| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:11] | This is Ben Gross. | 这是本·格罗斯 |
| [00:13] | He’s a 15-year-old boy from Sherman Oaks, California, | 一个就读于加州的舍曼奧克斯高中的15岁男孩 |
| [00:16] | and I am American actor, producer, writer, | 我是美国演员 制作人 编剧 |
| [00:18] | and fake rapper Andy Samberg. | 假说唱歌手安迪·萨姆伯格 |
| [00:20] | What can I say? I wear a lot of hats. Now, you may be asking yourself, | 还能说什么 怪我是个全才 你可能会问自己 |
| [00:24] | “Why is Andy Samberg narrating the story of this particular boy?” | “安迪·萨姆伯格怎么偏偏讲述这个孩子的部分” |
| [00:27] | Well, honestly, his dad’s my lawyer, and I owe him a favor, | 其实是因为这孩子的爸爸是我的律师 我欠他一个人情 |
| [00:30] | but Ben seems like a good kid, so, happy to do it. | 不过本看上去是个好孩子 所以我也很乐意来帮忙 |
| [00:34] | Fresh off a successful wine heist | 成功偷到酒的本 |
| [00:36] | where his greatest nemesis became an unexpected ally, | 意外地与他最大的对手成了盟友 |
| [00:39] | Ben felt on top of the world, | 他感觉自己站到了世界之巅 |
| [00:40] | or at least on top of Model UN | 或者至少站到了模拟联合国之巅 |
| [00:42] | where in just a few hours, the highly coveted golden gavel | 再过几个小时 他梦寐以求的金槌 |
| [00:45] | would be safely tucked away in his weird little briefcase. | 就要安稳地收进他古怪的小公文包里了 |
| [00:48] | Equatorial Guinea would like to formally request permission | 赤道新几内亚正式请求 |
| [00:51] | to nuke the United States. | 对美国进行核制裁 |
| [00:52] | Unfortunately, for Ben, however, | 不幸的是 本的新盟友 |
| [00:53] | his new ally decided to go back to being his old nemesis. | 又打算做回他的老对头了 |
| [00:57] | What the hell, Devi? | 搞什么 德维 |
| [01:12] | What? | 干什么 |
| [01:13] | Nothing. You’re the one who’s looking at me. | 没干嘛 是你先看我的 |
| [01:17] | Had Ben imagined the nice conversation they had last night? | 昨晚那场愉快的对话难道是本臆想出来的 |
| [01:20] | Had he said something weird while he was drunk on grigio? | 他是不是喝醉了说了奇怪的话 |
| [01:23] | And to make matters worse, it was a six-hour drive, | 更糟糕的是 要在车上待六小时的本 |
| [01:25] | and Ben realized he left his AirPods back in the hotel room. | 发现他把耳机落在宾馆了 |
| [01:29] | Hello. | 你好 |
| [01:30] | Looks like you could use a seat buddy. | 看上去需要我陪陪你 |
| [01:34] | Egg salad? I’ve got extra spoons. | 吃鸡蛋沙拉吗 我有多的勺子 |
| [01:36] | No, thank you. | 不了 谢谢 |
| [01:49] | Hey, sweetie. No time to talk. | 宝贝 没时间说话了 |
| [01:51] | I’m going to a self-actualization retreat in Santa Barbara. | 我得去圣塔巴巴拉参加一个自我实现的静修 |
| [01:54] | Didn’t you just do that? | 你不是刚去过吗 |
| [01:56] | No, I went to a mindfulness workshop in Santa Clara. | 不是 那是圣塔克拉拉的正念研修班 |
| [01:59] | Very different philosophies, but equally important. | 两个区别很大 不过同样很重要 |
| [02:02] | Okay, sure. Uh, have fun. | 好吧 玩得愉快 |
| [02:04] | It’s not fun, Ben, it’s work… | 这不是去玩 本 这是一种提升… |
| [02:07] | on me… | 自我提升… |
| [02:08] | so I can be a better mom to you. | 这样我才会成为更好的母亲 |
| [02:10] | Gotta run. | 我先走了 |
| [02:12] | Oh! You know what? I almost forgot. | 对了 我差点忘了 |
| [02:14] | You had a big debate tournament. | 你刚参加完辩论大赛 |
| [02:16] | Did you get an A? | 拿到优秀了吗 |
| [02:17] | Actually, it was Model U– | 其实是模拟联… |
| [02:20] | Yeah. Yeah, it was great. | 是啊 挺有趣的 |
| [02:22] | Well, good work. | 做得好 |
| [02:23] | When I get back, let’s celebrate with a mother-son sound bath. | 等我回来 我们搞个母子声浴庆祝吧 |
| [02:27] | I love you. | 我爱你 |
| [02:32] | Love you too. | 我也爱你 |
| [02:33] | Ben’s mom and dad had a very unique parenting style | 本的父母有着非常独特的育儿风格 |
| [02:36] | in that they did none of it. | 因为他们什么都不会做 |
| [02:38] | So, contrary to his loud, brash school persona, | 所以虽然本在学校里张扬又傲慢 |
| [02:40] | at home he was just another quiet, lonely kid. | 可在家里 他只是又一个安静孤独的小孩 |
| [02:43] | David S. Pumpkins and his Beat Boy Skeletons. LOL. | 大卫·西蒙·南瓜和他的骷髅男孩[周六夜现场节目的虚构人物] 哈哈 |
| [03:05] | Hey, can we please stop posting lame upvote-thirsty memes | 能不能不要再发无聊的骗赞表情包了 |
| [03:08] | and get back to discussing actual worthwhile Rick and Morty theories? | 回到真正值得研究的正题”瑞克和莫蒂”上 好吗 |
| [03:12] | That’s the problem when subs get too big. | 看板人变多后就会出现这种问题 |
