| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:03] | Andi, is that you? | 安迪 是你吗 |
| [00:05] | Yeah. | 是 |
| [00:07] | I’m in the bathroom and I forgot my phone. | 我在厕所 忘记带手机了 |
| [00:09] | Ask me some trivia questions. | 你问我点脑筋急转弯吧 |
| [00:12] | Okay. Here’s one. | 好 我想到了 |
| [00:15] | Whose wife doesn’t like talking to you | 谁的妻子不喜欢 |
| [00:17] | while you’re in the bathroom? | 跟在厕所里的人聊天 |
| [00:21] | But it’s just me and my thoughts. | 可只有我一个人在这里 |
| [00:23] | It’s like 1980 in here. | 简直像1980年 |
| [00:26] | Andi? | 安迪 |
| [00:28] | Siri Siri? | |
| [00:31] | Anybody? | 有人吗 |
| [00:34] | It’s funny, you always want to talk to me when I’m watching TV, | 真有意思 我看电视的时候你总想跟我聊天 |
| [00:38] | but you know where I’m a captive audience? | 可是你知道我在哪里最专心吗 |
| [00:40] | The Admirals Club. | 五谷轮回俱乐部 |
| [00:43] | I told you I had two rules when we got married. | 我们结婚的时候我给你定过两条规矩 |
| [00:45] | All right? No cheating and no talking to me from the bathroom. | 对吧 不许出轨 不许在厕所里跟我聊天 |
| [00:49] | Oh, and if you do cheat, she’s not gonna like that, either. | 就算你真的出轨 她也不会喜欢的 |
| [00:54] | Hey, Mom? | 妈 |
| [00:55] | Since there’s no school today, | 今天学校没课 |
| [00:56] | will you take me and my friends dress shopping | 你能不能带我们去买裙子 |
| [00:57] | – for the spring formal? – You mean drop you off? | -参加春季舞会 -是说送你们过去吗 |
| [00:59] | No, it has to pass dress code so we need an old person’s opinion. | 不 因为要符合着装要求 所以需要老人的意见 |
| [01:03] | It’ll only take, like, four or five hours. | 大概也就四五个小时 |
| [01:05] | Well, I can’t think of a reason why not. | 我想不出拒绝的理由 |
| [01:08] | Unfortunately. | 我太难了 |
| [01:10] | Is Dylan going to the dance? | 迪伦会去参加舞会吗 |
| [01:11] | I don’t know. He was like, “Eh,” and I was like, “Yeah,” | 不知道 他当时说”嗯” 我说”走啊” |
| [01:14] | and we were like, “Meh,” you know? | 但后来就是”嗯嗯” 你懂吗 |
| [01:17] | Totes. | 懂 |
| [01:17] | You’re always like, “What?” and he’s like, “What?” | 你总说”什么” 他就说”什么” |
| [01:19] | and we’re like, “Whoa.” | 然后我们就”哇” |
| [01:22] | Uh, excuse me, | 不好意思 |
| [01:23] | do you know what they’re saying? | 你知道她们在说什么吗 |
| [01:25] | I mean, you seem normal, | 你看起来挺正常的 |
| [01:26] | but maybe that’s because you haven’t talked yet. | 但可能是因为你还没开口说话 |
| [01:30] | Uh, Kate, your dad’s talking to me and it’s, like, you know? | 凯特 你爸在跟我说话 你懂的 |
| [01:36] | Nope. She’s just like the other ones. | 好吧 她跟其他人一样 |
| [01:39] | All right, girls, I’ll take you. | 好吧 我带你们去 |
| [01:41] | Thanks, Mom. | 谢了 妈妈 |
| [01:42] | Sup. Any of you gals want to share a Go-Gurt with a good listener? | 你们好啊 有人要跟我这个倾听者共享吸吸乐吗 |
| [01:51] | Nice try, Teddy. | 你努力了 泰迪 |
| [01:52] | You see the way they noticed me? | 注意到她们看我的眼神了吗 |
| [01:57] | I can’t believe I have to spend the whole day at the mall with them. | 我居然要陪她们在商场待一整天 |
| [02:00] | Yeah, that’s not fun. | 是啊 肯定不好玩 |
| [02:03] | You buy them a five dollar pretzel and they take one bite. | 给她们买五美元的卷饼 她们就咬一口 |
| [02:05] | They don’t have the attention span to get through a pretzel. | 她们的注意力时长都不够吃一个卷饼 |
| [02:09] | Last time I took them, I tried on a hat | 我上次带她们去的时候 试了顶帽子 |
| [02:12] | and they laughed about it for three hours. | 她们足足笑了我三个小时 |
| [02:15] | Listen, honey, if I could take the girls, I would. | 宝贝 要是我能带她们去 我会的 |
| [02:17] | Oh. Great. | 好啊 |
| [02:20] | – They’re all yours. – What? No, no, no. No. | -那就交给你了 -什么 别别别 |
| [02:22] | I was just being nice. | 我只是说句好听的 |
