| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | Hey! How was lunch? | 回来啦 午餐吃得如何 |
| [00:05] | Oh, well, your dad wanted to go to the Chinese buffet. | 你爸想去吃中餐自助 |
| [00:08] | It was all-you-can-eat, | 上面写着随便吃 |
| [00:09] | and we took that as a challenge. | 于是我们把它当成了挑战 |
| [00:12] | It was like the war. | 就跟打仗时一样 |
| [00:13] | I went into the jungle innocent and hopeful, | 我满怀希望又天真地进了丛林 |
| [00:15] | and I came out just looking for a bathroom. | 然后为了找厕所跑了出来 |
| [00:19] | And we blame you. | 都怪你 |
| [00:20] | Hey, before I pulled in, | 我停车之前 |
| [00:21] | I asked, “Are we really doing this?” | 问过你们 “真的要去吗” |
| [00:23] | And I got nods from you and you. | 然后你们俩都点头了 |
| [00:25] | We all knew what we were getting into. | 大家都应该有心理准备 |
| [00:28] | What’s this? | 这是什么 |
| [00:29] | Oh, that got delivered while you were out. | 你们不在的时候送来的 |
| [00:31] | Ooh, let’s see what we got. | 来看看是什么东西 |
| [00:37] | April fools! | 愚人节快乐 |
| [00:39] | You almost scared the all-you-can-eat out of me. | 你们差点吓得我把”随便吃”都吐出来了 |
| [00:43] | Hey, Dad started it. | 是老爸先开始的 |
| [00:45] | Look what he did to us. | 你看他对我们做了什么 |
| [00:47] | Yeah, this morning I hit ’em with the old sneaker snake. | 没错 今天早上我玩了鞋带串恶作剧 |
| [00:51] | But guys, listen, I want to have a serious discussion with you | 但是我想严肃地跟你们谈一下 |
| [00:54] | about this April Fools’ stuff. | 愚人节恶作剧的事 |
| [00:55] | That’s right. | 没错 |
| [00:57] | I am so proud of you. | 我… 为你们感到骄傲 |
| [00:59] | What? | 什么 |
| [01:00] | No, no, don’t encourage that. | 不要 别鼓励他们 |
| [01:02] | Oh, come on, it’s just good, clean family fun. | 好了 就是一家人在一起玩一玩 |
| [01:05] | We’ve been pranking each other for years. | 我们好多年来都一直互相恶作剧 |
| [01:07] | Yeah, I taught your dad everything he knows. | 没错 我把毕生所学都教给你爸了 |
| [01:09] | Remember the time I sewed the legholes of your underwear shut? | 记不记得有次我把你内裤的腿洞缝上了 |
| [01:14] | Yeah. | 记得 |
| [01:15] | I hopped around for 20 minutes and finally got one leg | 我跳了二十分钟才伸了一条腿进去 |
| [01:17] | through the flap hole in the front. | 进的是前面开的洞 |
| [01:20] | How about the time you put the fake dog poop on my bed? | 还有那次你在我床上放了一坨假狗屎 |
| [01:24] | We didn’t have the money for fake dog poop. | 我们哪有钱买假狗屎 |
| [01:27] | What? | 什么 |
| [01:29] | Oh, you still got it. | 真是宝刀未老 |
| [01:31] | He still got it. | 还在玩 |
| [01:35] | Having a little prank war with the kids, huh? | 你在跟孩子们玩恶作剧之战吗 |
| [01:37] | Yeah, you’re living the dream. | 真是人生赢家哪 |
| [01:39] | Ah, see? I’m not the only one who likes this stuff. | 你看 不止我们喜欢恶作剧 |
| [01:42] | I go through this with you every year, | 我每年都看你玩这个 |
| [01:43] | and I still don’t understand why you like it. | 但还是不理解你为什么喜欢 |
| [01:45] | Well, I don’t know. It’s fun. | 我也说不好 因为好玩啊 |
| [01:47] | You love fun. You’re fun-loving. | 你也喜欢玩 你很爱玩 |
| [01:51] | You know, like Marcy used to be. | 对啊 就跟玛茜以前一样 |
| [01:55] | I was fun, | 我以前很爱玩 |
| [01:56] | but then something made me tired. | 但后来忽然觉得很疲惫 |
| [02:00] | Well, there’s just got to be more of a reason than just fun. | 这背后的原因肯定不止是好玩 |
| [02:03] | Look, not everything has a deeper meaning. | 并不是每件事都有很深的原因 |
| [02:05] | It’s those books you read. | 你总看那些书 |
| [02:07] | You got to get out of the self-help aisle | 你不能总在励志书籍栏转悠 |
| [02:08] | and come join the rest of us over by the comic books. | 来跟我们一起看动漫书吧 |
| [02:13] | Last time I took you to a bookstore, | 上次我带你去书店 |
| [02:14] | you laid on the floor like a five-year-old. | 你像五岁小孩一样躺在了地上 |
