| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:15] | Mom, I need to tell you something. | 妈 我有事要告诉你 |
| [00:17] | Is it that we’re in the sixth phase of mass extinction? | 是我们处于大灭绝的第六阶段了吗 |
| [00:20] | Because you’ve got to stop telling people that. | 你不能再到处跟人说这话了 |
| [00:22] | We are running out of babysitters. | 已经没人愿意来我们家当临时保姆了 |
| [00:27] | No, it’s that Dad said not to use the sink. | 不是 是爸爸叫你别用水池 |
| [00:32] | Was your snarky retort worth it? | 你为了冷嘲热讽被喷一身水值得吗 |
| [00:36] | Um, Kay? Oh, hey, buddy. | 凯 你好啊 小家伙 |
| [00:40] | There’s a plastic lady private part in our microwave. | 我们家微波炉里有个塑料女性阴部 |
| [00:46] | What? | 什么 |
| [00:47] | Plastic V, | 塑料阴道 |
| [00:49] | In the micro-dubs. | 在微波炉里 |
| [00:51] | Okay, this is not a micro-dubs. | 好啦 这不是微波炉 |
| [00:54] | This is Bryan’s 3D printer. | 这是布莱恩的3D打印机 |
| [00:55] | Why would we have a microwave in the living room? | 我们家客厅怎么会有微波炉呢 |
| [00:57] | Why do our kids face magnetic North when they sneeze? | 我们家孩子打喷嚏时为何会朝向磁北呢 |
| [00:59] | I don’t understand most of what goes on in this house. | 家里的大部分现象我都搞不懂 |
| [01:01] | Just take a look. | 你快看看吧 |
| [01:02] | OK, you are crazy. | 行了 你简直疯了 |
| [01:03] | There is no way there’s an– | 绝对不可能有个… |
| [01:04] | Oh, my God, you’re right. | 天呐 你说得对 |
| [01:05] | I’m so sorry, ma’am. | 真对不起 阴女士 |
| [01:10] | You don’t think Brian is using that to… | 布莱恩不会是用这东西来… |
| [01:12] | You know… | 你懂的… |
| [01:14] | He’s definitely using that to… | 他绝对是用这东西来”干”… |
| [01:16] | you know. | 你懂的 |
| [01:19] | And probably while facing magnetic north. | 可能还是朝向磁北”干” |
| [01:23] | Okay, well, Marc and Leila might find it, so | 好吧 马科和蕾拉可能会发现的 |
| [01:25] | you can’t just leave it here. | 你不能就这么扔在这儿 |
| [01:26] | What, me? No, what? | 什么 我吗 不行 |
| [01:27] | You know better than anyone | 你比任何人都清楚 |
| [01:28] | I don’t know what to do with one of these. | 我对于女性的那玩意儿根本一窍不通 |
| [01:30] | Excuse me, what are you two do…? | 不好意思 你们两个在… |
| [01:32] | Where did you get that? | 你们从哪儿拿到的 |
| [01:33] | It’s not mine. | 那不是我的 |
| [01:34] | I three-dimensionally printed it for a friend. | 我是帮一个朋友3D打印出来的 |
| [01:38] | Sweetie, it’s okay. | 亲爱的 没事的 |
| [01:40] | You don’t have to be embarrse | 你不用觉得难堪 |
| [01:42] | I-I’m not, but before you judge me, | 我没有 但在你们评判我之前 |
| [01:44] | you have to picture it attached to someone. | 你们必须想象它是连在人身上的 |
| [01:48] | You’re attaching this to someone? | 你要把这东西连在某人身上吗 |
| [01:51] | I know this is hard to think about. | 我知道要这么想会很痛苦 |
| [01:52] | But one day, I might have to attach it to one of you. | 但将来某一天 我可能要把它连在你们谁身上 |
| [01:58] | Wait, wait, what is this thing? | 等等 这东西到底是什么 |
| [02:00] | It’s a polycarbonate tricuspid arterial prosthesis. | 这是聚碳酸酯三尖瓣动脉假体 |
| [02:06] | A plastic heart valve. | 就是塑料心瓣膜 |
| [02:11] | Of course it is! | 当然是啦 |
| [02:13] | It’s just a standard, | 就是个标准的 |
| [02:15] | run-of-the-mill, non-sexual heart thing. | 普通的 毫无性意味的心脏用品 |
| [02:21] | Aw, my sweet, innocent boy. | 我亲爱的纯洁的儿子 |
| [02:24] | See, Mike? | 瞧吧 麦克 |
| [02:25] | He’s a good boy. | 他是个好孩子 |
| [02:27] | It’s actually just a rough prototype. | 只是个粗糙的原型而已 |
| [02:29] | It’s not my best work but… | 算不上我的最佳作品 但… |
| [02:31] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [02:33] | What’d you guys think this was? | 你们刚刚以为这是什么 |
| [02:38] | A poorly constructed heart thing. | 就是造得很烂的心脏用品 |
| [02:40] | We are very disappointed in you, young man! | 我们对你很失望 小伙子 |
| [02:43] | 伊森泽生 Funky 翻译 | |
| [02:44] | 驴驴 Santolalla 翻译 | |
