| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:14] | All right. | 好了 |
| [00:15] | Little ones are in bed. Big ones are reading. | 小家伙们上床睡觉了 大孩子们在看书 |
| [00:18] | Time for the old ones to drink. | 现在老东西们该开喝了 |
| [00:21] | Bad news: | 坏消息 |
| [00:22] | this is the last alcoholic beverage in the entire house. | 这是我们家剩下的最后一瓶酒精饮料 |
| [00:25] | Are you sure? Because last time you said that, | 你确定吗 因为上次你这么说时 |
| [00:28] | we still had that really old jar of peaches. | 我们其实还有一罐放到发酵的过期黄桃罐头 |
| [00:30] | Do you think I’d be drinking this beer | 如果我们还有一罐过期黄桃罐头 |
| [00:31] | if we had a really old jar of peaches? | 你以为我会喝这瓶啤酒吗 |
| [00:33] | Could you please just run out and pick up more booze? | 拜托你迅速出门 再买些酒回来好不好 |
| [00:35] | No. I can’t go back up there. | 不 我不能回到楼上 |
| [00:38] | Uh-uh. I want to stay down here, | 没门 我想待在地下室 |
| [00:39] | where it’s safe and life can’t find me. | 这里很安全 我不会被生活按在地上摩擦 |
| [00:42] | Well, I’m not going. | 我也不要去 |
| [00:43] | Today was horrible. | 我今天过得很糟心 |
| [00:44] | I spent all day dreaming about getting down here | 我已经盼了一天了 能躲在这下面 |
| [00:47] | – and shutting off my brain. – Okay. | -什么都不用烦恼 -好吧 |
| [00:49] | Let’s play a little game. | 我们来玩个小游戏 |
| [00:52] | Worst day gets to keep hiding in the basement. | 今天过得最糟心的人可以继续躲在地下室 |
| [00:55] | Loser gets more beers. | 输家去买啤酒 |
| [00:58] | Bring it. | 放马过来 |
| [01:00] | Okay. | 好 |
| [01:01] | After work, I walked in on Irwin changing for the gym. | 下班后 我撞见欧文正在换衣服去健身 |
| [01:04] | I saw everything. | 我什么都看见了 |
| [01:07] | Still seeing it now. | 那恐怖画面依然挥之不去 |
| [01:09] | That’s nothing. | 那算个屁啊 |
| [01:10] | One of the burlesque dancers from the casino called in sick, | 赌场有个脱衣舞娘请病假了 |
| [01:13] | and since I’m covering for everyone lately… | 我最近得帮所有人代班 所以… |
| [01:15] | – You didn’t. – I wish. | -你没有下海吧 -我倒想 |
| [01:17] | I had to pick up her kid from day care. | 结果我得去托儿所帮她接小孩 |
| [01:19] | Okay. | 好吧 |
| [01:20] | – Point you. – Home was more brutal. | -你得一分 -回家后更残暴 |
| [01:23] | No one could decide what they wanted for dinner, | 没人能决定晚餐想吃什么 |
| [01:25] | so I said it’s Taco Tuesday | 于是我说今天是周二墨西哥卷饼日 |
| [01:27] | and then Nicole accused me of cultural appropriation. | 结果妮可指责我文化挪用 |
| [01:31] | You think that’s bad? | 你以为那就很惨了吗 |
| [01:32] | Up until right now, I thought today was Friday. | 这一刻之前 我都难熬到以为今天还是周五 |
| [01:38] | What would these two think if they heard us complaining? | 他们俩要是听见我们抱怨 会怎么想 |
| [01:41] | Look at them. | 瞧瞧他们 |
| [01:42] | So young. So happy. | 这么年轻 快乐 |
| [01:45] | You know why they’re so happy? | 你知道他们为什么这么快乐吗 |
| [01:47] | ‘Cause they get to be in this basement all the time. | 因为他们能一直待在这地下室 |
| [01:51] | How about this? | 不如这样吧 |
| [01:52] | You finally hang up this picture, | 你去挂起这幅早该挂起的照片 |
| [01:54] | we split the beer. | 我们分了那瓶啤酒 |
| [01:57] | Done. | 没问题 |
| [02:00] | Splitting rules apply, you pour, | 分酒规则适用 你来倒酒 |
| [02:03] | – I… oh! – Babe, are you okay? | -我去… -宝贝 你没事吧 |
| [02:06] | Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I’m-I’m fine. | 嗯 没事 我没事 |
| [02:07] | But… I think there’s something in here. | 但… 这里面好像有东西 |
| [02:10] | Can we drink it? | 能喝的吗 |
| [02:14] | It looks like… black mold. | 看起来好像是…黑霉 |
| [02:17] | Oh, my God, we’re rich! | 天啊 我们要发财了 |
| [02:20] | No. No, no, no, that-that’s black gold. | 不不 值钱的是黑金[石油] |
| [02:23] | This-this is poison. | 这简直是毒药 |
| [02:27] | We got to get out of here. | 我们得赶紧离开 |
| [02:32] | Oh, bring that beer! | 记得带上那瓶啤酒 |
| [02:35] | I think the black mold got it! | 好像被黑霉污染了 |
| [02:38] | 高布丁Gwen 驴驴 翻译 | |
| [02:39] | 克里斯 翻译 | |
| [02:40] | Eunice | 翻译 |
| [02:43] | 雷鸣 后期 | |
| [02:44] | Eunice | 总监 |
| [02:50] | Hey. Feet off the couch. | 脚不准放在沙发上 |