| [02:17] | It was boring. | 太无聊了嘛 |
| [02:21] | Look, I think the problem is you don’t like pranks | 我知道你不喜欢恶作剧的原因 |
| [02:23] | because of that little thing with your sister. | 是因为跟你姐姐的那件小事 |
| [02:25] | That was not a little thing. | 那可不是什么小事 |
| [02:27] | All right, when I was seven, | 是这样 我七岁的时候 |
| [02:29] | my sister told me that my room was haunted | 我姐跟我说我房间闹鬼 |
| [02:31] | by the ghost of a lady with a hook hand. | 是一个长着钩子手的女鬼 |
| [02:35] | She lost her wedding ring | 她的婚戒丢了 |
| [02:36] | ’cause it kept sliding off the hook. | 因为总是从钩子上滑下去 |
| [02:39] | And she would sneak into my room every night | 所以她每天晚上都会去我房间 |
| [02:42] | and search for it. | 到处找戒指 |
| [02:45] | That’s ridiculous. | 太荒谬了 |
| [02:48] | – Who would marry a lady with a hook hand? – Okay. | -谁会娶一个钩子手当老婆 -好吧 |
| [02:54] | Anyway, then my sister would come in | 反正我姐就总是趁我睡着 |
| [02:57] | while I was sleeping and open all the drawers, | 溜进我房间 把抽屉全部打开 |
| [02:59] | just like a hook-handed ghost would do. | 就像钩子女鬼打开的一样 |
| [03:02] | And that’s why I used to wet the bed, | 所以我以前总是尿床 |
| [03:05] | not because of some social issue, Mom. | 不是因为什么社交问题 妈 |
| [03:09] | Yeah, but that’s because your sister did it wrong. | 好吧 这是因为你姐姐玩错了 |
| [03:11] | You were too young for a scary prank. | 你当时那么小 不该玩恐怖恶作剧 |
| [03:13] | No one’s gonna laugh at that. | 谁能笑得出来呢 |
| [03:15] | Well, you laughed the first time I told you. | 我第一次跟你讲的时候你就笑了 |
| [03:18] | But that… but that’s because you told it funny. | 但那是 那是因为你讲得好笑 |
| [03:20] | You’re a great storyteller. | 你很擅长讲故事 |
| [03:23] | You know, back when we were dating, | 我们谈恋爱的时候 |
| [03:25] | Don used to fake propose to me at dinner. | 大唐总是在晚餐时假装跟我求婚 |
| [03:29] | I’d get down on one knee at the table, and I’d say, | 我会单膝跪在桌前 然后深情地说 |
| [03:32] | “Darling, will you spend the rest of… | “亲爱的 你是否愿意… |
| [03:34] | – these nachos with me”” – “These nachos with me?” | -和我一起吃完玉米片” -“一起吃完玉米片” |
| [03:38] | Mom, something’s wrong with my mouth. | 妈 我的嘴不对劲 |
| [03:40] | Oh, my God. | 我的天哪 |
| [03:41] | – April fools. – April fools. | -愚人节快乐 -愚人节快乐 |
| [03:47] | Wait, what? | 怎么回事 |
| [03:48] | We got you. | 我们骗到你了 |
| [03:49] | That’s joke shop toothpaste. | 那是恶作剧店买的牙膏 |
| [03:51] | You were right, her face was funny. | 你说得对 她的表情确实很好笑 |
| [03:55] | I just thought your teeth were so surprised to see a toothbrush | 我以为你的牙太久没见牙刷 |
| [03:57] | that your mouth exploded. | 所以整张嘴爆掉了 |
| [04:00] | That is a classic. Me and my dad got my mom with that one. | 这个很经典 我和我爸用这个整过我妈 |
| [04:04] | Oh, so this was your idea. | 原来这是你的主意 |
| [04:05] | Hey, this is some beautiful, | 这种文化代代传承 |
| [04:07] | intergenerational magic here. | 多么美好啊 |
| [04:10] | How can you like The Lion King and not this? | 你明明喜欢《狮子王》怎么会不喜欢这个 |
| [04:14] | Okay, don’t talk about The Lion King to me, | 你别跟我提狮子王 |
| [04:16] | because you, sir, are no Mufasa. Okay? | 因为你 绝对不是木法沙 好吗 |
| [04:20] | Now, come on, let’s go get you cleaned up. | 来吧 我帮你洗洗 |
| [04:22] | I’ll help. I’m good at getting blood out of things. | 我来帮忙 我很擅长清理血迹 |
| [04:26] | Don always forgets how tall he is. | 大唐总是忘记自己有多高 |
| [04:30] | That’s a shame, but it’s not your fault | 真可惜 不过这也不怪你 |
| [04:32] | you got the one gal who wet her bed over pranks. | 谁让你找了个被恶作剧吓尿床的妞 |
| [04:36] | I think I can turn her around. | 我应该能说服她 |
| [04:37] | I don’t know. Once a bed wetter, always a bed wetter. | 算了吧 一朝被鬼吓 十年尿湿床 |