| [02:24] | Let me say things I don’t mean. | 你要允许我说不是真心的话 |
| [02:25] | That’s how a good marriage works. | 好的婚姻关系就是这样维持的 |
| [02:31] | Oh. Uh, what are you doing out there? | 你怎么在外面 |
| [02:32] | Well, I was waiting for a lull in the conversation. | 我本来是想等一个合适的时机 |
| [02:35] | Then I got interested, like a good podcast. | 后来被吸引了 感觉像是电台节目 |
| [02:37] | Is Adam going to keep talking to you from the bathroom? | 亚当是否会继续在厕所里跟你聊天 |
| [02:40] | Will Teddy ever find love? | 泰迪何时能找到真爱 |
| [02:43] | Why are you here? | 你来干什么 |
| [02:44] | Uh, I stopped by on my way to the office | 我在去办公室的路上 |
| [02:45] | to tell you Don’s not coming in today. | 顺便过来说一声老唐今天想请假 |
| [02:47] | He has to take care of his grandson Parker. | 他要照顾他的外孙帕克 |
| [02:49] | Oh, please. | 别闹了 |
| [02:51] | This is just his latest scam to get out of work. | 这肯定是他新想出来的翘班借口 |
| [02:54] | All right, you go to the office, | 好了 你先去办公室 |
| [02:55] | put on a pot of coffee. I will be right there | 先泡一壶咖啡 我先去抓老唐 |
| [02:57] | as soon as I bust Don. | 然后马上就到 |
| [02:58] | No, he could be telling the truth. | 他说的也许是实话 |
| [02:59] | I mean, I know Parker’s staying with them. | 我知道帕克在他们家住着 |
| [03:01] | He’s not taking care of that kid with his wife in the house. | 他老婆在家里 怎么可能是他照顾孩子 |
| [03:04] | What’s that supposed to mean? | 这话什么意思 |
| [03:06] | Parker’s a kid. Marcy is a woman. | 帕克是孩子 玛茜是女人 |
| [03:12] | What’s that supposed to mean? | 你这话什么意思 |
| [03:14] | Don’t answer, just curl up into a ball. | 别回答 你直接蜷成球就好了 |
| [03:18] | I can answer because I have science on my side. | 我可以回答 因为科学站在我这边 |
| [03:21] | Women are designed to take care of kids. | 女人的身体构造就是用来照顾孩子的 |
| [03:24] | You have special body parts that make food. | 你们有特殊的部位能够生产食物 |
| [03:28] | Nothing that comes out of me helps anybody. | 从我身体出来的东西可没什么好处 |
| [03:32] | Well, technically, men can lactate. | 其实 男性也可以分泌乳汁 |
| [03:34] | I’ll wait outside. | 我在外面等 |
| [03:37] | What you said is so sexist. | 你说的话也太性别歧视了吧 |
| [03:39] | Sexist? | 性别歧视 |
| [03:41] | Your body provides anything a child could need. | 你的身体能够提供孩子需要的一切 |
| [03:44] | You’re like 7-Eleven for babies. | 你简直就是婴儿专用便利店 |
| [03:48] | And if you have a problem with that, | 你要是对此有意见 |
| [03:49] | take it up with Mother Nature, a woman. | 你可以跟大自然母亲投诉 她也是女人 |
| [03:51] | Right, Lowell? | 是吧 洛厄尔 |
| [03:52] | You’re the bravest man I’ve ever known! | 你是我见过最勇敢的男人 |
| [04:06] | Okay. You don’t like spaghetti. | 好吧 你不喜欢意大利面 |
| [04:12] | He doesn’t like spaghetti. | 他不喜欢意大利面 |
| [04:14] | I’ve got to say, I didn’t believe you were really watching him. | 我得说一句 我没想到你真的在照顾他 |
| [04:16] | But I can tell it’s true ’cause it is not going well. | 但我能看出来是真的 因为很不顺利 |
| [04:20] | Hey, Parker, | 帕克 |
| [04:21] | why don’t you go in there and not be in here for a while? | 要不你进屋去吧 先不要在这里了 |
| [04:24] | You look like Frankenstein. | 你看起来好像科学怪人 |
| [04:29] | Hurts every time. | 每次听到都难受 |
| [04:32] | Where’s Marcy? | 玛茜在哪里 |
| [04:33] | Marcy’s had food poisoning for two days, | 玛茜食物中毒两天了 |
| [04:34] | so I’m taking care of my grandson. | 所以我在照顾外孙 |
| [04:36] | Ah. He might not be a nice person. | 他好像不太友好 |
| [04:40] | I got problems, too. | 我也遇到了问题 |
| [04:41] | I just got into a whole thing with Andi about feminism. | 今天跟安迪因为女权的事情有点分歧 |
| [04:44] | You know how hard it is to explain feminism to a woman? | 你知道跟女人解释女权有多难吗 |
| [04:50] | Ooh, chicken salad. Now we’re talking. | 鸡肉沙拉 这才像话 |
