太能闹腾了 |
| [11:30] | Okay, you guys know Uncle Don. | 你们认识唐大伯吧 |
| [11:33] | What you don’t know is that he is also a father. | 但你们不知道的是 他还是一名父亲 |
| [11:36] | Yeah, we do, to cousin Mikey. | 我们知道啊 他儿子是麦奇堂哥 |
| [11:37] | Okay, I’m trying to set a mood here. | 我在渲染气氛好不好 |
| [11:41] | After you hear what he has to say about his kid, | 等你们听完他儿子的故事 |
| [11:43] | you’ll be begging to tell us who made the hole. | 肯定会抢着告诉我们是谁砸的洞 |
| [11:46] | Don, | 老唐 |
| [11:46] | go ahead, scare ’em straight. | 上吧 把他们吓乖 |
| [11:49] | Will do. | 放心吧 |
| [11:53] | Mikey was just like you. | 麦奇小时候跟你们一样 |
| [11:55] | Always making holes | 到处在墙上开洞 |
| [11:56] | in walls and lying about it. | 还撒谎不承认 |
| [11:58] | Seemed like no big deal. | 当时觉得没什么 |
| [12:00] | But where is he now? | 可看看他现在呢 |
| [12:02] | Prison? | 蹲监狱了吗 |
| [12:05] | No. A studio apartment in Poughkeepsie. | 没有 他在波基普西的一间单身公寓 |
| [12:10] | Oh. Ooh. That’s pretty cool. | 是吗 还挺酷的 |
| [12:11] | No, no, no. No, that’s bad. | 不不不 特别糟糕 |
| [12:14] | A studio apartment is just one room. | 单身公寓只有一个房间 |
| [12:15] | The kitchen is in the bedroom. | 厨房在卧室里那种 |
| [12:17] | – Oh, it’s like… – Oh, it’s one of those things… | -就是那种… -是不是房间里… |
| [12:20] | Yeah, yeah, you know, it is actually a sweet little place | 对 其实那个地方还挺好的 |
| [12:22] | right next to the ballpark. | 就在棒球场边上 |
| [12:24] | Mikey’s a mascot | 麦奇现在是 |
| [12:25] | for the minor league baseball team. | 棒球小联盟队的吉祥物 |
| [12:26] | – Oh, no way. – That’s so cool. | -真的假的 -也太厉害了吧 |
| [12:28] | You said he was delivering Porta-Potties. | 你不是说他负责搬运移动厕所吗 |
| [12:30] | No, no, no. This is a new thing. | 不 现在改行做这个了 |
| [12:33] | He really got his act together. | 他表现越来越好了 |
| [12:35] | I guess it just goes to show | 看来这说明 |
| [12:36] | that it doesn’t matter what you do as a kid. | 小时候做什么都无所谓 |
| [12:38] | Sometimes your dreams come true. | 有时候梦想就是会实现 |
| [12:45] | – Bye, Daddy. – Bye, Daddy. | -爸爸再见 -爸爸再见 |
| [12:47] | “Bye, Daddy.” | “爸爸再见” |
| [12:48] | As if nothing happened. | 看他们若无其事的样子 |
| [12:51] | Kindergarteners can head out to the playground. | 幼儿园孩子们可以去操场了 |
| [12:53] | Okay, uh, hold on, hold on, hold on. | 等下 宝贝 你等等 |
| [12:56] | Okay, it’s just you and me, Butterbean. | 现在只有我们两个 小宝贝 |
| [12:58] | Nobody’s listening. | 没有其他人在 |
| [13:00] | Why don’t you tell Daddy who made the hole. | 不如你告诉爸爸 墙上的洞是谁干的 |
| [13:02] | What hole? | 什么洞 |
| [13:08] | Get out of here. | 出去吧 |
| [13:11] | – Bye, Daddy. – Yeah, bye. | -爸爸再见 -再见 |
| [13:14] | Oh. Hey, I’m glad you guys are here. | 还好你们俩在 |
| [13:16] | I need to talk to you. | 我有事要跟你们商量 |
| [13:17] | Things no better at home? | 家里不顺利吗 |
| [13:18] | The kids are lying. We know they’re lying. | 孩子们在撒谎 我们知道他们在撒谎 |