| [04:42] | No, she hasn’t done that since she was a kid. | 不 她也就小时候尿过床 |
| [04:44] | A-And one time on an airplane when I was tickling her. | 还有一次是我在飞机上挠她痒痒 |
| [04:48] | Yeah. | 好吧 |
| [04:49] | Look, all I’m saying is we all love pranks, right? | 我想说的是 我们都很喜欢恶作剧 |
| [04:51] | But Andi thinks she doesn’t | 但安迪觉得自己不喜欢 |
| [04:52] | because her sister screwed her up. | 因为她姐姐欺负了她 |
| [04:54] | So I just need to find one that she thinks is funny, | 我只要找到一个她喜欢的恶作剧 |
| [04:57] | and she’ll see that she’s wrong. | 她就会知道自己错了 |
| [04:59] | Yeah. | 好 |
| [05:02] | If there’s one thing wives love, | 要说妻子们喜欢什么 |
| [05:04] | it’s being taught a lesson. | 那绝对是丈夫证明自己错了 |
| [05:18] | Look, we got to think of a fun prank for Andi. | 我们得给安迪想一个搞笑的恶作剧 |
| [05:20] | Something lighthearted to ease her in. | 要先温柔一点 让她适应一下 |
| [05:24] | She loves animals. | 她喜欢动物 |
| [05:25] | So throw a fish in the tub with her. | 那她泡澡的时候扔一条鱼进去 |
| [05:29] | Uh, no, thanks. | 不用了 谢谢 |
| [05:30] | I think I’ll stay married. | 我还不想离婚 |
| [05:34] | Joy, Rudy, what’s going on? | 高兴 鲁迪 你们好 |
| [05:36] | I’m annoyed. And I was having a perfectly good day. | 我很生气 本来我心情挺好的 |
| [05:39] | – Which is rare. – Rudy. | -特别罕见 -鲁迪 |
| [05:41] | And what shows up in my mailbox for the third month in a row? | 你知道我在邮箱里看到什么吗 已经连续三次了 |
| [05:44] | – Your redneck racecar magazine. – Yeah. | -你这乡巴佬的赛车杂志 -好 |
| [05:47] | You know, | 我说 |
| [05:48] | I am so tired of walking over here. | 我真受不了每次都要走过来 |
| [05:49] | Why don’t you just change the address? | 你能不能把地址改一下 |
| [05:51] | Joy, if I did that, we wouldn’t have this. | 高兴 要是我改了 咱们还能这样吗 |
| [05:57] | Now, tell you what, honey, why don’t you run home? | 这样吧 亲爱的 要不你先回家 |
| [05:58] | I’ll stay here and yell at Adam. | 我留在这里吼亚当 |
| [06:00] | Okay, but don’t be afraid to get personal. | 好 你可以对他进行人身攻击 |
| [06:04] | You can start with that shirt he’s wearing. | 比如他穿的这件破衬衣 |
| [06:08] | That is the ugliest shirt I’ve ever seen in my entire life! | 你这衬衣真是我这辈子见过最丑的 |
| [06:12] | She bought me the same shirt for Christmas. | 她圣诞节刚送了我一件一模一样的 |
| [06:15] | So how long does she expect you to yell at me? | 她希望你吼我多长时间 |
| [06:17] | I can stretch it out about 15 minutes. | 应该能拖到15分钟左右 |
| [06:20] | That is three beers if we focus. Come with me. | 要是专心的话能喝三瓶啤酒 来吧 |
| [06:23] | Come on. | 来 |
| [06:25] | Check out Adam’s well-behaved kids. | 看看亚当家孩子多乖 |
| [06:27] | There’s a real Children of the Corn vibe, huh? | 是不是挺有《玉米田的孩子》的气场[恐怖片] |
| [06:30] | Okay, there’s no vibe. | 没什么气场 |
| [06:32] | They just respect me as a parent. | 他们只是很尊敬我 |
| [06:38] | We got you, Dad. | 整到你了 老爸 |
| [06:39] | Oh, you sure did. | 绝对的 |
| [06:41] | I don’t know if it’s pride or the beer in my eye, | 我不知道是自尊受伤还是眼睛进了啤酒 |
| [06:44] | but I’m tearing up. | 我满眼都是泪水 |
| [06:47] | Hey, you taught us well. | 是你教得好 |
| [06:50] | That was pretty impressive. | 真的挺厉害的 |
| [06:51] | I wonder how they knew which one would be your beer. | 可他们怎么知道哪瓶啤酒是你的呢 |
| [06:59] | Okay, I see what they did. | 好吧 我知道怎么回事了 |
| [07:06] | Oh, here she comes. | 她来了 |
| [07:07] | Hey, kids, how about a snack? | 孩子们 吃点零食怎么样 |
| [07:12] | – Hey, honey. – Hey. | -亲爱的 -嗨 |
| [07:14] | I, uh, just made the kids some cereal. | 我给孩子们做了点麦片 |
| [07:25] | See, I froze it. | 你看 我冷冻了 |
| [07:26] | Your children are disappointed and confused. | 你的孩子们又失望又费解 |
| [07:28] | That’s fun. | 真好笑 |
| [07:32] | I’m sorry, Adam. | 抱歉 亚当 |
