| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | It says here there’s a supervolcano in Yellowstone | 这里说黄石公园有一座超级火山 |
| [00:04] | that’s gonna explode and destroy the world. | 会喷发爆炸 毁掉全世界 |
| [00:06] | So, yes, I will have another beer. | 所以我再来一罐啤酒 |
| [00:11] | Who’s that? | 谁敲门 |
| [00:12] | We’re everybody you know. | 你认识的人不都在这了吗 |
| [00:16] | You know who’s not gonna knock | 你知道谁进你家门之前 |
| [00:17] | before they come into your house? Supervolcano. | 不会先敲门吗 超级火山 |
| [00:22] | Adam. | 亚当 |
| [00:23] | Alice. | 艾莉丝 |
| [00:26] | Look, guys, it’s my mother-in-law | 你们看 是我的丈母娘 |
| [00:28] | at my door with no warning. | 突然出现在我门前 |
| [00:31] | I just wanted a nice visit with my family. | 我只是想来看望一下家人 |
| [00:34] | Ah. Where’s Andi? | 安迪在哪里 |
| [00:35] | Uh, she’s out buying new towels. | 她出去买新毛巾了 |
| [00:37] | Yeah, she asked if I wanted to go with her, | 她还问我要不要一起去 |
| [00:38] | and now I regret saying no. | 我现在后悔没答应她 |
| [00:41] | Oh, Adam, I love your little jokes. | 亚当 你这些小玩笑太可爱了 |
| [00:45] | – I’m gonna go upstairs and surprise the kids. – Okay. | -我打算上楼给孩子们个惊喜 -好吧 |
| [00:49] | Hey, Don. | 老唐 |
| [00:50] | Hello, little man I don’t know. | 你好 我不认识的小个子男人 |
| [00:54] | Where’s your supervolcano when I need it? | 在我需要的时候你的超级火山呢 |
| [01:00] | – The nuts are better. – Oh, good, you found my brownies. | -坚果味的更好 -你们找到我的布朗尼蛋糕了 |
| [01:02] | I was saving those. | 我本来想留着的 |
| [01:06] | Where’s Alice? | 艾莉丝呢 |
| [01:07] | Upstairs unpacking. | 在楼上整理行李呢 |
| [01:08] | She’s really making herself comfortable. | 她还真不把自己当客人 |
| [01:10] | She already turned the thermostat up to 80. | 已经把房间温度调到了27度 |
| [01:14] | Andi is not gonna like this surprise. | 安迪肯定不喜欢这个惊喜 |
| [01:16] | Well, what’s the big deal? Alice seems nice. | 有什么问题吗 艾莉丝看起来人不错 |
| [01:18] | Uh, she is, but she makes Andi crazy. | 她确实还好 但是她会把安迪逼疯 |
| [01:21] | And instead of telling her mom she makes her crazy, | 而且安迪还不喜欢跟她直说 |
| [01:23] | Andi puts me in the middle. | 总是把我夹在中间 |
| [01:24] | And I have to take it, because of one promise | 而我必须接受 因为我二十年前 |
| [01:26] | I made in a church 20 years ago. | 在教堂里许下了承诺 |
| [01:31] | Andi’s home. I better go warn her outside, | 安迪回来了 我得到外面跟她说 |
| [01:33] | away from anything breakable. | 不然打碎什么东西就不好了 |
| [01:39] | Hey, honey. | 亲爱的 |
| [01:40] | I got the towels. Oh, and I picked up | 我买到毛巾了 而且还给泰迪 |
| [01:41] | Teddy’s new baseball bat. Ooh. | 新买了一个棒球棒 |
| [01:42] | Let me hold that for you. | 我来帮你拿 |
| [01:46] | And can I just say | 我想对你说 |
| [01:48] | that you look beautiful | 你真的好美 |
| [01:50] | and I will love you until the end of time. | 而我会永远爱你直至时间尽头 |
| [01:56] | What happened and how upset am I going to be? | 发生了什么事 我会有多生气 |
| [01:59] | Good, your mind is prepared for something horrible. | 很好 你已经做好了心理准备 |
| [02:02] | Your mom is here. | 你妈妈来了 |
| [02:03] | What? | 什么 |
| [02:05] | But we’re not ready. I mean, I-I haven’t steamed | 但是我们没准备好 我没蒸汽消毒 |
| [02:07] | or cleaned or washed or prepped. | 没拖地没洗衣服 完全没打理 |
| [02:11] | It looks like our regular house in there. | 里面看起来就是平时的样子 |
| [02:14] | Smart to get rid of the bat, huh? | 我把球棒扔了是不是很聪明 |
| [02:17] | A volcano’s bad enough, | 火山已经够糟糕 |
| [02:19] | but a supervolcano will take your head right off. | 超级火山肯定让人当场毙命 |
| [02:23] | Hi, Mom. | 妈 |
| [02:24] | Oh, there she is. | 你回来了 |
| [02:25] | Oh, Don was just telling me how we’re all gonna die. | 老唐刚跟我说 我们会怎么死 |
| [02:30] | Ah, this is such a surprise. | 真是惊喜 |
