| 时间 | 英文 | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| [00:21] | Gotcha! | 找到你们了 |
| [00:23] | As soon as I find your dad, you’re it. | 等我找到你爸 就轮到你找了 |
| [00:25] | Burt, I need a hint. | 伯特 我需要提示 |
| [00:26] | Can I get a boo-ya? | 能”卟呀”一声吗 |
| [00:28] | Boo-ya. | 卟呀 |
| [00:34] | – Oh, crap-o! – What is it? | -不是吧 -咋了 |
| [00:36] | Your Uncle Bruce just pulled up. | 你布鲁斯叔叔刚把车停在门口了 |
| [00:38] | So? | 那又咋了 |
| [00:39] | He already thinks we’re big enough idiots. | 他本来就觉得咱家人都是大白痴 |
| [00:41] | Now here we are in our pj’s playing hide-and-go-seek | 现在可好 我们下午两点穿着睡衣 |
| [00:43] | 2:00 in the afternoon. | 玩躲猫猫 |
| [00:45] | Burt, your brother Bruce is here. Come out. | 伯特 你哥哥布鲁斯来了 出来 |
| [00:49] | Yeah, right. | 切 谁信啊 |
| [00:53] | Bruce. How are you? | 布鲁斯 你好吗 |
| [00:55] | Sweaty. You might want to police your yard debris. | 浑身是汗 你还是把院子收拾收拾吧 |
| [00:58] | Will do. | 必须的 |
| [01:00] | Hey, what happened to your ear? | 你耳朵咋了 |
| [01:01] | I was testing the batteries on a fire alarm, and… | 我在检测火警报警器的电池 然后… |
| [01:04] | You know what, I’m not here for chitty-chat, Virginia. | 我不是来闲聊的 维吉妮亚 |
| [01:06] | – Where’s Burt? – Burt? | -伯特在哪 -伯特 |
| [01:08] | He’s working. | 他在工作 |
| [01:09] | He’s working hard on the business, | 他正为了事业日理万机呢 |
| [01:11] | which is going really well right now. | 他现在事业简直蒸蒸日上啊 |
| [01:13] | We were all working hard, too, last night, | 我们也都努力工作 我是说昨晚 |
| [01:16] | which is why we’re in our pj’s. | 所以我们才会穿着睡衣 |
| [01:19] | Hi, Uncle Bruce. | 你好 布鲁斯叔叔 |
| [01:21] | You’re holding a baby. | 你抱着一个婴儿 |
| [01:22] | Yeah. See, what happened was… | 是啊 事情是这样的… |
| [01:24] | I don’t need to know. Really, do I? | 我不需要知道 需要吗 |
| [01:27] | When Burt gets back from work would you tell him… | 等伯特工作完回来 你能告诉他… |
| [01:29] | Cramp! | 抽筋 |
| [01:30] | I’m getting a cramp! | 我抽筋了 |
| [01:34] | Cramp! | 抽筋 |
| [01:41] | We were playing hide-and-go-seek. | 我们在玩躲猫猫 |
| [01:44] | Of course you were. | 意料之中 |
| [01:48] | Can I fix you something to eat? | 要我给你做点吃的不 |
| [01:49] | No, no, no need to spray cheese on anything. | 不 不用 用不着往任何东西上喷奶酪 |
| [01:52] | I just wanted to drop off | 我只是想过来送点东西 |
| [01:53] | this box of crap for my deadbeat son. | 是我那二缺儿子的 |
| [01:55] | For your information, Mike went on a spiritual quest | 我啰唆一句 麦克六个月前 |
| [01:57] | about six months ago. | 踏上了灵修之旅 |
| [01:58] | Moved in with a large group of like-minded people, | 跟一堆志同道合的人住一块儿去了 |
| [02:00] | and as there have been no reports | 既然现在没有任何新闻报道 |
| [02:01] | on the news of any mass suicides, | 提到过大规模自杀事件 |
| [02:03] | we assume he’s doing very well. | 我们可以推测他过得很好 |
| [02:04] | Yeah, I know he’s not here. | 对 我知道他不在这儿 |
| [02:05] | He’s coming on Saturday. | 他周六才来你们这儿 |
| [02:07] | You didn’t get a letter? | 你们没收到信吗 |
| [02:08] | Oh, yeah, I’m sure we got it. | 哦对 我们肯定收到了 |
| [02:10] | – We’ve just been busy. – With work. | -只是我们太忙了 -忙着工作 |
| [02:12] | It’s probably in here somewhere. | 可能就在这屋里什么地方 |
| [02:15] | We’re not crazy or anything. | 我们不是疯子什么的 |
| [02:16] | Just been a bit hectic with, you know, the business | 只是有些忙乱 你懂的 事业啊 |
| [02:19] | and the baby | 婴儿啊 |
| [02:20] | and being caretakers to Virginia’s grandma. | 照顾维吉妮亚的奶奶啊 |
| [02:23] | If Mike’s coming, don’t you want to be here to see him? | 如果麦克要来 你不想留下见见他吗 |
| [02:25] | I bet he misses you. | 我打赌他肯定很想念你 |
| [02:27] | He wrote you a letter, right? | 他给你写信了 是吧 |
| [02:28] | He just wants his hamster back. | 他只想要回他的仓鼠 |
| [02:29] | Oh, that reminds me. | 对了 这刚好提醒了我 |
| [02:35] | You might want to stick some lettuce or something in there. | 你们最好往里面放点儿莴苣什么的 |
| [02:38] | You know, Mike’s a good kid. | 麦克是个好孩子 |
| [02:40] | He might not be all wealthy and prosperous, | 他可能不是那么富有富足 |