| [07:33] | I-I want to love it, but I just don’t. | 我很想喜欢它 但真的不喜欢 |
| [07:37] | Kind of like quinoa. | 就像藜麦 |
| [07:40] | All right. All right. Uh, here. | 好吧 那这样吧 |
| [07:43] | How about a cup of tea as a peace offering. | 我给你冲了杯茶 就当赔礼道歉了 |
| [07:46] | Yeah. Aw, that’s sweet. Thank you. | 好吧 你真好 谢谢 |
| [07:52] | Mommy got owned. | 妈妈被玩咯 |
| [07:57] | See, you thought you were getting tea, | 你看 你以为能喝到茶 |
| [07:58] | – but it’s frozen, too. – Yes. Yes. | -但是也冻住了 -好 好 |
| [08:02] | Yes, I get it. | 我懂了 |
| [08:02] | You’ve been home all day | 你今天待在家里 |
| [08:03] | freezing things your family loves. | 就是把大家喜欢的都冻住了 |
| [08:06] | Uh, guys, I want to talk to Daddy for a minute. | 孩子们 我想跟爸爸聊一聊 |
| [08:13] | I don’t hate this. | 还挺好吃的 |
| [08:17] | Okay, maybe you’re not appreciating the thoughtfulness here. | 好吧 也许你没感受到这里面的贴心 |
| [08:21] | See, I know that every time you come home from grocery shopping, | 你看 我知道你每次采购完回来 |
| [08:25] | you make yourself tea. | 都要给自己冲一杯茶 |
| [08:26] | And I also know | 我也知道 |
| [08:27] | that you take the tea bag out before you drink it. | 你在喝之前会把茶包拿出来 |
| [08:30] | So if you think about it, | 所以仔细想想 |
| [08:32] | it’s like a love letter. | 就像情书一样 |
| [08:36] | Okay, Adam, I need you to understand | 好 亚当 我希望你能够理解 |
| [08:39] | how I feel about this. Okay? | 我对这件事的看法 好吗 |
| [08:41] | I hate pranks like… | 我讨厌恶作剧 |
| [08:43] | you hate country western line dancing. | 就像你讨厌乡村音乐队列舞一样 |
| [08:46] | Ooh, I hate that so much. | 我好讨厌那个 |
| [08:49] | I know, which is why we don’t do it | 我知道 所以我们从来不跳 |
| [08:51] | even though I am never more alive | 虽然我特别享受 |
| [08:53] | than when I’m dancing in a line | 听着关于威士忌和挡泥板的音乐 |
| [08:54] | to a song about whiskey and mud flaps. | 在一个队列里跳舞的感觉 |
| [08:57] | I love it, but I respect that you don’t. | 我很喜欢 但我尊敬你不喜欢 |
| [08:59] | Then let’s not talk about it. | 那就别说这个了 |
| [09:00] | I don’t even like talking about it. | 我连聊都不想聊起 |
| [09:04] | But if we’re gonna do things | 但如果我们一直做 |
| [09:05] | that the other person doesn’t like, | 彼此不喜欢的事情 |
| [09:06] | then I don’t have to respect that anymore. | 那我就没必要尊敬你的喜好了 |
| [09:08] | I can go right upstairs | 我可以直接上楼 |
| [09:09] | and snap you into your cowboy shirt. | 让你穿上牛仔服 |
| [09:14] | You wouldn’t. | 你不会的 |
| [09:16] | Oh, I would. Yeah. | 我会的 绝对会 |
| [09:18] | So please play another prank, | 你再玩一次恶作剧吧 |
| [09:20] | because I really want to go line dancing. | 因为我真的很想去跳队列舞 |
| [09:26] | Geez, you play rough. | 天哪 你出手可真狠 |
| [09:30] | Okay, come on, guys. | 抓紧时间 孩子们 |
| [09:31] | Grandpa will be here any minute to take you to school. | 爷爷马上就来送你们上学了 |
| [09:33] | Hey, Dad, you really got us good with that cereal thing. | 爸 你的冻麦片恶作剧真的整到我们了 |
| [09:36] | Oh, yeah, we wanted to show you there were no hard feelings, | 对 我们想让你知道我们不介意 |
| [09:38] | so we got you this million-dollar lottery scratcher. | 所以给你买了奖金一百万的刮刮乐彩票 |
| [09:45] | Good luck, Daddy. | 祝你好运 爸爸 |
| [09:47] | Guys, come on. Huh? | 得了吧 |
| [09:49] | You don’t give someone who doesn’t even do scratchers | 现在是恶作剧之战 而且我根本不买彩票 |
| [09:52] | a scratcher in the middle of a prank war. | 你们怎么能送我一张彩票呢 |
| [09:55] | I know this is one of those fake winners. | 这肯定是那种假的获奖彩票 |
| [09:59] | Dang it. You’re too good. | 该死 你太厉害了 |
| [10:02] | Well, I didn’t want to say it, but I’m glad you did. | 我不想这么说 但你说出来我很开心 |
| [10:06] | All right, let’s go. | 好了 走吧 |
| [10:07] | All right, thanks for taking the kids to school. | 好了 谢谢你送孩子们去学校 |