| [02:45] | 克里斯 Eunice 翻译 | |
| [02:48] | 雷鸣 后期 | |
| [02:49] | Eunice | 总监 |
| [02:55] | That was a close one. | 刚刚好险啊 |
| [02:57] | I mean, I know Brian told us what it really was, | 我是说 虽然布莱恩跟我们说了那到底是什么 |
| [02:59] | but I am going to be having nightmares about that first thing. | 但我会对我们本来以为的东西产生噩梦的 |
| [03:05] | You know what made it even worse? | 你知道更糟的是什么吗 |
| [03:06] | It made me realize we have no idea | 就是这事让我意识到我们根本不知道 |
| [03:09] | what Brian knows about sex. | 布莱恩对于性有多少了解 |
| [03:10] | I mean, did you ever have the talk with him? | 你跟他谈过这事吗 |
| [03:13] | I took him to a lake once. | 我带他去过湖边一次 |
| [03:15] | So, that’s a no? | 所以就是没有咯 |
| [03:16] | Yeah, that’s a no. | 是的 没有 |
| [03:18] | But giving him information is terrifying. | 但是向他灌输信息简直吓死人了 |
| [03:21] | Did you ever have the talk with Nicole? | 你跟妮可谈过这个话题吗 |
| [03:23] | No, she is way scarier than Brian. | 没有 她比布莱恩还要吓人 |
| [03:26] | But-but we can’t avoid this anymore. | 但我们不能再逃避这个话题了 |
| [03:29] | We can avoid anything we don’t set our minds to. | 只要不去想 怎么逃避都行 |
| [03:33] | No, this is what parents do, Mike. | 不 这是为人父母的职责 麦克 |
| [03:36] | They have awkward conversations about sex | 他们要跟孩子谈尴尬的性话题 |
| [03:38] | that their kids hate. | 孩子都很讨厌这一出 |
| [03:39] | But our parents didn’t talk to us and we turned out just fine. | 我们的父母就没跟我们谈过啊 我们不也好好的 |
| [03:42] | We got pregnant at 19! | 我们19岁就怀上孩子了 |
| [03:45] | You told me weed was “nature’s condoms.” | 你跟我说大麻是”大自然的避孕套” |
| [03:50] | You told me that. | 那话是你跟我说的 |
| [03:52] | But, look, sex is one of the few things | 但是性是为数不多的 |
| [03:55] | we actually can teach them about. | 我们还能教他们的东西 |
| [03:57] | We are great at it. | 我们技艺炉火纯青 |
| [03:59] | Especially you. | 你尤其厉害 |
| [04:00] | You could teach a class at Harvard. | 你都能去哈佛教课了 |
| [04:06] | Well, I… I don’t know about Harvard, but… | 哈佛可能还谈不上 不过… |
| [04:09] | You’re right, it was the only college I can think of. | 说得没错 我只能想起来这一所大学 |
| [04:14] | But we have to get in front of this, | 可是我们得主动出击 |
| [04:17] | before they get all genius-y, | 别等到他们自学成才 |
| [04:18] | and obsessive about it on their own. | 结果难以自拔 |
| [04:20] | Yeah, you are absolutely right, Kay. | 你说得太对了 凯 |
| [04:22] | We got to try to keep these kids on a normal track. | 我们一定不能让孩子们偏离正常轨道 |
| [04:24] | We’ll keep it simple! | 我们弄简单点 |
| [04:25] | Same rules as when we get pulled over. | 和被交警下令靠边停车时做法一样 |
| [04:27] | Stick to the facts and say no more than you have to. | 不扯谎 但没必要说的 一个字都不多说 |
| [04:30] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [04:31] | Except in this case, I can’t cry | 只不过这次 我不能哭 |
| [04:33] | and you can’t flash them to get out of it. | 你也不能朝他们露奶子来脱身 |
| [04:39] | All right, for Brian and Nicole, | 听好 对布莱恩和妮可 |
| [04:40] | we’re gonna focus on being responsible; | 我们要尽全责给他们讲透 |
| [04:42] | and Marc and Leila, just stick to the basics. | 对马科和蕾拉 点到为止就行 |
| [04:45] | Oh, you’re putting out the fancy chips? | 你要把高级薯片搬上阵吗 |
| [04:47] | I mean, are we gonna do this or are we gonna do this? | 既然要做 就得做全套啊 |
| [04:51] | Brian, come on in. | 布莱恩 到这来 |
| [04:55] | Fancy chips? | 高级薯片 |
| [04:56] | This is a trap. | 这必有诈 |
| [04:58] | No. No! | 没有 没有 |
| [04:59] | We just have something important to talk to you about. | 我们只是有件要紧事想跟你聊聊 |
| [05:02] | We are going to talk to you about sex. | 我们想和你聊聊性 |
| [05:05] | Fine, what do you want to know? | 好啊 你们想知道些什么 |
| [05:08] | It’s all hormones. | 都是荷尔蒙作祟 |
| [05:09] | Oxytocin, specifically. | 具体来说 是催产素 |