| [03:14] | They become as unruly as the Council of Ricks. | 他们就跟瑞克议会一样乱套 |
| [03:34] | 事项 明晚7点半 跟爸爸和希拉看快船队比赛 | |
| [03:38] | Hey, Dad. All the blogs are saying that Kawhi’s looking strong for tomorrow. | 老爸 博主们都说明天的比赛他们很看好科怀 |
| [03:46] | Fantastic. Sounds like we’re in for a hell of a game, buddy. | 太好了 看来明天我们有得看了 |
| [03:58] | As friends go, up through middle school, | 在交友方面 上高中前 |
| [04:01] | Ben had two solid ride-or-dies. | 本有两个死党 |
| [04:03] | There was Brian Lakestone, who got dropped off at school on a motorcycle, | 这是整天被摩托车载着上学的布莱恩·莱克斯通 |
| [04:06] | and Garret Von Kaenel, | 还有加莱特·冯·霍凯诺 |
| [04:07] | who could burp the theme song to Game of Thrones. | 能打嗝打出”权力的游戏”主题曲 |
| [04:09] | But both ended up at different high schools, | 不过他们在高中分道扬镳了 |
| [04:11] | so as soon as Ben started dating Shira, her friends became his friends. | 所以在本跟希拉开始交往后 她的朋友就变成了他的朋友 |
| [04:15] | Unfortunately, her friends stunk. | 很不幸的是 她的朋友很讨厌 |
| [04:18] | It’s also body shaming when people say curvy is beautiful. | 曲线美这种东西一样算是身材攻击 |
| [04:21] | Because how’s that supposed to make us size zeros feel? | 我们这种加小码女孩心里能好受吗 |
| [04:24] | Yeah. I mean I even feel that way as a double zero. | 是啊 这样就更觉得自己太瘦了 |
| [04:27] | Hey, Shirs. Excited for the game tonight? | 希拉 期待今晚的比赛吗 |
| [04:29] | Oh, my God. Sweetie, I totally forgot. | 天啊 宝贝 我完全忘记了 |
| [04:31] | I told Zoe I’d go with her to a brow sculpting pop-up. | 我跟佐伊约好了去参加一个修眉的快闪 |
| [04:34] | But you told me you’d go to the Clippers game, | 可你答应我会去快船队比赛了 |
| [04:36] | like, two months ago. | 就在2个月前 |
| [04:37] | Do you have to get your brow sculpted tonight? | 你一定要今晚去修眉吗 |
| [04:40] | Oh, my God. Did you not see my Snapchat? | 天啊 你没看过我之前发的色拉布吗 |
| [04:41] | It’ll be good for my Insta. | 发到照片墙上会很好看 |
| [04:43] | Well, sitting courtside at an NBA game is also pretty Gram-worthy, so… | 坐在NBA赛场边也值得拍照啊 所以… |
| [04:48] | Maybe if it were a Lakers game, | 要是湖人队还好 |
| [04:50] | but my followers don’t want to see Billy Crystal eating nachos or whatever. | 不过我的粉丝们可不想看比利·克里斯托[演员 快船球迷]吃玉米片什么的 |
| [04:54] | The Clippers have been better than the Lakers for years. | 快船比湖人强很多年了 |
| [04:57] | Never mind. | 算了 |
| [04:58] | Anybody else want Shira’s ticket? | 你们有人想替希拉去吗 |
| [04:59] | – No. – No. | -不想 -不想 |
| [05:01] | Awesome. | 好的 |
| [05:07] | Again? Dude. | 又一样 兄弟 |
| [05:08] | Hey, guys. How’s it going? | 嘿 你们好吗 |
| [05:10] | So, uh, listen, you two are into sports, right? | 听着 你们都是体育迷吧 |
| [05:12] | Either of you wanna sit courtside at the Clippers game tonight? | 今晚想不想坐在场边看快船队比赛 |
| [05:14] | I have an extra ticket. | 我多出来一张票 |
| [05:16] | To go with you, or to just, like, sit alone? | 是跟你一起 还是自己坐 |
| [05:18] | No. You’d go with me and my dad. | 不是 是跟我和我爸一起 |
| [05:21] | So, like, only one of us could go? We couldn’t both go? | 所以我们俩只能去一个 不能都去 |
| [05:23] | Like I said, it’s a single ticket. | 我都说了 只多了一张票 |
| [05:25] | But wouldn’t that be weird? | 那不会奇怪吧吗 |
| [05:26] | ‘Cause, like, we’re not really friends with you. | 因为我们也算不上是你的朋友 |
| [05:29] | Come on. I mean I’ve known you since kindergarten. | 拜托 我们上幼儿园就认识了 |
| [05:31] | Maybe if we’d all hung out before. Worked up to the game. | 要是我们以前一起玩过啊 这样还行 |
| [05:34] | I thought maybe this would be that bridge. | 也许这就是个契机 |
| [05:37] | But… yeah, never mind. Forget about it. | 算了… 你们就当我没问吧 |
| [05:41] | That was weird, right? | 他可真奇怪 是吧 |
| [05:42] | Yeah, bro. He never talks to us. | 是啊 他以前从来不跟我们说话的 |
| [05:44] | Oh, but if you don’t go, | 不过要是你不去 |
| [05:46] | we’ll just take two of the tickets and go with your dad. | 那我们可以一起跟你爸爸去 |
| [05:49] | – Why didn’t I think of that? – I know. | -我怎么没想到的 -是吧 |
| [05:51] | I was so proud when I thought of that idea in this moment. | 我也是突然想到的 我太骄傲了 |
| [05:55] | So, uh, how was your day? | 你今天过得怎样 |
| [05:57] | Or the first half of it at least. | 或者说说这半天也行 |