| [10:09] | Oh, you’re my boy. | 你是我儿子 |
| [10:10] | There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. | 为你做什么都行 |
| [10:17] | Nice try, Dad. | 想得美 爸 |
| [10:19] | Danger Gas leak. Boy. | 危险 毒气泄漏 男 |
| [10:21] | If that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black. | 都是千年的狐狸 跟我玩什么聊斋 |
| [10:24] | Well, I had to give it a shot. | 我总得试一试 |
| [10:26] | I mean, we’re the Burns family. | 我们可是姓伯恩斯 |
| [10:27] | We’ve been accusing each other | 打从盘古开天地的时候 |
| [10:28] | of gas leaks since the Pilgrims came over. | 我们就开始说对方毒气泄漏了 |
| [10:31] | You’ve got to get up pretty early to out-prank me. | 想整到我 你可得早点起床多下功夫了 |
| [10:34] | All right, have a good day, kids. | 好的 过得愉快 孩子们 |
| [10:42] | You got to get up really early to out-prank me. | 想整到我 你可得早点起床多下功夫了 |
| [10:45] | Seriously, I can’t sleep past 4:00 a.M. | 说真的 到四点我就睡不着了 |
| [10:49] | Old age– that’s God’s prank. | 变老 就是上帝的恶作剧 |
| [10:57] | Man, I was just at the bank, | 天啊 我刚刚去银行了 |
| [10:58] | and everyone was smiling at me. | 所有人都对着我笑 |
| [11:01] | I think people are getting nicer. | 我觉得大家越来越友善了 |
| [11:04] | Well, no. | 不是 |
| [11:05] | Try cutting out dairy. That worked for me. | 少吃乳制品吧 我不吃就好了 |
| [11:09] | Dad distracted me with the first sign | 老爸玩了一招声东击西 |
| [11:10] | so I’d fall for this one. | 所以我才中计了 |
| [11:12] | Yesterday he put a bouillon cube in my shower head. | 昨天他在我的花洒头里放了块浓汤宝 |
| [11:14] | I tried to cover up the soup smell with cologne, | 我试图喷香水掩盖掉浓汤的味道 |
| [11:17] | but I just smelled like a chicken going on a date. | 结果味道成了一只想去约会的鸡 |
| [11:20] | So the old man got both of us. | 所以老头把我们俩都整了 |
| [11:21] | You know, he can put all this together, | 他能搞得出这些花样 |
| [11:23] | but he can’t remember where he parked at the mall. | 却记不起来在商场把车停哪了 |
| [11:26] | I know Andi said no more pranks, but we got to get him back. | 虽然安迪说过不许再整人 但我们必须报复回来 |
| [11:28] | I can help. I’m quite the mischievous prank artist myself. | 我可以帮忙 我也是个淘气的整人大师 |
| [11:32] | I once switched my wife’s lotion | 有一次 我把我老婆的润肤乳 |
| [11:34] | from lavender to violet. | 从薰衣草味换成了紫罗兰味 |
| [11:36] | – Get out. – Yeah. | -不是吧 -是的 |
| [11:37] | Had she noticed the difference, | 她察觉出来以后 |
| [11:39] | it would have been pretty wild. | 结果相当狂野 |
| [11:43] | Sure. Yeah. You know, | 当然了 是的 |
| [11:45] | Dad loves scratchers, | 老爸喜欢刮刮乐彩票 |
| [11:46] | and my kids tried to give me a fake winner this morning. | 今天早上我家孩子们想送我一张假的中奖彩票 |
| [11:49] | Oh, that’s good. He’s got a bunch lying around. | 太棒了 他那里有一大堆 |
| [11:52] | We can slip the fake one into the pile | 我们只需要把这张混进彩票堆里 |
| [11:54] | – and wait for the fun. – Okay, great. | -就等着看好戏了 -好的 太棒了 |
| [11:56] | So after work, we’ll grab it and then head over to his place. | 下班以后 我回家取彩票 然后去他家 |
| [11:58] | This is so weird. | 这就奇了怪了 |
| [12:00] | I remember leaving that lottery scratcher right here. | 我记得把刮刮乐放这了 |
| [12:03] | Hey, honey. Hey. | 亲爱的 |
| [12:05] | I have to tell you, it is really nice | 我必须要告诉你 |
| [12:07] | to be in a prank-free house. | 待在无恶作剧的家感觉真好 |
| [12:09] | So thank you for respecting how I feel. | 谢谢你尊重我的感受 |
| [12:12] | I’d thank you in a handsier way, but your brother’s here. | 我愿意亲身感谢你 不过你哥哥在 |
| [12:17] | I could turn around. | 我可以转过去 |
| [12:20] | Oh, I’m not falling for that again. | 这招对我不好使了 |
| [12:23] | Hey, uh, did you by any chance see a lottery scratcher lying around? | 你看到放在这里的一张刮刮乐了吗 |
| [12:27] | Oh, yeah. I gave it to Joy. | 看到了 我给高兴了 |