| [05:11] | The body produces it when you kiss. | 接吻的时候身体会分泌这种物质 |
| [05:12] | And also, when you breastfeed. | 喂奶的时候也会 |
| [05:14] | So, really, kissing is just | 所以 接吻其实就是 |
| [05:15] | breastfeeding from each other’s mouths. | 用嘴给对方喂奶 |
| [05:18] | Gauguin, Oscar Wilde… | 高更 奥斯卡·王尔德… |
| [05:21] | Sex is about power. | 性关乎权力 |
| [05:23] | It’s a game. | 它是场竞赛 |
| [05:24] | And like in any game, there’s a winner. | 就像其他任何比赛一样 有人获胜 |
| [05:26] | And a loser. | 也有人惨败 |
| [05:28] | Wait, why was she looking at me when she said loser? | 等等 她说惨败的时候为什么看着我 |
| [05:31] | Manet… | 马奈… |
| [05:32] | Edgar Allan Poe… | 埃德加·艾伦·坡… |
| [05:35] | all died of syphilis. | 都死于梅毒 |
| [05:38] | Even conception is war. | 就连受孕都是场战争 |
| [05:40] | A mass genocide where a single sperm goes racing to glory, | 一场大规模种族灭绝中 只有一颗精子能克敌制胜 |
| [05:43] | while half a billion of his faceless brethren | 而它那五亿多不配拥有姓名的同胞 |
| [05:46] | go screaming to their deaths. | 只能为死亡哀嚎 |
| [05:48] | Where’s their parade? | 它们的游行何在 |
| [05:50] | They scream? | 精子还会哀嚎 |
| [05:52] | In a million years, humans will reproduce asexually | 一百万年后 人类将实现无性繁殖 |
| [05:54] | and penises will be mostly decorative. | 到时候阴茎基本只起装饰作用 |
| [06:00] | So, does that all make sense? | 刚才说的这些 你明白了吗 |
| [06:01] | Yes, | 明白 |
| [06:02] | when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, | 当爸爸妈妈很爱对方的时候 |
| [06:05] | two storks make a baby and then mail it to their house. | 两只送子鹳就会造个宝宝出来 然后寄到他们家 |
| [06:11] | – Nailed it! – We love you so much! | -圆满完成任务 -我们太爱你了 |
| [06:15] | That was awkward, but we did it. | 场面挺尴尬 但是我们做到了 |
| [06:17] | Still can’t believe we made it | 还是不敢相信 |
| [06:18] | through the condom demonstration. | 我俩居然熬过了戴套示范环节 |
| [06:21] | You’re actually going to eat that now? | 你现在居然要吃了它吗 |
| [06:24] | What? | 干嘛 |
| [06:26] | It’s back to being a banana again. | 它现在又当回香蕉了 |
| [06:29] | You know, I am proud of us. | 我为我们两个骄傲 |
| [06:32] | We were informative, | 我们富有教育性 |
| [06:34] | patient, mature. | 富有耐心 成熟稳重 |
| [06:37] | So what do you think we should do now, professor? | 你觉得我们现在该干点什么呢 教授大人 |
| [06:40] | Hmm, shall we practice what we preached? | 我们来把教学内容身体力行如何 |
| [06:50] | So, according to Brian, that’s the same thing… | 按照布莱恩的说法 我们这么做… |
| [06:53] | As breastfeeding, yeah. | 和喂奶没差别 没错 |
| [06:54] | Why don’t we skip this part? | 我们还是跳过这部分吧 |
| [06:55] | Yeah. Um… | 对 |
| [07:06] | Are you… trying to win? | 你是…想获胜吗 |
| [07:09] | No! | 不是 |
| [07:10] | I’m just trying not to lose. | 我只是不想惨败 |
| [07:13] | Let’s try this, here. Go like this. | 试试这样 来 像我这样 |
| [07:15] | – What? – This way. | -什么 -这样 |
| [07:16] | Okay. Yeah. | 好嘞 |
| [07:19] | Uh, yeah… | 就是这样 |
| [07:25] | This is hot. | 这样好性感 |
| [07:27] | Yeah. | 是啊 |
| [07:29] | What are you thinking? | 你在想什么呢 |
| [07:30] | I’m picturing Edgar Allan Poe getting syphilis from a banana. | 我在想象埃德加·艾伦·坡因香蕉染上梅毒 |
| [07:34] | I’m stressed about all the traffic caused by the sperm parade. | 我想到精子大游行造成交通堵塞 就有些紧张 |
| [07:43] | So, I guess we’ll just call it a tie then? | 所以 这次我们就算打成平手了 |
| [07:49] | Excuse me, littles? | 不好意思 小不点们 |
| [07:50] | Senior staff needs the room. | 年长人员要征用这个房间 |
| [07:54] | I assume this is regarding Mom and Dad’s talk? | 你来是因为和爸妈的谈话吧 |
| [07:56] | Yes! | 没错 |
| [07:57] | How mortifying was that? | 也太尴尬了吧 |
| [07:59] | For them. | 该尴尬的是他们 |
| [08:00] | Of course, for them. | 当然是他们 |
| [08:01] | As if they can teach us anything about sex. | 好像他们能教我们性知识一样 |
| [08:04] | I know more about sex by 9:00 a.m. | 截止到上午9点我知道的性知识 |