| [02:32] | You’re here. | 你来了 |
| [02:35] | Without calling or texting or any of the things people do. | 也没打电话 没发短信 不走寻常路 |
| [02:39] | Where’s Dad? | 爸爸呢 |
| [02:40] | Oh, he’s having a staycation with George and Fred. | 他跟乔治和弗莱德度假去了 |
| [02:43] | Those are our Yorkies. | 是我们家的约克犬 |
| [02:46] | We gave them human names so it wouldn’t be weird | 我们起了人类的名字 这样它们上桌吃饭 |
| [02:48] | when they sit and eat at the table. | 就不会显得很奇怪了 |
| [02:51] | Now, u-uh, Mom, b-before you say anything, | 好了 妈妈 在你开口评价之前 |
| [02:53] | o-our house is usually much neater. | 一般家里会比现在更整齐 |
| [02:56] | Oh, it looks fine. | 看起来挺好的 |
| [02:58] | Yeah, sure. | 好吧 |
| [03:01] | Um… let’s go into the living room, huh? | 我们去客厅吧 |
| [03:02] | Where the couch pillows better be fluffed. | 沙发上的靠枕应该是拍过的 |
| [03:05] | They might be. | 也许吧 |
| [03:08] | I never know what you mean when you say that. | 我从来听不懂你这话是什么意思 |
| [03:12] | He knows what a fluffy pillow is, Mom. | 他知道蓬松的枕头是什么意思 妈妈 |
| [03:14] | You can’t listen to him. He’s on the beer. | 你不能听他的 他喝了啤酒 |
| [03:38] | I’m “on the beer”? | 我”喝了啤酒” |
| [03:42] | I made $300 last year recycling your wine bottles. | 我去年靠回收你的红酒瓶赚了三百块 |
| [03:47] | I’m sorry. I-I know you didn’t do anything wrong. | 抱歉 我知道你没做错 |
| [03:50] | It’s just, you know, when my mom is here, | 我只是 我妈妈在的时候 |
| [03:51] | I have to be perfect. | 我必须很完美 |
| [03:54] | Hey, hey. Remember when your mom wasn’t here? | 你记不记得你妈妈来之前 |
| [03:55] | That was great, right? | 是不是很好 |
| [03:58] | I just don’t want to disappoint her. | 我只是不想让她失望 |
| [04:00] | You know, it’s like I’m ten years old. | 我总感觉自己好像才十岁 |
| [04:01] | Why can’t you just tell your mom | 你为什么不能直接跟她说 |
| [04:03] | that you don’t feel like you can be yourself around her? | 她在旁边的时候 你总感觉不能做自己 |
| [04:06] | I-I think she needs to hear that. | 我觉得她需要听到这句话 |
| [04:08] | You’re right. She does need to hear that. | 你说得对 她确实需要听到这句话 |
| [04:10] | Finally. | 你终于懂了 |
| [04:11] | But with one small adjustment. | 但是要调整一个小细节 |
| [04:13] | You see, I think | 是这样 |
| [04:15] | that she needs to hear it from you. | 我觉得这话应该由你来说 |
| [04:16] | Wha– No. | 什么 不 |
| [04:19] | No. You’re always putting me in the middle. | 不行 你总让我夹在中间 |
| [04:21] | Yeah, yeah. You’re my buffer. | 对啊 你就是我的缓冲层 |
| [04:25] | My big, buff buffer. | 我健壮强大的缓冲层 |
| [04:27] | Yeah, but I don’t like it. | 但是我不喜欢 |
| [04:29] | You know? We’re barely over last Thanksgiving, | 你记得吗 上次感恩节 |
| [04:31] | when you made me tell her that her cranberry salad | 你让我跟她说 她的蔓越莓沙拉 |
| [04:34] | looked like a raccoon that swallowed a firecracker. | 看起来像是吞了炸药的浣熊 |
| [04:37] | Come on. Once more for me? | 别这样嘛 再帮我一次 |
| [04:40] | One last job. | 最后一次 |
| [04:42] | You know, in the movies, | 你知道吗 电影里 |
| [04:43] | they always get killed on that one last job. | 大多数人都死在最后一票上 |
| [04:46] | I-It… It’ll be great. It’ll be great. | 没事啦 会很顺利的 |
| [04:48] | After dinner, I’ll go to bed and you can talk to her. | 晚饭之后 我回房间睡觉 你跟她聊聊 |
| [04:51] | And then, when I wake up, all the bad stuff will be over. | 这样等我醒来之后 坏事都过去了 |
| [04:53] | Just like surgery. | 就像手术一样 |
| [04:57] | Fine. I’ll talk to her. | 好吧 我跟她说 |
| [04:59] | But I’m gonna be on the beer when I do it. | 但是我说之前得先喝点啤酒 |
| [05:07] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [05:10] | Kids are all tucked in. | 孩子们都睡下了 |
| [05:11] | – Where’s Andi? – Uh, already in bed. Yeah. | -安迪呢 -已经躺床上了 对 |
| [05:14] | Somehow I got you all to myself. | 不知怎么只剩我们俩了 |
| [05:17] | But, um, | 不过 |