| [06:00] | Babe? | 宝贝 |
| [06:05] | – What– What’s happening? – Just do it. It’s cute. | -怎么… 你在干嘛 -乖乖照做就是了 很可爱的 |
| [06:10] | Be smilier. | 多笑一点 |
| [06:13] | Oh, uh, okay. | 好吧 |
| [06:18] | Ew. You have a zit. | 你长了个青春痘 |
| [06:19] | Do you want me to pop that for you? | 要我帮你挤掉吗 |
| [06:22] | I don’t want that. | 不用了 |
| [06:24] | Okay, fine. | 好吧 |
| [06:27] | It’s okay if I film it, right? | 我拍下来没关系吧 |
| [06:28] | – Well, I– – Smile. | -那个 我… -笑一个 |
| [06:32] | Unfortunately, Shira had gotten a text mid pop | 糟糕的是 希拉挤到一半的时候收到了一条短信 |
| [06:34] | and had left Ben Gross’s face looking pretty gross. | 本的脸被她弄得很恶心 |
| [06:37] | Guess what, guys? You’re in luck. | 同学们 你们今天走运了 |
| [06:39] | Today we’re doing a real live chemistry experiment. | 今天我们要当堂做一个化学实验 |
| [06:42] | We’re gonna be breaking good. | 一起来当绝命”好”师吧 |
| [06:46] | What is it, Eric? | 怎么了 埃里克 |
| [06:47] | Can I go to the nurse’s office? | 我能去趟医务室吗 |
| [06:49] | I think I drank some bad milk. | 我好像喝了坏的牛奶 |
| [06:50] | How do you know it was bad milk, Eric? | 你怎么知道牛奶坏掉了 埃里克 |
| [06:52] | Well, when I smelled it, it smelled bad, | 因为它闻起来就怪怪的 |
| [06:55] | and then when I was drinking it, it got way worse. | 喝下去的时候就更怪了 |
| [06:58] | I could barely finish my second glass. | 我第二杯都喝不下去了 |
| [07:00] | Devi, guess whose dad is taking them to the Clippers game tonight? | 德维 猜猜谁今晚要和他爸去看快船的比赛 |
| [07:04] | Courtside seats. | 场边座位哦 |
| [07:05] | You know, I have an extra ticket | 我有一张多的票 |
| [07:06] | but only for someone who apologizes for nuking– | 如果某人愿意就核制裁的事情跟我道歉… |
| [07:08] | Stop talking to me. Don’t you get that I’m mad at you? | 不要跟我说话 看不出我对你很生气吗 |
| [07:10] | No. Okay, I don’t get it. | 没看出来 好吧 我不明白 |
| [07:12] | What did I even do that was so terrible? | 我做了什么糟糕的事 |
| [07:14] | Let’s see. | 让我想想 |
| [07:15] | I don’t know. Maybe you running your mouth | 我也不知道 也许是因为你到处说 |
| [07:16] | about me sleeping with Paxton. | 我跟帕克斯顿上床吧 |
| [07:18] | Now he’s pissed at me. | 现在他生我气了 |
| [07:19] | – What? Why would that make him pissed? – It doesn’t matter. | -什么 他有什么可生气的 -这不重要 |
| [07:22] | Just keep your nose out of my business | 你以后不要八卦我的事情 |
| [07:24] | and up the teacher’s butt where it usually is. | 还是继续去舔老师吧 |
| [07:26] | Quiet please. No one should be boiling over | 安静 现在只有烧杯里的 |
| [07:29] | except this beaker of potassium permanganate. | 高锰酸钾才有资格沸腾 |
| [07:37] | Mrs. Paloma, that’s gonna be me | 帕洛马老师 你再不让我去医务室 |
| [07:39] | if I can’t go to the nurse’s office. Please! | 我就要变成那东西了 求你了 |
| [07:42] | Why wouldn’t Devi want everyone to know | 德维为什么不想让大家知道 |
| [07:44] | she was hooking up with someone out of her league? | 她泡到她配不上的人呢 |
| [07:46] | Paxton Hall-Yoshida made | 在帕克斯顿·霍尔吉田面前 |
| [07:47] | every other dude in school feel bad about himself. | 学校里的其他男生都是癞蛤蟆 |
| [07:49] | He’d gotten pit hair in fourth grade! | 他四年级就长了腋毛 |
| [07:51] | Had Paxton said or done something to hurt Devi? | 帕克斯顿说了还是做了什么让德维伤心了吗 |
| [07:53] | And why did Ben even care? | 本又为什么要在意呢 |
| [07:55] | You need something, bro? | 有什么事吗 兄弟 |
| [07:57] | What? | 什么 |
| [07:59] | Why are you looking at me? | 你看着我干什么 |
| [08:00] | – Well– I wasn’t. – Yeah, you were. You were staring at me. | -我没有 -你有啊 你一直在盯着我 |
| [08:04] | It’s okay. Happens to me a lot. | 没关系的 反正我也习惯了 |
| [08:06] | -What– I wasn’t stirring… staring. -Then what were you doing? | -我没有瞪…盯着你-那你在干什么 |
| [08:11] | Do you like the Clippers? | 你喜欢快船队吗 |
| [08:13] | What? | 什么 |
| [08:14] | Nothing. | 没什么 |
| [08:16] | Forget about it. | 算了 |
| [08:18] | Yikes! | 哎呀呀 |
| [08:20] | The usually slick-talking Ben Gross was for real off his game. | 平时能说会道的本·格罗斯这次可真是不在状态 |
| [08:22] | But no worries, the only game that mattered | 不过没关系 最重要的是 |
| [08:24] | was the one he was seeing with his dad in a few hours, | 几个小时后他和他爸爸要看的比赛 |
| [08:26] | and that was gonna be awesome. | 这场比赛绝对会非常精彩 |