| [08:06] | than most people know their whole lives. | 比大多数人一辈子知道的都多 |
| [08:09] | Why are they even wasting our time with these hypotheticals? | 他们为什么要把我们的时间浪费在这些假设上 |
| [08:12] | I know. | 就是啊 |
| [08:13] | Unless… they’re not supposed to be hypotheticals. | 除非…那不是什么假设 |
| [08:16] | And they actually think we’re close to having sex. | 他们真以为我们这个年龄快有性生活了 |
| [08:19] | Then they’re even dumber then I thought. | 那他们可比我想的还笨 |
| [08:22] | Let me ask you something. | 我问你点事 |
| [08:23] | How far have you gotten, like, in bases? | 你到什么程度了 上过几垒 |
| [08:26] | What are the bases? | 上垒是什么 |
| [08:27] | First base is kissing… | 一垒是接吻… |
| [08:29] | Then none. | 那没上过垒 |
| [08:31] | None base. | 零垒 |
| [08:33] | Hey, me, too! | 我也是 |
| [08:35] | But now, I’m worried. | 但我现在有点担心了 |
| [08:36] | Are other kids our age kissing and having sex? | 是不是其他同龄人都在接吻做爱 |
| [08:40] | Are we behind? | 我们落后了吗 |
| [08:42] | I think we are. | 我觉得是 |
| [08:44] | This is unacceptable. | 这可不行 |
| [08:45] | I’ve never been behind in anything in my life. | 我活到现在从来没落人后过 |
| [08:49] | Yes, you have. | 不 你有过 |
| [08:50] | To me. | 落后于我 |
| [08:52] | Is this what being you feels like? | 这就是你这种弱鸡的感受吗 |
| [08:55] | No. | 不行 |
| [08:56] | I can’t have this. | 我才不甘于人后 |
| [08:57] | We need to have our first kiss. | 我们得把初吻的事搞定 |
| [09:02] | With each other? | 你是说我俩接吻吗 |
| [09:05] | No! No, you weirdo! | 不 不是 你个怪胎 |
| [09:06] | With someone else! | 是和别人 |
| [09:13] | Okay, try it now. | 好了 现在试试 |
| [09:16] | Nothing. | 没水 |
| [09:17] | Nothing? | 没有吗 |
| [09:19] | You know, I see what the problem is here. | 我知道问题出在哪了 |
| [09:22] | I’m not a plumber. | 我不是水管工 |
| [09:26] | You know what it is? | 你知道问题出在哪吗 |
| [09:28] | I took it for granted. | 我把它当做理所应得的 |
| [09:30] | And now that it’s gone, | 现在它不在了 |
| [09:31] | I realize how much I miss it. | 我才意识到我有多想它 |
| [09:35] | Man, you really love that sink. | 兄弟 你对那个水池是真爱啊 |
| [09:39] | Kay and I are having sex issues. | 凯和我的性生活出了问题 |
| [09:42] | Okay. I am not a quitter, | 好吧 我不是随便放弃的人 |
| [09:43] | I’m gonna give it one more try.. | 我要再去修一次 |
| [09:47] | We, uh, we had the talk. | 我们谈过那个话题了 |
| [09:49] | You know, with the kids? | 你懂的 跟孩子们聊性 |
| [09:51] | And, uh, they’ve totally gotten in our heads. | 他们的话在我们脑中挥之不去 |
| [09:53] | They-They’ve ruined our sex life. | 他们毁了我们的性生活 |
| [09:55] | Well, sure, that’s what kids do. | 那肯定的 孩子们专干这个 |
| [09:57] | They ruin all the things you love. | 他们会把你爱的一切都毁掉 |
| [09:59] | Your couch, your sleep, | 你的沙发 你的睡眠 |
| [10:01] | your collection of glass penguins. | 你收集的玻璃企鹅 |
| [10:04] | I told you, you got to keep them up high. | 我早跟你说过 你要把它们放在高的地方 |
| [10:06] | Then how’s anyone gonna see them, Mike? | 那大家要怎么观赏它们呢 麦克 |
| [10:10] | How long has it been? | 什么时候的事 |
| [10:11] | Well, we had the talk three days ago. | 我们是三天前谈的 |
| [10:14] | But… | 但是… |
| [10:15] | now that I think about it, | 现在想想 |
| [10:16] | we haven’t had sex in… | 我们上次做爱是… |
| [10:22] | Okay, if you go to your second hand, | 好了 如果你要用上两只手数 |
| [10:23] | I might need to tap out. | 我可能要先撤了 |
| [10:27] | Oh, my God, it’s been… | 天呐 已经… |
| [10:28] | Eight freakin’ weeks? | 整整八周了 |
| [10:31] | Uh, let’s just say two months. | 你还是说两个月吧 |
| [10:33] | It sounds less sad. | 听着没那么惨 |
| [10:35] | Come on, you’re supposed to be making me feel better. | 拜托 你应该让我心情变好一点的 |
| [10:37] | Better? You don’t need to feel better. | 好一点 你不需要好心情 |
| [10:39] | You need to have sex. | 你需要的是滚床单 |
