| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:01] | Speech! Speech! | 演讲 演讲 |
| [00:04] | Okay, okay, okay. Settle down. | 好啦好啦 都静一下 |
| [00:07] | It’s hard to believe I’m 50. | 真不敢相信我50岁了 |
| [00:08] | A-A-As of today, I’m middle-aged. | 从今天开始 我就步入中年了 |
| [00:11] | What’s he been the last 10 years? | 那他过去十年算什么 |
| [00:12] | Delusional. He thinks he’s a millennial, like us. | 妄想狂 他以为自己跟我们一样是千禧一代 |
| [00:15] | I’ve thought a lot about what’s next. | 我思考了很多 关于接下来会如何 |
| [00:17] | – 51. – Thank you, buddy. | -变51岁 -谢谢你啊 兄弟 |
| [00:18] | And it’s important that I continue to grow | 重要的是 我要继续成长 |
| [00:21] | and that I stay mentally challenged. | 并且继续接受精神上的挑战[当弱智] |
| [00:24] | Which is why I am starting… | 所以我要开始 |
| [00:27] | piano lessons, | 学钢琴 |
| [00:28] | so that by next year’s birthday, | 这样到明年生日时 |
| [00:30] | I’ll be good enough to perform in public. | 我就厉害到能当众演奏了 |
| [00:32] | Oh, great. Another thing to go to. | 太好了 又有破事要去参加 |
| [00:34] | Also, I’m gonna learn how to speak Spanish. | 还有 我要学讲西班牙语 |
| [00:37] | Excelente! | 好棒哦[西语] |
| [00:40] | Uh, I — I haven’t started yet. | 我还没开始学 听不懂 |
| [00:41] | Um, and finally, um — | 最终 |
| [00:43] | and I know it’s a little bit of a midlife-crisis cliché, | 我知道这算是老掉牙的中年危机事项 |
| [00:46] | but… | 不过 |
| [00:48] | I’m gonna learn how to ride a unicycle! | 我打算学骑独轮车 |
| [00:51] | Phil, you forgot to open one of your gifts. | 菲尔 有份礼物你忘记拆了 |
| [00:55] | This one, Jay picked it up for you himself. | 这一份 是杰亲手为你选的 |
| [00:59] | He did? | 真的吗 |
| [01:00] | Hey, Dad. | 爸爸 |
| [01:01] | So, what’s going on with that hat? | 你干嘛戴那顶帽子 |
| [01:02] | Gloria thinks I look grumpy in the photos that we take | 歌洛莉亚觉得我在我们家庭聚会拍的大合照里 |
| [01:05] | when we go to these things, | 都很臭脸 |
| [01:06] | so I’m searching for the right hat | 所以我在寻找最合适的帽子 |
| [01:08] | that makes me look like I’m having fun. | 能让我看起来玩得很开心 |
| [01:10] | Or you could just smile more. | 或者你多笑一点也行啊 |
| [01:14] | “The Sommelier’s Guide to the Wines of France.” | 《品酒师的法国红酒指南》 |
| [01:17] | – I love it so much. – Nice! | -我太喜欢了 -真不错 |
| [01:20] | Oh, my goodness. It’s inscribed. | 老天爷 上面还题了字 |
| [01:23] | “May you continue to age | “愿你像上等波尔多红酒般 |
| [01:25] | as gracefully as a fine Bordeaux.” | 继续优雅地老去” |
| [01:28] | – Dad… – “Happy Birthday, Jay. | -爸爸 -“生日快乐 杰 |
| [01:30] | Love, Cam.” | 爱你的 小卡” |
| [01:31] | …Cam. Yeah. Jay, you re-gifted my gift? | 小卡 没错 杰 你把我送你的礼物转送人啊 |
| [01:34] | Dad! | 爸爸 |
| [01:35] | I didn’t know he wrote in it. | 我不知道他在里面写字了 |
| [01:36] | Because you didn’t open it. | 因为你都没打开过 |
| [01:37] | So now I feel like a jerk. | 现在我觉得自己好混蛋 |
| [01:38] | How could you be a jerk? You’re wearing that hat. | 你怎么会是混蛋呢 你可是戴着那顶可爱的小帽子 |
| [01:46] | A year from now, I’m gonna know what that means. | 一年后 我就知道她在说什么了 |
| [02:00] | I got Gloria the greatest Valentine’s Day gift — | 我给歌洛莉亚准备了最棒的情人节礼物 |
| [02:03] | a box set of DVDs of all the Dean Martin Roasts. | 喜剧演员迪恩·马丁的全套吐槽作品集 |
| [02:07] | I was so moved by the romantic gesture | 我被如此浪漫的举动深深打动了 |
| [02:10] | that for Jay’s birthday, | 于是杰生日那天 |
| [02:11] | I invited a bunch of people over to insult him. | 我邀请了一群人来羞辱他 |
| [02:17] | So, my ex-wife and I, | 我前妻和我 |
| [02:19] | we were on vacation with Jay and Gloria. | 我们跟杰和歌洛莉亚一起去度假 |
| [02:21] | They’re walking down the beach, and my ex-wife says, | 他俩沿着海滩漫步 我前妻说 |
| [02:23] | “Whoa, look at all that skin.” | “天啊 露出那么大面积的皮肤” |
| [02:25] | And I said, “Baby, come on. | 我便说 “宝贝 别这样 |
| [02:27] | What’s wrong with that? | 那有什么问题呢 |
| [02:28] | She’s a beautiful woman in a bikini.” | 她是个穿着比基尼的美丽女子” |
| [02:31] | She said, “Oh, I’m talkin’ about Jay’s scalp.” | 她说 “不 我是在说杰的头皮” |
| [02:38] | Jay is so not Latin | 杰毫无拉丁血统 |
| [02:41] | that every time that he dances, | 没有的程度达到他只要开始跳舞 |
| [02:43] | people point him to the bathroom. | 都有人告诉他洗手间在哪 |
| [02:46] | He has no rhythm. That’s what I mean. | 他毫无节奏感 我意思是 |