| [04:52] | No, no, no. Put that back. It’s what made Marcy sick. | 别 放回去 玛茜就是吃这个才难受的 |
| [04:55] | Well, then, why don’t you throw it away? | 那你为什么没扔掉 |
| [04:56] | That’s Marcy’s job. She puts stuff in the trash, | 那是玛茜的活 她负责把垃圾扔进垃圾桶 |
| [04:59] | I take the trash out. I stay in my lane. | 我负责倒垃圾 我要坚守本分 |
| [05:02] | Where’s my sweet great-grandbaby? | 我家那位乖乖的曾外孙在哪里 |
| [05:04] | Mom, Dad, Marcy’s sick. Will you watch Parker for me? | 妈 爸 玛茜病了 你们能帮我看帕克吗 |
| [05:08] | Oh. N-No, we’re-we’re not hands-on anymore. | 不行 我们已经不是从娃娃抓起了 |
| [05:12] | We visit the zoo, we don’t handle the animals. | 我们会去动物园 但是不负责照顾动物了 |
| [05:15] | Come on, Bev. Reverse engines. | 走吧 贝芙 咱们掉头 |
| [05:19] | You know, I’d feel bad for you if it wasn’t so funny. | 其实 要不是这么好笑 我都要同情你了 |
| [05:23] | Marcy, you’re up, you’re better. | 玛茜 你起来了 你恢复了 |
| [05:24] | You can take care of Parker. | 你来照顾帕克吧 |
| [05:26] | I-I’m a little better. | 我只是恢复了一点 |
| [05:27] | I still need the weekend to recuperate. | 我还需要一个周末来休养 |
| [05:29] | What’s that? | 那是什么 |
| [05:30] | I’m taking out my trash. | 我去扔垃圾 |
| [05:32] | I take out the trash. | 扔垃圾是我的活 |
| [05:33] | Okay? Stay in your lane, baby. | 好吗 你要安守本分 宝贝 |
| [05:37] | By the way, Parker told me that you tried to feed him spaghetti. | 对了 帕克说你想给他吃意大利面 |
| [05:40] | Only animals eat spaghetti for breakfast. | 只有动物才会早上吃意大利面 |
| [05:47] | Does she still look sick to you? | 她看起来像生病了吗 |
| [05:49] | Well, her color’s good, she’s not sweaty | 她脸色不错 也没有出汗 |
| [05:52] | and she hurt my feelings. | 而且还伤害了我的感情 |
| [05:53] | I’d say she’s in top form. | 我觉得她已经痊愈了 |
| [05:55] | I think she’s better, but she’s milking it. | 我觉得她好转了 但是她在利用这一点 |
| [05:58] | Oh. Well, let’s find out. | 我们来看看 |
| [05:59] | Let’s see what she’s been up to by going through her trash. | 翻翻她的垃圾 看看她在干什么 |
| [06:02] | That’s how they got bin Laden. | 本拉登就是这样被抓到的 |
| [06:08] | Empty bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. | 这是一包爆辣脆片 |
| [06:11] | People with food poisoning don’t eat flamin’ hot anything. | 食物中毒的人不会吃爆辣的任何东西 |
| [06:14] | She’s playing you, man. | 她在玩你 哥们 |
| [06:16] | And she was trying to get rid of the evidence. | 而且她还想毁灭证据 |
| [06:18] | I can’t believe she’s lying | 真是没想到 |
| [06:20] | just to get out of helping around here. | 她居然为了不帮忙而撒谎 |
| [06:21] | Well, maybe she’s trying to get you back | 也许她只是想报复你 |
| [06:23] | for that time you did it to her for 25 years. | 毕竟你过去25年来都是这样对她的 |
| [06:27] | Oh, there’s a woman. Are you here to take care of the kid? | 有个女人来了 你是来照顾孩子的吗 |
| [06:30] | No, I’m here to take care of Marcy. | 不 我是来照顾玛茜的 |
| [06:31] | She called and told me how sick she is. | 她给我打电话 说她很不舒服 |
| [06:33] | Oh, which means you’ll have to take the girls shopping this afternoon. | 所以下午得你去带女孩们去逛街了 |
| [06:36] | What? No. Marcy’s fine. | 什么 不是 玛茜好得很 |
| [06:39] | Look what I found in her trash. | 看看我在她垃圾里发现了什么 |
| [06:40] | Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. | 爆辣脆片 |
| [06:43] | You went through a sick woman’s trash? | 你居然翻一个生病女人的垃圾 |
| [06:46] | Yeah– I am appalled. | 我 我感到惊骇 |
| [06:50] | It fell open. Uh… | 是掉出来的 |
| [06:52] | Look, I’m taking care of Marcy, and you are going to the mall. | 听好了 我去照顾玛茜 你要去商场 |
| [07:02] | Did you see that? | 你看到了吗 |
| [07:03] | She didn’t answer about the Cheetos. | 她没回答爆辣脆片的事 |
| [07:04] | She accused me of doing something wrong. | 反而来指责我做了错事 |