| [02:42] | but that’s just your definition of success. | 但那只是你对成功的定义 |
| [02:45] | It’s the dictionary’s definition. | 字典上就是那么定义的 |
| [02:47] | Your dictionary, man. | 是你的字典 老哥 |
| [02:49] | Jimmy, this is your report card from junior year of high school. | 吉米 这是你高三那年的成绩单 |
| [02:49] | 美国高中共四年 junior year是第三年 | |
| [02:55] | Am I going to be happy when I open this? | 我要是打开了 我会开心吗 |
| [03:06] | Boo-ya! | 卟呀 |
| [03:07] | Is Maw Maw still playing hide-and-go-seek? | 奶奶还在玩躲猫猫吗 |
| [03:09] | Yeah, she’s been boo-ya-ing all morning. | 是啊 她都卟呀一早上了 |
| [03:12] | I don’t know where she is, but it’s keeping her busy. | 我不知道她在哪 但是够她忙活了 |
| [03:16] | Boo-ya! | 卟呀 |
| [03:18] | Well, she’ll come out when she’s hungry. | 反正她饿了自己就会出来了 |
| [03:21] | You’re going to love my cousin Mike. | 你会喜欢麦克表哥的 |
| [03:23] | He’s been involved in a lot of different groups. | 他参与了各种团体 |
| [03:25] | Some are cults, some are religions. | 有些是异教 有些是宗教团体 |
| [03:27] | One time he just lived with the animals. | 有一次他还跑去和动物住在一起了 |
| [03:28] | My craziest cousin is Tim. | 我最疯狂的表亲是蒂姆 |
| [03:30] | He’s an ultra gay conservative. | 他是一个极端同性恋保守党 |
| [03:31] | He’s a member of the Herbal Tea Party. | 他是草本茶党的成员 |
| [03:34] | Claims there’s eight members. | 声称有八名成员 |
| [03:36] | Oh, he’s not here yet? | 他还没到吗 |
| [03:38] | Wh-why are we trying to make him feel so welcome? | 为啥要搞得好像我们很欢迎他似的 |
| [03:40] | Last time I offered him a cold drink, he stayed for six years. | 上次我给他一杯冷饮 他住了六年 |
| [03:46] | Boo-ya! | 卟呀 |
| [04:01] | Tanya, this is my Aunt Virginia, | 塔尼娅 这是我维吉妮亚婶婶 |
| [04:04] | Cousin Jimmy, | 表弟吉米 |
| [04:05] | some girl, | 某个女孩 |
| [04:06] | and the greatest uncle of all time. | 还有史上最棒的叔叔 |
| [04:07] | I don’t know about that. | 太抬举我了 |
| [04:08] | That Uncle Cracker’s pretty cool. | 那个饼干叔叔挺酷的 |
| [04:10] | Guys, this is Tanya. | 伙计们 这位是塔尼娅 |
| [04:13] | My wife! | 我老婆 |
| [04:15] | You got married? | 你结婚了 |
| [04:16] | That’s awesome! | 太棒了 |
| [04:17] | I wish your dad was here for this. | 真希望你爸爸也在这儿 |
| [04:19] | But he’s busy being a big throbbing tool. | 但是他正忙着做一个巨大的振动工具 |
| [04:22] | Let’s call him up, | 我给他打个电话 |
| [04:23] | and rub the happy news in his face. | 把这个好消息甩在他眼前 |
| [04:26] | Who are those guys? | 他们是谁 |
| [04:27] | Those are my brother-husbands. | 这些是我的”丈夫兄弟们” |
| [04:30] | Your brother what? | 你的啥兄弟 |
| [04:32] | We’re reverse gender polygamists. | 我们是一妻多夫制 |
| [04:34] | We are all married– | 我们都在同一个婚姻中 |
| [04:36] | but not in a gay way. | 但不是男男结婚 |
| [04:38] | Just four dudes and one wife. | 只是四个男人一个妻子 |
| [04:40] | Hi. | 你们好 |
| [04:41] | Sorry, wrong number. | 抱歉 打错了 |
| [04:43] | Thank you so much for letting me come over. | 感谢你八辈儿祖宗让我过来 |
| [04:55] | Well, all right. | 好吧 |
| [04:57] | Five people married to each other. | 五人婚姻 |
| [04:59] | That is neat. | 挺带劲儿啊 |
| [05:01] | Neat, | 带劲儿 |
| [05:02] | neat stuff. | 带劲儿的玩意 |
| [05:04] | Oh, I wrote down a few questions, | 我写了几个问题想问问 |
| [05:07] | if you guys don’t mind. | 如果你们不介意的话 |
| [05:08] | No problem. | 没问题 |
| [05:09] | We understand people are curious. | 我们知道别人会很好奇 |
| [05:11] | The only thing we don’t discuss | 我们唯一拒绝谈论的问题 |
| [05:12] | is our sex life. | 是我们的性生活 |
| [05:15] | Of course. | 那当然 |
| [05:27] | Man, that is neat, neat stuff. | 老天 真是带劲儿的玩意啊 |
| [05:32] | Do you think they brainwashed him? | 你觉得他们是不是给他洗脑了 |
| [05:33] | Probably. | 有可能 |
| [05:35] | I’m just glad they washed him at all. | 我真高兴他们把他洗得这么彻底 |
| [05:36] | And make sure you keep your distance, | 记住和他们保持距离 |
| [05:38] | so you don’t let them lure you in like you did | 省得你被蛊惑 |
| [05:40] | with that cult that worships Josh Groban. | 就像上次痴迷乔什·葛洛班一样 |
| [05:42] | I wasn’t that caught up in that, I swear to Josh. | 我向乔什保证 绝不会加入他们的 |