| [08:37] | Hey, buddy. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I’m gonna make it tonight. | 伙计 对不起了 我今晚去不了了 |
| [08:40] | This Kanye deal is really complicated. | 坎耶[说唱歌手]的这桩案子太复杂了 |
| [08:42] | You and Shannon should go to the game without me. | 你和香侬两个人去看比赛吧 |
| [08:45] | In his dad’s defense, Kanye’s deal was complicated. | 替他爸爸说一句 坎耶的案子确实很难搞 |
| [08:47] | He wanted to trademark the word “music.” | 他想把”音乐”注册成商标 |
| [08:50] | But that didn’t matter to Ben, | 不过本才不关心 |
| [08:51] | who was surprisingly sad for someone who should have seen this coming. | 虽然他已经料到了 可还是很伤心 |
| [08:54] | That sucks. Can you reschedule? | 这也太糟了 不能改天再谈吗 |
| [08:59] | Typical. And her name is Shira. | 不愧是坎耶 我女朋友的名字是希拉 |
| [09:06] | We will. Good luck with work. | 好的 工作顺利 |
| [09:16] | – Hey, Patty. – Oh! Yes, my sweet prince. | -嘿 帕蒂 -我可爱的小王子 |
| [09:19] | Oh! I just ironed your socks for the big game. | 我刚熨好了你看比赛要穿的袜子 |
| [09:21] | Nice and warm. | 又舒服又暖和 |
| [09:22] | Actually, I just realized that I got a lot of homework to do, | 其实我刚发现作业有点多 |
| [09:25] | so I don’t think I’m gonna go to the game. | 所以我不打算去了 |
| [09:27] | And on an unrelated note, | 而且巧的是 |
| [09:28] | my dad also has too much work to do. | 我爸爸正好也忙 |
| [09:30] | So I guess being a workaholic runs in the family. | 可能我们家净出一些工作狂吧 |
| [09:33] | – Anyway, do you want the tickets? – Why don’t we go together? | -你想要票吗 -不如我们一起去吧 |
| [09:37] | I can bring a Ziploc bag with frozen grapes in it, huh? | 我可以带一袋冻葡萄过去 |
| [09:40] | Nah. I gotta write a thing, | 不了 我还得写个东西 |
| [09:43] | and, uh, do some, uh… some– some science and other stuff. | 还得… 做做实验之类的 |
| [09:46] | Then I will stay here with you. | 那我留下来陪你 |
| [09:49] | Why don’t we build a pillow fort, | 我们可以搭一个枕头堡 |
| [09:51] | and watch a scary movie like Shrek? | 然后看恐怖片 比如”怪物史莱克” |
| [09:52] | It’s okay, Patty. | 没关系的 帕蒂 |
| [09:54] | You should just go to the game. Take your sons. | 你带着儿子们去看吧 |
| [09:58] | You’re a sweet boy. | 真是个好孩子 |
| [10:00] | I will place my body in front of t-shirt cannon | 扔球衣的时候我会用身体接住 |
| [10:03] | to bring you home souvenir. | 给你带回来作纪念 |
| [10:05] | Thanks. | 谢了 |
| [10:07] | Do you think Billy Crystal will be there? | 你觉得比利·克里斯托会去吗 |
| [10:10] | I better go put on makeup. | 我还是化个妆吧 |
| [10:17] | #eyebrows #selfcare | 话题 眼睫毛 话题 自我呵护 |
| [10:20] | #thefutureisfemale | 话题 未来属于女性 |
| [10:25] | Billy Crystal sharing nachos with his neighbor, | 比利·克里斯托把玉米片分给了邻座球迷 |
| [10:27] | and she seems to be reciprocating | 她看起来要礼尚往来 |
| [10:29] | with a bag of frozen grapes from her purse. | 从包里掏出一袋冰葡萄送给了他 |
| [10:31] | Wow. Even a city slicker can’t resist a healthy game-time treat. | 果然连城里人都不拒绝不了健康的比赛食品 |
| [10:35] | I know her. That’s my housekeeper. | 我认识她 她是我的管家 |
| [10:37] | When Billy met Patty. | 当比利碰上帕蒂 |
| [10:40] | Hey, aren’t you on the Rick and Morty subreddit? | 你不是红迪网”瑞克和莫蒂”版块上的那家伙吗 |
| [10:43] | You live in LA? | 你住在洛杉矶 |
| [10:44] | Born and raised. LOL. | 土生土长的洛杉矶人 哈哈 |
| [10:47] | LMAO. Same. | 笑死了 我也是 |
| [10:48] | Yo, I’m hitting up North End Pizza in Burbank to watch the game | 我在伯班克的北角披萨看比赛呢 |
| [10:51] | if you want to come through. | 要不要过来 |
| [10:54] | I’m there, dude. Let’s get schwifty. | 我来了 兄弟 让我们嗨起来 |
| [11:06] | Ben entered North End Pizza excited at the prospect | 本到了北角披萨 期待着能跟 |
| [11:09] | of hanging with another teenage comedy fan. | 同样热爱喜剧的同龄人一起打发时光 |
| [11:12] | AreolaGrande007? | 你是爱莉乳晕·格兰德007 |
| [11:14] | Areola. Hey. | 你好啊 爱莉奶大 |
| [11:16] | It’s me, TheRealPickleRick69… from Reddit… | 是我 真正的腌黄瓜瑞克69… 红迪论坛上的… |
| [11:19] | you know, the link aggregator. | 你懂的 就那个整合链接的网站 |
| [11:22] | Okay. That is not a teenager. | 好吧 这可不是什么同龄人 |
| [11:24] | Uh… Hi. | 你好 |
| [11:26] | Hey, man. It is so great to meet ya. | 嘿 伙计 很高兴见到你 |
| [11:29] | Oh, my name actually is Rick. | 其实我的真名就叫瑞克 |
| [11:31] | Sit down. Get your slice on. | 先坐下吧 吃块披萨 |