| [13:20] | They know we know they’re lying. | 他们也知道我们知道他们在撒谎 |
| [13:23] | It’s tough to control kids these days. | 现在的孩子越来越不好管了 |
| [13:25] | Victor’s in fourth grade, | 维克托才四年级 |
| [13:26] | and I’m pretty sure he took my car out last night. | 但我确定他昨晚偷开我车出去了 |
| [13:29] | You know, a couple years ago, my wife and I decided | 几年前 我和我妻子决定 |
| [13:32] | we were gonna stop telling the girls “No,” | 不会跟女儿们说”不行” |
| [13:33] | because it’s very negative. | 因为这样很消极 |
| [13:35] | But then one of them bought a boat on eBay. | 可后来一个孩子在网上买了艘船 |
| [13:39] | Now we say it all the time. | 现在我们经常说不行 |
| [13:42] | Mr. Burns, come with me, | 伯恩斯先生 跟我来 |
| [13:44] | and put on your listening ears. | 好好听我说话 |
| [13:46] | Okay, you don’t have to talk to me | 你可以不必用这种语气 |
| [13:47] | – like I’m a kindergartener. – Now. | -我不是幼儿园小孩 -快点 |
| [13:48] | Yes, ma’am. | 遵命 |
| [13:52] | I’m about to tell you something I’ve never told anyone, | 我要和你分享一件我从未分享过的秘密 |
| [13:54] | Please don’t. | 求你不要 |
| [13:57] | The issue you’re up against | 教育如今的孩子 |
| [13:58] | with kids in today’s world | 你所面临的问题 |
| [14:00] | is that it’s not a fair fight. | 形势对你十分不利 |
| [14:01] | Yeah. That’s what I was telling Andi last night. | 没错 我昨晚也是这么跟安迪说的 |
| [14:04] | We can’t use any of the tools our parents | 小时候父母老师对我们用过的招数 |
| [14:06] | or teachers used on us. | 我们完全不能用 |
| [14:07] | So the answer I came up with is this. | 所以我想到了这个办法 |
| [14:11] | See this marble jar? | 看到这个弹珠罐了吗 |
| [14:12] | Every day the kids behave, | 他们哪天表现好 |
| [14:15] | I add a marble. | 我就放一个进去 |
| [14:16] | When the jar is full, they get a party. | 等弹珠罐装满了 就给他们开派对 |
| [14:18] | But what they don’t know is | 可他们不知道的是 |
| [14:19] | sometimes I do this. | 有时候我会这样 |
| [14:29] | That makes me feel so damn good. | 这感觉实在是太爽了 |
| [14:32] | I think maybe the kids stole some of your marbles. | 我估计孩子们也偷了你的弹珠 |
| [14:37] | My point is, Mr. Burns, is don’t be afraid to fight dirty. | 意思是 伯恩斯先生 不要怕使下流手段 |
| [14:40] | I see what you’re getting at. | 我知道你是什么意思了 |
| [14:43] | – Yeah. – Don’t touch my marbles! | -好样 -不要碰我的弹珠 |
| [14:44] | I wo– I won’t. I won’t, no. | 我不会 不 不会 |
| [14:48] | So we’re really gonna do this? | 我们真的要这样吗 |
| [14:49] | Hey, Mrs. Rodriguez said to fight dirty. | 罗德里格兹老师说了要下流些 |
| [14:52] | Well, this is definitely dirty | 这一定很下流 |
| [14:53] | because I feel both excited and ashamed. | 因为我同时感觉到兴奋和羞耻 |
| [14:58] | It’s kind of like that time | 有点像上次 |
| [14:58] | we did it on my parents’ bed. | 我们在我父母的床上干的 |
| [15:02] | Uh, different boyfriend. | 不 你是和另一个男人 |
| [15:11] | Okay, we’ll circle back to that later. | 好吧 我们待会再说那事 |
| [15:12] | You ready to do this? | 准备好了吗 |
| [15:14] | No guts, no glory. | 不经历风雨 怎么见彩虹 |