| [02:50] | But seriously, I love the whites. | 不过说真的 我很喜欢白人 |
| [02:53] | No, but seriously, Jay is quite the environmentalist. | 不 说真的 杰是不折不扣的环保人士 |
| [02:55] | Just this last year, he recycled a gift of mine — | 去年 他就把我送他的礼物回收利用了 |
| [02:58] | a wonderful book about wine. | 是一本关于上等红酒的好书 |
| [03:03] | I-I don’t want to say my father is old, | 我不想说我爸年纪很大 |
| [03:05] | but he remembers panicking at Y-1-K. | 不过他对1000年电脑千年虫的恐惧还记忆犹新 |
| [03:11] | My dad is old. | 我爸很老了 |
| [03:13] | How old is he? | 他有多老 |
| [03:15] | He’s so old that when he started using it, | 他一开始用白宫H牌痔疮膏那个年代 |
| [03:17] | it was called Preparation G. | 那还叫白宫家御用古方痔疮膏 |
| [03:21] | Enough! | 够了 |
| [03:22] | This is terrible! | 你们太过分了 |
| [03:24] | I don’t know why any of you people think this is funny! | 我不懂你们为什么觉得好笑 |
| [03:27] | You may think these are jokes, but it’s way too real. | 你们可能觉得这些只是玩笑 但其实太真实了 |
| [03:31] | We need to respect Grandpa instead of cutting him down. | 我们应该尊敬外公 而不是揭他老底 |
| [03:35] | None of us really knows how much time he has left. | 没人知道他还能活多久 |
| [03:38] | Do you really want these to be the last words he hears? | 你们真的希望这是他人生最后听到的话吗 |
| [03:41] | Well, now I feel like hell. | 现在我难受死了 |
| [03:43] | And that’s how you roast! Bam! | 这才叫吐槽 炸裂 |
| [03:49] | I don’t understand why adults make such a big deal | 我不懂大人为什么把生日 |
| [03:51] | about their birthdays. | 搞得那么隆重 |
| [03:52] | So this year, I asked for nothing. | 所以今年 我没有任何要求 |
| [03:54] | No party, no fuss. | 不搞派对 不搞活动 |
| [03:57] | Just a quiet night by myself, | 一个人静静度过那晚 |
| [03:59] | with my thoughts, all alone. | 与我的思想独处 |
| [04:04] | Okay. | 好了 |
| [04:05] | Just as I had hoped, Mitchell is miserable. | 跟我希望的一样 米奇尔凄惨到不行 |
| [04:07] | He said he didn’t want a party, | 他说他不想办派对 |
| [04:09] | but it’s like when you write “No gifts” on an invitation | 但这就跟你在邀请函上写”不用送礼” |
| [04:11] | but you secretly want everyone to bring something | 其实暗中希望所有人都带大份 |
| [04:12] | big and expensive, Jotham. | 又昂贵的礼物来一样 约坦 |
| [04:14] | I made a heartfelt toast at your party. | 我在你的派对上发表了真诚的祝酒辞 |
| [04:16] | Yes, and those 12 words were just as generous | 没错 那12个词跟其他人带来的实体礼物 |
| [04:18] | as the actual physical gifts everyone else brought. | 同样慷慨大方 |
| [04:21] | Okay, I’m gonna go in. | 好 我要进去了 |
| [04:22] | When you hear me say “Mitchell, you’re not alone,” | 你们听到我说”米奇尔 你不是一个人”后 |
| [04:25] | that’s when you come in and you yell “Surprise.” | 你们就冲进来大喊”惊不惊喜” |
| [04:28] | We know what to say. | 我们知道该说什么 |
| [04:29] | Mm. Do you? | 你真的知道吗 |
| [04:34] | – How you doing? Okay? – Yeah. | -你怎么样 还好吗 -嗯 |
| [04:35] | Now do you see what it’s like to spend your birthday alone? | 现在你知道独自过生日是什么样了吧 |
| [04:38] | I do. And it’s… | 知道了 这… |
| [04:40] | – Yeah. – …amazing. | -对 -简直太棒了 |
| [04:41] | – What? – Cam, thank you. Thank you. | -什么 -小卡 谢谢你 谢谢你 |
| [04:43] | For once, you heard me and gave me exactly what I wanted | 你终于有一次听进去我的话 给我我想要的 |
| [04:46] | instead of what you thought I should want. | 而不是你以为我该想要的 |
| [04:48] | Honey, this is the best birthday present ever. | 亲爱的 这是我收到过最棒的生日礼物 |
| [04:51] | – It is? – Yes! | -真的吗 -真的 |
| [04:52] | Oh, and you’ve — you’ve got to be relieved, too. | 你一定也松了一口气吧 |
| [04:54] | I mean, every time we hang out with our friends, | 我们每次跟那群朋友玩 |
| [04:56] | they leave and you spend the rest of the night | 他们走后 你都花一整晚 |
| [04:57] | complaining about how every single one of them annoys you. | 抱怨他们每一个人都哪里惹到你了 |
| [05:00] | I don’t know what you’re talking about! | 我不知道你在说什么 |
| [05:01] | Oh, please. Jotham’s cheap. L’Michael has bad breath. | 少来 约坦很小气 勒迈克有口臭 |
| [05:04] | That doesn’t sound like me! | 我才不会说这种话 |
| [05:06] | Antonio’s weave is falling apart. | 安东尼奥的编发都快散架了 |
| [05:08] | Vincent’s a sloppy drunk. | 文森特喝醉后都失控 |
| [05:10] | Oh, oh, Jeffrey won’t stop telling | 还有 杰弗里每次都把女星 |
| [05:11] | his one Bernadette Peters story. | 伯纳黛特·彼特斯的同个故事拿出来讲 |
| [05:13] | You’re the sloppy drunk! | 你喝醉后才失控呢 |