| [11:33] | Uh… Yeah, I’m gonna withhold my name for a moment. | 我还是先不说真名了 |
| [11:38] | Really thought you were gonna be younger. Your username has a 69 in it. | 我以为你会年轻点 毕竟你名字里带了”69″[一种体位] |
| [11:41] | Oh, that’s because I was born in 1969. | 因为我是1969年出生的 |
| [11:43] | But I’m young at heart, fam. | 不过我的心态还是很年轻的 兄弟 |
| [11:45] | I watch mad cartoons. Just like you. | 我超爱动画 跟你一样 |
| [11:47] | Oh, I wonder what else we have in common. | 我很好奇我们会不会有其他共同点 |
| [11:49] | Probably a lot. | 说不定很多 |
| [11:51] | I gotta be honest, this setup feels sort of sketchy to me, | 我还是说实话吧 这次见面太不靠谱了 |
| [11:53] | so I’m gonna go. | 我还是先撤了 |
| [11:54] | Look, I get it. I’m a 50-year-old insurance adjuster from Tarzana. | 好吧 我懂 我是个50岁在塔扎纳工作的保险理算师 |
| [11:59] | But I’m also a Rick and Morty fan, | 可我还喜欢看”瑞克和莫蒂” |
| [12:01] | and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. | 我身边根本没人能跟我聊这个 |
| [12:04] | I joked about getting a Mr. Meeseeks for the office, | 我开玩笑说要给办公室里弄个使命必达先生 |
| [12:06] | and my co-workers looked at me like I was a total Jerry. | 我的同事们都像看傻子一样看我 |
| [12:10] | It’d just be nice to talk to someone who gets me, | 跟懂我的人聊天感觉很好 |
| [12:13] | but I understand if you want to go. | 不过你要走也没关系 |
| [12:16] | Ben found himself strangely moved. | 本很奇怪地被打动了 |
| [12:18] | I mean, who was he to judge this guy? | 五十步还笑什么百步啊 |
| [12:20] | He was just as lonely, | 他也一样很孤单 |
| [12:21] | and honestly, Rick and Morty themselves have a huge age gap, | 而且瑞克和莫蒂本来年龄差距也很大 |
| [12:24] | and look at the fun they have. | 不是照样玩得很愉快 |
| [12:27] | You know what? You’re right. | 知道吗 你说得对 |
| [12:28] | I’m sorry if I was being rude. | 对不起 是我太无理了 |
| [12:30] | We’re just two fans eating pizza and talking about cartoons. | 不过是两个粉丝一起吃披萨讨论卡通而已 |
| [12:33] | – It’s totally normal. – I know, right? | -没什么大问题 -是吧 |
| [12:36] | Oh, careful, buddy. That pizza is hot. | 慢点 伙计 这披萨可烫了 |
| [12:38] | You might want to blow on it first. | 你还是先吹吹再吃吧 |
| [12:41] | Slower. | 慢点 |
| [12:43] | Slower. | 再慢点 |
| [12:45] | Yeah, that’s it. | 没错 就这样 |
| [12:48] | Yeah, that’s not normal. | 这可一点都不正常 本 |
| [12:49] | He doesn’t want to just talk toons. Get out of there! | 他可不是单纯想跟你聊卡通 快跑 |
| [12:51] | – Yeah, I’m definitely gonna go. – Oh, come on, man. | -我还是先走了 -拜托 伙计 |
| [12:54] | It’s not weird unless you make it weird. | 你没必要觉得奇怪的 |
| [12:58] | Let’s go, Clippers. | 冲啊 快船队 |
| [13:05] | Ben was a resilient kid. | 本是个适应力很强的孩子 |
| [13:07] | Whenever he experienced a setback, and last night was a real doozy, | 无论遭受什么挫折 哪怕是昨晚的那种情况 |
| [13:11] | he always bounced back stronger than before. | 他都能更坚强地恢复过来 |
| [13:13] | Whoops! He pulled his drawer out. | 他把整个抽屉都拽出来了 |
| [13:15] | Yeah, he’s sad. | 没错 他还是很难过 |
| [13:46] | Oh! What the hell? | 你搞什么 |
| [13:48] | Oh, no. My bad. | 不好意思 是我看错了 |
| [13:49] | I thought there was like a roach on your face, man. | 我还以为你脸上有个蟑螂 |
| [13:51] | ‘Cause there’s mad roaches in this school. | 毕竟学校里到处都是 |
| [13:53] | But it’s just like a huge zit. | 不过你这个痘也太大了吧 |
| [13:56] | Yeah, it’s cool. | 没事 没关系的 |
| [13:58] | You should get that looked at. | 你还是去看看吧 |
| [13:59] | I heard that if a zit gets too big, | 我听说如果痘长得太大 |
| [14:01] | it can, like, leak into your brain and kill you. | 会渗进脑子里的 会死人的 |
| [14:04] | Yeah, sure. I’ll do that. | 好的 我会去看看的 |
| [14:06] | All right. I guess it’s good that I slapped you | 那就好 看来你没白挨这一巴掌 |
| [14:08] | so I can give you this helpful info. | 我才能给你有用的建议 |
| [14:09] | Sure. Thank you. | 好的 谢了 |
| [14:11] | You’re welcome. | 不客气 |
| [14:12] | Oh, wait. That Clippers game was valid, brah. | 对了 快船队这次表现得真的不错是吧 兄弟 |
| [14:15] | It must’ve been tight to sit courtside. | 坐在场边肯定很爽吧 |
| [14:22] | Benjamin, so good to see you. | 本杰明 见到你很高兴 |
| [14:26] | I heard we had an uninvited guest on your chin. | 听说你的下巴上起痘痘了 |
| [14:28] | Yeah, I don’t normally get zits. | 是啊 我一般不太长痘痘的 |