| [07:06] | That’s deflection. | 这是扭曲 |
| [07:07] | She hit me with some verbal judo. | 她在口头上跟我玩柔道 |
| [07:11] | I don’t get judo. | 我一直不懂柔道 |
| [07:12] | Judo’s like karate for when you’re not that mad. | 柔道就像是没那么生气时的空手道 |
| [07:17] | You really just zone in on one word, don’t you? | 你真的只能关注一个重点 是吗 |
| [07:19] | Pay attention. | 注意听我说 |
| [07:21] | The only reason Andi would do that | 安迪唯一会这样做的理由 |
| [07:23] | is if she knows Marcy’s not sick anymore. | 就是她知道玛茜已经不生病了 |
| [07:26] | Which means she’s in on it, too. | 这说明她也知情 |
| [07:28] | Which means they’re both a couple of flamin’ hot liars. | 这说明她们就是两个爆辣撒谎精 |
| [07:31] | Which you thought was funny when it was only happening to me. | 之前我遇到这事的时候 不是还在笑我吗 |
| [07:34] | Well, now it’s happening to me. | 那现在我遇到了 |
| [07:37] | I can’t be following teenagers around the mall all day. | 我不能一整天都跟着几个青少年 |
| [07:40] | I just turned 50. | 我刚满50岁 |
| [07:41] | Every minute I have left is precious. | 我接下来的每一分钟都很珍贵 |
| [07:44] | Go tell your wife you know she’s faking it. | 你去跟你老婆说 你知道她在假装 |
| [07:46] | No way. The last time I accused Marcy of faking something, | 绝对不行 上次我说玛茜在假装的时候 |
| [07:49] | it almost ruined our honeymoon. | 蜜月差点就毁了 |
| [07:51] | All right, listen, listen. | 好了 听我说 |
| [07:53] | We know what they’re doing, but they’ll just deny it. | 我们知道她们在干什么 但她们肯定会否认 |
| [07:56] | And they’re good with words that make you feel bad. | 而且她们还很擅长用那种很伤人的词语 |
| [07:58] | Like “appalled.” | 比如”惊骇” |
| [07:59] | That’s a principal’s office word. Mm. | 简直是总统发言稿里的词汇 |
| [08:02] | Well, there’s only one move left. | 还剩最后一招 |
| [08:04] | Way ahead of you. We let them get away with it. | 我早就想到了 我们让她们逃脱 |
| [08:07] | Nope. | 不行 |
| [08:10] | We poison you. | 我们给你下毒 |
| [08:13] | Or we do my thing. | 或者用我的方法 |
| [08:22] | Don’t think of it as bad chicken, | 别想着它是坏了的鸡肉 |
| [08:25] | think of it as freedom chicken. | 想着是自由的鸡肉吧 |
| [08:28] | Just take one bite, get a little sick. | 你可以咬一口 稍微难受一点 |
| [08:32] | I don’t want to. | 我不想 |
| [08:34] | It’ll be worth it. | 会值得的 |
| [08:35] | Marcy gets up and takes care of the kid, | 玛茜起来照顾孩子 |
| [08:37] | Andi doesn’t have to take care of Marcy, | 安迪不需要照顾玛茜 |
| [08:39] | so she takes the girls shopping. | 就可以带女孩们去购物了 |
| [08:40] | Everybody wins. | 大家都开心 |
| [08:42] | I won’t win. I’ll be sick. | 我不开心 我会难受的 |
| [08:44] | No, no. You’ll be a hero. | 不 你会是英雄 |
| [08:47] | Will you call me that in front of other people? | 你会当着别人的面这样叫我吗 |
| [08:50] | Probably not, but maybe. | 也许不会 但有可能 |
| [08:58] | What if I get caught? | 要是我被发现怎么办 |
| [09:00] | You won’t. | 不会的 |
| [09:01] | I have dipped my toe in these dark waters before. | 我以前也尝试过这种套路 |
| [09:06] | One time, when Teddy was little and got strep throat | 有一次 泰迪小的时候得了脓毒性咽喉炎 |
| [09:09] | and nobody was getting any sleep, | 大家都睡不好 |
| [09:11] | I brushed my teeth with his toothbrush. | 我就用他的牙刷自己刷了牙 |
| [09:14] | It was the perfect crime. | 简直是完美犯罪 |
| [09:16] | Two days in bed, unlimited Jell-O. | 两天躺在床上 果冻随便吃 |
| [09:26] | No, it’s not worth it. | 不 不值得 |
| [09:29] | Don! | 老唐 |
| [09:29] | It’s time for Parker’s bath! | 帕克该洗澡了 |
| [09:36] | I’m glad you called. A day off is fun. | 你打来电话很好 放一天假不错 |
| [09:39] | I’ve realized there’s an upside to being sick. | 我意识到生病也有好处 |
| [09:41] | I enjoyed lying in bed | 我很享受躺在床上 |
| [09:43] | watching Don do all the work for a change. | 看老唐做家务的感觉 |