| [05:16] | Surprise! | 惊不惊喜 |
| [05:20] | Here’s a thing I realized — | 我发现了一件事 |
| [05:22] | you can’t get older if you never have birthdays. | 只要不过生日 就永远不会老 |
| [05:30] | ♪ Happy birth– ♪ | ♪ 祝你生日… ♪ |
| [05:36] | What’d I tell you? | 我说什么来着 |
| [05:37] | I thought this would be the year. | 我以为今年她终于会坦然接受 |
| [05:38] | I told my family I just wanted my birthday | 我之前跟家人说 今年生日 |
| [05:40] | to be me and Dylan this year because at the time, | 我只想跟迪兰两个人过 因为当时 |
| [05:42] | I was still keeping my pregnancy a secret, | 我还没告诉家人我怀孕了 |
| [05:44] | and I knew they’d get all suspicious | 我知道他们见到我不喝酒 |
| [05:46] | about why I wasn’t drinking. | 肯定会开始怀疑 |
| [05:47] | What was I going to say? | 我能怎么说 |
| [05:48] | “I can’t drink because I have work in the morning”? | “我要早起工作所以不能喝酒”吗 |
| [05:50] | There’s no way they’d believe that. | 他们才不可能相信 |
| [05:54] | Here. I got you a present. | 给 我给你准备了礼物 |
| [05:55] | Thank you! | 谢谢你 |
| [05:58] | Get out! | 不是吧 |
| [05:59] | Gucci baby sneakers! | 古琦婴儿鞋 |
| [06:02] | They’re adorable. | 真可爱 |
| [06:04] | Our baby’s gonna be so hot. | 我们的宝宝会很性感的 |
| [06:06] | Personally, I think it’s weird | 就我个人来说 我觉得这很怪 |
| [06:07] | that there are shoes for someone who can’t walk. | 宝宝还不会走路为什么要穿鞋 |
| [06:09] | But you know what, Haley? | 但你知道吗 海莉 |
| [06:11] | I love that we’re pregnannnt — | 我们怀了宝宝我真高兴 |
| [06:14] | Hello! | 你们好 |
| [06:16] | What are you guys doing here? | 你们俩怎么会在这 |
| [06:18] | At the restaurant? We got a — | 在这间餐厅吗 我们 |
| [06:19] | – We got a Groupon, but we — – Us too. | -我们买了团购券 -我们也是 |
| [06:20] | Yeah, we j-we just saw that you were over here. | 我们只是看到你们俩在这边 |
| [06:22] | – Wanted to say happy birthday. – Happy birthday. | -想过来说声生日快乐 -生日快乐 |
| [06:24] | Didn’t mean to overhear. | 我们无意偷听 |
| [06:25] | You didn’t overhear anything. | 你们什么都没听到 |
| [06:26] | We were talking about a TV show. | 我们刚才说的是电视剧 |
| [06:28] | Oh, well, then, what’s-what’s up | 那这些 |
| [06:29] | with these little baby shoes, then? | 这些婴儿鞋是怎么回事 |
| [06:30] | These are-these are not baby shoes. | 这些不是婴儿鞋 |
| [06:32] | No, they’re, um… | 不是 这些是 |
| [06:33] | We are starting a business | 我们要创业 |
| [06:35] | for people who cannot afford full-size designer wear. | 卖这些给买不起正常尺寸奢侈品的人 |
| [06:38] | Oh. Well, as much as that does sound like you, I — | 尽管听起来像是你会做的事 我 |
| [06:42] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [06:44] | – I’m pregnant. – Oh, my God. | -我怀孕了 -我的天 |
| [06:46] | That’s exciting! | 太令人激动了 |
| [06:47] | – Is it? – We think so. | -是吗 -我们觉得是 |
| [06:48] | But we have not told my parents yet, | 但我们还没告诉我父母 |
| [06:50] | so please don’t say anything. | 所以拜托什么都别说 |
| [06:52] | Oh, honey, I could keep your secret forever, | 亲爱的 我可以永远为你保守秘密 |
| [06:54] | but just so you know, he can’t. | 但你得知道 他做不到 |
| [06:56] | Yeah, I’m weak. | 是的 我嘴不严 |
| [06:57] | Yeah, you got maybe three, four days tops. | 他最多只能忍住三四天 |
| [06:59] | – What? – Yeah. | -什么 -是的 |
| [07:00] | Okay. Well, these were from us, but… | 好吧 这些本来是我们送的 可是 |
| [07:03] | Yeah, she can’t have it. She’s pregnant. | 她不能喝酒 她怀孕了 |
| [07:04] | Okay, there you go. See? | 这就说了 你瞧 |
| [07:06] | Now, you listen to me. | 你给我听好 |
| [07:07] | My roller-coastering hormones | 我过山车一样的荷尔蒙 |
| [07:09] | cannot handle another lecture from my mother right now, | 现在不能应付我妈再对我说教 |
| [07:10] | so you are going to tell me a secret | 所以你得告诉我一个秘密 |
| [07:12] | that I will reveal to everyone if you ever spill mine! | 假如你泄密 我就告诉所有人 |
| [07:16] | Yeah, but I don’t have any secrets. | 可我没有任何秘密 |
| [07:17] | Uh, when he dresses as Fizbo, | 他扮成费兹波的时候 |
| [07:19] | he puts the makeup everywhere. | 全身每一处地方都要化妆 |
| [07:22] | You’re the best. | 你最好了 |
| [07:26] | Because of the whole 21 thing, | 因为21岁生日是件大事 |
| [07:27] | people don’t think turning 20 is a big deal. | 人们不觉得20岁生日有多重要 |
| [07:30] | But it’s all I’ve been thinking about for the last three years. | 但过去三年里我脑子里只想着这件事 |