| [05:18] | it’s good, because, uh, I need to talk to you about something, | 也是好事 因为我需要跟你说点事 |
| [05:21] | and it’s a little delicate. | 而且有点敏感 |
| [05:23] | Okay. Before we get to that, | 好吧 在说之前 |
| [05:25] | I have to tell you something, and it’s-it’s pretty personal. | 我得告诉你一件事 可能比较私密 |
| [05:33] | That sounds like an anybody-but-me situation. | 听起来好像不太适合跟我说 |
| [05:36] | Oh, but you know that I love you like a son. | 你知道我一直把你当儿子看待的 |
| [05:38] | And you’ve been so wonderful to me | 而且从我们认识的那天起 |
| [05:40] | from the first moment that we met. | 你一直都对我很好 |
| [05:42] | Oh, I-I think you misunderstood. | 我觉得你误会了 |
| [05:45] | I was just trying to sleep with your daughter. | 我当时只是想跟你女儿上床 |
| [05:49] | Adam, you’re so funny. | 亚当 你真幽默 |
| [05:54] | But the thing is, I’ve left Andi’s father. | 我要说的是 我跟安迪的爸爸分开了 |
| [06:00] | What? | 什么 |
| [06:00] | Yeah. Oh, no, it’s okay, it’s okay. | 对 没关系的 |
| [06:02] | Oh, Frank and I have known this was coming for a long time. | 我和弗兰克早就知道会有这么一天 |
| [06:05] | But last Thursday Frank sneezed too loud and I just had it. | 上周四弗兰克打了个喷嚏太大声 我就崩了 |
| [06:11] | Oh, Alice, I’m sorry. | 艾莉丝 我很遗憾 |
| [06:13] | Oh, d– no, don’t be. | 不必遗憾 |
| [06:15] | I am rediscovering who I am. | 我正在重新找回自我 |
| [06:17] | I mean, who knows, I might be a vegan. | 谁知道呢 也许我是个素食主义者 |
| [06:20] | I might be a Democrat or I might be a lesbian. | 也许我是民主党人 也许我是个拉拉 |
| [06:25] | Well, it’s nice to have options. | 有选择总是好的 |
| [06:29] | Yeah. I do have one favor to ask you, though. | 不过我有件事想请你帮忙 |
| [06:32] | – Yeah, sure, anything, anything. – Well, uh, | -当然 你说 -是这样 |
| [06:33] | Andi’s gonna need to hear the news. | 总得告诉安迪这个消息 |
| [06:35] | – That’ll be tough. – Yeah. | -肯定不好受 -对 |
| [06:37] | Which is why I’d like her to hear it from you. | 所以我希望由你来跟她说 |
| [06:41] | That puts me in the middle. | 这样我就夹在中间了 |
| [06:44] | You’re gonna do a super job. | 你一定没问题的 |
| [06:46] | And I’ll take the kids to the zoo tomorrow. | 明天我会带孩子们去动物园 |
| [06:47] | And when I get back, all the messiness will be over. | 等我回来的时候 坏事都过去了 |
| [06:51] | It’s just like surgery. | 就像手术一样 |
| [07:09] | You scared me. | 你吓到我了 |
| [07:10] | Oh, good, good. Your mind is prepared for something horrible again. | 很好 你又做好了心理准备 |
| [07:14] | Oh, did the talk with my mom not go well? | 你跟我妈的谈话不顺利吗 |
| [07:16] | Well– there were some complications during surgery. | 手术中出现了一些意外情况 |
| [07:20] | She told me some tough news. | 她跟我说了一些坏消息 |
| [07:22] | Oh, my God. Did something happen to the Yorkies? | 天哪 是约克夏犬出事了吗 |
| [07:25] | Kind of. | 算是吧 |
| [07:27] | Their parents split up. | 他们的父母分开了 |
| [07:30] | Listen, I am here for you. | 听我说 我会陪着你 |
| [07:32] | Whatever you need, you just tell me. | 你有任何需要 就直接告诉我 |
| [07:35] | ‘Cause you know I won’t know on my own. | 因为你知道我自己猜不出来 |
| [07:41] | God, my poor dad. | 天哪 我可怜的爸爸 |
| [07:42] | Yeah, well, the good news is, I called to check on him. | 好消息是 我打了个电话给他 |
| [07:45] | He’s doing great. | 他心情不错 |
| [07:46] | He’s gonna open a topless car wash | 他打算开一家裸上身洗车店 |
| [07:48] | called Put ‘Em on the Glass. | 店名叫”隔窗有乳” |
| [07:52] | Yeah, he’s been talking about that for years. | 这个事他已经说了好几年 |
| [07:54] | Oh. Well, that makes sense. | 倒也说得通 |
| [07:56] | Yeah, you don’t come up with a clever name like that overnight. | 这么精辟的名字不可能一夜之间想出来 |
| [08:00] | I just– I never saw this coming, | 我只是从来没想到 |
| [08:02] | but I– although I don’t know why I would. | 但我 我怎么可能想得到 |