| [05:46] | I mean God. | 我是说向上帝保证 |
| [05:48] | Here’s some refreshments. | 来吃些小点心吧 |
| [05:51] | Made some deviled eggs. | 我做了恶魔蛋[鸡蛋切半加入辣粉芥末等] |
| [05:52] | Which is not an indictment | 绝对没有对你们的生活方式 |
| [05:54] | of how I feel about your… lifestyle. | 含沙射影的意思 |
| [05:57] | We just happen to really love | 我们只是好死不死 |
| [05:58] | mayonnaise, mustard and eggs around here. | 就爱把鸡蛋配上蛋黄酱和芥末吃 |
| [06:00] | Thank you so much. | 太感谢你了 |
| [06:01] | Listen, you all seem like great people | 看得出来 你们一家人 |
| [06:04] | with a lot of love in your heart for Mike. | 都很爱麦克 |
| [06:06] | Which is a blessing because | 这真是太好了 |
| [06:08] | there’s another reason why we wanted to come here today. | 因为我们今天前来其实另有原因 |
| [06:11] | Mike, we wanted you to be around your family today, | 麦克 我们今天来看你的家人 |
| [06:14] | because today | 是因为今天 |
| [06:16] | – we’re leaving you. – What? | -我们要离开你了 -啥 |
| [06:18] | Not neat, man. | 这可不带劲儿了 |
| [06:20] | When we leave here today, it will be without you. | 今天我们离开时不会带你一起走 |
| [06:23] | But you’ve got your family to lean on. | 但你的家人会成为你最好的港湾 |
| [06:27] | Tanya, you and I are so good together. | 塔尼娅 我们不是一直好好的吗 |
| [06:29] | Yeah, you’re like a match made in Heaven. | 是啊 你们简直天造地设 |
| [06:32] | Not my Heaven, but… | 虽然不关我的事 |
| [06:34] | It’s not me. | 由不得我 |
| [06:35] | It’s their call. | 是他们的决定 |
| [06:36] | My brother-husbands? | 我的丈夫兄弟们 |
| [06:39] | Brother-husbands… | 兄弟们… |
| [06:40] | Mike, it’s obvious. | 麦克 谁都知道 |
| [06:42] | You’re just not that into us. | 你其实没那么喜欢我们 |
| [06:45] | You only pay attention to Tanya. | 你只在乎塔尼娅 |
| [06:48] | Um, yeah, she’s the chick. | 是啊 只有她是女人啊 |
| [06:52] | Tanya? | 塔尼娅 |
| [06:54] | You’re married to Jeff, Chester and Rodney, too. | 你的婚姻里还有杰夫 切斯特和罗德尼 |
| [06:57] | You know what the sacred pamphlet says. | 还记得那本神圣的小册子里怎么说的吗 |
| [06:59] | You must be your brother’s, brother’s, brother’s keeper. | 你们必须互相守护 |
| [07:08] | Tanya, give me one more chance. | 塔尼娅 再给我一次机会 |
| [07:10] | I mean, who’s going to keep you warm at night | 那周二晚上谁给你暖床呀 |
| [07:12] | on Tuesdays and alternating Saturdays? | 还有机动星期天怎么办 |
| [07:14] | A relationship isn’t a two-way street, Mike. | 婚姻不是双向道 麦克 |
| [07:16] | It’s a five-way intersection. | 是个五车道的十字路 |
| [07:18] | I bet you don’t even know which one of our secret dreams | 我敢打赌你甚至不知道我们中谁的梦想 |
| [07:21] | is to sing opera. | 是唱歌剧 |
| [07:26] | Which one of us has the sarcastic sense of humor? | 谁又最会讲冷笑话 |
| [07:28] | Jeff. | 杰夫 |
| [07:29] | Oh, sure, Jeff. | 哦 当然是杰夫 |
| [07:32] | And I guess pigs are flying now, aren’t they? | 看来母猪都会上树了吧 |
| [07:34] | I bet you don’t even know which one of us | 我敢说你甚至都不知道我们中 |
| [07:36] | can’t say the word “Psghetti.” | 谁说不了Psghettip这个词 |
| [07:38] | Screw these guys, Mike. | 快把他们甩了 麦克 |
| [07:39] | There’s way better cults out there | 还有更多更好的邪教 |
| [07:41] | who’d be lucky to have you. | 哭着喊着想收你呢 |
| [07:42] | Oh, come on, you got to keep Mike. Mike is great. | 你们不能抛下麦克 他超棒的 |
| [07:46] | Do you know he can, whistle? | 知道吗 他可会吹口哨了 |
| [07:49] | Show her how you whistle, Mike. | 快吹给她听听 麦克 |
| [07:51] | I can’t. | 我不会 |
| [07:52] | Oh, you moron. | 呆子 |
| [07:53] | I’m sorry, Mike. It’s over. | 抱歉 麦克 我们结束了 |
| [07:56] | You know the divorce ritual. | 离婚仪式你还记得吧 |
| [08:08] | And now the healing process can begin. | 好好疗伤去吧 |
| [08:18] | We might need to stay the night. | 我们可能得过一夜再走 |
| [08:30] | Poor little guy. | 小可怜 |
| [08:31] | I haven’t seen him this upset since the end of Armageddon | 他多久没绝望成这样了 追溯到上次 |
| [08:34] | when the fat guy from Herman’s Head died. | 还是看《世界末日》时 德国总部的胖子死了 |
| [08:36] | Hello, monogamists? | 你们好呀 一夫一妻 |
| [08:38] | Hey, is there any chance | 我们能不能斗胆 |