| [07:38] | Three years ago, I came in here, | 三年前 我到这家店来 |
| [07:40] | and when I saw you, I fell in love. | 一看到你就爱上了你 |
| [07:43] | The kind of love that punches you in the gut | 是那种对人冲击很大 |
| [07:45] | and makes you wanna be a better man. | 让我想变得更优秀的爱情 |
| [07:47] | But when I asked you out, you said, | 但我约你出去时 你说 |
| [07:49] | “Sorry, kid. You’re cute, | “抱歉 孩子 你很可爱 |
| [07:50] | but I don’t date teenagers.” | 但我不跟青少年约会” |
| [07:52] | Well… check it out. | 你看 |
| [07:54] | Happy birthday! | 生日快乐 |
| [07:56] | But now I don’t date men. | 可现在我不跟”男人”约会了 |
| [08:00] | Well…looks like I’ve got a decision to make. | 看来我有个重大决定要做 |
| [08:06] | On my birthday this year, | 我今年过生日时 |
| [08:07] | I really got a sense of what people think of me. | 真的明白了人们是怎么看我的 |
| [08:10] | Which is… | 那真是 |
| [08:11] | so great. | 好啊 |
| [08:12] | This is from me and the boys. | 这是我和小伙子们合送的 |
| [08:14] | Gloria got you her own gift. | 歌洛莉亚单独给你准备了礼物 |
| [08:16] | Wow, this is wrapped so nicely! | 包装得真精美 |
| [08:19] | I did that. | 是我包的 |
| [08:20] | It’s a lost art in this modern age | 在当代是门失落的艺术 |
| [08:22] | where people simply click and ship gifts over the Internet. | 人们点击几下就在网上把礼物送出去了 |
| [08:24] | Papi, just be normal. | 宝贝 正常点 |
| [08:26] | Let’s see. It is, uh… | 我们看看 这是 |
| [08:28] | some kind of silk pillow? | 真丝枕头吗 |
| [08:30] | Well, it’s more than that. | 不止如此 |
| [08:31] | See, there’s a switch on the side, | 你看 侧面有一个开关 |
| [08:33] | and when you lay on it, it-it plays ocean sounds for you. | 躺上去时能播放大海的声音 |
| [08:36] | You know, I-it helps you relax. | 能帮助你放松 |
| [08:39] | At least it’s not a re-gift. | 至少不是转送别人的礼物 |
| [08:40] | – How do you live with this? – I… | -你怎么能忍受跟他过日子 -我 |
| [08:43] | Tell you what. | 这样吧 |
| [08:44] | How about we do one more gift, and then | 不如我们再拆一个礼物 |
| [08:45] | we take a break for cake and do the rest after? Yeah. | -然后吃蛋糕休息一下再拆 -好 |
| [08:48] | Here, Mrs. Dunphy. This is from me and Haley. | 给 邓菲太太 这是我和海莉送的 |
| [08:51] | Mm, thank you, Dylan. | 谢谢你 迪兰 |
| [08:52] | Although I have to say, | 但我不得不说 |
| [08:53] | you have given me enough gifts this year already. | 今年你们已经给我足够的大礼了 |
| [08:56] | Again, I’m very sorry about impregnating your daughter. | 我再次为搞大您女儿肚子的事道歉 |
| [08:59] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [09:02] | What is this? | 这是什么 |
| [09:03] | It’s an aromatherapy machine. | 是台香薰机 |
| [09:04] | See, you put in oils | 你把精油加进去 |
| [09:05] | that are supposed to help you with the stress of the day. | 应该能帮你缓解一天的压力 |
| [09:08] | Alright, well… let’s see. | 好吧 我们看看 |
| [09:10] | So far, I have gotten a spa day, | 目前为止 我收到了全天水疗 |
| [09:13] | three massages, | 三份按摩 |
| [09:14] | a meditation class, an ocean pillow, | 冥想课 海洋枕头 |
| [09:17] | a rage bat, and a little machine | 发泄球棒 和一台小机器 |
| [09:20] | that’s supposed to trick my nose into calming me down. | 欺骗我的鼻子让我平静下来 |
| [09:22] | Why does everyone think I’m so tense? | 为什么每个人都觉得我精神紧绷 |
| [09:23] | You bit through your night guard. | 你的夜间牙套都咬烂了 |
| [09:25] | You’re squeezing me too hard. | 你把我勒得太紧了 |
| [09:27] | And last week, you made the pharmacist cry. | 上周 你把药剂师骂哭了 |
| [09:29] | That’s because he wouldn’t sell me any more Sudafed. | 那是因为她不肯再卖我速达菲 |
| [09:32] | The entire family was sick. | 全家都病了 |
| [09:33] | I was not cooking meth. | 我不是要制冰毒 |
| [09:35] | You know what? I don’t even want cake. | 你们知道吗 我根本不想吃蛋糕 |
| [09:37] | I really don’t appreciate being criticized like this, | 我真的不喜欢你们这样评判我 |
| [09:39] | especially on my birthday. | 特别是在我生日这天 |
| [09:44] | Um, that’s my gift. Open later. | 那是我的礼物 晚点再拆 |
| [09:48] | Manny and I share a birthday, | 曼尼和我同一天过生日 |
| [09:50] | so I always do something big to get attention. | 所以我总是大张旗鼓博取注意 |
| [09:53] | Look! No hands! | 快看 不用手扶 |
| [09:55] | – Way to go, kid! – Bravo, papi! | -做得好 孩子 -太棒了 宝贝 |
| [09:57] | Hey, guys! Check it out. | 大伙 快看 |