| [14:29] | I guess this one’s probably just an ingrown hair from my beard. | 可能是胡子向里长了吧 |
| [14:32] | No. It looks like a normal pimple. | 不 就是个普通的粉刺 |
| [14:35] | I actually don’t see much of a beard. | 你也没怎么长胡子 |
| [14:36] | Well, I’m pretty good shaving. So that’s probably why. | 可能是因为我刮得太干净了 |
| [14:39] | Yes, I’m sure. | 是啊 应该吧 |
| [14:40] | I am going to prepare a cortisone shot for you. | 我得给你打上一针可的松 |
| [14:44] | You know, Benjamin, I really have to thank you. | 本杰明 我真的想谢谢你 |
| [14:47] | You keep my Devi on her toes. | 要不是你 德维才不会那么用功 |
| [14:49] | Well, she keeps me on my toes too. | 我也一样 |
| [14:51] | Every night at dinner, I have to hear about this rivalry of yours. | 你们在学校竞争的事情我每天吃晚餐都能听到 |
| [14:54] | “Ben Gross aced a math test. Ben Gross aced a history test. | “本·格罗斯这次数学考了第一 本·格罗斯历史也考了第一 |
| [14:57] | Prescribe me Adderall so I can beat Ben Gross.” | 给我开点阿德拉[精神兴奋性药物] 让我赢过本·格罗斯” |
| [15:00] | She’s obsessed with me. | 她还真是很受我的困扰 |
| [15:02] | Wait. You guys have dinner together every night? | 等等 你们每晚都一起吃饭吗 |
| [15:05] | Of course. We’re family. | 当然了 我们是一家人 |
| [15:06] | All that to say, | 总而言之呢 |
| [15:07] | you’re a very smart boy with a very bright future. | 你是个有前途的聪明孩子 |
| [15:10] | Your parents must be so proud. | 你的家长肯定很为你自豪吧 |
| [15:12] | After a pretty bleak 24 hours, | 在度过了凄惨的二十四小时后 |
| [15:14] | this small platitude was more than Ben could handle. | 这一根小小的稻草终于压倒了本 |
| [15:16] | Here comes a little pinch. | 会稍微有一点疼 |
| [15:20] | There we go. | 好了 |
| [15:24] | Dammit. | 该死 |
| [15:25] | I knew we shouldn’t have bought generic numbing cream. | 我就知道我们不该买普通的麻醉霜 |
| [15:27] | From now on, name brand only. | 以后只买大牌子的 |
| [15:29] | Are you okay, sweetie? | 你还好吗 亲爱的 |
| [15:31] | I’m fine. Uh… | 我没事 |
| [15:36] | I just… I haven’t eaten dinner with anyone in a long time. | 我只是… 很久没跟别人吃过晚餐了 |
| [15:39] | Oh, you poor thing. | 可怜的小东西 |
| [15:41] | I’m fine. You know, my life is totally awesome. | 没事 其实我的生活非常精彩 |
| [15:45] | I don’t even know why I cried. Uh… | 我都不知道我怎么哭了 |
| [15:50] | Oh, maybe I was allergic to the shot. | 我可能是药物过敏了 |
| [15:53] | Or, uh… Or something. Was there bee pollen in it? | 或者… 其他事情 这里面有蜂花粉吗 |
| [15:56] | There was not. | 没有 |
| [16:04] | I like to put just one chili. Otherwise, it kind of overpowers the taste. | 还是只放一个辣椒吧 不然辣过头就没味道了 |
| [16:08] | Everybody, we have a very special guest for dinner tonight. | 大家注意 今晚我们家来了位特别的客人 |
| [16:11] | Kamala, please lower the spice level accordingly. | 卡玛拉 今晚的菜别做得太辣了 |
| [16:15] | Oh, hell no. | 不是吧 |
| [16:19] | As he stood in his sworn enemy’s kitchen | 本站在死对头的厨房里 |
| [16:21] | awaiting the pity dinner to come, | 等待着那顿施舍来的晚餐 |
| [16:22] | Ben’s embarrassment had reached a fever pitch. | 他现在的尴尬度简直达到了峰值 |
| [16:25] | How can you be so rude to that boy? | 你怎么能对人家那么无理 |
| [16:27] | Because he sucks. | 因为他很烦人 |
| [16:28] | It’s bad enough I have see him every day at school. | 整天在学校见到他都够烦的了 |
| [16:30] | Now we’re just letting him into our home? | 现在居然还把他带到我们家里来 |
| [16:32] | So, Ben… | 所以 本 |
| [16:34] | what are you hobbies and interests? | 你有什么兴趣爱好吗 |
| [16:36] | Oh, well, I really am into– | 我其实很喜欢… |
| [16:38] | That young man is a human being, and he’s very sad. | 他也是人 他很伤心 |
| [16:41] | Do you know he cried in my office today? | 你知不知道今天他在我那都哭了 |
| [16:43] | So many tears, I had to wipe down the chair after he left. | 我还得擦他哭完留在椅子上的眼泪 |
| [16:46] | That’s not my problem! | 关我什么事 |
| [16:47] | We just had the vents cleaned. | 我们刚刚清理完通风管道 |
| [16:49] | It’s crazy how well the sound carries. | 声音有点清晰过头了 |
| [16:52] | He’s going through a hard time with his family and girlfriend, | 他家庭和爱情生活都不顺心 |
| [16:55] | and he had one of the nastiest pimples I’ve ever seen in my career. | 而且我当医生以来第一次见到那么恶心的粉刺 |
| [16:58] | Oops! Dropped my pan. | 糟糕 锅掉地上了 |
| [17:01] | I thought that would be loud for longer. | 我还以为能多响一会呢 |