| [08:40] | that we could get Mike’s shirt and khakis back? | 要回麦克的衬衫和卡其裤 |
| [08:42] | We kind of like to keep them in the family. | 我们希望能把那些留在家里 |
| [08:45] | Here! I don’t need your stupid clothes anyway! | 拿去 我才不稀罕这些破衣服 |
| [08:48] | I can do just fine without you! | 没有你们我会过得更好 |
| [08:50] | Uncle Burt, can I borrow some clothes later? | 伯特叔叔 你能借我几件衣服吗 |
| [08:52] | Sure thing, Mike. | 必须的 麦克 |
| [08:54] | Better clothes, too. | 而且是更好的衣服 |
| [08:55] | Stuff with words on it. | 上面印了字的那种 |
| [09:07] | Okay. I can’t take this. | 够了 我受不了了 |
| [09:10] | You got to call your brother and tell him to get him out of here. | 快打电话给你哥 让他带走这倒霉孩子 |
| [09:13] | It’s his kid. | 这是他儿子 |
| [09:14] | Yeah, his kid that he threw out with nowhere to go. | 可他被他遗弃 无家可归 |
| [09:16] | He looks up to me. I’m like his hero. | 他尊敬我 仿佛我是他的救世主 |
| [09:18] | Besides, I don’t even think Bruce would take him back. | 况且我也不觉得布鲁斯肯带走他 |
| [09:20] | Burt, that laundry room is my chick cave, okay? | 伯特 洗衣间向来都是我的小天地 |
| [09:23] | That’s where I go to chew my nicotine gum | 我最爱在那儿边嚼尼古丁胶姆糖 |
| [09:25] | and scheme about ways I’m going to get on Oprah. | 边构思上欧普拉节目要说些啥 |
| [09:28] | And if Mike’s in there, my dreams are shot. | 要是麦克老待那儿 我就没法做梦了 |
| [09:30] | And I don’t think I’ll get on Oprah. | 那我这辈子可能都上不了欧普拉了 |
| [09:32] | Do you understand what I’m saying? | 你懂我意思吗 |
| [09:33] | You’ll never meet Oprah. | 你这辈子都甭想见欧普拉了 |
| [09:36] | I’m gonna go talk to my brother. | 我去和我哥谈谈 |
| [09:40] | Boo-ya! | 卟呀 |
| [09:41] | It’s like my six dads always used to say. | 我六个老爸常说 |
| [09:43] | Having brother-husbands is like having really cool roommates. | 拥有丈夫兄弟就像拥有了最棒的室友 |
| [09:46] | I guess it would be nice | 能一直有人结伴去玩 |
| [09:47] | to always have a buddy to hang out with. | 想想就很棒 |
| [09:50] | Oh, yeah. We help each other out. | 是啊 我们互帮互助 |
| [09:52] | We laugh. | 欢乐得不得了 |
| [09:53] | Last night we were up till 3:00 in the morning | 昨晚我们边吃南瓜奶酪蛋糕边看指环王 |
| [09:55] | eating pumpkin cheesecake and watching Lord of the Rings. | 玩到凌晨三点才睡下 |
| [09:58] | I love Lord of the Rings. | 我超爱指环王 |
| [09:59] | My precious. | 我的宝贝 |
| [10:02] | Gollum would never lie to master. | 咕噜永远都不会欺骗主人的 |
| [10:05] | That is fantastic. Guys, did you hear this? | 好厉害 伙计们 都听到没 |
| [10:08] | Yeah. That was awesome! | 听到了 太精彩了 |
| [10:10] | Really? My family finds it supper annoying. | 真的吗 我家人觉得这是超级噪音 |
| [10:14] | We would never find that annoying. | 这咋会是噪音呢 |
| [10:15] | You know, you should come in. | 说真的 你该进来坐坐 |
| [10:16] | We’re getting ready to watch Return of the King on Blu-ray | 我们正要放蓝光版王者归来呢 |
| [10:18] | and eat some s’mores. | 另外还有s’mores |
| [10:18] | 就是两块饼干间夹巧克力和棉花糖 再放入微波炉加热 中文名不详 | |
| [10:20] | I don’t know. | 我拿不定主意 |
| [10:22] | She really loves wagon time. | 她真的很爱玩小货车的游戏 |
| [10:24] | Oh, I’ll pull her around. | 那我来拖着她绕圈吧 |
| [10:25] | – Really? – Yeah. | -真的吗 -当然 |
| [10:27] | Helping hands, man. | 互相帮助嘛 兄弟 |
| [10:28] | That’s how we roll. | 这是我们的宗旨 |
| [10:29] | – Literally. – Okay. | -绝对地 -谢谢 |
| [10:31] | Take care of my precious. | 照顾好我的小宝贝 |
| [10:34] | Gollum thank you. | 咕噜感谢你 |
| [10:35] | Gollum… | 咕噜 |
| [10:37] | Can you say da-das? | 你会叫”把拔”吗 |
| [10:38] | Say da-das. | 叫”把拔” |
| [10:46] | You guys are right. | 你们说得没错 |
| [10:47] | These shirts are super comfortable. | 这衬衫穿起来超舒服的 |
| [10:50] | You’ve got to be kidding me. | 拿老娘开涮呢吧 |
| [10:57] | You bros are awesome! | 你们这帮哥们太棒了 |
| [11:01] | I leave you alone for 20 minutes, and you get sucked in. | 20分钟不管你 你就陷入邪教了 |
| [11:05] | I didn’t get sucked in. | 我哪儿陷入邪教了 |
| [11:05] | I was just watching a movie, | 我只是看电影时 |
| [11:07] | and I got some melted marshmallow on my pants, | 棉花糖化在我裤子上了 |
| [11:09] | which they were nice enough to wash off for me. | 他们人好 帮我洗了 |