| [10:42] | So, look, is this the longest you’ve ever gone? | 所以这是你最长的空窗期吗 |
| [10:44] | I don’t know. | 我不知道 |
| [10:45] | I’ve never really thought about it. | 我从没想过这件事 |
| [10:46] | But now that I am thinking about it, | 但现在一开始想了 |
| [10:48] | it’s all I can think about. | 我就满脑子都是 |
| [10:49] | So girl, what are you gonna do? | 妹子 你准备怎么办 |
| [10:51] | I don’t know what we are gonna do. | 我不知道我们该怎么办 |
| [10:53] | You think “talk about it with Irwin” was my first choice? | 你以为”和欧文谈谈”是我的第一选择吗 |
| [10:56] | Okay, you and Kay just got to mix it up a bit. | 好了 你和凯只需要增加点花样 |
| [10:59] | You know, like, surprise her. | 比如 给她惊喜 |
| [11:01] | Like a little, um… boo! | 比如来点… |
| [11:02] | Oh, geez! | 吓死我了 |
| [11:04] | See? | 你看 |
| [11:08] | Yeah, my heart is racing. | 我心跳的确加速了 |
| [11:10] | Yeah. | 没错 |
| [11:11] | That works for you guys? | 这招对你们俩有用吗 |
| [11:13] | Honestly, bro, I can’t even remember half the stuff we try. | 说真的 我们玩过的花样太多 我记不清了 |
| [11:16] | Like, we started doing this thing | 比如我们最近爱玩的那招 |
| [11:17] | where we take sleeping pills, | 就是一起嗑安眠药 |
| [11:19] | and then we do crazy stuff to each other. | 然后对对方做各种疯狂的事 |
| [11:21] | And the next morning, that bedroom is wrecked! | 第二天早上 整个卧室都翻天了 |
| [11:25] | So, I started doing this thing, right, | 我最近爱用这一招 |
| [11:27] | where I give Irwin sleeping pills. | 我给欧文吃安眠药 |
| [11:29] | He passes out, I trash the room. | 他昏睡 我把房间弄乱 |
| [11:31] | Next day, he thinks we had a wild night, | 第二天 他以为我们度过了狂野的一晚 |
| [11:33] | and I got my eight hours. | 而我能美美地睡饱8小时 |
| [11:36] | So, you have so much sex, | 所以我旱死 你涝死 |
| [11:37] | you have to drug your husband for a break. | 你还得给你老公下药来获得喘息 |
| [11:40] | How does that help me? | 这对我有什么帮助 |
| [11:42] | All right. | 好吧 |
| [11:42] | What about role-playing? | 角色扮演怎么样 |
| [11:45] | Me and Irwin do that. | 我和欧文也常玩 |
| [11:47] | Last week, I was a teacher who had an affair with a student. | 上周 我扮成和学生有染的老师 |
| [11:50] | And he was my state-appointed attorney. | 而他是政府指派给我的律师 |
| [11:52] | And we both knew I was guilty. | 我们都清楚我有罪 |
| [11:58] | So, after starting with 118 suitable first-kiss candidates. | 所以 从118个适合初吻的候选人开始 |
| [12:04] | I’ve narrowed it down to these three options. | 我把范围缩小到了这3个选项 |
| [12:06] | I’ve based my rankings on a proprietary algorithm | 我的排名基于一个专有算法 |
| [12:09] | that factors criteria like reputation, | 该算法涉及到名声 |
| [12:11] | reliability and quality of character. | 可靠度及性格品质 |
| [12:16] | I like the one in the middle. | 我喜欢中间那个 |
| [12:17] | Oh, me, too! | 我也是 |
| [12:18] | He’s so cute, right? | 他好帅哦 对吧 |
| [12:21] | How’s the first kiss search going? | 初吻研究得怎么样了 |
| [12:23] | Mm, making progress. What about you? | 有进展 你呢 |
| [12:24] | I’d say… pretty good. | 要我说 挺不错的 |
| [12:29] | What is that? | 那是什么 |
| [12:30] | It’s a 3-D-printed, polycarbonate half-face. | 3D打印出来的聚碳酸酯材质的半张脸 |
| [12:33] | The future of first base. | 一垒的未来 |
| [12:36] | It’s creepy. | 很诡异啊 |
| [12:39] | It’s smart. Before I kiss someone, | 明明很机智好吗 在我亲别人之前 |
| [12:41] | I need to be good at it, so I’m gonna use this to practice. | 我需要擅长亲吻 所以我要用这个做练习 |
| [12:43] | Malcolm Gladwell says you have to do something | 马尔科姆·格拉德威尔说你重复做某事一万小时 |
| [12:45] | for 10,000 hours to be an expert, | 才能成为专家 |
| [12:47] | so watch out, ladies of 2029. | 所以本浪子来咯 2029年的女士们 |
| [12:53] | When I run for office, | 我参加竞选时 |
| [12:54] | you’re just gonna go away, right? | 你会自己消失 不连累我的对吧 |
| [12:58] | Quip all you want, old mare. | 随你怎么嘲讽 老姑娘 |