| [02:51] | Hey, those apples are for company. | 那些苹果是给客人吃的 |
| [02:55] | And whose sweater is this? | 这件毛衣是谁的 |
| [02:58] | I swear, if someone doesn’t tell me | 如果没人告诉我毛衣是谁的 |
| [02:59] | – whose sweater this is… – It’s yours. | -老娘誓要… -是你的 |
| [03:02] | You said you were gonna wear it today. | 你说你今天要穿的 |
| [03:04] | Oh, look at you, knowing all the things I say. | 瞧你 我说过的话你都一清二楚啊 |
| [03:09] | Mom and Dad have been in a bad mood | 爸妈自从失去地下室后 |
| [03:10] | ever since they lost the basement. | 一直心情不好 |
| [03:12] | Because that’s where they would go to decompress. | 因为那里是他们的减压圣地 |
| [03:14] | Now that they don’t have an outlet for their frustration, | 现在他们没有了发泄挫败感的地方 |
| [03:17] | they’re taking it out on us. | 就拿我们出气了 |
| [03:19] | And they’re around all the time. | 而且他们时刻都围着我们转 |
| [03:21] | I feel like a rat in a cage. | 我觉得自己是关在笼子里的老鼠 |
| [03:25] | Now I know why all my rats keep killing themselves. | 现在我知道我做试验的老鼠为什么一直自杀了 |
| [03:29] | Things will go back to normal soon, okay? | 一切很快会恢复正常的 好吗 |
| [03:31] | The basement’s supposed to be | 地下室很快就能修好 |
| [03:32] | done by the end of the… | 应该这个周末… |
| [03:32] | Three more weeks?! | 还要三个星期 |
| [03:34] | That’s what the mold guys said. | 除霉的人是这么说的 |
| [03:35] | Well, then what the hell have | 那这段时间里 |
| [03:36] | they been doing this whole time? | 他们都在干嘛 |
| [03:36] | Don’t ask me. You’re the one who wanted to hire “professionals” | 别问我 是你非要找”专业除霉工”的 |
| [03:39] | who were “thorough” and “could work within | 说他们”清洁彻底” “能在距学校 |
| [03:41] | 200 feet of a school.” | 60米范围内工作”[无恋童案底] |
| [03:44] | When the cleaners are done with the black mold, | 等除霉工清理干净黑霉后 |
| [03:45] | I’m gonna have them come back and remove the White Mike! | 我会让他们再回来清理走”白麦克” |
| [03:49] | All right, it’s bedtime. Everyone in their pajamas. | 该睡觉了 所有人换上睡衣 |
| [03:50] | – They’re in their pajamas! – Well, then put on more pajamas! | -他们都穿着呢 -那就再多穿一层 |
| [03:54] | Three more weeks of that | 他们再这样吵三个星期 |
| [03:56] | and I might just start taking candy from strangers. | 我还不如被陌生人拐卖走呢 |
| [04:00] | I can’t take it. | 我都受不了了 |
| [04:01] | My baseline anxiety level is already | 我的焦虑基线水平已经严重到 |
| [04:03] | defined medically as “yowza.” | 在医学上被定义为”我靠”了 |
| [04:06] | What are they even so stressed about? | 他们有什么好焦虑的 |
| [04:08] | Like parenting and working their dumb jobs | 就好像抚养孩子和做那种弱智工作 |
| [04:10] | is so difficult. | 有多难一样 |
| [04:12] | I know. Yeah, “Oh, my life is so hard. | 就是啊 “我的生活太难了 |
| [04:15] | “I have to make a table and pour my kid a glass of sink water | 我得整理餐桌 给孩子倒杯水 |
| [04:18] | while my genius son finds the link | 与此同时我的天才儿子发现了 |
| [04:20] | between a human genome and a fruit fly.” | 人类基因组与果蝇间的联系” |
| [04:23] | Oh, did you do that today? | 你今天做那个实验了吗 |
| [04:24] | No, I couldn’t because Dad kept swatting my control group. | 没有 因为老爸一直打我对照组的果蝇 |
| [04:28] | We have to do something about this, | 我们得做点什么 |
| [04:30] | or else Mom and Dad are gonna crack | 不然爸妈会崩溃的 |
| [04:32] | and take us down with them. | 还会连累我们一起遭殃 |
| [04:35] | Could you walk any louder?! | 你走路声音还能再大点吗 |
| [04:37] | We get it, you’re in the house! | 我们知道了 你在家 |
| [04:40] | Hey, you married these feet! | 你自己嫁的人你得认命 |
| [04:48] | They’re coming! | 他们来了 |
| [04:52] | Good morning, contestants. | 各位选手早上好 |
| [04:55] | Welcome to We Love Our Parents, | 欢迎参加《我们爱我们爸妈》 |
| [04:58] | the game show where you get rewarded just for having us. | 一个只要你们拥有我们就能得到奖品的游戏节目 |
| [05:01] | I’m your host… | 我是你们的主持人… |
| [05:03] | I thought we said I’m the host. | 不是说好我才是主持人吗 |
| [05:04] | We did until you choked in rehearsal. | 谁叫你在彩排时呛到口水 |
| [05:09] | What is happening? | 怎么回事 |
| [05:10] | Congratulations, Mom and Dad. | 祝贺你们 爸爸妈妈 |
| [05:13] | You’re already winners. | 你们已经获胜了 |