| [15:15] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [15:17] | Ladies and gentleman, | 先生女士们 |
| [15:18] | this is your Halloween candy. | 这是你们的万圣节糖果 |
| [15:29] | Kate, what’s happening? | 凯蒂 什么情况 |
| [15:32] | I think he’s gonna take it away. | 我觉得他会把这都拿走 |
| [15:34] | Oh, no, no, no. Much worse. | 不不不 更糟 |
| [15:37] | I’m gonna take it away from two of you. | 我要把它从你们中的两人身边拿走 |
| [15:40] | Mom, you’re letting him do this? | 妈 你就随他这样吗 |
| [15:41] | Oh, absolutely. | 当然 |
| [15:44] | Whoever tells us about the hole | 谁告诉我们那个洞是什么回事 |
| [15:46] | gets it all. | 谁就能把这些全部拿走 |
| [15:47] | Every | 每 |
| [15:48] | single | 一 |
| [15:50] | piece. | 颗 |
| [15:53] | Okay, so you three have a decision to make. | 好吧 你们仨需要做决定了 |
| [15:57] | We’ll give you a couple minutes to decide. | 给你们几分钟 |
| [16:05] | We got to be strong. They’re bluffing. | 我们要坚定 他们只是在吓唬我们 |
| [16:07] | I’m taking the deal. | 我要答应他们的交易了 |
| [16:11] | Teddy, man up! | 泰迪 拿出点男人的样子 |
| [16:15] | That was incredible. | 真不可置信 |
| [16:16] | Can you see ’em? How do they look? | 你能看见他们吗 他们什么表情 |
| [16:18] | Oh, they’re rattled. | 他们慌乱着呢 |
| [16:20] | I like our chances. | 我喜欢占上风 |
| [16:26] | Okay, now we come to the big question. | 现在我们回到刚刚的问题 |
| [16:29] | Who wants the candy? | 谁想要这些糖果 |
| [16:36] | Here we go. | 要招了 |
| [16:42] | No deal. | 不成交 |
| [16:46] | What?! Okay, okay, | 什么 好 好 |
| [16:48] | no one’s leaving unless someone confesses. | 要是你们都不招 谁都不能离开这 |
| [16:51] | I don’t even care if they’re lying now. | 他们随便撒个谎我都不会追究 |
| [16:54] | What are we doing? | 我们究竟在干什么 |
| [16:55] | I mean, we are tearing this family apart. | 我们在分裂这个家 |
| [16:58] | And why? Just because of-of some tiny hole in the wall? | 为什么呢 就因为墙上那个小小的洞吗 |
| [17:02] | I mean, | 我意思是 |
| [17:03] | I just… I can’t do this anymore. | 我受不了这些了 |
| [17:05] | All we ever do is fight. | 我们就只会斗 |
| [17:07] | And it’s all my fault. | 都是我的错 |
| [17:11] | Okay, honey, what’s happening? | 亲爱的 发生了什么 |
| [17:17] | Mom, don’t cry. | 妈妈 不要哭了 |
| [17:21] | It’s my fault. | 是我的错 |
| [17:23] | I made the hole. | 洞是我弄的 |
| [17:29] | It’s my fault, too. | 也是我的错 |
| [17:30] | I took the skateboard out of the cubby and dared him to ride it. | 是我把滑板从小房间拿出来 还说他不敢滑 |
| [17:34] | Come on, Mom, please stop crying. | 妈妈 求你不要哭了 |
| [17:36] | And that’s how you do that. | 目的达成 |
| [17:42] | What? | 什么 |
| [17:46] | Wait, you were faking? No fair! | 等等 你是装的 不公平 |
| [17:48] | You left me no choice. | 是你们逼我的 |
| [17:50] | They’re all yours. | 接下来归你了 |
| [17:54] | Y-Yeah, yeah. Uh, Katie, Teddy, | 好 好的 凯蒂 泰迪 |
| [17:56] | you are grounded, uh, for two weeks. | 你们被禁足了 两周 |
| [17:58] | No phones, no computers. | 没有手机 没有电脑 |
| [18:02] | Emme, you’re cute. | 艾米 你是小可爱 |