| [12:33] | What? | 什么 |
| [12:34] | Yeah, well, I got her a card to apologize for your magazines, | 我送错杂志的事 写了张道歉卡 |
| [12:36] | and I… you know, I put it in as a token of good will. | 然后就放进去了 求个好彩头 |
| [12:38] | I just dropped it in her mailbox. | 刚刚放到她家邮箱里了 |
| [12:42] | That is so thoughtful. | 你好贴心啊 |
| [12:43] | Well, it just feels good to do good, you know? | 做好事的感觉特别好 知道吗 |
| [12:47] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [12:49] | Good. | 真好 |
| [12:50] | – This is not good. – No. | -一点都不好 -不要 |
| [12:52] | The only reason that scratcher was here | 刮刮乐会出现在这里的唯一原因 |
| [12:53] | was because I started a prank war. | 是我挑起的整人大战 |
| [12:55] | If Andi finds out about this, | 如果安迪发现了 |
| [12:57] | she’ll be so mad, she’ll make me put on chaps. | 她会气炸的 然后逼我穿皮套裤 |
| [13:01] | Okay. I don’t need to hear how you guys work your stuff out. | 听着 我不需要听你们俩之间的细节 |
| [13:05] | Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. | 等一下 等一下 |
| [13:06] | Andi just put it in Joy’s mailbox, right? | 她刚刚才放进高兴家的信箱 对吧 |
| [13:09] | Yeah. So all we got to do is get it out of the mailbox | 所以我们只需要从信箱里拿出来 |
| [13:11] | before Joy sees it, and we’re home free. | 赶在高兴看到之前 我们就万事大吉了 |
| [13:13] | Now you’re thinking. – | 你想得对啊 |
| [13:14] | Yeah. That means no yelling, no stupid line dancing. | 这就意味着没人吼我 没有愚蠢的队列舞 |
| [13:16] | I mean, if I’m dancing, I do my own thing. | 我是说 我要跳舞 我有自己的动作 |
| [13:18] | I go where my hips lead me. | 我会让屁股带动我 |
| [13:22] | You know what I mean? | 懂我的意思吗 |
| [13:22] | One for you, one for you, one for you, one for you. | 一下给你 一下给你 一下给你 一下给你 |
| [13:30] | All right, let’s just get the scratcher out of the mailbox | 好的 趁高兴发现之前 |
| [13:32] | before Joy finds it. | 我们把刮刮乐拿出来 |
| [13:34] | – Is it in there? – Yeah, yeah, I see it at the bottom. | -在里面吗 -在 我看到在底下了 |
| [13:37] | All right, reach in. | 好的 够出来 |
| [13:38] | I’d do it, but my hands are too big. You have dainty hands. | 我愿意够 可是我的手太大了 你的手比较秀气 |
| [13:41] | I don’t have dainty hands. | 我的手才不秀气 |
| [13:43] | I’m normal-sized. You’re the one who looks like | 这是正常尺寸 你的手看起来像 |
| [13:45] | he should be swatting airplanes out of the sky. | 坐在帝国大厦顶上拍飞机的手 |
| [13:52] | Okay, I feel the card, okay? | 好的 我摸到卡了 |
| [13:54] | It’s coming. It’s coming. | 快出来了 快出来了 |
| [13:57] | – And my hand’s stuck. My hand’s stuck! – All right. All right. | -我的手卡住了 我的手卡住了 -好的好的 |
| [13:59] | Don’t panic. We’re two intelligent adults. | 别慌 我们是两个聪明的成人 |
| [14:02] | I have an idea. | 我有个主意 |
| [14:02] | What? Ow! | 干嘛 |
| [14:05] | Okay, that did not work. | 好的 不好用 |
| [14:07] | – Cross it off the list. – Okay. | -从列表里划掉 -好 |
| [14:09] | Let’s just unbolt the whole thing, bring it to my house, | 我们把它整个拔出来 带到你家去 |
| [14:11] | and we’ll take it apart. Grab my Leatherman. | 在想办法分开 把我的工具拿出来 |
| [14:14] | It’s in my back pocket. I can’t reach it. – | 在我后兜里 我够不到 |
| [14:15] | Well, no. I’m not touching your butt. | 不要 我才不要摸你屁股 |
| [14:16] | This is a family neighborhood. | 附近还有老人孩子呢 |
| [14:18] | Will you please?! | 拜托你了 |
| [14:19] | – I got my hand stuck in a mailbox here. – Right. | -我的手卡到邮箱里了 -行吧 |
| [14:25] | Don’t flex it. You’re making the pocket tight. | 那你别弯腰 兜更紧了 |
| [14:27] | Just relax and let it happen. | 你放松 让它顺其自然 |
| [14:39] | What are you doing with my mailbox? | 你拿我的邮箱干嘛 |
| [14:41] | I figured, this way, if Joy sees hers is missing, | 我这么想的 要是高兴看到邮箱丢了 |
| [14:44] | you can say there’s a mailbox thief on the loose. | 你可以说有专偷邮箱的贼出没 |