| [09:45] | Yeah, one time when the kids were little, | 是啊 有一次孩子们还小的时候 |
| [09:47] | Adam got strep throat and part of me thought he enjoyed it. | 亚当得了脓毒性咽喉炎 竟然看起来有点享受 |
| [09:51] | Wait, but be careful with those Cheetos, | 不过 你吃这些脆片先小心点 |
| [09:53] | they might be catching on that you’re feeling better. | 他们可能会发现你已经好转了 |
| [09:54] | Nah, it’s fine. | 没关系 |
| [09:56] | I’ll just tell them that I’m testing my body | 我就说我在测试我的身体 |
| [09:58] | to see how much it can take. | 看它能承受多少 |
| [10:00] | That’s just good medicine. | 这也算是喝药了 |
| [10:02] | Well, I am happy to jump on board. | 那我很支持你 |
| [10:04] | Okay? ‘Cause there was no way I was taking those girls shopping | 亚当早上说的那些话 我绝对不会 |
| [10:06] | after what Adam said this morning. | 带那些姑娘去购物的 |
| [10:08] | “Women have different body parts. | 女人的身体构造不同 |
| [10:10] | You can make your own food.” | 可以自己生产食物 |
| [10:12] | – How dare he? -Right? | -胆大包天了他 -是吧 |
| [10:16] | – I mean, yes, it’s true. – Yeah, but it’s not very nice to say. | -不过好像是真的 -但也不能这么说啊 |
| [10:21] | And then, | 然后 |
| [10:22] | Adam tells me to make coffee because he’ll “be right there.” | 亚当让我煮咖啡 告诉我他马上就到 |
| [10:25] | Two hours later, no Adam, no phone call, no nothing. | 两小时后 亚当没来也没打电话 什么都没有 |
| [10:30] | Try being the middle kid. | 想想我这个二弟 |
| [10:32] | I haven’t been to the dentist in a year and a half. | 我都一年半没去看过牙医了 |
| [10:35] | You’re a good listener, Teddy. | 你真是个好倾听者 泰迪 |
| [10:41] | Parker just said I look like Shrek. | 帕克说我长得像鲨鱼 |
| [10:45] | Do you see it? | 你觉得呢 |
| [10:47] | Maybe in the shoulders. | 可能肩膀像 |
| [10:50] | Are you feeling anything? | 你有感觉了吗 |
| [10:52] | Nothing. I think I have to eat more. | 没有 可能还要多吃点 |
| [10:53] | Hey, don’t overdo it. | 别过火了 |
| [10:55] | Remember when you tried those pot brownies | 记得范·海伦演唱会开始前 |
| [10:57] | before the Van Halen concert? | 你吃了那些大麻蛋糕吧 |
| [10:58] | You ate too many, we had to leave early, | 因为你吃太多了 结果我们只能早退场 |
| [11:01] | and you rode all the way home with your head out the window | 回家的一路上 你像狗一样把脑袋 |
| [11:02] | like a dog. | 伸出窗外 |
| [11:05] | A dog that could see into other dimensions. | 狗可以看到其他维度哦 |
| [11:08] | I’m eating more. | 我再吃点 |
| [11:14] | Is it happening? | 有感觉吗 |
| [11:15] | I don’t know. | 不知道 |
| [11:16] | Maybe it was just that last bite landing. | 可能是这口刚进肚 |
| [11:19] | Nope, it’s on. | 不是 开始了 |
| [11:22] | See you on the other side, brother. | 另一个世界见了 大哥 |
| [11:30] | Dad! | 爸 |
| [11:32] | Teddy started doing push-ups outside my room, | 泰迪在我门口做俯卧撑 |
| [11:34] | and now my friends think he’s weird. | 现在我的朋友都觉得他是个怪人 |
| [11:37] | I only did three. | 我才做了三个 |
| [11:39] | But I started counting at 98. | 但我从99开始数的 |
| [11:43] | You do listen to me. | 孺子可教 |
| [11:45] | I think it’s time to head upstairs | 那我现在上楼 |
| [11:46] | and do some curls for the girls. | 给姑娘们表演个卷腹 |
| [11:48] | Teddy, no! | 泰迪 不要 |
| [11:51] | Teddy, leave your sister’s friends alone! | 泰迪 别烦你姐的朋友 |
| [11:54] | What a guy. | 好小伙 |
| [11:59] | You’re not gonna believe this. | 说出来你肯定不信 |
| [12:00] | Don is sick now. | 老唐也病了 |
| [12:01] | What? | 什么 |
| [12:03] | That is a crazy turn of events. | 真是一个大反转 |
| [12:07] | Yeah, so I came home, because Marcy has to watch Parker. | 是啊 所以我回来了 玛茜得照顾帕克 |
| [12:12] | Well… | 那么 |
| [12:13] | at least now, you can take the girls to the mall. | 起码现在你可以带姑娘们去商场了 |