| [09:59] | Unicycling to my piano lesson. | 我骑独轮车去上钢琴课 |
| [10:01] | Wow! We’re so proud of you! | 我们真为你骄傲 |
| [10:03] | Now, that’s impressive. | 太厉害了 |
| [10:05] | Happy birthday, Joe! | 生日快乐 乔 |
| [10:07] | It was! | 原本挺快乐的 |
| [10:09] | It goes without saying | 不用说大家也知道 |
| [10:10] | I’m the best performer in the family. | 我是家族里最优秀的表演者 |
| [10:12] | This year, for my birthday, I decided to have a talent show | 我今年过生日时 决定办一场才艺演出 |
| [10:15] | so they all start saying it. | 好让大家都开始称赞这事实 |
| [10:17] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [10:18] | It’s a talent show? I-I didn’t know that. | 今天是才艺演出吗 我都不知道 |
| [10:20] | It said so on the invitation. | 邀请函上写了啊 |
| [10:22] | Mitchell? | 米奇尔 |
| [10:23] | I only skimmed it. | 我就随便扫了一下 |
| [10:24] | This is a disaster. | 这下糟了 |
| [10:25] | We didn’t prepare anything! | 我们可什么都没有准备 |
| [10:27] | ♪ Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina ♪ | ♪ 没有什么能比卡罗莱纳的早晨 ♪ |
| [10:30] | ♪ In the morning ♪ | ♪ 更加美妙 ♪ |
| [10:34] | ♪ No one could be sweeter than my sweetie… ♪ | ♪ 没人能比我的挚爱更加甜美 ♪ |
| [10:36] | I can’t believe they had matching vests in their car. | 真不敢相信他们车里有成对的马甲 |
| [10:38] | Uncle Grumpy, why are you so angry? | 暴脾气叔叔 你为什么这么生气 |
| [10:40] | Because the President wants to build a wall! | 因为总统想建隔离墙 |
| [10:45] | Ay, yeah, that is very sad. | 是啊 是挺悲哀的 |
| [10:47] | Sad for me, | 只是对我来说 |
| [10:48] | because I have no money and I am ugly. | 因为我又没钱又丑 |
| [10:52] | For you, he would let you in because you have money | 你不一样 他会让你进来的 因为你有钱 |
| [10:56] | and you have the boobs. | 还是大胸美女 |
| [11:00] | I never thought Uncle Grumpy would go political. | 我都不知道暴脾气叔叔会讲政治哏 |
| [11:08] | I knew I wasn’t ready! | 我就知道我还不行 |
| [11:11] | ♪ Butterflies all flutter up ♪ | ♪ 蝴蝶翩翩起舞 ♪ |
| [11:13] | ♪ And kiss each little buttercup… ♪ | ♪ 亲吻美丽花朵 ♪ |
| [11:14] | Stella, walk in a circle. | 斯黛拉 转圈圈 |
| [11:16] | Stella, sit. | 斯黛拉 坐下 |
| [11:17] | Bang! | 砰 |
| [11:19] | Ohh. Ah. Close, Dad. | 可惜差一点哦 爸 |
| [11:20] | No, I taught her to go for the gun. | 没有 我就是教她抱住枪口 |
| [11:25] | The banjo scares me ever since | 自从我看了那部恐怖片 |
| [11:26] | I saw that creepy film. | 班卓琴就给我留下了阴影 |
| [11:28] | Wait. What was it called, again? | 等等 那个电影叫什么来着 |
| [11:30] | “Deliverance”? | 《激流四勇士》吗 |
| [11:31] | No. The Muppet Movie. | 不是 是《布偶大电影》 |
| [11:34] | He was a three-toed tree toad, but a two-toed toad was she. | 他是三趾树蛙 她是两趾树蛙 |
| [11:36] | The three-toed tree toad | 三趾树蛙 |
| [11:36] | tried to win the two-toed shetoad’s heart, | 想得到两趾树蛙的心 |
| [11:38] | for the three-toed tree toad loved the ground | 因为三趾树蛙喜欢 |
| [11:39] | that the two-toed tree toad trod. | 两趾树蛙脚下的土地 |
| [11:40] | “…tree toad trod.” And sent. | “树蛙脚下的土地” 发送 |
| [11:45] | Stop it! | 太厉害了 |
| [11:46] | Fastest thumbs in the West! | 西部最快拇指 |
| [11:49] | ♪ If I had Aladdin’s lamp for only a day ♪ | ♪ 如果我能有一天拥有阿拉丁神灯 ♪ |
| [11:53] | ♪ I would make a wish, and here’s what I’d say ♪ | ♪ 我会许个愿 这是我要许的愿望 ♪ |
| [11:57] | ♪ Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina ♪ | ♪ 没有什么能比卡罗莱纳的早晨 ♪ |
| [12:00] | ♪ In the mooorniiing ♪ | ♪ 更加美妙 ♪ |
| [12:04] | As you all know, Sherry and I met | 大家都知道 雪莉和我是因为我们 |
| [12:06] | and fell for each other over our love of improv. | 对即兴表演共同的爱而相遇相爱 |
| [12:09] | So, we’re at a romantic restaurant. | 那么现在 我们是在一个浪漫的餐厅 |
| [12:12] | Okay. | 好的 |
| [12:15] | That dinner was delicious. | 晚餐很好吃 |
| [12:17] | I can’t believe you chose this place. | 我真不敢相信你选了这个地方 |
| [12:19] | The chef is my ex-boyfriend. | 这里的主厨是我前男友 |
| [12:22] | The crazy one? | 疯子前男友吗 |
| [12:23] | Yes. | 是的 |
| [12:23] | He’s very jealous, | 他嫉妒心很强 |
| [12:25] | and I’m scared he did something to your food. | 我担心他对你的食物动了手脚 |
| [12:28] | I am feeling a little funny. | 我感觉有点不太好[搞笑] |
| [12:30] | I wish this were a little funny. | 我倒希望这能稍微搞笑点 |
| [12:34] | I-Is this room spinning? I — | 这个房间在转吗 我 |
| [12:36] | No. | 没有 |