| [11:11] | Plus, they were teaching Hope a church song called | 他们还教喜旺一首圣歌 |
| [11:13] | “Old Religions Are Dusty” And… | 叫做 陈规浮云 |
| [11:15] | Oh, my God, I got sucked in. | 哦神呐 我真的陷入邪教了 |
| [11:17] | How could you?! | 你咋能这样呢 |
| [11:19] | Oh, I don’t know! They were cool! | 我不知道啊 他们很酷 |
| [11:20] | All right? They laughed at my Golem and my Yoda. | 我学机器人和尤达大师的时候他们乐翻了 |
| [11:22] | Plus, they are interesting guys. | 而且他们超有趣的 |
| [11:24] | Jeff does card tricks, Chester can rap in Filipino. | 杰夫会扑克戏法 切斯特能用菲律宾语说唱 |
| [11:27] | Rodney has ten toes. | 罗德尼有十个脚趾 |
| [11:30] | Six are on one foot, and four are on the other. | 一脚四个 一脚六个 |
| [11:32] | I mean, how cool is that? | 这简直帅爆了 |
| [11:34] | What?! You spent an hour with those guys, | 啥 你只跟他们混了一小时 |
| [11:37] | and you already know all that stuff? | 就知道这么多了 |
| [11:38] | I was married to them for six months. | 我跟他们结婚了六个月 |
| [11:40] | The only thing I know about them is that they all hate me. | 唯一知道的就是他们都讨厌我 |
| [11:42] | I guess I really was a lousy brother-husband. | 看来我还真是个很逊的丈夫兄弟 |
| [11:45] | What else do you know about these people? | 你还知道什么内幕 |
| [11:47] | Lots of stuff. | 多着呢 |
| [11:49] | I have an idea. | 我有主意了 |
| [11:51] | Take off your pants. | 把裤子脱了 |
| [11:55] | I don’t want to hear any more | 我不想再听了 |
| [11:56] | about cult stuff or pup tents! | 什么邪教 什么帐篷 |
| [11:58] | I’ve heard enough about that flake. Ah! Jiminy Christmas! | 这熊玩意儿的事儿我听够了 见鬼 |
| [12:02] | Caught a staple. | 被订书钉扎了 |
| [12:03] | Hello, tetanus shot, good-bye $20 co-pay. | 破伤风你好 二十块再见 |
| [12:06] | Nicely done. | 真不错 |
| [12:06] | Look, Virginia won’t keep him. | 维吉妮亚不会收留他的 |
| [12:08] | And he’s hurting right now. | 他现在内心很脆弱 |
| [12:09] | He just gotten broken up with by four people at once. | 他同时跟四个人分手了 |
| [12:11] | Perfect. My kid is the only person in history | 太好了 我儿子是史上第一个 |
| [12:13] | to get rejected by a cult. | 被邪教拒绝的人 |
| [12:14] | Aw, cut the kid some slack. | 别太责怪他了 |
| [12:16] | Oh, sure, you defend him. | 你就护着他吧 |
| [12:17] | Losers stick together. | 你也好不到哪儿去 |
| [12:19] | We’re both business owners. | 我和你一样是企业主 |
| [12:20] | Why are you always calling me a loser? | 凭啥你总说我逊 |
| [12:22] | I was voted “Mattress Man of the Year” | 我连续三年被选为 |
| [12:23] | three times running, okay? | 年度最佳床垫男称号 |
| [12:25] | I have priority check-in at several commuter airlines. | 几个通勤航空公司都让我提前登机 |
| [12:27] | I drive a late-model crossover. | 爷开的是越野车 |
| [12:29] | You and I are not even in the same league. | 咱是一个档次的人吗 |
| [12:37] | That is not cool. | 过分了啊 |
| [12:40] | No, no, no! | 不 不 不 |
| [12:42] | Those are not to be removed, | 法律规定 |
| [12:43] | under penalty of law! | 标签不能乱撕 |
| [12:48] | Hey! | 哎 |
| [12:50] | Put the Ovechkin down! | 把欧奇考依放下[冰球王子] |
| [12:51] | How dare you come in here and mess up my store | 你竟敢来这儿搞乱我的店 |
| [12:53] | the way you ruined my life! | 就像当初你搞乱我的生活一样 |
| [12:55] | How did I ruin your life?! | 我咋搞乱你的生活了 |
| [12:57] | You turned my son against me! | 你让我儿子和我反目成仇 |
| [12:59] | You never even liked the kid! | 你又不喜欢你儿子 |
| [13:00] | I adored him! | 我当然稀罕我儿子 |
| [13:02] | I wanted him to work with me and not you! | 我想让他给我而不是给你打工 |
| [13:05] | Why’d you throw him out?! | 那你干嘛把他踢出家门 |
| [13:07] | ‘Cause nothing else helped him! | 因为没别的办法了 |
| [13:09] | I spent my life guiding people to softness or firmness. | 我一辈子都在教别人选软选硬 |
| [13:12] | That kid needed firmness! | 只有强硬手段才能帮到他了 |
| [13:14] | Oh, gosh! Oh, golly! | 哦 神呐 哦 鬼啊 |
| [13:17] | I think Ovechkin knocked out a crown. | 我觉得我好像掉了颗大牙 |
| [13:21] | I haven’t even reached | 我今年的牙医记录 |
| [13:21] | the deductible on my dental yet this year. | 还没到减免限呢 |