| [12:16] | Oh, well… but you were already planning on it. | 不过你都计划好了 |
| [12:19] | So why not you? | 所以就你去嘛 |
| [12:20] | – Or why not you? – Or why not you? | -为什么你不去呢 -为什么你不去呢 |
| [12:22] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [12:23] | You know what, | 这样 |
| [12:24] | let’s not be childish about this. | 我们别那么幼稚 |
| [12:26] | – Okay. – Yeah. Okay? | -好吗 -好的 |
| [12:27] | Kate, your dad’s ready to take you to the mall! | 凯特 你爸准备好带你们去商场了 |
| [12:31] | Or your mom! | 或者是你妈 |
| [12:32] | One of us! | 反正是我们其中一个 |
| [12:33] | My money’s on your mom! | 我赌是你妈妈 |
| [12:36] | – What are you doing? – What are you doing? | -你在干嘛 -你在干嘛 |
| [12:37] | Look, I… | 听着 我 |
| [12:39] | I just don’t want to go. | 就是不想去 |
| [12:40] | Well, I don’t want to go either. | 我也不想去啊 |
| [12:43] | Okay, you know what, | 这样吧 |
| [12:44] | this is clearly a thorny issue. | 就这件棘手的问题 |
| [12:46] | Let’s keep talking about it. | 我们俩谈谈吧 |
| [12:48] | Well, great. | 很好 |
| [12:49] | Okay, well, first of all, in terms of mall trips, | 好的 首先 关于去商场一事 |
| [12:52] | I have definitely done more of those… | 我之前肯定执行过好几次 |
| [12:56] | Keep talking. | 继续说 |
| [12:57] | I’m in the bathroom, but I am listening. | 我在厕所 但听着呢 |
| [13:01] | So I got Don to eat the chicken salad, | 所以我让老唐把鸡肉沙拉吃了 |
| [13:04] | and now Andi is at the mall. | 所以现在安迪在商场 |
| [13:06] | And you’re proud of this? | 你还挺骄傲 |
| [13:08] | A little bit, yeah. | 有点吧 |
| [13:10] | My generation handed down a paradise to our sons. | 我这代人将打造好的天堂传给儿子们 |
| [13:14] | Men didn’t lift a finger. | 男人十指不沾阳春水 |
| [13:16] | And then some sap comes along, | 结果冒出个笨蛋 |
| [13:17] | smokes a jazz cigarette and says, | 抽着根骆驼香烟说 |
| [13:19] | “I don’t think I’m doing enough around the house.” | 我觉得我的家务活做得太少了 |
| [13:22] | Hey, we’re holding our own. | 我们坚守阵地呢 |
| [13:24] | You’ve sunk so low, you’re poisoning yourselves. | 你们已经堕落了 还给自己人下毒 |
| [13:27] | Face it, you’ve lost the battle of the sexes. | 承认吧 两性战争中你们已经输了 |
| [13:29] | I– We didn’t lose. | 我们没输 |
| [13:31] | We’re just using guerilla warfare now. | 只是换成了游击战 |
| [13:34] | You wouldn’t get it. It’s very tactical. | 你不会懂的 很有战术技巧 |
| [13:35] | I’m basically a Navy SEAL. | 我几乎是海军的海豹突击队队员 |
| [13:40] | So you’re not dead in a ditch. | 所以你没死在阴沟里啊 |
| [13:45] | And your phone works. Interesting. | 你的手机还好好的 有意思了 |
| [13:46] | I made six pots of coffee! | 我煮了六壶咖啡 |
| [13:50] | I’m sorry, Lowell, I got busy | 抱歉 洛厄尔 我忙起来 |
| [13:51] | and forgot to tell you I wasn’t coming in. | 忘了告诉你我不去了 |
| [13:54] | And? | 然后呢 |
| [13:57] | And from now on, I will try to be more sensitive to your feelings. | 然后从今往后 我会更加照顾你的感受 |
| [14:01] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [14:08] | What? | 怎么了 |
| [14:09] | Teddy Roosevelt wouldn’t even recognize you as a man. | 在泰迪·罗斯福眼里 你都不算个男人 |
| [14:14] | I got your text. What’s the code red? | 我收到你的信息了 红色警报是什么 |
| [14:16] | You’re not going to believe what Don told me those idiots did. | 老唐把他们这些蠢货做的事告诉了我 你都不能信 |
| [14:20] | Marcy, it burns. | 玛茜 火烧火燎的 |
| [14:24] | Good! | 太好了 |
| [14:30] | Hey, honey. Hey. | 亲爱的 |
| [14:32] | Where you been? | 你去哪了 |
| [14:33] | Oh, that’s right, the mall. | 没错 去商场了 |
| [14:38] | Why, wh-what do you got there? Oh. | 怎么了 你拿的什么东西 |
| [14:41] | Uh, I stopped by to check on Don and Marcy, | 我去看了眼老唐和玛茜 |
| [14:42] | and I found this chicken salad. | 找到一些鸡肉沙拉 |
| [14:46] | I had no idea they had that. | 没想到他们还有这种东西 |