| [05:14] | All you have to do is take what’s behind door number one! | 你们要做的就是拿走一号门后的东西 |
| [05:20] | That’s not how game shows work. | 游戏节目不是这么玩儿的 |
| [05:21] | There should be questions… or at least another door. | 应该有考题 至少还有另一扇门 |
| [05:25] | Uh, fine. Okay, there’s a second door. | 好吧 还有第二扇门 |
| [05:28] | Well, where is it? | 在哪儿 |
| [05:29] | I don’t see one. | 我没看见 |
| [05:31] | I don’t know, it’s-it’s a mystery door. | 我也不知道 那是一扇…神秘之门 |
| [05:33] | Oh, that sounds good, we’ll take that one. | 听起来不错 我们就选那扇 |
| [05:35] | No, j-j-just take door number one. | 不行 只能选一号门 |
| [05:37] | Mystery door, final answer. | 我们决定了 就选神秘之门 |
| [05:39] | No whammies, no whammies, no whammies. Stop! | 穷灵退散 穷灵退散 穷灵退散 停 |
| [05:41] | Mystery door! | 神秘之门 |
| [05:44] | Mystery door! Mystery door! Mystery door! | 神秘之门 神秘之门 神秘之门 |
| [05:46] | – Mystery door! – Game’s over! | -神秘之门 -游戏结束 |
| [05:47] | Leila, just open the door. | 蕾拉 直接开门吧 |
| [05:51] | Pack your bags! | 收拾好行李 |
| [05:52] | Something else! | 还有几句台词 |
| [05:53] | I can’t remember! | 我忘了 |
| [05:56] | What exactly is all this | 你们到底在干什么 |
| [05:58] | and why is Leila dressed like a bellhop? | 为什么蕾拉穿得像个行李员 |
| [06:00] | We got you a night away. | 我们给你们放一晚上的假 |
| [06:02] | Nicole hacked the computer system at your casino | 妮可入侵了你赌场的电脑系统 |
| [06:04] | and we booked you a free suite. | 给你们订了一间免费套房 |
| [06:06] | Sorry, you-you hacked Mom’s casino? | 等等 你 你黑进了你妈赌场的电脑系统 |
| [06:08] | How could you do that… | 你怎么能这么做 |
| [06:09] | and not choose somewhere better? | 竟然不选个更高级的地方 |
| [06:12] | You both have seemed a little frazzled lately, | 你俩最近好像有点累 |
| [06:14] | so we thought some time away would be good for you. | 我们认为你们需要度个假 好好休息一下 |
| [06:17] | I admit we have been a little on edge, | 我承认我们最近有些暴躁 |
| [06:19] | but we are not leaving you on your own overnight. | 但我们不会把你们丢在家一整晚的 |
| [06:22] | This is insulting. | 这话太侮辱人了 |
| [06:23] | We are not children. | 我们不是小孩子 |
| [06:24] | We are gifted preadults. | 我们是天赋异禀的预备成年人 |
| [06:27] | We are more than capable of being on our own. | 我们有足够能力照顾好自己 |
| [06:30] | If I’m not qualified to watch some kids, | 如果我不够格照看小孩子 |
| [06:32] | then how come the girls at school keep telling me | 那学校里的女生为什么总说 |
| [06:34] | I give off “serious dad vibes”? | 我散发出”严肃老爸的气场”呢 |
| [06:39] | If you won’t do it for you, do it for us, okay? | 即便你们不想这么做 就当为了我们好吗 |
| [06:42] | You’re our black mold. | 你们就是我们的黑霉 |
| [06:45] | But it’s illegal to exterminate you, | 但”消灭”你们是违法的 |
| [06:48] | so just take the damn suite. | 所以快接受这间该死的套房吧 |
| [06:52] | I mean, I guess we could use it. | 我觉得我们可以去住一晚 |
| [06:55] | This could be good for us. | 这对我们有好处 |
| [06:56] | We can recharge. | 我们可以给自己充充电 |
| [06:58] | Okay. All right, guys. | 好了 孩子们 |
| [06:59] | We will accept your prize. | 我们接受你们的奖品 |
| [07:02] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [07:03] | Just so we know, though, | 不过能不能告诉我们 |
| [07:06] | um, what would have been behind the mystery door? | 神秘之门后面到底有什么 |
| [07:09] | A washcloth soaked in chloroform. | 是浸了氯仿 能迷晕你们的毛巾 |
| [07:14] | You were waking up in that hotel room one way or another. | 不管选哪个 你们都会在那间酒店房间里醒来 |
| [07:22] | So we’re headed out. | 我们要出发了 |
| [07:23] | You all set with the babysitter instructions? | 你都按照保姆指南准备好了吗 |
| [07:25] | Yeah, but how old are these? | 嗯 不过这个指南是哪年的 |
| [07:27] | “Brian likes to fall asleep to Clay Aiken songs. | “布莱恩喜欢听着克莱·艾肯的歌入睡 |
| [07:29] | And Nicole likes to sleep to Ruben Studdard.” | 妮可喜欢听着鲁本·司徒亚特的歌入睡” |
| [07:33] | Uh, oh, right, | 对哦 |
| [07:33] | we haven’t had a babysitter in ten years | 我们已经有十年没请过保姆了 |
| [07:35] | because they’re all scared of you. | 因为他们都怕了你们 |
| [07:38] | Okay, updated rules. | 好了 更新一下规矩 |