| [12:59] | While your kissing is still in beta, | 你的初吻仍在测试阶段 |
| [13:01] | mine will be ready to launch. | 而我的初吻已经准备好实施了 |
| [13:04] | Come on. I’ll show you my room. | 来吧 我带你看看我的房间 |
| [13:08] | Lucky Brian. | 布莱恩真幸运 |
| [13:10] | He’s gonna live at home forever. | 他注孤生 会永远住在家里了 |
| [13:15] | Oh, Mike? | 麦克呀 |
| [13:19] | Mike? | 麦克 |
| [13:22] | Mike?! | 麦克 |
| [13:26] | Oh, my God! Oh, my God! | 天呐 天呐 |
| [13:27] | I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. Are you okay? | 我真抱歉 我真抱歉 你还好吗 |
| [13:30] | – What was that? – Irwin said… | -你干嘛啊 -欧文说 |
| [13:33] | …surprise you. | 要给你惊喜 |
| [13:35] | Is it… sexy? | 刚才那样…性感吗 |
| [13:38] | Uh, no. | 并不 |
| [13:44] | What-what are you wearing? | 你穿的是什么 |
| [13:51] | I dressed up as that superhero you think is hot– | 我扮成了你觉得性感的那个超级英雄 |
| [13:53] | the Marvelous Mrs Maisel. | 了不起的麦瑟尔夫人 |
| [13:58] | No, no, no, that… It’s Captain Marvel. | 不不不 是惊奇队长才对 |
| [14:02] | Mrs. Maisel could never defeat Thanos. | 麦瑟尔夫人才打不过灭霸呢 |
| [14:10] | So I guess you did the math today, too? | 所以你今天也想招了 |
| [14:12] | No, I went to the Halloween shop in February | 没 我在二月去血拼了万圣节的东西 |
| [14:15] | because I’m feeling great about our sex life. | 因为我对我们的性生活满意极了 |
| [14:18] | What happened? | 出了什么问题 |
| [14:20] | We never used to have to try like this. | 我们以前从来不用这样费劲尝试 |
| [14:22] | The moment would just hit us. | 那瞬间感觉就来了 |
| [14:24] | It wouldn’t matter where we were or what we were doing. | 不管我们在哪 当时在干什么 |
| [14:26] | Or what denomination the church was. | 或者所在的教堂是哪个教派 |
| [14:29] | It was just spontaneous. | 都是心血来潮就发生了 |
| [14:30] | And now we’re trying to plan spontaneous. | 现在我们却要计划着心血来潮 |
| [14:32] | All those times other couples | 当我们以前听其他情侣 |
| [14:34] | complained about their sex lives, we were like, “Sucks to be them.” | 抱怨他们的性生活时 我们嘲笑他们真倒霉 |
| [14:38] | Now we’re the them it sucks to be. | 现在我们也成了倒霉鬼了 |
| [14:45] | Well, guess Brian was right. | 我想布莱恩说得对 |
| [14:48] | Your penis has become mostly decorative. | 你的鸡鸡基本沦为装饰品了 |
| [14:58] | We are right on schedule, Leils. | 一切正按计划进行 小蕾 |
| [15:00] | As soon as that guy and his mouth shows up, | 等那家伙带着他的朱唇到了 |
| [15:03] | I’ll suggest we skip tutoring and take a walk. | 我就提议取消家教 去散个步 |
| [15:06] | Then, after two-thirds of a mile, | 然后在三分之二英里之后 |
| [15:08] | I’ll take out my hair tie and do one of these. | 我就摘下皮筋 来一招这个 |
| [15:12] | A single strand of hair will fall in my face. | 一缕秀发就会落在我的脸颊 |
| [15:15] | That’s when he’ll reach out with his hand, | 这时他会伸出手来 |
| [15:17] | tuck the hair behind my ear | 把发丝塞到我的耳后 |
| [15:20] | lean in and… | 然后向我靠过来… |
| [15:21] | Checkmate. | 将军 |
| [15:22] | another rite of passage in the books. | 又完成一个书本里说的成人仪式 |
| [15:25] | Like a fairytale. | 像童话一样美好呢 |
| [15:28] | I’ve made sure everything is perfect. | 我已经确保一切会完美进行 |
| [15:30] | How do you make sure a kiss is perfect? | 你怎么确保亲吻是完美的 |
| [15:32] | Well, you, uh. | 这个嘛…啥 |
| [15:38] | What if it’s bad? | 如果很糟怎么办 |
| [15:39] | It won’t be. I excel at everything. | 不会的 我做什么都很棒 |
| [15:42] | Except, I’ve never done this before, | 只是我以前没吻过别人 |
| [15:44] | so I suppose there is a non-zero chance that I might be bad. | 所以我想确实有非零的概率我会做不好 |
| [15:48] | But who cares? It’s not a big deal. | 但谁在乎啊 没什么大不了的 |
| [15:51] | It’s just a really cute guy | 不过是个很帅的男孩 |
| [15:54] | on his way to my house right now to kiss me. | 现在正要来我家吻我 |
| [15:57] | And did you know he player guitar? | 你知道他还弹吉他吗 |
| [15:59] | I mean, he only knows that one Ed Sheeran song. | 虽说他只会弹一首黄老板的歌 |