| [17:03] | You complain you want your friends to come over more. | 你天天抱怨我不让你朋友过来 |
| [17:05] | – Ben Gross is not my friend. – Why not? | -本·格罗斯跟我不是朋友 -怎么就不是 |
| [17:08] | He is nice, and smart, and he could never buy drugs | 他很有礼貌 人也聪明 不会去嗑药 |
| [17:11] | because he looks like a narc. | 因为他看着就爱告密 |
| [17:12] | Can’t you be polite for just one evening? | 你就不能忍一晚上吗 |
| [17:15] | At least she said “nice” and “smart.” | 至少她夸你”又有礼貌又聪明” |
| [17:18] | Those are some of the best adjectives there are. | 这些都是很好的形容词 |
| [17:21] | She also called me a narc. | 她还说我是打小报告的 |
| [17:23] | You should be proud of that. | 这是好事 |
| [17:24] | The police won’t work with just anyone. | 警察也不是谁的话都信的 |
| [17:27] | Ben, it’s so good to have you in my home, | 本 欢迎你的到来 |
| [17:30] | a place I usually consider a safe haven from my nemeses. | 我曾认为这里是我躲避死对头的安全港 |
| [17:33] | Devi, you promised you’d be polite. | 德维 你说过你会礼貌的 |
| [17:36] | I said it was good to have him in our home. | 我都欢迎他了啊 |
| [17:37] | If you want to stay on the family cell phone plan, | 如果你还想有手机套餐 |
| [17:39] | you’re going to have to be better behaved than that. | 就给我好好地表现 |
| [17:42] | Now, why don’t you tell us one thing you learned today at school. | 现在 来讲讲今天学到的知识吧 |
| [17:45] | Fine. | 好的 |
| [17:46] | I learned that the tangent of theta | 我今天学了正切值 |
| [17:48] | is equal to the sine of theta divided by the cosine of theta. Happy? | 等于正弦值除以余弦值 满意了吗 |
| [17:51] | Extremely. | 很好 |
| [17:52] | Today I learned that if you forget your wallet at the grocery store, | 今天我学到了如果你把钱包落在了杂货店 |
| [17:55] | the cashier will pay for your items personally, | 收银员会帮你把钱付掉的 |
| [17:57] | and even give you his phone number to make sure you get home okay. | 还会给你他的号码 确保你安全到家 |
| [18:01] | Benjamin, I hear you were on that last-minute Model UN trip to Davis. | 本杰明 我听说你也去了在戴维斯举办的特别突然的模联活动 |
| [18:05] | Oh, it wasn’t so last-minute for everyone. | 也没那么”突然” |
| [18:07] | Some of us spent months preparing for that trip. | 有的人准备了好几个月呢 |
| [18:09] | But Devi came in with no preparation and still became the talk of the weekend. | 不过德维什么都没准备 还是成了那周末的话题中心 |
| [18:13] | Oh. Really? Why was that? | 真的吗 为什么 |
| [18:15] | No reason. | 没有为什么 |
| [18:16] | If there had ever been a perfect opportunity to nuke Devi back, | 现在简直是完美的复仇时刻 |
| [18:19] | this was it. | 开始吧 |
| [18:20] | Well, you know Devi. She’s a real firecracker. | 你也知道德维 她性格很冲 |
| [18:23] | Oh, no. What did she do? | 天啊 她干什么了 |
| [18:26] | Instead, he decided to stand down. | 不过… 他决定放她一马 |
| [18:30] | Nothing bad. | 没什么 |
| [18:31] | She just brought a lot of passion to her role as Equatorial Guinea. | 她是个满腔赤诚的赤道新几内亚代表 |
| [18:35] | I mean, as a first timer, I don’t think anyone’s ever made such a big impact. | 作为新手 不是谁都能像她引起那么大轰动 |
| [18:39] | She, uh, truly obliterated the competition. | 她赢得非常彻底 |
| [18:42] | Mmm, Devi, sounds like you are quite the little diplomat. | 德维 看来你很有外交手段啊 |
| [18:46] | Good for you. | 真有你的 |
| [18:47] | You know, when I was in school, my only extracurricular activity | 我以前上学的时候 唯一的课外活动 |
| [18:50] | was bathing my senile grandmother. | 就是给我年迈的祖母洗澡 |
| [18:52] | She fought me every time. | 她每次都要反抗 |
| [18:54] | – Really? – What? No. | -真的假的 -不是吧 |
| [18:55] | Ben couldn’t remember the last family dinner he’d had. | 本都不记得上次一家人一起吃晚餐是什么时候了 |
| [18:58] | Probably May 2018, when his dad’s flight | 好像是2018年5月他爸爸飞公告牌音乐奖的航班 |
| [19:01] | to the Billboard Music Awards got canceled. | 被取消的那次 |
| [19:03] | And even though this family dinner featured humiliation, bickering, threats, | 尽管这顿家庭晚餐充斥着羞辱 争吵与威胁 |
| [19:06] | and food that was far too spicy, | 而且食物还特别辣 |
| [19:08] | it was still a family dinner. | 不过它依然是家庭晚餐 |
| [19:10] | And that was pretty cool. | 这感觉真是太棒了 |
| [19:23] | Thanks for not ratting me out about Model UN. | 谢谢你没把模拟联合国的事说穿 |
| [19:26] | I’ve kinda been a dick to you lately, so… | 最近我对你确实很差劲 所以… |