| [07:40] | Uh, for Leila, in bed by 9:00, no candy. | 蕾拉要在9点前睡觉 不准吃糖 |
| [07:42] | And for Marc, I don’t know– | 至于马科 我不知道 |
| [07:43] | if he opens a book covered in spiderwebs | 如果他拿出一本布满蜘蛛网的书 |
| [07:45] | and starts reading backwards, | 还开始倒着读 |
| [07:46] | burn him. | 就烧死他吧[女巫] |
| [07:48] | W-W-Wait. | 等等 |
| [07:49] | Why are these directed at Brian? | 你们为什么只跟布莱恩交代这些 |
| [07:51] | Brian is the oldest, he’s in charge. | 布莱恩最年长 所以由他看家 |
| [07:53] | Brian, watch out for coups. | 布莱恩 提防政变 |
| [07:54] | Nicole, no coups. | 妮可 不许搞政变 |
| [07:57] | All right, uh, well, if we come back tomorrow | 好了 如果我们明天回家 |
| [07:59] | and there’s no caution tape around the house, | 房子周围没拉警戒线 |
| [08:01] | maybe we’ll trust you enough to do this again. | 也许我们就会信任你们 再让你们独处 |
| [08:05] | You know who’s really in charge. | 你知道真正看家的人是谁吧 |
| [08:06] | You got this, right? | 你能搞定的 对吗 |
| [08:07] | I’ll just pee somewhere weird. | 到时我就找个不寻常的地方撒尿 |
| [08:08] | That should keep them busy. | 那就够他们忙一阵了 |
| [08:11] | That’s my girl. | 不愧是我的好女儿 |
| [08:12] | – Bye, guys. – Bye! See you later. | -拜拜 -拜拜 明天见 |
| [08:16] | Resign with dignity | 你最好有尊严地请辞 |
| [08:17] | or your search history becomes next year’s Christmas card. | 否则你的搜索记录 将会登上明年的圣诞贺卡 |
| [08:21] | I look forward to serving you. | 我十分期待为您效力 |
| [08:29] | Whoa, nice. | 赞啊 |
| [08:30] | This is one of our remodeled rooms. | 这是我们重装过的房间 |
| [08:33] | All this stuff is brand-new… | 所有东西都是全新的… |
| [08:35] | which means something terrible happened here. | 说明这个房间里曾发生过一场惨剧 |
| [08:38] | Well, worked out for us. | 对我们来说是好事 |
| [08:40] | This place is awesome. | 这个地方好赞啊 |
| [08:41] | I don’t know what to steal first. | 我都不知道先偷什么好了 |
| [08:43] | Nothing. Everything has ink tags. | 什么都别偷 所有东西上面都有墨水防盗扣 |
| [08:46] | Remember when Rita’s hair was blue? | 还记得丽塔的头发变成蓝色了吗 |
| [08:47] | That wasn’t a statement. | 她不是想换个引人注目的发色 |
| [08:48] | She tried to walk out with an umbrella. | 只是试图偷伞的时候染到墨水色了 |
| [08:51] | You know, the kids were right, this is exactly what we needed. | 孩子们是对的 这正是我们所需要的 |
| [08:54] | No stress, no responsibility. | 没有压力 没有责任 |
| [08:57] | – It’s like a basement in the sky. – Yeah. | -这就像一间在天上的地下室 -是啊 |
| [08:59] | Yeah, I feel more relaxed already. | 没错 我已经觉得比之前放松了 |
| [09:01] | I can’t even hear your feet up here. | 我甚至都听不到你吵死人的脚步声了 |
| [09:03] | I know! | 就是啊 |
| [09:04] | And your voice totally isn’t– | 你的声音也没那么… |
| [09:06] | And I brought something that’s gonna make | 我带了点东西 会让今天晚上 |
| [09:08] | tonight even better… | 更加美好 |
| [09:11] | Bubble bath, because I thought it was champagne. | 泡泡浴液 因为我本来以为这是瓶香槟 |
| [09:15] | And… botched celebrity lipo stories | 还有…名人抽脂失败的八卦 |
| [09:19] | for you to read after I pass out. | 你可以在我睡着之后看 |
| [09:21] | Aw. You know me. | 你真懂我 |
| [09:23] | Tonight has to last us three weeks, | 今晚过后 我们要撑整整三周 |
| [09:25] | so we have to make the most of it. | 所以我们要充分利用这一晚 |
| [09:27] | Well, I know of a good place to start. | 我想到一个好的开场活动 |
| [09:33] | Damn it! | 妈的 |
| [09:34] | I left my purse in the kitchen. | 我把包落在厨房了 |
| [09:37] | Role-play. | 角色扮演啊 |
| [09:40] | Well, you are in luck | 你很走运 |
| [09:42] | ’cause I’m a traveling purse salesman. | 因为我是名正在出差的皮包销售员 |
| [09:46] | No. | 不是 |
| [09:48] | I really left my purse in the kitchen | 我真的把包落在厨房了 |
| [09:49] | and it has my birth control in it. | 里面有我的避孕药 |
| [09:51] | – I-I should go and get it, right? – No, don’t go home. | -我该回去拿 -不 别回家 |
| [09:53] | That’s where the bad stuff is. | 家是万恶之源 |
| [09:56] | The kids will see you and suck you into their nonsense. | 孩子们会看到你 然后用鸡毛蒜皮的事烦你 |
| [09:59] | You’re right. | 你说得对 |
| [10:01] | – We’ll just use a condom. – You know what, | -我们用避孕套就好了 -算了 |