| [14:49] | Yeah, well, I figured they’re too sick to eat it, | 我想反正他们生病不能吃 |
| [14:51] | so I thought I’d make you a sandwich. | 不如拿来给你做三明治吧 |
| [14:53] | It’ll make me so happy to watch you eat it. | 看你吃我就很高兴了 |
| [14:58] | You know what, I, uh… | 那什么 我 |
| [15:02] | I think I’m done eating chicken. | 我以后不吃鸡肉了 |
| [15:06] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [15:08] | You ever hold a chicken in your arms? Huh? | 你有没有拥抱过鸡 |
| [15:11] | It’s pretty beautiful. | 它是很美丽的生物 |
| [15:14] | It’ll lay its little beak right there on your shoulder. | 会把小嘴搭在你肩膀上 |
| [15:18] | Okay, well, if you don’t want it, | 好吧 既然你不想吃 |
| [15:22] | I guess I’ll eat it. | 那我就自己吃吧 |
| [15:31] | Okay, go ahead. | 好 吃吧 |
| [15:40] | I’m gonna do it, Adam. I’m gonna take a bite. | 我要吃了 亚当 我要吃下去了 |
| [15:44] | Well, if you want to, you should. | 你想吃你就吃嘛 |
| [15:48] | Your body, your choice. | 你的身体 你做主 |
| [15:52] | That’s equal rights. | 这就是平权 |
| [15:55] | Stop! | 住嘴 |
| [15:58] | Why? What’s the problem? | 为什么 有什么问题 |
| [16:01] | Okay, I should probably admit– Wait. | 好吧 我还是承认吧 等等 |
| [16:03] | Before I do, how much do you know? | 我等会说 你知道多少了 |
| [16:05] | Everything. | 一清二楚 |
| [16:07] | Don told Marcy everything. | 老唐把一切都交待给玛茜了 |
| [16:09] | You poisoned your own brother to get out of going to the mall. | 你为了不去商场 给自己亲哥下毒 |
| [16:12] | Yes, I did. | 是的 我下了 |
| [16:14] | But your hands aren’t clean either. | 可你也不清白 |
| [16:16] | You knew Marcy wasn’t sick anymore, | 你知道玛茜已经好了 |
| [16:18] | but you pretended to take care of her | 还假装去照顾她 |
| [16:20] | so you could get out of going to the mall. | 好逃避去商场的任务 |
| [16:22] | You would accuse me of that? | 你居然指责我这件事 |
| [16:23] | You– I am appalled. | 你 我感到惊骇 |
| [16:28] | Oh, oh, you’re appalled again, huh? | 你又惊骇了 啊 |
| [16:29] | Not this time, sister. | 没有第二次了 妹妹 |
| [16:31] | You’re just trying to make me feel bad | 你只是想让我内疚 |
| [16:33] | to cover up your own crimes. | 掩饰你自己的罪行 |
| [16:35] | My crimes are nothing compared to yours. | 我的罪行跟你的比起来 不值一提 |
| [16:37] | You said all that stuff about | 因为你说的那些关于女性身体的话 |
| [16:38] | women and body parts, so I got mad. | 才把我气到了 |
| [16:42] | I’ve been telling you my poorly thought out theories for years. | 这些年我不是一直跟你分享我的简陋思想嘛 |
| [16:47] | – Why do you have such a problem today? – Because… | -为什么今天就成问题了 -因为 |
| [16:51] | Because I didn’t want to go to the mall, | 因为我不想去商场 |
| [16:54] | and I thought I could use that. | 所以想利用这点 |
| [16:57] | I am appalled. Okay. | 我感到惊骇 |
| [17:01] | You know what, | 好吧 |
| [17:02] | we’re both appalling. | 我们俩都惊骇了 |
| [17:04] | Neither of us wanted to do something, | 我们俩都不想去做的一件事 |
| [17:05] | and instead of working it out, | 却没有想办法解决 |
| [17:07] | we tried to screw each other over. | 而是互相陷害 |
| [17:09] | Yeah, that sounds like us. | 对 是我们会做的事 |
| [17:13] | What if we’re not good people? | 万一我们不是好人怎么办 |
| [17:16] | That’s only true if you think about it. | 你不这么想就没事 |
| [17:20] | Adam, I think we need to do some real soul searching here. | 亚当 我觉得我们现在应该好好反省自己 |
| [17:23] | You know? I me– | 知道吗 我 |
| [17:24] | I have a relationship workbook upstairs about this very thing. | 我在楼上有一本关于这件事的感情练习册 |
| [17:28] | Okay, all right. Wait a minute, wait a minute. | 行了 等一下 等等 |
| [17:29] | Let’s not go bananas. | 咱先别疯 |
| [17:33] | We are not bad people. | 我们不是坏人 |
| [17:35] | We’re normal. | 我们很普通 |