| [08:04] | She never tells me anything. She didn’t even tell me this. | 她从来不告诉我任何事 连这个都不说 |
| [08:05] | She made you do it. And I don’t appreciate | 她还是让你说的 我真的很不喜欢 |
| [08:08] | her making you tell me things. | 她让你来跟我传话 |
| [08:09] | You should go tell her that. | 你得告诉她这一点 |
| [08:13] | What? That puts me in the middle again. | 什么 又把我夹在中间了 |
| [08:17] | Adam, 20 years ago, you made a promise to me… | 亚当 二十年前 你对我许下承诺… |
| [08:20] | In a church. I remember. | 在教堂里 我记得 |
| [08:25] | I should’ve read the fine print. | 我真该好好看看附加条款 |
| [08:30] | You know what would solve everything? | 你知道怎么解决一切吗 |
| [08:31] | Is if your mom wasn’t here. | 你妈妈不在就好了 |
| [08:33] | Oh, I can’t kick her out now. She’ll think I’m upset with her. | 我现在不能赶她走 她会觉得我对她有意见 |
| [08:35] | You are upset with her. | 你确实对她有意见 |
| [08:36] | That’s why she can’t know. That’s how we do it. | 所以不能告诉她 我们就这样 |
| [08:40] | That’s ridiculous. | 你们太荒唐了 |
| [08:43] | But what I’m hearing is, | 我听出来的意思是 |
| [08:44] | if you two can talk things out, she can go? | 如果你们两个能说开 她就可以走了 |
| [08:47] | Uh… I like it. | 我喜欢 |
| [08:50] | I like it. Now that there’s a little cheese in the trap, | 我喜欢 现在陷阱里放了一块芝士 |
| [08:52] | I’m interested. | 我感兴趣了 |
| [08:56] | Ah. Good morning. | 早上好 |
| [08:57] | Hi, Mom. | 妈 |
| [08:59] | You told her already? But I’m still here. | 你已经跟她说了吗 可我还在啊 |
| [09:01] | The damn zoo doesn’t open 10:00. | 该死的动物园十点才开门 |
| [09:05] | Okay. Okay, okay, okay, no more of this. | 好了好了 我受够了 |
| [09:07] | I-I’m done being the middleman. | 我不想当传话筒了 |
| [09:09] | Okay? You two need to talk to each other like grown women, | 好吗 你们得像成年人一样直接对话 |
| [09:14] | not like a ten-year-old and her mother. | 而不是一个十岁小孩和她妈妈 |
| [09:16] | How are we supposed to magically be able to do that? | 我们怎么可能突然做到这样 |
| [09:19] | I don’t know. With alcohol. | 不知道 喝点酒吧 |
| [09:22] | Go… go out, | 出去 |
| [09:23] | get drunk, say a bunch of things you can’t take back. | 喝点酒 然后说一些无法收回的话 |
| [09:25] | Act like a family, for God’s sakes. | 能不能有点家人的样子 |
| [09:32] | So, Frank and Alice are calling it a day, huh? | 弗兰克和艾莉丝准备散了是吗 |
| [09:35] | Phew. Talk about dropping out of the marathon at mile 25. | 真是 都跑了25英里才宣布退赛 |
| [09:40] | Well, it’s sad they’re breaking up, | 他们要分开是比较难受 |
| [09:41] | but Frank’s got a winner with that car wash. | 但弗兰克的洗车店绝对有前途 |
| [09:44] | I mean, it’s hard to compete with soapy hooters. | 加了肥皂的奶子绝对有市场 |
| [09:47] | Well, now I’m stuck in a house | 我现在跟两个 |
| [09:48] | with two women who can’t communicate. | 无法正常沟通的女人困在一个家里 |
| [09:50] | So I’m sending them to a bar to see if some cocktails | 所以我派她们去了酒吧 看看几杯鸡尾酒 |
| [09:52] | will help them open up to each other. | 能不能帮她们打开心扉 |
| [09:54] | I don’t need drinks to tell the truth. | 我不需要喝酒来说真话 |
| [09:57] | I’ll be honest anywhere, anytime. | 我任何时候任何地点都能说 |
| [09:59] | You look tired. See? | 你看起来很没精神 你看 |
| [10:03] | If I’m honest, you could be a little less honest. | 要我说实话 你可以少说点实话 |
| [10:07] | Without Frank around, | 弗兰克不在的话 |
| [10:09] | I’ll bet Alice is gonna try to take over as favorite grandma. | 艾莉丝肯定会想竞争最受欢迎的外婆 |
| [10:13] | I got cocky because I was local, but now | 我因为离得近 所以有点轻敌 |
| [10:17] | I got to step up my game. | 我得加把劲 |
| [10:21] | I’m hungry. | 我好饿 |
| [10:22] | I’m on it. | 我来 |
| [10:23] | How about ice cream for dinner, hmm? | 晚餐吃冰淇淋怎么样 |
| [10:27] | Grandma Alice makes you eat vegetables. What a dud. | 艾莉丝外婆居然让你们吃蔬菜 太无趣了 |
| [10:35] | Hey, Alice. | 艾莉丝 |