| [13:23] | That’s 300 bucks right off the top. | 300大洋就这么活生生的没了 |
| [13:24] | So you threw Mike out to try and help him? | 你把麦克踢出家门是为了帮他 |
| [13:29] | I thought he’d see how hard the world is, | 我想让他见识一下世界的残酷 |
| [13:31] | get his life together and come back to me. | 成长起来 再回到我身边 |
| [13:34] | But then you gave him a soft spot to land. | 但是你给了他个缓冲 |
| [13:36] | And Mike never learned how take care of himself. Uh-huh. | 于是麦克没学会怎么照顾自己 |
| [13:39] | All he learned from you is that his old man is a giant tool. | 他从你身上学到的只有 他爹是个混球 |
| [13:43] | Welcome to Chance Upon a Mattress! | 欢迎光临吉斯床垫 |
| [13:45] | I’ll be right with you. | 我马上就过来 |
| [13:46] | Just finishing up over here. | 这边就快收拾完了 |
| [13:48] | Bruce, I’m sorry. I really screwed up. | 布鲁斯 对不起 我搞砸了 |
| [13:51] | But I’m gonna make things right between you and your boy. | 但我会弥补好你们爷俩的关系的 |
| [13:53] | – Burt… – No, I am. I promise. | -伯特 -不 真的 我保证 |
| [13:56] | I’m gonna get you your son back. | 我会让你儿子回家的 |
| [13:59] | Okay. | 好 |
| [14:02] | Ma’am, if you’ll direct your attention to that wall over there, | 女士 如果你去那边看看 |
| [14:06] | you’ll see our weekly specials. | 您会看到我们的本周特价 |
| [14:09] | That’s for ripping my tags. | 这是撕我标签的代价 |
| [14:17] | Tanya, brother husbands, um, you know | 塔尼娅 丈哥们 说实话 |
| [14:20] | I’m not much of a singer any more than I am a listener, | 我不是个好的倾听者 也不是个好的歌唱家 |
| [14:23] | but I did hear what you said before. | 但我听进去了你们之前的话 |
| [14:25] | And I wrote you all a song. | 我还为你们写了首歌 |
| [14:34] | #I used to think love was for two # | 我曾以为爱情只是成双成对 |
| [14:37] | Just for two. #That was before I met you # | 成双成对 直到我遇见你 |
| [14:40] | And you and you and you. | 你和你和你 |
| [14:41] | #Your arms were open, but mine was not, you gave me love # | 你们敞开心扉 我却紧闭 给了我爱 |
| [14:44] | #But I gave you squat # | 我却无以为报 |
| [14:45] | #Now I’m alone, but I have grown # | 如今我一个人 默默地成长 |
| [14:48] | I really have! #I don’t just want to share a lover # | 我真的长大了 我不想只共享一个情人 |
| [14:52] | #I want to share my life with my brothers # | 我想和你们一起共享人生 |
| [14:56] | #Jeff, Rodney, Chester, what do you say? # | 小杰 小罗和小切 你们意下如何 |
| [15:00] | #Let’s not just share a lover, let’s share love # | 让我们红尘作伴 活得潇潇洒洒 |
| [15:04] | #Chester wasn’t fit to wear these chinos # | 其实小切穿不进去那条卡其裤 |
| [15:07] | I’m such a fool. | 我真是蠢到家了 |
| [15:08] | #Ignoring your skills at rapping in Filipino # | 我没留意到你还会用菲律宾语说唱 |
| [15:10] | Hey, that sounds really cool. | 听起来太帅了 |
| [15:11] | #Rodney, my chakra’s feeling fine # | 小罗 我的穴位感觉还不错 |
| [15:13] | #But I should’ve let you align # #My chi # | 但我还是该让你 扎两下的 |
| [15:16] | #I’m so sorry # | 真抱歉 |
| [15:18] | #Jeff, I’d love to see some sleight of hand # | 小杰 我多想看看你的扑克戏法 |
| [15:21] | You make my sadness disappear! | 你让我的悲伤灰飞烟灭 |
| [15:22] | #But I’d really like to be your brother-husband # | 我真想做你们的丈哥 |
| [15:25] | I’m down on my knees here! | 我单膝下跪表诚心 |
| [15:26] | #You guys love some parts of me that are now so clearly empty # | 我的心 曾因你们而充实 |
| [15:30] | #These holes where I used to see my brothers in polygamy # | 又因你们而空虚 |
| [15:37] | #Yeah, I just don’t want to share a lover # | 让我们红尘作伴活得潇潇洒洒 |
| [15:41] | #I want to share my life with my brothers # | 策马奔腾共享人世繁华 |
| [15:45] | #Jeff, Rodney, Chester, what do you say? # | 小杰 小罗和小切 你们意下如何 |
| [15:49] | #Let’s not just share a lover, let’s share love # | 让我们红尘作伴活得潇潇洒洒 |
| [15:53] | #I used to think love was for two… # | 我曾以为爱情只是成双成对 |
| [15:59] | #That’s before I met you and you and you… # | 直到我遇见了你和你和你 |
| [16:18] | What are you guys doing? | 你们干嘛呢 |
| [16:20] | Where’s Mike? | 麦克呢 |
| [16:21] | Oh, living the dream. | 红尘作伴去了 |
| [16:22] | No plans, no phones, | 无计划无电话 |
| [16:23] | just four awesome dudes, an RV and a wife. | 四个火枪手 一辆房车 一个老婆 |