| [17:36] | Maybe low normal. | 也许是普通中的下等 |
| [17:39] | Upper bad. | 坏当中的好人 |
| [17:42] | Are we the worst people in the world? No. | 我们是世界上最坏的人吗 不是 |
| [17:44] | Could we improve? Probably not. | 能提高吗 可能费劲 |
| [17:49] | Look, honey, | 亲爱的 听我说 |
| [17:51] | sometimes in parenting, | 在当家长的过程中 |
| [17:53] | a job comes along that is truly horrific, | 有些责任真的很恐怖 |
| [17:56] | like five hours of dress shopping. | 比如五个小时的服装购物 |
| [17:59] | Yes. And we panicked. | 没错 所以我们慌了 |
| [18:00] | Right. Our fight-or-flight instinct kicked in. | 对 我们是战是逃的本能发作了 |
| [18:04] | And I would make the argument that of the two, | 而我可以大胆地说 这二者之间 |
| [18:07] | fight is definitely better than flight. | 战绝对比逃好 |
| [18:11] | That’s true. I mean, I could have chosen flight. | 是的 我都没有选择逃 |
| [18:14] | I could have moved to Santa Fe and opened | 我可以搬去圣达菲 |
| [18:16] | a cute little pottery shop with a green awning | 开一家小小的可爱的陶瓷店 |
| [18:18] | called “A Penny For Your Pots.” | 绿色的遮阳棚上写着 一分钱一壶 |
| [18:22] | Well, that’s way too specific, but yeah. | 有点太具体了 不过是这个意思 |
| [18:27] | We don’t run. | 我们不会逃 |
| [18:30] | And you know what that is? | 你知道这代表什么吗 |
| [18:32] | That’s brave. | 勇气 |
| [18:36] | Yeah. We’re bad, but we’re brave. | 对 我们很坏 但很勇敢 |
| [18:42] | Like Han Solo. | 就像韩索罗 |
| [18:45] | Everybody loves that guy. | 大家都爱那个男人 |
| [18:47] | Right? | 是吧 |
| [18:49] | Okay, good. | 好 很好 |
| [18:51] | We are back on track. | 我们回到正轨了 |
| [18:53] | I am throwing this chicken salad out in the trash, | 我要把这个鸡肉沙拉扔进垃圾桶 |
| [18:55] | and we are never gonna talk about it again. | 永远都不再提起 |
| [18:58] | May the Force be with you. | 愿原力与你同在 |
| [19:03] | You. | 你 |
| [19:04] | I know. I ran over between emergencies to tell you I’m sorry. | 我知道 我在去急诊室之前来跟你道歉了 |
| [19:07] | Why’d you have to tell Marcy everything? | 你为什么把事情都告诉玛茜了 |
| [19:09] | I thought I was dying. | 我还以为自己要死了 |
| [19:10] | I lost control of everything, including my mouth. | 身体全部失控 包括我嘴 |
| [19:14] | I threw up the truth. | 我把真相吐出来了 |
| [19:17] | I told you not to eat too much. | 我就说你别吃太多 |
| [19:20] | Why can’t you barely poison yourself, like a normal person? | 你为什么不能像普通人一样 给自己下个小毒呢 |
| [19:24] | And I didn’t tell her everything. | 而且我没有什么事都说 |
| [19:26] | I didn’t say a word about you giving yourself strep throat | 泰迪生病的时候 你故意感染脓毒性咽喉炎的事 |
| [19:28] | when Teddy was sick. | 我就一个字都没提 |
| [19:29] | You did what? | 你干了什么 |
| [19:39] | This time I choose flight. | 这次我选逃 |
| [19:44] | If you want to talk to me, I’ll be in the Admirals Club. | 想找我就来海军上将俱乐部 |
| [19:48] | See you on the other side, brother. | 另一个世界见了 老弟 |
| [19:56] | How’s your tummy? | 肚子怎么样了 |
| [19:58] | Everything hurts. | 全身都疼 |
| [20:00] | That’s the lies leaving your body. | 因为谎言正在逃脱你的身体 |
| [20:04] | All right, I’m taking off. | 好的 我走了 |
| [20:06] | Hey, where are you headed so fancy? | 你穿这么精神去哪 |
| [20:09] | Kate’s dance. I’m gonna go try my luck | 凯特的误会 我要去找那些 |
| [20:10] | with some of the girls crying outside. | 在门外哭的姑娘 碰碰运气 |
| [20:12] | See you on 10. | 十点回来 |
| [20:16] | What a guy. | 好小伙 |
| [20:19] | I-I mean, you should probably go stop him. | 也许你该去拦着他 |
| [20:20] | No, no, no, this is definitely on you. | 不不不 这件事明显归你管 |
| [20:23] | I mean… he’s thinking with a body part | 他现在用来思考的身体部位 |
| [20:26] | I don’t even have. | 我都没有 |
| [20:30] | – You enjoyed that, didn’t you? – I didn’t hate it. | -你也喜欢 对不对 -倒是不讨厌 |