| [10:36] | Hey, what’s happening up here? | 你这里是怎么回事 |
| [10:37] | Looks like you had some work done. | 看起来好像去做过一样 |
| [10:39] | Oh, thanks, Don. | 谢谢大唐 |
| [10:40] | No, since, since I’m back in the dating game, | 没有啦 我准备重出江湖去约会 |
| [10:42] | I watched a video about how to do a smoky eye. | 所以看了视频学画烟熏妆 |
| [10:45] | Been there. | 我也试过 |
| [10:47] | Hey, Alice, you, uh, you ready for tonight? | 艾莉丝 为今晚做好准备了吗 |
| [10:49] | Just have a real conversation with Andi. | 和安迪开诚布公聊一聊 |
| [10:52] | Talk about what you’re going through. | 说说你经历了些什么 |
| [10:53] | Well, it’s been emotional… | 情绪很激动 |
| [10:55] | Not to me, to Andi. | 不是对我 跟安迪说 |
| [10:57] | You did it again, there. | 你又来了哟 |
| [10:59] | Oh, Joe’s here. | 乔在这啊 |
| [11:01] | Let’s see if your mother-in-law can still make the dogs bark. | 看看你的丈母娘是不是宝刀未老 |
| [11:06] | She’s a grandmother. | 她是个外婆 |
| [11:07] | Why can’t she just bake some cookies? | 为什么不能烤饼干打发时光 |
| [11:09] | God, Joe, look at you. | 天啊 乔 悄悄你 |
| [11:11] | The older you get, the more distinguished you look. | 越老越帅了呢 |
| [11:14] | Oh, that’s what they tell me. | 大家都这么说 |
| [11:16] | Well, I’m glad I found you, | 还好你在这 |
| [11:17] | ’cause I need a little help. | 我需要人帮我个小忙 |
| [11:20] | Zip me up, would you? Oh. | 可以帮我拉上吗 |
| [11:24] | What the hell am I looking at? | 我看到了什么东西 |
| [11:28] | What the hell am I looking at? | 我看到了什么东西 |
| [11:31] | I’m zipping it up, not down, Bev. | 我在把拉链拉起来 不是拉开 贝芙 |
| [11:33] | You haven’t zipped me up since the ’60s. | 从60年代开始你就不帮我拉了 |
| [11:35] | You tell me to hook it with a back scratcher. | 让我拿痒痒挠自己钩 |
| [11:38] | We’re leaving, Joe. | 我们走了 乔 |
| [11:40] | We’ll talk about this when we get home. | 这件事回家再算账 |
| [11:42] | I can’t help it, it’s these khakis. | 都怪这条卡其裤 我情不自禁了 |
| [11:44] | Tight in all the right places. | 这裤子哪里都紧紧的 |
| [11:48] | Okay. I’m ready. | 好 我准备好了 |
| [11:50] | There’s my girl. | 我的宝贝来了 |
| [11:52] | Okay, you got this, babe, all right? | 你没问题的 亲爱的 |
| [11:53] | You get a little tipsy, talk things out, | 喝到微醺 酒后吐真言 |
| [11:55] | and then it’s adios, Alice. | 然后就拜拜了 艾莉丝 |
| [11:58] | Huh? It’s gonna be great. Especially that last part. | 肯定很顺利 尤其最后那部分 |
| [12:00] | Okay, come on, Alice. Put your game face on. | 走啦 艾莉丝 把你的状态拿出来 |
| [12:02] | We are walking. | 要出门了 |
| [12:03] | Hustle. Hustle, hustle, hustle. | 快 快 快 |
| [12:05] | Okay. Hustle, hustle. | 快 快 |
| [12:06] | Okay. All right. Hey, hey. | 好的 好了 |
| [12:09] | Just have a real conversation with her. | 跟她开诚布公谈一谈 |
| [12:11] | Okay, well, don’t get your hopes up. | 你别期望太高 |
| [12:12] | We don’t have those. | 我们俩没试过 |
| [12:13] | That’s the spirit. Off you go. | 信心十足嘛 走吧 |
| [12:17] | Dad? | 爸 |
| [12:18] | We heard about Nana and Pop-Pop. | 我听说外公和外婆的事了 |
| [12:20] | Is everything okay? | 他们还好吗 |
| [12:22] | Oh. Uh, listen, | 听着 |
| [12:23] | I don’t want you guys to worry | 我不希望你们 |
| [12:24] | because your grandparents split up, all right? | 为外公外婆分开而担心 知道吗 |
| [12:26] | Yeah, your dad’s right. | 你们爸爸说得对 |
| [12:27] | There’s a supervolcano under Yellowstone | 黄石公园有一座超级火山 |
| [12:29] | that’s gonna make this the least of your problems. | 这件事就是小巫见大巫 |
| [12:40] | There they are. Hi. | 你们回来了 |
| [12:41] | How’d it go? | 怎么样 |
| [12:42] | Oh. It was so beautiful. | 太美好了 |
| [12:45] | Oh, I thought this might work. | 我就知道行得通 |
| [12:47] | Therapy’s great, but liquor’s quicker. | 心理咨询好用 但酒精来得更快 |
| [12:51] | I mean, for the first time, we could just be ourselves. | 这是我们第一次真正做自己 |