| [10:03] | I’ll just run home real fast and get your purse. | 我还是快速回趟家 把你的包取回来 |
| [10:04] | Wait, Mike! | 等等 麦克 |
| [10:05] | – What about getting sucked in by the kids? – Won’t happen. | -万一被孩子缠住怎么办 -不会的 |
| [10:07] | – I’m very motivated to get back here. – Okay, just… | -我很有动力赶回这里 -好吧 |
| [10:09] | be careful leaving the casino. | 离开赌场时小心点 |
| [10:11] | I don’t want someone to see you and know I’m here | 我不想别人看到你 然后猜到我在这儿 |
| [10:13] | or I’m gonna get dragged into some work thing. | 或者我被拉去处理工作 |
| [10:15] | Don’t worry, please. I am great at sneaking. | 别担心 我可会偷偷摸摸了 |
| [10:18] | You don’t spend half of high school alone in your room | 我高中一半时间都独自待在房间里 |
| [10:20] | pretending to be a ninja and not pick up a few things. | 假装自己是忍者 还不得学会两手 |
| [10:24] | – Maybe you should just… – Yeah, I’m going. | -也许你应该… -我这就走 |
| [10:30] | – Mike? – What? | -麦克 -什么 |
| [10:32] | Oh, Rita! Hey! | 丽塔 你好啊 |
| [10:34] | I didn’t see you there. How are you? | 我刚才没看见你 你怎么样 |
| [10:36] | Well, Mike, my dream was to sing on Broadway, | 麦克 我的梦想是在百老汇唱歌 |
| [10:38] | and instead I’m here babysitting a bunch of lonely drunks, | 现在我却在这照顾一帮醉鬼 |
| [10:40] | so I’m gonna say medium. | 所以我觉得一般 |
| [10:43] | – Where’s Kay? – I haven’t seen her, so… | -凯在哪 -我没看见她 |
| [10:45] | Then what are you doing here? | 那你自己来这儿做什么 |
| [10:48] | Okay, um, you got me. | 好吧 被你逮到了 |
| [10:51] | The truth is… | 事实是… |
| [10:54] | I’m having an affair. | 我外遇了 |
| [10:56] | Sexual affair. | 跟别人打炮那种 |
| [10:58] | And now I must go do pleasure on her. Bye. | 现在我必须去取悦她了 拜 |
| [11:00] | Mike! | 麦克 |
| [11:02] | Please, I’ve seen a prostitute tell you | 得了吧 我都见过妓女跟你说 |
| [11:04] | she just wanted to be friends. | 她只想跟你当朋友 |
| [11:06] | Okay, fine, uh, t-the real truth is, um, | 好吧 事实是 |
| [11:12] | I’m a gambling addict. Yep. | 我有赌瘾 没错 |
| [11:14] | I got it bad. | 很严重 |
| [11:17] | Hundred on 22 black. | 黑22押一百 |
| [11:18] | 16 red. | 红16 |
| [11:22] | Oh… That’s the stuff. | 过瘾了 |
| [11:24] | Well, guess I can go now. | 现在我能走了 |
| [11:26] | Bye, Rita. | 再见 丽塔 |
| [11:26] | And 22 black. | 还有黑22 |
| [11:33] | Well, the house is clean, kids are bathed and in bed. | 屋子干净了 孩子们洗完睡了 |
| [11:36] | The fact that Mom and Dad thought that we couldn’t do this | 老爸老妈居然觉得我们做不来 |
| [11:38] | is laughable. | 太可笑了 |
| [11:39] | Parenting is so easy. | 当父母太容易了 |
| [11:42] | I have to hand it to you. | 我不得不佩服你 |
| [11:43] | Training Marc and Leila to get drowsy | 训练马科和蕾拉一听铃声 |
| [11:45] | whenever you ring that bell was a stroke of Pavlovian genius. | 就犯困简直是巴甫洛夫般的神来之笔 |
| [11:50] | Thank you. And while we’re giving out compliments, | 谢谢 既然要互相赞赏 |
| [11:52] | I was impressed by the way you handled mealtime. | 我对你准备的餐点也很钦佩 |
| [11:55] | I’d say my nutrition bricks are a home run. | 我的营养补充块确实是本垒打 |
| [11:58] | But that’s a sports reference, | 但这是个体育名词 |
| [11:59] | so I’m not sure if I’m using it right. | 我不确定用对了没有 |
| [12:03] | Imagine how much better off we would be | 想象一下 如果我们能当自己的父母 |
| [12:05] | if we had us as parents. | 情况会好得多 |
| [12:06] | It would’ve been an honor to call you mother. | 能叫你母亲将是莫大的荣耀 |
| [12:10] | Okay, this conversation’s gone on one sentence too long. | 好了 这个对话应该结束在前一句 |
| [12:14] | Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go upstairs | 恕我失陪 我要上楼 |
| [12:16] | and practice beating some polygraphs. | 去练习骗过测谎仪了 |
| [12:18] | I am a golden god! | 我是不败之神 |
| [12:21] | What is happening? You said you put her to bed. | 怎么回事 你不是说哄她上床睡觉了吗 |
| [12:23] | I did. I even told her when the lights go out, | 是啊 我甚至告诉她灯灭的时候 |
| [12:25] | the floor turns to lava. | 地板会变成岩浆 |
| [12:27] | I can run on lava! | 我能在岩浆上奔跑 |
| [12:31] | Wait a second, what did you put in these? | 等等 你在这里面加了什么 |