| [14:46] | You know what? Don’t freelance. | 你听着 你少发挥创意了 |
| [14:50] | Aha! I got it. What? | 我拿到了 什么 |
| [14:52] | Wait. This isn’t Andi’s thank you note. | 等等 这不是安迪的感谢卡 |
| [14:53] | It’s a renewal card from my magazine. | 这是我订的杂志发的续订卡 |
| [14:56] | Oh. That means Joy already has the scratcher. | 这就说明高兴已经拿到了刮刮卡 |
| [14:59] | I told you this wouldn’t work. | 我就说这样不行吧 |
| [15:01] | You never said that. | 你从来没说过 |
| [15:03] | Now I got to go in there and come clean with Andi | 现在我只能进去跟安迪坦白了 |
| [15:04] | before Joy thinks she won a million dollars. | 别让高兴以为自己赢了一百万美元 |
| [15:07] | Come on. Let me do the talking. | 走吧 让我去跟她说 |
| [15:09] | – Bringing the mailbox, right? – No! No! | -带上邮箱吗 -不带 不带 |
| [15:11] | Put that down. | 把它方向 |
| [15:14] | Andi. | 安迪 |
| [15:15] | Oh, good. Everyone’s here. | 好吧 大家都来了 |
| [15:18] | Adam, we’re rich! | 亚当 我们发财了 |
| [15:20] | Great. I’m so happy for you, I need to be alone. Come on, Don. | 太好了 我真为你们高兴 我需要一个人待会儿 大唐走 |
| [15:24] | Wait. No. Wait, wait, wait. Honey, | 等等 别走 等等 亲爱的 |
| [15:26] | you are not gonna believe this. | 说出来你肯定不信 |
| [15:27] | Okay, you know that scratcher I gave Joy? | 你知道我给高兴的那张刮刮乐吗 |
| [15:29] | – Never heard of it. – This is all new to me. | -从来没听过 -这些我都是第一次听说 |
| [15:30] | I don’t know about Adam, though. | 不过我不知道亚当知不知道 |
| [15:33] | We won a million bucks! | 我们赢了一百万美元 |
| [15:35] | Yeah. I bought a boat. | 对 我买了艘船 |
| [15:38] | It’s so big, it’s got a little boat attached to it. | 船老大了 大到还能拴条小船 |
| [15:42] | And I… | 还有 |
| [15:42] | I quit my job. | 我辞职不干了 |
| [15:44] | I said all kinds of things to my boss. | 跟我的老板说了一大车的话 |
| [15:46] | Religious, I got a little racial. | 攻击了宗教 还有种族 |
| [15:49] | I burned bridges! | 断了回头路 |
| [15:52] | Oh, that’s good to hear. | 好消息 |
| [15:53] | Can I… can I talk to you for a second? | 我能 跟你谈一谈吗 |
| [15:55] | What’s going on? | 怎么了 |
| [15:56] | Joy and Rudy won a million dollars! | 高兴和鲁迪赢了一百万美元 |
| [16:02] | This is gonna change our life. | 这会改变我们的生活的 |
| [16:04] | We can move out of this crappy neighborhood. | 我们就能搬出这个烂社区了 |
| [16:06] | Yeah. | 对 |
| [16:07] | Yeah, somebody stole our mailbox. | 居然有人把我们家邮箱都偷走了 |
| [16:11] | And since you gave us this scratcher, | 既然是你们送的刮刮乐 |
| [16:13] | we want to give you $100,000 of it. | 我们决定给你十万美金 |
| [16:16] | What?! | 什么 |
| [16:18] | $100,000? We’re millionaires! | 十万美元 我们是百万富翁了 |
| [16:22] | Uh, Andi, I need to talk to you. | 安迪 我得跟你谈谈 |
| [16:24] | I-I-I… I really need to talk to you right now. | 我必须跟你马上谈谈 |
| [16:28] | So, about this mailbox thief– I was at the movies all day. | 关于这个偷邮箱的贼 我今天一直在电影院 |
| [16:32] | – What’s going on? – Joy’s scratcher is a fake. | -怎么回事 -高兴的刮刮乐是假的 |
| [16:35] | What?! | 什么 |
| [16:38] | Talking loud defeats the whole purpose of coming over here! | 你说这么大声 我们还过来干嘛 |
| [16:45] | Joy’s scratcher was a prank. You got to help me. | 高兴的刮刮乐是整人用的 你一定帮帮我 |
| [16:48] | This will devastate Joy and Rudy, and it’s all your fault. | 高兴和鲁迪会受不了的 这全是你的错 |
| [16:51] | Why should I help you? | 我为什么要帮你 |
| [16:52] | Because if Joy kills me, | 因为如果高兴杀了我 |
| [16:53] | you’re gonna have to raise our children by yourself, | 你就只能自己养孩子了 |
| [16:55] | and that will be exhausting! | 会非常累的 |
| [16:59] | – Adam. – Well, okay. | -亚当 -好吧 |
| [17:00] | You were right, okay? I screwed up. | 你是对的 好吗 我搞砸了 |
| [17:02] | I should have listened to you. Pranks aren’t fun. | 我应该听你的的 整人不好玩 |