| [12:53] | It’s the most open we’ve ever been. Yeah. | 从来没有这么开诚布公过 |
| [12:55] | I think I was so closed off before | 我以前真是太封闭自己了 |
| [12:57] | because I had to be perfect to convince myself | 总想着要完美 就拼命说服自己 |
| [12:59] | that I was happy. | 我很幸福 |
| [13:00] | Oh, yeah, I don’t need the details. | 我不需要听细节 |
| [13:02] | I was just looking for thumbs up, thumbs down. | 我只盼着结果如何 点赞还是失败 |
| [13:05] | Ooh. And guess what. | 我再跟你说 |
| [13:07] | Our Uber driver asked my mom for her number. | 我们的优步司机 跟我妈要手机号了 |
| [13:10] | Yeah, but he seemed like a gentleman, right? | 对 感觉他挺绅士吧 |
| [13:12] | He always used his turn signal. Yeah. | 从来没忘记打转向灯 |
| [13:15] | Well, good for you. | 真不错嘛 |
| [13:17] | Ah– and now that things are resolved between you two, | 现在你们俩的问题解决了 |
| [13:19] | you can go start your new life. | 你可以去开启新生活了 |
| [13:21] | And where better to do that than not here? | 哪里都比在这里强 |
| [13:24] | She’s not going anywhere. | 她哪里都不会去 |
| [13:26] | Like, we’ve just started to bond. | 我们才刚刚和好 |
| [13:28] | As-as far as I’m concerned, she could stay here forever. | 要我说 她可以永远住在这 |
| [13:31] | Oh… Forever? | 永远 |
| [13:32] | What…? | 什么 |
| [13:33] | How can she stay forever if she’s leaving? | 她要走了 怎么会永远在这 |
| [13:35] | That doesn’t make sense. | 根本说不通嘛 |
| [13:38] | I’m just happy that my daughter wants me around forever. | 我女儿想一直陪着我 我太开心了 |
| [13:43] | Thanks for making us talk, Adam. | 谢谢你让我们去聊天 亚当 |
| [13:45] | You know, you did this. | 这是你的功劳 |
| [13:47] | Aw, you don’t have to rub it in. | 你可以别往伤口上撒盐了 |
| [13:53] | Listen, we need to talk about | 我们得谈一谈 |
| [13:55] | how long your mom’s gonna be staying with us, | 你妈妈会跟我在一起住多久 |
| [13:57] | because the answer to that can’t be “forever.” | 因为答案肯定不能是永远 |
| [14:01] | Sure, baby. | 当然了 宝贝 |
| [14:03] | Why don’t you come chat about it under the covers? | 我们盖上被子再聊吧 |
| [14:05] | No, no, no-no-no-no, this is serious. | 不不不 这是很严肃的事情 |
| [14:08] | – Your mom is… – Blah, | -你妈妈 -叽里 |
| [14:09] | – blah, blah, take your shirt off. – What? No, wait. | -呱啦 衣服脱了 -什么 不行 等等 |
| [14:12] | Honey, honey. We have important things to discuss. | 亲爱的 我们有很重要的事要讨论 |
| [14:15] | But I’m feeling so good. | 可我感觉好棒啊 |
| [14:19] | I am not a machine. | 我不是台机器 |
| [14:22] | Okay, you can’t just turn me on. | 你不能按个开关就开了 |
| [14:30] | Okay, we’ll talk tomorrow. Ooh! | 我们明天再谈 |
| [14:34] | Forever. That was the exact word she used. | 永远 这是她的原话 |
| [14:38] | So, just get Andi to ask Alice to leave. | 你就让安迪请艾莉丝离开嘛 |
| [14:41] | I tried that. | 我试过了 |
| [14:42] | But she bewitched me with sex. | 可她用性爱将我魅惑 |
| [14:45] | Wives will do that. | 妻子的手段 |
| [14:46] | That’s why I don’t have a snowmobile. | 所以我现在没有雪地摩托 |
| [14:48] | Or a say in anything. | 也没有话语权 |
| [14:51] | I don’t know what to do. | 我不知道该怎么办了 |
| [14:52] | My wife is happy, but I’m living with my mother-in-law. | 我的妻子很开心 可我却和丈母娘同在一屋檐 |
| [14:55] | It’s crazy. I got lonely Uber drivers circling my house | 真疯狂 我让孤单的优步司机围着我家转圈 |
| [14:58] | like it’s the airport. | 就像去机场一样 |
| [15:01] | So, the question is, whose happiness is more important, | 问题就是 谁的快乐更加重要 |
| [15:05] | yours or Andi’s? | 你的 还是安迪的 |
| [15:08] | Why did you ask it like that? Are you wearing a wire? | 你为什么这么问 你装窃听器了吗 |
| [15:13] | I got the solution to this. | 我有办法了 |
| [15:15] | Does it involve a supervolcano? | 办法里有超级火山吗 |
| [15:18] | No. But now I need a minute. | 没有 让我再想一分钟 |
| [15:24] | You know, Mom, this week has been so fun. | 妈 这一周真是太欢乐了 |