| [12:33] | Uh, egg whites for texture, kola nuts for heart health, | 蛋白增加口感 可乐果改善心脏健康 |
| [12:35] | a hint of gravy for that little je ne sais quoi. | 一点肉汁让其妙不可言 |
| [12:38] | You used kola nuts? Those have caffeine. | 你用可乐果了 那里面含咖啡因 |
| [12:44] | Great, now Marc’s up! | 好极了 马科也起来了 |
| [12:47] | You can’t catch me! | 你抓不到我 |
| [12:49] | Leila, go-go to bed! Yes, I can. | 蕾拉 去睡觉 我能抓到你 |
| [12:52] | Marc, stop scoring my chase! | 马科 别给我伴奏了 |
| [13:00] | That was fast. | 你真快啊 |
| [13:01] | – Did you… – I knew it. | -你… -我就知道 |
| [13:04] | It’s not me. It’s Alicia Silverstone. | 不是我 是演员艾丽西娅·西尔维斯通 |
| [13:08] | Cut the crap. I saw Mike downstairs. | 别废话了 我在楼下看到麦克了 |
| [13:10] | Ugh, sorry, I should’ve told you. | 抱歉 我该告诉你的 |
| [13:13] | We just really needed a night away | 我们就是需要一晚自己的时间 |
| [13:15] | and I didn’t want to get dragged into any work stuff. | 我也不想被拉去处理工作上的事 |
| [13:17] | I would never do that to you. Kay. | 我怎么会那样对你呢 凯 |
| [13:20] | You know what? I’m offended. | 知道吗 我觉得被冒犯了 |
| [13:21] | And the only way for you to make it up to me | 你只有一个办法能补偿我 |
| [13:23] | is for you to help me with this one little quick work thing. | 那就是帮我解决个工作上的小事 |
| [13:25] | – Oh, come on. – Look, the bosses are mad. | -不是吧 -听着 东家们很生气 |
| [13:28] | There’s this guy at my table, he’s on this huge hot streak. | 我那桌有个人 手气一直很好 |
| [13:31] | They need somebody to come in and cool him off. | 他们需要有人去挫挫他的运气 |
| [13:33] | So why are you coming to me? | 那你为什么找我 |
| [13:35] | Well, you know you’re a cooler, right? | 你知道扫兴是你的特长吧 |
| [13:36] | ‘Cause you got those bad luck vibes. | 因为你自带那种霉运气场 |
| [13:39] | That is ridiculous. I don’t have bad luck vibes. | 太荒谬了 我才没有霉运气场呢 |
| [13:42] | Maybe you are Alicia Silverstone, | 也许你真是艾丽西娅·西尔维斯通 |
| [13:44] | ’cause I am looking at a Clueless bitch. | 因为我面前这女人无知到可怕[《独领风骚》] |
| [13:48] | Trust me, I’m always right about these kind of things. | 相信我 这种事我从来不会看错 |
| [13:51] | Just like I’m right about Clem, the janitor? | 我也没看错克莱姆 那个清洁工 |
| [13:54] | Clem is not an Undercover Boss. | 克莱姆才不是卧底东家呢 |
| [13:57] | Hand to God, he is a CEO in a fake nose. | 我发誓 他绝对是戴了假鼻子的CEO |
| [14:01] | – All right. Thanks for stopping by. – Okay. All right, all right, | -谢谢你来 慢走不送 -好 好 |
| [14:03] | all right, all right. Yeah. | 好吧 听我说 |
| [14:04] | Just come downstairs for five minutes, | 你就下楼五分钟 |
| [14:06] | tell a few of your sad stories, cool this guy down | 分享一些你的悲惨经历 打破那人连赢势头 |
| [14:09] | and you can come right back up here | 然后你就回来 |
| [14:11] | to the Honeymoon Murder Suite. | 这间蜜月谋杀套房 |
| [14:14] | Fine, I will give you five minutes of my bad luck vibes. | 行吧 我就给你五分钟我的霉运气场 |
| [14:21] | Whoa, Kay. | 凯 |
| [14:22] | Don’t blow all your bad luck up here. | 别在这就挥霍完你的霉运啊 |
| [14:26] | – Let’s just go. – I’ll get Clem to clean it up. | -我们走吧 -我等会叫克莱姆来打扫 |
| [14:29] | He’s just a regular janitor after all! | 反正他只是个普通的清洁工嘛 |
| [14:33] | Who are you talking to? | 你在对谁说话 |
| [14:34] | The cameras are getting all of this. | 摄像头把这一切都拍进去了 |
| [14:37] | I’m so sorry about the room mix-up. | 很抱歉弄错了你们的房间 |
| [14:39] | There was an issue with our computers. | 我们电脑系统出了问题 |
| [14:42] | Your correct suite is ready. | 你们正确的房间已经准备好了 |
| [14:49] | Don’t be scared, Leila. | 别害怕 蕾拉 |
| [14:50] | We’re just gonna wrap you up like a burrito. | 我们只是想把你像卷饼那样包起来 |
| [14:55] | Catch her! | 抓住她 |
| [14:56] | You know the only thing I’ve ever caught | 你明知道我唯一得过[抓过]的 |
| [14:57] | is viral meningitis. | 就是病毒性脑膜炎 |
| [15:00] | Why don’t you just put a stop to whatever Marc is doing? | 不如你去制止一下马科在做的事 |
| [15:06] | Who is that? | 谁敲门 |
| [15:07] | Uh, occupied! | 里面有人 |
| [15:08] | That always scares me off. | 我每次听到这句都会被吓跑 |
| [15:11] | No, I called in reinforcements. | 不 是我叫来的援兵 |