| [12:37] | I was afraid of that. | 我怕是中毒了 |
| [12:38] | Well, then I better do this before it’s too late. | 那我最好趁还来得及赶紧做了 |
| [12:42] | And this part is real. | 这一部分是真的 |
| [12:44] | Sherry Shaker, | 雪莉·夏克尔 |
| [12:45] | I used to be a one-man show, | 我以前都是独角戏 |
| [12:47] | and then you entered from stage left, | 直到你从舞台左侧进场 |
| [12:49] | and I fell in love. | 我坠入爱河 |
| [12:51] | I want you | 我希望 |
| [12:53] | to be my scene partner forever. | 你能永远做我的屏幕伴侣 |
| [12:56] | Darling, let’s force our friends to sit through | 亲爱的 让我们一起让朋友们见证 |
| [12:59] | the rest of our lives together. | 我们的余生 |
| [13:03] | Will you marry me? | 你愿意嫁给我吗 |
| [13:05] | Oh, my God. | 我的天 |
| [13:07] | Manny! | 曼尼 |
| [13:09] | No! | 不要 |
| [13:11] | Why would you do this?! | 你为什么要这么做 |
| [13:18] | You gotta be feeling better about that piano. | 至少现在你的钢琴表演不是最糟心的了 |
| [13:24] | I’d rather not talk about my birthday this year. | 我都不想聊我今年的生日 |
| [13:27] | ♪ Happy birthday, dear Lily ♪ | ♪ 祝你生日快乐 亲爱的莉莉 ♪ |
| [13:31] | ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ | ♪ 祝你生日快乐 ♪ |
| [13:35] | I still can’t believe Sherry said no | 我还是不敢相信雪莉拒绝了我 |
| [13:37] | and broke up with me. | 还跟我分手 |
| [13:38] | What does he expect? He’s 20 years old. | 那他想怎么样 他现在才二十岁 |
| [13:40] | He proposed in front of his family at a pretend restaurant. | 在全家人面前搞了个想象的餐厅求婚 |
| [13:43] | Whatever happened to “Yes and”? | 说好的”我愿意”情节呢 |
| [13:45] | Jay, I’ve tried everything. | 杰 我什么都试过了 |
| [13:46] | Please say something to him that will make him feel better. | 你快说点什么能让他好受点的话吧 |
| [13:49] | Fine. | 行吧 |
| [13:50] | Kid, let it go. | 孩子 别想了 |
| [13:52] | It was four days ago. | 都四天了 |
| [13:54] | Alright, let’s make a wish! | 好了 来许个愿 |
| [13:56] | I wish I were dead. | 我希望我死了 |
| [13:59] | Alright. | 好啦 |
| [14:01] | There we go. | 许完了 挺好 |
| [14:03] | Haley and I have had this plan for years | 海莉和我计划了好多年 |
| [14:05] | that when I turn 21, we’d hit the bars together. | 等我21岁的时候 我们要一起去酒吧 |
| [14:08] | But since she’s pregnant, I was drinking for two. | 但是因为她怀孕了 我算是在喝两人份 |
| [14:12] | Technically, four. | 准确地说 四人份 |
| [14:17] | Let me tell you something, Haley Dunphy. | 我告诉你 海莉·邓菲 |
| [14:19] | Do you know how much I admire you? | 你知道我有多佩服你吗 |
| [14:22] | Do you? | 知道吗 |
| [14:23] | So much! | 五体投地 |
| [14:25] | While I was working my butt off, | 我忙上忙下累得像狗一样 |
| [14:27] | you were out there having fun! | 你却能在外面逍遥自在 |
| [14:29] | Not worrying about anything — | 无忧无虑 |
| [14:31] | not school, not work… | 不想学校 不想工作 |
| [14:33] | not condoms. | 不想避孕 |
| [14:35] | Look at you — all preg-a-nant. | 看看你 挺着大肚子 |
| [14:38] | Maybe I should have Bill come get me pregnant. | 或许我应该让比尔也把我肚子搞大 |
| [14:41] | Then we can be pregnant together! That would be fun! | 这样我们就可以一起怀孕了 那多有意思 |
| [14:44] | Where’s my phone? | 我的手机呢 |
| [14:45] | I’m gonna text him to come get me pregnant. | 我要给他发短信让他过来搞大我肚子 |
| [14:48] | You know what? | 你知道吗 |
| [14:49] | It’s 2000-something. | 都什么时代了 |
| [14:51] | I’m gonna get him pregnant! | 是我要搞大他的肚子 |
| [14:53] | I miss drinking. | 我真想念喝傻的日子 |
| [14:55] | Unlike some people, I love my birthday. | 不像其他人 我喜欢我的生日 |
| [14:58] | It’s the one day a year that can be all about me. | 这是一年中可以以我为中心的一天 |
| [15:04] | So, um, I thought it would be fun | 好了 我觉得我们每个人轮流 |
| [15:06] | if we all went around the room | 讲讲自己爱小卡哪一点 |
| [15:08] | and say what we love about Cam. | 肯定很有意思 |
| [15:10] | Well, that’s out of nowhere, but if you insist. | 这可真是意外 不过你要坚持的话就来吧 |
| [15:13] | Haley, why don’t you go first? | 海莉 不如你先开始 |
| [15:14] | Oh, me? Okay. | 我吗 好的 |
| [15:15] | Well, um… I love Uncle Cam | 这个嘛 我爱小卡舅舅 |
| [15:18] | because he is fun and dresses with flair. | 因为他很有意思而且穿衣有品 |
| [15:20] | Oh, my gosh. | 真不好意思 |
| [15:22] | And, uh, I love that he makes my Uncle Mitchell happy. | 还有 我也爱他让米奇尔舅舅很幸福这点 |
| [15:27] | Oh, also, I love that you guys were the first ones | 还有还有 我爱你们 因为你们最先知道 |