| [15:26] | You know, we’re so comfortable around each other now, | 我们相处得那么融洽 |
| [15:28] | we can shop for bras. | 甚至可以一起买文胸 |
| [15:29] | I mean, before this, I don’t even think | 之前我都不敢在你面前 |
| [15:30] | I could say “bra” to you. | 说起文胸这个词 |
| [15:33] | Hey, do you like this one? | 你喜欢这件吗 |
| [15:36] | Uh… that’s too complicated to unhook. | 解法比较复杂 |
| [15:39] | I’m gonna be dating men in the early stages of arthritis, | 我要约会的对象到了有关节炎的年纪了 |
| [15:41] | I want to make it easy on them. | 我希望别给他们出难题 |
| [15:51] | Oh. Wow, uh, maybe you should pick your own bra. | 你还是自己挑吧 |
| [15:54] | This is what friends do. | 这是朋友之间会做的事 |
| [15:57] | Oh, and I have to tell you, | 我跟你说 |
| [15:58] | I am loving this sexual freedom. | 我可太享受性爱自由了 |
| [16:03] | See, now, your dad, he wanted his wife to be this bra. | 你爸那人 希望老婆穿这种文胸 |
| [16:06] | But I wanted to be this bra. | 可我想穿这种文胸 |
| [16:09] | I mean, you know, come on, let’s try some stuff, Frank. | 我说 来吗 弗兰克 试试新花样 |
| [16:11] | Pull my hair once in a while. | 偶尔也薅我的头发嘛 |
| [16:17] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [16:18] | So, for my wife’s happiness, | 为了我妻子的快乐 |
| [16:19] | I am just going to accept the fact | 我就只能接受 |
| [16:20] | that my mother-in-law lives with us. | 和丈母娘一起住的现实 |
| [16:22] | I’m gonna be a better person. I’m gonna be that guy. | 我会成为更好的人 成为那种人 |
| [16:25] | That guy sleeps in the garage. | 那种人住在车库里 |
| [16:28] | Eventually with the car running. | 最终和车一起消失 |
| [16:32] | Don does paint a bleak picture. | 老唐描绘的画面很凄凉 |
| [16:34] | But… | 但是 |
| [16:36] | But nothing, I just thought he did a nice job describing it. | 没有但是 我就是觉得他描述得活灵活现 |
| [16:43] | My mom’s got to go. | 我妈必须走 |
| [16:46] | Oh, thank God. I was trying to be a better person, | 谢天谢地 我本来想当个更好的人 |
| [16:48] | but it just doesn’t feel like me. | 可感觉不像我了 |
| [16:50] | What changed your mind? | 你怎么改主意了 |
| [16:51] | Well, like, I’m glad that my mom and I are more open. | 我和老妈直接开诚布公一点 确实不错 |
| [16:54] | But now it’s too open. | 但现在开过了 |
| [16:58] | I-I-If she leaves, maybe we can just slow this whole thing down. | 如果她走了 我们可以把节奏放慢点 |
| [17:01] | “If she leaves.” I like where you’re going with this. | 如果她走了 我喜欢这个节奏 |
| [17:03] | What do you need from me? | 我能帮上什么忙 |
| [17:05] | Help me get rid of her. | 帮我摆脱她 |
| [17:06] | But without making her feel like we’re getting rid of her. | 但别让她感到我们想摆脱她 |
| [17:08] | Okay. All right. | 好的 |
| [17:09] | Using underhanded means to get what I want. | 为达目的不折手段 |
| [17:11] | Now this feels like me. | 这才像我的作风 |
| [17:17] | Okay, Mom. Per your request, I made you a flirtini. | 好的 妈妈 应你的要求 我给你做了杯骚提尼 |
| [17:20] | So, here’s to your sexual awakening, I guess. | 庆祝你的性觉醒 之类的吧 |
| [17:26] | Thanks, honey. That’s very woke of you. | 谢谢亲爱的 你真是太提神了 |
| [17:29] | I’ve been on the Internet. | 我也会网上冲浪唷 |
| [17:35] | Thanks for coming. You ready to do this? | 谢谢你能来 你准备好了吗 |
| [17:36] | It’ll be easy. I’ll let the khakis do the talking. | 简单 交给我的卡其裤了 |
| [17:42] | Oh. Hi, Joe. | 乔啊 |
| [17:43] | Ah, there she is. | 你在这啊 |
| [17:45] | The soft spring night can only be | 柔柔春风夜 |
| [17:47] | enhanced by a beautiful woman. | 美人多增色 |
| [17:51] | Alice, let’s dance. | 艾莉丝 我们跳舞吧 |
| [17:53] | Since that night I zipped you, I’ve been dying to dip you. | 那晚的拉链 拉出了我对你的思念 |
| [17:57] | But, Joe, you’re married to Bev. | 可乔 你是有老婆贝芙的人 |
| [17:59] | And you used to be married to Frank. | 你还嫁过弗兰克呢 |