| [15:15] | Hey, guys. Sorry, I would’ve been here sooner, | 你们好 抱歉 我本来能早点来的 |
| [15:17] | but your neighbors saw me come to the back door | 但你们邻居看见我去后门 |
| [15:19] | and they called the cops. | 就报了警 |
| [15:22] | We had a little talk, everybody learned a little something. | 我们聊了一会 大家都有所获得 |
| [15:26] | The children are out of control | 孩子们失控了 |
| [15:28] | because someone gave them 600 milligrams of caffeine before bed. | 因为某人睡前给他们摄入了600毫克咖啡因 |
| [15:31] | Okay, don’t pin this on me. | 休想怪到我头上 |
| [15:33] | You’re the one who tried to calm them down by turning on | 是你试图让他们看《日界线》 |
| [15:35] | a Dateline special about the Tristate Toddler Thief. | 讲三州拐童犯的特别集来冷静的 |
| [15:39] | Yeah– Keith Morrison’s voice is universally soothing! | 因为主持人基斯·莫里森的声音对谁都很抚慰啊 |
| [15:42] | I’m gonna live forever! | 我会永生不死 |
| [15:46] | Why didn’t you guys just call your parents? | 你们为什么不直接打给爸妈呢 |
| [15:48] | Because if they know about this, | 因为要是被他们知道了 |
| [15:50] | they’ll never trust us alone again. | 他们以后都不会放心让我们看家 |
| [15:51] | We’re all flash and no action. | 我们只会吹牛逼 没有真本事 |
| [15:53] | We’re Elizabeth Holmes, and not in the way that we admire. | 就像伊丽莎白·霍尔姆斯 还不是我们佩服她那点 |
| [15:53] | 曾声称研发出革命性血检技术 后被指控诈骗 走下神坛 | |
| [15:56] | All right, I’ll help. | 好吧 我会帮忙的 |
| [15:58] | But maybe later down the road, there’s a new planet | 但你们日后要是发现了新行星 |
| [16:01] | or robot or eczema cream, name it after me. All right? | 或研发出机器人或湿疹药膏 就用我来命名 |
| [16:07] | Hey, kids, listen up! | 孩子们 听好了 |
| [16:08] | Butts in bed now! | 给我立刻上床躺好 |
| [16:13] | Dad voice. | 要用老爸的声音 |
| [16:14] | You get it the third time you step barefoot on a Lego. | 你光脚踩到乐高积木三次后就掌握了 |
| [16:18] | I don’t hear no eyes closing! | 我没听见你们闭眼睛 |
| [16:21] | Now I’m going to get some rest, too. | 现在我也要去休息了 |
| [16:24] | – Alexa, turn off the lights. – We don’t have an Alexa. | -艾莉克莎 关灯 -我们家没有智能艾莉克莎 |
| [16:27] | Oh, right. Brian, turn off the lights. | 对哦 布莱恩 关灯 |
| [16:40] | See? I don’t walk loud. | 看见没 我脚步多轻啊 |
| [16:43] | What was that? | 什么声音 |
| [16:49] | The chair’s knocked over. | 椅子倒了 |
| [16:50] | Why is the door open? | 大门为什么开着 |
| [16:52] | The Tristate Toddler Thief was last seen in Philadelphia. | 三州拐童犯最后一次出现是在费城 |
| [16:57] | Irwin! | 欧文 |
| [16:59] | What? What? What? | 怎么了 出什么事了 |
| [17:01] | Someone was in the house. | 有人闯进来过 |
| [17:03] | Calm down. Where’s your baseball bat? | 镇定一点 棒球棒在哪儿 |
| [17:05] | – I-I don’t follow. – Metal sports wand. | -我没听懂 -金属的运动棍子 |
| [17:08] | Basement. | 在地下室 |
| [17:15] | The black mold ate through the stairs! | 黑霉腐蚀了楼梯 |
| [17:18] | What is going on? | 怎么回事 |
| [17:20] | We got to go, now! | 我们得立刻离开 |
| [17:22] | What about Irwin? | 那欧文呢 |
| [17:23] | Forget Irwin. He’s already dead. | 别管他了 他没救了 |
| [17:27] | Oh, God, I think I just ate a spider. | 老天 我好像刚吞了一只蜘蛛 |
| [17:31] | So I’m on the date with him and I say, | 我和他约会时说道 |
| [17:33] | “Jeff, an online bookstore? | “杰夫 你想开网上书店吗 |
| [17:35] | “With ideas like that, you should quit business | 有这种绝妙创意 应该放弃现在的生意 |
| [17:36] | and live in the Amazon.” | 去亚马逊[电商]住啊” |
| [17:39] | Now I guess he’s super rich or something, I don’t know. | 现在他好像发财了 我也不清楚 |
| [17:43] | Blackjack. | 21点 |
| [17:44] | – Again. – Okay, | -又赢了 -好了 |
| [17:46] | I am putting out all the bad vibes I can. | 我已经尽力发功用霉运攻击他了 |
| [17:48] | It is not working. | 毫无作用 |
| [17:50] | I’m going back upstairs. | 我要回楼上去了 |
| [17:51] | Wait, you can’t leave yet. Y-You’re my good luck charm. | 等等 你先别走 你是我的幸运星 |
| [17:55] | Come on, uh, I’ll cut you in. | 别走嘛 我可以分成给你 |
| [17:58] | Okay. A few more hands. | 好吧 那就再玩几把 |
| [18:00] | But we got to be careful. | 但我们得谨慎行事 |
| [18:02] | You win more than ten grand here, | 你在这赌场赢了超过一万块 |
| [18:02] | they frame you for cheating. | 他们就会诬陷你出老千 |