| [16:26] | How could you let him leave?! | 你们咋能让他走了呢 |
| [16:27] | Relax, Burt, he said he’d be back | 放松 伯特 他说了 |
| [16:29] | every fifth Thanksgiving. | 每五年回来过一次感恩节 |
| [16:31] | No! I promised! | 不是吧 我都保证了 |
| [16:32] | I gotta think. Think, think, think, think! | 我得想办法 想办法呀么想办法 |
| [16:35] | Aw, crap! Now all I can think is the word “Think”! | 擦 现在满脑子都只有”想办法”这个词了 |
| [16:43] | I’d like to report a missing person. | 我要报告有人失踪 |
| [16:45] | My nephew took off with some people in an RV. | 我侄子跟几个人开了辆房车跑了 |
| [16:48] | No, not against his will, | 不 他不是被强迫的 |
| [16:49] | but he’s… he’s 25, he’s got blonde hair… | 但他 他25岁 金发 |
| [16:53] | What do you mean you’re not gonna go after him? | 你们不会去找他是啥意思 |
| [16:55] | Well, how young would he have to be for you to do something? | 他得多小你们才肯采取行动啊 |
| [16:58] | Okay, thank you. | 好吧 谢了 |
| [17:03] | Yes, my one-year-old granddaughter’s | 您好 我一岁大的小孙女 |
| [17:05] | been kidnapped by a cult! | 被邪教组织绑架了 |
| [17:08] | Thank you. | 谢谢 |
| [17:14] | – Hide the baby! Hide the baby! – Wha… Why? | -把孩子藏起来 速度 -为啥 |
| [17:17] | I told the police the cult kidnapped Hope. | 我告诉警察喜旺被邪教组织绑架了 |
| [17:19] | – You lied to the police? Are you crazy? – No, no, relax. | -你骗警察 疯了吧你 -没事 放心吧 |
| [17:21] | I have a plan. When they find the RV, | 我有计划的 等他们找到了那房车 |
| [17:24] | I’ll just tell ’em Hope was hiding in the attic the whole time. | 我会告诉他们喜旺自己躲到阁楼里去了 |
| [17:26] | Just like the balloon guy | 就像那个卖气球的 |
| [17:27] | we saw interviewed by that dude… What’s his name? | 咱们看过他受采访的 那记者叫啥来着 |
| [17:30] | You know, the only guy I’d be into if I was gay, | 就是我如果当基佬 他就是不二选择那个 |
| [17:31] | – but I’m not? – Matt Lauer. | -不过我不是基佬 -马特·劳厄 |
| [17:34] | You made Hope an accomplice. She can’t go back to jail, Dad. | 你把喜旺搞成共犯了 她不能回监狱 |
| [17:36] | I had to. I cost my brother a son. | 没办法 我害我哥损失了一个儿子 |
| [17:39] | I pulled them apart. | 是我让他们父子分离的 |
| [17:40] | How would you feel if someone took Jimmy from us? | 要是有人把吉米夺走了 你会有啥感觉 |
| [17:43] | For how long? | 夺走多长时间 |
| [17:44] | I just want to answer accurately. | 我只是想回答得准确一点嘛 |
| [17:47] | Hide the baby! Hide the baby. | 把孩子藏起来 快点 |
| [17:50] | Act sad. | 装忧伤 |
| [17:54] | Please find our angel. | 求求你们找到我们的小天使 |
| [17:58] | Breaking news: police are issuing a AMBER Alert for an RV | 突发新闻 警方发布黄色预警通缉一辆房车 |
| [18:02] | after a man seen here | 起因是画像上的这名男子 |
| [18:03] | and his accomplices kidnapped this child. | 和他的同伙们绑架了这个孩子 |
| [18:06] | The man has been identified as Mike Chance. | 该男子名叫麦克·吉斯 |
| [18:08] | The little girl was last seen taking a nap | 该名小女婴最后一次出现在人们视线中时 |
| [18:11] | at home with her father and grandparents. Authorities… | 她正在家人的陪伴下在家睡觉 当局… |
| [18:13] | Son of a biscuit, Mike! What is wrong with you?! | 草泥个马啊 麦克 你搞什么飞机啊 |
| [18:16] | You say the baby is how old? | 你说孩子多大来着 |
| [18:18] | She’s around one. | 一岁左右 |
| [18:19] | And um, what’s going on over here? | 另外…这是啥情况 |
| [18:23] | Oh, that’s my grandmother. | 那是我奶奶 |
| [18:24] | You know old people, always cold. | 你懂的 老人嘛 总是怕冷 |
| [18:28] | What’d he do this time? | 他又干了什么好事 |
| [18:29] | Who’s this guy? | 他是谁 |
| [18:30] | It’s my brother. His son’s in the RV. | 是我哥 他儿子在那房车里 |
| [18:32] | Please, I’m begging you, when you catch him, | 求你了 等你们捉到他 |
| [18:34] | beat him black and blue. | 给我往死里打 |
| [18:35] | I’d love to, but with the Internet | 我也想 可是现在有网上视频 |
| [18:36] | and phone cameras, the fun’s over. | 有拍照手机 咱不敢啊 |
| [18:38] | Don’t listen to him. | 别听他的 |
| [18:39] | He’s distraught. | 他有点不冷静 |
| [18:40] | I’ll take him in the back, settle him down. | 我带他去后面 让他冷静一下 |
| [18:42] | Come on. | 走吧 |
| [18:44] | Boo-ya! | 卟呀 |
| [18:48] | I always knew that kid was a disaster! | 我就知道那小子是个祸害 |