| [19:29] | I honestly would’ve deserved it. | 就算你报复我 也是我活该 |
| [19:31] | Yeah, well, sometimes it’s fun to make other people’s days as shitty as yours, | 有些时候拉人下水确实很爽 |
| [19:35] | but today I didn’t have it in me. | 但是今天我没兴致 |
| [19:37] | What happened to you? | 你怎么了 |
| [19:38] | And why did you cry at my mom’s office? | 你为什么在我妈办公室哭了 |
| [19:40] | Was it just about the giant herpe on your face? | 是因为你脸上那个大疱疹吗 |
| [19:43] | It wasn’t a big deal. I was… kinda feeling bummed. | 没有什么事情 我只是有点… 难过 |
| [19:46] | Why? Did you butler quit? | 为什么 你家管家辞职了 |
| [19:49] | Hey, I’m trying to be vulnerable here. Also, we don’t have butlers anymore. | 我在讲难过的事呢 而且我们现在没有管家 |
| [19:52] | – We call them house managers now. – Okay, okay. Sorry. | -我们管他们叫房屋经理 -好吧 抱歉 |
| [19:55] | Why are you feeling bummed? | 那你为什么不开心 |
| [19:59] | I don’t know. | 我也不知道 |
| [20:02] | I guess sometimes I feel like I’m an NBA player, but… | 有时候我感觉自己就像是NBA球星 不过… |
| [20:06] | no matter how many points I score, my dad always ignores me, | 可是不管我进多少球 我爸爸都不会看我一眼 |
| [20:08] | and my girlfriend only likes me for my money. | 我的女朋友跟我在一起也是为了钱 |
| [20:12] | I wish your metaphor had been something more in my wheelhouse, | 你的比喻也太不切实际了 |
| [20:15] | like celebrity gossip or YouTube promposals, | 你拿名人八卦和油管上的毕业舞会邀请打比喻还差不多 |
| [20:18] | but I think I understand what you’re getting at. | 不过我大概理解你的意思了 |
| [20:20] | Also, I’m sorry if I messed things up for you and Paxton. | 对不起我还把你跟帕克斯顿的关系搞砸了 |
| [20:23] | Oh, you didn’t. | 那不怪你 |
| [20:25] | Well, maybe if I kept my mouth shut, then you guys would’ve had a chance. | 如果我没有乱说 你们两个还有机会在一起 |
| [20:29] | I never had sex with Paxton. | 我没跟他上过床 |
| [20:32] | What? | 什么 |
| [20:33] | I never had sex with Paxton. | 我没跟帕克斯顿上过床 |
| [20:35] | I just let everyone believe that I did. | 我只是让大家都信了 |
| [20:38] | Oh! So he’s mad at you for lying about having sex with him. | 所以他是气你撒了谎 |
| [20:43] | That makes way more sense. | 这就有道理了 |
| [20:45] | I mean, we got close to hooking up. | 其实我们差一点就做了 |
| [20:47] | Well, as close as you can get without kissing. | 也就差没接吻了 |
| [20:51] | He took off his shirt, and I freaked out. | 他脱掉了衣服 然后我就吓坏了 |
| [20:54] | – I know. I’m a loser. – Oh, you think you’re a loser? | -我知道 我好失败 -你觉得你失败 |
| [20:57] | I was so lonely, I got catfished by a middle-aged man yesterday. | 昨天我寂寞到被一个中年男人骗了 |
| [21:00] | Ben, you don’t have to make up something sadder to make me feel better. | 本 你不用特地编这种事情来让我好受 |
| [21:03] | For real. | 是真的 |
| [21:04] | He was a 50-year-old insurance adjuster from Tarzana, | 他50岁了 在塔扎纳做保险理算 |
| [21:07] | and he asked me to blow on some pizza. | 他让我吹披萨来着 |
| [21:09] | – No. – Yes. It was messed up. | -不是吧 -是啊 简直糟透了 |
| [21:11] | Ben guarded his sadness the same way I guard my Emmy award, | 我从来不把艾美奖杯轻易示人 本也一样 |
| [21:14] | by burying it deep. | 他总是把悲伤埋在心底 |
| [21:15] | I put all of my awards in an underground bunker | 我则把我的奖杯和”垃圾桶男孩”卡片 |
| [21:17] | with my Garbage Pail Kids, | 放在地下碉堡里 |
| [21:18] | but letting it all hang out there left Ben feeling a little lighter | 不过一通宣泄之后 本确实感觉好一点了 |
| [21:22] | and ready to face a new day. | 他准备好迎接新的一天了 |
| [21:25] | Give me your mechanical pencil. | 把你的自动铅笔给我 |
| [21:27] | I need more photos of me looking smart. | 这样拍照才显得聪明 |
| [21:29] | Oh. Sure. Yeah. | 好的 给 |
| [21:37] | So you never have to accept food from a pedo again. | 这样就不用吃恋童癖给的食物了 |
| [21:43] | Although on the surface it didn’t seem like much had changed, | 虽然表面上一切还跟往常一样 |
| [21:46] | today was the least lonely Ben had felt in a long time. | 不过今天的本没有以前那么孤单了 |
| [21:49] | Anyways, that about does it for me. | 总之以上就是 |
| [21:51] | On behalf of Ben, Devi, | 本 德维 |
| [21:53] | and the whole gang at Sherman Oaks High School, | 和舍曼奧克斯高中的部分 |
| [21:55] | I’m Andy Samberg. | 我是安迪·萨姆伯格 |
| [21:56] | McEnroe, back to you. | 麦肯罗 接下来你继续 |