| [15:28] | to find out I was pregnant and you never judged me. | 我怀孕了却没有给我讲大道理评判我 |
| [15:32] | Wait a minute. What are you talking about? | 等一等 你这话什么意思 |
| [15:33] | I thought we all found out at the same time. | 我以为我们是同时知道的 |
| [15:35] | Oh, uh… Well… | 这个嘛 |
| [15:36] | Mitchell, you knew she was pregnant and you didn’t tell me? | 米奇尔 你早知道她怀孕了却没有告诉我 |
| [15:38] | I didn’t think it was my place. | 我觉得这件事不该由我向你开口嘛 |
| [15:40] | Anyway, who’s next? | 好啦 下一个是谁 |
| [15:42] | “What I love about Cam is…” | 谁来说”我最爱小卡的是他…” |
| [15:43] | I just wish you would have my back just once. | 我只是希望你起码能有一次在背后支持我 |
| [15:46] | I don’t think she’s been using my gift. | 看来她没有用我送她的”按摩器” |
| [15:48] | – ♪ Happy birthday to Cam, happy… ♪ – Stop. Drop it. | -♪ 祝小卡生日快乐 ♪ -停 别唱了 |
| [15:50] | Welcome to my world. | 欢迎来到我的世界 |
| [15:51] | At my birthday, all anyone cared about was weepy Manny | 我生日的时候 大家只在乎爱哭鬼曼尼 |
| [15:54] | ’cause Sherry broke up with him. | 被他女朋友给甩了 |
| [15:56] | She has a boyfriend now. | 她现在有新男朋友了 |
| [15:59] | Way to go, Lily. | 干得漂亮 莉莉 |
| [16:00] | Way to go! | 干得漂亮 |
| [16:13] | How old are you? | 您老贵庚啊 |
| [16:15] | I turn 51 in, uh… | 快51了 再… |
| [16:18] | this many days. | 这么多天就是了 |
| [16:21] | My dad had a midlife crisis, too. | 我老爸也有过中年危机 |
| [16:23] | I have a hamster at his condo. | 我在他的公寓里有只仓鼠 |
| [16:25] | No. N-No midlife crisis. | 不 不是中年危机 |
| [16:27] | I just think you’re — you’re never too old to learn. | 我只是觉得… 人活到老学到老嘛 |
| [16:31] | Just stay away from my mom. | 求你高抬贵手 别靠近我妈 |
| [16:33] | She has a thing for losers. | 我妈对废柴没有抵抗力 |
| [16:38] | Are you okay? | 你还好吗 |
| [16:39] | Should we take you to the hospital? | 我们是不是该带你去医院了 |
| [16:40] | Yeah, the contractions are getting closer together. | 对啊 阵痛的间隔越来越短了 |
| [16:42] | No. Dad is next. | 不行 老爸是下一个 |
| [16:44] | I can hold it for a few minutes, okay? | 我可以再为他多忍几分钟 |
| [16:46] | I don’t want to screw this up for him. | 我不想搞砸他的发表会 |
| [16:54] | Yikes. Hate to follow that. | 要命 在那之后出场也太惨了 |
| [16:56] | What are you gonna dazzle us with? | 兄台你准备用那首曲子技惊四座 |
| [16:58] | “Fur Elise.” | 《致爱丽丝》 |
| [17:00] | In which key — “B” obvious? | 哪个调 荒腔走调的调吗 |
| [17:02] | Next up, the only student of mine who shaves. | 下一位 是我唯一会剃胡子的学生 |
| [17:07] | Phillip Dunphy. | 菲尔·邓菲 |
| [17:17] | When I turned 50, I vowed to do some things | 当我满50岁的时候 我发誓要做一些 |
| [17:20] | to take me out of my comfort zone | 走出自己舒适圈的事情 |
| [17:22] | and keep me on my toes, and I want to thank my family | 让自己不会松懈倦勤 在此我想感谢我的家人 |
| [17:25] | for being my biggest cheerleaders. | 永远当我最大的拉拉队 |
| [17:28] | I love you, too, honey. | 我也爱你 闺女 |
| [17:29] | No, Haley’s going into labor! | 不是 海莉要生了 |
| [17:30] | We’ve got to get her to the hospital, honey! | 我们得送她去医院了 老公 |
| [17:31] | Oh! I tried to hold it! I’m sorry, Dad! | 我试着忍住了 对不起 老爸 |
| [17:32] | Oh, my God. I’m so sorry, everyone! | 天啊 抱歉了 各位 |
| [17:35] | Convenient. | 真”巧”啊 |
| [17:51] | Yes! Great! Come on! | 好 太棒啦 走 |
| [17:53] | Great work, honey. | 亲爱的 你真棒 |
| [17:54] | Tell your mom I say hi. | 替我跟你老母问声好 |
| [18:00] | Dylan! | 迪兰 |
| [18:01] | Is everything okay? | 一切都还好吧 |
| [18:03] | No. | 不 |
| [18:06] | Everything’s amazing. | 是一切都太美妙了 |
| [18:08] | Why would you say it that way? | 你干嘛这么吓人啊 |
| [18:09] | Haley’s fine. | 海莉没事 |
| [18:11] | She was so brave. | 她好勇敢 |
| [18:12] | And the babies are great! | 孩子们也很棒 |
| [18:14] | I can’t wait to see them! | 我都等不及要见他们了 |
| [18:16] | As soon as they’re done getting checked out. | 等他们接受完检查就行了 |
| [18:17] | I’m gonna go get them now. | 我现在去把孩子抱来 |
| [18:19] | Wait, wait. | 等等 |
| [18:19] | What about the sex? | 性[别]呢 |
| [18:21] | Doctor says not for six weeks. | 医生说我跟海莉得起码休息六周 |
| [18:26] | Is this the Dunphy suite? | 请问这里是邓菲房吗 |
| [18:29] | Oh, how’s the mommy? | 孩子的妈怎么样啦 |
| [18:31] | Hand sanitizer, everyone. Here you go. | 消毒液 各位 都来用 |
| [18:33] | How you doing, kiddo? | 你还好吗 孩子 |