| [18:24] | Guess who’s not wearing a condom. | 猜猜谁没戴套呀 |
| [18:31] | Whoa! Excuse me? | 怎么回事 |
| [18:32] | Oh, my God– I’m sorr– Sorry. | 天啊 抱歉 抱歉 |
| [18:34] | Sorry. Oh, my gosh. I’m sorry. | 对不起 老天 真抱歉 |
| [18:36] | Okay. Bye. | 好了 再见 |
| [18:40] | Forgot my purse. | 忘拿包包了 |
| [18:46] | Ooh, 22. Bust. | 22点 爆了 |
| [18:50] | Well, streak over. | 好手气断了 |
| [18:53] | There you go, as promised. | 给你 我们说好的 |
| [18:55] | Ten bucks? You won, like, eight grand. | 就十块 你赢了有八千吧 |
| [18:59] | I let him smell my hair for good luck. | 我还让他闻我头发 祈求好运 |
| [19:02] | See what I mean? Bad luck vibes. | 懂我意思了吧 霉运气场 |
| [19:05] | I promise you, I did not know that old lady | 我发誓 我爬上床躺在那老太太旁边 |
| [19:07] | wasn’t my wife until I crawled into bed with her. | 才发现她不是我老婆 |
| [19:11] | Wait. | 等等 |
| [19:12] | He’s with me. Oh. | 他跟我一起的 |
| [19:14] | Why don’t you give me him, and I’ll give you this? | 不如我用这个跟你换他 可以吗 |
| [19:18] | Yeah, okay. | 行吧 |
| [19:20] | What happened? | 发生了什么 |
| [19:21] | The casino must’ve fixed Nicole’s hack | 赌场一定纠正了妮可黑来的房间 |
| [19:23] | because they gave our room away. | 因为他们把我们的房间给别人了 |
| [19:25] | Ugh. Figures. | 早料到了 |
| [19:27] | – So, you just want to… – Give up and go home? | -你想不想… -放弃回家吗 |
| [19:28] | Yeah, that seems like where the night’s taken us. | 好啊 今晚诸事不顺 感觉注定要回去 |
| [19:33] | Yeah, that’s right, Clem. | 做得好 克莱姆 |
| [19:35] | You just keep on cleaning. | 继续清洁吧 |
| [19:39] | I hope you guys are getting this. | 希望你们拍下了这一幕 |
| [19:40] | This is gonna be a great episode. | 这一集偷拍节目会很精彩的 |
| [19:46] | Okay, just trying to work up the will to turn the key. | 好了 我只需要下定决心转动车匙 |
| [19:52] | Nope, not there yet. | 不 还没鼓足勇气 |
| [19:54] | This is what it’s come to. | 我们竟落得如此下场 |
| [19:56] | Hiding in our car in the casino parking lot. | 躲在我们停在赌场停车场的车里 |
| [20:01] | Actually, it’s-it’s kind of nice. | 其实这感觉还挺不错的 |
| [20:04] | – Reminds me of high school. – Yeah. | -让我想起高中时光 -是啊 |
| [20:07] | Back then, the car was the only place we had to ourselves. | 当年车就是我们唯一能独处的地方 |
| [20:10] | – Well, that and the tree house. – Different guy. | -还有那间树屋 -那不是我 |
| [20:11] | The car was the only place we had to ourselves. | 当年车就是我们唯一能独处的地方 |
| [20:15] | You know, maybe this is all we need. | 也许我们只要有这个就足够了 |
| [20:17] | Not a basement or a-a fancy hotel room, | 不是地下室或高级酒店房间 |
| [20:20] | just a few moments in the day to remind us we have each other. | 只是一天当中的某些时刻 提醒我们还拥有彼此 |
| [20:23] | Yeah. I mean, this is the most relaxed I’ve felt | 对 我们失去地下室这两个月来 |
| [20:26] | since we lost the basement two months ago. | 我就现在感到最放松 |
| [20:28] | – That was Tuesday. – Oh, my God. | -那是周二才发生的 -杀了我吧 |
| [20:32] | Well, it’s not a fancy hotel suite | 这里不是高级酒店套房 |
| [20:36] | or some other guy’s tree house, but… | 也不是另一个男人的树屋 但… |
| [20:39] | we do have some time. | 我们的确有独处的时间 |
| [20:46] | Let us in! | 让我们进去 |
| [20:48] | Oh, my… | 天啊 |
| [20:53] | What’s going on? | 发生什么事了 |
| [20:54] | We ate food bricks, | 我们吃了营养块 |
| [20:55] | then we killed Irwin and | 然后害死了欧文 |
| [20:56] | we found you with our phone | 接着用手机定位找到你们 |
| [20:58] | and now it’s tomorrow. | 现在已经是明天了 |
| [21:01] | Tonight was madness. | 今晚简直失控至极 |
| [21:03] | We don’t know how you do it. | 我们不知道你们平时是如何做到的 |
| [21:05] | I’m crashing. | 我快崩溃了 |
| [21:05] | I need a Brian Brick now. | 我现在就要吃布莱恩的营养块 |
| [21:08] | We saw the Tristate Toddler Thief. | 我们看见了三州拐童犯 |
| [21:10] | It’s me he wants. | 他想抓的是我 |
| [21:11] | We all know how young I look. | 我们都知道我外表多稚嫩幼小 |
| [21:15] | – Let’s just… Yeah. – Go home? Yeah. | -我们还是… -回家吗 好 |
| [21:22] | – Why won’t the car start? – I don’t… | -车为何打不着火 -不知道 |
| [21:28] | Because it’s not our car. | 因为这辆车不是我们的 |
| [21:29] | Let’s go. | 快闪 |