| [18:49] | He better not let anything happen to that baby! | 他最好别伤着那孩子 |
| [18:51] | Don’t worry. Baby’s fine. | 别担心 孩子没事 |
| [18:53] | Hey, Uncle Bruce. | 嗨 布鲁斯叔叔 |
| [18:55] | What the heck is this, some kind of Japanese game show? | 这啥情况 日本整人节目吗 |
| [18:57] | I really wanted to make things right between you and Mike, | 我真的很想让你和麦克和好 |
| [18:59] | but when I got home, he was gone. | 可我回到家时 他已经走了 |
| [19:01] | Burt, this is insane! | 伯特 这太疯狂了 |
| [19:03] | Don’t worry. When the cops find the RV, | 别担心 等警察找到房车 |
| [19:05] | I’ll just tell ’em it was all a mistake. | 我会告诉他们一切都是场误会 |
| [19:07] | Hope was hiding in the attic the whole time, | 是喜旺自己躲到阁楼里去了 |
| [19:09] | just like that balloon boy guy. | 就像那个卖气球的 |
| [19:10] | Yeah, Burt, that guy went to jail! | 还说呢 伯特 那家伙坐牢了 |
| [19:11] | – Really? – Yeah! | -真的假的 -如假包换 |
| [19:12] | What’d he do wrong? | 他做错啥了 |
| [19:13] | Like, everything you already did. | 基本就是你做的这些了 |
| [19:17] | You guys better get out here. | 你们最好出来一下 |
| [19:21] | Sorry. | 抱歉 |
| [19:27] | Dang it, Burt! | 该死 伯特 |
| [19:29] | They’re gonna shoot my kid. You gotta tell ’em what you did. | 他们要朝我儿子开枪了 快跟他们说实话 |
| [19:33] | Um, I think I hear something. | 我好像听到了什么声音 |
| [19:36] | Did anyone else hear that? | 你们听到了吗 |
| [19:39] | It sounds like a baby | 好像是个孩子 |
| [19:42] | accidentally lost in the bathroom. | 不小心掉在浴室里的声音 |
| [19:49] | So, what was believed to be a kidnapping turned out to be | 本以为是件绑架案 没想到 |
| [19:53] | a hoax perpetrated by this man, | 却是这名男子的恶作剧 |
| [19:55] | local business owner and Internet sensation Burt Chance. | 当地业主兼网络红人 伯特·吉斯 |
| [19:59] | The drivers of the RV; an Osmond family cover band, | 这辆奥斯蒙房车里的人 |
| [20:02] | were released. | 都被无罪释放了 |
| [20:03] | Chance was sentenced to 30 days in jail. | 吉斯被叛入狱30天 |
| [20:08] | Is it the light? | 是灯吗 |
| [20:09] | No. | 不是 |
| [20:10] | Is it the bunk bed? | 是双层铺吗 |
| [20:11] | No. | 不是 |
| [20:12] | Is it the floor? | 是地板吗 |
| [20:13] | Yes. | 对了 |
| [20:15] | Okay, my turn. | 好吧 该我了 |
| [20:17] | Got it? Go. | 准备好了吗 开始 |
| [20:19] | Is it the light? | 是灯吗 |
| [20:20] | Yes. | 对了 |
| [20:21] | Chance, today’s the day. | 吉斯 你刑期到了 |
| [20:22] | Let’s go. | 走吧 |
| [20:36] | You’re gonna shave, right? | 你会去刮胡子的吧 |
| [20:38] | Yeah. Might take a couple pictures of myself in | 嗯 最好先拍几张我穿着法兰绒上衣 |
| [20:41] | a flannel shirt splitting wood in the backyard | 在后院劈柴的照片 |
| [20:43] | for next year’s Christmas card, | 明年圣诞好用来当贺卡 |
| [20:45] | then I’ll shave. | 然后我再去刮胡子 |
| [20:48] | Hi, I’m Bruce Chance. | 大家好 我是布鲁斯·吉斯 |
| [20:51] | Everyone deserves a chance | 每个人都该有机会 |
| [20:54] | to get a great deal on a mattress. | 得到一张舒适的床垫 |
| [20:56] | But recently I’ve decided | 但我最近决定 |
| [20:57] | that some people deserve a second chance. | 有的人也应该得到第二次机会 |
| [21:01] | Hi, I’m the second chance. | 大家好 我就是第二次机会 |
| [21:01] | chance一词本意是机会 吉斯是人名谐音 此处双关 也指他自己是吉斯二代 | |
| [21:03] | I’m Mike Chance. | 我是麦克·吉斯 |
| [21:05] | My son left home when he was 18. | 我儿子18岁时就离家出走了 |
| [21:08] | Recently, I was in a cult. | 前阵子 我加入了一个邪教 |
| [21:10] | It was really weird. | 那真是太诡异了 |
| [21:12] | Boy, I sure missed him. | 天啊 我真是错过他不少事啊 |
| [21:14] | But one thing I never missed | 可有样东西我从来没有错过 |
| [21:15] | was a good night’s sleep. | 那就是一整夜的舒适睡眠 |
| [21:18] | Because you can’t spell | 因为吉斯父子床垫 |
| [21:19] | “Chance and Son Upon a Mattress” Without… | 能有今天 完全是因为 |
| [21:21] | …you, you, you! | 有你 有你 有你们 |
| [21:26] | That is the worst commercial I’ve ever seen. | 这真是史上最烂的商业广告了 |
| [21:30] | You did a good thing. | 你做了件好事 |
| [21:32] | Thanks. | 谢谢 |
| [21:34] | God, you people suck at playing hide-and-go-seek. | 你们太烂了 老娘躲了这么久都没被找到 |
| [21:38] | I quit. | 我不玩了 |
| [21:43] | boo-ya! | 卟呀 |