| [18:34] | A little tired. I overdid it last night. | 有点累 我昨晚太操劳了 |
| [18:37] | I don’t think he was talking to you, buddy. | 儿子 我觉得他不是在问你 |
| [18:39] | It’s overwhelming. | 有点心力交瘁 |
| [18:40] | Just feeling so many different emotions. | 心里有点五味杂陈 |
| [18:42] | I’m also doing great. | 我还挺棒的 |
| [18:43] | I have a son and a daughter, | 我生了一个儿子一个女儿 |
| [18:46] | and once they washed them off, they were really cute. | 等他们把孩子弄干净就行了 他们超可爱 |
| [18:49] | Oh, what are their names? | 打算起什么名字呢 |
| [18:50] | We’re gonna put a pin in that until the drugs wear off. | 我们打算先不决定 等麻醉过了再说 |
| [18:53] | Nobody needs grandchildren named Pixar and Coachella. | 没人的孙子们应该被起做皮克斯与科切拉 |
| [18:53] | 皮克斯是动画工作室的名字 科切拉是每年在加州举办的音乐节的名字 | |
| [18:58] | Phil, this is for you. | 菲尔 这是给你的 |
| [18:59] | It’s a…little early birthday present. | 是… 提前给你的生日礼物 |
| [19:03] | And I admit, this one is a re-gift. | 而我承认 这礼物是转送的二手货 |
| [19:08] | “World’s Best Grandfather.” | “世上最棒的外公” |
| [19:10] | It’s the mug I gave you when Haley was born. | 这是海莉出生时我送给你的杯子 |
| [19:12] | You kept it all these years. | 你这些年来居然一直留着 |
| [19:13] | Yeah. But, uh… it’s yours now. | 是啊 但是… 现在是你的了 |
| [19:16] | I don’t need it anymore. I got a new title. | 我用不上了 我有个新头衔 |
| [19:19] | “Great grandma”? | “外曾祖母”吗 |
| [19:22] | Oh, hell. I grabbed the wrong one. | 靠 我买错个了 |
| [19:23] | Here. | 给你 |
| [19:24] | I’m going to count to three. | 我就数到三 |
| [19:25] | Yeah. | 好的 |
| [19:27] | Hey, how was your recital, Phil? | 发布会怎么样了 菲尔 |
| [19:28] | Oh, I messed it all up for him. | 我把场面搞得一团乱 |
| [19:30] | Sorry about that, Dad. | 抱歉了 老爸 |
| [19:31] | I-I know that was your big goal for the year. | 我知道那是你今年的大目标 |
| [19:34] | I have a better one now. | 我现在有个更大的目标了 |
| [19:36] | Mi ano fue hermoso. | 米阿莫费黑摸索[西语] |
| [19:38] | My year was beautiful. | 我今年很美 |
| [19:40] | “Año” means “year.” | “阿诺”才是”年” |
| [19:42] | “Ano” means “Anus.” | “阿莫”是”屁眼” |
| [19:45] | Still works. | 还是通啦 |
| [19:47] | Hey, everybody. | 各位 |
| [19:49] | Ay, where are the babies? I want to see them. | 孩子们呢 我想见见他们 |
| [19:52] | There’s no easy way to say this. | 这件事很难跟你们开口 |
| [19:56] | Mitch and Cam have a whole thing they want to do. | 但米奇尔跟小卡说想表演一段 |
| [19:58] | Oh, God. It’s worse than I thought. | 天啊 比我想的还惨 |
| [20:00] | 电影《狮子王》经典歌曲《生命的循环/生生不息》 是狮子王向万兽介绍自己刚出生儿子时的配乐 | |
| [20:00] | ♪ Nants ingonyama bagithi baba ♪ | ♪ 爸爸 有头狮子出生了 ♪ |
| [20:06] | Oh, my God! I love it so much! | 天啊 我爱死了 |
| [20:13] | ♪ It’s the circle of life ♪ | ♪ 是生命的循环 ♪ |
| [20:16] | I can’t believe they had matching robes in their car. | 真不敢相信他们车里有成对的袍子 |
| [20:18] | ♪ And it moves us all ♪ | ♪ 带领着我们向前 ♪ |
| [20:20] | They’re so beautiful! | 他们真是太美了 |
| [20:23] | ♪ Through despair and hope ♪ | ♪ 穿越绝望与希望 ♪ |
| [20:26] | Good job. | 你做得很棒 |
| [20:27] | You’re both gonna get dog beds. | 你们两个都会有狗狗床 |
| [20:29] | ♪ Through faith and love ♪ | ♪ 越过信念与爱 ♪ |
| [20:31] | You’re next, huh? | 下一个轮到你啦 |
| [20:33] | Okay. Okay. I’m just saying. | 行行行 我就随口一说 |
| [20:36] | ♪ It’s the circle ♪ | ♪ 是那循环 ♪ |
| [20:39] | Good job, kid. | 真棒 孩子 |
| [20:41] | ♪ The circle of life ♪ | ♪ 那生命的循环 ♪ |
| [20:50] | Oh… Is he still crying? | 天啊 他还在哭吗 |
| [20:52] | Yeah. Has been for hours… | 对啊 都哭了几小时了 |
| [20:54] | I thought he cried himself to sleep. | 我本来以为他哭睡了呢 |
| [20:55] | Poor little guy. | 可怜的小家伙 |
| [20:56] | Has he eaten anything? | 他吃过东西了吗 |
| [20:58] | I fed him an hour ago. | 我一个小时前喂过他了 |
| [20:59] | It’s amazing how one can be fine | 真是厉害 他们一个好得不行 |
| [21:01] | and the other one is so upset. | 而另一个哭得这么凄惨 |
| [21:03] | You go up to bed. | 你去睡吧 |
| [21:04] | I’ll check him up one last time. | 我睡前最后再去看他一回 |
| [21:05] | Thanks mom. | 谢了 老妈 |
| [21:06] | There is my big brave boy. | 这不是我勇敢的大男孩吗 |
| [21:10] | Sherry booked a toothpaste commercial. | 雪莉预定要去拍一个牙膏广告了 |
| [21:12] | I’m going to have to see that beautiful smile all the time. | 我接下来要整天看到她美丽的笑容了 |
| [21:17] | There, there, let it out. | 来来来 哭吧哭吧 |