| [18:04] | Grab a lollipop and go play. | 拿个棒棒糖去玩吧 |
| [18:07] | – Well, that was a fun game. – Yeah. | -这游戏真有趣 -是啊 |
| [18:12] | Where did that come from? | 你是怎么想到的 |
| [18:13] | Eh, well, when all else fails, Mama cries. | 别的都不灵 就只有妈咪哭了 |
| [18:16] | Well, you scared me. I almost said I made the hole. | 你吓到我了 我都差点说那洞是我弄的了 |
| [18:22] | Well, when I saw the candy thing going south, | 我看糖果解决不了问题 |
| [18:23] | I knew I had to pull out the big guns. | 就知道得使大招了 |
| [18:25] | Yeah, but now you told ’em. So we can never use it again. | 但他们现在知道了 我们以后都用不了了 |
| [18:28] | No, no, no, not true. It always works. | 不不不 这招永远都有用 |
| [18:30] | Because what if I’m really crying? | 因为他们不知道我是真哭还是假哭 |
| [18:33] | Yeah… | 是哦 |
| [18:36] | Those dopes’ll fall for it every time. | 那些小傻瓜每次都会信的 |
| [18:41] | Wait, have you ever used that on me? | 等等 你是不是也对我用过这招 |
| [18:45] | No. | 没有 |
| [18:48] | Hold on, hold on. | 等等 |
| [18:50] | That time you cried to get me to go see the Dixie Chicks, | 你上回哭着让我去看”南方小鸡”演出 |
| [18:53] | fake or real? | 假还是真 |
| [18:56] | Super fake. | 绝对的假 |
| [18:58] | Uh, hot air balloon ride to see the fall foliage? | 那乘热气球去看秋叶那次 |
| [19:02] | Fake-a-rooney. | 妥妥的假 |
| [19:06] | Four days at the bed-and-breakfast | 住在住宿加早餐家庭旅馆的那四天 |
| [19:09] | with no TV when the Penguins were in the play-offs? | 没有电视 看不了匹兹堡企鹅队的加时赛 |
| [19:12] | Oh, no, no, no, babe, that was real. | 不不不 亲爱的 那回是真的 |
| [19:16] | Good. | 还好 |
| [19:17] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [19:33] | Hey, hon. | 亲爱的 |
| [19:34] | Oh, remember, you need to get your suit dry-cleaned | 对了 记得去把你的西服干洗了 |
| [19:36] | for my high school reunion this weekend. | 这周末要参加我的高中同学聚会 |
| [19:40] | That’s this weekend? | 是这周末吗 |
| [19:42] | Ooh, I don’t think I can make it. I… | 我好像去不了了 |
| [19:44] | Honey, you said you’d go with me. | 亲爱的 你说了你会陪我去的 |
| [19:46] | Yeah, but that was before you told me about you and that guy | 是的 但现在我知道了你和那个人 |
| [19:49] | in your parents’ bed. | 在你父母床上干的事 |
| [19:54] | I mean, | 我是说 |
| [19:55] | if I have to walk in there… | 如果我去了 |
| [20:01] | …and meet that guy… | 碰到那个人 |
| [20:04] | He could fall in love with you all over again. | 他还有可能会重新爱上你 |
| [20:21] | You… bringing up that guy really hurts my feelings, Adam. | 你提起那个人真的有点伤到我了 亚当 |
| [20:26] | I mean… | 我是说 |
| [20:28] | that was a long time ago, you know? | 那是很久以前的事了 |
| [20:29] | I mean, way before I met you. | 远在我遇见你之前 |
| [20:33] | I mean, it’s not like you didn’t have other girlfriends, too, | 而且也不是你在我之前没有其他女朋友 |
| [20:35] | you know? | 你知道吗 |
| [20:36] | Oh, I’m-I’m sorry. I’m sorry. | 对不起 对不起 |
| [20:38] | I didn’t mean… Oh-oh, of course I’ll go. | 我不是故意让你难受的 我当然会去的 |
| [20:42] | Told you it’d work again. | 就告诉你这招永远有用吧 |