| [18:01] | We’re halfway there. | 我们半斤八两 |
| [18:06] | I knew when I saw your Old Spice on the counter, | 我在台子上看到了老辣椒男士香水 |
| [18:09] | you were up to no good. | 不用猜你就有了歪心思 |
| [18:12] | And you… you get your hands off my man. | 你 把你的手从我的男人身上拿开 |
| [18:15] | It’s not what it looks like. | 不是这样的 |
| [18:16] | It is if it looks like love. | 就是这样的 浓浓的爱意 |
| [18:19] | Joe, come on, stop it. No, Bev, Bev, | 乔 别闹了 不是的 贝芙 |
| [18:22] | I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. | 这件事不是我的本意 |
| [18:25] | I-I think it’s my new bra. It unleashed something. | 肯定是我的新文胸 解放了些什么东西 |
| [18:29] | Touch my husband again and I’ll unleash something. | 你再敢碰我老公 我就要解放了 |
| [18:32] | Ma, easy, Ma, easy. | 妈 冷静 冷静点 |
| [18:33] | – Get off me. – Easy. | -别碰我 -冷静 |
| [18:36] | Mom, may-maybe you should head upstairs. | 妈 你还是先上楼吧 |
| [18:38] | I don’t know how long he can hold her. | 我不知道他能拦多久 |
| [18:39] | Honey, I don’t know if upstairs is far enough. | 亲爱的 我觉得楼上不够远啊 |
| [18:42] | Where else could she go? | 她能去哪啊 |
| [18:43] | I don’t know. No one in this family’s safe | 我不知道 她这原始的性感大开 |
| [18:45] | with her kind of raw sexuality around. | 家里谁也不安全啊 |
| [18:48] | A cougar needs to hunt. | 狼虎之年 得控制啊 |
| [18:52] | You know, maybe it is time for me to leave | 要不我还是离开这里 |
| [18:53] | and start my new life. | 开始我的新生活吧 |
| [18:55] | W– O-Only if it’s right for you. | 你觉得这样会更好吧 |
| [18:57] | Yeah, well, maybe I could take a trip to Italy. | 也许我可以去意大利旅游 |
| [19:00] | The land of olive oil and hairy men. | 橄榄油和多毛男的故乡 |
| [19:03] | Tell your story walking. | 收走就走 |
| [19:07] | And if I see you around here again, | 你别再让我看见 |
| [19:08] | I’ll give you a smoky eye without the makeup. | 不然你不用画 我就给你个烟熏妆 |
| [19:14] | Mom. | 妈 |
| [19:15] | You were terrifying. Great performance. | 你太吓人了 演得真好 |
| [19:18] | What are you talking about? | 你说什么呢 |
| [19:19] | What? Wh-Why don’t you know what I’m talking about? | 什么 你怎么不知道我在说什么 |
| [19:23] | Bev, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. | 贝芙 你在这呢 我到处找你 |
| [19:25] | I didn’t get to tell her about the plan. Ugh, no… | 我还没把计划告诉她呢 |
| [19:27] | What plan? | 什么计划 |
| [19:28] | Dad was just faking it to get Alice to leave. | 爸爸是装的 为了让艾莉丝离开 |
| [19:34] | I’m sorry, Joe. | 对不起 乔 |
| [19:36] | I wish I’d known. I wouldn’t have held back. | 我早点知道多好 就不用控制了 |
| [19:40] | That was holding back? | 那还是控制了的 |
| [19:41] | Yeah. My mom can beat up your mom. | 对 我妈绝对能揍扁你妈 |
| [19:48] | – Bye, Mom. – Bye, Alice. | -再见 妈妈 -再见 艾莉丝 |
| [19:50] | Close the door. | 关门 |
| [19:52] | Have fun in Italy. | 意大利玩得愉快啊 |
| [19:54] | Close the door! | 关门 |
| [19:58] | Honey. Do you understand what just happened? | 亲爱的 你知道刚刚发生了什么吗 |
| [20:01] | Yeah. You closed the door so your mom can’t get back in. | 知道 你把门关上 你妈就回不来了 |
| [20:05] | No. | 不是 |
| [20:06] | Our whole relationship has changed. | 是我们的关系彻底变了 |
| [20:08] | I can finally be myself around her. | 我终于可以在她面前做自己了 |
| [20:11] | Of course, I’ll have to get used to her being herself around me, | 当然 我还得习惯习惯她在我面前做自己 |
| [20:13] | but it’s a big step forward. | 但进步算很大了 |
| [20:17] | And it’s all thanks to you. | 全都要谢谢你 |
| [20:18] | Aw, well, I’m happy for you. | 我为你高兴 |
| [20:20] | Hey. You know how we should celebrate? | 知道我们该怎么庆祝吗 |
| [20:22] | Do, do, do that thing where you unbutton my buttons. | 再再再给我解开扣子那招 |
| [20:30] | Honey… it’s been a crazy week. | 亲爱的 真是疯狂的一周 |
| [20:32] | Let’s just watch TV. | 我们看电视吧 |
| [20:39] | I miss your mom. | 我想你妈妈了 |