| [16:01] | But maybe it’s because he’s too busy | 但也许是因为他太忙了 |
| [16:03] | kissing other girls to learn another one. | 忙着亲别的女孩 才没空学新歌 |
| [16:04] | And what if he kisses me and I’m the worst? | 如果他亲了我 发现我是最糟的呢 |
| [16:07] | Or maybe it’ll be good. | 又或者会很棒呢 |
| [16:13] | Hey, babe. | 宝贝 |
| [16:15] | What are you doing? | 你在做什么 |
| [16:16] | Baking bread. | 烤面包 |
| [16:17] | Ye, I bake bread now. | 没错 我开始烤面包了 |
| [16:20] | I was thinking, instead of stressing at night | 我在想 与其在晚上备受压力 |
| [16:22] | about if we’re gonna do it, or why we are not doing it, | 纠结到底要不要做 或者为什么没有做 |
| [16:24] | or can we get it done before they unmask the singer, | 或者能不能在揭晓蒙面唱将身份前搞完 |
| [16:28] | I am going to channel that energy into bread. | 我要把那股精神头注入面包 |
| [16:31] | I love that. I love it! | 我喜欢你这态度 超赞 |
| [16:32] | No one is ever mad when bread shows up. | 面包一端出来 就皆大欢喜 |
| [16:36] | I had the same thought, except I am going to try | 我也有同样的想法 但我是打算尝遍 |
| [16:39] | every single type of soda. | 所有种类的汽水 |
| [16:41] | Domestic, small batch, international. | 国产的 限量款 进口的 |
| [16:44] | We are in the middle of a soda-sance | 我们正处在汽水复兴时期 |
| [16:46] | – and almost missed it. – Yeah. | -却差点错过了 -是啊 |
| [16:49] | Time to pop the top on a new chapter of life. | 是时候展开生活新篇章了 |
| [16:56] | Croatian soda. | 克罗地亚汽水 |
| [16:58] | This shouldn’t exist. | 这玩意不该存在 |
| [17:05] | Hey, honey. Want to come in and help your mom bake bread | 宝贝 想过来帮你妈 |
| [17:07] | for the rest of her life? | 烤一辈子面包吗 |
| [17:09] | You know what? Sure. | 好啊 有何不可 |
| [17:12] | Really? | 真的吗 |
| [17:14] | Awesome. | 太棒了 |
| [17:15] | Pull up some dough. | 扯一块面团 |
| [17:17] | So… can I ask you something? | 我能问你点事吗 |
| [17:19] | This is your first time doing this, right? | 这是你第一次烤面包吧 |
| [17:21] | Oh, God, yeah. | 天呐 当然 |
| [17:23] | And since this is your time, | 既然是你的第一次 |
| [17:25] | it’s okay if it’s not perfect, right? | 所以不够完美也没关系 对吧 |
| [17:27] | It would even be understandable if it were bad. | 就算结果很糟糕 也是可以理解的 |
| [17:30] | Hmm. I used to think that. | 我过去也这么以为 |
| [17:33] | But now I realize | 但现在我意识到 |
| [17:35] | it’s important it’s good in the beginning, | 一个好的开端其实很重要 |
| [17:38] | cause before you know it, it all fades away, | 因为还没等你回过神来 一切就随风消逝了 |
| [17:40] | and all you have left is the memory of when it was good. | 你剩下的只有当年的美好回忆 |
| [17:44] | So, if this bread doesn’t turn out great, | 所以如果这面包没烤好 |
| [17:46] | I don’t know what the point of everything after it is. | 我不知道之后的所有事还有什么意义 |
| [17:53] | – I need your mouth. – What? | -我需要用你的嘴巴 -什么 |
| [17:56] | The half-face. | 那半张脸 |
| [17:57] | I need to practice. | 我需要练习 |
| [17:59] | I’m on the precipice of a major developmental milestone. | 我现正站在一个重大发展里程碑的悬崖边上 |
| [18:02] | I’m not kissing the same thermoplastic half-face as my sister. | 我才不要和我妹亲同一张热塑半脸 |
| [18:06] | That’s weird. | 那样超怪的 |
| [18:09] | Okay, you’re weird, and that thing can do better. | 你才怪 你还配不上那半张脸呢 |
| [18:15] | Now where’s the face? In your room? | 脸在哪儿 你房间里吗 |
| [18:18] | – Yes. – Give it to me! | -是的 -快给我 |
| [18:19] | No, I love her. I mean, I mean, she’s expensive! | 不行 我爱她 我意思是她很贵的 |
| [18:22] | Hey, guys, what is going on? | 你们在吵什么 |
| [18:24] | Some of us are trying | 我们正要 |
| [18:25] | to drink the root beers of Russia down here. | 在地下室喝俄罗斯产的沙士 |
| [18:27] | She’s trying to kidnap my mouth! | 她想绑架我的小嘴 |
| [18:29] | – Give it! – No! | -给我 -不行 |
| [18:32] | Why do I ever leave the basement? | 我干嘛犯贱离开地下室呢 |