| [17:05] | But if you please help me out here, I will never do one again. | 如果这件事你能救我 我再也不整人了 |
| [17:09] | – Good. – Okay. | -好的 -好 |
| [17:11] | Because April fools. | 愚人节快乐 |
| [17:16] | April fools! | 愚人节快乐 |
| [17:27] | This was all a prank? You pranked me? | 这都是整人的 你整了我 |
| [17:29] | And me. | 还有我 |
| [17:32] | I-I think? | 好像吧 |
| [17:34] | I don’t really know what’s going on. | 我并不知道这是怎么回事 |
| [17:36] | So I knew | 因为我知道 |
| [17:37] | you couldn’t quit on your own, | 你自己肯定不能改 |
| [17:38] | so I had the kids bring you the scratcher. | 所以我让孩子们把刮刮乐给你 |
| [17:40] | Which we knew you wouldn’t fall for. | 我们知道你不会信的 |
| [17:42] | And because you never put anything | 而且你从来不会把垃圾 |
| [17:43] | in the actual garbage can, | 扔进垃圾桶 |
| [17:44] | I knew you’d leave it lying around. | 我知道你肯定会到处乱放 |
| [17:46] | So we told Mom where you left it. | 所以我们告诉了妈妈你放在哪了 |
| [17:48] | And then I grabbed it, and told you that I gave it to Joy. | 我拿走了 再告诉你我把它给高兴了 |
| [17:51] | See, I used all the things that I know about you, so, | 我利用了我对你的了解 所以 |
| [17:54] | if you think about it… | 如果你仔细想想 |
| [17:59] | …it’s like a love letter. | 就像情书一样 |
| [18:08] | Okay, this is the last of it. Fake toothpaste. | 好吧 这是最后一些 假牙膏 |
| [18:13] | Bug in the ice cube. | 冰块里的虫子 |
| [18:17] | And this one hurts– snakes in a can. | 这个可厉害了 罐子里的蛇 |
| [18:23] | Hey, well, I’m proud of you, | 我为你骄傲 |
| [18:25] | but I still don’t get why you like this stuff so much. | 我还是不懂 你为什么喜欢这些东西 |
| [18:30] | And don’t say it’s because it’s fun. | 别告诉我因为好玩 |
| [18:32] | Look, it’s just a thing I always loved doing with my dad. | 我很喜欢跟我爸一起玩这些 |
| [18:36] | Most of the time if he was talking to me, | 大部分时间 只要他跟我说话 |
| [18:38] | he was mad about something, | 基本就是在生气 |
| [18:39] | but when we were doing pranks, we were laughing. | 可我们整人的时候 都是在笑 |
| [18:43] | And when he’d put pudding in my baseball glove, | 有次他把补丁放进我的棒球手套里 |
| [18:47] | yeah, it was funny, but it also meant | 没错 是很好玩 但也说明 |
| [18:51] | that he knew I liked baseball. | 他知道我喜欢打棒球 |
| [18:53] | And pudding. | 还有补丁 |
| [18:56] | Yeah, I was husky for a while. | 我以前挺强壮的 |
| [18:59] | So in a way, it’s how he told you that he loved you. | 这是某种 他表达爱你的方式 |
| [19:03] | I knew it was deep! | 我就知道有深层原因 |
| [19:08] | The self-help aisle is making a comeback! | 自助通道卷土重来了 |
| [19:11] | All right, all right. Nobody likes a touchdown dance. | 好吧好吧 没人喜欢触地得分舞 |
| [19:15] | Well, I know that you love me and the kids | 我知道你爱我跟孩子们 |
| [19:18] | because you say it all the time, okay? | 因为你会经常说出口 知道吗 |
| [19:20] | So please don’t show it with pranks anymore. | 所以请你不要再用整人来表达了 |
| [19:23] | All right, you got it. It’s all in the trash now. | 好的 没问题 现在都在垃圾桶里了 |
| [19:25] | Okay, good. All right, well, I’m gonna make us a cup of tea… | 好的 我去泡两杯茶喝 |
| [19:29] | …now that I know it’s safe again. | 现在我知道这是安全的了 |
| [19:51] | I f… I forgot about that one. | 我忘了还有它了 |
| [19:56] | I put a rubber band on the sprayer. | 我在龙头上绑了皮筋 |
| [20:01] | I’ll just go find my cowboy hat. | 我去把我的牛仔帽找出来 |
| [20:14] | Adam, we’re gonna be late. Come on! | 亚当 我们要迟到了 快点 |
| [20:26] | I did that. I dressed him. | 我的杰作 我给他穿的 |
| [20:30] | You look like Roy Rogers’ wife. | 你像牛仔罗伊·罗杰斯的老婆 |
| [20:33] | You told me nobody would be here. | 你说过不会有人来的 |
| [20:36] | I guess I do like pranks. | 看来我喜欢整人 |
| [20:39] | Come on, let’s go. | 走吧 |
| [20:43] | Just relax and let it happen. | 放轻松 顺其自然 |