| [18:36] | Keep back, or I’ll shoot! | 别过来 不然我喷你了 |
| [18:38] | Okay. Okay. | 好了 好了 |
| [18:39] | What is happening here? | 现在是什么情况 |
| [18:40] | I don’t know, but if they screw with my egg bread, | 我不知道 但要是他们弄坏我的蛋面包 |
| [18:42] | I will burn this house down. | 我就一把火把这房子烧光 |
| [18:45] | Brian’s been making out with a weird plastic mouth. | 布莱恩一直在跟诡异的塑料嘴亲热 |
| [18:47] | She has more class in her half-face | 她这半张脸 |
| [18:49] | than you have in your whole body. | 都比你整个人有气质 |
| [18:51] | Give it to me! | 快给我 |
| [18:54] | – Oh! Turn it off! No, no, no, no! – It won’t turn off! | -快关掉 不不不 -关不掉 |
| [18:56] | Oh, okay. Hold on. | 好 等我一下 |
| [18:57] | Got it, got it, got it, got it. | 搞定了 搞定了 |
| [18:59] | – You got it? – Got it. | -搞定了吗 -搞定了 |
| [19:05] | I think the sink might be broken? | 水池好像坏了 |
| [19:23] | – I hate soda. – I am done with bread. | -我讨厌汽水 -我受够面包了 |
| [19:30] | Well, hello there, Mr. Harvard. | 你好呀 哈佛先生 |
| [19:32] | Oh, actually, it’s Dr. Harvard. | 其实 我是哈佛博士 |
| [19:35] | Dr. Harvard J. Yale. | 哈佛·J·耶鲁博士 |
| [19:37] | Why are you two happy? | 你们为什么那么开心 |
| [19:40] | Because… | 因为 |
| [19:41] | the sink is working again. | 水池修好了 |
| [19:46] | Yeah, and we just accepted | 对 我们接受了 |
| [19:48] | that sometimes the sink’s gonna work a lot, | 水池有时水漫金山 |
| [19:51] | sometimes not at all. | 有时物燥天干 |
| [19:52] | You know, the problem wasn’t even the broken sink. | 其实问题根本不在于坏掉的水池 |
| [19:54] | – It was all of the analyzing and overthinking. – Yeah. | -而是我们过度分析 想太多了 -是啊 |
| [19:57] | By the way, if there was anyone | 对了 要是我这辈子 |
| [20:00] | I could share a sinkless forever with, | 要和一个人共度无”水池”人生 |
| [20:03] | it’s you. | 那就是你 |
| [20:07] | I don’t understand. | 我不懂 |
| [20:09] | They just storked. | 他们”送子鹳”了 |
| [20:16] | So, you guys want to tell us what that was all about? | 你们想说说 那都是怎么回事吗 |
| [20:20] | Uh, we panicked. Your talk freaked us out | 我们慌了 你们谈论性吓着我们了 |
| [20:22] | and made us think we should be closer than we are to doing it. | 让我们觉得自己进度落后 |
| [20:25] | I couldn’t even kiss the half-face. | 我连都那半脸亲不到 |
| [20:27] | I’ve been wooing it for two days. | 我都热烈追求她两天了 |
| [20:29] | I guess we did throw a lot of stuff at you. | 我们好像的确丢太多信息给你们消化了 |
| [20:33] | We thought you were ready, but the most important thing to know | 我们以为你们准备好了 但最重要的是 |
| [20:35] | is that it’s okay to not be ready. | 你们没准备好也没关系 |
| [20:37] | And when you are, you’ll know. | 等你们准备好那天 自然会知道 |
| [20:39] | Oh, that’s my kiss. | 是我的初吻对象 |
| [20:41] | – I don’t think I’m… – I’ll take care of it. | -我还是不要… -我去打发他 |
| [20:46] | Sorry. Nicole’s not coming. | 抱歉 妮可没空 |
| [20:49] | But there’s someone else you should meet. | 但有一个人 你该认识一下 |
| [20:52] | Treat her right. I just want her to be happy. | 好好待她 我希望她快乐 |
| [20:55] | That’s why I printed her with a smile. | 所以我才打印了笑容在她脸上 |
| [21:03] | Hey, buddy. | 哥们 |
| [21:06] | – We’re returning that 3-D printer. – Okay. | -我们要退掉那台3D打印机 -好的 |
| [21:10] | Can we have a movie night? | 我们今晚看电影行吗 |
| [21:12] | – Yeah. – Absolutely we can! | -行啊 -当然可以啦 |
| [21:14] | – Great idea. What’s up. – Yes. Oop. Yup. | -好主意 -赞啦 |
| [21:17] | What should we watch? | 我们看什么好呢 |
| [21:17] | Oh, Marc DVR’d a documentary | 马科录了一部纪录片 |
| [21:19] | that explores the multitude of possible gradations | 是探索一种单色 |
| [21:21] | presentin an achromatic color. | 能出现多少层次的 |
| [21:24] | – Sounds thrilling. – Yeah. | -听起来很刺激 -是啊 |
| [21:25] | It’s called Fifty Shades of Grey. | 叫《五十度灰》 |
| [21:27] | – No. No, no. No. – No! | -不 不准看 -不行 |